WEBVTT

1
00:00:03.200 --> 00:00:14.000
<v Speaker 1>Caalaruga, Shark Media.

2
00:00:09.279 --> 00:00:12.119
<v Speaker 2>Dona O'Brien, who's sixty one years old. Somehow we're all

3
00:00:12.119 --> 00:00:15.560
<v Speaker 2>getting old. He's going to host the Oscars March second.

4
00:00:16.079 --> 00:00:19.280
<v Speaker 2>Academy CEO Bill Kramer and President Janet Yang said in

5
00:00:19.320 --> 00:00:21.679
<v Speaker 2>a statement together as if they are the board, we

6
00:00:21.719 --> 00:00:24.440
<v Speaker 2>are thrilled and honored to have the incomparable Conan O'Brien

7
00:00:24.519 --> 00:00:26.719
<v Speaker 2>host the Oscars this year. He is the perfect person

8
00:00:26.760 --> 00:00:29.679
<v Speaker 2>help lead our global celebration of film with his brilliant humor,

9
00:00:29.960 --> 00:00:33.479
<v Speaker 2>his love of movies, and his live TV expertise, his

10
00:00:33.560 --> 00:00:36.719
<v Speaker 2>remarkable ability to connect with audiences. We'll bring viewers together

11
00:00:36.759 --> 00:00:39.000
<v Speaker 2>to do what the Oscars do best, honor the spectacular

12
00:00:39.079 --> 00:00:42.200
<v Speaker 2>films and filmmakers of this year. What I'm worried about

13
00:00:42.520 --> 00:00:45.399
<v Speaker 2>is I keep thinking back to Letterman hosting the Oscars

14
00:00:45.759 --> 00:00:47.759
<v Speaker 2>and the Oscar crowd. They kind of like you to

15
00:00:47.759 --> 00:00:50.679
<v Speaker 2>go down the middle. They like Billy Crystal. I'm not

16
00:00:50.759 --> 00:00:53.280
<v Speaker 2>sure they like, you know, Triumph, the insult comic dog.

17
00:00:53.320 --> 00:00:55.320
<v Speaker 2>Not that I expect trying for the Oscars, but you

18
00:00:55.359 --> 00:00:57.159
<v Speaker 2>never know. I mean, I'd love the heck out of that.

19
00:00:58.000 --> 00:01:00.159
<v Speaker 2>But is Conan too weird for the Oscars? Crowd good.

20
00:01:00.240 --> 00:01:03.200
<v Speaker 2>We will find out. Conan O'Brien said, America demanded it,

21
00:01:03.240 --> 00:01:06.280
<v Speaker 2>and now it's happening. Taco Bell's new cheesy chelupa supreme.

22
00:01:06.319 --> 00:01:09.920
<v Speaker 2>In other news, I'm hosting the Oscars. Jimmy Kimmel reportedly

23
00:01:09.959 --> 00:01:13.120
<v Speaker 2>declined in invitation to come back this year. John mulaney

24
00:01:13.200 --> 00:01:15.799
<v Speaker 2>is said to have also passed on the opportunity. None

25
00:01:15.799 --> 00:01:18.480
<v Speaker 2>of that is a dig at Conan weird statements. Raj

26
00:01:18.560 --> 00:01:21.719
<v Speaker 2>Kapor and Katie Mullen, who produced the ninety sixth Oscars,

27
00:01:21.760 --> 00:01:24.400
<v Speaker 2>they'll return for these ninety seventh Oscars, And they also

28
00:01:24.439 --> 00:01:26.719
<v Speaker 2>put out a joint statement. What's with the joint statements?

29
00:01:26.920 --> 00:01:29.200
<v Speaker 2>Like the borg, they said, Conan has all the qualities

30
00:01:29.239 --> 00:01:32.159
<v Speaker 2>of a great Oscars host. He is incredibly witty, charismitic,

31
00:01:32.200 --> 00:01:33.920
<v Speaker 2>and funny, and has proven himself to be a master

32
00:01:34.000 --> 00:01:36.560
<v Speaker 2>of live event television. We so look forward to working

33
00:01:36.640 --> 00:01:39.280
<v Speaker 2>with him to deliver a fresh, exciting and celebratory show

34
00:01:39.319 --> 00:01:42.560
<v Speaker 2>for Hollywood's biggest night. Some big names got together the

35
00:01:42.599 --> 00:01:45.439
<v Speaker 2>other night to honor Gilbert Godfried's life and to raise

36
00:01:45.519 --> 00:01:49.400
<v Speaker 2>funds for muscular dystrophee research. Among the attendees, David Tel

37
00:01:49.439 --> 00:01:52.959
<v Speaker 2>Susi Sman, Judy Gold, Richard Kind, Robert Smigel, Paul Schaeffer,

38
00:01:53.079 --> 00:01:56.599
<v Speaker 2>Chevy Chase, Jeff Ross, and Salvacano. A lot of John

39
00:01:56.640 --> 00:01:59.599
<v Speaker 2>mullany in the news lately. He told g Qdogg the

40
00:01:59.680 --> 00:02:02.359
<v Speaker 2>Late Night Show really made me enjoy LA. Something clicked

41
00:02:02.359 --> 00:02:04.439
<v Speaker 2>where I was like, Oh, this feels like the future.

42
00:02:04.439 --> 00:02:07.959
<v Speaker 2>There's so much going on, aerospace, shipping, agriculture, industry. This

43
00:02:08.039 --> 00:02:11.120
<v Speaker 2>Hollywood thing is pretty tiny. When he brings back whatever

44
00:02:11.159 --> 00:02:13.000
<v Speaker 2>he winds up doing for the new incarnation of the

45
00:02:13.080 --> 00:02:14.919
<v Speaker 2>Late Night Show, he says, there's a quote I heard

46
00:02:14.960 --> 00:02:17.680
<v Speaker 2>about Edward Hopper that he was a great artist, but

47
00:02:17.759 --> 00:02:19.400
<v Speaker 2>he was only a good painter. But if he had

48
00:02:19.400 --> 00:02:21.599
<v Speaker 2>been a better painter, he would have been a worse artist.

49
00:02:21.680 --> 00:02:23.080
<v Speaker 2>I sort of feel like, if we try to make

50
00:02:23.080 --> 00:02:25.280
<v Speaker 2>the show better, it could be worse. You go on

51
00:02:25.360 --> 00:02:28.319
<v Speaker 2>instinct over data and recklessness over planning. I love it.

52
00:02:28.639 --> 00:02:31.360
<v Speaker 2>Letterman gave John mulaney some advice, which is, when you're

53
00:02:31.400 --> 00:02:33.520
<v Speaker 2>running the weird show, you have to be the least

54
00:02:33.560 --> 00:02:35.719
<v Speaker 2>weird person on it. Everybody's going to be saying let's

55
00:02:35.719 --> 00:02:37.159
<v Speaker 2>do this and let's do that, and you're the one

56
00:02:37.240 --> 00:02:40.639
<v Speaker 2>having to modulate the gas and brakes. James Acaster will

57
00:02:40.639 --> 00:02:43.759
<v Speaker 2>have an HBO special. It is called Heckler Is Welcome.

58
00:02:44.199 --> 00:02:48.120
<v Speaker 2>In Heckler's Welcome, James Acaster relinquishes control of his set

59
00:02:48.520 --> 00:02:52.439
<v Speaker 2>and lets the audience interfere. Acaster said, performing in a

60
00:02:52.560 --> 00:02:54.280
<v Speaker 2>round a theater I went to growing up, with the

61
00:02:54.280 --> 00:02:56.800
<v Speaker 2>audience chipping in whatever they felt like me. This was

62
00:02:56.840 --> 00:02:59.360
<v Speaker 2>the most I've ever enjoyed filming a special. I'm delighted

63
00:02:59.400 --> 00:03:01.639
<v Speaker 2>it's coming to you HBO. Also, I've jumped on the

64
00:03:01.639 --> 00:03:04.960
<v Speaker 2>stage via trampoline, and I don't want that to go unacknowledged.

65
00:03:05.280 --> 00:03:08.759
<v Speaker 2>There is a trailer. Let's listen before we begin. Here

66
00:03:09.159 --> 00:03:10.280
<v Speaker 2>are the house rules.

67
00:03:10.439 --> 00:03:13.520
<v Speaker 1>James Acaster cannot get annoyed at the audience if they heckle,

68
00:03:13.759 --> 00:03:16.759
<v Speaker 1>talk amongst themselves on their phones, or are quieter than

69
00:03:16.800 --> 00:03:22.479
<v Speaker 1>he would like. Richard, what is wrong with using James

70
00:03:22.560 --> 00:03:26.080
<v Speaker 1>Acaster may not single anybody else was not heckled the

71
00:03:26.159 --> 00:03:28.000
<v Speaker 1>most cringe moment of my entire life, and I was

72
00:03:28.000 --> 00:03:31.960
<v Speaker 1>the only person in there here. Even though he spent

73
00:03:32.000 --> 00:03:35.120
<v Speaker 1>his entire career joining to Matick. This they control every

74
00:03:35.199 --> 00:03:38.240
<v Speaker 1>single detail and every single show he's ever done. James

75
00:03:38.319 --> 00:03:42.840
<v Speaker 1>Acaster has to accept whatever happens. Look, if you haven't

76
00:03:42.919 --> 00:03:46.479
<v Speaker 1>enjoyed the show tonight, please take some consolation in the

77
00:03:46.520 --> 00:03:48.599
<v Speaker 1>fact it used to be a lot worse.

78
00:03:50.159 --> 00:03:53.960
<v Speaker 2>James Acaster Heckler is welcome. November twenty third, that's like

79
00:03:54.080 --> 00:03:58.319
<v Speaker 2>this week. That's Saturday, ten pm. Trump got reelected and

80
00:03:58.319 --> 00:04:01.479
<v Speaker 2>people are asking Kathy Griffin it again. You may recall

81
00:04:01.639 --> 00:04:04.879
<v Speaker 2>she posts for photos holding a mask of the president,

82
00:04:04.919 --> 00:04:08.039
<v Speaker 2>a smeared in ketchup that did not go over well.

83
00:04:08.439 --> 00:04:10.879
<v Speaker 2>Kathy said, I stand by the photo and never should

84
00:04:10.879 --> 00:04:13.719
<v Speaker 2>have apologized. The only thing I'm taking back is the apology.

85
00:04:14.039 --> 00:04:16.560
<v Speaker 2>Trump used the entire DOJ to come after me. It

86
00:04:16.600 --> 00:04:18.519
<v Speaker 2>was like, good old Kathy Griffin. You know her from

87
00:04:18.560 --> 00:04:21.439
<v Speaker 2>tilling Penis jokes and for making fun of the Kardashians.

88
00:04:21.480 --> 00:04:24.480
<v Speaker 2>But now she's the DOJ's number one enemy. Kathy said

89
00:04:24.480 --> 00:04:27.079
<v Speaker 2>it wasn't until last year, and that incident was six

90
00:04:27.160 --> 00:04:30.120
<v Speaker 2>years ago. That last year she finally started getting invited

91
00:04:30.160 --> 00:04:32.839
<v Speaker 2>back to places that wouldn't have her. One of those.

92
00:04:32.879 --> 00:04:35.079
<v Speaker 2>The Mirage in twenty seventeen put out a statement that

93
00:04:35.160 --> 00:04:38.600
<v Speaker 2>said Griffin's photo clearly crosses the line of respect and decency.

94
00:04:39.399 --> 00:04:41.160
<v Speaker 2>Kathy tells a story and says, I got a woman

95
00:04:41.199 --> 00:04:42.759
<v Speaker 2>who worked with the guy at the mirage who banned

96
00:04:42.800 --> 00:04:45.160
<v Speaker 2>me for life, and she goes, that guy's dead. I

97
00:04:45.240 --> 00:04:47.720
<v Speaker 2>was like, that's why I'm being asked back. So I

98
00:04:47.839 --> 00:04:49.920
<v Speaker 2>just decided I'm gonna wait them all out and assume

99
00:04:49.959 --> 00:04:52.000
<v Speaker 2>that I'm back at most of these venues because whoever

100
00:04:52.040 --> 00:04:54.879
<v Speaker 2>banned me is dead now. Want of Sikes talked about

101
00:04:54.879 --> 00:04:56.759
<v Speaker 2>the election with Jimmy Kimmel and said, I mean, it's

102
00:04:56.800 --> 00:04:58.759
<v Speaker 2>so many reasons why you can say it happened. But

103
00:04:58.800 --> 00:05:00.720
<v Speaker 2>you know a lot of us aren't like totally shocked,

104
00:05:00.759 --> 00:05:03.839
<v Speaker 2>because sometimes America is just gonna America. Send your letters

105
00:05:03.839 --> 00:05:06.720
<v Speaker 2>to Wanta Pykes. She jokes, I blame all those damn

106
00:05:06.800 --> 00:05:09.759
<v Speaker 2>Cheerio commercials showing all those interracial couples. You scare the

107
00:05:09.800 --> 00:05:11.439
<v Speaker 2>crap out of white people. What do y'all do and

108
00:05:11.519 --> 00:05:13.519
<v Speaker 2>just sell the damn cereal? Why you gotta be bringing

109
00:05:13.600 --> 00:05:16.360
<v Speaker 2>us into this? You may find it interesting and relevant

110
00:05:16.399 --> 00:05:19.800
<v Speaker 2>to the joke that Wanda isn't an interracial marriage. Wanna continued,

111
00:05:20.319 --> 00:05:22.240
<v Speaker 2>So why are the majority of white women not voting

112
00:05:22.240 --> 00:05:24.120
<v Speaker 2>for another woman? And I'm like, y'all need to watch

113
00:05:24.160 --> 00:05:26.800
<v Speaker 2>more Bravo. Why you shocked. Have you seen the Bachelor

114
00:05:26.839 --> 00:05:29.240
<v Speaker 2>women tear each other apart over dude? So why do

115
00:05:29.279 --> 00:05:31.279
<v Speaker 2>you think this wasn't gonna happen the Real Housewives? I

116
00:05:31.279 --> 00:05:33.879
<v Speaker 2>mean they do the same thing. Wanda was upset about

117
00:05:33.879 --> 00:05:36.319
<v Speaker 2>one part of Trump's campaign, quoting Wanda, You're supposed to

118
00:05:36.319 --> 00:05:38.040
<v Speaker 2>be trying to fix the problems of America, right, So

119
00:05:38.120 --> 00:05:40.680
<v Speaker 2>it's targeted community that's less than one percent of the population.

120
00:05:41.040 --> 00:05:43.519
<v Speaker 2>You're focusing on that on sex changes. How about focus

121
00:05:43.600 --> 00:05:46.160
<v Speaker 2>on climate change that affects everybody instead of sex changes.

122
00:05:46.199 --> 00:05:48.120
<v Speaker 2>That's like less than one percent of the population. And

123
00:05:48.199 --> 00:05:50.800
<v Speaker 2>it's all fears. Oh you know, your son goes to

124
00:05:50.839 --> 00:05:52.319
<v Speaker 2>school as a boy and comes home as a girl.

125
00:05:52.319 --> 00:05:54.600
<v Speaker 2>And I'm like, relax, it's a man bunch. Shut up.

126
00:05:54.920 --> 00:05:58.639
<v Speaker 2>Stormy Daniels did a comedy set the State Journal Register

127
00:05:58.879 --> 00:06:01.240
<v Speaker 2>was there, Daniels brand. He said, people ask why you're

128
00:06:01.240 --> 00:06:04.160
<v Speaker 2>still a Republican. Why haven't you changed? Stormy said, because

129
00:06:04.160 --> 00:06:07.279
<v Speaker 2>it makes Republicans so mad? And I'm that kind of petty.

130
00:06:07.720 --> 00:06:10.360
<v Speaker 2>Stormy asked, how are these our only options for president?

131
00:06:10.399 --> 00:06:13.240
<v Speaker 2>It's the hypocrisy of the whole thing. Some comedians are

132
00:06:13.319 --> 00:06:15.959
<v Speaker 2>upset that she's doing stand up, Stormy says, we all

133
00:06:15.959 --> 00:06:18.759
<v Speaker 2>know I do my best work laying down. It's way

134
00:06:18.800 --> 00:06:21.800
<v Speaker 2>more fun. Dick van Dike wait in, Dick Vandyke is

135
00:06:21.920 --> 00:06:25.240
<v Speaker 2>ninety eight years old. A paparazzo yelled out to a

136
00:06:25.319 --> 00:06:28.240
<v Speaker 2>ninety eight year old man, hey, does the future look

137
00:06:28.240 --> 00:06:30.959
<v Speaker 2>bright for America? Ninety eight year old Dick Vandyke didn't

138
00:06:30.959 --> 00:06:33.480
<v Speaker 2>hear the question at first, but the paparazzo repeated it.

139
00:06:33.839 --> 00:06:37.040
<v Speaker 2>Dick said, I hope you're right. The photographer followed up,

140
00:06:37.120 --> 00:06:39.439
<v Speaker 2>do you think Donald Trump is capable of making America

141
00:06:39.480 --> 00:06:43.879
<v Speaker 2>great again? Dick Vandyke said, Fortunately, I won't be around

142
00:06:43.920 --> 00:06:46.720
<v Speaker 2>to experience the four years. Send your letters to Dick

143
00:06:46.839 --> 00:06:50.079
<v Speaker 2>van Dijke. It is the last day of the New

144
00:06:50.160 --> 00:06:52.879
<v Speaker 2>York Comedy Festival. Let's see if their website wants to

145
00:06:52.920 --> 00:06:57.399
<v Speaker 2>load today. It's somewhat did not too bad, not too much.

146
00:06:57.480 --> 00:06:59.839
<v Speaker 2>Going on five p fifteen at the New York Comedy

147
00:06:59.839 --> 00:07:02.560
<v Speaker 2>cl Upper West Side. Leonard Ootz He's doing a live

148
00:07:02.600 --> 00:07:04.519
<v Speaker 2>special taping. He's a lot of fun. You should check

149
00:07:04.519 --> 00:07:07.399
<v Speaker 2>that out. Zarnagar gives your big name tonight her show

150
00:07:07.439 --> 00:07:10.839
<v Speaker 2>Practical People Win at town Hall at seven, and that'll

151
00:07:10.839 --> 00:07:12.720
<v Speaker 2>put a rap on the New York Comedy Festival. I

152
00:07:12.759 --> 00:07:15.680
<v Speaker 2>can delete this bookmark and move on. Lloyd Griffith is

153
00:07:15.720 --> 00:07:19.040
<v Speaker 2>a comedian. He wrote about his hair transplant for The Guardian.

154
00:07:19.160 --> 00:07:21.639
<v Speaker 2>Lloyd writes, twenty five years later, I'm sitting in hair

155
00:07:21.680 --> 00:07:23.759
<v Speaker 2>and makeup on the set of Soccer Am while the

156
00:07:23.759 --> 00:07:25.839
<v Speaker 2>makeup artist covered up the bags under my eyes. I

157
00:07:25.959 --> 00:07:27.920
<v Speaker 2>got home at two am after doing a comedy gig,

158
00:07:27.959 --> 00:07:30.399
<v Speaker 2>and then got up again at six after touching up

159
00:07:30.399 --> 00:07:32.879
<v Speaker 2>my face. She reached for a pot and started sprinkling

160
00:07:32.920 --> 00:07:35.560
<v Speaker 2>black powder generously on my hair and said it's for

161
00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:38.839
<v Speaker 2>the cameras so the lights don't balance off your bald patches.

162
00:07:39.120 --> 00:07:41.399
<v Speaker 2>I felt as if I'd been heckled, but at no comeback.

163
00:07:41.560 --> 00:07:43.879
<v Speaker 2>My stomach dropped. It was the first time I'd been

164
00:07:43.879 --> 00:07:46.560
<v Speaker 2>described as bald. I was aware my hair had been

165
00:07:46.560 --> 00:07:48.199
<v Speaker 2>fitting for the past three or four years, but I

166
00:07:48.199 --> 00:07:49.720
<v Speaker 2>thought I'd be getting away with it. I'd comb my

167
00:07:49.800 --> 00:07:51.720
<v Speaker 2>hair left or right to conceal my scalp, and then

168
00:07:51.800 --> 00:07:53.720
<v Speaker 2>use the hair island at the front of my head

169
00:07:53.920 --> 00:07:57.360
<v Speaker 2>to try and camouflage the aforementioned comb over. This is

170
00:07:57.399 --> 00:07:59.800
<v Speaker 2>my future. I see this coming. I'm at the point

171
00:07:59.800 --> 00:08:02.240
<v Speaker 2>now well I look all right on a normal day,

172
00:08:02.279 --> 00:08:04.240
<v Speaker 2>but boy, when I get out of the shower, yikes.

173
00:08:04.600 --> 00:08:07.040
<v Speaker 2>In comedy, you spend years trying to hone your usp

174
00:08:07.160 --> 00:08:09.279
<v Speaker 2>and my character and voice had always included the fact

175
00:08:09.279 --> 00:08:10.839
<v Speaker 2>that I had hair. I was fat, and I made

176
00:08:10.879 --> 00:08:13.360
<v Speaker 2>jokes about that. I didn't want to be fat and bald.

177
00:08:13.759 --> 00:08:18.120
<v Speaker 2>Lloyd explains, there's a very regimented after care procedure. Sleeping

178
00:08:18.240 --> 00:08:21.720
<v Speaker 2>upright for five nights, spring your hair every half hour

179
00:08:21.800 --> 00:08:24.480
<v Speaker 2>with saline, making sure nothing goes anywhere near your head

180
00:08:24.519 --> 00:08:27.759
<v Speaker 2>for fourteen days, no sexual acts for ten days, and

181
00:08:27.800 --> 00:08:30.319
<v Speaker 2>the list goes on. I took about one hundred photos

182
00:08:30.319 --> 00:08:31.720
<v Speaker 2>of my head and a cab on the way back,

183
00:08:31.759 --> 00:08:34.120
<v Speaker 2>and I didn't edit a single one. I'd been reborn.

184
00:08:34.440 --> 00:08:36.519
<v Speaker 2>I'm now in my ugly duckling phase, where the hair

185
00:08:36.519 --> 00:08:38.600
<v Speaker 2>has started a shed and my head is patchy, a

186
00:08:38.679 --> 00:08:41.480
<v Speaker 2>process we're told to trust as over the next six

187
00:08:41.559 --> 00:08:44.360
<v Speaker 2>months I should start to see the results. And that's

188
00:08:44.360 --> 00:08:46.840
<v Speaker 2>your comedy news for today. If you enjoy the program,

189
00:08:47.000 --> 00:08:48.720
<v Speaker 2>sail a friend about it, they might like it too.

190
00:08:48.720 --> 00:08:51.080
<v Speaker 2>If you would like to show without commercial interruption, hey,

191
00:08:51.120 --> 00:08:53.200
<v Speaker 2>I get it. We've got solutions for you. One solution

192
00:08:53.240 --> 00:08:55.440
<v Speaker 2>If you're on Apple Podcasts, there's a banner there. I

193
00:08:55.440 --> 00:08:58.960
<v Speaker 2>always forget what the banner says. It says uninterrupted listening

194
00:08:59.039 --> 00:09:00.679
<v Speaker 2>four ninety nine a month. So think about it. You

195
00:09:00.720 --> 00:09:03.000
<v Speaker 2>could sport the show. You send five bucks to the show,

196
00:09:03.320 --> 00:09:05.879
<v Speaker 2>and you get the show commercial free. That's even better

197
00:09:05.960 --> 00:09:07.799
<v Speaker 2>than buying me a coffee. If you think about it.

198
00:09:08.039 --> 00:09:10.919
<v Speaker 2>You could try that out for thirty days free. If

199
00:09:10.919 --> 00:09:12.639
<v Speaker 2>you're not on Apple podcasts, there's a link in the

200
00:09:12.639 --> 00:09:14.480
<v Speaker 2>show notes so you can get it on Spotify or

201
00:09:14.519 --> 00:09:17.960
<v Speaker 2>the other platforms. No trial with that one long story.

202
00:09:18.639 --> 00:09:20.600
<v Speaker 2>Talk to my business partner Mark. I don't know, I

203
00:09:20.600 --> 00:09:21.960
<v Speaker 2>don't understand. See you tomorrow.