WEBVTT 1 00:00:23.960 --> 00:00:28.920 Hey, y'all, welcome back to copy with This is the 2 00:00:29.079 --> 00:00:33.039 kickoff of season two and we are coming out the 3 00:00:33.039 --> 00:00:38.359 gates strong, y'all. So today's topic is insecure, and I 4 00:00:38.399 --> 00:00:43.840 want to talk about the pathway from insecure to I'm secure. 5 00:00:44.399 --> 00:00:46.520 So for first time listeners, I want to let everybody 6 00:00:46.560 --> 00:00:49.679 know that Coffee with Courtney is a complete safe space 7 00:00:49.920 --> 00:00:52.920 but we talk about a lot of sensitive topics with 8 00:00:53.119 --> 00:00:56.640 zero present judgment. We laugh, we cry, we laugh and 9 00:00:56.759 --> 00:00:58.719 cry at the same time, we get mad, We do 10 00:00:58.799 --> 00:01:01.240 it all, y'all. But the end goal for any episode, 11 00:01:01.479 --> 00:01:04.560 it's just greater insight and healing, y'all. That's what it's about. 12 00:01:04.599 --> 00:01:06.879 So I want you to get what you need while 13 00:01:06.879 --> 00:01:09.480 you're enjoying your cup of coffee or tea or whatever 14 00:01:09.519 --> 00:01:11.000 it is that you're sipping on in your cup. 15 00:01:11.079 --> 00:01:11.400 Amen. 16 00:01:11.920 --> 00:01:16.400 So, y'all, I have a really really, really really special 17 00:01:16.439 --> 00:01:20.480 guest in the studio with me today, And to be 18 00:01:20.519 --> 00:01:22.560 quite honest, I don't even know how long we've known 19 00:01:22.560 --> 00:01:25.200 each other. I can't remember. I don't even think it's 20 00:01:25.239 --> 00:01:27.680 really been a whole year yet. I'm just totally not sure. 21 00:01:27.719 --> 00:01:32.519 But what I do know is, y'all, the moment I 22 00:01:32.640 --> 00:01:39.280 encountered this young lady, like our spirits connected instantly, instantly, 23 00:01:39.519 --> 00:01:41.680 and she's probably learning this for the first time today 24 00:01:41.799 --> 00:01:45.159 right now. But when I tell y'all that she is 25 00:01:45.239 --> 00:01:48.560 literally one of my greatest inspirations and I literally look 26 00:01:48.640 --> 00:01:52.120 to her for light and strength in my weak moments. 27 00:01:52.280 --> 00:01:55.439 And let me tell y'all something, she never ever disappoints. 28 00:01:55.680 --> 00:01:58.799 So I want to welcome to the studio, my sister. Y'all. 29 00:01:58.879 --> 00:02:02.159 She is a top my She is a best selling 30 00:02:02.239 --> 00:02:05.760 author of eight Minutes with God, She is an influencer, 31 00:02:05.879 --> 00:02:09.159 and for sure she is definitely my inspiration all the 32 00:02:09.199 --> 00:02:12.319 way from North Carolina. Y'all here with me today in 33 00:02:12.360 --> 00:02:17.680 the studio. The one and only Miss Olivia Simmon says, 34 00:02:17.840 --> 00:02:19.960 thank you so so much for being in the studio 35 00:02:20.039 --> 00:02:21.960 with me today. So I'm gonna give you the floor 36 00:02:22.319 --> 00:02:24.479 and I'm gonna let you introduce yourself to everybody. 37 00:02:24.560 --> 00:02:29.719 Okay, hey, everybody, I'm Olivia, affectionately known as Libby or Live. However, 38 00:02:29.759 --> 00:02:33.000 I respond to everyone, and like Corny said, it has 39 00:02:33.039 --> 00:02:37.199 not been a whole year. We connected through the comments 40 00:02:37.319 --> 00:02:39.439 in FCC and it's just like. 41 00:02:39.479 --> 00:02:42.719 Shout out to shout out to pastor Marcotia. 42 00:02:42.639 --> 00:02:45.319 And it's like instantaneously and I do not do that, 43 00:02:45.400 --> 00:02:48.479 Like it's still connect with people because I'm personal. I'm 44 00:02:48.520 --> 00:02:51.199 a person that I sit back and I observe how 45 00:02:51.240 --> 00:02:54.439 that person is, like they're characteristics and all that. 46 00:02:54.520 --> 00:02:56.360 And I was, but you it was kind of like, 47 00:02:57.879 --> 00:03:00.800 I mean, yeah. 48 00:03:00.479 --> 00:03:04.000 So, but like Courtney said, I am an author of 49 00:03:04.120 --> 00:03:06.759 Eight Minutes with God. I am about to release my 50 00:03:06.960 --> 00:03:11.000 second book, yes hopefully by the end of August September, 51 00:03:11.000 --> 00:03:15.560 which is entitled My Sister's Keeper, The Joy of the Journey, 52 00:03:15.960 --> 00:03:19.479 and which is a it'smin look of my sister's life 53 00:03:19.599 --> 00:03:23.360 and also my life since she passed. Uh yeah, it's 54 00:03:23.680 --> 00:03:28.560 I'm going to I'm sharing a lot. 55 00:03:28.800 --> 00:03:29.039 Yeah. 56 00:03:29.120 --> 00:03:32.680 The first half of the book is her life. I 57 00:03:32.680 --> 00:03:35.560 guess through my lens through her, and the last chapter 58 00:03:35.680 --> 00:03:36.879 of about her, I. 59 00:03:36.879 --> 00:03:38.759 Take you through the day that she had she died. 60 00:03:39.199 --> 00:03:42.360 I take you through every single moment of that day. 61 00:03:42.400 --> 00:03:45.240 I share her childhood, I talk about her son Ethan, 62 00:03:45.280 --> 00:03:46.919 I talk about the love of her life, will, I 63 00:03:46.919 --> 00:03:50.960 talk about family, and then like after she passes, the 64 00:03:50.960 --> 00:03:52.879 next phase of the book is how my life has 65 00:03:52.960 --> 00:03:54.919 been said she has passed. 66 00:03:56.280 --> 00:04:00.439 Yeah, I cannot wait. Yeah, it's going to be the first. 67 00:04:01.719 --> 00:04:04.560 Thank you, and I guess it's hard. 68 00:04:04.599 --> 00:04:06.680 It's not hard, but it's still kind of new for 69 00:04:06.719 --> 00:04:08.840 me to say I'm gonna influence Cerver because that yes, 70 00:04:08.919 --> 00:04:12.280 you are. It has been like bye, I don't want 71 00:04:12.280 --> 00:04:16.879 to say accident, but it was truly God ordained. And yeah, 72 00:04:17.040 --> 00:04:19.120 I love God, I love people, I love CLO. 73 00:04:19.319 --> 00:04:20.600 That's just me. I'm just me. 74 00:04:20.759 --> 00:04:23.439 I don't fate the phone. What you get through the 75 00:04:23.480 --> 00:04:25.360 comments and on Facebook, that's me. 76 00:04:25.560 --> 00:04:26.600 So amen. 77 00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:30.160 Yeah, well, y'all, thank you so much, sister. Y'all, I'm serious. 78 00:04:30.240 --> 00:04:33.040 She really came from North Carolina and stayed over an 79 00:04:33.040 --> 00:04:34.920 extra day to be with me, so I don't take 80 00:04:34.959 --> 00:04:37.800 that lightly. I'm so honored that you're here. And y'all, 81 00:04:37.800 --> 00:04:41.040 we're gonna go hang into this topic. So again we're 82 00:04:41.040 --> 00:04:45.199 talking about insecurities. Today, we're talking about just just being 83 00:04:45.279 --> 00:04:48.279 insecure and what that looks like. And so I want 84 00:04:48.319 --> 00:04:51.920 to define the word before we really jump off into it. 85 00:04:51.959 --> 00:04:57.199 But the New Oxford American Dictionary says that insecure means 86 00:04:57.959 --> 00:05:03.480 not confident or assured, uncertain, and anxious. And let me 87 00:05:03.519 --> 00:05:07.560 tell y'all something like, I can remember a time where baby. 88 00:05:07.600 --> 00:05:12.000 I was like, I was the definition of insecurity. 89 00:05:12.040 --> 00:05:12.399 It's me. 90 00:05:12.959 --> 00:05:17.439 I'm her. Just look by insecure and it's my whole picture. 91 00:05:17.879 --> 00:05:20.720 So I just want to talk about, you know, what 92 00:05:20.800 --> 00:05:22.839 that looks like, because I know it looks different for 93 00:05:22.920 --> 00:05:25.439 different people, and so I know what it looks like 94 00:05:25.480 --> 00:05:27.720 for me and what it looked like in the past 95 00:05:27.720 --> 00:05:29.639 for me. So you know, we're just gonna kind of 96 00:05:29.680 --> 00:05:32.839 story swap, but for starters, I want to know, was 97 00:05:32.839 --> 00:05:35.000 there ever a time in your life where you just 98 00:05:35.160 --> 00:05:38.959 totally like lacked confidence and how did that look for 99 00:05:39.040 --> 00:05:42.639 you and how did you navigate through the uncertainties? 100 00:05:42.720 --> 00:05:44.800 Okay we about to get really real. 101 00:05:44.959 --> 00:05:50.319 Okay, So my whole life, I was so insecure of myself. 102 00:05:50.519 --> 00:05:52.199 Like if you look at me now, you're like, oh, 103 00:05:52.240 --> 00:05:55.160 this girl, she's so sure of herself and so confidence girl. 104 00:05:55.759 --> 00:06:00.600 I went a period up until three years ago. Two 105 00:06:00.639 --> 00:06:01.279 three years ago. 106 00:06:01.800 --> 00:06:06.160 Yeah, and I think it took me walking through that 107 00:06:06.279 --> 00:06:11.199 phase with going through cyberbullying. I went through cyberbility back 108 00:06:11.199 --> 00:06:14.399 at twenty two. So but up until then, I was 109 00:06:14.439 --> 00:06:17.279 a person that was insecure who I was. I hid 110 00:06:17.319 --> 00:06:19.959 behind the big clothes, I hid behind I was like 111 00:06:20.000 --> 00:06:21.120 a person in the background. 112 00:06:21.279 --> 00:06:23.600 I was like, I didn't want to be seen or 113 00:06:23.639 --> 00:06:24.279 anything like that. 114 00:06:24.319 --> 00:06:27.319 I was insecure who I was because I was looking 115 00:06:27.360 --> 00:06:29.959 at that hour appearance and I was not looking at 116 00:06:29.959 --> 00:06:35.759 who Olivia was. Olivia was until Jesus had to sit 117 00:06:35.800 --> 00:06:38.920 me down and say, look, you are fifthly and wonderfully 118 00:06:38.920 --> 00:06:41.199 made in my sight. And when I made you, I 119 00:06:41.279 --> 00:06:43.759 made you in my image. So God had to like 120 00:06:43.800 --> 00:06:45.959 really just have like a come to Jesus meeting with 121 00:06:46.000 --> 00:06:48.959 me seriously, and look, I know y'all were audio only, 122 00:06:48.959 --> 00:06:50.319 so y'all don't get to see, but let me tell 123 00:06:50.360 --> 00:06:52.800 y'all something like, and y'all will see her on the fire. 124 00:06:52.800 --> 00:06:54.240 I'm pretty sure y'all have seen her on the fly. 125 00:06:54.319 --> 00:06:55.279 But now this is. 126 00:06:55.240 --> 00:06:56.439 A beautiful one. Man. 127 00:06:56.839 --> 00:06:58.120 Let me tell y'all something. 128 00:06:58.680 --> 00:07:01.680 This is a beautiful seriously says you are one of 129 00:07:01.720 --> 00:07:06.360 the most beautiful women that I have ever met in 130 00:07:06.399 --> 00:07:10.680 my life. That's both inside and out. This is a 131 00:07:10.720 --> 00:07:13.680 beautiful woman, y'all. And you said something that you know, 132 00:07:13.800 --> 00:07:15.680 I really just kind of want to put a in 133 00:07:15.720 --> 00:07:20.279 this like parents and people in general. You mentioned that 134 00:07:20.319 --> 00:07:23.240 you went through cyber bullying, yes, within the past couple 135 00:07:23.319 --> 00:07:26.680 of years, within the last year within the last year, y'all. 136 00:07:26.759 --> 00:07:29.759 Let me tell y'all something. At what point do we 137 00:07:29.920 --> 00:07:32.360 teach we got First of all, you need to teach 138 00:07:32.399 --> 00:07:36.439 your children about cyber bullying. But I want to talk 139 00:07:36.480 --> 00:07:44.199 about how we as adults we participant in cyber we participant. 140 00:07:44.399 --> 00:07:46.800 Do you know we'll look at the child and say, oh, 141 00:07:46.920 --> 00:07:48.959 you don't do that, you don't talk about people, you 142 00:07:49.040 --> 00:07:51.639 don't make fun of people. But then we as adults, 143 00:07:51.639 --> 00:07:54.439 and I'll even take it a step further. Some of 144 00:07:54.519 --> 00:07:56.959 the save people, those of us who say that we 145 00:07:57.160 --> 00:08:01.439 love Jesus and that we're saved, you know. And I'm 146 00:08:01.720 --> 00:08:04.199 I'm one of those people. Like I am a very 147 00:08:04.279 --> 00:08:07.639 transparent person. I tell people all the time, like I 148 00:08:07.759 --> 00:08:11.000 am I have never claimed perfection. I'm probably one of 149 00:08:11.079 --> 00:08:13.560 the most flawed human beings in the world. I have 150 00:08:13.800 --> 00:08:16.000 laughed at things that I should not have laughed at. 151 00:08:16.360 --> 00:08:19.000 I have participated in things that I should not have 152 00:08:19.120 --> 00:08:22.800 participated in. But you know, that's just one of those 153 00:08:22.879 --> 00:08:26.639 things that's really I'm very very sensitive about that a 154 00:08:26.839 --> 00:08:30.920 person tearing them down. I just you know that it 155 00:08:31.040 --> 00:08:34.480 hurts my feelings. It hurts my feelings, and I just 156 00:08:34.600 --> 00:08:36.840 wanted to take a moment to say that, you know, 157 00:08:37.440 --> 00:08:40.559 let this episode and what we disclosed and what we 158 00:08:40.639 --> 00:08:43.960 talk about, like, let this be our reminder to you know, 159 00:08:44.200 --> 00:08:48.039 be mindful of the things that on social media, because 160 00:08:48.320 --> 00:08:50.559 social media is a demon of its own, you know, 161 00:08:50.759 --> 00:08:54.559 like it's just this whole new world where it's crazy. 162 00:08:54.919 --> 00:08:55.480 It's crazy. 163 00:08:55.519 --> 00:08:58.159 And like when I went through that cybability, it took 164 00:08:58.240 --> 00:09:01.440 me back to my high school days when I was 165 00:09:01.519 --> 00:09:05.759 actually like bullied for how I look. I'm not going 166 00:09:05.840 --> 00:09:11.679 to get emotions today. I feel it coming because it 167 00:09:11.840 --> 00:09:14.480 took me back to a place and I was just like, 168 00:09:15.240 --> 00:09:19.519 how dare you try to bully me? And you're in 169 00:09:19.679 --> 00:09:23.039 the same predicament as I am. But I realized that 170 00:09:23.200 --> 00:09:26.759 people use social media to hide behind they can use 171 00:09:26.799 --> 00:09:28.679 it to hide it. It's like like, okay, well you're 172 00:09:28.679 --> 00:09:31.600 not gonna say that to my self my face, but sis, 173 00:09:31.960 --> 00:09:33.159 it took me back to a. 174 00:09:33.440 --> 00:09:36.440 Place I was just like, oh my god, here I 175 00:09:36.519 --> 00:09:36.919 am again. 176 00:09:36.960 --> 00:09:39.840 But I was so grateful that I had people in 177 00:09:39.960 --> 00:09:42.840 my circle to uplift me and to you know, say no, 178 00:09:43.080 --> 00:09:44.440 you're not going to go back to that place. 179 00:09:44.679 --> 00:09:45.759 You're not the same person. 180 00:09:46.200 --> 00:09:48.000 And then I had to like, you know, get like 181 00:09:48.080 --> 00:09:50.320 a batbone and say like, you're not gonna come for me, 182 00:09:50.559 --> 00:09:52.600 even though I have people in my life you're not 183 00:09:52.639 --> 00:09:54.000 talking about, like Peters that would like. 184 00:09:54.039 --> 00:09:56.279 Go in like me, got it, okay. 185 00:09:57.000 --> 00:09:58.679 It's just like God was like, no, I need for 186 00:09:58.720 --> 00:10:01.360 you to stand back, and I was just like okay, Jesus, 187 00:10:01.799 --> 00:10:03.279 and I was like God, I said, these people don't 188 00:10:03.279 --> 00:10:05.360 even know me. I said, why they just tear me down. 189 00:10:05.759 --> 00:10:07.799 And God had to remind me like I was in 190 00:10:07.919 --> 00:10:10.320 the midst and they still did me the same way. 191 00:10:10.639 --> 00:10:13.159 So I had to like let God vindicate me, and 192 00:10:13.279 --> 00:10:13.879 he really did. 193 00:10:14.080 --> 00:10:16.559 So that's beautiful. And I'm telling you, I know I'm 194 00:10:16.559 --> 00:10:18.840 probably going to say it a million times in this episode, 195 00:10:18.879 --> 00:10:20.600 but you are so beautiful. 196 00:10:20.919 --> 00:10:21.759 You really are. 197 00:10:22.080 --> 00:10:24.919 You really are. And so one of the things that 198 00:10:25.279 --> 00:10:29.919 I'm learning and I have learned, is that the enemy 199 00:10:31.399 --> 00:10:35.679 will try to attack your mind. Yeah yeah, and the 200 00:10:35.960 --> 00:10:40.200 enemy will try to play on your own insecurities, like 201 00:10:40.240 --> 00:10:43.240 you could be feeling a way and I remember times 202 00:10:43.279 --> 00:10:46.519 in my life where really nobody was saying anything, but 203 00:10:46.679 --> 00:10:50.480 I felt a way kind of already about myself, and 204 00:10:50.600 --> 00:10:53.840 so nobody was saying anything at the moment. But because 205 00:10:53.879 --> 00:10:57.600 the enemy was already playing on my mind. When something 206 00:10:57.960 --> 00:11:02.360 was said, it magnify, I mean, like it just blew 207 00:11:02.440 --> 00:11:05.600 it out of proportion, and I'm just like, oh my god. 208 00:11:06.200 --> 00:11:08.399 And so you know, if the enemy can get in 209 00:11:08.559 --> 00:11:11.200 our mind and he can convince us or something, then 210 00:11:11.360 --> 00:11:13.639 that's kind of how he wins. But the moment you 211 00:11:13.879 --> 00:11:17.480 get up and you start to fight back, like one something, no, 212 00:11:17.759 --> 00:11:20.639 you're not gonna bully you know what I'm saying. And 213 00:11:20.759 --> 00:11:23.480 then half the time, liby, what he be telling us 214 00:11:23.519 --> 00:11:24.600 don't even be the truth. 215 00:11:24.919 --> 00:11:29.240 You the festival preach about that. Yesterday he talked about 216 00:11:29.240 --> 00:11:30.960 the sketch about like the being the father of lies. 217 00:11:31.200 --> 00:11:36.200 So you like, and I miss because I've been out 218 00:11:36.240 --> 00:11:38.159 of time to run all over. But seriously, though, a 219 00:11:38.240 --> 00:11:40.399 lot of the stuff that he feeds up, because again, 220 00:11:40.559 --> 00:11:43.320 like I look at you, and I see the prettiest. 221 00:11:42.840 --> 00:11:44.000 One I've ever seen. 222 00:11:44.360 --> 00:11:46.799 But I can only imagine some of the things that 223 00:11:47.320 --> 00:11:51.320 has been said by people and by the by the enemy. 224 00:11:51.320 --> 00:11:53.799 And of course you know, we know he uses people, 225 00:11:54.120 --> 00:11:56.159 so by him and his little minions, that's what I 226 00:11:56.279 --> 00:11:58.360 call him, to try to tear you down and make 227 00:11:58.399 --> 00:12:00.799 me feel the way, when in fact it really. 228 00:12:00.799 --> 00:12:03.120 Is all lies because you are one. 229 00:12:03.000 --> 00:12:04.559 Of the most beautiful people. 230 00:12:05.200 --> 00:12:07.240 You know, kind you. 231 00:12:09.759 --> 00:12:13.159 Really really are like and you know, we say things 232 00:12:13.240 --> 00:12:15.399 all the time to uplift each other, but you know 233 00:12:16.759 --> 00:12:19.200 it's true, Like this is me coming from the most 234 00:12:19.320 --> 00:12:21.759 genuine place I could find in my heart. Like I'm 235 00:12:21.840 --> 00:12:24.879 not just saying it, I am. You know, I'm saying 236 00:12:24.919 --> 00:12:27.240 it because that's how I see you, Like, I really 237 00:12:27.320 --> 00:12:30.279 think that. So to think that, you know, people are 238 00:12:30.320 --> 00:12:33.080 out here saying the opposite, like you said, when they 239 00:12:33.159 --> 00:12:34.960 don't know you, you know what I'm saying. They don't 240 00:12:35.000 --> 00:12:37.840 know your heart, they don't know how you are, you know, 241 00:12:38.039 --> 00:12:40.639 and even if which you're you don't fit this ball. 242 00:12:40.759 --> 00:12:43.679 But I've also seen people who maybe were not the 243 00:12:43.799 --> 00:12:48.720 most physically attractive, but their heart was beautiful, and guess 244 00:12:48.799 --> 00:12:52.720 what it made because they had a glow of God 245 00:12:52.840 --> 00:12:56.200 about them because of who they were on the inside. 246 00:12:56.480 --> 00:12:59.000 You know, their soul was sweet and it was beautiful, 247 00:12:59.279 --> 00:13:02.919 and it made them more physically appealing that you know 248 00:13:03.080 --> 00:13:06.000 what they would be to just the regular natural spiritual. 249 00:13:06.720 --> 00:13:09.960 So it's like, you know, we just gotta we have 250 00:13:10.200 --> 00:13:14.320 to be more mindful about this whole cyber bullying deal. 251 00:13:14.600 --> 00:13:16.840 It's it's crazy, but you did say one thing. A 252 00:13:16.879 --> 00:13:20.080 lot of people hide behind that whole social media. They 253 00:13:20.200 --> 00:13:20.679 hide behind it. 254 00:13:20.759 --> 00:13:24.200 They don't like themselves the truth. That's what I found out. 255 00:13:24.320 --> 00:13:27.200 They don't like themselves. But I want to like, you know, 256 00:13:27.360 --> 00:13:29.919 and that's why we have these conversations, you know. Like 257 00:13:30.000 --> 00:13:33.000 I said, coffee with Corney is a I always wanted it, 258 00:13:33.120 --> 00:13:35.720 and I always wanted to be a safe space where 259 00:13:35.799 --> 00:13:39.000 we talk about stuff and I want people to acknowledge, 260 00:13:39.120 --> 00:13:41.879 Like I hope that somebody's listening who was a cyber 261 00:13:41.919 --> 00:13:45.320 bully And I want them to say, hold on, this 262 00:13:45.519 --> 00:13:47.480 is what I want to be like this, and I 263 00:13:47.600 --> 00:13:49.200 want them to look in the mirror to say, you 264 00:13:49.279 --> 00:13:51.759 know what, I'm doing that because I don't like something 265 00:13:51.799 --> 00:13:55.000 about it, and this is a space where we can 266 00:13:55.159 --> 00:13:55.559 change that. 267 00:13:56.600 --> 00:13:58.679 Yeah, today, we can fix it. 268 00:13:58.960 --> 00:14:00.919 You know what I'm saying. Let's talk about what it 269 00:14:01.039 --> 00:14:04.240 is that you don't like about yourself, you know, as 270 00:14:04.399 --> 00:14:07.320 that would cause you to last shout or try to 271 00:14:07.360 --> 00:14:08.200 tear somebody else. 272 00:14:08.360 --> 00:14:11.879 Yeah, like, we can really fix it if we try. 273 00:14:12.039 --> 00:14:13.159 That's the part. If we try. 274 00:14:13.279 --> 00:14:15.120 If we try, if you want to fix it, it 275 00:14:15.399 --> 00:14:18.519 can definitely be fixed. So you know, even with all 276 00:14:18.600 --> 00:14:22.559 the cyber bullying, Like what did that look like for 277 00:14:22.679 --> 00:14:25.039 you in terms of like how do how did you 278 00:14:25.960 --> 00:14:30.720 you know, navigate through it all while maintaining your sanity 279 00:14:30.840 --> 00:14:32.919 Like cause that to me that sounds like a lot 280 00:14:33.120 --> 00:14:35.679 like when people are picking on you, you don't even 281 00:14:35.759 --> 00:14:40.120 know these people. It's like I would probably have been 282 00:14:40.200 --> 00:14:41.519 in a corner somewhere. 283 00:14:41.360 --> 00:14:44.600 Like I really did like retreat a little bit to 284 00:14:44.720 --> 00:14:46.559 like a shell, and like I had, like I said, 285 00:14:46.600 --> 00:14:48.080 like I told you before, like Peter's they would fight 286 00:14:48.200 --> 00:14:51.080 for me. But I had to like gather myself together 287 00:14:51.799 --> 00:14:55.480 and like really pray and just really reflect back on like, Okay, 288 00:14:56.039 --> 00:14:58.159 this is who God made you to be, Liby, Like 289 00:14:58.440 --> 00:15:02.159 don't don't go back into that for myself. 290 00:15:02.120 --> 00:15:04.759 Like I bought you, I always did not go back 291 00:15:04.799 --> 00:15:06.440 to how you used to be. So there's like a 292 00:15:06.480 --> 00:15:09.240 lot of prayer, coordiny and just really just remember who 293 00:15:09.320 --> 00:15:09.600 I am. 294 00:15:09.840 --> 00:15:12.279 So yeah, and I think the more that people try 295 00:15:12.320 --> 00:15:14.360 to bully me, I think the more that God was 296 00:15:14.399 --> 00:15:17.440 like can be confidence like look you're gonna shine through 297 00:15:17.840 --> 00:15:18.679 yeah yeah. 298 00:15:18.759 --> 00:15:23.799 And you're shining, like you're shining. And what did it 299 00:15:23.840 --> 00:15:25.679 look like in terms of I know, you said you 300 00:15:25.799 --> 00:15:27.879 kind of retreated a little bit. But you know, one 301 00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:32.960 of the things that I that I dealt with during 302 00:15:33.039 --> 00:15:37.240 my moments of insecurity is having to still function and 303 00:15:37.559 --> 00:15:40.039 play every day and play like I'm okay in the 304 00:15:40.159 --> 00:15:43.840 midst of really my heart yeah inside, So like, did 305 00:15:43.879 --> 00:15:47.639 you ever feel like you were having the pain and 306 00:15:47.720 --> 00:15:48.519 smile on your face? 307 00:15:48.799 --> 00:15:50.440 I did? I did. I did. 308 00:15:50.480 --> 00:15:53.120 I felt like I still had to. But I think 309 00:15:53.399 --> 00:15:57.200 that I was like, Okay, Libby, you still got their courage, 310 00:15:57.279 --> 00:15:59.840 you still have to do this. But I was still like, 311 00:16:00.000 --> 00:16:02.639 but I was encourage of people. I was like, excuse me, 312 00:16:02.759 --> 00:16:05.840 I was being the first partaker of whatever I posted. 313 00:16:06.039 --> 00:16:10.840 Is like yes, And it's always like that, whatever I post, 314 00:16:11.240 --> 00:16:13.960 I've always the first first. That's how I feel. I'm 315 00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:16.519 always the first time a lot of times. 316 00:16:16.360 --> 00:16:19.960 When God will give me something, yeah, it hits me first, 317 00:16:20.559 --> 00:16:23.840 home first, and then other people are saying, oh my god, girl, 318 00:16:23.879 --> 00:16:25.200 that was for me, and I'd be wanting to say 319 00:16:25.279 --> 00:16:27.200 so bad, No, you really don't know that really for me. 320 00:16:28.600 --> 00:16:30.840 But I'm glad that it helped you. I'm glad it 321 00:16:30.919 --> 00:16:33.240 helped somebody else, but it was really for me. 322 00:16:33.360 --> 00:16:33.519 Yeah. 323 00:16:33.519 --> 00:16:35.360 I think it's also good, like they have a safe 324 00:16:35.399 --> 00:16:37.639 space with people, but you could just like be yourself 325 00:16:37.679 --> 00:16:40.000 and just like this is what I'm going through. This 326 00:16:40.039 --> 00:16:41.840 is like like let me just like let it out 327 00:16:42.159 --> 00:16:44.039 and then like go back it's okay. 328 00:16:44.320 --> 00:16:44.519 Yeah. 329 00:16:44.639 --> 00:16:47.000 So yeah, And one thing that I'm learning, like I 330 00:16:47.120 --> 00:16:50.720 have just you know, in my in the most recent years, 331 00:16:50.879 --> 00:16:55.320 I've really tried to be a transparent person, and I've 332 00:16:55.399 --> 00:16:57.799 tried to share like my heart and what was going 333 00:16:57.840 --> 00:17:01.000 on and things that I was going through. But one 334 00:17:01.080 --> 00:17:07.000 thing that I've learned, probably here recently, is that sometimes 335 00:17:07.240 --> 00:17:14.000 transparency can bite you. It can bite you a little bit, yes, 336 00:17:14.240 --> 00:17:20.480 because sometimes we are transparent within the enemy nose, we're 337 00:17:20.519 --> 00:17:26.960 being transparent, and inside of transparency is vulnerability. And so 338 00:17:27.200 --> 00:17:29.640 you're trying to be transparent because you're trying to help 339 00:17:29.759 --> 00:17:34.279 other people, but at the same time, it's like the enemy. 340 00:17:34.039 --> 00:17:35.960 Will play on your vulnerability. 341 00:17:36.480 --> 00:17:39.200 So you know, for me, even past, some of my 342 00:17:39.359 --> 00:17:42.839 insecurities were in places where I feel like I'm more secure. 343 00:17:43.160 --> 00:17:48.240 Sometimes those little seeds will still, you know and try 344 00:17:48.319 --> 00:17:52.680 to like knock me off my seat. And you know, 345 00:17:53.119 --> 00:17:59.000 that's kind of been difficult for me to navigate because 346 00:17:59.799 --> 00:18:03.039 the feeling of insecurity. It's really I felt a lot 347 00:18:03.119 --> 00:18:06.160 of things in my life, but insecurity, like that's one 348 00:18:06.200 --> 00:18:10.400 of the worst feelings that anybody could ever feel. In 349 00:18:10.519 --> 00:18:15.960 my opinion, Yeah, you're unsure, you don't feel confident in Yeah, 350 00:18:16.519 --> 00:18:20.440 what you're doing. Like it's just like I don't know, 351 00:18:20.720 --> 00:18:21.880 and I don't like the unknown. 352 00:18:23.240 --> 00:18:25.599 I hate but that's what I think when faith has 353 00:18:25.759 --> 00:18:28.440 to kick Yeah, and I just want to just pick 354 00:18:28.440 --> 00:18:30.359 it back. What you was just about like being transparent, 355 00:18:30.799 --> 00:18:33.839 Like with the book, when I say I was transparent, 356 00:18:34.039 --> 00:18:37.319 I was just like, Lord, why have I shared all 357 00:18:37.400 --> 00:18:40.559 of this with everybody? Because, like you see, being like 358 00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:43.680 you put yourself out there. I was so vulnerable and 359 00:18:43.720 --> 00:18:46.359 I was just like what I said, I shared with y'all, Oh, 360 00:18:46.519 --> 00:18:49.680 share with y'all so much, and I just had to 361 00:18:49.839 --> 00:18:52.279 like place it in the blood of Jesus, not y'all 362 00:18:52.279 --> 00:18:54.119 to be y'all holy than that, but I had. 363 00:18:54.000 --> 00:18:56.480 To like place it under the blood. 364 00:18:56.519 --> 00:18:58.640 So it's like, because when you get that vulnerable space, 365 00:18:58.799 --> 00:19:01.680 like whatever something is said to you, it could just 366 00:19:02.200 --> 00:19:05.000 it might take you back it's how you used to be, 367 00:19:05.279 --> 00:19:07.559 or put you in another place that you may not 368 00:19:07.720 --> 00:19:08.400 cap ounce back. 369 00:19:08.599 --> 00:19:08.920 Heavy. 370 00:19:09.359 --> 00:19:11.519 Yes, you know what. This is the first time I'm 371 00:19:11.559 --> 00:19:14.880 ever sharing this, So y'all get a little exclusive clip 372 00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:17.640 because I'm having a conversation with my sister. 373 00:19:17.799 --> 00:19:20.799 But I'm actually writing a book. Yes I am. 374 00:19:21.119 --> 00:19:24.519 Yes, I'm writing a book and it's a memoir. Okay, 375 00:19:24.680 --> 00:19:28.680 it's about my life. And when I tell you that, 376 00:19:28.839 --> 00:19:32.759 thing gets heavy, so I know exactly what you mean. 377 00:19:33.480 --> 00:19:36.200 It gets heavy and I have to walk away sometimes 378 00:19:36.279 --> 00:19:36.960 I can't wait. 379 00:19:37.240 --> 00:19:40.920 Yes, lord, I have to walk away because it takes 380 00:19:41.000 --> 00:19:41.359 me back. 381 00:19:41.799 --> 00:19:44.640 You when you're writing like that and you're sharing in 382 00:19:44.680 --> 00:19:47.400 that space of transparency and gonna building, it takes you 383 00:19:47.599 --> 00:19:49.680 back to write. But what I will say is this, 384 00:19:50.640 --> 00:19:54.680 writing my story has been one of the most liberating 385 00:19:55.759 --> 00:19:59.759 things I have ever done. It has it's bringing me 386 00:19:59.759 --> 00:20:02.920 I'm gonna say it brought It's still right now bringing 387 00:20:03.200 --> 00:20:07.440 healing to me in places that I never realized I 388 00:20:07.640 --> 00:20:11.559 was still wounded and I wasn't really healed. So I 389 00:20:11.680 --> 00:20:13.160 get it, girl, I get it. 390 00:20:13.440 --> 00:20:20.200 Yeah, you have to go life for being heel Yes, yeah, yeah, yes, yes, so. 391 00:20:20.359 --> 00:20:23.039 Yeah, it's it's been a journey and it's taken me 392 00:20:23.160 --> 00:20:26.160 a while because, like I said, you hit these certain 393 00:20:26.640 --> 00:20:30.119 portions you're like this is this is heavy and I 394 00:20:30.240 --> 00:20:32.079 can't I don't want to look at it right like, 395 00:20:32.160 --> 00:20:33.960 I don't. I don't want to. I don't want to 396 00:20:34.000 --> 00:20:36.799 relive this right now. But you have to because it's 397 00:20:36.880 --> 00:20:37.920 a part of the story. 398 00:20:38.640 --> 00:20:42.200 Like you just don't know who's on the other side. Yes, yeah, 399 00:20:42.640 --> 00:20:44.759 so who's on the other side of your story exactly? 400 00:20:44.920 --> 00:20:48.000 So that that's what keeps me writing, That's what keeps 401 00:20:48.079 --> 00:20:52.440