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Speaker 1: Let me tell y'all, I say this all the time.

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There's only there's certain type of things that a man

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can do it to me. There's certain categories, and there's

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a compilation of a profile of a man that could

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do things to me. Right, I always say, a broke

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man with four kids and three baby mamas can't break

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my fucking heart. Okay, Like you're broke and you have

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four children by three baby mamas. A man that's asking

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to borrow three to four k, she sounds like she's

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over in her thirties, like a little past her thirties.

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A man that's asked for three to four K can't

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make me feel guilty. You don't even have your life together.

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We have to be a little bit more strong minded

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and strong will because at the end of the day,

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he's just flapping around like he doesn't really have a

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grip on life. So how can he make you feel

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guilty about really having things together. He won't even put you,

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he won't even get in a relationship with you, and

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clearly he doesn't even have he's not even stable enough

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to have a relationship with you.

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Speaker 2: Hey, y'all, welcome back.

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Speaker 1: To Dear to see you do all look different in

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my little ten I got my braids clear.

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Speaker 2: I just came back from Africa. Okay, so look.

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Speaker 1: Y'all lucky y'all came back. Y'all know that's my favorite

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place to be. So happy New Year to you' all.

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We are back and.

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Speaker 2: We have some subscription reminders.

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Speaker 1: We need y'all to follow the dear to see a

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podcast on Apple and Spotify. We need a five star review,

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y'all know how is go not.

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Speaker 2: Two, not three? Five star review?

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Speaker 1: Subscribe to Relationship Restore and the dear to see a

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YouTube channel is under to see it xp S twenty.

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And we need to get to ten k. We didn't

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have plenty of goals, plenty of mile stars okay, and

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we're still trying going to get to ten k, so

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we don't. We have some things coming up that y'all

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going to be excited about, so hopefully we'll get there.

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Then subscribe like follow all of the above. Now we're

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introducing our guests for today. We have mister Fernando here.

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Now I always tell the people how I met Fernando. Now,

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if you've been down with to seea you know that

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I was going ready to love and this is like

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my co cast mate. So he wasn't on the DC season,

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He's on the Potomac season. And I always tell people

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that the craziest thing of people always ask like, how

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was the show? How was that experience? We probably have

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the closest cast to date all of our people. Even

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no matter if you was on the DC or the

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Potomac season, we're still friends. So Fernando and Not have

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to come really good friends of course when you're here

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in the DC area. So we got him. He y'all,

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an'll let many men up in here. Okay, so we

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got a look. We're gonna give y'all a little perspective

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perspective today. We have our list's no a review. To

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see the leader, to see a the leader, Lida as

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a leader.

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Speaker 2: Okay.

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Speaker 1: I love the pod, particularly to see his voice. That

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is so funny because I hate the sound of my voice.

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It's so hard for me to watch clips back Anyways,

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I digress sidebar. Her voice is so soothing. It makes

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me feel at peace while getting told the truth. Ain't

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ain't telling you what she's heard, telling you what she

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knows is It has me in a choke hold. And

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I just started listening and have much to catch up

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on It's a Banger. I'm on episode four and I

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haven't learned a lot. Come over here if you want

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self respect okay, the truth and some tough love with laughs,

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feel good girl talk and sense segment Chef's kiss ps

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join her Secret Girls Chat.

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Speaker 2: Thank you.

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Speaker 1: It's way cheaper than therapy and you'll learn more in

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three days than you have it three years. Sorry, not sorry,

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listen to this girl. Okay, you get direct access to

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me and all the girls in there, So yes, join

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my Secret Girls Chat. Okay, so we're on voice number one.

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You're see a voicemail entitled why even asks for my number?

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Why do you be asked for my number?

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Speaker 3: There to see you? So I met this guy on

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the plane. We were flying from one place to another,

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and he actually stopped me right before I walked into

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the airport. I had to grab my carry on luggage,

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and you know, he was flirting a little bit, and

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then he was like, oh, I want to stop you

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and let me talk to you. So ultimately we in

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exchange and telephone numbers, really didn't have much of a conversation.

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He asked me for my Instagram. I did provide my

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Instagram but after that we had no follow through. He

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never even looked for me on Instagram, never even proceeded

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to follow me. Okay, so two weeks go by, I

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finally reached out to him. I'm like, oh, hey, blah

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blah blah, how are you.

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Speaker 2: He's like, I'm good.

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Speaker 3: How about you? Just real casual at first. So then

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he's like, oh, well, what you doing tonight? And I said, oh,

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I'm nothing specific, but I am preparing for tomorrow work day.

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He's like, oh, well, I was gonna invite you over.

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He's like, well, we can try again tomorrow night. I'm like, okay,

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I know this is probably a bad idea, but long

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story short, I just go along with it. And then

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he like, I need to see you again because I

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like what I see. I'm like okay. Then he gets

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a response. Well, he texts me back and said, and

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before you go to sleep, I need to see a

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picture of them so I can remember how they sit.

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I proceeded with the response that said, basically, I'm not

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into that. I'm not interested, and if that's what you want,

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we can stop talking. I imagine I did the right thing,

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but tell me why. What could have been his purpose

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to getting my number because he was obviously looking for

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a hookup.

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Speaker 2: You didn't do the right things.

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Speaker 1: Okay, first of all, you said that the boy never

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reached out to you. If you, a lot of women

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do not realize that you're actually not in a relationship

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with people, and you're not you're not in relation with

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people at all.

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Speaker 2: If you just.

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Speaker 1: Stop doing what you're doing and let it exist, you

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will see that there's nothing there. The boy got your

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Instagram and your phone number and never reached out. And

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so here you go being a damn knucklehead and talk

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about so so I eventually reached out, and what happened

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when she reached out? He invited you over to his house.

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Your ass went over there, and now he's asking for a.

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Speaker 2: Picture of your boots. That's what you get.

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Speaker 1: That's what you get when you act thirsty and you

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act pressed and you don't let men actually tell you.

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Speaker 2: And tell the story.

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Speaker 1: Literally, all you have to do is exist, and these

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men gonna tell you exactly what their intentions are. He

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saw your profile, he had your phone number, he never reached.

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Speaker 2: Out, and then here you go, Hey, what are you

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up to?

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Speaker 1: And now you realize that he's a creep. He has

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no sexual discipline. He is lustful, okay, and he's looking

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to have a good time. If you would have not

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embarrassed yourself and reached out to him, you would have

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never even had that encounter, right, Like, you had to

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let these men tell you the story. First, he had

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a front row access to you, right, he had VIP

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interests because he got your phone number and he got

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your social media and he never reached out to you.

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And it's crazy because then you want to have a

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strict standard. It doesn't work out like that. Ladies, you

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reached out to him first, he then invites you over

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to his house, and then now you want to have

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a standard talk about some I'm not into that he

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asked it for pictures of your breast because you gave

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sneaky link vibes by taking your tail over there. You

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gave sneaky link you down for whatever you gonna go

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live vibes. And then now you want to fake have

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this there and talk about some No, I'm not into that.

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Speaker 2: He got you over his house.

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Speaker 1: He think you down to go, right, So now you're

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like tema, So what was the purpose? What was your purpose?

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You should have never reached out to him. You gave

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him the number and the Instagram. He never reached out

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at me is he wasn't interested, and when you reached out,

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you literally changed his brain chemistry. Everything that you do

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is showing a man what you will accept, what you're

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trying to do, what standards you have. And when he

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didn't reach out to you and you reached out to

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him first, it told him that you're pressed, that you

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have low self esteem, and that you're more interested in

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him and you don't even know him. You didn't know

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anything about him, and you were that physically attracted. Let's

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talk about it, because that's all this was about. You

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were that physically attracted to him that you ended up

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reaching out first. Fernando, tell from a bill's perspective, so

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I can stop yapping, because that just pissed me off.

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Speaker 2: I know I did the right thing. You went over there.

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Speaker 4: She should have known better than that.

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Speaker 5: First of all, like the first date, come over the house.

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But let's even get to that point. He didn't reach

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out to you, he didn't follow through. He had the

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Instagram and the phone number. He wasn't at pressed. He

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was good.

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Speaker 4: You hit him up.

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Speaker 5: Reminded you, you reminded him of who you are because

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he forgot about you to begin with.

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Speaker 4: He was like, oh that's the girl on the plane.

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Speaker 5: That's right, I remember her. Oh what you up to?

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But he forgot about you. He was not on his mind.

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Speaker 1: What kind of signal does it send if you what

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did you think about that? So from for me, when

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a woman, especially if he hadn't reached out and you like, hey,

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big head, hey stranger, Hey what you up to and

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you reach out first to me is telling a man like,

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oh okay, oh, let me check out and see what

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she what she gonna do?

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Speaker 2: Like, I feel like you didn't let him pursue you.

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Speaker 1: You didn't let him set the president, and the president

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that he set was that I'm uninterested because I never

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reached out to you. And then here you come. A

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man is watching and testing you. Every single body movement,

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the words that you you say, the way that you

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respond to him, every single thing means something. And all

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the data that we have now is that I met you,

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I never reached out, and then you hit me.

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Speaker 5: Up like you got to recognize the fact that for her,

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she became, she made herself available for him. He wasn't

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available for her that first date. He said, no, I'm

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not available, but come through tomorrow, and she said, yeah,

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so you get third.

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Speaker 2: That's a good point. He curged you the first time.

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Speaker 1: I was going to bite you over here, Da, and

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then you let him double up and have a second appointment. Girl,

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it was given push a pee press. And I'm gonna

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tell you this, he's probably actually surprised that you wasn't

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down to go, because everything you did leading up to

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this point gave that. I'm telling you, a man is

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clocking every single thing down to like how you respond

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when that person says, hey, can I reschedule?

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Speaker 6: Hey?

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Speaker 1: You know, can we meet up for coffee? Can every

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little thing, even how you respond to passive aggressive comments.

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Every when you first meet a man, he's testing you

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out the gate. So he never hit you up, even

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if he forgot whatever the case may be. He never

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hit you up. And then your you reaching out to him,

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come you like. I wouldn't even say activate the creeping him,

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because I think that he was already creepy. But I'm

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telling you, like, sometimes you can actually change how a

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man presents himself. And I think that you put yourself

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in the party category by reaching out first and going

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over there, and then now you want to pull a

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church girl, good girl, talk about something. No, I'm not

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that kind of girl. Yes you are, because not a

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man in hell that I met in the airport that

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they never took me on the day could get me at.

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Speaker 2: His house, not one of them, Not one You gave.

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Speaker 1: Party girl, and then tried to create a standard when

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he was already like, baby, you came over to my crib?

237
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Speaker 2: Or did she? Did he come over there? She come

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over He went over there?

239
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Speaker 4: So she went over there, sounds like and instaid some.

240
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Speaker 2: One said he liked what he see.

241
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Speaker 1: Eventually he asks for a photo of her breast. I'm

242
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telling you you you.

243
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Speaker 2: Know, y'all know y'all how y'all feel about this me

244
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too movement.

245
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Speaker 1: But y'all, sometimes you can give party vibes and it's

246
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no way to retract that. Because now that you went

247
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over there, I feel like you just activated the dog

248
00:12:31,519 --> 00:12:33,879
in him. Granted he's already a dog, but it's like

249
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you tried to pull back and present a standard that

250
00:12:37,840 --> 00:12:40,519
he already knew he was. It wasn't there because you

251
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already went over to his house, a man that you

252
00:12:43,360 --> 00:12:47,360
never even known, never even you never hung out with him.

253
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He's not courted you. And then she got dog Dad

254
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said said, I know I did the right thing according

255
00:12:53,120 --> 00:12:57,120
to who, not according to dar to see you to

256
00:12:57,159 --> 00:12:59,399
see it axvs. You you didn't do the right thing

257
00:12:59,440 --> 00:13:01,159
because ain't no you went over that man house.

258
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Speaker 2: Girl, No, ma'am.

259
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Speaker 1: Why do men pursue women just to fumble to follow through?

260
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He never pursued you. You made yourself a spectacle. He

261
00:13:12,759 --> 00:13:17,679
never pursued you. What can you learn from red flags

262
00:13:17,679 --> 00:13:19,840
that show up this early? First of all, can we

263
00:13:19,879 --> 00:13:22,600
talk about the whole, like, send me a photo.

264
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Speaker 2: I need to see them. That is just I.

265
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Speaker 1: Mean, it's just ikey ikey iky behavior and my friend

266
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and not have this thing where it's like he couldn't

267
00:13:34,480 --> 00:13:37,080
hold it. And it's just like certain things where a

268
00:13:37,159 --> 00:13:39,360
man will present and then like the real him come

269
00:13:39,360 --> 00:13:41,440
out and would be like he couldn't hold it. The

270
00:13:41,559 --> 00:13:46,159
creek came out. In twenty four hours, you left his house.

271
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And then he said, I want to see a picture

272
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of your breast.

273
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Speaker 5: Why is he asked for in the first place? Like

274
00:13:53,879 --> 00:13:56,039
it's childish, like what we kids?

275
00:13:55,600 --> 00:13:58,360
Speaker 4: What do the picture? It's just it's weird, it's awkward.

276
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Speaker 1: I don't deal with any man that talks about sex.

277
00:14:02,200 --> 00:14:03,799
I don't deal with I don't even deal with men

278
00:14:03,840 --> 00:14:07,879
that comment on my body within like ninety days of

279
00:14:07,919 --> 00:14:12,240
meeting them. I promise you, any man that's flirting, any

280
00:14:12,279 --> 00:14:16,320
man that's like in this very sexual flirting stages that

281
00:14:16,440 --> 00:14:19,440
whole like I'm in a shower, I'm about to get in

282
00:14:19,440 --> 00:14:21,399
a shower without me all of them.

283
00:14:21,799 --> 00:14:22,000
Speaker 2: Never.

284
00:14:22,080 --> 00:14:24,440
Speaker 1: I do not even talk to men that comment on

285
00:14:24,480 --> 00:14:27,360
my body because it just shows that you have no

286
00:14:27,559 --> 00:14:31,200
cluth like you have that you're not a quality man

287
00:14:31,279 --> 00:14:34,039
to me. Like when people talk about, oh, I want

288
00:14:34,080 --> 00:14:36,600
to day a high value man, I'm telling you, high

289
00:14:36,679 --> 00:14:39,639
value is even how you conduct yourself. It has nothing

290
00:14:39,679 --> 00:14:42,159
to do with being a high earner. It has nothing

291
00:14:42,200 --> 00:14:44,759
to do with you being six feet six figures.

292
00:14:44,799 --> 00:14:45,720
Speaker 2: What is six pack?

293
00:14:46,559 --> 00:14:49,799
Speaker 1: That is not a high value man. A high value

294
00:14:49,799 --> 00:14:53,000
man is one that respects you, that makes you feel important,

295
00:14:53,039 --> 00:14:57,720
that's genuine, that literally can create a safe space. And

296
00:14:57,840 --> 00:14:59,759
some of these men that's driving these fancy cars and

297
00:14:59,799 --> 00:15:03,120
got all these money are creeps. Talk about some send

298
00:15:03,159 --> 00:15:04,879
me a picture of your boots.

299
00:15:06,840 --> 00:15:10,320
Speaker 5: You gotta recognize with him, he didn't follow through it right,

300
00:15:10,360 --> 00:15:12,960
like we said he probably saw her page and didn't

301
00:15:12,960 --> 00:15:14,639
see much that even attracted him.

302
00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:17,799
Speaker 1: I was gonna say that he probably, he probably, And

303
00:15:17,840 --> 00:15:19,600
I want to say that this has happened to me.

304
00:15:20,279 --> 00:15:23,879
I'd never give out my Instagram, but I have seen

305
00:15:23,960 --> 00:15:27,080
at times where I've given my Instagram or if they

306
00:15:27,240 --> 00:15:31,039
found me and that communication switches up a little bit. See,

307
00:15:31,039 --> 00:15:33,080
that's one thing about me. I'm not delusion on my naive.

308
00:15:33,279 --> 00:15:35,440
I know that I've given my page out to people,

309
00:15:35,600 --> 00:15:39,200
and they probably like, ah nah, I'm cool off that,

310
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:41,759
Like that's not the type of person or the girl

311
00:15:41,759 --> 00:15:43,960
out I'm trying to date. She got too many followers,

312
00:15:43,960 --> 00:15:46,080
she's outside, she thinks she's on Instagram.

313
00:15:46,240 --> 00:15:46,600
Speaker 2: Whatever.

314
00:15:47,080 --> 00:15:50,080
Speaker 1: I know that I've given my Instagram out. He probably

315
00:15:50,840 --> 00:15:54,960
sniffed you out, saw your page, and was like, and

316
00:15:55,000 --> 00:15:55,519
then here you go.

317
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Speaker 2: Hi remember me? He probably said, checkmate.

318
00:16:00,519 --> 00:16:02,600
Speaker 5: Because look at it. She ain't got an emotion. She

319
00:16:02,600 --> 00:16:04,000
reached out to him because she ain't an emotion.

320
00:16:04,120 --> 00:16:05,399
Speaker 2: Reached out to a ghost.

321
00:16:06,399 --> 00:16:08,559
Speaker 4: You're like, who is this again? I got your number?

322
00:16:08,600 --> 00:16:13,279
Save oh oh hey first.

323
00:16:15,120 --> 00:16:21,600
Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, reached out to a ghost.

324
00:16:23,279 --> 00:16:25,159
Speaker 5: And then you want to understand why he not why

325
00:16:25,240 --> 00:16:28,279
is he treating you like something easy because you moving

326
00:16:28,320 --> 00:16:30,519
like you're easy. You got nothing else going on. You're

327
00:16:30,559 --> 00:16:33,360
available Tuesday, Oh and you're available Wednesday. Shit, all right,

328
00:16:33,480 --> 00:16:34,240
well send.

329
00:16:34,080 --> 00:16:35,519
Speaker 2: Me a picture that you ain't doing now.

330
00:16:36,240 --> 00:16:39,000
Speaker 5: You easy easy, So you gotta persent this LF a

331
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,759
different kind of way. Let the man know, like it

332
00:16:40,799 --> 00:16:42,279
ain't that easy. You got to work for it. And

333
00:16:42,279 --> 00:16:43,559
don't go to the first house on the first day.

334
00:16:43,679 --> 00:16:45,480
Do not do that. That's like the number one rule.

335
00:16:45,840 --> 00:16:46,120
Speaker 4: Y'all.

336
00:16:46,120 --> 00:16:49,440
Speaker 5: Meet somewhere in a mutual space, not at this man's

337
00:16:49,480 --> 00:16:53,399
house like he trying Netflix and chill and him like

338
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:55,039
for a picture of your breast. I don't know if

339
00:16:55,080 --> 00:16:57,600
you came there showing your breast, then you see your

340
00:16:57,639 --> 00:16:59,360
breast that night, and y'all ain't gold to full. I

341
00:16:59,360 --> 00:17:01,279
don't know what happened, but something happen for him to

342
00:17:01,440 --> 00:17:03,519
want to see you even more. So next time for

343
00:17:03,559 --> 00:17:04,960
set yourself better and just don't put the house in

344
00:17:04,960 --> 00:17:05,480
the first place.

345
00:17:05,759 --> 00:17:06,240
Speaker 4: Meet somewhere.

346
00:17:06,960 --> 00:17:08,200
Speaker 2: I don't like to listen to me.

347
00:17:08,279 --> 00:17:11,279
Speaker 5: So fellas take on the date. Ladies, don't go to

348
00:17:11,319 --> 00:17:13,039
his house on the first date. Come on, now, do better.

349
00:17:13,680 --> 00:17:14,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, there you go.

350
00:17:15,279 --> 00:17:17,000
Speaker 1: Yeah, Sometimes you know it's hard to hear from me.

351
00:17:17,200 --> 00:17:20,200
But a man is telling y'all this, y'all that that's

352
00:17:20,279 --> 00:17:20,839
just crazy.

353
00:17:21,119 --> 00:17:22,519
Speaker 2: And then the thing is.

354
00:17:22,480 --> 00:17:25,519
Speaker 1: Like, well, why would he even ask for my number

355
00:17:25,559 --> 00:17:29,759
if he had a plan. Never worry about people that

356
00:17:29,880 --> 00:17:33,160
just have no like they're not even trying to pursue,

357
00:17:33,200 --> 00:17:36,119
they're not even presenting themselves. Like I never think about

358
00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:39,680
people that it's like, oh, well I met this guy

359
00:17:39,839 --> 00:17:43,359
and he asks, he asks, my friend, could could he

360
00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:46,440
have my phone number? If those men don't follow up,

361
00:17:46,720 --> 00:17:48,599
I don't spend time thinking about them.

362
00:17:48,799 --> 00:17:50,279
Speaker 2: We always like.

363
00:17:50,599 --> 00:17:54,799
Speaker 1: Almost memorialize and like really hold these men to a

364
00:17:54,839 --> 00:17:57,319
standard where we are even thinking about people.

365
00:17:57,640 --> 00:18:01,640
Speaker 2: And that is an abandonment. Won When you meet somebody.

366
00:18:01,319 --> 00:18:03,759
Speaker 1: And they don't follow up with you, and they don't

367
00:18:03,799 --> 00:18:06,640
reach out, and you catch yourself thinking about them, I

368
00:18:06,759 --> 00:18:09,839
promise you it reminded you of a daddy that didn't

369
00:18:09,880 --> 00:18:13,640
come around some type of abandonment. Wont because ain't no way.

370
00:18:13,720 --> 00:18:16,480
I ain't thought twice about a man who got my number.

371
00:18:16,519 --> 00:18:19,720
And that's that's something that's something deeper than that. If

372
00:18:19,720 --> 00:18:21,880
you're like, well, why would he even ask.

373
00:18:21,799 --> 00:18:22,440
Speaker 2: For my number?

374
00:18:22,519 --> 00:18:25,759
Speaker 1: Look how quick you stuck emotionally ladies, you have to

375
00:18:26,000 --> 00:18:29,720
hold your emotional valve. There is so much that we

376
00:18:29,920 --> 00:18:33,359
just dispense and these little minuscule things. You thinking about

377
00:18:33,359 --> 00:18:35,720
a nigga that you met at the airport that never

378
00:18:35,799 --> 00:18:38,240
reached out to you, and now you're calling in to

379
00:18:38,799 --> 00:18:39,759
me to talk about it.

380
00:18:39,960 --> 00:18:43,720
Speaker 2: He should have zero space in your life. Zero. We

381
00:18:43,880 --> 00:18:44,640
spend so.

382
00:18:44,799 --> 00:18:48,799
Speaker 1: Much time and energy on people that have done absolutely

383
00:18:48,799 --> 00:18:51,119
nothing that shoudn't even have a space in our brain.

384
00:18:51,480 --> 00:18:54,119
We have to start willing it back. You shouldn't even

385
00:18:54,119 --> 00:18:56,640
be thinking about this person. But now you then went

386
00:18:56,680 --> 00:18:59,319
over there and you find out that he's a creep. Anyways,

387
00:18:59,519 --> 00:19:04,200
Voicemail number two, he asked me to put my car up.

388
00:19:04,079 --> 00:19:06,640
Speaker 6: For loan there to see you.

389
00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:08,240
Speaker 3: My name is Renee.

390
00:19:08,440 --> 00:19:11,440
Speaker 6: I'm calling in because I don't know what to do.

391
00:19:11,599 --> 00:19:15,039
So I've been in a situationship but relationship with the

392
00:19:15,160 --> 00:19:17,759
man for a little over a year now. He lost

393
00:19:17,759 --> 00:19:21,119
his job, maybe like four months ago, and he's been

394
00:19:21,319 --> 00:19:24,119
looking for work off and on, but not you know,

395
00:19:24,240 --> 00:19:26,480
to me, not really like you're sleep on the couch

396
00:19:26,559 --> 00:19:29,359
every day type of thing, but you're looking. So I

397
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,359
kept asking him, you know, your mortgage, what about your mortgage?

398
00:19:32,400 --> 00:19:34,680
What about your mortgage. He's like, oh, that's gonna provide.

399
00:19:34,720 --> 00:19:36,920
I'm gonna do it. Okay, he got a job, end

400
00:19:37,000 --> 00:19:39,440
up leaving the job saying it wasn't gonna be no,

401
00:19:39,519 --> 00:19:41,400
gonna get it or whatever. Long in me ho, he

402
00:19:41,519 --> 00:19:43,720
calls me off FaceTime, I go out of work with me.

403
00:19:43,920 --> 00:19:45,559
I'm thinking it's you know, hey, he got a job

404
00:19:45,640 --> 00:19:48,440
or scientif. He's like, oh, I just want to ask you,

405
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:51,319
could you take out a title loan on your cars?

406
00:19:51,640 --> 00:19:53,720
And cause I need three or four thousand dollars and

407
00:19:53,759 --> 00:19:56,160
I'll give it to him in January. I was so offended.

408
00:19:56,240 --> 00:19:59,000
I was so taken back because I'm just like, this

409
00:19:59,079 --> 00:20:01,400
can't be serious. And I think my diocohil is I've

410
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,720
said how much I've done for other people in past relationships,

411
00:20:04,759 --> 00:20:07,519
you know, just conversations, not bragging, you know, but just

412
00:20:07,640 --> 00:20:10,319
you know, I am a helpful person. But I just

413
00:20:10,359 --> 00:20:12,559
found it so really so I asked him, I'm like, well,

414
00:20:12,599 --> 00:20:14,839
you have a rolex, why don't you go take out

415
00:20:14,880 --> 00:20:17,440
a loan on it? And we got this big argument

416
00:20:17,640 --> 00:20:20,400
about he's not going to do that x y Z

417
00:20:20,839 --> 00:20:23,279
and I'm not helpful. I'm my supporters and he brought

418
00:20:23,359 --> 00:20:26,119
me this long message saying, you know how he's helped me,

419
00:20:26,440 --> 00:20:28,559
not really help, but how he's brought me things, how

420
00:20:28,599 --> 00:20:31,599
he's done things for me just in our relationship, and

421
00:20:31,839 --> 00:20:34,119
now in his time of need, I'm not willing to

422
00:20:34,160 --> 00:20:36,440
put up my car. I might have two cars. The

423
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:38,319
part he's talking about is paid for and I don't

424
00:20:38,359 --> 00:20:40,640
even use it. But still it's my car. And I

425
00:20:40,720 --> 00:20:43,039
know one thing about that, once you take it out

426
00:20:43,079 --> 00:20:45,640
in your name, it is yours. So I just want

427
00:20:45,720 --> 00:20:48,640
to know what your opinion is on that. I could

428
00:20:48,759 --> 00:20:51,400
very well take out the title on on my car.

429
00:20:51,599 --> 00:20:54,240
I have money saved, I could very well give it,

430
00:20:54,519 --> 00:20:57,759
take him out of my savings account, but I just

431
00:20:57,920 --> 00:21:03,960
chose not to. And that just once your thought.

432
00:21:07,240 --> 00:21:18,519
Speaker 1: Situationship a situationship asking you to refinance a par to

433
00:21:18,640 --> 00:21:22,720
give him three to four thousand dollars, and that he's

434
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,319
gonna pay you back, and now he's guilt tripping her

435
00:21:25,359 --> 00:21:35,000
talking about and she's not supportive. Y'all, Always consider how

436
00:21:35,039 --> 00:21:40,079
a man makes his problems your problems. To me, it

437
00:21:40,200 --> 00:21:45,279
is very very important important, even what he wants me

438
00:21:45,359 --> 00:21:51,920
to be exposed to. I like men that will try

439
00:21:51,960 --> 00:21:55,279
to figure everything out. Before I even know about it. Okay,

440
00:21:55,680 --> 00:21:58,440
why is he even making this kind of a big

441
00:21:58,519 --> 00:22:04,559
thing your problem? And I think that it's so you know,

442
00:22:04,680 --> 00:22:07,039
in twenty twenty six, I want to really stop being

443
00:22:07,119 --> 00:22:11,480
so political. I think it's very weak for men that

444
00:22:11,640 --> 00:22:14,839
asks women for money. I think that it's you know,

445
00:22:14,960 --> 00:22:17,200
we have to go back to back in the day.

446
00:22:17,680 --> 00:22:20,920
Back in the day, them uncles and them ogs. They

447
00:22:20,960 --> 00:22:26,799
would never ever asks a woman to borrow some money.

448
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:29,079
And we need to get back to men that have

449
00:22:29,319 --> 00:22:32,920
more pride and more ego. This shit is sickening and

450
00:22:32,960 --> 00:22:36,440
it's ridiculous. I have never seen so many, and let's

451
00:22:36,440 --> 00:22:40,640
talk about it, black men in particular, depending on women

452
00:22:40,960 --> 00:22:43,480
to help them, to support them, to build with them,

453
00:22:43,519 --> 00:22:46,400
to build them up. We don't have enough ogs, we

454
00:22:46,440 --> 00:22:50,440
don't have enough uncles, we ain't got enough mentors, enough

455
00:22:50,480 --> 00:22:54,000
grown men. Y'all have not been raised around real freaking

456
00:22:54,119 --> 00:22:57,680
men the way my father, even when my dad didn't

457
00:22:57,759 --> 00:22:59,480
have it. I'll tell y'all this story. Once upon a

458
00:22:59,480 --> 00:23:01,440
time was a drug at it. But I'm gonna tell

459
00:23:01,440 --> 00:23:03,599
you this. If my mother said, Hey, they going on

460
00:23:03,599 --> 00:23:05,960
a trip and they need picture money or they need

461
00:23:06,160 --> 00:23:09,400
field trip money, my father did not come back until he.

462
00:23:09,400 --> 00:23:10,839
Speaker 2: Had that money.

463
00:23:11,200 --> 00:23:13,480
Speaker 1: We don't know what he did and how he got it,

464
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:16,519
but he did not come home until he had that money.

465
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:20,880
And now we're dealing with such weak minded men that

466
00:23:21,039 --> 00:23:26,680
will ask women to take out a loan, refinance a

467
00:23:26,799 --> 00:23:31,960
vehicle loan because you have no survival skills. You have

468
00:23:32,240 --> 00:23:36,400
no you're so unresourceful that you will ask a woman

469
00:23:36,759 --> 00:23:41,799
for a loan that type of We have to stop

470
00:23:41,839 --> 00:23:44,440
this shit, I'm telling y'all in twenty twenty six, I'm

471
00:23:44,480 --> 00:23:48,119
so done with being political and all this fragile male,

472
00:23:48,319 --> 00:23:49,920
fucking masculinity and ego.

473
00:23:50,319 --> 00:23:52,279
Speaker 2: Y'all niggas need some ogs.

474
00:23:52,440 --> 00:23:55,039
Speaker 1: Y'all need some uncles, y'all need some fathers, y'all need

475
00:23:55,079 --> 00:23:58,200
some mentors, because back in the day, these men would

476
00:23:58,240 --> 00:24:03,279
never my uncle's my father would never Okay, and then

477
00:24:03,400 --> 00:24:06,680
you guilt trip and say that she's not being supportive

478
00:24:07,160 --> 00:24:13,079
because you can't get your finances intech. Back in the day,

479
00:24:13,559 --> 00:24:16,200
I was going, I asked, our washing machine was broken,

480
00:24:16,599 --> 00:24:19,720
and I asked my grandmother could I come over to

481
00:24:19,839 --> 00:24:21,640
her house and wash her clothes. No, what she said

482
00:24:21,640 --> 00:24:25,240
to me, Fernando, she said, how many laundry mass did

483
00:24:25,240 --> 00:24:30,119
you pass before you got here? This is my fucking grandmother, okay,

484
00:24:30,920 --> 00:24:33,559
And it just really gave me thick skin. It meant

485
00:24:34,440 --> 00:24:38,039
how many opportunities did you have to solve this fucking

486
00:24:38,119 --> 00:24:40,759
problem before you called me to do it for you?

487
00:24:41,279 --> 00:24:42,920
Speaker 2: And it really meant something to me.

488
00:24:43,400 --> 00:24:49,119
Speaker 1: So when a grown man can't solve his own problem, Mama, daddy, uncle, coworker,

489
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:53,759
how many people did you pass up to solve this

490
00:24:53,920 --> 00:24:55,839
problem before you got to me?

491
00:24:55,920 --> 00:24:58,279
Speaker 2: He wouldn't even sell his rolex that.

492
00:24:58,400 --> 00:25:01,640
Speaker 4: Part, but put your car up there, but punch your.

493
00:25:01,599 --> 00:25:03,640
Speaker 2: Car a situationship at that.

494
00:25:04,000 --> 00:25:06,200
Speaker 5: Well, that's why he's the situationship because she ain't got

495
00:25:06,240 --> 00:25:07,880
the title, So why get a title loan?

496
00:25:09,039 --> 00:25:09,759
Speaker 4: Don't make sense?

497
00:25:09,880 --> 00:25:11,640
Speaker 1: You want a title law for a man who ain't

498
00:25:11,680 --> 00:25:14,799
even given you a title? And to see, that's the thing, y'all.

499
00:25:14,880 --> 00:25:17,880
I want y'all to be so strong minded that this

500
00:25:18,000 --> 00:25:20,799
type of manipulation that she's like the question is now

501
00:25:20,839 --> 00:25:24,599
she's left wondering if she's in the wrong. You let

502
00:25:24,680 --> 00:25:27,359
me tell y'all. I say this all the time. There's

503
00:25:27,599 --> 00:25:32,920
only there's certain type of things that a man can do.

504
00:25:32,960 --> 00:25:36,039
It to me, there's certain categories and there's a copulation

505
00:25:36,240 --> 00:25:39,160
compilation of a profile of a man that could do

506
00:25:39,279 --> 00:25:41,920
things to me. Right, I always say, a broke man

507
00:25:42,000 --> 00:25:44,559
with four kids and three baby mamas can't break my

508
00:25:44,640 --> 00:25:48,119
fucking heart. Okay, Like you're broke and you have four

509
00:25:48,200 --> 00:25:52,319
children by three baby mamas. A man that's asking to

510
00:25:52,400 --> 00:25:55,000
borrow three to four k, she sounds like she's over

511
00:25:55,079 --> 00:25:57,559
in her thirties, like a little past her thirties. A

512
00:25:57,640 --> 00:26:00,079
man that's asked for three to four K can't make

513
00:26:00,079 --> 00:26:02,799
me feel guilty. You don't even have your life together.

514
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:05,200
We have to be a little bit more strong minded

515
00:26:05,440 --> 00:26:07,640
and strong will because at the end of the day,

516
00:26:07,960 --> 00:26:10,839
he's just flapping around like he doesn't really have a

517
00:26:10,880 --> 00:26:12,960
grip on life. So how can he make you feel

518
00:26:13,240 --> 00:26:17,000
guilty about really having things together. He won't even put you,

519
00:26:17,680 --> 00:26:19,480
he won't even get in a relationship with you, and

520
00:26:19,519 --> 00:26:22,319
clearly he doesn't even have he's not even stable enough.

521
00:26:22,279 --> 00:26:24,599
Speaker 2: To have a relationship with you. Do you have any

522
00:26:24,640 --> 00:26:25,319
commentary on this?

523
00:26:25,640 --> 00:26:27,920
Speaker 5: Financially stable? To begin with, she said, her poem's paying

524
00:26:27,920 --> 00:26:30,000
the mortgage. He had issues with the job, and they

525
00:26:30,119 --> 00:26:32,039
asking you for thousands of dollars. This ain't like one

526
00:26:32,079 --> 00:26:33,880
hundred dollars to pay a bill real quick. I'm gonna

527
00:26:33,880 --> 00:26:35,200
pay you back a couple of days. It's like, no,

528
00:26:35,240 --> 00:26:37,400
I need time to gather a thousands of dollars and

529
00:26:37,440 --> 00:26:39,119
you have it. You have it in your account, and

530
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:40,759
you have the ability to take a loan out so

531
00:26:40,799 --> 00:26:43,079
you have good credit soon and you got some couple

532
00:26:43,079 --> 00:26:45,640
of dollars in your account, whereas he doesn't. He's financially unstable.

533
00:26:45,640 --> 00:26:47,759
But you're putting time and energy into this person that's

534
00:26:47,759 --> 00:26:50,279
not even emotionally available for you and not financially available

535
00:26:50,319 --> 00:26:52,880
for you. What is he putting in besides what he's

536
00:26:52,880 --> 00:26:54,400
putting in that's beyond.

537
00:26:54,200 --> 00:26:56,839
Speaker 2: And no commitment? Do you ask woman to borrow money?

538
00:26:57,799 --> 00:26:59,759
Speaker 5: I got an uncle, I got a dad, but end

539
00:26:59,759 --> 00:27:01,000
of the day, I got my own money.

540
00:27:01,039 --> 00:27:02,279
Speaker 4: I ain't never asked nobody for nothing.

541
00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:04,200
Speaker 2: I didn't have the money.

542
00:27:04,559 --> 00:27:08,039
Speaker 1: Let's just say you'll be the last person heov. You

543
00:27:08,079 --> 00:27:11,279
don't have the money, You don't have none, don't you

544
00:27:11,319 --> 00:27:13,440
don't know what you're gonna do. You hit a hard time,

545
00:27:13,640 --> 00:27:17,400
the government, shut down, your furlough whatever, whatever, you you're

546
00:27:17,440 --> 00:27:19,720
saved as you depleted. Just say, what would you do

547
00:27:19,759 --> 00:27:21,400
if you didn't have the money I got.

548
00:27:21,200 --> 00:27:23,480
Speaker 5: Too, well, I got two vehicles. Either way, I'm going

549
00:27:23,559 --> 00:27:26,440
uber and lyft until I got enough money. Keep on driving.

550
00:27:26,640 --> 00:27:28,680
That's a minimum I can do. We're you gonna door

551
00:27:28,759 --> 00:27:31,799
dash or uber eats whatever. You have opportunities to make funds,

552
00:27:31,839 --> 00:27:34,200
that's outside of hitting the corner and running the streets.

553
00:27:34,480 --> 00:27:36,839
But you decide to ask her for money instead instead

554
00:27:36,839 --> 00:27:39,039
of getting it on your own, So that's you relying

555
00:27:39,079 --> 00:27:41,839
on somebody else instead of being reliable, steps down on

556
00:27:41,839 --> 00:27:43,519
your own two feet. You want her to cuddle you

557
00:27:43,519 --> 00:27:45,359
and take care of you. Stop being a bums, like

558
00:27:45,400 --> 00:27:46,039
dealing with bums.

559
00:27:46,759 --> 00:27:50,480
Speaker 1: That is bum behavior. I have never said I'm sorry, y'all.

560
00:27:50,720 --> 00:27:54,559
Speaker 2: We have we'll talk about this another segment.

561
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:59,880
Speaker 1: But we have got into this place where again just unresourceful,

562
00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:06,039
but also like men not standing on their own two feet.

563
00:28:06,480 --> 00:28:09,440
Why are y'all asking women for money? It is the

564
00:28:09,440 --> 00:28:14,880
most lame, unattractive, corny, unsexy thing, y'all. Vaginas should be

565
00:28:15,000 --> 00:28:19,000
drier than the Sahara desert. Any man asking to borrow

566
00:28:19,079 --> 00:28:23,920
money is just a no goal. Not only that, it's

567
00:28:24,039 --> 00:28:27,079
not that people are not willing to build, but some

568
00:28:27,160 --> 00:28:30,200
of y'all don't even have the mindset of a fisherman.

569
00:28:30,240 --> 00:28:31,960
Speaker 2: You don't have the mindset of a leader.

570
00:28:32,160 --> 00:28:38,599
Speaker 1: I have seen men that are in unfortunate situations, and.

571
00:28:38,559 --> 00:28:40,039
Speaker 2: I knew that they would get out of it.

572
00:28:40,799 --> 00:28:42,799
Speaker 1: I knew that they would get out of it because

573
00:28:42,839 --> 00:28:45,599
they just were smart problem solvers.

574
00:28:45,640 --> 00:28:46,480
Speaker 2: They were hustlers.

575
00:28:46,480 --> 00:28:48,559
Speaker 1: And a lot of these men that are even asking

576
00:28:48,559 --> 00:28:53,200
to borrow money couldn't turn a dollar into a diamonds.

577
00:28:52,799 --> 00:28:54,720
Speaker 2: A fifteen cent if they life depended on it.

578
00:28:55,640 --> 00:28:58,759
Speaker 1: These are not even men that you could see a

579
00:28:58,839 --> 00:29:01,160
vision with that have actually.

580
00:29:02,400 --> 00:29:05,400
Speaker 2: Shown you discernment and provision.

581
00:29:05,559 --> 00:29:08,480
Speaker 1: Like these men have not even shown any type of leadership,

582
00:29:08,720 --> 00:29:10,720
and they're in a position to even ask you to

583
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:13,599
borrow money. It's a terrible, terrible ideal, and it's a

584
00:29:13,599 --> 00:29:16,079
bad deal. I'm glad you was smart enough, but I

585
00:29:16,119 --> 00:29:18,440
want you to be smart enough and strong enough to

586
00:29:18,559 --> 00:29:20,640
not even feel guilt. I don't feel guilt for shitting

587
00:29:20,720 --> 00:29:23,920
point like this year even before that, and I know

588
00:29:24,000 --> 00:29:25,720
about a new year, knew me. This is just a

589
00:29:25,720 --> 00:29:30,799
whole nother level. I don't feel sorry for any man

590
00:29:30,880 --> 00:29:34,799
that's just really not resourceful enough to figure it out

591
00:29:34,839 --> 00:29:38,759
before he makes my problem his problem, my problem. I

592
00:29:38,799 --> 00:29:42,279
think that there is something so powerful about a man

593
00:29:42,400 --> 00:29:48,160
who wants to shield you from worries. It's something so

594
00:29:48,400 --> 00:29:51,319
powerful about that. And before y'all get to talking, no,

595
00:29:51,440 --> 00:29:53,920
this is not all why you can't tell me nothing.

596
00:29:54,160 --> 00:29:56,880
I'm not creating a safe space for you. But I

597
00:29:56,920 --> 00:29:59,960
think that again, all of this, we are two healed.

598
00:30:00,279 --> 00:30:03,119
Everybody then went to fucking therapy, and now all niggas

599
00:30:03,160 --> 00:30:05,119
want is a shoulder to cry on. The nigga pull

600
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:09,720
your fucking pants up. We are too far gone now, everybody.

601
00:30:09,759 --> 00:30:12,039
When you're not creating a safe space for me, Niggas,

602
00:30:12,039 --> 00:30:13,920
you ain't got the money, go fucking get it. If

603
00:30:13,920 --> 00:30:15,920
you ain't got a job, get another one. If you

604
00:30:15,960 --> 00:30:18,359
can't fit, if you sell the ship and yo, go

605
00:30:18,640 --> 00:30:20,359
drive over. These niggs don't want to do nothing.

606
00:30:20,960 --> 00:30:23,160
Speaker 5: And it's shameful to ask for help as a man,

607
00:30:23,240 --> 00:30:26,119
come to your woman to ask for it. No shame,

608
00:30:26,240 --> 00:30:30,440
no integrity. They're not men no more. They boys birth him.

609
00:30:30,440 --> 00:30:32,920
Because you're not my problem. Your finances are not my problem.

610
00:30:33,039 --> 00:30:34,920
We're not sharing a household together. We ain't got no

611
00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:36,759
kids together. I don't owe you nothing.

612
00:30:36,799 --> 00:30:38,680
Speaker 4: I don't owe you a dime a dime.

613
00:30:39,160 --> 00:30:41,359
Speaker 2: There is no shame anymore.

614
00:30:41,680 --> 00:30:44,960
Speaker 1: And now men that don't have it instead of and

615
00:30:45,000 --> 00:30:47,200
maybe I'm just an old school and the old soul.

616
00:30:47,640 --> 00:30:50,279
But back in the day, the men that I've seen

617
00:30:50,440 --> 00:30:54,039
growing up, they didn't have it. They'll go get it again.

618
00:30:54,119 --> 00:30:56,200
We don't know how they got it. All we know

619
00:30:56,279 --> 00:30:58,880
is that we had it. They probably robbed Peter to

620
00:30:59,039 --> 00:31:01,000
pay Paul. But at the end of the day, they

621
00:31:01,119 --> 00:31:04,599
wasn't like, can you help me? Okay you We need

622
00:31:04,759 --> 00:31:08,759
more men that are mentoring others. We need more men

623
00:31:09,119 --> 00:31:12,759
talk about OG's back in the day type of guys

624
00:31:12,799 --> 00:31:16,839
that the barbershop talk okay, where y'all used to go

625
00:31:16,920 --> 00:31:19,880
in there and the be like, you never move into

626
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:23,359
no woman house. A woman you move into a woman house,

627
00:31:23,400 --> 00:31:26,359
she got the power to kick you out. Now niggas

628
00:31:26,480 --> 00:31:29,000
guy slides on packing the boxes up and moving. It

629
00:31:29,039 --> 00:31:31,920
is just it's we gotta stop this. There is a

630
00:31:31,960 --> 00:31:36,240
fine line between toxic masculinity and not creating a safe

631
00:31:36,279 --> 00:31:39,559
space and a space where we need to encourage men

632
00:31:39,640 --> 00:31:40,759
to man the fuck up.

633
00:31:40,799 --> 00:31:42,039
Speaker 2: It's gone too far.

634
00:31:42,480 --> 00:31:45,279
Speaker 1: Everybody's a cry baby again. Y'all didn't went to therapy,

635
00:31:45,279 --> 00:31:47,920
and everybody's over here and now we don't have a

636
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:49,960
space where men got a little bit more grid on them.

637
00:31:50,039 --> 00:31:52,279
Y'all y'all getting jail many is like us.

638
00:31:52,759 --> 00:31:56,119
Speaker 4: Stop putting them in that softboy era seriously and had.

639
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,319
Speaker 2: No sho I like a well kept man. But y'all,

640
00:31:58,440 --> 00:31:59,240
y'all wanna nail.

641
00:31:59,119 --> 00:32:02,480
Speaker 1: Salon with us. It's time we gotta stop this. And

642
00:32:02,519 --> 00:32:06,599
it's again, it's not toxic masculinity. It's we're asking for

643
00:32:07,319 --> 00:32:12,559
primitive innate skills to fucking return. God, these shipment a

644
00:32:12,599 --> 00:32:14,759
man that you gave us day down here, making us

645
00:32:14,759 --> 00:32:17,240
go fifty fifty and pay bills, and they getting manicurious

646
00:32:17,279 --> 00:32:22,960
with us, like we're asking for the primitive, natural manly

647
00:32:23,160 --> 00:32:26,640
instincts to return to us. In twenty twenty six, we

648
00:32:26,680 --> 00:32:29,119
want more men to figure it out. We want more

649
00:32:29,160 --> 00:32:31,240
men to have a little bit more grit on. Now

650
00:32:31,279 --> 00:32:34,240
we don't all of this sensitive healed stuff. We get it,

651
00:32:34,279 --> 00:32:37,799
but we have to return to natural, primitive instincts where

652
00:32:37,799 --> 00:32:41,839
men were hunters, men were gatherers, men were problem solvers.

653
00:32:43,160 --> 00:32:45,960
Y'all over here with us, it's crazy. If you ain't

654
00:32:45,960 --> 00:32:48,480
got three four k figure it out, you didn't pass

655
00:32:48,559 --> 00:32:51,519
up twenty opportunities to solve this problem before you can

656
00:32:51,559 --> 00:32:55,839
ask me to borrow some money. It's crazy, y'all, Rose

657
00:32:56,519 --> 00:33:01,759
rais my blood pressure. Okay, look voice me no, but y'all,

658
00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:07,640
look y'all, I'm back and hey, hey, okay, I went

659
00:33:07,680 --> 00:33:08,480
the shits this year.

660
00:33:09,640 --> 00:33:14,119
Speaker 2: We gotta get back. We gotta get back to y'all.

661
00:33:14,119 --> 00:33:17,200
Speaker 1: See my animal videos as the animals they know better

662
00:33:17,240 --> 00:33:17,759
than we do.

663
00:33:18,519 --> 00:33:20,119
Speaker 2: Okay, dear to see a voice me?

664
00:33:20,160 --> 00:33:25,319
Speaker 1: On number three, I got ghosted after giving too much.

665
00:33:26,119 --> 00:33:29,240
Speaker 7: Dear to see you, I was ghosted, and it really

666
00:33:29,240 --> 00:33:31,440
shook me to my core. It also opened up a

667
00:33:31,480 --> 00:33:33,960
few wounds that I thought had been healed or had

668
00:33:34,000 --> 00:33:37,880
closed from my prior experiences. A little back story and

669
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:40,920
story time. I met this guy about a month ago

670
00:33:41,119 --> 00:33:45,279
and everything was just amazing. We hit it off immediately.

671
00:33:45,400 --> 00:33:49,119
We were connected mentally, emotionally, and we even connected physically.

672
00:33:49,240 --> 00:33:51,799
Even though that's something that I regret doing now, at

673
00:33:51,799 --> 00:33:55,000
the time, I just felt like maybe I hadn't met

674
00:33:55,000 --> 00:33:58,319
my person all for him to ghost me right after

675
00:33:58,359 --> 00:34:02,079
my birthday. His birthday, unforetion came before mine, and on

676
00:34:02,119 --> 00:34:05,200
his birthday, I made sure to just show up how

677
00:34:05,279 --> 00:34:08,840
I naturally would I'm someone who is expressive and not

678
00:34:08,960 --> 00:34:14,320
afraid to show up and be expressive. So I got

679
00:34:14,400 --> 00:34:17,119
him a gift, something small, didn't even pay for it.

680
00:34:17,159 --> 00:34:20,079
I got him a very thoughtful gift, something that he

681
00:34:20,440 --> 00:34:23,079
had as a hobby. We went on a nice date.

682
00:34:23,239 --> 00:34:25,960
Every date we've been on was nice, and I ended

683
00:34:26,039 --> 00:34:28,880
up sleeping with him. So after the fact, I was

684
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:33,639
fearful of maybe the connection dwindling, or possibly him, you know,

685
00:34:33,679 --> 00:34:35,960
feeling like he had conquered me and he no longer

686
00:34:36,039 --> 00:34:37,920
needed to put an effort. But for a bit it

687
00:34:37,960 --> 00:34:40,880
was still okay. And then my birthday came up and

688
00:34:41,000 --> 00:34:43,679
I went on vacation. We were still in communication right

689
00:34:43,719 --> 00:34:46,719
before and during. He wished me a happy birthday and everything,

690
00:34:46,880 --> 00:34:49,400
and then as soon as I got back, I let

691
00:34:49,440 --> 00:34:51,519
him know and I didn't hear from him again. So

692
00:34:52,000 --> 00:34:54,119
I guess now I just want to know is there

693
00:34:54,199 --> 00:34:56,960
something that I did wrong in the situation. I honestly

694
00:34:57,000 --> 00:34:58,559
am putting it all on the fact that I should

695
00:34:58,599 --> 00:35:01,119
not have been intimate with him, But is there anything

696
00:35:01,159 --> 00:35:03,400
else that I could have done to change the situation

697
00:35:03,559 --> 00:35:05,719
or was he always just going to do this? And

698
00:35:05,960 --> 00:35:09,280
maybe I thought the connection was more than it really was.

699
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:17,599
Speaker 1: I think that sometimes it's much easier to go through

700
00:35:17,639 --> 00:35:22,400
the motions of like talking dating and situationships. But I

701
00:35:22,440 --> 00:35:26,559
think men can sniff when things are starting to get serious.

702
00:35:26,840 --> 00:35:30,039
And for me, I like to see the upfront commitment,

703
00:35:30,280 --> 00:35:31,760
like upfront off the rip.

704
00:35:31,840 --> 00:35:33,480
Speaker 2: It's like, what are you willing to do?

705
00:35:33,800 --> 00:35:35,719
Speaker 1: What are the receipts that you're giving me that you

706
00:35:35,960 --> 00:35:39,440
are ready for a commitment, because it sounds like it

707
00:35:39,480 --> 00:35:41,679
was all fun and games, but once the birthday thing,

708
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:44,639
that's the birthday thing kind of solidifies when you gave

709
00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:47,639
him a gift with you a happy birthday. And I

710
00:35:47,679 --> 00:35:50,719
think men can sense when it's going in too far

711
00:35:50,840 --> 00:35:54,480
of a serious direction, then they're ready to commit to

712
00:35:55,400 --> 00:35:58,679
And so she said all of their dates were usually amazing,

713
00:35:58,719 --> 00:36:00,000
and then she ended up sleeping with him.

714
00:36:00,400 --> 00:36:04,039
Speaker 2: I think that this it's weird.

715
00:36:04,079 --> 00:36:05,719
Speaker 1: I don't want to get into the whole, like, oh,

716
00:36:05,760 --> 00:36:07,960
you need to hold back. You know, you shouldn't give

717
00:36:07,960 --> 00:36:10,000
it to him, Like you know, way to see before

718
00:36:10,239 --> 00:36:13,360
you know a commitment, before you you have you're intimate

719
00:36:13,400 --> 00:36:15,320
with him. But I think that there are ways and

720
00:36:15,440 --> 00:36:18,559
signs to see if somebody is ready for a commitment.

721
00:36:18,599 --> 00:36:21,159
And a part of it is just communicating as well.

722
00:36:23,440 --> 00:36:26,440
I would want to know kind of up front what

723
00:36:26,639 --> 00:36:28,840
direction you're trying to go to, Like what are you

724
00:36:28,880 --> 00:36:30,519
looking for? What direction are you trying to go in?

725
00:36:30,599 --> 00:36:38,280
Because after he he goes to her after her birthday,

726
00:36:38,400 --> 00:36:40,840
I think even him not showing up for her birthday

727
00:36:41,119 --> 00:36:43,320
was told her all that you need to know.

728
00:36:43,360 --> 00:36:45,960
Speaker 2: And then right after that, I.

729
00:36:45,920 --> 00:36:47,880
Speaker 5: Mean you got to ask some questions though, because she

730
00:36:47,960 --> 00:36:50,960
went on a birthday trip without him. So my question

731
00:36:51,159 --> 00:36:53,239
is was he upset she went on a trip. Was

732
00:36:53,239 --> 00:36:54,679
it a girl trip you went on? Was it a

733
00:36:54,679 --> 00:36:57,039
family trip? Was a solo trip to celebrate your birthday?

734
00:36:57,280 --> 00:36:59,119
Because you're not going with him, him not going with

735
00:36:59,159 --> 00:37:00,840
you makes you just question what was going on with you?

736
00:37:00,880 --> 00:37:03,000
Guys that he wasn't there for you to come back

737
00:37:03,039 --> 00:37:04,840
and now he ghost you. So even though he reached

738
00:37:04,840 --> 00:37:06,119
out to you while he was on a trip, he

739
00:37:06,159 --> 00:37:08,239
had he predetermined like I'm not dealing with him when

740
00:37:08,239 --> 00:37:09,840
you come back, something must to happen or he just

741
00:37:09,920 --> 00:37:11,519
felt some kind of way. So that'd be one of

742
00:37:11,559 --> 00:37:12,519
my first questions I would have.

743
00:37:13,000 --> 00:37:17,679
Speaker 1: I think I also learned as well as a avid

744
00:37:17,800 --> 00:37:20,800
gift gif for I love to give a gift. I

745
00:37:20,880 --> 00:37:24,159
truly do, but I have really learned my lessons.

746
00:37:24,679 --> 00:37:25,360
Speaker 2: I think that.

747
00:37:26,880 --> 00:37:32,920
Speaker 1: Even if it was just a small, thoughtful gift, somebody

748
00:37:33,039 --> 00:37:36,679
that you gave him a gift, small and thoughtful. And

749
00:37:36,719 --> 00:37:41,880
then he texts you happy birthday. He says that she's

750
00:37:42,000 --> 00:37:46,239
back from her birthday trip and he's gone. I just

751
00:37:46,280 --> 00:37:48,920
feel like it was swinging away that he just wasn't

752
00:37:48,960 --> 00:37:50,039
really ready to commit to.

753
00:37:51,079 --> 00:37:53,639
Speaker 5: He wasn't willing to reciprocate, so whether the gift was

754
00:37:53,639 --> 00:37:55,440
big or small, he was like, well, I ain't doing that.

755
00:37:55,800 --> 00:37:58,960
So and then he took the cowarway out. I'm just

756
00:37:58,960 --> 00:38:00,599
gonna ghost it them because I and not doing that.

757
00:38:00,639 --> 00:38:02,360
And like you said, he wasn't ready to commit. So

758
00:38:02,440 --> 00:38:05,000
we're giving gifts and everything. It's like, she assume probably

759
00:38:05,039 --> 00:38:06,800
think I wanted to be her boyfriend. She probably ready

760
00:38:06,840 --> 00:38:09,360
to become exclusive. He's like, no, I'm just I'm just

761
00:38:09,400 --> 00:38:10,880
cool with you, and I appreciate the gift. You know,

762
00:38:10,920 --> 00:38:13,000
it's thoughtful, but I'm not going there with you. And

763
00:38:13,000 --> 00:38:14,800
so instead of him taking the manny route and letting

764
00:38:14,800 --> 00:38:17,039
her know like, hey, I appreciate it, because honestly, he

765
00:38:17,039 --> 00:38:18,719
wasn't ready to take that next step he should have

766
00:38:18,719 --> 00:38:20,400
returned the gift. At least let her know like, hey,

767
00:38:20,719 --> 00:38:22,679
I appreciate it, but I'm not willing to do the same.

768
00:38:22,840 --> 00:38:24,599
Just let her know up front what you expect, what

769
00:38:24,599 --> 00:38:26,559
you're trying to do, and then if she's cool with it,

770
00:38:26,599 --> 00:38:29,239
she's accepting of it, then fine, roll with it. But

771
00:38:29,280 --> 00:38:31,440
if she isn't given the opportunity to walk away and

772
00:38:31,480 --> 00:38:33,719
step away from the situation, but don't ghost her right

773
00:38:33,800 --> 00:38:35,440
back from her trip, like that's messed up.

774
00:38:35,679 --> 00:38:37,960
Speaker 1: Well, I think I want to call attention to the

775
00:38:37,960 --> 00:38:40,519
fact that she said I'm doing.

776
00:38:40,639 --> 00:38:42,199
Speaker 2: I did what I always do.

777
00:38:42,320 --> 00:38:44,480
Speaker 1: Did you hear that part She was basically saying, like,

778
00:38:44,760 --> 00:38:47,719
now I just showed up how I normally do. A

779
00:38:47,920 --> 00:38:52,880
lot of times we are like dragging me into something

780
00:38:52,920 --> 00:38:56,920
that they never fucking asked for. And now it seems

781
00:38:56,960 --> 00:39:00,000
like he's ghosting you when really you made the relation

782
00:39:00,079 --> 00:39:02,039
ship turned a little bit. He just getting to know you.

783
00:39:02,119 --> 00:39:03,880
Y'all been talking for a month and then here you

784
00:39:03,920 --> 00:39:05,679
come with a fucking birthday gift and he kind of

785
00:39:05,719 --> 00:39:09,719
like that. Even if he would have warmed up to it.

786
00:39:10,039 --> 00:39:14,440
I think that you you started to spearhead the.

787
00:39:16,000 --> 00:39:17,360
Speaker 2: Direction of the relationship.

788
00:39:17,519 --> 00:39:21,000
Speaker 1: A lot of times women put more stuff on it

789
00:39:21,119 --> 00:39:23,440
than men are ready for, which is why I think

790
00:39:23,480 --> 00:39:26,679
we should have let him show his hand. We put

791
00:39:26,719 --> 00:39:29,519
a lot of wifely things in it. And I think

792
00:39:29,559 --> 00:39:32,639
we have to stop shaming men for tapping out for

793
00:39:32,800 --> 00:39:36,000
something that's intentional that they're not ready for. Like you

794
00:39:36,119 --> 00:39:38,960
probably thought it was something small, but it was thoughtful,

795
00:39:38,960 --> 00:39:41,760
and he probably like, man' that's wife shit that she's doing.

796
00:39:41,880 --> 00:39:44,320
I'm not. That's not what I'm trying to do. And

797
00:39:44,360 --> 00:39:46,760
it's like oh he Now, granted he could have communicated,

798
00:39:46,960 --> 00:39:51,920
but I think that at times we put wife behavior

799
00:39:52,280 --> 00:39:56,639
up front and then we shame men from being like, nah,

800
00:39:56,800 --> 00:39:58,800
that's not really what I'm trying to do, Like you

801
00:39:58,920 --> 00:40:01,760
gave him a thoughtful and a lot of times number

802
00:40:01,760 --> 00:40:04,679
one men have not experienced good gift giving. I'm telling

803
00:40:04,679 --> 00:40:06,079
you this. I've seen it with my own two wives.

804
00:40:06,400 --> 00:40:10,039
Men aren't actually not experiencing a woman that's thoughtful and

805
00:40:10,079 --> 00:40:12,719
that would think of them and listen to, you know,

806
00:40:12,800 --> 00:40:14,880
an album that they used to listen to as a child.

807
00:40:14,920 --> 00:40:17,119
You didn't win on fucking Etsy and got the album

808
00:40:17,159 --> 00:40:19,599
and got it engraved and shit like that, you know,

809
00:40:19,760 --> 00:40:22,639
and it's like you gave this whole like wifely energy

810
00:40:22,920 --> 00:40:26,119
and you kind of ruined a It could have been

811
00:40:26,159 --> 00:40:28,719
like a budding thing, but here you go doing like

812
00:40:28,840 --> 00:40:30,800
I don't know. I think that women can just kind

813
00:40:30,800 --> 00:40:33,679
of turn the tide a little bit, and I think

814
00:40:33,719 --> 00:40:38,719
that it disrupts the organic flow of the relationship. And

815
00:40:38,760 --> 00:40:40,519
I'm telling you this, I'm not telling you what I heard.

816
00:40:40,559 --> 00:40:43,000
I'm telling you what I know. I met this guy,

817
00:40:43,119 --> 00:40:45,840
but I'm in the airport connected with him. Cool. When

818
00:40:45,880 --> 00:40:49,400
I met him, his birthday had just passed, he passed.

819
00:40:49,719 --> 00:40:52,639
He planned a date. We go on the date. I

820
00:40:52,679 --> 00:40:55,519
show up with a gift, and that is just not

821
00:40:55,599 --> 00:40:59,480
I didn't have any expectations. That's just naturally what I

822
00:40:59,480 --> 00:41:02,639
would do. But he was like man like, that was

823
00:41:02,760 --> 00:41:06,119
just like so thoughtful. But I think in retrospect he

824
00:41:06,239 --> 00:41:07,320
kind of was like.

825
00:41:10,119 --> 00:41:11,119
Speaker 4: He ain't take it that serious.

826
00:41:12,039 --> 00:41:13,079
Speaker 2: No mind you.

827
00:41:13,239 --> 00:41:16,679
Speaker 1: Every time after that I saw him, he made it

828
00:41:16,880 --> 00:41:21,760
his like purposely wore the cologne and traveled with the cologne.

829
00:41:22,039 --> 00:41:23,559
That I got him right.

830
00:41:24,119 --> 00:41:27,599
Speaker 2: But I still feel like it.

831
00:41:27,639 --> 00:41:30,719
Speaker 1: Was kind of like I think me and like more

832
00:41:30,760 --> 00:41:33,079
of a chase, more of a mean girl, and just

833
00:41:33,119 --> 00:41:38,039
like that sweet girl shit just really just to me personally,

834
00:41:38,079 --> 00:41:40,280
I just don't think that it really works. And this

835
00:41:40,320 --> 00:41:43,039
is coming from somebody that dates for social data, like

836
00:41:43,280 --> 00:41:46,119
I will know that that's not quite my style.

837
00:41:46,159 --> 00:41:47,039
Speaker 2: But I tried out and.

838
00:41:47,039 --> 00:41:49,320
Speaker 1: See what the fuck the results are. That's that's just

839
00:41:49,440 --> 00:41:53,920
me and I really wanted to see like what being

840
00:41:54,000 --> 00:41:55,639
my innate self would get me.

841
00:41:59,480 --> 00:41:59,719
Speaker 4: Somebody.

842
00:41:59,760 --> 00:42:01,880
Speaker 5: Because of that though, because I didn't know gift giving

843
00:42:02,000 --> 00:42:05,000
was a love language, and so we agreed to have

844
00:42:05,159 --> 00:42:06,679
you know, each could do one gift, and we were

845
00:42:06,719 --> 00:42:08,280
this is like a year into dating, so it was

846
00:42:08,320 --> 00:42:10,519
like maybe five months in or so and Christmas. But

847
00:42:10,599 --> 00:42:12,440
Christmas comes and we was like, we're going a shame gifts,

848
00:42:12,440 --> 00:42:13,199
So what do you want?

849
00:42:13,199 --> 00:42:13,880
Speaker 4: What do I want? Right?

850
00:42:13,920 --> 00:42:16,599
Speaker 5: And it's like equal gifts. She wanted a coffee machine

851
00:42:18,199 --> 00:42:20,119
and I think I wanted an Apple Watch. That's what

852
00:42:20,239 --> 00:42:23,800
we got, right, Boom boom boom. She got me, he

853
00:42:23,880 --> 00:42:29,119
has five games. She got my daughter clothes, and I'm like,

854
00:42:29,880 --> 00:42:31,639
first of all, we didn't discuss all that, So now

855
00:42:31,639 --> 00:42:34,639
I'm just shocked. As a man, I feel empty handed,

856
00:42:34,679 --> 00:42:37,280
like I came up short, like you did all this

857
00:42:37,360 --> 00:42:39,119
for me and I just got this one bag for you,

858
00:42:39,320 --> 00:42:40,239
like it's crazy.

859
00:42:40,800 --> 00:42:42,400
Speaker 4: And some people say, well, she want to bove and beyond.

860
00:42:42,440 --> 00:42:44,239
Speaker 5: She did too much, but that made me fall in

861
00:42:44,239 --> 00:42:45,760
love with her, or that made me appreciate her more,

862
00:42:45,800 --> 00:42:47,440
that made me notice her more, That made me recognize

863
00:42:47,440 --> 00:42:49,360
her more because one just about me. It was about

864
00:42:49,400 --> 00:42:51,880
my daughter also and about my lights because the PS

865
00:42:51,920 --> 00:42:53,400
five was actually stolen on the trip that we went

866
00:42:53,480 --> 00:42:55,440
on previously a couple months before that. So because it

867
00:42:55,480 --> 00:42:57,800
was stolen, she and Heart replaced everything that was stolen

868
00:42:58,000 --> 00:42:59,559
and she didn't have to do that, and she did

869
00:42:59,559 --> 00:43:00,880
out of times Heart, because you know how much it

870
00:43:00,920 --> 00:43:03,119
meant to me, how much I enjoyed playing games and

871
00:43:03,440 --> 00:43:04,559
being in the house, things like that.

872
00:43:04,599 --> 00:43:05,239
Speaker 4: It was one of mind.

873
00:43:05,280 --> 00:43:07,880
Speaker 2: So I didn't give thirsty or pressed.

874
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:10,400
Speaker 5: Because y'all know who she is because people have pressed

875
00:43:10,440 --> 00:43:12,480
on her, people thirsty for her. Now she was thirsty

876
00:43:12,519 --> 00:43:15,400
for me. That's the truth. She wanted me for sure,

877
00:43:15,719 --> 00:43:17,719
But it was her way of showing how much she

878
00:43:17,719 --> 00:43:20,599
appreciated me, cause that was her love language, gifts, That's

879
00:43:20,599 --> 00:43:21,519
how she showed her love.

880
00:43:22,039 --> 00:43:22,920
Speaker 4: That was how she moved.

881
00:43:23,320 --> 00:43:25,000
Speaker 5: So some people were like, oh, she's doing too much,

882
00:43:25,159 --> 00:43:27,039
Oh she had done me, But I was the right

883
00:43:27,039 --> 00:43:27,519
person for.

884
00:43:27,480 --> 00:43:28,719
Speaker 2: That to receive that right.

885
00:43:28,880 --> 00:43:29,719
Speaker 4: That's the difference.

886
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:31,400
Speaker 5: So you can do too much for somebody, like I'm

887
00:43:31,440 --> 00:43:33,119
supparted to get a god gift on the first date

888
00:43:33,239 --> 00:43:35,599
because birthday does passed. I'm like, I never experienced that

889
00:43:35,639 --> 00:43:39,039
before that. But if you reciprocated, if he did things

890
00:43:39,039 --> 00:43:40,679
to show you like how much it meant to him,

891
00:43:40,760 --> 00:43:42,639
then it was it showed that your effort was worth it.

892
00:43:43,159 --> 00:43:45,199
Every man is worth the effort. That's the problem.

893
00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:48,360
Speaker 1: Yes, And I think that you have to be prepared

894
00:43:48,599 --> 00:43:51,519
for that's to me, that's like the joy of dating.

895
00:43:51,719 --> 00:43:53,920
And I don't like to apply well, I don't want

896
00:43:53,920 --> 00:43:56,079
to make it like a science typic thing, even though

897
00:43:56,119 --> 00:43:58,719
y'all know I think that it is. But I think

898
00:43:58,719 --> 00:44:02,159
that that was like a great experiment, like that is

899
00:44:02,199 --> 00:44:06,519
what I naturally wanted to do because I was like, oh,

900
00:44:06,559 --> 00:44:09,039
his birthday. I didn't know him during his birthday, and

901
00:44:09,039 --> 00:44:11,280
when I met him, he was going to Porter was

902
00:44:11,280 --> 00:44:14,880
a Puerto Rico in someplace for his birthday trip, and

903
00:44:14,920 --> 00:44:17,960
I was just like, man, like I missed his birthday,

904
00:44:18,039 --> 00:44:21,079
Like I love a gift. So first date picked a

905
00:44:21,199 --> 00:44:23,960
very nice restaurant. I showed up with a gift, and

906
00:44:24,360 --> 00:44:26,559
I think it did mean a lot to him. I

907
00:44:26,599 --> 00:44:31,599
think that it did. It did honestly make me stand

908
00:44:31,639 --> 00:44:33,840
out a little bit. He's probably like, oh, who was

909
00:44:33,880 --> 00:44:37,000
this girl, especially when all men thinks that women got

910
00:44:37,039 --> 00:44:40,719
their hand out right. I think that it did put

911
00:44:40,760 --> 00:44:43,599
Shiney in a new light. But I also feel like,

912
00:44:43,719 --> 00:44:47,440
I don't know, it kind of like it just really

913
00:44:47,519 --> 00:44:50,920
turns the tide a little bit if the person is

914
00:44:51,000 --> 00:44:54,559
not ready, because I think that men probably would think

915
00:44:54,599 --> 00:44:58,039
that it's like present, like I was kind of pulling

916
00:44:58,119 --> 00:45:02,280
him into a commitment a relationship, into something more serious,

917
00:45:02,440 --> 00:45:04,880
where without the gift, it would have been very casual.

918
00:45:05,039 --> 00:45:08,119
So I think me presenting myself as a thoughtful person,

919
00:45:08,199 --> 00:45:11,000
as a wife, as a mother, as a somebody that's

920
00:45:11,000 --> 00:45:12,960
gonna lie you see what I'm saying, be thoughtful and

921
00:45:13,000 --> 00:45:15,920
things like that, it kind of turned the tide on

922
00:45:16,039 --> 00:45:19,480
something that could have budd into like that type of relationship.

923
00:45:19,480 --> 00:45:21,320
Speaker 2: But it just was, like you see what I'm saying.

924
00:45:21,079 --> 00:45:25,320
Speaker 1: Like organically, because yes, I think that it could even

925
00:45:25,320 --> 00:45:27,239
though it was nothing forceful about it, but I feel

926
00:45:27,239 --> 00:45:28,880
like it could have felt forceful.

927
00:45:29,000 --> 00:45:32,760
Speaker 2: I could now see how he's kind of like gre

928
00:45:32,800 --> 00:45:34,719
I just met you. What you're trying to do? You

929
00:45:34,719 --> 00:45:35,599
see what I'm saying.

930
00:45:36,079 --> 00:45:38,760
Speaker 1: And I think that men hate to feel back into

931
00:45:38,800 --> 00:45:41,480
a corner. And I think maybe he could have wanted

932
00:45:41,519 --> 00:45:46,760
to see more from him as eye connection before I

933
00:45:46,920 --> 00:45:48,480
put that kind of touch on.

934
00:45:48,440 --> 00:45:50,000
Speaker 5: It, because you don't want to You don't feel like

935
00:45:50,000 --> 00:45:52,599
you're forced to reciprocate something just because you did it.

936
00:45:52,679 --> 00:45:54,480
Speaker 4: You but I'm not willing to do that. I don't

937
00:45:54,480 --> 00:45:54,920
want to do that.

938
00:45:55,000 --> 00:45:56,800
Speaker 2: I'm feel like that towards you. You know what I'm

939
00:45:56,800 --> 00:45:57,320
saying to me.

940
00:45:57,360 --> 00:45:58,800
Speaker 1: It was just like I would give a gift to

941
00:45:59,079 --> 00:46:01,639
a stranger on a shore, right, and I have like

942
00:46:01,679 --> 00:46:05,280
that's just my thing. But I think that men don't

943
00:46:05,400 --> 00:46:09,719
like to be kind of puppeteered around, right. I think

944
00:46:09,760 --> 00:46:12,840
that they are. They take pride because, as we forget,

945
00:46:13,360 --> 00:46:16,400
men are the ones most of the time, like ninety

946
00:46:16,480 --> 00:46:19,239
nine point nine percent some women proposing these days, but

947
00:46:19,280 --> 00:46:22,039
they're the one that get on one knee. And so

948
00:46:22,239 --> 00:46:25,000
I think that they still want to always feel like

949
00:46:25,519 --> 00:46:28,360
they are the one that is on the quest. And

950
00:46:28,400 --> 00:46:30,800
when I come in and I'm like, here's a gift

951
00:46:30,880 --> 00:46:34,320
for your birthday, it kind of puts a lean on

952
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:36,920
the You see what I'm saying, like it starts weighing

953
00:46:37,000 --> 00:46:39,239
differently when something could have been casual and he could

954
00:46:39,280 --> 00:46:41,440
have got to a birthday gift with me, but I

955
00:46:41,559 --> 00:46:43,800
already put my bed in and I'm not gonna put

956
00:46:43,800 --> 00:46:45,840
my bed in kind of girl. You see what I'm saying.

957
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:48,159
But if it lands on somebody, that is.

958
00:46:50,000 --> 00:46:50,239
Speaker 6: Yeah.

959
00:46:50,639 --> 00:46:54,280
Speaker 2: But you said five months. This was mother fucking three weeks.

960
00:46:54,280 --> 00:46:57,039
Speaker 1: You see, I'm saying like, I think that it could have.

961
00:46:57,519 --> 00:47:01,079
But again I'm mature enough to take that it didn't.

962
00:47:01,400 --> 00:47:03,280
It didn't hurt me. And I'm like writing in something

963
00:47:03,280 --> 00:47:05,719
about I got ghosted. It didn't feel like that to me.

964
00:47:05,800 --> 00:47:08,920
But I think that I did turn it too soon.

965
00:47:09,880 --> 00:47:12,199
Speaker 5: Like you gave him a different perspective of what y'all

966
00:47:12,239 --> 00:47:14,079
about to do or what y'all getting into. Yes, and

967
00:47:14,079 --> 00:47:15,480
he's like, we could have said you could have gotten

968
00:47:15,480 --> 00:47:17,920
there eventually, but that was just like, well, how I'm

969
00:47:17,920 --> 00:47:18,440
gonna show.

970
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:18,880
Speaker 4: Up next now?

971
00:47:18,960 --> 00:47:22,280
Speaker 1: And it put an expectation on something that didn't even

972
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:23,159
have to be like that.

973
00:47:23,320 --> 00:47:25,280
Speaker 5: I mean, like you said, the cologne right with the

974
00:47:25,320 --> 00:47:26,960
thinks in his head, you expect him to smell like

975
00:47:27,000 --> 00:47:29,039
that every time you see him so now he's assuming that,

976
00:47:29,280 --> 00:47:30,880
so I'm gonna do it every time like he's annoyed

977
00:47:30,880 --> 00:47:31,159
by it.

978
00:47:31,679 --> 00:47:34,159
Speaker 4: Oh wow, but I mean, you know, wow, he did

979
00:47:34,159 --> 00:47:34,400
it though.

980
00:47:34,480 --> 00:47:37,039
Speaker 1: Any man I bought cologne, I literally bought a man.

981
00:47:37,199 --> 00:47:40,360
This is the recently I bought a man like a

982
00:47:40,480 --> 00:47:43,559
leather smelling cologne. And I had already known his collection,

983
00:47:43,840 --> 00:47:51,079
so I knew that he wore more like fresher fresher sense,

984
00:47:51,440 --> 00:47:54,800
you know what I'm saying, more than like the Creed category,

985
00:47:55,000 --> 00:47:58,199
like the Bond number nine category. And I bought him

986
00:47:58,239 --> 00:48:03,599
tom Ford like a leather because that's what I like.

987
00:48:03,719 --> 00:48:05,800
And so yeah, I did kind of expect him. It's

988
00:48:05,840 --> 00:48:08,960
not like that, but yeah, yeah, Tusky was at Tusking Leather.

989
00:48:08,960 --> 00:48:11,239
I think it was something like I bought him a

990
00:48:11,280 --> 00:48:14,440
leather cent that I know that he does not wear.

991
00:48:14,760 --> 00:48:16,880
But I think again, it's like I kind of look,

992
00:48:17,000 --> 00:48:20,400
get my toe in to kind of do what I

993
00:48:20,440 --> 00:48:22,800
wanted to do, and it's like, you just met this person.

994
00:48:22,840 --> 00:48:24,760
Maybe that wasn't kind of the vibe that he was

995
00:48:24,840 --> 00:48:28,679
going for. And I think that sometimes men could feel

996
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:31,239
like it's you know, like you're trying to we're trying

997
00:48:31,239 --> 00:48:32,639
to put your bed in the hat and he don't

998
00:48:32,639 --> 00:48:35,360
even know you yet. You get what I'm saying, especially

999
00:48:35,400 --> 00:48:40,320
with like men's percentage being like eleven or twelve women

1000
00:48:40,400 --> 00:48:42,920
to one man, right, and so now they got a

1001
00:48:42,920 --> 00:48:45,960
lot of options. And I think that that type of

1002
00:48:47,280 --> 00:48:51,280
olive branch was like, oh, here he'll go another like

1003
00:48:51,639 --> 00:48:54,000
you know, crabbing a barrel, trying to get the one

1004
00:48:54,159 --> 00:48:57,320
two percent of black men that are six figure earners

1005
00:48:57,360 --> 00:48:59,920
that ain't got no kid forty one never been mere

1006
00:49:01,000 --> 00:49:03,519
or been married, but no children that like you see

1007
00:49:03,519 --> 00:49:05,679
what I'm saying, Like he's in the like kind of

1008
00:49:05,760 --> 00:49:09,000
two percent. Yeah, right, Hi, ern are doing well for himself,

1009
00:49:09,159 --> 00:49:11,119
come from a good stock, and me giving him like

1010
00:49:11,159 --> 00:49:13,159
a gift was kind of like, yeah, you're trying to

1011
00:49:13,199 --> 00:49:15,679
lock me down. And I didn't actually feel that way.

1012
00:49:15,719 --> 00:49:17,400
I was trying to lock him down with just being sweet.

1013
00:49:17,440 --> 00:49:19,400
So make sure it's landing on a sweet man before

1014
00:49:19,400 --> 00:49:21,840
you go out here giving these gifts.

1015
00:49:22,079 --> 00:49:23,599
Speaker 2: Anyway, as child, talk to him first.

1016
00:49:24,199 --> 00:49:25,840
Speaker 1: We had to talk to him first before you go

1017
00:49:25,840 --> 00:49:27,679
on the first date. Anyways, Oh I.

1018
00:49:27,599 --> 00:49:30,400
Speaker 2: Thought there was stole one. Anyways, Now for.

1019
00:49:30,400 --> 00:49:36,760
Speaker 1: My favorite segment, this is I Am Heard from Forever

1020
00:49:36,920 --> 00:49:40,960
Mood y'all know Jackieyina. Okay, this is actually a brand

1021
00:49:41,000 --> 00:49:43,280
new bottle. I just opened this bottle. I have not

1022
00:49:43,360 --> 00:49:47,400
spread it yet, but I have had these fragrances before. Now,

1023
00:49:47,880 --> 00:49:50,119
remember when this first came out, this was a big,

1024
00:49:50,199 --> 00:49:52,599
big thing. They then tore down as a four where

1025
00:49:52,599 --> 00:49:54,840
you could barely get your hands on it. And I

1026
00:49:54,960 --> 00:49:58,679
was just so excited. Like I love Jackie Aina, and

1027
00:49:59,159 --> 00:50:02,000
I was very excit. She just is somebody who's very

1028
00:50:03,360 --> 00:50:06,000
hygiene friendly, like I know, her scram routine is just

1029
00:50:06,000 --> 00:50:06,480
on points.

1030
00:50:06,519 --> 00:50:08,679
Speaker 2: I was very excited. I'm giving this another try.

1031
00:50:09,880 --> 00:50:15,119
Speaker 1: In all transparency, when I purchased it with my own money,

1032
00:50:16,079 --> 00:50:21,679
I gave them away. This was gifted to me, and

1033
00:50:21,719 --> 00:50:25,000
now I'm trying it again. Okay, I want this to

1034
00:50:25,039 --> 00:50:30,880
work out. Okay, So the I want this to work

1035
00:50:30,960 --> 00:50:34,199
so bad, Okay, y'all. So the profile is it's a warm,

1036
00:50:34,360 --> 00:50:39,719
sweet gorimond fragrance that blends bakery style real velvet sweetness

1037
00:50:39,880 --> 00:50:44,000
with juicy fruit brightness, pear and raspberry and a rich,

1038
00:50:44,159 --> 00:50:47,119
slightly woody based So the top notes are red velvet,

1039
00:50:47,800 --> 00:50:49,760
and that was my issue. I never smelled the real

1040
00:50:49,960 --> 00:50:55,400
red velvet pear nectar tart raspberry. It gives a sweet,

1041
00:50:55,400 --> 00:50:58,960
grimond opening that's juicy and floorty the middle. The middle

1042
00:50:59,000 --> 00:51:03,559
notes are sweet floor tones raspberry pear and some deeper

1043
00:51:03,559 --> 00:51:07,119
grimid elements, and the bass notes are ood must vanilla

1044
00:51:07,559 --> 00:51:09,039
like warmth, adding some depth.

1045
00:51:09,199 --> 00:51:10,440
Speaker 2: Y'all. I didn't smell none of this.

1046
00:51:10,719 --> 00:51:13,280
Speaker 1: I literally gave these fragrances the way Jackie Aina, I

1047
00:51:13,320 --> 00:51:14,199
love you, Please don't.

1048
00:51:14,760 --> 00:51:17,760
Speaker 2: I don't want no problems. I'm giving it a second round.

1049
00:51:17,800 --> 00:51:20,599
Speaker 1: A good friend of mine gifted this fragrance to me again,

1050
00:51:20,639 --> 00:51:23,719
and I said, I'm gonna freshly open, y'all.

1051
00:51:23,719 --> 00:51:24,400
Speaker 2: I say, I'm gonna.

1052
00:51:24,440 --> 00:51:24,840
Speaker 7: I'm gone.

1053
00:51:24,880 --> 00:51:25,960
Speaker 2: I'm gonna run his back.

1054
00:51:27,119 --> 00:51:29,679
Speaker 1: And I want this to work so bad, But I

1055
00:51:29,719 --> 00:51:32,880
as a perfume girly. All the notes that they said

1056
00:51:32,960 --> 00:51:37,800
was in here, I never smelled them. So we're gonna

1057
00:51:37,800 --> 00:51:38,320
try to commit.

1058
00:51:39,000 --> 00:51:39,519
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1059
00:51:39,599 --> 00:51:40,000
Speaker 4: We're gonna.

1060
00:51:40,039 --> 00:51:44,000
Speaker 1: We're gonna try to recommit to this. Fernando, hold on,

1061
00:51:44,079 --> 00:51:50,320
let me Velvet, I think also too, okay. Also, let's

1062
00:51:50,360 --> 00:51:55,280
say let's say this. Originally, when this came out, the

1063
00:51:55,320 --> 00:51:56,679
bottles were not glass.

1064
00:51:57,199 --> 00:51:58,199
Speaker 2: I was stunned.

1065
00:51:58,960 --> 00:52:02,079
Speaker 1: I was stunned. I thought the packaging would have been

1066
00:52:02,440 --> 00:52:06,639
more elevated because Jackie Aina was the same person that

1067
00:52:06,840 --> 00:52:10,199
was ironing her sheets. She was the first baby black

1068
00:52:10,199 --> 00:52:12,719
girl that taught us to steam our sheets. I'm talking

1069
00:52:12,760 --> 00:52:17,960
about just luxury lifestyle. I was shocked at the packaging

1070
00:52:18,039 --> 00:52:20,960
and the quality of the bottles. Now it's looking it's

1071
00:52:21,000 --> 00:52:21,800
giving glass.

1072
00:52:23,440 --> 00:52:26,519
Speaker 2: So I'm glad. I'm glad I've run it back. So

1073
00:52:26,639 --> 00:52:28,280
let's see. I'm gonna just part this on the box

1074
00:52:28,360 --> 00:52:29,280
for you, spraying.

1075
00:52:30,400 --> 00:52:32,079
Speaker 4: Come on, Jackie, come through, Jackie right.

1076
00:52:32,119 --> 00:52:37,920
Speaker 2: I want this to work out, Yo.

1077
00:52:38,280 --> 00:52:39,280
Speaker 4: That ain't bad though.

1078
00:52:39,639 --> 00:52:44,880
Speaker 2: I smell on my lady, Okay, I smell pear of raspberry.

1079
00:52:44,960 --> 00:52:48,880
Do you smell that hair raspberry? It's pear and raspberry

1080
00:52:48,920 --> 00:52:49,239
in here.

1081
00:52:49,559 --> 00:52:50,280
Speaker 4: Smell the fruits.

1082
00:52:50,599 --> 00:52:55,440
Speaker 2: Where's the red velvet? I don't smell no, I'm not tripping, y'all.

1083
00:52:55,480 --> 00:52:57,000
I don't smell no ood.

1084
00:52:57,239 --> 00:53:00,599
Speaker 1: The bottom based notes are ood, musk, and but and

1085
00:53:00,639 --> 00:53:05,119
y'all know I'm a ood, musk, vanilla, sandalwood, pink, pepper

1086
00:53:05,719 --> 00:53:07,760
bergamonte girl.

1087
00:53:08,000 --> 00:53:10,039
Speaker 2: There's no depth to.

1088
00:53:10,039 --> 00:53:11,599
Speaker 4: It, though, I wouldn't say it's not musket off.

1089
00:53:11,800 --> 00:53:16,599
Speaker 1: There's no musk or no ood in here. Ood is

1090
00:53:16,679 --> 00:53:20,880
that Arabian deep Middle Eastern.

1091
00:53:22,159 --> 00:53:24,159
Speaker 4: It's just all fruit basket. It's just sweetness.

1092
00:53:24,199 --> 00:53:28,719
Speaker 2: All I smell as fruitiness. And y'all know, I like

1093
00:53:29,199 --> 00:53:32,239
it's cute. Did you hear that? It's cute? And so,

1094
00:53:32,920 --> 00:53:36,559
y'all I'm a big this will be to me.

1095
00:53:36,639 --> 00:53:38,960
Speaker 1: This will be like a bad time spray when I'll

1096
00:53:38,960 --> 00:53:41,639
put on my pajamas and y'all know, y'all.

1097
00:53:41,440 --> 00:53:43,039
Speaker 2: Said, y'all fruity floral holes.

1098
00:53:43,079 --> 00:53:45,920
Speaker 1: I'm not a fruity floral type of girl, but it's

1099
00:53:46,000 --> 00:53:48,960
like to me, it's about the principality.

1100
00:53:49,320 --> 00:53:52,840
Speaker 2: Where is the red velvet and where is the.

1101
00:53:52,840 --> 00:53:56,400
Speaker 1: Ooh, the musk and a vanilla? There's nothing this is fruity.

1102
00:53:56,480 --> 00:53:59,719
This is given jackiey'all really do like you. This is

1103
00:53:59,719 --> 00:54:00,559
given like.

1104
00:54:02,840 --> 00:54:04,480
Speaker 2: Bath and body, like a body spray.

1105
00:54:04,840 --> 00:54:06,280
Speaker 4: It's not a head turner at all.

1106
00:54:06,639 --> 00:54:13,000
Speaker 1: Like it's yeah, it's giving like a body spray.

1107
00:54:13,800 --> 00:54:16,280
Speaker 2: I don't get any of the depth, any of the depth.

1108
00:54:16,880 --> 00:54:17,360
The depth.

1109
00:54:20,519 --> 00:54:23,079
Speaker 1: We're gonna wear it and let's see by the time.

1110
00:54:24,000 --> 00:54:25,480
By that time we get to the next one. Look,

1111
00:54:25,679 --> 00:54:29,079
we just I'm just gonna spray it, y'all. I want

1112
00:54:29,159 --> 00:54:32,039
to love this so bad. I love her. I love

1113
00:54:32,079 --> 00:54:35,639
her candles. I love her aesthetic, I love she's I

1114
00:54:35,679 --> 00:54:38,599
love her. I wanted this to work so badly the

1115
00:54:38,679 --> 00:54:44,239
last time I gave them away and I was stalking

1116
00:54:44,360 --> 00:54:46,679
like a crazy person to get these.

1117
00:54:46,679 --> 00:54:48,320
Speaker 2: When they release, and it just.

1118
00:54:50,360 --> 00:54:53,840
Speaker 1: I smell a lot of pear and a lot of raspberry,

1119
00:54:53,920 --> 00:54:56,719
I promise, y'all, that's the only thing I smell. I

1120
00:54:56,840 --> 00:55:02,119
literally smell no red velvet at all, and no base notes.

1121
00:55:02,239 --> 00:55:05,599
And base notes is what carries. The fragrance is what

1122
00:55:05,880 --> 00:55:09,480
gives you the longevity. It gives you the siage. And

1123
00:55:10,079 --> 00:55:12,880
I just I'm not getting the warm the warm notes.

1124
00:55:13,920 --> 00:55:17,079
I'm not getting them.

1125
00:55:17,559 --> 00:55:19,880
Speaker 4: It ain't lasting. They just got that sweet bass.

1126
00:55:20,599 --> 00:55:23,920
Speaker 1: She's sweet and it says it's the goredman, but I'm

1127
00:55:23,960 --> 00:55:25,760
just not. I don't smell an it's at a slightly

1128
00:55:25,800 --> 00:55:29,440
woody bass. I'm not getting no wood, nah.

1129
00:55:29,840 --> 00:55:31,679
Speaker 5: Only wood is the basket holding the fruits, because they

1130
00:55:31,679 --> 00:55:33,480
ain't the wood and the perfume at all.

1131
00:55:33,800 --> 00:55:35,960
Speaker 1: My god daughter, I would give this to my goddaughter,

1132
00:55:36,039 --> 00:55:39,800
she's eighteen. I also when I boll Kylie's Fragrance, I

1133
00:55:39,840 --> 00:55:42,480
also gave it to my niece that it was like

1134
00:55:42,519 --> 00:55:45,960
twelve at the time, Like it just smells youthful, and

1135
00:55:46,000 --> 00:55:49,920
it doesn't smell like a girl, a grown up fragrance.

1136
00:55:50,960 --> 00:55:53,920
I hope she never sees this just be just because

1137
00:55:53,920 --> 00:55:58,679
the man you gotta start. You have to accept when

1138
00:56:00,000 --> 00:56:03,760
people don't like the stuff, because I'll be watching, when

1139
00:56:03,800 --> 00:56:05,079
I'll be seeing the reviews.

1140
00:56:05,199 --> 00:56:07,800
Speaker 2: Anybody that disagree with you, you'll be on one.

1141
00:56:08,199 --> 00:56:13,239
Speaker 1: So I'm I'm in the club. I've just wanted, I

1142
00:56:13,280 --> 00:56:17,199
wanted something to do. Anyways, was regifted to you, so

1143
00:56:17,199 --> 00:56:20,840
at least chance, but I'm going to wear it. I'm

1144
00:56:20,840 --> 00:56:23,599
gonna wear it so that I can see. You know,

1145
00:56:23,760 --> 00:56:26,360
I do have people in my life that like the

1146
00:56:26,440 --> 00:56:29,000
more of a fruity floral. Y'all don like some like

1147
00:56:29,079 --> 00:56:31,480
a man that like more of a fruity floral. So

1148
00:56:31,559 --> 00:56:33,920
maybe maybe they don't like it.

1149
00:56:33,960 --> 00:56:35,519
Speaker 2: I'll try. I'll try.

1150
00:56:35,679 --> 00:56:42,159
Speaker 1: Red flag report, no labels, no longevity. A few episodes ago,

1151
00:56:42,559 --> 00:56:47,840
we covered Tianna Taylor. We covered Tianna Taylor and Aaron

1152
00:56:47,880 --> 00:56:52,280
Pierre's WorldWind Romance and a red flag report that pose

1153
00:56:52,360 --> 00:56:55,719
the question, if you're doing all the relationship things, is

1154
00:56:55,760 --> 00:56:59,760
it a red flag when there's still no official commitment.

1155
00:57:00,280 --> 00:57:06,239
Well months later, the internet might have might have just

1156
00:57:06,320 --> 00:57:11,280
gotten an answer. According to page six and multiple sources,

1157
00:57:11,639 --> 00:57:16,800
Tiana and Aaron have quietly called it quits. No statements,

1158
00:57:16,920 --> 00:57:21,760
no drama, just a slow fade the from one of

1159
00:57:21,840 --> 00:57:27,280
twenty twenty five's most buzzed about love stories. Let's rewind

1160
00:57:27,639 --> 00:57:32,480
the couple when official went Instagram official during the Oscar

1161
00:57:32,519 --> 00:57:36,000
season in March. I remember that they shared rare red carpets,

1162
00:57:36,039 --> 00:57:40,039
birthday tributes, and short film collaborations. Tiana gushed about the

1163
00:57:40,079 --> 00:57:43,400
relationship being soft, safe and sweet, calling Aaron her apple

1164
00:57:43,480 --> 00:57:46,159
pie in safe space. But even with all of that,

1165
00:57:46,320 --> 00:57:51,039
she made one thing clear. He wasn't her boyfriend. If

1166
00:57:51,079 --> 00:57:53,519
that's something that I decide to say, she told of

1167
00:57:53,519 --> 00:57:56,199
the Hollywood Reporter, then it's going to be something that

1168
00:57:56,239 --> 00:57:57,079
we say together.

1169
00:57:57,599 --> 00:57:58,519
Speaker 2: Smart girl.

1170
00:57:58,800 --> 00:58:02,079
Speaker 1: Now, as we close out the year, they reportedly split,

1171
00:58:02,440 --> 00:58:05,639
leaving fans to reflect on the very thing people question

1172
00:58:05,800 --> 00:58:09,800
months ago. Can a relationship thrive when it's full of love?

1173
00:58:10,000 --> 00:58:14,920
Avoid of labels? To be clear, labels don't guarantee longevity,

1174
00:58:15,079 --> 00:58:17,880
and privaty doesn't mean a lack of commitment. But sometimes

1175
00:58:17,920 --> 00:58:21,320
avoiding definition can become a way to avoid accountability.

1176
00:58:21,639 --> 00:58:24,280
Speaker 2: And when the honeymoon in so does the connection.

1177
00:58:25,239 --> 00:58:29,079
Speaker 1: If you're giving your time, energy and heart to someone

1178
00:58:29,119 --> 00:58:33,280
who refuses to define the relationship, are you being emotionally

1179
00:58:33,360 --> 00:58:35,639
free or emotionally unclaimed?

1180
00:58:36,239 --> 00:58:37,119
Speaker 4: What do you want?

1181
00:58:37,400 --> 00:58:40,119
Speaker 5: Because if you're being emotionally free right then you can

1182
00:58:40,119 --> 00:58:41,880
be able to see them with somebody else and not

1183
00:58:41,920 --> 00:58:44,199
be affected. Your emotional are intact. Or if that person

1184
00:58:44,239 --> 00:58:46,320
just has to leave you, you're not upset, you're not set,

1185
00:58:46,400 --> 00:58:49,519
You're emotionally free from being hurt by that. But if

1186
00:58:49,559 --> 00:58:52,199
somebody that's in a situationship that's with friends of benefits,

1187
00:58:52,320 --> 00:58:53,960
but you know you start catching feelings for that person,

1188
00:58:54,000 --> 00:58:55,800
you know you're the type of actually fall for that person,

1189
00:58:56,000 --> 00:58:57,840
then don't start it from the beginning. If that willing

1190
00:58:57,840 --> 00:58:59,960
to give you a title, then stop. Then when you reckon,

1191
00:59:00,239 --> 00:59:01,519
know that he's not trying to go any further than

1192
00:59:01,519 --> 00:59:03,519
what he's already given to you. He's not doing any

1193
00:59:03,559 --> 00:59:05,360
more than that. So don't sit there and put yourself

1194
00:59:05,400 --> 00:59:07,320
in a situation where you're gonna fall for somebody, have

1195
00:59:07,360 --> 00:59:09,800
emotions for somebody that's not gonna emotionally claim you. It's

1196
00:59:09,840 --> 00:59:11,920
not going to he present you online on the internet,

1197
00:59:11,920 --> 00:59:13,280
but you're not claiming each other and not give each

1198
00:59:13,280 --> 00:59:15,079
other title, So you don't have that definite behind it.

1199
00:59:15,159 --> 00:59:18,119
You're not exclusive, you don't have those interests of going further,

1200
00:59:18,320 --> 00:59:20,320
you don't have those dreams of being married and starting

1201
00:59:20,320 --> 00:59:22,679
a family. They're just enjoy each other's time and having fun.

1202
00:59:24,599 --> 00:59:27,960
Speaker 1: Well, we know that they were emotionally like they both

1203
00:59:28,039 --> 00:59:31,400
felt for each other deeply. I think this is about

1204
00:59:31,599 --> 00:59:38,079
whether the lack of title gave them made it less

1205
00:59:38,079 --> 00:59:41,599
accountability to stay together. Did the lack of title make

1206
00:59:41,639 --> 00:59:43,119
it easier for them to split?

1207
00:59:43,280 --> 00:59:43,880
Speaker 4: Absolutely?

1208
00:59:44,239 --> 00:59:44,679
Speaker 2: You think so?

1209
00:59:45,039 --> 00:59:45,400
Speaker 4: Why not?

1210
00:59:45,880 --> 00:59:48,559
Speaker 5: Because I have to say, this is my boyfriend, and

1211
00:59:48,559 --> 00:59:51,119
I'm breaking up with my boyfriend, and it's the actual breakup,

1212
00:59:51,199 --> 00:59:52,960
and now we got to talk about this big breakup

1213
00:59:53,159 --> 00:59:54,920
because you want to understand, like what happened while we

1214
00:59:55,000 --> 00:59:57,440
breaking up? Now, whereas if it was just enjoying each

1215
00:59:57,440 --> 01:00:01,360
other's time and not emotionally involved with involved, But we're

1216
01:00:01,559 --> 01:00:04,679
just having fun and just enjoying the time we have together.

1217
01:00:05,199 --> 01:00:08,639
Speaker 4: When we leave, when we break apart.

1218
01:00:07,800 --> 01:00:11,360
Speaker 5: I'm not actually particularly losing anything, you know, I'm not

1219
01:00:12,519 --> 01:00:16,280
putting a situation where I have to explain why I'm

1220
01:00:16,320 --> 01:00:18,079
leaving because we didn't have a title in the first place.

1221
01:00:18,280 --> 01:00:18,960
Speaker 4: Now, I owe you that.

1222
01:00:19,000 --> 01:00:21,039
Speaker 5: I think respectfy, I owe you that, But because we

1223
01:00:21,119 --> 01:00:24,360
never had a title to begin with, I.

1224
01:00:24,280 --> 01:00:29,079
Speaker 1: Don't I am pretty positive that Tiana and Aaron, if

1225
01:00:29,079 --> 01:00:36,159
they have split, had an in depth conversation about I

1226
01:00:36,159 --> 01:00:40,280
don't think the lack of title affected anything. I think

1227
01:00:40,320 --> 01:00:42,480
the same way that this would have played out had

1228
01:00:42,480 --> 01:00:45,079
they been an item and a couple was the same.

1229
01:00:45,079 --> 01:00:46,480
Speaker 2: Whether they played out now.

1230
01:00:46,559 --> 01:00:51,480
Speaker 1: Like emotions, two public figures doing all these things and

1231
01:00:51,559 --> 01:00:56,119
birthdays together, them splitting, they probably had the same conversation

1232
01:00:56,519 --> 01:00:59,719
or the same like boundaries of okay, like we're no,

1233
01:01:00,480 --> 01:01:02,920
I'm not gonna talk to your mama no more whatever

1234
01:01:02,960 --> 01:01:05,159
the case may be, than they would have had if

1235
01:01:05,199 --> 01:01:07,719
they especially when you care about somebody deeply.

1236
01:01:08,320 --> 01:01:12,000
Speaker 2: I think that there were a lot of.

1237
01:01:12,000 --> 01:01:15,840
Speaker 1: Powerful things that Tiana Taylor did, and we have to

1238
01:01:15,880 --> 01:01:18,960
forget that she was coming out of a very messy divorce.

1239
01:01:20,119 --> 01:01:22,760
And I think that we are now used to women

1240
01:01:23,000 --> 01:01:27,960
having autonomy and dating where number one, they're not pressed

1241
01:01:28,000 --> 01:01:31,000
for the title. We automatically think of them as like,

1242
01:01:31,039 --> 01:01:33,800
you can't get the title. Have you noticed that when

1243
01:01:33,840 --> 01:01:36,280
women are saying like I don't need the title, I

1244
01:01:36,760 --> 01:01:40,039
don't need the commitment. We assume that they are the

1245
01:01:40,079 --> 01:01:43,360
type of women that can't get the commitment, the commitment,

1246
01:01:43,480 --> 01:01:47,119
or they're settling for this like non committal thing. When

1247
01:01:47,119 --> 01:01:50,960
I think that there is something very very empowerment, empowering

1248
01:01:51,039 --> 01:01:54,559
and independent about a woman that's not defined by the

1249
01:01:54,599 --> 01:02:00,360
title but are enjoying the benefits of companionship. I think

1250
01:02:00,400 --> 01:02:02,960
she did a lot of things well. She would not

1251
01:02:03,159 --> 01:02:05,599
publicly say that this man was her boyfriend less he

1252
01:02:05,679 --> 01:02:09,960
said it first and together, that it was a joint decision, right.

1253
01:02:10,639 --> 01:02:12,480
I think that that was just that was that was

1254
01:02:12,519 --> 01:02:15,360
a g move, like that was like a baby, I'm

1255
01:02:15,400 --> 01:02:19,000
too old. Also her ask as two kids has been married,

1256
01:02:19,280 --> 01:02:22,039
that whole boyfriend shit. Nobody wants to go through that,

1257
01:02:22,360 --> 01:02:25,119
especially if you're coming out of divorce. We also have

1258
01:02:25,239 --> 01:02:29,480
to remember that people are here for people. People are

1259
01:02:29,519 --> 01:02:35,119
here for times and things, seasons and things. Right where,

1260
01:02:35,159 --> 01:02:39,880
I feel like we are so attached to the outcome

1261
01:02:40,159 --> 01:02:43,599
and the long call of the relationship that we forget

1262
01:02:43,639 --> 01:02:46,639
that there are people that can come into our lives

1263
01:02:46,679 --> 01:02:51,199
that immediately will change our brain chemistry, chemistry and regulate

1264
01:02:51,239 --> 01:02:55,079
our nervous system. And that may not be your person.

1265
01:02:55,639 --> 01:02:57,719
It may not be the person that you're gonna be with,

1266
01:02:58,039 --> 01:03:02,679
but you have come in with somebody that a calm, peaceful,

1267
01:03:03,039 --> 01:03:06,639
that thinks logically, that levels you out, that makes you

1268
01:03:06,719 --> 01:03:10,760
feel safe, that listens, like all of these things and

1269
01:03:10,840 --> 01:03:14,400
there is no long game. And I think that we

1270
01:03:14,559 --> 01:03:20,599
saw a woman stand in her strength, date.

1271
01:03:20,760 --> 01:03:24,000
Speaker 2: Happily and broke up happily.

1272
01:03:24,440 --> 01:03:26,920
Speaker 1: Like I don't know, but it wasn't a public drama,

1273
01:03:27,079 --> 01:03:30,360
It wasn't a public skept She didn't make a spectacle

1274
01:03:30,360 --> 01:03:30,960
of herself.

1275
01:03:31,039 --> 01:03:34,960
Speaker 2: And I think that she did a lot of things right.

1276
01:03:35,400 --> 01:03:37,599
Speaker 5: I think you can meet good people that's not good

1277
01:03:37,639 --> 01:03:39,800
for you, and so I think for them too. Maybe

1278
01:03:39,840 --> 01:03:42,239
they both knew that, you know, I enjoy us, I

1279
01:03:42,320 --> 01:03:44,679
enjoy what we have. You know what we're building towards

1280
01:03:44,880 --> 01:03:47,119
the time we're spending together, and you know when we

1281
01:03:47,159 --> 01:03:48,840
spend time together, what we do and stuff like that.

1282
01:03:48,840 --> 01:03:51,480
They enjoying it. But I don't need to have anything

1283
01:03:51,519 --> 01:03:53,400
else to that, or they just decided today they won't

1284
01:03:53,400 --> 01:03:56,039
be together anymore. But in between that time, she learned

1285
01:03:56,119 --> 01:03:58,119
somebody who was different than her ex. She just came

1286
01:03:58,119 --> 01:04:00,599
out of that divorce, so she was hurt, needed somebody

1287
01:04:00,599 --> 01:04:02,559
that was there for her to be a man for her,

1288
01:04:02,599 --> 01:04:03,920
and I'm sure he came up. That's what he did

1289
01:04:03,960 --> 01:04:06,039
for her, and that's what allowed them to, I guess,

1290
01:04:06,159 --> 01:04:08,679
get together and then break apart peacefully because I probably

1291
01:04:08,719 --> 01:04:10,719
wasn't no ill will. It's just that to realize that, hey,

1292
01:04:11,000 --> 01:04:12,760
we are this, but we're not going to be that,

1293
01:04:12,920 --> 01:04:13,840
and that's it's okay.

1294
01:04:14,000 --> 01:04:15,960
Speaker 4: And she recognized from the beginning. That's what she said.

1295
01:04:16,119 --> 01:04:18,039
Speaker 5: I'm not calling him my boyfriend, so he's willing to

1296
01:04:18,039 --> 01:04:20,559
say it. So we're not at a boyfriend stage. They're fine,

1297
01:04:20,639 --> 01:04:23,159
and she's receiving things that probably a lot of boyfriends

1298
01:04:23,159 --> 01:04:23,639
don't even do.

1299
01:04:23,760 --> 01:04:25,639
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying with the title, So.

1300
01:04:25,719 --> 01:04:27,639
Speaker 5: Sometimes you get sometimes you get more without even having

1301
01:04:27,639 --> 01:04:29,360
the title, or you get a lot with you unexpectedly

1302
01:04:29,400 --> 01:04:31,559
without having the title. So the title doesn't guarantee anything.

1303
01:04:32,119 --> 01:04:33,400
It's how they show up at the end of the day.

1304
01:04:33,559 --> 01:04:34,519
Speaker 2: It's how they show up.

1305
01:04:34,559 --> 01:04:38,320
Speaker 1: And I think that again, you know, there's a double

1306
01:04:38,400 --> 01:04:42,840
standard of women being promiscuous or being loose or you know,

1307
01:04:43,239 --> 01:04:48,440
being a whole if they have pockets of time with people.

1308
01:04:48,599 --> 01:04:51,079
And I am somebody that thinks that you can have

1309
01:04:51,199 --> 01:04:58,800
multiple soul makes in a lifetime. I do believe in divorce,

1310
01:05:01,159 --> 01:05:04,599
and I think that I don't know, maybe I think

1311
01:05:04,599 --> 01:05:09,199
that I am somebody that could totally experience being married

1312
01:05:09,280 --> 01:05:12,639
more than once. Do I want that to happen, Absolutely not.

1313
01:05:13,280 --> 01:05:17,360
But I think that there is like this shame of

1314
01:05:20,360 --> 01:05:24,760
getting like moments of time, like what's wrong with having

1315
01:05:25,239 --> 01:05:29,119
a good ten good ten years of life with somebody

1316
01:05:29,239 --> 01:05:33,119
and go on to the to the next person that

1317
01:05:33,280 --> 01:05:37,000
expires and then you experience another run. And we could

1318
01:05:37,039 --> 01:05:39,679
talk about this because like our parents being passed the

1319
01:05:39,679 --> 01:05:41,639
way you know, passed away and things like that. I

1320
01:05:41,679 --> 01:05:45,400
think maybe grief changed me a little bit. Death changed

1321
01:05:45,440 --> 01:05:49,480
me a little bit, like seeing people transition. I saw

1322
01:05:49,519 --> 01:05:52,400
a lot of people take their last breath, and I

1323
01:05:52,440 --> 01:05:58,559
think that seeing people that being like being on the

1324
01:05:58,639 --> 01:06:01,599
other side where people have left you. It makes you

1325
01:06:01,639 --> 01:06:04,079
think about what kind of person was on to them?

1326
01:06:04,079 --> 01:06:06,320
What kind of daughter was I? Did I call enough

1327
01:06:06,519 --> 01:06:09,719
that I let that person be them? That I try

1328
01:06:09,760 --> 01:06:12,480
to suppress, you know, things about like what kind of

1329
01:06:12,480 --> 01:06:16,840
person was I? And so I oftentimes think that people

1330
01:06:16,880 --> 01:06:20,159
can live like multiple lives, Like I'm very big on

1331
01:06:20,800 --> 01:06:23,760
people living the life that was destined for them, And

1332
01:06:23,840 --> 01:06:27,480
so I think that that can include multiple people and

1333
01:06:27,760 --> 01:06:30,639
multiple solid spurts. And I said, all that to say

1334
01:06:30,760 --> 01:06:36,400
is that this was just a well deserved, purposeful moment

1335
01:06:36,760 --> 01:06:40,320
in life that shouldn't be shamed as like a breakup.

1336
01:06:40,719 --> 01:06:43,519
She met a great man, said that he was her person,

1337
01:06:43,679 --> 01:06:46,119
he was her safe space, he was her apple pie,

1338
01:06:46,599 --> 01:06:50,079
and we saw her in pure bliss all over the internet.

1339
01:06:50,840 --> 01:06:52,400
I don't see what's real. I don't even know if

1340
01:06:52,400 --> 01:06:54,880
I want to classify it as a breakup. It's like

1341
01:06:55,320 --> 01:07:00,440
he was her person, it was great, and they moved

1342
01:07:00,480 --> 01:07:03,079
on for and now she's going to experience another good person.

1343
01:07:03,199 --> 01:07:06,320
And I think that not being attached to like the

1344
01:07:06,559 --> 01:07:09,599
end goal all the time, And I think dating would

1345
01:07:09,639 --> 01:07:13,599
be much lighter for women if they looked at it.

1346
01:07:13,599 --> 01:07:15,840
It's like, what can I get from this person? How

1347
01:07:15,840 --> 01:07:18,000
can I experience? What could I learn from them? How

1348
01:07:18,039 --> 01:07:21,039
could this person help me? How did this person develop me?

1349
01:07:21,480 --> 01:07:25,079
And how did this person mature me as a you know,

1350
01:07:25,159 --> 01:07:27,920
as a human being, as a woman, and leave it

1351
01:07:27,960 --> 01:07:29,920
as like, wow, that was a great experience.

1352
01:07:30,199 --> 01:07:32,039
Speaker 5: It's like, you know what a Wes say, it was

1353
01:07:32,079 --> 01:07:33,519
a los source a lesson, But it can be a

1354
01:07:33,599 --> 01:07:35,880
lesson in that situation. So that was her, that was

1355
01:07:36,079 --> 01:07:38,400
his girl for that time. So for that time period,

1356
01:07:38,400 --> 01:07:41,239
they enjoyed it and they learned through that time. But

1357
01:07:41,320 --> 01:07:43,360
now it's her chance to go to elsnowfe to meet

1358
01:07:43,360 --> 01:07:45,440
somebody else that will be her person and possibly be

1359
01:07:45,480 --> 01:07:47,280
her forever or just be her person for the next

1360
01:07:47,320 --> 01:07:49,719
time period. And I mean, look at the breakup, right,

1361
01:07:49,840 --> 01:07:52,440
her breakup from her mind compared to the breakup between

1362
01:07:52,639 --> 01:07:56,280
Cardis and stuff. So you won't talk, you want to

1363
01:07:56,360 --> 01:07:59,400
shame somebody. You can see the comparisons. She met somebody,

1364
01:07:59,480 --> 01:08:02,480
she ain't getting locked up. They had a public relationship,

1365
01:08:02,800 --> 01:08:04,360
a public situation, but the end of the day, she's

1366
01:08:04,360 --> 01:08:06,280
able to move on and go to something else. Cardi

1367
01:08:06,320 --> 01:08:08,840
stuck with an eighteen year situation. Now she just signed

1368
01:08:08,920 --> 01:08:09,639
up for by.

1369
01:08:09,480 --> 01:08:12,360
Speaker 2: Having that child eighteen forever, eighteen and felty.

1370
01:08:12,800 --> 01:08:14,320
Speaker 5: So it's just to gotta be smarter and you got

1371
01:08:14,400 --> 01:08:16,880
to pick up and just know that. Don't don't shame somebody.

1372
01:08:16,880 --> 01:08:19,279
Don't shame these women for having relationships. I'm typed for

1373
01:08:19,439 --> 01:08:21,760
dating because dating is trial and error. You don't know

1374
01:08:21,880 --> 01:08:23,800
till you try, right, So they tried it and it

1375
01:08:23,840 --> 01:08:25,520
worked for them. It wasn't it wasn't a future state

1376
01:08:25,560 --> 01:08:26,399
for them, and that's fine.

1377
01:08:26,199 --> 01:08:30,039
Speaker 1: And I walked away with just you know, there have

1378
01:08:30,119 --> 01:08:33,319
been men that I updated even for six months, that

1379
01:08:33,560 --> 01:08:38,159
just men like honestly literally changed me. And when I

1380
01:08:38,159 --> 01:08:39,840
don't think of it was like, oh, I don't talk

1381
01:08:39,880 --> 01:08:41,319
to him no more, I'm like, wow, that was a

1382
01:08:41,359 --> 01:08:41,760
great guy.

1383
01:08:42,920 --> 01:08:43,760
Speaker 2: We had a great time.

1384
01:08:43,840 --> 01:08:46,159
Speaker 1: That person taught me a lot, Right, I feel like

1385
01:08:46,239 --> 01:08:49,239
I became more patient by being with this person. I

1386
01:08:49,279 --> 01:08:54,039
think that it made me sharper, It made me more empathetic, right,

1387
01:08:54,079 --> 01:08:57,760
I think I had a lot more well rounded perspective

1388
01:08:57,880 --> 01:09:00,319
on things instead of just being so black and white,

1389
01:09:00,359 --> 01:09:01,600
like not everything is black.

1390
01:09:01,760 --> 01:09:03,800
Speaker 2: I think I've met men that I've had.

1391
01:09:03,600 --> 01:09:08,960
Speaker 1: Those experiences with that it just didn't work out, and

1392
01:09:09,159 --> 01:09:11,079
that just what what what what it was.

1393
01:09:11,159 --> 01:09:12,880
Speaker 5: So I didn't even say I was in a relationship

1394
01:09:12,840 --> 01:09:15,000
for years and then get out of the relationship meeting

1395
01:09:15,039 --> 01:09:18,000
somebody new, and I'm a gentleman. Open the door for

1396
01:09:18,039 --> 01:09:20,119
the lady, always right, passing the door, open the door

1397
01:09:20,119 --> 01:09:22,880
if she sit down, my person I did there before

1398
01:09:23,000 --> 01:09:25,199
they said, well I'm gonna break my nails.

1399
01:09:25,079 --> 01:09:25,720
Speaker 4: Open your door.

1400
01:09:25,800 --> 01:09:27,319
Speaker 5: So I'm gonna reach over there and open your door

1401
01:09:27,760 --> 01:09:29,760
where you meet somebody else, you open the door for

1402
01:09:29,800 --> 01:09:32,760
you as the man. You're like, wow, this is actually nice,

1403
01:09:32,800 --> 01:09:34,760
Like it doesn't make a big difference. But it's just

1404
01:09:34,800 --> 01:09:37,239
the actions and just doing something different I'm accustomed to.

1405
01:09:37,359 --> 01:09:39,000
Speaker 2: I supposed to reach over there, Yes, you.

1406
01:09:39,079 --> 01:09:41,079
Speaker 5: Lean over open my door as well as I'm walking

1407
01:09:41,079 --> 01:09:44,239
around the car, open the door for me. Yes, you

1408
01:09:44,279 --> 01:09:46,640
never heard leaning over? Was it sout side store?

1409
01:09:46,800 --> 01:09:48,520
Speaker 1: So I saw that right, and it was like, it's

1410
01:09:48,560 --> 01:09:52,800
like a test for women, fail them all. I didn't

1411
01:09:52,800 --> 01:09:55,079
fail them all. I didn't failed them all. I was

1412
01:09:55,079 --> 01:09:56,399
supposed to reach over there and open your.

1413
01:09:56,920 --> 01:09:58,399
Speaker 4: Judge you, I'm not gonna judge for not doing it.

1414
01:09:59,079 --> 01:09:59,760
Speaker 1: What does that mean?

1415
01:10:00,239 --> 01:10:01,680
Speaker 5: It's just an extra effort, like, hey, I want to

1416
01:10:01,680 --> 01:10:03,199
make sure it's easy for you getting inside as well.

1417
01:10:03,800 --> 01:10:05,079
Speaker 4: I'm making it easy for you to come out.

1418
01:10:05,159 --> 01:10:06,840
Speaker 1: I thought we was on my side when we talked

1419
01:10:06,840 --> 01:10:09,720
about this fragile masculinity ship, because that's crazy.

1420
01:10:10,159 --> 01:10:14,039
Speaker 2: I'm not reaching foruck. Is that I don't a thing?

1421
01:10:14,800 --> 01:10:15,520
Lady sapping?

1422
01:10:15,720 --> 01:10:16,279
Speaker 1: Is that a thing?

1423
01:10:16,680 --> 01:10:17,600
Speaker 2: Are y'all open the door?

1424
01:10:17,640 --> 01:10:20,039
Speaker 1: I believe my friends when I leave here and be

1425
01:10:20,159 --> 01:10:22,239
like y'all open the door, y'all reaching over to open

1426
01:10:22,279 --> 01:10:22,560
the door.

1427
01:10:22,720 --> 01:10:25,560
Speaker 2: I just I don't know what what is that? I

1428
01:10:25,560 --> 01:10:27,880
feel like, what what is that going to do?

1429
01:10:28,359 --> 01:10:28,760
Speaker 4: Effort?

1430
01:10:29,279 --> 01:10:31,800
Speaker 5: If it's raining outside, like is raining right now, and

1431
01:10:31,840 --> 01:10:33,439
I get to walk open, the door's already open. I

1432
01:10:33,439 --> 01:10:36,079
can slide right in now. I gotta stop to open

1433
01:10:36,079 --> 01:10:38,359
the door to get inside. It's just a small fragment

1434
01:10:38,359 --> 01:10:40,000
of a second. But it's her effort to make it

1435
01:10:40,000 --> 01:10:41,920
easier for me. Is what I'm counting on? What I'm

1436
01:10:41,960 --> 01:10:47,239
what I'm seeing and recognizing. I don't know, deal mind

1437
01:10:47,239 --> 01:10:48,359
you I'm not I'm I'm saying.

1438
01:10:50,239 --> 01:10:50,439
Speaker 6: That.

1439
01:10:50,680 --> 01:10:51,159
Speaker 2: I don't know.

1440
01:10:51,640 --> 01:10:53,000
Speaker 1: Maybe just why I ain't got no man, I just

1441
01:10:53,000 --> 01:10:56,119
feel like that's kind of manly, Like why would I

1442
01:10:56,119 --> 01:10:57,359
want to make it easy for you to get in

1443
01:10:57,399 --> 01:10:57,680
the door.

1444
01:10:57,720 --> 01:10:59,399
Speaker 2: I don't know. It's like, boy, the handle is out

1445
01:10:59,439 --> 01:11:02,319
there getting the car. I don't know, y'all, I don't know.

1446
01:11:02,439 --> 01:11:08,399
Speaker 1: Anyways, Lady, are y'all opening the door?

1447
01:11:08,399 --> 01:11:10,800
Speaker 2: Are y'all sliding over opening the door? That's crazy? Anyways?

1448
01:11:10,880 --> 01:11:12,439
Was I was today years old and opening and that

1449
01:11:12,520 --> 01:11:16,000
was a thing. Anyways, That's all, folks, Until next time.