Speaker 1: You've been trained to be liked, trained to keep the peace,
Speaker 1: to be agreeable, to be good. But Carl Jung would
Speaker 1: tell you that goodness is a mask, and if you're
Speaker 1: not careful, it becomes a prison because people pleasing doesn't
Speaker 1: make you kind, it makes you invisible. You don't get
Speaker 1: more respect by saying yes. You don't get more love
Speaker 1: by being easy to like. You don't get more peace
Speaker 1: by being passive. You just disappear quietly and nobody notices.
Speaker 1: You think you're being helpful, cooperative, supportive, but the truth
Speaker 1: is you're abandoning yourself. And every time you do it,
Speaker 1: you teach the world that your needs don't matter, that
Speaker 1: your time is flexible, that your boundaries are optional, that
Speaker 1: your silence is approval. Carl Jung didn't see people pleasing
Speaker 1: as politeness. He saw it as shadow in disguise, a
Speaker 1: behavioral mask, use to protect yourself from rejection, conflict, or disconnection.
Speaker 1: But here's the truth. The more you please, the more
Speaker 1: you'll be used. Not because people are evil, but because
Speaker 1: people respond to what you allow. And if you never
Speaker 1: show the parts of you that want to say no,
Speaker 1: that want to disagree, that want to be left alone,
Speaker 1: You'll become a shell, a shape built to fit into
Speaker 1: every one else's expectations, and one day you'll wake up
Speaker 1: and wonder why you're tired, why you're resentful, why you
Speaker 1: feel fake, why nobody actually sees you. Young had a
Speaker 1: name for this, the persona, the mask you were told
Speaker 1: to wear. The persona is the version of you that
Speaker 1: was trained by your parents, your culture, your teachers, to
Speaker 1: be acceptable, to fit in, to get approval, to avoid punishment,
Speaker 1: to survive, and you needed it. You still do in
Speaker 1: some ways. You can't walk through life saying everything you think,
Speaker 1: acting on every impulse. You need a mask for the world,
Speaker 1: for social roles, for peace. But here's the danger Young
Speaker 1: warned about. When you believe your mask is your identity,
Speaker 1: you lose your soul because you're not here to be agreeable.
Speaker 1: You're here to be real. You're not here to fit
Speaker 1: into everyone else's story. You're here to write your own.
Speaker 1: But you can't do that if your first instinct is
Speaker 1: to keep everyone comfortable. And this is what people pleasers
Speaker 1: never realize until it's too late. Every time you avoid
Speaker 1: saying no, you say yes to self erasure. The high
Speaker 1: cost of being liked. You think the cost of speaking
Speaker 1: your mind is conflict, but the real cost is resentment.
Speaker 1: You think saying no is selfish, but the real selfishness
Speaker 1: is staying silent while secretly resenting everyone for not reading
Speaker 1: your mind. You think making people happy is noble, but
Speaker 1: the real nobility is having boundaries so clear that nobody
Speaker 1: has to guess who you are. Young understood that repression
Speaker 1: creates distortion. And when you repress your anger, your instincts,
Speaker 1: your voice, you don't become nicer. You become passive, aggressive, bitter,
Speaker 1: disconnected because you know, deep down you're not being honest,
Speaker 1: you're performing, you're curating, you're managing people's emotions instead of
Speaker 1: expressing your truth. And eventually your body will show the
Speaker 1: signs tired all the time, burned out, disconnected, afraid to disappoint,
Speaker 1: overthinking every reply, over analyzing every interaction. That's not sensitivity,
Speaker 1: that's emotional imprisonment. And it gets worse because the more
Speaker 1: you please people, the more you teach them to expect
Speaker 1: your compliance. You train them to walk all over you.
Speaker 1: And they will not always because they're cruel, but because
Speaker 1: you said yes so many times, they stopped believing you
Speaker 1: had a no. You can't be loved if you're not known.
Speaker 1: The people you're trying so hard to please, they don't
Speaker 1: know the real you. They only know the curated version
Speaker 1: you've shown them. And you're afraid to change now because
Speaker 1: if you suddenly set boundaries, they'll say you've changed. They'll
Speaker 1: say you're selfish, they'll say you're cold. But that's not
Speaker 1: the truth. The truth is they've just gotten use to
Speaker 1: your silence, your softness, your submission, and when you start
Speaker 1: being honest, it feels like aggression, not because you're hurting them,
Speaker 1: but because your honesty is finally protecting you. Young would say,
Speaker 1: this is the moment where individuation begins. Individuation isn't self improvement,
Speaker 1: it's self possession. It's the process of becoming a full,
Speaker 1: integrated human being with a spine, a shadow, a voice,
Speaker 1: and a no that means something. And until you get there,
Speaker 1: you'll always feel slightly hollow, like something is off, like
Speaker 1: your life doesn't fully belong to you. That's not depression.
Speaker 1: That's your real self trying to wake you up, trying
Speaker 1: to scream through your fake smiles, trying to cut through
Speaker 1: your agreeable emails, trying to break out of the script.
Speaker 1: You've been acting out for years, and the only way
Speaker 1: out is to stop pleasing. What happens when you finally stop,
Speaker 1: people will get uncomfortable, some will get angry, some will leave,
Speaker 1: Some will try to gilt you back into being soft.
Speaker 1: Let them. That's not cruelty, that's clarity, because you're not
Speaker 1: here to please people. You're here to be whole. You're
Speaker 1: here to say what needs to be said, to set
Speaker 1: boundaries that disappoint others but protect your soul, to walk
Speaker 1: away from people who only loved you when you were
Speaker 1: easy to control. Young would tell you this isn't selfish,
Speaker 1: This is your awakening, and now we'll explore the psychology
Speaker 1: of that awakening. Why people pleasing is rooted in childhood survival,
Speaker 1: how to recognize when your persona is running the show,
Speaker 1: and how to begin the process of breaking the pattern
Speaker 1: without losing your relationships or yourself. Carl Jung didn't call
Speaker 1: it people pleasing. He called it a betrayal of the self.
Speaker 1: Because you weren't born this way. You didn't enter the
Speaker 1: world hoping to please everyone. You weren't designed to say
Speaker 1: yes when you meant no. You weren't built to hide
Speaker 1: your truth, just to keep the peace. You were trained
Speaker 1: into it, molded, conditioned, And the worst part is you
Speaker 1: thought it was love. You thought staying quiet made you mature.
Speaker 1: You thought sacrificing your needs made you generous. You thought
Speaker 1: suppressing your emotions made you strong. But the truth, it
Speaker 1: made you disappear. And the person people love, the person
Speaker 1: they admire, depend on praise, isn't really you. It's your persona.
Speaker 1: How the persona is formed. Young defined the persona as
Speaker 1: the mask you wear to survive the demands of societ.
Speaker 1: It's not fake, it's functional. You put it on to
Speaker 1: navigate school, family, relationships, work. It helps you fit in,
Speaker 1: it helps you get by. But when you start to
Speaker 1: identify with the mask, when you forget where it ends
Speaker 1: and you begin, you lose the one thing that makes
Speaker 1: life real, authenticity. And this is exactly what happens to
Speaker 1: chronic people pleasers. Somewhere in childhood, they learned that being
Speaker 1: honest meant being rejected, that expressing frustration meant being punished,
Speaker 1: that having needs meant being selfish. So they adapted. They
Speaker 1: smiled when they wanted to cry, they said yes when
Speaker 1: they wanted to scream. They acted small so others could
Speaker 1: feel big. They learned the love isn't given, it's earned
Speaker 1: through performance, and so the mask became permanent. What Young
Speaker 1: knew that modern psychology misses. Most modern advice tells you
Speaker 1: to speak up, set boundaries, take time for yourself. It
Speaker 1: sounds nice, but Young went deeper. He believed people pleasing
Speaker 1: is not just a behavior problem. It's a soul fracture,
Speaker 1: because when you abandon your true self over and over again,
Speaker 1: you don't just lose your voice, you lose your identity.
Speaker 1: You start asking who am I without this role? What
Speaker 1: if people leave when I stop giving? Will anyone stay
Speaker 1: if I finally say what I feel? These aren't surface
Speaker 1: level fears, they're existential because your survival used to depend
Speaker 1: on being liked, and now you've confused being liked with
Speaker 1: being safe. But the problem is every time you choose
Speaker 1: safety over truth, you lose a little more of yourself.
Speaker 1: You become someone others depend on. But no one really knows.
Speaker 1: And this is the secret most people never admit. The
Speaker 1: people pleaser gets love, but it always feels fake because
Speaker 1: deep down, you know they're loving aversion of you that
Speaker 1: doesn't even exist. They're loving the agreeable you, the reliable you,
Speaker 1: the flexible you. But what happens when you're tired, What
Speaker 1: happens when you have limits? What happens when you finally
Speaker 1: say no more. That's when the love disappears and what's
Speaker 1: left guilt, silence, self doubt. But Jung would say good
Speaker 1: because that the beginning of your real life individuation, becoming whole.
Speaker 1: Not liked Jung's idea of individuation is the antidote to
Speaker 1: people pleasing. It's the process of reuniting with your shadow,
Speaker 1: the parts of you that you exiled to stay accepted,
Speaker 1: your anger, your selfishness, your pride, your truth. Individuation isn't
Speaker 1: about becoming perfect, It's about becoming whole. It's saying, yes,
Speaker 1: I care about others, but I care about myself too.
Speaker 1: Yes I want peace, but not at the cost of
Speaker 1: my truth. Yes I love you, but I won't abandon
Speaker 1: me to keep you. That's not rebellion, that's maturity. And
Speaker 1: if someone can't handle that, let them go. Because Jung
Speaker 1: believed the self doesn't emerge through approval. It emerges through conflict,
Speaker 1: through confronting the people who are used to your silence,
Speaker 1: through disappointing those who only loved your compliance through risking
Speaker 1: rejection to become real. And here's the twist. When you
Speaker 1: stop people pleasing, you don't lose relationships. You lose imbalanced ones.
Speaker 1: You lose the people who benefited from your self abandonment,
Speaker 1: and you make space for people who see you, love you,
Speaker 1: and can stand beside you without needing to control you.
Speaker 1: How to know your persona is controlling you? Young said,
Speaker 1: the persona is dangerous when it becomes too rigid. When
Speaker 1: you're always the strong one, always the nice one, always
Speaker 1: the calm one, always the understanding one, then it's not
Speaker 1: a tool. It's a cage. And you'll know, oh, you're trapped.
Speaker 1: When you feel exhausted after socializing, you overthink every decision.
Speaker 1: You're afraid of letting people down. You say yes out
Speaker 1: of fear, not desire. You feel unseen even in close relationships.
Speaker 1: These are not small problems. They are signs that your
Speaker 1: identity is cracking under the pressure of performance. And the
Speaker 1: longer you pretend, the more lost you become. Not because
Speaker 1: you're weak, but because the mask has become too convincing.
Speaker 1: And now even you can't tell where it ends. But
Speaker 1: here's the good news. The moment you realize this. You're
Speaker 1: free to change. You don't need permission, you don't need
Speaker 1: everyone to understand. You just need courage, the courage to
Speaker 1: pause before you say yea, the courage to let people
Speaker 1: feel disappointed, the courage to walk away from approval and
Speaker 1: walk toward authenticity. Carl Jung didn't want you to become
Speaker 1: rude or cold. He wanted you to become so aligned
Speaker 1: with your truth that no one could manipulate you again.
Speaker 1: And now we'll explore exactly how to do that, How
Speaker 1: to stop feeling guilty for protecting your peace, how to
Speaker 1: rebuild your identity outside of the nice role, and how
Speaker 1: to become someone who is respected, not just tolerated, all
Speaker 1: without becoming cold, bitter, or fate By now, something inside
Speaker 1: you is shifting. You're starting to see how much of
Speaker 1: your life has been a performance, how much of your
Speaker 1: identity was built on keeping others comfortable, how often you've
Speaker 1: said yes when your whole body whispered no. And maybe
Speaker 1: for the first time, you're asking the question, who am
Speaker 1: I when I stop pleasing? That's not an easy question.
Speaker 1: It's not just about changing your behavior, it's about changing
Speaker 1: the foundation of who you've been trained to be. Carl
Speaker 1: Jung understood this better than anyone, because when you stop
Speaker 1: pleasing people, you don't just lose comfort, you lose your
Speaker 1: former self. And what rises in its place isn't someone
Speaker 1: cruel or bitter. It's someone real, someone who doesn't need
Speaker 1: to be liked to be at peace, someone who doesn't
Speaker 1: need approval to feel worthy, someone who can say no
Speaker 1: without guilt and yes without fear. That's what individuation really is,
Speaker 1: not spiritual fluff, not moral affection, but raw, uncomfortable truth,
Speaker 1: becoming identity. So how do you become that person? Let's
Speaker 1: go step by step. One, recognize the guilt loop for
Speaker 1: what it is. When you first stop pleasing people, you'll
Speaker 1: feel guilt. You'll feel it in your stomach, in your throat,
Speaker 1: in your silence. You'll feel like you're being mean, like
Speaker 1: you're letting people down, like you're doing something wrong. But
Speaker 1: Jung would say, this is not guilt. This is withdrawal.
Speaker 1: You're detoxing from a life of approval addiction. You're experiencing
Speaker 1: the emotional discomfort of reclaiming your power after years of
Speaker 1: giving it away. Of course it feels heavy, but that
Speaker 1: heaviness isn't proof you're wrong. It's proof you're finally moving.
Speaker 1: Let the guilt come, don't fight it, don't over analyze it,
Speaker 1: just feel it and do the right thing anyway. That's
Speaker 1: how power returns in the space where guilt no longer
Speaker 1: dictates your actions. Two. Redefine your value. People pleasers get
Speaker 1: their worth from one thing, how useful they are to others.
Speaker 1: If you're helpful, you feel worthy. If you're needed, you
Speaker 1: feel safe. If you're liked, you feel important. But young
Speaker 1: would tell you this is not worth its conditional performance
Speaker 1: and the danger. The moment you stop being useful, you
Speaker 1: feel replaceable. So the work is simple, but not easy.
Speaker 1: You must redefine what makes you valuable. Not your utility,
Speaker 1: not your sacrifice, not your compliance, but your truth, your presence,
Speaker 1: your boundaries, your ability to be fully yourself, even when
Speaker 1: it disappoints people. That's where your real value lives, not
Speaker 1: in what you do for others, but in what you
Speaker 1: no longer do against yourself. Three. Learn to disappoint without apology.
Speaker 1: Let this be your next milestone. You can disappoint people
Speaker 1: and still be good, still be kind, still be worthy.
Speaker 1: You can say no without over explaining, without apologizing, without
Speaker 1: softening it. To make them feel better, because every time
Speaker 1: you soften your boundary to protect some one else's feelings,
Speaker 1: you reinforce the lie that your needs are dangerous. They're not,
Speaker 1: they're sacred. Carl Jung believed that the integration of the
Speaker 1: shadow is what makes someone whole, and your ability to
Speaker 1: be misunderstood without collapse is part of that shadow work.
Speaker 1: You're not here to manage how everyone feels about you.
Speaker 1: You're here to be rooted in who you are, especially
Speaker 1: when people don't understand it. Four. Start small, Stay unshakable.
Speaker 1: You don't need to announce your new identity. You don't
Speaker 1: need to prove how confident you are. You don't need
Speaker 1: to argue with everyone who doubts you. Just start small.
Speaker 1: Don't respond right away, don't explain every no, don't overapologize
Speaker 1: for things that aren't wrong. Don't offer more than you
Speaker 1: want to give. Let it be quiet, let it be consistent,
Speaker 1: And soon something magical happens. People begin to recollaborate their
Speaker 1: expectations around you. They stop pushing, they stop assuming, they
Speaker 1: stop draining, because you've trained them through your silence, your firmness,
Speaker 1: and your peace, that you're no longer here to please
Speaker 1: you're here to be whole. Five. Embody the new standard.
Speaker 1: Once you stop pleasing, you'll start attracting differently. People who
Speaker 1: loved your compliance will fall away. Let them. That's proof
Speaker 1: you are being used, not loved, And in their place
Speaker 1: will come people who respect your silence, match your honesty,
Speaker 1: support your growth, love you for your truth, not your performance.
Speaker 1: But this only happens if you embody the new standard.
Speaker 1: Not once, not when it's easy, but every day, in
Speaker 1: every conversation where you feel that old part of you
Speaker 1: wanting to bend again, don't bend, feel the urge, hold
Speaker 1: the line, Breathe through the moment, because every time you
Speaker 1: don't betray yourself, you grow stronger. And that strength, that subtle, grounded,
Speaker 1: quiet self possession, is what Jung believed leads to actual transformation,
Speaker 1: not outer success, not validation, but internal integrity. Final words,
Speaker 1: You'll stop pleasing people after this, not because you've become cold,
Speaker 1: but because you've become conscious. Carl Jung didn't want you
Speaker 1: to become cruel. He wanted you to become awake, to
Speaker 1: stop performing, to stop fawning, to stop bleeding your soul
Speaker 1: out for people who wouldn't even hand you a bandage.
Speaker 1: He wanted you to become someone who is clear in
Speaker 1: your know honest in your presence, grounded in your discomfort whole,
Speaker 1: even if it makes others uncomfortable, Because the ones who
Speaker 1: are truly healed are not the ones who are always liked.
Speaker 1: They are the ones who are free