Speaker 1: Welcome to the two seventeen Recovery Broadcast.
Speaker 2: If you don't make mistakes, you won't learn.
Speaker 1: With your host Corey Winfield, you.
Speaker 3: Know how you know fish as bad as you can't
Speaker 3: put it on pizza and special guest Justin Burke.
Speaker 2: I said something about that to our master radio broadcaster
Speaker 2: and he said that he didn't hear nothing. Got your ass.
Speaker 3: It is the thirteenth of December twenty twenty four.
Speaker 2: What's up.
Speaker 3: My name is Cory Winfield from Justin Burke. Welcome to
Speaker 3: seventeen Recovery Podcast. Ben a minute, we backed out? Yeah,
Speaker 3: got the Recovery Stories Message of Hope, Part four videos done.
Speaker 3: They're up at two seventeen recovery dot com and on
Speaker 3: our YouTube channel.
Speaker 2: Hell yeah yeah, Now you compressed them all into one video.
Speaker 2: To me, no a movie like we did.
Speaker 3: With No One, which I might look at that again,
Speaker 3: but I think Amazon changed ourselfs because Amazon, because we've
Speaker 3: all seen some crap on Amazon.
Speaker 1: You're like, are you kidding me?
Speaker 3: Son't paid to make that right, And I tried to
Speaker 3: do that with the Recovery Stories. One did all the editing,
Speaker 3: all the stuff, spent so much time on it, and
Speaker 3: then they had to get it all in the right format,
Speaker 3: right size, all this stuff, and they're like, yeah, you
Speaker 3: can't do that what the learners.
Speaker 2: Why I asked is because sometimes our friends across the
Speaker 2: street likes to show part one right as because it's
Speaker 2: all put together in one show and they don't have
Speaker 2: to do multiple clicks. Mm hmmmmmmm.
Speaker 3: Now I might do that because back to my story
Speaker 3: here is if you had something that has multiple parts
Speaker 3: to it, like part one, part two, part three, part four, whatever, yeah,
Speaker 3: then I believe at one point in time you could
Speaker 3: have done that. But I think they changed it to
Speaker 3: where like you can't do that anymore because people were
Speaker 3: putting so much garbage on there. But I could still
Speaker 3: put it together. It's all one thing I'm lacking, Like
Speaker 3: it's bad.
Speaker 1: This hard work. I got a roof this house.
Speaker 3: And from over here and over there and then back
Speaker 3: to over here.
Speaker 1: So heavy.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, I'll look into that, but it's right now though.
Speaker 3: They are just separate parts.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 3: There's Kim, there's me, Russ Jesse telling the story, and
Speaker 3: then Marnie and Chris Goss who used to be on
Speaker 3: two seventeen Recovery podcast.
Speaker 2: His story was amazing, like truly amazing.
Speaker 3: He gave a good message of hope. And I liked
Speaker 3: what Chris said about smoking weed. And I remember back
Speaker 3: in the day, man, and it was actually when Chris
Speaker 3: moved into the Silver Living House I was managing and
Speaker 3: he became a member of two seventeen Recovery podcast. And
Speaker 3: before he he moved in though, well, let me backtrack
Speaker 3: it all. When we were in treatment together, we were
Speaker 3: the bus home. I remember him saying, I'm still gonna
Speaker 3: smoke weed, man. I said, all right, man, well, and
Speaker 3: it didn't worry for me. It always led me back
Speaker 3: to something harder. You know a lot of people like, oh,
Speaker 3: it's just weed, man, it's the problem. It's just weed.
Speaker 2: It's not the buzz you're looking.
Speaker 3: Yeah, my alcohol brain was like, I want alcohol, Screw
Speaker 3: this weed. And all the other people I've talked to
Speaker 3: that had other substance choices would kind of say the
Speaker 3: same thing, but that they went back to just weed,
Speaker 3: and it never was just weed that always led them
Speaker 3: back to something. Well, alcohol is never my problem, then
Speaker 3: I'll just smoke weed and drink. Okay, Well, let's break
Speaker 3: down the addiction part. Let's break down the trauma that
Speaker 3: you're covering up. Let's let's start there. Because you're covering
Speaker 3: up something with a substance. That's the problem. It's not
Speaker 3: oh this or that or I've never had a problem
Speaker 3: with that. Well guess what. Welcome Welcome to alcoholism then,
Speaker 3: because that's the road you're going down, and that's that's
Speaker 3: a slippertty slope.
Speaker 1: So Chris tells me though, I'm just gonna smoke weed.
Speaker 3: And I said, all right, well, be careful man, you know,
Speaker 3: and do what you need to do. I'm not trying
Speaker 3: to tell people what to do what not to do.
Speaker 3: I'm just saying what for me. It didn't work. Well,
Speaker 3: maybe like three weeks later, I get a message, you know,
Speaker 3: and he's like, hey, man, can you I need some
Speaker 3: help because I'm doing other stuff now. And I'm like okay.
Speaker 3: And he ended up going back to treatment, and I
Speaker 3: think he left, and then I started worrying on the
Speaker 3: treatment center and he's like, look, man, like I'm gonna
Speaker 3: I'm not gonna say I'm never gonna smoke weed again,
Speaker 3: because I probably will, but while I'm living in sober living,
Speaker 3: I'm not going to so okay. So Chris came in
Speaker 3: and he was on fire Man. He was doing really
Speaker 3: good for a while, and then that house just became
Speaker 3: a shit show after I left, and it was just bad,
Speaker 3: bad for everybody's recovery. And that's the problem sometimes when
Speaker 3: people I'm going to start a sober living house, I'm
Speaker 3: gonna make so much money, that's okay. First of all,
Speaker 3: if that's what you're thinking, you're wrong. And second, that's
Speaker 3: not the train of thought there, Like you need to
Speaker 3: be thinking like how can we help people?
Speaker 2: Well, as you speak of, that house just kind of
Speaker 2: fell apart, though there was more to that story of
Speaker 2: it just falling apart, because even though you may be sober,
Speaker 2: your mind's maybe not there yet, even though you're not
Speaker 2: using substances, because in your case was you know, you
Speaker 2: didn't allow certain guys to do certain things on premises,
Speaker 2: you know, like other people did so because they were
Speaker 2: filled by greed and selfishness.
Speaker 3: By accepting, we don't have to beat around the bush,
Speaker 3: we can tell the story.
Speaker 1: I think I've told them before. No.
Speaker 3: I was managed in the Sober Living House with Ryan Peckman,
Speaker 3: who was once on the podcast, and things were going
Speaker 3: good at first Man, things are going real. What's the
Speaker 3: wor I'm looking for optimistic things are optimistic, yeah, for
Speaker 3: for kind of everybody in the house. And it started
Speaker 3: to not be and some red flags started happening with me.
Speaker 3: Because MAR It'schian Michigan and Association of Recovery Residences. They
Speaker 3: will go around and they will go through these houses.
Speaker 3: And then if you get certified with MAR, then you
Speaker 3: can take money from organizations that get Medicaid money. So
Speaker 3: if someone's coming into your house, the Medicaid will pay
Speaker 3: for them to live there ninety days. But they want
Speaker 3: to make sure that the bathroom's working, that the stove's working.
Speaker 3: Because I stay at a place in around rapids man,
Speaker 3: like the tub was falling through the floor in the
Speaker 3: bathroom like it was. It was a horrible place, and
Speaker 3: that is not good for my recovery. It was not
Speaker 3: good for my recover.
Speaker 2: I'm that I've never been in one of those harms.
Speaker 1: I've been to some hell holes. So just oh, I'm
Speaker 1: gonna go to Silver Living.
Speaker 3: No, No, it is very important what MAR does for
Speaker 3: recovering residences and for Silver Living home side. Now, I'm
Speaker 3: not saying that everybody that's certified with MARS up on
Speaker 3: the I don't know that, and I can't tell you
Speaker 3: that just because they're not that they're a bad place.
Speaker 1: I'm not saying that.
Speaker 3: But there are checks and balances with mar yep, so
Speaker 3: there is some of that. And I kept saying, why
Speaker 3: can't we do that, We can't we do this? Well
Speaker 3: to do that own the house apparently had some felonies,
Speaker 3: and then like with Ryan's passed, he there's no way
Speaker 3: that mar would have certified them with those two in
Speaker 3: their past.
Speaker 1: I didn't know it at the time.
Speaker 3: It was later I found that out, but I kept saying,
Speaker 3: once you get certified with Marrow, Oh, I'm trying, I'm trying. Yeah,
Speaker 3: he wasn't trying. He wasn't trying at all because he
Speaker 3: knew he couldn't, or at least he found out at
Speaker 3: one point he couldn't, and he wasn't making the money
Speaker 3: he thought he was gonna be making.
Speaker 2: Well, yeah, but if you a mortgage on the house,
Speaker 2: you know, you gotta pay that the taxes, cleaning supplies,
Speaker 2: basic toletres like the paper products, you know.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I think he was doing it more for a A
Speaker 3: he thought he could make some money on it, and
Speaker 3: b he wanted that stature, his friends or was friends whatever,
Speaker 3: I don't really know. With Jason to back, who owns
Speaker 3: the sort of living home that I lived at for
Speaker 3: I think six months or three before, I don't remember,
Speaker 3: six months maybe, And he saw like people kind of
Speaker 3: looking up to Jason. I think he wanted that, yeah,
Speaker 3: and be.
Speaker 2: Like that pillar of the community.
Speaker 3: Be like, oh no, really, I don't think he wanted
Speaker 3: to be the pillar of the community. He just wanted
Speaker 3: people to look up to him. Yeah, you know, there
Speaker 3: are some issues I think with that guy.
Speaker 1: But anyway, Yeah, so.
Speaker 3: We come home one day from the store and Tyrone
Speaker 3: would always go check this bike out because when people leave,
Speaker 3: I think he gave him like two weeks or something,
Speaker 3: maybe a month to come back and get your stuff.
Speaker 3: Otherwise it was fair game. And Tyrone kept checking on
Speaker 3: the bike. So he goes back in this back room
Speaker 3: where the bike was, and he noticed that there's a
Speaker 3: sleeping bag on the floor, and oh, oh, I know.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: At first I thought, oh, was somebody is living in here.
Speaker 3: Somebody snug snuck back in and they're living here. And
Speaker 3: so I went to lock the garage and this dude,
Speaker 3: it was Thomas or Mike.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 3: He went by some fake ass name, but he comes
Speaker 3: running out. He's like, yo, what are you doing? And
Speaker 3: I was like, I'm locking the garage. Man, No, dude,
Speaker 3: don't do that. I'm bringing my girl over.
Speaker 1: I was like what.
Speaker 3: He's like, come on man, Ryan said it was cool.
Speaker 3: I already gave him some money. How much you need?
Speaker 3: Pulls out his wallet and starts trying to pay me
Speaker 3: in my I said, put your money away. I said,
Speaker 3: you know what, I'm going to leave this draw unlocked.
Speaker 3: But you know the house rules, you know, like you're
Speaker 3: not to have women trying to trying to bone some
Speaker 3: chicken the garage.
Speaker 1: Dude, come on, bro.
Speaker 2: Yeah and Sol were living like suchra relations inside this
Speaker 2: sober living in property if not allowed.
Speaker 3: It's it was that dude was trash, and so I
Speaker 3: went to Ryan and I went right to Ryan.
Speaker 1: I was like, dude, what are you doing? He's like what.
Speaker 3: I was like, homeboy just came and tried to give
Speaker 3: me money and said he gave you money and said
Speaker 3: you could bone his girlfriend in the garage.
Speaker 1: Well, Chris gets blue jumps in the porking rude.
Speaker 3: I was like, we're not talking about Chris and what
Speaker 3: are you doing at four in the morning and watching
Speaker 3: Chris in the car getting the you know whatever. I
Speaker 3: was like, dude, this is not what we're trying to do.
Speaker 3: This is not what we're about, you know. We're trying
Speaker 3: to show these guys how to live a better life.
Speaker 3: And I would bring Marnie over and because you could
Speaker 3: have women over there, you know, we just doing y'all
Speaker 3: hugged up on the couch.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: But I was showing them like, look, we can make
Speaker 3: two seventeen recovery shirts. Tyrone made some wings and I
Speaker 3: was trying to lead by example to show them, Look,
Speaker 3: I'm not rubbing on her booty.
Speaker 2: I'm not, you know, like, yeah, that healthy recovery environment.
Speaker 2: You know, if you were trying to rub on her booty,
Speaker 2: I'm sure you went and got a motel room or
Speaker 2: a hotel room. And there's a couple of motel room
Speaker 2: places in Boyd. I'm sure in the off season.
Speaker 3: Wasn't bad price, Yeah, Potoski's cheaper, but you had to
Speaker 3: do what you had to do, you know. But at
Speaker 3: least when I had her around, I was I was
Speaker 3: trying to show them this is what you do, right,
Speaker 3: and being a year sober. I was just figuring it
Speaker 3: out too, you know, and I thought it was a
Speaker 3: good thing.
Speaker 1: But yeah, all that went.
Speaker 3: Down and it just was like from then I left,
Speaker 3: and like Chris kind of tells in his story a
Speaker 3: little bit, if you want to go watch the video
Speaker 3: like that's two seventeen Recovery dot Com. Chris kind of
Speaker 3: hints on how it was supposed to be the next
Speaker 3: Step House, and I think he called the wrong Step
Speaker 3: House or the Misstep House or something something funny. I
Speaker 3: think at some point the owner and a VID came
Speaker 3: back and was like, all right, guys, I'm selling the house.
Speaker 3: You got thirty days to get out. And that's I
Speaker 3: think it was just too much for a lot of
Speaker 3: those guys. And from what I heard, like he had
Speaker 3: people like just paying money to live on to sleep
Speaker 3: on the floor.
Speaker 1: I mean, it was. It was bad. It was really bad.
Speaker 3: And you know that sucks that Chris had to go
Speaker 3: through that, cause when I was there, man, we had
Speaker 3: a good time.
Speaker 1: Everybody was having fun.
Speaker 3: We were making fun videos that were we were doing
Speaker 3: really good things in recovery, and you know, I just
Speaker 3: had to leave and do my own thing too, And
Speaker 3: it is what it is, but that can really trip
Speaker 3: somebody up. But Chris's story, you know, he had a
Speaker 3: couple more slip ups, and I always just keep telling him, man,
Speaker 3: just keep going, you know, don't don't give up yet.
Speaker 3: And now again when you watch the video and hear
Speaker 3: his story, and maybe you've listened to the podcast, but
Speaker 3: he will, he'll tell you that he can't smoke weed,
Speaker 3: he can't, he can't do anything. You know, everything he
Speaker 3: tries always leads him back to that. And the life
Speaker 3: he's living now is great now as he got a
Speaker 3: boat and live in a mansion, not that I know of,
Speaker 3: but it's not That's not what life's about. And when
Speaker 3: you get to this kind of sober you start appreciating
Speaker 3: the things you do have. You know, awesome, you got
Speaker 3: milk in the fridge, Oh my god, that's great. And
Speaker 3: you got some cap crunching there.
Speaker 2: Ship look out, let's have a part.
Speaker 3: Yeah, you know, that's just a little thing sometimes, you know,
Speaker 3: and then before you know it, God will blush.
Speaker 1: You with those other things.
Speaker 3: And just when you think, oh, life's not going my way,
Speaker 3: well keep going, you know, and hell that the hell
Speaker 3: that we've been through and that I had to live
Speaker 3: through and I've heard it said so many times and
Speaker 3: it's kind of cliche, but my worst day sober is
Speaker 3: better than my best day he drinking, you know, or using,
Speaker 3: because there wasn't very many good days when I was
Speaker 3: an active addiction.
Speaker 1: So yeah, the.
Speaker 3: The worst day sober is still way way better. And
Speaker 3: we all have problems, we go through things. I was
Speaker 3: talking to my therapist about it just yesterday. I think,
Speaker 3: I know, two days ago.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I think it was Wednesday, Yeah.
Speaker 3: And it was kind of going over with her because
Speaker 3: I have some issues with you know, who I want
Speaker 3: or who I let watch my son, and I really
Speaker 3: don't want any by watching my son.
Speaker 1: I want to be there for him. I want to
Speaker 1: do it.
Speaker 3: And when I was watching him in his crib the
Speaker 3: other night, I put him in his crib, you know,
Speaker 3: so we could play and he doesn't really hang out
Speaker 3: in his crib at all, and he thought that was awesome.
Speaker 3: And I was just sitting there, like just looking over
Speaker 3: the side, thinking he's never going to be this small again.
Speaker 3: Like tomorrow morning when he wakes up, he's gonna be
Speaker 3: a little bit bigger than he is.
Speaker 2: Yep.
Speaker 3: When I get home today, he's going to be bigger
Speaker 3: than he was when I let you know, like he
Speaker 3: he's growing.
Speaker 1: He's a little baby.
Speaker 2: And they don't stop growing, dude.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so why would I want to?
Speaker 3: I enjoy this and I had to watch him and
Speaker 3: that's when it was. On Tuesday, we had the movie
Speaker 3: that we showed here at the Alluvian and great movie, yeah,
Speaker 3: Tipping the Pain Scale. If you haven't seen that, find
Speaker 3: out how and watch it. It is really really good.
Speaker 3: But we had a premiere here and it came out
Speaker 3: like a year ago, but still we showed it here
Speaker 3: in Traverse City and it's a very interesting and good movie.
Speaker 3: But I couldn't make it there because someone had to
Speaker 3: stay home with our son because the movie started at
Speaker 3: seven and get over to like nine. There was a
Speaker 3: panel discussion, so it was it was quite the night.
Speaker 3: So I was like, well, I'm gonna stay on with
Speaker 3: Parker because I took a likable scale around the office
Speaker 3: and I told Everyboddy you know, like who do you
Speaker 3: like better? And they all said, oh, Marnie's like a
Speaker 3: twelve and a one to ten, and I'm like, okay,
Speaker 3: well I'm a two, so I think she should go,
Speaker 3: especially Monster time. Yeah, but Marnie is likable and I
Speaker 3: don't have to be there for everything, and it's like this,
Speaker 3: shouldn't that show the trust I have for the people
Speaker 3: that are into seventeen recovery that you guys can go
Speaker 3: to an event without me? And then yeah, I mean
Speaker 3: you don't remember at a time where I've been like.
Speaker 2: No, no, got to be me and you actually texted
Speaker 2: me one thing. You're like, can we please move the
Speaker 2: business cards? Yeah, and I simply moved him. I may
Speaker 2: have placed him there. I don't remember who placed them there.
Speaker 2: But as soon as I was like, yep, sure I
Speaker 2: get what you're saying, yep.
Speaker 3: Because yeah, that's just I'm not going to get into
Speaker 3: that right now, but yeah, because I saw something. But still,
Speaker 3: but there was a time where I would have been like, Nope,
Speaker 3: I have to be there.
Speaker 1: We have to bring him.
Speaker 3: But we know he doesn't wan how to come to
Speaker 3: that event. He's a little baby and gets tired, like
Speaker 3: and I don't want to have a babysitter there, you know,
Speaker 3: like I can.
Speaker 1: Watch him, it's fine, yeah, you know.
Speaker 3: So I'm trying to work through that with my therapists
Speaker 3: and stuff, and you know, because Marnie believes that we
Speaker 3: should leave him with people so times and it's like, well,
Speaker 3: do we really need to?
Speaker 1: And you know, there's.
Speaker 3: Different things I can weigh into the consideration of oh,
Speaker 3: do we need a babysitter or can we or you know,
Speaker 3: it's like, well, how bad do I have to be
Speaker 3: there at that thing? I don't think I had to
Speaker 3: be there at all. No, So why wouldn't I watch
Speaker 3: my son, you know, just so I can go do
Speaker 3: some of this stuff or do that stuff.
Speaker 2: Because, like you said, you'll never get those moments back.
Speaker 2: And every day he does something new and you're like,
Speaker 2: I miss that, Like how did I let myself miss that?
Speaker 2: How did I let miss watching him crawl for the
Speaker 2: first time, you know, yesterday, like actually crawling hands, knees
Speaker 2: all over the floor.
Speaker 3: Now he's not doing it like evil crazy evil double
Speaker 3: baby that you see in movies or not like oh,
Speaker 3: you know, but he's he likes to put his booty
Speaker 3: in the air and kind of he's not really on
Speaker 3: his well, sometimes he's on his knees and sometimes he's
Speaker 3: just on his toes his hands.
Speaker 2: He's getting it down a lot better than the army
Speaker 2: crawl that he was doing last week.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, so he's ready to go because he called from
Speaker 3: the chair to the kitchen. It's like, whoa time, get
Speaker 3: baby gates. Oh we got him there in the basement
Speaker 3: and dust them off. Yeah, because in another week he's
Speaker 3: going to be really good at it.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, I predicted Friday before Christmas. I think Miss
Speaker 2: Smoker said Christmas.
Speaker 1: And I said Sunday and that was last week.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I was like, by Sunday he'll be doing it. Not
Speaker 3: too far off. But yeah, so it's those moments, man,
Speaker 3: and I want to be there for him.
Speaker 2: So you got to because I mean, if you're not there,
Speaker 2: you feel those resentments towards yourself. Yeah, you know, like
Speaker 2: why wasn't I here? Why did I make the time?
Speaker 2: And like I catch myself doing that quite a bit lately,
Speaker 2: and just over things that I just wasn't around to
Speaker 2: show my daughter growing up, because being in and out
Speaker 2: of her life, like and then only being there on
Speaker 2: the weekends. You know, it was well, let's go have fun.
Speaker 2: And you know, it wasn't much of a learning process.
Speaker 2: I'm not saying there wasn't times where she did learn something,
Speaker 2: but for the most part, it was like, well, let's
Speaker 2: go have fun. Let's go hang out and have fun,
Speaker 2: you know, and not worry about working or anything like that,
Speaker 2: you know. And now I'm realizing that I have her
Speaker 2: full time. It's like I missed a lot of time.
Speaker 2: And it's like I'm really hard on myself about it.
Speaker 2: And it's like I gotta show a fourteen year old
Speaker 2: how to shovel snow because she didn't know how. You know.
Speaker 2: It's like, wow, you.
Speaker 3: Know, you don't know what you don't know, and yeah,
Speaker 3: you know, probably just shake your head. I'm like, oh
Speaker 3: my god, I can't.
Speaker 2: Like I wanted to yell at her first, and I'm like,
Speaker 2: how can I yell at her when I never showed
Speaker 2: her how to do something?
Speaker 3: I yell at you? But yeah, you know, we're not
Speaker 3: in that. And it's just it's amazing that being a
Speaker 3: father and being at a place that I never thought
Speaker 3: I would be. And sometimes I think I need to
Speaker 3: go back and listen to the podcast from earlier, early
Speaker 3: days and you know, wanting the stuff that I have
Speaker 3: now back then, you know, and kind of making it happen.
Speaker 3: It's pretty cool, but it's a lot of work, and
Speaker 3: you know, being married or anniversary was yesterday, and you know,
Speaker 3: it's four years. I'm like, oh my god, it four years,
Speaker 3: Like that's it seems like just yesterday.
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I was in Sober Loving and I was like, oh,
Speaker 2: I get I'm invited, right, And because we just kind
Speaker 2: of like started our new friendship after outside of treatment,
Speaker 2: you know, and it's like you're like, no COVID, no
Speaker 2: one's coming. I'm like, oh okay, and I'm like that's
Speaker 2: kind of weird whatever, but but you did take a
Speaker 2: really nice video and it is out there, but you know,
Speaker 2: it was kind of cool how you did do it though, you.
Speaker 3: Know, and if you want to see the video, I
Speaker 3: want to say, it's on YouTube, but it's also two
Speaker 3: seventeen recovery dot com slash wedding something like that.
Speaker 1: I think that's the page for that.
Speaker 3: But it's you know, it's it's amazing to be here
Speaker 3: and to be where I'm at and to watch you
Speaker 3: guys start doing what you're doing, and you know, to
Speaker 3: actually employ people who are in recovery to do recovery things.
Speaker 3: And is it stressful sometimes?
Speaker 1: Sure?
Speaker 3: You know, every every job is, every life is stressful. Sometimes,
Speaker 3: you know, whether you're dealing with your mother in law,
Speaker 3: or your mother, your stepdad or your step mom, or
Speaker 3: your dad, or your brother, your sister. It's always something, man,
Speaker 3: and you got to do your best decide step the
Speaker 3: stuff that's not your problem, and sometimes you just step
Speaker 3: right in in any way and then you're just like great.
Speaker 2: Well, that's part of the reason why I choose to
Speaker 2: live by myself and so that I don't have to
Speaker 2: be subjectified by anybody at all. Well, if they called me,
Speaker 2: I don't. I can choose not to answer my phone.
Speaker 2: You know, I know none my family's gonna drive up
Speaker 2: here at the drop of a hat to beat on
Speaker 2: my door. You can't. You won't believe what your brother
Speaker 2: did today. You drove two hours up here to tell
Speaker 2: me what my brother did. Know, it just ain't gonna happen,
Speaker 2: you know. It's just I'm thankful for that. You know.
Speaker 2: It's kind of like you you know, you moved all
Speaker 2: the way up here from southwest Michigan. It's kind of
Speaker 2: a good feeling, though, isn't it. Because someone just can't
Speaker 2: hop in the car. Why you answering your phone?
Speaker 1: Sometimes they do every month, But that's fine.
Speaker 2: You know, at least you're not getting the wellness checks anymore.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, I don't know how that would play out. No,
Speaker 3: it would be weird, that would be. But now that is,
Speaker 3: and you know, there's there's issues that you know, I
Speaker 3: saw have to work on with myself and do the
Speaker 3: best I can. But you know there's resentment things whether
Speaker 3: I am passive on something and I'm like okay, and
Speaker 3: then I regret it later, like man, I really should
Speaker 3: have put my foot down, you know. We really needed
Speaker 3: to be there for that, or I needed to be
Speaker 3: there for that, but instead I was like okay. And
Speaker 3: then if you really want to write down like what's
Speaker 3: more important in it, and it's like, well, I don't know,
Speaker 3: is it any of it really important?
Speaker 2: You know?
Speaker 3: And that might seem weird to say that, but if
Speaker 3: you look at a situation where if it's something that's
Speaker 3: going to make me happy and I need to do
Speaker 3: this for my soul, okay, well maybe that doesn't benefit
Speaker 3: the family immediately or directly, but it puts me in
Speaker 3: a better headspace which will ultimately affect the family better.
Speaker 1: So and that's a two way street.
Speaker 3: You know. I have to you know, take my wife's
Speaker 3: stuff into consideration too. You know, if there's something that
Speaker 3: she wants to do. Is that something that's going to
Speaker 3: benefit the family immediately? No, will put her in a
Speaker 3: better headspace? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Or does she think it'll put her in ahead of
Speaker 1: a better headspace than that? It doesn't.
Speaker 3: And then you're like, oh, that was a waste. But
Speaker 3: then you have to grill yourself back in and be like,
Speaker 3: well it's not should I could have would a time,
Speaker 3: you know, like it is what it is, and but
Speaker 3: it's it's a it's a process, man, and it's it's life.
Speaker 3: And that's the beautiful thing is I have a choice today,
Speaker 3: Because before I didn't it, I would just get drunk
Speaker 3: over it, get drunk over it, say stuff that I
Speaker 3: couldn't take back, do things that couldn't take back. And
Speaker 3: at least today I can sit back and think about it,
Speaker 3: and if I do say something or mess up, I
Speaker 3: can always at least replay the tape in my head
Speaker 3: to go, you know, maybe next time, let's let's not
Speaker 3: do that. You know, how would you if the shoe
Speaker 3: was on the other foot, That's all I'm always trying
Speaker 3: to kind of do that, like put yourself in their
Speaker 3: shoes and then look at it again, you know, and
Speaker 3: if you can start doing that, and it's progress, not
Speaker 3: perfection going to get it right every time, But if
Speaker 3: I can next time handle the situation in a different
Speaker 3: way where I didn't like the how I handled it
Speaker 3: the first time, you know, and it's like, okay, well
Speaker 3: I still didn't handle it perfect, but I did handle
Speaker 3: it better than the second time. What can I do next?
Speaker 1: You know? What?
Speaker 3: What should I have done? Or what how? How would
Speaker 3: I have liked the outcome to be, you know, and
Speaker 3: taking someone else's feelings and thoughts and to consideration and
Speaker 3: like I said, you know, put yourself in their shoes
Speaker 3: for once.
Speaker 2: And yeah, I've really had to learn how to do
Speaker 2: that lately too with my daughter, because like, she was
Speaker 2: never given the opportunity of choice until she came to
Speaker 2: live with me full time. And it's like, well, what
Speaker 2: do you want to do this weekend?
Speaker 1: Kid?
Speaker 2: Well, I don't know, dad, what whatever you want to do?
Speaker 2: Because I know you're just not going to not do nothing? Well, no,
Speaker 2: what do you want to go do? You know? And
Speaker 2: it's still a constant fight, you know, of because she
Speaker 2: never had choice. She was raised so so sheltered with
Speaker 2: her mom and her mom's mom. You know, it was like,
Speaker 2: how are you fourteen years old and you don't know
Speaker 2: what you want to do? It's Saturday, you know, Like
Speaker 2: you want to go swimming, you wanna go hiking? Like
Speaker 2: what do you want? Whatever you want to do, Dad,
Speaker 2: I just want to be with you and whatever makes
Speaker 2: you happy. Well, it's not always about making someone else happy.
Speaker 2: It's also about what do you want to do? And
Speaker 2: you know, and you're allowed to have your own say
Speaker 2: so in life, you know, and because some of us
Speaker 2: do kind of still have that mindset, like we talked earlier,
Speaker 2: well how can I manipulate this to benefit me? You know,
Speaker 2: and it's like we have to learn how to not
Speaker 2: do that. You know, if she want to go to
Speaker 2: a pumpkin patch, I would have took her. You know.
Speaker 2: It's kind of like that little goofy video I sent
Speaker 2: you this fall of dad and mom taking kid out
Speaker 2: to the apple farm picking apples and he's like, well,
Speaker 2: this is a complete waste, funny just for these apples
Speaker 2: to get left on my How much was that bag
Speaker 2: of apples, by the way, fifty dollars to ride on
Speaker 2: my counter? Yeah, Like like you're you're crazy, you know,
Speaker 2: but but it's not. But It's not about that. It's
Speaker 2: about allowing them to make those choices and try to
Speaker 2: be there to guide them and say, well, that probably
Speaker 2: isn't the healthiest choice, but how would we do this instead,
Speaker 2: which would be.
Speaker 1: A healthier choice, and.
Speaker 2: Trying to guide her through that, you know, And it's
Speaker 2: a learning process because I was raised by a totally
Speaker 2: different choice outlook on life.
Speaker 3: You know, yeah, not that you have to raise your
Speaker 3: daughter saying but then you know, still that's what you
Speaker 3: knew and that's how you were shown. And then having
Speaker 3: to catch yourself in those moments where you're like, maybe
Speaker 3: I didn't handle that better, you know, al right, yeah I.
Speaker 1: Could have handled that.
Speaker 3: And like you said about gonna yell at her about
Speaker 3: not knowing how to shovel, then you realize, well, how
Speaker 3: can I yelled her about not knowing how to shovel
Speaker 3: when I haven't shown her how to shovel?
Speaker 2: Yep, you know, she was never taught, And so how
Speaker 2: can you all lot someone when they were never taught?
Speaker 2: You know, we're taught on a consistent basis. You know,
Speaker 2: maybe I did show her one time, but who's to
Speaker 2: say how long it was before she was able to
Speaker 2: do anything? Because at her mom's house, she didn't have
Speaker 2: chores to do. They did everything. We chose not to
Speaker 2: do certain things in life, like clean their house. But whatever,
Speaker 2: you know, it is what it is, you know. Like
Speaker 2: when she came back this last time from her mom's,
Speaker 2: she was like, Dad, I see what you're talking about
Speaker 2: in life, and how appreciative it is when you come
Speaker 2: home to a clean house and you can just feel
Speaker 2: at ease because everything's somewhat put in its place, Like
Speaker 2: my house is still lived in, if that makes any sense,
Speaker 2: but everything's got a place, you know, Like we're just
Speaker 2: not going to pile everything up on the table beside
Speaker 2: the door when we come in because it's catch all. No,
Speaker 2: everything's got a place, take care of it, you know.
Speaker 2: And it's kind of she was like, you know, I'm
Speaker 2: really appreciating this to show me how to live a
Speaker 2: decent life and not have everything to catch all. Back
Speaker 2: the couch, there's tons of blankets on it or whatever
Speaker 2: because something gets wall and that's just where we pile
Speaker 2: all the living room blankets, you know.
Speaker 1: And I'm sure her wife will appreciate that one or
Speaker 1: partner or whatever.
Speaker 2: Yeah, her partner, because her husband, you don't know anymore. Obviously,
Speaker 2: I'm just glad she's not a furry and trying to
Speaker 2: use a letter box.
Speaker 1: Excited with the button.
Speaker 3: Yeah, sometimes they assume all black people are from African America.
Speaker 2: Oh oh yeah, thanks Ms Smoker.
Speaker 1: Adam Stevens.
Speaker 2: He celebrated some clean time recently.
Speaker 1: Three years.
Speaker 3: Congratulations due so prompts to Adam and he came by
Speaker 3: their actually got him a coin because I knew Adam
Speaker 3: is busy and I knew he wasn't gonna go get
Speaker 3: himself a coin, right, So it was like one of
Speaker 3: those things where it was like, I'm go get Adam
Speaker 3: a coin because I know he's not gonna get one,
Speaker 3: and then I'll give it to him. And he came
Speaker 3: by and he wanted to say this dude.
Speaker 4: That my son was God Like. They're like, he she
Speaker 4: shouldn't have happened like it. I don't know how, you
Speaker 4: know what I mean, like, but.
Speaker 1: It makes sense. That makes perfect sense.
Speaker 3: Yeah, thanks for coming by to leave that message for
Speaker 3: everybody listening now.
Speaker 1: But Adam did get.
Speaker 3: His three years and it was pretty cool to be
Speaker 3: able to give him that coin. I was his mentor
Speaker 3: last time I went through treatment and took him a
Speaker 3: couple more times. Sorry, but nah, he uh, he's turned
Speaker 3: it around. And I'm really really proud of Adam. And
Speaker 3: you know, he used to work here at two seventeen Recovery.
Speaker 3: Now he works for organization that's kind of close to us,
Speaker 3: and it's good to see him doing something that he
Speaker 3: really likes. And he's doing a really good job at
Speaker 3: it too.
Speaker 2: He is. I hear a lot of good reviews about Adam. Yeah,
Speaker 2: and his job and how he manages things, and he
Speaker 2: does just fly off the handle and he's really level headed,
Speaker 2: giving keel and like, I don't think I've ever seen
Speaker 2: Adam man I have, well, you've known him a lot
Speaker 2: longer than me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I want to play some uker.
Speaker 3: I don't want to play no, Sorry, dude, I just
Speaker 3: thought you were just sitting over here by yourself.
Speaker 1: I thought you'd kind of join us to play some uker.
Speaker 2: But okay, you know, it's funny to talk to my
Speaker 2: brother last week in jail. He was like, yeah, I'm
Speaker 2: sitting in here playing some muker. I'm like, you got
Speaker 2: enough white people in yourself. What I was like, normally
Speaker 2: it's spades, you know, And he was like nope, Uker.
Speaker 3: I'm like, oh, his email is justin at two seventeen
Speaker 3: recovery dot com. If you want to send him a
Speaker 3: little email, say say hi. If Adam would have played
Speaker 3: your he would have had a good time. But instead,
Speaker 3: the next day, I'm just going to go right over
Speaker 3: your conversation there. And the next day they're like, hey,
Speaker 3: you got a person that you got a mentor. I'm
Speaker 3: like who, They're like that guy. I was like, oh,
Speaker 3: the dude that yelled at me. I was like, great, great,
Speaker 3: that guy seems like a lot of fun. But now
Speaker 3: I'm getting to know Adam over the years has been
Speaker 3: great and I'm glad he's doing what he's doing.
Speaker 1: And big cops him. Also said I was going to
Speaker 1: give Jim.
Speaker 3: Jim runs a meeting at the two seventeen Recovery Center
Speaker 3: Thursdays at three thirty called boot Ability. Yeah, and it's
Speaker 3: kind of dharma based, and there were three people that
Speaker 3: came to his meeting yesterday and.
Speaker 1: He was kind of.
Speaker 3: Taken back by it, I think, But anyway, I told
Speaker 3: them I will give him a shout out.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he's actually a good, friendly guy.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so there's your shout out.
Speaker 3: Jim she said, Oh, don't mention me, but he's enjoying
Speaker 3: our videos that we post at to seventeen recovery dot
Speaker 3: com for recovery story.
Speaker 1: So that's pretty cool.
Speaker 3: And and thanks to months and two for help and
Speaker 3: sponsor the media for that. Yeah, you know, the videos
Speaker 3: next time are going to look even better. I can't wait,
Speaker 3: I know, because like two of the cameras are older,
Speaker 3: but then the one camera we already had, so then
Speaker 3: you know, now to add another camera to that.
Speaker 1: It'll looks so much. Eight more cameras to go.
Speaker 3: Just kidding, but no, next recovery stories in February will
Speaker 3: look amazing. And do we ask the people yet?
Speaker 1: I don't think so.
Speaker 2: On time we were.
Speaker 3: To have people suggested, Paul Box said he would be there,
Speaker 3: so I'll want to throw his name out there. And
Speaker 3: he actually works for some favor of health. He's recovery
Speaker 3: coach and runs their recovery coach department. I believe in
Speaker 3: Jay Burton is the guy we I don't know if
Speaker 3: we've asked him.
Speaker 2: Yet, no, but I think he would be a really
Speaker 2: good fit.
Speaker 3: Oh absolutely would Yeah, I think he'd do great, so,
Speaker 3: but I just don't know if he's been axed. Yeah,
Speaker 3: but that's why I'll throw his name out there as
Speaker 3: a hostile person that's going to do the messages of hope.
Speaker 3: And then I don't know, we'll see about the stories
Speaker 3: then who's going to do those? But yeah, February twentieth
Speaker 3: is when I'm kind of ballparking that one.
Speaker 2: The twentieth after two seventeen seventeenth.
Speaker 3: It's a Monday, and you know, I got time for that.
Speaker 3: Like you should have learned from the movie the other day.
Speaker 3: We had the movie that we showed. It was on
Speaker 3: a Tuesday at seven o'clock. Come on, I mean, it's
Speaker 3: tough to get people there, you know, but Thursday is
Speaker 3: a lot easier. And just we've done Thursdays in the past.
Speaker 3: Why why rock the boat?
Speaker 4: You know?
Speaker 1: Anyway, you have to get out of here, and so
Speaker 1: do I.
Speaker 3: So thank you justin for joining me on the podcast today,
Speaker 3: and I hope you have a great weekend the rest
Speaker 3: of your day.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I hope you have a great weekend too.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening. Let's talk to you next time later.
Speaker 1: Thanks for listening to the two seventeen Recovery podcast.
Speaker 3: Listen to over nine hundred episodes on the two seventeen
Speaker 3: recovery app that's free in your app store or online
Speaker 3: at two seventeen recovery dot com.