WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.000 --> 00:00:08.080 I'm Ali. I came out after twenty years of marriage 2 00:00:08.119 --> 00:00:09.160 and I have three kids. 3 00:00:09.960 --> 00:00:12.359 I'm Melissa and I have two kids, and I came 4 00:00:12.400 --> 00:00:14.880 out at thirty seven after an eleven year marriage. 5 00:00:15.359 --> 00:00:19.239 This podcast is about coming out later and the struggles 6 00:00:19.320 --> 00:00:20.719 and victories that come with it. 7 00:00:21.160 --> 00:00:22.920 When coming out feels like the end of the world, 8 00:00:23.320 --> 00:00:24.920 but it's really just the beginning. 9 00:00:25.640 --> 00:00:40.200 This is the Lesbian Chronicles. Welcome to the Lesbian Chronicles, Alane. 10 00:00:42.679 --> 00:00:46.479 When I commended Forever in her experience. 11 00:00:47.920 --> 00:00:51.759 When I recommended it to our friend, the filmmaker, I 12 00:00:51.799 --> 00:00:54.719 won't say any names. I was thinking it would be 13 00:00:54.719 --> 00:01:02.000 like a fun like foreplay for them. What let's go? 14 00:01:02.359 --> 00:01:05.400 Oh my god? Okay, give the details on what happened 15 00:01:05.400 --> 00:01:06.200 to New York City. 16 00:01:06.599 --> 00:01:09.439 Okay, guys, as many of you know, I've been in 17 00:01:09.719 --> 00:01:12.239 New York for my birthday. I'm home now. But while 18 00:01:12.280 --> 00:01:14.719 I was there, we went to and when I say we, 19 00:01:15.000 --> 00:01:17.560 I mean me and my twenty two year old Okay, 20 00:01:17.640 --> 00:01:23.599 she's very mature, very feminist, cidified like this isn't like 21 00:01:23.640 --> 00:01:26.159 a girl who gets pushed around. Okay, So I'm just 22 00:01:26.200 --> 00:01:29.920 gonna say that to start, and obviously neither am I. 23 00:01:32.159 --> 00:01:34.400 So we go to get a massage, and we specifically 24 00:01:34.439 --> 00:01:38.799 go in an area that's known for like cheap but 25 00:01:39.000 --> 00:01:44.040 good massages. Okay, okay, okay, And it's not far from 26 00:01:44.079 --> 00:01:48.560 these village. So we walked from my hotel to the 27 00:01:48.560 --> 00:01:52.480 place that I actually picked a different place, and Tatum said, yuck, 28 00:01:52.719 --> 00:01:55.799 that place is gross. We're not going there, like pick 29 00:01:56.040 --> 00:01:58.280 or I'll tell you, I'll pick somewhere. So she picked 30 00:01:58.280 --> 00:02:02.840 this place, so let's also say she picked it. And 31 00:02:02.879 --> 00:02:06.000 we get there and it's great, they check you in whatever, 32 00:02:06.519 --> 00:02:09.719 but all of a sudden and there's like a screen, 33 00:02:09.800 --> 00:02:13.199 there's like a curtain between my bed and Tatum's bed. 34 00:02:13.319 --> 00:02:14.000 Okay, okay. 35 00:02:15.280 --> 00:02:19.080 The massage is like you know, normally in a massage 36 00:02:19.080 --> 00:02:22.319 you do like half on your stomach, half on your back. Yeah, 37 00:02:22.360 --> 00:02:28.479 this massage was seventy to eighty percent. I can't say it. 38 00:02:28.960 --> 00:02:35.599 I'm on my stomach seventy to eighty percent thigh ass okay. 39 00:02:37.599 --> 00:02:42.199 And so I always wear underwear and massages, but like 40 00:02:42.319 --> 00:02:46.639 my underwear were like pulled slightly down and like they 41 00:02:46.800 --> 00:02:49.840 had originally had a blanket over all of me. That 42 00:02:49.879 --> 00:02:52.759 then I realized by the end, there's like no blanket, 43 00:02:52.800 --> 00:02:54.360 but I don't know when you're getting a massage. I 44 00:02:54.360 --> 00:02:57.240 don't even know that that fully matters that much, because 45 00:02:57.680 --> 00:02:59.360 why do you care if you see my arm? Just 46 00:02:59.439 --> 00:03:01.800 my arm, like you've already seen my ass now at 47 00:03:01.840 --> 00:03:05.280 this point, and I haven't flipped over yet. But okay, 48 00:03:05.319 --> 00:03:07.960 so we're getting the massage, and I don't see what's 49 00:03:07.960 --> 00:03:10.199 happening in her booth. I only know what's happening in 50 00:03:10.240 --> 00:03:12.599 my booth, and what's happening in my booth is nothing 51 00:03:13.719 --> 00:03:18.199 that goes too far, but it goes far enough that 52 00:03:18.360 --> 00:03:21.039 I'm like, what I'm planning in my mind what I'm 53 00:03:21.039 --> 00:03:23.280 going to say if it goes to the next step, 54 00:03:23.319 --> 00:03:24.879 which what I was going to say if it went 55 00:03:24.919 --> 00:03:27.800 to the next step was I'm just not interested, Like 56 00:03:27.840 --> 00:03:30.719 I'm not interested. And meanwhile, I don't even know who's 57 00:03:30.759 --> 00:03:33.280 doing it, because you know, when they walk in, you're 58 00:03:33.400 --> 00:03:34.759 changed on your stomach. 59 00:03:35.199 --> 00:03:35.879 Uh huh. 60 00:03:35.919 --> 00:03:38.400 Okay, So when he came in, I didn't even know 61 00:03:38.439 --> 00:03:40.800 who it was. I had no clue what's happening. 62 00:03:40.879 --> 00:03:44.680 Did he say anything like my name is Randy. 63 00:03:44.479 --> 00:03:48.400 Yeah, maybe sure, but like I'm laying down not even 64 00:03:48.439 --> 00:03:49.000 thinking about it. 65 00:03:49.000 --> 00:03:51.000 He's not female. 66 00:03:51.039 --> 00:03:53.800 I knew male, and I knew that. He was like, 67 00:03:53.919 --> 00:03:57.039 is the pressure good? He started easy enough, like you're on, 68 00:03:57.280 --> 00:03:59.879 he's in my shoulders, He's doing the whole thing. But 69 00:04:00.120 --> 00:04:05.800 this and sash progresses and it's like he's getting highly 70 00:04:05.879 --> 00:04:10.439 focused on like where your thigh needs your ass okay, 71 00:04:10.759 --> 00:04:13.080 And then I'm like, look, it does kind of feel good. 72 00:04:13.199 --> 00:04:16.800 And I had done a lot of squats. Oh my god, 73 00:04:17.680 --> 00:04:20.279 and I'm like, I'm not like hating it, Like I 74 00:04:20.279 --> 00:04:22.439 don't know what to say, like I'm not hating it, 75 00:04:23.120 --> 00:04:25.720 and it's not going too far, but it's like in 76 00:04:25.759 --> 00:04:28.480 my head, I'm thinking, this is how shit happens. 77 00:04:28.680 --> 00:04:29.639 Is he testing the water. 78 00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:35.600 He's testing the waters, okay, And I'm not putting up 79 00:04:35.600 --> 00:04:37.839 a fight at this point, Like I'm like, it does 80 00:04:37.879 --> 00:04:40.560 feel good. I did a bunch of lunches and squats, 81 00:04:40.560 --> 00:04:42.879 and I'm like this is I probably need it there, right, 82 00:04:43.600 --> 00:04:46.120 But then he takes this is where it gets like 83 00:04:46.160 --> 00:04:49.560 this is my experience if anyone's ever been like assaulted, 84 00:04:49.680 --> 00:04:53.040 clearly this isn't funny. But he didn't sexually assault me, 85 00:04:53.800 --> 00:04:56.839 but he just did things that did like I see 86 00:04:56.879 --> 00:05:00.240 how massages can turn into something because it felt fucking 87 00:05:00.319 --> 00:05:03.519 good and if I had been in a different situation, 88 00:05:03.879 --> 00:05:08.000 I would have been into it for sure. Okay, So 89 00:05:08.120 --> 00:05:11.759 he's I might even even like I see how it happens. Okay. 90 00:05:11.800 --> 00:05:14.759 So he's there, and then he has me on my stomach. 91 00:05:15.160 --> 00:05:17.600 He puts my leg like in a you know, like 92 00:05:17.639 --> 00:05:20.759 a figure four or like you like you you like 93 00:05:20.839 --> 00:05:23.720 put your It's almost like you're gonna stretch. But he 94 00:05:24.240 --> 00:05:26.319 folds one leg over the other. I don't know whether 95 00:05:26.360 --> 00:05:29.920 you call it. Tatum called it butterfly. I call it 96 00:05:30.560 --> 00:05:33.480 figure four because it was just like one leg out, okay. 97 00:05:33.959 --> 00:05:35.879 And then he's working on that one. But while he's 98 00:05:35.920 --> 00:05:39.120 working on that one, and again the whole massage, that 99 00:05:39.279 --> 00:05:42.000 part of the massage was like the lion's. 100 00:05:41.600 --> 00:05:43.480 Share of the stomach stone. 101 00:05:43.519 --> 00:05:46.399 I'm on my stomach, okay, and now my legs are 102 00:05:46.439 --> 00:05:50.160 a little bit more spread because he's like doing butterfly. 103 00:05:53.240 --> 00:05:57.480 And while he's massaging, like obviously like his knuckle like 104 00:05:57.519 --> 00:06:00.879 it's like you could feel it kind of touching you there, Okay, 105 00:06:01.360 --> 00:06:05.360 but not inside because I have underwear. But when you're 106 00:06:05.439 --> 00:06:08.839 pulled in that position, it's like holy shit. So in 107 00:06:08.879 --> 00:06:11.160 my mind, I'm laying there, I'm like a it feels good, 108 00:06:11.319 --> 00:06:15.279 but also like be prepared to like say not interested. 109 00:06:15.560 --> 00:06:19.000 No, no, no, no, you got the wrong idea. 110 00:06:19.199 --> 00:06:22.439 You got the wrong idea. So the massage finishes. It 111 00:06:22.480 --> 00:06:24.839 was a great massage, like no two places. 112 00:06:24.600 --> 00:06:26.680 Focus, well that's happening, or like relax. 113 00:06:27.519 --> 00:06:29.959 I mean, it's it into my head. I'm really good 114 00:06:30.000 --> 00:06:33.160 at like I was. I mean in my mind. When 115 00:06:33.199 --> 00:06:35.360 I turned over and saw who it was, I was 116 00:06:35.399 --> 00:06:37.639 like the fantasy was crushed like that. 117 00:06:39.000 --> 00:06:39.439 He looks like. 118 00:06:42.399 --> 00:06:46.360 We're done here. But then like I finished it out, 119 00:06:46.560 --> 00:06:50.120 no worries, and then like right after it's over, okay, 120 00:06:50.439 --> 00:06:52.759 we pull I pulled the curtain back, and she looks 121 00:06:52.759 --> 00:06:56.759 at me and she's like like she like literally was 122 00:06:56.839 --> 00:07:00.600 like oh my god. And I'm like wait what same, 123 00:07:00.800 --> 00:07:03.040 and she's like let's get out of here, like we 124 00:07:03.079 --> 00:07:05.800 have so much to talk about. So we both and 125 00:07:05.959 --> 00:07:11.160 her guy was like younger buff. My guy was not that. 126 00:07:12.319 --> 00:07:15.000 So we get outside and she literally is like, oh 127 00:07:15.040 --> 00:07:17.199 my god, I've got to smoke a joint and like 128 00:07:17.360 --> 00:07:21.360 process what just went down in there? She's like holy shit, 129 00:07:21.480 --> 00:07:24.439 and everything she described, which kind of made me feel better, 130 00:07:25.000 --> 00:07:26.600 is exactly what happened to me. 131 00:07:27.120 --> 00:07:28.360 So it was just their protocols. 132 00:07:28.360 --> 00:07:30.160 Well then I'm like, it's just their vertical to do 133 00:07:30.319 --> 00:07:34.959 seventy to eighty percent at the ass thigh line, Oh 134 00:07:35.000 --> 00:07:40.160 my god, and with the half kind of getting really 135 00:07:40.160 --> 00:07:41.560 close to the goods. 136 00:07:42.079 --> 00:07:45.240 Oh like, how does this work? Do they do this? Under? 137 00:07:45.360 --> 00:07:45.480 Like? 138 00:07:46.639 --> 00:07:47.680 And their busy as fuck? 139 00:07:47.759 --> 00:07:49.800 If the woman starts to get a little into it, 140 00:07:49.839 --> 00:07:50.360 then I. 141 00:07:50.360 --> 00:07:53.680 Wasn't raising my ass, I wasn't doing anything that was signaled. 142 00:07:55.360 --> 00:07:57.959 I wasn't frozen in fear. I was relaxed as fuck 143 00:07:58.120 --> 00:07:59.480 and like not putting. 144 00:07:59.199 --> 00:08:00.920 Up a fight. I don't know what I would have done. 145 00:08:01.439 --> 00:08:04.199 But then I thought they were mobbed, and so I 146 00:08:04.199 --> 00:08:07.120 started thinking, damn, like there's a market for this, like 147 00:08:07.319 --> 00:08:10.800 just turn me on enough, but don't cross the line. 148 00:08:10.920 --> 00:08:14.879 There's a total market for this impact. It's like we 149 00:08:14.959 --> 00:08:17.240 all have this understanding that like I'm not going to 150 00:08:17.319 --> 00:08:19.879 tell you, you're not going to tell me, and we're 151 00:08:19.879 --> 00:08:22.759 going to go to this place and like let this 152 00:08:22.839 --> 00:08:25.160 shit happen and just kind of look the other way 153 00:08:25.240 --> 00:08:27.959 and walk out, because nothing really did happen. It was 154 00:08:28.000 --> 00:08:28.959 a gray area. 155 00:08:29.639 --> 00:08:33.039 That's so interesting because also you've been to that spa 156 00:08:33.759 --> 00:08:39.559 up in like Gwinett, right, the Korean spau. I mean, 157 00:08:39.679 --> 00:08:41.840 isn't that kind of along the lines of like, what's 158 00:08:41.840 --> 00:08:42.559 happening there? 159 00:08:43.320 --> 00:08:46.799 Well, I mean a jju though they're not nobody would 160 00:08:46.840 --> 00:08:50.240 have butterflied me and had their knuckle rubbing against my 161 00:08:50.919 --> 00:08:54.240 south side. 162 00:08:55.279 --> 00:09:00.679 It never happen. I can't with this conversation. While to me. 163 00:09:03.039 --> 00:09:05.960 As I was leaving, I literally it occurred to me 164 00:09:06.120 --> 00:09:10.080 that like there is this middle market where you don't 165 00:09:10.679 --> 00:09:14.039 cross the line, but like you do this like very 166 00:09:14.200 --> 00:09:18.480 kind of relaxing massage that's like nothing happened. I wouldn't, 167 00:09:18.720 --> 00:09:21.639 there's nothing, there'd be nothing to turn into the authorities 168 00:09:21.679 --> 00:09:22.480 about this place. 169 00:09:23.200 --> 00:09:25.120 I know. But what I'm saying is I think they 170 00:09:25.200 --> 00:09:28.559 do that and they wait for the signal from the 171 00:09:28.559 --> 00:09:32.799 the person the client to start getting into it and 172 00:09:32.799 --> 00:09:33.320 then okay. 173 00:09:33.360 --> 00:09:35.840 But what is what if they do okay? But then 174 00:09:36.039 --> 00:09:37.639 I'm going to push it even a step further, Like 175 00:09:37.720 --> 00:09:40.519 I'm not interested in that. But let's say that you 176 00:09:40.559 --> 00:09:43.720 did take it a step further and like you're consenting. 177 00:09:44.360 --> 00:09:46.279 Why does it matter? Why do I give a shit 178 00:09:46.320 --> 00:09:47.960 if this guy gets you off? Do I care? 179 00:09:48.159 --> 00:09:51.679 I mean, as long as it's consensual, sure, that's what 180 00:09:51.679 --> 00:09:52.759 I'm saying, go for it. 181 00:09:53.320 --> 00:09:56.960 Absolutely. Uh god, that is not wrong to think that. 182 00:09:57.559 --> 00:09:59.799 Have you read the reviews for this place? 183 00:10:00.080 --> 00:10:05.440 Yeah, great reviews, sellar reviews because the women are like me, 184 00:10:05.559 --> 00:10:08.440 They're like this felt kind of good. Yeah. And it's 185 00:10:08.480 --> 00:10:11.519 also like if you're a workouter, that is where I'm 186 00:10:11.600 --> 00:10:15.120 like tight, where I have like your legs, get a 187 00:10:15.120 --> 00:10:27.600 ship ton of workout. Yeah, well I'm favors Ai. Yeah, 188 00:10:27.679 --> 00:10:29.559 it was really. I mean the whole night we were 189 00:10:29.720 --> 00:10:30.480 dying laughing. 190 00:10:30.600 --> 00:10:33.559 No, you text yesterday in the group chair with Sam. 191 00:10:33.519 --> 00:10:44.559 Was She's like, I'll pass. Thanks. Iought on board, you know, 192 00:10:45.000 --> 00:10:49.600 yeah I thought for sure too, but I guess just me. 193 00:10:51.159 --> 00:10:54.240 Yeah, new experiences. 194 00:10:54.879 --> 00:10:57.840 It's true. I actually told Nikki right away and she's like, 195 00:10:57.919 --> 00:11:02.159 do not share that on the pod, like that highly suspect. 196 00:11:03.679 --> 00:11:04.720 Willing participant. 197 00:11:06.080 --> 00:11:08.080 But I didn't know I was going to be a participant. 198 00:11:08.159 --> 00:11:10.080 Like I don't even know for sure what happened, Like 199 00:11:10.159 --> 00:11:12.600 it took like getting outside of it, which is another 200 00:11:12.639 --> 00:11:15.000 thing Tate said. She's like, is it though, just like 201 00:11:15.080 --> 00:11:18.440 the we don't even know. We were so accustomed to 202 00:11:18.480 --> 00:11:21.399 being agreeable that it's like you don't even know you're 203 00:11:21.440 --> 00:11:25.080 getting assaulted. If you're getting assaulted, sometimes we weren't. We 204 00:11:25.080 --> 00:11:27.440 were not, But I'm saying like she's like, is it 205 00:11:27.600 --> 00:11:29.879 like you're just trained as a woman to just kind 206 00:11:29.879 --> 00:11:32.120 of go with it. Yeah. 207 00:11:32.840 --> 00:11:37.480 I mean, especially like at a younger age, like don't 208 00:11:37.519 --> 00:11:38.600 rock the boat kind of thing. 209 00:11:39.240 --> 00:11:41.559 Yeah, but I'm not that person. I would have been 210 00:11:41.600 --> 00:11:42.960 like whoa, whoa, whoa. 211 00:11:43.559 --> 00:11:47.600 Well, honestly, it reminds me I my first massage. I 212 00:11:47.639 --> 00:11:49.960 was in Costa Rica at like a spa. 213 00:11:50.039 --> 00:11:53.000 There and shit goes down there, I. 214 00:11:53.039 --> 00:11:54.200 Will and that was just it. 215 00:11:54.200 --> 00:11:56.480 It was like I felt like he was creeping up 216 00:11:56.519 --> 00:12:00.600 my inner thigh a little bit too much. And I'd 217 00:12:00.600 --> 00:12:03.440 never had a massage. I'm twenty two years old. I 218 00:12:03.480 --> 00:12:06.480 don't know what the rules are, but I would tact 219 00:12:07.360 --> 00:12:10.399 asking my friends like what was yours like? Because that 220 00:12:10.440 --> 00:12:13.240 felt a little like a little close. 221 00:12:14.200 --> 00:12:15.720 They say, yeah, they. 222 00:12:15.600 --> 00:12:18.320 Didn't have the same experience as I did. They were like, no, 223 00:12:18.360 --> 00:12:20.360 it was like a one on notice anything. So yeah, 224 00:12:20.360 --> 00:12:21.960 it was like, I guess my guy was just going 225 00:12:22.000 --> 00:12:24.399 a little bit higher up to thigh than everyone else. 226 00:12:24.519 --> 00:12:27.279 But I did leave there kind of being like what 227 00:12:27.360 --> 00:12:29.919 was I even supposed to say or do? In that moment, 228 00:12:30.240 --> 00:12:34.000 like I don't know what's normal. I got a facial 229 00:12:34.039 --> 00:12:37.440 there and I happened to like crack my eye open 230 00:12:37.480 --> 00:12:41.080 as they were like getting the scrub. It was that 231 00:12:41.200 --> 00:12:45.759 freaking Saint Ives apricruts grow no way, box. 232 00:12:45.679 --> 00:12:51.879 No way, no way. That was my god, get out 233 00:12:51.919 --> 00:12:52.240 of here. 234 00:12:52.679 --> 00:12:54.600 Wow, yeah, real fancy. 235 00:12:54.600 --> 00:12:56.960 It's twenty two. Yeah, it's very fancy. Well, if you 236 00:12:56.960 --> 00:12:59.000 saw this place, you'd be like, holy shit. 237 00:13:00.000 --> 00:13:02.720 Finds me a bit of the foot massage places in Atlanta. 238 00:13:03.200 --> 00:13:08.159 Same thing, yep, those places all the time. I got 239 00:13:08.320 --> 00:13:08.960 all the time. 240 00:13:09.320 --> 00:13:10.399 It's one of my favorite things. 241 00:13:10.799 --> 00:13:13.879 Same so I almost prefer that to a massage. 242 00:13:14.159 --> 00:13:15.879 Same yeah, because. 243 00:13:15.600 --> 00:13:19.720 It's just like I can relax. Yah, it's easier. So yeah, 244 00:13:19.840 --> 00:13:23.360 well anyway, no complaints, no shade, and I could have 245 00:13:23.399 --> 00:13:26.399 handled it if it took a turn, no. 246 00:13:26.279 --> 00:13:29.000 Problem, handled it or participated. 247 00:13:29.279 --> 00:13:32.159 I don't know. I see how people end up getting 248 00:13:32.200 --> 00:13:34.919 happy endings because they get you, they get you kind 249 00:13:34.919 --> 00:13:38.440 of turned on, and then they're like until you flip over, 250 00:13:38.559 --> 00:13:41.840 and then you're like, oh fuck, I made a deal 251 00:13:41.879 --> 00:13:43.799 with the devil until it's. 252 00:13:43.639 --> 00:13:49.879 The gado hovering over you. Then it's all over. That's 253 00:13:49.919 --> 00:13:51.320 just what I picture. 254 00:13:53.799 --> 00:13:57.000 Oh god, all right, well let's take it to a 255 00:13:57.000 --> 00:13:57.639 place of gay. 256 00:13:59.120 --> 00:13:59.360 Yeah. 257 00:13:59.399 --> 00:14:04.559 Well, we had an email from a listener asking basically, 258 00:14:05.240 --> 00:14:07.799 she's in the process of coming out, getting divorced, all 259 00:14:07.799 --> 00:14:09.519 this stuff, and she wants to know how to talk 260 00:14:09.559 --> 00:14:13.080 to her little kids about it. And you and I 261 00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:16.720 started talking about like how we really had different experiences 262 00:14:16.759 --> 00:14:20.120 with like how we told our kids yep, and mine 263 00:14:20.159 --> 00:14:26.240 were three and five years old. And so the approach 264 00:14:26.320 --> 00:14:29.600 I took, which was not given to me by any professional, 265 00:14:29.679 --> 00:14:32.200 It's just what I kind of came up with, was 266 00:14:32.240 --> 00:14:35.480 to not tell them about my sexuality, just to say, 267 00:14:35.639 --> 00:14:38.480 like in the most basic of terms, that we were 268 00:14:38.519 --> 00:14:41.360 not going to live together anymore. They were we were 269 00:14:41.360 --> 00:14:43.480 going to have two separate houses, you know, but they 270 00:14:43.480 --> 00:14:46.200 would still have us as like the constant in each 271 00:14:46.240 --> 00:14:49.279 house or still love, were still a family, We're still 272 00:14:49.320 --> 00:14:52.679 going to do things together. Didn't use the word divorce 273 00:14:53.879 --> 00:14:58.960 or separation, like none of it. And I didn't do 274 00:14:59.080 --> 00:15:02.320 that because of their because they're so young. I'm like, 275 00:15:02.320 --> 00:15:05.080 they don't even know the word divorced. And it's not 276 00:15:05.120 --> 00:15:08.159 like they have kids in their class that have parents 277 00:15:08.159 --> 00:15:11.879 that are divorced, and so I don't know, it just 278 00:15:11.919 --> 00:15:14.879 felt like an unnecessary word, and it felt that word 279 00:15:14.960 --> 00:15:18.759 carries like negative connotation totally. So I just didn't want 280 00:15:18.799 --> 00:15:20.759 them to think of that anymore. Just we're not going 281 00:15:20.840 --> 00:15:21.960 to be married anymore. 282 00:15:22.120 --> 00:15:23.519 It was how about it? 283 00:15:23.559 --> 00:15:26.200 And then after all that happened, then I had the 284 00:15:26.200 --> 00:15:29.799 sexuality conversation very slowly and just said, you know, if 285 00:15:29.799 --> 00:15:31.559 I ever get married again, it's going to be to 286 00:15:31.639 --> 00:15:36.840 a woman. I didn't use any labels, but since that time, 287 00:15:36.919 --> 00:15:41.120 now they know. Now they're about to turn twelve and fourteen, 288 00:15:41.799 --> 00:15:45.720 so they know what gay and lesbian mean, all that stuff, 289 00:15:45.759 --> 00:15:49.440 all the terminology. They totally get it, like it's not 290 00:15:49.960 --> 00:15:54.480 even a thing to them, and they're fine. 291 00:15:54.919 --> 00:15:58.200 Yeah, well they're more that your kids are like thriving. 292 00:15:58.360 --> 00:16:02.039 Yeah they are, They're threat they're great. Like I asked Kaylen, 293 00:16:03.360 --> 00:16:04.960 I asked both of them the other day. I was like, 294 00:16:05.000 --> 00:16:09.039 what has been the worst part about me and dad 295 00:16:09.080 --> 00:16:12.000 being divorced? Like what is the hardest thing for you? 296 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:13.919 And they were like going back and forth, they. 297 00:16:13.879 --> 00:16:16.240 Both had that's what mine say. 298 00:16:16.799 --> 00:16:19.919 They were like, I hate having to, you know, pack 299 00:16:20.000 --> 00:16:21.919 up each week or like something gets. 300 00:16:21.759 --> 00:16:25.240 Left behind exactly what said. But they were like other 301 00:16:25.320 --> 00:16:28.759 than that, it's fine, you know, do you think. 302 00:16:28.519 --> 00:16:31.519 In some ways? I know, selfishly, you and I are like, 303 00:16:31.559 --> 00:16:33.879 we don't want to do that, but like week one 304 00:16:33.919 --> 00:16:36.919 week off maybe is better for them. I know people 305 00:16:36.919 --> 00:16:38.600 say it is better for the kids. 306 00:16:38.840 --> 00:16:39.960 I've thought about that. 307 00:16:40.120 --> 00:16:44.480 I know, and I really don't know, because like, like 308 00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:47.879 my daughter has a friend who lives near us, and 309 00:16:47.919 --> 00:16:50.279 she's week on, week off, so that means one week 310 00:16:50.320 --> 00:16:52.519 she's on the bus here, the next week she's not. 311 00:16:53.840 --> 00:16:55.559 But I think it's kind of like we have a 312 00:16:55.559 --> 00:16:58.120 blend of like half and half, like three days a 313 00:16:58.159 --> 00:17:01.000 week they're riding the bus from my house and two 314 00:17:01.120 --> 00:17:05.640 days a week from his house. So I don't know, 315 00:17:05.720 --> 00:17:08.839 and it's I and I am being selfish because it 316 00:17:08.920 --> 00:17:11.359 is me. I'm like, I don't need to far away 317 00:17:11.559 --> 00:17:13.920 or that long without seeing them. I don't think the 318 00:17:14.000 --> 00:17:17.359 same their dad wants that either, though, Like I think 319 00:17:17.359 --> 00:17:21.599 it provides a good balance between the time sped, so. 320 00:17:21.839 --> 00:17:27.640 I would agree. So when we told ours my big 321 00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:30.920 ones were in middle school, Read was pretty little, I think, 322 00:17:31.000 --> 00:17:34.440 like kindergarten age. I just remember him bouncing around like 323 00:17:34.440 --> 00:17:37.319 a toddler. He felt little when we told him. I 324 00:17:37.319 --> 00:17:42.279 don't remember exactly how old he was, but he the 325 00:17:42.279 --> 00:17:45.480 therapist told us she gave us a script and she 326 00:17:45.640 --> 00:17:48.440 had us go ahead and say the gay part as 327 00:17:48.559 --> 00:17:51.680 part of that bigger conversation, only because my big kids 328 00:17:52.440 --> 00:17:56.039 did understand divorce. And so she's like, when you don't 329 00:17:56.079 --> 00:17:59.079 give them a reason that it's happening, they feel that 330 00:18:00.119 --> 00:18:04.400 emptiness with something else. So she's like, instead of saying, 331 00:18:05.079 --> 00:18:08.119 you know, this thing happened and now we're getting divorced, 332 00:18:08.200 --> 00:18:10.799 they if you don't have a thing, then it kind 333 00:18:10.799 --> 00:18:14.640 of becomes was it us? Was it something we did? 334 00:18:15.039 --> 00:18:17.240 Was it? Did someone have an affair? Like there's all 335 00:18:17.279 --> 00:18:20.839 these stories kids create, So we would ahead and just 336 00:18:20.960 --> 00:18:25.599 said it's I'm gay. Chris was very supportive in that conversation. 337 00:18:26.839 --> 00:18:28.720 We're still going to be a family. We're going to 338 00:18:28.759 --> 00:18:31.839 be a different, you know, modern family. The only difference 339 00:18:31.839 --> 00:18:33.359 for you guys is we're going to live in two 340 00:18:33.359 --> 00:18:36.640 separate houses. Everything else will be the same. We're not 341 00:18:36.720 --> 00:18:41.680 even thinking about new partners at this time. And that 342 00:18:41.839 --> 00:18:45.000 was fine too. In the end, like it was almost 343 00:18:45.079 --> 00:18:49.720 like they they just sort of accepted it. Yeah, I 344 00:18:49.720 --> 00:18:53.039 mean I don't I'm sure the time will tell. Like 345 00:18:53.200 --> 00:18:55.119 I guess don't you feel like even like when you 346 00:18:55.119 --> 00:18:57.960 look at your adult friends, it's like even the people 347 00:18:58.039 --> 00:19:02.480 with the most healthy childhoods have like these wounds that 348 00:19:02.519 --> 00:19:04.599 are like even no fold of their mom and dad. 349 00:19:05.000 --> 00:19:05.559 Yeah. 350 00:19:05.759 --> 00:19:08.079 Like my big kids now love to tease me, like 351 00:19:08.160 --> 00:19:11.440 they'll bring stuff up that I'm like, really when they're 352 00:19:11.480 --> 00:19:13.960 teasing me, but it's like, clearly that's something you think 353 00:19:14.000 --> 00:19:14.400 about me. 354 00:19:15.119 --> 00:19:15.640 Yeah. 355 00:19:16.039 --> 00:19:20.279 Yeah, I think like we can do the best that 356 00:19:20.319 --> 00:19:23.119 we can, but no matter what, they're gonna walk away 357 00:19:23.160 --> 00:19:24.359 with some something. 358 00:19:24.960 --> 00:19:26.799 Yeah. 359 00:19:26.839 --> 00:19:29.440 And like there's things that I've brought up to the kids, 360 00:19:29.480 --> 00:19:31.680 like with Reckon, like I've forced him to get on 361 00:19:31.720 --> 00:19:33.319 this intense water slide. 362 00:19:33.400 --> 00:19:35.799 I remember that that must have really haunted you because 363 00:19:35.799 --> 00:19:38.680 I've bothered me so much since he yeah. 364 00:19:38.759 --> 00:19:41.039 Screamed that he did not want to do it, and 365 00:19:41.079 --> 00:19:42.880 I put him on it. Anyway, I'm not. 366 00:19:42.799 --> 00:19:45.759 Knowing how intense it was. But he doesn't remember this. 367 00:19:46.359 --> 00:19:49.119 He has no memory of it. So I'm like, I'm 368 00:19:49.160 --> 00:19:50.400 the one that's like carrying this. 369 00:19:50.759 --> 00:19:51.160 He's not. 370 00:19:51.400 --> 00:19:53.680 But I also don't know if like maybe one day 371 00:19:53.680 --> 00:19:56.160 down the road, he does think about that, you know, I. 372 00:19:56.160 --> 00:19:57.799 Don't know if he'll think about that, but I wonder 373 00:19:57.839 --> 00:20:02.279 if it's it has informed other de s he's made. Yeah, well, 374 00:20:02.319 --> 00:20:04.720 and I feel like maybe made him more safe, made 375 00:20:04.759 --> 00:20:08.400 him less likely to, you know, do. 376 00:20:08.279 --> 00:20:10.160 The definitely risk averse. 377 00:20:10.480 --> 00:20:14.680 You know, like he they went to the lake recently, 378 00:20:14.720 --> 00:20:17.359 he did not want to ride on the tube behind 379 00:20:17.359 --> 00:20:17.720 the boat. 380 00:20:18.079 --> 00:20:19.319 He was just like, not for me. 381 00:20:19.559 --> 00:20:22.960 You know, he doesn't want to ride the intense rollercoaster 382 00:20:23.160 --> 00:20:26.319 all that stuff. Like I don't either, dude, I know 383 00:20:26.359 --> 00:20:27.680 I don't really either anymore. 384 00:20:27.799 --> 00:20:32.160 But he just he's very cautious. 385 00:20:32.279 --> 00:20:34.519 And I don't know if it's because you know, that 386 00:20:34.720 --> 00:20:36.920 situation on the waterslide, or there was another time we 387 00:20:37.000 --> 00:20:39.880 put him on Splash Mountain and just we're like, I 388 00:20:39.880 --> 00:20:42.759 didn't realize how intense that drop was on Splash. 389 00:20:44.079 --> 00:20:45.720 I know, he was like, who was it. 390 00:20:45.839 --> 00:20:48.319 You that we were talking? I have this fear on 391 00:20:48.400 --> 00:20:51.079 Splash Mountain every time we do it, and I've done 392 00:20:51.119 --> 00:20:53.519 it many times with my kids. I go through a 393 00:20:53.559 --> 00:20:56.440 whole checklist in my mind of was when this thing flips, 394 00:20:57.319 --> 00:21:00.319 how am I fun we're trapped underneath it? How am 395 00:21:00.319 --> 00:21:02.839 I saving these three fucking kids? Like I will look 396 00:21:02.839 --> 00:21:04.440 at when Chris and I used to do it with them. 397 00:21:04.480 --> 00:21:06.079 I would look at him and be like, what is 398 00:21:06.119 --> 00:21:09.319 your fucking plant? Yeah, and he's like, this is like 399 00:21:09.599 --> 00:21:12.240 a dumb conversation. I'm like, I can't help it. Walk 400 00:21:12.319 --> 00:21:13.519 me through. What are you doing? 401 00:21:14.200 --> 00:21:17.200