WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.320 --> 00:00:05.280 Welcome to the Funny Kind with Erica Gummeny bringing heart, humor, 2 00:00:05.480 --> 00:00:09.480 and hope to everyday life. Laughter and love really do 3 00:00:09.599 --> 00:00:13.480 make a difference, and Erica's here to prove it. Part 4 00:00:13.519 --> 00:00:16.839 Deep Dive, part stand Up for the Soul, this show 5 00:00:16.879 --> 00:00:20.359 blends humor, heart and real talk to help you stop 6 00:00:20.399 --> 00:00:23.719 believing the lies that hold you back. Whether she's flying 7 00:00:23.760 --> 00:00:27.719 solo or chatting with guests, Erica brings her signature mix 8 00:00:27.920 --> 00:00:32.640 of authenticity, wit, and wisdom, reminding you that growth doesn't 9 00:00:32.640 --> 00:00:36.320 have to be so serious. So pull up a chair, exhale, 10 00:00:36.520 --> 00:00:40.079 and get ready to laugh, reflect, and reconnect with the 11 00:00:40.119 --> 00:00:44.799 extraordinary human you already are, because this is the Funny 12 00:00:44.840 --> 00:00:48.840 Kind where humor meets healing and inspiration meets action. 13 00:00:53.159 --> 00:00:58.640 Hello. Everyone, welcome to this awesome episode. You are in 14 00:00:58.880 --> 00:01:04.000 for a treat. I have an amazing guest with us 15 00:01:04.040 --> 00:01:08.159 today that every time I talk to her, I joked 16 00:01:08.159 --> 00:01:11.319 with her that she needs to carry around a button 17 00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:14.879 that says press record, because every time we talk, I'm. 18 00:01:14.719 --> 00:01:15.680 Like, oh that's so good. 19 00:01:15.879 --> 00:01:18.519 Oh that's so good. Oh that's so good. So this 20 00:01:18.680 --> 00:01:22.120 is going to be good. I promise no pressure. So 21 00:01:22.680 --> 00:01:26.359 before we get started, I want to introduce Amy Lindner, 22 00:01:26.400 --> 00:01:29.359 our guest. So, Hello, Amy, Welcome. 23 00:01:29.519 --> 00:01:30.640 Thank you so much, Erica. 24 00:01:31.159 --> 00:01:35.079 Yeah, okay, So let me just give you a snapshot 25 00:01:35.159 --> 00:01:37.799 into who Amy is. You know, bios are great, but 26 00:01:38.200 --> 00:01:40.920 they never really give the full picture of who a 27 00:01:40.959 --> 00:01:43.519 person is. But I'm going to give it my best 28 00:01:43.560 --> 00:01:46.000 and just want to give you a little window into 29 00:01:46.040 --> 00:01:50.040 this awesome woman. So. Amy Lindner is the President and 30 00:01:50.159 --> 00:01:54.040 CEO of United Way of Greater Milwaukee in Waukesha County 31 00:01:54.599 --> 00:01:57.680 and is committed to fighting for the health, education, and 32 00:01:57.760 --> 00:02:02.760 financial stability of every person in our local community. Under 33 00:02:02.799 --> 00:02:06.400 Amy's leadership, United Way raised more than four hundred and 34 00:02:06.480 --> 00:02:14.240 twenty five million dollars for the community since twenty eighteen. Amazing. Previously, 35 00:02:14.280 --> 00:02:17.520 Amy served as the president and CEO of Meidehouse, a 36 00:02:17.639 --> 00:02:21.439 Milwaukee based nonprofit whose mission is to end the generational 37 00:02:21.479 --> 00:02:26.599 cycle of addiction by healing women and strengthen strengthening families. 38 00:02:27.719 --> 00:02:29.520 And Amy was also a partner of the law firm 39 00:02:29.560 --> 00:02:32.240 Reinhardt Berner Van Duran, which is one of the nation's 40 00:02:32.240 --> 00:02:37.560 two hundred largest law firms. So just a few amazing 41 00:02:37.599 --> 00:02:42.639 things about Amy. My favorite thing about Amy, which is 42 00:02:42.960 --> 00:02:46.080 as many and we have only tapped into our connection. 43 00:02:46.280 --> 00:02:51.800 But when Amy walks into a room, she carries with 44 00:02:51.960 --> 00:02:58.599 her just a confidence that isn't a boastful look at me, 45 00:02:58.960 --> 00:03:04.919 It's just she just walks with an air of worthiness. 46 00:03:05.360 --> 00:03:08.319 And I just see that in you, Amy, and it's 47 00:03:08.400 --> 00:03:13.159 it's it's wonderful to see somebody with with that that 48 00:03:13.319 --> 00:03:15.039 feels so authentically who they are. 49 00:03:16.319 --> 00:03:17.919 That's a lovely compliment, Erica. 50 00:03:18.039 --> 00:03:20.240 And also it hurts my heart a little bit because 51 00:03:20.280 --> 00:03:23.000 I think the reason you notice it is because it 52 00:03:23.159 --> 00:03:26.400 isn't common enough. There are not enough of us walking 53 00:03:26.439 --> 00:03:31.120 around with that deep seated belief that whatever room we 54 00:03:31.159 --> 00:03:33.240 are in, we are we have the right to be 55 00:03:33.280 --> 00:03:34.000 in that room. 56 00:03:35.000 --> 00:03:40.759 Amen. Truth. So that brings me to our topic for today. 57 00:03:42.759 --> 00:03:45.120 For those of you that have been following along, every 58 00:03:45.199 --> 00:03:50.680 month we choose a theme that ties in with you know, 59 00:03:51.120 --> 00:03:55.639 shameless plug my book Journey of the Ashes, which I 60 00:03:55.719 --> 00:03:59.879 just love, and every month is a theme that really 61 00:04:00.080 --> 00:04:03.639 talks about the lies that we have been holding on to, 62 00:04:03.800 --> 00:04:07.120 that we are ready to stop believing and reclaim the 63 00:04:07.159 --> 00:04:10.680 truth of who we are. And so this month in 64 00:04:10.719 --> 00:04:17.720 August is worthy and that is a really deep word 65 00:04:18.759 --> 00:04:20.800 and it can mean a lot of different things. And 66 00:04:20.839 --> 00:04:24.680 so as I started to think about worthy and who 67 00:04:24.879 --> 00:04:26.600 would I love to have a deep talk about this 68 00:04:26.639 --> 00:04:31.160 with Amy came to mind, and we've had a couple 69 00:04:31.240 --> 00:04:34.319 different talks about this that kind of went in some 70 00:04:34.360 --> 00:04:38.680 different directions. And when I was thinking of worthy, I 71 00:04:38.759 --> 00:04:42.800 was thinking and united way and service. I was thinking, 72 00:04:42.920 --> 00:04:47.480 let's go in the direction of service and how everyone 73 00:04:47.680 --> 00:04:51.279 deserves to be cared for and to have dignity and 74 00:04:51.439 --> 00:04:55.360 is worthy regardless of their station in life. And so 75 00:04:55.399 --> 00:04:58.040 when Amy and I had are kind of second recap 76 00:04:58.079 --> 00:05:04.279 planning talk, you kind of redirected the conversation in the 77 00:05:04.319 --> 00:05:07.720 best way. And I would love for you to kind 78 00:05:07.759 --> 00:05:10.040 of talk a little bit about that and what your 79 00:05:10.079 --> 00:05:13.680 feelings are when it comes to this talk of worth 80 00:05:14.000 --> 00:05:15.560 worthiness worth. 81 00:05:15.680 --> 00:05:17.959 Yeah, you bet Erica, the way you just said it. 82 00:05:18.120 --> 00:05:23.160 I mostly love like this idea that service is wonderful, 83 00:05:23.399 --> 00:05:26.879 that everybody is in a position to help, sometimes everybody 84 00:05:26.959 --> 00:05:30.279 is deserving of help when they need it. Like those 85 00:05:30.399 --> 00:05:34.480 concepts I think are wonderful and really foundational. I think 86 00:05:34.519 --> 00:05:37.439 to where some of my confidence comes from. But you 87 00:05:37.480 --> 00:05:40.959 also had talked about this idea that service can be 88 00:05:41.000 --> 00:05:44.920 a place from which we can generate worth. I and 89 00:05:44.959 --> 00:05:49.000 I that's mostly right, Like I do think it feels 90 00:05:49.120 --> 00:05:51.160 really good to help other people when you're in a 91 00:05:51.160 --> 00:05:53.560 position to do that. But what I pushed back on 92 00:05:54.360 --> 00:05:56.879 is this idea that we have to kind of earn 93 00:05:57.160 --> 00:06:01.199 our worth by being of service to others or by 94 00:06:01.279 --> 00:06:04.279 any other way, that the idea that worth is something 95 00:06:04.360 --> 00:06:08.399 that is external to us, that people can bestow upon us, 96 00:06:08.879 --> 00:06:12.439 or worse withhold from us. And you and I kind 97 00:06:12.480 --> 00:06:15.879 of deep in the conversation about I just don't see 98 00:06:15.879 --> 00:06:18.079 it that way at all. And I want more people 99 00:06:18.120 --> 00:06:21.600 to think about this idea that you don't need anybody 100 00:06:21.720 --> 00:06:25.800 or anything external to yourself to bestow your worth because 101 00:06:25.800 --> 00:06:28.199 it is already inherent inside of you. 102 00:06:29.680 --> 00:06:33.199 And when you said the word inherent, I was like, 103 00:06:33.759 --> 00:06:36.079 oh my gosh. You know, sometimes we say words and 104 00:06:36.120 --> 00:06:38.240 we're like, I don't even know what that means. And 105 00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:43.959 so this word inherent is existing as a natural and 106 00:06:44.199 --> 00:06:50.879 permanent quality of someone, and so it's within us, it's 107 00:06:50.959 --> 00:06:54.360 and I so talk a little bit more about how 108 00:06:57.720 --> 00:07:00.000 have you always felt that within you? 109 00:07:01.279 --> 00:07:03.600 I have not always felt that way in me. 110 00:07:03.680 --> 00:07:05.680 I would love to say that yes, but may maybe 111 00:07:05.759 --> 00:07:08.399 it's better that I feel like I had a journey 112 00:07:08.439 --> 00:07:09.199 to that idea. 113 00:07:09.279 --> 00:07:11.680 I think many, many, many of us. 114 00:07:11.519 --> 00:07:14.720 Are either have achieved that through a journey, or maybe 115 00:07:14.759 --> 00:07:18.199 are on a journey towards achieving it, maybe for more 116 00:07:18.240 --> 00:07:22.079 of us, but no, I mean, the world tells us 117 00:07:22.639 --> 00:07:27.240 so many stories, so many untruths about the thing. 118 00:07:27.120 --> 00:07:29.360 That is going to make you worthy. 119 00:07:29.800 --> 00:07:34.240 There are people who are chasing goodness, however they define it, 120 00:07:34.279 --> 00:07:36.839 however their church defines it or their parents define it. 121 00:07:36.839 --> 00:07:39.240 There are people who are chasing money. There are people 122 00:07:39.240 --> 00:07:42.040 who are chasing a certain dress size, or there are 123 00:07:42.040 --> 00:07:44.800 people who are chasing a certain bicep size. 124 00:07:44.879 --> 00:07:46.040 Right like you name it. 125 00:07:46.560 --> 00:07:50.240 There is someone out there somewhere telling you the thing 126 00:07:50.319 --> 00:07:53.480 that you should be chasing. I just learned the phrase 127 00:07:53.519 --> 00:07:57.600 today hip dip, which is just like oh inventing a 128 00:07:57.600 --> 00:08:00.000 new way for women to feel insecure about their boy. 129 00:08:00.199 --> 00:08:02.639 It's just, I mean, it's just it doesn't matter how 130 00:08:02.680 --> 00:08:05.319 hard you chase all of those external things. They are 131 00:08:05.360 --> 00:08:10.240 not achievable by any of us. They're certainly not permanently achievable. 132 00:08:10.399 --> 00:08:12.240 But the good new you That's the bad news, I guess. 133 00:08:12.480 --> 00:08:14.319 But the good news is I don't think we have 134 00:08:14.399 --> 00:08:17.600 to chase them. We are as you know, as you've 135 00:08:17.600 --> 00:08:21.240 already said the word inherent, but we are worthy by 136 00:08:21.399 --> 00:08:24.199 the very fact of our existence and whatever it is 137 00:08:24.199 --> 00:08:26.360 is your faith system in terms of like why we 138 00:08:26.480 --> 00:08:30.399 exist or how we exist, it is really central to 139 00:08:30.480 --> 00:08:31.639 my beliefs. 140 00:08:31.279 --> 00:08:35.919 That we all have value, full stop. 141 00:08:36.240 --> 00:08:39.200 And well, I love it when you said that in 142 00:08:39.240 --> 00:08:42.240 our talk and that you said it again today, full stop. 143 00:08:42.519 --> 00:08:44.440 Full stop, like we have value. 144 00:08:44.600 --> 00:08:47.919 And I think for some of us in our own traditions, 145 00:08:48.000 --> 00:08:51.960 when we look around at other people, we either already 146 00:08:52.000 --> 00:08:54.720 believe that or we are training ourselves to believe that, 147 00:08:54.879 --> 00:08:57.799 right Like you see these other people, these incredible women, 148 00:08:57.879 --> 00:09:00.759 these incredible men, just people all across our community, and 149 00:09:00.759 --> 00:09:03.679 you see somebody and you're like, oh, I love this 150 00:09:03.759 --> 00:09:05.799 about them, or I love that about them, or I 151 00:09:05.840 --> 00:09:08.080 admire so much this thing or that thing. 152 00:09:08.960 --> 00:09:10.159 And even when you. 153 00:09:10.120 --> 00:09:13.159 See somebody who maybe isn't your cup of tea, many 154 00:09:13.200 --> 00:09:16.919 of us have sort of a practice of trying to say, like, okay, 155 00:09:17.000 --> 00:09:19.200 like there is something in there, you know, maybe I 156 00:09:19.240 --> 00:09:21.399 can find it, or maybe I should just assume that 157 00:09:21.399 --> 00:09:23.960 it's in there, even if I can't see it in 158 00:09:24.000 --> 00:09:26.840 this moment or in my dealings with this person. And 159 00:09:27.000 --> 00:09:28.759 one of the things you and I have talked about 160 00:09:29.600 --> 00:09:32.759 is when we look at ourselves, we don't always bring 161 00:09:32.840 --> 00:09:35.519 that same kindness. Like even if we're great at seeing 162 00:09:35.559 --> 00:09:38.399 the good in other people, it's more of a journey 163 00:09:38.440 --> 00:09:41.240 for some of us to see that in ourselves. And 164 00:09:41.720 --> 00:09:43.440 you know, to your point, like, yes, that has been 165 00:09:43.480 --> 00:09:46.080 a journey for me, but it's one that I was 166 00:09:46.120 --> 00:09:48.600 really dedicated to being on, not only because I think 167 00:09:48.639 --> 00:09:51.200 it's good for all of us, but also because for 168 00:09:51.279 --> 00:09:55.399 me it is so connected to my belief about community 169 00:09:55.559 --> 00:09:59.720 and service and philanthropy, which is in my view, I 170 00:09:59.720 --> 00:10:03.879 don't need to know the whole story of somebody standing 171 00:10:03.919 --> 00:10:06.440 in front of me who needs help. They're a person 172 00:10:06.440 --> 00:10:08.679 who needs help, and if I'm in a position to 173 00:10:08.720 --> 00:10:11.120 do something about that, I want to try to do 174 00:10:11.159 --> 00:10:14.679 something about that. And so that person, in my view, 175 00:10:14.720 --> 00:10:17.759 doesn't have to earn my help. If I have it 176 00:10:17.799 --> 00:10:20.039 to give, I want it. I want to be able 177 00:10:20.120 --> 00:10:22.240 to give it. And if I'm going to try to 178 00:10:22.240 --> 00:10:25.080 see that in every person standing in front of me 179 00:10:25.159 --> 00:10:27.279 in our community, whether I get to see them or not. 180 00:10:28.080 --> 00:10:29.759 Why would it be any less true for me? 181 00:10:30.039 --> 00:10:33.879 Like it's almost I hesitate to use this word, but 182 00:10:33.919 --> 00:10:39.080 it's almost an arrogance to think there's something specifically or 183 00:10:39.200 --> 00:10:43.480 specially awful about me that exempts me from this broader 184 00:10:43.600 --> 00:10:47.480 view that all people are good and so, and that 185 00:10:47.600 --> 00:10:49.799 all people are good within them, and all people are 186 00:10:49.879 --> 00:10:55.200 worthy of lots of things, of when we can do it, trust, 187 00:10:55.480 --> 00:11:00.360 of kindness, of help, of being. And I think when 188 00:11:00.399 --> 00:11:02.960 we see that in others, as we practice that, my 189 00:11:03.039 --> 00:11:06.279 hope is maybe that's one step stool holds is to 190 00:11:06.440 --> 00:11:08.279 seeing it in ourselves. 191 00:11:08.519 --> 00:11:12.279 I am I okay? First of all, everybody? Am I right? 192 00:11:12.440 --> 00:11:15.320 Or am I right? Like? Hit record? Like? Are you 193 00:11:15.480 --> 00:11:17.240 jotting down everything that you just heard? 194 00:11:18.080 --> 00:11:19.919 Oh? 195 00:11:19.960 --> 00:11:25.480 When you? It's I love the if everyone is worthy, 196 00:11:25.559 --> 00:11:26.559 aren't you everyone? 197 00:11:27.279 --> 00:11:27.519 Yes? 198 00:11:27.559 --> 00:11:29.080 Aren't you one of the everyone? 199 00:11:29.799 --> 00:11:30.000 Yes? 200 00:11:30.039 --> 00:11:35.600 And to think, what a what a you had said something, 201 00:11:35.679 --> 00:11:38.919 and I wish I would have recorded everything we've ever 202 00:11:38.960 --> 00:11:43.399 talked about, But you had said something about what a 203 00:11:43.519 --> 00:11:47.320 waste of time looking at our own time spent on 204 00:11:47.440 --> 00:11:52.200 deficiencies is not time well spent? And Amy, I wish 205 00:11:52.279 --> 00:11:55.960 I would have met you. You know, I've spent a 206 00:11:56.039 --> 00:12:00.960 lifetime of focusing on that, you know, and fixing what 207 00:12:01.159 --> 00:12:04.440 was wrong and focusing. And then remember when everything kind 208 00:12:04.440 --> 00:12:06.320 of changed in the business world where it was like, 209 00:12:06.360 --> 00:12:09.240 we don't focus as on weakness as we focus on strengths. 210 00:12:09.279 --> 00:12:15.240 And it's like culture shifted to focusing on what we're 211 00:12:15.279 --> 00:12:18.080 really good at for those of us. And I've mentioned 212 00:12:18.120 --> 00:12:23.799 this on other episodes, I have a genetic I don't 213 00:12:23.799 --> 00:12:25.440 know if it's genetic, I don't know what word to use, 214 00:12:25.759 --> 00:12:32.720 a natural negative soundtrack that I am rewiring every day 215 00:12:32.480 --> 00:12:36.240 that if I make a mistake, I manage myself by 216 00:12:36.279 --> 00:12:40.200 fear I'm like the worst boss. So that is something 217 00:12:40.200 --> 00:12:44.600 that I like you had said you feeling that worthiness 218 00:12:44.639 --> 00:12:48.559 within you has been something you have mindfully focused on 219 00:12:49.679 --> 00:12:52.279 and that's why you show up in a room and 220 00:12:52.320 --> 00:12:57.159 people are like, wait, something's different, and I know you 221 00:12:57.200 --> 00:12:59.360 said that it breaks heart, but it's like, dang it, 222 00:12:59.399 --> 00:13:04.039 that's awesome. That's just awesome. And I feel like old 223 00:13:04.240 --> 00:13:06.799 Erica if she said, oh my gosh, I'm going to 224 00:13:06.840 --> 00:13:09.519 be talking to the president and CEO and a lawyer 225 00:13:09.600 --> 00:13:15.080 and I don't know what if I make a who cares? 226 00:13:15.440 --> 00:13:18.639 We are everyone and we are having a wonderful conversation 227 00:13:18.720 --> 00:13:23.480 as two people who are doing their best. 228 00:13:23.480 --> 00:13:24.919 That's exactly right, Erica. 229 00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:26.840 And you know a couple of things come to mind 230 00:13:26.879 --> 00:13:28.600 for me, and I guess it's back to this idea 231 00:13:28.639 --> 00:13:31.240 of like we are everyone. So if you think about 232 00:13:31.600 --> 00:13:33.320 if you've ever been in a position we all have, 233 00:13:33.440 --> 00:13:35.559 like whether you're a formal boss in your workplace, whether 234 00:13:35.600 --> 00:13:37.879 you're thinking about how you talk to children, how you 235 00:13:37.919 --> 00:13:40.559 talk to the neighbor, how you talk to anybody, we 236 00:13:40.720 --> 00:13:44.559 all know that it's more productive to speak with kindness 237 00:13:44.639 --> 00:13:47.480 in every possible circumstance. Right. That doesn't mean you never 238 00:13:47.519 --> 00:13:49.320 have a crossword for anybody, But if you're trying to 239 00:13:49.320 --> 00:13:53.159 get something accomplished, if you're trying to have a colleague understand, 240 00:13:53.240 --> 00:13:55.600 like hey, if you work a little further ahead, we 241 00:13:55.639 --> 00:13:57.440 won't be rushed at the end and we'll feel better 242 00:13:57.480 --> 00:14:00.200 about the end product. If you're trying to tell a 243 00:14:00.200 --> 00:14:03.200 little one like hey, when you're not truthful with me 244 00:14:03.240 --> 00:14:05.399 about how the lamp got broken, like we can't work 245 00:14:05.440 --> 00:14:08.720 together to fix it, right, Like, whatever it is, we 246 00:14:08.759 --> 00:14:14.759 all know that yelling, speaking with unkindness, blaming people like 247 00:14:14.919 --> 00:14:18.080 nobody reacts well to that. So again, why would we 248 00:14:18.200 --> 00:14:21.200 be any different if there is something truly that you 249 00:14:21.320 --> 00:14:22.759 want to change. 250 00:14:22.720 --> 00:14:24.000 In yourself and that's okay. 251 00:14:24.120 --> 00:14:26.559 Like, I'm not saying there aren't opportunities for growth for 252 00:14:26.600 --> 00:14:30.000 all of us, me included, good Lord. Yes, But the 253 00:14:30.080 --> 00:14:32.200 way that I get there is not being mean to myself, 254 00:14:32.320 --> 00:14:36.080 Like when I say to myself, you're such a dumb 255 00:14:36.120 --> 00:14:37.919 dumb you didn't go to the gym today, Like, well, 256 00:14:37.919 --> 00:14:39.080 how does that make me feel? 257 00:14:39.120 --> 00:14:41.159 And if instead I say like, hey, I hope to 258 00:14:41.200 --> 00:14:42.000 get to the gym today. 259 00:14:42.039 --> 00:14:44.519 That didn't happen, I'm going to redouble my efforts to 260 00:14:44.559 --> 00:14:48.279 get there tomorrow, right like, like it just feels different 261 00:14:48.320 --> 00:14:50.559 inside your head. I love that you're pointing out the 262 00:14:50.679 --> 00:14:55.240 narratives we tell ourselves because those are some of the 263 00:14:55.279 --> 00:14:58.879 most ingrained, most powerful narratives that exist. So if we 264 00:14:58.960 --> 00:15:04.480 can shift them from being unduly negative towards being more positive, 265 00:15:04.519 --> 00:15:06.600 like what a good that would be. And when I 266 00:15:06.679 --> 00:15:10.399 first thought about this, I wasn't even particularly thinking about myself. 267 00:15:10.639 --> 00:15:13.679 It's something I learned from Jennifer Bartolotta, who is just 268 00:15:13.759 --> 00:15:19.200 such this incredible teacher in our community and beyond. You know, still, 269 00:15:19.200 --> 00:15:20.879 I was still working through a lot of body image 270 00:15:20.879 --> 00:15:24.919 stuff that I've been really really diligent about trying to 271 00:15:24.919 --> 00:15:27.080 get out of my own brain on And what she 272 00:15:27.200 --> 00:15:29.919 said to me is, there is so much you are 273 00:15:29.960 --> 00:15:33.840 trying to accomplish professionally in the community. You have all 274 00:15:33.840 --> 00:15:36.320 these ambitions of ways you want to help our community 275 00:15:36.360 --> 00:15:38.759 be better. What could you be thinking about if you 276 00:15:38.799 --> 00:15:42.519 weren't thinking about your thighs? And I thought, oh, oh 277 00:15:42.559 --> 00:15:45.200 my god, why am I thinking about my thighs? 278 00:15:45.240 --> 00:15:46.159 Who cares? 279 00:15:46.360 --> 00:15:48.559 Like? Who cares? 280 00:15:49.039 --> 00:15:52.679 I care about family stability, I care about overcoming addiction. 281 00:15:53.240 --> 00:15:56.039 I care about people reducing barriers, people get a job. 282 00:15:56.120 --> 00:16:00.200 I care about mental wellness like that stuff. Compare did 283 00:16:00.240 --> 00:16:01.679 this circumference of my thighs? 284 00:16:01.799 --> 00:16:03.240 Good grief? Who? 285 00:16:03.320 --> 00:16:08.000 That is so so good? You know how much? And 286 00:16:08.399 --> 00:16:14.000 our society is so self focused like self help, you know? 287 00:16:14.159 --> 00:16:18.480 And And after writing this book, which took me fifteen 288 00:16:18.559 --> 00:16:20.279 years from the time I thought of it until it 289 00:16:20.320 --> 00:16:23.679 finally came out of all kinds of stuff, and once 290 00:16:23.720 --> 00:16:25.080 I was done, I'm like, I don't want to talk 291 00:16:25.120 --> 00:16:28.519 about this anymore. I'm so sick of it, you know, 292 00:16:28.720 --> 00:16:33.279 like enough, like when you're done, like like, I don't 293 00:16:33.279 --> 00:16:35.279 want to talk about it anymore because I've healed so 294 00:16:35.360 --> 00:16:38.000 much of it. And yet I know that that's my 295 00:16:38.120 --> 00:16:43.200 mission field is to help other people. I'm self aware 296 00:16:43.960 --> 00:16:48.799 on steroids. Other people are like I didn't even realize 297 00:16:48.799 --> 00:16:51.840 that I can change that narrative in my head. I didn't. 298 00:16:52.679 --> 00:16:55.480 It's so I had I had a person on a 299 00:16:55.519 --> 00:16:59.399 couple episodes Again and Ago, and she said who says 300 00:17:01.480 --> 00:17:04.559 And I was like yeah. And I was just coaching 301 00:17:04.599 --> 00:17:07.960 a girl who's trying to give up ease cigarettes, which 302 00:17:08.000 --> 00:17:11.680 is super duper addictive, And she was making her way 303 00:17:11.759 --> 00:17:14.799 up the stairs and she had a thought and she 304 00:17:14.920 --> 00:17:16.599 was working through it. How she was like, Oh, you 305 00:17:16.680 --> 00:17:20.440 deserve it. You had this stressful day and we were 306 00:17:20.440 --> 00:17:23.039 talking about it, and I'm like, well, who told you that? 307 00:17:23.759 --> 00:17:28.359 And she's like, well, I I don't know who told 308 00:17:28.400 --> 00:17:32.119 me that. I wouldn't tell myself that. That's dumb, you know. 309 00:17:32.240 --> 00:17:35.119 Like so it was just like, oh, it's so great 310 00:17:35.119 --> 00:17:38.799 when we realized that there's something else in there that 311 00:17:38.960 --> 00:17:42.359 needs to be pulled out, and that's so awesome it. 312 00:17:42.400 --> 00:17:43.960 Is, you know, Erica. 313 00:17:44.079 --> 00:17:46.359 I want to just offer a lot of grace and 314 00:17:46.400 --> 00:17:48.640 a lot of kindness to all of us who have 315 00:17:48.759 --> 00:17:52.680 absorbed all of these messages. There is every industry in 316 00:17:52.720 --> 00:17:57.160 the world that is trying to sell us something. Right, 317 00:17:57.400 --> 00:18:00.440 And sometimes it's something awesome and good and additive and 318 00:18:00.880 --> 00:18:04.240 solves a problem in your life, and yay, But so 319 00:18:04.240 --> 00:18:07.839 so often it is something you don't need, you don't want, 320 00:18:08.160 --> 00:18:12.279 that doesn't actually make you feel better or more complete 321 00:18:12.359 --> 00:18:15.640 or more full. It is just empty, I'll say, empty calories, 322 00:18:15.720 --> 00:18:21.680 whether it's food or not food, just stuff that somebody 323 00:18:21.680 --> 00:18:23.920 has decided that if they can make you scared or 324 00:18:23.960 --> 00:18:26.440 make you feel bad about yourself, they're more likely to 325 00:18:26.519 --> 00:18:29.720 be able to sell you something. And that will remain 326 00:18:29.920 --> 00:18:33.160 true as long as we keep accepting that and we 327 00:18:33.279 --> 00:18:36.720 keep feeding into that. But the more we can try 328 00:18:36.720 --> 00:18:39.079 to divorce ourselves from that and say, when I go 329 00:18:39.160 --> 00:18:42.039 to the gym, I'm really not trying to go, or 330 00:18:42.079 --> 00:18:44.559 I'm trying not to go because someone else has told 331 00:18:44.599 --> 00:18:45.240 me it will. 332 00:18:45.119 --> 00:18:48.880 Make my body look away more acceptable to somebody else. 333 00:18:49.079 --> 00:18:52.079 Right, But more about like how I feel when I'm 334 00:18:52.119 --> 00:18:55.480 regularly working out, Like I feel more rested, I feel 335 00:18:55.480 --> 00:18:58.400 more calm, I feel stronger. Things that are important to me, 336 00:18:59.240 --> 00:19:03.000 not something that is being pedled to me by someone 337 00:19:03.000 --> 00:19:05.160 who stands to make a dollar somewhere. 338 00:19:05.559 --> 00:19:09.200 Oh my gosh, it's so it's so true, and it's 339 00:19:09.240 --> 00:19:12.359 so you know, as I've really been focused on an 340 00:19:12.519 --> 00:19:16.359 entrepreneur solo now, you know, stepped away from full time 341 00:19:16.400 --> 00:19:19.759 work and really just focusing on my own business, I'm 342 00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:24.359 finding that it's rampant in small business. 343 00:19:25.039 --> 00:19:25.720 Sign up for. 344 00:19:25.720 --> 00:19:28.839 This program, let me take you know you want to 345 00:19:28.880 --> 00:19:32.519 be this, well, what take our fifteen thousand dollars program 346 00:19:32.640 --> 00:19:37.160 and you too can be a great And I'm like, yeah, 347 00:19:37.200 --> 00:19:43.599 it just really pulls on that for me, Like, because 348 00:19:43.640 --> 00:19:46.960 of the way that I was raised, I had a habit. 349 00:19:48.880 --> 00:19:51.640 I might not be using the right words, but being 350 00:19:51.839 --> 00:19:54.920 discontent in the situation that I was in when I 351 00:19:54.960 --> 00:19:58.200 was younger was smart. You don't want to stay in 352 00:19:58.240 --> 00:20:00.680 that situation. It's good for you to dream and hope 353 00:20:00.720 --> 00:20:04.880 and see something else and work towards something else. That's great, 354 00:20:05.440 --> 00:20:08.119 but it kind of became a habit of if then 355 00:20:08.200 --> 00:20:15.720 thinking for me, and I find myself still it's harder 356 00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:19.599 for me to just be content and to be realized. 357 00:20:19.640 --> 00:20:22.039 Like I always say, I am walking in answered prayers, 358 00:20:23.519 --> 00:20:25.319 like I'm in a place now that I prayed for, 359 00:20:26.039 --> 00:20:29.519 and I'm still like, well, yeah, but maybe if I 360 00:20:29.519 --> 00:20:31.759 get that, then I'll be worthy enough. Maybe if I 361 00:20:31.799 --> 00:20:33.960 get that, then I'll be good enough. Maybe if that happens, 362 00:20:33.960 --> 00:20:36.559 then I'll be happy. Maybe if all my you know, 363 00:20:36.599 --> 00:20:38.119 at one point all my wrinkles went away. I was 364 00:20:38.160 --> 00:20:39.799 well focused on that for a while. You know, I 365 00:20:39.839 --> 00:20:43.279 got I always joke about my elevens. I just did 366 00:20:43.279 --> 00:20:45.920 a funny episode with my friend where we created a 367 00:20:45.960 --> 00:20:50.839 fake product called permise back, like where we put spack 368 00:20:50.920 --> 00:20:53.359 letter on my elevens. I'm like, look, see you can't 369 00:20:53.359 --> 00:20:58.279 see my wrinkles now. And it's like, you know, my 370 00:20:58.319 --> 00:21:01.960 whole message is like loving myself for who I am. 371 00:21:02.000 --> 00:21:05.079 This is who I am. I got deep wrinkles because 372 00:21:05.079 --> 00:21:08.440 I I think deeply and I smile big. So that's 373 00:21:08.440 --> 00:21:10.640 who I am. Like me or don't like me. I 374 00:21:10.759 --> 00:21:10.960 like me? 375 00:21:11.400 --> 00:21:13.000 Fine, I like you too, Erica. 376 00:21:13.079 --> 00:21:16.599 You know what you're talking about is so complicated because 377 00:21:17.119 --> 00:21:20.240 it is there are two things that are simultaneously true. 378 00:21:21.000 --> 00:21:25.160 We are worthy in my mind, full stop, regardless of 379 00:21:25.200 --> 00:21:30.440 anything external of us. And we can determine to some extent, 380 00:21:30.559 --> 00:21:33.839 to a reasonably big extent, how we're going to see 381 00:21:33.920 --> 00:21:36.079 our own set of circumstances right. 382 00:21:37.119 --> 00:21:39.839 And it is also okay, okay. 383 00:21:39.480 --> 00:21:43.279 To want to strive and push and grow and improve 384 00:21:43.359 --> 00:21:48.400 our circumstances. Where the mistake comes in, I think, is 385 00:21:48.440 --> 00:21:52.119 when people think that external change is going to change 386 00:21:52.160 --> 00:21:58.319 us internally, that if we're this size, this wealth, this popular, 387 00:21:58.920 --> 00:22:01.920 this whatever, that means, we are going to be happy inside. 388 00:22:01.920 --> 00:22:04.680 And I'm so sorry that anyone who hasn't already figured 389 00:22:04.680 --> 00:22:10.039 this out. They're very thin, very wealthy, very quote unquote popular, 390 00:22:10.119 --> 00:22:12.000 people who are miserable. 391 00:22:12.279 --> 00:22:15.039 Yes, and we all know people. 392 00:22:14.960 --> 00:22:17.319 Who are in a body that looks different than what 393 00:22:17.440 --> 00:22:20.880 the world says is the ideal body and are not 394 00:22:21.079 --> 00:22:25.319 at the top of the economic pyramid, and when you 395 00:22:25.400 --> 00:22:29.920 interact with them, you feel their peace, you feel their joy. 396 00:22:30.000 --> 00:22:32.839 And that isn't saying that like, hey, life isn't harder 397 00:22:32.880 --> 00:22:34.079 if you have less resources. 398 00:22:34.119 --> 00:22:36.000 Of course it is right, but. 399 00:22:37.359 --> 00:22:41.519 One doesn't follow the other. That we as we learn 400 00:22:41.680 --> 00:22:45.079 to think about our own thoughts and be mindful about 401 00:22:45.160 --> 00:22:47.480