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Speaker 1: A Foreign Office Romance by Arthur Conan Doyle. There are

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many folk anew Alfonse Laqueur in his old age, from

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about the time of the Revolution of forty eight until

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he died in the second year of the Crimean War,

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he was always to be found in the same corner

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of the Cafe de Provence at the end of the

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Rue Saint Rorey, coming down about nine in the evening,

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and going when he could find no one to talk with.

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It took some self restraint to listen to the old diplomatist,

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for his stories were beyond all belief, and yet he

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was quick at detecting the shadow of a smile or

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the slightest little raising of the eyebrows. Then his huge

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rounded back would straighten itself, his bulldog chin would project,

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and his ars would bur like a kettle drum. When

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he got as far as ah monsieur rite er vulnem

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mikroie pabunc, it was quite time to remember that you

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had a ticket for the opera. There was his story

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of Talleyrand and the Five oyster shells, and there was

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his utterly absurd account of Napoleon's second visit to a Jacquio.

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Then there was that most circumstantial romance, which he never

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ventured upon until his second bottle had been on cork

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of the Emperor's escape from Saint Helena. How he lived

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for a whole year in Philadelphia, while Count Ebert de Berkhan,

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who was his living image, personated him at Longwood. But

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of all his stories there was none which was more

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notorious than that of the Koran and the Foreign Office Messenger.

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And yet when Monsieur Otto's memoirs were written, it was

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found that there really was some foundation for old Lequeur's

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incredible statement. You must know, Monsieur. He would say that

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I left Egypt after Clabert's assassination. I would gladly have

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stayed on, for I was engaged in a translation of

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the Koran, and between ourselves, I had thoughts at the

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time of embracing Mahometanism, for I was deeply struck by

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the wisdom of their views about marriage. They had made

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an incredible mistake, however, upon the subject of wine, and

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this was what the Mufti who attempted to convert me,

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could never get over. Then, when Old Clabert died and

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Menu came to the top, I felt that it was

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time for me to go. It's not for me to

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speak of my own capabilities, Monsieur, but you will really

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understand that the man does not care to be ridden

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by the mule. I carried my koren and my papers

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to London, where Monsieur Otto had been sent by the

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First Council to arrange a treaty of peace, for both

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nations were very weary of the war, which had already

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lasted ten years. Here I was most useful to Monsieur

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Otto an account of my knowledge of English tongue, and also,

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if I may say so, on account of my natural capacity.

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They were happy days during which I lived in the

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square of Bloomsbergy. The climate of Monsieur's country, as it

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must be confessed, detestable. But then what would you have.

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Flowers grow best in the rain. One has but to

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point to the Monsieur's fellow country women to prove it well.

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Monsieur Ratto, our ambassador, was kept terribly busy over that treaty,

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and all of his staff were worked to death. We

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had not Pitt to deal with, which was perhaps as

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well for us. He was a terrible man, that Pitt.

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And wherever half a dozen enemies of France were plotting together.

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There was a sharp pointed nose right in the middle

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of them. The nation, however, had been thoughtful enough to

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put him out of office, and we had to do

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with Monsieur Addington. But my Lord Hawkesbury was the Foreign Minister,

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and it was with him that we were obliged to

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do our bargaining. You can understand that it was no

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child's play. After ten years of war, each nation had

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got hold of a great deal which had belonged to

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the other or to the other's allies. What was to

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be given back and what was to be kept? Is

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this island worth that peninsula? If we do this at Venice,

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will you do that at Sierra Leone? If we give

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up Egypt to the Sultan? Will you restore the cape

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of good Hope which you have taken from our allies,

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the Dutch. So we wrangled and wrestled, and I have

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seen Monsieur Otto come back to the embassy so exhausted

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that his secretary and I had to help him from

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carriage to his sofa. But at last things adjusted themselves,

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and the night came round when the treaty was to

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be finally signed. Now you must know that one great

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card which we held, the one great card, and which

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we played, played, played at every point of the game,

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was that we had Egypt. The English were very nervous

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about our being there. It gave us a foot on

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each end of the Mediterranean, you say, and they were

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not sure that that wonderful little Napoleon of ours might

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not make it the base of an advance against India.

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So whenever Lord Hawkesbury proposed to retain anything, we had

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only to reply, in that case, of course, we cannot

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consent to evacuate Egypt. And in this way we quickly

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brought him to reason. It was by the help of

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Egypt that we gained terms that were remarkably favorable, and

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especially that we caused the English to consent to give

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up the Cape of Good Hope. We did not wish

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your people, monsieur, to have any foothold in South Africa.

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For history has taught us that the British foothold of

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one half century is the British Empire the net. It

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is not your army or your navy against which we

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have to guard, but it is your terrible younger son

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and your man in search of a career, When we

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friends have at possession across the seas. We like to

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sit in Paris and to felicitate ourselves upon it. With you,

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it is different. You take your wives and your children,

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and you run away to see what kind of a

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place this may be. And after that we might as

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well try to take that old square of Bloomsbury away

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from you. But well, it was upon the first of

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October that the treaty was finally to be signed. In

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the morning I was congratulating monsieur Otto upon the happy

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conclusion of his labors. He was a little pale shrimp

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of a man, very quick and nervous, and he was

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so delighted now at his own success that he could

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not sit still, but ran about the room, chattering and laughing,

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while I sat on a cushion in the corner, as

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I had learned to do in the East. Suddenly in

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came a messenger with a letter which had been forwarded

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from Paris. Monsieur Otto cast his eyes upon it, and then,

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without a word, his knees gave way, and he fell

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senseless upon the floor. I ran to him, as did

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the courier, and between us we carried him to the sofa.

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He might have been dead from his appearance, but I

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could steal Phila's heart thrilling beneath my palm. What is this, then,

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I asked, I I do not know, answered the messenger.

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Monsieur Talian told me to hurry as never man hurried before,

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and to put this letter into the hands of Monsieur Otto.

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I was in Paris at mid day yesterday. I know

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that I am to blame, but I could not help

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glancing at the letter, picking it out of the senseless

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hand of Monsieur Otto. My god, the thunderbolt that it was,

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I did not faint, but I sat down beside my

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chief and I burst into tears. It was but a

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few words, but they told us that Egypt had been

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evacuated by our troops a month before. All our treaty

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was undone. Then in the one consideration which had induced

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our enemies to give us good terms and vanished in

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twelve hours, it would not have mattered. But now the

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treaty was not yet signed. We should have to give

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up the cape. We should have to let England have Malta.

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Now that Egypt was gone. We had nothing to offer

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in exchange. Ah, But we are not so easily beaten

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we frenchmen. You English misjudge us when you think that

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because we show emotions which you conceal, that we are

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therefore of a weak and womanly nature. You cannot read

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your histories and believe that. Monsieur Otto recovered his sense presently,

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and we took counsel. What we should do? It is

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useless to go on, Alphonse said, he this Englishman will

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laugh at me when I ask him to sign courage,

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I cried, and then a sudden thought came into my head.

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How do we know that the English will have news

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of this? Perhaps they may sign the treaty before they

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know of it. Monsieur Otto sprang from the sofa and

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flung himself into my arms. Del Fonse, he cried, you

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have saved me. Why should they know about it? Our

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news has come from Toulon to Paris and then straight

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to London. Theirs will come by sea through the straits

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of Gibral. At this moment it is unlikely that anyone

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in Paris knows of it, save only Talyland on the

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First Council. If we keep our secret, we may still

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get our treaty sign ah, Monsieur, you can imagine the

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horrible uncertainty in which we spent the day. Never, never

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shall I forget those slow hours during which we sat together,

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starting at every distant shout, lest it should be the

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first sign of the rejoicing which this news would cause.

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In London, Monsieur Otto passed from youth to age in

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a day. As for me, I find it easier to

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go out and meet danger than to wait for it.

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I set forth Therefore, toward evening I wandered here and

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wandered there. I was in the fencing rooms of Monsieur Angelo,

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and in the cell on the box of Monsieur Jackson,

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and in the club of Brooks, and in the lobby

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of the Chamber of Deputies. But nowhere did I hear

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any news. Still, it was possible that my Lord Hawkesbury

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had received it himself, just as we had. He lived

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in Harley Street, and there it was that the treaty

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was to be finally signed. That night, at eight I

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entreated Monsieur to drink two glasses of Burgundy before he went,

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for I feared lest his haggard face and trembling hands

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should arouse suspicion in the English minister. Well, we went

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round together in one of the embassy's carriages. About half

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past seven, Monsieur Otto went in alone, but presently on

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excuse of getting his portfolio. He came out again, with

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his cheeks flushed with joy, to tell me that all

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was well. He knows nothing, he whispered. Ah, if the

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next half hour were over, give me a sign when

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it is settled, said I. For what reason? Because until

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then no messenger shall interrupt you. I give you my promise.

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I alphonse la caire. He clasped my hands in both

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of his. I shall make an excuse to move one

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of the candles on to the table in the window,

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said he, and hurried into the house, whilst I was

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left waiting beside the carriage. Well, if we could but

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secure ourselves from interruption for a single half hour, the

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day would be our own. I had hardly begun to

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form my plans when I saw the lights of a

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carriage coming swiftly from the direction of Oxford STREETA. Oh,

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if it should be the messenger, what could I do?

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I was prepared to kill him, Yes, even to kill him,

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rather than at this last moment allow our work to

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be Undone thousands die to make a glorious war Why

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should not one die to make a glorious peace? What

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though they hurried me to the scaffold, I should have

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sacrificed myself in my country. I had a little curved

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turkish knife strapped to my waist. My hand was on

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the hilt of it. When the carriage which had alarmed

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me so rattled safely past me. But another might come.

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I must be prepared, above all, I must not compromise

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the embassy. I ordered our carriage to move on, and

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I engaged what you call a Hackney coach. Then I

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spoke to the driver and gave him a guinea. He

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understood that it was a special service. You shall have

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another guinea if you do what you are told, said I.

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Oh art Master, said he, and turned his slow eyes

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upon me, without a trace of excitement of curiosity. If

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I enter your coach with another gin, you will drive

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up and down Harley Street and take no orders from

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any one but me. When I get out, you will

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carry the other gentleman to Wakyer's Club in Bruton Street.

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Or Master, said he again. So I stood outside my

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Lord Hawkesbury's house, and you can think how often my

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eyes went up to that window in the help of

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seeing the candle twinkle in it. Five minutes passed and

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another five. Oh, how slowly they crept along. It was

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a true October night, raw and cold, with a white

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fog crawling over the wet, shining cobblestones and blurring the

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dim oil lamps. I could not see fifty paces in

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either direction, but my ears were straining, straining to catch

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the rattle of hoofs or the rumble of wheels. It's

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not a cheering place, monsieur, this street of Harley, even

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upon a sunny day. The houses are solid and very

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respectable over yonder, but there is nothing of the feminine

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about them. It's a city to be inhabited by males.

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But on that raw night, amid the damp and the fog,

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with the anxiety gnawing at my heart, it seemed the saddest,

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weariest spot in the whole wide world. I paced up

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and down, slapping my hands to keep them warm, and

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still straining my ears. And then suddenly, out of the

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dull hum of the traffic down in Oxford Street, I

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heard a sound detach itself and grow louder and louder,

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and clearer and clearer with every instant until two yellow

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lights came flashing through the fog, and a light cabriolet

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whirled up to the door of the Foreign Minister. It

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had not stopped before a young fellow sprang out of

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it and hurried to the steps, while the driver turned

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his horse and rattled off into the fog once more. Ah,

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it is in the moment of action that I am best, Monsieur. You,

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who only see me when I am drinking my wine

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in the Cafe de Pravens, cannot conceive the heights to

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which I rise. At that moment, when I knew that

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the fruit of a ten years wore at stake, I

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was magnificent. It was the last French campaign, and I

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the general and army in one Sir, said I, touching

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him upon the arm Are you the messenger fort Hawksberry, Yes,

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said he, I've been waiting for you half an hour.

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You to follow me at once. He is with the

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French ambassador. I spoke with such assurance that he never

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hesitated for an instant When he entered the Hackney coach

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and I followed him in my heart gave such a

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thrill of joy that I could hardly keep from shouting aloud.

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He was a poor little creature, this Foreign Office messenger

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not much bigger than Monsieur Ratteau. And I, Monsieur can

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see my hands now and imagine what they were like

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when I was seven and twenty years of age. Well,

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now that I had him in my coach, the question

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was what I should do with him. I did not

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wish to hurt him if I could help it. This

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is pressing business, said he. I have a dispatch which

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I must deliver instantly. Our coach had rattled down Harley Street,

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but now in accordance with my instruction, had turned and

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began to go up again. Hello, Hello, he cried, what's this? What? Then?

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I asked, we are driving back. Where is Lord Hawkesbury?

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We shall see him presently. Let me out, Let me out,

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he shouted, There some trickery in this coachman stopped the coach.

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Let me out, I say, I dashed him back into

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his seat. As he tried to turn the handle of

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the door, he roared for help. I clapped my palm

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across his mouth. He made his teeth meet through the

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side of it. I seized his own cravat and bounded

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over his lips. He still mumbled and gurgled, but the

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noise was covered by the rattle of our wheels. We

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were passing the minister's house, and there was no candle

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in the window. The messenger sat quiet for a little

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and I could see the glint of his eyes as

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he stared at me through the gloom. He was partly stunned,

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I think, by the force with which I had hurled

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him into his seat, and also he was pondering, perhaps

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what he should do next. Presently he got his mouth

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partly free from the cravat. You can have my watch

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and my purse if you will let me go, said he.

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Sir said, I I am as honorable a man as

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you are yourself. Who are you? Then? My name is

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of no importance? What do you What do you want

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with me? It? It is a bet, a bet? But

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what do you mean? And you understand that I'm on

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the government service and that you will see the inside

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of jail, for there that is the bet. That is

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the sport, said I. You will find a poor sport

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before you finish. He cried, what is this insane bet

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of yours? Then I have bet, I answered that I

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will recite a chapter of the Koran to the first

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gentleman whom I should meet in the street. Well, I

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don't know what what would me think of it? Save

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that my translation was always running in my head. He

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clutched at the door handle, and again I had to

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hurl him back into his seat. How long will it take,

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he gasped. It depends on the chapter, I answered, A

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short one, then, and let me go. But is it fair?

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I argued. When I say a chapter, I do not

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mean the shortest chapter, but rather one which should be

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of average length. Help, help, help, he squealed, and I

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was compelled again to adjust his cravat. A little patient,

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said I, and will soon be over. I should like

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to recite the chapter which would be of most interest

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to yourself. Will confess that I am trying to make

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things as pleasant as I can for you. He slipped

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his mouth free again, quick, then quick he groaned up

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the chapter of a camel, I suggested, Oh yes, yes,

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or that of the fleet's Stagion, Oh yes, yes, only proceed.

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We had passed the window and there was no candle.

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I settled down to recite the chapter of the Stagion

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to him. Perhaps you do not know you Koren? Very well, monsieur, well,

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I knew it by heart then, as I know it

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by heart now. The style is a little exasperating for

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anyone who is in a hurry, But then what would

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you have. The people in the east are never in

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a hurry, and it was written for them. I repeated

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it all with the dignity and solemnity which a sacred

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book demands. And the young Englishman he wriggled and groaned.

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When the horses, standing on three feet and placing the

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tip of their fourth foot upon the ground, were mustered

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in front of him in the evening, he said, I

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have loved the love of earthly good above the remembrance

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of things on high, and have spent the time in

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viewing these horses. Bring the horses back to me. And

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when they were brought back, he began to cut off

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their legs. It was at this moment that the young

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Englishman sprang at me, My God, how little can I

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remember the next few minutes. He was a boxer, this

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shred of a man he had been trained to strike.

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I tried to catch him by the hands back pack.

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He came upon my nose and upon my eye. I

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put down my head and thrust at him with it.

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Pack he came from below, But ha I was too

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much for him. I hurled myself upon him, and he

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had no place where he could escape from my weight.

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He fell flat upon the cushions, and I seated myself

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upon him with such conviction that the wind flew from

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him as from a burst bellows. Then I searched to

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see what there was with which I could tie him.

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I drew the strings from my shoes, and with one

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I secured his wrists, and with another his ankles. Then

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I tied the clovat round his mouth again, so that

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he could only lie and glare at me. When I

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had done all this, and it stopped the bleeding of

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my own nose, I looked out of the couch, and, Ah, monsieur,

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the very first thing that caught my eyes was that candle,

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that dear little candle, glimmering in the window of the minister.

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Alone with these two hands, I had retrieved the capitulation

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of an army and the loss of a province. Yes, monsieur,

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what Abercrombie and five thousand men had done upon the

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beach of Abukuire was undone by me, single handed. In

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a Hackney coach in Harley Street, well, of course, I

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had no time to lose, for at any moment Monsieur

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Otto might be down. I shouted to my driver, gave

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him his second guinea, and allowed him to proceed to Watier's.

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For myself. I sprang into our embassy carriage, and a

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moment later the door of the minister opened. He had

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himself escorted Monsieur Otto downstairs, and now so deep was

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he in talk that he walked out, bareheaded, as far

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as the carriage. As I stood there by the open door,

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there came the rattle of wheels, and a man rushed

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down the pavement, a dispatch of great importance from Alorrd Hawksberry.

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He cried, I could see that it was not my messenger,

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but a second one. Lord Hawkesbury caught the paper from

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his hand and read it by the light of the

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carriage lamp. His face Monsieur was as white as this plate.

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Before he had finished, Monsieur Ratto, he cried, we have

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signed this treaty upon a false understanding. Egypt is in

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our hands. What what cried Monsieur otter m poseubrus. It

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is certain it fell to Abercrombie last month. In that case,

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said Monsieur Ratto. It is very fortunate that the treaty

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is signed. Very fortunate for you, sir, cried my Lord Hawkesberry,

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and he turned back to the house. Next day, Monsieur

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what they call the Bow Street runners were after me,

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but they could not run across salt water, and Alphonse

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Laqueur was receiving the congratulations of Monsieur Talleyrand and the

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First Council. Before ever his pursuers had got as far

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as Dover, and of a Foreign Office romance by Arthur

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Conan Doyle