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Speaker 1: When your old career gives you lemons throwing some ice

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mix in some vodka. Call it a podcast from the

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Mac of All Trade Studio in Fairport and driven by

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Victor Chrysler Dots Jeep Rahm. It's Billified, the Bill Moran Podcast. Well,

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hello and welcome.

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Speaker 2: Thanks for getting your pot on, Thanks for telling a friend.

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That's how we spread the word about the pirate ship. Oh,

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we had a good one planned for today and then

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plans fell through. What did you get yourself into, Laurel.

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Speaker 3: My friends they have migraines and their maybe one is hungover.

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Speaker 2: You know what, I don't blame them. And it was

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early on a Sunday morning that we decided, I mean

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early for Sunday to try to do this, and we

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were going to do something. I was going to call

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it the Great Wall of China Women's Perspective on Things.

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But then I didn't want to cancel with you. I thought, well,

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we'll do one on one with Laura. I get to

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know Laura a little bit, and we'll probably kind of

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go all over the place in topics and things and

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just see how, yeah, see how it all goes. I

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think I'll start here and I'll ask your opinion on this.

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There's been controversy in the Olympics in the world of

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women's box Oh yes, and it's an interesting thing. And

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I was looking at this and I thought, boy, you

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were here when Algeria Johnson, who is the Golden Gloves

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two time champion from Rochester, who was trying out to

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be an alternate on the women's team, and I would

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love to get her perspective on this and hear what

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she says. But Aman Khalif from Algeria was disqualified by

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the IBA, the International Boxing Association, which is based in Russia,

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and a lot of people don't give it much credit

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or credence because of that. What they found out for

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her and a Taiwanese boxer is that they have the

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x y C homosome, which would make them biologically male. However,

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so what I think happens instantly when we hear this

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is everybody jumps on the situation of being almost like

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a transgender playing male sports. In Algeria, you will wind

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up in jail for being transgender. So this person isn't transgender.

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There is something called DSD, and DSD stands for it's

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kind of an umbrella condition for sexual You're just born

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with both sexes, but it doesn't present so physically you're

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presenting as let's say a male. But then it turns

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out that you have xx chromosomes, you know, or as

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a child or you're presenting as a woman, and even

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through puberty, things don't fully develop gonads and things. So

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therefore you know, physically you look like a woman. And

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if you look at Amon in pictures outside of boxing,

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I would think that Amon was a woman. Yep, I

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really would, and there are because she is, yes, exactly

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exactly she is, but she has the x Y chromosome.

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And so that's become the big controversy on this. And

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you know, I think this is a condition that isn't

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one in a million. I think it's like one in

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every fifteen hundred or two thousand people born have some

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kind of DSD. And I don't really know, so the

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International Olympic Committee won't reveal. I did a lot of research.

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I spent way too much time on this.

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Speaker 3: Well, you have a passion for boxing.

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Speaker 2: Too, on boxing, but I also have a passion. I

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also feel like when I saw this first right, and

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I think that one of the things that as I've

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gotten older. As I try not to do is have

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knee jerk reactions to things. I try to go, well,

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that's a knee jerk reaction. And I don't know about you,

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but in my personal life, my knee jerk reactions have

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set the fucking world on fire. Do you know what

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I'm saying. I mean, I've had knee jerk reactions that

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are just absolutely horrible. So for that, I think that

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I can't. I don't want to do that. So and

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I kept going, boy, there's got to be more to this,

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because I can't imagine that we would have someone who

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is physically a male now identifies as a female competing

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at this level. It just doesn't seem that doesn't seem right.

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So when I did the research and I was trying

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to find out more about DSD and stuff, and it

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says in much of the world this condition is often

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discovered soon after birth, but if it goes undetected, a

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family would have no reason to doubt the appearance of

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a child's external anatomy. So if there's really no penis

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or something's tucked inside that you wouldn't know. We don't

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know about Khalif's condition. And there's another Taiwanese boxer Lynn

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Yu Ting, who is also in the Olympics, that is

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not that has the x y chromosome. So it means

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so they failed the genetic test with the International boxing

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I think the Olympics just test for testosterone levels. So

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as you're watching all this, I go, boy, this is

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how screwed up would it be to be raised female?

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And then all of a sudden I find out that

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your male biologically due to a chromosome. And I watched

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some doctor try to explain this, and even he's saying,

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it's so confusing and it's such a rare thing. So

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I'll ask you, is it fair to let Khalif compete

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against women? Now that we know it is?

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Speaker 3: In my opinion, I have we know. I'm like very

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gender equality, like all the rights. I actually, I truly

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truly believe that she should be able to compete. It

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is a matter of fact when people say like, oh,

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well she wasn't you know if if there is a

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transgender like there. I believe there's a transgender swimmer in

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the Olympics.

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Speaker 2: Okay, I don't know.

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Speaker 3: Not one hundred percent sure, but I believe there is.

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And when people have the controversy of like, oh, well

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they were they were born male, they should not be

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able to compete in the female I actually do agree

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with that. Yeah, but Cleif was born this way, like, yes, Jet,

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it is not her, she is. I mean, I actually

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think it's a really good talking point for people like

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and it's bringing it to a stage.

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Speaker 2: That it's an interesting It's very interesting because I don't

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think I wasn't very familiar with DSD. Yeah, right, I

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didn't know. But there was a part of me that

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I kept trying to come to a conclusion. Right, So

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if I were a judge in this, what would be

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my conclusion? And I kept thinking, we wouldn't want someone doping, yeah, right,

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increasing something to give them an advantage. And we look

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at Lance Armstrong and I would always argue with Lance Armstrong.

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But he did it seven times. Yeah, and we know

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there were other guys that were doing it too, and

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they just didn't. I don't know what that is. I

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don't know. I don't know what that is. It did

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it give him an advantage? Probably clearly, but he did

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it seven fucking times. It's amazing to me. Right, So

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with this, I think, is it is it an advantage?

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I would think it is because just scientifically speaking, and

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I would say that I think that if I got

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into the ring with Algeria Johnson, who was in here,

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I would lose. I would lose. I don't know that

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I would get knocked out, but I think she'd score

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more points. Don't forget that boxing's also about points. So

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and she was quick, and she's you know, younger and

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more agile. But I go, boy that it feels like

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an advantage in some way that we wouldn't allow was artificial.

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So should we allow it here? And that's been my

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hang up on this because I don't think there was.

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I don't believe there was necessarily cheating. These are two

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people that competed in the twenty twenty Olympics as well.

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I don't think the intention was there. And I would say,

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at least in Algeria, from what I understand, it's illegal

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to be transgender. So there are some that are saying,

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could she be being fed hormones to stay? Could this

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be DSD? Did she start to present as a male

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at puberty? Was it being kept quiet and we don't

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want anybody to know because she'd ended up in jailing.

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I don't know the answers to all these things. It's

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interesting I would say this. In a combat sport, I

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think the mentality is different. Yeah, and I would not

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be surprised if there are women who have advanced, because

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I believe that Ahman has advanced to the semi finals

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the last I checked. I would think that there are

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women that go, let me have a shot. Yeah, let

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me have a shot, right, just that competitive to decide

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of it. Let me have it.

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Speaker 3: If you want to be the best, you gotta beat the.

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Speaker 2: Best, exactly. But I would also, I guess, in my argument,

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think that I wouldn't want an unfair advantage in some way,

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even biologically, so I would probably vote out. And I

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do worry because I go mentally speaking, that's a hard

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I don't know how your head wraps around that. But

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I don't know the whole There's a lot we don't know. Story,

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there's a story, and there's a lot we don't know. Now,

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the Italian boxer who got punched in the face and

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didn't even make it a quarter of the way through,

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I think forty six seconds would be about a quarter

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through one round, which is three minutes. I just said

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she thought she was gonna get really really damaged from

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the force of the punches.

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Speaker 3: But she also has come out and said that she

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apologized for her statement and she would embrace her if

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she ran into.

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Speaker 2: She said, I wish I had stopped and shook her hand,

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and I'm sorry I brought up all this controversy.

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Speaker 3: I mean, it's a tough sport to think you train

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your whole life for this moment and then you feel

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that you have an unfair advantage. Of course you're going

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to act out with anger. But what's right and what's

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wrong is so perspective on these things. But the fact

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that Monk khalif that's the yeah, she was born female like,

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even if she does have some male like testosterone and everything,

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her birth certificate says female.

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Speaker 2: I don't think there's any person that would listen when

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you've looked at certain men that seem to be a

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little more effeminate in their build right. There are some

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men that are very pretty, right, and there are some

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women that look a little more manly, and yet they're female. Well,

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I mean, I'm not trying to be with you.

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Speaker 3: No, no, I was just what do you think I thought?

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Uh in the league of their own Marlahuch.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, and there are some that I mean, look

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at some female sports, they're just right and we would say, okay,

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So I don't know what the thing is. I don't

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I'm not a fan of a person who decides to

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transition genders being allowed to compete in the sport they identity.

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Agree with that that feels a disadvantage to somebody who's

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trained their entire lives.

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Speaker 3: I do agree with that.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, And I know you're a little more on the

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liberal side of life, and so I didn't want to

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get to your perspective on them. Yeah, going, because it's

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it's got to be tough in terms of with women,

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I would think, and sometimes with this whole everybody's looking

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for acceptance. Sometimes I think we've gone the pendulum swung

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too far for acceptance that we should accept. But that

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shouldn't be your whole identity.

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Speaker 3: Yes, I agree with that. You know, we talked about

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with the Pride like, yeah, you know, but I feel

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very bad for the boxer mom because you know that

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she's got a face criticism like outside of the ring too.

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Speaker 2: Just well now, I think more so than ever. But

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I don't believe that this was a no. I just

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got a text from somebody. I apologize. I got a

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text from somebody's saying, you should have told me it

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was just you two. I would have come in. I

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would have. I thought it would be fun to get

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to know Laura a little bit outside of the regular podcast,

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and I wanted to start with that because it's in

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the news and it's been a big point of controversy.

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I don't know if controversy, and it was one of

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these things that man, I just thought, I go, why,

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there's got to be more to this story. So I

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was given it like a day or two before I

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actually looked at it, figuring something would come out, and

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something did come out that I thought would make a

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little more sense.

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Speaker 3: I mean, people are talking about it.

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Speaker 2: No, no, I know. Yeah. My point is that I'm saying,

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like in the knee jerk reaction to it, right in America,

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we have this big we we have a controversy. We

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have swimmers and different things. People that are competing who

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were born male. It's clearly an advantage with testosterone and

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build and size and all that stuff and strength and

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then transitioning, and it just seems that seems unfair to women.

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That isn't necessarily the case.

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Speaker 3: Here, and we have both talked about how you have

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to look me on the headlines. And I will completely

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admit when I first saw this, when it came out

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and I thought this is a transgender female boxing, I

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was like, no, that's so raw like men, just they

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have more strength, like in general. And then yeah, more

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exactly more came out and it was like, oh wow,

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like give it me. I'm like, I have to rethink this.

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Speaker 2: So when I was asked about it, I had somebody

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say something to me and they were very upset. And

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then my father called, what do you think of that?

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And I said, and I wasn't saying much because I went, I,

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this is a Middle Eastern box. There's no way this

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is a transgender Yeah, is what I thought, okay, because

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I just went, we know the laws in the Middle East.

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It wasn't gonna happen. And I thought, boy, that that's strange.

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And then I thought, could it be somebody who trains

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in America but represents a different country. Is that possible?

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And I thought, I'm gonna wait because I think there's

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more coming out. There's got to be more. So I

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waited a day or so, and that is The thing is,

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I think that a lot of times we don't look

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beyond the headlines and we get into our knee jerk

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reaction and then things come completely I don't know, they've

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come unraveled, and I feel like then you wind up

259
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doing some backtracking and you're running and all this stuff.

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And that's why I would always say to people, try

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to not have have the knee jerk in your you know,

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but try to contain it and go, Okay, this is

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what I think, But what's really going on? Because I

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have always had this thing and it was something that

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sounds really really strange. But I believe when nothing makes sense,

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something makes sense, which sounds she more on it, yeah, right,

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but when nothing when I when you look at a

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situation and go, well, why is it this way? You

269
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got to dig deeper to go, ah, now it makes sense.

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Now this makes a little more sense, and I think

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here it makes it. It makes a little more sense.

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I don't know.

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Speaker 3: The whole story is like how people share memes on

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Facebook without like the second that something comes out and

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like people are sharing things about her, right, and then

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you do you have to backtrack and it's like, I

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don't know, like you're saying, knee jerk.

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Speaker 2: I got a gift dropped off in our mailbox. Here,

279
00:15:33,799 --> 00:15:36,919
you got a gift, yeah, baked bros. It's supposed to

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help you sleep. Oh but so when I'm looking at this,

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it's ten milligrams THC twenty milligrams CBD in per guming.

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I thought so too. That's I I'm thinking to myself,

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because my youngest son is coming to live with me,

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that I've got to change my whole schedule and things. Right,

285
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So I've been trying. I've been calling this my training camp.

286
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This month is my training camp. And I have to

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say that I must have been pretty fucking lazy lately

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because I've accomplished way more in the past couple of

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days just focusing on things than I have in my

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in a long time. It's I don't know what happens.

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There is something like I need. I am one of

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these people that needs to have somewhat of a purpose.

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And I feel like for the last year and a

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half the podcast has been great all but I've been

295
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a little bit rudderless yep, right, a little bit roudless

296
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and so but the sleep thing is tough, Like I

297
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I can't fall asleep some nights till like after midnight, right,

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but I want to be getting up at five because

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I'm thinking five is when I have to start getting

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up to get him ready for school and get him out.

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I don't like nasty. I don't like rough mornings.

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Speaker 3: Yes he's fourteen. Yeah, no, I know you should not

303
00:16:59,240 --> 00:17:00,960
have to be getting him up.

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Speaker 2: Well, here's here. I will agree, and I think that

305
00:17:05,400 --> 00:17:09,440
that's a very very good point. And I will often

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say that there has been a lack of backbone and

307
00:17:12,400 --> 00:17:16,240
parenting as we talk about things now, because you'll hear

308
00:17:16,279 --> 00:17:18,839
people say all the time, I don't have you know,

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00:17:19,000 --> 00:17:21,000
my kid is looking at TikTok all the time and

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they've got their phone. You're the parent. You can take

311
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the phone away, especially if you're paying for it. You

312
00:17:24,599 --> 00:17:25,160
can do that.

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Speaker 3: Absolutely.

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Speaker 2: He's way easy to say that, harder to execute that.

315
00:17:29,759 --> 00:17:32,559
With this, I feel like I'm walking into a very

316
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different situation. We haven't lived under the same roof for

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00:17:35,400 --> 00:17:39,880
five years. We you're coming into He's coming into a

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completely new situation. He's been very upset and angry with

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00:17:43,680 --> 00:17:47,839
me as to the conditions of his life for a

320
00:17:47,920 --> 00:17:50,960
certain extent, and he's been in something called a Renaissance

321
00:17:51,000 --> 00:17:53,440
school where he would go two days a week and

322
00:17:53,480 --> 00:17:55,960
the rest was online. So you could sleep till nine,

323
00:17:56,039 --> 00:17:58,279
you could sleep till ten as long as you got

324
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your work done, and then you would go in for

325
00:17:59,799 --> 00:18:03,559
two days a week and you would do your class instruction.

326
00:18:03,720 --> 00:18:06,960
College college, you got it for. Not high school. This

327
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was middle school. It was a Renaissance school. It was

328
00:18:08,880 --> 00:18:12,119
a whole different thing. And he and it worked really

329
00:18:12,160 --> 00:18:14,599
really well for him. He did. It worked well for him.

330
00:18:15,319 --> 00:18:19,000
The traditional classroom structure. He hasn't really been in. And

331
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so I'm thinking, how I'm going to have to start

332
00:18:22,119 --> 00:18:25,759
getting up to go and to get him, to get

333
00:18:25,839 --> 00:18:28,240
him going and just make the morning's easier.

334
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Speaker 3: Will be at Fairport?

335
00:18:30,240 --> 00:18:33,559
Speaker 2: Yeah right now, Yes, I was. I just don't know

336
00:18:33,599 --> 00:18:34,640
that the other.

337
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Speaker 3: I think school starts until like seven thirty.

338
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Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm probably right. No, No, I know that I'm

339
00:18:40,880 --> 00:18:43,200
not saying. I'm saying for me because I like to

340
00:18:43,240 --> 00:18:46,039
have I like slow morning. Yeah. I like to get

341
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up and I like to do my weird shit and

342
00:18:48,920 --> 00:18:52,680
my cold shower and my meditation and my stretching. Okay,

343
00:18:52,680 --> 00:18:54,599
because I'm old and I have to go through a

344
00:18:54,599 --> 00:18:57,359
stretching routine before I actually get moving, I like to

345
00:18:57,359 --> 00:18:59,400
have my cup of coffee. I like to think about

346
00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:03,359
things and then so that takes me like an hour, okay, right,

347
00:19:03,480 --> 00:19:08,200
just to kind of get myself so, because I don't

348
00:19:08,240 --> 00:19:11,400
want to be an asshole. Okay, you know that's my

349
00:19:11,480 --> 00:19:14,680
biggest thing is I can be an asshole. And all

350
00:19:14,720 --> 00:19:16,359
the time my older sons were grown up, I was

351
00:19:16,400 --> 00:19:19,640
never home. Yeah, I was doing mornings. I was doing mornings.

352
00:19:19,680 --> 00:19:21,319
I was out of the house by three o'clock in

353
00:19:21,319 --> 00:19:23,440
the morning, four o'clock in the morning. So I I

354
00:19:23,880 --> 00:19:26,839
never was around, uh to do those things. But anyway,

355
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:30,640
I know, so this this sleep stuff, I may try it.

356
00:19:30,799 --> 00:19:32,960
You should, but I may try half.

357
00:19:33,000 --> 00:19:33,839
Speaker 3: Let me know how it goes.

358
00:19:34,000 --> 00:19:36,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, I had never heard of these sleepy It's called

359
00:19:36,759 --> 00:19:39,880
baked brothers, and this is called sleepy, is what it's called.

360
00:19:40,240 --> 00:19:43,720
Speaker 3: I have got my mom some teach. The chocolates from

361
00:19:43,759 --> 00:19:45,960
that one guy that we were going to interview, Dank

362
00:19:46,079 --> 00:19:49,200
Dan remember, Okay, I don't know if heaven and I

363
00:19:49,240 --> 00:19:52,079
ran into Okay, yes, I bought the chocolates. Didn't he

364
00:19:52,119 --> 00:19:53,240
bring in like a cookie.

365
00:19:53,039 --> 00:19:57,960
Speaker 2: Year And I still haven't even be careful. It's your

366
00:19:58,000 --> 00:20:00,880
fault that I ever heard it because said be careful.

367
00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:03,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, because I had that quarter of like the rice

368
00:20:03,960 --> 00:20:06,920
Krispy tree and I came here that yeah. Oh yeah,

369
00:20:08,079 --> 00:20:11,559
but my mom I got her sleepy chocolates from him

370
00:20:11,640 --> 00:20:12,720
and it didn't work for her.

371
00:20:12,759 --> 00:20:15,319
Speaker 2: It didn't work really.

372
00:20:15,799 --> 00:20:17,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, so let me know how.

373
00:20:17,559 --> 00:20:20,640
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll let you know how these work because that

374
00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:24,599
that that's interesting. My uh. One of my parents has

375
00:20:24,799 --> 00:20:27,440
bought gummings and I think it has been really tempted

376
00:20:27,480 --> 00:20:30,160
to try them, and I think wants to try them

377
00:20:30,200 --> 00:20:33,680
because the other parent, my other I don't want to

378
00:20:33,720 --> 00:20:36,400
say which which yeah, just because I think the for

379
00:20:36,480 --> 00:20:41,079
their own privacy. But one parent has tried one, so

380
00:20:41,160 --> 00:20:42,599
I think the other parents.

381
00:20:42,279 --> 00:20:44,440
Speaker 3: Like you've talked about it on the no I know,

382
00:20:44,599 --> 00:20:45,279
I know, I know.

383
00:20:45,559 --> 00:20:48,680
Speaker 2: But I'm being a little more protective. You'll have to

384
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:50,839
go back to past episodes to find out who's who.

385
00:20:51,359 --> 00:20:53,640
But I get this call, like I was going to

386
00:20:53,720 --> 00:20:56,960
try it, but I can't get the ziplock open, Like

387
00:20:57,119 --> 00:20:59,920
you know the bags that they come in you scissors? Well, okay,

388
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:02,680
but then what how do you reseal it? So my

389
00:21:03,000 --> 00:21:05,839
thing was, well, then put it in these the zip

390
00:21:05,880 --> 00:21:09,559
blocks I think are really they're almost like locked in

391
00:21:09,599 --> 00:21:11,799
a way. So sometimes you do have to cut it

392
00:21:12,079 --> 00:21:14,240
because they don't want kids getting into it. Yeah right,

393
00:21:14,240 --> 00:21:16,160
it gives you a chance to you know, a kid

394
00:21:16,200 --> 00:21:20,160
find something and then there you go. So I said,

395
00:21:20,799 --> 00:21:23,559
cut it, put it in a separate ziplock. Yeah yeah.

396
00:21:23,759 --> 00:21:26,319
And then I said, I'll call you if you do

397
00:21:26,359 --> 00:21:27,920
it and tell you what do you think I'm going

398
00:21:27,960 --> 00:21:30,440
to jump out a window or something. I don't know. No,

399
00:21:30,599 --> 00:21:33,519
I don't think you can jump out of window. This

400
00:21:33,599 --> 00:21:36,279
is though, This is why I say all the time,

401
00:21:36,920 --> 00:21:39,279
I have never seen anything do a one eighty in

402
00:21:39,359 --> 00:21:43,559
my life like marijuana. It went from you know, Jimmy

403
00:21:43,559 --> 00:21:46,079
got high and Jimmy thought he was Superman and jumped

404
00:21:46,079 --> 00:21:48,160
out of window. I heard that with acid. I heard

405
00:21:48,200 --> 00:21:50,319
that with weed. As a kid. I heard all that right,

406
00:21:50,599 --> 00:21:52,640
So you were like, fuck man, don't ever try it.

407
00:21:53,359 --> 00:21:57,279
And now we've come to health benefits, help you sleep,

408
00:21:57,720 --> 00:21:59,799
that are for you, all kinds of stuff turn your

409
00:21:59,839 --> 00:22:02,599
mind find off. I don't know. Oh yeah.

410
00:22:02,680 --> 00:22:06,440
Speaker 3: I feel like weed has been prevalent since I was

411
00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:08,559
in high school. I would say I had a lot

412
00:22:08,559 --> 00:22:10,039
of friends smoke, and.

413
00:22:10,079 --> 00:22:12,880
Speaker 2: Well you grew up out in a more rural area too. Yeah,

414
00:22:12,920 --> 00:22:15,519
I did too. I was in northern Dutchess County and

415
00:22:15,599 --> 00:22:18,480
that I had a friend who grew it in between

416
00:22:18,519 --> 00:22:19,359
a farmer's corse.

417
00:22:19,559 --> 00:22:22,960
Speaker 3: Oh, I know people who grew in their backyard. Yeah,

418
00:22:23,079 --> 00:22:25,599
in between the course talks to the farm.

419
00:22:25,960 --> 00:22:27,920
Speaker 2: I used to laugh. So I was like, God, that

420
00:22:28,079 --> 00:22:30,400
is so funny. That's very funny. All right, we'll take

421
00:22:30,400 --> 00:22:32,240
a break and we'll get to a little bit more

422
00:22:32,480 --> 00:22:37,000
about Laura, who was an organizer. And the weird part

423
00:22:37,160 --> 00:22:39,160
is how do you make a career of that? But

424
00:22:39,279 --> 00:22:43,720
you've done it? Yeah, And then single mom, we'll talk

425
00:22:43,759 --> 00:22:47,519
about that and things that maybe guys need to know

426
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:51,359
when that women would like guys to know. Maybe maybe

427
00:22:51,400 --> 00:22:53,640
that I think you'd be the perfect person for all that.

428
00:22:53,640 --> 00:22:56,000
We'll get to all of it right after this. Cobblestone

429
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454
00:24:40,680 --> 00:24:48,720
to Country Fest, don't come down. Wha man, I'm so

455
00:24:48,880 --> 00:24:54,319
disappointed in you. I don't know, No, I don't know

456
00:24:54,400 --> 00:24:57,119
country at all. I think this is number three on

457
00:24:57,160 --> 00:25:02,279
the Billboard Hot Country Bottle of B Side. I really

458
00:25:02,359 --> 00:25:06,079
I don't know. I don't know country music very well.

459
00:25:06,079 --> 00:25:07,200
I'm not gonna say I don't like it.

460
00:25:07,240 --> 00:25:08,400
Speaker 3: I do this post alone.

461
00:25:08,559 --> 00:25:09,000
Speaker 2: It is not.

462
00:25:10,599 --> 00:25:11,599
Speaker 3: There strikes in my mouth.

463
00:25:11,759 --> 00:25:17,400
Speaker 2: It's it's called lives, Lives.

464
00:25:17,319 --> 00:25:20,559
Speaker 3: Lives, Okay, is it new? It got to yes, if

465
00:25:20,559 --> 00:25:23,079
it got to the chorus, I haven't heard that.

466
00:25:23,200 --> 00:25:31,920
Speaker 2: Well, let's see if it gets the I figured you did.

467
00:25:32,079 --> 00:25:34,720
Speaker 3: I can't sing anymore on here because coming yells on me.

468
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:40,119
It's only the other night. It's like, you gotta stop singing.

469
00:25:40,119 --> 00:25:43,000
When I do the theme, that tune.

470
00:25:43,200 --> 00:25:45,599
Speaker 2: Seeing that tune in the singing and maybe may give

471
00:25:45,640 --> 00:25:49,200
people an advantage. That that's the that I think that's

472
00:25:49,240 --> 00:25:52,440
that's the part. It gives people an advantage. So Laura

473
00:25:52,519 --> 00:25:54,799
is an organizer, and I will tell you as I'm

474
00:25:54,799 --> 00:26:02,039
going through, I'm a very unorganized person. I like clean spaces.

475
00:25:59,599 --> 00:26:05,759
But I like clean spaces like I do. But the

476
00:26:05,839 --> 00:26:09,519
clean spaces are if you open a closet and very organized.

477
00:26:09,640 --> 00:26:12,880
If you open my laundry room, not very organized. But

478
00:26:13,200 --> 00:26:16,039
in my main part of the place, everything's neat clean.

479
00:26:16,440 --> 00:26:19,079
But if you open some drawers and things not not

480
00:26:19,160 --> 00:26:22,839
so well. And but not that I'm I'm not certainly

481
00:26:22,839 --> 00:26:25,759
not looking for your help. I'm asking how does one

482
00:26:26,440 --> 00:26:30,519
go from You went to school for journalism. You wanted

483
00:26:30,599 --> 00:26:33,799
to be a what investigative reporter? I don't know why

484
00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:37,119
I feel Yeah, I think you'd be very good at that.

485
00:26:39,720 --> 00:26:42,119
I feel like, in a way, this is gonna sound weird.

486
00:26:42,240 --> 00:26:45,599
And now that you said that helping people organize is

487
00:26:45,680 --> 00:26:49,960
almost like documentary work in a way, you really find

488
00:26:49,960 --> 00:26:52,119
out about these people. There's got to be some real

489
00:26:52,519 --> 00:26:57,480
like you. It has to be interesting in a way, therapist, Yeah.

490
00:26:56,920 --> 00:27:01,240
Speaker 3: It is. I love what I do. And when I

491
00:27:01,279 --> 00:27:03,960
say like, I get so involved with my clients, like

492
00:27:05,880 --> 00:27:08,799
they open up to me. I hear stories. I get

493
00:27:08,839 --> 00:27:11,200
to hear like right now I'm finishing up a job

494
00:27:11,240 --> 00:27:13,359
with a ninety two year old woman and the stories

495
00:27:13,359 --> 00:27:16,319
that she's telling me. I'm just like loving, you know,

496
00:27:17,640 --> 00:27:22,599
but yeah, it's really really intricate, and I do. I say,

497
00:27:22,640 --> 00:27:25,240
like one day I need to write a book because

498
00:27:26,240 --> 00:27:30,720
what I get in everything and they learn to trust me,

499
00:27:30,759 --> 00:27:34,799
And I think that's the most important part is like

500
00:27:34,960 --> 00:27:38,559
I'm in their homes, Like it is so tough to

501
00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,839
let someone in your house and like trust that they're

502
00:27:41,880 --> 00:27:44,400
going to be like going through all your stuff and

503
00:27:44,440 --> 00:27:45,720
doing right by yo.

504
00:27:46,440 --> 00:27:49,839
Speaker 2: There's a lot of shame. Yeah, I think in or embarrassed, right,

505
00:27:50,000 --> 00:27:51,960
So it's easy to close the closet door. I just

506
00:27:52,119 --> 00:27:54,119
want to deal with that. But then the shit keeps

507
00:27:54,200 --> 00:27:54,759
piling up.

508
00:27:55,000 --> 00:27:58,759
Speaker 3: Well, and it's funny because even like the gorgeous house

509
00:27:58,960 --> 00:28:01,519
is that I'm in, you know, I do everything from

510
00:28:01,799 --> 00:28:05,160
orders to working with senior citizens to what I say

511
00:28:05,200 --> 00:28:09,079
is the everyday mom Like you walk into ninety percent

512
00:28:09,119 --> 00:28:14,160
of your friend's houses and their first living room kitchen

513
00:28:14,799 --> 00:28:17,279
is fine. It is. It's you go upstairs and you

514
00:28:17,319 --> 00:28:20,279
open up the closets or you go down into the basement.

515
00:28:20,839 --> 00:28:23,119
And I think it is it's shame that people like

516
00:28:23,559 --> 00:28:26,680
are afraid to let people in and see like what

517
00:28:26,759 --> 00:28:29,039
it is. Unorganized. I was at my best friend's house

518
00:28:29,119 --> 00:28:32,119
yesterday and like, I just started like organizing her kids

519
00:28:32,200 --> 00:28:38,039
playroom because you know, she shoves everything everyone does. But yeah,

520
00:28:38,079 --> 00:28:40,000
it's tough and it's tough to keep up.

521
00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:43,759
Speaker 2: So take me back, how does this? How does Laura

522
00:28:43,839 --> 00:28:47,279
become an organizer that gets paid to help people?

523
00:28:48,000 --> 00:28:49,200
Speaker 3: Okay, I mean.

524
00:28:49,079 --> 00:28:52,400
Speaker 2: You're providing, you're providing value in a service. Yeah, that

525
00:28:52,519 --> 00:28:56,160
really does. I would say that anybody who has kids,

526
00:28:56,759 --> 00:29:01,319
when a place is clean and organized, everybody calmer. You know,

527
00:29:01,599 --> 00:29:04,400
you feel calmer, you know where stuff is, you can

528
00:29:04,440 --> 00:29:06,960
find it. I used to always say to my kids

529
00:29:07,000 --> 00:29:09,519
all the time, I always hang up my keys. I

530
00:29:09,559 --> 00:29:11,720
even do it here. And the reason I do that

531
00:29:11,880 --> 00:29:17,359
is I would get really mad. Can you imagine. I

532
00:29:17,400 --> 00:29:19,200
think I've mellowed a little bit over the years, but

533
00:29:19,200 --> 00:29:21,079
I used to get really pissed, and I would be like,

534
00:29:21,519 --> 00:29:23,519
you know, we're looking for shoes, We're looking for this,

535
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:26,599
or we're looking for that. And now these guys are six, seven, eight,

536
00:29:26,759 --> 00:29:29,720
nine years old, and I'm going, fellas, you know what.

537
00:29:29,920 --> 00:29:31,599
I hang up my keys every day. The reason I

538
00:29:31,640 --> 00:29:33,240
do that is I've only got so much time in

539
00:29:33,279 --> 00:29:35,000
the planet and I don't want to spend it looking

540
00:29:35,039 --> 00:29:37,200
for my keys. Yeah, and that's why I do that.

541
00:29:37,440 --> 00:29:40,720
But I do think that the organization just to be

542
00:29:40,759 --> 00:29:43,680
able to find think of the frustration, Oh god, I

543
00:29:43,720 --> 00:29:46,279
can't find the Scots tape to wrap the Christmas presents

544
00:29:46,839 --> 00:29:49,359
and all of a sudden, you know, it could ruin

545
00:29:49,440 --> 00:29:51,319
Christmas in a way. Yeah, I mean, I know it's

546
00:29:51,359 --> 00:29:54,200
not silly, but it could send you to the fucking moon.

547
00:29:54,359 --> 00:29:56,960
Yeah right, and if you just were organized. But take

548
00:29:57,039 --> 00:29:59,720
me back. You go to school for journalism, you're writing

549
00:29:59,799 --> 00:30:01,400
for a paper, I thought, yep.

550
00:30:01,599 --> 00:30:05,440
Speaker 3: I wrote for a local newspaper for about a year.

551
00:30:06,240 --> 00:30:08,799
I got really bored with covering like potholes in the

552
00:30:08,880 --> 00:30:12,319
road and you know, just school board meetings.

553
00:30:12,359 --> 00:30:14,240
Speaker 2: Did you want to go bigger? Did you want to

554
00:30:14,240 --> 00:30:16,119
go to a bigger market? Did you want to stay here?

555
00:30:16,160 --> 00:30:20,119
Speaker 3: I wanted to go into sports journalism. And I met

556
00:30:20,119 --> 00:30:23,640
my ex husband and I truly told him within a

557
00:30:23,640 --> 00:30:25,680
few months of dating him, like, I'm giving up my

558
00:30:25,720 --> 00:30:28,119
career for you because I was planning to move down

559
00:30:28,160 --> 00:30:31,839
to Raleig Duram area. Yeah, because they were. I was.

560
00:30:31,960 --> 00:30:38,799
Actually my old landlord wanted me to do like sorry

561
00:30:40,319 --> 00:30:44,119
videos like before it was cool, like do a YouTube,

562
00:30:44,160 --> 00:30:47,400
and so he helped me like create a videotape to

563
00:30:47,480 --> 00:30:50,759
like send down to companies down there, and I had

564
00:30:50,880 --> 00:30:55,079
and I had started talking with them. And then I

565
00:30:55,119 --> 00:30:59,000
met my ex and his career was up here and

566
00:30:59,079 --> 00:31:03,279
he sort of had like a really big goal and

567
00:31:03,599 --> 00:31:05,680
I told him very early on, I was like, I

568
00:31:05,759 --> 00:31:08,400
am giving up my career because I did not want

569
00:31:08,440 --> 00:31:12,599
to do news. I didn't want to do the producing.

570
00:31:12,839 --> 00:31:15,799
I didn't want to just be a news anchor, no

571
00:31:15,839 --> 00:31:19,839
offense to like no, no, no, it was just local news,

572
00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:23,799
was not I really liked like the more journalism aspect

573
00:31:23,839 --> 00:31:30,079
of it. I ended up going into event planning and fundraising.

574
00:31:30,240 --> 00:31:32,440
Speaker 2: Do you ever regret not taking that chance to go

575
00:31:32,480 --> 00:31:33,119
to one hundred?

576
00:31:33,559 --> 00:31:35,960
Speaker 3: I still think about it to this day.

577
00:31:36,119 --> 00:31:39,920
Speaker 2: You do, oh yeah, okay, yeah, not that? And why

578
00:31:40,240 --> 00:31:42,559
why why do you regret it?

579
00:31:42,759 --> 00:31:46,079
Speaker 3: Because I was really passionate about it, Like what was

580
00:31:46,160 --> 00:31:46,839
in Raleigh?

581
00:31:47,039 --> 00:31:48,400
Speaker 2: Was there a job in Raleigh?

582
00:31:48,440 --> 00:31:51,680
Speaker 3: There was just more opportunity. They were hiring for the

583
00:31:51,799 --> 00:31:56,039
younger demographic, like you know, people who had recently graduated

584
00:31:56,079 --> 00:31:59,279
that didn't have all the experience, like if you wanted

585
00:31:59,319 --> 00:32:02,200
to go pay it nothing, yeah, and if you wanted

586
00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:04,920
to go here, like it really would have been producing

587
00:32:04,960 --> 00:32:08,359
news for three years for the overnight shift, and I

588
00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:11,880
was like, I know my personality, I'm not cut out

589
00:32:11,880 --> 00:32:12,839
for that, Like I could.

590
00:32:13,200 --> 00:32:16,920
Speaker 2: Self awareness I think is really really important. And I

591
00:32:17,279 --> 00:32:20,880
don't like hearing the regret thing because you're talking about

592
00:32:20,960 --> 00:32:23,839
now a career where the guys always make fun of me,

593
00:32:23,920 --> 00:32:26,119
that the barrier to entry is gone. But if you

594
00:32:26,200 --> 00:32:29,880
wanted to do something, you could certainly do it now. Yeah,

595
00:32:30,039 --> 00:32:32,400
And you could take those writing skills and you could

596
00:32:32,400 --> 00:32:36,799
write a book or shoot a documentary on I mean, Jesus,

597
00:32:36,839 --> 00:32:40,200
I think a reality show for you would be honest

598
00:32:40,240 --> 00:32:42,160
to God now, and I don't even mean like take

599
00:32:42,160 --> 00:32:46,519
your personal just you as an organizer would be really

600
00:32:46,559 --> 00:32:49,119
interesting and to see and helpful.

601
00:32:49,240 --> 00:32:51,279
Speaker 3: I've had people be like, you need to start doing

602
00:32:51,480 --> 00:32:54,119
reels and you need to be more active.

603
00:32:54,440 --> 00:32:57,720
Speaker 2: Hard though, because it's time consuming.

604
00:32:57,359 --> 00:33:00,480
Speaker 3: And time It's just like when I literally I'm like,

605
00:33:00,759 --> 00:33:07,319
where is that on my values of like priority? Creating

606
00:33:08,000 --> 00:33:11,920
tiktoks is not like my style. If I had somebody

607
00:33:11,920 --> 00:33:13,920
come in and do things for me, I'm like great.

608
00:33:14,160 --> 00:33:17,160
And I've actually had people be like, I'll barter with you,

609
00:33:17,279 --> 00:33:20,799
I'll create reels for you if you can come organize

610
00:33:20,880 --> 00:33:23,680
my kitchen, you know, And I have thought about, like,

611
00:33:24,039 --> 00:33:27,599
am I willing to do something like that? But we'll say, yeah,

612
00:33:27,640 --> 00:33:31,960
I just I do. I really really love I love writing.

613
00:33:32,119 --> 00:33:36,160
It's I still write all the time. It's my outlet. Yeah,

614
00:33:36,200 --> 00:33:40,759
so but yeah, I really I do. It's just that

615
00:33:40,960 --> 00:33:45,440
wonder of what could I have done if I had

616
00:33:45,559 --> 00:33:48,359
just sort of followed my own path right and done

617
00:33:48,359 --> 00:33:53,319
what I really wanted to do, And I truly think

618
00:33:53,319 --> 00:33:56,039
I would have been really good at it or gone far.

619
00:33:56,720 --> 00:34:00,759
Speaker 2: I think often I mean you're young, thirty nine, No,

620
00:34:01,119 --> 00:34:03,839
but I mean that you're young, yeah, by today's standards.

621
00:34:03,880 --> 00:34:06,599
There's a lot of time left and your mom raising

622
00:34:06,680 --> 00:34:09,360
kids and doing all that, and certainly you know that

623
00:34:09,360 --> 00:34:12,360
gave you a different perspective. But I don't think you

624
00:34:12,360 --> 00:34:15,320
have to necessarily give up. I don't know that I'd

625
00:34:15,320 --> 00:34:17,719
be chasing it down to Raleig Durham, yeah at this point.

626
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:19,719
But at the same time, I do think that there

627
00:34:19,719 --> 00:34:21,639
were things that you could do that would be really cool.

628
00:34:21,679 --> 00:34:24,039
So you go into event planning with whom.

629
00:34:24,960 --> 00:34:28,079
Speaker 3: Nick Entertainment Company, So Nick and the nice Guy, Okay,

630
00:34:28,159 --> 00:34:29,760
I was with them for five.

631
00:34:29,639 --> 00:34:32,360
Speaker 2: Years Okay, what is the event? What do they I

632
00:34:32,400 --> 00:34:34,159
didn't know they did event planning. I just thought they

633
00:34:34,159 --> 00:34:34,719
were the band.

634
00:34:34,920 --> 00:34:39,360
Speaker 3: Well, there's much more. There was about two hundred musicians,

635
00:34:39,920 --> 00:34:42,840
eight bands. So if you hired any of our bands,

636
00:34:42,840 --> 00:34:47,199
we would help you plan out your events. Okay, So

637
00:34:47,760 --> 00:34:51,840
I loved doing that. I also worked part time. While

638
00:34:51,840 --> 00:34:54,440
I was doing that, I was still writing for the newspaper.

639
00:34:55,039 --> 00:34:58,800
And I worked at Heritage Christian Services for five years.

640
00:34:58,880 --> 00:35:00,920
Speaker 2: So what did you do there? What is I'm not

641
00:35:00,960 --> 00:35:02,079
familiar with Heritage Christmas.

642
00:35:02,239 --> 00:35:06,960
Speaker 3: Heritage provide services for people with special needs and developmental disabilities.

643
00:35:07,360 --> 00:35:09,559
So I was at a really low functioning house. My

644
00:35:09,639 --> 00:35:15,599
residents didn't speak, didn't talk very aggressive. My mom hated

645
00:35:16,119 --> 00:35:18,559
that I worked there because I would have residents just

646
00:35:18,639 --> 00:35:23,599
punch me and so. But right out of college, you're

647
00:35:23,679 --> 00:35:25,440
just trying to make money. So yeah, I did a

648
00:35:25,440 --> 00:35:30,000
couple of different jobs. I was just a resident or

649
00:35:30,199 --> 00:35:35,039
direct support professional. So then I went to I got

650
00:35:35,159 --> 00:35:39,199
recruited actually to Easter Seals to do so. Easter Seals

651
00:35:39,320 --> 00:35:44,679
is for people with disabilities, and I was the director

652
00:35:45,079 --> 00:35:52,639
of fundraising there, an event planning but nonprofit work sixty

653
00:35:52,639 --> 00:35:56,760
hours a week for thirty four thousand dollars. So I

654
00:35:56,800 --> 00:35:59,480
hated that I traveled way too much. They had me

655
00:35:59,599 --> 00:36:01,679
run the Rochester, Syracuse and Albany office.

656
00:36:03,519 --> 00:36:09,199
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh my gosh, yeah, wow.

657
00:36:09,519 --> 00:36:12,840
Speaker 3: I was gone way too much. I would drive to

658
00:36:12,880 --> 00:36:15,639
New York City to work with the development team down there,

659
00:36:16,280 --> 00:36:20,480
and I got burnt out. And it was I was married,

660
00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:24,199
we had our house in Webster, and we wanted kids,

661
00:36:24,199 --> 00:36:27,920
and it was just like this is you know, my

662
00:36:28,039 --> 00:36:31,119
ex traveled a lot too. So I sort of was like,

663
00:36:32,039 --> 00:36:35,719
I'm going to quit working and going to start sort

664
00:36:35,719 --> 00:36:39,199
of doing my own thing. And it's really started, as

665
00:36:40,840 --> 00:36:42,199
I want to say, more the.

666
00:36:43,920 --> 00:36:46,199
Speaker 2: You quit working, do your own thing, But how do

667
00:36:46,239 --> 00:36:51,760
you like, how does it? How do you say to somebody,

668
00:36:52,320 --> 00:36:56,159
pay me and I'll help you get your house organized?

669
00:36:56,400 --> 00:36:59,519
Speaker 3: I had because it was more like a personal assistant

670
00:36:59,639 --> 00:37:07,239
at Okay through I was always really involved in volunteer

671
00:37:07,280 --> 00:37:10,480
work and Willmot Cancer Center. I was on their Young

672
00:37:10,480 --> 00:37:12,880
Professionals Club, the Wishless Society. I was one of like

673
00:37:13,159 --> 00:37:18,159
the founding members of that. I had a lot of

674
00:37:19,840 --> 00:37:23,920
I ran in some groups of people that were well

675
00:37:23,960 --> 00:37:27,360
off that like sort of knew my I I've always

676
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:30,039
had like that intricate I think doing the event planning.

677
00:37:30,119 --> 00:37:33,079
Like you can tell, I'm organized. I can put things

678
00:37:33,119 --> 00:37:38,360
together very well. And so I had people right away

679
00:37:38,480 --> 00:37:40,800
be like, yeah, I want your help around my house

680
00:37:40,880 --> 00:37:44,519
and doing things. And I got pregnant soon after, and

681
00:37:44,599 --> 00:37:47,079
it was great because the first few years I could

682
00:37:47,119 --> 00:37:49,880
only I could be home part time and just work

683
00:37:49,960 --> 00:37:52,920
part time, and you know, I had my kids back

684
00:37:52,960 --> 00:37:56,159
to back. And then I sort of started after I

685
00:37:56,199 --> 00:37:59,280
had my second so seven years ago, sort of started

686
00:37:59,320 --> 00:38:03,360
doing more of the helping people move, ok, And really

687
00:38:03,400 --> 00:38:06,400
I loved that. I love like setting up a new

688
00:38:06,519 --> 00:38:10,760
house and helping people create systems right away. Right, and

689
00:38:10,800 --> 00:38:11,920
it just says snowball.

690
00:38:13,039 --> 00:38:15,480
Speaker 2: So what happens during the pandemic? Good?

691
00:38:15,599 --> 00:38:16,360
Speaker 3: Oh it sucked.

692
00:38:16,599 --> 00:38:18,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, right, but what do you do?

693
00:38:19,440 --> 00:38:23,480
Speaker 3: I sat at home and did nothing for a few months.

694
00:38:23,559 --> 00:38:25,239
Speaker 2: Okay, were you still married during the Yeah?

695
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:28,840
Speaker 3: Okay, yeah, she was on it was on the outside.

696
00:38:28,880 --> 00:38:30,119
Speaker 2: No, no, I understand.

697
00:38:30,159 --> 00:38:34,079
Speaker 3: But like January twenty twenty, I had pretty much told

698
00:38:34,159 --> 00:38:36,360
my ex I was not in love with him anymore.

699
00:38:37,199 --> 00:38:39,360
And then COVID hit and so.

700
00:38:39,559 --> 00:38:44,840
Speaker 2: We we Oh my god, So three months later, so

701
00:38:44,880 --> 00:38:46,400
you were still under the same roof.

702
00:38:47,079 --> 00:38:49,760
Speaker 3: Yeah, and we were trying to work on it. We

703
00:38:49,840 --> 00:38:55,280
were we had been in therapy since December twenty sixteen, okay,

704
00:38:55,320 --> 00:38:58,000
and so it had been four years of therapy and

705
00:38:58,119 --> 00:39:02,280
of trying and then it was just you know, still trying.

706
00:39:02,320 --> 00:39:05,239
But it was more like business partnership during COVID.

707
00:39:05,000 --> 00:39:06,920
Speaker 2: Gotcha and I know we're trying to talk more about this.

708
00:39:07,079 --> 00:39:11,320
It's the business side. No, no, no, But the therapy

709
00:39:11,840 --> 00:39:14,599
did it work at all? I mean clearly right you

710
00:39:14,679 --> 00:39:16,360
come to the conclusion, and so we could say no,

711
00:39:16,440 --> 00:39:19,880
it didn't. But did it or were there things that

712
00:39:20,760 --> 00:39:25,320
just never got resolved because somebody wasn't willing to put

713
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:25,800
in the work.

714
00:39:25,920 --> 00:39:30,199
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think there were some of the really outlying

715
00:39:30,400 --> 00:39:34,519
issues never got.

716
00:39:35,920 --> 00:39:40,239
Speaker 2: Resolve. Yeah. Just as a thing there is I was

717
00:39:40,280 --> 00:39:42,000
just reading something yesterday and I was going to bring

718
00:39:42,000 --> 00:39:45,039
it up later to you. But there's some psychologists who

719
00:39:45,079 --> 00:39:47,440
have done a study and they say that a six

720
00:39:48,000 --> 00:39:53,480
second kiss or twenty second hug really brings the intimacy

721
00:39:53,599 --> 00:39:58,480
back into a marriage. And they say it's kind of

722
00:39:58,480 --> 00:40:01,159
funny to put it on your to do list, but

723
00:40:01,320 --> 00:40:04,159
it is something, And they say it's long enough to

724
00:40:04,320 --> 00:40:07,000
kind of ground you and say here's this other person

725
00:40:07,000 --> 00:40:10,360
that I love, that I've committed to, and you're resting

726
00:40:10,360 --> 00:40:13,519
in their presence in kind of a renewed way. And

727
00:40:13,639 --> 00:40:17,360
I don't know. I mean I certainly, but there are

728
00:40:17,440 --> 00:40:22,719
little things like that. It sounds weird, and you can,

729
00:40:22,800 --> 00:40:26,159
you know, looking from the outside in now instead of

730
00:40:26,199 --> 00:40:30,039
being on the inside out, you can see where these

731
00:40:30,639 --> 00:40:33,760
sorts of things are important. Yeah, they are, and if

732
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:34,880
you're going to really make.

733
00:40:34,920 --> 00:40:37,840
Speaker 3: A run for it, And I know this is gonna

734
00:40:37,840 --> 00:40:43,360
sound weird. I don't think that it was ever love lost.

735
00:40:44,159 --> 00:40:48,079
Like I could have hugged him and felt like love

736
00:40:48,119 --> 00:40:51,800
towards him. There was no passion and I'm just someone

737
00:40:51,840 --> 00:40:54,480
who is I have to have a passionate life like

738
00:40:55,280 --> 00:40:57,039
and I don't think you can build that back up

739
00:40:57,440 --> 00:41:00,519
like if it's law, you know, oh yeah, if it's not,

740
00:41:00,719 --> 00:41:03,760
it's exactly it's either there or it's not. And it

741
00:41:03,800 --> 00:41:04,159
was just.

742
00:41:04,320 --> 00:41:06,679
Speaker 2: Look, I think at this point, but you and he

743
00:41:06,760 --> 00:41:10,320
have both moved on, The kids seem well adjusted, and

744
00:41:10,400 --> 00:41:13,440
so so that's all going well, and then your busy

745
00:41:13,559 --> 00:41:15,239
No no, no, I mean that's all well, right, I

746
00:41:15,239 --> 00:41:18,360
mean that's all you can hope for laying in and

747
00:41:18,440 --> 00:41:21,719
then you look at the business side, though, I think

748
00:41:21,760 --> 00:41:25,039
I find it fascinating because there's got to be like

749
00:41:25,920 --> 00:41:28,000
a lot of I don't know how you make it work.

750
00:41:28,519 --> 00:41:32,800
I don't even make this work, so I mean shassing.

751
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:39,239
Speaker 3: But it's just funny because I'll work with people and

752
00:41:39,280 --> 00:41:41,960
then like their mind just like explodes and they're like,

753
00:41:42,280 --> 00:41:43,840
now I want you to do this, Now I want

754
00:41:43,880 --> 00:41:47,760
you to do that. And what's supposed to be one

755
00:41:48,159 --> 00:41:51,320
you know, garage job is turning into an entire house

756
00:41:51,679 --> 00:41:56,199
and I have great Yes. I have had people just

757
00:41:56,320 --> 00:41:59,440
offer to be like, can you I just employ you?

758
00:41:59,679 --> 00:42:01,760
Can you just like run my house for me? And

759
00:42:01,800 --> 00:42:06,039
I'm like, I don't want to do that because I.

760
00:42:05,639 --> 00:42:07,800
Speaker 2: Just to become like Alice and the Brady Bunch or something.

761
00:42:11,599 --> 00:42:14,559
Speaker 3: No, but like just like a household manager. But like

762
00:42:14,639 --> 00:42:18,000
that's it doesn't excite me as much like to be

763
00:42:18,039 --> 00:42:21,119
at the same house over and over again. So I

764
00:42:21,239 --> 00:42:24,079
like the challenge. And there's not a lot of people

765
00:42:24,119 --> 00:42:27,239
that will do the horder houses that I do. But

766
00:42:27,320 --> 00:42:31,599
I have like a whole team that I bring in people,

767
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:38,320
so I have someone's like my parents are looking to downsize.

768
00:42:38,960 --> 00:42:42,519
I can truly come in bring in people that will

769
00:42:42,519 --> 00:42:45,079
go through their house with me. That will take any

770
00:42:45,199 --> 00:42:50,239
antiques to sell. Then that way the clients.

771
00:42:49,960 --> 00:42:54,320
Speaker 2: So other people who have businesses that fit within your umbrella.

772
00:42:54,400 --> 00:42:57,079
Speaker 3: Yeah, but I like manage the whole. I manage it all.

773
00:42:57,159 --> 00:42:58,119
Speaker 2: You're the point yep.

774
00:42:58,360 --> 00:43:01,760
Speaker 3: And then you know, the client will get fifty percent

775
00:43:01,800 --> 00:43:04,800
of the sale. So I just did this with like

776
00:43:04,800 --> 00:43:08,159
they said, the ninety two year old, they were able

777
00:43:08,239 --> 00:43:10,920
to sell twenty thousand dollars worth of stuff. So this

778
00:43:10,960 --> 00:43:14,519
client is getting ten thousand dollars back, So that's covering

779
00:43:14,679 --> 00:43:17,039
her bill for me plus some. But then I also

780
00:43:17,199 --> 00:43:20,599
have gone through, I've done all the donations, so the other.

781
00:43:21,000 --> 00:43:23,679
Speaker 2: Fifty percent is you and and.

782
00:43:23,639 --> 00:43:29,639
Speaker 3: The anti and then I bring I will get like

783
00:43:29,639 --> 00:43:32,920
all the furniture donated through different causes. I bring in

784
00:43:32,920 --> 00:43:36,079
the garbage people like the refuse removal. I have that

785
00:43:36,119 --> 00:43:39,800
tomorrow at eight am. And then I've recommended a couple

786
00:43:39,880 --> 00:43:42,760
different realtors for them to sell the house. And it's

787
00:43:42,800 --> 00:43:45,559
sort of like her kids are all out of state

788
00:43:45,800 --> 00:43:48,719
and so she doesn't have anyone to rely on, so

789
00:43:48,800 --> 00:43:52,880
it's like, yeah, I'll take care of it. So yeah, and.

790
00:43:54,360 --> 00:43:57,159
Speaker 2: This is just one client. U huh, Is there a

791
00:43:57,199 --> 00:43:58,440
waiting list of people.

792
00:43:58,760 --> 00:44:00,320
Speaker 3: I book about three weeks out.

793
00:44:00,519 --> 00:44:01,360
Speaker 2: Your book three weeks.

794
00:44:01,400 --> 00:44:03,679
Speaker 3: So I don't want to really get bigger than that

795
00:44:03,760 --> 00:44:06,719
right now because I can't focus on it too much.

796
00:44:06,800 --> 00:44:09,480
And you never know how long one job's going to take.

797
00:44:09,639 --> 00:44:13,039
Speaker 2: Okay, so let's say we're coming to the end of

798
00:44:13,079 --> 00:44:16,039
one job. How do you know when to book something?

799
00:44:16,119 --> 00:44:20,639
Speaker 3: Oh, I'll have other inquiries coming in and I'm you know, yeah,

800
00:44:20,679 --> 00:44:24,599
So normally I'll go I do free consultations, So I'll

801
00:44:24,639 --> 00:44:27,280
go and I'll look at a job and send that,

802
00:44:27,559 --> 00:44:29,760
you know, like an email and a follow up, and

803
00:44:29,800 --> 00:44:31,760
then I'll be like, all right, what's your schedule like

804
00:44:31,800 --> 00:44:33,840
because a lot of these people, a lot of the

805
00:44:34,039 --> 00:44:37,119
everyday moms are still working, so they're like, okay, I

806
00:44:37,159 --> 00:44:40,159
can take a Thursday off in a few weeks for you.

807
00:44:40,480 --> 00:44:42,840
So we'll do that. And then there's a lot of

808
00:44:42,840 --> 00:44:46,079
times that after one session they trust me and I

809
00:44:46,079 --> 00:44:49,719
can go back alone, you know, yeah, yeah right, yeah.

810
00:44:49,719 --> 00:44:52,800
Speaker 2: And most people nowadays have used to be the nanny cam.

811
00:44:52,920 --> 00:44:55,039
But you've got the nest and you've got other things,

812
00:44:55,039 --> 00:44:58,880
so it's it's as anybody ever talk to you through

813
00:44:58,880 --> 00:45:02,480
a camera? Oh YEA out of you like, I love

814
00:45:02,519 --> 00:45:05,800
what you're doing. What's fantastic. I would have never thought

815
00:45:05,800 --> 00:45:06,199
to do that.

816
00:45:06,400 --> 00:45:09,960
Speaker 3: Yeah, Jesse, I actually had a client and I rang

817
00:45:10,000 --> 00:45:11,840
the doorbells. She didn't even tell me she wasn't going

818
00:45:11,920 --> 00:45:14,480
to be home, and she was like talk to me

819
00:45:15,000 --> 00:45:17,519
through her ring and was like, go in, go start

820
00:45:17,559 --> 00:45:19,880
and here, I'll be home around like noon. Then she

821
00:45:19,960 --> 00:45:22,440
came home at like two thirty and by the time

822
00:45:22,480 --> 00:45:24,679
she got home, like her kitchen was already completed, and

823
00:45:24,719 --> 00:45:27,320
she's like, this is great. I went and ran errands

824
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,840
all day when I came home, and you like put

825
00:45:29,880 --> 00:45:30,480
it all together.

826
00:45:30,599 --> 00:45:34,639
Speaker 2: Yeah, so that is You've got a's a nice little

827
00:45:35,320 --> 00:45:38,320
it's a nice thing he got. Yeah, right, you like it.

828
00:45:38,320 --> 00:45:41,800
It sort of fits all the It seems to what's

829
00:45:41,800 --> 00:45:45,320
the term check all the boxes? Right? Almost. You're making

830
00:45:45,360 --> 00:45:48,679
many documentaries of people's lives and helping them kind of

831
00:45:48,800 --> 00:45:51,719
organize it and go forward. You seem to be very empathic. Yeah,

832
00:45:51,760 --> 00:45:54,400
I don't know, empathetic, I would say more than empathic.

833
00:45:54,440 --> 00:45:56,400
Empathic is going to get into the weird. But the

834
00:45:57,239 --> 00:46:00,480
empathetic if you were doing the easter seas and the

835
00:46:01,679 --> 00:46:03,760
where you were going into some of the whole Heritage

836
00:46:03,800 --> 00:46:07,239
Christmas Society and that stuff is not easy and it's

837
00:46:07,239 --> 00:46:07,760
a choice.

838
00:46:07,840 --> 00:46:11,440
Speaker 3: Well even now I'm on the board for EBI Epilepsy

839
00:46:11,440 --> 00:46:15,920
pre LID because it you know, just servicing people with

840
00:46:15,960 --> 00:46:19,400
epilepsy and brain injuries. So that's sort of like my

841
00:46:20,400 --> 00:46:21,760
volunteerism nowadays.

842
00:46:21,840 --> 00:46:25,320
Speaker 2: Gotcha right? And then the how do people get a

843
00:46:25,320 --> 00:46:27,280
hold of you if they wanted? You know, somebody's listening

844
00:46:27,280 --> 00:46:30,440
to Jesus man, I could really use some help. I mean,

845
00:46:30,559 --> 00:46:31,800
is there is there a website?

846
00:46:31,880 --> 00:46:31,960
Speaker 1: Is?

847
00:46:32,119 --> 00:46:34,400
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's polished, home organized.

848
00:46:34,400 --> 00:46:37,039
Speaker 2: Actually right, we knew this.

849
00:46:36,519 --> 00:46:41,000
Speaker 3: On you know dot com on Instagram. I It's funny

850
00:46:41,039 --> 00:46:43,920
because people are always like, like I said, you need

851
00:46:43,960 --> 00:46:48,320
to post more pictures. It's just so like not my priority.

852
00:46:48,400 --> 00:46:50,960
So I don't know. I post maybe one picture of

853
00:46:51,039 --> 00:46:54,360
before and afters a month, but a lot of times

854
00:46:54,480 --> 00:46:58,320
it's I'm not just doing those pretty pantries or a closet,

855
00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:01,079
you know, the ones that people see like to say,

856
00:47:01,159 --> 00:47:05,599
but when you do a whole home clear out, or

857
00:47:05,639 --> 00:47:08,960
when you're really helping hoarders or in a basement and

858
00:47:09,000 --> 00:47:10,280
a order thing.

859
00:47:10,320 --> 00:47:13,639
Speaker 2: Because I'm thinking I was going to ask you, where

860
00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:19,159
are most of your clients where like what area are

861
00:47:19,239 --> 00:47:21,360
most of your clients? And I think I know the

862
00:47:21,400 --> 00:47:26,519
answer to that, but which sounds snobby, I know, But

863
00:47:26,519 --> 00:47:30,519
but you're talking about this is Look, if I if

864
00:47:30,679 --> 00:47:33,719
I'm cutting on a budget, I'm going to organize my

865
00:47:33,760 --> 00:47:37,719
own ship. Yeah right, But if I have means and

866
00:47:37,880 --> 00:47:40,920
I'm doing a bunch of different things and I really

867
00:47:40,920 --> 00:47:44,079
want this done and I want it done, well, I'm

868
00:47:44,119 --> 00:47:45,840
going to go to you. And I think there's certain

869
00:47:46,079 --> 00:47:48,239
I think we can all think of where we live,

870
00:47:49,119 --> 00:47:51,920
what's you know, what town would have more? But the

871
00:47:52,000 --> 00:47:56,800
hoarder stuff, I'm thinking order is Henrietta.

872
00:47:58,320 --> 00:48:01,320
Speaker 3: Actually, the one time that I have right is Henrietta.

873
00:48:02,280 --> 00:48:03,920
Speaker 2: Henrietta. I don't know why, but.

874
00:48:03,840 --> 00:48:07,119
Speaker 3: I've done Webster, I've done ChIL.

875
00:48:09,199 --> 00:48:12,159
Speaker 2: For hoarders, for hoarders, and when you say a hoarder,

876
00:48:12,320 --> 00:48:14,719
what is a horder in your definition?

877
00:48:15,480 --> 00:48:19,519
Speaker 3: When you can hardly move through the house when you

878
00:48:19,719 --> 00:48:26,000
have again, it's a lot of elderly clients, so they

879
00:48:26,119 --> 00:48:28,760
have Like the other day I had a shredding company

880
00:48:28,800 --> 00:48:32,000
come in. They had taxes from nineteen seventy, like just

881
00:48:32,239 --> 00:48:34,079
boxed upright all over.

882
00:48:35,199 --> 00:48:36,360
Speaker 2: Yes, yeah, last year.

883
00:48:36,639 --> 00:48:41,559
Speaker 3: Yes, So when you had the depression generation, or if

884
00:48:41,599 --> 00:48:47,800
you have people who immigrated, they were so yes, fearful

885
00:48:47,920 --> 00:48:50,760
of losing things, of getting their identity stolen, that they

886
00:48:50,880 --> 00:48:54,440
never it's just their basements in the guest rooms piled

887
00:48:54,559 --> 00:48:57,280
up and like you can hardly walk around. I think

888
00:48:57,320 --> 00:49:03,760
I told you the other day the animus. Yeah, yeah,

889
00:49:04,000 --> 00:49:09,760
Like this woman had every single bathroom, three bathroom was

890
00:49:09,800 --> 00:49:12,239
full of like animals, and it's just like what is

891
00:49:12,679 --> 00:49:18,320
going on here? You know? But it's everywhere. There's a

892
00:49:18,400 --> 00:49:21,400
lot of people. I mean, I have a client right

893
00:49:21,519 --> 00:49:25,320
now who's thirty pregnant with her first baby, and there's

894
00:49:25,320 --> 00:49:29,400
a hoarder and her husband is pretty much like this

895
00:49:29,440 --> 00:49:30,199
has to stop.

896
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:33,719
Speaker 2: Like would we say it's a mental I don't know,

897
00:49:33,880 --> 00:49:35,320
it's absolutely.

898
00:49:34,800 --> 00:49:37,440
Speaker 3: A mental illness. And a lot of them pair up

899
00:49:37,480 --> 00:49:41,000
with ADHD. And I have like an ADHD certification to

900
00:49:41,239 --> 00:49:42,360
work with clients.

901
00:49:42,000 --> 00:49:43,519
Speaker 2: With ADS or how do you get that? And why

902
00:49:43,599 --> 00:49:44,079
did you get that?

903
00:49:44,320 --> 00:49:47,119
Speaker 3: I've done training because I have it as well, and

904
00:49:47,159 --> 00:49:50,960
it really helps me understand the clients with ADHD and like,

905
00:49:51,679 --> 00:49:53,039
you know, how did you get diagnosed?

906
00:49:53,119 --> 00:49:55,960
Speaker 2: I once sat with like I think a social worker

907
00:49:56,000 --> 00:50:00,920
or somebody counselor type, and they have me do a

908
00:50:01,000 --> 00:50:03,920
questionnaire and then they prescribed. They go, yeah, you got

909
00:50:03,960 --> 00:50:07,719
ADHD and and prescribe something. And I'm like, it felt

910
00:50:07,760 --> 00:50:11,400
like it dulled me and I'd rather have I think

911
00:50:11,400 --> 00:50:15,199
we look at ADHD sometimes wrong in that it's a gift.

912
00:50:15,559 --> 00:50:19,679
Now I'm not going to say that it's not maddening

913
00:50:19,960 --> 00:50:23,280
yep at some point, but if you can learn to harness,

914
00:50:23,360 --> 00:50:25,639
you know, it can almost be a superpower if you

915
00:50:25,679 --> 00:50:27,559
do it right. Yeah.

916
00:50:27,960 --> 00:50:30,400
Speaker 3: It was through my doctors and it was literally filling

917
00:50:30,440 --> 00:50:32,320
out a form and they're like, yeah.

918
00:50:32,239 --> 00:50:33,159
Speaker 2: Do you do this? Do you do this?

919
00:50:35,159 --> 00:50:39,480
Speaker 3: I have problems with computer work, hence why I'm never

920
00:50:39,679 --> 00:50:44,239
posting on Instagram. I hate sending emails and everything, But

921
00:50:45,119 --> 00:50:49,280
in terms of how it makes me work at my job,

922
00:50:49,519 --> 00:50:53,840
it's great because I can bounce to different like areas.

923
00:50:54,440 --> 00:50:58,320
I have anxiety as well, and I choose to medicate

924
00:50:58,360 --> 00:51:02,199
for anxiety and not my ADHD because I actually do

925
00:51:02,280 --> 00:51:06,039
think that my ADHD can help. But there are days

926
00:51:06,079 --> 00:51:07,880
that I'm like, Okay, I really.

927
00:51:07,840 --> 00:51:10,800
Speaker 2: Working out helps tremendously WITHHD.

928
00:51:10,159 --> 00:51:13,960
Speaker 3: And I'm at the gym every single day, so yeah.

929
00:51:13,480 --> 00:51:16,800
Speaker 2: Right, that does. So what is the uh, why did

930
00:51:16,800 --> 00:51:19,719
you get how do you get hd ADHD certified? What

931
00:51:19,920 --> 00:51:20,119
is that?

932
00:51:22,519 --> 00:51:26,400
Speaker 3: It's just that I have done like a training online

933
00:51:27,239 --> 00:51:30,880
through so I'm NAPO certified, which is National Association for

934
00:51:30,960 --> 00:51:35,760
Productivity and Organized There's so it's just like doing online

935
00:51:35,800 --> 00:51:39,079
courses and everything, and then I've done like an ADHD

936
00:51:39,679 --> 00:51:44,719
course with them, just you know, to help understand how

937
00:51:44,719 --> 00:51:48,719
to work with clients with ADHD because everyone's different. Every

938
00:51:48,760 --> 00:51:51,199
single person is different, and so that's why I say,

939
00:51:51,199 --> 00:51:53,320
what works for one client's not going to work for

940
00:51:53,360 --> 00:51:56,159
the next. So when I do my consultations, I really

941
00:51:56,199 --> 00:51:58,400
try to like talk to the people, talk to them

942
00:51:58,480 --> 00:52:01,280
about see the whole house. I actually love when I

943
00:52:01,320 --> 00:52:05,079
get to meet husbands and kids because it is a

944
00:52:05,159 --> 00:52:06,280
whole family effort.

945
00:52:06,639 --> 00:52:09,119
Speaker 2: Sure, yes it is. It can't be one person trying

946
00:52:09,119 --> 00:52:11,519
to row the boat in one direction and everybody else

947
00:52:11,639 --> 00:52:18,000
just weighing it down there. You know. Yeah, well so,

948
00:52:18,639 --> 00:52:21,079
and we're going a little longer on this one topic,

949
00:52:21,119 --> 00:52:23,840
but how do you get kids to buy in? You

950
00:52:23,880 --> 00:52:27,320
have two sons, boys are a lot, there's a lot

951
00:52:27,320 --> 00:52:29,559
of energy, there's a lot of NonStop I don't know,

952
00:52:30,079 --> 00:52:33,199
like my guys, I think I've talked about this before.

953
00:52:33,480 --> 00:52:36,159
We used to have something called the Geronimo mat because

954
00:52:37,079 --> 00:52:40,000
finished basement and it was just a giant like futon

955
00:52:40,079 --> 00:52:44,480
cover stuffed with foam and things for them to jump

956
00:52:44,519 --> 00:52:47,880
off the stairs and scream Geronimo and get them on

957
00:52:47,920 --> 00:52:50,039
the mat. It was the Geronimo mat, and it was

958
00:52:50,039 --> 00:52:51,920
a way to burn off some energy. Yeah, you know

959
00:52:52,079 --> 00:52:54,400
you if I could, I've had these guys, you know,

960
00:52:54,480 --> 00:52:56,400
jumping through hoops of fire. And then James it comes

961
00:52:56,440 --> 00:53:00,719
along and he's about eight years younger than the next. Yeah,

962
00:53:00,760 --> 00:53:03,280
and this guy is like he wants it to be

963
00:53:03,320 --> 00:53:07,760
part of everything with them, to the point where his

964
00:53:07,880 --> 00:53:10,199
mom made the mistake of let's create a ball pit

965
00:53:10,360 --> 00:53:12,920
for Jamison, you know, like you do. And then and

966
00:53:13,000 --> 00:53:15,400
all of a sudden he's up at one and a

967
00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:18,039
half two years old and firing these things and hitting

968
00:53:18,039 --> 00:53:20,840
his brothers in the head. But they're everywhere, yes, like

969
00:53:20,880 --> 00:53:25,119
you can't get And so everything was always a bit chaotic,

970
00:53:25,119 --> 00:53:26,800
and I'm going, how do you get the kids to

971
00:53:26,840 --> 00:53:27,320
buy in?

972
00:53:27,480 --> 00:53:29,199
Speaker 3: Well, at that age, you got to give yourself a

973
00:53:29,199 --> 00:53:31,679
little grace and understand kids are going to be kids.

974
00:53:32,039 --> 00:53:35,000
But when they get older, giving your kids the power

975
00:53:35,079 --> 00:53:37,880
to have some choices when they're like, oh, my kids

976
00:53:37,920 --> 00:53:39,239
have way too many toys.

977
00:53:39,800 --> 00:53:40,679
Speaker 2: What are we gonna get rid of it?

978
00:53:40,760 --> 00:53:42,320
Speaker 3: Yes, what are we going to And that parents who

979
00:53:42,360 --> 00:53:44,199
try and do it like on the side, like that

980
00:53:44,440 --> 00:53:48,320
is so wrong, Like have your kids make the toys

981
00:53:48,400 --> 00:53:50,519
and like talk to them about it. And a lot

982
00:53:50,519 --> 00:53:52,440
of times the parents have a hard time. So they

983
00:53:52,480 --> 00:53:55,679
will have me sit down with their kids and I'll

984
00:53:55,719 --> 00:53:58,400
explain to them because I do conscious donating, so I

985
00:53:58,400 --> 00:54:01,559
work with all nonprofits to get rid of things, So

986
00:54:02,760 --> 00:54:08,719
toys will go to the hospitals, local schools if they

987
00:54:08,800 --> 00:54:11,159
need stuff, And so I will talk to the kids

988
00:54:11,159 --> 00:54:14,280
and like to have them feel like they can actually

989
00:54:14,280 --> 00:54:18,280
do good for the community and makes them feel so empowered. Yeah,

990
00:54:18,320 --> 00:54:22,639
and it'll be like the parents will be like I

991
00:54:22,639 --> 00:54:26,960
cannot believe how much Carly decided to get rid of,

992
00:54:27,159 --> 00:54:29,639
you know, like it's just really impressive.

993
00:54:29,920 --> 00:54:33,760
Speaker 2: Yeah. I think a lot of times we underestimate kids,

994
00:54:33,920 --> 00:54:41,760
and I think that kids are I just think underestimation

995
00:54:41,920 --> 00:54:43,519
is really the big thing. And I think you're right,

996
00:54:44,480 --> 00:54:48,280
you're giving them a better life right later on because

997
00:54:48,320 --> 00:54:51,039
I can't tell you, like, I mean, I'm sure I

998
00:54:51,079 --> 00:54:53,440
have ADHD. I think my mother has it I watched

999
00:54:53,440 --> 00:54:55,159
my mother. She's like a one, like a duck going

1000
00:54:55,159 --> 00:54:57,320
around in a circle. At times it's like grank, grank rank.

1001
00:54:57,360 --> 00:54:59,519
Right now, I think it's not as fucking maddening, But

1002
00:54:59,559 --> 00:55:03,199
at the same time, when I see it with myself,

1003
00:55:04,320 --> 00:55:07,039
you know, procrastination will be another one. Yep. Yeah, is

1004
00:55:07,079 --> 00:55:11,159
that a big one with ADHD? Oh it is really, Yes,

1005
00:55:11,320 --> 00:55:14,880
that's your whole life. Whole life is like I should

1006
00:55:14,920 --> 00:55:15,960
really I got a lot to do.

1007
00:55:16,199 --> 00:55:20,039
Speaker 3: And then there's the ADHD paralysis when you're so overstimulated

1008
00:55:20,039 --> 00:55:23,079
and overwhelmed and everything that you just become a shell. Yeah,

1009
00:55:23,079 --> 00:55:23,840
and you can't move.

1010
00:55:23,960 --> 00:55:25,440
Speaker 2: So what do you do in that situation?

1011
00:55:25,760 --> 00:55:29,639
Speaker 3: You just have to I honestly, I say, like give

1012
00:55:29,679 --> 00:55:33,679
yourself grace a lot, like let yourself have twenty thirty

1013
00:55:33,719 --> 00:55:36,199
minutes where you just sit there and don't think or whatever.

1014
00:55:36,599 --> 00:55:38,800
And then I'm a big believe in timers, like set

1015
00:55:38,800 --> 00:55:39,119
a timer.

1016
00:55:39,199 --> 00:55:41,360
Speaker 2: That this is amazing.

1017
00:55:41,639 --> 00:55:43,280
Speaker 3: You know what I do set timers?

1018
00:55:43,360 --> 00:55:47,559
Speaker 2: Yeah, I never really talked about this A lot of times.

1019
00:55:47,559 --> 00:55:49,840
If I have a lot to do, and there's many

1020
00:55:49,880 --> 00:55:53,320
aspects of different things, I will set a timer for

1021
00:55:53,360 --> 00:55:55,840
an hour and five minutes, giving myself the five minute

1022
00:55:55,880 --> 00:55:58,239
almost warm up, and then I just work on something

1023
00:55:58,239 --> 00:55:59,960
for an hour and then I stop.

1024
00:56:00,239 --> 00:56:03,440
Speaker 3: See that's actually a long time. It's even for myself.

1025
00:56:03,480 --> 00:56:05,679
I'll do like set a forty minute timer. Yeah, and

1026
00:56:05,679 --> 00:56:08,159
by that I'm so deep in that when the forty

1027
00:56:08,199 --> 00:56:11,760
minute timer comes around, I just keep going, like, but yeah,

1028
00:56:11,840 --> 00:56:13,039
I have I'll go an.

1029
00:56:12,960 --> 00:56:16,360
Speaker 2: Hour because and sometimes I keep going, especially when I'm

1030
00:56:16,400 --> 00:56:21,000
doing show prep, if I'm writing something. But then even

1031
00:56:21,159 --> 00:56:24,079
just like cleaning in things, Oh yeah, I try to

1032
00:56:24,239 --> 00:56:25,960
do that, So I'll go, all right, I give myself

1033
00:56:26,000 --> 00:56:28,039
an hour. I don't know why I like the hour

1034
00:56:28,159 --> 00:56:28,960
clean for hours.

1035
00:56:29,000 --> 00:56:29,880
Speaker 3: I just don't have the time.

1036
00:56:29,960 --> 00:56:32,360
Speaker 2: Yeah, but if I give myself that hour, and I'm

1037
00:56:32,360 --> 00:56:35,039
always amazed at how much you can actually get done

1038
00:56:35,639 --> 00:56:39,119
in an hour. And you know, otherwise, think of all

1039
00:56:39,159 --> 00:56:41,360
the I think of this, Think of all the hours

1040
00:56:41,360 --> 00:56:44,440
you sit just watching something Like I've been looking for

1041
00:56:44,480 --> 00:56:46,960
something to watch, right, and I've been watching a lot

1042
00:56:46,960 --> 00:56:50,480
of the Olympics. But then I'll look at Peacock at

1043
00:56:50,559 --> 00:56:53,440
night and I've seen some of this stuff already during

1044
00:56:53,480 --> 00:56:58,360
the day. So I started to watch Inventing Anna.

1045
00:56:58,559 --> 00:57:01,039
Speaker 3: Oh my god. Yeah, I've watched.

1046
00:57:00,960 --> 00:57:04,079
Speaker 2: So last I'm already out. I'm three episodes in, I go,

1047
00:57:04,119 --> 00:57:05,000
I got it. I'm bored.

1048
00:57:05,280 --> 00:57:07,599
Speaker 3: I don't know why I watched one episode years ago.

1049
00:57:07,679 --> 00:57:10,199
Speaker 2: Yeah, I watched like handle it. Yeah I watched the

1050
00:57:10,360 --> 00:57:14,119
third like three episodes, but I went. You spend three

1051
00:57:14,199 --> 00:57:17,760
hours practically all the shit you could have gotten done,

1052
00:57:17,800 --> 00:57:20,039
and then I get mad at myself and that sort

1053
00:57:20,039 --> 00:57:22,199
of thing. So I'm not a big binge watcher because

1054
00:57:22,239 --> 00:57:25,000
of that. But I do think the timers are really helpful.

1055
00:57:25,000 --> 00:57:29,159
That's interesting. I didn't know. Yeah, probably twenty minutes probably

1056
00:57:29,239 --> 00:57:32,639
would be better, but I go a lot of times,

1057
00:57:32,679 --> 00:57:34,719
give me an hour to really try to think and

1058
00:57:34,840 --> 00:57:36,840
bring it out and look at different angles.

1059
00:57:36,599 --> 00:57:38,039
Speaker 3: Of to start. It's baby stops.

1060
00:57:38,199 --> 00:57:38,679
Speaker 2: Yea too.

1061
00:57:39,000 --> 00:57:41,760
Speaker 3: So when I'm working with clients, like give yourself twenty minutes,

1062
00:57:41,880 --> 00:57:43,920
like because a lot of times I'll give them homework

1063
00:57:44,239 --> 00:57:46,159
because I'm like, you have to go through this pile.

1064
00:57:46,199 --> 00:57:48,239
You don't want to pay me my hourly rate while

1065
00:57:48,280 --> 00:57:50,480
you sit here and go through this pile, like sat

1066
00:57:50,480 --> 00:57:53,480
a timer for twenty minutes and just focus on this

1067
00:57:53,519 --> 00:57:55,519
for twenty minutes, and then a lot of times they

1068
00:57:55,559 --> 00:57:56,840
will just keep going.

1069
00:57:56,880 --> 00:57:58,920
Speaker 2: Well, that's a really good idea, because you know, with

1070
00:57:59,039 --> 00:58:02,760
my son coming to live with me, I have piles

1071
00:58:02,760 --> 00:58:04,559
of shit that sometimes I can't figure out what to

1072
00:58:04,599 --> 00:58:08,320
do with. So and then I go, I gotta get

1073
00:58:08,320 --> 00:58:09,800
through that, I gotta do this, I gotta do this,

1074
00:58:09,880 --> 00:58:11,280
and I don't do anything.

1075
00:58:11,079 --> 00:58:12,679
Speaker 3: And then do you just move it to a different

1076
00:58:12,719 --> 00:58:16,079
pile and like you do something and reshuffle. It's like

1077
00:58:16,719 --> 00:58:17,960
you have adhdah.

1078
00:58:18,519 --> 00:58:23,400
Speaker 2: All right, wonderful, All right, Well go to what is it?

1079
00:58:23,480 --> 00:58:25,519
Speaker 3: Polish home organized.

1080
00:58:25,159 --> 00:58:28,440
Speaker 2: Polish home organizing. We'll take a moment. I want to

1081
00:58:28,440 --> 00:58:32,199
get into some other things with you and one of

1082
00:58:32,239 --> 00:58:36,719
them and I'm I think I know the answer, but

1083
00:58:36,760 --> 00:58:39,119
I think this will be sort of interesting because it

1084
00:58:39,119 --> 00:58:43,400
bothers me deeply. Slut shaming and I'll just ask you

1085
00:58:43,599 --> 00:58:50,679
about it being growing up today, divorce right and now

1086
00:58:50,840 --> 00:58:54,559
in a relationship. But I'm seeing it play out in

1087
00:58:54,639 --> 00:58:58,360
different arenas right now, and I find it disturbing. I

1088
00:58:58,400 --> 00:59:01,840
think it's wrong and unfair. But we'll get those are

1089
00:59:01,880 --> 00:59:03,800
my opinions. I don't want to paint the jury here.

1090
00:59:03,880 --> 00:59:05,840
I'm assuming it's probably yours as well. We'll get to

1091
00:59:05,880 --> 00:59:08,840
all that right after this. Leo says, delicious baked zucchini

1092
00:59:08,840 --> 00:59:12,760
bread all homemade from fresh hand shreded zucchini, perfect for

1093
00:59:12,840 --> 00:59:16,440
breakfast or dessert. And remember, Leo's has a deli full

1094
00:59:16,480 --> 00:59:19,880
of exceptional quality Boar's Head meats and cheeses. They even

1095
00:59:19,920 --> 00:59:22,760
have the grab and go case just making everything easier.

1096
00:59:22,800 --> 00:59:25,960
Plus plenty of grape prepared sides like mac salad, potato salad,

1097
00:59:26,000 --> 00:59:28,880
fresh baked rolls and more. And of course two dollars

1098
00:59:28,960 --> 00:59:32,760
French bread and Italian bread every day. What's the best

1099
00:59:32,800 --> 00:59:36,480
thing about Leo's Say it with me? Everything on Deskbats

1100
00:59:36,519 --> 00:59:39,000
Drive in East Rochester open every day.

1101
00:59:38,920 --> 00:59:42,320
Speaker 4: Victor Chrysler, Dodge, geep Ram Root ninety six in Victor

1102
00:59:42,559 --> 00:59:45,960
and online at Victor cdjr dot Com.

1103
00:59:46,000 --> 00:59:49,079
Speaker 2: At Circulaw. Their foundation lies in this the belief that

1104
00:59:49,159 --> 00:59:52,480
everyone deserves a fair defense. Steve Circue and his team

1105
00:59:52,519 --> 00:59:55,239
tirelessly strive to ensure that their client's rights are protected,

1106
00:59:55,440 --> 00:59:59,119
and they leave no stone unturned, building a really strong case.

1107
00:59:59,559 --> 01:00:02,639
So if you're facing a DWI or possibly accused of

1108
01:00:02,639 --> 01:00:05,719
a crime you didn't knowingly commit, circu Law will defend

1109
01:00:05,719 --> 01:00:08,519
your rights and personal freedoms. Now, look, they litigated criminal

1110
01:00:08,599 --> 01:00:11,880
cases of every scenario, simple misdemeanors, they've done it. Serious

1111
01:00:11,880 --> 01:00:14,840
failty offenses, they've handled that as well. At Circu Law,

1112
01:00:14,880 --> 01:00:17,960
they believe preparation is key and make sure to thoroughly

1113
01:00:18,000 --> 01:00:21,440
prepare for every possible scenario. If you've been charged with

1114
01:00:21,480 --> 01:00:23,760
a crime and need a defense attorney with integrity and

1115
01:00:23,880 --> 01:00:26,760
experience both in and out of the courtroom, it's Circu Law.

1116
01:00:27,039 --> 01:00:29,519
Call them at five to eighty five, three eight five,

1117
01:00:29,639 --> 01:00:31,760
twenty five to ten, or you can email them through

1118
01:00:31,800 --> 01:00:35,400
their secure contact page at circulaw dot com. Make sure

1119
01:00:35,440 --> 01:00:37,679
your rights are protected with Circu Law.

1120
01:00:38,840 --> 01:00:43,159
Speaker 3: Kim see you sterr energy drink watching.

1121
01:00:42,920 --> 01:00:45,800
Speaker 2: That I say go along to night.

1122
01:00:48,000 --> 01:00:49,800
Speaker 4: And chances are.

1123
01:00:51,639 --> 01:00:54,840
Speaker 2: Used to make a lot of fun. Why I think

1124
01:00:55,000 --> 01:00:58,280
super talent. It's super great guitarists. But I always made

1125
01:00:58,320 --> 01:00:59,920
fun of I go you went to country because it

1126
01:01:00,159 --> 01:01:02,599
was easy and you're from Australia. But I don't know

1127
01:01:02,639 --> 01:01:05,559
that that's necessarily true. I'll admit when I think I'm wrong.

1128
01:01:05,679 --> 01:01:09,599
I really do. I think that. I think he's super talented,

1129
01:01:10,239 --> 01:01:14,119
great guitarist. Yes, and I know it's sort of an

1130
01:01:14,119 --> 01:01:16,320
eighties rocker, A little.

1131
01:01:16,079 --> 01:01:31,760
Speaker 3: Bit played when we want to talk about it.

1132
01:01:31,960 --> 01:01:33,480
Speaker 2: This is a getting busy counting song.

1133
01:01:33,679 --> 01:01:35,159
Speaker 3: You don't want to talk about a man who's got

1134
01:01:35,199 --> 01:01:37,559
a little feminine energy though, Yeah.

1135
01:01:37,639 --> 01:01:39,960
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say, I mean smaller build.

1136
01:01:39,760 --> 01:01:43,760
Speaker 3: Right, small long hair, like, really pretty facial features.

1137
01:01:43,960 --> 01:01:46,239
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know.

1138
01:01:46,920 --> 01:01:50,039
Speaker 3: Yeah, he was fantastic, fantastic love.

1139
01:01:50,119 --> 01:01:53,960
Speaker 2: I think probably just a really really genuine person. Oh yeah,

1140
01:01:54,000 --> 01:01:55,519
that's the vibe I get from that guy.

1141
01:01:56,079 --> 01:01:59,280
Speaker 3: The crowd interaction. He was walking by, high fiving people.

1142
01:01:59,519 --> 01:02:01,800
He gives up the guitar at every show, right, I

1143
01:02:01,840 --> 01:02:05,840
know somebody who got the guitar he was just afterwards

1144
01:02:06,519 --> 01:02:09,519
he was jumping down taking pic of selfies with people.

1145
01:02:09,960 --> 01:02:14,599
Speaker 2: I mean I always thought this. I always thought Nascar,

1146
01:02:15,519 --> 01:02:18,480
if you go back and say early two thousands, Nascar

1147
01:02:18,519 --> 01:02:23,840
and country were very very grateful to their fans, really

1148
01:02:23,920 --> 01:02:26,840
almost put the fan in the spotlight. And I felt

1149
01:02:26,960 --> 01:02:29,039
much more so than rock and roll, which was fuck

1150
01:02:29,119 --> 01:02:34,480
you attitude, but much more so like even now the

1151
01:02:34,559 --> 01:02:37,760
Stones in their eighties are thanking everybody for coming out

1152
01:02:37,800 --> 01:02:40,639
and thanks for being here, you know. But I felt

1153
01:02:40,679 --> 01:02:44,360
like country artists, I always thought, were a little more

1154
01:02:44,480 --> 01:02:49,239
appreciative of their fans and gave, gave of themselves, would

1155
01:02:49,239 --> 01:02:52,119
stay and sign extra, would do stuff now and not

1156
01:02:52,159 --> 01:02:57,760
always the case. I remember, uh you know, I always

1157
01:02:57,760 --> 01:03:01,880
think this, like, especially when you're famous, you meet somebody famous,

1158
01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:03,840
you remember what they said to you, you remember what

1159
01:03:03,840 --> 01:03:08,400
they were wearing, you remember everything. But if you're that person,

1160
01:03:08,559 --> 01:03:11,719
it's just yeah, it's a job. It's part of your day.

1161
01:03:11,840 --> 01:03:14,199
Like if you go and watch and I've watched it

1162
01:03:14,280 --> 01:03:18,760
several times, the Last Dance with Michael Jordan, there's a

1163
01:03:18,760 --> 01:03:21,719
point where they talk about Jordan before every game would

1164
01:03:21,760 --> 01:03:24,480
go and talk to people and spend time and really

1165
01:03:24,559 --> 01:03:28,199
try sick kids, families, give them, you know, five ten

1166
01:03:28,199 --> 01:03:30,280
minutes that was really there and really be in that

1167
01:03:30,320 --> 01:03:33,320
moment and then go out. I go, that's a demand

1168
01:03:33,400 --> 01:03:36,559
on your time. You're going to play a game, you're

1169
01:03:36,599 --> 01:03:40,400
about to perform. And I know lots of people who

1170
01:03:40,480 --> 01:03:42,000
perform many different things. They want to get in their

1171
01:03:42,000 --> 01:03:44,000
own headspace. They need that time. They don't want to

1172
01:03:44,599 --> 01:03:47,440
that guy. You know. So I remember being backstage at

1173
01:03:47,440 --> 01:03:51,360
a show with Faith Hill. Oh and it was like

1174
01:03:51,400 --> 01:03:54,599
standing next to a cardboard cutout. Yeah, it was like,

1175
01:03:54,880 --> 01:03:58,599
you know, click like that. And then I've been with

1176
01:03:58,679 --> 01:04:00,599
others that were you know, chat with you and all

1177
01:04:00,639 --> 01:04:03,280
this stuff and I think Kelly Clarkson would have talked

1178
01:04:03,320 --> 01:04:05,519
to you forever. Like we were talking and she was

1179
01:04:05,559 --> 01:04:07,159
really sweet and they're like, all right, next next, you

1180
01:04:07,159 --> 01:04:11,280
gotta move and she and Ed Sheeran was one that was.

1181
01:04:13,440 --> 01:04:14,639
Speaker 3: What's the favorite of mine?

1182
01:04:14,719 --> 01:04:14,960
Speaker 2: Really?

1183
01:04:15,000 --> 01:04:17,599
Speaker 3: He is on my mussy less.

1184
01:04:17,679 --> 01:04:21,000
Speaker 2: Yeah, I saw Ed Sheeran and you know, there's no band.

1185
01:04:21,440 --> 01:04:24,079
Everything's with him and there's some so he's pushing pedals

1186
01:04:24,119 --> 01:04:26,119
and things. He dropped the water bottle and went to

1187
01:04:26,119 --> 01:04:27,960
step on a pedal and it hit He hit the

1188
01:04:27,960 --> 01:04:29,400
water bottle, so we had to kick it out of

1189
01:04:29,400 --> 01:04:32,840
the way. We were very close. I love seeing little mistakes,

1190
01:04:33,119 --> 01:04:35,960
you know, but he was It was another quick thing,

1191
01:04:36,199 --> 01:04:38,199
you know. He didn't really talk to or anything. In

1192
01:04:38,239 --> 01:04:40,440
and out, in and out, in and out. Talk to

1193
01:04:40,440 --> 01:04:44,440
me about this I see With Kamala Harris now running

1194
01:04:44,480 --> 01:04:48,599
for President of the United States, I believe today or

1195
01:04:48,639 --> 01:04:52,679
tomorrow she'll be announcing who her VP VP is going

1196
01:04:52,760 --> 01:04:55,599
to be. I'm thinking Mark Kelly from Arizona to me

1197
01:04:55,760 --> 01:04:58,199
is like the perfect person for the job. I don't

1198
01:04:58,199 --> 01:04:59,679
know that that's going to be the person, but I

1199
01:04:59,719 --> 01:05:00,679
think would be Greig.

1200
01:05:01,000 --> 01:05:02,679
Speaker 3: He's from a gotta get a swing state.

1201
01:05:03,079 --> 01:05:05,159
Speaker 2: That's what I'm saying. You got a swing state there,

1202
01:05:05,320 --> 01:05:07,800
and you know, and certainly Pennsylvania and we all know

1203
01:05:07,840 --> 01:05:10,639
that the governor there. But I just think Mark Kelly

1204
01:05:10,719 --> 01:05:14,039
is like, boy, that's a solid guy right there. Yeah.

1205
01:05:15,000 --> 01:05:17,880
But the slut shaming that was going on that I

1206
01:05:17,920 --> 01:05:20,880
was seeing, and you know, even Judge Joe Brown talking

1207
01:05:20,880 --> 01:05:23,639
about fucked your way through Howard and this and that,

1208
01:05:24,639 --> 01:05:28,639
and I went, boy, this it. Take it away from politics,

1209
01:05:28,800 --> 01:05:32,159
take it to just being a woman. Is that something

1210
01:05:32,320 --> 01:05:36,519
that you hear a lot You're you're worried you ever

1211
01:05:36,599 --> 01:05:38,559
worried about?

1212
01:05:38,920 --> 01:05:41,519
Speaker 3: I think you hear it a lot, hear a lot, Yeah,

1213
01:05:41,599 --> 01:05:43,159
But I don't think you hear it to your face.

1214
01:05:43,199 --> 01:05:45,159
It's just people say it behind you, behind your back.

1215
01:05:45,760 --> 01:05:51,119
Speaker 2: Is it said about men among women? Do women say

1216
01:05:51,159 --> 01:05:53,440
things like yeah, he's a real he's a real whore.

1217
01:05:54,800 --> 01:05:58,280
Speaker 3: Now with that Facebook website, yes, I mean you can

1218
01:05:58,440 --> 01:06:00,840
see things and.

1219
01:06:00,719 --> 01:06:04,119
Speaker 2: Do you see things on it? And I feel like,

1220
01:06:04,440 --> 01:06:06,400
and tell me if I'm wrong on this. If a

1221
01:06:06,440 --> 01:06:11,039
woman hears that a guy is a player, gets around,

1222
01:06:11,199 --> 01:06:14,320
sleeps with a lot of women, I sometimes feel like

1223
01:06:14,400 --> 01:06:17,639
there are certain women that see that as a challenge.

1224
01:06:17,840 --> 01:06:19,440
Speaker 3: How could it be a challenge when he puts out

1225
01:06:19,440 --> 01:06:20,480
for anyone.

1226
01:06:20,440 --> 01:06:23,360
Speaker 2: Well, not a challenge to keep him from doing that.

1227
01:06:24,559 --> 01:06:26,400
I'm gonna be the one that he's gonna sell out

1228
01:06:26,920 --> 01:06:30,559
that I'm gonna break that stallion. Yeah right, I'm gonna

1229
01:06:30,639 --> 01:06:31,960
I'm gonna corral this horse.

1230
01:06:32,239 --> 01:06:34,280
Speaker 3: Why would you even want to put up with that?

1231
01:06:35,840 --> 01:06:37,440
But I do think it's a double standard.

1232
01:06:38,320 --> 01:06:40,840
Speaker 2: It does seem like a double standard if men.

1233
01:06:40,840 --> 01:06:43,880
Speaker 3: Like go around and hook up with people and versus

1234
01:06:44,119 --> 01:06:49,880
a girl. And I mean it's funny because yes, I

1235
01:06:49,960 --> 01:06:52,039
was single for two and a half years, and when

1236
01:06:52,079 --> 01:06:52,960
I say, like, oh.

1237
01:06:53,000 --> 01:06:55,599
Speaker 2: Single after being married, yep, right, so now.

1238
01:06:55,440 --> 01:06:57,960
Speaker 3: You're married for ten years. I was with him for thirteen.

1239
01:06:58,679 --> 01:07:02,920
But I was like, yeah, I dated around that. When

1240
01:07:02,960 --> 01:07:05,280
I say I dated, that does not mean I slept

1241
01:07:05,320 --> 01:07:12,559
with someone like you know, but I got a lot

1242
01:07:12,599 --> 01:07:16,280
of like negative looks from people, or there were rumors

1243
01:07:16,320 --> 01:07:18,679
going around that there was different cars in my driveway,

1244
01:07:18,800 --> 01:07:19,639
even among women.

1245
01:07:19,920 --> 01:07:21,639
Speaker 2: Yes, so women slut shame.

1246
01:07:21,480 --> 01:07:25,760
Speaker 3: Each other, Yeah, absolutely, And I was. I think it's

1247
01:07:26,159 --> 01:07:28,519
I definitely think there's a part of jealousy with it.

1248
01:07:30,719 --> 01:07:33,960
Especially I'm very open that I dated a lot of

1249
01:07:34,000 --> 01:07:36,880
younger guys like it was just I have a very

1250
01:07:36,920 --> 01:07:40,840
young energy. I know I do, and I think people

1251
01:07:40,880 --> 01:07:46,480
were just like disgusted by that. Really yeah, and I

1252
01:07:46,519 --> 01:07:48,079
mean ten years younger.

1253
01:07:48,360 --> 01:07:52,719
Speaker 2: It's not like twenty nine. Yeah, yeah, I thought that.

1254
01:07:52,840 --> 01:07:54,960
I thought I heard twenty five in there. There's one

1255
01:07:55,000 --> 01:07:57,800
twenty five cradle over what's happening?

1256
01:07:58,000 --> 01:08:01,719
Speaker 3: There is one twenty five year old. And I got

1257
01:08:01,719 --> 01:08:03,400
it off with him because he got a d w

1258
01:08:03,639 --> 01:08:05,480
I and he was like, well, I can't drive, so

1259
01:08:05,519 --> 01:08:07,039
you would have to come and pick me up. I'm like,

1260
01:08:07,079 --> 01:08:13,000
I'm not, okay, I'm not gonna like be driving you around, Allen.

1261
01:08:13,119 --> 01:08:17,760
Speaker 2: Sorry that with your own kids.

1262
01:08:20,279 --> 01:08:25,520
Speaker 3: No, But yeah, I do think that women are very

1263
01:08:26,560 --> 01:08:29,560
superficial about it. But then they also will go and

1264
01:08:30,159 --> 01:08:35,640
listen to podcasts about like women who sleep around and

1265
01:08:36,199 --> 01:08:38,399
you know, watch all these stories.

1266
01:08:37,960 --> 01:08:41,359
Speaker 2: Those Is it empowering to see to hear a story

1267
01:08:41,399 --> 01:08:43,199
like that when you say, listen to these things or are

1268
01:08:43,239 --> 01:08:45,119
they judgmental in a way or do you think that

1269
01:08:45,640 --> 01:08:47,319
it's like it's empowering?

1270
01:08:47,760 --> 01:08:53,439
Speaker 3: I like, So, my favorite podcast besides Billified, Yes, is

1271
01:08:53,479 --> 01:08:56,760
called Girls Gotta Eat and it's two women. They've been

1272
01:08:56,800 --> 01:08:59,239
doing it for six years. I left in every single week,

1273
01:08:59,560 --> 01:09:02,920
and they hate slut shaming. They talk about like sex,

1274
01:09:02,960 --> 01:09:06,319
they talk about their lives, the building a business of

1275
01:09:06,720 --> 01:09:09,960
two solo women, not marrying, no kids, and everything, and

1276
01:09:10,000 --> 01:09:16,039
they're both like forty. They are very open about like, yeah,

1277
01:09:16,039 --> 01:09:19,319
they've slept with a lot of people. But women like

1278
01:09:19,439 --> 01:09:22,720
admire them, I think because they are so open about

1279
01:09:22,720 --> 01:09:26,000
these things and they just sort of try to break

1280
01:09:26,039 --> 01:09:28,880
the mold. But they will be very They talk a

1281
01:09:28,880 --> 01:09:33,079
lot about how men get like this pass on if

1282
01:09:33,079 --> 01:09:35,920
you've slept with one hundred women, it's like, oh whatever,

1283
01:09:36,119 --> 01:09:37,760
and no, like who.

1284
01:09:40,039 --> 01:09:43,880
Speaker 2: It's not discussing well, it's would you break it down?

1285
01:09:43,880 --> 01:09:47,399
Like if that breaks down that way, then it shouldn't

1286
01:09:47,399 --> 01:09:49,319
be the other way as well. And I would think

1287
01:09:49,319 --> 01:09:53,119
that it's also somewhat empowering for women. And I think

1288
01:09:53,239 --> 01:09:55,760
when you've been in a long term relationship, to know

1289
01:09:55,800 --> 01:09:59,119
that you're still attractive to other people is a big thing.

1290
01:09:59,199 --> 01:10:02,760
I think that women at a certain age from and

1291
01:10:02,800 --> 01:10:05,039
I don't know what the age would be, but probably

1292
01:10:05,119 --> 01:10:07,920
around my age or so, you start to feel invisible,

1293
01:10:08,840 --> 01:10:11,000
as though you're not seen and stuff. So when you

1294
01:10:11,119 --> 01:10:14,920
go out I think that one of the great things

1295
01:10:14,960 --> 01:10:18,960
for women who find themselves single again. Is the celebration

1296
01:10:19,039 --> 01:10:22,079
of Mills in a sense? No, And I know that

1297
01:10:22,159 --> 01:10:25,720
sounds funny, but I don't mean that in a joky way.

1298
01:10:25,760 --> 01:10:29,199
I think it gives some power back to you. You know, Hey,

1299
01:10:29,199 --> 01:10:31,680
there's a hot milf over there or whatever. The bad

1300
01:10:31,760 --> 01:10:34,960
part is that you don't want the reputation. And I'll

1301
01:10:35,000 --> 01:10:37,960
tell you, like, I know people, and I've asked about

1302
01:10:38,000 --> 01:10:40,479
certain stories that I've heard about them and they're not true.

1303
01:10:41,079 --> 01:10:44,560
Oh yeah, and that has to be really tough, well

1304
01:10:45,039 --> 01:10:48,840
for a woman, because it's tearing down the very character.

1305
01:10:49,279 --> 01:10:52,399
So now we're not looking at you know, it would

1306
01:10:52,439 --> 01:10:55,840
be like, let's take it to back to politics for

1307
01:10:55,840 --> 01:10:59,159
a second. I would say, don't address these things, and

1308
01:10:59,479 --> 01:11:02,920
why are we gonna Let's focus on what in politics

1309
01:11:02,960 --> 01:11:06,880
they'll call kitchen table issues. Get down to the brass fat.

1310
01:11:06,960 --> 01:11:09,079
I don't give a shit who you spread your legs

1311
01:11:09,079 --> 01:11:11,640
for or who you stuck your penis. That's none of

1312
01:11:11,680 --> 01:11:13,760
my business. But I want to know what are you

1313
01:11:13,800 --> 01:11:16,399
going to do on this issue? Where do you stand?

1314
01:11:16,439 --> 01:11:17,880
How do you fix it? What do we do?

1315
01:11:18,359 --> 01:11:19,720
Speaker 3: It shows you who your friends are.

1316
01:11:20,319 --> 01:11:22,960
Speaker 2: It shows you who your friends are. That's an interesting statement.

1317
01:11:23,000 --> 01:11:23,800
Why do you say that?

1318
01:11:24,159 --> 01:11:28,000
Speaker 3: Because you know, I had people who were close friends

1319
01:11:28,039 --> 01:11:33,119
that were spreading rumors about me or saying things to

1320
01:11:33,279 --> 01:11:36,119
my ex husband, and it got back to me like,

1321
01:11:36,720 --> 01:11:37,079
you know.

1322
01:11:37,800 --> 01:11:38,800
Speaker 2: Why would they do that?

1323
01:11:39,880 --> 01:11:42,000
Speaker 3: I think I think I was one of my first

1324
01:11:42,000 --> 01:11:44,119
friends to go through a divorce.

1325
01:11:43,800 --> 01:11:45,000
Speaker 2: Okay, and.

1326
01:11:46,239 --> 01:11:50,680
Speaker 3: It turned into gossip. I mean, women love Back when

1327
01:11:50,720 --> 01:11:53,039
we were talking about binge watching TV shows, Sure, I

1328
01:11:53,039 --> 01:11:55,840
can't stand all these shows, but like the Real Housewives

1329
01:11:55,840 --> 01:12:00,239
of the Real those that stuff, like all the Bravos,

1330
01:12:00,680 --> 01:12:05,319
I have never watched a single of those shows. Forty

1331
01:12:05,399 --> 01:12:07,800
year old women are obsessed with those shows, and I

1332
01:12:07,800 --> 01:12:10,079
think they like to build up the drama. How we

1333
01:12:10,159 --> 01:12:13,680
joke around about the Real Housewifs of Webster like they

1334
01:12:14,479 --> 01:12:18,000
women love drama for some reason, and so if you

1335
01:12:18,039 --> 01:12:20,720
can insert yourself or a person that you know into

1336
01:12:20,760 --> 01:12:22,600
the drama, why not.

1337
01:12:22,880 --> 01:12:24,439
Speaker 2: It's sort of like its reality.

1338
01:12:24,520 --> 01:12:26,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, and sometimes it can be a little white lie

1339
01:12:27,319 --> 01:12:29,960
that you're just trying to push. I think, like, oh,

1340
01:12:30,079 --> 01:12:33,119
is this actually true? Had anyone come to me and

1341
01:12:34,039 --> 01:12:37,880
ask me like point blank about stories, I would tell

1342
01:12:37,920 --> 01:12:41,800
the truth, But like, instead I hear that there's like

1343
01:12:41,880 --> 01:12:44,479
a little circle of maybe one thing that happened, and

1344
01:12:44,520 --> 01:12:47,199
then you know, it's the game of telephone and it's snowballs.

1345
01:12:47,439 --> 01:12:49,800
It's like, that's actually not true at all, but you're

1346
01:12:49,800 --> 01:12:52,199
not even coming to me. So I'm just like whatever.

1347
01:12:52,359 --> 01:12:55,800
Speaker 2: I remember somewhere along the line hearing a story about

1348
01:12:56,960 --> 01:13:01,880
a woman, attractive woman, which I always thought was you know,

1349
01:13:02,359 --> 01:13:06,199
me and founder just dating, single, doing what any guy

1350
01:13:06,199 --> 01:13:09,800
would do or something. And I think if I even

1351
01:13:09,840 --> 01:13:11,880
brought this up to a person today, they would say

1352
01:13:13,039 --> 01:13:16,079
I ran into her family or something. And all I

1353
01:13:16,079 --> 01:13:19,000
could think about was the story So and so told

1354
01:13:19,039 --> 01:13:23,239
us about. And I'm like, God, yeah, because it diminishes

1355
01:13:23,920 --> 01:13:26,640
who was the person. This is why I like I

1356
01:13:26,680 --> 01:13:30,439
always I always will say. I used to say to

1357
01:13:30,479 --> 01:13:32,720
my kids when they were little, the older boys, I

1358
01:13:32,720 --> 01:13:35,279
would tease them and go, no, we're birthdays. We're going

1359
01:13:35,279 --> 01:13:37,399
to celebrate the day you hit do something great, hit

1360
01:13:37,399 --> 01:13:40,920
a home run, do whatever, well it. My point is

1361
01:13:42,239 --> 01:13:47,680
being born is nothing that everybody else here hasn't done. Right.

1362
01:13:47,880 --> 01:13:51,439
Every one of us was born, so we're going to

1363
01:13:51,520 --> 01:13:55,239
celebrate you. Well, let's celebrate something, because your identity shouldn't

1364
01:13:55,239 --> 01:13:58,520
be I'm born and I'm here that's it, right, And

1365
01:13:58,560 --> 01:14:03,560
my identity shouldn't be I'm whatever, I'm gay, I'm transgender.

1366
01:14:03,720 --> 01:14:06,600
You can be gay, And I think that for many,

1367
01:14:06,640 --> 01:14:10,199
many years with the closeted stuff, we learn how bad

1368
01:14:10,239 --> 01:14:14,000
that is and and the horrible things that people suffered

1369
01:14:14,039 --> 01:14:17,199
when someone suspected or or someone was brave enough to

1370
01:14:17,279 --> 01:14:20,920
come out, and how they were treated and shunned or whatever. Uh,

1371
01:14:21,239 --> 01:14:23,800
that's all bad stuff. So now, okay, good, we've made

1372
01:14:23,960 --> 01:14:29,760
progress in that. But just because you're gay, who cares?

1373
01:14:29,880 --> 01:14:30,119
Speaker 3: Yeah?

1374
01:14:30,359 --> 01:14:33,720
Speaker 2: Yeah, right. But on the other side, maybe you're a

1375
01:14:33,760 --> 01:14:36,880
doctor who invented a new type of surgery and you're

1376
01:14:36,880 --> 01:14:39,800
saving lives. Maybe you're a researcher and you did that.

1377
01:14:40,079 --> 01:14:42,079
I want to hear it. Yes, I don't care who

1378
01:14:42,079 --> 01:14:45,319
you sleep with. Ye, But yet we declare when we

1379
01:14:45,359 --> 01:14:46,840
come to the door who we sleep with and what

1380
01:14:46,880 --> 01:14:49,039
our pronouns are and all that stuff, and that to

1381
01:14:49,079 --> 01:14:52,439
me feels like it be who you want to be. Yeah,

1382
01:14:52,479 --> 01:14:53,359
that's fine.

1383
01:14:53,159 --> 01:14:56,880
Speaker 3: And it's then be great. Yeah, Because like going through

1384
01:14:56,880 --> 01:15:00,359
the divorce and sort of just like living sort of

1385
01:15:00,520 --> 01:15:04,199
a more free life for a couple of years, I

1386
01:15:04,279 --> 01:15:09,399
still was such a slut. I was still like running

1387
01:15:09,439 --> 01:15:12,279
my business, taking out my house, taking care of my kids.

1388
01:15:13,399 --> 01:15:17,960
And it's funny because I was very open that I

1389
01:15:18,000 --> 01:15:20,399
did not want a serious relationship. I was like, I

1390
01:15:20,439 --> 01:15:23,560
have always been in my relationships, and so I would

1391
01:15:23,560 --> 01:15:25,880
tell that like, I was not on the apps, I

1392
01:15:26,079 --> 01:15:29,119
wasn't looking for anything. I would meet people out and

1393
01:15:29,159 --> 01:15:32,159
about or I would have friends who would be like, hey,

1394
01:15:32,520 --> 01:15:34,039
I have a guy that I want you to meet.

1395
01:15:34,039 --> 01:15:36,000
I would go out with this person a couple of

1396
01:15:36,000 --> 01:15:37,800
times and be like, it's not going to go anywhere.

1397
01:15:39,560 --> 01:15:42,399
And the night that I met Joe, I very much

1398
01:15:42,439 --> 01:15:46,720
said I don't I don't date. I again, single mom,

1399
01:15:46,920 --> 01:15:50,399
run a business, have two kids, like keep up my house,

1400
01:15:50,920 --> 01:15:54,680
I am very involved in the community. I do not

1401
01:15:54,800 --> 01:15:59,920
have time to date, like and he just won me over.

1402
01:16:00,279 --> 01:16:03,319
And I don't know how he talks about this all

1403
01:16:03,359 --> 01:16:05,319
the time. I was like, it was just you. I

1404
01:16:05,359 --> 01:16:08,960
can't explain it. But other people in my circle will

1405
01:16:09,000 --> 01:16:12,720
constantly tell him like, yeah, she did not I did

1406
01:16:12,800 --> 01:16:17,399
not want a serious relationship. So I mean, yes, I dated,

1407
01:16:17,520 --> 01:16:20,479
I hooked around, I left, did you, But like, I

1408
01:16:20,640 --> 01:16:21,000
was not.

1409
01:16:21,359 --> 01:16:23,279
Speaker 2: What did you learn about yourself.

1410
01:16:24,479 --> 01:16:27,920
Speaker 3: To just not settle for anything?

1411
01:16:28,239 --> 01:16:30,640
Speaker 2: Not just settle for anything, Yeah, did you Because a

1412
01:16:30,640 --> 01:16:33,800
lot of times it sounds like you were very young

1413
01:16:33,840 --> 01:16:36,439
when you got into your marriage. And I was twenty

1414
01:16:36,479 --> 01:16:39,399
two twenty two when you met when you met him,

1415
01:16:39,600 --> 01:16:42,640
how when you got married twenty four, twenty five, twenty five,

1416
01:16:43,039 --> 01:16:44,319
still really young, right?

1417
01:16:44,359 --> 01:16:47,720
Speaker 3: Yeah? And we bought a house together after nine months.

1418
01:16:47,399 --> 01:16:52,520
Speaker 2: Right, So you don't I mean, I don't know. I

1419
01:16:52,560 --> 01:16:55,520
can't say for women, right, Women, I think it's been

1420
01:16:55,520 --> 01:17:00,960
proven scientifically mature faster than men. I've always kind of

1421
01:17:01,720 --> 01:17:03,560
but even with my own sons, Like you know, the

1422
01:17:03,560 --> 01:17:06,479
frontal cortex of your brain, the decision making, your rationale,

1423
01:17:06,520 --> 01:17:08,760
all that, it doesn't really close until you're twenty five.

1424
01:17:08,840 --> 01:17:11,000
That's when it's fully developed, so you're a bit of

1425
01:17:11,000 --> 01:17:14,399
a neanderthal. Before that, you're gonna be making dumb decisions.

1426
01:17:14,399 --> 01:17:17,399
Believe me, I've lived through all. My one son and

1427
01:17:17,439 --> 01:17:21,199
I have had more, I don't want to say issues,

1428
01:17:21,239 --> 01:17:24,840
but adventures, nothing bad, nothing outrageous. But we just had

1429
01:17:24,960 --> 01:17:27,159
an ATV trip then he rolled the fucking thing with me,

1430
01:17:27,199 --> 01:17:29,920
and I still have a stiff neck. You know, it's

1431
01:17:29,960 --> 01:17:35,319
like god damn. But with women, I always think they're

1432
01:17:35,520 --> 01:17:38,079
you know, a little more mature but are you at

1433
01:17:38,119 --> 01:17:40,560
twenty five do you feel that way? Did you know

1434
01:17:40,640 --> 01:17:42,800
yourself enough? Did you know what you like and know

1435
01:17:42,840 --> 01:17:46,000
what you don't like and then to give yourself that opportunity,

1436
01:17:46,039 --> 01:17:46,920
it's almost a gift.

1437
01:17:47,000 --> 01:17:52,560
Speaker 3: Yeah. I I was very much in love with my ax,

1438
01:17:52,680 --> 01:17:57,600
like no, I was. But do I think I knew

1439
01:17:57,640 --> 01:18:01,680
exactly what I wanted in life? Absolutely? Like I think,

1440
01:18:02,039 --> 01:18:04,039
you know, my sister got married at twenty and had

1441
01:18:04,039 --> 01:18:06,239
her first kid at twenty three, and like, I just

1442
01:18:06,279 --> 01:18:10,159
think that I was what people felt like, Yeah, you know.

1443
01:18:10,960 --> 01:18:14,720
And then as I got older, I felt like I

1444
01:18:14,760 --> 01:18:18,680
started giving myself more life experiences. Like growing up, I

1445
01:18:18,760 --> 01:18:22,640
just I didn't really see the world. I didn't educate

1446
01:18:22,680 --> 01:18:25,760
myself as much as I started to in my older life,

1447
01:18:25,840 --> 01:18:28,399
and being like god, life is so short, Like you

1448
01:18:28,560 --> 01:18:31,159
have to be passionate about things. You have to like

1449
01:18:31,520 --> 01:18:35,920
live life to your fullest, like you know, my favorite

1450
01:18:36,000 --> 01:18:38,159
guy I share my birthday with, live every day like

1451
01:18:38,399 --> 01:18:42,640
it's your birthday. Yeah, Like I that is so me.

1452
01:18:45,079 --> 01:18:47,239
And I just don't want to live with any regrets.

1453
01:18:47,239 --> 01:18:51,960
And I mean with honestly everything going on right now.

1454
01:18:52,159 --> 01:18:55,520
I'm like, mom, this is why I live the way

1455
01:18:55,520 --> 01:18:59,199
that I live because I just you never know how

1456
01:18:59,239 --> 01:19:01,920
your life is going to her now, you are not

1457
01:19:02,079 --> 01:19:05,239
guaranteed tomorrow. Like, you have to be happy. You have

1458
01:19:05,319 --> 01:19:08,920
to just I don't want to go to sleep and

1459
01:19:08,960 --> 01:19:10,800
be like I should have done this today, I should

1460
01:19:10,840 --> 01:19:14,880
have stayed in that marriage, like because that was the

1461
01:19:15,000 --> 01:19:18,119
right thing or the you know, Catholic thing to do.

1462
01:19:18,600 --> 01:19:22,520
But you just do what makes her so happy. I

1463
01:19:22,600 --> 01:19:24,079
don't know, Like I well.

1464
01:19:24,119 --> 01:19:29,439
Speaker 2: I think that there's I would say to that, in

1465
01:19:29,479 --> 01:19:35,399
any moment, you should take whatever you're deciding to do,

1466
01:19:35,399 --> 01:19:38,079
do whatever's going to make you feel happiest in that moment,

1467
01:19:38,520 --> 01:19:42,880
and then do it to the fullest without any concern

1468
01:19:42,960 --> 01:19:45,640
for the outcome. And usually if you do that, it's

1469
01:19:45,640 --> 01:19:47,640
going to turn out. Right. Do you find yourself like

1470
01:19:47,640 --> 01:19:49,399
a spiritual person in a way.

1471
01:19:49,359 --> 01:19:52,119
Speaker 3: I'm spiritual, I'm not religious, not religious.

1472
01:19:52,479 --> 01:19:55,000
Speaker 2: I think religion has sort of screwed the world up.

1473
01:19:55,439 --> 01:19:57,479
I think that, you know, if you take Catholicism in

1474
01:19:57,520 --> 01:19:59,520
the fact that even I was just having this conversation

1475
01:19:59,560 --> 01:20:03,199
with my dad that you know, masturbation is a terrible

1476
01:20:03,239 --> 01:20:05,720
thing and you're going to go to hell from masturbating.

1477
01:20:06,000 --> 01:20:08,680
And at every tree several times no, no, no, But my

1478
01:20:09,079 --> 01:20:12,800
point is, especially for young men, right, that's a big deal.

1479
01:20:13,840 --> 01:20:16,960
But I think, boy, that the shame and the guilt

1480
01:20:16,960 --> 01:20:19,720
and the stuff that we suppress and oh my god,

1481
01:20:19,960 --> 01:20:23,119
now we're keeping secrets and we can't be who we are.

1482
01:20:23,199 --> 01:20:26,479
And I think that, you know, talking about things and

1483
01:20:26,560 --> 01:20:28,800
coming out and stuff is good. But I also think

1484
01:20:28,840 --> 01:20:31,119
to your point where we don't know when it's going

1485
01:20:31,159 --> 01:20:35,199
to end. But I do think you are the creator

1486
01:20:35,239 --> 01:20:37,880
of your own destiny. I really am a believer in that,

1487
01:20:37,960 --> 01:20:40,079
and I think in order to do that, you have

1488
01:20:40,159 --> 01:20:42,560
to be happy. I think, because when you're miserable, you're

1489
01:20:42,560 --> 01:20:43,439
gonna stay sucked there.

1490
01:20:43,560 --> 01:20:47,600
Speaker 3: Yes, when you say they're shame like people when you

1491
01:20:47,640 --> 01:20:51,680
say you're divorced. But I'm so sorry. I was like why,

1492
01:20:51,880 --> 01:20:56,199
Like I did have it was a great chapter, Like

1493
01:20:56,279 --> 01:20:59,399
I wasn't fully happy, but like there's so much things

1494
01:20:59,399 --> 01:21:03,359
that could be worse. Like, you know, we both are stable,

1495
01:21:03,479 --> 01:21:06,960
we have two kids who are healthy and loving, and

1496
01:21:07,439 --> 01:21:12,600
we are both so much happier now. So like, would

1497
01:21:12,600 --> 01:21:16,680
you rather stay in a subpar marriage for forty years

1498
01:21:16,720 --> 01:21:21,119
and not really feel fulfilled? Like or are you gonna

1499
01:21:21,159 --> 01:21:24,000
go create that destiny for yourself and go and find

1500
01:21:24,119 --> 01:21:26,800
what really makes you feel alive.

1501
01:21:27,079 --> 01:21:29,640
Speaker 2: And well, I was going to ask you this, and

1502
01:21:30,560 --> 01:21:34,720
we'll get into we'll do one more segment. We're talking

1503
01:21:34,760 --> 01:21:38,560
about what men may need to know. But I was

1504
01:21:38,560 --> 01:21:42,319
just gonna say, what's attractive to you? And I think

1505
01:21:43,000 --> 01:21:47,520
that I think we all know people that men and

1506
01:21:47,560 --> 01:21:50,319
women find attractive. And I don't mean that in terms

1507
01:21:50,319 --> 01:21:53,960
of necessarily a sexual way. There's an energy about a person.

1508
01:21:54,159 --> 01:22:00,119
There's a confidence, confidence. I was gonna say secure area

1509
01:22:00,159 --> 01:22:01,800
to be confidence was the word I was searching for

1510
01:22:01,960 --> 01:22:06,199
a boy. That's all a's sleeking in there, but the confidence,

1511
01:22:06,399 --> 01:22:10,399
and there's just something about that person that you know

1512
01:22:10,560 --> 01:22:12,359
guys like to be their friend if it's a guy,

1513
01:22:12,479 --> 01:22:16,760
and women are attracted to them in different ways potentially.

1514
01:22:18,000 --> 01:22:20,239
But I would say that in order to do that,

1515
01:22:20,920 --> 01:22:23,680
I think you have to go about doing your own

1516
01:22:23,760 --> 01:22:27,520
thing and not worrying about it. And too many times,

1517
01:22:28,159 --> 01:22:32,600
with social media and everything, we worry so much about

1518
01:22:32,640 --> 01:22:35,920
other people. And I think that that it's not just

1519
01:22:36,000 --> 01:22:39,960
a teenage thing I or pretty pubescent. I think it

1520
01:22:40,079 --> 01:22:45,159
is a lifelong thing. I remember watching my grandmother. She

1521
01:22:45,239 --> 01:22:49,680
had two sisters who never married. They lived together. And

1522
01:22:49,800 --> 01:22:52,880
I remember when they were all in their late seventies

1523
01:22:52,880 --> 01:22:55,720
early eighties, they were together and they were arguing and

1524
01:22:55,760 --> 01:22:59,199
I was like, oh my god, like just like sisters,

1525
01:22:59,199 --> 01:23:02,880
you know, and I'm we never grow up, we just

1526
01:23:02,960 --> 01:23:06,199
grow old. Yeah, And I think that when we start living,

1527
01:23:06,399 --> 01:23:09,119
like you try to do things for attention for other people,

1528
01:23:09,159 --> 01:23:11,800
and certainly a podcast is going to be an attention game.

1529
01:23:12,239 --> 01:23:15,119
But I think if you're just doing your thing, and

1530
01:23:15,640 --> 01:23:18,600
that's what people are going to find attractive, the confidence

1531
01:23:18,640 --> 01:23:20,680
in it always this worry and looking in that.

1532
01:23:21,159 --> 01:23:25,840
Speaker 3: We all know that social media is hororfic, Like I

1533
01:23:25,920 --> 01:23:29,239
hate hearing my nieces talk about it. And God, the

1534
01:23:29,279 --> 01:23:32,800
one couple that I know that's the most miserable, like

1535
01:23:33,239 --> 01:23:36,600
cheating couple. They're the ones who are posting the selfies

1536
01:23:36,800 --> 01:23:37,439
every day.

1537
01:23:37,479 --> 01:23:39,479
Speaker 2: They are.

1538
01:23:40,000 --> 01:23:44,920
Speaker 3: It's that is I don't know when people compare themselves.

1539
01:23:45,119 --> 01:23:48,359
Speaker 2: My favorite new commercial is right now, the Progressive commercial.

1540
01:23:49,039 --> 01:23:51,680
It's a progressive commercial where a guy has his camper

1541
01:23:51,680 --> 01:23:53,760
and they're talking about bundling your camper in this and

1542
01:23:53,800 --> 01:23:57,840
he's standing in this spot overlooking this beautiful lake and

1543
01:23:57,880 --> 01:24:00,840
he's talking to Flow for progressive or whatever, and she's

1544
01:24:00,920 --> 01:24:03,800
like and he goes, yeah, well she said you better.

1545
01:24:04,560 --> 01:24:07,039
He goes, yeah, I better do that before people discover

1546
01:24:07,119 --> 01:24:09,039
this place. And then all of a sudden, you hear

1547
01:24:09,439 --> 01:24:12,520
are you done? And then it's this girl who walks

1548
01:24:12,520 --> 01:24:14,760
out to the edge overlooking the cliff and she has

1549
01:24:14,800 --> 01:24:18,399
a selfie stick in her phone now and she says, hey,

1550
01:24:18,479 --> 01:24:22,920
fam I'm just here in this beautiful spot manifesting right,

1551
01:24:23,359 --> 01:24:26,880
And I go, God, damn it, that is so fucking

1552
01:24:26,960 --> 01:24:30,520
spot on. Yes, because that's how we live. We're doing

1553
01:24:30,520 --> 01:24:33,720
it for other people's approval, absolutely in some way. And

1554
01:24:33,760 --> 01:24:36,239
I think if you stop living for other people's approval,

1555
01:24:36,319 --> 01:24:38,680
do what you really want to do, that's what's going

1556
01:24:38,720 --> 01:24:39,600
to be most attractive.

1557
01:24:39,720 --> 01:24:43,560
Speaker 3: I think being authentic like you're and that is why

1558
01:24:43,600 --> 01:24:46,760
I will never I don't have a filter. I am

1559
01:24:46,800 --> 01:24:50,520
who I am. I am not apologetic, like even when

1560
01:24:50,600 --> 01:24:53,720
I fuck up, like I own up to edge, you know.

1561
01:24:54,119 --> 01:24:57,199
But yeah, I think that can be the most attractive

1562
01:24:57,600 --> 01:24:59,239
quality in someone, to the.

1563
01:24:59,159 --> 01:25:02,359
Speaker 2: Point of sucking up. I think it's easier said than done.

1564
01:25:02,439 --> 01:25:05,439
And certainly I would say that there are things in

1565
01:25:05,479 --> 01:25:08,960
my life well, if they hadn't done this, I wouldn't

1566
01:25:09,000 --> 01:25:12,840
be And I think if you really step back and

1567
01:25:12,880 --> 01:25:16,039
be honest. Everything that happens to you is your fault

1568
01:25:16,600 --> 01:25:19,880
in some way or another. Sure you can justify it,

1569
01:25:20,000 --> 01:25:23,079
and you can blame somebody else, but really it was

1570
01:25:23,119 --> 01:25:25,039
something you did. And I'm a big believer in the

1571
01:25:25,119 --> 01:25:27,319
law of attraction, and in some way you pulled that

1572
01:25:27,399 --> 01:25:31,199
in in your thought, in your subconscious thought, in some way.

1573
01:25:31,520 --> 01:25:34,319
And I know that that is something that doesn't always

1574
01:25:34,319 --> 01:25:36,279
sit well with people because they go, ah, it's not

1575
01:25:36,319 --> 01:25:38,960
my fault that, okay. And I'm not going to argue

1576
01:25:38,960 --> 01:25:41,000
with you, because I in my own life can give

1577
01:25:41,039 --> 01:25:44,079
you probably twenty different examples. One I think I told

1578
01:25:44,119 --> 01:25:47,760
you to during a break right, Well, what did I there?

1579
01:25:47,920 --> 01:25:50,039
Somewhere somehow I played a part in that.

1580
01:25:51,239 --> 01:25:55,720
Speaker 3: I agree with you on some terms but not in others,

1581
01:25:55,800 --> 01:25:59,560
Like you know, a car crash like things like that.

1582
01:26:00,439 --> 01:26:02,159
Speaker 2: I know that, and I know that's where people get

1583
01:26:02,479 --> 01:26:06,840
get weird. And there is something like I would take

1584
01:26:06,880 --> 01:26:09,359
it to as smaller. For an example, you ever get

1585
01:26:09,439 --> 01:26:12,279
up in the morning and you're sort of in a

1586
01:26:12,359 --> 01:26:16,479
grumpy mood and you stub your toe, what the fuck yeah?

1587
01:26:16,520 --> 01:26:17,840
And then all of a sudden you go in and

1588
01:26:17,880 --> 01:26:20,319
maybe for a woman you're curling your hair and you

1589
01:26:20,439 --> 01:26:23,119
burn your neck, and then you're going in your you

1590
01:26:23,239 --> 01:26:26,119
got your nice shirt on, your finally heading out. It's

1591
01:26:26,119 --> 01:26:28,399
been a rough morning. You get in the car, you've

1592
01:26:28,399 --> 01:26:30,720
got your yetty fill of coffee and the next thing

1593
01:26:30,720 --> 01:26:32,239
you know, you didn't put the lid on tight enough

1594
01:26:32,239 --> 01:26:35,199
and it spills all over. There's something you're doing that's

1595
01:26:35,199 --> 01:26:37,600
a momentum. That's building, building, building, And the next thing

1596
01:26:37,600 --> 01:26:40,119
you know, you're in a car accident. And that's come.

1597
01:26:40,439 --> 01:26:41,199
Do you know what I'm saying.

1598
01:26:41,560 --> 01:26:42,880
Speaker 3: If it's not your fault.

1599
01:26:42,680 --> 01:26:45,199
Speaker 2: Right, no, somebody pulled out for me and it isn't

1600
01:26:45,239 --> 01:26:48,359
and we have but New York state's a no fault state,

1601
01:26:48,359 --> 01:26:50,359
I believe when it comes in car accident, so you

1602
01:26:50,399 --> 01:26:53,000
get fucked. Yeah, you know what I'm saying, and I don't.

1603
01:26:53,039 --> 01:26:55,520
I don't know. Let's take a break. We'll do one

1604
01:26:55,520 --> 01:26:57,520
more short one. And I appreciate all the time you're

1605
01:26:57,760 --> 01:27:00,479
giving me. I think it's been really interesting. Either. There's

1606
01:27:00,560 --> 01:27:02,920
layers to lor I men know about. Look gets all

1607
01:27:02,960 --> 01:27:04,239
that right after.

1608
01:27:04,039 --> 01:27:07,800
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bottle from their cellar just for themselves. No oh, that's

1637
01:28:32,960 --> 01:28:36,439
just me the perfect way to enjoy these wines and

1638
01:28:36,560 --> 01:28:41,039
not have to clean the kitchen. Mondays b yob only

1639
01:28:41,359 --> 01:28:49,079
at Jojo Let's go girls, they had to do it.

1640
01:28:50,920 --> 01:28:57,399
This song's gonna be what twenty something years old now? Yeah,

1641
01:28:57,439 --> 01:28:58,880
I don't know when ear it came out.

1642
01:28:59,159 --> 01:29:01,880
Speaker 3: To Syracuse, Sarah. I knew so many people who went.

1643
01:29:01,960 --> 01:29:03,039
I think I was out of town.

1644
01:29:05,079 --> 01:29:11,880
Speaker 2: Yeah, she had a great uh husband.

1645
01:29:14,199 --> 01:29:15,560
Speaker 3: That her husband was a lot warer.

1646
01:29:15,960 --> 01:29:21,159
Speaker 2: Mutt Lang. Mutt Lang, Yeah, Mutt Lang is a famous

1647
01:29:21,560 --> 01:29:26,199
rock producer. Okay did like I think he did Pyromania

1648
01:29:26,239 --> 01:29:30,239
for def Leppard, like really really highly sought after and

1649
01:29:30,279 --> 01:29:33,880
I think produced her stuff but then slept with the

1650
01:29:34,520 --> 01:29:37,800
nanny or something yeah, something like that.

1651
01:29:38,600 --> 01:29:40,439
Speaker 3: Did I think she had one baby?

1652
01:29:40,880 --> 01:29:41,079
Speaker 2: Yeah?

1653
01:29:41,119 --> 01:29:43,159
Speaker 3: And I think they said she like did it right

1654
01:29:43,159 --> 01:29:45,960
where she went hiding when she got pregnant, like had

1655
01:29:46,000 --> 01:29:48,560
the baby and then came back and was great back

1656
01:29:48,560 --> 01:29:49,000
and being.

1657
01:29:48,840 --> 01:29:52,560
Speaker 2: A probably yeah, and and and I wouldn't be surprised

1658
01:29:52,600 --> 01:29:54,479
if in some way, And I don't know this for

1659
01:29:54,520 --> 01:29:58,319
a fact, but mutt Lang was certainly he was certainly

1660
01:29:58,920 --> 01:30:01,800
pulling the strings to a certain extent. I mean, she's

1661
01:30:01,840 --> 01:30:05,600
super talented, yeah, but he he was producing all that stuff.

1662
01:30:05,640 --> 01:30:07,159
And I think, yeah, and I think he knew what

1663
01:30:07,199 --> 01:30:10,279
buttons to push and that sort of thing. And uh,

1664
01:30:10,760 --> 01:30:14,560
I don't know that she would. I don't know. Maybe

1665
01:30:14,840 --> 01:30:16,600
he made the career a little bit better than one

1666
01:30:16,640 --> 01:30:20,520
of men. But you know, he was m lang.

1667
01:30:21,920 --> 01:30:22,119
Speaker 1: Lang.

1668
01:30:22,359 --> 01:30:26,039
Speaker 2: He had all the he had. I slept with the nanny.

1669
01:30:26,760 --> 01:30:29,199
I just saw something where it was Bill Burr. It's

1670
01:30:29,239 --> 01:30:31,760
an old Bill Burr piece and it fucking made me laugh.

1671
01:30:31,800 --> 01:30:35,159
And he's going on about he well, since we were

1672
01:30:35,159 --> 01:30:37,880
talking about sluts, He's like, you know, why don't we

1673
01:30:38,680 --> 01:30:41,199
I'm really sick of seeing all these big divorce settlements.

1674
01:30:41,760 --> 01:30:44,239
I'm tired of it. You know, what about these these

1675
01:30:44,279 --> 01:30:47,640
sluts that that ruined these things, and he takes Arnold Schwarzenegger.

1676
01:30:47,960 --> 01:30:51,479
And it was before the Arnold documentary or docuseries that's

1677
01:30:51,479 --> 01:30:55,600
on Netflix, which I find fascinating the confidence that Arnold had.

1678
01:30:55,640 --> 01:30:58,920
I mean, when he walks into some Italian directors thing,

1679
01:30:59,039 --> 01:31:01,319
he goes, why do you have such a big desk

1680
01:31:01,399 --> 01:31:03,600
for a little man? And the guy basically throws him

1681
01:31:03,640 --> 01:31:06,399
out and all this shit, and he's like, you know,

1682
01:31:08,079 --> 01:31:11,520
he's Arnold. He's like, he fucks the maid, but the

1683
01:31:11,560 --> 01:31:13,279
maid had to come on to him in some way,

1684
01:31:13,840 --> 01:31:16,319
and she's not even that attractive. And I know that

1685
01:31:16,399 --> 01:31:18,880
this is kind of right blaming the victims kind of thing,

1686
01:31:19,119 --> 01:31:23,359
but his point is he's like, look, he goes, I

1687
01:31:23,399 --> 01:31:25,560
want somebody to go to Austria and learn the language,

1688
01:31:25,600 --> 01:31:28,239
build up a bunch of muscles, become a huge actor

1689
01:31:28,279 --> 01:31:33,039
over there, and then be governor. Okay, and then and

1690
01:31:33,079 --> 01:31:35,399
then tell me he needs to lose half his shit

1691
01:31:35,439 --> 01:31:37,159
because he did all that. He's a great man. He

1692
01:31:37,239 --> 01:31:39,720
did this, and he fucked the maid. Where's the slut?

1693
01:31:39,880 --> 01:31:43,319
She's the slut? Why do we do It's done in

1694
01:31:43,359 --> 01:31:46,840
a very comedic way, but I go, yeah, interesting, interesting,

1695
01:31:47,399 --> 01:31:51,319
I thought, let's take the slut stuff out of it.

1696
01:31:51,600 --> 01:31:55,640
That's not fair. It takes two to tango, certainly, But

1697
01:31:55,760 --> 01:32:01,479
what are some things that men Let's say, we'll talk

1698
01:32:01,479 --> 01:32:04,520
from more of the divorce perspective, right, Uh, what do

1699
01:32:04,720 --> 01:32:09,359
men need to what? What? What do you want men

1700
01:32:09,399 --> 01:32:12,560
to know? What should men know about a single mom?

1701
01:32:13,079 --> 01:32:15,920
If you're going to date a single mom, how do

1702
01:32:16,000 --> 01:32:20,319
you kind of ride that balance, that throttle of you know,

1703
01:32:20,359 --> 01:32:23,920
giving her enough room and not in this because you know,

1704
01:32:24,079 --> 01:32:28,279
I think there's something about you know, texting and getting

1705
01:32:28,279 --> 01:32:31,159
these messages that kind of builds the butterflies.

1706
01:32:31,279 --> 01:32:35,199
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, yeah, I mean I definitely think though the

1707
01:32:35,399 --> 01:32:39,960
like putting it out there, letting someone know that you're

1708
01:32:39,960 --> 01:32:45,680
thinking of them is so kind. Like it's definitely gonna

1709
01:32:46,560 --> 01:32:48,680
help someone open up to you a little bit more

1710
01:32:48,760 --> 01:32:51,800
at first. But as like a mom, like I had

1711
01:32:51,840 --> 01:32:54,399
to have people understand like I do not have a

1712
01:32:54,439 --> 01:33:00,079
lot of free time, you know, between the kids and

1713
01:33:01,119 --> 01:33:04,800
business and everything. You know, I maybe had one free

1714
01:33:04,880 --> 01:33:08,399
night a week, like, and a lot of times going

1715
01:33:08,439 --> 01:33:18,039
on going on a date was not my priority. I

1716
01:33:18,119 --> 01:33:22,000
get squeezy in a few weeks. I mean there are

1717
01:33:22,199 --> 01:33:24,439
times that I went on two dates and one night.

1718
01:33:24,840 --> 01:33:27,319
Speaker 2: Really yeah, how did that work?

1719
01:33:28,199 --> 01:33:28,960
Speaker 3: I would maybe?

1720
01:33:29,079 --> 01:33:32,479
Speaker 2: What if one date went so well and you didn't

1721
01:33:32,479 --> 01:33:33,159
want it to end.

1722
01:33:34,720 --> 01:33:36,520
Speaker 3: They say that you should never have more than like

1723
01:33:36,520 --> 01:33:39,640
two drinks on a first date, So all right, I

1724
01:33:39,680 --> 01:33:41,880
got you always leave them wanting a little more, so

1725
01:33:42,039 --> 01:33:43,760
cut it off after an hour and a half, even

1726
01:33:43,800 --> 01:33:44,560
if it's going well.

1727
01:33:44,840 --> 01:33:47,720
Speaker 2: Really okay, I don't know any of.

1728
01:33:47,760 --> 01:33:52,239
Speaker 3: This stuff, but most of the dates sucked.

1729
01:33:53,560 --> 01:33:54,439
Speaker 2: Sucked why?

1730
01:33:54,680 --> 01:33:57,800
Speaker 3: I don't know. Personally, I am such a you have

1731
01:33:57,840 --> 01:34:01,000
to have chemistry, Like I don't care. You can be

1732
01:34:01,039 --> 01:34:03,119
the best looking guy in the world, but if you

1733
01:34:04,960 --> 01:34:08,159
just if I don't feel that energy with you, then

1734
01:34:09,840 --> 01:34:11,199
it's not gonna what What?

1735
01:34:11,199 --> 01:34:13,760
Speaker 2: What are mistakes that guys make? Uh?

1736
01:34:14,359 --> 01:34:19,119
Speaker 3: Being too cocky? There's such a difference between cockiness and confidence. Like,

1737
01:34:19,119 --> 01:34:25,840
I love confidence. Cockiness is horrible treating other people with respect.

1738
01:34:26,119 --> 01:34:30,239
I left a date one time because the guy was

1739
01:34:30,279 --> 01:34:33,479
like mocking our waitress and I was like not going

1740
01:34:33,560 --> 01:34:35,920
to deal with that, Like, I think that's horrible.

1741
01:34:38,399 --> 01:34:41,600
Speaker 2: On a first date. He did that? Yeah? Interesting?

1742
01:34:41,920 --> 01:34:48,840
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think I can think of someone specifically. There

1743
01:34:48,920 --> 01:34:52,479
was somebody who like reached out to me in Instagram

1744
01:34:52,560 --> 01:34:55,800
and was like, hey, I saw you from a friend's

1745
01:34:55,880 --> 01:34:58,560
photo like that you were tagged, and like, I would

1746
01:34:58,600 --> 01:35:01,600
love to take you out. Thank you. That's very kind,

1747
01:35:01,760 --> 01:35:06,760
but not really interested in dating or anything like and

1748
01:35:06,760 --> 01:35:08,880
in fear friend, I just I wantn't want to lead

1749
01:35:08,880 --> 01:35:11,560
you on. You did it to like three other friends

1750
01:35:11,600 --> 01:35:13,840
in the same group shooting fish.

1751
01:35:13,640 --> 01:35:18,000
Speaker 2: In a barrel. Hey, it's you know, it's the five time, right.

1752
01:35:18,600 --> 01:35:21,520
Speaker 3: It was like it's been an ongoing grope or a

1753
01:35:21,680 --> 01:35:22,840
joke with my one group.

1754
01:35:22,920 --> 01:35:24,359
Speaker 2: Did anybody go out with them?

1755
01:35:24,600 --> 01:35:26,279
Speaker 3: One of the girls wanted to, and I was like,

1756
01:35:26,439 --> 01:35:29,600
don't why because we called him a mud slinger.

1757
01:35:30,000 --> 01:35:31,000
Speaker 2: A mud slinger.

1758
01:35:31,119 --> 01:35:33,439
Speaker 3: Yeah, there's a lot of mud slingers out there.

1759
01:35:33,479 --> 01:35:35,760
Speaker 2: Just trying to see what sticks. Yes, gotcha.

1760
01:35:35,880 --> 01:35:38,880
Speaker 3: And I think that showing you feeling like you're desperate

1761
01:35:39,079 --> 01:35:42,479
is such a turn off, Like, do not be too

1762
01:35:42,720 --> 01:35:47,159
about someone like right away, because it's just like, are.

1763
01:35:47,079 --> 01:35:50,039
Speaker 2: You that the term love bombing?

1764
01:35:50,279 --> 01:35:56,000
Speaker 3: Yes? Yeah, oh yeah, I've oh yeah a lot.

1765
01:35:56,159 --> 01:36:00,920
Speaker 2: Yeah we thought you did. Oh my god, yeah that

1766
01:36:01,000 --> 01:36:02,039
was the date.

1767
01:36:02,640 --> 01:36:03,720
Speaker 3: We didn't even go in to Dalor.

1768
01:36:03,880 --> 01:36:06,920
Speaker 2: I think I was really friend.

1769
01:36:06,960 --> 01:36:10,159
Speaker 3: No, it's fine, I'm sorry, but I was just like, no,

1770
01:36:10,239 --> 01:36:15,880
I didn't lead you on, like right right right? But yeah,

1771
01:36:16,039 --> 01:36:22,199
I mean I don't know. Just there's also those guys

1772
01:36:22,199 --> 01:36:24,439
who only want to talk about themselves and don't ask

1773
01:36:24,520 --> 01:36:28,520
questions like but again with me, I didn't want that

1774
01:36:28,560 --> 01:36:31,399
serious relationship, so that didn't bother me. But I know

1775
01:36:31,479 --> 01:36:33,520
my friends who have gone out on dates, They're like,

1776
01:36:34,199 --> 01:36:37,560
he literally asked me no questions, Like he just talked

1777
01:36:37,600 --> 01:36:41,239
about himself the whole time, and it's like, hmmm, yeah,

1778
01:36:41,680 --> 01:36:42,239
I don't know.

1779
01:36:42,600 --> 01:36:46,720
Speaker 2: It's weird. I not not going on dates or anything.

1780
01:36:46,760 --> 01:36:54,039
I would find that. I don't know, it would be

1781
01:36:54,119 --> 01:36:59,399
weird for me. What part, Well, I think you can

1782
01:36:59,439 --> 01:37:05,399
have the conversations up I I I think that I

1783
01:37:05,439 --> 01:37:08,119
would have to. I could never do one of those

1784
01:37:08,199 --> 01:37:11,640
dating app things. And yet I know people who have

1785
01:37:11,720 --> 01:37:14,640
met up and done things. To me, that's just a

1786
01:37:14,800 --> 01:37:16,920
quick way to get laid if there's some that's what

1787
01:37:16,920 --> 01:37:17,640
you're looking for.

1788
01:37:17,960 --> 01:37:21,119
Speaker 3: I had Tinder, Yeah, and I would like turn it on,

1789
01:37:22,960 --> 01:37:25,439
go out on like a couple of dates, and then

1790
01:37:25,520 --> 01:37:27,439
turn it off like and I would do it like

1791
01:37:27,560 --> 01:37:29,880
here and there every few months when I was like

1792
01:37:30,079 --> 01:37:33,239
I'll go out and meet someone like and I had

1793
01:37:33,279 --> 01:37:36,800
one guy, like one guy that I did hang out

1794
01:37:36,840 --> 01:37:41,439
with for a month, we'll say, like I actually genuinely

1795
01:37:41,520 --> 01:37:44,119
liked him. But they were like I never thought it

1796
01:37:44,159 --> 01:37:45,600
was going to be serious. There were a lot of

1797
01:37:45,640 --> 01:37:47,479
things that I was like, oh, I would never like

1798
01:37:47,720 --> 01:37:51,560
date someone like you. And he did call me a slut,

1799
01:37:51,640 --> 01:37:53,600
call everything.

1800
01:37:53,600 --> 01:37:55,479
Speaker 2: Oh my god.

1801
01:37:55,720 --> 01:37:59,880
Speaker 3: Yeah, he told me he repented out with me. Repent

1802
01:38:00,239 --> 01:38:02,279
yes or no? Repented?

1803
01:38:02,479 --> 01:38:04,079
Speaker 2: What do you mean repented? What the fuck does that

1804
01:38:04,119 --> 01:38:04,560
even mean?

1805
01:38:04,600 --> 01:38:09,800
Speaker 3: Because I was a sinful woman. She literally thought like

1806
01:38:10,039 --> 01:38:14,520
we were gonna be serious. I was like, I I screenshot.

1807
01:38:14,600 --> 01:38:18,039
I found a screenshot the other day of my Tinder

1808
01:38:18,079 --> 01:38:21,119
profile and it truly and it's funny. I think I

1809
01:38:21,159 --> 01:38:23,199
sent it to Joe. I was like, oh, you know,

1810
01:38:23,439 --> 01:38:25,239
this is what it said. It said I am not

1811
01:38:25,279 --> 01:38:27,640
looking for anything serious. I was like, I am looking

1812
01:38:27,680 --> 01:38:29,520
for a friend to go for like hikes with.

1813
01:38:29,760 --> 01:38:30,239
Speaker 2: I like to go.

1814
01:38:30,439 --> 01:38:36,520
Speaker 3: Bers like that was I wanted like some male, you know,

1815
01:38:36,840 --> 01:38:38,960
someone who I could make up with if I wanted to.

1816
01:38:39,079 --> 01:38:41,840
But like I was very much I am not looking

1817
01:38:41,880 --> 01:38:47,279
for a serious relationship. He was pissed, like pissed that

1818
01:38:47,960 --> 01:38:50,000
he was on that are we dating the same? Guy

1819
01:38:50,199 --> 01:38:52,720
site a couple of months ago, and when my friends

1820
01:38:52,800 --> 01:38:57,279
wrote about like my situation with him. Wow, because then

1821
01:38:57,319 --> 01:38:59,119
he tried to reach out again, like a few months

1822
01:38:59,199 --> 01:39:00,760
later and say.

1823
01:39:00,880 --> 01:39:08,039
Speaker 2: Sorry God, why good Lord? That sounds jealous, didn't. Yeah,

1824
01:39:08,039 --> 01:39:10,600
I want to tell me about the two date night.

1825
01:39:11,119 --> 01:39:12,199
Speaker 3: Oh which one?

1826
01:39:13,920 --> 01:39:15,760
Speaker 2: Yeah, but a two date night, like one ends at

1827
01:39:15,760 --> 01:39:16,439
what seven?

1828
01:39:16,880 --> 01:39:18,840
Speaker 3: You go for the early go for like, yeah, a

1829
01:39:18,920 --> 01:39:22,319
happy hour drink and that hour drink. That other one

1830
01:39:22,520 --> 01:39:25,279
I know, I went to Winfield and went for like

1831
01:39:25,319 --> 01:39:27,079
a post dinner drink, And none.

1832
01:39:26,840 --> 01:39:29,119
Speaker 2: Of these were turned into anything.

1833
01:39:29,720 --> 01:39:32,479
Speaker 3: No, No, the one actually hold on the one that

1834
01:39:32,520 --> 01:39:35,439
I met at Winfield for the post center drink. That

1835
01:39:35,520 --> 01:39:36,760
was the guy I was supposed to bring to a

1836
01:39:36,800 --> 01:39:37,800
boxing class with you.

1837
01:39:38,000 --> 01:39:38,720
Speaker 2: Oh that's right.

1838
01:39:38,880 --> 01:39:41,079
Speaker 3: Yeah, But on our second date he got like really

1839
01:39:41,119 --> 01:39:44,880
possessive of me and started telling like his friends.

1840
01:39:44,640 --> 01:39:49,800
Speaker 2: Like you were his girlfriend. Yeah, yeah, how do are

1841
01:39:49,840 --> 01:39:53,359
women looking? I'll ask this, and I have to formulate

1842
01:39:53,399 --> 01:39:54,880
the question. I think a little better in my head.

1843
01:39:54,880 --> 01:39:59,399
But I always think that guys who get divorced more

1844
01:39:59,439 --> 01:40:04,000
than women. I think there's something about the stability of

1845
01:40:04,439 --> 01:40:07,800
the relationship that makes them feel that they can like

1846
01:40:07,920 --> 01:40:10,439
it's almost like that area of my life is content,

1847
01:40:10,960 --> 01:40:13,239
so I can focus on my purpose or whatever I'm

1848
01:40:13,279 --> 01:40:17,920
doing right, And I often see guys, it seems like

1849
01:40:19,319 --> 01:40:24,199
to me, men jump into a new relationship quicker than women.

1850
01:40:24,479 --> 01:40:27,399
Oh yeah, but it really does seem that way to me.

1851
01:40:27,600 --> 01:40:29,600
I don't know if that's a fact or not, but

1852
01:40:29,680 --> 01:40:33,119
there's something about the stability of the relationship that I

1853
01:40:33,159 --> 01:40:38,119
think balances a guy. And the problem is it may

1854
01:40:38,119 --> 01:40:40,239
not be right. And I think a lot of times

1855
01:40:40,279 --> 01:40:46,000
for everybody it's different players, same situation, right, we're bringing

1856
01:40:46,079 --> 01:40:48,920
we attract the same type of person, the same type

1857
01:40:48,920 --> 01:40:52,119
of baggage. You've resolved none of your own shit that

1858
01:40:52,439 --> 01:40:55,479
made the other one end. It's always that other person's fault.

1859
01:40:55,600 --> 01:40:57,520
You've got a bunch of shit you didn't deal with

1860
01:40:57,920 --> 01:40:59,920
and get to the root of, and now you've jumped

1861
01:40:59,920 --> 01:41:01,920
into a new relationship. And a lot of times, I

1862
01:41:01,960 --> 01:41:04,920
think statistically second marriages don't last even as long as

1863
01:41:05,880 --> 01:41:10,159
as first marriages. Right, So, and maybe that is also

1864
01:41:10,279 --> 01:41:12,000
like I knew what I like, I know what I

1865
01:41:12,000 --> 01:41:14,279
don't like, and I'm a little more confident I've gone

1866
01:41:14,279 --> 01:41:17,920
through this before. I'm out of this. But I why

1867
01:41:18,000 --> 01:41:20,000
is it? What is it with men like that? There

1868
01:41:20,079 --> 01:41:24,479
almost does seem to be a desperation among men for that.

1869
01:41:24,720 --> 01:41:27,199
Like there's something about I've spent ten years of my

1870
01:41:27,279 --> 01:41:30,640
life family around. I like that stability, and I can

1871
01:41:30,720 --> 01:41:34,239
understand that myself, you know, I totally get it. But

1872
01:41:34,319 --> 01:41:35,560
god damn, don't make it wrong.

1873
01:41:35,680 --> 01:41:38,640
Speaker 3: I joke that my dad had his next wife before

1874
01:41:38,680 --> 01:41:40,319
he would leave his previous wife.

1875
01:41:40,399 --> 01:41:45,039
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I mean yeah, serial dating almost to a relationship,

1876
01:41:45,159 --> 01:41:46,880
serial relationships, not serial dating.

1877
01:41:48,119 --> 01:41:53,000
Speaker 3: I think a lot of guys are I don't know,

1878
01:41:53,079 --> 01:41:56,479
maybe single minded where yeah, like they focus on their

1879
01:41:56,479 --> 01:41:58,560
work or whatever, and their home life is just like

1880
01:41:59,319 --> 01:42:05,159
it's son that to come home to somebody else who

1881
01:42:05,239 --> 01:42:07,720
already is like, you know, the dinner and everything. I

1882
01:42:07,720 --> 01:42:10,720
think they still have that old school mentality.

1883
01:42:10,640 --> 01:42:11,600
Speaker 2: That you take care of home.

1884
01:42:11,720 --> 01:42:14,359
Speaker 3: Yeah, and so like, yeah, that's why they don't want

1885
01:42:14,359 --> 01:42:16,800
to be single, Like they don't know. I remember when

1886
01:42:16,920 --> 01:42:19,399
my ex's grandma died. We were worried about his grandpa

1887
01:42:19,479 --> 01:42:23,119
because his grandpa had never made himself a meal. Wow,

1888
01:42:23,359 --> 01:42:27,960
Like yeah, like it's he died a few months later.

1889
01:42:29,079 --> 01:42:30,039
Speaker 2: It's usually the case.

1890
01:42:30,239 --> 01:42:34,239
Speaker 3: Yeah, But like I do think that men just want

1891
01:42:34,239 --> 01:42:36,800
to come home to the wife and the house and

1892
01:42:36,840 --> 01:42:40,479
everything they do, say a lot of guys, And I

1893
01:42:40,520 --> 01:42:42,760
know this is going to sound horrible, but I'm going

1894
01:42:42,840 --> 01:42:45,960
to think the better looking men who go through divorces,

1895
01:42:46,079 --> 01:42:50,680
they have their whole year and then they want to

1896
01:42:50,720 --> 01:42:53,239
settle down. After a year, they realize it's not all

1897
01:42:53,279 --> 01:42:53,760
that great.

1898
01:42:54,880 --> 01:43:02,479
Speaker 2: Right, I've I've heard you've been called that. No, no,

1899
01:43:03,479 --> 01:43:09,000
I have not, I have not. No, that's funny. But

1900
01:43:10,520 --> 01:43:13,399
so take me to like you get two years into

1901
01:43:13,399 --> 01:43:17,920
a relationship, right, and sometimes that magic is gone, the butterflies,

1902
01:43:17,960 --> 01:43:22,119
the thing. How what? And I will say a lot

1903
01:43:22,159 --> 01:43:27,960
of times I think it's guys. Because for women, if

1904
01:43:28,000 --> 01:43:32,279
you have kids, this is why. Like I had to

1905
01:43:32,399 --> 01:43:36,960
sign papers to let my son, my youngest son, go

1906
01:43:37,079 --> 01:43:39,520
with my wife out of state to live out of state.

1907
01:43:40,119 --> 01:43:44,880
And I think when she presented me, she said, all

1908
01:43:44,920 --> 01:43:48,359
my friends say, you'll never do this, And I was

1909
01:43:48,439 --> 01:43:55,000
trying to really think. Sometimes it's hard to separate emotions

1910
01:43:55,039 --> 01:43:57,520
and things. You know, when we look at business, we go,

1911
01:43:57,560 --> 01:43:59,600
how the fuck can you've just ruined all these people's like,

1912
01:44:00,000 --> 01:44:02,640
there's no emotion in business, just isn't. And if you

1913
01:44:02,840 --> 01:44:05,560
run a business, a lot of times you're going to fail.

1914
01:44:05,680 --> 01:44:09,159
Speaker 3: That is My business coach has talked to me about

1915
01:44:09,199 --> 01:44:13,079
how I have to stop being so empathetic because the

1916
01:44:13,119 --> 01:44:15,840
people who really really really needed me a lot of

1917
01:44:15,960 --> 01:44:19,399
times couldn't afford me, and so I would discount my

1918
01:44:19,479 --> 01:44:22,199
rists or I would work on the weekends and I

1919
01:44:22,199 --> 01:44:24,560
would want to help them, and she's like, you're not

1920
01:44:24,640 --> 01:44:27,920
helping yourself, so in turn, you're not helping your children,

1921
01:44:28,319 --> 01:44:30,880
and so it really it was a it was a

1922
01:44:30,880 --> 01:44:32,439
mind fuck like for a while.

1923
01:44:32,960 --> 01:44:35,800
Speaker 2: So that makes a lot of sense, and I think that.

1924
01:44:36,439 --> 01:44:39,640
But I do think that there's an importance when kids

1925
01:44:39,640 --> 01:44:42,520
are young to have the mom around, right, to be

1926
01:44:42,640 --> 01:44:45,439
with mom, And that was my thinking. And then I

1927
01:44:45,479 --> 01:44:48,600
also thought that where she was going was because there

1928
01:44:48,680 --> 01:44:52,760
was family, and I thought the good influence and all that,

1929
01:44:52,800 --> 01:44:55,960
and I, you know, I made a decision and I

1930
01:44:56,359 --> 01:44:59,600
like to think more out of intellect than emotion. Not

1931
01:44:59,640 --> 01:45:03,680
an easy one, but so so when it comes to

1932
01:45:03,880 --> 01:45:06,319
like women and you're caring for the kids, I don't

1933
01:45:06,479 --> 01:45:10,560
think guys really appreciate all the stuff. No, right, when

1934
01:45:10,560 --> 01:45:13,199
we talk about guys, you know, keeping the home and

1935
01:45:13,239 --> 01:45:16,159
doing that sort of thing, that's where like, you know,

1936
01:45:16,239 --> 01:45:17,600
you do it on your own a little bit. I

1937
01:45:17,640 --> 01:45:19,720
mean there are times I'm by myself. I go, how

1938
01:45:19,720 --> 01:45:20,920
the fuck am I getting it all this done? I

1939
01:45:20,920 --> 01:45:22,800
got laundry, I got this, I want to I can't

1940
01:45:22,800 --> 01:45:25,319
stand the mess I got. And that's right. And I'm

1941
01:45:25,399 --> 01:45:29,479
bitching to myself because I made the messes.

1942
01:45:29,159 --> 01:45:33,039
Speaker 3: I have said. And I again, I like, pre apologize

1943
01:45:35,680 --> 01:45:40,199
my ex. I have never missed him as a person.

1944
01:45:40,760 --> 01:45:42,920
Yeah I missed the help around the house.

1945
01:45:45,039 --> 01:45:49,600
Speaker 2: I miss a statement right there. It's the greatest fucking statement.

1946
01:45:50,079 --> 01:45:53,520
But the help around the house did it make him

1947
01:45:53,520 --> 01:45:57,239
more attractive? When he did? We used to call it

1948
01:45:57,399 --> 01:46:00,359
chore play? Right? Oh?

1949
01:46:00,520 --> 01:46:02,039
Speaker 3: When I came home the other day and Joe have

1950
01:46:02,159 --> 01:46:03,840
cleaned for like an hour and a half, I was like.

1951
01:46:04,159 --> 01:46:09,439
Speaker 2: I'll blow you right now, right, I mean, I'm sorry, But.

1952
01:46:09,800 --> 01:46:14,199
Speaker 3: No, when I come home and he's he's done yard

1953
01:46:14,199 --> 01:46:16,079
work for me, and it's not that he won't even

1954
01:46:16,119 --> 01:46:17,840
tell me. He just shows up to my house and

1955
01:46:17,880 --> 01:46:21,279
like weeds, and I'm like, this is the biggest turn

1956
01:46:21,399 --> 01:46:24,680
on the fact that you are physically helping me, like

1957
01:46:24,760 --> 01:46:27,560
with something that yeah, I don't have the time or

1958
01:46:27,600 --> 01:46:31,039
whatever to do, Like it's amazing is it. I also

1959
01:46:31,199 --> 01:46:35,800
don't huh, don't want to have to thank someone, especially

1960
01:46:35,840 --> 01:46:39,560
if you live with them, for unloading the dishwasher. And

1961
01:46:39,600 --> 01:46:42,439
my ex wanted the pat on the back if he

1962
01:46:42,880 --> 01:46:46,640
did anything folded laundry like, and I'm no, this is

1963
01:46:46,720 --> 01:46:50,319
your laundry too, This is archial, this is our mess,

1964
01:46:50,720 --> 01:46:54,560
this is our house. Like I shouldn't have to, you know,

1965
01:46:55,239 --> 01:46:55,880
but yeah.

1966
01:46:55,720 --> 01:46:58,880
Speaker 2: No, I I hear you. There. Is it normal for

1967
01:46:58,960 --> 01:47:02,800
people like to get bored with somebody like two years

1968
01:47:02,840 --> 01:47:05,000
in and how do you think what would be the

1969
01:47:06,000 --> 01:47:09,840
good way to spark it up or make it h.

1970
01:47:10,119 --> 01:47:14,119
Speaker 3: Have you ever heard that two to two theory? No,

1971
01:47:14,600 --> 01:47:16,840
it's when you're in a relationship, every two weeks you

1972
01:47:16,880 --> 01:47:19,359
should go on a date, like have a date night, yea.

1973
01:47:19,600 --> 01:47:22,880
Every two months you should do like an overnight, and

1974
01:47:22,960 --> 01:47:25,359
every two years you should go on a vacation together.

1975
01:47:27,800 --> 01:47:31,119
I'd like that. I think I think that's maybe too much.

1976
01:47:31,520 --> 01:47:34,600
I don't know, especially when you're raising kids if money

1977
01:47:34,640 --> 01:47:37,520
is tight, like going out to dinner and a babysitter

1978
01:47:37,600 --> 01:47:40,439
that's easily a couple hundred dollars, Oh my god, like

1979
01:47:41,159 --> 01:47:44,039
so to do that twice a month, like that's a lot,

1980
01:47:45,319 --> 01:47:49,520
but you can do just creative things like I My

1981
01:47:49,560 --> 01:47:52,159
favorite thing to do is hike. So this morning Joe

1982
01:47:52,239 --> 01:47:54,640
was like, after I was texting you, He's like, let's

1983
01:47:54,680 --> 01:47:57,399
go hike this afternoon. I was like, yes, like he

1984
01:47:57,520 --> 01:47:59,760
knows that that's something I really love to do. So

1985
01:47:59,840 --> 01:48:05,520
I think playing into your partners like the things that

1986
01:48:05,560 --> 01:48:11,880
they really like, surprising them. I'm I don't think gifts

1987
01:48:12,079 --> 01:48:14,479
is a big thing, but like a little gift goes

1988
01:48:14,520 --> 01:48:15,239
a long way.

1989
01:48:15,479 --> 01:48:20,680
Speaker 2: Always dating, always try to keep that that segment.

1990
01:48:20,439 --> 01:48:23,279
Speaker 3: Makes someone feel appreciated. I think all the time.

1991
01:48:23,560 --> 01:48:27,479
Speaker 2: How important and I think this is right. Having not

1992
01:48:27,760 --> 01:48:32,119
been doing that, I find it now to listen and

1993
01:48:32,319 --> 01:48:34,079
and and by listen, I mean like.

1994
01:48:38,439 --> 01:48:40,319
Speaker 3: It's not like you know, listen to me to tell

1995
01:48:40,359 --> 01:48:41,800
you your partner's opinion.

1996
01:48:42,039 --> 01:48:44,399
Speaker 2: Well value the opinion. But I'm even saying like you

1997
01:48:44,439 --> 01:48:47,600
can pick up things like you know, I've god, I

1998
01:48:47,640 --> 01:48:50,560
always wanted whatever, and it's just said in a thing

1999
01:48:50,600 --> 01:48:53,279
and you make a mental note of it. And some

2000
01:48:53,439 --> 01:48:58,039
that they mysteriously it just appears like you listen right

2001
01:48:58,279 --> 01:49:01,800
or you know, I really can't stand when somebody so

2002
01:49:01,840 --> 01:49:05,159
you make sure you're not doing that. And those are

2003
01:49:05,199 --> 01:49:09,159
the things relationships are. I hate the word work, but

2004
01:49:09,239 --> 01:49:09,640
they are.

2005
01:49:09,840 --> 01:49:10,239
Speaker 1: They are.

2006
01:49:11,199 --> 01:49:14,600
Speaker 2: But if it's if it means something to you, because

2007
01:49:14,640 --> 01:49:17,840
I'll tell you. I think we have the definition of

2008
01:49:17,840 --> 01:49:21,840
intimacy wrong a lot of times, and by intimacy we

2009
01:49:21,920 --> 01:49:24,119
often think like sex and that sort of thing, and

2010
01:49:24,159 --> 01:49:27,359
it is. But you can have sex with anybody, but

2011
01:49:27,439 --> 01:49:31,600
you can't necessarily have the intimacy and the trust and

2012
01:49:32,039 --> 01:49:36,079
knowing the person really really well that. I think that

2013
01:49:36,079 --> 01:49:39,960
that overcomes everything, absolutely and it's all part of it.

2014
01:49:40,000 --> 01:49:41,760
I think it makes everything better. I think it makes

2015
01:49:41,800 --> 01:49:44,079
the sex more intense. I think it makes you know

2016
01:49:44,239 --> 01:49:50,279
things I don't Knowation is key to Yeah.

2017
01:49:50,640 --> 01:49:53,680
Speaker 3: I think when you said like putting those little oh,

2018
01:49:53,720 --> 01:49:57,279
I wish I had this, and surprising someone. I also

2019
01:49:57,319 --> 01:50:00,960
think if you flip it around and you're partner, there's

2020
01:50:00,960 --> 01:50:04,079
something that is bothering you about them, Yes, being like

2021
01:50:04,640 --> 01:50:08,239
not rude about it, but actually telling them instead of

2022
01:50:08,399 --> 01:50:11,560
giving them being passive aggressive or the cold shoulder or

2023
01:50:11,600 --> 01:50:14,520
like getting frustrated with them, like that can be so

2024
01:50:14,640 --> 01:50:19,000
big if you just simply tell them. I can't stand

2025
01:50:19,039 --> 01:50:22,760
when water bottles or like seltzer cans are left out

2026
01:50:22,840 --> 01:50:28,159
around my house, like obviously. So if anyone passed relationship

2027
01:50:29,079 --> 01:50:32,960
current relationship, if they like leave like cans around, I'm like, please,

2028
01:50:33,159 --> 01:50:34,880
at least just all I ask you to do is

2029
01:50:34,880 --> 01:50:37,960
we have a recycling bed. Yeah, right in my right

2030
01:50:38,000 --> 01:50:39,520
behind the garbage. All you gotta do is pull it

2031
01:50:39,560 --> 01:50:41,279
out and put the can in there. Like it's just

2032
01:50:41,319 --> 01:50:44,439
those little things. But I speak up about it instead of.

2033
01:50:44,359 --> 01:50:46,840
Speaker 2: Like letting fester. Yes, and all of a sudden you

2034
01:50:46,880 --> 01:50:50,520
explode and you're whipping bottles of people's heads, you fucking idiot.

2035
01:50:50,680 --> 01:50:54,000
Yeah again, Yeah, yeah, Well, I think this has been

2036
01:50:54,079 --> 01:50:57,039
very interesting. I didn't know all the depth your business.

2037
01:50:57,079 --> 01:51:00,760
The uh we we talked about the transgender issue or

2038
01:51:00,800 --> 01:51:04,279
not issue really with the boxing and then uh uh

2039
01:51:04,479 --> 01:51:08,800
just relationship stuff. Layers of Laura. I kind of like it.

2040
01:51:08,840 --> 01:51:12,079
I think it's great. What layers of Laura I think

2041
01:51:12,079 --> 01:51:15,239
it is. That's it. That's what we're gonna call this episode,

2042
01:51:15,520 --> 01:51:17,840
layers of Laura. I don't know what that's not insulting?

2043
01:51:17,960 --> 01:51:21,800
Is it? No? All right? For Laura. I'm Bill Moran.

2044
01:51:21,960 --> 01:51:30,000
We'll see you tomorrow. The Holtail didn't know what to

2045
01:51:30,119 --> 01:51:34,960
do TV to you dead