Speaker 1: Caalaruga, Shark Media.
Speaker 2: Dona O'Brien, who's sixty one years old. Somehow we're all
Speaker 2: getting old. He's going to host the Oscars March second.
Speaker 2: Academy CEO Bill Kramer and President Janet Yang said in
Speaker 2: a statement together as if they are the board, we
Speaker 2: are thrilled and honored to have the incomparable Conan O'Brien
Speaker 2: host the Oscars this year. He is the perfect person
Speaker 2: help lead our global celebration of film with his brilliant humor,
Speaker 2: his love of movies, and his live TV expertise, his
Speaker 2: remarkable ability to connect with audiences. We'll bring viewers together
Speaker 2: to do what the Oscars do best, honor the spectacular
Speaker 2: films and filmmakers of this year. What I'm worried about
Speaker 2: is I keep thinking back to Letterman hosting the Oscars
Speaker 2: and the Oscar crowd. They kind of like you to
Speaker 2: go down the middle. They like Billy Crystal. I'm not
Speaker 2: sure they like, you know, Triumph, the insult comic dog.
Speaker 2: Not that I expect trying for the Oscars, but you
Speaker 2: never know. I mean, I'd love the heck out of that.
Speaker 2: But is Conan too weird for the Oscars? Crowd good.
Speaker 2: We will find out. Conan O'Brien said, America demanded it,
Speaker 2: and now it's happening. Taco Bell's new cheesy chelupa supreme.
Speaker 2: In other news, I'm hosting the Oscars. Jimmy Kimmel reportedly
Speaker 2: declined in invitation to come back this year. John mulaney
Speaker 2: is said to have also passed on the opportunity. None
Speaker 2: of that is a dig at Conan weird statements. Raj
Speaker 2: Kapor and Katie Mullen, who produced the ninety sixth Oscars,
Speaker 2: they'll return for these ninety seventh Oscars, And they also
Speaker 2: put out a joint statement. What's with the joint statements?
Speaker 2: Like the borg, they said, Conan has all the qualities
Speaker 2: of a great Oscars host. He is incredibly witty, charismitic,
Speaker 2: and funny, and has proven himself to be a master
Speaker 2: of live event television. We so look forward to working
Speaker 2: with him to deliver a fresh, exciting and celebratory show
Speaker 2: for Hollywood's biggest night. Some big names got together the
Speaker 2: other night to honor Gilbert Godfried's life and to raise
Speaker 2: funds for muscular dystrophee research. Among the attendees, David Tel
Speaker 2: Susi Sman, Judy Gold, Richard Kind, Robert Smigel, Paul Schaeffer,
Speaker 2: Chevy Chase, Jeff Ross, and Salvacano. A lot of John
Speaker 2: mullany in the news lately. He told g Qdogg the
Speaker 2: Late Night Show really made me enjoy LA. Something clicked
Speaker 2: where I was like, Oh, this feels like the future.
Speaker 2: There's so much going on, aerospace, shipping, agriculture, industry. This
Speaker 2: Hollywood thing is pretty tiny. When he brings back whatever
Speaker 2: he winds up doing for the new incarnation of the
Speaker 2: Late Night Show, he says, there's a quote I heard
Speaker 2: about Edward Hopper that he was a great artist, but
Speaker 2: he was only a good painter. But if he had
Speaker 2: been a better painter, he would have been a worse artist.
Speaker 2: I sort of feel like, if we try to make
Speaker 2: the show better, it could be worse. You go on
Speaker 2: instinct over data and recklessness over planning. I love it.
Speaker 2: Letterman gave John mulaney some advice, which is, when you're
Speaker 2: running the weird show, you have to be the least
Speaker 2: weird person on it. Everybody's going to be saying let's
Speaker 2: do this and let's do that, and you're the one
Speaker 2: having to modulate the gas and brakes. James Acaster will
Speaker 2: have an HBO special. It is called Heckler Is Welcome.
Speaker 2: In Heckler's Welcome, James Acaster relinquishes control of his set
Speaker 2: and lets the audience interfere. Acaster said, performing in a
Speaker 2: round a theater I went to growing up, with the
Speaker 2: audience chipping in whatever they felt like me. This was
Speaker 2: the most I've ever enjoyed filming a special. I'm delighted
Speaker 2: it's coming to you HBO. Also, I've jumped on the
Speaker 2: stage via trampoline, and I don't want that to go unacknowledged.
Speaker 2: There is a trailer. Let's listen before we begin. Here
Speaker 2: are the house rules.
Speaker 1: James Acaster cannot get annoyed at the audience if they heckle,
Speaker 1: talk amongst themselves on their phones, or are quieter than
Speaker 1: he would like. Richard, what is wrong with using James
Speaker 1: Acaster may not single anybody else was not heckled the
Speaker 1: most cringe moment of my entire life, and I was
Speaker 1: the only person in there here. Even though he spent
Speaker 1: his entire career joining to Matick. This they control every
Speaker 1: single detail and every single show he's ever done. James
Speaker 1: Acaster has to accept whatever happens. Look, if you haven't
Speaker 1: enjoyed the show tonight, please take some consolation in the
Speaker 1: fact it used to be a lot worse.
Speaker 2: James Acaster Heckler is welcome. November twenty third, that's like
Speaker 2: this week. That's Saturday, ten pm. Trump got reelected and
Speaker 2: people are asking Kathy Griffin it again. You may recall
Speaker 2: she posts for photos holding a mask of the president,
Speaker 2: a smeared in ketchup that did not go over well.
Speaker 2: Kathy said, I stand by the photo and never should
Speaker 2: have apologized. The only thing I'm taking back is the apology.
Speaker 2: Trump used the entire DOJ to come after me. It
Speaker 2: was like, good old Kathy Griffin. You know her from
Speaker 2: tilling Penis jokes and for making fun of the Kardashians.
Speaker 2: But now she's the DOJ's number one enemy. Kathy said
Speaker 2: it wasn't until last year, and that incident was six
Speaker 2: years ago. That last year she finally started getting invited
Speaker 2: back to places that wouldn't have her. One of those.
Speaker 2: The Mirage in twenty seventeen put out a statement that
Speaker 2: said Griffin's photo clearly crosses the line of respect and decency.
Speaker 2: Kathy tells a story and says, I got a woman
Speaker 2: who worked with the guy at the mirage who banned
Speaker 2: me for life, and she goes, that guy's dead. I
Speaker 2: was like, that's why I'm being asked back. So I
Speaker 2: just decided I'm gonna wait them all out and assume
Speaker 2: that I'm back at most of these venues because whoever
Speaker 2: banned me is dead now. Want of Sikes talked about
Speaker 2: the election with Jimmy Kimmel and said, I mean, it's
Speaker 2: so many reasons why you can say it happened. But
Speaker 2: you know a lot of us aren't like totally shocked,
Speaker 2: because sometimes America is just gonna America. Send your letters
Speaker 2: to Wanta Pykes. She jokes, I blame all those damn
Speaker 2: Cheerio commercials showing all those interracial couples. You scare the
Speaker 2: crap out of white people. What do y'all do and
Speaker 2: just sell the damn cereal? Why you gotta be bringing
Speaker 2: us into this? You may find it interesting and relevant
Speaker 2: to the joke that Wanda isn't an interracial marriage. Wanna continued,
Speaker 2: So why are the majority of white women not voting
Speaker 2: for another woman? And I'm like, y'all need to watch
Speaker 2: more Bravo. Why you shocked. Have you seen the Bachelor
Speaker 2: women tear each other apart over dude? So why do
Speaker 2: you think this wasn't gonna happen the Real Housewives? I
Speaker 2: mean they do the same thing. Wanda was upset about
Speaker 2: one part of Trump's campaign, quoting Wanda, You're supposed to
Speaker 2: be trying to fix the problems of America, right, So
Speaker 2: it's targeted community that's less than one percent of the population.
Speaker 2: You're focusing on that on sex changes. How about focus
Speaker 2: on climate change that affects everybody instead of sex changes.
Speaker 2: That's like less than one percent of the population. And
Speaker 2: it's all fears. Oh you know, your son goes to
Speaker 2: school as a boy and comes home as a girl.
Speaker 2: And I'm like, relax, it's a man bunch. Shut up.
Speaker 2: Stormy Daniels did a comedy set the State Journal Register
Speaker 2: was there, Daniels brand. He said, people ask why you're
Speaker 2: still a Republican. Why haven't you changed? Stormy said, because
Speaker 2: it makes Republicans so mad? And I'm that kind of petty.
Speaker 2: Stormy asked, how are these our only options for president?
Speaker 2: It's the hypocrisy of the whole thing. Some comedians are
Speaker 2: upset that she's doing stand up, Stormy says, we all
Speaker 2: know I do my best work laying down. It's way
Speaker 2: more fun. Dick van Dike wait in, Dick Vandyke is
Speaker 2: ninety eight years old. A paparazzo yelled out to a
Speaker 2: ninety eight year old man, hey, does the future look
Speaker 2: bright for America? Ninety eight year old Dick Vandyke didn't
Speaker 2: hear the question at first, but the paparazzo repeated it.
Speaker 2: Dick said, I hope you're right. The photographer followed up,
Speaker 2: do you think Donald Trump is capable of making America
Speaker 2: great again? Dick Vandyke said, Fortunately, I won't be around
Speaker 2: to experience the four years. Send your letters to Dick
Speaker 2: van Dijke. It is the last day of the New
Speaker 2: York Comedy Festival. Let's see if their website wants to
Speaker 2: load today. It's somewhat did not too bad, not too much.
Speaker 2: Going on five p fifteen at the New York Comedy
Speaker 2: cl Upper West Side. Leonard Ootz He's doing a live
Speaker 2: special taping. He's a lot of fun. You should check
Speaker 2: that out. Zarnagar gives your big name tonight her show
Speaker 2: Practical People Win at town Hall at seven, and that'll
Speaker 2: put a rap on the New York Comedy Festival. I
Speaker 2: can delete this bookmark and move on. Lloyd Griffith is
Speaker 2: a comedian. He wrote about his hair transplant for The Guardian.
Speaker 2: Lloyd writes, twenty five years later, I'm sitting in hair
Speaker 2: and makeup on the set of Soccer Am while the
Speaker 2: makeup artist covered up the bags under my eyes. I
Speaker 2: got home at two am after doing a comedy gig,
Speaker 2: and then got up again at six after touching up
Speaker 2: my face. She reached for a pot and started sprinkling
Speaker 2: black powder generously on my hair and said it's for
Speaker 2: the cameras so the lights don't balance off your bald patches.
Speaker 2: I felt as if I'd been heckled, but at no comeback.
Speaker 2: My stomach dropped. It was the first time I'd been
Speaker 2: described as bald. I was aware my hair had been
Speaker 2: fitting for the past three or four years, but I
Speaker 2: thought I'd be getting away with it. I'd comb my
Speaker 2: hair left or right to conceal my scalp, and then
Speaker 2: use the hair island at the front of my head
Speaker 2: to try and camouflage the aforementioned comb over. This is
Speaker 2: my future. I see this coming. I'm at the point
Speaker 2: now well I look all right on a normal day,
Speaker 2: but boy, when I get out of the shower, yikes.
Speaker 2: In comedy, you spend years trying to hone your usp
Speaker 2: and my character and voice had always included the fact
Speaker 2: that I had hair. I was fat, and I made
Speaker 2: jokes about that. I didn't want to be fat and bald.
Speaker 2: Lloyd explains, there's a very regimented after care procedure. Sleeping
Speaker 2: upright for five nights, spring your hair every half hour
Speaker 2: with saline, making sure nothing goes anywhere near your head
Speaker 2: for fourteen days, no sexual acts for ten days, and
Speaker 2: the list goes on. I took about one hundred photos
Speaker 2: of my head and a cab on the way back,
Speaker 2: and I didn't edit a single one. I'd been reborn.
Speaker 2: I'm now in my ugly duckling phase, where the hair
Speaker 2: has started a shed and my head is patchy, a
Speaker 2: process we're told to trust as over the next six
Speaker 2: months I should start to see the results. And that's
Speaker 2: your comedy news for today. If you enjoy the program,
Speaker 2: sail a friend about it, they might like it too.
Speaker 2: If you would like to show without commercial interruption, hey,
Speaker 2: I get it. We've got solutions for you. One solution
Speaker 2: If you're on Apple Podcasts, there's a banner there. I
Speaker 2: always forget what the banner says. It says uninterrupted listening
Speaker 2: four ninety nine a month. So think about it. You
Speaker 2: could sport the show. You send five bucks to the show,
Speaker 2: and you get the show commercial free. That's even better
Speaker 2: than buying me a coffee. If you think about it.
Speaker 2: You could try that out for thirty days free. If
Speaker 2: you're not on Apple podcasts, there's a link in the
Speaker 2: show notes so you can get it on Spotify or
Speaker 2: the other platforms. No trial with that one long story.
Speaker 2: Talk to my business partner Mark. I don't know, I
Speaker 2: don't understand. See you tomorrow.