Speaker 1: Are you ready to branch out, to take a leap
Speaker 1: of faith to love yourself and others fully? Then let
Speaker 1: go of whatever no longer serves you to take action
Speaker 1: now on Get Rooted Radio with Erica Gifford Mills, Living
Speaker 1: it Up, loving it up, and letting it go. Erica
Speaker 1: will energize and excite you to power up your passionate
Speaker 1: dream that sets your soul on fire with Erica's E
Speaker 1: three approach, equipping and powering and enlightening yourself so you
Speaker 1: can be yourself for yourself. Get ready and get rooted
Speaker 1: to live a life without regrets, without what ifs, without
Speaker 1: should have, and especially without empty feelings from a life
Speaker 1: on exploring this hit show helps you build powerful and
Speaker 1: the intentional roots to live it up, love it up,
Speaker 1: and let it go. Get fearlessly ready and powerfully rooted
Speaker 1: in your yes with your host, Erica Gifford Mills, and
Speaker 1: be fearless about your more and stand in your yes
Speaker 1: now on Get Rooted Radio.
Speaker 2: Welcome everyone, I am Erica Gifford Mills, and you are
Speaker 2: listening to Get Rooted Radio, Living it up, loving it up,
Speaker 2: letting it go. Right here on Transformation Talk Revolution, I
Speaker 2: shout out to my producer today, Emily, how are you doing?
Speaker 3: I'm doing so great? How are you doing?
Speaker 2: I am doing wonderful. It's you know, it's my birthday month, August.
Speaker 2: It's all about Leo celebrations. So how could I not
Speaker 2: be doing awesome? Right? It's about me? No, But I'm
Speaker 2: super excited to have our guest on the show today
Speaker 2: because we're going to talk about being unconquerable. So in
Speaker 2: today's episode, my guest Marla Ballard, CEO of You Two
Speaker 2: Shine and Unconjurable Me director, and I will be talking
Speaker 2: about finding resilience and what it is to be unconquerable
Speaker 2: from within through deep love, immense gratitude, and seeking true
Speaker 2: alignment instead of conformity. We will discuss courage, vulnerability, and
Speaker 2: overcoming oz to continually transform experiences and connect to our
Speaker 2: true and our power. Marla, thank you so much for
Speaker 2: being on the show today.
Speaker 3: Oh, thank you so much for having me. I really
Speaker 3: appreciate it.
Speaker 2: Yes, So now during this first segment, we're going to
Speaker 2: talk about being rooted and responsibility. Now, normally I give
Speaker 2: a lot of background on you know, give a little
Speaker 2: bit more about my guest, but I'm want to take
Speaker 2: some time during this first segment to get to know you,
Speaker 2: right to get because your background is quite interesting. You
Speaker 2: grew up on a farm in Kentucky. What did that
Speaker 2: environment teach you about discipline, resilience, and responsibility?
Speaker 3: Oh amazing. First of all, taking responsibility And here's the
Speaker 3: background noise, and I apologises. I'm just going to close
Speaker 3: the door real quickly so it's not interfering with us. Okay,
Speaker 3: got it, Thank you about that.
Speaker 4: Okay, So growing up on a farm, you know, one
Speaker 4: of the things I think about working with agriculture and
Speaker 4: working outdoors is you really have to learn to work
Speaker 4: with rhythms and cycles that are beyond your control.
Speaker 3: And so there's a lot in that of working with
Speaker 3: the natural world and realizing that we can we can
Speaker 3: take responsibility for what we can do. Right. The thing
Speaker 3: we can always be responsible for is actual actually our response. Right.
Speaker 3: But there's always going to be outside factors that we
Speaker 3: have no control over. And so I think that there's
Speaker 3: something very grounding and to use your term routing, routing
Speaker 3: into learning how to work with those natural rhythms and
Speaker 3: having that trust.
Speaker 2: And it is because we can we can't control what
Speaker 2: happens to us, right, we control how we respond to it.
Speaker 2: And that is a lot that really goes into leadership.
Speaker 2: And you stepped into that leadership at a very young
Speaker 2: age because you were managing operations for a thoroughbred racehorse
Speaker 2: farm while cleaning college. And I mean, first of all,
Speaker 2: how wonderful I love horses. I mean, I would have
Speaker 2: a horse farm if I had the time to do
Speaker 2: all that, because it is it's a lot of work.
Speaker 2: So what did that experience teach you about leading when
Speaker 2: the stakes are hot?
Speaker 3: Well, it was I was in the main office in operations,
Speaker 3: so I was doing the business management piece of it,
Speaker 3: and so it really taught me I had to manage
Speaker 3: my time well, that's for sure. And I had to
Speaker 3: get creative. I did a lot of things outside. You know,
Speaker 3: I've never been in the box thinker ever, never.
Speaker 2: Never get along right. This is why we get along,
Speaker 2: ye and so and so I.
Speaker 3: Function at my best one. I'm outside of the box now.
Speaker 3: Very very fortunate. I had a boss who want who
Speaker 3: was okay with that as long as the as long
Speaker 3: as the metrics got met that he needed, which was
Speaker 3: basically making sure money was flowing right and that expenses
Speaker 3: were down. As long as I was meeting the metrics
Speaker 3: he set for me. He wasn't overly controlling with me
Speaker 3: about how that got done. And so part of why
Speaker 3: that works so well is I had a lot of
Speaker 3: latitude in that position as well, and so I was
Speaker 3: able to be creative and how I worked, and I
Speaker 3: was able. I just had to learn the discipline of
Speaker 3: really being careful with my time and my energy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I think that's those are two things that
Speaker 2: so you mentioned mentioned the working right with nature, right,
Speaker 2: you can't always control these are at the heart of it, right,
Speaker 2: wild animals and even if they're domesticated, just like dogs
Speaker 2: and everything. So when you are with those thoroughbreads, what
Speaker 2: did they teach you about the energy, the trust, the intuition,
Speaker 2: human behavior, And how did that get you confident enough
Speaker 2: to lead maybe even before you were ready.
Speaker 3: Well, you really learn I mean if whatever whatever emotions
Speaker 3: you're having, they're going to have very quickly, right, And
Speaker 3: so if you're if you're working with a horse and
Speaker 3: you're afraid, they're going to be jittery and nervous and
Speaker 3: dancing around and wanting to get away. Yes, right, And
Speaker 3: so so that's what you learned. The other thing you
Speaker 3: learn is that you know, I worked, I worked with
Speaker 3: some of the best horse handlers in the world. I'm
Speaker 3: not one of them, but I have worked with some
Speaker 3: of the best in the world. Right I'm very I'm
Speaker 3: very amateur at that. I got to work with really
Speaker 3: amazing horses and show them at sales and everything. But
Speaker 3: I would never say that I was I was as
Speaker 3: excellent as some of the people that I've worked with
Speaker 3: are just extraordinary, right, the most extraordinary handlers. Though even
Speaker 3: even you know, I'm five to two and one hundred
Speaker 3: and twenty pounds, so I'm very tiny, right So, but
Speaker 3: even a guy twice my size, it's still a twelve
Speaker 3: hundred pound animal. He's not going to muscle it out
Speaker 3: anymore than I am. So you have so once you
Speaker 3: once you understand that that difference, you learn that you have.
Speaker 3: Everything has to be finessed, and it has to come
Speaker 3: from how calm you are, how smooth you are, how
Speaker 3: grounded you are, right to create this safe space that
Speaker 3: you can work with with the horses, and and you
Speaker 3: just really have to learn that it's all about being
Speaker 3: able to finesse it and ask and work in partnership
Speaker 3: rather than trying to force or demand or you know,
Speaker 3: and people can do that. I mean, certainly, certainly people
Speaker 3: can beat animals into submission, right, we've seen that. But
Speaker 3: that's not that's not okay, and that's not the kind
Speaker 3: of working relationship that you want to have.
Speaker 2: Perspective especially, I mean, they're not going to trust you,
Speaker 2: just like a human you treat somebody like that, they
Speaker 2: might comply, but yeah, you're not going to trust you,
Speaker 2: and you're not going to have the relationship for longevity.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that's it. And so so it really it really
Speaker 3: comes down to that, It really comes down to learning
Speaker 3: again that you're not in control and that you've that
Speaker 3: you've got to build that mutual trust and safety. Yes,
Speaker 3: you have to build that mutual trust and safety because
Speaker 3: you know more and more, I'm beginning to believe that
Speaker 3: that feeling safe with with anyone is an incredible gift
Speaker 3: of intimacy and trust. It really is. And and it's
Speaker 3: whether we create safety quickly in short burst of contact,
Speaker 3: like safety between you and I right now for this
Speaker 3: interview and Emily for producing it. Right, there's that's important,
Speaker 3: but even even in deeper, more meaningful relationships, expanding that safety.
Speaker 3: But I really feel that that has a lot of
Speaker 3: the foundation of how easily we can heal and how
Speaker 3: freely we can feel we can be authentic? Is it
Speaker 3: comes down a lot that to creating safe space for
Speaker 3: each other through acceptance and trust.
Speaker 2: And you mentioned foundation, right, What parts of everything that
Speaker 2: you learned growing up and through your your time in
Speaker 2: college and through your time in business. What are some
Speaker 2: of those things that you still do today that you
Speaker 2: brought forward right for the foundation for your work that
Speaker 2: you do well.
Speaker 3: One thing I have always done is I don't like
Speaker 3: either or scenarios. Even even at a young age, when
Speaker 3: people would tell me I could do this thing or
Speaker 3: that thing if I wanted to do both, I was
Speaker 3: always asking, well, I don't understand why can't I have both?
Speaker 3: Why does it have to be a you know, this
Speaker 3: or that equation and so and so. That's what I
Speaker 3: was doing, Like even you know, I went to school
Speaker 3: to UK to study equine science. That was what my
Speaker 3: degree was going to be in. I got very, very
Speaker 3: lucky that I was given lots of opportunities to work
Speaker 3: with amazing farms and veterinarians and things throughout college. In
Speaker 3: any downtime that I wasn't in class. That's what I
Speaker 3: was doing. And because of that, because that was my
Speaker 3: commitment and the work that I put in and the
Speaker 3: time that I put in, because of that, I was
Speaker 3: getting all kinds of amazing opportunities, which is why I
Speaker 3: got this opportunity eleven hours, eleven credit hours away from
Speaker 3: finishing my bachelors. And it was an either or scenario
Speaker 3: because the class that I actually needed from University Kentucky
Speaker 3: was a ten hour class that had to be taken
Speaker 3: during the daytime, and I couldn't do that and take
Speaker 3: the job. So even at that I remember sitting at
Speaker 3: that crossroads and going, well, here, I'm getting the thing
Speaker 3: that I went to school to do, and now not
Speaker 3: finishing school might be the right. It was the Crey thing.
Speaker 3: And so I actually went to an advisor at another
Speaker 3: university where I had taken summer classes and asked him
Speaker 3: his guidance, and he said, you know what he said.
Speaker 3: What he said, here's what I can do. Transfer your
Speaker 3: credits here, take the job because this is an amazing
Speaker 3: opportunity that your classmates would all want and never get.
Speaker 3: And then write me a letter every week about what
Speaker 3: you're doing, and I'll give you the last eleven credit
Speaker 3: hours because I have it in my power to do
Speaker 3: that if you transfer. So I actually went to the
Speaker 3: UK and graduated from Western But but that has stayed
Speaker 3: with me.
Speaker 2: Right then, it's not an either an or, it was
Speaker 2: a both. You were able to do it.
Speaker 3: There's always a way through. There's always a way through,
Speaker 3: and and so I think that's that has informed me
Speaker 3: so much. And it's also informed me looking at things
Speaker 3: with compassion and not being locked into one way of
Speaker 3: doing things.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, well we're going to take a quick break.
Speaker 2: But before we go, I want I want to ask
Speaker 2: you one more question is what does it mean to
Speaker 2: be deeply rooted while you're still willing to evolve, right,
Speaker 2: you're still willing to grow.
Speaker 3: Well, I think when we're rooted, we get rooted in
Speaker 3: knowing deeply who we are. And I think the most
Speaker 3: important rooting is knowing who we are and knowing that
Speaker 3: we're loved and that we're mattered, that we matter, right
Speaker 3: And then from there, I think it becomes a lot easier,
Speaker 3: and we forget that, we get we get thinking that
Speaker 3: we're separate or that we're alone, or that nobody cares.
Speaker 3: It's so easy for us to do that. We all
Speaker 3: do it multiple times throughout the day, right, That's part
Speaker 3: of our human condition. But it's always bringing yourself back
Speaker 3: to remembering that we're loved and we've got this, remembering
Speaker 3: that we matter, remembering that we're capable, and I think
Speaker 3: remembering who we are at our core.
Speaker 2: Absolutely. So let's take a quick break and when we
Speaker 2: come back, we're going to talk about beyond performative strength.
Speaker 2: Before we go, mar let tell folks how they can
Speaker 2: connect with you and learn more about your services.
Speaker 3: Okay, you can find me on the on our company
Speaker 3: website at you too shine dot com. That's why you
Speaker 3: the number two Shine shi in e dot com. You
Speaker 3: can reach out to me directly over email at Marla
Speaker 3: at youtoshine dot com, and you can also find my
Speaker 3: direct page at unconquerableme dot Coach.
Speaker 1: Perfect.
Speaker 2: You're listening to Get Rooted Radio with Erica Gifford Mills,
Speaker 2: Living it Up, Loving it Up, Letting it Go. Stay tuned,
Speaker 2: we'll be right back. Welcome back to Get Rooted Radio
Speaker 2: with Erica Gifford Mills, Living it Up, Loving it Up,
Speaker 2: Letting it Go. If you missed any portion of today's episode,
Speaker 2: you can catch it on get Rooted radio dot com.
Speaker 2: Don't forget to subscribe online or see the latest news, events, specials,
Speaker 2: and words of encouragement. Go to get a rooted radio
Speaker 2: dot com. Welcome back to my guest, Marla Vallard. Thank
Speaker 2: you so much for being on the show today. Thank
Speaker 2: you thanks for having me absolutely so. During our first
Speaker 2: segment we got to know you a little bit more
Speaker 2: and we talked about being rooted and responsibility. And during
Speaker 2: this segment we're going to talk about beyond performative strength, right,
Speaker 2: that resilience, vulnerability and leading from within. So we often
Speaker 2: praise people for being strong, right, being resilient, being Oh
Speaker 2: look at how strong she is. But that strength can
Speaker 2: sometimes become a performance And I know this personally. I
Speaker 2: did it for probably a good year at least after
Speaker 2: my son passed. But what is the difference between that
Speaker 2: authentic strength and the performative strength?
Speaker 3: Wow? I think I think authentic strength comes from really
Speaker 3: having honesty and the courage to be honest with ourselves
Speaker 3: from within about where we are and about what we
Speaker 3: can and can't do. I think performative strength comes when
Speaker 3: we start trying to prove ourselves to other people externally, right,
Speaker 3: and I've done both. I still do both, you know.
Speaker 3: I think we all have this desire to prove that
Speaker 3: we're trustworthy, that we can do our job, that we're competent,
Speaker 3: that we can show up. They get to earn trust,
Speaker 3: to prove that people can count on us, right, to
Speaker 3: prove that we'll be there. When when proving that becomes
Speaker 3: more important than authentic self care and honesty, I think
Speaker 3: that's where we get it out of balance.
Speaker 2: And I think that's why high performing people struggle to
Speaker 2: admit that they are tired or overwhelmed or uncertain, because
Speaker 2: they don't want to be seen as not competent. But
Speaker 2: that's not right that. I think that's where people we
Speaker 2: need to understand that that vulnerability does build trust, acknowledging right,
Speaker 2: we need help. We can't do it all on our own.
Speaker 2: I mean, the world wasn't built all on your own, right.
Speaker 2: We we have businesses. This is why we have teams,
Speaker 2: and this is why we do need to help one another.
Speaker 2: But what does vulnerability look like for someone who is
Speaker 2: accustomed to being that leader, the provider, or the person
Speaker 2: everyone else relies on.
Speaker 3: Again, I think it's I think it's it's really being
Speaker 3: able to get grounded or as you say, rooted into
Speaker 3: reality of what we can and can't do. You know,
Speaker 3: one of the greatest things in the world is to
Speaker 3: be able to believe I can do anything, but I
Speaker 3: can't do everything right. But a lot of us still
Speaker 3: have the need to prove that we no, no, I
Speaker 3: could do everything. We're gonna and by Gollie, we're.
Speaker 2: For a woman's syndrome.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: What happened, what actually happens with high performers in a
Speaker 3: leadership role is you're actually robbing the other people of
Speaker 3: an opportunity to lead, yes, and to shine authentically themselves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just like I mean within the working world and
Speaker 2: within your home life too. You know, you do a
Speaker 2: disservice if you do everything for your partner or your children,
Speaker 2: because how do they learn right?
Speaker 3: How do they shine? That's it, you know. I had
Speaker 3: I had a really interesting experience that where this really
Speaker 3: where this concept really jelled for me. I was on say,
Speaker 3: I was chairman of a board of directors for a
Speaker 3: nonprofit organization, and I was leading and I was leading
Speaker 3: a regular monthly networking meeting for business women and entrepreneurial women. Right.
Speaker 3: It was really incredible, but when we set that up
Speaker 3: for our very first board of directors meeting. When we
Speaker 3: were setting everything up and greeting how we wanted it
Speaker 3: to go. The thing that we said we wanted to
Speaker 3: each get out of it was to develop our own
Speaker 3: capacities as leaders and expand that, and by doing that,
Speaker 3: empower the other women that were working with us to
Speaker 3: develop their capacity as leaders. So four years later, I
Speaker 3: found myself leading this networking group when I was starting
Speaker 3: to get really fatigued with it. I just was getting
Speaker 3: fatigued with it, and I went through all the iterations
Speaker 3: of what's wrong with me and what's wrong with them?
Speaker 3: Because I had been so passionate about it. How could
Speaker 3: I have been so passionate about it when I started?
Speaker 3: And suddenly it just was dreaming. It felt draining, And
Speaker 3: so I had an amazing conversation with the person at
Speaker 3: that time who was my business coach, who's the founder
Speaker 3: of my company, you Desheine, by the way, and she said,
Speaker 3: you know, I don't think there's anything wrong with you,
Speaker 3: and I don't think there's anything wrong with them. I
Speaker 3: think you've completed what you came here for, and it's
Speaker 3: okay to let yourself see that and move on. And
Speaker 3: so it was really interesting thing because within about three months,
Speaker 3: the ones of us that had started that four years
Speaker 3: ago had all expanded our capacity for leadership so much
Speaker 3: that we're moving into bigger spaces or global spaces, larger companies,
Speaker 3: and we're no longer having the time and the energy
Speaker 3: to devote to something that had been so meaningful. But
Speaker 3: we also had these other women that were practically begging
Speaker 3: to step up, and we were blocking them by staying right.
Speaker 3: And so the most beautiful realization in the world was
Speaker 3: we had actually accomplished what we set out to do.
Speaker 3: We had developed ourselves, and we had developed these other people.
Speaker 3: But because we were hanging on so tightly do it
Speaker 3: having to be the same way that it was, we
Speaker 3: were blocking it off from going right. And so it's
Speaker 3: a great example, and that experience taught me so much
Speaker 3: about allowing yourself to follow your own authentic energy. It
Speaker 3: was a very vulnerable thing. There's a lot of tears,
Speaker 3: you know, moving on and and and saying the goodbyes
Speaker 3: and changing hands, and a lot of insecurity, a lot
Speaker 3: of them right, a lot of them. I Making the
Speaker 3: right decisions with all of that came into play, but
Speaker 3: it was so worth it, And when I look back
Speaker 3: on it, I know deep down that it had to
Speaker 3: happen and not a moment later. Sooner and not a
Speaker 3: moment later.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean you needed to be aligned, right, And
Speaker 2: I think that's you know, what are some signs that
Speaker 2: a person is living in conformity rather than alignment?
Speaker 3: Right? Well, I think you know. And again, when we're
Speaker 3: in conformity, it's when we're worried about, worrying more about
Speaker 3: what the external world thinks we should do. It's when
Speaker 3: we start shooting ourselves what a kind of should Yes,
Speaker 3: I'm a fan of not shooting yourself. Yeah, okay, So
Speaker 3: it's when we start shooting ourselves and so what happens,
Speaker 3: that's when we That's when I know I'm trying to conform, yeah,
Speaker 3: rather than really going inside me and going okay, but
Speaker 3: what do I actually want? What actually feels good? What
Speaker 3: am I forcing myself to sacrifice right now? And why
Speaker 3: am I doing? Why am I thinking this way? Like?
Speaker 3: Why am I wanting to do this? Well?
Speaker 2: Yeah, that that emotional honesty, right, And I think resilience
Speaker 2: can become unhealthy when it's used to avoid that emotional honesty,
Speaker 2: rest grief, right, And so how do you help someone
Speaker 2: recognize the difference between that perseverance and self abandonment because
Speaker 2: we're trying to be resilient for the for unhealthy reasons.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, what I find is it's self abandonment.
Speaker 3: I also have recently learned the word self erasure. We
Speaker 3: erase ourselves when we're unwilling to own what our needs
Speaker 3: are or what our feelings are, where we just kind
Speaker 3: of push it aside go, I won't ask for that
Speaker 3: because whatever, right because because because I just won't ask
Speaker 3: for that, I just won't ask for help right now,
Speaker 3: or I won't ask for what I need right now.
Speaker 3: That's actually a form of not only self abandonment, but
Speaker 3: actually self erasure in my book, And so, I think
Speaker 3: that one of the first things is to know our
Speaker 3: internal yes and our internal no. You know, in our
Speaker 3: no happens, we can feel it. I can usually feel
Speaker 3: it in my body before my brain catches up. When
Speaker 3: I feel an internal constriction about something, that's my cue
Speaker 3: to pay attention versus you know, when you're a full
Speaker 3: yes to something, you feel everything and you leap forward
Speaker 3: into it. And I just had had the privilege of
Speaker 3: having this conversation with somebody last week and it clarified
Speaker 3: even more for me. But when I'm a full yes
Speaker 3: for something, and Eric, I know, when you're a full
Speaker 3: yes or something, there's just no stopping. You feel everything
Speaker 3: in you. I'm doing this.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: When you're not a full yes, there's that hesitation, there's
Speaker 3: all the questions, there's the and that's the should. And
Speaker 3: so what I've I've come to believe about myself is
Speaker 3: if I'm not a fool yes, I'm actually a no yeah,
Speaker 3: and I'm a no trying to be a yes. And
Speaker 3: that's what's creating the internal conflict.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're you're it because you think you should or
Speaker 2: write somebody else told you that this is a path
Speaker 2: you should take, and you're you're on the fence. And yes,
Speaker 2: for me, if you're on the fence, don't jump it,
Speaker 2: just get off.
Speaker 3: You're not you're not all in that. And so and
Speaker 3: so that's what I mean about having the courage to
Speaker 3: be honest. And and sometimes that means that is a
Speaker 3: is a potential consequence that we might inconvenience someone else
Speaker 3: or let them down or disappoint them. Yes, it absolutely is.
Speaker 3: But going back to where we started with responsibility. I
Speaker 3: can only be responsible for my response, and I gotta
Speaker 3: let other people be responsible for theirs. And so even
Speaker 3: if somebody really wants me to do something, or maybe
Speaker 3: even if I've committed something to something and something else
Speaker 3: has come that's going to interfere with that, and I
Speaker 3: need to adapt or adjust that commitment. I know I'm
Speaker 3: running the risk that someone else is going to be
Speaker 3: unhappy with my choice. Yep, right, But then it comes
Speaker 3: down to I've got to let them be responsible with
Speaker 3: that for themselves, and I can only be responsible for me. Now.
Speaker 3: Can I deliver it in a caring, loving way, Yes?
Speaker 3: Can I do it with integrity, yes, absolutely, But I
Speaker 3: still can't control how they're going to respond.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you need to choose your alignment over their expectation
Speaker 2: because that's their response, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly.
Speaker 2: So I want to ask one more question before we
Speaker 2: go to break. And I think one of the bravest
Speaker 2: things that any person can do. It takes a lot
Speaker 2: of courage is to ask for help, but many times
Speaker 2: people don't want to do that because they feel like
Speaker 2: they're losing their strength. How can people become more emotionally
Speaker 2: honest without feeling that they are losing their strength or authority.
Speaker 3: You know, I think it comes through this. I think
Speaker 3: it comes through recognizing that we all have different gifts
Speaker 3: and talents. We all have different experiences that created us.
Speaker 3: And one of the greatest things that I am learning
Speaker 3: to do now is recognize I know where I'm highly
Speaker 3: gifted and talented, and I also know where I've put
Speaker 3: in the work to develop skills to go along with it.
Speaker 3: The key is to also admit all the things that
Speaker 3: I don't know, which is actually much greater. Yes, right,
Speaker 3: there's so much more that I don't know and can't
Speaker 3: do or be skilled at. But asking for help means
Speaker 3: recognizing that another person might be so much better at
Speaker 3: it than me and giving grace to both of us
Speaker 3: to honor that, because that's the key is I'm actually
Speaker 3: suppressing talent, right.
Speaker 2: I mean, I love it when I have a team
Speaker 2: that is smarter than me, Like, yeah, I want them
Speaker 2: to be smarter than me. That's how we get keep going,
Speaker 2: and that's how I think that too many people are
Speaker 2: afraid are they going to shine more than me? Are
Speaker 2: they gonna surpass me? And as a as a leader,
Speaker 2: I don't feel like I'm successful unless I build and
Speaker 2: create other leaders that go on and do greater things.
Speaker 3: I think.
Speaker 2: I think that's really important.
Speaker 3: I think if you want to excel, you got to
Speaker 3: have have what it takes to train your replacement. Yes,
Speaker 3: one hundred, that's it. It's so so if you look
Speaker 3: at it differently that way, like a lot of people
Speaker 3: are like, oh, I have to guard my position and
Speaker 3: prove that I'm valuable. Well, actually, how you advance is
Speaker 3: by being replaceable where you are now so you can
Speaker 3: move and go move on, so you can move on
Speaker 3: to the next thing. And so I look at it
Speaker 3: just very very differently, you know, and think and grow.
Speaker 3: Rich Napoleon Hill talks about that a lot too.
Speaker 2: Well, let's take a quick break and when we come back,
Speaker 2: we're going to talk about identity and purpose. Before we go, Marla,
Speaker 2: tell folks how they can connect with you.
Speaker 3: You can find me at youto shine dot com. That's
Speaker 3: why youto shine dot com. That is our company website,
Speaker 3: and you can also email me directly if you want
Speaker 3: to make contact at Marla at you just shine dot com.
Speaker 3: I'm always happy to hear from you, and then you
Speaker 3: can find my personal page on the website at unconquerable
Speaker 3: me dot coach.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much. I'm Erica Gifford Mills, and you
Speaker 2: are listening to Get Rooted Radio, Living it Up, Loving
Speaker 2: it Up, Letting it Go. Stay tuned, We'll be right back.
Speaker 2: We're back on Get Rooted Radio with Erica Giffridmills, Living
Speaker 2: it Up, Loving it Up, Letting it Go. Don't forget
Speaker 2: to visit Get Rooted radio dot com to listen to
Speaker 2: our replay of this episode, sign up for Hubble tips
Speaker 2: and learn about upcoming events. That's get Rooted radio dot com.
Speaker 2: Welcome back to my guest, Marla Ballard. Thank you so
Speaker 2: much for being on the show today.
Speaker 3: Thank you for having me. This is amazing. So during the.
Speaker 2: Last segments we talked about being rooted and responsibility and resilience,
Speaker 2: vulnerability and becoming beyond that, performative strength and leading from within.
Speaker 2: And during this segment we're going to discuss identity and
Speaker 2: purpose more specifically who am I after the mission, So
Speaker 2: tell tell our listeners more about the what you do
Speaker 2: and the mission behind this veteran centric initiative, because I
Speaker 2: don't know that a lot of people know exactly what
Speaker 2: you do and how it can help that transition from
Speaker 2: military service to civilian life.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, first of all, what I'm highly committed to
Speaker 3: and what our company is committed to with Quantum Personal
Speaker 3: Development is really empowering people to be who they're uniquely
Speaker 3: built to be in this world, and to be able
Speaker 3: to work through being aligned, to express their unique gifts
Speaker 3: and talents, and to truly be free to do so. Right,
Speaker 3: It's all about freedom. You know. At one point we
Speaker 3: used to say we break people out of prison. I
Speaker 3: like that.
Speaker 2: I think that's funny. It's good catch. But people are like, well,
Speaker 2: excuse me.
Speaker 3: Yeah, exactly exactly. But really, if you think about it,
Speaker 3: when we're conforming, that is a type of a prison. Yes,
Speaker 3: and we all do it. And we all, you know,
Speaker 3: all of us that are seeking growth and development and
Speaker 3: expansion and wanting to get up to things in the world,
Speaker 3: we're all actually seeking to move past that need to
Speaker 3: conform and the freedom to be authentic. Right, and so
Speaker 3: so what when it comes down to veterans and first
Speaker 3: responders and their families. You know, someone once said to
Speaker 3: me that part of your aligned mission in the world
Speaker 3: is the thing that would make your heart cry when
Speaker 3: you think about it not being helped, and no, no,
Speaker 3: for me, I have so much admiration for the people
Speaker 3: who put themselves on the line to serve other people
Speaker 3: and all of the different things that they're willing to
Speaker 3: go through and be exposed to, and the immense personal
Speaker 3: sacrifice that that takes, right, and we forget, you know,
Speaker 3: our veterans, our military folks are willing to go into
Speaker 3: some of the most horrible experiences. But so are first responders, right,
Speaker 3: They're the ones that have to stand there and hold
Speaker 3: it together to put other people back together.
Speaker 2: Yes, and yeah, I mean they they are doing things
Speaker 2: that most individuals can't or won't. The things that they see. Again,
Speaker 2: first responders military, what they see, what they go through,
Speaker 2: what they carry along with them, you know, and so
Speaker 2: many times you've got them. They're defined by their mission, right,
Speaker 2: their their rank, their role, their responsibility, and that transition
Speaker 2: can be extremely hard.
Speaker 3: It can be. And so that's the first thing, is
Speaker 3: just the immense love and admiration I have for the
Speaker 3: people and for the courage that it takes to do that,
Speaker 3: because our military folks are willing to stand on a
Speaker 3: line at risk, you know, And I don't even think
Speaker 3: people realize we lose people just to training exercises, just
Speaker 3: training to do the job is dangerous, and they're willing
Speaker 3: to take that on. And so for those folks, their
Speaker 3: families and all the people that support them in their communities,
Speaker 3: they just I have immense love and respect. And I
Speaker 3: think the way what happens is is in order to
Speaker 3: do that, there is a deep rooting into camaraderie and
Speaker 3: trust with the people that are there with you, and
Speaker 3: a deep desire to make sure that the person to
Speaker 3: the left and the right of you is protected by you. Right,
Speaker 3: that's the deal you're making. And so same thing with
Speaker 3: our first responders. They're really committing to protect the public,
Speaker 3: to protect the other people, and to show up and
Speaker 3: care for them. And so that's a very special form
Speaker 3: of strength and resilience, encourage and bravery. But what happens
Speaker 3: is is when you transition out of that role, if
Speaker 3: that's who you've been showing up as for twenty years,
Speaker 3: and suddenly you're in the private sector where that's not
Speaker 3: even understood or acknowledged and in many times not even appreciated, right,
Speaker 3: And you know, it's it's a fascinating thing because we
Speaker 3: we assigned so many stereotypes to things too, Right, A
Speaker 3: lot of people automatically assume, if you're a veteran, you
Speaker 3: must be traumatized. Yeah, and we assign all these these
Speaker 3: crazy stereotypes. Or you must be really rigid if you
Speaker 3: were in the military, right, or you must you know,
Speaker 3: we assign these things. And so so I think that
Speaker 3: it's it's really important to recognize what it takes in
Speaker 3: a person and the immense amount of skill and leadership
Speaker 3: and commitment to service and to serve others. And so
Speaker 3: that's that's what I honor. But I think that it
Speaker 3: gets overlooked how many gifts and talents and skills that
Speaker 3: gives a person because it's a little different than what
Speaker 3: we see in a corporate world, right right, and ahead,
Speaker 3: no no, no, no, go ahead. And there's the huge
Speaker 3: So there's a huge value in two pieces of it.
Speaker 3: One is really helping those people really connect to the
Speaker 3: immense amount of gifts and talents they have that they
Speaker 3: may not even recognize because back to the conformity. In
Speaker 3: the world of conformity, they're told it's not a value.
Speaker 3: You know, it's not a value here.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Right.
Speaker 3: It's also you know, I think sharing, even having conversations
Speaker 3: like this and helping to empower other people that are
Speaker 3: outside of that world to view it differently.
Speaker 2: Right, Yeah, I mean, and I think you it's everybody, right,
Speaker 2: everybody leads differently, Different generations lead differently, people in different
Speaker 2: with different backgrounds. I mean, this is why we want
Speaker 2: the diversity, and I don't mean diversity as in diversity inclusion. Right,
Speaker 2: that's one way if we all were the same, how
Speaker 2: do we have these great ideas and these great great
Speaker 2: ways to move forward? And I think it can show
Speaker 2: up very differently in those veterans and first responders because
Speaker 2: they have carried enormous responsibility and they are doing a
Speaker 2: major life transition. So what do you tell them when
Speaker 2: they're looking for their why their you know what the
Speaker 2: purpose behind it?
Speaker 3: Well, first of all, I seek not to tell anybody anything.
Speaker 2: Yes, I was just saying, how do you help them
Speaker 2: get to get that out of it?
Speaker 3: It's really about asking about the questions that we're asking, right,
Speaker 3: It's really about the questions that we're asking, And so
Speaker 3: it's a continual question of helping a person just tune
Speaker 3: into what is it that they feel aligned, what are
Speaker 3: their values, what are their gifts, what are their talents?
Speaker 3: How do we help them feel empowered? Right? One of
Speaker 3: my favorite quotes that we use in our very exclusive
Speaker 3: coaching program is from Buckminster Fuller, and I love the
Speaker 3: question that he asks. He says, how do we make
Speaker 3: the world work for one hundred percent of humanity in
Speaker 3: the shortest possible time through spontaneous cooperation without ecological offense
Speaker 3: or the disadvantage of anyone? Right. That's a really incredible
Speaker 3: question of nonconformity, by the way, but it's continually asking, Okay,
Speaker 3: what is unique about me? What makes me happy? What
Speaker 3: lights me up? What do I want to contribute? Who
Speaker 3: am I? How can I help? Who do I want
Speaker 3: to help? It's it's really helping people feel safe and
Speaker 3: empowered to delve into those questions and to find the
Speaker 3: answers within themselves and then actually implement it, because implementation
Speaker 3: is important. Right. We can get all the inspiration in
Speaker 3: the world, but if we're not willing to take the
Speaker 3: actions to move it forward, then it doesn't happen right, right?
Speaker 2: And does how does role of community right outside of
Speaker 2: the as what role do they play? And we're building
Speaker 2: a sense of that belonging when we're looking at once
Speaker 2: that once that individual is navigating into their into their
Speaker 2: new and I hate to say it is because I
Speaker 2: hate this term, but new normal right, their new identity
Speaker 2: without changing themselves, right.
Speaker 3: I think I think that it's it's really important to
Speaker 3: start building trust with people and find relationships that can
Speaker 3: support you. And some some people are more gifted at
Speaker 3: this than others. Some people are naturally amazing connectors. Others
Speaker 3: may struggle with that a little bit. But it also
Speaker 3: comes back to I believe we also have to be
Speaker 3: willing to become what it is that we're seeking, right,
Speaker 3: And so I know that if I want to if
Speaker 3: I want to feel trusted, if I want people to
Speaker 3: trust me, I have to first become someone that people
Speaker 3: can trust. And so it's it's again learning finding ways
Speaker 3: to authentically and very courageously reach outside of yourself. And
Speaker 3: there is a lot of vulnerability in that, without a
Speaker 3: doubt for all of us.
Speaker 2: How does Unconquerable Me help people move from the survival
Speaker 2: and responsibility into inner freedom and meaningful contribution.
Speaker 3: A lot of it comes down to accepting our survival. Right,
Speaker 3: So when you look at our our trademark registered branding,
Speaker 3: when you look at unconquerable me or quantum me or
Speaker 3: any of our all of our knee brand is a
Speaker 3: little M and a big EE. And that brand is
Speaker 3: represents this. The little M is for that mortal material matter, right,
Speaker 3: that we are, right, we are in this physical body,
Speaker 3: having a physical experience on a very physical earth, right,
Speaker 3: and and so there's always going to be that. But
Speaker 3: then that the big E represents that expanding energy, that
Speaker 3: eternal essence. Right for me, that's love, What that is
Speaker 3: is pure love. Right. We're both, We're both. What happens, though,
Speaker 3: is a lot of times when people are sneaking for
Speaker 3: something higher or they're calling or their purpose, they're frustrated
Speaker 3: with the mortal matter that also needs to survive. And
Speaker 3: so it's actually making peace with being both and recognizing
Speaker 3: when we're when we're really in that higher expression of
Speaker 3: ourselves versus when we're really in survival, and being able
Speaker 3: to accept an honor and love both and have compassion
Speaker 3: for both, and as we do that within ourselves, having
Speaker 3: that for other people as well. Right. I know the
Speaker 3: things that trip my survival trigger, and I know when
Speaker 3: it's tripped, right, and I can act like a terrible
Speaker 3: person like we all do because we're and survival, right,
Speaker 3: but it's also going okay, little girl, step back.
Speaker 1: We know we just we just had our.
Speaker 3: Alarm system tripped. You're okay, right, and then and then
Speaker 3: you're remembering and re engaging a lot of it is
Speaker 3: the speed at which we learned to do that.
Speaker 2: Well, we're going to take a quick break and when
Speaker 2: we come back, we're going to finish out the show
Speaker 2: with what is sustainable success and inner freedom, creating that
Speaker 2: life that does not require burnout. This is Get Rooted
Speaker 2: Radio with Erica Gifford Mills, Living it up, loving it up,
Speaker 2: Letting it go. Stay tuned, We'll be right back. Welcome
Speaker 2: back to Get Rooted Radio with Erica Gifford Mills, Living
Speaker 2: it up, Loving it up, Letting it go. If you
Speaker 2: missed any information during the last segments, go to get
Speaker 2: rid of radio dot com to listen to a replay
Speaker 2: of this episode, other episodes, and sign up for Huffle tips,
Speaker 2: special events, and pricing for upcoming speaking and coaching sessions
Speaker 2: at getrooted radio dot com. Welcome back to my guest,
Speaker 2: Marla Ballard. Thank you so much for being on the
Speaker 2: show today.
Speaker 3: Thank you so much for having me Eric, I really
Speaker 3: appreciate it.
Speaker 2: Yes, tell listeners how they can learn more about you,
Speaker 2: You shine, the Unconquerable me just everything on how they
Speaker 2: can reach out to you and learn more about what
Speaker 2: you have to offer.
Speaker 3: Okay, well, and we do have a lot to offer.
Speaker 3: We have multiple modalities we work with that are trademarked
Speaker 3: and licensed in seventeen amazing coaches on our team now,
Speaker 3: so you can find all of us on the website
Speaker 3: at youtoshine dot com. That's why you too shine dot com.
Speaker 3: You can reach my page directly at Unconquerablemee dot coach.
Speaker 3: And for anybody who feels connected to anything that we're
Speaker 3: in conversation about today and wants to reach out, please
Speaker 3: feel free to email me directly at Mark Arla at
Speaker 3: youtuo shine dot com. That's why youto shine dot com
Speaker 3: so much so.
Speaker 2: During the last segments, in case you missed it, we
Speaker 2: talked about being rooted in responsibility, about resilience, vulnerability and
Speaker 2: beyond performing the strength and leading from within, as well
Speaker 2: as identity and purpose. And during this last segment, we're
Speaker 2: going to discuss that sustainable success and inner freedom by
Speaker 2: creating a life that does not require the burnout. And
Speaker 2: as we've mentioned, you built and scaled the successful businesses
Speaker 2: right coach high performers, and now you lead the you
Speaker 2: two shine global expansion. How do you define sustainable success?
Speaker 3: The sustainable success for me is when I can be
Speaker 3: up to the things I want to be up to
Speaker 3: in the world that they give me joy, frankly, and
Speaker 3: that I feel good about and fulfilled about in alignment
Speaker 3: with my values and my gifts and talents and my
Speaker 3: internal integrity and the ability to be authentic within it.
Speaker 3: Because yeah, that's.
Speaker 2: What success looks like when you're when you you're in
Speaker 2: that rooted alignment rather than that comparison or you know
Speaker 2: that that informity, right, And we talked a little bit
Speaker 2: about that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, whenever, whenever I am not being true to
Speaker 3: myself whatever, in whatever way that is, and that a
Speaker 3: lot of times we don't realize not being true to
Speaker 3: ourselves doesn't necessarily have to be a big violation of self.
Speaker 3: We do it, and all the time we betray ourselves
Speaker 3: in a lot of little, tiny ways. Right. It's those
Speaker 3: moments when you know you don't want to do something,
Speaker 3: You're like, oh, sacrifice myself for this, right, And then
Speaker 3: we feel so drained and so exhausted or whatever. Right,
Speaker 3: it's it's all those little places or or those things
Speaker 3: where we know something's misaligned, but rather than have the
Speaker 3: courage to truly be honest and explore it and then
Speaker 3: be vulnerable to acknowledge it with another person, we just
Speaker 3: decide we're gonna just I'll just take one for the team,
Speaker 3: and I'll just be It's okay, I can be miserable
Speaker 3: for a while. Right. We do a lot of that,
Speaker 3: But those, every single one of those little things is
Speaker 3: a self betrayal. Yeah, and then and so do enough
Speaker 3: of those, and then wonder why someone shows up in
Speaker 3: your life that actually betrays you.
Speaker 2: You're getting to do it.
Speaker 3: We And here's the thing, it's a very human condition.
Speaker 3: This is not this is not a commentary on anybody's right.
Speaker 3: I've done it as much as as anybody. This is
Speaker 3: why I'm so familiar with it. I know it very
Speaker 3: very well. Right. And so so when you're talking about burnout,
Speaker 3: the bottom line is burnout comes from energy, and that's
Speaker 3: what we work with really well in quantum personal development,
Speaker 3: by the way, is energy. But the bottom line is
Speaker 3: is anytime you have more energetic output than energetic output
Speaker 3: you're receiving back in to restore you, you're going to
Speaker 3: be in a state of burnout. Because that's the bottom line.
Speaker 3: What is depletion and fatigue. It's we've given more than
Speaker 3: we've replenished every time. And so one of the places
Speaker 3: where we create burnout the most is when we're forcing
Speaker 3: the energy, when we're so fixed that something has to
Speaker 3: happen a certain way at a certain time, and by golly,
Speaker 3: and and we're forcing it and we're trying to force
Speaker 3: everyone around us, and we feel that that's fatigue and
Speaker 3: that drain from that happening. That's the moment.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, And I think that's so many driven people
Speaker 2: equate exhaustion with achievement or they are sacrificing their health, relationships,
Speaker 2: or identity to pursue those ambitious goals and that this
Speaker 2: quantum personal development. How how can that break through? That
Speaker 2: right is, how do we allow our internal beliefs and
Speaker 2: emotional patterns shape the results we experience externally, and how
Speaker 2: can we kind of get to that greater clarity.
Speaker 3: That's it. That's a lot of it is learning to
Speaker 3: realize and it's it's really delving into so much self honesty, right,
Speaker 3: because because what I find is it's you know, and
Speaker 3: it's a really interesting thing. Right now, people say, oh,
Speaker 3: you know, if you love yourself too much, yourself, it's
Speaker 3: it's all about loving others. And then others say, oh,
Speaker 3: you know, if you don't have enough self love, then
Speaker 3: you're not taking care of yourself. And it's always bulbe
Speaker 3: it's best not to make a distinction. Just love, just love,
Speaker 3: just love yourself, just love humanity, love love people, love
Speaker 3: what you're up to. Right, But when we're when we're
Speaker 3: starting to force that energy and feel the drain of that,
Speaker 3: the moment we feel the drain of that, that is
Speaker 3: the cue to take a step back for a moment
Speaker 3: and go, okay, what am I? What am I not seeing?
Speaker 3: What am I? What am I forcing here?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 3: Rather than taking a deep breath and trusting have I
Speaker 3: done everything I know to do? And if I've done
Speaker 3: everything I know to do and now I'm just making
Speaker 3: everybody crazy trying to push hamph away past that, including myself, right,
Speaker 3: I'm draining my energy. Right, there is a point where
Speaker 3: we've done everything we know to do and we have
Speaker 3: to just let go.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Right, for the person listening, who feels exhausted, disconnected,
Speaker 2: or certain about their next chapter. What is one step
Speaker 2: that they can take today?
Speaker 3: I think I think the first thing is is to
Speaker 3: immediately stop and ask what do I need right now?
Speaker 3: And if it's rest or a walk or a massage
Speaker 3: or go sit in the sunshine, what you know, or
Speaker 3: nourishing meal, whatever it is, but to actually give yourself
Speaker 3: permission and freedom to just stop and say what do
Speaker 3: I need right now in this moment the most to
Speaker 3: restore me and then go let yourself have that, and
Speaker 3: then see where you are. The world is not you know,
Speaker 3: here's the thing, and this is hubris. I'll be frank
Speaker 3: with you. We don't realize it, but self sacrifice is
Speaker 3: actually a form of hubris and egotism, because what we're
Speaker 3: saying is that we're so important that the world's going
Speaker 3: to fall apart if we take care of ourselves, if
Speaker 3: we're if we're over extending ourselves. And you know, and
Speaker 3: I don't mean this in a diminishing way, but even
Speaker 3: for me, I got to realize I'm one person, and
Speaker 3: I'm you know, and I've got one body, and that
Speaker 3: body needs good food and rest and exercise. And care
Speaker 3: right and fun, and it's so it's it's it's realizing
Speaker 3: that I've got to take care of that because if
Speaker 3: I if I'm not okay, how am I going to
Speaker 3: have any sustainability with showing up for anyone else? But
Speaker 3: it actually, for a lot of us, takes an immense
Speaker 3: amount of humility to care for ourselves. It's a humbling
Speaker 3: thing to actually own that we're not superhuman. Sometimes, yeah, all.
Speaker 2: Right, complete this sentence and then then we gotta go.
Speaker 2: I become unconquerable when I love.
Speaker 3: When I love.
Speaker 2: Thank you Marlin for being on the show today.
Speaker 3: Thank you thanks for having me.
Speaker 2: And I want to thank you all for tuning in
Speaker 2: to Get Rooted Radio. If you missed any part of
Speaker 2: today's episode or want to listen again, go to get
Speaker 2: Rooted radio dot com for the podcast, and don't forget
Speaker 2: to tune in the first and third Monday of each
Speaker 2: month at five pm Eastern, four pm Central, and two
Speaker 2: pm Pacific right here on Transformation Talk Revolution. As we
Speaker 2: close out today's episode, I want to remind all listeners
Speaker 2: that you are worthy. If you are hurting or need help,
Speaker 2: please know the world needs you and it is a
Speaker 2: better place with you in it. Don't let the hard
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Speaker 2: with Erica Gifford Mills, Living it up, loving it up,
Speaker 2: letting it go. Goodbye everyone.
Speaker 1: Thank you for listening to Get Rooted Radio with Erica
Speaker 1: Gifford Mills, Living it up, loving it up, and letting
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