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<v Speaker 1>Section five of the Awful German Language by Mark Twain.

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<v Speaker 1>This LibriVox recording is in the public domain recording by

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<v Speaker 1>Kirsten Webber, section five. In my note book, I find

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<v Speaker 1>this entry July one. In the hospital yesterday a word

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<v Speaker 1>of thirteen syllables was successfully removed from a patient, a

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<v Speaker 1>North German from near Hamburg. But as most unfortunately, the

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<v Speaker 1>surgeons had opened him in the wrong place, under the

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<v Speaker 1>impression that he contained a panorama, he died. The sad

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<v Speaker 1>event has cast a gloom over the whole community. That

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<v Speaker 1>paragraph furnishes a text for a few remarks about one

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<v Speaker 1>of the most curious and notable features of my subject,

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<v Speaker 1>the length of German words. Some German words are so

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<v Speaker 1>long that they have a perspective. Observe these examples freundschaft,

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<v Speaker 1>butt saigomen, di lettanten, of pringlichchaiten, statfe outniten, felzamlungen. These

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<v Speaker 1>things are not words. They are alphabetical processions, and they

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<v Speaker 1>are not rare. One can open a German newspaper at

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<v Speaker 1>any time and see them marching majestically across the page.

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<v Speaker 1>And if he has any imagination, he can see the

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<v Speaker 1>banners and hear the music too. They impart a martial

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<v Speaker 1>thrill to the meekest subject. I take a great interest

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<v Speaker 1>in these curiosities. Whenever I come across a good one,

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<v Speaker 1>I stuff it and put it in my museum. In

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<v Speaker 1>this way I have made quite a valuable collection. When

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<v Speaker 1>I get duplicates, I exchange with other collectors, and thus

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<v Speaker 1>in increase the variety of my stock. Here are some

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<v Speaker 1>specimens which I lately bought at an auction sale of

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<v Speaker 1>the effects of a bankrupt bric a brac hunter, generralstatz

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<v Speaker 1>fer Outnetenferzamlungen, alta, toumbs, Wissenschaften, kindelbavar rung, sanstelten, wun appengichkites erklirungen,

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<v Speaker 1>vida erschtelungbishtriebungen, waffenstirstants unta Handlungen. Of course, when one of

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<v Speaker 1>these grand mountain ranges goes stretching across the printed page,

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<v Speaker 1>it adorns and ennobles that literary landscape. But at the

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<v Speaker 1>same time it is a great distress to the new student,

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<v Speaker 1>for it blocks up his way. He cannot crawl under it,

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<v Speaker 1>or climb over it, or tunnel through it, so he

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<v Speaker 1>resorts to the dictionary for help, but there is no

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<v Speaker 1>help there. The dictionary must draw the line somewhere, so

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<v Speaker 1>it leaves this sort of words out. And it is right,

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<v Speaker 1>because these long things are hardly legitimate words, but are

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<v Speaker 1>rather combinations of words, and the inventor of them ought

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<v Speaker 1>to have been killed. They are compound words with the

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<v Speaker 1>hyphens left out. The various words used in building them

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<v Speaker 1>are in the dictionary, but in a very scattered condition,

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<v Speaker 1>so you can hunt the materials out one by one

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<v Speaker 1>and get at the meaning at last. But it is

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<v Speaker 1>a tedious and harassing business. I have tried this process

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<v Speaker 1>upon some of the above examples. Frodshaft Pittsigogan seems to

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<v Speaker 1>be friendship demonstrations, which is only a foolish and clumsy

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<v Speaker 1>way of saying demonstrations of friendship on aping kites et

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<v Speaker 1>Klerrongen seems to be independence declarations, which is no improvement

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<v Speaker 1>upon declarations of independence so far as I can see.

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<v Speaker 1>Generastautzfoltnetenfelzomlongen seems to be general States representatives meetings. As nearly

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<v Speaker 1>as I can get at it a mere rhythmical, gushy

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<v Speaker 1>euphemism for meetings of the legislature. I judge. We used

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<v Speaker 1>to have a good deal of this sort of crime

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<v Speaker 1>in our literature, but it has gone out now. We

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<v Speaker 1>used to speak of a thing as a never to

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<v Speaker 1>be forgotten circumstance, instead of cramping it into the simple

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<v Speaker 1>and sufficient word memorable and then going calmly about our

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<v Speaker 1>business as if nothing had happened. In those days. We

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<v Speaker 1>were not content to embalm the thing and bury it decently.

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<v Speaker 1>We wanted to build a monument over it. But in

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<v Speaker 1>our newspapers the compounding disease lingers a little to the

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<v Speaker 1>present day, but with the hyphens left out in the

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<v Speaker 1>German fashion, this is the shape it takes. Instead of saying, quote,

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<v Speaker 1>mister Simmons, Clerk of the County and District Courts, was

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<v Speaker 1>in town yesterday end quote, the new form puts it

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<v Speaker 1>thus quote Clerk of the County and District Courts Simmons

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<v Speaker 1>was in town yesterday end quote. This saves neither time

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<v Speaker 1>nor ink and has an awkward sound. Besides, one often

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<v Speaker 1>sees a remark like this in our papers. Quote missus

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<v Speaker 1>Assistant District Attorney Johnson returned to her city residence yesterday

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<v Speaker 1>for the season end quote. That is a case of

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<v Speaker 1>really unjustifiable compounding, because it not only saves no time

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<v Speaker 1>or trouble, but confers a title on missus Johnson, which

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<v Speaker 1>she has no right to. But these little instances are trifles, indeed,

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<v Speaker 1>contrasted with the ponderous and dismal German system of piling

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<v Speaker 1>jumbled compound words together. I wish to submit the following

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<v Speaker 1>local item from a Mannheim journal by way of illustration. Quote.

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<v Speaker 1>In the day before yesterday, shortly after eleven o'clock night,

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<v Speaker 1>the in this town standing tavern called the Wagoner was downburnt.

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<v Speaker 1>When the fire to the on the down burning house

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<v Speaker 1>resting stork's nest reached, flew the parent storks away. But

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<v Speaker 1>when the by the raging fire surrounded nest itself caught

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<v Speaker 1>fire straightway, plunged the quick returning mother's stork into the

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<v Speaker 1>flames and died her wings over her young ones outspread.

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<v Speaker 1>Even the cumbersome German construction is not able to take

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<v Speaker 1>the pathos out of that picture. Indeed, it somehow seems

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<v Speaker 1>to strengthen it. This item is dated away back yonder

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<v Speaker 1>months ago. I could have used it sooner, but I

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<v Speaker 1>was waiting to hear from the father. Stork I am

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<v Speaker 1>still waiting. End of Section five