Speaker 1: Let me tell y'all, I say this all the time.
There's only there's certain type of things that a man
can do it to me. There's certain categories, and there's
a compilation of a profile of a man that could
do things to me. Right, I always say, a broke
man with four kids and three baby mamas can't break
my fucking heart. Okay, Like you're broke and you have
four children by three baby mamas. A man that's asking
to borrow three to four k, she sounds like she's
over in her thirties, like a little past her thirties.
A man that's asked for three to four K can't
make me feel guilty. You don't even have your life together.
We have to be a little bit more strong minded
and strong will because at the end of the day,
he's just flapping around like he doesn't really have a
grip on life. So how can he make you feel
guilty about really having things together. He won't even put you,
he won't even get in a relationship with you, and
clearly he doesn't even have he's not even stable enough
to have a relationship with you.
Speaker 2: Hey, y'all, welcome back.
Speaker 1: To Dear to see you do all look different in
my little ten I got my braids clear.
Speaker 2: I just came back from Africa. Okay, so look.
Speaker 1: Y'all lucky y'all came back. Y'all know that's my favorite
place to be. So happy New Year to you' all.
We are back and.
Speaker 2: We have some subscription reminders.
Speaker 1: We need y'all to follow the dear to see a
podcast on Apple and Spotify. We need a five star review,
y'all know how is go not.
Speaker 2: Two, not three? Five star review?
Speaker 1: Subscribe to Relationship Restore and the dear to see a
YouTube channel is under to see it xp S twenty.
And we need to get to ten k. We didn't
have plenty of goals, plenty of mile stars okay, and
we're still trying going to get to ten k, so
we don't. We have some things coming up that y'all
going to be excited about, so hopefully we'll get there.
Then subscribe like follow all of the above. Now we're
introducing our guests for today. We have mister Fernando here.
Now I always tell the people how I met Fernando. Now,
if you've been down with to seea you know that
I was going ready to love and this is like
my co cast mate. So he wasn't on the DC season,
He's on the Potomac season. And I always tell people
that the craziest thing of people always ask like, how
was the show? How was that experience? We probably have
the closest cast to date all of our people. Even
no matter if you was on the DC or the
Potomac season, we're still friends. So Fernando and Not have
to come really good friends of course when you're here
in the DC area. So we got him. He y'all,
an'll let many men up in here. Okay, so we
got a look. We're gonna give y'all a little perspective
perspective today. We have our list's no a review. To
see the leader, to see a the leader, Lida as
a leader.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 1: I love the pod, particularly to see his voice. That
is so funny because I hate the sound of my voice.
It's so hard for me to watch clips back Anyways,
I digress sidebar. Her voice is so soothing. It makes
me feel at peace while getting told the truth. Ain't
ain't telling you what she's heard, telling you what she
knows is It has me in a choke hold. And
I just started listening and have much to catch up
on It's a Banger. I'm on episode four and I
haven't learned a lot. Come over here if you want
self respect okay, the truth and some tough love with laughs,
feel good girl talk and sense segment Chef's kiss ps
join her Secret Girls Chat.
Speaker 2: Thank you.
Speaker 1: It's way cheaper than therapy and you'll learn more in
three days than you have it three years. Sorry, not sorry,
listen to this girl. Okay, you get direct access to
me and all the girls in there, So yes, join
my Secret Girls Chat. Okay, so we're on voice number one.
You're see a voicemail entitled why even asks for my number?
Why do you be asked for my number?
Speaker 3: There to see you? So I met this guy on
the plane. We were flying from one place to another,
and he actually stopped me right before I walked into
the airport. I had to grab my carry on luggage,
and you know, he was flirting a little bit, and
then he was like, oh, I want to stop you
and let me talk to you. So ultimately we in
exchange and telephone numbers, really didn't have much of a conversation.
He asked me for my Instagram. I did provide my
Instagram but after that we had no follow through. He
never even looked for me on Instagram, never even proceeded
to follow me. Okay, so two weeks go by, I
finally reached out to him. I'm like, oh, hey, blah
blah blah, how are you.
Speaker 2: He's like, I'm good.
Speaker 3: How about you? Just real casual at first. So then
he's like, oh, well, what you doing tonight? And I said, oh,
I'm nothing specific, but I am preparing for tomorrow work day.
He's like, oh, well, I was gonna invite you over.
He's like, well, we can try again tomorrow night. I'm like, okay,
I know this is probably a bad idea, but long
story short, I just go along with it. And then
he like, I need to see you again because I
like what I see. I'm like okay. Then he gets
a response. Well, he texts me back and said, and
before you go to sleep, I need to see a
picture of them so I can remember how they sit.
I proceeded with the response that said, basically, I'm not
into that. I'm not interested, and if that's what you want,
we can stop talking. I imagine I did the right thing,
but tell me why. What could have been his purpose
to getting my number because he was obviously looking for
a hookup.
Speaker 2: You didn't do the right things.
Speaker 1: Okay, first of all, you said that the boy never
reached out to you. If you, a lot of women
do not realize that you're actually not in a relationship
with people, and you're not you're not in relation with
people at all.
Speaker 2: If you just.
Speaker 1: Stop doing what you're doing and let it exist, you
will see that there's nothing there. The boy got your
Instagram and your phone number and never reached out. And
so here you go being a damn knucklehead and talk
about so so I eventually reached out, and what happened
when she reached out? He invited you over to his house.
Your ass went over there, and now he's asking for a.
Speaker 2: Picture of your boots. That's what you get.
Speaker 1: That's what you get when you act thirsty and you
act pressed and you don't let men actually tell you.
Speaker 2: And tell the story.
Speaker 1: Literally, all you have to do is exist, and these
men gonna tell you exactly what their intentions are. He
saw your profile, he had your phone number, he never reached.
Speaker 2: Out, and then here you go, Hey, what are you
up to?
Speaker 1: And now you realize that he's a creep. He has
no sexual discipline. He is lustful, okay, and he's looking
to have a good time. If you would have not
embarrassed yourself and reached out to him, you would have
never even had that encounter, right, Like, you had to
let these men tell you the story. First, he had
a front row access to you, right, he had VIP
interests because he got your phone number and he got
your social media and he never reached out to you.
And it's crazy because then you want to have a
strict standard. It doesn't work out like that. Ladies, you
reached out to him first, he then invites you over
to his house, and then now you want to have
a standard talk about some I'm not into that he
asked it for pictures of your breast because you gave
sneaky link vibes by taking your tail over there. You
gave sneaky link you down for whatever you gonna go
live vibes. And then now you want to fake have
this there and talk about some No, I'm not into that.
Speaker 2: He got you over his house.
Speaker 1: He think you down to go, right, So now you're
like tema, So what was the purpose? What was your purpose?
You should have never reached out to him. You gave
him the number and the Instagram. He never reached out
at me is he wasn't interested, and when you reached out,
you literally changed his brain chemistry. Everything that you do
is showing a man what you will accept, what you're
trying to do, what standards you have. And when he
didn't reach out to you and you reached out to
him first, it told him that you're pressed, that you
have low self esteem, and that you're more interested in
him and you don't even know him. You didn't know
anything about him, and you were that physically attracted. Let's
talk about it, because that's all this was about. You
were that physically attracted to him that you ended up
reaching out first. Fernando, tell from a bill's perspective, so
I can stop yapping, because that just pissed me off.
Speaker 2: I know I did the right thing. You went over there.
Speaker 4: She should have known better than that.
Speaker 5: First of all, like the first date, come over the house.
But let's even get to that point. He didn't reach
out to you, he didn't follow through. He had the
Instagram and the phone number. He wasn't at pressed. He
was good.
Speaker 4: You hit him up.
Speaker 5: Reminded you, you reminded him of who you are because
he forgot about you to begin with.
Speaker 4: He was like, oh that's the girl on the plane.
Speaker 5: That's right, I remember her. Oh what you up to?
But he forgot about you. He was not on his mind.
Speaker 1: What kind of signal does it send if you what
did you think about that? So from for me, when
a woman, especially if he hadn't reached out and you like, hey,
big head, hey stranger, Hey what you up to and
you reach out first to me is telling a man like,
oh okay, oh, let me check out and see what
she what she gonna do?
Speaker 2: Like, I feel like you didn't let him pursue you.
Speaker 1: You didn't let him set the president, and the president
that he set was that I'm uninterested because I never
reached out to you. And then here you come. A
man is watching and testing you. Every single body movement,
the words that you you say, the way that you
respond to him, every single thing means something. And all
the data that we have now is that I met you,
I never reached out, and then you hit me.
Speaker 5: Up like you got to recognize the fact that for her,
she became, she made herself available for him. He wasn't
available for her that first date. He said, no, I'm
not available, but come through tomorrow, and she said, yeah,
so you get third.
Speaker 2: That's a good point. He curged you the first time.
Speaker 1: I was going to bite you over here, Da, and
then you let him double up and have a second appointment. Girl,
it was given push a pee press. And I'm gonna
tell you this, he's probably actually surprised that you wasn't
down to go, because everything you did leading up to
this point gave that. I'm telling you, a man is
clocking every single thing down to like how you respond
when that person says, hey, can I reschedule?
Speaker 6: Hey?
Speaker 1: You know, can we meet up for coffee? Can every
little thing, even how you respond to passive aggressive comments.
Every when you first meet a man, he's testing you
out the gate. So he never hit you up, even
if he forgot whatever the case may be. He never
hit you up. And then your you reaching out to him,
come you like. I wouldn't even say activate the creeping him,
because I think that he was already creepy. But I'm
telling you, like, sometimes you can actually change how a
man presents himself. And I think that you put yourself
in the party category by reaching out first and going
over there, and then now you want to pull a
church girl, good girl, talk about something. No, I'm not
that kind of girl. Yes you are, because not a
man in hell that I met in the airport that
they never took me on the day could get me at.
Speaker 2: His house, not one of them, Not one You gave.
Speaker 1: Party girl, and then tried to create a standard when
he was already like, baby, you came over to my crib?
Speaker 2: Or did she? Did he come over there? She come
over He went over there?
Speaker 4: So she went over there, sounds like and instaid some.
Speaker 2: One said he liked what he see.
Speaker 1: Eventually he asks for a photo of her breast. I'm
telling you you you.
Speaker 2: Know, y'all know y'all how y'all feel about this me
too movement.
Speaker 1: But y'all, sometimes you can give party vibes and it's
no way to retract that. Because now that you went
over there, I feel like you just activated the dog
in him. Granted he's already a dog, but it's like
you tried to pull back and present a standard that
he already knew he was. It wasn't there because you
already went over to his house, a man that you
never even known, never even you never hung out with him.
He's not courted you. And then she got dog Dad
said said, I know I did the right thing according
to who, not according to dar to see you to
see it axvs. You you didn't do the right thing
because ain't no you went over that man house.
Speaker 2: Girl, No, ma'am.
Speaker 1: Why do men pursue women just to fumble to follow through?
He never pursued you. You made yourself a spectacle. He
never pursued you. What can you learn from red flags
that show up this early? First of all, can we
talk about the whole, like, send me a photo.
Speaker 2: I need to see them. That is just I.
Speaker 1: Mean, it's just ikey ikey iky behavior and my friend
and not have this thing where it's like he couldn't
hold it. And it's just like certain things where a
man will present and then like the real him come
out and would be like he couldn't hold it. The
creek came out. In twenty four hours, you left his house.
And then he said, I want to see a picture
of your breast.
Speaker 5: Why is he asked for in the first place? Like
it's childish, like what we kids?
Speaker 4: What do the picture? It's just it's weird, it's awkward.
Speaker 1: I don't deal with any man that talks about sex.
I don't deal with I don't even deal with men
that comment on my body within like ninety days of
meeting them. I promise you, any man that's flirting, any
man that's like in this very sexual flirting stages that
whole like I'm in a shower, I'm about to get in
a shower without me all of them.
Speaker 2: Never.
Speaker 1: I do not even talk to men that comment on
my body because it just shows that you have no
cluth like you have that you're not a quality man
to me. Like when people talk about, oh, I want
to day a high value man, I'm telling you, high
value is even how you conduct yourself. It has nothing
to do with being a high earner. It has nothing
to do with you being six feet six figures.
Speaker 2: What is six pack?
Speaker 1: That is not a high value man. A high value
man is one that respects you, that makes you feel important,
that's genuine, that literally can create a safe space. And
some of these men that's driving these fancy cars and
got all these money are creeps. Talk about some send
me a picture of your boots.
Speaker 5: You gotta recognize with him, he didn't follow through it right,
like we said he probably saw her page and didn't
see much that even attracted him.
Speaker 1: I was gonna say that he probably, he probably, And
I want to say that this has happened to me.
I'd never give out my Instagram, but I have seen
at times where I've given my Instagram or if they
found me and that communication switches up a little bit. See,
that's one thing about me. I'm not delusion on my naive.
I know that I've given my page out to people,
and they probably like, ah nah, I'm cool off that,
Like that's not the type of person or the girl
out I'm trying to date. She got too many followers,
she's outside, she thinks she's on Instagram.
Speaker 2: Whatever.
Speaker 1: I know that I've given my Instagram out. He probably
sniffed you out, saw your page, and was like, and
then here you go.
Speaker 2: Hi remember me? He probably said, checkmate.
Speaker 5: Because look at it. She ain't got an emotion. She
reached out to him because she ain't an emotion.
Speaker 2: Reached out to a ghost.
Speaker 4: You're like, who is this again? I got your number?
Save oh oh hey first.
Speaker 1: So yeah, yeah, reached out to a ghost.
Speaker 5: And then you want to understand why he not why
is he treating you like something easy because you moving
like you're easy. You got nothing else going on. You're
available Tuesday, Oh and you're available Wednesday. Shit, all right,
well send.
Speaker 2: Me a picture that you ain't doing now.
Speaker 5: You easy easy, So you gotta persent this LF a
different kind of way. Let the man know, like it
ain't that easy. You got to work for it. And
don't go to the first house on the first day.
Do not do that. That's like the number one rule.
Speaker 4: Y'all.
Speaker 5: Meet somewhere in a mutual space, not at this man's
house like he trying Netflix and chill and him like
for a picture of your breast. I don't know if
you came there showing your breast, then you see your
breast that night, and y'all ain't gold to full. I
don't know what happened, but something happen for him to
want to see you even more. So next time for
set yourself better and just don't put the house in
the first place.
Speaker 4: Meet somewhere.
Speaker 2: I don't like to listen to me.
Speaker 5: So fellas take on the date. Ladies, don't go to
his house on the first date. Come on, now, do better.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there you go.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Sometimes you know it's hard to hear from me.
But a man is telling y'all this, y'all that that's
just crazy.
Speaker 2: And then the thing is.
Speaker 1: Like, well, why would he even ask for my number
if he had a plan. Never worry about people that
just have no like they're not even trying to pursue,
they're not even presenting themselves. Like I never think about
people that it's like, oh, well I met this guy
and he asks, he asks, my friend, could could he
have my phone number? If those men don't follow up,
I don't spend time thinking about them.
Speaker 2: We always like.
Speaker 1: Almost memorialize and like really hold these men to a
standard where we are even thinking about people.
Speaker 2: And that is an abandonment. Won When you meet somebody.
Speaker 1: And they don't follow up with you, and they don't
reach out, and you catch yourself thinking about them, I
promise you it reminded you of a daddy that didn't
come around some type of abandonment. Wont because ain't no way.
I ain't thought twice about a man who got my number.
And that's that's something that's something deeper than that. If
you're like, well, why would he even ask.
Speaker 2: For my number?
Speaker 1: Look how quick you stuck emotionally ladies, you have to
hold your emotional valve. There is so much that we
just dispense and these little minuscule things. You thinking about
a nigga that you met at the airport that never
reached out to you, and now you're calling in to
me to talk about it.
Speaker 2: He should have zero space in your life. Zero. We
spend so.
Speaker 1: Much time and energy on people that have done absolutely
nothing that shoudn't even have a space in our brain.
We have to start willing it back. You shouldn't even
be thinking about this person. But now you then went
over there and you find out that he's a creep. Anyways,
Voicemail number two, he asked me to put my car up.
Speaker 6: For loan there to see you.
Speaker 3: My name is Renee.
Speaker 6: I'm calling in because I don't know what to do.
So I've been in a situationship but relationship with the
man for a little over a year now. He lost
his job, maybe like four months ago, and he's been
looking for work off and on, but not you know,
to me, not really like you're sleep on the couch
every day type of thing, but you're looking. So I
kept asking him, you know, your mortgage, what about your mortgage?
What about your mortgage. He's like, oh, that's gonna provide.
I'm gonna do it. Okay, he got a job, end
up leaving the job saying it wasn't gonna be no,
gonna get it or whatever. Long in me ho, he
calls me off FaceTime, I go out of work with me.
I'm thinking it's you know, hey, he got a job
or scientif. He's like, oh, I just want to ask you,
could you take out a title loan on your cars?
And cause I need three or four thousand dollars and
I'll give it to him in January. I was so offended.
I was so taken back because I'm just like, this
can't be serious. And I think my diocohil is I've
said how much I've done for other people in past relationships,
you know, just conversations, not bragging, you know, but just
you know, I am a helpful person. But I just
found it so really so I asked him, I'm like, well,
you have a rolex, why don't you go take out
a loan on it? And we got this big argument
about he's not going to do that x y Z
and I'm not helpful. I'm my supporters and he brought
me this long message saying, you know how he's helped me,
not really help, but how he's brought me things, how
he's done things for me just in our relationship, and
now in his time of need, I'm not willing to
put up my car. I might have two cars. The
part he's talking about is paid for and I don't
even use it. But still it's my car. And I
know one thing about that, once you take it out
in your name, it is yours. So I just want
to know what your opinion is on that. I could
very well take out the title on on my car.
I have money saved, I could very well give it,
take him out of my savings account, but I just
chose not to. And that just once your thought.
Speaker 1: Situationship a situationship asking you to refinance a par to
give him three to four thousand dollars, and that he's
gonna pay you back, and now he's guilt tripping her
talking about and she's not supportive. Y'all, Always consider how
a man makes his problems your problems. To me, it
is very very important important, even what he wants me
to be exposed to. I like men that will try
to figure everything out. Before I even know about it. Okay,
why is he even making this kind of a big
thing your problem? And I think that it's so you know,
in twenty twenty six, I want to really stop being
so political. I think it's very weak for men that
asks women for money. I think that it's you know,
we have to go back to back in the day.
Back in the day, them uncles and them ogs. They
would never ever asks a woman to borrow some money.
And we need to get back to men that have
more pride and more ego. This shit is sickening and
it's ridiculous. I have never seen so many, and let's
talk about it, black men in particular, depending on women
to help them, to support them, to build with them,
to build them up. We don't have enough ogs, we
don't have enough uncles, we ain't got enough mentors, enough
grown men. Y'all have not been raised around real freaking
men the way my father, even when my dad didn't
have it. I'll tell y'all this story. Once upon a
time was a drug at it. But I'm gonna tell
you this. If my mother said, Hey, they going on
a trip and they need picture money or they need
field trip money, my father did not come back until he.
Speaker 2: Had that money.
Speaker 1: We don't know what he did and how he got it,
but he did not come home until he had that money.
And now we're dealing with such weak minded men that
will ask women to take out a loan, refinance a
vehicle loan because you have no survival skills. You have
no you're so unresourceful that you will ask a woman
for a loan that type of We have to stop
this shit, I'm telling y'all in twenty twenty six, I'm
so done with being political and all this fragile male,
fucking masculinity and ego.
Speaker 2: Y'all niggas need some ogs.
Speaker 1: Y'all need some uncles, y'all need some fathers, y'all need
some mentors, because back in the day, these men would
never my uncle's my father would never Okay, and then
you guilt trip and say that she's not being supportive
because you can't get your finances intech. Back in the day,
I was going, I asked, our washing machine was broken,
and I asked my grandmother could I come over to
her house and wash her clothes. No, what she said
to me, Fernando, she said, how many laundry mass did
you pass before you got here? This is my fucking grandmother, okay,
And it just really gave me thick skin. It meant
how many opportunities did you have to solve this fucking
problem before you called me to do it for you?
Speaker 2: And it really meant something to me.
Speaker 1: So when a grown man can't solve his own problem, Mama, daddy, uncle, coworker,
how many people did you pass up to solve this
problem before you got to me?
Speaker 2: He wouldn't even sell his rolex that.
Speaker 4: Part, but put your car up there, but punch your.
Speaker 2: Car a situationship at that.
Speaker 5: Well, that's why he's the situationship because she ain't got
the title, So why get a title loan?
Speaker 4: Don't make sense?
Speaker 1: You want a title law for a man who ain't
even given you a title? And to see, that's the thing, y'all.
I want y'all to be so strong minded that this
type of manipulation that she's like the question is now
she's left wondering if she's in the wrong. You let
me tell y'all. I say this all the time. There's
only there's certain type of things that a man can do.
It to me, there's certain categories and there's a copulation
compilation of a profile of a man that could do
things to me. Right, I always say, a broke man
with four kids and three baby mamas can't break my
fucking heart. Okay, Like you're broke and you have four
children by three baby mamas. A man that's asking to
borrow three to four k, she sounds like she's over
in her thirties, like a little past her thirties. A
man that's asked for three to four K can't make
me feel guilty. You don't even have your life together.
We have to be a little bit more strong minded
and strong will because at the end of the day,
he's just flapping around like he doesn't really have a
grip on life. So how can he make you feel
guilty about really having things together. He won't even put you,
he won't even get in a relationship with you, and
clearly he doesn't even have he's not even stable enough.
Speaker 2: To have a relationship with you. Do you have any
commentary on this?
Speaker 5: Financially stable? To begin with, she said, her poem's paying
the mortgage. He had issues with the job, and they
asking you for thousands of dollars. This ain't like one
hundred dollars to pay a bill real quick. I'm gonna
pay you back a couple of days. It's like, no,
I need time to gather a thousands of dollars and
you have it. You have it in your account, and
you have the ability to take a loan out so
you have good credit soon and you got some couple
of dollars in your account, whereas he doesn't. He's financially unstable.
But you're putting time and energy into this person that's
not even emotionally available for you and not financially available
for you. What is he putting in besides what he's
putting in that's beyond.
Speaker 2: And no commitment? Do you ask woman to borrow money?
Speaker 5: I got an uncle, I got a dad, but end
of the day, I got my own money.
Speaker 4: I ain't never asked nobody for nothing.
Speaker 2: I didn't have the money.
Speaker 1: Let's just say you'll be the last person heov. You
don't have the money, You don't have none, don't you
don't know what you're gonna do. You hit a hard time,
the government, shut down, your furlough whatever, whatever, you you're
saved as you depleted. Just say, what would you do
if you didn't have the money I got.
Speaker 5: Too, well, I got two vehicles. Either way, I'm going
uber and lyft until I got enough money. Keep on driving.
That's a minimum I can do. We're you gonna door
dash or uber eats whatever. You have opportunities to make funds,
that's outside of hitting the corner and running the streets.
But you decide to ask her for money instead instead
of getting it on your own, So that's you relying
on somebody else instead of being reliable, steps down on
your own two feet. You want her to cuddle you
and take care of you. Stop being a bums, like
dealing with bums.
Speaker 1: That is bum behavior. I have never said I'm sorry, y'all.
Speaker 2: We have we'll talk about this another segment.
Speaker 1: But we have got into this place where again just unresourceful,
but also like men not standing on their own two feet.
Why are y'all asking women for money? It is the
most lame, unattractive, corny, unsexy thing, y'all. Vaginas should be
drier than the Sahara desert. Any man asking to borrow
money is just a no goal. Not only that, it's
not that people are not willing to build, but some
of y'all don't even have the mindset of a fisherman.
Speaker 2: You don't have the mindset of a leader.
Speaker 1: I have seen men that are in unfortunate situations, and.
Speaker 2: I knew that they would get out of it.
Speaker 1: I knew that they would get out of it because
they just were smart problem solvers.
Speaker 2: They were hustlers.
Speaker 1: And a lot of these men that are even asking
to borrow money couldn't turn a dollar into a diamonds.
Speaker 2: A fifteen cent if they life depended on it.
Speaker 1: These are not even men that you could see a
vision with that have actually.
Speaker 2: Shown you discernment and provision.
Speaker 1: Like these men have not even shown any type of leadership,
and they're in a position to even ask you to
borrow money. It's a terrible, terrible ideal, and it's a
bad deal. I'm glad you was smart enough, but I
want you to be smart enough and strong enough to
not even feel guilt. I don't feel guilt for shitting
point like this year even before that, and I know
about a new year, knew me. This is just a
whole nother level. I don't feel sorry for any man
that's just really not resourceful enough to figure it out
before he makes my problem his problem, my problem. I
think that there is something so powerful about a man
who wants to shield you from worries. It's something so
powerful about that. And before y'all get to talking, no,
this is not all why you can't tell me nothing.
I'm not creating a safe space for you. But I
think that again, all of this, we are two healed.
Everybody then went to fucking therapy, and now all niggas
want is a shoulder to cry on. The nigga pull
your fucking pants up. We are too far gone now, everybody.
When you're not creating a safe space for me, Niggas,
you ain't got the money, go fucking get it. If
you ain't got a job, get another one. If you
can't fit, if you sell the ship and yo, go
drive over. These niggs don't want to do nothing.
Speaker 5: And it's shameful to ask for help as a man,
come to your woman to ask for it. No shame,
no integrity. They're not men no more. They boys birth him.
Because you're not my problem. Your finances are not my problem.
We're not sharing a household together. We ain't got no
kids together. I don't owe you nothing.
Speaker 4: I don't owe you a dime a dime.
Speaker 2: There is no shame anymore.
Speaker 1: And now men that don't have it instead of and
maybe I'm just an old school and the old soul.
But back in the day, the men that I've seen
growing up, they didn't have it. They'll go get it again.
We don't know how they got it. All we know
is that we had it. They probably robbed Peter to
pay Paul. But at the end of the day, they
wasn't like, can you help me? Okay you We need
more men that are mentoring others. We need more men
talk about OG's back in the day type of guys
that the barbershop talk okay, where y'all used to go
in there and the be like, you never move into
no woman house. A woman you move into a woman house,
she got the power to kick you out. Now niggas
guy slides on packing the boxes up and moving. It
is just it's we gotta stop this. There is a
fine line between toxic masculinity and not creating a safe
space and a space where we need to encourage men
to man the fuck up.
Speaker 2: It's gone too far.
Speaker 1: Everybody's a cry baby again. Y'all didn't went to therapy,
and everybody's over here and now we don't have a
space where men got a little bit more grid on them.
Y'all y'all getting jail many is like us.
Speaker 4: Stop putting them in that softboy era seriously and had.
Speaker 2: No sho I like a well kept man. But y'all,
y'all wanna nail.
Speaker 1: Salon with us. It's time we gotta stop this. And
it's again, it's not toxic masculinity. It's we're asking for
primitive innate skills to fucking return. God, these shipment a
man that you gave us day down here, making us
go fifty fifty and pay bills, and they getting manicurious
with us, like we're asking for the primitive, natural manly
instincts to return to us. In twenty twenty six, we
want more men to figure it out. We want more
men to have a little bit more grit on. Now
we don't all of this sensitive healed stuff. We get it,
but we have to return to natural, primitive instincts where
men were hunters, men were gatherers, men were problem solvers.
Y'all over here with us, it's crazy. If you ain't
got three four k figure it out, you didn't pass
up twenty opportunities to solve this problem before you can
ask me to borrow some money. It's crazy, y'all, Rose
rais my blood pressure. Okay, look voice me no, but y'all,
look y'all, I'm back and hey, hey, okay, I went
the shits this year.
Speaker 2: We gotta get back. We gotta get back to y'all.
Speaker 1: See my animal videos as the animals they know better
than we do.
Speaker 2: Okay, dear to see a voice me?
Speaker 1: On number three, I got ghosted after giving too much.
Speaker 7: Dear to see you, I was ghosted, and it really
shook me to my core. It also opened up a
few wounds that I thought had been healed or had
closed from my prior experiences. A little back story and
story time. I met this guy about a month ago
and everything was just amazing. We hit it off immediately.
We were connected mentally, emotionally, and we even connected physically.
Even though that's something that I regret doing now, at
the time, I just felt like maybe I hadn't met
my person all for him to ghost me right after
my birthday. His birthday, unforetion came before mine, and on
his birthday, I made sure to just show up how
I naturally would I'm someone who is expressive and not
afraid to show up and be expressive. So I got
him a gift, something small, didn't even pay for it.
I got him a very thoughtful gift, something that he
had as a hobby. We went on a nice date.
Every date we've been on was nice, and I ended
up sleeping with him. So after the fact, I was
fearful of maybe the connection dwindling, or possibly him, you know,
feeling like he had conquered me and he no longer
needed to put an effort. But for a bit it
was still okay. And then my birthday came up and
I went on vacation. We were still in communication right
before and during. He wished me a happy birthday and everything,
and then as soon as I got back, I let
him know and I didn't hear from him again. So
I guess now I just want to know is there
something that I did wrong in the situation. I honestly
am putting it all on the fact that I should
not have been intimate with him, But is there anything
else that I could have done to change the situation
or was he always just going to do this? And
maybe I thought the connection was more than it really was.
Speaker 1: I think that sometimes it's much easier to go through
the motions of like talking dating and situationships. But I
think men can sniff when things are starting to get serious.
And for me, I like to see the upfront commitment,
like upfront off the rip.
Speaker 2: It's like, what are you willing to do?
Speaker 1: What are the receipts that you're giving me that you
are ready for a commitment, because it sounds like it
was all fun and games, but once the birthday thing,
that's the birthday thing kind of solidifies when you gave
him a gift with you a happy birthday. And I
think men can sense when it's going in too far
of a serious direction, then they're ready to commit to
And so she said all of their dates were usually amazing,
and then she ended up sleeping with him.
Speaker 2: I think that this it's weird.
Speaker 1: I don't want to get into the whole, like, oh,
you need to hold back. You know, you shouldn't give
it to him, Like you know, way to see before
you know a commitment, before you you have you're intimate
with him. But I think that there are ways and
signs to see if somebody is ready for a commitment.
And a part of it is just communicating as well.
I would want to know kind of up front what
direction you're trying to go to, Like what are you
looking for? What direction are you trying to go in?
Because after he he goes to her after her birthday,
I think even him not showing up for her birthday
was told her all that you need to know.
Speaker 2: And then right after that, I.
Speaker 5: Mean you got to ask some questions though, because she
went on a birthday trip without him. So my question
is was he upset she went on a trip. Was
it a girl trip you went on? Was it a
family trip? Was a solo trip to celebrate your birthday?
Because you're not going with him, him not going with
you makes you just question what was going on with you?
Guys that he wasn't there for you to come back
and now he ghost you. So even though he reached
out to you while he was on a trip, he
had he predetermined like I'm not dealing with him when
you come back, something must to happen or he just
felt some kind of way. So that'd be one of
my first questions I would have.
Speaker 1: I think I also learned as well as a avid
gift gif for I love to give a gift. I
truly do, but I have really learned my lessons.
Speaker 2: I think that.
Speaker 1: Even if it was just a small, thoughtful gift, somebody
that you gave him a gift, small and thoughtful. And
then he texts you happy birthday. He says that she's
back from her birthday trip and he's gone. I just
feel like it was swinging away that he just wasn't
really ready to commit to.
Speaker 5: He wasn't willing to reciprocate, so whether the gift was
big or small, he was like, well, I ain't doing that.
So and then he took the cowarway out. I'm just
gonna ghost it them because I and not doing that.
And like you said, he wasn't ready to commit. So
we're giving gifts and everything. It's like, she assume probably
think I wanted to be her boyfriend. She probably ready
to become exclusive. He's like, no, I'm just I'm just
cool with you, and I appreciate the gift. You know,
it's thoughtful, but I'm not going there with you. And
so instead of him taking the manny route and letting
her know like, hey, I appreciate it, because honestly, he
wasn't ready to take that next step he should have
returned the gift. At least let her know like, hey,
I appreciate it, but I'm not willing to do the same.
Just let her know up front what you expect, what
you're trying to do, and then if she's cool with it,
she's accepting of it, then fine, roll with it. But
if she isn't given the opportunity to walk away and
step away from the situation, but don't ghost her right
back from her trip, like that's messed up.
Speaker 1: Well, I think I want to call attention to the
fact that she said I'm doing.
Speaker 2: I did what I always do.
Speaker 1: Did you hear that part She was basically saying, like,
now I just showed up how I normally do. A
lot of times we are like dragging me into something
that they never fucking asked for. And now it seems
like he's ghosting you when really you made the relation
ship turned a little bit. He just getting to know you.
Y'all been talking for a month and then here you
come with a fucking birthday gift and he kind of
like that. Even if he would have warmed up to it.
I think that you you started to spearhead the.
Speaker 2: Direction of the relationship.
Speaker 1: A lot of times women put more stuff on it
than men are ready for, which is why I think
we should have let him show his hand. We put
a lot of wifely things in it. And I think
we have to stop shaming men for tapping out for
something that's intentional that they're not ready for. Like you
probably thought it was something small, but it was thoughtful,
and he probably like, man' that's wife shit that she's doing.
I'm not. That's not what I'm trying to do. And
it's like oh he Now, granted he could have communicated,
but I think that at times we put wife behavior
up front and then we shame men from being like, nah,
that's not really what I'm trying to do, Like you
gave him a thoughtful and a lot of times number
one men have not experienced good gift giving. I'm telling
you this. I've seen it with my own two wives.
Men aren't actually not experiencing a woman that's thoughtful and
that would think of them and listen to, you know,
an album that they used to listen to as a child.
You didn't win on fucking Etsy and got the album
and got it engraved and shit like that, you know,
and it's like you gave this whole like wifely energy
and you kind of ruined a It could have been
like a budding thing, but here you go doing like
I don't know. I think that women can just kind
of turn the tide a little bit, and I think
that it disrupts the organic flow of the relationship. And
I'm telling you this, I'm not telling you what I heard.
I'm telling you what I know. I met this guy,
but I'm in the airport connected with him. Cool. When
I met him, his birthday had just passed, he passed.
He planned a date. We go on the date. I
show up with a gift, and that is just not
I didn't have any expectations. That's just naturally what I
would do. But he was like man like, that was
just like so thoughtful. But I think in retrospect he
kind of was like.
Speaker 4: He ain't take it that serious.
Speaker 2: No mind you.
Speaker 1: Every time after that I saw him, he made it
his like purposely wore the cologne and traveled with the cologne.
That I got him right.
Speaker 2: But I still feel like it.
Speaker 1: Was kind of like I think me and like more
of a chase, more of a mean girl, and just
like that sweet girl shit just really just to me personally,
I just don't think that it really works. And this
is coming from somebody that dates for social data, like
I will know that that's not quite my style.
Speaker 2: But I tried out and.
Speaker 1: See what the fuck the results are. That's that's just
me and I really wanted to see like what being
my innate self would get me.
Speaker 4: Somebody.
Speaker 5: Because of that though, because I didn't know gift giving
was a love language, and so we agreed to have
you know, each could do one gift, and we were
this is like a year into dating, so it was
like maybe five months in or so and Christmas. But
Christmas comes and we was like, we're going a shame gifts,
So what do you want?
Speaker 4: What do I want? Right?
Speaker 5: And it's like equal gifts. She wanted a coffee machine
and I think I wanted an Apple Watch. That's what
we got, right, Boom boom boom. She got me, he
has five games. She got my daughter clothes, and I'm like,
first of all, we didn't discuss all that, So now
I'm just shocked. As a man, I feel empty handed,
like I came up short, like you did all this
for me and I just got this one bag for you,
like it's crazy.
Speaker 4: And some people say, well, she want to bove and beyond.
Speaker 5: She did too much, but that made me fall in
love with her, or that made me appreciate her more,
that made me notice her more, That made me recognize
her more because one just about me. It was about
my daughter also and about my lights because the PS
five was actually stolen on the trip that we went
on previously a couple months before that. So because it
was stolen, she and Heart replaced everything that was stolen
and she didn't have to do that, and she did
out of times Heart, because you know how much it
meant to me, how much I enjoyed playing games and
being in the house, things like that.
Speaker 4: It was one of mind.
Speaker 2: So I didn't give thirsty or pressed.
Speaker 5: Because y'all know who she is because people have pressed
on her, people thirsty for her. Now she was thirsty
for me. That's the truth. She wanted me for sure,
But it was her way of showing how much she
appreciated me, cause that was her love language, gifts, That's
how she showed her love.
Speaker 4: That was how she moved.
Speaker 5: So some people were like, oh, she's doing too much,
Oh she had done me, But I was the right
person for.
Speaker 2: That to receive that right.
Speaker 4: That's the difference.
Speaker 5: So you can do too much for somebody, like I'm
supparted to get a god gift on the first date
because birthday does passed. I'm like, I never experienced that
before that. But if you reciprocated, if he did things
to show you like how much it meant to him,
then it was it showed that your effort was worth it.
Every man is worth the effort. That's the problem.
Speaker 1: Yes, And I think that you have to be prepared
for that's to me, that's like the joy of dating.
And I don't like to apply well, I don't want
to make it like a science typic thing, even though
y'all know I think that it is. But I think
that that was like a great experiment, like that is
what I naturally wanted to do because I was like, oh,
his birthday. I didn't know him during his birthday, and
when I met him, he was going to Porter was
a Puerto Rico in someplace for his birthday trip, and
I was just like, man, like I missed his birthday,
Like I love a gift. So first date picked a
very nice restaurant. I showed up with a gift, and
I think it did mean a lot to him. I
think that it did. It did honestly make me stand
out a little bit. He's probably like, oh, who was
this girl, especially when all men thinks that women got
their hand out right. I think that it did put
Shiney in a new light. But I also feel like,
I don't know, it kind of like it just really
turns the tide a little bit if the person is
not ready, because I think that men probably would think
that it's like present, like I was kind of pulling
him into a commitment a relationship, into something more serious,
where without the gift, it would have been very casual.
So I think me presenting myself as a thoughtful person,
as a wife, as a mother, as a somebody that's
gonna lie you see what I'm saying, be thoughtful and
things like that, it kind of turned the tide on
something that could have budd into like that type of relationship.
Speaker 2: But it just was, like you see what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: Like organically, because yes, I think that it could even
though it was nothing forceful about it, but I feel
like it could have felt forceful.
Speaker 2: I could now see how he's kind of like gre
I just met you. What you're trying to do? You
see what I'm saying.
Speaker 1: And I think that men hate to feel back into
a corner. And I think maybe he could have wanted
to see more from him as eye connection before I
put that kind of touch on.
Speaker 5: It, because you don't want to You don't feel like
you're forced to reciprocate something just because you did it.
Speaker 4: You but I'm not willing to do that. I don't
want to do that.
Speaker 2: I'm feel like that towards you. You know what I'm
saying to me.
Speaker 1: It was just like I would give a gift to
a stranger on a shore, right, and I have like
that's just my thing. But I think that men don't
like to be kind of puppeteered around, right. I think
that they are. They take pride because, as we forget,
men are the ones most of the time, like ninety
nine point nine percent some women proposing these days, but
they're the one that get on one knee. And so
I think that they still want to always feel like
they are the one that is on the quest. And
when I come in and I'm like, here's a gift
for your birthday, it kind of puts a lean on
the You see what I'm saying, like it starts weighing
differently when something could have been casual and he could
have got to a birthday gift with me, but I
already put my bed in and I'm not gonna put
my bed in kind of girl. You see what I'm saying.
But if it lands on somebody, that is.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But you said five months. This was mother fucking three weeks.
Speaker 1: You see, I'm saying like, I think that it could have.
But again I'm mature enough to take that it didn't.
It didn't hurt me. And I'm like writing in something
about I got ghosted. It didn't feel like that to me.
But I think that I did turn it too soon.
Speaker 5: Like you gave him a different perspective of what y'all
about to do or what y'all getting into. Yes, and
he's like, we could have said you could have gotten
there eventually, but that was just like, well, how I'm
gonna show.
Speaker 4: Up next now?
Speaker 1: And it put an expectation on something that didn't even
have to be like that.
Speaker 5: I mean, like you said, the cologne right with the
thinks in his head, you expect him to smell like
that every time you see him so now he's assuming that,
so I'm gonna do it every time like he's annoyed
by it.
Speaker 4: Oh wow, but I mean, you know, wow, he did
it though.
Speaker 1: Any man I bought cologne, I literally bought a man.
This is the recently I bought a man like a
leather smelling cologne. And I had already known his collection,
so I knew that he wore more like fresher fresher sense,
you know what I'm saying, more than like the Creed category,
like the Bond number nine category. And I bought him
tom Ford like a leather because that's what I like.
And so yeah, I did kind of expect him. It's
not like that, but yeah, yeah, Tusky was at Tusking Leather.
I think it was something like I bought him a
leather cent that I know that he does not wear.
But I think again, it's like I kind of look,
get my toe in to kind of do what I
wanted to do, and it's like, you just met this person.
Maybe that wasn't kind of the vibe that he was
going for. And I think that sometimes men could feel
like it's you know, like you're trying to we're trying
to put your bed in the hat and he don't
even know you yet. You get what I'm saying, especially
with like men's percentage being like eleven or twelve women
to one man, right, and so now they got a
lot of options. And I think that that type of
olive branch was like, oh, here he'll go another like
you know, crabbing a barrel, trying to get the one
two percent of black men that are six figure earners
that ain't got no kid forty one never been mere
or been married, but no children that like you see
what I'm saying, Like he's in the like kind of
two percent. Yeah, right, Hi, ern are doing well for himself,
come from a good stock, and me giving him like
a gift was kind of like, yeah, you're trying to
lock me down. And I didn't actually feel that way.
I was trying to lock him down with just being sweet.
So make sure it's landing on a sweet man before
you go out here giving these gifts.
Speaker 2: Anyway, as child, talk to him first.
Speaker 1: We had to talk to him first before you go
on the first date. Anyways, Oh I.
Speaker 2: Thought there was stole one. Anyways, Now for.
Speaker 1: My favorite segment, this is I Am Heard from Forever
Mood y'all know Jackieyina. Okay, this is actually a brand
new bottle. I just opened this bottle. I have not
spread it yet, but I have had these fragrances before. Now,
remember when this first came out, this was a big,
big thing. They then tore down as a four where
you could barely get your hands on it. And I
was just so excited. Like I love Jackie Aina, and
I was very excit. She just is somebody who's very
hygiene friendly, like I know, her scram routine is just
on points.
Speaker 2: I was very excited. I'm giving this another try.
Speaker 1: In all transparency, when I purchased it with my own money,
I gave them away. This was gifted to me, and
now I'm trying it again. Okay, I want this to
work out. Okay, So the I want this to work
so bad, Okay, y'all. So the profile is it's a warm,
sweet gorimond fragrance that blends bakery style real velvet sweetness
with juicy fruit brightness, pear and raspberry and a rich,
slightly woody based So the top notes are red velvet,
and that was my issue. I never smelled the real
red velvet pear nectar tart raspberry. It gives a sweet,
grimond opening that's juicy and floorty the middle. The middle
notes are sweet floor tones raspberry pear and some deeper
grimid elements, and the bass notes are ood must vanilla
like warmth, adding some depth.
Speaker 2: Y'all. I didn't smell none of this.
Speaker 1: I literally gave these fragrances the way Jackie Aina, I
love you, Please don't.
Speaker 2: I don't want no problems. I'm giving it a second round.
Speaker 1: A good friend of mine gifted this fragrance to me again,
and I said, I'm gonna freshly open, y'all.
Speaker 2: I say, I'm gonna.
Speaker 7: I'm gone.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna run his back.
Speaker 1: And I want this to work so bad, But I
as a perfume girly. All the notes that they said
was in here, I never smelled them. So we're gonna
try to commit.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 4: We're gonna.
Speaker 1: We're gonna try to recommit to this. Fernando, hold on,
let me Velvet, I think also too, okay. Also, let's
say let's say this. Originally, when this came out, the
bottles were not glass.
Speaker 2: I was stunned.
Speaker 1: I was stunned. I thought the packaging would have been
more elevated because Jackie Aina was the same person that
was ironing her sheets. She was the first baby black
girl that taught us to steam our sheets. I'm talking
about just luxury lifestyle. I was shocked at the packaging
and the quality of the bottles. Now it's looking it's
giving glass.
Speaker 2: So I'm glad. I'm glad I've run it back. So
let's see. I'm gonna just part this on the box
for you, spraying.
Speaker 4: Come on, Jackie, come through, Jackie right.
Speaker 2: I want this to work out, Yo.
Speaker 4: That ain't bad though.
Speaker 2: I smell on my lady, Okay, I smell pear of raspberry.
Do you smell that hair raspberry? It's pear and raspberry
in here.
Speaker 4: Smell the fruits.
Speaker 2: Where's the red velvet? I don't smell no, I'm not tripping, y'all.
I don't smell no ood.
Speaker 1: The bottom based notes are ood, musk, and but and
y'all know I'm a ood, musk, vanilla, sandalwood, pink, pepper
bergamonte girl.
Speaker 2: There's no depth to.
Speaker 4: It, though, I wouldn't say it's not musket off.
Speaker 1: There's no musk or no ood in here. Ood is
that Arabian deep Middle Eastern.
Speaker 4: It's just all fruit basket. It's just sweetness.
Speaker 2: All I smell as fruitiness. And y'all know, I like
it's cute. Did you hear that? It's cute? And so,
y'all I'm a big this will be to me.
Speaker 1: This will be like a bad time spray when I'll
put on my pajamas and y'all know, y'all.
Speaker 2: Said, y'all fruity floral holes.
Speaker 1: I'm not a fruity floral type of girl, but it's
like to me, it's about the principality.
Speaker 2: Where is the red velvet and where is the.
Speaker 1: Ooh, the musk and a vanilla? There's nothing this is fruity.
This is given jackiey'all really do like you. This is
given like.
Speaker 2: Bath and body, like a body spray.
Speaker 4: It's not a head turner at all.
Speaker 1: Like it's yeah, it's giving like a body spray.
Speaker 2: I don't get any of the depth, any of the depth.
The depth.
Speaker 1: We're gonna wear it and let's see by the time.
By that time we get to the next one. Look,
we just I'm just gonna spray it, y'all. I want
to love this so bad. I love her. I love
her candles. I love her aesthetic, I love she's I
love her. I wanted this to work so badly the
last time I gave them away and I was stalking
like a crazy person to get these.
Speaker 2: When they release, and it just.
Speaker 1: I smell a lot of pear and a lot of raspberry,
I promise, y'all, that's the only thing I smell. I
literally smell no red velvet at all, and no base notes.
And base notes is what carries. The fragrance is what
gives you the longevity. It gives you the siage. And
I just I'm not getting the warm the warm notes.
I'm not getting them.
Speaker 4: It ain't lasting. They just got that sweet bass.
Speaker 1: She's sweet and it says it's the goredman, but I'm
just not. I don't smell an it's at a slightly
woody bass. I'm not getting no wood, nah.
Speaker 5: Only wood is the basket holding the fruits, because they
ain't the wood and the perfume at all.
Speaker 1: My god daughter, I would give this to my goddaughter,
she's eighteen. I also when I boll Kylie's Fragrance, I
also gave it to my niece that it was like
twelve at the time, Like it just smells youthful, and
it doesn't smell like a girl, a grown up fragrance.
I hope she never sees this just be just because
the man you gotta start. You have to accept when
people don't like the stuff, because I'll be watching, when
I'll be seeing the reviews.
Speaker 2: Anybody that disagree with you, you'll be on one.
Speaker 1: So I'm I'm in the club. I've just wanted, I
wanted something to do. Anyways, was regifted to you, so
at least chance, but I'm going to wear it. I'm
gonna wear it so that I can see. You know,
I do have people in my life that like the
more of a fruity floral. Y'all don like some like
a man that like more of a fruity floral. So
maybe maybe they don't like it.
Speaker 2: I'll try. I'll try.
Speaker 1: Red flag report, no labels, no longevity. A few episodes ago,
we covered Tianna Taylor. We covered Tianna Taylor and Aaron
Pierre's WorldWind Romance and a red flag report that pose
the question, if you're doing all the relationship things, is
it a red flag when there's still no official commitment.
Well months later, the internet might have might have just
gotten an answer. According to page six and multiple sources,
Tiana and Aaron have quietly called it quits. No statements,
no drama, just a slow fade the from one of
twenty twenty five's most buzzed about love stories. Let's rewind
the couple when official went Instagram official during the Oscar
season in March. I remember that they shared rare red carpets,
birthday tributes, and short film collaborations. Tiana gushed about the
relationship being soft, safe and sweet, calling Aaron her apple
pie in safe space. But even with all of that,
she made one thing clear. He wasn't her boyfriend. If
that's something that I decide to say, she told of
the Hollywood Reporter, then it's going to be something that
we say together.
Speaker 2: Smart girl.
Speaker 1: Now, as we close out the year, they reportedly split,
leaving fans to reflect on the very thing people question
months ago. Can a relationship thrive when it's full of love?
Avoid of labels? To be clear, labels don't guarantee longevity,
and privaty doesn't mean a lack of commitment. But sometimes
avoiding definition can become a way to avoid accountability.
Speaker 2: And when the honeymoon in so does the connection.
Speaker 1: If you're giving your time, energy and heart to someone
who refuses to define the relationship, are you being emotionally
free or emotionally unclaimed?
Speaker 4: What do you want?
Speaker 5: Because if you're being emotionally free right then you can
be able to see them with somebody else and not
be affected. Your emotional are intact. Or if that person
just has to leave you, you're not upset, you're not set,
You're emotionally free from being hurt by that. But if
somebody that's in a situationship that's with friends of benefits,
but you know you start catching feelings for that person,
you know you're the type of actually fall for that person,
then don't start it from the beginning. If that willing
to give you a title, then stop. Then when you reckon,
know that he's not trying to go any further than
what he's already given to you. He's not doing any
more than that. So don't sit there and put yourself
in a situation where you're gonna fall for somebody, have
emotions for somebody that's not gonna emotionally claim you. It's
not going to he present you online on the internet,
but you're not claiming each other and not give each
other title, So you don't have that definite behind it.
You're not exclusive, you don't have those interests of going further,
you don't have those dreams of being married and starting
a family. They're just enjoy each other's time and having fun.
Speaker 1: Well, we know that they were emotionally like they both
felt for each other deeply. I think this is about
whether the lack of title gave them made it less
accountability to stay together. Did the lack of title make
it easier for them to split?
Speaker 4: Absolutely?
Speaker 2: You think so?
Speaker 4: Why not?
Speaker 5: Because I have to say, this is my boyfriend, and
I'm breaking up with my boyfriend, and it's the actual breakup,
and now we got to talk about this big breakup
because you want to understand, like what happened while we
breaking up? Now, whereas if it was just enjoying each
other's time and not emotionally involved with involved, But we're
just having fun and just enjoying the time we have together.
Speaker 4: When we leave, when we break apart.
Speaker 5: I'm not actually particularly losing anything, you know, I'm not
putting a situation where I have to explain why I'm
leaving because we didn't have a title in the first place.
Speaker 4: Now, I owe you that.
Speaker 5: I think respectfy, I owe you that, But because we
never had a title to begin with, I.
Speaker 1: Don't I am pretty positive that Tiana and Aaron, if
they have split, had an in depth conversation about I
don't think the lack of title affected anything. I think
the same way that this would have played out had
they been an item and a couple was the same.
Speaker 2: Whether they played out now.
Speaker 1: Like emotions, two public figures doing all these things and
birthdays together, them splitting, they probably had the same conversation
or the same like boundaries of okay, like we're no,
I'm not gonna talk to your mama no more whatever
the case may be, than they would have had if
they especially when you care about somebody deeply.
Speaker 2: I think that there were a lot of.
Speaker 1: Powerful things that Tiana Taylor did, and we have to
forget that she was coming out of a very messy divorce.
And I think that we are now used to women
having autonomy and dating where number one, they're not pressed
for the title. We automatically think of them as like,
you can't get the title. Have you noticed that when
women are saying like I don't need the title, I
don't need the commitment. We assume that they are the
type of women that can't get the commitment, the commitment,
or they're settling for this like non committal thing. When
I think that there is something very very empowerment, empowering
and independent about a woman that's not defined by the
title but are enjoying the benefits of companionship. I think
she did a lot of things well. She would not
publicly say that this man was her boyfriend less he
said it first and together, that it was a joint decision, right.
I think that that was just that was that was
a g move, like that was like a baby, I'm
too old. Also her ask as two kids has been married,
that whole boyfriend shit. Nobody wants to go through that,
especially if you're coming out of divorce. We also have
to remember that people are here for people. People are
here for times and things, seasons and things. Right where,
I feel like we are so attached to the outcome
and the long call of the relationship that we forget
that there are people that can come into our lives
that immediately will change our brain chemistry, chemistry and regulate
our nervous system. And that may not be your person.
It may not be the person that you're gonna be with,
but you have come in with somebody that a calm, peaceful,
that thinks logically, that levels you out, that makes you
feel safe, that listens, like all of these things and
there is no long game. And I think that we
saw a woman stand in her strength, date.
Speaker 2: Happily and broke up happily.
Speaker 1: Like I don't know, but it wasn't a public drama,
It wasn't a public skept She didn't make a spectacle
of herself.
Speaker 2: And I think that she did a lot of things right.
Speaker 5: I think you can meet good people that's not good
for you, and so I think for them too. Maybe
they both knew that, you know, I enjoy us, I
enjoy what we have. You know what we're building towards
the time we're spending together, and you know when we
spend time together, what we do and stuff like that.
They enjoying it. But I don't need to have anything
else to that, or they just decided today they won't
be together anymore. But in between that time, she learned
somebody who was different than her ex. She just came
out of that divorce, so she was hurt, needed somebody
that was there for her to be a man for her,
and I'm sure he came up. That's what he did
for her, and that's what allowed them to, I guess,
get together and then break apart peacefully because I probably
wasn't no ill will. It's just that to realize that, hey,
we are this, but we're not going to be that,
and that's it's okay.
Speaker 4: And she recognized from the beginning. That's what she said.
Speaker 5: I'm not calling him my boyfriend, so he's willing to
say it. So we're not at a boyfriend stage. They're fine,
and she's receiving things that probably a lot of boyfriends
don't even do.
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying with the title, So.
Speaker 5: Sometimes you get sometimes you get more without even having
the title, or you get a lot with you unexpectedly
without having the title. So the title doesn't guarantee anything.
It's how they show up at the end of the day.
Speaker 2: It's how they show up.
Speaker 1: And I think that again, you know, there's a double
standard of women being promiscuous or being loose or you know,
being a whole if they have pockets of time with people.
And I am somebody that thinks that you can have
multiple soul makes in a lifetime. I do believe in divorce,
and I think that I don't know, maybe I think
that I am somebody that could totally experience being married
more than once. Do I want that to happen, Absolutely not.
But I think that there is like this shame of
getting like moments of time, like what's wrong with having
a good ten good ten years of life with somebody
and go on to the to the next person that
expires and then you experience another run. And we could
talk about this because like our parents being passed the
way you know, passed away and things like that. I
think maybe grief changed me a little bit. Death changed
me a little bit, like seeing people transition. I saw
a lot of people take their last breath, and I
think that seeing people that being like being on the
other side where people have left you. It makes you
think about what kind of person was on to them?
What kind of daughter was I? Did I call enough
that I let that person be them? That I try
to suppress, you know, things about like what kind of
person was I? And so I oftentimes think that people
can live like multiple lives, Like I'm very big on
people living the life that was destined for them, And
so I think that that can include multiple people and
multiple solid spurts. And I said, all that to say
is that this was just a well deserved, purposeful moment
in life that shouldn't be shamed as like a breakup.
She met a great man, said that he was her person,
he was her safe space, he was her apple pie,
and we saw her in pure bliss all over the internet.
I don't see what's real. I don't even know if
I want to classify it as a breakup. It's like
he was her person, it was great, and they moved
on for and now she's going to experience another good person.
And I think that not being attached to like the
end goal all the time, And I think dating would
be much lighter for women if they looked at it.
It's like, what can I get from this person? How
can I experience? What could I learn from them? How
could this person help me? How did this person develop me?
And how did this person mature me as a you know,
as a human being, as a woman, and leave it
as like, wow, that was a great experience.
Speaker 5: It's like, you know what a Wes say, it was
a los source a lesson, But it can be a
lesson in that situation. So that was her, that was
his girl for that time. So for that time period,
they enjoyed it and they learned through that time. But
now it's her chance to go to elsnowfe to meet
somebody else that will be her person and possibly be
her forever or just be her person for the next
time period. And I mean, look at the breakup, right,
her breakup from her mind compared to the breakup between
Cardis and stuff. So you won't talk, you want to
shame somebody. You can see the comparisons. She met somebody,
she ain't getting locked up. They had a public relationship,
a public situation, but the end of the day, she's
able to move on and go to something else. Cardi
stuck with an eighteen year situation. Now she just signed
up for by.
Speaker 2: Having that child eighteen forever, eighteen and felty.
Speaker 5: So it's just to gotta be smarter and you got
to pick up and just know that. Don't don't shame somebody.
Don't shame these women for having relationships. I'm typed for
dating because dating is trial and error. You don't know
till you try, right, So they tried it and it
worked for them. It wasn't it wasn't a future state
for them, and that's fine.
Speaker 1: And I walked away with just you know, there have
been men that I updated even for six months, that
just men like honestly literally changed me. And when I
don't think of it was like, oh, I don't talk
to him no more, I'm like, wow, that was a
great guy.
Speaker 2: We had a great time.
Speaker 1: That person taught me a lot, Right, I feel like
I became more patient by being with this person. I
think that it made me sharper, It made me more empathetic, right,
I think I had a lot more well rounded perspective
on things instead of just being so black and white,
like not everything is black.
Speaker 2: I think I've met men that I've had.
Speaker 1: Those experiences with that it just didn't work out, and
that just what what what what it was.
Speaker 5: So I didn't even say I was in a relationship
for years and then get out of the relationship meeting
somebody new, and I'm a gentleman. Open the door for
the lady, always right, passing the door, open the door
if she sit down, my person I did there before
they said, well I'm gonna break my nails.
Speaker 4: Open your door.
Speaker 5: So I'm gonna reach over there and open your door
where you meet somebody else, you open the door for
you as the man. You're like, wow, this is actually nice,
Like it doesn't make a big difference. But it's just
the actions and just doing something different I'm accustomed to.
Speaker 2: I supposed to reach over there, Yes, you.
Speaker 5: Lean over open my door as well as I'm walking
around the car, open the door for me. Yes, you
never heard leaning over? Was it sout side store?
Speaker 1: So I saw that right, and it was like, it's
like a test for women, fail them all. I didn't
fail them all. I didn't failed them all. I was
supposed to reach over there and open your.
Speaker 4: Judge you, I'm not gonna judge for not doing it.
Speaker 1: What does that mean?
Speaker 5: It's just an extra effort, like, hey, I want to
make sure it's easy for you getting inside as well.
Speaker 4: I'm making it easy for you to come out.
Speaker 1: I thought we was on my side when we talked
about this fragile masculinity ship, because that's crazy.
Speaker 2: I'm not reaching foruck. Is that I don't a thing?
Lady sapping?
Speaker 1: Is that a thing?
Speaker 2: Are y'all open the door?
Speaker 1: I believe my friends when I leave here and be
like y'all open the door, y'all reaching over to open
the door.
Speaker 2: I just I don't know what what is that? I
feel like, what what is that going to do?
Speaker 4: Effort?
Speaker 5: If it's raining outside, like is raining right now, and
I get to walk open, the door's already open. I
can slide right in now. I gotta stop to open
the door to get inside. It's just a small fragment
of a second. But it's her effort to make it
easier for me. Is what I'm counting on? What I'm
what I'm seeing and recognizing. I don't know, deal mind
you I'm not I'm I'm saying.
Speaker 6: That.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: Maybe just why I ain't got no man, I just
feel like that's kind of manly, Like why would I
want to make it easy for you to get in
the door.
Speaker 2: I don't know. It's like, boy, the handle is out
there getting the car. I don't know, y'all, I don't know.
Speaker 1: Anyways, Lady, are y'all opening the door?
Speaker 2: Are y'all sliding over opening the door? That's crazy? Anyways?
Was I was today years old and opening and that
was a thing. Anyways, That's all, folks, Until next time.