Speaker 1: Thou shalt double text yes, and even triple text. Welcome
Speaker 1: back to be How to Get a Girlfriend Podcast. I
Speaker 1: am your host dating coach, Connel Barrett. I'm here to
Speaker 1: help you flirt with authenticity and get more dates and
Speaker 1: get a great girlfriend. And this is all about being
Speaker 1: your true, real best self. You don't need tactical, weird
Speaker 1: pickup moves. You need to channel your most confident, authentic
Speaker 1: you because that's who women want. And I was just
Speaker 1: looking at my Instagram today. I think I get three
Speaker 1: out of four questions on Instagram are about texting. What
Speaker 1: do I say? What do I text? How do I text?
Speaker 1: Why do women ghost me? How can I get women
Speaker 1: messaging me back? And my clients too, I hear all
Speaker 1: the time from my guys. I've got about a dozen
Speaker 1: clients right now I'm actively working with, and at least
Speaker 1: three quarters of them ask me texting questions every week.
Speaker 1: So today's episode is about me helping you become much
Speaker 1: much more confident, flirtatious, and effective at texting. How are
Speaker 1: we going to do that? Well, maybe it's the Catholic
Speaker 1: boy inside of me who I used to be, But
Speaker 1: today I'm going to give you what I call the
Speaker 1: ten Commandments of texting. Imagine Moses has come down. I
Speaker 1: am Moses. I am the texting Moses, and I'm coming
Speaker 1: down from Mount Say and I to share with you
Speaker 1: my ten texting commandments. So here we go. Let's get
Speaker 1: right to it. I'll begin with the first texting commandment.
Speaker 1: I wish I could do a Charlton Heston impression. Let
Speaker 1: my people go. Here we go. The first texting commandment
Speaker 1: is this, thou shalt double text, Yes, and even triple text.
Speaker 1: That's right. I give you permission to double an even
Speaker 1: triple text. I can't tell you how many times I
Speaker 1: see guys on social media, through no fault of their own,
Speaker 1: good guys are just trying to do their best. But
Speaker 1: there's so much bad dating advice that says, never double text,
Speaker 1: don't double text. It's needy, It makes you a simp,
Speaker 1: it makes you try hard. No, sending a second or
Speaker 1: even a third text message does not make you needy.
Speaker 1: What makes you needy is Neediness is the way you text,
Speaker 1: not the amount, not the number of times you text.
Speaker 1: So you absolutely should follow up a second time and
Speaker 1: even a third time, as long as you're doing it
Speaker 1: with playfulness. Lightness, charm. Basically, this what I'm about to
Speaker 1: share with you blew my mind. The first one or
Speaker 1: two times had happened, then it happened five or six times,
Speaker 1: and it really rocked my world. Back when I was
Speaker 1: single and trying to figure all of this out, I said,
Speaker 1: you know what, I'm going to follow up a second
Speaker 1: or a third time. I'm going to keep messaging, and
Speaker 1: sometimes the second or third time got the woman to
Speaker 1: write me back. I remember there was a woman I
Speaker 1: matched with on Tinder a long time ago. She went quiet.
Speaker 1: I sent a second message, dear Diary, cute tender girl's
Speaker 1: gone quiet. Send search party. It's a little line I
Speaker 1: got from one of my coaches back in the day.
Speaker 1: No message. And then then I sent her a third message,
Speaker 1: and I just said, you know what, I'm going to
Speaker 1: have fun. If I'm going to go down swinging here,
Speaker 1: I may as well swing for the fences. And I
Speaker 1: wrote her a third message. It was something like, hey Mom,
Speaker 1: Hey dad, this cute girl Katie from Tinder has vanished.
Speaker 1: Do you think she found out I live in your basement?
Speaker 1: It was something like that, and then she wrote me back,
Speaker 1: l oh, what is it? What is rolling? On the floor,
Speaker 1: laughing rotfl Sorry, Connell, I'm sorry I missed your messages.
Speaker 1: I just got so busy. Plus I have to say
Speaker 1: I really like your persistence. Drinks on Friday, question Mark,
Speaker 1: and then all of a sudden we had a date
Speaker 1: lined up. I was breaking the rules, but it was
Speaker 1: working that second. That third message is really powerful. So
Speaker 1: you are absolutely allowed to double text. It's not how
Speaker 1: often you text, it's the way you text. So by
Speaker 1: the way, so yes, you can double text. You can
Speaker 1: even triple text. That's right. Triple texting something I give
Speaker 1: my clients. I say, follow the three times role. Don't
Speaker 1: consider yourself ghosted. Will you have sent three good, fun
Speaker 1: value messages after three or so? Fine, move on. I'm
Speaker 1: not saying I send twenty seven straight messages at all,
Speaker 1: but so many dates. I got so many dates from
Speaker 1: the second or third message. And a lot of women
Speaker 1: even explicitly pointed out I like your persistence, or I
Speaker 1: like that you followed up. Most guys give up too soon. Boom,
Speaker 1: here's my number. One woman even said to me recently,
Speaker 1: you have earned my phone number. You made me laugh,
Speaker 1: and I like that you followed up. Here's my number.
Speaker 1: So women notice that. So that's the first texting commandment,
Speaker 1: thou shalt double text, thou shalt even triple text. But
Speaker 1: it only works if you follow the next commandment. The
Speaker 1: second texting commandment is thou shalt text playfully. I'm getting
Speaker 1: into this. My Catholic, my Catholic grade school side is
Speaker 1: coming out. I'm a reform Catholic anyway. Second texting commandment
Speaker 1: thou shalt text playfully. Bottom line is flirting isn't complicated.
Speaker 1: It's about being playful. Flirting really the definition of flirting,
Speaker 1: not my definition, it's pretty much the definition if you
Speaker 1: really look at it. Flirting is light playfulness with clear interest.
Speaker 1: That's all flirting is. You're making it clear you like her,
Speaker 1: and you're expressing it in a light, playful way. The
Speaker 1: Oxford English Dictionary defines flirting in part as quote playing
Speaker 1: at love. I didn't make that up. That's Oxford. So
Speaker 1: let's play. And that's really the secret to playful texting.
Speaker 1: So make your text playful rather than plain. Plain texting
Speaker 1: is how's your day? Playful texting is how's your day?
Speaker 1: On a scale of root canal to won the powerball?
Speaker 1: You know, plain texting would be how was your weekend,
Speaker 1: What did you do? Texting? Would be pop quiz. Your
Speaker 1: weekend highlight was a yoga B cupcakes C eating cupcakes
Speaker 1: during yoga. Pencils down. See the inherent playfulness and that
Speaker 1: women are going to be so much faster to respond
Speaker 1: to the second one, the playful one. So that's the
Speaker 1: second texting commandment, thou shalt text playfully. Here is the
Speaker 1: third texting commandment, thou shalt ask flirty questions flirty questions.
Speaker 1: Notice I didn't say boring informational questions. Let's define the
Speaker 1: interview mode, right, you have you heard of interview mode?
Speaker 1: The dreaded interview mode. Oh, I get stuck in interview mode.
Speaker 1: I just asked her four or five, six, seven straight
Speaker 1: questions and then she went quiet. Well, yeah, but the
Speaker 1: problem isn't that you're asking questions. The problem is that
Speaker 1: you're asking informational, logical, boring questions as opposed to fun,
Speaker 1: flirty questions. I ask women tons of questions by text,
Speaker 1: but I'm making them fun or at least just flirtatious
Speaker 1: or somehow emotionally interesting to women. So thou shalt ask
Speaker 1: flirty questions? What might that look like? Well, basically, after
Speaker 1: a little bit of playful banter. You want to dial
Speaker 1: things up with a hint of romantic sexual attention. Here
Speaker 1: are four good flirty questions that you can ask. My
Speaker 1: clients use all of these questions and more. Number one,
Speaker 1: what's the most romantic place you've ever been? Now you're
Speaker 1: getting her thinking of romance. The most romantic place I've
Speaker 1: ever been. It was Malibu Beach with my then she
Speaker 1: wasn't my girlfriend, but we were falling for each other.
Speaker 1: Her name, I'll call her Alex. I co dedicated my
Speaker 1: book to her, Malibu Beach, eighteen sun is setting, We're
Speaker 1: falling in love. It was just the most romantic place
Speaker 1: I've ever been. Next flirty question, what was your first
Speaker 1: kiss like? That's a great question to ask women after
Speaker 1: a little bit of rapport, after a little banter, you
Speaker 1: can ask, hey, what was your first kiss like? Because
Speaker 1: now you're helping to focus her mind and your mind
Speaker 1: on light, fun, flirty topics that can help us both
Speaker 1: feel the feels. Most people have a good Most people,
Speaker 1: not all, but most people have an innocent, positive memory
Speaker 1: of their first kiss. Either it was really cute and
Speaker 1: sweet and adorable, or it was so bad it was good.
Speaker 1: So that's a good question. Now keep one thing in mind. Unfortunately,
Speaker 1: some women have a bad memory of their first kiss.
Speaker 1: If there was something, if there was something unfortunate happening there,
Speaker 1: So keep that in mind. Bringing up sexual topics you
Speaker 1: wanna tread lightly, But I have generally found that asking
Speaker 1: women about what was your first kiss, like it usually
Speaker 1: brings out stories like, oh, I was playing Spin the
Speaker 1: bottle or five minutes in Heaven, or it was my
Speaker 1: first date in high school. I was sixteen. Okay. Another
Speaker 1: great flirty question is are you the big spoon or
Speaker 1: the little spoon. That's an innocent way to bring the
Speaker 1: conversation into the bedroom, but not in a vulgar way,
Speaker 1: in an innocent way. And I like this one. The
Speaker 1: fourth flirty question brag a little bit. What's the sexiest
Speaker 1: thing about you? What is the sexiest thing about you?
Speaker 1: Giving a woman permission to brag about what she finds
Speaker 1: sexy about her. Who knows what she might say. She
Speaker 1: might talk about her lips, she might talk about another
Speaker 1: part of her body. She might talk about her intelligen,
Speaker 1: her humor, her confidence. Great, now you're talking about something
Speaker 1: that's going to make her probably feel pretty good. And
Speaker 1: if she's feeling pretty good about how she feels while
Speaker 1: texting you, there's an increased chance she's increased a chance
Speaker 1: she's going to feel good about you, all right. The
Speaker 1: fourth texting commandment, thou shalt show clear romantic interest. Flirting
Speaker 1: has two core elements that make it flirting, play playfulness,
Speaker 1: and clarity. If somebody doesn't know you're flirting, then you're
Speaker 1: not doing it right or you're not doing it clearly.
Speaker 1: So show that romantic interest. It can be as simple
Speaker 1: as I like you, Hey, I like you. Do you
Speaker 1: want to go on a date with me? I like you?
Speaker 1: You're charming? That is flirting. It's not fancy, but it's
Speaker 1: clear and it's very light and innocent. So soh yeah,
Speaker 1: keep that in mind. Playing it cool doesn't really work.
Speaker 1: I don't know if it ever worked, but maybe it
Speaker 1: worked in the pre tender era when people just didn't
Speaker 1: have as many options. But in the tender world, in
Speaker 1: the online dating world, the social media age, when everybody
Speaker 1: shouldn'tay everybody, when so many people and so many women
Speaker 1: have so many dating options. If you play it cool,
Speaker 1: if you try to play it mysterious, chances are she'll
Speaker 1: just find somebody else because she has so many options.
Speaker 1: So don't play it cool, play it clear, play it clear.
Speaker 1: It can be as simple as hey. I like you,
Speaker 1: just be careful because autocorrect might change it too. I
Speaker 1: like you save that till the fifth date. Okay, let's
Speaker 1: move to the next commandment. The fifth texting commandment is
Speaker 1: thou shalt not count thy texts. I hear this question
Speaker 1: so many times, at least once a week from at
Speaker 1: least one client. How often should I text her? While
Speaker 1: there's no magic number. In my single days, I texted
Speaker 1: some women I don't know once every couple days. I
Speaker 1: texted some women way more than that. When my girlfriend
Speaker 1: Jess and I first started talking, we texted literally fifteen
Speaker 1: twenty times a day, and that was before our first date.
Speaker 1: In the two or three days leading up to our
Speaker 1: first date, we texted dozens of times. Everybody has a
Speaker 1: different texting cadence. Here's the guideline to follow. Don't worry
Speaker 1: about counting texts. Think about it this way. Let your
Speaker 1: chemistry with her guide you. Do you and she both
Speaker 1: love to text, then text your brains out. If you're
Speaker 1: not that big of a text her and she is.
Speaker 1: Now we've got a little bit of a mismatch. Keep
Speaker 1: that in mind. She might want to text a lot,
Speaker 1: you might not want to text that much. Or maybe
Speaker 1: you love to text and she is not that texting.
Speaker 1: Everybody has their kind of texting style and blueprint, so
Speaker 1: let the chemistry guide you. Here's what you do want.
Speaker 1: Follow this guideline. Go for a fifty to fifty cadence
Speaker 1: roughly fifty to fifty forty sixty. In other words, don't
Speaker 1: send five texts if she sends you one. We don't
Speaker 1: want a five to one ratio. One to one. Fifty
Speaker 1: to fifty forty sixty either way is good, and that way,
Speaker 1: as long as you have that fifty to fifty cadence,
Speaker 1: you might text once a day, you might text twenty
Speaker 1: times a day. As long as the cadence is roughly equal,
Speaker 1: you'll be in a good place. And so yeah, don't
Speaker 1: worry about counting texts. Just think about cadence. Now. I
Speaker 1: rarely say always or never, but I'm pretty close to
Speaker 1: always saying text at least a little bit. At least
Speaker 1: a little bit leading up toward hopefully a first date.
Speaker 1: Remember the whole purpose of texting in my life, The
Speaker 1: ultimate end goal, of course, is a date you meet
Speaker 1: her in person, of course, so keep in mind, keep
Speaker 1: your eyes on the prize. The prize is the date,
Speaker 1: not the amount of text that you or she give
Speaker 1: or get. And so I'm almost always going to recommend
Speaker 1: some kind of cadence, even if it's once every couple days.
Speaker 1: My client Nick, had a first date lined up with
Speaker 1: a woman from Bumble. Everything was great, lots of good
Speaker 1: bumble bantering back and forth. He lined up a date
Speaker 1: with her on say, a Sunday. He got the date
Speaker 1: agreed to on a Sunday. Then their date was that Friday,
Speaker 1: so five days away. He went totally quiet. He just
Speaker 1: got busy. Nick's a busy guy doing his job, doing
Speaker 1: his job. I think it's in healthcare. He got busy.
Speaker 1: All of a sudden, Friday comes along, it's Friday morning,
Speaker 1: and he messages her and says, hey, by the way,
Speaker 1: we're still on for tonight. And she wrote back, sorry,
Speaker 1: but no, you went quiet on me. I just kind
Speaker 1: of lost interest. It's almost what she wrote him verbatim.
Speaker 1: So you do want to keep some kind of cadence.
Speaker 1: Doesn't have to be ten times a day. I would
Speaker 1: say once every couple days between a text. Say you
Speaker 1: agree to a date, or you get her off of
Speaker 1: a dating app, or you're messaging on each other's phones.
Speaker 1: However you got to that point. Let's say you have
Speaker 1: a date lined up four or five days out, at
Speaker 1: least one every couple days, so that you can keep
Speaker 1: both of you looking forward to the date. But it
Speaker 1: could be ten a day, it could be one a day.
Speaker 1: All that matters is the fifty to fifty cadence, So
Speaker 1: stop counting your text It's not that important. Okay, let's
Speaker 1: move on to the sixth texting commandment. Thou shalt be
Speaker 1: thy authentic self for yourself. The authentic it's one of
Speaker 1: my two or three cornerstone I teach. Don't put on
Speaker 1: a persona to impress her. You are enough right now
Speaker 1: as the man you are. Let her hear from the
Speaker 1: real you. Let her text with the real core you.
Speaker 1: If you're sweet, if you're quirky, let that come out.
Speaker 1: Be the guy your friends know and love. That might
Speaker 1: sound like an obvious thing to say, be yourself, be authentic. Well,
Speaker 1: so many guys put on a bit of a persona.
Speaker 1: They play it cool, They try to be extra, extra funny,
Speaker 1: extra bored, extra challenging, and look, I'm fine with a
Speaker 1: little bit of fun flirting shtick. I'm the flirting guy.
Speaker 1: I love flirting, one of the core things I teach.
Speaker 1: But bottom line is she's gonna find value in you,
Speaker 1: the man who's going to meet her on the date.
Speaker 1: It's not about your texts finds. She's going to find
Speaker 1: so much more worth in me. You not in the
Speaker 1: words you say. It's almost like the texting. The flirting
Speaker 1: is icing on a cake, but you're the cake. You
Speaker 1: so be who you are by text. If you are
Speaker 1: a dorky dad, to text her your dorky dad jokes,
Speaker 1: No judgment for me. I love dad jokes. I'm a
Speaker 1: cat dad, not a dad dad, but close enough. If
Speaker 1: you're a jock, talk about sports, or if you're a ballbuster,
Speaker 1: if you like to roast people, be a little bit roasty,
Speaker 1: be a little bit challenging. If that's you. If that's
Speaker 1: not you, don't do that. Women can smell in authenticity.
Speaker 1: They can smell a guy putting on airrors putting on
Speaker 1: a persona. They can they can smell that out like
Speaker 1: too much axe bodies ray. So we don't want to
Speaker 1: be that way. Here's a pro tip. Here's a good
Speaker 1: way for you to know your texting as your authentic self. Study.
Speaker 1: Go to your phone. Look at the text messages you send.
Speaker 1: A couple of really good friends or people you're very
Speaker 1: comfortable with, could be your friends, could be family. And
Speaker 1: basically look at how you text. Notice how loose you are,
Speaker 1: I assume. Notice you're not trying to gain points, and
Speaker 1: you're all probably not asking a bunch of logical, boring questions.
Speaker 1: You're probably being yourself. And however you text that person,
Speaker 1: you're closed to text women pretty much the same way.
Speaker 1: Just add a little bit of flirtatiousness and just and
Speaker 1: don't call her bro. Don't call her bro. But okay,
Speaker 1: let's move to the seventh texting commandment, number seven. This
Speaker 1: that makes me laugh. Number seven thou shalt not be
Speaker 1: a needy bitch boy. That's in quotes, by the way,
Speaker 1: needy bitch boy is in quotes. So I have a
Speaker 1: client named Aaron. Aaron I had an amazing date with
Speaker 1: a woman named Lisa. They went to a music festival
Speaker 1: here in New York or some kind of a day
Speaker 1: long music show, and it was a great date. It
Speaker 1: was her first date. I coached him through it. He
Speaker 1: was so excited about Lisa. She is a wow girl
Speaker 1: to Aaron, and they had a really good date. They danced,
Speaker 1: they kissed. I coached him on the art of going
Speaker 1: for that first kiss and everything went great, awesome first date.
Speaker 1: Then a week or two passes and he was so
Speaker 1: bummed out. He kept texting me, Oh, Connell, I'm so disappointed.
Speaker 1: No answer back. She didn't respond to my message. Oh,
Speaker 1: I'm so disappointed. I thought she was into me. And
Speaker 1: I looked at his phone. I looked at the exchanges
Speaker 1: between Lisa and Aaron, and she was messaging him back,
Speaker 1: just not as much as he wanted. He was messaging
Speaker 1: a lot, she was not messaging as much. That goes
Speaker 1: back to the whole cadence thing I talked about. And
Speaker 1: he was like he was bummed out, like she had
Speaker 1: dumped him and she hadn't. She was just not giving
Speaker 1: him the texting validation. And I said, dude, you made
Speaker 1: out with a total babe on date number one. And
Speaker 1: I think this was his first ever first date kiss.
Speaker 1: I think, and if it wasn't, it was his first
Speaker 1: ever kiss with a woman of this caliber. I know
Speaker 1: that because he was so excited. So I said, dude,
Speaker 1: you made out with a total wow girl, a total awesome,
Speaker 1: wonderful woman. What are you in this for? Are you
Speaker 1: in this? And oh? And he had a second date
Speaker 1: lined up, She had already agreed to a second date,
Speaker 1: and he was texting me. Oh, she's not messaging me back.
Speaker 1: I'm so disappointed, and I'm like, dude, are you in
Speaker 1: this for the dates or for the texts? What are
Speaker 1: you in this for? We had a heart tear and
Speaker 1: he laughed about it. He said, you're right, no, no,
Speaker 1: no more being a needy bitch boy. By the way,
Speaker 1: Aaron's not a quote needy bitch boy, but there are
Speaker 1: times when we become needy and secure. And bottom line
Speaker 1: is he's a guy who likes a woman to send
Speaker 1: him a lot of text messages. Lisa wasn't doing that.
Speaker 1: But remember we are in the whole texting game. At
Speaker 1: least I always was for the dates, for the relationship,
Speaker 1: for the meeting in person and letting that chemistry happen,
Speaker 1: letting that connection happen. So anyway, don't be a needy
Speaker 1: bitch boy. In other words, count dates, don't count texts.
Speaker 1: We're not in this to get a certain number of texts.
Speaker 1: We're in this too. Hopefully find a great girlfriend, meet
Speaker 1: her in person, and see if you guys become a
Speaker 1: couple or at least have a romantic connection. All right.
Speaker 1: The eighth texting commandment thou shalt use jiffs, photos, videos,
Speaker 1: and voice notes. Yeah, mix up the media. Mix up
Speaker 1: the media so that you're not just sending text messages only.
Speaker 1: This makes your texting feel so much more alive. You know.
Speaker 1: If she gets a raise, queue up the Leo Leonardo
Speaker 1: DiCaprio Champagne toast Jeff from I think it's from The
Speaker 1: Great Gatsby or no, maybe, oh, maybe it's from Maybe
Speaker 1: it's from Wolf Wall Street. Well, whatever it's from, there's
Speaker 1: a DiCaprio Champagne toast. She gets a raise, she gets
Speaker 1: a promotion, send her that, Send her the Jeff. You
Speaker 1: have an adorable cat who does backflips, Send her a video.
Speaker 1: As I record this podcast, I'm looking at my cat, Reggie,
Speaker 1: on my chair in front of me. He's on his back,
Speaker 1: his bellies in the air. He's just goofing around like
Speaker 1: the dumbest little orange tabby boom. If I was dating,
Speaker 1: I would take a video of this and send it
Speaker 1: to the girl I was texting. So, yeah, you have
Speaker 1: a cat, you have a dog, send a fun dog
Speaker 1: or cat video. I had this great little ten second
Speaker 1: video I took this years ago. I'm in Chelsea, New
Speaker 1: York City. These two cute, little fluffy dogs, like a
Speaker 1: little fluffy white shit su and a maybe a brownish
Speaker 1: shit sue. They're in a red convertible. Their owner was
Speaker 1: driving them around this little red convertible and it looked
Speaker 1: like the dogs were driving. These two little dogs roll
Speaker 1: by me on the sidewalk here in New York City,
Speaker 1: and I take my phone out and I take a
Speaker 1: ten second, twelve second video of these two dogs. And
Speaker 1: in the video, I'm like, WHOA, look out, crazy drivers
Speaker 1: in New York. I'm laughing. The dogs are adorable. I
Speaker 1: have sent that video to dozens of women and it
Speaker 1: invariably gets a big fat oh my god LLL. That's
Speaker 1: so cute adorable. So yeah, don't just settle for dry texting.
Speaker 1: If you got a dad joke, don't just text it.
Speaker 1: Maybe send her a voice note, you know, maybe you
Speaker 1: like dad jokes. I do. Why do cows have hoofs
Speaker 1: because they lack tose thank you. You're welcome for that.
Speaker 1: But maybe send that message to a woman by audio
Speaker 1: a voice note. Are you attracted to certain tones of voice?
Speaker 1: Do you love the sound of the right woman's voice,
Speaker 1: You know, the gravelly Demi Moore type voice or the
Speaker 1: smoky scarlet Johanson type voice. Well, guess what women are
Speaker 1: attracted to your voice? Women are attracted to men's voices,
Speaker 1: And so sending her sending her a voice note on
Speaker 1: occasion seeing if she responds to that, You never know,
Speaker 1: that might get her feeling the fuels for you. So yes,
Speaker 1: ape commandment, don't just use words and text, use jiffs, photos, videos,
Speaker 1: voice notes. Find out what works for you. Find out
Speaker 1: what women like, all right. The ninth texting commandment thou
Speaker 1: shalt not ask her out in the very first text.
Speaker 1: Don't ask her out in the very first text that
Speaker 1: you send. Let's say you get her number from bumble.
Speaker 1: Even if you had a good ten to fifteen message
Speaker 1: back and forth, you send her that first message on bumble.
Speaker 1: Don't make it so drinks on Saturday, or you get
Speaker 1: a number at the bar. You actually get some courage
Speaker 1: approach a woman, get her number. That feels amazing. One
Speaker 1: of My favorite things to coach is helping guys approach
Speaker 1: get numbers in real life. But you send that first message.
Speaker 1: Don't make your first message so drinks on Saturday. It
Speaker 1: feels try hard. You want to build at least a
Speaker 1: little bit of rapport first, some of that playful banter
Speaker 1: that I talk about. So let's say I don't know.
Speaker 1: Say Amy gave you her number on Bumble. You match
Speaker 1: message a little bit, She's like, sure, shoot me a text.
Speaker 1: When you message her, don't start with drinks on Friday.
Speaker 1: You're asking before you've gotten the rapport, you've gotten the
Speaker 1: sense of connection and comfort that she likes. Go with
Speaker 1: something light and playful. Maybe this is your first message, Hey,
Speaker 1: is this Amy? Or did I accidentally text Papa John's again?
Speaker 1: Pizza emoji? And then sign your name you know, Ryan
Speaker 1: from Bumble or whatever. That's just an example. You don't
Speaker 1: have to use my Papa John's one, but you can.
Speaker 1: Bottom line is the two biggest text mistakes that men make.
Speaker 1: Most men make one or both of these of these mistakes.
Speaker 1: The first mistake is just boring, logical boring text cliches
Speaker 1: or informational boring questions. How are you? How's your day?
Speaker 1: What did you do this weekend? The other mistake guys
Speaker 1: make is they ask before they've earned their right too.
Speaker 1: Not that you don't have the right to ask her out,
Speaker 1: but you want to. He's into it a little bit,
Speaker 1: at least a little bit of banter, a little bit
Speaker 1: of back and forth, even if it's literally two or
Speaker 1: three or four messages. So that is the ninth texting commandment.
Speaker 1: And here is the tenth. The tenth texting commandment, thou
Speaker 1: shalt ask her out the right way, the right way.
Speaker 1: What do I mean by that? I'm talking syntax here,
Speaker 1: I'm talking about the actual language you use. Here's the
Speaker 1: wrong way to ask her out. We should maybe hang
Speaker 1: out sometime. If you want no that is meek and weak.
Speaker 1: Ask her out clearly and suggest something fun, and also
Speaker 1: ask when she's free. So you want to be clear.
Speaker 1: You want to suggest something that you think or know
Speaker 1: she'll find fun, and you also want to in the
Speaker 1: askout text find out when she's free. Here's how you
Speaker 1: do it. Here's an example, something like this quote, I
Speaker 1: want to take you out, let's do mini golf. If
Speaker 1: that sounds good, What upcoming nights are you free? Could
Speaker 1: be that simple. I love. I love using the word
Speaker 1: I want. I want to take you out. I want
Speaker 1: to see you, I want to meet you. I want
Speaker 1: to find out if you're as charming in real life
Speaker 1: as you seem here by text, or if you as
Speaker 1: you seem here on the unhinge. Let's let's do mini
Speaker 1: golf if that sounds good to you. What nights are
Speaker 1: you free this week? Here's what I don't want you
Speaker 1: to do or try to avoid this. This is me
Speaker 1: being pretty nitpicky, but it'll make the difference. It'll make
Speaker 1: the difference between you getting more or less dates. Try
Speaker 1: to avoid asking her out for only one night. Specifically, Hey,
Speaker 1: we should meet up some time. Let's get a drink.
Speaker 1: Let's have some wine. That's good. By the way, are
Speaker 1: you free Friday? If she's not free Friday, she has
Speaker 1: to shoot you down for Friday, And then you're in
Speaker 1: the position of saying, okay, well, how about Saturday. Oh,
Speaker 1: your grandma's in town Saturday. How about Sunday? Oh you're
Speaker 1: babysitting your niece on Sunday. How about Monday? Oh? Too bad?
Speaker 1: You have that thing, don't Every time you ask a
Speaker 1: woman out and she has to say no, because she's busy,
Speaker 1: you lose a little bit of currency. We don't want
Speaker 1: that to happen. So it's such a simple fix. Just
Speaker 1: say what upcoming nights are you free. Here's how I
Speaker 1: asked out a million women. I mean I did it
Speaker 1: in different ways, but I basically did it this way
Speaker 1: over and over again. I would message and banter with
Speaker 1: them a little bit. I would find something genuine, authentic
Speaker 1: about them that I liked. I would compliment her. I'd say,
Speaker 1: by the way, you're really funny. I like your dorky
Speaker 1: sense of humor. I feel like we're both similarly dorks.
Speaker 1: I'd like to find out if you're charming in real
Speaker 1: life as you've seen here on Hinge. Let me plan
Speaker 1: a date for us. I'm thinking karaoke if you're up
Speaker 1: for it. What nights are good for you this week?
Speaker 1: Something like that. By the way, I'm probably not going
Speaker 1: to suggest karaoke unless I know she likes it or
Speaker 1: we've talked about it, but regardless, think ask her out, clearly,
Speaker 1: make it clear it's a date. None of this week borshed,
Speaker 1: none of this week's do. Hey, we should maybe hang
Speaker 1: out sometime if you want balls in your court. No
Speaker 1: don't do the balls in your court philosophy, you are
Speaker 1: making the woman do the man's job. That's not her job.
Speaker 1: Your job is to ask. You lead, women follow, they
Speaker 1: say yes or no, and it's all good either way.
Speaker 1: Dating is a dance. You're just asking her to dance.
Speaker 1: Ask clearly, hey, let's go on a date. You're charming,
Speaker 1: you're cute. I want to say, if you're as cool
Speaker 1: as I think you are, let's do tapus this week,
Speaker 1: because I know you and I both love tapas. What
Speaker 1: nights are you free? And then by saying what nights
Speaker 1: are you free, she goes into her calendar and says, oh,
Speaker 1: well I'm free Tuesday or Friday. Boom aswimming, you're free
Speaker 1: one of those nights. There you go, set the date
Speaker 1: up now. If you just have a crazy busy schedule.
Speaker 1: If you literally only have one free night, fine, suggest
Speaker 1: the one night you have that's free. But just try
Speaker 1: to give her as much notice as you can, at
Speaker 1: least three or four days, if not four or five days.
Speaker 1: Another way you can do it if you're a busy
Speaker 1: guy is say okay, well you know what, I'd love
Speaker 1: to take you out. There's a Spanish place that I'm
Speaker 1: dying to check out. I'd love to bring you there.
Speaker 1: I could do I could do a Tuesday or Friday,
Speaker 1: which is better for you? You could give her a
Speaker 1: binary choice. That's almost as good. Most women would be
Speaker 1: free for one or the other. All right, Those are
Speaker 1: the ten texting commandments from a raging atheist, from a
Speaker 1: recovering Catholic. But I love my Charlton husband Moses movie past,
Speaker 1: watching that every East year with my family. Anyway, thank
Speaker 1: you so much for listening. Oh, by the way, gosh,
Speaker 1: I'm so bad at remembering to plug my coaching. I'm
Speaker 1: a dating coach. I coach men in the very one
Speaker 1: on one personalized way. And if you would like to
Speaker 1: talk with me about how my coaching works. And you
Speaker 1: have a job, because I'm not cheap. But if you
Speaker 1: have a job and you're looking to really change your confidence,
Speaker 1: get a great girlfriend, become amazing at texting, at flirting,
Speaker 1: at approaching, and basically becoming incredible with women and doing
Speaker 1: it in a real, genuine, classy cool way, not some
Speaker 1: sketchy pickup nonsense. Go to my website, Dating transformation dot
Speaker 1: com and book a free call with yours truly, go
Speaker 1: out use your ten commandments, let my people go. I
Speaker 1: became the king of who. I became the King of
Speaker 1: Egypt for some reason. Anyway, thank you for listening. Until
Speaker 1: next time.