Speaker 1: So crazy, guys, I think is piling on right now unnecessarily.
Speaker 2: So are they still together?
Speaker 1: Do we know?
Speaker 3: Yeah? Yeah, she moved into his home with her daughter.
Speaker 1: Oh good, I wonder if you live there?
Speaker 4: Final Hi, Hello, welcome to another brand smaging new episode.
Speaker 1: Oh bad TV.
Speaker 5: I'm Dale.
Speaker 1: That's bad.
Speaker 2: Great to be here.
Speaker 1: Hi, til Hi Pat, did you watch the soccer game
with your fiance?
Speaker 3: No, Dylan, we were both at work, but we watched separately.
I'm sorry for your loss.
Speaker 1: That's okay, rubbish game of football, that's how they say.
But listen, who cares about any of that stuff?
Speaker 5: Right?
Speaker 1: I mean I certainly don't care. I mean it's the
end of the season where it's seventeenth place. It doesn't matter.
Just you forget about it, right, The.
Speaker 2: Valley's more important?
Speaker 1: Well, I would say that it's not, because.
Speaker 3: You know it is infinitely Actually, Pat, I would agree
with you there two to one. Dill sorry to say.
Speaker 2: Well, that's how democracy works.
Speaker 1: Hit him with the announcements.
Speaker 2: Oh, Ruby and I are gonna be helming the shows.
I mean, little baby Lucy could be arriving at any minute,
so we never know. So I'm just letting you know.
You could tune into an episode, and Dylan's not gonna
be here. It's just gonna be Ruby and I. But
you're gonna love it.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be amazing.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's gonna be a good time.
Speaker 1: It's gonna be amazing.
Speaker 2: It's gonna be different. Dylan and I play off each other.
We've been doing this together for eight years. Ruby is
a great podcaster in her own right. Yeah, and we'll
enjoy breaking down the game film of Below Deck and
the Valley and maybe Summer House, and then Dylan will,
I guess if he has time, chime in to give
us the uh, the the lowdown on how it is
being a father.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll do a Patreon episode in somewhere
in there. But yes, Baby Lucy is coming soon, so listen,
we have lots of stuff to get into Iteen's five
Stars words. You know.
Speaker 2: I remember actually having a thought two weeks out which
Dylan technically is, or a week and a half out
from meeting Baby Lewis Lucy, when Elliott was on the way.
I was thinking, in this very room by myself, I
hope I like this thing.
Speaker 1: I said that to myself, this thing being your human daughter.
Speaker 5: That's right, got it? And you don't?
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1: So listen, the Valley is crazy. You know a lot
of people have been commenting that, you know, the viewership
is down and people are pissed right that the the
people on the show are so disgusting that there's nobody
to root for.
Speaker 5: Really, and I.
Speaker 1: Don't know what to tell you. Out side of the
three of us are kindred spirits. We're not having a
great time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: It's like it's really kinderible.
Speaker 2: By the way, on a Bravo network, you show me
an ensemble cast show of reality TV where there are
likable characters, particularly the Real Housewives franchise. Everyone's just lovable
on there.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, yeah, give me a break.
Speaker 2: Alec Baskin came out this week, that's the executive producer
and creator of The Valley, and he said, don't you worry,
We're not making any changes. I appreciate him sticking to
his gun.
Speaker 1: Good for him. What was that thing y'all were talking
about this tay on the text with the article and.
Speaker 3: Being bad, oh, because they somebody from people on magazine
wasted their time doing a piece on the men of
Bravo and what they think on Love and I think
that those editors should lose their jobs.
Speaker 5: Oh oh oh got it? Got it? Okay, yeah, that.
Speaker 3: Is not really. Don't don't. That's not what I mean.
That was a joke and a bad joke. Don't fire people.
But also what I will say is that I think
that every one of these people is the Lisa Barlow
like of another show. But it's just all they're all
kind of unhinged, you know what I mean. So it's great.
Speaker 1: Was Lisa Barlow really unhinged? I don't recall Lisa. I mean,
they're all unhinged.
Speaker 2: But listen, well she was going to call her secret service,
the FBI, the CIA.
Speaker 1: No, I got I got confused, And I thought you
were talking about Lisa Rinna, the one with the things
and the and then the.
Speaker 2: Mom who has a who it's a bird, yeah, Lois, Lois, yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And that's so crazy. Not a lot of people
can say that my mom is a bird, or.
Speaker 2: That I think my mom shit on my windshield.
Speaker 1: This morning, right right right, Your mom is either a
person or dead.
Speaker 3: No, but Lois is a bird?
Speaker 1: Right, all right, Let's get into the episode What Our Bumps.
Speaker 2: Well, I'm sorry, I'm gonna get of my burning hail jacks.
Speaker 1: Sis.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: See, it's so cumbersome to the tongue that you didn't
even pluralize.
Speaker 2: You're right, I didn't. And what is the direct quote?
Speaker 1: I said it? Right right, I'm.
Speaker 2: Going to get my rotten hells.
Speaker 5: Okay?
Speaker 2: Is it okay? If I go first? Yeah, I go first, Okay,
Ruby And I texted earlier Roberre you okay if he
goes first, I.
Speaker 6: Am Bill, Thank you for great Danny and Nia, I
think they believed that they were going to just come
on this reality show hammer check, talk about wanting more
fucking crumb crunchers and moving to Santa Clarita, and that
would be the storyline.
Speaker 1: Now you are going to pay with a pound of flesh,
Nia and Danny.
Speaker 2: That's because your quote unquote friends will find a weakness,
they will expose that weakness, and they will make a
mocker review on national television. And that's exactly what took
place here. And I've learned the art of this watching Jasmine.
What you do is you keep it simple, You stick
to one accusation, and you just hammer it over and over.
Oh sure, yeah, yeah, he touched my thigh inappropriately, and
then he smacked my wife or soon to be wife
on the ass and said, go get me a drink.
Go get daddy a drink.
Speaker 1: She said it.
Speaker 2: By the way, if you drank every time, she said
that in this last episode, you'd be fucking wasted.
Speaker 1: Well, speaking of the Bengo card, I think that I can't.
I thought these people were my friends. Is a fun
one for the reality TV Bengo card, and we had
that tonight.
Speaker 2: Oh. I also appreciated the entire cast agreeing that there'd
be no more backstabbing and if they had a problem
with the person, they tell.
Speaker 1: Him to their face.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Sure, will last about as long as a p diddy
sphincter in a riker's eyelid, you know, uh huh and
rip his ass apart.
Speaker 5: Oh yeah, definitely.
Speaker 2: The last part of note, Sheena Shay and Michelle took
that lovely walk on Runyon Canyon. I've done that many times.
Sheena sha giving marriage advice to remind the audience her
first husband was a bloated drug addict through the entirety
of their relationship, and then the next husband is a
bloated pig who doesn't speak to two of his children
that are living on two separate in two separate countries.
So for two, two different lands, oh for two?
Speaker 5: And how many rotten hells would you give the episode?
Speaker 2: I'm going to give it. I still liked it. I'm
going to give it forty two rotten hells.
Speaker 5: Ruby, go ahead, all right.
Speaker 3: I agree with everything Pat said. We are having a
great time here. Or maybe it was you, I can't remember.
I'm high. I think that people who think the show
is too dark go watch something else or get a
new network, but don't go to TLC. This episode, particularly,
I mean the angry little Elf. It wasn't a good
showing for him. I think Nia is arriving at Reality
Tea East. She's waken up to what this is, which
was really fun to watch. And I actually think a
lot of people showed up for work this week. I
think Brittany did a good job. I think Luke was
like kind of like ooh ooh, a little trying to
get in there, failing, but very fun. Yeahah, fifty four bumps.
Speaker 5: And what are you drinking? It's called a long drink.
Speaker 2: Yeah, long ring. It's just one of those another one
of those hard Seltzer cocktails.
Speaker 5: It's called long drink.
Speaker 3: Yeah did it? Have you guys ever had a peach
pear Lacroix?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 1: Yeah, peach pear. I don't know if I've sampled that flav.
Speaker 2: Oh I love Lacroix.
Speaker 1: I kind of stick with the classics, right, I go
lemon or clear and that's pretty much. You know, people
get very very FORCCTA with their waterloose and this is
one is vanilla orange and it's like what also called
the cream skull.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So I'm going to give this episode zero zero rottenhails.
Wowse I'm going to give it zero umps for one.
Speaker 5: Very simple reason.
Speaker 2: Jax isn't here.
Speaker 5: No she and a Shee is zero bumps.
Speaker 2: It takes down the show.
Speaker 1: I mean I literally I could not you know, you
know what the soldiers on the beaches of Normandy experienced
that kind of ringing where you kind of lose grip
of reality because of the trauma.
Speaker 2: Did the guy next to me just have his arms
fly off?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 2: He did, Jesus Christ.
Speaker 1: That's what I went through when I saw Sheeniche walking
on Runyan Canyon. It was a lot for me. So
I'm going to give it zero rotten hells. All right,
let's kick things off. I believe with Zach, who I
just hate so much. I know that, Yeah, it's a
very foreign thing to me. I know that he's a
gay man. But being in that room with all those women,
and being not just in the room with all those women,
fighting with all those women about what all those women
are fighting about, but kind of being the catalyst for
the conflict and the backstabbing. He's a pathetic human being.
Speaker 2: Who was Someone went on a podcast and explained Zach's trajectory,
how he'd always planned to be on reality TV?
Speaker 1: Oh did he?
Speaker 2: Yes?
Speaker 1: And we should say whatever, why I speak about an
actual human being so disparagingly, It should always be framed
as their current state, right, People change, people grow. It's
so Zach could become not pathetic.
Speaker 3: But who he could, and I could join the WNBA.
So keep your hopes up.
Speaker 5: I think it's different.
Speaker 1: Anyone can dream.
Speaker 2: Well, we begin the episode with the entire cast, or
almost the entire cast, given me the full court press.
They really wanted to admit that her husband is a
goddamn drunk?
Speaker 5: Is fair enough?
Speaker 2: Now, Jeff, can.
Speaker 3: I ask you to you guys are married there is.
They're basically saying, we're mad at you because you are
not saying my husband is a blackout drunk right now?
Are you allowed to say that about your husband and
your wife? Are you supposed to?
Speaker 1: Okay, I think we'll break the whole thing down. But
Nia is protective of him and slightly delusional about it
because it's quite a painful thing to stare in the face.
Speaker 2: Well, he's a breadwinner there too, you know, living in
that really nice condo. Well, Jasmine is upset, and I
think this will answer Ruby's question because Britney has allowed
her life and her verbally abusive, coke addicted husband to
be exposed for all of us to see. And then
we got dark side Danny, that little guy. Yeah, and
he's a fucking drunk. And it's the least Nia can
do for the show to say it out loud.
Speaker 1: I want to defend Nea a little bit when we
contrast her, you know, her openness to Britney's. One could
say that, yeah, Britney clearly wins, but that's a little
bit like if you have a mole on your ribcage
or a Fred Savage kind of mole on your lip. Okay,
what choice does Britney have but to be open. She's
a dick. She's married to a coke addict who is
running around leaving little bread crumbs around and screaming on camera.
He loves the cameras, so it's a completely different thing.
Speaker 2: It is, but you showed up on a reality show.
So the deal is. And we've gave Kyle on Real
Housewives and Belly Hills a lot of shit for this.
You're on reality TV show us your life.
Speaker 1: She needs to get with the programmed, sister, She says,
why are my friends talking about me behind my back?
Speaker 5: Nia?
Speaker 1: They're not good friends, they are These are a moral
fixtures in your life and are actually, i would say,
closer to your enemies than your friend's right now, So
Daniel walks in.
Speaker 2: Well, a little guy woke up from the dead to
find his wife being pressed to make sure that he's
a little drunk, and that is in fact a storyline.
This is interesting because these two were so protected their
first season. They were just like this lovely couple and
now season two, the chickens have come home to roosts
and it's time to dismember their marriage.
Speaker 1: Well, we had a little Danny drinking in the first season.
Speaker 2: I called it out first. I said, this little guys
a drunk, didn't I go ahead.
Speaker 3: You did. And I also think that it's worth noting
maybe it was very late in the season that we
got the Outlander drunk him leaving dinner. So I think
perhaps people thought or they saw us getting annoyed with
them and we want to see their cracks, and now
we are seeing their crevasses, and I think it's pretty bad.
I also think that and Mia, like, I don't think
that she can really do anything else other than be like, yeah,
he was drunk, and then she diffuses everyone's ammo and
it's kind of like yell at me. Now I kind
of agree.
Speaker 5: She is so beautiful, Oh my god.
Speaker 1: I mean my wife is sexually attracted. I'm not talking
about like, ohs and days beautiful. I'm talking about, like,
I think my wife would leave me for me. Yeah,
very pretty. I mean, it's nuts. So Danny walks in.
He obviously has no clue what's going on. He's very confused,
and that's because he has just woken up from a blackout.
Speaker 2: It confused.
Speaker 3: You you have you have small children, and this is
the type of thing that people wake up from when
they are aged two to five and they've been asleep.
Speaker 1: In a car after.
Speaker 3: Day at the beach. I will never know this rest.
We will never have that rest again. And good for Danny.
Speaker 1: Yeah, big, big nap. Now.
Speaker 2: I have a Danny story that took place last summer.
When I'd agreed that I was going to cut down
on drinking, my wife and I took a trip to Sylvain.
We met another couple up there. I proceeded to drink
all day, knowing that we had reservations at a Michelin
star rated restaurant. At seven o'clock. Five o'clock comes around,
I am completely blacked out. I lay down on the
pillow in the bed to be woken up with my
wife kicking me and pushing me, telling me, hurry up,
get up. And I was basically blackout that entire dinner,
and she mocked me, made me know how disappointed she
was in me. The next day and the whole time,
I'm thinking, this is my one day away from my
fucking kids. Jesus Christ, right, right, So that's why I
defend Danny on this particular night.
Speaker 5: Yeah, yeah, but.
Speaker 1: You know it's it's listen, call me a fucking call
me a puritan, but I'm going to hold the pretty
lame opinion that it is never okay to be a
blackout drug at a nice dinner like that.
Speaker 2: Well, to be fair, I was blackout before. I was
black out before.
Speaker 1: Well listen, Danny is a drunk and Neia and him
head upstairs, and Nia's like, do you have any idea
what I just went through? And he says no, and
that's because he was. He was blackouts right.
Speaker 2: He's still slurring too, which was kind of funny.
Speaker 1: Nea tells him that he drank too much and his
response is, what the fuck are you fucking talking about?
So anyways, we move on, We move on. Luke tried
to Luke tried to finish all the ice cream, but
he couldn't even All he could eat was ten and
Luke is weird.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that was so nice to him to explain that
to the cater crew because I'm sure they cared.
Speaker 5: Ah. Yeah, that was so Luke of him. Yeah, that
was very very Luke of him.
Speaker 1: Now, Janet, let's the party know that Danny is a
little closet tequila gremlin. Yeah that will come up layter,
But uh, you know, I just so bad for Nia
because she's got to protect and be loyal to the
man she loves. But the man that she loves is
a little tequila greml he is.
Speaker 2: But this is what we call a pilon. Okay, yes, again,
I'm gonna sound like a broke rect this.
Speaker 5: You're right.
Speaker 1: This is textbook pilon.
Speaker 2: This is textbook violin.
Speaker 3: Look it up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, look it up. If this was a Tuesday night, yeah,
and they were all just supposed to go out to
dinner and he behaved this way, which he probably has. Yeah,
feel free to attack him like this where at an
Airbnb in Wine Country. If you're going to sneak tequila
and be a tequila greblin, do it now. This would
be the time that most people would say, that's okay.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know.
Speaker 3: If what I think I am at, I shouldn't speak
for everyone. I'm scared I'm going to get a story
of him being a tequila gremlin at his son's four
year old birthday. And as long as we're not feeling it, okay, I.
Speaker 1: Think we've got kind of a bit of a tapestry
here for Danny, and it looks like hard work, loving father, right,
and then oop, there's a blemish here, and it's where
he gets all little and blacked out, and it happens,
I think, like kind of a lot. So anyways, we
wake the next morning and everyone heads home and here
we go. We head out for a little hike with
Michelle and Sheena Shay. Gina Shay says that they were
watching her old dance videos and she was like, damn,
and I'm wondering, who could possibly give a flying fuck
about Sena Che's old dance videos and whatever Summer Moon
is gabbing on about. I mean, she's four years old.
Speaker 3: Ruby, go ahead, Okay, so I have an answer to
your question. Who the fuck could care the fuck about that? Sheeniche?
And the only thing we took from this hike was
that Summer Moon is already concerned with how old she
looks to other people, and Shina thinks that's cute, and
Michelle thinks that Summer Moon is a good influence, and
that's all.
Speaker 1: Yeah, not happy about it.
Speaker 2: Well, uh, well, apparently I didn't know that their kids
were friends. Isabella knows Winter Mars pretty well. Yeah, And
then I hope Sheinache's fat fuck of a husband gets
h gets to gets to hand with Isabella.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 1: The thing that I was really concerned about is it's
so interesting to me, you know, Michelle says to she
and I don't know if you heard about what happened
in Santa Barbara. And I was confused by that question
because she niche is not there, why would she know?
But she says, you know, I heard about it, and
I'm just like, but you're not on the show, so
why are you here about it? And I don't want
you to hear about it. I want you to go
to a black site somewhere.
Speaker 2: They better not brock, better notch up on the show.
Speaker 1: Oh he's one hundred to show up on.
Speaker 2: Maybe the finale. Now, something really important takes place in
this little hike, okay, because they set these things up.
This kind of blew my mind out, although I'm.
Speaker 1: Not surprised crazy.
Speaker 2: They discuss Aaron and Michelle mentions Jesse calling her a hooker.
Speaker 1: Yeah, reasonably prized, reasonably price prostitute.
Speaker 2: This really got onto Aaron's skin. And rather than punch
Jesse in the face, he's just telling Michelle he doesn't
think he can handle this and he might need to
take off. Yeah, which is great because he's been telling
Isabelle that he loves her right, so now two men
in her life can disappoint her.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I love the level of commitment to Michelle. You know,
let's get a little nuts for me, so I'm gonna
have to head out. I don't think that he's really
suffering any of the consequences of this. I mean, perhaps
the girlfriend who's having sex with old guys from Baywatch
from the nineties is litigating against his honey company. But
outside of Michelle just being kind of emotionally text I
don't know what he's really dealing with. So crazy eyes,
I think is piling on right now unnecessarily.
Speaker 2: So are they still together?
Speaker 1: Do we know?
Speaker 3: Yeah, she moved into his home with her daughter.
Speaker 1: Oh good, I wonder if he's there. Final final thing
to say about this is that she and Shay's sunglasses
are stupid. Kid. All right, let's get to Jesse's house.
Speaker 2: This is my favorite party. Yeah, favorite part.
Speaker 1: This is a great episode. I know I gave it
zero bumps, but okay.
Speaker 3: I just have to start the scene off by saying,
and this may be too deep of a cut for
you too, but you also may know this man is
the equivalent to the character that Catherine Hahn plays in
Kate Hudson's apartment when she pretends to be a therapist
and how to Lose a guy in ten Days. This
man is a joke and he made me laugh out loud.
I thought it was amazing.
Speaker 1: Okay, let me break I can break down the game flow,
it can I really quickly.
Speaker 5: Just wax on life coaches for a second.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, they're great. Life coach slash marriage coaches are
also awesome.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, so he comes highly recommended. And the beauty
about this profession is that we're deserving of it right
now because we're not in a good spot culturally. So
life coaches need to do two things. They need to
exercise and they need to regurgitate self help books. Okay,
if you are in shape and can do that successfully,
you can siphon away millions of dollars from people who
are either too busy or too stupid to care. And
that is exactly what this guy is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I will say so. Scott the marriage coach slash
life coach. He shows up and Jesse hired him after
he did such a great job with marriage counseling.
Speaker 1: That's worth pointing.
Speaker 2: Out yeah, yeah, and then they get right into it
because you know, you just dig into the guts of
Now that's.
Speaker 1: Such a good point. You wonder you know where the
retention is coming from, what is motivating the retention because
the marriage is not going well, No, I would say
it's not even a marriage anymore, not anymore.
Speaker 2: So let's I don't know, maybe he's failing upward as
they say. Yeah, well, Jesse mentions that Michelle has been
projecting and that's why he called her a whore, and
Scott agrees. Yeah, he said, it's a nasty little plan playbook,
nasty little play And that's when life coach Scott lays
down a metaphor and I want you to track this. Yeah,
that's what a good life coach does. They, as you
pointed out, they read self help books and they regurgitate them.
Some just fly by the seat of their pants off
their dome and they lay down gold like this, Scott,
the life coach says, and I quote Jesse, you are
a garden, and water helps a garden, and a seed
grows in a garden. Seeds need water to grow. And
when your wife has sex in that garden with a
honey harmster. The flowers won't grow, so scream into this pillow,
you idiot, and hand me my money.
Speaker 5: Yeah yeah, well and he does.
Speaker 1: If she's having sex with a honey harvester in the garden,
then all of the plants will get all smushed up.
That's that's what he's saying.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, you can't grow.
Speaker 1: So a couple roubs any thoughts on that.
Speaker 3: Well, so then I would recommend that you don't plant
anything of like actual that. No flowers there, no, you know,
no food, maybe just grass there, maybe just dirt, maybe
wood chips to deter them from fucking in your garden.
Speaker 1: Yes, yeah, if you're gonna do that, you're gonna get
some splinters. You're not gonna be happy about it. Jesse
says before they get into any of that stuff that
he has not grieved whether he won or if he's right,
which is uh, yeah, I don't.
Speaker 2: Being right means you actually lost. Yeah, if you're winning
a verbal disagreement with your spouse.
Speaker 1: You're both losing.
Speaker 5: Yeah, definitely definitely.
Speaker 1: But but yeah, Rubes, go ahead before I I.
Speaker 3: Well, yeah, I guess I'm not married yet, so I'll
take that path. But I think that he the word
that you're looking for, Dylan is disgusting.
Speaker 2: Okay, he is he?
Speaker 3: No, he's he's a sciy skiwy many and I don't
like any of the shoes that he wears. And I
think that sometimes his answer too short and too tight.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so this is textbook, textbook life coach stuff.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 1: So he's exercised, he's in shape. Now he's come over
and he is spouting out a metaphor about a garden
and your attention being water. Now there is no real
practical exercise or application.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 1: What the life coach does is give you the vagary
of all of it, right, and it sounds beautiful, but
you really can do almost nothing with it because you
Jesse knows where the end goal is. You know, he
hasn't quite crystallized it into Oh, my attention is water
and I should sprayk tomatoes instead of poison ivy. But
he knows that he needs to get to that point.
What the life coach is going to do is make
it all poetic, but really give him no, no, no
way of getting there whatsoever.
Speaker 2: As a life coach, that's not your job. It's to
just throw out nonsensical metaphors and have your client spend
the next day or two trying to figure it out.
Speaker 5: Right.
Speaker 3: Well, he does give him one concrete piece of advice, right,
and he says, you know why scream into a pillow? Okay?
And he says, because you're gonna end up doing one
of one of two things, my guy, You're gonna laugh
or you're gonna cry. And I would like to point
out that Jesse actually ends up doing neither of those things.
Speaker 1: It's important that we got that out. And it's also
important that if you're going to try to get better
with your mental health, you do it through oh an
avenue that is not.
Speaker 2: Oh, not one of these facta life coaches you find
on I don't know, Craigslist.
Speaker 1: Yeah, No, you want to go to Rula, Today's sponsor
of the podcast, Pat You've used Rula before.
Speaker 2: I have, and I'm feeling a lot better. I'm going
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said I love you more today than I did on
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You deserve quality care from someone who cares. All right,
let's get back to the show. We get to Luke
and Kristen and we close on the Onyx fireplace that
is the main kind of centerpiece for their show. Their
their new rental, the first step in Luke's big plan
for the future. This rental is now Jasmine heads over
to the backyard. I gotta say, there's a lot of
houses in Los Angeles with a lot of concrete that's
too much. I go to a lot of people's houses
and it's like, there's a lot of concrete here in
the well.
Speaker 3: It's because before we when we used to care about
things that mattered, we didn't feel comfortable spending all of
the time and resources and money that we do to
water lawn so that we could look like the Cinderella
Story lawn. Yeah it, Jennifer Coolidge has in the opening
scene because we're in a fucking desert. Dylan, Okay, so
enjoy your pool and your lack of grass.
Speaker 1: Give me the give me the grass. I want the grass.
Speaker 2: It's referred to as hardscaping and real heart escaping. By
the way, just saw a Cinderella Story two days ago,
had Allie watch's it's uh, it's kind of all over
the place?
Speaker 1: Is that with Brandy?
Speaker 3: It's with It's with Hillary Duff and Chad Michael Murray Patrick,
What are you about to say?
Speaker 2: Well, to be fair, we haven't finished it.
Speaker 1: Her ugly say you liked it. I liked a lot.
Speaker 3: You're gonna love the ending, I will.
Speaker 1: I saw the new movie Hurry Up Tomorrow with the Weekend. Oh,
I saw a billboard for that.
Speaker 5: Yeah, how is it?
Speaker 1: Uh? I don't think it's for everyone. Stick to singing now,
Jasmine heads over to the backyard. There's a what like
we mentioned, there's a lot of concrete. I'm looking at
those metal safety bars coming out of the pool and
I'm just thinking about getting third degree burns when I
grab them on a really hot day.
Speaker 5: It's actually really scary.
Speaker 1: They talked about Nia and Danny, and Luke has a
really great contribution to the conversation. He says that when
Danny's tired, can you not just ask if he's drunk?
And Luke is really weird? And that's really all I
personally have to say about Luke's contribution in that moment. Really,
Luke gets the.
Speaker 2: Award for the most Unlikely Reality TV cast member on Brava.
Speaker 1: Yeah right, because I would say, just in general, because
if you look at let's say, a toothless kind of
crackhead from the Ozarks.
Speaker 2: Or Love Afterlock, you could one hundred percent.
Speaker 1: See them on those shows. Luke is in this strange
sliver of you don't belong to that, and you definitely
don't belong to this, So he's in a bit of
an enigma. He's a weird guy.
Speaker 2: It's a purgatory of normancy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you guys are weird. Luke is very
I think I don't think he's weird at all. Dylan
and I actually think that Luke is somebody who I
would really want to like me, if not love me,
and he wouldn't, he would hate me, and that's very clear.
But he's he's the only good person on the show,
if there's any good people.
Speaker 1: I think, Oh no, I completely disagree with you. I
do not think that Luke is a good person.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, Kristen.
Speaker 1: I think that he loves getting in the mess, and
I think that he's fucking weird shit. Okay, so all.
Speaker 2: Right, well Jasmine, I didn't get this conversation. Does she
have regrets about going hard on Danny dark side or
she felt bad about going hard at NIA because Danny
darkse eyed me such a drunk nia Yeah, ladder sorry,
yeah later.
Speaker 1: Oka and yeah, she says that it's hard to be
in a queer relationship. Not really, but also yes really
because Danny would never ever have gone up and done
this to Jazzmine if she was with a man, he
never would have done it. I don't think I agree.
Speaker 3: No, you're you're I think that you're right, or let
me tell, let me redirect. If he did, he would
have been harmed physically.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yep. So that's sad, but we're getting better. We're
trying to get better. Now we head over to the
great Kyle Chan. Kyle Chan's got great stuff. He has
lovely crystal and he has actually gold bars. I don't
know if you guys caught that, but he's just got
gold bars out.
Speaker 2: How does he continue to find himself on this shell?
Is it because he will let his store be filmed
at for free? If you remember, famously, she de Schey
filmed her rockout version of Good as Gold in the shop.
Speaker 3: I think he thinks it's advertising I wrote down. I
will not write anything down because this scene does not matter.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and Luke is going over budget for the ring,
but that doesn't matter because he loves Kristen. Now, Isabella
and Jesse chicken and broccoli and French fries from the Chateau. Dylan, Yeah,
we both tracked it. This may be the grossest thing
that Danny has done all season.
Speaker 2: Jesse Jesse.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it is so indicative of a sick human being
to tell a four year old where the French fries
came from, because they came from where they came from.
Speaker 2: Could be a little of that. Although my darling daughter Ellie,
she knows where cheeseburgers are coming from. She definitely has
her favorite spots. Really, Okay, yeah, Isabelle maybe a fan
of the Chateau Chateau.
Speaker 1: Okay, maybe I'm looking too much into it, Ruby.
Speaker 3: No, Okay, I don't. I think that he's a dick
and probably only tells her when things are from places
like sure, But I also think that the more concerning
thing to me was that we start the scene with
his four year old picking her nose, being a four
year old, and he goes, Isabella, why don't you turn
on a little iPad?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 3: Hey, Jesse, Hey Jesse, walk out of your door, don't return,
don't return. Call Michelle, but don't come back. Right.
Speaker 1: Well, you know people need the iPad sometimes, But I
want to amend that. I think calling Michelle a reasonably
priced prostitute it's probably worse than this, but this is
still gross. Now Isabella wants a key, Michelle brings it over,
and he has a conversation about Isabella always winning. Now
I can't for this. I think it's bad parenting. But
I feel like I'm gonna do the exact same thing.
Speaker 3: You will, you will, so.
Speaker 1: We we, Jess.
Speaker 3: That's not a bad that's not a reflection on you
as a bad parent. I'm sure packed in the same thing.
And that's that.
Speaker 1: Now Jesse talks about the deep seated anger that he
has towards Michelle, and it's so crazy to me, like
Jesse can't get out of his own way. He's a
psychologically damaged human being. All Jesse has to do is say,
calmly once, I'm sorry, but I'm heartbroken and hurt that
you cheated on me, and and she'll return fire with
something you know you've You've just got to be ready
to have a conversation because you've done a lot of
bad things too. But like, just say that and not
you're a whore who cheated on me, right, because then
it doesn't really get delivered. The parcel doesn't get to
the doorstep the way that you want to.
Speaker 5: So it's it's.
Speaker 2: Around my mom at my grandmother's funeral on my dad's side.
They had not been together since nineteen seventy seven. He
had put cigarettes out on her arm when she wasn't looking,
when he was really drunk. He's abusive. Fast forward twenty
years later, twenty five, whatever the fuck it was. I'm
at the funeral for my grandma. My mom's there, my
dad's there of course because his mother's fucking laying in
a coffin. Yeah, yeah, yeah, And I'm standing next to
my mom and she goes, God, your dad's handsome. And
then they hugged each other and they were nice, is
my point?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Time, No, no, I don't think so. Definitely time healed
those cigarette wounds.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no time and then the kind of white
blood cells and.
Speaker 3: Whatever newsporign factine.
Speaker 5: Maybe yeah, but he shouldn't have done that.
Speaker 1: Now Brittany has a lot. Oh no, she has a
hot chef.
Speaker 5: Come over.
Speaker 1: Now. I clocked that this guy was super hot before
the ladies even started talking about it. I was like,
my god, this guy's hot, unbelievable. Now and this guy
is he's clearly a sex addict. This guy goes around
these homes and cooks these dinners and Dylan, then he
has sex with lots and lots of people.
Speaker 5: Pat back me up here.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, those private chefs coming in there. Yeah, I'll
tell you. Taking a woman out to dinner that is
four play, four sex. So when you're the private chef,
you're already you know, in the middle of it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, it's like really good four play food for play.
Now we get ready for dinner with a little caviar service,
and Nia is so sweet. She's married to a little
tequila gremlin and after Halloween asked grabbing and daddy, get
me a get daddy a drink. All that stuff that transpired.
Dia says that her and Daniel are in a much
better place, and Christen says, if anything, if anyone says
anything bad about Nia, they're gonna have to go through me.
And that is how I feel about Nia. Okay, I
want everyone piping down. We've we've we've got it under control. Okay,
let Nia cry about being homeless and let's just move on.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Nia employs attack to Kier and forgive me for
a sounding cynical. I know some listeners are gonna have
a problem with old Patty, but uh, when you are
being attacked, the number one thing that you can do
to combat that attack is to whip out the saddest
story ever. You will shut down your detractors almost immediately,
except for Janet, which we'll get to it a second.
But Nia mentioned she's been through a lot, not just
that marriage with that little dark syed Danny, but at
some point she lived in a in a tent in
people's backyards. It's a rough upbringing, yes me, Yeah, it's
hard to it's hard to call someone out for being
married to a little drunk when they lay down that.
Speaker 5: Kind of story.
Speaker 3: Yeah, And what I what I will say too, is
it actually as fucking remarkable that she is as like
gentle and nice and kind as she is with that
type of vario. Like people can have that upbringing and
turn out very differently. And I think that she's, you know,
a little crazy obviously, but aren't we all? Am I right?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: But what I mean I need more, I need more
details to really put this story together. Is was Dad
not in the picture? As she said, like Dad laughed
or something?
Speaker 1: Dad? I think I got it. Dad left, They hopped
the fence, put up a tent in backyard, and then
they were kicked out, and then she slept in.
Speaker 5: Work parking lot and then Danny is drunk.
Speaker 2: Ruby, you have anything that shed light on that?
Speaker 3: The first The first thing that I thought about when
Nia said how humiliating is that that you have to
be woken up by your your you know, security guard
parking lot in the parking lot, and like when you
see it's Nia in the car, let her sleep, you
hold security card, Like, I mean, come on, my guy, right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: It's some fat guy. Tell him you got to get
the fuck.
Speaker 3: Out of here, man, but right exactly.
Speaker 1: Needs her beauty rest. Now we get to and I
was confused as well as you. I'm not really sure
what this had to do with Dandy big a little drug.
Speaker 2: I mean it was a tactic. Dylan, Dylan, Dylan. I'm
sitting at that table and I'm the drunk, and you
and Ruby come at me.
Speaker 5: Okay.
Speaker 1: I I want to do this because I love you.
I want to say that first and foremost, Okay, And
I think Ruby feels the same way, right.
Speaker 3: Mm hmmmm.
Speaker 2: I think I know where you guys are going.
Speaker 5: And before you.
Speaker 2: Say, well, let me just get it out, I have
aids right, right, So it wasn't through unprotected sex.
Speaker 1: It was through a blood tres Yeah. Now I'm shut
down completely right, that's right. The things that I wanted
to talk to you about pale in comparison to the
weight of what you've just told me, which is the
u of ADS.
Speaker 3: So but then but then there's a big in the
background saying, yeah, that sucks. Pot. Anyways, who did and
that's Janet Janet.
Speaker 1: So just a really beautiful moment ends with Janet, who
I thought she was going to be more evil this season,
but she actually is not that evil, and I maybe
I'll be the unpopular one in the room. I really
don't think that what she did was all that bad, Janet.
Speaker 2: She is, well, Nea finishes that very very very very
sad story. Janet says, well, I'm happy you're finally opening up.
But huh, Danny has a drunk Well, yeah, I know, drunks.
Speaker 1: I was married to what. Yeah, no, it's it was
very pointed and very messy, but I will say that,
you know. Janet just says, maybe it's likely to hurt Nia,
but maybe to help her wake up to the.
Speaker 3: Fact that no, it's not at all.
Speaker 1: She just says, you know, like you know a kumbaya.
I know that you were homeless and everything, but like
you're married to somebody with alcohol problems, okay.
Speaker 5: And Nia's like, no, I'm not.
Speaker 1: And Nia is wrong about that. She is married to
somebody with alcohol problems. Now they go home and you
can tell that Danny has alcohol problems because of how
defensive he is when this gets brought up. She's like,
Jane is such a fucking big bird bitch. I can't
believe she said that. And He's like, I don't have
a fucking drinking bro. What the fuck is wrong with
I don't have a fucking drinking brother. It's like, what
the fuck is wrong with her?
Speaker 2: You know, I loved his explanation of the how pantry
door closes.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, yeah, insane.
Speaker 3: But also she's sitting in that bed the first time
with him when she's in Santa Barbara, and she's like, okay,
you were let me finish, Okay, let me finish. You
were super tired, you had worked all day, you drove
home really late at night and got up in the morning.
And she just basically goes through what a day is
for people who work, and then justifies him coming back
and blacking out and then being blacked out. They'll do
whatever they need to on camera. He is an alcohol problem.
I do not think that it's fair what Janet is
doing is trying to group him with drug and alcohol addicts,
and it's like Mauricio fucking a nineteen year old. That's
like Kyle's friends are probably saying things to her like,
I mean, I'm not saying he's a pedophile, but it's
just like, I don't know, it's kind of weird. It's like, oh, Okay,
So what you're doing though by saying he doesn't like
belong where Jacks is like, that's crazy, but it's just
like he should examine his relationship with it. Oh oh careful.
Speaker 1: Yeah you know he should though, because he's poorly explaining
how cabinet doors closed. Yeah, he's trying to nip tequila.
Speaker 3: Now.
Speaker 2: If I'm Danny and Nia, we don't need to be
spending any time fighting this out. What we need to
do is fight fire with fire. They need to start
digging up some dirt on Janet, neutralizing.
Speaker 1: And I believe they will next week. I think Kristen
looks to be deployed. Jason, don't judge anybody. Keep your
ring on until then. Get in the comments. Let us
know what we thought about the episode. Go to Rule
and support the show. Support us at Patreon dot com.
Another podcast network for aps, p MC lots of fun stuff,
lots of fun baby content coming up and traders. Something
will be around the corner in a couple of weeks.
I'm Dylan saying goodbye, pat Say goodbye bye, guys, Bye
bye