WEBVTT 1 00:00:03.520 --> 00:00:06.320 Welcome to the two seventeen Recovery Broadcast. 2 00:00:06.480 --> 00:00:09.800 If you don't make mistakes, you won't learn. 3 00:00:10.400 --> 00:00:12.519 With your host Corey Winfield, you. 4 00:00:12.480 --> 00:00:14.400 Know how you know fish as bad as you can't 5 00:00:14.400 --> 00:00:17.399 put it on pizza and special guest Justin Burke. 6 00:00:17.679 --> 00:00:21.920 I said something about that to our master radio broadcaster 7 00:00:22.160 --> 00:00:27.920 and he said that he didn't hear nothing. Got your ass. 8 00:00:30.160 --> 00:00:33.799 It is the thirteenth of December twenty twenty four. 9 00:00:34.119 --> 00:00:34.719 What's up. 10 00:00:34.759 --> 00:00:38.840 My name is Cory Winfield from Justin Burke. Welcome to 11 00:00:38.880 --> 00:00:42.520 seventeen Recovery Podcast. Ben a minute, we backed out? Yeah, 12 00:00:42.759 --> 00:00:47.119 got the Recovery Stories Message of Hope, Part four videos done. 13 00:00:47.159 --> 00:00:50.159 They're up at two seventeen recovery dot com and on 14 00:00:50.200 --> 00:00:51.240 our YouTube channel. 15 00:00:51.600 --> 00:00:56.280 Hell yeah yeah, Now you compressed them all into one video. 16 00:00:56.520 --> 00:00:59.280 To me, no a movie like we did. 17 00:00:59.159 --> 00:01:02.799 With No One, which I might look at that again, 18 00:01:02.880 --> 00:01:05.560 but I think Amazon changed ourselfs because Amazon, because we've 19 00:01:05.599 --> 00:01:07.000 all seen some crap on Amazon. 20 00:01:07.079 --> 00:01:08.159 You're like, are you kidding me? 21 00:01:08.799 --> 00:01:11.920 Son't paid to make that right, And I tried to 22 00:01:11.959 --> 00:01:15.680 do that with the Recovery Stories. One did all the editing, 23 00:01:15.879 --> 00:01:17.640 all the stuff, spent so much time on it, and 24 00:01:17.640 --> 00:01:19.359 then they had to get it all in the right format, 25 00:01:19.480 --> 00:01:22.719 right size, all this stuff, and they're like, yeah, you 26 00:01:22.760 --> 00:01:24.640 can't do that what the learners. 27 00:01:24.640 --> 00:01:27.159 Why I asked is because sometimes our friends across the 28 00:01:27.200 --> 00:01:32.439 street likes to show part one right as because it's 29 00:01:32.480 --> 00:01:35.439 all put together in one show and they don't have 30 00:01:35.480 --> 00:01:39.239 to do multiple clicks. Mm hmmmmmmm. 31 00:01:40.400 --> 00:01:43.439 Now I might do that because back to my story 32 00:01:43.439 --> 00:01:49.159 here is if you had something that has multiple parts 33 00:01:49.200 --> 00:01:52.719 to it, like part one, part two, part three, part four, whatever, yeah, 34 00:01:52.799 --> 00:01:56.519 then I believe at one point in time you could 35 00:01:56.519 --> 00:01:58.079 have done that. But I think they changed it to 36 00:01:58.079 --> 00:02:00.640 where like you can't do that anymore because people were 37 00:02:00.680 --> 00:02:05.480 putting so much garbage on there. But I could still 38 00:02:05.519 --> 00:02:08.840 put it together. It's all one thing I'm lacking, Like 39 00:02:08.879 --> 00:02:09.599 it's bad. 40 00:02:11.039 --> 00:02:13.919 This hard work. I got a roof this house. 41 00:02:13.680 --> 00:02:17.280 And from over here and over there and then back 42 00:02:17.319 --> 00:02:18.120 to over here. 43 00:02:20.360 --> 00:02:21.159 So heavy. 44 00:02:22.199 --> 00:02:25.080 Yeah, no, I'll look into that, but it's right now though. 45 00:02:26.080 --> 00:02:28.240 They are just separate parts. 46 00:02:28.240 --> 00:02:28.439 You know. 47 00:02:28.520 --> 00:02:31.319 There's Kim, there's me, Russ Jesse telling the story, and 48 00:02:31.360 --> 00:02:34.960 then Marnie and Chris Goss who used to be on 49 00:02:35.000 --> 00:02:36.280 two seventeen Recovery podcast. 50 00:02:36.560 --> 00:02:40.319 His story was amazing, like truly amazing. 51 00:02:40.719 --> 00:02:42.280 He gave a good message of hope. And I liked 52 00:02:42.280 --> 00:02:45.919 what Chris said about smoking weed. And I remember back 53 00:02:45.960 --> 00:02:48.159 in the day, man, and it was actually when Chris 54 00:02:48.199 --> 00:02:50.199 moved into the Silver Living House I was managing and 55 00:02:50.240 --> 00:02:53.879 he became a member of two seventeen Recovery podcast. And 56 00:02:54.000 --> 00:02:57.240 before he he moved in though, well, let me backtrack 57 00:02:57.280 --> 00:02:59.879 it all. When we were in treatment together, we were 58 00:03:00.039 --> 00:03:02.000 the bus home. I remember him saying, I'm still gonna 59 00:03:02.000 --> 00:03:05.240 smoke weed, man. I said, all right, man, well, and 60 00:03:05.240 --> 00:03:07.000 it didn't worry for me. It always led me back 61 00:03:07.039 --> 00:03:10.280 to something harder. You know a lot of people like, oh, 62 00:03:10.319 --> 00:03:14.680 it's just weed, man, it's the problem. It's just weed. 63 00:03:14.919 --> 00:03:16.159 It's not the buzz you're looking. 64 00:03:16.240 --> 00:03:20.159 Yeah, my alcohol brain was like, I want alcohol, Screw 65 00:03:20.280 --> 00:03:23.439 this weed. And all the other people I've talked to 66 00:03:23.560 --> 00:03:27.439 that had other substance choices would kind of say the 67 00:03:27.439 --> 00:03:30.199 same thing, but that they went back to just weed, 68 00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:33.120 and it never was just weed that always led them 69 00:03:33.159 --> 00:03:36.560 back to something. Well, alcohol is never my problem, then 70 00:03:36.639 --> 00:03:42.039 I'll just smoke weed and drink. Okay, Well, let's break 71 00:03:42.080 --> 00:03:45.240 down the addiction part. Let's break down the trauma that 72 00:03:45.280 --> 00:03:48.960 you're covering up. Let's let's start there. Because you're covering 73 00:03:49.039 --> 00:03:55.000 up something with a substance. That's the problem. It's not 74 00:03:55.319 --> 00:03:57.080 oh this or that or I've never had a problem 75 00:03:57.080 --> 00:03:59.879 with that. Well guess what. Welcome Welcome to alcoholism then, 76 00:04:00.039 --> 00:04:02.199 because that's the road you're going down, and that's that's 77 00:04:02.240 --> 00:04:03.319 a slippertty slope. 78 00:04:04.039 --> 00:04:06.400 So Chris tells me though, I'm just gonna smoke weed. 79 00:04:06.439 --> 00:04:09.000 And I said, all right, well, be careful man, you know, 80 00:04:09.039 --> 00:04:11.240 and do what you need to do. I'm not trying 81 00:04:11.280 --> 00:04:12.560 to tell people what to do what not to do. 82 00:04:12.599 --> 00:04:16.759 I'm just saying what for me. It didn't work. Well, 83 00:04:16.800 --> 00:04:18.680 maybe like three weeks later, I get a message, you know, 84 00:04:18.680 --> 00:04:21.879 and he's like, hey, man, can you I need some 85 00:04:21.920 --> 00:04:24.800 help because I'm doing other stuff now. And I'm like okay. 86 00:04:25.680 --> 00:04:27.839 And he ended up going back to treatment, and I 87 00:04:27.839 --> 00:04:29.399 think he left, and then I started worrying on the 88 00:04:29.399 --> 00:04:32.920 treatment center and he's like, look, man, like I'm gonna 89 00:04:33.160 --> 00:04:35.000 I'm not gonna say I'm never gonna smoke weed again, 90 00:04:35.040 --> 00:04:38.040 because I probably will, but while I'm living in sober living, 91 00:04:38.959 --> 00:04:42.959 I'm not going to so okay. So Chris came in 92 00:04:43.120 --> 00:04:44.879 and he was on fire Man. He was doing really 93 00:04:44.920 --> 00:04:47.600 good for a while, and then that house just became 94 00:04:47.639 --> 00:04:51.879 a shit show after I left, and it was just bad, 95 00:04:52.160 --> 00:04:57.439 bad for everybody's recovery. And that's the problem sometimes when 96 00:04:57.480 --> 00:04:59.360 people I'm going to start a sober living house, I'm 97 00:04:59.360 --> 00:05:01.319 gonna make so much money, that's okay. First of all, 98 00:05:01.319 --> 00:05:04.160 if that's what you're thinking, you're wrong. And second, that's 99 00:05:04.240 --> 00:05:06.439 not the train of thought there, Like you need to 100 00:05:06.439 --> 00:05:09.480 be thinking like how can we help people? 101 00:05:10.040 --> 00:05:12.800 Well, as you speak of, that house just kind of 102 00:05:12.800 --> 00:05:15.560 fell apart, though there was more to that story of 103 00:05:15.600 --> 00:05:19.639 it just falling apart, because even though you may be sober, 104 00:05:19.720 --> 00:05:24.040 your mind's maybe not there yet, even though you're not 105 00:05:24.199 --> 00:05:28.839 using substances, because in your case was you know, you 106 00:05:28.879 --> 00:05:31.920 didn't allow certain guys to do certain things on premises, 107 00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:37.759 you know, like other people did so because they were 108 00:05:38.079 --> 00:05:40.079 filled by greed and selfishness. 109 00:05:41.000 --> 00:05:43.800 By accepting, we don't have to beat around the bush, 110 00:05:43.800 --> 00:05:44.600 we can tell the story. 111 00:05:44.639 --> 00:05:46.319 I think I've told them before. No. 112 00:05:46.600 --> 00:05:48.800 I was managed in the Sober Living House with Ryan Peckman, 113 00:05:48.879 --> 00:05:52.399 who was once on the podcast, and things were going 114 00:05:52.399 --> 00:05:57.279 good at first Man, things are going real. What's the 115 00:05:57.279 --> 00:06:01.680 wor I'm looking for optimistic things are optimistic, yeah, for 116 00:06:01.680 --> 00:06:06.399 for kind of everybody in the house. And it started 117 00:06:06.439 --> 00:06:08.879 to not be and some red flags started happening with me. 118 00:06:08.959 --> 00:06:13.160 Because MAR It'schian Michigan and Association of Recovery Residences. They 119 00:06:13.199 --> 00:06:15.680 will go around and they will go through these houses. 120 00:06:15.680 --> 00:06:17.639 And then if you get certified with MAR, then you 121 00:06:17.680 --> 00:06:22.040 can take money from organizations that get Medicaid money. So 122 00:06:22.079 --> 00:06:24.079 if someone's coming into your house, the Medicaid will pay 123 00:06:24.079 --> 00:06:26.199 for them to live there ninety days. But they want 124 00:06:26.199 --> 00:06:29.439 to make sure that the bathroom's working, that the stove's working. 125 00:06:29.560 --> 00:06:31.399 Because I stay at a place in around rapids man, 126 00:06:31.480 --> 00:06:33.519 like the tub was falling through the floor in the 127 00:06:33.519 --> 00:06:36.600 bathroom like it was. It was a horrible place, and 128 00:06:36.639 --> 00:06:38.399 that is not good for my recovery. It was not 129 00:06:38.439 --> 00:06:39.079 good for my recover. 130 00:06:39.120 --> 00:06:41.240 I'm that I've never been in one of those harms. 131 00:06:41.279 --> 00:06:43.319 I've been to some hell holes. So just oh, I'm 132 00:06:43.319 --> 00:06:44.199 gonna go to Silver Living. 133 00:06:44.240 --> 00:06:47.439 No, No, it is very important what MAR does for 134 00:06:47.639 --> 00:06:51.600 recovering residences and for Silver Living home side. Now, I'm 135 00:06:51.600 --> 00:06:55.439 not saying that everybody that's certified with MARS up on 136 00:06:55.480 --> 00:06:57.839 the I don't know that, and I can't tell you 137 00:06:57.879 --> 00:07:00.000 that just because they're not that they're a bad place. 138 00:07:00.199 --> 00:07:01.040 I'm not saying that. 139 00:07:01.560 --> 00:07:05.399 But there are checks and balances with mar yep, so 140 00:07:05.600 --> 00:07:07.839 there is some of that. And I kept saying, why 141 00:07:07.920 --> 00:07:09.319 can't we do that, We can't we do this? Well 142 00:07:09.319 --> 00:07:11.480 to do that own the house apparently had some felonies, 143 00:07:11.480 --> 00:07:15.600 and then like with Ryan's passed, he there's no way 144 00:07:15.600 --> 00:07:17.639 that mar would have certified them with those two in 145 00:07:17.639 --> 00:07:18.519 their past. 146 00:07:18.759 --> 00:07:19.759 I didn't know it at the time. 147 00:07:19.959 --> 00:07:21.439 It was later I found that out, but I kept saying, 148 00:07:21.439 --> 00:07:24.560 once you get certified with Marrow, Oh, I'm trying, I'm trying. Yeah, 149 00:07:24.959 --> 00:07:26.680 he wasn't trying. He wasn't trying at all because he 150 00:07:26.720 --> 00:07:29.720 knew he couldn't, or at least he found out at 151 00:07:29.720 --> 00:07:32.519 one point he couldn't, and he wasn't making the money 152 00:07:32.519 --> 00:07:33.600 he thought he was gonna be making. 153 00:07:34.399 --> 00:07:37.560 Well, yeah, but if you a mortgage on the house, 154 00:07:38.040 --> 00:07:41.800 you know, you gotta pay that the taxes, cleaning supplies, 155 00:07:42.759 --> 00:07:46.199 basic toletres like the paper products, you know. 156 00:07:46.600 --> 00:07:47.439 Yeah. 157 00:07:47.600 --> 00:07:51.920 I think he was doing it more for a A 158 00:07:52.079 --> 00:07:54.000 he thought he could make some money on it, and 159 00:07:54.040 --> 00:07:58.920 b he wanted that stature, his friends or was friends whatever, 160 00:07:59.040 --> 00:08:02.120 I don't really know. With Jason to back, who owns 161 00:08:02.160 --> 00:08:05.079 the sort of living home that I lived at for 162 00:08:05.279 --> 00:08:07.480 I think six months or three before, I don't remember, 163 00:08:07.600 --> 00:08:11.079 six months maybe, And he saw like people kind of 164 00:08:11.079 --> 00:08:13.839 looking up to Jason. I think he wanted that, yeah, 165 00:08:14.480 --> 00:08:15.879 and be. 166 00:08:15.959 --> 00:08:17.480 Like that pillar of the community. 167 00:08:17.720 --> 00:08:20.439 Be like, oh no, really, I don't think he wanted 168 00:08:20.439 --> 00:08:22.000 to be the pillar of the community. He just wanted 169 00:08:22.000 --> 00:08:24.360 people to look up to him. Yeah, you know, there 170 00:08:24.360 --> 00:08:26.319 are some issues I think with that guy. 171 00:08:26.399 --> 00:08:27.920 But anyway, Yeah, so. 172 00:08:30.360 --> 00:08:33.279 We come home one day from the store and Tyrone 173 00:08:33.279 --> 00:08:36.720 would always go check this bike out because when people leave, 174 00:08:36.799 --> 00:08:38.879 I think he gave him like two weeks or something, 175 00:08:39.000 --> 00:08:43.120 maybe a month to come back and get your stuff. 176 00:08:43.159 --> 00:08:45.720 Otherwise it was fair game. And Tyrone kept checking on 177 00:08:45.720 --> 00:08:47.279 the bike. So he goes back in this back room 178 00:08:47.279 --> 00:08:49.039 where the bike was, and he noticed that there's a 179 00:08:49.080 --> 00:08:55.159 sleeping bag on the floor, and oh, oh, I know. 180 00:08:55.519 --> 00:08:55.759 Yeah. 181 00:08:55.759 --> 00:08:57.799 At first I thought, oh, was somebody is living in here. 182 00:08:57.840 --> 00:09:01.080 Somebody snug snuck back in and they're living here. And 183 00:09:01.120 --> 00:09:03.360 so I went to lock the garage and this dude, 184 00:09:03.960 --> 00:09:05.080 it was Thomas or Mike. 185 00:09:05.360 --> 00:09:05.759 I don't know. 186 00:09:05.799 --> 00:09:07.679 He went by some fake ass name, but he comes 187 00:09:07.720 --> 00:09:10.039 running out. He's like, yo, what are you doing? And 188 00:09:10.120 --> 00:09:12.799 I was like, I'm locking the garage. Man, No, dude, 189 00:09:13.120 --> 00:09:14.720 don't do that. I'm bringing my girl over. 190 00:09:14.879 --> 00:09:15.399 I was like what. 191 00:09:16.240 --> 00:09:17.919 He's like, come on man, Ryan said it was cool. 192 00:09:17.919 --> 00:09:19.679 I already gave him some money. How much you need? 193 00:09:19.879 --> 00:09:21.279 Pulls out his wallet and starts trying to pay me 194 00:09:21.279 --> 00:09:23.240 in my I said, put your money away. I said, 195 00:09:23.320 --> 00:09:24.879 you know what, I'm going to leave this draw unlocked. 196 00:09:25.080 --> 00:09:26.919 But you know the house rules, you know, like you're 197 00:09:26.960 --> 00:09:29.960 not to have women trying to trying to bone some 198 00:09:30.039 --> 00:09:30.799 chicken the garage. 199 00:09:30.879 --> 00:09:31.639 Dude, come on, bro. 200 00:09:31.879 --> 00:09:34.720 Yeah and Sol were living like suchra relations inside this 201 00:09:34.879 --> 00:09:37.879 sober living in property if not allowed. 202 00:09:38.440 --> 00:09:41.639 It's it was that dude was trash, and so I 203 00:09:41.679 --> 00:09:43.159 went to Ryan and I went right to Ryan. 204 00:09:43.159 --> 00:09:44.960 I was like, dude, what are you doing? He's like what. 205 00:09:45.159 --> 00:09:46.960 I was like, homeboy just came and tried to give 206 00:09:47.000 --> 00:09:48.519 me money and said he gave you money and said 207 00:09:48.639 --> 00:09:50.159 you could bone his girlfriend in the garage. 208 00:09:51.200 --> 00:09:53.799 Well, Chris gets blue jumps in the porking rude. 209 00:09:53.919 --> 00:09:55.600 I was like, we're not talking about Chris and what 210 00:09:55.639 --> 00:09:57.039 are you doing at four in the morning and watching 211 00:09:57.120 --> 00:09:59.320 Chris in the car getting the you know whatever. I 212 00:09:59.360 --> 00:10:01.919 was like, dude, this is not what we're trying to do. 213 00:10:02.000 --> 00:10:04.440 This is not what we're about, you know. We're trying 214 00:10:04.440 --> 00:10:06.559 to show these guys how to live a better life. 215 00:10:06.600 --> 00:10:10.039 And I would bring Marnie over and because you could 216 00:10:10.039 --> 00:10:11.840 have women over there, you know, we just doing y'all 217 00:10:11.919 --> 00:10:13.039 hugged up on the couch. 218 00:10:13.320 --> 00:10:13.559 Yeah. 219 00:10:13.559 --> 00:10:15.240 But I was showing them like, look, we can make 220 00:10:15.360 --> 00:10:18.679 two seventeen recovery shirts. Tyrone made some wings and I 221 00:10:18.720 --> 00:10:20.559 was trying to lead by example to show them, Look, 222 00:10:20.600 --> 00:10:21.919 I'm not rubbing on her booty. 223 00:10:22.080 --> 00:10:27.440 I'm not, you know, like, yeah, that healthy recovery environment. 224 00:10:27.840 --> 00:10:29.840 You know, if you were trying to rub on her booty, 225 00:10:29.879 --> 00:10:32.000 I'm sure you went and got a motel room or 226 00:10:32.000 --> 00:10:34.759 a hotel room. And there's a couple of motel room 227 00:10:34.840 --> 00:10:37.919 places in Boyd. I'm sure in the off season. 228 00:10:37.960 --> 00:10:41.159 Wasn't bad price, Yeah, Potoski's cheaper, but you had to 229 00:10:41.159 --> 00:10:42.159 do what you had to do, you know. But at 230 00:10:42.200 --> 00:10:44.240 least when I had her around, I was I was 231 00:10:44.240 --> 00:10:46.360 trying to show them this is what you do, right, 232 00:10:46.759 --> 00:10:49.039 and being a year sober. I was just figuring it 233 00:10:49.039 --> 00:10:51.360 out too, you know, and I thought it was a 234 00:10:51.399 --> 00:10:51.720 good thing. 235 00:10:51.759 --> 00:10:53.080 But yeah, all that went. 236 00:10:52.919 --> 00:10:55.000 Down and it just was like from then I left, 237 00:10:55.039 --> 00:10:58.320 and like Chris kind of tells in his story a 238 00:10:58.360 --> 00:10:59.799 little bit, if you want to go watch the video 239 00:10:59.840 --> 00:11:02.120 like that's two seventeen Recovery dot Com. Chris kind of 240 00:11:02.480 --> 00:11:04.960 hints on how it was supposed to be the next 241 00:11:04.960 --> 00:11:07.240 Step House, and I think he called the wrong Step 242 00:11:07.279 --> 00:11:10.480 House or the Misstep House or something something funny. I 243 00:11:10.519 --> 00:11:13.440 think at some point the owner and a VID came 244 00:11:13.480 --> 00:11:17.320 back and was like, all right, guys, I'm selling the house. 245 00:11:17.639 --> 00:11:22.039 You got thirty days to get out. And that's I 246 00:11:22.039 --> 00:11:23.399 think it was just too much for a lot of 247 00:11:23.440 --> 00:11:25.720 those guys. And from what I heard, like he had 248 00:11:25.759 --> 00:11:28.120 people like just paying money to live on to sleep 249 00:11:28.120 --> 00:11:28.639 on the floor. 250 00:11:28.679 --> 00:11:31.919 I mean, it was. It was bad. It was really bad. 251 00:11:32.080 --> 00:11:33.879 And you know that sucks that Chris had to go 252 00:11:33.879 --> 00:11:35.200 through that, cause when I was there, man, we had 253 00:11:35.200 --> 00:11:35.600 a good time. 254 00:11:35.639 --> 00:11:36.559 Everybody was having fun. 255 00:11:36.679 --> 00:11:39.080 We were making fun videos that were we were doing 256 00:11:39.360 --> 00:11:43.200 really good things in recovery, and you know, I just 257 00:11:43.480 --> 00:11:45.759 had to leave and do my own thing too, And 258 00:11:46.080 --> 00:11:49.320 it is what it is, but that can really trip 259 00:11:49.360 --> 00:11:52.200 somebody up. But Chris's story, you know, he had a 260 00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:56.759 couple more slip ups, and I always just keep telling him, man, 261 00:11:56.919 --> 00:12:00.879 just keep going, you know, don't don't give up yet. 262 00:12:00.879 --> 00:12:03.600 And now again when you watch the video and hear 263 00:12:03.639 --> 00:12:07.320 his story, and maybe you've listened to the podcast, but 264 00:12:07.639 --> 00:12:10.519 he will, he'll tell you that he can't smoke weed, 265 00:12:11.080 --> 00:12:13.480 he can't, he can't do anything. You know, everything he 266 00:12:13.559 --> 00:12:15.679 tries always leads him back to that. And the life 267 00:12:15.679 --> 00:12:19.480 he's living now is great now as he got a 268 00:12:19.480 --> 00:12:22.000 boat and live in a mansion, not that I know of, 269 00:12:22.559 --> 00:12:24.759 but it's not That's not what life's about. And when 270 00:12:24.799 --> 00:12:27.799 you get to this kind of sober you start appreciating 271 00:12:27.799 --> 00:12:30.799 the things you do have. You know, awesome, you got 272 00:12:30.799 --> 00:12:33.600 milk in the fridge, Oh my god, that's great. And 273 00:12:33.679 --> 00:12:34.879 you got some cap crunching there. 274 00:12:35.000 --> 00:12:36.840 Ship look out, let's have a part. 275 00:12:37.600 --> 00:12:39.759 Yeah, you know, that's just a little thing sometimes, you know, 276 00:12:39.840 --> 00:12:42.440 and then before you know it, God will blush. 277 00:12:42.200 --> 00:12:43.120 You with those other things. 278 00:12:43.759 --> 00:12:46.600 And just when you think, oh, life's not going my way, 279 00:12:47.600 --> 00:12:52.840 well keep going, you know, and hell that the hell 280 00:12:53.279 --> 00:12:55.399 that we've been through and that I had to live 281 00:12:55.480 --> 00:12:59.080 through and I've heard it said so many times and 282 00:12:59.080 --> 00:13:04.200 it's kind of cliche, but my worst day sober is 283 00:13:04.240 --> 00:13:06.799 better than my best day he drinking, you know, or using, 284 00:13:07.120 --> 00:13:09.600 because there wasn't very many good days when I was 285 00:13:09.639 --> 00:13:10.440 an active addiction. 286 00:13:10.679 --> 00:13:12.639 So yeah, the. 287 00:13:14.240 --> 00:13:18.639 The worst day sober is still way way better. And 288 00:13:18.759 --> 00:13:20.639 we all have problems, we go through things. I was 289 00:13:20.639 --> 00:13:24.600 talking to my therapist about it just yesterday. I think, 290 00:13:25.159 --> 00:13:26.440 I know, two days ago. 291 00:13:26.679 --> 00:13:28.960 Yeah, I think it was Wednesday, Yeah. 292 00:13:28.519 --> 00:13:31.639 And it was kind of going over with her because 293 00:13:31.639 --> 00:13:33.679 I have some issues with you know, who I want 294 00:13:34.080 --> 00:13:37.399 or who I let watch my son, and I really 295 00:13:37.399 --> 00:13:38.679 don't want any by watching my son. 296 00:13:39.639 --> 00:13:40.919 I want to be there for him. I want to 297 00:13:40.960 --> 00:13:41.240 do it. 298 00:13:41.559 --> 00:13:43.600 And when I was watching him in his crib the 299 00:13:43.639 --> 00:13:45.080 other night, I put him in his crib, you know, 300 00:13:45.120 --> 00:13:47.399 so we could play and he doesn't really hang out 301 00:13:47.399 --> 00:13:49.519 in his crib at all, and he thought that was awesome. 302 00:13:49.519 --> 00:13:51.360 And I was just sitting there, like just looking over 303 00:13:51.399 --> 00:13:53.240 the side, thinking he's never going to be this small again. 304 00:13:53.759 --> 00:13:55.480 Like tomorrow morning when he wakes up, he's gonna be 305 00:13:55.480 --> 00:13:56.360 a little bit bigger than he is. 306 00:13:56.440 --> 00:13:56.679 Yep. 307 00:13:57.039 --> 00:13:58.639 When I get home today, he's going to be bigger 308 00:13:58.639 --> 00:14:00.360 than he was when I let you know, like he 309 00:14:00.360 --> 00:14:00.919 he's growing. 310 00:14:01.039 --> 00:14:02.159 He's a little baby. 311 00:14:02.080 --> 00:14:03.399 And they don't stop growing, dude. 312 00:14:03.480 --> 00:14:06.320 Yeah, and so why would I want to? 313 00:14:07.440 --> 00:14:10.320 I enjoy this and I had to watch him and 314 00:14:10.360 --> 00:14:12.639 that's when it was. On Tuesday, we had the movie 315 00:14:12.639 --> 00:14:16.600 that we showed here at the Alluvian and great movie, yeah, 316 00:14:16.679 --> 00:14:19.000 Tipping the Pain Scale. If you haven't seen that, find 317 00:14:19.000 --> 00:14:21.919 out how and watch it. It is really really good. 318 00:14:23.039 --> 00:14:25.399 But we had a premiere here and it came out 319 00:14:25.399 --> 00:14:28.519 like a year ago, but still we showed it here 320 00:14:28.559 --> 00:14:32.600 in Traverse City and it's a very interesting and good movie. 321 00:14:32.600 --> 00:14:36.039 But I couldn't make it there because someone had to 322 00:14:36.039 --> 00:14:37.600 stay home with our son because the movie started at 323 00:14:37.639 --> 00:14:39.440 seven and get over to like nine. There was a 324 00:14:39.440 --> 00:14:42.360 panel discussion, so it was it was quite the night. 325 00:14:42.480 --> 00:14:43.840 So I was like, well, I'm gonna stay on with 326 00:14:43.879 --> 00:14:48.480 Parker because I took a likable scale around the office 327 00:14:48.480 --> 00:14:51.519 and I told Everyboddy you know, like who do you 328 00:14:51.600 --> 00:14:54.879 like better? And they all said, oh, Marnie's like a 329 00:14:54.919 --> 00:14:57.159 twelve and a one to ten, and I'm like, okay, 330 00:14:57.159 --> 00:14:59.440 well I'm a two, so I think she should go, 331 00:14:59.600 --> 00:15:05.600 especially Monster time. Yeah, but Marnie is likable and I 332 00:15:05.600 --> 00:15:07.559 don't have to be there for everything, and it's like this, 333 00:15:07.879 --> 00:15:10.240 shouldn't that show the trust I have for the people 334 00:15:10.279 --> 00:15:13.039 that are into seventeen recovery that you guys can go 335 00:15:13.080 --> 00:15:16.559 to an event without me? And then yeah, I mean 336 00:15:16.600 --> 00:15:18.159 you don't remember at a time where I've been like. 337 00:15:18.159 --> 00:15:21.480 No, no, got to be me and you actually texted 338 00:15:21.519 --> 00:15:23.960 me one thing. You're like, can we please move the 339 00:15:24.039 --> 00:15:28.399 business cards? Yeah, and I simply moved him. I may 340 00:15:28.440 --> 00:15:30.919 have placed him there. I don't remember who placed them there. 341 00:15:31.360 --> 00:15:33.960 But as soon as I was like, yep, sure I 342 00:15:34.039 --> 00:15:35.480 get what you're saying, yep. 343 00:15:35.879 --> 00:15:38.120 Because yeah, that's just I'm not going to get into 344 00:15:38.159 --> 00:15:40.039 that right now, but yeah, because I saw something. But still, 345 00:15:40.480 --> 00:15:42.159 but there was a time where I would have been like, Nope, 346 00:15:42.200 --> 00:15:42.879 I have to be there. 347 00:15:42.960 --> 00:15:43.759 We have to bring him. 348 00:15:43.799 --> 00:15:45.399 But we know he doesn't wan how to come to 349 00:15:45.440 --> 00:15:47.440 that event. He's a little baby and gets tired, like 350 00:15:48.320 --> 00:15:50.320 and I don't want to have a babysitter there, you know, 351 00:15:50.399 --> 00:15:51.639 like I can. 352 00:15:51.519 --> 00:15:53.600 Watch him, it's fine, yeah, you know. 353 00:15:53.679 --> 00:15:55.559 So I'm trying to work through that with my therapists 354 00:15:55.600 --> 00:15:58.799 and stuff, and you know, because Marnie believes that we 355 00:15:58.840 --> 00:16:01.399 should leave him with people so times and it's like, well, 356 00:16:01.759 --> 00:16:02.639 do we really need to? 357 00:16:02.879 --> 00:16:04.320 And you know, there's. 358 00:16:04.159 --> 00:16:08.840 Different things I can weigh into the consideration of oh, 359 00:16:08.879 --> 00:16:11.679 do we need a babysitter or can we or you know, 360 00:16:11.720 --> 00:16:13.159 it's like, well, how bad do I have to be 361 00:16:13.200 --> 00:16:14.919 there at that thing? I don't think I had to 362 00:16:14.919 --> 00:16:17.960 be there at all. No, So why wouldn't I watch 363 00:16:18.000 --> 00:16:20.559 my son, you know, just so I can go do 364 00:16:20.679 --> 00:16:22.440 some of this stuff or do that stuff. 365 00:16:22.240 --> 00:16:25.240 Because, like you said, you'll never get those moments back. 366 00:16:25.519 --> 00:16:28.639 And every day he does something new and you're like, 367 00:16:29.080 --> 00:16:32.360 I miss that, Like how did I let myself miss that? 368 00:16:32.919 --> 00:16:36.039 How did I let miss watching him crawl for the 369 00:16:36.039 --> 00:16:40.679 first time, you know, yesterday, like actually crawling hands, knees 370 00:16:40.960 --> 00:16:41.720 all over the floor. 371 00:16:42.399 --> 00:16:45.960 Now he's not doing it like evil crazy evil double 372 00:16:46.039 --> 00:16:48.759 baby that you see in movies or not like oh, 373 00:16:48.799 --> 00:16:51.559 you know, but he's he likes to put his booty 374 00:16:51.600 --> 00:16:54.000 in the air and kind of he's not really on 375 00:16:54.039 --> 00:16:56.200 his well, sometimes he's on his knees and sometimes he's 376 00:16:56.279 --> 00:16:58.679 just on his toes his hands. 377 00:17:00.120 --> 00:17:01.960 He's getting it down a lot better than the army 378 00:17:02.000 --> 00:17:03.879 crawl that he was doing last week. 379 00:17:04.039 --> 00:17:04.440 Yeah. 380 00:17:04.640 --> 00:17:07.319 Yeah, so he's ready to go because he called from 381 00:17:07.319 --> 00:17:11.960 the chair to the kitchen. It's like, whoa time, get 382 00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:14.200 baby gates. Oh we got him there in the basement 383 00:17:14.200 --> 00:17:16.680 and dust them off. Yeah, because in another week he's 384 00:17:16.720 --> 00:17:17.759 going to be really good at it. 385 00:17:17.960 --> 00:17:22.880 Oh yeah, I predicted Friday before Christmas. I think Miss 386 00:17:22.920 --> 00:17:25.359 Smoker said Christmas. 387 00:17:25.079 --> 00:17:27.200 And I said Sunday and that was last week. 388 00:17:27.279 --> 00:17:27.720 Yeah. 389 00:17:27.920 --> 00:17:30.640 I was like, by Sunday he'll be doing it. Not 390 00:17:30.720 --> 00:17:35.200 too far off. But yeah, so it's those moments, man, 391 00:17:35.240 --> 00:17:36.400 and I want to be there for him. 392 00:17:36.480 --> 00:17:40.880 So you got to because I mean, if you're not there, 393 00:17:42.400 --> 00:17:47.480 you feel those resentments towards yourself. Yeah, you know, like 394 00:17:47.599 --> 00:17:49.720 why wasn't I here? Why did I make the time? 395 00:17:49.880 --> 00:17:53.119 And like I catch myself doing that quite a bit lately, 396 00:17:53.480 --> 00:17:58.279 and just over things that I just wasn't around to 397 00:17:58.319 --> 00:18:01.319 show my daughter growing up, because being in and out 398 00:18:01.319 --> 00:18:03.720 of her life, like and then only being there on 399 00:18:03.720 --> 00:18:06.599 the weekends. You know, it was well, let's go have fun. 400 00:18:06.640 --> 00:18:10.640 And you know, it wasn't much of a learning process. 401 00:18:11.200 --> 00:18:14.039