Speaker 1: This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on demand
Speaker 1: on the iHeartRadio app kf I AM six forty. You
Speaker 1: have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Dr
Speaker 1: Wendy Wall Show where I love to talk about the
Speaker 1: science of love, falling in love, heartbreak, all kinds of relationships.
Speaker 1: If you're new to my show, I have a PhD
Speaker 1: in clinical psychology. I'm not a therapist. I'm a psychology professor,
Speaker 1: but I'm obsessed with the science of love. I've written
Speaker 1: three books on relationships, did a dissertation on attachment theory,
Speaker 1: and well, let's get to it. I'll tell you what's
Speaker 1: coming up. Did you know a woman in France lost
Speaker 1: one point two million dollars in a romance scam. We're
Speaker 1: going to talk about how to avoid romance scams, even
Speaker 1: if you don't have a million dollars to give away.
Speaker 1: Whatever little bits we have we could lose. Plus I'll
Speaker 1: be answering your social media questions. But first I predicted it.
Speaker 1: There's no secret there. Travis Kelcey is not at the Grammys, right, Kayla?
Speaker 1: Am I right? Have you seen him? See you, and
Speaker 1: I will tell you why he was not there last
Speaker 1: year too. Yes, he has that pretty little girlfriend with
Speaker 1: the nominations. What was that girl's name again? Uh?
Speaker 2: Taylor, Taylor, Taylor Swift.
Speaker 1: Oh, that that's it. You know what's funny. I go
Speaker 1: to Orange Theory and there's a instructor there named Taylor Swift.
Speaker 1: I tell you the story before I'm repeating myself. And
Speaker 1: turns out she's Taylor Swift's second cousin and coincidentally got
Speaker 1: named the same name. Didn't know that fact when she
Speaker 1: got named that name. Anyway. Uh, here's what you need
Speaker 1: to understand, ladies who are out there saying it's a
Speaker 1: terrible sign. He can't even take the day off work
Speaker 1: to go and support his girlfriend. Uh, okay, he's a
Speaker 1: professional athlete. He's paid millions of dollars to adhere to
Speaker 1: a strict employment contract. His team is scheduled to practice today. Now,
Speaker 1: unlike other jobs, he can't just ask for the day off.
Speaker 1: And besides, like legal financial ramifications. If this dude went
Speaker 1: a wall right before the Super Bowl, don't you think
Speaker 1: he created a bunch of disgruntled teammates who could put
Speaker 1: the whole team in jeopardy of losing football's biggest prize.
Speaker 1: All right, So if you understand the constraints on professional athletes,
Speaker 1: the importance of that game coming up next week, you're
Speaker 1: not going to interpret his absence as a statement about
Speaker 1: his love life, all right. So, but I do want
Speaker 1: to say this. I just feel like I have to
Speaker 1: say it because I know things I don't know things
Speaker 1: about Taylor and Travis. I know things about how and
Speaker 1: why and when people fall in love and choose to
Speaker 1: tie the knot. I would put money on the fact
Speaker 1: that these two are getting married. I mean not tonight,
Speaker 1: but they're going to get married for sure. Statistically speaking,
Speaker 1: they are the people most likely to get married. Now,
Speaker 1: let me break it down. They are in the most
Speaker 1: common age range. She's what, thirty two and he's thirty four, like,
Speaker 1: or she's thirty four and he's thirty two, so somewhere
Speaker 1: in there. Okay, she's near the end of her fertility window.
Speaker 1: They both come from parents who stayed married. They come
Speaker 1: from communities where they may have absorbed religious messages in
Speaker 1: early life about marriage and family. Their closest friends are
Speaker 1: married couples Blake Lively and Ryan Reynolds, Patrick and Brittany
Speaker 1: Mahomes and Jason and Kylie Kelsey. You know, marriage is
Speaker 1: highly contagious within social circles. So and it's also going
Speaker 1: to I think, help both their careers. They're gonna get married.
Speaker 1: They're gonna get married. It's clearly the next step the
Speaker 1: public's been waiting for. They've been together a year and
Speaker 1: a half, enough time to assess compatibility, so they would
Speaker 1: get the nod of approval from me. If they plan
Speaker 1: to have a family, the time is now. Maybe after
Speaker 1: the Grammys tonight, he'll do it by zoom, or maybe
Speaker 1: she's deciding if she's going to propose to him. You
Speaker 1: never know. Speaking of Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively, look
Speaker 1: at that segue. Have you guys been following what's been
Speaker 1: going on with Blake Lively and her director co star
Speaker 1: from the movie what was the damn movie called?
Speaker 2: It Ends with Us?
Speaker 1: It Ends with Us? Well, it's ending with them. Let
Speaker 1: me tell you their friendship is ending right there. A
Speaker 1: director star is Justin Baldoni, so little background. Blake Lively
Speaker 1: worked on this movie with him. He was the director
Speaker 1: and the co co star. She accused him of sexual
Speaker 1: harassment and for spearheading a smear campaign launched in retaliation
Speaker 1: for speaking out against his supposed alleged might have happened misconduct. See,
Speaker 1: we got to say that for legal reasons. On the
Speaker 1: set of the movie. He's denied everything. Now he's countersued
Speaker 1: her and her husband. Forget this four hundred million dollars,
Speaker 1: which is apparently what they're worth. So here's what happened.
Speaker 1: On Friday. Baldoni decided, I'm going to go so public.
Speaker 1: I'm beyond public. I don't know how he got this url, Kayla,
Speaker 1: do you know what the url to his website is?
Speaker 2: What is it?
Speaker 1: The lawsuit info dot com.
Speaker 3: Well, I hear that there's a very very wealthy man
Speaker 3: helping him with this lawsuit. So yeah, more money than
Speaker 3: Ryan Reynolds and Blake Lively puts together. I want to
Speaker 3: say the director, the director of the movie, somebody.
Speaker 2: That worked on the movie. That's team.
Speaker 3: The producer just then has billions and billions of dollars
Speaker 3: and he's given.
Speaker 1: Oh, they bought the url the lawsuit infoodfox dot com.
Speaker 1: The lawsuit info dot com. That's all you type into Google.
Speaker 1: The lawsuit info is if theirs is the only lawsuit
Speaker 1: on the planet. And what he did is he uploaded
Speaker 1: a document. It's not glamorous. There's no pretty don't look
Speaker 1: for nice graphics, don't look for pretty pictures, don't look
Speaker 1: for animation. It's just a document one hundred and sixty
Speaker 1: pages that includes all the text, exchanges, all the scenes.
Speaker 1: It's from the script that disproves everything in her claim.
Speaker 1: You know. He also sued he's suing The New York
Speaker 1: Times because they printed a story that he says was
Speaker 1: all one sided, just writing whatever Blake Lively said, and
Speaker 1: that it wasn't balanced, and it was whatever, slander defamat.
Speaker 1: I don't know what they call it. Slander defamation. No
Speaker 1: defamations when you're to private people diss somebody else, but
Speaker 1: slanders when you're lying as a journalist publicly. I did
Speaker 1: take journalism law on ethics, but it was like in
Speaker 1: nineteen eighty one.
Speaker 2: You were one of the greatest journalists average.
Speaker 1: So I don't mean to laugh at their drama, but
Speaker 1: I did skim through the one hundred and sixty pages
Speaker 1: stopped on some very interesting texts At issue. He described
Speaker 1: her wardrobe as needing to be more sexy. All right,
Speaker 1: Baldoni asked their shared trainer. I guess Lively had introduced
Speaker 1: him to her workout person. And there's all this stuff
Speaker 1: of the prescript in the text of how many push
Speaker 1: ups and sit ups and what to eat and how
Speaker 1: much cardio. If you want to know how to look
Speaker 1: like Justin Baldoni, just log onto that and you're going
Speaker 1: to find the whole work out there. And so Baldoni
Speaker 1: apparently allegedly has had back pain in the past and
Speaker 1: some slip discs or whatever. So he was concerned about
Speaker 1: a particular love making scene that's a lift scene where
Speaker 1: he has to lift her up and carry her and
Speaker 1: do the deed. And they don't do it for real.
Speaker 1: It's all it's magic of movies. But he asked her
Speaker 1: trainer how much she weighed so he could prepare for it.
Speaker 1: That's his side of the story. Well, husband Ryan Reynolds
Speaker 1: went ballistic over that. How dare you criticize my wife
Speaker 1: about her way? She was postpartum, she was breastfeeding. How
Speaker 1: dare you also everything you could imagine that could go wrong,
Speaker 1: and this film seemed to go wrong. She got sick
Speaker 1: a whole bunch of times, and at one point I
Speaker 1: think one or two of the crew members got COVID,
Speaker 1: So even though we're past COVID proto, it makes sense.
Speaker 1: She's in, she got kids, she's breastfeeding. She just said, hey,
Speaker 1: can you get anybody who's in contact with me tested
Speaker 1: for COVID, which he said yes. There was a lot
Speaker 1: of texts where Justin was totally sucking up to Ryan
Speaker 1: and her by the way, just kissing the ring, kissing
Speaker 1: the ring. He was trying because they are more powerful
Speaker 1: in Hollywood than he was. Anyway, wouldn't you know what?
Speaker 1: She came down with COVID so she missed Simon. Then
Speaker 1: there's all the sweet email or texts from Justin saying,
Speaker 1: don't worry, you don't feel better? Whatever I want to know,
Speaker 1: And there were arguments over script changes she kept doing.
Speaker 1: At one point, I think he came into a meeting
Speaker 1: he redacted or that means blacked out. You take a sharpie,
Speaker 1: you black it out people's names on stuff who weren't
Speaker 1: involved in this. But one of them said that he
Speaker 1: came for a meeting with somebody who was a mega,
Speaker 1: mega megastar. Can we figure out who that was? Who
Speaker 1: was in the You think it's Taylor swift. Is that
Speaker 1: what you're saying with your lips right there? I don't
Speaker 1: know somebody, but it was Ryan Reynolds and a mega
Speaker 1: star and Blake Lively telling him all these script changes
Speaker 1: they should do in his movie and called them her
Speaker 1: two dragons, and she referred to them as I'm sorry
Speaker 1: my dragons. Were there later.
Speaker 3: Talking Game of Thrones. If you know she's saying, she
Speaker 3: was comparing herself to Kalisi.
Speaker 1: And then another time she called herself, you know, I'm
Speaker 1: a ball buster. Now you know that sort of sounds
Speaker 1: like gendered language to be what if he had said
Speaker 1: I'm a pea buster. I think we can say ball
Speaker 1: on the radio.
Speaker 4: I think.
Speaker 1: Did you get the email this week about I think
Speaker 1: I was the one who made it happen?
Speaker 2: Oh, no, we do.
Speaker 1: It was it was about we're not allowed to say
Speaker 1: any bad words. I saw it, and that there has
Speaker 1: to be like eight or ten seconds forever well to
Speaker 1: get to that button and make it go away.
Speaker 2: And there was like a rider receipt attached to it's
Speaker 2: the show to prove that we read it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think I probably caused that. You did curse
Speaker 1: on the air a couple of times. Wendy, it happens. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it happened. I have quite a sailor mouth. My dad
Speaker 1: was in the navy, so when I'm off radio, people
Speaker 1: don't know this about me. Sailor.
Speaker 2: It's all good, Doctor Wendy.
Speaker 1: There is a word that begins with the letter F
Speaker 1: that is both a verb and adjective analogy. It can
Speaker 1: be used in so many ways. Okay, all I want
Speaker 1: to say is is I want to know what they're
Speaker 1: really fighting about, because it's not clear. There's a lot
Speaker 1: of tit for Tad and everybody going. But something happened
Speaker 1: in that relationship because early on they were all friendly,
Speaker 1: friendly and let's get together. You know, Emily and I
Speaker 1: were really kind of loners and we'd love to be
Speaker 1: friends with you guys, and Ryan saying yeah, let's do it,
Speaker 1: and blah blah blah. All right, more is coming in
Speaker 1: that one. Hey, Valentine's Day is also coming up. If
Speaker 1: you're somebody who suffers from the Valentines Day blues, I've
Speaker 1: got some advice for you when we come back. You
Speaker 1: are listening to the Dr Wendy Walsh Show on KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 4: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty, you got Doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1: I'm dancing in the studio. That's what I'm doing. I'm
Speaker 1: dancing with my producer, Kayla. I just think we should
Speaker 1: just leave the music on, just rock back and forth
Speaker 1: for half an hour, kind of like Trump did at
Speaker 1: one of his campaigns, because it feels good. That's a
Speaker 1: great sound, Kayla.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: By the way, did you have a good week?
Speaker 2: I did.
Speaker 3: I worked on my podcast next in the City of Angels.
Speaker 3: Make sure you tune in.
Speaker 1: I love the title every wee Get podcast in the
Speaker 1: City of Angels, Yes, which is where we are.
Speaker 2: Yes, ma'am.
Speaker 1: Would you talk about this week anything else?
Speaker 3: Dating younger men being thirties and dating twenty somethings and
Speaker 3: how that just doesn't work?
Speaker 1: But yeah, because you know what the boys call you
Speaker 1: when they're in their thirties, cougars dirty something that.
Speaker 3: The women that this is exactly why you can't talk
Speaker 3: to these twenty somethings.
Speaker 2: They're crazy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, exactly, all right. So Valentine's Day coming up,
Speaker 1: do you have any plans my podcasts? All right, just
Speaker 1: go work, work, work, work. So there's actually been research
Speaker 1: on this. There's Reacher research on everything. A study published
Speaker 1: in the Journal of Sciencecientific Exploration. I thought there's supposed
Speaker 1: to be going under the season out to space, but no,
Speaker 1: in the Journal of Scientific Exploration said he was published
Speaker 1: called the Valentine's Day Blues, and they found that the
Speaker 1: blues are a very real psychological phenomenon, phenomenon, phenomenon, and
Speaker 1: a form of situational depression occurs for many people in
Speaker 1: the weeks leading up to and even following Valentine's Day
Speaker 1: February fourteenth. Hey, do you know what situational depression is?
Speaker 2: Depression based off certain specific situations.
Speaker 1: Yeah, environment you know, there are other kinds of depression,
Speaker 1: chemical depression, postpartum depression, all seasonal, seasonal depression. Yeah, but
Speaker 1: situational depression is like, you know, when bad things you're
Speaker 1: fearing bad things coming up, a bad thing happened and
Speaker 1: you're feel sad about it. That's the situation that will
Speaker 1: be cured once you fix the situation. Yeah, you know,
Speaker 1: I used to have seasonal depression when I moved to
Speaker 1: California and the sun came out, gone gone. So here.
Speaker 1: According to this research, here are three reasons why Valentine's
Speaker 1: Day is a difficult event for very many people. First,
Speaker 1: and Chris Merrill talked about this earlier, consumer pressures. So
Speaker 1: there is this pressure. Society has said that if you
Speaker 1: love somebody, you better express that love through grand gestures,
Speaker 1: extravagant displays of affection, and spend some money. In fact,
Speaker 1: according to a recent survey, Americans are expected to spend
Speaker 1: get this, about fourteen point two billion on Valentine's Day.
Speaker 1: Sure on love?
Speaker 2: Okay, talk about making money.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So a couple weeks ago, oh, you were there when
Speaker 1: we had the Women of Wendy's Wedding retreat in Temecula.
Speaker 1: A few of us did a side trip during the day.
Speaker 1: I wanted to pick up candles for dinner because I
Speaker 1: can't eat dinner without candles. It's my little pet peeve.
Speaker 1: And so while we were in the tarja that would
Speaker 1: be called the target, one of the moms buying all
Speaker 1: these adorable stuffed animals and they were little puppies holding
Speaker 1: Valentines and blah blah blah, and I'm like, it's not
Speaker 1: for like three weeks. Why are you buying these shees?
Speaker 1: Because all this stuff sells out. I got to get
Speaker 1: it early for my kids. It's like Christmas or something.
Speaker 1: And it is true. I was a single mom and
Speaker 1: I always did Valentine's they were my Valentines. So I
Speaker 1: did a little fun thing with chocolate and stuffed animals
Speaker 1: and stuff, a little fancy dinner for Valentine's Day. But
Speaker 1: there is pressure to spend money, right, and for those
Speaker 1: who don't have the money, it can increase feelings of inadequacy.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry. The other big one is I'm just going
Speaker 1: to say it Instagram. You know, the researchers call it
Speaker 1: the social comparison trap if you are comparing your sales
Speaker 1: to other people on social media, because everybody's going to
Speaker 1: post a great picture. I don't even know if Hulu
Speaker 1: and I have a plan. Oh you do have a plan.
Speaker 1: Do you know what our plan? I totally forgot. We're
Speaker 1: going on our honeymoon to be amazing. It's going to
Speaker 1: be an Australia.
Speaker 2: Oh excuse me.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be in Australia and I'm going to take
Speaker 1: a picture on Valentine's Day and everybody's gonna be jealous,
Speaker 1: and I don't want that to happen. You, Oh, thank you,
Speaker 1: But I'm gonna feel bad for anybody. So should I
Speaker 1: only put like the ugly times.
Speaker 2: There no people have to deal with their own feelings.
Speaker 2: It's not your okay.
Speaker 1: Well, the social comparison trap is a bad one too,
Speaker 1: and then increased feelings of loneliness if you are single.
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day is not fun because it's all about couples, right.
Speaker 4: You know.
Speaker 1: One time I was in book tour years ago, I
Speaker 1: don't remember, Kansas City, Cincinnati somewhere, and some bookstore owner
Speaker 1: thought it would be a great idea to have the
Speaker 1: woman who wrote the book the boyfriend test uh, you know,
Speaker 1: basically how to evaluate his potential before you lose your heart.
Speaker 1: And she was going to do a whole event with
Speaker 1: champagne and chocolates at her bookstore on Valentine's Day night.
Speaker 1: Do you think any single person would come out and say,
Speaker 1: this is my night, everybody see how I'm lonely? No,
Speaker 1: you know, came one old cat lady. So she had
Speaker 1: a cat and or purse. That's how I knew. But
Speaker 1: she really was an old cat lady, Oh, I felt
Speaker 1: so bad. Okay, listen to everybody. Practice some self compassion,
Speaker 1: treat yourself with kindness. Understand that it's just a day.
Speaker 1: It's a hallmark holiday, and you know what, this is
Speaker 1: a day to give love to yourself. Plan ahead for
Speaker 1: Valentine's Day. Some kind of self care thing. I don't
Speaker 1: care what is. Get a little manny patty, get a
Speaker 1: little facial massage, get something, pick up something special to
Speaker 1: eat at home with your cats. No. I stayed in
Speaker 1: Airbnb this week, and it was like not an Airbnb,
Speaker 1: it was an actual B and B where you stay
Speaker 1: in at somebody's house and it's like a bed and
Speaker 1: breakfast and they you sleep in one of their bedrooms.
Speaker 1: They're a really nice older couple. As soon as I
Speaker 1: walked in, I saw two cats walk by, and I'm
Speaker 1: really allergic. I love cats, love it. Don't get me wrong,
Speaker 1: love love, love cat, but I'm so allergic. So it
Speaker 1: was a kind of sneezy night for itchy high night.
Speaker 1: You know what, reach out to other people, fortify your
Speaker 1: social connections. You need to have strong social connections to
Speaker 1: have good mental health. So it's on you. If you're
Speaker 1: alone on Valentine's Days because you didn't make the phone
Speaker 1: calls ahead of time and make the plans. Don't be shy.
Speaker 1: Call the people up, reach out, friends, family, co workers,
Speaker 1: say what are you doing? Also, Sigmund Freud came up
Speaker 1: with this a long time ago. If you give to
Speaker 1: somebody else acts of kindness, it is a form of sublimation.
Speaker 1: It's a way of caring for yourself. So ask yourself,
Speaker 1: who's going to be lonely on Valentine's Day? Who should
Speaker 1: I call?
Speaker 4: Right?
Speaker 1: Do plan ahead? Okay, we got a couple weeks now,
Speaker 1: So plan ahead and call a therapist if you need to,
Speaker 1: because it can bring the situational depression. Still depression, all right,
Speaker 1: When we come back. One woman lost one point two
Speaker 1: million dollars in a romance scam. You would not believe
Speaker 1: how many others are losing money. I'm going to tell
Speaker 1: you how to avoid romance scams. When we come back.
Speaker 1: You're listening to the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 4: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty you have doctor Wendy Walsh with you.
Speaker 1: This is the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show. You know what,
Speaker 1: lonely people are most vulnerable to romance scams. You know,
Speaker 1: I actually fell for a romance scam once.
Speaker 2: Not you.
Speaker 1: Well, I didn't send any money. But that's here's what happens.
Speaker 1: This is what you don't do. Here's all. I learned
Speaker 1: this stuff experientially, folks, not just from textbooks. So years ago,
Speaker 1: I was a single mom. My kids were very little.
Speaker 1: I couldn't get out on dates. I had no childcare whatever.
Speaker 1: So I made the grave error that many many people
Speaker 1: do of getting on the dating apps, getting a ping
Speaker 1: from somebody and beginning a text relationship with them extan
Speaker 1: changing phone numbers, starting texts. There were a couple phone calls,
Speaker 1: but there were always problems with the calls and the
Speaker 1: time and whatever. And of course he was gorgeous and
Speaker 1: he was wealthy, and he said he didn't even know
Speaker 1: he was on the dating app. His sister put it
Speaker 1: up for him. And you know the stories, right, A
Speaker 1: million reasons why you couldn't get together, and blah blah
Speaker 1: blah blah blah. And then one night I had a
Speaker 1: dream I had a dream that I was trapped in
Speaker 1: a hotel room with a very large, very angry man,
Speaker 1: and I was running and trying to get out of
Speaker 1: the hotel room. And it was his name. And I
Speaker 1: called him the next day and said I had this dream,
Speaker 1: and he was like, what, like, you don't trust me?
Speaker 1: And then I realized, oh my god. I started doing
Speaker 1: all that Internet research to really find out who he was.
Speaker 1: He'd used a fake name of somebody who was a
Speaker 1: sports reporter in Canada, well known or whatever, and he'd
Speaker 1: done all this stuff and anyway, I figured out he
Speaker 1: was a fake, and I just, you know, yelled at him.
Speaker 1: I said, text whatever because I disclose a lot of
Speaker 1: parcel stuff like people have do that. Right. So he
Speaker 1: never asked me for money, but he can't fish me. Right.
Speaker 1: So there is an extraordinary romance scam that has been
Speaker 1: making headlines around the world, and sadly, the victim, the
Speaker 1: woman in her fifties, is being mocked by the world
Speaker 1: for her naivete And I want to tell you it
Speaker 1: can happen to anybody. Her name is Anne. She's a
Speaker 1: French woman in her fifties. A French TV broadcast about
Speaker 1: her she ended up paying one point two million dollars
Speaker 1: to swindlers posing as get this. Have you seen the
Speaker 1: pictures online a sickly looking brad Pit. Now, when I
Speaker 1: look at those pictures, I'm a little savvy. I can
Speaker 1: see it's all done with AI. It's like his face
Speaker 1: is glued on there in that bed. They don't even
Speaker 1: they look, they didn't even try hard to doctor those pictures.
Speaker 2: And you could just like google information. He's a huge star.
Speaker 1: It would be any where he is, right, yeah, right,
Speaker 1: So he had told her he was supposedly in love
Speaker 1: with her. They even manufactured a fake, deep fake picture
Speaker 1: where he's holding up a sign saying I love you,
Speaker 1: And they sent all these fake selfies. He was supposed
Speaker 1: to be in a hospital bed. He was supposed to
Speaker 1: be hurting. Look, I just want to say that it
Speaker 1: is estimated. The FBI estimates that every year people spend
Speaker 1: somewhere between in America five hundred million and a billion
Speaker 1: dollars in romance scams. It is a huge business in
Speaker 1: some countries a Thailand, in Africa, there are big syndicates
Speaker 1: where people are employed like call centers and all they
Speaker 1: do is work. You know, hundreds of accounts every day
Speaker 1: and see who's going to be who's going to grab right.
Speaker 1: So here's how a romance scam works. Two people meet
Speaker 1: on a dating app. The scammer is able to determine
Speaker 1: if the person is older, alone, vulnerable, needy, lonely, and
Speaker 1: most importantly, highly empathetic. They're right back, Oh I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: but they're like, oh interesting, because empathy is a big one.
Speaker 1: You can have very high intelligence, but you can also
Speaker 1: be highly empathetic. And this person who's the scammer always
Speaker 1: has a very good reason why they can't meet in
Speaker 1: the real world. And it seems exotic because they're living
Speaker 1: far away, they're on a military base, they're serving in
Speaker 1: some covert mission and they can't tell you about, right
Speaker 1: because it's classified information. Or they're just in another exotic
Speaker 1: foreign country and they're a sexy man or woman from
Speaker 1: some other country, right. And the first thing they the
Speaker 1: scammers try to do is get you off the app
Speaker 1: and onto any other platform because people will start reporting
Speaker 1: the scammer and then the profile will get taken down.
Speaker 1: So they want to get you off. If someone tries
Speaker 1: to get you off the dating app, quickly gets your
Speaker 1: phone number, wants to talk whatever. And they can't meet
Speaker 1: in the real world and they already fit this profile,
Speaker 1: then you should worry. Then starts the love bombing. I've
Speaker 1: never met anyone like you before. You're amazing. Wow, you
Speaker 1: feel like my soulmate. Now, remember, if you're a lonely person,
Speaker 1: you will easily be enticed by this.
Speaker 3: And this woman that fell for this one, she was
Speaker 3: just going through a divorce, right, Yeah, so she was.
Speaker 1: Super lonely and it happened to me when I had
Speaker 1: little kids, knows home alone. Then comes the first crisis.
Speaker 1: They test your ability to give by asking for a
Speaker 1: small amount of money. There's some little thing. I don't
Speaker 1: know what happened. My credit cards all got cut off,
Speaker 1: and I know it's okay. It's only eighty five dollars, honey,
Speaker 1: I love you, you love me. It's eighty five dollars, you know.
Speaker 1: And then they continue to earn your trust and eventually
Speaker 1: asked for bigger money. Listen, here's why it works. Love
Speaker 1: Bombing creates neural hormones that cause delusions and an inability
Speaker 1: to discern when you don't have your friends and family
Speaker 1: and tribe weighing in on this person and you're alone
Speaker 1: in your room texting away, you fall down a rabbits
Speaker 1: a hole of fantasy. Right. Also, our brain is hijacked
Speaker 1: by something called a sunk cost bias, which means you're
Speaker 1: more willing to continue to invest in something you've already
Speaker 1: invested in. You keep saying, well, it's got to be
Speaker 1: real because of D D D. So here's what you
Speaker 1: need to do if you want to avoid a romance scam.
Speaker 1: Be aware of your life's situation, understand that you may
Speaker 1: be particularly vulnerable. Do not search outside yourge zip code,
Speaker 1: and also do not have an online relationship. Insist on
Speaker 1: meeting in the real world. By the way, video is
Speaker 1: not enough. They can do deep fake videos zooms and
Speaker 1: skypes and it's like a robot you're talking to it
Speaker 1: looks like a real person. So video is not enough.
Speaker 1: You need to literally meet in the real world. Bring
Speaker 1: some friends, make it a whole group date. But do
Speaker 1: not start disclosing personal things and going down that fantasy
Speaker 1: rabbits hole all by without other people weighing in on
Speaker 1: this relationship. And definitely, don't ever, ever, ever, ever, ever,
Speaker 1: ever ever send money to anybody who you've only met online.
Speaker 1: Never just don't do it. Have a heart and fast
Speaker 1: rule boundary. That's it, right. I feel so bad for
Speaker 1: this woman. She lost her whole life savings. There have
Speaker 1: been men who've been romance scammed by quote unquote beautiful women.
Speaker 1: They've lost their houses, they've lost their pension. It's terrible,
Speaker 1: all right. When we come back, you think romance scams
Speaker 1: are back bad, There's something else going on, especially for
Speaker 1: young single people in the real world. It's called the
Speaker 1: relationship experience. It has everything that involves a relationship except
Speaker 1: the long term part. Let me explain. When we come back.
Speaker 1: You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.
Speaker 4: You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI
Speaker 4: AM six forty.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI
Speaker 1: AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Recently,
Speaker 1: I was asked by a reporter about some trend that
Speaker 1: they're now calling you know, it's all the same old stuff.
Speaker 1: By the way, it just keeps getting new names by
Speaker 1: new relationship journalists. And this relationship journalist was calling it
Speaker 1: the relationship experience. And basically she described to me, why
Speaker 1: is it that some people enter a relationship with you
Speaker 1: it turns out to be a short term relationship. But
Speaker 1: they enter a relationship where they're doing everything that you
Speaker 1: need to do. They're being attented of you, they're meeting
Speaker 1: your friends and family, they're you know, having great fun dates,
Speaker 1: they're talking about the future together, and then all of
Speaker 1: a sudden they just disappear, Like why don't they just
Speaker 1: say up front, Hey, I'm looking for some short and sueek.
Speaker 1: So this journalist called it, why do people want the
Speaker 1: relationship experience without having the real relationship? And the answer
Speaker 1: is very simple. Short term trists parade as long term
Speaker 1: relationships for one reason. It's the best way to get
Speaker 1: a short term relationship, right. It is the oldest mating
Speaker 1: strategy in history. The unspoken rule has been observed by
Speaker 1: evolutionary psychologists around the world. We call that cross cultural research.
Speaker 1: And the rule is this, the easiest way to obtain
Speaker 1: a short term relationship is by pretending you want a
Speaker 1: long term relationship. The appeal for the practitioner is simply
Speaker 1: the ability to extract sex with little investment or sacrifice,
Speaker 1: just a bunch of words, so you know, she asked
Speaker 1: me like, well, you know, this is a time where
Speaker 1: there's sexual freedom and it's totally okay to say I
Speaker 1: want a short term relationship or I just want your body, right,
Speaker 1: it's the lyrics to have the songs out there. Why
Speaker 1: do they still need to disguise this fact? And the
Speaker 1: answer is very simple because it increases their odds of
Speaker 1: finding a low commitment sexual relationship. Look, I'm gonna say it.
Speaker 1: You can get mad at me if you want, but
Speaker 1: the research supports what I'm about to tell you. There
Speaker 1: are far more women that desire a secure, long term
Speaker 1: attachment than women who are happy to hook up and
Speaker 1: sally off. I should also add that some women who
Speaker 1: say they're just looking for something casual are using that
Speaker 1: as a mating strategy. They're trying to get men to
Speaker 1: fall in love with them through sex, which never works.
Speaker 1: It fails one hundred percent of the time. So to
Speaker 1: prove that women want more sex, I mean sorry, want
Speaker 1: more long term relationship, want less short terms or casual
Speaker 1: relationships sex. There is a famous human mating study that
Speaker 1: has been replicated over and over for years, and what
Speaker 1: they do is they take a young man he stands
Speaker 1: on a college campus and he stops women all day long.
Speaker 1: There's some you know, recorder somewhere hiding under the tree,
Speaker 1: writing notes about how many and what he said, and
Speaker 1: he basically tells these women he flirts with them, chats
Speaker 1: with the individual women, and he tells them that he's
Speaker 1: really attracted to them, and then he asked them to
Speaker 1: come back to his Would they like to come back
Speaker 1: to his dorm and have sex? Virtually every woman declines. Now,
Speaker 1: when the researchers flip the gender, they have a young
Speaker 1: woman stopping random men and offering sex, nearly all the
Speaker 1: men say yes. Also, the researchers noted that the few
Speaker 1: men who said no, who declined the sex, they usually
Speaker 1: explained that they had a girlfriend. But those partnered men,
Speaker 1: they still ask for the women's phone number in case
Speaker 1: they ever broke up with their girlfriend. Right, So, I
Speaker 1: do want to say this, I'm not making light of
Speaker 1: the fact that it hurts when somebody purports to want
Speaker 1: a long term relationship and then they ghost you, they
Speaker 1: dump you, they disappear, and all the promises about the
Speaker 1: future have disappeared. Right, But don't blame yourself. This is
Speaker 1: a mating strategy. On the other side, you couldn't have
Speaker 1: seen it coming. But you can use this experience as
Speaker 1: research research ladies and gents, because women play men too.
Speaker 1: I'm not joking. When I was a young player, Chick,
Speaker 1: I'll say it a hat of time, I had my run. Okay,
Speaker 1: I was a young player, Chick. I remember my roommate
Speaker 1: and I used to say, well, we can't have more
Speaker 1: than we can't see more than five men each at once,
Speaker 1: because we'll get all the stories mixed up. We go
Speaker 1: on in a day to go like, so your sister
Speaker 1: owns that store, I don't know. Oh, oh, I'm sorry,
Speaker 1: you mess up the story. So five was all the
Speaker 1: stories we could hold in our head. When I was
Speaker 1: a player, Chick, I had a couple of guys fall
Speaker 1: in love with me and get mad at me and
Speaker 1: tell me flat out you played me. You played me,
Speaker 1: they said, And I thought, hmm. I didn't say I
Speaker 1: loved you, didn't say would be together forever and never.
Speaker 1: You just made that assumption. So instead of being hurt
Speaker 1: when this happens to you, because it happens to everybody,
Speaker 1: ask yourself what tests that you can devise for the
Speaker 1: future to test somebody's worthiness. You see, finding and keeping
Speaker 1: a good mate involves plenty of strategy. And you are
Speaker 1: here on the planet because your grandparents and their grandparents
Speaker 1: had supreme mating skills. So you've got to channel your
Speaker 1: ancestors because that's why you're here. They had their own,
Speaker 1: especially the women, the grandmothers and grand great grandmothers. They
Speaker 1: had their own environmental and biological pressures for women, a
Speaker 1: narrow fertility window, no birth control, of the risk of
Speaker 1: an unwanted motherhood, sexist attitudes of female sexuality. Okay, today
Speaker 1: women have different environmental pressures too. Many guys who are players.
Speaker 1: Technology designed now to extend your fertility window, like by
Speaker 1: freezing your eggs, And I just think, ladies, you're gonna
Speaker 1: figure this out. You're going to get played a couple times,
Speaker 1: and men, you're going to get played a couple times.
Speaker 1: But look no further than the bridal industry to see
Speaker 1: that many, many people are mastering the mating game. And
Speaker 1: if marriage is what you desire, you can learn the
Speaker 1: strategies that you need. Right So my best advice is
Speaker 1: in the future, slow things down, make potential mates sacrifice
Speaker 1: for you, sacrifice with time, treasure talents and all delay
Speaker 1: the onset of first sex and a new relationship. See
Speaker 1: if they're happy to wait for you. Watch and see
Speaker 1: if they're sacrificing money, in time or labor to enhance
Speaker 1: your life. Remember, people value what they have to work
Speaker 1: for and give that potential meete the gift of getting
Speaker 1: to work for you. Hey, when we come back, I
Speaker 1: am going to go to my social media and I
Speaker 1: am going to answer your questions that you send to me.
Speaker 1: If you haven't sent me a question, this is the
Speaker 1: time to do it. Just log onto Instagram, go to
Speaker 1: at d R Wendy Walsh at doctor Wendy Welsh and
Speaker 1: send me a question. It'll be fun. Ah, weigh in,
Speaker 1: it'll be a lot of fun, all right. When we
Speaker 1: come back, you're listening to the Dr Wendy Walls Show
Speaker 1: and KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the
Speaker 1: iHeartRadio app. You've been listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh. You
Speaker 1: can always hear us live on KFI AM six forty
Speaker 1: from seven to nine pm on Sunday and anytime on
Speaker 1: demand on the iHeartRadio app.