Speaker 1: The best way to support this podcast is to go
to patreon dot com slash Softcore History, where you get
two additional episodes every week, including a three year evergreen
back catalog of ad free content. On this week's episode,
we're talking about a man who is perhaps the most
disease riddled pope in history, well, self inflicted.
Speaker 2: Disease, potentially, This pope, like the fuck he did? This
guy banged more than any pope in the history of pope,
and I'm beyond certain of it.
Speaker 1: So let's just get into it. This week we're talking
about Benedict the Ninth.
Speaker 3: Welcome to Softcore History.
Speaker 1: Welcome back to softcore History, ladies and gentlemen.
Speaker 2: It's been a long time. No it hasn't. I don't
know how to podcast, and now it hasn't for the audience,
but for us, it's been weeks.
Speaker 1: We haven't missed, we haven't, but I haven't been in
the studio in at least two weeks.
Speaker 2: I'm fucking cold. This is like the uh, this is
like having a bye in the MLB playoffs, right, ice
cold bats have gone cold?
Speaker 1: Maybe the college football playoffs.
Speaker 2: Maybe the college football playoff too. Yeah, just ice fucking cold.
So well, this is gonna be a horrible show.
Speaker 1: It could be.
Speaker 2: Yeah, this is gonna be just a mess. And Dan
came in and was like, we're gonna have to do
a lot of Gabin today. I didn't write a lot.
Speaker 1: I just drove thirty hours from Pennsylvania to avoid a
winter store. Yeah, I had to leave early. It's all good.
I feel excited for this year. I feel excited for
where this show's going, the direction.
Speaker 2: This is gonna be the year of softmore history. Now,
we were wrong about that in twenty three and twenty four, but.
Speaker 1: Third times a charm, surely we can't be wrong again.
Speaker 2: We had no illusions in twenty two, no head score
twenty two.
Speaker 1: We accepted our fate.
Speaker 2: Yeah, head score on our shoulders in twenty two and
twenty one, and.
Speaker 1: We blamed Jake for twenty two.
Speaker 2: I Jake was behind the scenes. The vibe with Jake
was really bad. Yeah, Jake, if you're listening.
Speaker 1: We haven't really talked about that publicly, but he was
kind of a diva. Oh boy came in demanded that
we had like charcuterie boards every podcast.
Speaker 2: Always with the charcuterie boards, and then he'd make us
try his sour dough, and we like, try it with
the jam I made you buy and the and the
and I was like with the salami. He's like, no,
not the salami, the fucking pershudo with jam, with peach
jam you want to put for thealami. I mean, it was.
Speaker 1: Just it's a salty, sweet thing that he really pushed.
Speaker 2: Over the top. And then when the oyster things started,
the oyster every week every week, I actually had vibrio.
Speaker 3: Yeah, for a.
Speaker 1: While, I got mercury poison and actually, yeah, he was just.
Speaker 2: At one point he pinned me down and just started
funneling oysters into.
Speaker 1: My mouth shell. Included it was bad.
Speaker 2: That's the worst, worst BM in my life. Yeah, so
it was a reef in my toilet.
Speaker 1: You know, we don't want to rehab any issues we've
had with Jake. We're on to bigger and better things,
Me and Rob Fox. Twenty twenty five, it's gonna be
our year.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah. And also this is evergreen, so maybe it's
twenty twenty seven.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but if you're listening to this in two or
three years, just no, we made it big. This was
the year, or we're dead. There's no in between.
Speaker 2: It really isn't.
Speaker 1: But with that said, I think with the new year,
we kind of need to go back to our foundation.
You got a weirdo for me today, We need to
go back to our basics. Yes, the weirdos, all right,
that's what this podcast was built on, and also us
just talking about and kind of riding for the Pope.
Speaker 2: Yes, I was gonna that was the other thing I
was gonna say it was Catholicism weirdos, And this episode
combines both. Oh that's the two of our strongest pillars, weirdos.
Catholicism used to be Judaism. Now I feel a little
bad doing Jewish stuff because our blanket is not here. Like, no,
it's cool the one Jew's laughing at it. It's like
if a podcast makes really fucking racist jokes but there's
one black guy on it who thinks it's just a
point to him. Yeah, then it doesn't matter if it's
actually like a horrible thing. Now one black guy's laughing.
Speaker 1: So the Portuguese Jew inside of me, yeah, isn't enough.
Speaker 2: Oh not enough. It's not enough.
Speaker 1: It's kind of like Elizabeth Warren saying she's Native American.
Speaker 2: Right, yeah, you just you basically just like it's an
old family story that you're one percent Portuguese Jewish.
Speaker 1: Although with the beard in the hair now, I do
definitely appear more Portuguese.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not more Jewish.
Speaker 1: Jewish are harry people.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I guess that's true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but it just working the docks. But it's bad.
Speaker 2: It's bad body hair.
Speaker 1: It's you've good navigating the seas.
Speaker 2: It's a good body you, don't you you have good
body hair. I've seen bad Jewish body hair.
Speaker 1: I'm starting to get some hair on my back now,
and it's concerning.
Speaker 2: See, that's the one good thing. Like my metabolism has
left me at this point, so the one good thing
I still have going for me is that I'm relatively hairless.
Speaker 1: That's not a good thing.
Speaker 2: Chesting back no hair.
Speaker 1: You should get jacked then and just start oiling up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know I should. Twenty competing, it's the year
of me getting jacked.
Speaker 1: I actually haven't lifted that much in the last.
Speaker 2: Couple of weeks, I'm sure, your twink.
Speaker 1: No, I know I am. I've actually lost weight. I'm
like down with the two twenty now, O twink here sad.
Although everyone was saying I was getting fat.
Speaker 2: You probably were over the break. Oh you mean like,
oh on this show. On the show, people look at you. Well,
the camera doesn't do you justice.
Speaker 1: It doesn't. I should pop top more often. You should
pop top more often for my birthday this May.
Speaker 2: That's all I'm gonna say. Whenever anyone talks about gains
on any show that I'm on this or producing, it's
just like pop top, shut up and pop top.
Speaker 1: Yeah, pop top.
Speaker 2: I don't want to hear it. I want to see it. Pop.
Speaker 1: If you're bragging about your gains and kind of your
lifting regiment and your diet, you typically don't lift because
if you do lift, you have body dysmorphia.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we've got on so many times.
Speaker 1: My dysmorphia is what fuels that's a true meat head.
Nobody's ever satisfied with their body. If they actually lift.
Speaker 2: You are forever small, So I don't lift them satisfies
my body.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and it surprises me all the time. You're just
taking photos with your wife and your kids at the beach.
I'm like, what the fuck rob lifting kids? You're lifting kids?
I lift you probably only you're probably eating like a
thousand calories a day.
Speaker 2: I really only eat like fifteen hundred calories a day.
Speaker 1: That's insane.
Speaker 2: Well, then I slap on another thousand from alcohol.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so yeah, you can do that though, yeah yeah, yeah,
right right, You're like, oh, I drink all the time
every day, but I'm hitting my macros.
Speaker 2: I really like, seriously, I don't. I don't eat. I
try to eat minimally because I know that I don't
move a lot necessarily.
Speaker 1: You know what I've realized over the break, alcohol free beer.
It's really in. I've been seeing nothing but ads for
like all these.
Speaker 2: Athletic dude alcohol free beers, and I understand. So here's
the thing too, that's fucked up. They're good dupes. Because
I was at a Christmas party overbreak and all that
was in the cooler was bud Light Miller Light. And
then I was like, I don't know if I want
want one of these, so I I but I found
an IPA and I was like, all right, I'll do
this ipa and I drank it and I was like, fuck,
this is clean, this is fucking good. This is like water,
a bright crisp by pa. And then I look at
the can after I finish it and said, forty five calories.
I was like, how fuck is that possible?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: And then I was like and then I saw the
non alcoholic and I was like, oh god, damn it.
Speaker 1: You want to crush twelve of those before you work out?
Speaker 2: Car belowed. You know that, that's what the German Olympians do.
They drink that to recover. They drink non alcoholic beer. Okay,
that's a that's a true thing. I don't know what
kind of not alcohol but anyway, it was good though,
Like it was, I'm not gonna drink them regularly, but
it did taste good.
Speaker 1: Back to what today's episode's about though, it's a demon
from hell disguised as a priest sitting on the chair
of Saint Peter. This is how many of his peers
described him.
Speaker 2: Same Pope Francis, it's not. I think that's how many
Catholics currently describe the Pope.
Speaker 1: Yes, I think that was a big thing when he
was elected. Which, by the way, loyalty is it because
he's a Jesuit.
Speaker 2: Yeah. The Jesuits are have always been kind of annoying
because they're chill. Yeah, they're they're like the Lib Catholics
and the lib the hippie Catholics keep in mind liberal
Catholic is still birth control is bad the only condom.
Do not get AIDS and uh, get people to go
to hell.
Speaker 1: But be nice.
Speaker 2: Don't throw rocks at them. Don't throw a rock at
the homosexual.
Speaker 1: He's the cool pope. Here's a bouncer. Yeah, and he
likes big booty hose on Instagram.
Speaker 2: It's so funny.
Speaker 1: I remember it so like when I did.
Speaker 2: He still, by the way, hates girls.
Speaker 1: Yeah. There was like girl that would always hit me
up and then she like to be posted on the
site and on the Instagram. Yeah, and then one day
the pope liked her Instagram like a big booty ho
byon effects.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So, I mean, shouts to her, shouts to the pope.
But today we're actually going to talk about a pope
that wasn't as cool, Okay, I mean, in fact, we're
talking about the young pope. Oh, the youngest.
Speaker 2: There were some young popes.
Speaker 1: This was the youngest pope okay on record. Hell yeah,
let's go.
Speaker 2: So.
Speaker 1: Theo Phylactus was born in the outskirts of the city
of Rome in ten twelve, the son of a wealthy
count and the nephew of two previous popes.
Speaker 2: What was the You probably don't know this because I
don't know off the top of my head, but like,
wasn't there was like a like the popes were like
only Italian for like a millennia or something like that.
Speaker 1: I think it was his family. Okay, so I think
maybe not a millennia, but it was like a couple.
Speaker 2: Decades centuries where before there was no Italian pope. And
then I think Pope Francis is the first non European pope.
Speaker 1: He's the first South American pope.
Speaker 2: He's definitely the first Western hemisphere pope. I think he's
the first. Well where else would they be from? There's
never a Chinese pope.
Speaker 1: You can fucking have a Canadian pope.
Speaker 3: Fu fuck that.
Speaker 1: We do need an American pope, Yes, I agree, they'll
never do. Just a guy from Boston, Boston pope.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Hey, uh, this Ukraine was wicked bad. We need
peace in this uh, in the world.
Speaker 1: Take the body of Christ, put it in your mouth.
Speaker 2: A Boston accent of the fucking the Throne of Saint
Peter would be so great.
Speaker 1: He just sounds like JFK.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I uh, I don't know. I wish I could
do a better JFK.
Speaker 1: Only it seems like an easy accent for you to do.
You're really good at accents, and you're you're tripping up
with JFK.
Speaker 3: I do not.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, have faith in yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, may I'll try it something just like Boston Pope.
I got another Jimmy Stewart's sketch coming up. I'm gonna
finish right in it. Two rb out on the Patreon
this month. Trying to do a sketch a month this year.
But yeah, yeah, well we'll see if I can maybe
work on my JFK and get a JFK sketch in
there at some point.
Speaker 1: Just say the word tabernacle and the JFK accent I tabernacle, tabernacle,
get the host from the tabernacle. What was your role
as an altar boy? Did you ring the bells?
Speaker 2: Everything?
Speaker 1: Have everything, held the incense, all of it?
Speaker 2: Yeah, do the incense. I mean that's not every time though,
that's just it's funerals. Yeah, bigger masses, incense, cross torch, bells,
lighting the candles, holding the book for the fucking priest read,
oh yeah everything.
Speaker 1: How liberal were you with the bells? Did you go along?
Did you make the priests work for it.
Speaker 2: You know, sometimes I felt spicy, you know what I do,
because he has to wait for you to stop.
Speaker 1: So if you you can kind of hold up masks,
I can, or you can go really short just dingding
like work for a bro.
Speaker 2: Usually my knees were killing me by that point. Take
that however you want. Uh So, because you're kneeling at
least our church. You're kneeling when you did the bells.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I would always kind of sit back though I kneeled.
Oh so had my ass yeah yeah, yeah, no, No,
I just had my ass on something.
Speaker 2: Okay, if you see weak ass all now when I
see ultimoys, they're not kneeling as much.
Speaker 1: Anyth was a fat child. I didn't have a strong core.
Speaker 2: That's a skinny child. So I had trouble holding the
book Like the book was like half my weight.
Speaker 3: I was just like.
Speaker 2: If it was an old guy who couldn't fucking read God,
it was hell.
Speaker 1: So THEO Philactus. His two uncles were Benedict the eighth
and John the nineteenth.
Speaker 2: Family business.
Speaker 1: Due to nepotism and bribery running rampant in the Papal
state back then, THEO became the youngest pope ever in
ten thirty two at the age of twenty. Good lord,
some records say he was as young as twelve. That
is bullshit. He was born in ten twelve, do math.
Speaker 2: Well, they it was twenty, okay, but they were just
saying some people claiming that they fudge the records.
Speaker 1: I don't know, man, there's like a monk that's trying
to claim he was younger than he was. He was
not twelve, he was twenty.
Speaker 2: But that was that monk trying to gast him up
like he was so holy. He became pope at twelve
the same way. The funniest thing.
Speaker 1: So nobody ever rides for this man. So this is
Benedict the ninth.
Speaker 2: Okay. So there's you know, you know the story about
how Mohammed like married and obviously fucked like a nine
year old or something like that.
Speaker 1: Apparently that's supposed to show that he's so holy that
he protected his child wife and did not you know,
enter her until she was like twelve.
Speaker 2: They like kept lowering the age to make him sound holier.
Like it's bullsh He didn't she was not that young
according to all available scholarly things or whatever. But it
was supposed to show that he was taking care of
They're like, yeah, look, how holy is he married a
nine year old? And they're like, I heard he was eight.
She was eight. Maybe it's like, oh maybe, I don't know.
It's pretty oly, pretty only guy. But so like when
people don Khan Muhammed for being like a perv or whatever,
just know that that particular thing is completely fabricated by
people after his death to make him sound better somehow.
Speaker 1: You know, they didn't have the scope of current day.
I can't realize how it was gonna be standards on
to them. No. Also, great General Napoleon's favorite Napoleon saiit general.
Like any twenty something whose dad buys him an election
for a papal seat, he takes the position he is
totally unqualified for and uses his power for good. Oh
all right, ah no, oh yeah absolutely not. No. By that,
I mean he spends his entire first rain, yes, first rain,
because he actually had three okay, count actually you know,
like three and a half.
Speaker 2: Okay, well, so did the end with the half the
last one?
Speaker 1: No, okay, the half is kind of like in the
first ragin Okay, and we'll get to that. But he
spends his entire first reign fucking male prostitutes, hosting orgies
with men and animals, and turning the Vatican into a
male brothel.
Speaker 2: Uh now, is this like propaganda? No?
Speaker 1: He is often credited as the first openly gay pope.
Look at that, yes, queen, Yes.
Speaker 2: I mean could do that. The orgies?
Speaker 1: How about the beast reality that too?
Speaker 2: I was getting to it. Uh maybe just you know,
settled down with a nice man and.
Speaker 1: Call it a day, just one at a time. But
you know what that's now, bring in the pharmat.
Speaker 2: There's this great I don't know what his name, but
I get served you shit on TikTok a lot. It's
this fat gay comedian. He's kind of older. He's like
in his forties or fifties, even early fifties, late forties.
I think he used to write for like punk or
something like. He's been in La forever. But he had
a good bit that was like gay people aren't good
at writing, Like gay people are good at writing about
love and stuff like that, but not about other gay
men because they can't be honest about what being modern
gay is.
Speaker 1: Like.
Speaker 2: He was like basically just know this for two weeks
out of a year, your hairdresser goes to Miami and
is a trash can, a cum dumpster.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, there're still men right, that's and when
you take women out of the equation, it's male on
mail just aggression and we're nothing. Stop, it's just sex.
Drive off the chart.
Speaker 2: Every time I hear about like fucked up gay shit
like that, like like gay orgies are like they're like
meth fueled orgies. I think they call it like they
call meth like tina or something like that, and uh.
Speaker 1: And like do you but also there are consequences of
that kind of stuff.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that is how diseases. Supers don't think about that,
you know what I mean? You get you get handed
coke at a club by somehow, and you're gonna fucking
do it doesn't matter if for twenty of your buddies,
you know, odd on fentanyl in the last year, you're
gonna be like.
Speaker 1: What do they typically what was it called?
Speaker 3: Prep?
Speaker 2: Prep? Is gay birth control? Yeah, it's the stuff that
stops you from getting AIDS.
Speaker 4: Okay, Yeah, you birth the HIV another life form start
to living in your body and tears you apart from
the inside.
Speaker 2: But I mean that's right, like gay guys and I
guess girl and girls I just can't get pregnant, right, So,
but women don't really get Lesbians don't really give each
other aids.
Speaker 1: Yeah, don't lesbians even get disease?
Speaker 2: I mean they can rub herpes on each other and stuff.
Speaker 1: But yeah, I guess that's like an outer issue.
Speaker 2: But you really need like for AIDS, you need to
be like penetrated by flesh or you just have a
dial to or a bleeding finger. Yeah, yeah, dildo fold.
I mean you get chlamydia just with fluid, But AIDS
is hard to get without getting blasted inside of or
I guess a dirty needle inside of.
Speaker 1: You or if you fuck at Kowala. I believe they
have they have Walla community is rampant with coleamydia. Yeah,
which is crazy. Our boy Benny also like to dabble
with dark magic and pagan books of power. Those in
the Vatican claim that they saw him consult him with
evil spirits practicing unnatural rituals with the dead.
Speaker 2: All right, I could you know, deal with the gay stuff.
Speaker 1: But pagan pagan as a Catholic, no, thank you.
Speaker 2: I mean he's fucking adults. At least, right, it's a
step up.
Speaker 1: Well maybe yeah, probably not. I bet there's some boys.
Speaker 2: Yeah, there's boys.
Speaker 1: I mean they have goats and horses and certainly pigs.
Certainly a boy's not gonna stop anyone.
Speaker 2: You're just like, you're just dicking down a donkey and
someone brings in a nine year old boy and you're like, oh, whoa,
what's the ruining our good time?
Speaker 1: What's the worst animal that Benedict could be fucking during
these orgies?
Speaker 2: Pigs are gross, dude.
Speaker 1: They're more human though, right, I mean they have at
least the brain close to well.
Speaker 2: That that means it's more aware it's getting raped.
Speaker 1: I guess. I guess any sort of maybe they can consent.
Speaker 2: I guess any sort of bird. If you're dicking fucking
a kloaca, a snake, I don't even know how that works.
Speaker 1: I don't either.
Speaker 2: I mean, they have genitals and stuff. I think.
Speaker 1: I don't know, but fucking a snake would symbolically be
like you're fucking satan.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it sounds like they're letting the snake slide up.
Speaker 1: Though that's true, he could go up. Can I do
a mister lem me wink?
Speaker 2: Situation yeah, I think that's probably if they had a
snake there. I think pig is probably gonna make you
fucking feel gross. So because pigs just ship down their back,
you know what I mean, So like it shit drips
over the pussy, and I think it's pretty bad.
Speaker 1: Okay, pigs are filthy. I would say, like a pig
and mud.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I would say a modern animal would that would
be disgusting, would be like an English bulldog.
Speaker 1: Oh no, he's just choking the entire time.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it's just yeah. But I mean back then,
just a pig is gonna be about as bad as
the kids.
Speaker 1: Benny's first reign went on for twelve years and was
briefly interrupted during a failed coup in ten thirty six. Okay,
an assassination attempt by dozens of men carrying rope because
swords would have been too obvious into Saint Peter's Basilica
was thwarted by God, of all people, I mean, you know,
God contected Benedict. God had seen a thousand years of
the same stuff, and he was like, I'm gonna love
them cook, I'm gonna le I'm gonna see this goes. Now,
what do I mean by that.
Speaker 2: I hope that they all got struck by lightning.
Speaker 1: Not quite that extreme, but a solar eclipse distracts the
would be assassins, given Benny time to escape.
Speaker 2: But by that point they know what they know, Like
they're scheduled, like they know when solar eclipses come. They've
got that figured out. I'm pretty sure.
Speaker 1: Some people probably, Yeah, so not everyone.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'm sure there's plenty that are like these.
Speaker 1: Goons were like, everything's becoming dark now, yeah, it's a
bad sign.
Speaker 2: That's fair.
Speaker 1: He then went to Holy Roman Emperor Conrad the Second,
who helped him dispose of the opposition and regain the throne.
So that's his kind of like half.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, okay, okay, so he kind of got chased
off and then had to come back briefly. Yeah yeah, yeah,
but he was never there was never like an anti pope.
Speaker 1: There are a couple and then we'll get to it, Okay, now,
Monk Peter Damien went on to write a fairly accurate
but also slanderous account that compared his papacy and Rome
to the Biblical description of Gomorrah.
Speaker 2: I mean, it seems like a reasonable comparison so far.
Speaker 1: Accusing the young pope of daily sodomy, bestiality, and several
counts of murder.
Speaker 2: Well, you said Gomorra and he wasn't committing gommery, which
was a reference to a failed sketch from is.
Speaker 1: That penis on penis.
Speaker 2: It's penis in penis. It's penal sounding with another penis.
Speaker 1: Like an oil check with another penis.
Speaker 2: Fuck him in the dick. Yeah yeah, yeah, that was
our sketch. It's very bedroom. It was like they found
the site of Gomorra.
Speaker 1: Because somebody has a giant just pee hole.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it was an angel. They fucked an angel in
the pee hole.
Speaker 1: But an angel is an eyeball they made.
Speaker 2: They took him human form.
Speaker 1: Okay, because I remember when we recorded that, I just
kind of lost the plot. I even edited it, and
I'm like, I don't know what's happened.
Speaker 2: Made me giggle, But yeah, it was you and Jake,
Jake's sketch.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 1: So Peter Damion actually becomes the saying himself, so you
gotta take his word pretty legit.
Speaker 2: I mean.
Speaker 1: Decades later, Pope Victor to the third wrote about Benedict
the ninth as his papacy being a life so vile
and so foul that he shudders to think of it.
Speaker 2: I mean look again, like going back to the like
gay thing, like the thing with like the orgy stuff
or whatever, is just like, look do you, but you
need to you need to acknowledge two things when you
do you in that situation. One, it's gross. Gross doesn't
mean bad, but it is gross. But it is gross, right,
Like if someone if someone wanted to go complete like
a wing challenge or or see how long they could
sit in a like set the world record for sit
in a in a festering pool of fucking like port
potty waste, Like, I don't think that's bad if you
want to set that record or whatever, Like, it's not
doesn't affect me, doesn't affect me, No, but it's gross.
And then the second thing is just be honest.
Speaker 1: And the amount of fluids that were just kind of
flying around the Vatican, Yeah, between all the animals all
the then.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and by the way, just if if like like
any orgy is inherently gross, like the gay straight it
doesn't matter, like it's gross. It could be fun, but
lots of gross stuff is fun, but it's fucking gross.
Speaker 1: What's the number where you question it with how many
people for an I don't know, man, I've read and
I think, when is it a bridge too far? Seven
eight twenty?
Speaker 2: I think actually seven to eight is probably wear the
borderlacs out, Yeah, because I've seen videos, and then I think,
wasn't it Tansy was in here one time. He was
talking about an orgy. He walked up in on or something.
He was like going to a house to drop something off,
and there's an orgy line of stairs like thirty people
and he was like, yeah, I want to stairs in
the smell and these were all clean people, right, Like
these weren't hobos.
Speaker 1: I guess the North Carolina Beach community is a big
swinger community.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, it's gross. That's cool.
Speaker 1: You think of all the logistics of that too. You
gotta probably cater food for at least downstairs, get a
buffet going.
Speaker 2: I mean, I certainly wouldn't want to eat before.
Speaker 1: Yeah, because you want to kind of fuck on an
empty stomach. Then you kind of refuel, right, you want
to fimby go back for round two.
Speaker 2: You you want to go in an orgy feeling bloated now,
and if you don't, certainly don't want to go into
a gay orgy with the full stomach.
Speaker 1: And as someone that's been to a sex club, there
was no.
Speaker 2: Food, nor should there have been.
Speaker 1: There was no alcohol technically it was byob.
Speaker 2: And by the way, I wouldn't even want to bring beer.
I would be tequila and water only.
Speaker 1: We brought hard alcohol, yes, yeah, then they only sold
mixers there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, that's what I would want. I would be like, here,
water and lime juice please, and I will pour my
ice and I will pour my tequila into it.
Speaker 1: Red Bull vodkasay, the last not ideal because I think,
I guess stimulants kind of fuck around with your dick. Yeah,
Coke does coctas adderall adderall. I don't know if there
is a more pathetic penis an adderall dick.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, it is acorn for sure. But uh, red
Bull though, also makes you puffy.
Speaker 1: I guess that was good for you as a child, though,
right like you had ADHD, you had a prescription adderall.
You never had to worry about those mid class boners.
Speaker 2: No, I was still fifteen, you know you overcame it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was still it was still one of the
saddest boners.
Speaker 2: Possible life had finds away. No, the erection is fine.
The difficult that what what's pathetic is the soft dick.
And it's more difficult to get the erection. But if
you achieve the erection, which a fifteen year old can
achieve an erection anywhere anywhere, So that wasn't a It
was just a sad soft dick, like if somebody, if
somebody had like pants me in front of girls or whatever,
I mean, they're no, they're never You're never living that down.
Speaker 1: No, but did it happen to you? No, thanks Jim class.
Well maybe you forgot underwear.
Speaker 2: Went to all boys school, so yeah, they'll.
Speaker 1: Still make fun of your tiny day.
Speaker 2: Oh they would totally, yeah, but they didn't get tabletops
didn't see it, Tait.
Speaker 1: Was that somebody behind you put getting in? They push you?
Speaker 2: Oh oh no, got booked a lot. We had book
each other all the time.
Speaker 1: We were big on a ball tapping.
Speaker 2: Yeah, ball tapping too, and I had no Wiener to
protect me.
Speaker 1: Our balls are very callous though, oh boy, just like ironclad.
Speaker 2: Yeah it's I don't I have no callouses on my
soft hands, but my nutsack it's a cheese grater built
Ford tough.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah.
Speaker 1: By January ten forty five, a Roman mob finally had
enough and chase the young pope out of the city
and off the papal throne.
Speaker 2: You're sick and tired. And then, by the way, the
Orgies aren't affecting them either, but at some point you's
got to get tired of hearing about it.
Speaker 1: He's also not doing a good job. So Rome is
very dependent on the Vatican. Like if the Vatican's kind
of in shambles, so is Rome.
Speaker 2: It is he rules, they rule Rome, the Papal states.
At this point, it's not the High Priest of Rome
is Yeah, it's not the little teens Vatican. And then
you know the rest of Rome and part that part
of Italy is run by a different state, the Papal States.
Back then we're all of central Italy. So there is
no Vatican City. It is Rome is Vatican City. The
entire central of Italy is Vatican City. At that point they.
Speaker 1: Replaced him with John of Sabina, who would become Sylvester
the Third.
Speaker 2: It's a weird pobe name, it is.
Speaker 1: I know, like I mean, they're sly, Yeah, I guess that.
I I don't want to Pope Sylvester in my life,
Sylvester Stallone. That's it. That's the only Sylvester I really know.
Speaker 2: It's just an odd, odd pope name.
Speaker 1: You should name your third child that. He probably it is.
It's a Catholic name, it is.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I'll I'll tell Coty like I got a new
one to pitch it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Sylvester, you can start calling your third kids.
Speaker 2: Lie. One of the name on our list is a
papal name.
Speaker 1: There's only so many.
Speaker 2: I think there's a lot of paper names, but this
one's like a I forget. Actually, I'll check. I'll check
if it's the paper name.
Speaker 1: Okay, I'm pretty.
Speaker 2: Pretty sure it is.
Speaker 1: In exile, Benny excommunicates, Sylvester regroups, raises his own army,
and marches on Rome seven weeks later and takes back
the papacy. Good for him, Yeah, weirdly enough, he lets
sly like he lives. He's just like, you're good.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's fine.
Speaker 1: I'm just taking my seat back. You need to just
kind of go away, Yeah, just fade off.
Speaker 2: This is mine, So, I.
Speaker 1: Guess, kind of a nice guy. It's a nice gesture.
Speaker 2: Why didn't he just retire, like Benedict and have his
orgies just in the papal apartment.
Speaker 1: Why didn't Benedict do that? No?
Speaker 2: No, I mean Bendict did retire, But I mean, why
didn't what's his name.
Speaker 1: Oh, the modern Benedict. Okay confused?
Speaker 2: Oh I'm sorry, Yes, he's also Pedict. Why didn't this
Benedict do the modern Benedict? Like, you know what, I'm
tired of these pulping I just wanted to have six
with my orergy.
Speaker 1: Well he did, actually, Uh so he takes back the
throne a couple of weeks later, gets bored.
Speaker 2: He's like, ah, easily. But when you've had it all.
Speaker 1: It's like it was so easy to take the throne back.
I thought this was gonna be harder. I mean, you
got he's just to be sitting there at some point.
Speaker 2: And me, like I control most of the world. I
I fuck it. Whatever I want, man, beast, womanly, if
I choose, what else is there to do? Eh? I don't,
I'm He's just me and God.
Speaker 1: Also, he really wanted to marry his cousin, which was
weird because she was a woman.
Speaker 2: No, that's not weird.
Speaker 1: I guess he wanted to continue his lineage maybe and.
Speaker 2: Also probably like a power thing within the family or
who knows.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so sick weeks after reclaiming King Catholic, he sold
the seat to his godfather, who would become Gregory the sixth,
for a sum of fifteen hundred pounds of gold, Okay,
which would equate to today thirty seven million dollars.
Speaker 2: It's low inflation. Bidenmics Biden's America. Yeah, thirty seven million
dollars for the papacy. Wow, But I mean you got
to think the GDP of any country back then.
Speaker 1: Is also a big no no in Catholicism. Yeah, you're
not supposed to sell spiritual things.
Speaker 2: Well, no, you could still do that. They had plenary.
Uh what is it called.
Speaker 3: Is?
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, that's technically legal or immoral technically After his
female cousin turns him down though, because well he was
both gay and a priest.
Speaker 2: Just's got to be like another level to where it's like, look,
first off, you're gay. Secondly, you took a vow of celibacy,
and so how many diseases do you?
Speaker 3: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Like Thirdly, like it's not just the gay thing, it's
that like you fucked every man and boy and I
guess fucking dog in Italy. Yeah, so I'm gonna say,
just to know, it's just to know you got the
dirtiest dick and you're by far.
Speaker 1: Benny wanted to go back on the deal without having
to give back the gold to his godfather. Three men
now claim that they belong on the Vatican throne. There
was obviously Benny, his godfather, Gregory and Sly still call
still bucking Still like you know what, fuck I need
to take it back.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: None of them, though, had enough support or military strength
to take the seat for themselves.
Speaker 2: And my assumption that could be wrong here is that
despite the fact that this dude was a clown, a
lot of the other heads of Europe were like, it's
working for us, right, Like they couldn't get the King
of France or or the Holy Roman Emperor was backing
him already obviously, so any old Holyroan okay, because that's
the thing is and a lot of the Pope's power
would come from this. All the pope needed was one
or two very powerful kings or emperors like France or
Holy Roman Empire, maybe even England whatever to be on
his side. And he's good because he can call on
them to get his back. Obviously the papacy has its
own army too, but you need other dude, you need
to make it seem like if you're gonna come at me,
just know it's like three on one.
Speaker 1: Is it just an army of Swiss Guard Yeah, oh
with the pike and and of course you can unleash
God from the basement of the Vatican.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but that's more like unleashing Godzilla. Like you don't
know whose side he's gonna be on.
Speaker 1: There's gonna be a lot of just like friendly fire
with God. Yes, collateral damage, yeah, yeah, it's it's just
it wipes out the whole city.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's essential to Duke. It's it is actually literally
the end of thor Regnarok.
Speaker 1: Yep, he's like, I can't beat you, but he can't.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's God.
Speaker 1: It's actually based on our thorn is based on our God. Yeah,
our God the Vatican that we've been doing for three years.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Now Roman's realizing this was an utter shit show and
that the church and city could not properly run without
an adult in the room running the show. Go to
the Holy Roman Emperor King Henry the Third to help
cleanse their problem.
Speaker 2: It's just a nightmare here. Every time we ask him
to like get some more bread, he's just he has
an orgy and forgets.
Speaker 1: He's like, I need the bread for the participants. They
need all the energy they can get the carbo loadon. Yeah, yeah,
we don't have bread for you, not for you pez
and like unless you want to participate, yeah.
Speaker 2: Unless if you want to come in of sex, not you, lady.
If you want to come in another sex with me,
you can have some bread. But you can just sit
there and have bread. Let's fuck me.
Speaker 1: They're just trying to cleanse each other with holy water.
Speaker 2: Can you imagine how surreal it would have to be,
Because you got to think too, by the way that
he's totally verse, right, I don't know. I mean sexuality
is still a little different back then, hasn't fully switched
to how we know it now, but it's getting there.
But you got to think someone that insatiable is given
and getting.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, he for sure, with that amount of power,
is not gonna just say no to getting fucked in
the ass, but also fucking someone in the ass.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he was probably the Lucky Pierre a million times.
And it's just like I want to know, because it's
obviously not zero, how many people have put their wieners
into the butts of popes?
Speaker 1: Should we rename it the Lucky Benny baby or just
big time Benny. That's when you're in the middle. No,
he for sure was just you know, nobody could tell him.
Now he could do whatever he wanted.
Speaker 2: And he pushing limits left and right, like he yeah,
he could have anything. That's what they say now, right.
It's like, why would somebody you know go to Epsteen
Island or whatever? The fuck? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Why is everyone that's rich is like a pedophile? Yeah yeah,
right right, because they've done everything else.
Speaker 2: Alexander wept for there were.
Speaker 1: No more children conpoles to conquer. Oh boy, Alexander had
a whole relationship with a man. He named the city
after a man, I believe. Yeah, but they have a
holiday after. You know.
Speaker 2: It wasn't gay, he was topping. Twas not gay, and
I believe he was topping. He probably, but like there
was a no.
Speaker 1: World in my view, can Alexander bottom Caesar bottomed?
Speaker 2: I'm pretty sure for some guy. His soldiers used to
make fun of him for it. Yeah, but I forget
who the guy was. It was another like big time Roman.
Speaker 1: I think it was Cleopatra and she just had a
strap on.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that wouldn't surprise me. If anyone had good dildo
technology back then, it was the Egyptians.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I mean some of the oldest dildos in
the world are Egyptian technology.
Speaker 2: Uh. Well, dildo's pre date riding because of course they do.
Speaker 1: Yeah, of course they do.
Speaker 2: Riding's like the last thing begun.
Speaker 1: Dildo's probably predate the Pyramids.
Speaker 2: They oh, yeah, no, they do by thousands of ures,
thousands and thousands of years.
Speaker 1: What if the Pyramids were built on dildo technology, so
they do think because they think they rolled the stones
right yep, on like rods, but they didn't have wheels,
I believe they didn't.
Speaker 2: They had to roll them on rods, like on these
long cylindrical.
Speaker 1: So it was just they were rolling these giant blocks
on dildos.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because anything can be used as a dildo, first off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, as long as it's you know, phallax shaped yep,
and yeah, as long as it goes in.
Speaker 2: Yeah, anything's a dildo if you want it to be.
Speaker 1: If you have the determination of will power, yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, if you look at something and you think that
can't be a dildo. That is a reflection of you,
not of the object.
Speaker 1: Exactly. Now. In ten forty six, Henry arrives from Rome.
He declares Benny in Sly were to be exiled and
recommended Gregory resign so he could install a proper pope
of his choice.
Speaker 2: Fresh dark.
Speaker 1: We're going to clean the sleigh.
Speaker 2: Yeah, makes sense.
Speaker 1: You were getting all these clowns out of here.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Clement the Second was picked to be the new pope
at the Council of Sutri, which Benny did not attend
or except being deposed. It's like, no, I'm not giving
this up.
Speaker 2: Yeah, fuck this? Who are you?
Speaker 1: I know you're the totally Roman emperor, but you don't
tell me what they do.
Speaker 2: Yeah. I got a whole army of guys that I
fuck and will come after you. But then they just
got distracted with banging.
Speaker 1: So what happens. Clement the Second of course, had a
long successful reign, and by that I mean he died
eight months later after Benny poisoned him.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, this dude doesn't fuck it around. It's such
as a psycho.
Speaker 1: That's such a girl move who raised him? Poison. Yeah,
that's a gay boy move. Who that is It's called
like a.
Speaker 2: Woman's weapon, I think, yeah, right, isn't it.
Speaker 1: He was just an Italian aristocrat, just some psycho that
came from a rich family.
Speaker 2: And they're like, this will be this guy's the pope.
Like no one, by the way, so he became hope
when he was twenty right, yep, no one saw the
red flags at sixteen seventeen.
Speaker 1: I think the average age for popes too before this
was like in the fifties.
Speaker 2: Or I'm sure it was, but like and this is
just like the ultimate like you know, you just get
dad's have trust fun kids and they just can't see it.
Speaker 1: That's what he was.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But that's the thing too, is like the all the
dumbest thing a rich father can do.
Speaker 1: It's like my kid needs purpose, he needs something to do.
Speaker 2: Yep, yep, I'll tell you a little straighten him out,
unlimited power. Yeah, this will go well. But even on
like a lower scale, right, like you'll just see they'll
like they'll see their ship bag kid like doing.
Speaker 1: Coke his dad's company. What just getting a job at
his dad's company. It'll be like what I.
Speaker 2: Will what will work is if I give him a
management position, if I give him an important position at
my company, and obviously the salary and power that goes
with it, he'll learn, He'll that responsibility will smack him
in the face and he'll do better. But that's not
almost ever, how it goes.
Speaker 1: Uh, you're telling me somebody that's just handed the position.
It doesn't work out, doesn't earn it.
Speaker 2: Like what does the dad even thinking, like, oh, well,
he won't want to disappoint me this time. It's be like, dude,
it's all he's doing is seeing how high he can
go on the disappointment. He the limit does not exist.
He will disappoint you to the ends of the earth.
Speaker 1: He's pushing boundaries to see how much he can disappoint you.
Speaker 2: And you're not And he knows you're not gonna let
him starve to.
Speaker 1: Death no cause you know, all else fails, just come
back to daddy's arms.
Speaker 2: Sounds a good life, to be honest.
Speaker 1: Can't let your bloodline fail.
Speaker 2: No, that's the other thing that's funny too. It's like
maybe a good.
Speaker 1: Woman straighten them, yeah, straighten them out. Maybe well hopefully
they were like maybe maybe our his cousin could straighten
him out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but the thing about that too with like other
people is.
Speaker 1: Like literally straighten him.
Speaker 2: I don't think so. I think he's well beyond that.
Speaker 1: He's a pioneer though, first game, Pope, good for him.
Speaker 2: It's never the ones you want.
Speaker 3: Nope.
Speaker 1: Do you think the lgbt Q not gonna claim yeah?
Speaker 2: Or like the only way they would claim him is
if they were like, were totally delusional about it and
we're like, well, the it was the times and he
was forced to act out and really I think.
Speaker 1: They would claim him though, because they're anti Catholicism.
Speaker 2: Walking up thin ice in my book. If that's the case,
all right, But that's the same thing with the president, right,
Like nobody wants to claim James Buchanan as the first
gay president because.
Speaker 1: He was the worst president. Also the only Pennsylvania president.
I believe Biden's from Scranton, but I think he was
born in Scranton, but I think he claims Delaware.
Speaker 2: You can you can double up on that.
Speaker 1: Okay, But yeah, Buchanan before Biden was the first Pennsylvania
president because I.
Speaker 2: Think honestly that well, if not before, certainly now Florida
can claim Trump. I don't know that Florida's had a
present president before.
Speaker 1: I don't think so either.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but a lot of It's not a ton of them,
but like a fair amount. I'll claim, like double claim,
like Eisenhower is claimed by both Texas and Kansas, because
Eisenhower I think was born in Kansas but raised in Texas,
so he's really more Texas, but then other states like
Truman was Missouri through and three he was a Missouri
representative or whatever.
Speaker 1: Listen, if a sport can be claimed by both the
Nation of Canada and Kansas basketball, I think President's skin too.
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Speaker 1: Benny sees power once more in October of ten forty
seven after poisoning Clement the Second, until Henry sent in
imperial troops and drove him out of the city once more.
In July of ten forty eight, just like get out,
Damassus the second was elected. Who Damassus the second Not
Damascus like city, but Damassius.
Speaker 2: Okay, that is first time I ever heard that name.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well there's a reason. Okay, he lasts twenty one
days poison malaria. I'll do it so again, God's kind
of picking his side. God, it's like, let him cook,
Let this man cook. And of course Benny seeses the
power once more. Always look for an opportunity.
Speaker 2: I mean, do they just take the sign at this point?
Like everyone they're.
Speaker 1: Just like all right, well, no, Henry doesn't give up. Okay,
Henry places his hope into Pope Leo the Ninth, who
put Benedict on trial on ten forty nine for selling
the papacy to his godfather Henry.
Speaker 2: Or it's like getting capone for tax evasion a little bit.
Speaker 1: Not the murder he killed the pope. He killed a pope.
Speaker 2: Yeah, not the murder, not the sodomy, which is you know,
I don't care if you're having sex with dudes, but
it's illegal to them, not any of that stuff.
Speaker 1: No. Benny of course refused to appear for his hearing
and was excommunicated and exiled to a monastery where he
did not rally. He lived out his days.
Speaker 2: Oh boy, Wow, he's got to hold up with a
bunch of other dudes. I guess. Yeah, how old was
he at this point? What is how old by the
end of this.
Speaker 1: So forty nine? He was born in ten twelve.
Speaker 2: Thirty seven.
Speaker 1: That sounds right, right, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: So prime of his life.
Speaker 1: Well, he lives at the monastery and allegedly repentant for
all the sins and died in ten fifty six of
natural causes at the age of forty three.
Speaker 2: Okay, so I will say depending on what the monastery
he got sent to, some of his monastery.
Speaker 1: By natural causes. This dude died of some type of STD.
Speaker 2: Every STD.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it just festered.
Speaker 2: There was a great SNL sketch back in the day,
like early Will Ferrell days, where it was like James
Bond at the doctor. It was just like his STD
test came back.
Speaker 1: Essentially, you think he would contract some stuff though he's
with some high class ladies. I mean, he's fucking lot,
but they're clean vaginas.
Speaker 2: I think maybe you never know a girl in a
report they.
Speaker 1: Are at least three thousand dollars escorts.
Speaker 2: That's not enough. Well maybe in the sixties.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, Now, the church to this day still still
gives Benedict the Ninth credit as the legitimate pope of
his time.
Speaker 2: Well he was elected, right, technically.
Speaker 1: Well it's dad bought to see, right, And they label
Sylvester and Gregory as anti popes.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's probably. I mean, look, they're just being accurate bookkeepers.
What do you want what do you want them to say? Actually,
credit to them for not rewriting history. Yeah, they're like,
this is what is what fucking happened?
Speaker 3: Now?
Speaker 1: I did not check. Is Benedict the ninth a saint?
Speaker 2: There just can't be any possible way.
Speaker 1: Uh No, he is not a saint.
Speaker 2: Who was Actually we've talked to this before, but who
was the first pope who wasn't a saint? Because the
first like thirty were says they had to be before this,
Yeah it was.
Speaker 1: But yeah, not a good look when you can't even
get saint as a pope.
Speaker 2: So Pope Liberius was the first pope who wasn't considered
a saint, and he uh was pope. Well, he lived
from three ten to three sixty six, so they were
essentially at least three.
Speaker 1: Hundred popes that were all saints, that were all saints
before they were like, nah, well not three hundred popes.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: The first pope was in like fucking twenty eight. I'm sorry,
forty eight.
Speaker 1: Probably wasn't Peter the first pope.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, so like call it thirty forty eighty. Jesus
died like thirty three thirty six ad, so like call
it forty eighty. Popes don't reign their whole lives. They
get elected.
Speaker 1: He said.
Speaker 2: The average age was like fifty three hundred years.
Speaker 1: Three hundred years average age, so the ring is probably
like ten to twenty years.
Speaker 2: Oh wait, so thirty popes. Yeah, I'm an idiot. Yeah yeah,
I was like a pope a year. Yeah, I'm dumb. Yeah.
So it's the first thirty probably thirty take yeah yeah,
and then finally they're like, nah, not this guy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, we're good.
Speaker 1: Honestly, that's an accomplishment in its own right. And you know,
benedicta ninth not a saint but a gay icon.
Speaker 2: Kind of. I mean it's a very gay religion.
Speaker 1: Also, you know was ahead of his time with beastiality bussy.
Is that the next frontier? No, you have all these
people arguing, which you know is just gross and awful.
But people are like arguing, not that pedophilia is wrong, right,
forget what it's called. It's like a.
Speaker 2: Map male minor. Yeah. No, the one that I actually
made a cartoon about this. I need to finish because
I record all the.
Speaker 1: Audio and I'm thinking the next thing is probably people
arguing for animal fucking.
Speaker 2: Nope, I can tell you what it's gonna be. And
I actually had a conversation about with this, about our
about this with our friend uh who's been on the
show of Veronica, who's a psychologist.
Speaker 1: I've also had this conversation with Veronica. She thinks it's
Pacioti too.
Speaker 2: No, she told me she thinks it's incest mm hmm.
Speaker 1: Because of all the porn and also all of the
TV shows.
Speaker 2: Well that and just like essentially, so I made a
cartoon about this where it's like this like these like this,
really I need to finish it. But it's like essentially
it's a short cartoon about this really progressive couple who
just found out they're pregnant and they're bragging about how,
you know, our kid's not gonna worry about growing up
in a repressive household or whatever. We're obviously okay if
they're gay or trans and stuff like that. And they're
out with this couple like they're they're lesbian couple friends
and one of them is psychologists based on very real
life obviously, and uh, psychologists like you know, like they're like, oh, well,
you know, you know, nothing's left to be repressive against, right,
like we figured everything out like the hubris of modern day.
And the psychologist's friend is like, well, actually there could
be one thing, and they're like what, And then it
just cuts back and forth between the future and the present.
And the future is their son and daughter, who are
teenagers are coming out to them that they're banging, and they're.
Speaker 1: Like, that's not really the future though, that's the past.
What do you mean, I mean, there's so much incest
in the past. I know, I know that it's kind
of retro but here, yeah, yeah, true. But here's the
thing about it's just coming in psychles.
Speaker 2: You're saying about incests now though, is that What are
the two primary reasons to not do incest? Aside in
the fact it's gross, but gross really is a social
construct because Egyptian pharaohs married their sisters and stuff all
the time. The two primary reasons to not fuck.
Speaker 1: I mean your jack Maniville just an entire episode on
World War One. They're all cousins and they all fuck
each other.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but the primary reason why it was bad for them,
and the primary reason is having kids. We'll fuck the
kid up.
Speaker 1: It's bad for the kid, right, But your birth pad, genetics.
Speaker 2: Your birth control, and abortion. That takes care of that
one thing. So you can bang any of your relatives
technically without the one repercussion that makes incests bad. So
if you just don't want to have a kid with
them and you just want to bang, you can stop it.
You couldn't stop it one hundred two hundred thousand years ago.
Speaker 1: But also everything that comes with the the social view
of you banging your sister.
Speaker 2: Social construct, baby, social construct.
Speaker 1: They're still gonna I don't know if we're gonna get
past that.
Speaker 2: I don't want to get past it. That's what and
so veronicas the funny thing Veronica is said to be
about it because she's very very woke. Uh, she said
she was this. She was just like, I guess that's
what I'll be a big about. That's that's where she
draws a line, like if that becomes a thing, I
guess that's what I'll be a big.
Speaker 1: Well, she's a mother now, even though she's a lesbian.
I can see her future. She's gonna get progressively like
more conservative.
Speaker 2: She is in some ways about like family stuff already,
certainly because there's a there's a large like sect of
liberalism that's like having kids is wrong or we don't
like kids and blah blah blah. And obviously she's very
maternal as well, so she thinks that's all bullshit. But
that was just funny.
Speaker 1: Something was kind of fucking wrong with you if you
don't like if you just hate kids.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like kind of fucked in the head.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, what is wrong with you?
Speaker 2: Yeah it's weird.
Speaker 1: Sure I don't have kids, but like, yeah, I want
to fight your child. Maybe maybe it's a bit maybe,
but I like your other kid, Finn. Yeah, I mean
Rory's just a monster. But I'm just calling it, like
I see it. But you know, I didn't have it
out for Rory until I saw what he was capable
of and just how big of a shit baggy is.
Speaker 2: Early on, I mean, Rory was four months old and
Dan looked in his eyes.
Speaker 1: I could see, I see the monster that's within.
Speaker 2: Didn't like what he saw.
Speaker 1: But you know, Finn was born. I right, like, I'm
cool with Finn.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, I know. I sent a picture of
Finn the other day in the group chat and Dan
is like, fuck.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, you need to feed him more though he's
he's looking.
Speaker 2: Gaunt, frail. Yeah, he's a soft boy. No, Finn's the
one that gets hurt all the time because Rory's getting
all the food. He's got brittle bones.
Speaker 1: And that is the story of Benedict the Ninth. Yeah,
but you don't think bcati's gonna be a thing in
the future either.
Speaker 2: No. I think that's gross.
Speaker 1: I hope not.
Speaker 2: It's too gross.
Speaker 1: It's somebody gross. I mean, there was whole relationships in
what the sixties and seventies were covered of researchers with dolphins.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's just too much. It's also just gross, like
it's gross. Yeah, it's animals and Obviously, I think banging
your sister is gross, but at least it's a human being,
I guess, you know, yes, like a dog's pussy, are
you kidding? Or a dog boner, a dog's ass, dogs
fucking erection, that's a lot.
Speaker 1: Did you also have that urban legend of a girl yep, skippy,
like they just put peanut butter on there. Yeah, my
urban legend was it was either Jiff or Skippy, and
that's what you her nickname was because she put peanut
butter on her couch and had the dog lookut off.
Speaker 2: My urban legend. Want a step further, maybe that you
had this too, but it was she came home, the
house was really dark, and she was horny. She's like
in high school or whatever, and she was horny. So
she put peanut butter on her pussy and the dog
started licking it off, and then all the lights came
on and she didn't realize there was a surprise party.
Speaker 1: For Okay, that's a nice little additive dynamic.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so just like all her friends and family saw
the dog eating her out.
Speaker 1: There was also a girl in my high school that
I guess, like this was true though, got gang banged.
I believe by like a more urban community.
Speaker 2: She banged in instead jumped in.
Speaker 1: They put her in a dog cage and barked at her. Okay, yeah,
and then as she walked they would always as she
was walking in the halls of the high school, we
get barked at. That's that's that's a tough story.
Speaker 3: To live up.
Speaker 2: That's not you just wanted to get a move away. Yeah, yeah,
just yeah. You go to college on the other side
of the country.
Speaker 3: Come back.
Speaker 1: Would you learn today about the first gay pope?
Speaker 2: Who Boy?
Speaker 1: Well, technically I bet there was more gay popes? Yeah, openly.
Speaker 2: Let me let me say this, Actually I don't know.
It's probably of the first gay pope. Who knows will
be the last? Well, who knows about that either, But
I will say this the gayest pope easily the gayest
probably like Boy by a mile. But I mean, nobody
is catching that guy's record, that is, I mean, that
is Joe DiMaggio's his streak of gaias like that. It's
just it's never getting broken.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: How people saw Young's wins.
Speaker 1: Typically complain about like gay Pride Parade, how they're inappropriate,
you know, because it's just the one.
Speaker 2: I've heard some of them are getting pretty wild.
Speaker 1: Dudes are just like helicopter and there dicks out in
the public. Yeah, that's essentially his papacy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, which is funny because that's not even gay. That's
just a penis. A penis isn't gay.
Speaker 1: It's kind of gay. They're wearing like the weather hat.
Speaker 2: No, the rest of it's gay. But a dick's just
a dick. That's not a that's a dick pride parade
at that. If you're waving your dick at people, you're
not taking pride in your gayness. You're taking pride in
your fucking dick.
Speaker 1: Yeah. But if a straight dude does that, it's a
salt brother.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, I can't do that, gay guy. Although
Marty Grass saw some ween.
Speaker 1: You're just you're just celebrating your culture.
Speaker 2: Fair enough. But yeah, I learned about the gayest pope
in history. Again that will not be topped unlike him. Yeah.
But yeah, and who's today's hitler? I don't know.
Speaker 1: I guess his family, his dad, his dad, his account Yeah,
good lord, just buying the seat, Yeah, his dad's giving.
Speaker 2: I mean he's a piece of shit too. He did
kill people he murdered. He's a piece of shit, several
fucking animals, and let's be honest, probably molesting boys too.
So but I can't put that on just him as pope.
Speaker 1: So my hitler today the sun solar eclips stopped him
from being assassinated.
Speaker 2: Well that's just God. Is God your hitler?
Speaker 1: He might be? Okay, Yeah, fair enough, many many occasions
that God saves this man.
Speaker 2: Time and again. He just wanted to see been a
thousand years. God is like, all right, let's just see
what happens. Let's work this. Yeah, another Italian blah blah blah,
old guy.
Speaker 1: Maybe his cousin for not wanting to marry him.
Speaker 2: I don't think that would have solved anything.
Speaker 1: He probably still goes back for this.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think mostly she. I think she made a
good choice.
Speaker 1: Okay, Well that is our episode for the week. Thanks
for tuning in. Make sure to check out Patreon patreon
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Speaker 2: So if you pay through your iPhone, we will lose money.
Speaker 1: It's not going to affect you, but we will lose
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Sign up through your internet browser on your computer, or
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Speaker 1: I don't even know what google Play is.
Speaker 2: It's Android. Don't worry about.
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Speaker 1: Yeah, you're right, follow him Rob Fox three wherever you
have social media?
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Speaker 1: I think I'm only on Instagram at this point.
Speaker 2: I'm on Twitter, not on Blue Sky.
Speaker 1: If you're not Blue Ski guy, not on Blue Ski.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, it seems like he's wasted it is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, all of it all social media's It doesn't waste
of time. But thank you for wasting your time with us. Yes,
you should have probably done work. You're you know, getting
into the office. H you're way behind. You're trying to
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