WEBVTT 1 00:00:15.839 --> 00:00:18.719 Welcome to Popcorn Psychology, the podcast where we watch blockbuster 2 00:00:18.800 --> 00:00:21.719 movies and psychoanalyze them. My name is Brinnie Brownfield and 3 00:00:21.719 --> 00:00:23.640 I'm a child therapist and I'm joined by. 4 00:00:23.719 --> 00:00:25.679 Ben Stover, individual therapist. 5 00:00:25.519 --> 00:00:27.600 Hannah Espinoza, marriage and family therapists. 6 00:00:27.719 --> 00:00:31.000 We're all licensed clinical professional counselors also known as therapists, 7 00:00:31.000 --> 00:00:33.640 who practice out of Chicago. Even though we are licensed 8 00:00:33.679 --> 00:00:37.119 mental health professionals, this podcast is purely for nentertainment purposes 9 00:00:37.399 --> 00:00:39.960 and to fulfill our love of dissecting pop culture. 10 00:00:39.600 --> 00:00:40.320 And all forms. 11 00:00:40.479 --> 00:00:43.280 Please remember that, even though we are all licensed therapists, 12 00:00:43.320 --> 00:00:44.439 we aren't your therapist. 13 00:00:44.679 --> 00:00:47.000 If you are struggling with mental health symptoms, please find 14 00:00:47.000 --> 00:00:50.880 a local mental health provider. Hey everyone, So we will 15 00:00:50.880 --> 00:00:55.000 be talking about e T today by Steven Spielberg. We 16 00:00:55.240 --> 00:00:57.880 are going to be talking about the family within the movie, 17 00:00:57.960 --> 00:01:02.079 specifically the separation that occurs with the parents and how 18 00:01:02.119 --> 00:01:05.879 that changes the family dynamics. We'll also be talking about siblings. 19 00:01:06.319 --> 00:01:08.680 We're talking about kids when they're left alone to their 20 00:01:08.680 --> 00:01:11.400 own devices, which is a big component to a lot 21 00:01:11.480 --> 00:01:14.400 of movies of this time period. We're also going to 22 00:01:14.400 --> 00:01:17.560 be talking about how adults respond to kids and empathy 23 00:01:17.799 --> 00:01:22.319 in communication and as always will do treatment and final thoughts. 24 00:01:22.599 --> 00:01:25.159 For anyone who I don't know has been in a 25 00:01:25.200 --> 00:01:27.719 coma for the past thirty years and has never seen 26 00:01:27.799 --> 00:01:30.239 ET or heard ET or anything like that, I guess 27 00:01:30.280 --> 00:01:31.519 would be forty years by now. 28 00:01:31.799 --> 00:01:33.400 Forty Oh that's so upsetting. 29 00:01:33.599 --> 00:01:34.640 Forty four years. 30 00:01:34.760 --> 00:01:36.079 Yeah, yeah, ETO, because it was. 31 00:01:36.079 --> 00:01:37.680 It came out in nineteen eighty two, and I'm going 32 00:01:37.719 --> 00:01:38.640 to be forty four this year. 33 00:01:39.200 --> 00:01:40.920 And how arymore. 34 00:01:42.280 --> 00:01:46.040 As beautiful as ever? Fifty almost got to be. Yeah, 35 00:01:46.640 --> 00:01:50.719 so that's you know, she was what six six in 36 00:01:50.719 --> 00:01:51.239 this movie? 37 00:01:51.280 --> 00:01:55.840 So yeah, forty four plus six is fifty is fifty. 38 00:01:56.159 --> 00:02:00.560 And that's math corner with Ben Stover. Yep, thanks, not a. 39 00:02:00.519 --> 00:02:05.840 Corner I suggested follows me too. I am very good 40 00:02:05.920 --> 00:02:07.560 with words, but numbers. 41 00:02:09.120 --> 00:02:12.120 So for anyone who's not aware, ET is about a 42 00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:16.319 young boy he's ten years old, named Elliott. He finds 43 00:02:16.520 --> 00:02:19.639 a alien in his backyard that he calls ET, and 44 00:02:19.719 --> 00:02:23.120 he slowly gets to know him via different forms of 45 00:02:23.120 --> 00:02:25.680 communicating until he realizes that ET needs to. 46 00:02:25.599 --> 00:02:27.800 Go home, so he helps him go home. 47 00:02:28.000 --> 00:02:32.960 While various forms of the government are eavesdropping on their 48 00:02:32.960 --> 00:02:36.919 house listening to their calls, trailing their neighborhood and you know, 49 00:02:37.439 --> 00:02:41.680 slightly antagonistic to their agenda. So, as I said before, 50 00:02:41.719 --> 00:02:43.919 we're first going to talk about the family because I think, 51 00:02:44.000 --> 00:02:47.919 in my opinion, this movie is a lot about a family, 52 00:02:48.520 --> 00:02:51.240 and a lot of the plot points of this movie 53 00:02:51.919 --> 00:02:55.000 I think happen or can happen because they are a 54 00:02:55.039 --> 00:02:57.240 family in change. 55 00:02:57.599 --> 00:03:00.719 They are a family that's kind of right now. 56 00:03:01.759 --> 00:03:06.919 We learn pretty early in the movie that their dad 57 00:03:07.000 --> 00:03:08.800 is no longer in the home with them. We don't 58 00:03:08.840 --> 00:03:12.599 really know why exactly. All we know is that he 59 00:03:12.919 --> 00:03:16.639 is not living with them and he's in Mexico with 60 00:03:16.840 --> 00:03:19.680 some woman named Sally, but we don't really know any 61 00:03:19.719 --> 00:03:22.120 other context. We do know later in the movie she 62 00:03:22.159 --> 00:03:25.240 does mentioned that her and her husband are recently separated, 63 00:03:25.400 --> 00:03:27.879 so I assume they're like not even divorced. And it 64 00:03:27.879 --> 00:03:30.520 did kind of feel like a recent thing, Like they 65 00:03:30.520 --> 00:03:35.159 do feel like a household where it is very fresh. 66 00:03:35.759 --> 00:03:37.960 It feels like it's been like maybe like a couple 67 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:39.479 of weeks at the most. 68 00:03:40.280 --> 00:03:42.560 Really, Yeah, I mean. 69 00:03:43.280 --> 00:03:45.960 I have a lot of experience with divorce and separation 70 00:03:46.120 --> 00:03:48.960 and parents not being together, and so one of them 71 00:03:49.000 --> 00:03:50.520 many times that my parents got. 72 00:03:50.400 --> 00:03:54.159 Divorced about this. 73 00:03:54.240 --> 00:03:58.080 Mom really reminds me about like three to four weeks after, 74 00:03:58.159 --> 00:04:00.639 like things have said in that like he's really not 75 00:04:00.680 --> 00:04:04.960 coming back, and you start to and that's when you 76 00:04:04.960 --> 00:04:07.520 start to have to do all the pieces of how 77 00:04:07.560 --> 00:04:09.120 am I going to do this now on my own? 78 00:04:09.599 --> 00:04:12.879 Yeah, getting out of the dissociated fugue state that not 79 00:04:13.080 --> 00:04:17.360 really processing, just surviving and kind of just following the 80 00:04:17.399 --> 00:04:20.920 motions but maybe having still unrealistic ideas. Are not fully 81 00:04:21.079 --> 00:04:24.199 able to accept all that's happened because you're going through 82 00:04:24.199 --> 00:04:27.000 all the court cases and spending all the money. I 83 00:04:27.000 --> 00:04:29.000 don't know if it cost all of the money in 84 00:04:29.040 --> 00:04:31.399 the eighties like it does now, because getting divorced now 85 00:04:31.480 --> 00:04:34.560 is basically all your money. All of it is gone 86 00:04:34.560 --> 00:04:36.759 to the lawyers clients that I have going through that. 87 00:04:36.800 --> 00:04:38.600 It's outrageous money. I don't know if it was then. 88 00:04:38.720 --> 00:04:43.279 But that fugue state eventually ends and reality hits and 89 00:04:43.680 --> 00:04:47.839 the overwhelm is crushing, And yeah, I don't know how 90 00:04:47.879 --> 00:04:49.839 long I would guess under six months, So I think, 91 00:04:50.439 --> 00:04:55.040 you know, whatever she is processing, she has not processed 92 00:04:55.120 --> 00:05:00.399 yet and is very preoccupied with her anger because every 93 00:05:00.399 --> 00:05:02.720 moment we see her alone, she's muttering to herself, he 94 00:05:02.720 --> 00:05:07.040 doesn't even like Mexico. Like there's little comments throughout this 95 00:05:07.079 --> 00:05:11.160 whole thing about her anger. And there's the moment I 96 00:05:11.160 --> 00:05:13.240 think when she's sitting alone in her Halloween costume, like 97 00:05:13.279 --> 00:05:15.800 she's just sitting and straight talking to herself about like 98 00:05:15.920 --> 00:05:19.040 just that like hashtag arguments I want in the shower 99 00:05:19.120 --> 00:05:23.439 kind of energy where she's not hallucinating, she's not having 100 00:05:23.519 --> 00:05:27.639 any mental health crisis other than processing what the fuck 101 00:05:27.759 --> 00:05:29.120 just happened when her life fell apart. 102 00:05:29.720 --> 00:05:32.319 Yeah, because if she's saying recently separated, I would also 103 00:05:32.360 --> 00:05:34.680 say that's probably been in the last six months, if 104 00:05:34.720 --> 00:05:37.879 not shorter. And the fact that the dad is already 105 00:05:38.000 --> 00:05:44.040 vacationing with another woman, to me insinuates that they're probably 106 00:05:44.040 --> 00:05:48.199 maybe even with some overlap in the situation. Or you know, 107 00:05:48.199 --> 00:05:50.959 there's a lot of people who and I know this 108 00:05:51.000 --> 00:05:53.439 is kind of a trope against men, So apologies men 109 00:05:54.279 --> 00:05:56.959 is like start having like a partner right away. Like 110 00:05:57.000 --> 00:06:01.000 men don't stay single for long post breakups, post divorce. 111 00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:04.160 They do not usually, I mean usually, once the relationship 112 00:06:04.240 --> 00:06:09.240 is deteriorating, there's on one side or the other, there's 113 00:06:09.720 --> 00:06:13.680 often seeking companionship, so it seems quite clear that dad 114 00:06:13.720 --> 00:06:16.519 had done that and Mom was busy being a mom 115 00:06:16.560 --> 00:06:20.480 and figuring out whatever she was doing to survive, because 116 00:06:20.480 --> 00:06:23.279 there's no at least mentioned in this film of Mom 117 00:06:23.319 --> 00:06:24.480 having any partner at all. 118 00:06:25.160 --> 00:06:27.680 Could be really cool like my dad and just go 119 00:06:27.800 --> 00:06:30.399 from one woman's bed to the next. That's why me 120 00:06:30.439 --> 00:06:34.600 and my sister are only five months apart to the day. 121 00:06:34.680 --> 00:06:37.160 We are currently both the same age. 122 00:06:37.360 --> 00:06:39.800 Which obviously happened with one woman right. 123 00:06:40.040 --> 00:06:41.519 Right, two ladies. 124 00:06:44.639 --> 00:06:47.680 But no, I think watching this now is like an 125 00:06:47.680 --> 00:06:53.160 adult woman watching it with an adult therapist's brain. I 126 00:06:53.199 --> 00:06:55.800 was really clocking what you're talking about, Ben, which is 127 00:06:56.560 --> 00:06:59.160 this movie actually does a really good job at writing 128 00:06:59.199 --> 00:07:03.160 a fully flagh parent, like she's fully fleshed out as 129 00:07:03.160 --> 00:07:05.480 a character, even though the movie is not really following her. 130 00:07:05.839 --> 00:07:09.519 It's not about her. And it also I think allows 131 00:07:09.720 --> 00:07:12.040 us as the audience to have a way clear understanding 132 00:07:12.040 --> 00:07:14.560 of like I said, like why these kids, as we'll 133 00:07:14.560 --> 00:07:17.920 talk about later, are left alone a lot is that 134 00:07:18.319 --> 00:07:20.480 she's a mom that is like so frazzled like I 135 00:07:20.480 --> 00:07:24.759 think a perfect example of this is when Gertie tries 136 00:07:24.839 --> 00:07:29.839 to show her et like he's right there, and she's 137 00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:32.399 like there, yeah, honey, Yeah, and she's like in the fridge, 138 00:07:32.439 --> 00:07:34.399 she's trying to get groceries and the phone's ringing. 139 00:07:34.920 --> 00:07:36.560 Like she is a woman on the edge. 140 00:07:37.000 --> 00:07:42.079 Yeah, she's absolutely on the edge, and she's dissociated as hell. 141 00:07:42.160 --> 00:07:45.120 She's I mean, when you do a mental status exam, 142 00:07:45.240 --> 00:07:48.879 preoccupied is one of your options to look at, and 143 00:07:48.920 --> 00:07:53.600 she would absolutely fall into that category. I see no 144 00:07:53.720 --> 00:07:59.040 evidence of psychosis. I see anxiety, I see overwhelm. I 145 00:07:59.079 --> 00:08:02.920 see a clear evidence of adjustment disorder with her, But 146 00:08:02.959 --> 00:08:05.800 I don't see anything else that I find concerning. She's depressed, 147 00:08:05.800 --> 00:08:09.800 she's anxious, she's overwhelmed, she's all of that because of 148 00:08:09.839 --> 00:08:13.639 her circumstances. Outside of that, we don't have any information 149 00:08:13.720 --> 00:08:16.240 on who she was, how she was before, but we 150 00:08:16.279 --> 00:08:20.079 can see clearly the main antagonist in her life is 151 00:08:20.160 --> 00:08:24.360 that she's going through a divorce and she's now raising 152 00:08:24.720 --> 00:08:28.839 three kids that are quite spaced out in age. I'm 153 00:08:28.879 --> 00:08:32.840 assuming they're each about four years apart. That's a lot. 154 00:08:33.080 --> 00:08:36.279 Mike is fifteen, Elliott is ten, and she is six. 155 00:08:36.720 --> 00:08:43.120 Yeah, so pretty close, yeah, right, And that is having 156 00:08:43.200 --> 00:08:47.080 kids myself that are five point five years apart from 157 00:08:47.080 --> 00:08:53.679 each other. The developmental issues put you in different mindsets 158 00:08:53.759 --> 00:08:57.440 that separate your consciousness a lot. And I have two, 159 00:08:57.600 --> 00:09:02.559 not three and now, and I have a spouse around 160 00:09:02.559 --> 00:09:06.320 to help with that, and she does not. Now all 161 00:09:06.360 --> 00:09:09.919 of a sudden, and keeping yourself in the mentality of 162 00:09:10.320 --> 00:09:13.960 how do I give each of these kids what they 163 00:09:14.000 --> 00:09:19.120 need as appropriate would be immensely overwhelming. And that's what 164 00:09:19.159 --> 00:09:22.440 we see is she's just like there's beer. There's beer 165 00:09:22.960 --> 00:09:24.919 sitting out on the counter, and she's getting a call 166 00:09:24.960 --> 00:09:28.919 from the school like, uh so your kid is doing 167 00:09:29.000 --> 00:09:33.559 some real banana shit and acting intoxicid And she's just 168 00:09:33.559 --> 00:09:35.639 like looking at a beer can and just like cleaning 169 00:09:35.720 --> 00:09:38.000 up all the masks and like looks at the beer can. 170 00:09:38.080 --> 00:09:39.240 Then just she smells it. 171 00:09:39.320 --> 00:09:40.240 No, well she smells it. 172 00:09:40.279 --> 00:09:44.039 Actually, like I feel like she is like what like 173 00:09:44.120 --> 00:09:46.759 I feel like too much Like just like we said, 174 00:09:46.799 --> 00:09:49.440 like she is just she's someone who's like trying to 175 00:09:49.480 --> 00:09:50.679 go through the motions as well. 176 00:09:50.840 --> 00:09:52.039 Yeah, like she's trying to get. 177 00:09:51.879 --> 00:09:54.679 The groceries, get the kid, Like you're right. What also 178 00:09:54.679 --> 00:09:56.279 sucks about the kids being a part in age is 179 00:09:56.360 --> 00:09:58.159 you know they're not any of them are attending the 180 00:09:58.159 --> 00:10:01.840 same school at the same time, which she's like picking 181 00:10:01.919 --> 00:10:04.759 up one kid now she's getting called from school about 182 00:10:04.759 --> 00:10:06.840 another before she's even processing the fact that there's like 183 00:10:06.879 --> 00:10:10.000 an empty beer can on the counter, you know, like 184 00:10:10.039 --> 00:10:12.799 things are happening before she's had time to think about 185 00:10:13.360 --> 00:10:15.720 the last thing or the current thing that's happening. 186 00:10:15.960 --> 00:10:21.000 Right and she's going on like typical parent autopilot of like, Okay, 187 00:10:21.240 --> 00:10:23.840 if I don't put these girls shees away right now 188 00:10:23.960 --> 00:10:26.679 in the thirty seconds that I have to do it. 189 00:10:26.879 --> 00:10:28.879 I mean I can listen to Gertie talk, but also 190 00:10:29.000 --> 00:10:30.919 like if this doesn't get done, I am going to 191 00:10:31.000 --> 00:10:32.600 be behind on all the other tests I got to 192 00:10:32.600 --> 00:10:35.639 do to stay on top of these kids. Like she's 193 00:10:35.720 --> 00:10:39.480 barely listening, she's not paying attention. She's just focused on 194 00:10:39.519 --> 00:10:43.120 the test she has to do while also connecting to 195 00:10:43.159 --> 00:10:46.200 the kids as much as she has mentally available at 196 00:10:46.200 --> 00:10:49.000 that moment, which is not a lot, which is understandable, 197 00:10:49.720 --> 00:10:55.120 but recognizing how that creates a little bit of a 198 00:10:55.279 --> 00:10:58.679 dissociative state where your brain is separated into multiple tests. 199 00:10:59.080 --> 00:11:03.600 Then add personal shit of processing a divorce. That's where 200 00:11:04.159 --> 00:11:06.679 when you look at a mental status exam preoccupied would 201 00:11:06.679 --> 00:11:10.279 fit because clearly she's trying to digest what the fuck 202 00:11:10.399 --> 00:11:16.320 just happened while also trying to be an only parent 203 00:11:16.720 --> 00:11:19.279 in a household with three kids a very different age, 204 00:11:19.320 --> 00:11:22.279 which is a hell of a lot. And then kids 205 00:11:22.320 --> 00:11:25.639 are also having what she presumes are adjustment issues. But 206 00:11:25.840 --> 00:11:27.679 you know, of course there's an alien in the house, 207 00:11:27.799 --> 00:11:31.720 so you know what adult would believe that as their 208 00:11:31.759 --> 00:11:34.159 first effort, like, yeah, there's just just an alien from 209 00:11:34.159 --> 00:11:37.399 outer space, just from another planet in my house that 210 00:11:37.480 --> 00:11:39.159 my kids are interacting with and brought home. 211 00:11:40.039 --> 00:11:43.080 Everything's fine, honestly, And like her version of the movie, 212 00:11:43.080 --> 00:11:45.000 I'm sure she's like, this is the last thing I 213 00:11:45.039 --> 00:11:47.919 need right now, Like in the scene where she finally 214 00:11:47.960 --> 00:11:49.840 sees et on the ground and she picks the kids 215 00:11:49.840 --> 00:11:51.519 and she's like what the lock Like I'm sure in 216 00:11:51.559 --> 00:11:54.320 her head she's like all this stuff and now they've 217 00:11:54.360 --> 00:11:57.240 brought this dying animal into the house and they want 218 00:11:57.279 --> 00:12:00.159 me to be cool, because I do think we're I 219 00:12:00.240 --> 00:12:02.120 also want to give her a lot of credit, and 220 00:12:02.159 --> 00:12:02.759 I don't know how. 221 00:12:02.919 --> 00:12:04.759 I do think she's doing this somewhat consciously. 222 00:12:05.559 --> 00:12:08.480 Is she's she's making an effort not to take out 223 00:12:08.519 --> 00:12:11.120 any of these feelings on the kids, which I think 224 00:12:11.200 --> 00:12:14.080 is really great given how we can see. 225 00:12:13.879 --> 00:12:15.840 How frazzled she is the whole movie. 226 00:12:16.600 --> 00:12:19.320 The only time she really raises her voice is one 227 00:12:19.360 --> 00:12:22.440 out of genuine like shock and fear, which the most scenes, 228 00:12:22.799 --> 00:12:24.960 but like when they're all misbehaving when they go out 229 00:12:24.960 --> 00:12:27.799 in the backyard in the beginning and she's trying to 230 00:12:27.799 --> 00:12:28.279 get them all. 231 00:12:28.240 --> 00:12:28.759 To chill out. 232 00:12:29.480 --> 00:12:33.240 And what I really like as like a child therapist 233 00:12:33.279 --> 00:12:36.759 and a family therapist is when the Mexico scene happens 234 00:12:37.519 --> 00:12:40.840 in the beginning of the movie, when they finally let 235 00:12:40.879 --> 00:12:44.440 it slip, which also sucks because then that means that 236 00:12:45.000 --> 00:12:47.399 there's some secret keeping going on. Maybe you'll talk about 237 00:12:47.399 --> 00:12:52.039 the siblings, Hannah, but there's some responsibility the kids are 238 00:12:52.039 --> 00:12:55.919 feeling to like not tell mom everything for whatever reason. 239 00:12:56.080 --> 00:12:59.120 And I do appreciate that she gets up and walks 240 00:12:59.120 --> 00:13:01.720 away from the table and goes to the sink, and 241 00:13:01.759 --> 00:13:04.559 she tries to act normal, but she's clearly like upset, 242 00:13:05.480 --> 00:13:08.240 and ye she's crying. They can tell she's upset because 243 00:13:08.279 --> 00:13:11.480 they're all human beings. But I do appreciate that she 244 00:13:12.320 --> 00:13:15.519 even those moments when she's muttering around Mexico she's really 245 00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:20.039 doing that by herself, Like she's not talking really ill 246 00:13:20.080 --> 00:13:21.639 about their dad in front of them, Like she has 247 00:13:21.639 --> 00:13:23.200 the bad moment where she says like, you don't even 248 00:13:23.279 --> 00:13:26.559 like Mexico in front of them, But to me that 249 00:13:26.559 --> 00:13:29.120 felt more like a human moment, Like I do feel 250 00:13:29.159 --> 00:13:32.639 like she's seems to be trying her best to not 251 00:13:32.759 --> 00:13:36.039 spill any of her bullshit onto the kids, maybe because 252 00:13:36.080 --> 00:13:37.759 the dad is doing all this stuff, which I think 253 00:13:37.840 --> 00:13:40.279 is what happens when I work with families or something 254 00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:44.039 like this is going on, is that there's one parent 255 00:13:44.200 --> 00:13:47.039 who's trying to like keep their shit together, usually the 256 00:13:47.039 --> 00:13:51.799 primary caregiver parent and show up well sometimes because the 257 00:13:51.879 --> 00:13:55.759 other parent is doing whatever the fuck they want and 258 00:13:56.919 --> 00:14:00.480 like they're so this I deal a lot with parents 259 00:14:01.039 --> 00:14:03.720 as individual clients where they're really just trying to like 260 00:14:03.840 --> 00:14:07.840 keep everything stable in reaction to the other parent kind 261 00:14:07.919 --> 00:14:11.080 of causing so much disruption in the family. And I 262 00:14:11.080 --> 00:14:13.080 think you're seeing that here too. And so she's also 263 00:14:13.519 --> 00:14:15.200 I think trying to put on a brave face, like 264 00:14:15.200 --> 00:14:17.919 even her dressing up for Halloween, I feel like, is 265 00:14:17.960 --> 00:14:20.799 her trying to put on a brave face for her 266 00:14:20.879 --> 00:14:24.240 kids while she is like tore up inside and we're 267 00:14:24.240 --> 00:14:28.559 seeing it leak out in these moments when she's like Mexico. Like, 268 00:14:28.600 --> 00:14:31.720 are these little beats that I really like that Steven 269 00:14:31.720 --> 00:14:33.360 Spielberg puts in here, which I feel like is the 270 00:14:33.399 --> 00:14:36.320 Spielberg like sauce where he can put these little moments 271 00:14:36.320 --> 00:14:39.759 into movies to make them feel more like special and human. 272 00:14:40.399 --> 00:14:43.279 And I feel like, I really this is like the 273 00:14:43.279 --> 00:14:47.240 first time I really was impressed by the use of 274 00:14:47.279 --> 00:14:49.320 the mom in this movie to do a lot of that, 275 00:14:49.639 --> 00:14:51.879 because I feel like in any other movie the parents' 276 00:14:51.879 --> 00:14:53.879 is not around and you don't know why they're not 277 00:14:53.960 --> 00:14:56.519 around and why the kids getting away with all this stuff, 278 00:14:56.960 --> 00:14:59.879 or like, yeah, like where the parents are just MIAs 279 00:15:00.080 --> 00:15:03.480 usually the lazy storywriting version of this, And I like 280 00:15:03.519 --> 00:15:06.799 with this version that she feels like a full character 281 00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:11.399 and these beats help you understand how plot wise this 282 00:15:11.440 --> 00:15:14.440 is all unfolding. But yeah, like even she lets Elliott 283 00:15:14.480 --> 00:15:16.720 stay home because she thinks he's sick, well, he tells 284 00:15:16.720 --> 00:15:20.159 he's sick. She comes home and his room is fucking wrecked, 285 00:15:20.679 --> 00:15:23.000 and even then she doesn't yell at him. She's just 286 00:15:23.120 --> 00:15:25.720 like this room, what she say, this isn't a room. 287 00:15:25.919 --> 00:15:27.720 This is like an accident. 288 00:15:29.360 --> 00:15:29.600 You know. 289 00:15:29.720 --> 00:15:31.720 So I feel like she's trying to keep her cool 290 00:15:33.080 --> 00:15:36.039 while she's probably just fucking burnout of shit though I 291 00:15:36.039 --> 00:15:37.799 don't even know she has the energy to be like 292 00:15:38.200 --> 00:15:40.200 I can't believe her almost like this, She's just like, well, 293 00:15:41.320 --> 00:15:42.600 and now your room's destroyed. 294 00:15:42.799 --> 00:15:45.879 I'm gonna go have a glass of wine. 295 00:15:46.440 --> 00:15:50.919 Yeah, And I feel like this is a I do 296 00:15:50.960 --> 00:15:53.120 feel like she's trying really hard to keep her shit together. 297 00:15:53.559 --> 00:15:55.159 She's trying really hard to not take it out in 298 00:15:55.200 --> 00:15:58.360 her kids, and those are some things that can be 299 00:15:58.399 --> 00:16:00.919 really hard to do when you're at this age of 300 00:16:01.600 --> 00:16:04.320 being separated, but also having all the weight put on 301 00:16:04.360 --> 00:16:07.360 you or all the weight always being on you, and 302 00:16:07.399 --> 00:16:09.480 now being in a position where you absolutely have no 303 00:16:09.519 --> 00:16:12.039 one who can help or no one who can be supportive. 304 00:16:12.519 --> 00:16:14.919 So I feel like it makes a lot of sense. 305 00:16:15.960 --> 00:16:20.000 I have always had nice feelings about the mom, I 306 00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:23.279 think in general, and I think it's because she's not 307 00:16:23.799 --> 00:16:26.639 bad mouthing the dad in front of the kids. But 308 00:16:26.759 --> 00:16:30.320 also my experience of divorce was very My parents are 309 00:16:30.399 --> 00:16:32.799 very unwell people, and so it was very intense all 310 00:16:32.840 --> 00:16:36.320 the time. But even like this common like my dad 311 00:16:36.320 --> 00:16:38.960 would just be gone, and like you just didn't know 312 00:16:39.000 --> 00:16:40.519 when you were going to see him again or if 313 00:16:40.519 --> 00:16:42.360 you were going to see him again. So it was 314 00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:47.159 always like this constant So your parents always in this 315 00:16:47.279 --> 00:16:50.120 constant sense of like just trying to make shit work. 316 00:16:50.720 --> 00:16:52.799 And I feel like that's really where we're seeing her 317 00:16:53.200 --> 00:16:55.320 in this portrayal of her. 318 00:16:56.159 --> 00:16:59.840 Yeah, I think it's really important to connect to the 319 00:17:00.120 --> 00:17:03.120 humanity you see here and that she is, even though 320 00:17:03.159 --> 00:17:07.480 she has some moments where she does not behave optimally 321 00:17:08.160 --> 00:17:14.279 who does? Who can? And especially in circumstances where life 322 00:17:14.359 --> 00:17:17.000 is happening to you right now, in all of the 323 00:17:17.039 --> 00:17:23.440 ways simultaneously, all of the third standard deviation, the most rare, 324 00:17:23.559 --> 00:17:28.839 ridiculous things are happening. The impact and destruction that has 325 00:17:28.960 --> 00:17:32.160 on your your psyche, your sanity, your sense of self. 326 00:17:32.480 --> 00:17:35.359 These little moments like you're saying that Spielberg put in, 327 00:17:35.720 --> 00:17:38.519 we see the devastation, Like she's in her Halloween costume 328 00:17:38.759 --> 00:17:41.240 and she's just sitting by herself. 329 00:17:41.279 --> 00:17:43.920 That scene makes my stomach hurt. I don't like that scene. 330 00:17:44.119 --> 00:17:45.599 It's too much, it's too real. 331 00:17:46.519 --> 00:17:50.279 The kids are all old enough that they abandon her. 332 00:17:50.359 --> 00:17:53.440 She's clearly it was like looking forward to like doing 333 00:17:53.480 --> 00:17:55.839 the thing, and I assume she would have done that 334 00:17:55.920 --> 00:17:59.279 with her husband and whatever party they would have gone to, 335 00:17:59.319 --> 00:18:02.880 and does go to a party, she goes somewhere they. 336 00:18:03.359 --> 00:18:05.480 I don't know, because I really feel she's just setting 337 00:18:05.519 --> 00:18:07.200 in her costume at home, which is happening to. 338 00:18:07.200 --> 00:18:09.440 Herself, I think, to make herself happy. 339 00:18:09.599 --> 00:18:11.400 Yeah, I think she was going somewhere, but I think 340 00:18:11.440 --> 00:18:13.440 she was just really trying to like be the like 341 00:18:13.519 --> 00:18:15.880 happy mom Halloween. 342 00:18:16.319 --> 00:18:18.599 Yeah, yeah, I think, I mean, I think all of that. 343 00:18:18.640 --> 00:18:20.720 And then once the kids are out, I think she 344 00:18:20.799 --> 00:18:24.960 was really counting on maybe taking Gerdye around. But Girty's 345 00:18:25.000 --> 00:18:28.240 part of the plan, and then that's true. Mom is 346 00:18:28.279 --> 00:18:29.839 just kind of by herself. But she gets in a 347 00:18:29.880 --> 00:18:31.119 car and goes somewhere. 348 00:18:31.680 --> 00:18:34.240 Does she yep, Well, she goes to look for the 349 00:18:34.319 --> 00:18:37.079 kids because they haven't come home. Like she's stomping around 350 00:18:37.119 --> 00:18:37.799 outside by. 351 00:18:37.680 --> 00:18:40.000 The car and is like where these kids? Where the 352 00:18:40.000 --> 00:18:40.720 fuck are these kids? 353 00:18:40.799 --> 00:18:41.000 Yeah? 354 00:18:41.079 --> 00:18:43.119 Yeah, and that's why she gets that's where she's going. 355 00:18:43.759 --> 00:18:45.400 But no, I don't feel that she doesn't really have 356 00:18:45.440 --> 00:18:46.240 a social life. 357 00:18:46.440 --> 00:18:49.759 I feel like there's one scene where like off screen 358 00:18:49.960 --> 00:18:53.599 she kind of like answers the phone or calls someone. 359 00:18:53.640 --> 00:18:56.519 It sounds like maybe she's talking to a friend, like hey, Charmaine, 360 00:18:56.559 --> 00:18:59.720 like that kind of tone. But that's it, and so 361 00:19:00.759 --> 00:19:02.839 we don't really know. Yeah, we just don't know a 362 00:19:02.839 --> 00:19:05.799 lot like this movie does a good job of not 363 00:19:05.839 --> 00:19:08.920 worrying about giving us too many details, but enough details 364 00:19:08.920 --> 00:19:12.200 that we get the vibe right because also like thinking 365 00:19:12.200 --> 00:19:16.720 about the time period, you know, and all the truly 366 00:19:16.799 --> 00:19:18.680 I would I'm with you, Ben, like kind of wild 367 00:19:18.720 --> 00:19:20.640 choices she makes with leaving the kids home alone, even 368 00:19:20.640 --> 00:19:22.599 though I know there's a part of that's a little 369 00:19:23.160 --> 00:19:25.680 of the time, but you know, I wonder if she 370 00:19:25.960 --> 00:19:28.440 was working before, like if she had to start working again, 371 00:19:28.960 --> 00:19:31.720 and that's why she's doing things like letting Elliott stay 372 00:19:31.759 --> 00:19:34.480 home sick by himself, Like can she find childcare? 373 00:19:34.960 --> 00:19:36.000 Does she have childcare? 374 00:19:36.119 --> 00:19:38.799 Doesn't seem like there's any family around, Like there's nobody 375 00:19:39.839 --> 00:19:42.200 family wise we hear anything about from either side of 376 00:19:42.240 --> 00:19:44.319 the family. They are living in I think Los Angeles 377 00:19:44.400 --> 00:19:47.240 because of that overhead that shot, that famous shot look 378 00:19:47.240 --> 00:19:50.640 out spot shots. So they don't maybe they're transplants, I 379 00:19:50.640 --> 00:19:56.240 don't know, but they definitely feel also like a very 380 00:19:56.359 --> 00:19:58.160 I don't know there is something kind of lonely about 381 00:19:58.200 --> 00:20:01.160 the family, like they do feel like they've got each other, 382 00:20:01.799 --> 00:20:05.559 and that's kind of it. I think that when you 383 00:20:06.079 --> 00:20:09.039 go through a separation like that, that's that is as 384 00:20:09.119 --> 00:20:12.400 unexpected as what it sounds like that. 385 00:20:15.880 --> 00:20:21.839 I lost my kind of thought, ring ing ing, I will. 386 00:20:23.079 --> 00:20:25.920 Yeah, So I think that when a family is going 387 00:20:26.000 --> 00:20:29.240 through a change like this that's kind of unexpected, that 388 00:20:29.359 --> 00:20:32.200 there is a lot of there is a lot of 389 00:20:32.240 --> 00:20:35.039 isolation that I think that the kids feel and the 390 00:20:35.079 --> 00:20:37.720 family feels because it feels like you're not like other families. 391 00:20:38.440 --> 00:20:41.319 It feels like, you know, your parents couldn't figure it out. 392 00:20:41.680 --> 00:20:46.200 I mean, it feels very much like it's really hard 393 00:20:46.279 --> 00:20:50.279 to not feel lonely and isolated, especially if there was 394 00:20:50.319 --> 00:20:52.720 a parent. I mean, we see the one scene with 395 00:20:53.000 --> 00:20:56.240 the with Mike and Elliott. They're talking about something that 396 00:20:56.279 --> 00:20:58.480 their dad used to take them to. I never really 397 00:20:58.559 --> 00:21:01.599 noticed that scene that much before, but that was gut wrenching. 398 00:21:02.160 --> 00:21:05.599 It really was like them remembering doing fun stuff with their. 399 00:21:05.519 --> 00:21:08.000 Dad and like smelling the shirt and. 400 00:21:07.920 --> 00:21:10.079 That it doesn't really happen anymore, and that it doesn't 401 00:21:10.079 --> 00:21:12.559 happen anymore, and like they it seems like the kids 402 00:21:12.559 --> 00:21:15.279 don't know when they'll see him again, you know, and 403 00:21:15.319 --> 00:21:17.680 so I feel like there is a sense of isolation. 404 00:21:17.799 --> 00:21:19.519 There's a sense of I feel like also in some 405 00:21:19.559 --> 00:21:21.680 ways there's even a sense of like, is there something 406 00:21:21.720 --> 00:21:25.160 wrong with us the reason that ways why he's not here. Yeah, 407 00:21:25.240 --> 00:21:28.039 there definitely is a mild vibe that like Dad has 408 00:21:28.079 --> 00:21:32.240 ditched us, because yeah, when they're reminiscing in the garage, 409 00:21:32.279 --> 00:21:35.960 I believe smelling his shirt and they're talking about remember 410 00:21:36.000 --> 00:21:40.039 when Dad would take us to the movies and to games, 411 00:21:40.839 --> 00:21:43.559 and they're talking about it as if like remember when, 412 00:21:44.400 --> 00:21:47.799 like they're nostalgic at the age of like ten and 413 00:21:47.920 --> 00:21:50.119 fifteen about the times they used to have with their dad. 414 00:21:50.440 --> 00:21:52.599 And then Mike says that'll happen again one day or 415 00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:55.759 something like that, that'll happen again sometime soon. It's such 416 00:21:55.799 --> 00:21:58.880 a common thing for an older sibling to say, like 417 00:21:59.000 --> 00:22:01.920 I literally remember. We're saying something similar to my siblings 418 00:22:01.920 --> 00:22:04.759 of like, hey, like he forgot this time, but he 419 00:22:04.799 --> 00:22:06.720 won't forget next time. My dad used to do a 420 00:22:06.720 --> 00:22:10.720 lot of forgetting us on the weekends, and so there 421 00:22:10.759 --> 00:22:12.200 was a lot of explanation around that. 422 00:22:12.240 --> 00:22:12.839 A lot of the time. 423 00:22:12.839 --> 00:22:15.720 But I literally remember saying something like that to my siblings. 424 00:22:16.839 --> 00:22:22.200 That makes sense, and I think something interesting along these 425 00:22:22.240 --> 00:22:24.799 lines that I just looked up. I was trying to 426 00:22:24.799 --> 00:22:27.640 figure out when the time period is. So this movie 427 00:22:28.000 --> 00:22:30.839 takes place in eighty two, right, so. 428 00:22:31.319 --> 00:22:34.039 It came out on June eleventh, nineteen eighty two. I 429 00:22:34.039 --> 00:22:35.240 looked it up because I wanted to know if I 430 00:22:35.279 --> 00:22:37.079 was born yet, So I was not. 431 00:22:38.039 --> 00:22:43.519 Nineteen eighty one was the peak of divorce rate in 432 00:22:43.599 --> 00:22:45.680 the country, so these kids might not have been so 433 00:22:46.759 --> 00:22:50.440 alone in that eighty two was the start of a decline. 434 00:22:50.920 --> 00:22:53.640 But a lot of people would this is this is 435 00:22:53.720 --> 00:22:55.839 right when women could get credit cards and things and 436 00:22:55.880 --> 00:22:58.720 weren't trapped in marriages at the same rate. 437 00:22:58.799 --> 00:23:01.200 I would argue to say that women are still trapped 438 00:23:01.200 --> 00:23:04.039 in marriages. Well, but you're either here or no there, No, 439 00:23:04.119 --> 00:23:05.920 you're right, like, this is the time of women had 440 00:23:05.920 --> 00:23:08.319 a lot more systemic autonomy. 441 00:23:07.880 --> 00:23:13.319 Systemic autonomy, right, like at least a way out that 442 00:23:13.400 --> 00:23:16.720 they could get credit themselves, not saying that there aren't 443 00:23:16.759 --> 00:23:19.279 other systemic things that would keep them trapped, because of 444 00:23:19.319 --> 00:23:23.359 course they know that the world is fucked and being 445 00:23:23.599 --> 00:23:26.240 born female comes with the host of problems aren't fair. 446 00:23:27.079 --> 00:23:31.039 We'll just accept that. But the thing that I think 447 00:23:31.599 --> 00:23:33.759 recognizing is that there's probably quite a few of their 448 00:23:33.799 --> 00:23:37.960 friends that are also going through crazy divorce and all 449 00:23:38.039 --> 00:23:41.960 the stuff that's that's happening, and realizing these kids maybe 450 00:23:42.039 --> 00:23:44.079 might not feel it as alone in this as we should, 451 00:23:44.119 --> 00:23:47.240 but also still their world is flying apart, so everything 452 00:23:47.279 --> 00:23:50.799 that they knew, regardless of if other people are also 453 00:23:50.839 --> 00:23:54.400 going through it, is still collapsing in this sadness of 454 00:23:55.240 --> 00:23:58.279 looking at them like trying to remember the way their 455 00:23:58.319 --> 00:24:02.920 dad's deodorant would smell like old spice, and the older 456 00:24:02.960 --> 00:24:06.519 brother cracking that going like nope, that's babreeze or whatever. 457 00:24:08.640 --> 00:24:11.839 The sound of voices and the smells of things disappear 458 00:24:11.880 --> 00:24:16.240 from our mind really fast, but old factory senses are 459 00:24:17.079 --> 00:24:21.279 the strongest and most powerful reactions we have, So that 460 00:24:22.960 --> 00:24:27.319 scene really would call up a lot of responses for 461 00:24:27.400 --> 00:24:30.599 these kids, that the feelings of being forgotten and left 462 00:24:30.599 --> 00:24:33.079 behind and that you'd never have that again, and that 463 00:24:33.599 --> 00:24:36.559 rush of emotion they'd be getting from that smell can't 464 00:24:36.599 --> 00:24:41.039 be replicated by anything else. Smell is our most powerful 465 00:24:41.440 --> 00:24:43.880 react to your old factory smell. And taste, because that's 466 00:24:43.880 --> 00:24:46.200 what keeps us from eating shit that's rotten. It's our 467 00:24:46.319 --> 00:24:51.119 most potent memory. Things smell of a perfume can transport 468 00:24:51.160 --> 00:24:54.480 you through time, and these kids experiencing that was put 469 00:24:54.519 --> 00:24:56.400 in on purpose to be tragic. 470 00:24:57.599 --> 00:24:59.799 I would say that as much as I agree that 471 00:25:00.160 --> 00:25:02.680 divorce is happening all across the board, it was still 472 00:25:02.759 --> 00:25:07.799 something that was pretty taboo at the time because I 473 00:25:07.880 --> 00:25:08.359 know that. 474 00:25:09.480 --> 00:25:11.000 We didn't talk to it. 475 00:25:11.319 --> 00:25:12.680 We didn't talk to it, and I mean that was 476 00:25:12.680 --> 00:25:14.240 probably could also have been just a thing in my 477 00:25:14.319 --> 00:25:16.839 family because there's so much stuff that we wouldn't talk about. 478 00:25:17.319 --> 00:25:19.799 But like we didn't tell anybody what was ever going 479 00:25:19.839 --> 00:25:21.880 on with our family because it was like a big 480 00:25:21.920 --> 00:25:24.359 deal if you got divorced, like that meant something. I 481 00:25:24.400 --> 00:25:28.599 felt like in the nineties when that was when I 482 00:25:28.759 --> 00:25:35.440 was like maybe in like fourth grade, probably it probably 483 00:25:35.440 --> 00:25:36.880 had been divorced twice by then. 484 00:25:37.240 --> 00:25:40.519 I want to say, maybe three times something like that. 485 00:25:40.839 --> 00:25:43.039 So anyway, but I just I'm remembering the time and 486 00:25:43.119 --> 00:25:45.599 like it wasn't something that we were talking about with 487 00:25:45.599 --> 00:25:48.200 our friends, Like it wasn't something that came up back then. 488 00:25:49.079 --> 00:25:54.680 No, No, And the just because it was a historic high, 489 00:25:54.799 --> 00:25:58.640 doesn't mean it would have been something that was socially acceptable. 490 00:25:58.640 --> 00:26:04.400 On being othered is never good in humanity, and feeling 491 00:26:04.519 --> 00:26:08.519 othered and just trying to survive but feeling like all 492 00:26:08.599 --> 00:26:10.359 eyes are on you is not good. 493 00:26:10.920 --> 00:26:13.920 But I would say that the t shirt smelling scene 494 00:26:14.440 --> 00:26:17.079 or the shirt selling scene does seem to like that 495 00:26:17.279 --> 00:26:19.920 confirms that they haven't seen their dad in a while, 496 00:26:20.920 --> 00:26:23.200 at least not in a way that feels fun like 497 00:26:23.240 --> 00:26:27.440 that or positive like that. And also, though I know 498 00:26:27.559 --> 00:26:31.119 they sort of put a stamp on the dad thing 499 00:26:31.119 --> 00:26:33.799 in the movie by saying he's in Mexico, right, but 500 00:26:33.839 --> 00:26:38.000 I do think there is something somewhat telling that none 501 00:26:38.039 --> 00:26:42.160 of the kids, Michael or Elliott, make any attempt to 502 00:26:42.279 --> 00:26:45.519 reach out to their dad, even in Mexico when all 503 00:26:45.599 --> 00:26:49.880 this shit gets crazy, like when the government comes and 504 00:26:49.920 --> 00:26:52.960 they're quarantined, and like Michael just falls asleep in the closet. 505 00:26:53.839 --> 00:26:55.440 You know, maybe that was the time you can't do 506 00:26:55.519 --> 00:26:56.960 long distant goals to Mexico. 507 00:26:57.079 --> 00:26:58.799 Who knows if they even know where he's staying or anything, 508 00:26:59.359 --> 00:27:01.480 but I think it does feel it as if he's 509 00:27:01.480 --> 00:27:03.079 even telling the truth about where he is. In the 510 00:27:03.079 --> 00:27:03.880 first fucking place. 511 00:27:04.200 --> 00:27:06.480 Well true, and they made a point if like on 512 00:27:06.559 --> 00:27:10.599 the TV to show like the long distance calls being expensive. 513 00:27:11.200 --> 00:27:13.079 I assume that also wasn't an accident. They had a 514 00:27:13.079 --> 00:27:18.000 commercial like, oh, it's Uncle Kenny. It's so far away, 515 00:27:18.079 --> 00:27:21.359 it's so expensive, this must be an important call that. 516 00:27:21.599 --> 00:27:22.759 I don't think that was an accident. 517 00:27:23.759 --> 00:27:27.279 But I just think it's telling that the Dad is 518 00:27:27.400 --> 00:27:31.920 like a void that you don't really hear the kids 519 00:27:32.359 --> 00:27:35.160 other than Elliott saying in the beginning, Dad would have 520 00:27:35.200 --> 00:27:37.079 believed me, which I think is more him just trying 521 00:27:37.119 --> 00:27:40.000 to make a point with Mom. There aren't really any 522 00:27:40.160 --> 00:27:43.559 conversations happening of like I wish we could call Dad, 523 00:27:43.599 --> 00:27:47.319 I wish Dad was here, Like Dad is a non entity. 524 00:27:47.599 --> 00:27:50.359 His memory is there, but like him as like an 525 00:27:50.400 --> 00:27:52.640 adult in their life that they would feel comfortable reaching 526 00:27:52.680 --> 00:27:55.240 out to when they want him for help, isn't. 527 00:27:55.039 --> 00:27:57.279 There, right, Yeah, it's clear that they all understand that 528 00:27:57.400 --> 00:28:00.640 Dad sucks right now, if not always or most of 529 00:28:00.680 --> 00:28:04.359 the time, Like Dad has sucked from X time period 530 00:28:04.359 --> 00:28:05.680 except for the time when he didn't. 531 00:28:05.920 --> 00:28:08.319 He's just not in the equation, Like these kids aren't 532 00:28:08.319 --> 00:28:10.640 thinking of him as part of the equation. At all, really, 533 00:28:12.079 --> 00:28:14.000 And I think that really shows What that really makes 534 00:28:14.039 --> 00:28:16.440 me think of is like Dad has been disconnected from 535 00:28:16.480 --> 00:28:19.480 the kids for quite some time, that it hasn't just 536 00:28:19.519 --> 00:28:21.759 been the six months that he's been gone. The way 537 00:28:21.799 --> 00:28:23.720 that those two kids looked at them looked at each 538 00:28:23.720 --> 00:28:25.880 other when they talked about that shirt and talked about 539 00:28:25.880 --> 00:28:27.880 the fun stuff they used to get to do, that 540 00:28:27.920 --> 00:28:30.960 didn't sound like that happened a year ago. That happened 541 00:28:31.000 --> 00:28:33.960 like it had been maybe a couple of years since 542 00:28:34.000 --> 00:28:38.319 that had happened. So it also feels like they are 543 00:28:38.400 --> 00:28:41.680 also grieving, which is a natural part of this experience 544 00:28:41.680 --> 00:28:45.000 of grieving stuff with their dad. And when Elliott, what 545 00:28:45.079 --> 00:28:47.759 I thought when Elliott said that was Dad would believe me, 546 00:28:47.799 --> 00:28:49.359 is that that just came out of his mouth like 547 00:28:49.400 --> 00:28:51.119 that was the thought he was having in his brain 548 00:28:51.720 --> 00:28:53.960 of like, oh, I bet if I told Dad he 549 00:28:54.000 --> 00:28:57.160 would believe me, like not like yes, maybe to step 550 00:28:57.200 --> 00:29:00.000 on mom's toes, but also just like a natural response. 551 00:29:00.720 --> 00:29:02.559 He said it the way my braddy ass would have 552 00:29:02.559 --> 00:29:04.680 said it at that age, which is Doubl'll believe me, 553 00:29:05.000 --> 00:29:07.759 like I think he said it to get mom's goat, 554 00:29:07.799 --> 00:29:10.119 which I respect. I'm not gonna. I mean, it was a. 555 00:29:10.039 --> 00:29:11.519 Braddy thing to say, and I think he said it 556 00:29:11.559 --> 00:29:13.599 on purpose, But I don't mean I don't think he's 557 00:29:13.640 --> 00:29:16.720 thinking hard enough about it at all, because I do 558 00:29:16.759 --> 00:29:19.680 think we're about to slide into the next part, which 559 00:29:19.720 --> 00:29:22.319 is the sibling dynamic. Is there anything else we want 560 00:29:22.400 --> 00:29:24.839 to say more about the systemic change with than the family. 561 00:29:25.720 --> 00:29:29.119 No, I think we've covered it, and taking a break 562 00:29:29.119 --> 00:29:32.119 here would make sense. So let's do that. Let's take 563 00:29:32.119 --> 00:29:36.559 that break, and we'll come back and talk about sibling dynamics. 564 00:29:37.319 --> 00:29:39.880 So I think once again we're going to talk about 565 00:29:39.880 --> 00:29:43.880 the dinner table scene with the Mexico conversation where No, 566 00:29:43.920 --> 00:29:46.759 I'm thinking of the one later when I think this 567 00:29:46.839 --> 00:29:50.519 show also does I think this movie also does a 568 00:29:50.519 --> 00:29:55.559 good job of showing how siblings relationships can change too 569 00:29:55.640 --> 00:29:58.920 when there is a system change like this, Because in 570 00:29:58.960 --> 00:30:01.599 that same conversation we been talking about where they let 571 00:30:01.599 --> 00:30:06.400 it spill that Dad's in Mexico, the whole kind of 572 00:30:06.440 --> 00:30:10.480 cascading situation that happens, the beats that happen right after that, 573 00:30:10.640 --> 00:30:15.920 where Mike gets mad at Elliott because Mom's upset in 574 00:30:16.000 --> 00:30:19.200 the corner of the kitchen and Mike is clocking mom 575 00:30:19.200 --> 00:30:22.119 and being like, you're you okay, and holding each other 576 00:30:22.200 --> 00:30:26.200 responsible as the children for Mom's feelings. Even though, like 577 00:30:26.240 --> 00:30:28.119 I said, I give mom credit, I don't feel like 578 00:30:28.160 --> 00:30:31.559 she's trying her best to not make the kids very 579 00:30:31.559 --> 00:30:34.079 aware of what a wreck she is as much as 580 00:30:34.079 --> 00:30:38.720 she's sort of not pulling it off. Is how it 581 00:30:38.759 --> 00:30:42.000 will also change the sibling dynamic, where there's more of 582 00:30:42.039 --> 00:30:45.359 a sometimes a police and going on of what's happening. 583 00:30:46.640 --> 00:30:48.160 I was going to say that I feel like a 584 00:30:48.240 --> 00:30:51.200 part of the reason why we don't hear them talk 585 00:30:51.200 --> 00:30:53.599 about dad is because they're worried about upsetting their mom. 586 00:30:54.720 --> 00:30:57.319 And that's the reason why he feels so distant in conversation, 587 00:30:58.000 --> 00:31:00.160 because that's one of the things that I remember. My 588 00:31:00.200 --> 00:31:02.680 parents were horrible about each other when we were together, 589 00:31:03.039 --> 00:31:05.240 so like they'd both talk shit about each other, say 590 00:31:05.279 --> 00:31:08.200 all kinds of horrible things, and then when we would 591 00:31:08.200 --> 00:31:11.119 come back, both parents did this. When we would come back, 592 00:31:11.160 --> 00:31:12.720 they would ask, what did your mom say about me? 593 00:31:12.799 --> 00:31:16.240 What did your dad say about me? Like that's the 594 00:31:16.359 --> 00:31:18.480 kind of end. Like, luckily that doesn't sound like that 595 00:31:18.559 --> 00:31:20.559 is happening, but it sounds like this is more about 596 00:31:20.559 --> 00:31:25.240 the kids protecting mom than it is about them not 597 00:31:25.440 --> 00:31:27.039 wanting to reach out to dad. 598 00:31:27.400 --> 00:31:32.640 Which tracks because we see Elliott get shitty and Mom 599 00:31:32.680 --> 00:31:35.720 break down. Dad would have believe me, and then she 600 00:31:37.279 --> 00:31:39.519 That leads to see Brittany was describing earlier. She's at 601 00:31:39.559 --> 00:31:45.240 the sink and clearly weeping, and that tracks. 602 00:31:45.799 --> 00:31:47.839 Yeah, but it is always such a bummer, And I 603 00:31:47.839 --> 00:31:51.000 give why kids do it, because I did shit like 604 00:31:51.039 --> 00:31:52.400 that with like my siblings. 605 00:31:52.720 --> 00:31:56.960 I'm the oldest where we would and I look. 606 00:31:56.839 --> 00:31:58.440 Back on this, and of course I don't look back 607 00:31:58.440 --> 00:32:00.680 on it fondly in terms of like how I behaved 608 00:32:00.720 --> 00:32:05.640 at times is where we would hold each other accountable 609 00:32:05.799 --> 00:32:10.359 for upsetting our mom and something sort of similar, and 610 00:32:10.400 --> 00:32:12.519 how unfair that is that we as kids will do 611 00:32:12.559 --> 00:32:15.359 that to each other, Like you shouldn't have said that, 612 00:32:15.440 --> 00:32:17.000 or you should been thinking about how mom feels, Like 613 00:32:17.039 --> 00:32:18.799 what does Mike say? Why are you so selfish? Why 614 00:32:18.920 --> 00:32:21.680 you think about other people? And it's like you're all children, 615 00:32:21.839 --> 00:32:24.559 you know what I mean? Like you're gonna say silly things, 616 00:32:24.599 --> 00:32:26.920 You're gonna put your foot in your mouth, like that's 617 00:32:26.960 --> 00:32:29.359 part of being a kid. You shouldn't have to worry 618 00:32:29.400 --> 00:32:31.240 about it. And even though their mom doesn't seem to 619 00:32:31.279 --> 00:32:34.759 be asking that of them, I think it's very telling 620 00:32:34.839 --> 00:32:38.359 that Mike is kind of holding, which is what happens. 621 00:32:38.400 --> 00:32:42.880 The older sibling, who's more aware of how mom is feeling, 622 00:32:42.960 --> 00:32:46.039 is probably more aware of the dynamics of what's going on. 623 00:32:46.079 --> 00:32:48.839 Mike's probably the one who's in the most know with 624 00:32:49.240 --> 00:32:51.559 what's going on with Dad, And just because he has 625 00:32:51.599 --> 00:32:55.079 more knowledge, he's got he's lived more life, he's of 626 00:32:55.160 --> 00:32:57.160 dating age, like, he kind of has more of a 627 00:32:57.440 --> 00:33:01.279 sense of what's going on, and him trying to make 628 00:33:01.359 --> 00:33:04.960 mom feel better by clamping down on the younger kids 629 00:33:05.440 --> 00:33:08.599 in a way that's not fair, and they're not going 630 00:33:08.680 --> 00:33:10.799 to realize how unfair that is until, like, I don't know, 631 00:33:11.240 --> 00:33:12.519 ten twenty years. 632 00:33:13.039 --> 00:33:15.720 Do you see Mike's friends, He is a year away 633 00:33:15.759 --> 00:33:21.599 from dating age. They're playing D and D and headphones, 634 00:33:21.680 --> 00:33:25.440 riding bikes. I guess he's a year away from dating age. 635 00:33:26.279 --> 00:33:28.480 He's on the football teams. He's got help but like 636 00:33:30.759 --> 00:33:35.400 and like fighting, but nobody what you're saying. 637 00:33:35.440 --> 00:33:37.720 And he's more aware of like who Sally is to 638 00:33:37.880 --> 00:33:39.960 Dad than the other two siblings. 639 00:33:40.079 --> 00:33:42.599 Yeah, for sure, he knows whats the fus up. He's 640 00:33:42.680 --> 00:33:43.319 like one. 641 00:33:43.359 --> 00:33:46.359 He probably talks with Mom more privately like it, just 642 00:33:46.359 --> 00:33:49.640 like he probably leans on him more just because he's 643 00:33:49.799 --> 00:33:52.599 he's so much older to like, fifteen is a big 644 00:33:52.680 --> 00:33:58.039 jump from ten, and so he's gonna naturally be asked 645 00:33:58.279 --> 00:34:00.400 to do more and to be more up. 646 00:34:00.960 --> 00:34:02.720 And he's already doing this stuff like back in the car. 647 00:34:02.640 --> 00:34:04.599 Out of the driveway, I only know how to drive 648 00:34:04.599 --> 00:34:10.320 in reverse, and so's it's such a real moment when 649 00:34:10.360 --> 00:34:13.760 he gets mad at Elliott, as if Elliot should know better, 650 00:34:13.800 --> 00:34:15.960 and it's like he's ten, He's not going to understand 651 00:34:16.760 --> 00:34:20.280 the nuanced machinations of what's happening. 652 00:34:20.199 --> 00:34:23.320 Right truly, No, of course not, I mean and when 653 00:34:24.519 --> 00:34:27.920 that's the fun of fifteen year olds is that they 654 00:34:28.920 --> 00:34:31.840 think that they are so grown up in adult and 655 00:34:31.880 --> 00:34:34.920 that they understand the world. But what they don't understand 656 00:34:35.039 --> 00:34:38.000 is that the ten year old doesn't remotely have the 657 00:34:38.039 --> 00:34:41.440 cognitive capacity that you do at all, and he doesn't 658 00:34:41.480 --> 00:34:44.159 see the world the way that you do and know 659 00:34:44.320 --> 00:34:46.519 he shouldn't just know what you know. 660 00:34:47.119 --> 00:34:50.360 And also, Mike, if you are really that worry about mom, 661 00:34:50.400 --> 00:34:52.679 why are you stressing her up? But ordering pizza without 662 00:34:52.679 --> 00:34:55.639 her permission for the D and D party and causing 663 00:34:55.639 --> 00:34:58.360 so much hubbub and not let Elliott play like they're 664 00:34:58.400 --> 00:35:00.920 also causing your own stuff, which is fine because you're 665 00:35:00.920 --> 00:35:03.679 also fifteen. You're not supposed to be not able to 666 00:35:03.920 --> 00:35:06.320 break the rules and act up a little bit and 667 00:35:06.360 --> 00:35:10.239 act like a teenager, but it is. 668 00:35:10.880 --> 00:35:12.320 I don't know if I'm going inwhere. 669 00:35:12.079 --> 00:35:16.320 With that, but I think that that tiny little scene 670 00:35:16.360 --> 00:35:19.679 in the movie is such a good example of how 671 00:35:19.719 --> 00:35:23.599 the sibling dynamic can be impacted by divorce, even if 672 00:35:24.719 --> 00:35:29.400 the parent isn't really asserting that, especially in this situation 673 00:35:29.480 --> 00:35:33.239 where there's the parent that stays and the parent that left, 674 00:35:33.639 --> 00:35:36.599 and how the kids can be very protective of the 675 00:35:36.639 --> 00:35:38.119 parent that stays. Well. 676 00:35:38.159 --> 00:35:40.760 I know we talked about the idea of a parentified 677 00:35:40.880 --> 00:35:43.320 child a lot in other episodes. I'm not going to 678 00:35:43.360 --> 00:35:46.280 go into that, but I was surprised to see that 679 00:35:46.800 --> 00:35:51.400 Mike only takes a little bit of the parentified child role. 680 00:35:51.840 --> 00:35:54.760 He still kind of feels like older brother, not necessarily 681 00:35:54.920 --> 00:35:58.840 he's been put in charge of the other kids, like 682 00:35:59.119 --> 00:36:01.239 Mom leans on him him a little bit more, but 683 00:36:01.320 --> 00:36:06.119 it didn't feel like she was making him a coping No. 684 00:36:06.199 --> 00:36:09.480 I agree, which is part of why I reap for 685 00:36:09.559 --> 00:36:12.800 this mom is that I think he's like he's going 686 00:36:12.800 --> 00:36:16.480 to football practice, He's coming in when he's done with practice. 687 00:36:16.760 --> 00:36:19.199 He's not like rushing home because he is to watch 688 00:36:19.239 --> 00:36:22.159 his brother. He's yeah, you're right, Like he still feels 689 00:36:22.199 --> 00:36:23.760 like a big brother in a out of ways who's 690 00:36:23.880 --> 00:36:26.800 just a little bit more keen in and probably has 691 00:36:26.840 --> 00:36:28.760 had to grow up a little bit. But I also 692 00:36:28.800 --> 00:36:31.519 think the eat we haven't even talked about, the fucking alien, 693 00:36:31.679 --> 00:36:35.000 the et of it all, the fucking alien in this movie, 694 00:36:35.400 --> 00:36:37.960 I think that also makes him grow up too, But 695 00:36:38.119 --> 00:36:40.119 he does. He is a very good big brother, Like 696 00:36:40.199 --> 00:36:43.360 I think about him going I mean Jonathan from Stranger 697 00:36:43.360 --> 00:36:46.079 Things is obviously ripped right off of him, but like 698 00:36:46.199 --> 00:36:50.480 him going to get et when Elliott can't find him. 699 00:36:50.519 --> 00:36:52.239 Like they do a really good job, which I think 700 00:36:52.320 --> 00:36:55.880 is also something that happens with siblings when something happens 701 00:36:55.920 --> 00:36:59.440 in their family, is they can also bond together and 702 00:36:59.480 --> 00:37:02.159 get really protective of each other. And I think you 703 00:37:02.239 --> 00:37:05.199 see that happen in this movie, where they do a 704 00:37:05.199 --> 00:37:08.599 good job of like taking care of each other and 705 00:37:08.719 --> 00:37:11.159 like keeping secrets in a way that I think is 706 00:37:11.199 --> 00:37:15.239 not age and appropriate for kids, you know, especially with 707 00:37:15.280 --> 00:37:18.679 something so bat shit as finding an alien. And also 708 00:37:18.719 --> 00:37:20.000 I'm sure there's a part of them that's like, Mom 709 00:37:20.039 --> 00:37:24.519 can't handle this. Mom's got enough going on besides an 710 00:37:24.559 --> 00:37:27.000 alien that I have snuck into our home and I'm 711 00:37:27.079 --> 00:37:29.599 keeping in our closet after she has told me expressly 712 00:37:30.280 --> 00:37:31.199 to leave it alone. 713 00:37:31.760 --> 00:37:33.079 Whatever's going on outside. 714 00:37:33.400 --> 00:37:37.159 I mean, And there's there's so much stranger things in ET, 715 00:37:37.360 --> 00:37:40.800 especially season one, but there's there's so much. I thought 716 00:37:40.800 --> 00:37:42.719 that too. I was like, as you're talking about Mom, 717 00:37:42.719 --> 00:37:46.000 I was thinking, like, oh my god, season one, Karen 718 00:37:46.000 --> 00:37:48.880 Wheeler is this mom and. 719 00:37:48.920 --> 00:37:52.559 Joy Spires too. You get that combo of them both 720 00:37:53.159 --> 00:37:53.599 that too. 721 00:37:53.920 --> 00:37:57.280 Joyce is, yeah, her like being distressed and stuff. But 722 00:37:57.960 --> 00:38:01.599 I thought about Karen because even though the dead is present, 723 00:38:01.719 --> 00:38:09.719 he's a fucking potato and her managing everything by herself, 724 00:38:09.760 --> 00:38:13.320 even though Joyce is doing that too and frazzled. Joyce 725 00:38:13.360 --> 00:38:15.599 gains a lot more power, a lot faster takes care 726 00:38:15.599 --> 00:38:17.559 in a couple of seasons to gain some power. She's 727 00:38:18.280 --> 00:38:21.239 kind of frazzled and just lost for a while, and 728 00:38:21.239 --> 00:38:23.599 I'm like, I'm going to I'm doing this by myself, 729 00:38:23.599 --> 00:38:28.159 like just oblivious to what's going on, including that there 730 00:38:28.239 --> 00:38:33.800 is a child in her basement that does not belong 731 00:38:33.960 --> 00:38:39.280 to her and she's just totally ripped from this mom. 732 00:38:39.400 --> 00:38:44.679 And I mean, of course it is, but man, the 733 00:38:44.719 --> 00:38:48.679 sibling dynamics. Looking at this, mom must be doing a 734 00:38:48.679 --> 00:38:52.639 pretty good job to keep these kids living kid life, 735 00:38:53.280 --> 00:38:58.400 because none of them seem to be really feeling older 736 00:38:58.400 --> 00:39:01.400 than they're supposed to be. Seems to be keeping them 737 00:39:01.800 --> 00:39:05.679 kind of age appropriate, Like Gerty's still walking around with 738 00:39:05.719 --> 00:39:08.679 a dolly and thinking about being a cowgirl and being 739 00:39:09.079 --> 00:39:14.239 a kid, and Elliott is still more or less operating 740 00:39:14.280 --> 00:39:16.119 like a ten year old, and Mike is operating like 741 00:39:16.119 --> 00:39:18.360 a fifteen year old. He may need to be pulled 742 00:39:18.400 --> 00:39:20.639 aside and be like, hey, bro, I know you got 743 00:39:20.800 --> 00:39:24.719 your your friends here, and like, but bro. 744 00:39:25.800 --> 00:39:28.000 At some point, well that part of it too made 745 00:39:28.000 --> 00:39:31.519 me wonder, going back to the family dynamic changing, is 746 00:39:31.760 --> 00:39:33.920 mom kind of in this weird period with the kids 747 00:39:33.960 --> 00:39:36.480 where she's like they're like testing her authority a little 748 00:39:36.480 --> 00:39:38.360 bit too, like I told you not to do that, 749 00:39:38.400 --> 00:39:41.239 Like there's no like I'm going to tell your father anymore. 750 00:39:41.840 --> 00:39:44.159 You know, if she was more of the softer parent. 751 00:39:44.239 --> 00:39:47.800 Dad was the harder parent. Then there were some few 752 00:39:47.800 --> 00:39:49.519 moments in the movie, especially in the beginning, where I 753 00:39:49.599 --> 00:39:52.599 was like, Oh, she's trying to assert her authority and 754 00:39:52.599 --> 00:39:54.159 they're not listening. 755 00:39:53.880 --> 00:39:55.199 And I wonder if that has to do with the 756 00:39:55.280 --> 00:39:56.679 change in the dynamic. 757 00:39:56.880 --> 00:40:00.960 Maybe, And actually, I actually, as you're talking about this, 758 00:40:01.079 --> 00:40:06.679 I found myself wondering if Mike is reverting a little 759 00:40:06.719 --> 00:40:11.039 bit and he's not maybe even being encouraged to age, 760 00:40:11.960 --> 00:40:15.360 because like, thinking about being a fifteen year old football player, 761 00:40:15.400 --> 00:40:17.159 like the last goddamn place I'd be was in my 762 00:40:17.239 --> 00:40:20.360 house growing up, Like that was the last place I 763 00:40:20.440 --> 00:40:26.400 was trying to be. And then he's there playing games 764 00:40:26.400 --> 00:40:29.239 with his friends, who are all also clearly a little 765 00:40:29.280 --> 00:40:34.000 emotionally regressed. And I wonder if mom's not doing a 766 00:40:34.039 --> 00:40:37.679 ton to encourage him to also grow up that maybe 767 00:40:37.960 --> 00:40:40.159 would have been done had Dad been in the picture. 768 00:40:40.159 --> 00:40:44.760 And that's keeping there more tight knit sibling dynamic present, 769 00:40:44.800 --> 00:40:47.960 which is probably easier for her that she's kind of 770 00:40:48.639 --> 00:40:51.719 the system is requiring him to be around more, which 771 00:40:51.760 --> 00:40:54.719 is keeping him more grounded to his younger siblings than 772 00:40:54.719 --> 00:40:58.719 his older peers. He's got football posters on the wall 773 00:40:58.760 --> 00:41:02.199 and he's clearly wearing a Joe Antana new jersey non 774 00:41:02.280 --> 00:41:04.519 jersey because they didn't license the things to say in them. 775 00:41:04.559 --> 00:41:09.199 But he's connecting to that stuff but not quite yet 776 00:41:09.280 --> 00:41:14.880 hitting the teenage puberty, girl crazy, etc. That we typically 777 00:41:14.920 --> 00:41:18.559 see starting to emerge around this time. It's the crossover time. 778 00:41:18.599 --> 00:41:21.000 So it's an interesting one for him because some kids 779 00:41:21.000 --> 00:41:24.360 figure out like, oh girls exist, sorry, bro right around 780 00:41:24.360 --> 00:41:26.840 this stage, but other times they don't, and they stick 781 00:41:26.840 --> 00:41:30.760 to their pack of friends who maybe need reminders to 782 00:41:30.800 --> 00:41:32.840 shower a little too often. 783 00:41:33.719 --> 00:41:38.639 Still, yeah, I was thinking a little bit about how 784 00:41:39.559 --> 00:41:44.079 they are. How a part of Mike still being fifteen 785 00:41:44.280 --> 00:41:46.639 and still feeling like he's not being asked to do 786 00:41:46.719 --> 00:41:49.920 a lot of different things is also because I'm curious 787 00:41:50.000 --> 00:41:54.400 if Dad didn't really do a lot and maybe Mom's 788 00:41:54.440 --> 00:41:56.960 always done a lot. And it also made me think 789 00:41:57.000 --> 00:42:00.280 of the pushing back and trying to assert themselves in 790 00:42:00.280 --> 00:42:03.000 a different way because maybe dad. Maybe that's how Dad 791 00:42:03.039 --> 00:42:06.599 treated mom, And sometimes kids can pick up on that 792 00:42:07.840 --> 00:42:09.840 because that's how they see their dad treats their mom. 793 00:42:09.920 --> 00:42:12.039 We don't know that, we won't know that, but it's 794 00:42:12.079 --> 00:42:14.840 just something that popped into my head. Too, because sometimes 795 00:42:15.079 --> 00:42:18.119 the way that we see people interact in relationships is 796 00:42:18.119 --> 00:42:20.480 the way that we also think that relationships should go, 797 00:42:20.960 --> 00:42:23.400 because that's the only kind of relationships we've been shown. 798 00:42:24.199 --> 00:42:26.880 So if dad like walked all over mom a little bit, Yeah, 799 00:42:26.920 --> 00:42:29.920 and maybe the kids walk over mom a little bit too. 800 00:42:31.159 --> 00:42:34.000 Or just didn't do shit and they leave her to do. 801 00:42:33.960 --> 00:42:35.360 It, yeah, exactly. 802 00:42:37.519 --> 00:42:40.920 But I think you're making a good point about Mike 803 00:42:41.159 --> 00:42:45.079 probably is a little stunted just because also in this 804 00:42:45.159 --> 00:42:49.280 situation where your dad's kind of fucked off and you 805 00:42:49.360 --> 00:42:52.400 have siblings that are so much younger than you, and 806 00:42:52.719 --> 00:42:55.239 you probably don't feel I could see in his position 807 00:42:55.280 --> 00:42:58.159 feeling like I can't go fuck off as much myself 808 00:42:58.280 --> 00:43:01.639 right now, Like I can't go party or just go 809 00:43:01.679 --> 00:43:04.719 off to friend's houses, like feeling more inclined to, Hey, 810 00:43:04.880 --> 00:43:07.679 come play D and D at our house, you know, 811 00:43:08.679 --> 00:43:11.679 trying to maybe spend more time around your younger siblings 812 00:43:11.719 --> 00:43:15.039 in a way that keeps you more Yeah, just keeps 813 00:43:15.079 --> 00:43:19.159 you more stuck in that time, because I could see me, 814 00:43:19.280 --> 00:43:22.159 even if I wasn't prentified, just wanting to maybe be 815 00:43:22.239 --> 00:43:25.679 around more and and just not feeling is able to 816 00:43:25.800 --> 00:43:28.400 like fuck off and do stuff that I wanted to 817 00:43:28.400 --> 00:43:30.719 do because Mom might need me to do the dishes 818 00:43:30.840 --> 00:43:33.119 or something like that in a way that I wouldn't 819 00:43:33.119 --> 00:43:36.079 think of if this change in the family hadn't happened. 820 00:43:37.119 --> 00:43:40.880 That's all very possible, And it seems like maybe Mike 821 00:43:41.000 --> 00:43:43.440 is not even aware that he's picking up on that, 822 00:43:43.480 --> 00:43:46.119 But Mom does, you know, frequently ask them to like 823 00:43:46.199 --> 00:43:49.239 keep an eye on Gerdy, so they are getting a 824 00:43:49.239 --> 00:43:50.840 bit of that role. I don't find that to be 825 00:43:51.760 --> 00:43:54.079 too much more than I think any parent would ask 826 00:43:54.719 --> 00:43:55.920 look after your little sister. 827 00:43:56.639 --> 00:43:58.840 Well, and also she's doing it for like can I 828 00:43:58.960 --> 00:44:02.000 watch her so I can take a shower, Like she's 829 00:44:02.039 --> 00:44:04.400 asking them to watch Gerty so she can do basic 830 00:44:04.440 --> 00:44:07.000 at stuff, not so she can like go have fun 831 00:44:07.039 --> 00:44:09.440 with friends or go fuck off you know what I mean, 832 00:44:09.440 --> 00:44:12.920 a fuck off herself. Like she's asking for basic stuff 833 00:44:12.960 --> 00:44:16.199 because well, even though she does leave Gerdy by herself 834 00:44:16.239 --> 00:44:18.679 in the house, which is wild once she goes to 835 00:44:18.800 --> 00:44:21.800 But I guess if you're I feel like if she 836 00:44:21.880 --> 00:44:24.159 was my client, I could see how she would tell 837 00:44:24.199 --> 00:44:26.039 me that I'm like and she would feel shamed about 838 00:44:26.079 --> 00:44:29.400 it like I was, So I could see her reflecting 839 00:44:29.400 --> 00:44:30.880 on them being like I can't believe I did that, 840 00:44:31.960 --> 00:44:35.039 but her being so swept up in like the school's calling. 841 00:44:35.039 --> 00:44:38.960 Like I've worked with plenty of parents that are ragged 842 00:44:39.079 --> 00:44:42.159 like that and they just have to make not great 843 00:44:42.920 --> 00:44:46.599 split decisions in the moment because they don't have support. 844 00:44:46.800 --> 00:44:50.719 But any who, I feel like we're going away from 845 00:44:50.840 --> 00:44:52.360 going back into So I know there'stuff you want to 846 00:44:52.400 --> 00:44:55.639 say about siblings, Sanna, Yeah, so it just really makes 847 00:44:55.639 --> 00:44:57.199 me think of you know, we've been talking a little 848 00:44:57.239 --> 00:44:59.239 bit here and there about how the kids seem really 849 00:44:59.239 --> 00:45:01.800 bonded to each other. The kids really seem like their 850 00:45:01.840 --> 00:45:05.719 own little group, which is really which, like you said, 851 00:45:05.760 --> 00:45:07.599 based on the ages, you know, can be kind of 852 00:45:07.599 --> 00:45:12.079 hard to do. I'm the oldest of the children that 853 00:45:12.119 --> 00:45:16.880 my mother physically had, and I had that big of 854 00:45:16.920 --> 00:45:17.719 age range. 855 00:45:17.719 --> 00:45:19.440 Me and my brother Nick are ten years apart. 856 00:45:19.760 --> 00:45:22.480 Me and my youngest sibling Abby are twelve years apart, 857 00:45:22.480 --> 00:45:25.400 and Megan were eleven years apart. So I had a 858 00:45:25.440 --> 00:45:28.840 lot of but I did everything. I mean, I picked 859 00:45:28.840 --> 00:45:30.800 everybody up from school, I took people to school, I 860 00:45:30.800 --> 00:45:32.679 took him to practice, I picked him up for practice, 861 00:45:32.719 --> 00:45:35.239 like I did all the things. So what I don't 862 00:45:35.239 --> 00:45:39.119 think Mike is either a not being asked yet or 863 00:45:39.119 --> 00:45:41.639 maybe his mom really is trying to avoid putting him 864 00:45:41.679 --> 00:45:43.880 in that position the much as much as she can, 865 00:45:44.480 --> 00:45:48.079 you know. So, I feel like what I really like 866 00:45:48.119 --> 00:45:49.960 about the way that the kids talk to each other 867 00:45:50.119 --> 00:45:52.360 is that he does a really good job. Steven Spielberg 868 00:45:52.360 --> 00:45:54.039 does a really good job of showing what kids are 869 00:45:54.039 --> 00:45:56.840 like when they're siblings, and I feel like that's something 870 00:45:56.840 --> 00:45:59.440 I've always enjoyed about his films. And I feel like 871 00:45:59.480 --> 00:46:02.239 the way that they kind of tease each other but 872 00:46:02.280 --> 00:46:05.119 then also have their backs when something's happening right away, 873 00:46:05.679 --> 00:46:08.159 The way that they both talk to Gerty and this 874 00:46:08.360 --> 00:46:10.559 kind of like they understand that she's younger, but they 875 00:46:10.559 --> 00:46:13.199 also try to include her. But she also kind of 876 00:46:13.280 --> 00:46:15.480 knows the rules about like the things she's allowed to 877 00:46:15.480 --> 00:46:17.599 do and not allowed to do in some ways I 878 00:46:17.599 --> 00:46:23.280 feel like with her brothers. And I feel like that 879 00:46:23.320 --> 00:46:27.800 can be really common when parents are getting divorced, because 880 00:46:27.840 --> 00:46:30.360 in some ways, like I said, it kids isolating a 881 00:46:30.440 --> 00:46:32.719 little bit and you. 882 00:46:32.719 --> 00:46:34.159 Really need to have each other's backs. 883 00:46:34.199 --> 00:46:36.280 It could also be something where what if mom and 884 00:46:36.360 --> 00:46:39.000 dad fought all the time, something that I would do 885 00:46:39.000 --> 00:46:40.679 as a kid whose parents fought all the time, was 886 00:46:40.719 --> 00:46:43.000 take all my siblings into a room so they couldn't 887 00:46:43.039 --> 00:46:45.679 hear what was happening. So again, it makes me curious 888 00:46:45.679 --> 00:46:47.400 if this family has seen a little bit more of 889 00:46:47.440 --> 00:46:50.440 that maybe, and that's another part of that's another reason 890 00:46:50.440 --> 00:46:52.760 why they're so bonded to each other. But I really 891 00:46:52.840 --> 00:46:56.599 enjoy the way that they problem solve together, the way 892 00:46:56.679 --> 00:46:59.519 that yes, Mike has to see the alien before he 893 00:46:59.559 --> 00:47:02.519 believes that, but also, what fifteen year old brother, What 894 00:47:02.559 --> 00:47:04.800 fifteen year old sibling wouldn't feel the same way if 895 00:47:04.800 --> 00:47:07.440 you're youngest, if your ten year old sibling told you 896 00:47:07.480 --> 00:47:09.280 there was an alien and that they had it proof 897 00:47:09.320 --> 00:47:11.639 in their bedroom, you'd be like, yeah, okay, the exact 898 00:47:11.719 --> 00:47:15.159 way that Mike acts when he's in that room, it 899 00:47:15.320 --> 00:47:19.280 makes a lot of sense. But I think what we're 900 00:47:19.400 --> 00:47:25.320 seeing is that when one parent is gone, it's really 901 00:47:25.360 --> 00:47:29.239 tricky for the family. No matter how involved their dad 902 00:47:29.320 --> 00:47:32.440 was or wasn't, it's really tricky to see who's going 903 00:47:32.519 --> 00:47:35.519 to stand in a different place. As we know, families 904 00:47:35.559 --> 00:47:38.039 all have different roles. Everybody has a different role in 905 00:47:38.079 --> 00:47:41.480 the family, and when one main person is now out 906 00:47:41.519 --> 00:47:45.360 of that group, we all have to readjust and readapt 907 00:47:45.519 --> 00:47:48.960 to how we can now work this dynamic that has 908 00:47:49.000 --> 00:47:52.960 now been completely changed. And that's a big part of 909 00:47:53.000 --> 00:47:55.079 what I feel like I see or talk about with 910 00:47:55.159 --> 00:47:58.320 people who either their parents were divorced when they were young, 911 00:47:58.639 --> 00:48:01.079 or even parents who were even adults who have parents 912 00:48:01.079 --> 00:48:04.679 who are divorcing now, Like, that's a big part of 913 00:48:05.360 --> 00:48:07.960 managing and figuring out how are we going to interact 914 00:48:07.960 --> 00:48:11.599 in the family now, And it can be tricky because 915 00:48:11.639 --> 00:48:14.480 everybody's trying to figure out their place. And so I 916 00:48:14.519 --> 00:48:17.480 also feel like some of the behavior that Elliott has, 917 00:48:17.800 --> 00:48:21.119 some of the behavior that Mike has towards mom, just 918 00:48:21.280 --> 00:48:23.599 makes a lot of sense because their kids and they're 919 00:48:23.639 --> 00:48:25.880 going through something where the person that they thought was 920 00:48:25.920 --> 00:48:27.800 always going to be there is not going to be there, 921 00:48:27.840 --> 00:48:29.639 and maybe we don't know when they're gonna see them 922 00:48:29.679 --> 00:48:34.599 again again. I'm not saying he's dead, but like in 923 00:48:34.679 --> 00:48:38.639 movies in the eighties, dads often just like disappear and 924 00:48:38.679 --> 00:48:41.960 we never hear from them again. So it's like, so 925 00:48:42.039 --> 00:48:44.440 I feel like their closeness makes a lot of sense. 926 00:48:44.480 --> 00:48:46.360 And I was just talking with my brother the other 927 00:48:46.440 --> 00:48:48.519 day and we were talking a little bit about how 928 00:48:48.519 --> 00:48:50.920 close we felt together because we went through so much 929 00:48:50.960 --> 00:48:53.400 together and then we're always together. 930 00:48:53.599 --> 00:48:55.840 It was always all of us, but we played together. 931 00:48:56.559 --> 00:48:57.280 I cooked for. 932 00:48:57.280 --> 00:48:59.840 Everyone, like there were all these things that we did 933 00:49:00.039 --> 00:49:02.079 together all of the time. So there's also this kind 934 00:49:02.159 --> 00:49:06.800 of almost like a little bit of like a stronger 935 00:49:07.000 --> 00:49:10.280 connection to each other when you know that something is 936 00:49:10.400 --> 00:49:13.119 changing in your family and you're all gonna and everything's 937 00:49:13.159 --> 00:49:15.440 gonna have to change in one way or another. And 938 00:49:15.480 --> 00:49:17.440 so I feel like the dynamic that we see between 939 00:49:17.480 --> 00:49:19.039 the kids makes a lot of sense, and I think 940 00:49:19.119 --> 00:49:21.639 is very natural and normal for what would happen if 941 00:49:21.639 --> 00:49:22.480 a parent. 942 00:49:22.719 --> 00:49:26.000 Just dipped become to box card children. 943 00:49:26.519 --> 00:49:30.760 I uce read those books, and you're right in that, 944 00:49:31.199 --> 00:49:34.199 Like the scene with the T shirt is if nothing else, 945 00:49:34.280 --> 00:49:36.239 like even if you have friends and stuff like that, 946 00:49:36.320 --> 00:49:38.719 and Mike clearly has a lot of friends, that. 947 00:49:38.559 --> 00:49:41.320 Will that our true rider dies literally. 948 00:49:41.960 --> 00:49:46.480 Is no one like when you're sibling with someone like 949 00:49:46.519 --> 00:49:48.519 you're the only people that have are in the same 950 00:49:48.559 --> 00:49:51.639 situation as much as the same situation as you can 951 00:49:51.679 --> 00:49:52.920 be in as two individuals. 952 00:49:53.239 --> 00:49:54.360 And so even those moments. 953 00:49:54.119 --> 00:49:57.800 Are spelling the shirt are moments where they can commiserate 954 00:49:58.400 --> 00:50:01.800 in a way where like we know what's like support groups. 955 00:50:01.880 --> 00:50:05.840 I know that you know what I know and that 956 00:50:05.880 --> 00:50:08.760 you know how I feel, and that we can commiserate 957 00:50:08.800 --> 00:50:10.679 in a way. And I think it is beautiful into 958 00:50:10.760 --> 00:50:14.440 a lot about how naturally emotional and a positive way 959 00:50:14.480 --> 00:50:17.079 these kids are. That they can have that kind of 960 00:50:17.079 --> 00:50:19.960 conversation with each other that's so like touching and sweet. 961 00:50:20.400 --> 00:50:23.239 And Mike does a good job of reassuring him and 962 00:50:23.320 --> 00:50:27.760 he doesn't do like a toxic eighties guy thing of 963 00:50:27.840 --> 00:50:30.280 like blow him off, And that's something I think that 964 00:50:30.400 --> 00:50:32.119 goes through the whole movie, Like they have those moments 965 00:50:32.159 --> 00:50:36.159 of teasing each other, like threatening to tear apart Girty's 966 00:50:36.239 --> 00:50:38.800 doll and stuff like that. Like they have these moments 967 00:50:38.840 --> 00:50:43.920 that are like true sibling situations worth how truly loving 968 00:50:43.920 --> 00:50:46.840 but also how truly ruthless you can be with your 969 00:50:46.840 --> 00:50:51.639 siblings and just your siblings specifically, And also how much 970 00:50:51.760 --> 00:50:55.199 they care about each other and take care of each 971 00:50:55.239 --> 00:50:57.360 other and support each other. 972 00:50:57.519 --> 00:50:58.280 Is really sweet. 973 00:50:58.360 --> 00:51:02.840 Like they do take each other seriously once the aliens 974 00:51:02.840 --> 00:51:05.199 in the mix, Once the aliens in the mix, they 975 00:51:05.239 --> 00:51:08.400 treat each other seriously from jump they do, And I 976 00:51:08.400 --> 00:51:11.039 think It's really sweet that they again, once they see 977 00:51:11.039 --> 00:51:14.639 the alien, everybody is on is on the same page 978 00:51:14.639 --> 00:51:17.079 and understand, Like even Girty understands. I mean, she doesn't 979 00:51:17.119 --> 00:51:19.840 super understand because she tries to show e t to 980 00:51:19.960 --> 00:51:23.320 the mom almost immediately, but but like. 981 00:51:23.400 --> 00:51:25.559 In some aspects she did understand a little bit. 982 00:51:26.000 --> 00:51:28.039 So I mean, they do tell her that only grown 983 00:51:28.119 --> 00:51:31.000 ups can or that grown ups can't see them, only kids. 984 00:51:31.280 --> 00:51:35.920 Yeah, oh, I forgot that they say that to her. Yeah, okay, yeah, 985 00:51:36.159 --> 00:51:37.199 that makes a lot of sense. 986 00:51:37.639 --> 00:51:40.760 But I really appreciate the sibling dynamic in this, and 987 00:51:40.840 --> 00:51:43.159 I really appreciate that it felt that it feels so 988 00:51:43.239 --> 00:51:45.360 real and so natural and doesn't make kids out to 989 00:51:45.400 --> 00:51:48.760 be brats or whatever, like we just have three kids 990 00:51:48.800 --> 00:51:50.679 who are trying to ADJUSTI with this to the fact 991 00:51:50.719 --> 00:51:52.800 that they now have an alien living in their home 992 00:51:53.000 --> 00:51:55.920 and also their dad's gone. It is curious though, that 993 00:51:56.000 --> 00:52:01.079 like Elliott doesn't seem to have any friends, and that 994 00:52:01.320 --> 00:52:04.159 even in the end when he needs help, it's Mike's friends, 995 00:52:04.199 --> 00:52:07.920 and so it does make me curious also why that's happening. 996 00:52:08.480 --> 00:52:11.360 And then I do think something that's very older sibling 997 00:52:11.519 --> 00:52:16.840 esque is tolerating your younger sibling kind of hanging around 998 00:52:16.880 --> 00:52:18.599 the D and D table, wanted to be part of 999 00:52:18.639 --> 00:52:21.079 the group. Letting them kind of tag along and have 1000 00:52:21.199 --> 00:52:24.760 nicknames with your friends, letting them ingratiate themselves a bit more. 1001 00:52:24.800 --> 00:52:26.960 As if you're like, well, my younger brother, for some reason, 1002 00:52:27.000 --> 00:52:30.840 he can't fucking make any friends, So having some like loving, 1003 00:52:31.679 --> 00:52:34.559 so having some patience with him, even though that patience 1004 00:52:34.599 --> 00:52:37.960 also includes being called what do they call him? What 1005 00:52:38.079 --> 00:52:39.519 is him and his friend? They call each other back 1006 00:52:39.559 --> 00:52:43.239 and forth. No, but when they're in front of the bus, 1007 00:52:43.280 --> 00:52:46.880 the school bus, and they're like, oh, he calls them 1008 00:52:46.880 --> 00:52:47.679 like something Latin. 1009 00:52:48.679 --> 00:52:50.599 Do you know what I'm talking about? I know the scene. 1010 00:52:50.840 --> 00:52:52.880 I the scene, but I don't I can't think of 1011 00:52:53.000 --> 00:52:54.079 what they call each other. 1012 00:52:54.400 --> 00:52:56.519 I just keep thinking penis breath and that's not what 1013 00:52:56.559 --> 00:52:56.880 they read. 1014 00:52:57.480 --> 00:53:00.440 Well, And that's also something, honestly, like I feel for 1015 00:53:00.480 --> 00:53:02.519 the mom too, like she's trying to catch these moments 1016 00:53:02.519 --> 00:53:05.239 when they're swearing and like using bad language towards each other. 1017 00:53:05.440 --> 00:53:07.800 Well, they call each other, well, they just like douchebag 1018 00:53:07.960 --> 00:53:08.599 and penis. 1019 00:53:08.599 --> 00:53:11.519 And she's stop saying that a douchebag in this house. 1020 00:53:11.559 --> 00:53:13.320 That's what she says, Yeah. 1021 00:53:13.119 --> 00:53:17.920 I was watching this with me and Caroline and Ava 1022 00:53:18.119 --> 00:53:22.760 and Eva is eight and watching this is going like, 1023 00:53:23.400 --> 00:53:23.920 oh my. 1024 00:53:23.800 --> 00:53:26.639 God, penis breath. She knows it now, she. 1025 00:53:26.679 --> 00:53:32.360 Knows what that somebody and it's gonna happen, and I'm like, god, 1026 00:53:32.440 --> 00:53:35.360 damn it. Thanks eighties movie. 1027 00:53:35.480 --> 00:53:37.960 Well, you have the benefit of her being the eldest siblings, 1028 00:53:37.960 --> 00:53:41.079 so she'll learner from movies, whereas a kid like Gertie 1029 00:53:41.119 --> 00:53:43.840 is probably already saying penis breath because they've been hearing 1030 00:53:43.840 --> 00:53:47.039 that word. Like the scene where in Gertie says, what 1031 00:53:47.079 --> 00:53:49.199 you gotta be kidding me or something, but she like 1032 00:53:49.440 --> 00:53:52.239 doesn't buy what they're selling. Is such like the youngest 1033 00:53:52.239 --> 00:53:55.519 sibling of like much older siblings look a little bit 1034 00:53:55.519 --> 00:53:56.440 more wise to it. 1035 00:53:56.960 --> 00:54:00.320 Ava probably has ADHD because both me and her mother 1036 00:54:00.440 --> 00:54:02.719 have it, so there's like a zero percent chance she's 1037 00:54:02.760 --> 00:54:05.320 not going to And she told me the other day 1038 00:54:05.360 --> 00:54:09.480 that she can't hear us when she's focused on something else, 1039 00:54:09.480 --> 00:54:11.079 and I just like put my head in my hands 1040 00:54:11.119 --> 00:54:12.519 and went like fuck. 1041 00:54:14.480 --> 00:54:17.039 Because I know what that means. 1042 00:54:18.320 --> 00:54:21.239 Well, no suspicions connfirm. 1043 00:54:21.800 --> 00:54:23.639 It's like I can't help, but I get here, like, 1044 00:54:23.800 --> 00:54:29.679 uh shit, but her little sister already will say when 1045 00:54:29.719 --> 00:54:31.840 we're trying to get her to do something, and she's 1046 00:54:31.840 --> 00:54:33.679 two and a half, she's hyperverbal. 1047 00:54:33.679 --> 00:54:36.000 This kid knows so many words, it's amazing. But she's 1048 00:54:36.039 --> 00:54:40.400 just like one second and Ava loves to tell us 1049 00:54:40.599 --> 00:54:43.920 one second or one minute, and like Emma now does it, 1050 00:54:44.000 --> 00:54:45.360 and we're like, a. 1051 00:54:47.199 --> 00:54:47.480 Fuck. 1052 00:54:48.320 --> 00:54:50.599 It annoys the shit out of you with one, but 1053 00:54:50.679 --> 00:54:52.840 when the other one does it, and it's just like 1054 00:54:53.559 --> 00:54:56.440 uses it perfectly in context because their sibling did it. 1055 00:54:56.519 --> 00:55:01.480 You're like the parental brain lights on fire. Your soul 1056 00:55:01.760 --> 00:55:06.119 turns into magma, and you try not to light everyone 1057 00:55:06.199 --> 00:55:13.039 on fire with your destruction. And it's maddening. And just 1058 00:55:13.119 --> 00:55:16.440 think thinking about like, oh my god, his kids are 1059 00:55:16.440 --> 00:55:18.280 in here calling each other penis breath and you know, 1060 00:55:18.360 --> 00:55:23.119 Elliott didn't invent that. That came from playing D and 1061 00:55:23.199 --> 00:55:26.840 D with his friends. And even though Mike begrudgingly doesn't 1062 00:55:26.880 --> 00:55:30.360 stick up for him but doesn't object to him playing, 1063 00:55:30.679 --> 00:55:33.199 knowing full well the kid wants to play and doesn't 1064 00:55:33.440 --> 00:55:36.239 maybe have friends, wants to connect, wants to play, needs 1065 00:55:36.280 --> 00:55:39.559 a group, and has a character sheet in his fucking hands. 1066 00:55:40.280 --> 00:55:43.079 Mike is like, well, oh no, the turance is to doom. 1067 00:55:43.159 --> 00:55:46.400 So we have a little you tool ask him and 1068 00:55:46.519 --> 00:55:48.559 other kids like, of course you can play. 1069 00:55:48.760 --> 00:55:49.599 But it's very. 1070 00:55:49.480 --> 00:55:53.559 Much like Mike is both saving face as a teenager 1071 00:55:53.800 --> 00:55:56.199 with his friends of like not letting his ten year 1072 00:55:56.239 --> 00:55:59.599 old brother play, but at the same time having a 1073 00:55:59.599 --> 00:56:03.920 soft for Mike and probably wanting him to not wanting 1074 00:56:04.000 --> 00:56:06.519 him to play, but also wanting him to play simultaneously. 1075 00:56:06.760 --> 00:56:09.039 It's a tough quander to be in, but also something 1076 00:56:09.079 --> 00:56:12.920 about picking up like Gertie picking up on oldest sibling things. 1077 00:56:13.119 --> 00:56:14.280 She calls their. 1078 00:56:14.119 --> 00:56:19.679 Mom Mary once and then and then Mike calls her 1079 00:56:19.719 --> 00:56:22.599 Mary later, and so there are moments in which the 1080 00:56:22.719 --> 00:56:26.000 kids call their mom Mary, which is very interesting to me, 1081 00:56:26.039 --> 00:56:28.000 and I was like, that's such an interesting little like 1082 00:56:28.679 --> 00:56:31.320 I think what I love about this movie is that 1083 00:56:31.519 --> 00:56:35.280 and the older movies do this better I think than nowadays, 1084 00:56:35.320 --> 00:56:37.679 where they say that what they write movies for the 1085 00:56:37.679 --> 00:56:39.400 person in the other room, they write movies so you 1086 00:56:39.440 --> 00:56:44.800 can be on your phone. Is dropping these little naturalistic 1087 00:56:44.960 --> 00:56:48.559 like lore moments that they don't ever explain, like we 1088 00:56:48.639 --> 00:56:51.000 never know why the kids will sometimes call their mom Mary. 1089 00:56:51.559 --> 00:56:54.559 It's just something that's like lived in in their household, 1090 00:56:55.519 --> 00:56:57.880 and I and I wish there was more of that 1091 00:56:58.000 --> 00:57:00.960 nowadays without it getting beaten to death online about like 1092 00:57:00.960 --> 00:57:02.280 why did the kids sometimes. 1093 00:57:01.920 --> 00:57:03.360 Call her mom Mary. I don't know. 1094 00:57:03.440 --> 00:57:05.079 Maybe Mike does it because he thinks it's funny every 1095 00:57:05.119 --> 00:57:06.639 once in a while, and Grudy picked up on it. 1096 00:57:07.079 --> 00:57:08.639 I mean, I used to call my mom Elizabeth to 1097 00:57:08.639 --> 00:57:10.159 get her attention when I was a kid. Maybe it's 1098 00:57:10.159 --> 00:57:12.039 because she's frazzled, so everyone's wanted to call her by 1099 00:57:12.039 --> 00:57:15.400 her government name to get her attention, because mom, Because 1100 00:57:15.519 --> 00:57:17.480 I think most parents know that at a certain point, 1101 00:57:17.519 --> 00:57:20.039 you stop hearing that word when you're in a frazzled 1102 00:57:20.119 --> 00:57:23.199 enough state, like mom, mo, mom, Dad, Dad, Dad becomes 1103 00:57:23.199 --> 00:57:25.519 like wah wah wah blah whah. 1104 00:57:25.000 --> 00:57:28.000 Maybe and realizing they have to antagonize her to break 1105 00:57:28.000 --> 00:57:32.440 her out of her dissociation, like pay attention to me. 1106 00:57:33.280 --> 00:57:35.599 But I feel like, yeah, and it might because of that. 1107 00:57:35.679 --> 00:57:37.280 But also, like I said, sometimes I would call my 1108 00:57:37.320 --> 00:57:39.760 mom Elizabeth just to like get her attention if she 1109 00:57:39.800 --> 00:57:43.360 was like focusing on something basically, if she wasn't giving 1110 00:57:43.360 --> 00:57:45.639 me her full attention. After I said Mom fifteen times, 1111 00:57:45.679 --> 00:57:48.320 I would switch to Elizabeth to just like kick it 1112 00:57:48.360 --> 00:57:50.119 up a notch. I would say her nickname that she 1113 00:57:50.199 --> 00:57:52.639 hated when she was younger if I really needed her attention. 1114 00:57:52.840 --> 00:57:54.559 But I respect her enough that I will not say 1115 00:57:54.559 --> 00:57:57.320 it on this podcast. 1116 00:57:57.599 --> 00:58:00.599 Which seems like it would lend us well into our 1117 00:58:00.639 --> 00:58:04.079 next topic. Do we feel like we've covered what we 1118 00:58:04.360 --> 00:58:07.960 wanted to do with this? So one of the things 1119 00:58:08.159 --> 00:58:13.760 that I wanted to talk about and is really based 1120 00:58:13.880 --> 00:58:18.039 more on honestly my experience as a parent, is the 1121 00:58:18.079 --> 00:58:23.800 way if kids reach out to an adult for guidance 1122 00:58:24.400 --> 00:58:28.000 on something that from their perspective is real and they 1123 00:58:28.079 --> 00:58:32.719 know for sure is real and there, and the adults 1124 00:58:33.000 --> 00:58:37.199 blow them off, kids will not dismiss it the way 1125 00:58:37.280 --> 00:58:41.079 the adult dismissed it. There is a zero percent chance 1126 00:58:41.119 --> 00:58:44.840 of that the kids are going to investigate and look 1127 00:58:44.880 --> 00:58:48.440 into it, and they're going to try to find the 1128 00:58:48.519 --> 00:58:53.239 answers according to their point of view, because the reality 1129 00:58:53.679 --> 00:58:59.599 of reality is that it's subjective. There is no collective reality. 1130 00:59:00.159 --> 00:59:03.880 There is a collective sense of knowledge. There is a 1131 00:59:03.920 --> 00:59:07.119 collective database, a collective unconscious if we're going to go 1132 00:59:07.159 --> 00:59:10.880 into Yuni in terms here, but everybody seems to know 1133 00:59:11.840 --> 00:59:16.559 what the characters of every story are regardless of culture. 1134 00:59:17.159 --> 00:59:22.039 But if you leave a kid alone to investigate a 1135 00:59:22.079 --> 00:59:24.880 story and you blow them off when they're like, hey, 1136 00:59:25.119 --> 00:59:27.039 I think I'm pretty sure I saw something. Maybe it 1137 00:59:27.079 --> 00:59:31.000 was a goblin outside that shit wasn't a coyote. Okay, 1138 00:59:31.519 --> 00:59:34.880 that was not a coyote. Whatever it was was some 1139 00:59:34.920 --> 00:59:39.800 weird shit. And if you diminish, dismiss, tell them to 1140 00:59:39.880 --> 00:59:43.000 not worry about it. Yet Nope, they saw what they saw. 1141 00:59:43.280 --> 00:59:45.800 They're not going to adjust to the reality you try 1142 00:59:45.800 --> 00:59:49.440 to create for them. They're going to go and investigate 1143 00:59:49.480 --> 00:59:52.039 from their own point of view. And I think that's 1144 00:59:52.039 --> 00:59:56.559 what leads us to the entire plot of this movie 1145 00:59:56.599 --> 00:59:58.840 when we get an alien who still haven't really talked about, 1146 01:00:00.559 --> 01:00:04.199 but I mean also he you know, doesn't say a 1147 01:00:04.239 --> 01:00:08.760 whole lot. But what we see with Elliott is that 1148 01:00:08.880 --> 01:00:15.559 because everyone ignores his repeated insistence that he saw what 1149 01:00:15.639 --> 01:00:19.039 he saw and it was fucking weird and it was 1150 01:00:19.199 --> 01:00:24.119 so weird that he was perturbed, he goes outside and 1151 01:00:24.400 --> 01:00:29.719 sits in almost hallucination dream like state to see this thing, 1152 01:00:29.960 --> 01:00:33.800 and no one seems to notice. He just goes outside 1153 01:00:33.840 --> 01:00:37.239 and then he encounters this thing and again tries to 1154 01:00:37.280 --> 01:00:41.239 appeal to everybody that hey, there's some weird shit going on. 1155 01:00:41.280 --> 01:00:46.480 Everyone's like, you're just making this up. Goblins aren't real. 1156 01:00:46.840 --> 01:00:50.760 It's a coyote, but what could it be, like a 1157 01:00:50.880 --> 01:00:54.960 deformed squirrel or whatever they said. I can't remember what exactly, 1158 01:00:55.880 --> 01:01:00.599 but thinking about my kids in moments where we've been like, kiddo, 1159 01:01:01.199 --> 01:01:03.599 that's not how it works. It's not how it works. 1160 01:01:03.880 --> 01:01:07.519 Like the alarm on our house is Ava's current like 1161 01:01:08.599 --> 01:01:11.400 things like that was like, it's the alarm on, like, kiddo, 1162 01:01:11.639 --> 01:01:13.719 they call me, but are they going to call the police, Like, 1163 01:01:13.760 --> 01:01:15.199 and the police is gonna comes, Like there's gonna be 1164 01:01:15.360 --> 01:01:17.880 like a problem if the alarm goes like they call 1165 01:01:18.239 --> 01:01:21.719 me first, if theom goes off. Also, I'll show you 1166 01:01:21.760 --> 01:01:25.400 how to deactivate it. She's because she's anxious about it. 1167 01:01:25.400 --> 01:01:28.400 She's not hearing this. None of my logic is going 1168 01:01:28.480 --> 01:01:34.199 to work because it's emotional activation. And in this story, 1169 01:01:34.960 --> 01:01:40.440 everyone dismisses Elliott's perspective. So Elliott then tries to figure 1170 01:01:40.480 --> 01:01:42.760 it out the way he knows how, and he likes 1171 01:01:42.800 --> 01:01:45.000 Reese's pieces, and because he's ten, he's going to be 1172 01:01:45.320 --> 01:01:48.280 full on egocentric, which means He's only seeing the world 1173 01:01:48.360 --> 01:01:51.119 to his own perspective, which is what all of us 1174 01:01:51.119 --> 01:01:53.440 do all the time. But when you're a kid, you 1175 01:01:53.480 --> 01:01:56.960 can't connect to the larger world. You only see it 1176 01:01:57.159 --> 01:01:59.599 through your perspective. You can't like go like, well, if 1177 01:01:59.639 --> 01:02:02.559 I was mom, how it I feel. Nope, you're just 1178 01:02:03.199 --> 01:02:07.519 cognitively capable of that. But it's just literally turning on 1179 01:02:07.599 --> 01:02:12.239 your frontal lobe is just now at ten developed enough 1180 01:02:12.280 --> 01:02:14.679 that you can do this. So what we see is 1181 01:02:14.719 --> 01:02:18.320 that Elliott goes outside knowing he saw some weird ass 1182 01:02:18.320 --> 01:02:22.079 shit he's never seen before, but also it didn't eat him, 1183 01:02:22.599 --> 01:02:25.840 so maybe I should give it candy and let it 1184 01:02:25.840 --> 01:02:26.519 in the house. 1185 01:02:28.440 --> 01:02:29.559 I love that. 1186 01:02:30.800 --> 01:02:32.960 Elliott just does the first thing that he thinks of 1187 01:02:33.119 --> 01:02:34.440 by using the Reese's pieces. 1188 01:02:34.519 --> 01:02:35.800 I think that's so cute. 1189 01:02:36.079 --> 01:02:38.199 I also was curious, there's a question I wanted to 1190 01:02:38.239 --> 01:02:41.800 ask you both, So I was like super paying attention 1191 01:02:41.880 --> 01:02:43.519 to this movie today in a way that I feel 1192 01:02:43.519 --> 01:02:45.239 like I don't usually pay attention to the movies that 1193 01:02:45.239 --> 01:02:45.480 we do. 1194 01:02:46.159 --> 01:02:47.719 No offense anyone, But. 1195 01:02:50.199 --> 01:02:56.360 When when do you think that et imprints on Elliot? 1196 01:02:56.599 --> 01:03:00.719 Because I think it happens as soon as they engage 1197 01:03:00.800 --> 01:03:03.679 and then we see him staring off into space. I 1198 01:03:03.719 --> 01:03:05.719 think that's when they connect. I think that's I think 1199 01:03:05.719 --> 01:03:10.440 he is already connected to ET before we get to 1200 01:03:12.039 --> 01:03:14.239 like where he where they actually meet and they start 1201 01:03:14.280 --> 01:03:16.320 to talk, like, I think it happens before that. I 1202 01:03:16.320 --> 01:03:19.719 think that they are connected as soon as they encounter 1203 01:03:19.840 --> 01:03:22.840 each other and he yells in his face because they're 1204 01:03:22.880 --> 01:03:25.760 both afraid of each other. That's like that it happens 1205 01:03:25.840 --> 01:03:26.639 the first time you see it. 1206 01:03:26.760 --> 01:03:27.480 I agree. 1207 01:03:27.559 --> 01:03:29.480 I literally is gonna ask the same thing or oh 1208 01:03:29.559 --> 01:03:32.800 my god, some idea, which is if we're gonna see 1209 01:03:32.800 --> 01:03:35.760 this from like the science fiction lens. Yes, I was like, 1210 01:03:36.559 --> 01:03:42.199 does he feel drawn, like what's what I'm looking for? 1211 01:03:42.599 --> 01:03:47.000 Does he feel not drawn but like connected? I'm not connected, 1212 01:03:47.079 --> 01:03:53.360 like dogged about finding ET because he is connected, like 1213 01:03:53.599 --> 01:03:56.119 my heart is connected to your heart. Now, So the 1214 01:03:56.159 --> 01:03:59.760 persistence in which he feels like he has to find 1215 01:04:01.239 --> 01:04:03.239 I was wondering. I was like, is there a part 1216 01:04:03.280 --> 01:04:06.440 of him that already feels ET out there and that's 1217 01:04:06.480 --> 01:04:08.960 why he can't give up on it and gets so 1218 01:04:09.039 --> 01:04:13.639 preoccupied by it? Now. My psychological interpretation is that he's 1219 01:04:13.679 --> 01:04:16.239 a kid whose life feels very out of control and 1220 01:04:16.280 --> 01:04:23.079 so he just in pre imprints on something that is 1221 01:04:23.079 --> 01:04:25.159 like a project, you know what I mean the way 1222 01:04:25.199 --> 01:04:28.239 that I think we, even as adults will do when 1223 01:04:28.280 --> 01:04:30.519 something about our life feels out of control, as all 1224 01:04:30.519 --> 01:04:33.079 of a sudden, will decide I don't know, I'm gonna 1225 01:04:33.119 --> 01:04:35.840 get really into this hobby or I'm gonna really get 1226 01:04:35.880 --> 01:04:38.480 into this sport because my life feels out of control, 1227 01:04:38.519 --> 01:04:40.639 and then all of a sudden, I'm like super into 1228 01:04:40.719 --> 01:04:44.960 this one thing. And but yeah, I also was wondering 1229 01:04:45.000 --> 01:04:48.199 watching this now, I was like, how soon are they 1230 01:04:49.079 --> 01:04:49.679 is Et? 1231 01:04:50.360 --> 01:04:51.880 How soon is Elliott feeling? 1232 01:04:52.719 --> 01:04:55.079 Yeah, like I don't even know why I have to 1233 01:04:55.159 --> 01:04:57.760 keep finding this thing or figuring out like maybe there's 1234 01:04:57.760 --> 01:04:59.400 something in him that he can't quite understand. 1235 01:05:00.119 --> 01:05:04.960 I think that that's happening passively and maybe organically at 1236 01:05:04.960 --> 01:05:08.320 that point, but I don't think that each really fully 1237 01:05:08.400 --> 01:05:12.639 makes that connection until they do the where are you 1238 01:05:12.800 --> 01:05:16.159 from thing and he's got the little balls in the air. 1239 01:05:16.800 --> 01:05:19.960 I think that's when the movie shows us they're fully connected, 1240 01:05:20.000 --> 01:05:25.000 because that's the first time Elliott announces feeling his feelings. 1241 01:05:25.760 --> 01:05:29.039 So I'm going to push on it in that when 1242 01:05:29.039 --> 01:05:30.760 he brings Et into the house for the first time 1243 01:05:30.760 --> 01:05:33.199 they both get tired at the same time and they 1244 01:05:33.199 --> 01:05:35.480 both like fall asleep kind of pass on Sims's I 1245 01:05:35.480 --> 01:05:37.679 feel it's the first big clue to us as the 1246 01:05:37.719 --> 01:05:40.880 audience that they are having the same experience. They're like 1247 01:05:41.079 --> 01:05:44.079 they're copying each other, like living in the same experience 1248 01:05:44.119 --> 01:05:44.719 at the same time. 1249 01:05:45.679 --> 01:05:45.880 Yeah. 1250 01:05:45.960 --> 01:05:50.159 Because sure, because I feel like when Et is in 1251 01:05:50.199 --> 01:05:51.920 the room, when they're in the room and they're both calm, 1252 01:05:52.079 --> 01:05:53.800 which I think is the big part of it. When 1253 01:05:53.800 --> 01:05:57.800 they're in the room and they're both calm, they he starts, 1254 01:05:57.920 --> 01:05:59.920 you know, when Elliott starts touching his face and then 1255 01:06:00.039 --> 01:06:02.000 Et touches his face the same way. 1256 01:06:02.280 --> 01:06:05.679 I think that's a part of them connecting. Yeah. 1257 01:06:05.679 --> 01:06:08.760 So I think that's the passive side, like the yeah, they're. 1258 01:06:08.719 --> 01:06:10.159 Communicating in that way. 1259 01:06:10.400 --> 01:06:15.239 Yeah, but I think like whatever capability his species has 1260 01:06:16.119 --> 01:06:20.199 connects at that moment, and that's the moment like that 1261 01:06:21.559 --> 01:06:24.239 whatever psychic bond I create happening. 1262 01:06:24.320 --> 01:06:26.360 No, I agree with you on that, Like I think 1263 01:06:26.760 --> 01:06:31.639 because Et is clearly in his own crisis right that 1264 01:06:31.679 --> 01:06:34.239 I can't I do get. I agree with you in 1265 01:06:34.280 --> 01:06:37.679 that it's probably more of like a passive like an 1266 01:06:37.719 --> 01:06:42.639 accidental maybe psychic link because maybe if this is going 1267 01:06:42.639 --> 01:06:46.760 into what I wander about later, but if ET comes 1268 01:06:46.760 --> 01:06:51.119 from a place where they communicate empathically or like emotionally, 1269 01:06:51.920 --> 01:06:54.360 then maybe he did that without even realizing he did it, 1270 01:06:54.400 --> 01:06:56.480 because that's just so the way that we would start 1271 01:06:56.480 --> 01:07:00.000 talking to someone without even contemplating if they would under 1272 01:07:00.039 --> 01:07:02.679 stand us. Like if I ended up on an alien planet, 1273 01:07:02.719 --> 01:07:05.119 I would probably be like, hey, what's up, without thinking 1274 01:07:05.119 --> 01:07:06.599 about girl, they don't know what the fuck you're saying, 1275 01:07:06.639 --> 01:07:08.519 but I probably just do it well right. 1276 01:07:08.360 --> 01:07:13.840 And also realizing that he's in whatever version of alien 1277 01:07:13.920 --> 01:07:21.639 id mindset he's in, he's abandoned because his species, family, etc. 1278 01:07:22.039 --> 01:07:26.079 Whatever the cases had to because they had to choose 1279 01:07:26.079 --> 01:07:27.719 to leave in the mind as much have been difficult 1280 01:07:28.039 --> 01:07:32.960 for them given their heart based connection, that he. 1281 01:07:34.239 --> 01:07:37.400 Is panicked the whole time. He's scared. 1282 01:07:37.480 --> 01:07:39.320 He doesn't know where the fuck he is or what's 1283 01:07:39.400 --> 01:07:42.679 going on or what if anything is safe. So he's 1284 01:07:42.719 --> 01:07:46.840 in full survival mode. But he's also hungry, and he's, 1285 01:07:47.119 --> 01:07:50.599 as you learned, like slowly dying because he's not getting 1286 01:07:50.599 --> 01:07:54.800 his needs met and food and everything else. He's hungry. 1287 01:07:55.599 --> 01:07:59.360 This person is maybe safe, So I think he's connecting 1288 01:07:59.400 --> 01:08:03.679 to the idea like, well, everything else is not safe, 1289 01:08:03.719 --> 01:08:09.800 but this is safer than not safe. So I think passively. 1290 01:08:09.840 --> 01:08:13.320 But then once Et has decided, oh, he's actually really 1291 01:08:13.440 --> 01:08:17.039 trying to to help me and connect, So I'm gonna 1292 01:08:17.039 --> 01:08:20.239 go ahead and connect that that happens where in the 1293 01:08:20.279 --> 01:08:22.199 transplain where he's from, and. 1294 01:08:22.159 --> 01:08:24.720 I agree too with where you're It becomes more of 1295 01:08:24.760 --> 01:08:31.159 an active thing when he shows them his little like socials, 1296 01:08:31.840 --> 01:08:35.399 when he shows them his little solar system thing, because 1297 01:08:35.560 --> 01:08:38.239 Elliott looks out the window and he says like I'm 1298 01:08:38.239 --> 01:08:44.000 feeling scared, like something like Elliott is computing it through 1299 01:08:44.239 --> 01:08:47.560 his understanding as a kid. And then Et puts his 1300 01:08:47.600 --> 01:08:50.880 hand on his shoulder to kind of be like, we're 1301 01:08:50.880 --> 01:08:55.000 talking now, Like now we're talking because you're asking me questions, 1302 01:08:55.000 --> 01:08:56.079 So now we're really talking. 1303 01:08:56.600 --> 01:09:00.279 We're in a conversation. Yeah. 1304 01:09:00.760 --> 01:09:04.680 So we've covered quite a bit about when those two 1305 01:09:04.760 --> 01:09:07.680 might have imprinted on each other. But we have kind 1306 01:09:07.680 --> 01:09:10.079 of on our board here the opportun to explore how 1307 01:09:10.119 --> 01:09:13.600 adults respund to kids or empathy and communication. Which direction 1308 01:09:13.680 --> 01:09:14.479 we want to go first? 1309 01:09:14.720 --> 01:09:16.840 Well, I mean, I think kind of going off of 1310 01:09:16.880 --> 01:09:20.279 what you were saying, about when kids are left to 1311 01:09:20.279 --> 01:09:23.600 the oarn device. Well going, well, going back to what 1312 01:09:23.640 --> 01:09:27.399 you were saying about how Elliott is trying to get 1313 01:09:28.319 --> 01:09:32.279 his mom specifically, but is trying to get engagement from 1314 01:09:32.600 --> 01:09:37.640 people about what he's discovering, you know, the goblin outside is. 1315 01:09:37.800 --> 01:09:41.319 It did make me think about how I wish that 1316 01:09:41.600 --> 01:09:45.439 adults would, and I think they do better now, would 1317 01:09:45.520 --> 01:09:50.159 engage in more curiosity with kids like I think nowadays 1318 01:09:50.560 --> 01:09:53.079 because there is so much more of a conversation around 1319 01:09:53.159 --> 01:09:57.039 therapy and specifically like even getting kids in almost like 1320 01:09:57.079 --> 01:09:59.960 preventative therapy. When something like this happens to a family 1321 01:10:01.119 --> 01:10:07.560 is I feel like his persistence around this like invisible 1322 01:10:07.600 --> 01:10:10.800 friend kind of thing in the yard, I could see 1323 01:10:11.000 --> 01:10:14.560 a parent being like, oh God, my kid's going through 1324 01:10:14.600 --> 01:10:17.039 something because of divorce. I need to give them in 1325 01:10:17.079 --> 01:10:21.560 therapy because they keep talking about this like entity that 1326 01:10:21.600 --> 01:10:24.399 lives outside and they're staying out all night and they're 1327 01:10:24.399 --> 01:10:27.319 feeding in our food now like all that kind of stuff. 1328 01:10:27.439 --> 01:10:29.880 Well now, yeah, in the eighties, No. 1329 01:10:30.399 --> 01:10:31.039 That's what I mean. 1330 01:10:31.520 --> 01:10:37.239 Like, I think that now we have we're more encouraged 1331 01:10:37.239 --> 01:10:42.520 as adults to demonstrate more curiosity towards children, even if 1332 01:10:42.520 --> 01:10:46.720 they're bringing up something that to our minds is totally 1333 01:10:47.399 --> 01:10:52.680 unrealistic or off the wall, at least being curious about why, 1334 01:10:54.239 --> 01:10:56.760 like where they're going with that, Like what's going on 1335 01:10:56.880 --> 01:11:00.279 with them? Like they're wanting your attention for something. Maybe 1336 01:11:00.279 --> 01:11:03.399 it's not the exact waky, wacky thing they're talking about, 1337 01:11:04.359 --> 01:11:07.119 but there's something going on, and that's why this kid 1338 01:11:07.199 --> 01:11:08.439 is wanting you so much. 1339 01:11:09.359 --> 01:11:13.399 Yeah, and that's I think where the first like real 1340 01:11:14.159 --> 01:11:16.279 besides the sibling dynamics and the divorce things that we've 1341 01:11:16.279 --> 01:11:19.640 been talking about, is the first part of this movie 1342 01:11:19.720 --> 01:11:22.760 is definitely shot more like a horror movie, more like 1343 01:11:22.760 --> 01:11:26.439 his Jurassic Park, and even something as simple as people 1344 01:11:26.520 --> 01:11:29.800 walking through the woods is meant to feel scary, and 1345 01:11:29.840 --> 01:11:35.840 it's shot in ways that are scary, and we see 1346 01:11:36.520 --> 01:11:41.760 once they reveal Keys, the lead scientist, he's the first 1347 01:11:41.760 --> 01:11:47.399 one that's not a kid to actually start compassionately acknowledging 1348 01:11:47.439 --> 01:11:53.039 the reality that Elliott is seeing, validating that, Yeah, I've 1349 01:11:53.079 --> 01:11:57.520 been looking for aliens my whole life too, talking to 1350 01:11:57.560 --> 01:11:59.439 him about it as if what he's seeing is real, 1351 01:11:59.479 --> 01:12:03.479 because clearly at this point it's all real. Never mind 1352 01:12:03.520 --> 01:12:07.720 that the government just busted in fucking base suits like 1353 01:12:07.880 --> 01:12:13.039 NASA and that's terrifying, and hazmat suits like Level three here. 1354 01:12:13.079 --> 01:12:16.520 But when he takes all that off, that's a moment 1355 01:12:16.640 --> 01:12:22.720 of humanization where it becomes clear that even though the 1356 01:12:23.279 --> 01:12:26.720 g men, as it were, are antagonistic and the kind 1357 01:12:26.720 --> 01:12:28.920 of the central antagonists from the point of view as kids, 1358 01:12:29.079 --> 01:12:33.800 there's no real villains in this movie. They're scientists and 1359 01:12:33.920 --> 01:12:39.159 doctors behaving as scientists and doctors do there and the 1360 01:12:39.199 --> 01:12:42.399 government of course wanting to know if, like, so, what's 1361 01:12:42.439 --> 01:12:43.760 that machine he built doing? 1362 01:12:43.840 --> 01:12:46.760 By the way, is that of a bomb? 1363 01:12:47.159 --> 01:12:50.319 Is that dangerous to like literally everyone, are we all 1364 01:12:50.359 --> 01:12:54.199 super fucked? Because can you please tell us? But he 1365 01:12:55.039 --> 01:12:59.039 got down to Elliott's level, He spoke to him kindly, 1366 01:12:59.520 --> 01:13:03.800 He was sympathic towards him, he was understanding, he was 1367 01:13:03.800 --> 01:13:08.079 taking efforts that literally nobody else in that scene, and 1368 01:13:08.479 --> 01:13:11.399 like mom was taking care of the other kids. But 1369 01:13:12.319 --> 01:13:17.159 Elliott didn't bond to any other adults, even kind of 1370 01:13:17.199 --> 01:13:21.439 his mom, except to this other guy. He's clearly like 1371 01:13:21.520 --> 01:13:25.039 a foil to Elliott of showing like the difference between 1372 01:13:25.119 --> 01:13:29.880 childhood wonder and adulthood reality of like, hey, these things 1373 01:13:29.880 --> 01:13:32.680 that you can be interested in also could be dangerous, 1374 01:13:32.880 --> 01:13:36.760 and Elliott is not perceiving ET is dangerous at all, 1375 01:13:36.920 --> 01:13:41.199 or that Et might not survive until he gets sick 1376 01:13:41.279 --> 01:13:45.680 and everybody busts in. But Keys is taking time to 1377 01:13:45.800 --> 01:13:49.720 explain what's happening as much as possible with Elliott and 1378 01:13:49.760 --> 01:13:55.520 trying to demonstrate compassion, and I feel like it's important, 1379 01:13:55.560 --> 01:13:59.479 and that juxtaposition of how mom has been kind of 1380 01:13:59.520 --> 01:14:02.800 dismissed until it becomes quite clear that what Elliott is 1381 01:14:02.840 --> 01:14:05.840 experiencing is real, and then she works to take care 1382 01:14:05.840 --> 01:14:09.560 of her children and be compassionate and empathic to them 1383 01:14:09.600 --> 01:14:13.800 and hold Girdy and take her away from what she 1384 01:14:13.840 --> 01:14:16.479 doesn't need to see and give her permission to be 1385 01:14:16.560 --> 01:14:20.720 scared and not offer answers she doesn't have and bullshit, 1386 01:14:21.479 --> 01:14:25.640 and also not interfere with people providing Elliot answers that 1387 01:14:26.239 --> 01:14:29.520 are the best answers available. But I think when adults 1388 01:14:30.359 --> 01:14:34.880 take time to give kids answers to questions that they 1389 01:14:34.920 --> 01:14:40.000 have and not dumb it down, not mute it, not 1390 01:14:40.239 --> 01:14:43.079 tell them oh, well, let the grown ups handle this, 1391 01:14:43.199 --> 01:14:47.479 but provide age appropriate in maybe even a little beyond 1392 01:14:47.520 --> 01:14:52.600 age appropriate answers, but tell kids the truth has been 1393 01:14:52.720 --> 01:14:55.159 a long thing we've advocated for on the show. I 1394 01:14:55.199 --> 01:14:59.760 know we all advocate it in practice, tell children the truth. 1395 01:15:00.439 --> 01:15:04.880 None of the adults except Keys tell Elliott the fucking truth. 1396 01:15:05.560 --> 01:15:09.239 In this entire film. Mom doesn't tell the truth necessarily 1397 01:15:09.279 --> 01:15:12.880 about what's happened with Dad and what's happening with them, 1398 01:15:13.039 --> 01:15:18.239 or even fully acknowledge what's going on once she's completely 1399 01:15:18.319 --> 01:15:22.359 overwhelmed by all that's happening. But we do see Keys 1400 01:15:22.359 --> 01:15:25.079 could be an older adult Elliott like this is this 1401 01:15:25.159 --> 01:15:27.159 is what adulthood does to us. It shows you the 1402 01:15:27.199 --> 01:15:29.680 truth of the world, the childhood wonder and connection of like, 1403 01:15:30.399 --> 01:15:34.079 but all of this feels okay, So it's okay, and 1404 01:15:34.119 --> 01:15:40.119 adult's gonna be like yeah, maybe, But I feel like 1405 01:15:40.640 --> 01:15:42.920 they didn't. Movie didn't have to do that. This movie 1406 01:15:42.920 --> 01:15:45.479 did not have to show an adult in that kind 1407 01:15:45.479 --> 01:15:47.720 of position of power and authority focused on is this 1408 01:15:47.760 --> 01:15:50.880 a threat or is this a scientist? Just like it's 1409 01:15:50.880 --> 01:15:53.640 just a validation of my entire life. Here, fuck your feelings. 1410 01:15:53.720 --> 01:15:56.560 I'm gonna explore this scientifically so we know that there's 1411 01:15:56.600 --> 01:15:58.119 life on other planets and I can prove it. Now 1412 01:15:58.119 --> 01:16:00.000 I'm gonna be famous because we caught. 1413 01:16:01.359 --> 01:16:05.239 He doesn't do that. He takes care of Elliott's feelings. Well, 1414 01:16:05.279 --> 01:16:08.920 I think Spielberg does what I feel like. What Spielberg does. 1415 01:16:08.960 --> 01:16:10.680 I think in all of his movies that our kid 1416 01:16:10.840 --> 01:16:17.039 focused is respecting children and respecting their worldview and respecting 1417 01:16:17.079 --> 01:16:23.640 their opinions and their experiences. And I think what I 1418 01:16:23.720 --> 01:16:27.439 like about that exchange is not so even much that 1419 01:16:28.640 --> 01:16:31.000 I hear what you're saying in that Keys is kind 1420 01:16:31.039 --> 01:16:34.000 of a grown up Elliott in the sense of there 1421 01:16:34.039 --> 01:16:37.600 is realities about the world that make us more jaded 1422 01:16:38.039 --> 01:16:42.119 and maybe more cynical sometimes the necessary ways. And also 1423 01:16:42.319 --> 01:16:45.600 I like that he respects Elliott and that he acknowledges 1424 01:16:46.159 --> 01:16:49.680 that there are some things about children that are better 1425 01:16:50.399 --> 01:16:54.319 than adults. When he says I'm glad he found you first, 1426 01:16:54.880 --> 01:16:57.239 I think that's such a powerful line in the movie 1427 01:16:57.800 --> 01:16:59.680 that I really love, and that always makes me like 1428 01:16:59.760 --> 01:17:01.720 kind of tear up. A lot of moments in those 1429 01:17:01.760 --> 01:17:03.640 scenes make me tear up in that part of the movie, 1430 01:17:04.159 --> 01:17:07.840 and in that one because in that moment he's saying like, well, one, 1431 01:17:07.880 --> 01:17:10.239 you took really good care of him, which I think 1432 01:17:10.319 --> 01:17:13.119 is always so powerful for a kid to hear especially 1433 01:17:13.159 --> 01:17:15.800 when the outcome at that point in the movie is 1434 01:17:15.800 --> 01:17:19.039 so bleak that like, you didn't do anything wrong, you 1435 01:17:19.079 --> 01:17:21.239 did a really good job taking care of him, and 1436 01:17:21.279 --> 01:17:25.479 that also like maybe it was good that he found 1437 01:17:26.239 --> 01:17:28.479 a kid with like an open heart, the way that 1438 01:17:28.600 --> 01:17:32.760 kids have more curious open hearts than an adult, who, 1439 01:17:32.840 --> 01:17:35.680 as we see in this movie, maybe would have like 1440 01:17:35.720 --> 01:17:37.439 come at him with a flashlight and like shot him 1441 01:17:37.439 --> 01:17:39.079 in the face, you know what I mean, Or like 1442 01:17:39.119 --> 01:17:41.000 the way that like the adults in this movie are 1443 01:17:41.039 --> 01:17:45.600 seen as more invasive, right, like they literally invade their house, 1444 01:17:45.960 --> 01:17:49.239 they're coming after the kids on their cars, Like the 1445 01:17:49.239 --> 01:17:52.039 way even the scene of them coming over the hell 1446 01:17:52.079 --> 01:17:55.159 over the hill to like quarantine the area. It's just 1447 01:17:55.319 --> 01:17:59.159 very much like ironically, like the adults are the invasive 1448 01:17:59.199 --> 01:18:04.159 species to this world that's been kept pretty chill up 1449 01:18:04.159 --> 01:18:10.079 to this point. And also side note, honestly, I don't 1450 01:18:10.079 --> 01:18:12.079 think anything would have changed for the better or the 1451 01:18:12.119 --> 01:18:15.079 worse if the adults hadn't gotten involved at all, because 1452 01:18:15.119 --> 01:18:20.000 even though et was dying, the scientists didn't save him. 1453 01:18:20.479 --> 01:18:24.239 He only came back to life because his machine did 1454 01:18:24.279 --> 01:18:26.560 work and they did hear and they did come back. 1455 01:18:26.600 --> 01:18:28.399 So if they would have left it all alone. That 1456 01:18:28.520 --> 01:18:30.760 probably would have played out the exact same way in 1457 01:18:30.800 --> 01:18:34.079 Elliott's house, like Et might have. Foe died. Maybe they 1458 01:18:34.119 --> 01:18:35.920 covered up with a blanket. They're like, oh my god, 1459 01:18:36.239 --> 01:18:38.640 oh worse a wreck. But then he comes back alive. 1460 01:18:38.880 --> 01:18:41.680 They land in their backyard or the pass in the metal. 1461 01:18:41.720 --> 01:18:43.279 They take him back there and he goes up to 1462 01:18:43.359 --> 01:18:48.079 him and nothing's damaged, nothing's bad. And I feel like 1463 01:18:48.079 --> 01:18:52.079 a part of the reason why Et wakes up, which 1464 01:18:52.119 --> 01:18:54.600 is also the reason why he got caught. So you know, 1465 01:18:54.640 --> 01:18:56.399 in the very beginning of the movie, when he's running 1466 01:18:56.399 --> 01:18:58.119 through the woods and all of a sudden, his heart 1467 01:18:58.640 --> 01:19:02.439 light comes on because the person at the ship was 1468 01:19:02.439 --> 01:19:04.720 trying to connect to him to let him know his 1469 01:19:04.760 --> 01:19:08.000 time to leave. And that's why I think he gets 1470 01:19:08.039 --> 01:19:11.039 caught by keys, or almost gets caught by keys, initially 1471 01:19:11.239 --> 01:19:14.479 because he can't hide anymore once his heart light is on. 1472 01:19:15.119 --> 01:19:16.640 And so I think the thing that brought him. 1473 01:19:16.560 --> 01:19:20.479 Back alive is that they reached him and they got 1474 01:19:20.520 --> 01:19:23.159 his message, and so his light heart started beating. They're 1475 01:19:23.159 --> 01:19:25.079 Bluetooth connected, they're Bluetooth connected. 1476 01:19:25.159 --> 01:19:28.760 They're paired, they're paired, So anyway, I don't know how 1477 01:19:28.800 --> 01:19:30.239 you all feel about all that part of it. 1478 01:19:30.319 --> 01:19:33.680 But I think this is what I wish for Keys, 1479 01:19:34.279 --> 01:19:38.079 because even as a kid, I didn't like Keys. You 1480 01:19:38.079 --> 01:19:40.960 know why, because he was nice to Eliot, but he 1481 01:19:41.000 --> 01:19:42.119 was nice to Elliot to get. 1482 01:19:41.960 --> 01:19:43.439 Information out of him. 1483 01:19:43.960 --> 01:19:45.479 I did not feel like he was nice to Aliot 1484 01:19:45.520 --> 01:19:47.039 just because he was like, oh, you're like me as 1485 01:19:47.039 --> 01:19:48.600 a little kid. I thought it was being nice to 1486 01:19:48.640 --> 01:19:49.880 him because he's trying to get shit out of the 1487 01:19:49.960 --> 01:19:50.840 information out of him. 1488 01:19:50.840 --> 01:19:52.840 He was good copping him. Yeah, exactly. 1489 01:19:53.319 --> 01:19:56.039 And so I have always thought that Keys is the 1490 01:19:56.039 --> 01:19:58.319 bad guy of the film since the first time I 1491 01:19:58.359 --> 01:20:00.640 saw this movie, and I still feel the same way. 1492 01:20:00.840 --> 01:20:03.600 He's the bad guy in terms of he is proof 1493 01:20:03.680 --> 01:20:06.520 that adults can't be Yes, he can be nice to 1494 01:20:06.600 --> 01:20:08.199 him in that moment, but was the only nice to 1495 01:20:08.279 --> 01:20:10.560 him to get information out of him. I've never trusted 1496 01:20:10.600 --> 01:20:13.119 that guy and I'm never gonna trust him. Then, and 1497 01:20:13.159 --> 01:20:16.239 missus Scorpio corner with Hannah. 1498 01:20:15.720 --> 01:20:16.319 You're welcome. 1499 01:20:17.199 --> 01:20:19.920 I do feel like I do like the points that 1500 01:20:19.920 --> 01:20:22.880 you're both making about Keys, and yes, he is in 1501 01:20:22.920 --> 01:20:25.960 those moments very kind and very compassionate, and that's nice. 1502 01:20:26.279 --> 01:20:28.239 But like I said, I think he's just trying to 1503 01:20:28.239 --> 01:20:31.439 get information out of Elliott because. 1504 01:20:31.039 --> 01:20:31.960 He screwed the pooch. 1505 01:20:32.000 --> 01:20:33.560 He knew he screwed the pooch, and he should have 1506 01:20:33.560 --> 01:20:35.880 fucking said something sooner to Elliott. That's the part that 1507 01:20:35.960 --> 01:20:38.239 I didn't like. What's Hannah is saying is don't get 1508 01:20:38.279 --> 01:20:41.479 complacent in front of Uncle Sam, don't you do it? 1509 01:20:42.319 --> 01:20:43.199 Yeah? 1510 01:20:43.239 --> 01:20:46.720 Well, this is great is Ari and Reagan's America at 1511 01:20:46.720 --> 01:20:48.840 this point? I think? So we're at the end of 1512 01:20:48.960 --> 01:20:51.680 Carter and the depending Yeah, yeah. 1513 01:20:51.479 --> 01:20:53.279 Because I looked up where president was president when I 1514 01:20:53.319 --> 01:20:56.399 was born and it was Carter, So yeah, depending on 1515 01:20:56.439 --> 01:20:57.800 I don't really know us history. 1516 01:20:57.840 --> 01:20:58.600 I just know that. 1517 01:20:58.840 --> 01:21:00.600 Depending on where we're at, where e're at, the beginning 1518 01:21:00.640 --> 01:21:02.880 of Reagan or end of Carter was seventy eight to 1519 01:21:02.920 --> 01:21:08.880 eighty two. So yeah, the uh, I think. But looking 1520 01:21:08.920 --> 01:21:11.640 at this like I had a different take on Keys, 1521 01:21:11.680 --> 01:21:14.319 like that all of the adults scared all of us 1522 01:21:14.399 --> 01:21:17.920 kids as kids. But watching it this time, I took 1523 01:21:17.960 --> 01:21:21.720 a minute to watch, like I felt there was a 1524 01:21:22.760 --> 01:21:26.279 curiosity that was getting reawakened in Keys, and he softened 1525 01:21:26.479 --> 01:21:30.039 throughout the film, and by the end he facilitates and 1526 01:21:30.159 --> 01:21:34.199 helps et get home. He didn't facilitate, but he doesn't interfere. 1527 01:21:34.680 --> 01:21:36.920 He stops interfering once they get away. 1528 01:21:38.479 --> 01:21:40.600 They all show up at the same time. They drive 1529 01:21:40.680 --> 01:21:42.479 him like maniacs, and he's one of them. 1530 01:21:42.680 --> 01:21:47.039 They do, but they also don't do anything crazy once 1531 01:21:47.079 --> 01:21:50.840 it's clear the ship is there and he's stopping them, 1532 01:21:51.319 --> 01:21:54.039 stopping the rest of the g men, as it were. 1533 01:21:54.079 --> 01:21:59.680 But looking at the importance of how adults responding to 1534 01:21:59.760 --> 01:22:04.039 kids kind of coming back and remembering that kids don't 1535 01:22:04.159 --> 01:22:08.319 know everything that adults know, and they're not capable of it. 1536 01:22:08.399 --> 01:22:10.880 But the more you start explaining to things, the easier 1537 01:22:10.920 --> 01:22:15.239 it is for kids to digest and understand. And even 1538 01:22:15.279 --> 01:22:18.079 though Keys has you know, it looks like he's in 1539 01:22:18.119 --> 01:22:20.960 his fifties, maybe mid to late fifties. 1540 01:22:21.119 --> 01:22:22.319 He's probably twenty nine. 1541 01:22:22.319 --> 01:22:25.520 He's probably supposed to be thirty eighties exactly Exeah. 1542 01:22:25.520 --> 01:22:29.439 I mean, if you want to be depressed, look at 1543 01:22:29.439 --> 01:22:30.279 the cast of Cheers. 1544 01:22:30.359 --> 01:22:31.640 Yeah, they're probably thirty. 1545 01:22:31.359 --> 01:22:34.479 Two, but no, he's probably he's probably the ages on 1546 01:22:34.600 --> 01:22:36.399 Cheers are crazy, but I bet you he's probably in 1547 01:22:36.479 --> 01:22:39.600 his late thirties, early forties. And I do wonder I 1548 01:22:39.920 --> 01:22:41.560 think what I'm getting out of this is how I 1549 01:22:41.600 --> 01:22:43.760 feel like how you think of Keys as almost like 1550 01:22:43.840 --> 01:22:47.119 a war shock test for where you're coming at personality 1551 01:22:47.119 --> 01:22:50.760 wise and maybe your own point of view, because because 1552 01:22:50.760 --> 01:22:52.760 I do vibe with what you're saying, and because also 1553 01:22:52.800 --> 01:22:54.880 but also how I've sort of read Keys, that speech 1554 01:22:54.880 --> 01:22:57.399 he gives or that little TALKI ass Elliott is almost 1555 01:22:57.439 --> 01:23:01.159 like and maybe I'm just my Warshop test projecting is 1556 01:23:01.199 --> 01:23:03.800 like almost like Spielberg kind of saying like this is 1557 01:23:03.840 --> 01:23:07.199 a cautionary tale about growing up. Like when you're growing up, 1558 01:23:07.640 --> 01:23:10.239 you start as an Elliott, and if you aren't careful, 1559 01:23:10.760 --> 01:23:15.560 your interest will become more like predatory the way that 1560 01:23:16.680 --> 01:23:18.520 or more like you've lost your way a little bit, 1561 01:23:18.560 --> 01:23:21.560 like like he doesn't have that whimsy anymore, or he's 1562 01:23:21.600 --> 01:23:24.119 getting it back and talking about this, but the curiosity 1563 01:23:24.119 --> 01:23:25.039 becomes more. 1564 01:23:26.880 --> 01:23:31.560 Dogged and or fear based and cynical, yees, cynical. 1565 01:23:32.239 --> 01:23:32.479 Yeah. 1566 01:23:32.479 --> 01:23:33.720 I think that's a really good point. 1567 01:23:33.720 --> 01:23:36.119 And I know that a part of what Steven Spielberg 1568 01:23:36.239 --> 01:23:40.319 usually does is have some there's some adult who is 1569 01:23:40.359 --> 01:23:42.760 actually paying attention to the children. There is some adult 1570 01:23:42.800 --> 01:23:44.960 who knows how to speak to them and knows how 1571 01:23:44.960 --> 01:23:47.239 to connect with them, but also an adult who has 1572 01:23:47.239 --> 01:23:52.039 awareness that they are no longer a child. And that's fine, 1573 01:23:52.359 --> 01:23:57.319 but again, get fucked Keys. I'll stop talking about him now. 1574 01:23:57.439 --> 01:24:03.479 Thank you, Scorpio. But looking at I looked at up 1575 01:24:03.479 --> 01:24:08.239 Peter Code. Peter Coyote was forty during the filming of this. 1576 01:24:08.760 --> 01:24:12.720 Is that Keys, I'm guessing yes, okay, Ages, I'm so 1577 01:24:12.760 --> 01:24:13.439 good at ages. 1578 01:24:13.560 --> 01:24:15.960 Peter Coyote is a dope name. I will back him 1579 01:24:16.039 --> 01:24:19.439 up on that, Peter Coyote. That's cool with that face. 1580 01:24:20.159 --> 01:24:22.119 Sure, I don't mind him. Actually, I think it's kind 1581 01:24:22.119 --> 01:24:23.880 of handsome. Don't cancel me. 1582 01:24:24.520 --> 01:24:29.760 But yeah, that's I think recognizing that there is a 1583 01:24:29.760 --> 01:24:32.560 lot of softening of the adult's mom is clearly shown 1584 01:24:32.600 --> 01:24:36.760 as kind of disconnected, kind of preoccupied. And yeah that 1585 01:24:36.920 --> 01:24:43.159 Keys is shown as cynical and focused in like scientific 1586 01:24:43.279 --> 01:24:47.680 and detached. I guess scientifically detached. Professionally detached is where 1587 01:24:47.680 --> 01:24:51.920 I put him. He's on his mission, but he softens 1588 01:24:52.199 --> 01:24:56.720 and mom softens and becomes mom. She's holding her kids, 1589 01:24:57.039 --> 01:25:00.920 she's guiding them, and then you know, the Keys gives 1590 01:25:01.119 --> 01:25:03.359 Elliott's like, do you need a minute alone with him? 1591 01:25:03.399 --> 01:25:06.399 To talk to him? Like a funeral director would not 1592 01:25:06.560 --> 01:25:08.760 like a scientist. Science has been like, yep, wrap it up, 1593 01:25:08.840 --> 01:25:12.079 he's dead. But he didn't. He didn't. 1594 01:25:13.039 --> 01:25:13.520 He did. 1595 01:25:13.640 --> 01:25:15.479 He did from that chance, but you know why, because 1596 01:25:15.479 --> 01:25:17.039 he wanted to see if something happened with E. 1597 01:25:17.159 --> 01:25:19.399 T while he was talking to him. 1598 01:25:21.279 --> 01:25:21.720 I don't know. 1599 01:25:22.880 --> 01:25:24.279 I don't take that. I don't care. 1600 01:25:24.479 --> 01:25:26.960 That's what I don't care. 1601 01:25:29.960 --> 01:25:31.640 That was kindness, Hannah, and that was. 1602 01:25:31.600 --> 01:25:34.640 Softening because here's one thing I think is true. 1603 01:25:34.760 --> 01:25:35.720 They thought he was dead. 1604 01:25:36.720 --> 01:25:37.399 I don't think. 1605 01:25:37.600 --> 01:25:40.520 I think what this movie is showing is that adults 1606 01:25:40.560 --> 01:25:44.279 really don't know what's going on and through through the 1607 01:25:44.319 --> 01:25:46.039 mom in a very literal sense. But I think like 1608 01:25:46.119 --> 01:25:49.000 Et is like a metaphor of that in that I 1609 01:25:49.039 --> 01:25:52.319 think they think he's dead because the adults don't really 1610 01:25:52.399 --> 01:25:55.800 know what's going on. They're not connected on the same 1611 01:25:55.800 --> 01:26:00.840 wavelength that a child would be to Et because Et 1612 01:26:01.159 --> 01:26:03.840 is from an empathy based culture. 1613 01:26:04.159 --> 01:26:06.439 And so we can talk more about that after this break. 1614 01:26:06.760 --> 01:26:10.800 There's no accidents. In Spielberg movies, they go through painstaking 1615 01:26:10.840 --> 01:26:15.720 amounts of detail to show us the cognitive connection between 1616 01:26:15.840 --> 01:26:20.039 Et and Elliott, breaking, to show that they understand. The 1617 01:26:20.119 --> 01:26:24.880 scientists understand how different ET's biology is and that he 1618 01:26:25.359 --> 01:26:31.039 is dead dead dead capital D dead. According to their science, 1619 01:26:31.560 --> 01:26:34.039 he is dead. So the adults are assuming their science 1620 01:26:34.079 --> 01:26:35.319 now has shown them no. 1621 01:26:35.479 --> 01:26:35.760 Yeah. 1622 01:26:35.840 --> 01:26:39.039 I think that's an example of like how adults are 1623 01:26:39.079 --> 01:26:43.279 missing something important because they're not thinking that way. They're 1624 01:26:43.319 --> 01:26:46.920 stuck in their rigidity of adulthood, which is definitely something 1625 01:26:46.960 --> 01:26:48.880 that Spielberg is always pointing out. I feel like in 1626 01:26:48.920 --> 01:26:49.439 his films. 1627 01:26:50.640 --> 01:26:52.720 Yeah, usually he used Robin to do it, though, with 1628 01:26:53.039 --> 01:26:59.000 you know, Getting or Sam Neil. I guess what Robin 1629 01:26:59.039 --> 01:27:00.560 Williams like can hook? 1630 01:27:01.239 --> 01:27:04.800 Oh wow, Brittany I did notice think about the hook 1631 01:27:04.840 --> 01:27:06.520 thing when she's written Peter Pan and that was kind 1632 01:27:06.520 --> 01:27:09.439 of narrating a scene. I was like, Oh, he's been 1633 01:27:09.479 --> 01:27:11.399 wanted to do a Peter Pan story for a while. 1634 01:27:12.520 --> 01:27:17.000 But showing keys kind of like letting Elliet have a 1635 01:27:17.039 --> 01:27:19.039 moment with them, knowing how close they were and that 1636 01:27:19.039 --> 01:27:21.319 that got severed, and that he's witnessing death maybe for 1637 01:27:21.319 --> 01:27:23.560 the first time in his life. Are think what we're 1638 01:27:23.560 --> 01:27:27.319 seeing is like an opportunity to be compassionate. And I 1639 01:27:27.800 --> 01:27:30.159 don't think at that point he was thinking anything would happen. 1640 01:27:30.199 --> 01:27:32.039 I think he's just trying to take care of that 1641 01:27:32.159 --> 01:27:35.359 kid because he felt connected to the kid. So we're 1642 01:27:35.399 --> 01:27:39.479 seeing the impact of ET's empathy based connection. We're seeing 1643 01:27:39.800 --> 01:27:42.479 oh right, if humans remember to connect to each other, 1644 01:27:43.199 --> 01:27:47.439 we can do kindness things. There's all of that in 1645 01:27:47.479 --> 01:27:51.079 the filmmaking magic of that that being shown in metaphor 1646 01:27:51.119 --> 01:27:53.439 to us there and then that's all I have to 1647 01:27:53.439 --> 01:27:54.239 say about that. 1648 01:27:55.520 --> 01:27:57.039 All right, let's take a break here and we'll be 1649 01:27:57.119 --> 01:27:57.560 right back. 1650 01:27:58.840 --> 01:28:01.640 So this is more of the when we like to 1651 01:28:01.720 --> 01:28:06.520 go on our little fun hypothetical psychology introduced into wackiness 1652 01:28:06.560 --> 01:28:09.760 sections that we do occasionally on the podcast. Because my 1653 01:28:09.920 --> 01:28:15.079 brain was really thinking about how obviously a key component 1654 01:28:15.119 --> 01:28:17.960 to this movie is the fact that Et communicates to 1655 01:28:17.960 --> 01:28:24.920 Elliott via emotions and empathy, which I some I don't 1656 01:28:24.960 --> 01:28:26.640 know if I want to say that like interchangeably, because 1657 01:28:26.720 --> 01:28:29.079 when he says like he's feeling his feelings, but it 1658 01:28:29.119 --> 01:28:31.279 more seems like you're just like aware of each other 1659 01:28:31.960 --> 01:28:37.199 in a way that erodes individualism, you know, because there's 1660 01:28:37.199 --> 01:28:38.880 the point in the movie when he starts to say, 1661 01:28:38.920 --> 01:28:44.359 wee Elliott instead of I or him. We are fine, 1662 01:28:44.640 --> 01:28:47.760 We're not We're sick, you know, like he is. It 1663 01:28:47.800 --> 01:28:51.439 made me really think about how that would impact us 1664 01:28:51.479 --> 01:28:56.359 psychologically if we did think collectively like that and how 1665 01:28:56.960 --> 01:28:59.800 I don't know it like really made my brain think 1666 01:28:59.800 --> 01:29:00.359 really hard. 1667 01:29:01.000 --> 01:29:02.399 It made me really explore that. 1668 01:29:02.399 --> 01:29:06.199 Idea and then just thinking about us talking obviously, this 1669 01:29:06.279 --> 01:29:09.239 is a big part of the movie, right of this 1670 01:29:09.319 --> 01:29:11.920 idea that they are feeling each other's feelings and connected 1671 01:29:11.960 --> 01:29:15.680 in that way, like what it would do to your psyche? 1672 01:29:16.319 --> 01:29:19.760 And I wonder if it works easier on a kid 1673 01:29:19.800 --> 01:29:23.680 because kids are also so much more flexible in what 1674 01:29:23.720 --> 01:29:28.319 they believe to be possible and more open hearted than 1675 01:29:28.359 --> 01:29:30.840 adults are. That's what I love about working with kids. 1676 01:29:31.159 --> 01:29:35.720 They're very honest, even when they're lying. It's they lie 1677 01:29:35.720 --> 01:29:37.640 in a very honest way where they can't they don't 1678 01:29:37.640 --> 01:29:41.720 lie very well, or they lie very obviously, And they're 1679 01:29:41.760 --> 01:29:46.079 just more receptive to ideas, And it would I think 1680 01:29:46.119 --> 01:29:48.239 it'd be really interesting if we did see a version 1681 01:29:48.279 --> 01:29:52.600 of this where et tried to connect with an adult, 1682 01:29:53.359 --> 01:29:54.479 Like how different would that be? 1683 01:29:54.640 --> 01:29:55.199 Would that look? 1684 01:29:55.279 --> 01:29:55.359 Like? 1685 01:29:56.279 --> 01:29:58.399 I don't think an adult would ever have been safe 1686 01:29:58.520 --> 01:30:01.000 enough or open enough. It had been too scared and 1687 01:30:01.039 --> 01:30:07.159 overwhelmed than not connecting to oh you're also scared. Maybe 1688 01:30:07.199 --> 01:30:11.560 if I give you food. I think about how many adults, 1689 01:30:12.039 --> 01:30:14.600 but adults connect to ET. I would you? 1690 01:30:15.239 --> 01:30:17.039 I mean, of course I would like to think I would, 1691 01:30:17.520 --> 01:30:21.640 But I'm also a child therapist who thinks these thoughts already. 1692 01:30:22.520 --> 01:30:25.720 And also he is like, what goes up to my 1693 01:30:26.039 --> 01:30:27.760 fucking thigh? 1694 01:30:27.960 --> 01:30:28.520 You know what I mean? 1695 01:30:28.680 --> 01:30:31.039 Like it might be different if ET was the same 1696 01:30:31.079 --> 01:30:32.119 size as me. 1697 01:30:32.479 --> 01:30:34.680 Unless he goes directly up to your belly button and 1698 01:30:34.720 --> 01:30:36.800 it happens to have a second mouth, like the alien 1699 01:30:36.880 --> 01:30:41.039 queen you don't know, Yeah, see right in your belly button. 1700 01:30:41.039 --> 01:30:43.600 But I think if like a little a little creature 1701 01:30:43.680 --> 01:30:47.560 was like like screaming and looked really freaked out, I 1702 01:30:47.600 --> 01:30:49.720 think I'd just be more like, please, don't be an animal 1703 01:30:49.640 --> 01:30:52.079 that would bite me would be my first thought. But 1704 01:30:52.119 --> 01:30:54.000 then if they imprinted on me, I don't know, I'd 1705 01:30:54.039 --> 01:30:57.039 like to. I want to believe in myself that ET 1706 01:30:57.279 --> 01:31:00.880 could imprint upon me if needed. I want to believe 1707 01:31:00.920 --> 01:31:05.640 in that version of myself. And so now we're going 1708 01:31:05.680 --> 01:31:09.920 to talk about treatment today. I am just going to 1709 01:31:09.920 --> 01:31:13.960 be talking a little bit about co parenting in divorce 1710 01:31:14.199 --> 01:31:19.640 situations or separation experiences. And part of the reason why 1711 01:31:19.680 --> 01:31:23.479 I wanted to talk about. This is because being in 1712 01:31:23.520 --> 01:31:26.359 the field for ten years, I work with a lot 1713 01:31:26.399 --> 01:31:32.039 of people who are changing their relationship, ending their relationship, 1714 01:31:33.640 --> 01:31:37.960 just doing different things that affect their children, And I 1715 01:31:38.079 --> 01:31:41.720 feel like one of the really big missed aspects of 1716 01:31:41.760 --> 01:31:46.960 this is, no matter what happens, you're both going to 1717 01:31:46.960 --> 01:31:50.920 be the parents to these kids until you're both dead, okay, 1718 01:31:52.079 --> 01:31:55.079 which means you have to find a way to act 1719 01:31:55.199 --> 01:31:59.000 like a fucking grown up and co parent with someone 1720 01:31:59.039 --> 01:32:03.239 else because it's about the children and not about whatever 1721 01:32:03.279 --> 01:32:07.439 bullshit you and your partner had going on before when 1722 01:32:07.439 --> 01:32:09.680 you had kids. Now that you're not together, it's all 1723 01:32:09.720 --> 01:32:12.159 about the children. How are you going to manage that? 1724 01:32:12.560 --> 01:32:15.119 How are you going to help them adjust? How are 1725 01:32:15.159 --> 01:32:17.119 you going to make sure that the kids have room 1726 01:32:17.159 --> 01:32:18.960 and space to talk about what they need to talk 1727 01:32:19.000 --> 01:32:21.880 about and not feel the way that Mike and Elliott do, 1728 01:32:22.319 --> 01:32:24.279 which is where they have to protect their mom from 1729 01:32:24.359 --> 01:32:26.880 information they know about their dad, because, believe it or not, 1730 01:32:27.159 --> 01:32:30.560 the other parent will teach them everything they need to 1731 01:32:30.600 --> 01:32:34.239 know about what kind of person they are. You trying 1732 01:32:34.279 --> 01:32:37.119 to instill that in the children ahead of time is 1733 01:32:37.119 --> 01:32:39.640 going to have an impact on your relationship with your 1734 01:32:39.720 --> 01:32:41.920 children more than it's going to have an effect on 1735 01:32:41.960 --> 01:32:47.479 their relationship with your ex partner. So something that I 1736 01:32:47.600 --> 01:32:50.760 want to just make clear, and also something that I 1737 01:32:50.880 --> 01:32:54.479 really experienced as a kid growing up just having parents again, 1738 01:32:54.640 --> 01:32:59.199 my parents are also almost like they're so effed up 1739 01:32:59.239 --> 01:33:02.079 that it's like hard to even it's hard to use 1740 01:33:02.119 --> 01:33:04.680 them as a comparison sometimes honestly because of how kind 1741 01:33:04.680 --> 01:33:09.119 of unwell people they are. And I had two parents 1742 01:33:09.640 --> 01:33:12.359 who were both bad mouthing each other on a regular 1743 01:33:12.399 --> 01:33:15.319 basis to us kids, putting us in a place where 1744 01:33:15.319 --> 01:33:17.399 now we had to decide how we felt about that 1745 01:33:17.560 --> 01:33:21.720 parent in front of the other parent. So just make 1746 01:33:21.800 --> 01:33:25.319 sure that even if you're done having a relationship with 1747 01:33:25.359 --> 01:33:28.439 this person that you made children with, you will still 1748 01:33:28.479 --> 01:33:30.239 have to find a way to get along with them. 1749 01:33:30.640 --> 01:33:33.319 It is still your job to help support the children 1750 01:33:33.800 --> 01:33:37.560 as they grow up. And yes, past eighteen, all that 1751 01:33:37.560 --> 01:33:39.920 shit about oh it's over when they're eighteen, you are 1752 01:33:39.960 --> 01:33:42.279 so fucking wrong. You know when it's over when you're dead. 1753 01:33:43.039 --> 01:33:47.720 That's the real answer. So please have some insight and 1754 01:33:47.760 --> 01:33:51.159 some awareness that you are pulling the rug out from 1755 01:33:51.199 --> 01:33:54.079 underneath your children's feet. And if you can't figure out 1756 01:33:54.119 --> 01:33:56.520 a way to co parent, you are going to have 1757 01:33:56.600 --> 01:33:58.960 a really big impact on the way that your children 1758 01:33:59.039 --> 01:34:03.399 see relationship, the way that they communic about communicate about relationships, 1759 01:34:03.399 --> 01:34:07.159 and their expectations when they're in relationships with a partner, 1760 01:34:07.399 --> 01:34:10.000 and how they would treat their own children. So please 1761 01:34:10.520 --> 01:34:15.279 don't be a fucking asshole, because kids really need time 1762 01:34:15.359 --> 01:34:18.359 and space to have this big adjustment that we're talking 1763 01:34:18.359 --> 01:34:22.760 about that Mike and Gerty and Elliott all have. That's 1764 01:34:22.760 --> 01:34:26.800 all I have to say about treatment and to jump 1765 01:34:26.800 --> 01:34:29.520 on that. What I wanted to tell people too, is 1766 01:34:29.560 --> 01:34:33.880 that there is family therapy you can do that's like 1767 01:34:33.920 --> 01:34:36.760 co parenting, Like I've worked with co parents where I'm 1768 01:34:36.840 --> 01:34:39.079 just working with them, I'm not working with the kids, 1769 01:34:39.119 --> 01:34:42.359 so it's like family therapy without the kids there. And 1770 01:34:42.439 --> 01:34:45.960 you can also do like mediation that's more therapeutically and 1771 01:34:46.039 --> 01:34:49.960 that's more therapeutic in nature to kind of help mediate 1772 01:34:50.039 --> 01:34:53.720 what Hannah's talking about, which is if there is bad 1773 01:34:53.800 --> 01:34:57.319 blood because of what happened between the two of you, 1774 01:34:57.439 --> 01:35:01.359 or you can't even maybe have like a conversation without 1775 01:35:01.399 --> 01:35:04.560 it falling apart emotionally between the two of you, that 1776 01:35:04.640 --> 01:35:07.159 there are people who do our job that can do 1777 01:35:07.199 --> 01:35:10.560 it in a more structured way that isn't even necessarily 1778 01:35:11.239 --> 01:35:14.239 emotional in nature, like you don't have to get into 1779 01:35:13.760 --> 01:35:17.159 the what force about your relationship to each other and 1780 01:35:17.199 --> 01:35:20.119 like making yourself good with each other necessarily. They can 1781 01:35:20.199 --> 01:35:23.560 be more how do we run the business of our 1782 01:35:23.640 --> 01:35:28.359 family civilly as like and when I've worked with parents 1783 01:35:28.439 --> 01:35:31.039 like that, it is more about like how do I 1784 01:35:31.079 --> 01:35:32.479 can we get on the same page with how we're 1785 01:35:32.560 --> 01:35:36.079 viewing our relationship to each other and what it means 1786 01:35:36.159 --> 01:35:40.960 to be healing our relationship as a couple versus as 1787 01:35:41.000 --> 01:35:45.520 co parents, and which is different than also friends, like 1788 01:35:45.600 --> 01:35:47.359 do we want to be friends and co parents? Do 1789 01:35:47.399 --> 01:35:50.079 we just want to be business partners? Which, depending on 1790 01:35:50.079 --> 01:35:53.199 how the relationship ends, it can be different, Like they 1791 01:35:53.199 --> 01:35:56.319 can have different opinions too, Like I've worked with divorce 1792 01:35:56.399 --> 01:35:58.279 code parents where one of them wanted to be friends 1793 01:35:58.640 --> 01:36:00.880 and the other one was like, I'm not interesting because 1794 01:36:00.880 --> 01:36:05.640 of how we ended our relationship what happened. And my 1795 01:36:05.760 --> 01:36:11.199 job in those situations has been to kind of support 1796 01:36:11.199 --> 01:36:14.079 both the parents, but both support the parent who's asking 1797 01:36:14.119 --> 01:36:16.279 for that, but also support the other print understanding like 1798 01:36:16.800 --> 01:36:18.720 it's Okay, if they don't want to be your friend 1799 01:36:18.800 --> 01:36:22.159 right now, you can still be friendly and how you 1800 01:36:22.199 --> 01:36:25.520 parent your kids. But for my treatment, I was thinking 1801 01:36:25.560 --> 01:36:29.119 about working with the mom, and really all I wanted 1802 01:36:29.119 --> 01:36:31.039 to articulate with the mom is I think she would 1803 01:36:31.039 --> 01:36:33.239 just do great with just probably good old fashioned talk therapy. 1804 01:36:33.439 --> 01:36:36.359 Just having someone another adult that she can just talk 1805 01:36:36.399 --> 01:36:38.600 about Mexico, with all those moments where she mutters about 1806 01:36:38.600 --> 01:36:41.560 Mexico in the movie, would have been a great if 1807 01:36:41.560 --> 01:36:44.199 she'd had an outlet like therapy. Maybe she could go 1808 01:36:44.279 --> 01:36:45.439 to therapy and just be like. 1809 01:36:45.399 --> 01:36:47.399 He's going to Betico, Da da da. 1810 01:36:47.479 --> 01:36:49.359 So I think she needs an outlet one And then 1811 01:36:49.800 --> 01:36:52.840 but two, I wanted to just put a reminder out 1812 01:36:52.880 --> 01:36:56.319 there that there's no like coping skill I could teach 1813 01:36:56.319 --> 01:37:01.079 her that will overcompensate for her lack of support system. 1814 01:37:01.159 --> 01:37:03.000 So I think what I would also want to figure 1815 01:37:03.039 --> 01:37:07.279 out with her early in our work together is what 1816 01:37:07.439 --> 01:37:11.760 your support system look like? Could it be better? And 1817 01:37:11.800 --> 01:37:13.399 what does that look like? Because also going back to 1818 01:37:13.439 --> 01:37:17.079 what we were saying about how divorce was maybe more 1819 01:37:17.119 --> 01:37:20.840 common but still pretty socially taboo at that time, or 1820 01:37:20.880 --> 01:37:23.560 it was still more like that's your family's business kind 1821 01:37:23.600 --> 01:37:28.359 of thing is is she letting people help her because 1822 01:37:29.119 --> 01:37:31.199 she's trying to seem fine, you know what I mean? 1823 01:37:31.199 --> 01:37:32.439 Which I think would be really real. 1824 01:37:33.079 --> 01:37:35.279 Is their family that's far away that she needs to 1825 01:37:35.319 --> 01:37:36.720 ask for help with? 1826 01:37:36.840 --> 01:37:38.239 Does somebody to come out and help them? 1827 01:37:38.600 --> 01:37:40.720 So I think I just want to put out there 1828 01:37:40.760 --> 01:37:43.800 too that like, you can't out therapize a lack of 1829 01:37:43.800 --> 01:37:46.119 a support system and a lack of resources. And so 1830 01:37:46.199 --> 01:37:48.359 I think for her, part of what I want to 1831 01:37:48.399 --> 01:37:50.439 work on her with is like, do you have friends, 1832 01:37:50.520 --> 01:37:52.760 do you have family? Are there people that you could 1833 01:37:52.840 --> 01:37:55.159 be sharing more with that you're not that you could 1834 01:37:55.199 --> 01:37:58.359 be asking for more help from. Is it okay if 1835 01:37:58.399 --> 01:38:01.159 you need to put your kids in latch key? Are 1836 01:38:01.199 --> 01:38:03.720 you not using some resources like that because you feel 1837 01:38:03.760 --> 01:38:07.199 a type of way about it. So that's something i'd 1838 01:38:07.199 --> 01:38:08.960 want to hammer out with her first, as well as 1839 01:38:08.960 --> 01:38:10.600 giving her a place to just kind of like talk 1840 01:38:10.640 --> 01:38:13.159 and cry. I don't think she needs more than that 1841 01:38:13.279 --> 01:38:15.960 in therapy. We'd have to hit those two things and 1842 01:38:15.960 --> 01:38:17.560 then go from there. But that's what I would do 1843 01:38:17.600 --> 01:38:18.079 with the mom. 1844 01:38:19.199 --> 01:38:23.199 So as I was watching this, realizing that there's a 1845 01:38:23.239 --> 01:38:26.159 lot of people who are probably going to need therapy. 1846 01:38:26.199 --> 01:38:31.000 I also like honed in on Mom, and the trauma 1847 01:38:31.039 --> 01:38:35.520 therapist's side of my brain and grief therapist side of 1848 01:38:35.560 --> 01:38:38.479 my brain was looking at This is a person who 1849 01:38:38.520 --> 01:38:44.359 is grieving and is stuck and clearly the impact of 1850 01:38:44.439 --> 01:38:49.319 what is happening to her and how it happened. There 1851 01:38:49.399 --> 01:38:55.319 is a running subtext in her story here. She has 1852 01:38:55.319 --> 01:38:58.279 not had time or space. And while I agree that 1853 01:38:58.319 --> 01:39:01.840 traditional talk therapy is a method that would certainly work 1854 01:39:01.840 --> 01:39:04.399 for her, time and space to talk to another adult 1855 01:39:04.439 --> 01:39:07.520 who's there to show to let her be cared for 1856 01:39:08.199 --> 01:39:12.279 is huge, and it may not require the specialty things, 1857 01:39:12.279 --> 01:39:18.359 but space, empathy, support, non judgment, basic person centered skills 1858 01:39:18.399 --> 01:39:22.520 would go really far for someone like her. However, the 1859 01:39:22.560 --> 01:39:26.680 trauma therapist side in me wonders with the impact of 1860 01:39:27.880 --> 01:39:33.640 an alien dying on your floor and your child also 1861 01:39:33.880 --> 01:39:37.000 almost dying because it is psychically connected to this alien, 1862 01:39:37.119 --> 01:39:41.560 You being helpless while also having to care, especially for 1863 01:39:41.600 --> 01:39:47.600 your youngest child. That would cause some split brain processing 1864 01:39:48.079 --> 01:39:53.800 which she's already stuck in. So this is grounds for 1865 01:39:54.399 --> 01:39:57.199 complex trauma to exist. And what I mean by split 1866 01:39:57.239 --> 01:40:01.159 brain processing is that when we are are overwhelmed by 1867 01:40:01.159 --> 01:40:05.239 the circumstances, our survival side of our brain, which is 1868 01:40:05.239 --> 01:40:09.239 on the right your amygdalan olympic system turn on to 1869 01:40:09.680 --> 01:40:13.039 respond to threat, and you're going to do whatever it 1870 01:40:13.119 --> 01:40:15.479 is that occurs to you is the most likely thing 1871 01:40:15.800 --> 01:40:19.279 to handle the situation. Clearly, she could not help Elliott. 1872 01:40:19.359 --> 01:40:22.399 She had doctors there, they had people there to help her, 1873 01:40:22.439 --> 01:40:24.720 like she was trying to comfort him and be with him, 1874 01:40:24.760 --> 01:40:28.880 but she couldn't do anything. But she could help Gertie, 1875 01:40:30.159 --> 01:40:32.720 so she did. She did what she could do. But 1876 01:40:32.840 --> 01:40:35.760 the mom's side of her that's also attached to her 1877 01:40:35.800 --> 01:40:38.640 other child that couldn't do anything to help him, is 1878 01:40:38.680 --> 01:40:42.159 going to struggle with that later when she has time. 1879 01:40:42.600 --> 01:40:46.760 Split brain processing means that survival side I mentioned is 1880 01:40:46.840 --> 01:40:50.239 on and responding, but your logical side is recording at 1881 01:40:50.239 --> 01:40:53.520 the same time. And processing is the word we use 1882 01:40:53.600 --> 01:40:58.079 for when the event is over and those two databases 1883 01:40:58.199 --> 01:41:02.279 try to sync back up, and sometimes that happens all 1884 01:41:02.279 --> 01:41:05.920 by itself with some time. It's why acute stress event 1885 01:41:06.279 --> 01:41:09.520 like this we give people thirty days before we can 1886 01:41:09.560 --> 01:41:14.199 assign them a diagnosis of PTSD. Oftentimes these things resolve, 1887 01:41:14.760 --> 01:41:18.920 especially if the pearson has afforded space to care for themselves, 1888 01:41:19.439 --> 01:41:22.399 a place and a way to debrief and talk about this, 1889 01:41:23.000 --> 01:41:25.399 that their emotions are cared for, that they're given some 1890 01:41:25.520 --> 01:41:28.760 reassurance that they did the best that they could. Because 1891 01:41:29.520 --> 01:41:32.359 our feelings brain is going to know one thing, and 1892 01:41:32.399 --> 01:41:34.439 it knows the truth of what we did and didn't do, 1893 01:41:34.880 --> 01:41:38.560 and our logical brain knows the why. And there's a 1894 01:41:38.560 --> 01:41:42.039 lot of times in therapy like this where the why 1895 01:41:42.239 --> 01:41:45.680 and what we did come really close to seeking up 1896 01:41:45.720 --> 01:41:48.560 and you can feel someone almost buying into like, Hey, 1897 01:41:48.960 --> 01:41:51.920 you did the best you could. You did what you 1898 01:41:51.960 --> 01:41:54.560 could and that was all you could do. It's okay 1899 01:41:54.800 --> 01:41:56.800 that that's all you could do. That that's the truth, 1900 01:41:57.600 --> 01:42:01.000 and they're still going to be liked. Almost get there 1901 01:42:01.000 --> 01:42:04.359 and then yeah, but I didn't go like rush to 1902 01:42:04.399 --> 01:42:06.279 my child's side. I didn't do it. I didn't do that. 1903 01:42:06.600 --> 01:42:08.760 I just didn't do all that I could have possibly 1904 01:42:08.800 --> 01:42:13.399 done under all possible theoretical circumstances. Did there were things 1905 01:42:13.399 --> 01:42:16.600 I didn't do and they know that. In processing, we 1906 01:42:16.640 --> 01:42:19.560 find peace with that, going no, there really wasn't anything 1907 01:42:19.560 --> 01:42:20.920 I could do. I did all that I could do, 1908 01:42:21.119 --> 01:42:24.159 and I'm not a bad person because of that. That's 1909 01:42:24.199 --> 01:42:28.000 just all there was. The emotional side doesn't give a shit, 1910 01:42:28.520 --> 01:42:30.239 and it's like, yeah, you weren't the best mom you 1911 01:42:30.279 --> 01:42:33.720 could be, so you're terrible. So when I am watching her, 1912 01:42:33.840 --> 01:42:37.840 not only is she struggling with whatever happened in her 1913 01:42:38.000 --> 01:42:42.800 marriage where and you know, as we assume, it's quite 1914 01:42:42.840 --> 01:42:46.399 possible that there was some extramarital activity on the side 1915 01:42:46.439 --> 01:42:49.640 of the husband, and that he's moving on awful quick 1916 01:42:49.760 --> 01:42:51.680 and going to a place that maybe she would have 1917 01:42:51.720 --> 01:42:54.199 liked to go because they live in the valley, and 1918 01:42:54.439 --> 01:42:56.880 maybe she wants to crane kick this motherfucker in the 1919 01:42:56.960 --> 01:43:01.319 head like Daniel l Arrusso. But maybe she also really 1920 01:43:01.359 --> 01:43:03.079 would have liked to go on vacation with him when 1921 01:43:03.079 --> 01:43:07.119 they're married to Mexico and do the whole tropical fantasy 1922 01:43:07.159 --> 01:43:10.600 thing because the valley is not that. But she didn't 1923 01:43:10.600 --> 01:43:11.800 get to do that, and now he's doing it with 1924 01:43:11.840 --> 01:43:15.800 another woman, and she's clearly struggling at that. But now 1925 01:43:15.840 --> 01:43:19.600 you combine that trauma and that loss with the trauma 1926 01:43:19.680 --> 01:43:25.880 and loss of possible loss of her child to space disease. 1927 01:43:26.720 --> 01:43:29.960 You can't anticipate respond to protect him from There's nothing 1928 01:43:29.960 --> 01:43:32.960 you can do that is ground for complex trauma because 1929 01:43:33.000 --> 01:43:35.119 there are multiple layers of things going on in an 1930 01:43:35.199 --> 01:43:39.520 already weakened state. So I think, from my point of view, 1931 01:43:40.479 --> 01:43:45.159 exploring that and offering care for mom to kind of 1932 01:43:45.199 --> 01:43:50.560 reconnect her to her resources, do trauma debriefings and then 1933 01:43:50.680 --> 01:43:57.159 work on using EMDR or CPT or somatic experiencing type 1934 01:43:57.199 --> 01:44:01.840 techniques all geared at helping her says whatever she could 1935 01:44:01.880 --> 01:44:07.159 not physically handle feeling, and help her work through all 1936 01:44:07.199 --> 01:44:14.159 of those likely stuck emotions from the horrified, frozen, stuck 1937 01:44:14.239 --> 01:44:16.359 place she was where that was really all she could do. 1938 01:44:16.399 --> 01:44:17.840 The best thing she could do was get out of 1939 01:44:17.840 --> 01:44:20.039 the way, and that's the truth. But the part of 1940 01:44:20.079 --> 01:44:21.680 her that's a mom wants to care for her baby. 1941 01:44:21.720 --> 01:44:24.800 I care for my child needs care too, and how 1942 01:44:25.119 --> 01:44:30.359 permission to have stepped back? So it would take knowing 1943 01:44:30.439 --> 01:44:32.399 Mom's character a bit more to give you an accurate 1944 01:44:32.399 --> 01:44:34.439 answer of what technique would choose, But I would be 1945 01:44:35.199 --> 01:44:41.199 likely floating in and out of techniques helping Mom ground feel, 1946 01:44:41.760 --> 01:44:45.479 reassure her, and help her connect to a way that 1947 01:44:45.520 --> 01:44:49.520 she can feel everything she needs to feel while also 1948 01:44:49.680 --> 01:44:54.880 having any negative thoughts about herself, judgments, shame, and guilt 1949 01:44:55.680 --> 01:44:59.319 resolve so that she can give herself permission to process 1950 01:44:59.359 --> 01:45:01.800 the rest of it without holding on to guilt of 1951 01:45:01.800 --> 01:45:05.520 what she didn't do because she couldn't. So let's take 1952 01:45:05.520 --> 01:45:07.239 a break here and we'll go to final thoughts. 1953 01:45:08.119 --> 01:45:09.760 Or who wants to go first with final thoughts? 1954 01:45:09.760 --> 01:45:15.479 I'll go first, and we're back with final thoughts now 1955 01:45:15.520 --> 01:45:16.640 that I turned my microphone on. 1956 01:45:17.960 --> 01:45:21.560 So I love ET. I've always loved ET. 1957 01:45:21.840 --> 01:45:23.960 I don't know how old I was when I watched it, 1958 01:45:24.680 --> 01:45:29.039 but a part of watching it today was really I 1959 01:45:29.079 --> 01:45:31.840 invited some of my younger parts to watch it with me, 1960 01:45:32.680 --> 01:45:36.720 just to see, and I felt some like goosebumps at 1961 01:45:36.720 --> 01:45:39.199 different parts that I don't remember feeling that I only 1962 01:45:39.279 --> 01:45:41.760 remember feeling the first time I watched it, So that 1963 01:45:41.920 --> 01:45:45.439 was really fun and interesting. But mostly I just really 1964 01:45:45.720 --> 01:45:49.720 enjoyed the relationship between the siblings, and I love the 1965 01:45:49.760 --> 01:45:53.640 relationship with Elliott and Et. And also as a fun 1966 01:45:53.760 --> 01:45:57.960 silly thing, when I was a baby, I used to 1967 01:45:58.000 --> 01:46:00.680 stretch my neck up like Eat he did, and my 1968 01:46:00.720 --> 01:46:04.479 mom called me Et because I was brown and fuzzy, 1969 01:46:06.399 --> 01:46:07.960 but she said that I would do that. I would 1970 01:46:08.000 --> 01:46:09.800 like stretch my neck up like I was ET, and 1971 01:46:09.800 --> 01:46:10.520 she would call me that. 1972 01:46:13.079 --> 01:46:15.000 But yeah, so I really love this movie. 1973 01:46:15.159 --> 01:46:19.239 It's I remember I was very young when I saw 1974 01:46:19.279 --> 01:46:21.159 it the first time for sure, don't even remember how 1975 01:46:21.199 --> 01:46:24.159 old I was, But I love this movie and I 1976 01:46:24.199 --> 01:46:25.640 will definitely watch it again. 1977 01:46:27.079 --> 01:46:31.560 I haven't watched ET in years, but as I watched 1978 01:46:31.600 --> 01:46:35.359 it just this weekend and introduced my childhood for the 1979 01:46:35.399 --> 01:46:39.119 second time, and she, like her mama, tends to fall 1980 01:46:39.119 --> 01:46:42.279 asleep watching movies sometimes, so we're gonna have to watch 1981 01:46:42.319 --> 01:46:45.960 the rest of it later. But realizing how scary it 1982 01:46:46.079 --> 01:46:50.720 is in the beginning and how how many horror techniques 1983 01:46:50.760 --> 01:46:53.000 of Eelberg used to kind of capture the fear of 1984 01:46:53.039 --> 01:46:57.119 ET really stuck out to me. And then as we evolve, 1985 01:46:57.239 --> 01:47:00.279 watching the growth in all of that, and every thing 1986 01:47:00.359 --> 01:47:02.159 isn't what it seems, and if you can learn to 1987 01:47:02.239 --> 01:47:06.359 approach things with a childlike wonder, you might see something 1988 01:47:06.600 --> 01:47:10.119 different than you thought you were going to. It seems 1989 01:47:10.119 --> 01:47:11.800 to be like really the theme of this movie, and 1990 01:47:11.800 --> 01:47:15.359 that reconnecting to things with heart can really open you 1991 01:47:15.520 --> 01:47:20.079 up to experience the world in a safer, more universal way. 1992 01:47:20.079 --> 01:47:24.399 And realizing that living things all feel fear, feel love, 1993 01:47:24.439 --> 01:47:27.039 feel connection, and know when they're safe and when they're not. 1994 01:47:27.119 --> 01:47:31.079 And if you can create safety, you can find love 1995 01:47:31.119 --> 01:47:33.159 and connection in a way that you'd never find before. 1996 01:47:33.319 --> 01:47:35.479 If you ever owned a pet, you'll understand that real quick. 1997 01:47:35.920 --> 01:47:38.319 I don't speak the same language, but you've got to 1998 01:47:38.359 --> 01:47:40.840 convince each other that this is a bond and this 1999 01:47:40.920 --> 01:47:43.760 is our best chance for survival. I think this movie 2000 01:47:43.800 --> 01:47:48.279 did that in beautiful ways, and it's why it's even 2001 01:47:48.319 --> 01:47:51.840 though it's a movie with puppets and weird goofy hands 2002 01:47:51.920 --> 01:47:56.680 and some really scary sequences, people have taken to it 2003 01:47:56.760 --> 01:47:58.119 for a long time, and I think it's going to 2004 01:47:58.159 --> 01:48:00.920 continue to enter because it's a special film and the 2005 01:48:01.239 --> 01:48:05.119 Star Wars nerd in me very much enjoys all the references, 2006 01:48:05.239 --> 01:48:08.560 especially et looking at the kid that's Yoda, Justice Yoda 2007 01:48:08.600 --> 01:48:15.000 and goes like home. And then for later because Spielberg 2008 01:48:15.039 --> 01:48:18.880 and Lucas are friends and frequently collaborate, even officially or unofficially, 2009 01:48:19.399 --> 01:48:24.720 that later on, apparently Spielberg directed some of the Yoda 2010 01:48:24.800 --> 01:48:30.399 versus Palpatine fight in episode three, and we see et 2011 01:48:30.680 --> 01:48:33.880 species show up in Star Wars in a couple of points. 2012 01:48:33.960 --> 01:48:37.159 So really, what this movie is establishing if we're going 2013 01:48:37.199 --> 01:48:41.359 to play the meta narrative back is that a long 2014 01:48:41.399 --> 01:48:44.479 time ago in a galaxy far far away is still 2015 01:48:44.479 --> 01:48:48.439 connected to our world because if Et exists in our world, 2016 01:48:48.680 --> 01:48:54.760 therefore so too does Star Wars Transit of property. Praise be, 2017 01:48:54.960 --> 01:48:58.239 but I still enjoyed this movie. It was a It 2018 01:48:58.279 --> 01:49:00.640 was a fun watch and watching it from the adult 2019 01:49:00.680 --> 01:49:02.800 point of view and catching all those things that you 2020 01:49:02.880 --> 01:49:05.359 don't catch during the scary parts of the film as 2021 01:49:05.399 --> 01:49:08.439 a kid because they're scary, but watches an adult realize 2022 01:49:08.920 --> 01:49:10.760 he goes. It's kind of like what a hospital is, 2023 01:49:10.800 --> 01:49:13.800 and what adults do is they operate out of fear 2024 01:49:13.920 --> 01:49:17.279 and think that their knowledge is going to be the 2025 01:49:17.359 --> 01:49:20.560 key to everything, and it's not. It's hard, just like 2026 01:49:20.600 --> 01:49:25.600 being a therapist, technique or relationship which one works relationship. 2027 01:49:27.840 --> 01:49:30.159 I love this movie. I've loved it since I was 2028 01:49:30.199 --> 01:49:32.840 a kid. I get emotional every time I watch it. 2029 01:49:33.359 --> 01:49:37.920 I get emotional in the scene in the Quarantine when 2030 01:49:39.640 --> 01:49:42.680 Elliott's saying like he came to me, when there's all 2031 01:49:42.720 --> 01:49:45.800 the confusion going on and ET's dying and Elliot's kind 2032 01:49:45.800 --> 01:49:49.399 of starting to die but come back to life. I 2033 01:49:49.439 --> 01:49:53.439 also cry a lot in the very end scene when 2034 01:49:54.600 --> 01:49:56.800 each says to him like I'll be right here, and 2035 01:49:56.880 --> 01:50:00.159 like touches his third eye. And I think it's such 2036 01:50:00.359 --> 01:50:03.960 wonderfully sensitive movie. I think it's a really compassionate movie. 2037 01:50:04.520 --> 01:50:06.880 I think, like I said, a lot of movies by 2038 01:50:06.880 --> 01:50:12.600 Spielberg really respect kids. And I obviously respect kids as 2039 01:50:12.640 --> 01:50:14.680 I work with them. And I think it, like I said, 2040 01:50:14.680 --> 01:50:19.800 it respects how much that kids can't understand things well 2041 01:50:20.439 --> 01:50:23.279 because they're coming at it from a more emotional, open 2042 01:50:23.279 --> 01:50:28.159 hearted place. And I think it's a really beautiful movie 2043 01:50:28.199 --> 01:50:34.239 about connection and empathy. And I like that it ends 2044 01:50:34.279 --> 01:50:39.279 with the Keys, the guy keys, standing back and kind 2045 01:50:39.319 --> 01:50:42.600 of letting them have their goodbye and then letting it 2046 01:50:42.720 --> 01:50:47.119 t go off. That is more important about like being human, 2047 01:50:47.239 --> 01:50:52.920 like showing humanity and empathy versus conquering and power and domination, 2048 01:50:53.039 --> 01:50:54.880 all that stuff that kids don't really think about. 2049 01:50:55.520 --> 01:50:57.479 Kids aren't really awkward like that unless. 2050 01:50:57.159 --> 01:51:00.199 They are being raised by adults or around it all 2051 01:51:00.239 --> 01:51:01.119 to operate like that. 2052 01:51:01.840 --> 01:51:03.159 And so I love this movie. 2053 01:51:03.520 --> 01:51:05.319 I think every time I watch it, I notice more 2054 01:51:05.399 --> 01:51:09.159 parts that are clues to us that Et and Elliot 2055 01:51:09.760 --> 01:51:13.399 are connected, like almost right away, like the getting tired. 2056 01:51:13.399 --> 01:51:16.039 At the same time, there's all these little moments where 2057 01:51:16.920 --> 01:51:21.119 Elliott seems to know psychically obviously that Et is like 2058 01:51:21.199 --> 01:51:23.119 hungry or you know what I mean. Like there's a 2059 01:51:23.159 --> 01:51:28.479 lot of It's a really well written script that really 2060 01:51:28.560 --> 01:51:30.359 answers a lot of questions before you even realize that 2061 01:51:30.399 --> 01:51:31.159 they're questions. 2062 01:51:31.760 --> 01:51:33.479 And So I love this movie. I should. 2063 01:51:33.920 --> 01:51:36.119 I should have my little nieces and nephew's watch it soon. 2064 01:51:36.159 --> 01:51:36.920 I think they love it. 2065 01:51:37.279 --> 01:51:39.840 My one niece is really into Grumlins right now, so 2066 01:51:39.920 --> 01:51:41.920 I think ET would be right in her wheelhouse and 2067 01:51:41.960 --> 01:51:46.800 obviously a lot less inappropriate than Grumblins and Grumlins. 2068 01:51:46.279 --> 01:51:47.640 Too, which I need to do. 2069 01:51:48.600 --> 01:51:49.000 I don't know. 2070 01:51:49.079 --> 01:51:51.560 I've watched Grumlins a few times now recently because of her, 2071 01:51:52.159 --> 01:51:54.479 and they're ain't much their homie unless you want to 2072 01:51:54.520 --> 01:51:59.199 talk about a guy who can't get his dreams off 2073 01:51:59.199 --> 01:52:01.279 of the ground, which is the dad of the main 2074 01:52:01.319 --> 01:52:03.840 character and Grandmains who keeps inventing different things that go 2075 01:52:04.000 --> 01:52:06.239 to shit in his house. It's also a movie about 2076 01:52:06.239 --> 01:52:09.720 a really permissive, loving wife who just lets that stuffkeep 2077 01:52:09.720 --> 01:52:13.119 opening in our house. But I love this movie. I 2078 01:52:13.119 --> 01:52:15.359 think this movie so has a lot to tell the kids. 2079 01:52:15.359 --> 01:52:18.840 I saw it the music Box live on a big screen, 2080 01:52:19.199 --> 01:52:22.239 which was really cool to see with kids there who 2081 01:52:22.319 --> 01:52:25.000 probably sing it for the first time. And I really 2082 01:52:25.600 --> 01:52:27.199 this is one of my favorite movies I think of 2083 01:52:27.239 --> 01:52:31.439 all time, especially kid movies. So on that note, if 2084 01:52:31.520 --> 01:52:33.840 you want to tell us what you think about the movie, 2085 01:52:33.880 --> 01:52:36.960 you can always email us at popcorn psychologygmail dot com. 2086 01:52:37.359 --> 01:52:41.520 You can find us on Facebook and Instagram at popcorn Psychology. 2087 01:52:42.159 --> 01:52:45.199 We're not really on TikTok anymore because of you know, 2088 01:52:45.279 --> 01:52:50.000 fascist buyouts. We're not on Twitter anymore because of fascist biouts, 2089 01:52:50.279 --> 01:52:52.680 so it's really shrinking. We're barely on the other ones 2090 01:52:52.720 --> 01:52:56.159 because of fascist buyouts. We're trying to figure out a 2091 01:52:56.159 --> 01:52:57.720 way out of meta, but I don't know if that's 2092 01:52:57.720 --> 01:52:58.640 possible right now. 2093 01:52:58.840 --> 01:52:59.720 Ben's working on that. 2094 01:53:00.239 --> 01:53:03.279 So the best way to get to us directly consistently 2095 01:53:03.399 --> 01:53:06.119 is three email, and also you can listen to us 2096 01:53:06.119 --> 01:53:08.600 wherever you find podcasts, and if you can rate and 2097 01:53:08.600 --> 01:53:11.359 review us wherever you listen. That is the best way 2098 01:53:11.439 --> 01:53:15.159 and the freest way to let other people know about us. 2099 01:53:15.199 --> 01:53:18.600 We really appreciate it. We read your reviews. And if 2100 01:53:18.640 --> 01:53:21.159 you want to sponsor us for a little bit of cash, 2101 01:53:21.199 --> 01:53:22.720 if you have any on hand, which I know is 2102 01:53:22.760 --> 01:53:26.239 a tough ask right now in this economy. 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