Speaker 1: Section five of the Awful German Language by Mark Twain.
Speaker 1: This LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by
Speaker 1: Kirsten Webber, section five. In my note book, I find
Speaker 1: this entry July one. In the hospital yesterday a word
Speaker 1: of thirteen syllables was successfully removed from a patient, a
Speaker 1: North German from near Hamburg. But as most unfortunately, the
Speaker 1: surgeons had opened him in the wrong place, under the
Speaker 1: impression that he contained a panorama, he died. The sad
Speaker 1: event has cast a gloom over the whole community. That
Speaker 1: paragraph furnishes a text for a few remarks about one
Speaker 1: of the most curious and notable features of my subject,
Speaker 1: the length of German words. Some German words are so
Speaker 1: long that they have a perspective. Observe these examples freundschaft,
Speaker 1: butt saigomen, di lettanten, of pringlichchaiten, statfe outniten, felzamlungen. These
Speaker 1: things are not words. They are alphabetical processions, and they
Speaker 1: are not rare. One can open a German newspaper at
Speaker 1: any time and see them marching majestically across the page.
Speaker 1: And if he has any imagination, he can see the
Speaker 1: banners and hear the music too. They impart a martial
Speaker 1: thrill to the meekest subject. I take a great interest
Speaker 1: in these curiosities. Whenever I come across a good one,
Speaker 1: I stuff it and put it in my museum. In
Speaker 1: this way I have made quite a valuable collection. When
Speaker 1: I get duplicates, I exchange with other collectors, and thus
Speaker 1: in increase the variety of my stock. Here are some
Speaker 1: specimens which I lately bought at an auction sale of
Speaker 1: the effects of a bankrupt bric a brac hunter, generralstatz
Speaker 1: fer Outnetenferzamlungen, alta, toumbs, Wissenschaften, kindelbavar rung, sanstelten, wun appengichkites erklirungen,
Speaker 1: vida erschtelungbishtriebungen, waffenstirstants unta Handlungen. Of course, when one of
Speaker 1: these grand mountain ranges goes stretching across the printed page,
Speaker 1: it adorns and ennobles that literary landscape. But at the
Speaker 1: same time it is a great distress to the new student,
Speaker 1: for it blocks up his way. He cannot crawl under it,
Speaker 1: or climb over it, or tunnel through it, so he
Speaker 1: resorts to the dictionary for help, but there is no
Speaker 1: help there. The dictionary must draw the line somewhere, so
Speaker 1: it leaves this sort of words out. And it is right,
Speaker 1: because these long things are hardly legitimate words, but are
Speaker 1: rather combinations of words, and the inventor of them ought
Speaker 1: to have been killed. They are compound words with the
Speaker 1: hyphens left out. The various words used in building them
Speaker 1: are in the dictionary, but in a very scattered condition,
Speaker 1: so you can hunt the materials out one by one
Speaker 1: and get at the meaning at last. But it is
Speaker 1: a tedious and harassing business. I have tried this process
Speaker 1: upon some of the above examples. Frodshaft Pittsigogan seems to
Speaker 1: be friendship demonstrations, which is only a foolish and clumsy
Speaker 1: way of saying demonstrations of friendship on aping kites et
Speaker 1: Klerrongen seems to be independence declarations, which is no improvement
Speaker 1: upon declarations of independence so far as I can see.
Speaker 1: Generastautzfoltnetenfelzomlongen seems to be general States representatives meetings. As nearly
Speaker 1: as I can get at it a mere rhythmical, gushy
Speaker 1: euphemism for meetings of the legislature. I judge. We used
Speaker 1: to have a good deal of this sort of crime
Speaker 1: in our literature, but it has gone out now. We
Speaker 1: used to speak of a thing as a never to
Speaker 1: be forgotten circumstance, instead of cramping it into the simple
Speaker 1: and sufficient word memorable and then going calmly about our
Speaker 1: business as if nothing had happened. In those days. We
Speaker 1: were not content to embalm the thing and bury it decently.
Speaker 1: We wanted to build a monument over it. But in
Speaker 1: our newspapers the compounding disease lingers a little to the
Speaker 1: present day, but with the hyphens left out in the
Speaker 1: German fashion, this is the shape it takes. Instead of saying, quote,
Speaker 1: mister Simmons, Clerk of the County and District Courts, was
Speaker 1: in town yesterday end quote, the new form puts it
Speaker 1: thus quote Clerk of the County and District Courts Simmons
Speaker 1: was in town yesterday end quote. This saves neither time
Speaker 1: nor ink and has an awkward sound. Besides, one often
Speaker 1: sees a remark like this in our papers. Quote missus
Speaker 1: Assistant District Attorney Johnson returned to her city residence yesterday
Speaker 1: for the season end quote. That is a case of
Speaker 1: really unjustifiable compounding, because it not only saves no time
Speaker 1: or trouble, but confers a title on missus Johnson, which
Speaker 1: she has no right to. But these little instances are trifles, indeed,
Speaker 1: contrasted with the ponderous and dismal German system of piling
Speaker 1: jumbled compound words together. I wish to submit the following
Speaker 1: local item from a Mannheim journal by way of illustration. Quote.
Speaker 1: In the day before yesterday, shortly after eleven o'clock night,
Speaker 1: the in this town standing tavern called the Wagoner was downburnt.
Speaker 1: When the fire to the on the down burning house
Speaker 1: resting stork's nest reached, flew the parent storks away. But
Speaker 1: when the by the raging fire surrounded nest itself caught
Speaker 1: fire straightway, plunged the quick returning mother's stork into the
Speaker 1: flames and died her wings over her young ones outspread.
Speaker 1: Even the cumbersome German construction is not able to take
Speaker 1: the pathos out of that picture. Indeed, it somehow seems
Speaker 1: to strengthen it. This item is dated away back yonder
Speaker 1: months ago. I could have used it sooner, but I
Speaker 1: was waiting to hear from the father. Stork I am
Speaker 1: still waiting. End of Section five