Speaker 1: Well, well, well, welcome back, bestie. It's your mother. I'm
Speaker 1: so excited to be here with you guys this week.
Speaker 1: Our guest today is absolutely amazing. I hope you enjoyed
Speaker 1: this conversation as much as I did. She's a comedian, model, actress.
Speaker 1: She does it all, Charlotte McKinney. Please enjoy. So I
Speaker 1: want to talk to you about this. I was at
Speaker 1: a coffee shop this morning and I overheard these two
Speaker 1: bros talking about girls online with followings. They're like, they're like, yo,
Speaker 1: this girl has like four hundred thousand followers. I don't
Speaker 1: think I could date someone like that, Like she seems
Speaker 1: too high maintenance. And I was like, it was so
Speaker 1: interesting to like just listen to how guys like think
Speaker 1: about and process a following. And have you ever have
Speaker 1: you ever had a guy like not want to date
Speaker 1: you because you're following it so big?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like someone told me the other guy they were like,
Speaker 2: I was going to hit you up, but I didn't
Speaker 2: even think you would like see it, but I see everything.
Speaker 1: That's the thing. People are like, no, you're not like
Speaker 1: I would hit.
Speaker 2: You up, But I was like, why didn't you? Yeah,
Speaker 2: we're also bored I'm also bored, like we're looking like hello,
Speaker 2: is anyone there? Yeah, Like the dms have definitely like
Speaker 2: cranked a little down, like now that I post this comedy,
Speaker 2: like no one really yeah yeah yeah, like she's going
Speaker 2: through it. She's going to having an episode psychic psycho
Speaker 2: will leave her.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: But it's funny you say that because I think I
Speaker 2: don't think like I think it's so stupid to be like, oh, yeah,
Speaker 2: she's a following. It's like, no, I'm more lonely.
Speaker 1: Than than you would ever imagined.
Speaker 2: Totally.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's it's such a funny misconception. I almost wanted
Speaker 1: to like step in and be like no, d.
Speaker 2: M us slide in the DM for sure.
Speaker 1: Slide slide, slippery slide baby, even if the girl has
Speaker 1: like millions of.
Speaker 2: Followers, just like, dude, shoot shoot your shot. Yeah, I say, like,
Speaker 2: take a chance. So this is the thing.
Speaker 1: I really thought it was interesting to be like fly
Speaker 1: on the wall listening to guys be like she's going
Speaker 1: to be too high maintenance, it's going to be unmanageable,
Speaker 1: she's going to be an energy sack. And I really
Speaker 1: wanted to like get in there and be like no, no, no, no, no,
Speaker 1: Like trust.
Speaker 2: Me, did you say anything? No?
Speaker 1: Because this it was in Venice Beach and this woman
Speaker 1: came in with no pants on and started she had
Speaker 1: a mask like she had like that.
Speaker 3: Sounds like an average coffee shop in Venice, Like you know,
Speaker 3: she had like a Marty Gras mask on and beads
Speaker 3: and then no pants and like a thong and then
Speaker 3: she was like yelling about a screenplay where Lebron James
Speaker 3: finally retires.
Speaker 2: And I was like, you know what I missed moment? Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's like this lady has the floor. Now that's hysterical.
Speaker 1: But no, it is true because I think there's like
Speaker 1: this because even like when I've talked to my ex
Speaker 1: boyfriend's friends are like obsessed with you. They're like she's
Speaker 1: the hottest person alive.
Speaker 2: Like I don't feel that way. Well, but it's like
Speaker 2: if they slid in my damns, I'd be so flattered,
Speaker 2: right Like I you said, like I think they need
Speaker 2: to do it more. I think people see numbers or
Speaker 2: think that like they're gonna get lost, But I say,
Speaker 2: I say you have to do it. I mean, no idea.
Speaker 1: How bored someone with a million followers is.
Speaker 2: Extremely no I need I need the convoy. But I mean,
Speaker 2: I'm sure there are girls that are maybe like younger
Speaker 2: hot or like Instagram girls are like a little more right.
Speaker 2: I do see their point because I know influencers who influencers.
Speaker 1: Who are always influencing, Like they're getting ready in my
Speaker 1: hotel room and I'm on the street.
Speaker 2: Now I'm in. When you're like a real real and like,
Speaker 2: I don't post my personal life not too much, so
Speaker 2: like I have like such a like normal like when
Speaker 2: I have like relationship, I'm not like sharing it or
Speaker 2: like posting them so, but some girls post every little thing.
Speaker 1: Everything, and that I couldn't deal with. Yeah, I never
Speaker 1: really posted. I mean I had my ex on the
Speaker 1: podcast once, but I never really posted. You had him
Speaker 1: on the pod, which is once, okay, and because I
Speaker 1: was living in Palm Beach and I.
Speaker 2: Was like I needed a guest. You're like, I'm running on.
Speaker 1: I was like, he's in my house, so I'm going
Speaker 1: to have him on.
Speaker 2: But other than that, I didn't post him.
Speaker 1: I think it is really important, especially like when you
Speaker 1: are kind of a public semi public, you're to keep
Speaker 1: that part of the relationship like, yeah, keep it sacred.
Speaker 1: When it's in one piece, do you know what I mean?
Speaker 1: When you're still with the person, it's like keep it private,
Speaker 1: keep it sacred, because like.
Speaker 2: The more eyes on it kind of wishing it. People
Speaker 2: will pray on your downfall exactly. And I think, what's
Speaker 2: your audience, like a male or female?
Speaker 1: It's actually like a seventy thirty split male female.
Speaker 2: Oh I'm so jealous. Yeah, mine's all just like random
Speaker 2: like men in Middle America. So they don't want to
Speaker 2: see a guy like right, right right, They want to
Speaker 2: la And I've always I guess for me, I've always
Speaker 2: wanted to like have this like look like, you know,
Speaker 2: not approachable. But I'm not like with some guy like
Speaker 2: I've always had to kind of look single. And yeah,
Speaker 2: it kind of affected my last relationship because I think
Speaker 2: the guy like got but hurt after seven years. I
Speaker 2: never posted him. Yeah, but you're like the shady dude.
Speaker 2: You're like shady dude, like Shay want to get post
Speaker 2: And I'm like, nah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's the God to put a man in the
Speaker 1: position of a woman who just wants to be posted
Speaker 1: on the Internet. That is it is women in men's field.
Speaker 2: It's kind of nice.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah, you're like, No, I lose income if
Speaker 1: people know I'm in a relationship.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Like I lose followers if I post, even if
Speaker 2: I post like my guy friends, like, no one wants
Speaker 2: to see me.
Speaker 1: Or with a man, No, because they all think you're dating.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they're all like I need them to have the
Speaker 2: illusion delusion that you were like gonna get married. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you're their internet wife exactly. Yeah, so I can't. I
Speaker 2: can't do that. You can't do that, But there is
Speaker 2: something free, Like I thought about it recently, there is
Speaker 2: something freeing of like if I did ever do like
Speaker 2: it seems kind of fun to post a man.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but like you know, like show like when you're
Speaker 1: like little something when you find your person.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and you're like like all like.
Speaker 1: And you know, like here's the reality. If you're with
Speaker 1: someone for seven years and you never posted them.
Speaker 2: Once, there may be a person there was clearly something
Speaker 2: something was a little yeah, something was a little off.
Speaker 1: But I'm sure when you find your person, yeah, after
Speaker 1: like two years after they sit in jail in fucking
Speaker 1: time out exactly.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, until I know they don't have Also too,
Speaker 2: like once when I did put my X on my story,
Speaker 2: that's when I found out he was having an affair
Speaker 2: because I never shared them. So sometimes you need to
Speaker 2: be sharing them so right, you can get the feedback.
Speaker 1: Right, so you can find out who their other girlfriends
Speaker 1: are exactly. And that's instant.
Speaker 2: That's probably why it lasted so long. The other girlfriends
Speaker 2: didn't know, they didn't not gather.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so that's something that I thought was very shady
Speaker 1: about the relationship I just got out of. He never
Speaker 1: posted me once, and I didn't post him because I
Speaker 1: was protecting him and like people, you don't want people
Speaker 1: to know who you are.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you're like your audience like.
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, yeah, I'm like you don't want it. But
Speaker 1: for the reverse, he never posted me, and I was like,
Speaker 1: I'm like, you're hot, cool fucking yeah, Like I'm like
Speaker 1: the one.
Speaker 2: You need to be posted.
Speaker 1: I was like, this is crazy, But.
Speaker 2: Have you talked about this yet? Can we get into.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, we canna, Yeah we can talk about it. Yeah,
Speaker 1: it's I mean, listen, I think.
Speaker 2: It's how are you feeling right now?
Speaker 1: This is very very optimistic, Like I'm very excited to
Speaker 1: go to New York and have a summer and like
Speaker 1: do the things I'm also very sad, like, yeah, I've
Speaker 1: never been in a relationship before where I was like,
Speaker 1: this person's going to be my husband and then they
Speaker 1: weren't my husband, you know what I mean.
Speaker 2: My last one was my actual husband. Yeah, you actually
Speaker 2: had that.
Speaker 1: It was like I did so much. Yeah, we all forget,
Speaker 1: we all forget about the person. Yeah, but you gotta
Speaker 1: get it out of the way, you know. Yeah. No,
Speaker 1: but I obviously like moved my life to Palm Beach
Speaker 1: for this person, and like, listen, we can talk about
Speaker 1: it six ways towards the weekend, whether or not he
Speaker 1: thinks he was cheating because he's like, I never was
Speaker 1: physical with this person. It was just, you know, it
Speaker 1: was an inappropriate relationship. But I just think that's worse.
Speaker 2: My accent got kind of physical, but it was mostly
Speaker 2: an emotional relationship for a really long time, and I think,
Speaker 2: to me, that hurt worse. I'm like, go fucking bang
Speaker 2: someone out and then like never talk to them again.
Speaker 2: But like these like weird like ongoing Yeah.
Speaker 1: So the way he just describes it was like this
Speaker 1: is my best friend. Okay, He's like, this is my
Speaker 1: best friend. They just don't have boundaries. He calls her baby.
Speaker 1: He says, I'm glad you're thinking about me before you
Speaker 1: go to bed at night.
Speaker 2: She sends him having to go so that anyway, so
Speaker 2: that's his best friend. Yeah, and I you know, so anyway,
Speaker 2: that's his best friend. I'm like, do you send this
Speaker 2: to your male friends?
Speaker 1: Like, do you know are you and your male friends
Speaker 1: exchanging nudes too?
Speaker 2: Because then yeah, like yeah, anyway, but whatever the reality is, whether.
Speaker 1: Or not it was physical, it's none of my business.
Speaker 1: At this point. It was like such a wild betrayal
Speaker 1: of trust. I had never felt that before.
Speaker 2: It's so weird. It's the weirdest feeling. It's like it's
Speaker 2: it's worse because I found out that he was like
Speaker 2: telling her my business and mine yeah, yeah stuff. And
Speaker 2: I was like I had felt so like violent in
Speaker 2: a way I've never like I've been Yes, I've been
Speaker 2: violating my whole life. Yeah, this was like a different
Speaker 2: it's a different feeling.
Speaker 1: It just is such a betrayal. And it's like for me,
Speaker 1: I'm living with this person, right. I moved my whole
Speaker 1: life across the country and put my career on hold.
Speaker 1: I did all these things to like create a home
Speaker 1: with him and then to know that the entirety of
Speaker 1: our relationship this was going on behind my back, was
Speaker 1: just devastating. And you know, I think at this point,
Speaker 1: I'm just like we were incompatible and for many reasons,
Speaker 1: but I was not seeing them because I was so
Speaker 1: in love.
Speaker 2: Like of course when I get in love, I'm like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 2: you look me on it. And I think for you, like,
Speaker 2: first of all, congrats, you're killing it and like to
Speaker 2: go to Florida and like leave, like with stand up,
Speaker 2: you have to be so in it and here and
Speaker 2: like to give to do that, like it's a big step. Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, like you're not really hitting clubs every night
Speaker 2: in Palm Bea. I have a girl.
Speaker 1: I haven't worked, that's the other thing. So then when
Speaker 1: I was moving to New York, you know, usually I
Speaker 1: can show income because I'm usually working, but now I
Speaker 1: have to get a place on my own in a
Speaker 1: city that's the hardest city in the country to get
Speaker 1: a place in. And I've made literally I'm not exaggerating,
Speaker 1: like ten thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they're like you can't afford you know what
Speaker 2: I mean. They're like, yeah, it's.
Speaker 1: Been such a disorienting experience, but I think ultimately and
Speaker 1: like it's divinery direction and like that's how you.
Speaker 2: Have to look at it. I think this is a
Speaker 2: really exciting chapter. Yeah, you going to New York is
Speaker 2: very exciting, and I think that's gonna really.
Speaker 1: Like yeah, and you're going to come hang out.
Speaker 2: Yes, I really I hate New York.
Speaker 1: Okay, good, but it's a good start. That's I used
Speaker 1: to be with it too.
Speaker 2: Fucking hate it, but like I was up for something
Speaker 2: that's out there, and and I was like, honestly, if
Speaker 2: like i'm working in a mouth, like if I'm doing stuff,
Speaker 2: I'm fine. It's just like when I'm not working out
Speaker 2: there and I'm just like spending money to just live, I.
Speaker 1: Don't like like fourteen dollars per air.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but i'd loved like we should do like a
Speaker 2: little like mon Talk weekend or like you know, have
Speaker 2: like I'm excited for. I think this is going to
Speaker 2: be a really it's gonna be fun.
Speaker 1: And if you still want them, you know, his friends
Speaker 1: are waiting, they're.
Speaker 2: Round Now I'm like, fuck his friend, but like but
Speaker 2: like yeah, yeah, fuck his friends or fucking friends.
Speaker 1: I really don't care which way you go with that. No,
Speaker 1: they're wonderful people. I can't speak to their of course, honestly,
Speaker 1: you can have him, honestly take him off my bucking
Speaker 1: as we do a mood talk weekend.
Speaker 2: He's just in til I'm like, I don't know, I
Speaker 2: don't know. You're like bold guys.
Speaker 1: The one friend that I sent you is so hot.
Speaker 2: Did you send me pictures of them? Yes? You did?
Speaker 1: Yes, let me show you again.
Speaker 2: I think I I think I told you like my
Speaker 2: type is so like weird, where they like if they
Speaker 2: like look normal. I'm like, okay, yeah, so you don't
Speaker 2: like this guy. You didn't show me this picture. What's
Speaker 2: his ethnicity? Jewish? Okay, he looks like Spanish. He might
Speaker 2: be something else, as I have to go to friend
Speaker 2: all right up, Like, what are running a background check on?
Speaker 2: Running out of check?
Speaker 1: We're running a background check on you?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I don't know. I'm so weird. I'm also like
Speaker 2: very big on like humor and personality, so funny.
Speaker 1: His friends are also funny. It's very unfortunate how funny
Speaker 1: they are. I was like really excited to spend the
Speaker 1: rest of our life together with all those friends because
Speaker 1: they're all very.
Speaker 2: Funny, you know, what's tough is when they have a
Speaker 2: great friend group. Yeah, and then you have to break
Speaker 2: up with the friend group. I know, I hate that.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it's really tough. It's funny. One of his friends
Speaker 1: like joined my Patreon yesterday and I had to like
Speaker 1: block him because I was like, I know, you're just
Speaker 1: in your fucking snooping.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but you just want to hear the d Yeah,
Speaker 2: I know, you just want to see that's funny. You
Speaker 2: can tell who who?
Speaker 1: Well, he did it with his first and last name,
Speaker 1: yea is playing his fuck email. I was like, well,
Speaker 1: I okay, you're.
Speaker 2: It was probably your acts.
Speaker 1: I mean, probably maybe wanting information.
Speaker 2: But I don't know.
Speaker 1: I think he's like kind of in a dark place
Speaker 1: right now. I don't know that he's like seeking he
Speaker 1: should should.
Speaker 2: I want them all in a dark place. Every guy
Speaker 2: needs to just be in a dark place at all time.
Speaker 2: Men in a dark place.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it might drop them all in a fucking wild
Speaker 1: literally in a manhole in New York City.
Speaker 2: I'll find the manholes, you fly out, We'll start pushing
Speaker 2: guys on, and we'll just spoil them like fucking lobsters. Truly,
Speaker 2: like that woman, did you hear that woman fell into
Speaker 2: me and hole and died in New York City.
Speaker 1: Sent yeah, like a week ago, horrible death. I didn't
Speaker 1: know this kind of I know that like that was
Speaker 1: even a thing. A death could be this bad? So
Speaker 1: you know when those where is it?
Speaker 2: Can I go? Yeah? Literally? Can we get? No?
Speaker 1: Listen to how horrible this is? So the cover was off.
Speaker 1: I don't know what's down there or why it's hot.
Speaker 2: But she why is it hot? I don't know what's
Speaker 2: down there.
Speaker 1: Mike's doing the research, I think, but basically the cap
Speaker 1: is off right, and then she gets out of her car,
Speaker 1: falls in and then just screams until she dies because
Speaker 1: she's getting like boiled or something like that. I was like,
Speaker 1: that's a I wouldn't want to like get boiled. No,
Speaker 1: And I thought it was just between drowning and firing.
Speaker 1: Boiling is a combination of the two that sounds horrid.
Speaker 2: I'm not why are the sewers so hot?
Speaker 1: That's what I'm wondering.
Speaker 2: Isn't the walk around? Are you? Did you find it?
Speaker 2: I mean, it doesn't say that she was ship boiled
Speaker 2: ten feet and suffered fatal scald burns and inhalation injuries
Speaker 2: and blunt force trauma. Yeah, aka boiling aka ship boiled.
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Speaker 2: Okay, cool, I can't wait.
Speaker 1: We'll go to the Hamptons first and on our way
Speaker 1: back and they'll throw men in manholes for father's supposed
Speaker 1: to that's why they're maybe back. Yeah, manholes put the
Speaker 1: man in the hole.
Speaker 2: That the man in the hole. I love that. I
Speaker 2: love that. No, but I'm excited for this chapter for you.
Speaker 2: I think at the time, you think it's the worst,
Speaker 2: even like looking back, I was like, this is the
Speaker 2: worst thing. But the amount of people I met and
Speaker 2: the way getting out of that relationship put me back
Speaker 2: into stand up so intensely and like threw me back.
Speaker 2: Like I look back and you think that's where your
Speaker 2: life's going, and you picture this road and then you're
Speaker 2: like no, and your person want to do that to you? Yeah,
Speaker 2: you know, yeah truly, Like when you really think of it,
Speaker 2: if that was your dude, he would have never who
Speaker 2: had been like fuck off? Yeah, I don't.
Speaker 1: Like, I just don't need to be with someone who
Speaker 1: makes me feel unsafe. You know. I had like a
Speaker 1: very unsafe and chaotic upbringing, and I just don't need
Speaker 1: that energy anymore.
Speaker 2: You really don't. You've you've put your time in you
Speaker 2: need somebody, Yeah, you don't need that. And I think
Speaker 2: too when people try and like work through it, it's
Speaker 2: always just going to be in the back of your head. Yeah,
Speaker 2: always going to kind of come back to that. You're
Speaker 2: not going to trust him. You're going to become the
Speaker 2: girl who like is constantly looking through his phone.
Speaker 1: It's just not fun. And that's what I was like,
Speaker 1: you know, even when we went to therapy and we're like,
Speaker 1: what do we need to like make this work? And
Speaker 1: I had to make a list, and I was like,
Speaker 1: this is going to be a horrible life for both
Speaker 1: of us.
Speaker 2: Fine, it's not only.
Speaker 1: Bad for you, it's bad for me too, Like I
Speaker 1: don't want to look through your phone.
Speaker 2: I never have before. I don't want it to be
Speaker 2: my hobby. Like, no, it's not fun.
Speaker 1: Yeah, my life has more purpose than being insecure exactly so,
Speaker 1: and you'll get great material out of it.
Speaker 2: You'll it's fortunately unfortunately, but unfortunately, I don't know. I
Speaker 2: think it's a blessing. In disguison, you were saying he
Speaker 2: was younger. Yeah, he's how much younger? Ten years? Okay?
Speaker 2: Well yeah, also like cool but also also also yeah,
Speaker 2: but I see I've never done younger. I know.
Speaker 1: Also that was the thing when I was trying to
Speaker 1: hook you up with his friends. You're like, this might
Speaker 1: be too young, and I was like they're great.
Speaker 2: But you know what, I've noticed that I eat those words.
Speaker 2: I'm not not truly, but you know what I've noticed
Speaker 2: in the younger generation, even just like when I'm doing
Speaker 2: open mics with these like younger kids, they're more respectful. Yeah,
Speaker 2: that generation than like the forty year old. Forty year
Speaker 2: olds very very different. They're very different, Like they don't
Speaker 2: they respect women differently, like we are kind of more
Speaker 2: as opposed to like the men that are in their
Speaker 2: four years.
Speaker 1: Yes, I know exactly what you're saying. Kids are better.
Speaker 1: They're just better across the board that like gen Z group,
Speaker 1: they're more thoughtful. They were raised kind of with technology,
Speaker 1: so they don't like pour themselves into it so much
Speaker 1: dangers of it. They're like, yeah, they they are I think,
Speaker 1: highly intelligent and that's why, you know, even I was
Speaker 1: at like it was maybe like a year ago, I
Speaker 1: went to a Cascade concert and there was like kids,
Speaker 1: there's all these kids at the club, right, and I
Speaker 1: was like, why is nobody hammered? Like if this was me,
Speaker 1: like my fucking tits would be out. Yeah, But it
Speaker 1: was like everyone was just like chillin and they're own
Speaker 1: mushrooms and like I was talking to I'm friends with
Speaker 1: Cascades tour manager Ryan, and he was just like, yeah,
Speaker 1: the kids just do mushrooms and vibe like they're just
Speaker 1: like they're not as wild and rambunctious and disrespectful and
Speaker 1: toxic and like all of these things that are generation
Speaker 1: and above were.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and they've learned to like deal. I think they
Speaker 2: deal with their feelings more than like just like the
Speaker 2: other generations.
Speaker 1: Just like, yeah, they're like in therapy. Yeah, they're actually
Speaker 1: like yeah, like the generations above us, they're like, ill
Speaker 1: just do five hundred push ups.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, totally. I'll just go out for you know, yah,
Speaker 2: three nights in a row. Get through it. But it's
Speaker 2: I don't know. Yeah, I don't know if I could,
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: But even don't mind asking how old are you?
Speaker 2: Because I'm thirty two? Okay, hold are you?
Speaker 1: I'm thirty seven?
Speaker 2: Your baby?
Speaker 1: I thought you I wish Actually no, I don't. No offense,
Speaker 1: no offense. I'm sprinting to the finish line.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah. He has really close, wonderful, supportive friends.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: So like, while I know he's like suffering right now,
Speaker 1: he's also so supportive. Yeah, like these these male friendships
Speaker 1: I think are so much more mature in this generation. Yeah,
Speaker 1: where they're like actually like supportive bros, and they like
Speaker 1: check on each other and they worry about each other's
Speaker 1: mental health and like they're like A it's like A
Speaker 1: he has a fucking solid friend group. So I'm like,
Speaker 1: if you have a good friend group, you can get
Speaker 1: through anything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, now you can get through literally no.
Speaker 1: Matter how bad you fuck up or your your life
Speaker 1: turns upside down. If you have good friends, you're good.
Speaker 2: Did you have any girlfriends in Pompeach?
Speaker 1: So I made too, but like I was there for
Speaker 1: such a short amount of time. Yeah, there's one girl, Eva,
Speaker 1: who I will be friends with for the rest of
Speaker 1: my life. Her and I just like clicked immediately. She's
Speaker 1: so fucking funny. I met her at a meeting and
Speaker 1: she told me. She was like, yeah, I had to
Speaker 1: get over because I threw myself off a balcony at
Speaker 1: my boyfriend. And I was like, that's my bitch, we're friends,
Speaker 1: that's my bitch.
Speaker 2: You get me. Yeah. I was like, Yeah, that's.
Speaker 1: The energy I'm talking about.
Speaker 2: That's the friend I want.
Speaker 1: She's like, I brought my fucking back, But whatever, and yeah.
Speaker 2: I'm so you've had to have like tried to commit
Speaker 2: to it to be my friend, like sorry, like at
Speaker 2: least like it leads to do we have anything to
Speaker 2: connect to have anything you know at all? It's so true.
Speaker 1: Yeah, how's your journey going with that?
Speaker 2: Do you want to talk about that? Yes? And then
Speaker 2: that's kind of what I was excited to talk to
Speaker 2: you about. Are you saying like sobriety just like jumping
Speaker 2: off a bridge? Jumping off?
Speaker 1: Tell, let's talk about your experience.
Speaker 2: What bridge am I looking at at the moment? Which
Speaker 2: would you have your eye on?
Speaker 1: There's a good one, opacity you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, it's nice, a good downfall. No,
Speaker 2: it's I'm one hundred and sixty six days today.
Speaker 1: Congratulation.
Speaker 2: It's the hardest thing I've ever done. It's very hard,
Speaker 2: hands down.
Speaker 1: But like, are you full sobriety or are you your
Speaker 1: full sobriety?
Speaker 2: Yes? The weed was really hard to quit. But yeah,
Speaker 2: I mean I micro doosed a microdovese mushrooms. I'm not
Speaker 2: gonna like lie on that. Yeah, just for like depression,
Speaker 2: not even like not not even enjoy not even have
Speaker 2: mushrooms just make me get in my head and like
Speaker 2: over analyze my whole life, look at what I'm doing wrong.
Speaker 2: So like mushrooms isn't really like relaxing weed. Mushrooms, mum,
Speaker 2: Mushrooms just make me Like when I do mushrooms, it
Speaker 2: just like kind of like puts my life out and it's.
Speaker 1: Like you need to like, yeah, I feel like I.
Speaker 2: Think too much when I'm like, in a good way,
Speaker 2: it helps me work through a lot of stuff. But
Speaker 2: in the same way, it's like with drugs, I just
Speaker 2: want to check out, and like mushrooms, you're like check.
Speaker 1: Checking and a way I do feel like when you're
Speaker 1: on mushrooms, or me too, when I'm on mushrooms, it's
Speaker 1: almost like you get sucked out of your life a
Speaker 1: little bit and you can look at it.
Speaker 2: You're looking at it from another view, yeah, which is nice.
Speaker 1: Bird's eye and yeh, be like this is working for you.
Speaker 2: This is it totally for you.
Speaker 1: I've had twice on mushrooms, so I've I'm like California
Speaker 1: sober right now, but I've like gone back and.
Speaker 2: Forth with full sobriety.
Speaker 1: But two times when I've done mushrooms, I've had the
Speaker 1: download from the University like you need to stop doing
Speaker 1: all drugs.
Speaker 2: Which is like, but that's what I mean. Mushrooms is
Speaker 2: what got me sober. Yes, okay, Like it was like, yeah,
Speaker 2: what are you doing? And even when I take mushrooms,
Speaker 2: it's like why are you taking me?
Speaker 1: Yeah?
Speaker 2: What are you? Like, what are you doing? Like you're
Speaker 2: doing so like it really kind of keeps it's keeping
Speaker 2: me sober. Yeah in a weird way. Yeah, but no,
Speaker 2: it's uh, it's very challenging. But for me, what I'm
Speaker 2: noticing I suffer with like very severe depression and anxiety,
Speaker 2: don't we all.
Speaker 1: And welcome to being alive.
Speaker 2: Yeah, welcome to anyone right now. But I've noticed like
Speaker 2: when I was using drugs, I was just so up
Speaker 2: and down. I couldn't control my mood. I was super high,
Speaker 2: I was super low. My calm doowns were really bad.
Speaker 2: And now I'm just like constantly like I'm not happy,
Speaker 2: I'm not sad. I'm just like I'm good, You're okay.
Speaker 2: And I've noticed it helping with my like I'm more
Speaker 2: grounded within my work and memory, my my lines, and
Speaker 2: I'm just more present than I ever have been. But
Speaker 2: like Saturday, like it's some y I'm just even the
Speaker 2: other day, like with like work stuff and this and that,
Speaker 2: I just wanted to just fucking check like the checkout
Speaker 2: I miss.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, no checking out is I mean, that's that's
Speaker 1: one of the things that helped me get sober. The
Speaker 1: very first time I got sober, so I quit drinking alcohol,
Speaker 1: and then I was smoking weed for a while. And
Speaker 1: I ran into a friend who was in the program
Speaker 1: and I was like, I'm sober now, and she's like,
Speaker 1: did you quit smoking weed? And I was like no,
Speaker 1: And she's like, who are you that You're so afraid
Speaker 1: to be with yourself?
Speaker 2: And and I was like, the weeds. Yeah, the weed
Speaker 2: really just kind of takes you. I don't know. I've
Speaker 2: smoked weed every day for since great school. I mean
Speaker 2: I that was the hard of even like quitting like
Speaker 2: the molly, the coke that that, but like weed that
Speaker 2: that's hard because it just.
Speaker 1: Kind of like, wait, grade school, when did you start
Speaker 1: smoking weed?
Speaker 2: This is like so gangster? Uh the seventh grade?
Speaker 1: Oh wow?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Okay, Yeah. I started very young, like in Florida,
Speaker 2: and then like then boozing really hard and all that
Speaker 2: stuff and really got into where it was in Florida.
Speaker 2: It was just like drugs were just very Yeah. It's
Speaker 2: kind of all of Florida. It's very yeah. Where are
Speaker 2: you from again, Wisconsin? Okay, we we kind of have
Speaker 2: that like same.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but ours is more like alcohol and like there's
Speaker 1: some people who do drugs obviously, but like we're a
Speaker 1: lot more like drinking. So like I started drinking heavily
Speaker 1: when I was fifty.
Speaker 2: I forgot I had a zinner and like that probably
Speaker 2: makes me look like I have a big mouth. You
Speaker 2: are like every man's wet dream. I'm sing with an
Speaker 2: energy drinking r. Sorry.
Speaker 1: I was depressious low self, literally, and I was like.
Speaker 2: Oh my gosh, Jesus Christ. Yeah, the zins are helping
Speaker 2: me a little bit of nicotine. Nicotine and caffeine are
Speaker 2: like all doing right now.
Speaker 1: So I this di coke is the first caffeine I've
Speaker 1: had in like months. I've been off, Like today, I
Speaker 1: was dying. I was so tired, and I've been ripping SIGs,
Speaker 1: which I have to stop doing because it's making me
Speaker 1: age like the devil.
Speaker 2: Like that's the one thing, Like as much as I
Speaker 2: want to just rip them all day to night, it's
Speaker 2: it's the anti, it's the battle age. He's so quick. Girl.
Speaker 1: It was like I got stressed and I started smoking
Speaker 1: SIGs again, and I literally had just gone to my
Speaker 1: doctor to get like botox and yeah, you like spend
Speaker 1: a million dollars and it was like literally perfect. And
Speaker 1: then I looked at it two days later and there
Speaker 1: was all these wrinkles and I was like.
Speaker 2: I really, but it will definitely like it ages you
Speaker 2: like that so quick, even the booze and and even
Speaker 2: coke or this, like you're just like bloated and gross.
Speaker 2: You look great.
Speaker 1: You have like a sober glow, which is and honestly,
Speaker 1: if there's no other reason for people to quit drinking
Speaker 1: and using, it's to look better. Like you just look better.
Speaker 1: Like when you're drinking, like especially alcohol, it's like this
Speaker 1: is actually poison that we're just putting in our bodies.
Speaker 1: And then when you take it away, everyone's like people
Speaker 1: will be like, what's your beauty secret? And I'm like,
Speaker 1: I don't poison myself every I know someone the.
Speaker 2: Other days saw me and they're like, oh my gosh,
Speaker 2: you look like so healthy, which is kind of rude,
Speaker 2: but but also I'm like, no, like I want to
Speaker 2: look healthy. I battled eating disorders for the last seven
Speaker 2: years of my life and and now I'm like, okay,
Speaker 2: I I'd rather have a little more weight to me
Speaker 2: and like, look like I'm not dying. Is this a
Speaker 2: little more weight? Yes? And I'm and I'm and I'm
Speaker 2: like getting comfortable with it, and I'm like okay, So
Speaker 2: like I'm you know whatever, and I have.
Speaker 1: So do you haven't found that when you took the
Speaker 1: other the drugs in the alcohol away, that that disorder.
Speaker 2: Got it got No, it got quieter.
Speaker 1: Oh great, because yeah, sometimes like co addicted behaviors like
Speaker 1: that can like want the pendulum swings right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I mean I'm definitely like overdoing it with work
Speaker 2: to kind of like I'm definitely kind of changed it
Speaker 2: to that. But but that's okay. But that's what that
Speaker 2: makes you mind. If you're addicted to make I mean, no,
Speaker 2: I'm working harder than I've ever worked and getting paid
Speaker 2: less than I've ever made. I've never made less money,
Speaker 2: I understand. I am right now, but I know it's
Speaker 2: all gonna Are.
Speaker 1: You working on anything you're excited about right now?
Speaker 2: I have a couple of films I'm waiting to come.
Speaker 1: Out you were amazing and bus boys. I know you
Speaker 1: had such a small.
Speaker 2: Little, tiny but I like, but you were wait so
Speaker 2: hard for that a great David offered me like a
Speaker 2: just a smaller role, and I was like, no, like
Speaker 2: I want to read for this. Yeah, like I really
Speaker 2: liked this part and I really pushed for that and
Speaker 2: I really worked my ass off for yeah.
Speaker 1: No, but you were great because you never know, like
Speaker 1: when there's a movie with a lot of cameos, do
Speaker 1: you know what I mean, Like a lot of people know,
Speaker 1: and you're like not sure how they're gonna do, and
Speaker 1: then you just like just stole the scene and that
Speaker 1: I was like, oh, you're just like so detached and dissociated.
Speaker 2: Ye I was going out for comedian, Like we're just
Speaker 2: like uh.
Speaker 1: Huh, yeah, yeah, you're perfect.
Speaker 2: But it's so hard to book anything in this town.
Speaker 2: So what I Normally I'd be like, oh that's so small,
Speaker 2: I don't even care. But now I'm learning to just
Speaker 2: celebrate the small things. I'm like, Okay, I got that,
Speaker 2: that was great, that was fun, and like celebrate it
Speaker 2: instead of like pick everything apart and like it could
Speaker 2: have been this, it could have been that.
Speaker 1: Have you ever read the book, The Surrender Experiment.
Speaker 2: No, do I need to. Yes, I'm not a great reader.
Speaker 2: I'm an audio booker.
Speaker 1: Okay, well you can listen to the audiobook.
Speaker 2: You don't have to read it.
Speaker 1: It's by the guy who wrote The Untethered Soul. Okay,
Speaker 1: do you know that one? Okay, so no, that's okay,
Speaker 1: I do that all the time. I'm like, yes, totally
Speaker 1: great author.
Speaker 2: I love I love mister Tethered.
Speaker 1: He's brilliant, brilliant. Okay, So two books you have to read,
Speaker 1: and for different reasons. But The Surrender Experiment is about
Speaker 1: this guy who just for one year says yes to everything.
Speaker 2: Yeah, he doesn't like use his ego.
Speaker 1: He he isn't like he's just like guided by what
Speaker 1: he wants to do and what the universe offers him totally,
Speaker 1: and he has no ego of like this is too small,
Speaker 1: this is too dumb, I don't want to put my
Speaker 1: energy here. He like takes himself out of it and
Speaker 1: just says yes to everything, which is like, to me
Speaker 1: daunting because in this business it's like, oh my god, I.
Speaker 2: Would have to say yes to like every shitty little
Speaker 2: job my agent sends me. But it's kind.
Speaker 1: But the point is if you believe in God and
Speaker 1: creator in the universe and all that, of course that
Speaker 1: like that that little role you got could have introduced
Speaker 1: you to somebody who then is going to have something
Speaker 1: bigger for you totally or like you do this thing
Speaker 1: with these people and then they collab with you on something,
Speaker 1: and it's just like this guy's life unfolds in a
Speaker 1: way where like he literally said yes for a year
Speaker 1: and he became a like multi multimillionaire.
Speaker 2: It's it, And that's kind of where I'm at. Even
Speaker 2: like last night, I got invited to go to this
Speaker 2: like gathering for people with my industry and normally be
Speaker 2: like I'm too tired or you know, and I'm just
Speaker 2: trying to say yes to everything and even stand up
Speaker 2: weirdly has just kind of naturally happen and like I'll
Speaker 2: be like, oh, but I want to be, you know,
Speaker 2: on set or doing this, and I'm like, this is
Speaker 2: what's here, this is what is happening, and like let
Speaker 2: me really go full force and like just say yes
Speaker 2: to everything and any I'm doing shows and alleyways, I'm
Speaker 2: saying yes to everything, and it's humbling and it's like
Speaker 2: you learn so much about yourself and you're kind of
Speaker 2: like you put the ego aside. I used to be like,
Speaker 2: oh no, I can't do it. Yeah yeah, Now I'm
Speaker 2: like I say yes to fucking a pickle jar opening. Yeah,
Speaker 2: Like it's literally I don't give a fuck.
Speaker 1: And how did you work to recalibrate your ego in
Speaker 1: that way? Because you came from like this huge, as
Speaker 1: I understand it, like internet modeling, like big kind of
Speaker 1: modeling career, right, and then into stand up where you
Speaker 1: kind of do have to just get your.
Speaker 2: Teeth kicked in. Oh totally.
Speaker 1: So how did you go from like, you know, saying
Speaker 1: no to stuff because you're above it as a model
Speaker 1: or whatever you had established yourself as before to then
Speaker 1: kind of like recalibrating your ego to start stand up.
Speaker 2: I kind of was just like, if I'm gonna do this,
Speaker 2: I don't want to do it based off of this
Speaker 2: past career that I had. I kind of came into
Speaker 2: this as like a completely fresh person, Like I spend
Speaker 2: my days at open mics. I just like want to
Speaker 2: work for it the way everyone else has. And even
Speaker 2: if I get booked on bigger shows sometimes just because
Speaker 2: they think of my audience is going to pull a
Speaker 2: crowd or something like that. Sometimes I'll say no to
Speaker 2: stuff if I don't feel ready. I'm like, no, I
Speaker 2: want to work a little harder and then you know,
Speaker 2: but I think I've just full. Even the breakup I
Speaker 2: went through really humbled me, and I was just like, oh,
Speaker 2: like I have to kind of start over, and I
Speaker 2: think this is the first time in my life, like
Speaker 2: everything kind of naturally, like I've first time, Like I'm
Speaker 2: working towards something that's more meaningful to me. Everything like
Speaker 2: modeling meant nothing to me. I didn't like, Yeah, you
Speaker 2: I worked very hard and I you know, was very
Speaker 2: disciplined in that world. But what's coming for me in
Speaker 2: my future is so much more meaningful than like an
Speaker 2: ad or a brand deal or a commercial or you know.
Speaker 1: Totally and yeah, the great thing about comedy too, is
Speaker 1: like it doesn't matter when you make it, Like you
Speaker 1: don't need to be like young and hot actually doesn't help.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I know, it was funny. I sent my mom
Speaker 2: a picture from my show last night, and I looked
Speaker 2: horrible the right you know stage. She just looked horrific,
Speaker 2: and she goes, she said something to me, she goes
Speaker 2: and I go, this was last night, I look horrible.
Speaker 2: She goes, did that affect any bit of your show? Yeah?
Speaker 2: And I go, oh, no, it didn't.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: And it's the first time I've been able to just
Speaker 2: like not care about what I look like. And I'm
Speaker 2: so obsessed and I think that's what getting away from
Speaker 2: like my eating disorder and my body dysmorphia. It's like
Speaker 2: people want to hear more about what you're saying on
Speaker 2: stage than like if you have a fuba like right
Speaker 2: right right, you know. So it's like it's very it's
Speaker 2: it's weirdly been. It's it's just kind of saved my
Speaker 2: life in a weird way with the last year, with
Speaker 2: my change, and my life is waiting even right now,
Speaker 2: I'm on hold for a huge project in like this
Speaker 2: waiting game, and I back when I didn't have stand up,
Speaker 2: I'd just be in my head waiting, waiting, And now
Speaker 2: I can like I can control it. I can go
Speaker 2: and like take that energy on stage and not wait
Speaker 2: for an agent to call me and tell me I
Speaker 2: didn't get something, you know.
Speaker 1: Right right right, Well, we're gonna put it into thet
Speaker 1: You're getting it.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I hate this is I don't know. I'm like, stop,
Speaker 2: I don't know, your fingers up, your eyes literally doing
Speaker 2: the pink one in the stink that's the shack. But yeah,
Speaker 2: I couldn't be more grateful. I mean that it's hard on,
Speaker 2: Like weekends really get me. I need to get back
Speaker 2: to meetings. I've kind of used shows as meetings and
Speaker 2: I need to still go to meetings. And working the
Speaker 2: steps is something I'm just like lagging on and I.
Speaker 1: Think everyone kind of does. It's just a lot of
Speaker 1: work that nobody wants to do. It's so much easier
Speaker 1: to not grow in that way. It's so much easier
Speaker 1: to never look at yourself and what you did wrong
Speaker 1: in every single situation that caused you grief. It's so
Speaker 1: much easier to point fingers at people and say everyone
Speaker 1: else is the problem. And it is so much easier.
Speaker 1: And that's why I'm like, I'm continually plagued by the
Speaker 1: fact that work never ends totally. And when you do
Speaker 1: it once totally to you know what I mean, Like,
Speaker 1: I've done the work now, I've done the steps three times,
Speaker 1: i have to do them again.
Speaker 2: I've had a bad year.
Speaker 1: I've been like a.
Speaker 2: Months so you have to maybe we can do them together.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I would love to ye, I could.
Speaker 1: I could actually take you through them. I just I
Speaker 1: just stop someoking weak quick.
Speaker 2: I'm going to be on you about that. I can't
Speaker 2: my sponsor, my sponsor, my sponsor can't be threatened joint sponts.
Speaker 2: That's funny.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no, But it's like the work really never ends.
Speaker 1: And like whenever I take a break and I kind
Speaker 1: of get into the mode I'm in now where I'm.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, just smuck a little weed.
Speaker 1: And all the problems will go away, and there problems
Speaker 1: in the in the background, just like stacking up. They're like,
Speaker 1: you're just gonna have more to take care of whenever
Speaker 1: you get around to us.
Speaker 2: It's true and even I think, even like when I
Speaker 2: go on podcasts where I talk about my sobriety, I
Speaker 2: get nervous talking about it because I'm like, what if
Speaker 2: I don't what if I can't do it?
Speaker 1: I get it, and I've been there, and so many
Speaker 1: comedians that I know that are sober feel the same way.
Speaker 1: It's almost like you build yourself into like this box
Speaker 1: where then people expect you to be so.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and I don't want to like post you know,
Speaker 2: I'm sober and then like have like a wicked.
Speaker 1: Relas yeah, well, I mean I know, and it's I've
Speaker 1: seen it. Like I've seen friends who you know, outwardly
Speaker 1: are like I'm sober and like it's their whole personality
Speaker 1: and their whole like follow them for that reason, and
Speaker 1: then they're like secretly in like a two year long
Speaker 1: relapse and it's like just this miserable, fucking little prison
Speaker 1: where like four people know about it and like the
Speaker 1: world doesn't, and it's just, yeah, it's a dark place
Speaker 1: to be in. And honestly, like something happened to me
Speaker 1: where like someone outed me on my like not full sobriety,
Speaker 1: and as much as that sucked because it was not
Speaker 1: that person's place to do it, yeah, I was so
Speaker 1: grateful because I actually was like, Okay, let's talk about it,
Speaker 1: like let's talk about.
Speaker 2: Totally and that and that's the relationship I want to
Speaker 2: have if I do kind of share it more online.
Speaker 2: And a lot of my material right now is about
Speaker 2: being sober navigating sobriety. But I'm like I want to
Speaker 2: have a relationship with like my sobriety and my audience
Speaker 2: to where like, oh, I'll let you guys know if
Speaker 2: you'll be the first to hear. I'm excited for Like,
Speaker 2: I will plan the party, but I don't want to
Speaker 2: I miss sober and then like you know.
Speaker 1: Be like secretly yeah, because that's the saying. It's like
Speaker 1: when things, when the addiction becomes shrouded in secret, secrecy,
Speaker 1: it becomes so much more dangerous.
Speaker 2: Right, so extremely and you just don't feel honest.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and that's the worst feeling, the worst. Yeah, I'm
Speaker 1: really proud of you.
Speaker 2: Thank you. I feel like we you hitting me up
Speaker 2: that day. I was like, ah, like it just felt
Speaker 2: like perfect timing. And I'm really excited to be part
Speaker 2: of each other's life. I know we're coming into each other,
Speaker 2: but the perfect time.
Speaker 1: Listen, it's for fucking man whole summer, man, whole summer summer.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be sober, murdering people summer I'm here for.
Speaker 1: We're gonna be in full Our bodies aren't gonna be out.
Speaker 1: It's not hot girl, it's not hot girl summer.
Speaker 2: It's like thick girl summer and girl summer exactly.
Speaker 1: How how's dating going for you right now? Mm hmmm,
Speaker 1: what are you doing?
Speaker 2: Guilty eyes, guilty in all cause I just like, I
Speaker 2: don't know. It's really hard because it's hard being around
Speaker 2: like the funniest guy. I'm like, yes, you're around the
Speaker 2: funniest guys all the time.
Speaker 1: Nothing drives me up more than the comedians. They're all
Speaker 1: too mentally ill.
Speaker 2: They're psychotic.
Speaker 1: They're psychotic.
Speaker 2: You love them, You love them, I know you do,
Speaker 2: Little rash Rat, You're just in there. I love being
Speaker 2: around them, you know, and I love having fun. But
Speaker 2: I am like eventually need to kind of like figure
Speaker 2: out what the fuck I'm doing. But I also I
Speaker 2: don't know if I want kids. Okay, So I'm also like,
Speaker 2: have you frozen your eggs yet? Fuck? No? Do that?
Speaker 1: Fuck?
Speaker 2: And you think I want to deal with that?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 2: I didn't either, but do it?
Speaker 1: But yeah I did. And here's the thing. It just
Speaker 1: takes your foot off the gas like there's no pressure.
Speaker 2: Then yeah, but like I want to like fuck freezing them.
Speaker 2: I just want to burn them like I.
Speaker 1: Don't And that's okay, that's will throw them in the ship.
Speaker 2: I'm supposed to have kids. I feel it, it would
Speaker 2: naturally just happen. Yeah, I mean I I have.
Speaker 1: Right, Well, if you have a kid with an open
Speaker 1: micro I'm gonna.
Speaker 2: Throw you.
Speaker 1: Mean accidentally exactly naturally, Yeah, naturally on an accident with
Speaker 1: somebody who Yeah.
Speaker 2: No, no, I'm not. I'm just I'm there's so many
Speaker 2: I have so much love for so many different I
Speaker 2: sound like a whore. I have so much love for
Speaker 2: so many men. No, I don't, I don't know I crushes. Yeah,
Speaker 2: I just I feel I feel very confused right now.
Speaker 2: And I'm just like that right where they want you,
Speaker 2: I just don't want. My main goal is to just
Speaker 2: get my career where I feel stable.
Speaker 1: And where would that be for you? Like, what does
Speaker 1: that look like?
Speaker 2: Just to study and come working constantly staying busy?
Speaker 1: But is it TV movies, stand up? All of it?
Speaker 2: It's TV film and stand up, okay, And I would
Speaker 2: just be forever grateful just to have like a series
Speaker 2: that I can like focus on or something like that
Speaker 2: where I'm just you know, I've been lucky with some
Speaker 2: projects recently, and I feel really grateful for that, but
Speaker 2: I'm like there's so few and far between, and if
Speaker 2: it could just be a little more steadier, then I
Speaker 2: feel like I'd be a little more stable as a person.
Speaker 2: I just feel I can't give myself to anyone right
Speaker 2: now because I'm not mentally like in a relationship space.
Speaker 2: Right I'm sure.
Speaker 1: If a guy saw the met a guy who had
Speaker 1: the money to stable that area of your life out,
Speaker 1: and then I know you could just do that for
Speaker 1: like fun.
Speaker 2: Somehow I can't seem to relinquish control.
Speaker 1: I can't get and you should never, guy, You should never.
Speaker 1: You can't get down with the rich guy. Well, we're
Speaker 1: gonna have to change that. But what you should never
Speaker 1: do is give the man the power to feed you
Speaker 1: because then he can.
Speaker 2: Take Yeah, that whole thing. I'm like, I want to
Speaker 2: make my own money and then pick who.
Speaker 1: Sure, but be open, and that's the thing, open to
Speaker 1: money coming into I think I'm very.
Speaker 2: Open with it. I think I'm like I have to
Speaker 2: do this the hard way. You're like rigid. When's your birthday? August?
Speaker 2: Leo oh leah? Yeah?
Speaker 1: Or what are you imataurus?
Speaker 2: What's that? It's just like what month is April? Okay? Oh?
Speaker 2: My friend is what date? Twenty okay? Yeah? My friends
Speaker 2: at twenty Yeah.
Speaker 1: We're like very loyal, very stubborn, you guys, very like
Speaker 1: pragmatic we're fun Leo's are fiery, so they're very like yeah,
Speaker 1: the psycho.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but not like everything I'm said. I'm like, if
Speaker 2: any guy watched this, they'll be like, wait, what.
Speaker 1: No guys are watching?
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't. There's there's no boys allowed here, lock any
Speaker 2: like male male person little boys allowed to hear.
Speaker 1: Okay. I had some questions for you, Oh this one.
Speaker 1: I think feel like you kind of answered it. What's
Speaker 1: more dangerous to you right now? If a guys funny
Speaker 1: or hot? It's funny, isn't it.
Speaker 2: Are you still a sucker for hot guys? Yeah?
Speaker 1: I love a hot Oh you love a hot guy?
Speaker 2: I love?
Speaker 1: But then what's your definition of hot? Because I just
Speaker 1: showed you guys that are hot and you said not for.
Speaker 2: Me, they're like they're they're clean, They're like they're like
Speaker 2: chiseled hot, like kind of like James Deany kind of
Speaker 2: just like the classic exactly. I like, guy like rugged hot.
Speaker 2: I'm a sucker for a hotty. I love a good hatty.
Speaker 1: And you don't care if they have no brains?
Speaker 2: Yeah, because they don't. Yeah, they don't.
Speaker 1: You're like, I can fill in the blanks.
Speaker 2: I can fill in the blanks, I can, I can
Speaker 2: hook up with a haughty and then just yeah, and
Speaker 2: the conversation You're like, what are we even talking about? Well,
Speaker 2: there is no conversation. There is no conversation.
Speaker 1: But have you found in sobriety that you're hornier or
Speaker 1: less horny?
Speaker 2: Oh my god, it's all I do, Brittany. All I'm
Speaker 2: doing is watching porn. I literally am talking. My bit
Speaker 2: right now is like, I'm just a porn freak.
Speaker 1: Yeah, okay, what's your category?
Speaker 2: Just any guy who like any Like I'm picky with
Speaker 2: my porn. So yeah.
Speaker 1: So I don't usually watch porn, but if I do,
Speaker 1: I really it takes me like it's too much time,
Speaker 1: and then I get into it and by the time
Speaker 1: I get into it, I'm like, I'm actually over right, I.
Speaker 2: Find the right thing. I'm just like, already came. If
Speaker 2: I've gone through every fucking catty, No, but master reading
Speaker 2: is all I can do. So I got sober and good?
Speaker 2: Do you have the womanizer? No? What's that girl? See,
Speaker 2: I'm not a dildo gal.
Speaker 1: No, it's a clil vibrator thing. It's not it's a
Speaker 1: clitoral stimulator. It's German engineering. It's like the Porsche of
Speaker 1: fucking vibrators. It literally sucks your clit and it.
Speaker 2: Is see I can't too good of a toy. I
Speaker 2: have to have like a medium.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna send you. I'm gonna send you one. I
Speaker 1: literally womanizer sex or it's unreal, like it really replaces Ben.
Speaker 2: Yeah, completely, that's my thing. I'm like I can't get
Speaker 2: to So it's like one of these bad boys where
Speaker 2: it's like literally, ah, yes, I've tried that in it.
Speaker 1: But you don't have the womanizer. It's the best one.
Speaker 2: I probably need that one. There's mine's like an Amazon.
Speaker 1: No, no knock off. We can't yours is like not
Speaker 1: even waterproof. It's like sparking and.
Speaker 2: How she die? Oh unfortunately a knockoff woman?
Speaker 1: Yeah, unfortunately no.
Speaker 2: But even like my like I've been on I was
Speaker 2: I was put on Lexapro in the fourth grade and
Speaker 2: always have been on any depressants and I've I've really
Speaker 2: I'm on like a half of a half of a
Speaker 2: half of a lexapro and now I like can feel sex.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah you can. I've just been talking about like
Speaker 2: you know, my whole sex life has just been blacked out,
Speaker 2: like roof feed sex and now I'm.
Speaker 1: And now you can feel like like, oh this is
Speaker 1: whatever rating.
Speaker 2: About sex is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and so I just got put on lexopro like
Speaker 1: a year and a half.
Speaker 2: Okay, and how what's your dosage? I started at five
Speaker 2: and then I went up to ten. Okay, okay, yeah.
Speaker 1: And it's like game changer.
Speaker 2: But are you have it? Has it affected your sex
Speaker 2: life at all?
Speaker 1: No? No, I'm like I was in my relationship. I
Speaker 1: was so fucking horny all the time. He was like
Speaker 1: turning me down sometimes. Yeah, and I still love to masturbate,
Speaker 1: but like I did stop feeling my clit as much,
Speaker 1: you know what I mean. I'm like I kind of
Speaker 1: need to like shot for sex toys at home depot,
Speaker 1: like I need to check out.
Speaker 2: Like you can't need the thera gun just like.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I used to do that. My ex husband had
Speaker 1: a thera gun that I know.
Speaker 2: I saw porn recently and the girl was using a
Speaker 2: I was.
Speaker 1: I would like pretend I was doing my legs and
Speaker 1: then I would just like and then I would like
Speaker 1: not try and not make noise, and I'd just be
Speaker 1: like shaking until my eyes started watering, and then I'd
Speaker 1: finally comment and like, really, yeah, like I'm at where
Speaker 1: we're at. Yeah, I was like, we're getting divorced.
Speaker 2: It's funny, but you you really And I think it's
Speaker 2: also just growing up and not being like in my
Speaker 2: twenties anymore. But you definitely come into like what you're
Speaker 2: into and what you like, and you're more like, Okay,
Speaker 2: normally my sex life was just them coming and yeah
Speaker 2: it's like no.
Speaker 1: Yea, and nothing needs to happen for me. Yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: yeah that was.
Speaker 2: My whole life. And I'm like, oh, I can join
Speaker 2: this too. I can be a part of this.
Speaker 1: I can also get pleasure out of the Yeah, so
Speaker 1: are you into Have you found like any kinks that
Speaker 1: you're into?
Speaker 2: Not really, I just like, I like, I like using
Speaker 2: a vibrator while I'm having sex. That's not really, that's
Speaker 2: not it.
Speaker 1: That's not taking care of I don't have like.
Speaker 2: A weird kink. I like to just like, now it's
Speaker 2: my weird kink. Is just like being into the person
Speaker 2: I'm having sex with you so much sex with people
Speaker 2: I don't like, just because that was what I thought
Speaker 2: it was. Yeah, now it's like just being stoked on
Speaker 2: the person who's even in my bed. Yeah, you know, yeah,
Speaker 2: that's right. So that's my new kink is just like uh, intimacy,
Speaker 2: Like I suffer with intimacy issues and all that, and
Speaker 2: like even just looking in a guy's eyes for a while,
Speaker 2: like I couldn't do that.
Speaker 1: Okay. Is that tied back to some sort of trauma
Speaker 1: or is that.
Speaker 2: I definitely have like a lot of sexual trauma throughout
Speaker 2: my life, and you know, it's funny enough like I've
Speaker 2: been able to kind of like work through it through
Speaker 2: writing and stand up and like it's something in that
Speaker 2: I've always never thought about. And then I'm like, oh no,
Speaker 2: that has really affected me. Yeah, you don't think things
Speaker 2: affect you and like you know, I've heard kind of
Speaker 2: about your past life and you can kind of like
Speaker 2: brush and then you're like, oh no, I actually.
Speaker 1: Yeah no, that's like it's a huge issue any any
Speaker 1: sexual trauma, especially I think if we try and brush
Speaker 1: it under the rug.
Speaker 2: I don't know what your experience was.
Speaker 1: Mine was like I was of age, but it was
Speaker 1: still you know, it was not great. Yeah, But like
Speaker 1: I think, especially when things happen to people when their
Speaker 1: kids are when they're young.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and then like.
Speaker 1: You carry that into adulthood and you try and like
Speaker 1: navigate I think navigating intimacy.
Speaker 2: When you like were violated in that way. And I'm
Speaker 2: not saying that you.
Speaker 1: Were, but I'm just saying no, totally matters when it
Speaker 1: happened and how you can kind of like pivot and
Speaker 1: move forward from it. But it's just it is one
Speaker 1: of those things where like until you figure out why
Speaker 1: you were acting the way you were, because for me,
Speaker 1: it was like I just was like fucking everyone all
Speaker 1: the time, you know, And then I was like but yeah,
Speaker 1: I was like what is that? What is this?
Speaker 2: Like why am I wanting? Like why am I letting
Speaker 2: everyone and their dad come inside? You know? Like, No,
Speaker 2: it's true, and it's something I worked because I think
Speaker 2: a lot of my addiction was just not being able
Speaker 2: to handle those past traumas and dealing with the only
Speaker 2: time I used heavily was when I was having sex,
Speaker 2: like sex to me, like I had to just be out.
Speaker 1: Yeah, like almost like you power, like yeah, you were
Speaker 1: like protecting yourself anything.
Speaker 2: It was so weird. So now I'm like, Okay, like
Speaker 2: this happened, but like fuck that, Like who cares? That's
Speaker 2: not who I am. That's not my identity. I'm not
Speaker 2: just going to bang someone because I feel they're more
Speaker 2: powerful than me and they have that control, right, you know.
Speaker 2: It's still something I'm working on. I still think I
Speaker 2: definitely struggle with that, but like I still bang guys that.
Speaker 1: Are more powerful, but I have autonomy and I'll exactly
Speaker 1: and I do it with this zin in my mind.
Speaker 2: And I had a vibrator on my clips exactly exactly. No,
Speaker 2: I would like to get into some fun kink, but
Speaker 2: I think, just.
Speaker 1: Like, well, let me share mine.
Speaker 2: Yeah what yeah? Give Amisionism is my fave. Okay, what
Speaker 2: is that?
Speaker 1: That's like fucking on a balcony or like somewhere semi public.
Speaker 1: I like that?
Speaker 2: Yeah, oh I love Yeah, Okay, I'm into that. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: I like that Like in a car.
Speaker 1: I love very like a public bathroom. I'm into where
Speaker 1: like people kind of know but they don't.
Speaker 2: I love.
Speaker 1: My favorite is an airport family restroom. The best.
Speaker 2: I've done it in.
Speaker 1: There a few times, and it's always the best because
Speaker 1: every time I come out, there's like an actual family
Speaker 1: and then there's just me and this guy, and I
Speaker 1: was like, we're making a family.
Speaker 2: That's good. Yeah, Oh that's cool. Yeah, I'm into like
Speaker 2: public stuff like that because you feel like, what if
Speaker 2: someone came in? What if someone call? What if someone
Speaker 2: caught me? And I'm like trying to get on the edge.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, I know it's fun. That's fun.
Speaker 1: What else my exit into BDSM. So I kind of
Speaker 1: got into some of that, like oh I love this, Yeah,
Speaker 1: like I love this. I love the bar. There's a bar.
Speaker 1: There's also the handcuffs or like the handcuffs can either
Speaker 1: be together or we had ties on each side of
Speaker 1: our bed, perfect and I was I would hang there
Speaker 1: like Jesus and I was like a brother.
Speaker 2: I'm a brother in Christ. I love that stuff. I'm
Speaker 2: all eyes no, yeah, time me up. Huh, tie me up? Yeah,
Speaker 2: time me up.
Speaker 1: Put a fucking ball gag in my mouth.
Speaker 2: I like little slot. I'm into that. Yeah, I like that.
Speaker 2: I see you doing that.
Speaker 1: You see that you and I see you doing that,
Speaker 1: And it's because because I do it in pubblic that's
Speaker 1: what you see.
Speaker 2: You're just like out, Yeah.
Speaker 1: Describers, when the only.
Speaker 2: Fans you doing that? Yeah? I wait, were we on
Speaker 2: only fans? I was there for a minute.
Speaker 1: I'm still on it technically because I'm under contract because
Speaker 1: they did a comedy special with them.
Speaker 2: Okay, I'm I said, like, if these next few gigs
Speaker 2: don't go as plan, I'm really thinking about it, Well.
Speaker 1: You would not have money troubles anymore. I'll tell you
Speaker 1: about the thing.
Speaker 2: Like my friend hit me up. I was like, hey,
Speaker 2: I was kind of on my mind. She's like, you'd
Speaker 2: have a house. Yeah, like stop living the way you're living.
Speaker 2: But I get it.
Speaker 1: I get it, you know, I had. I had a
Speaker 1: friend talk me into it, and if I could do
Speaker 1: it again.
Speaker 2: I wouldn't. But then I get feedback like that, Yeah,
Speaker 2: where people like I can't believe, but you having sex
Speaker 2: on it? No, what were you doing girl?
Speaker 1: Nothing I was not. I didn't show nipples. I didn't
Speaker 1: show pussy. I didn't know.
Speaker 2: I did nothing.
Speaker 1: I didn't like like little like sexy. Yeah, like like
Speaker 1: stuff I would show my dad.
Speaker 2: He would be like thrilled to see it, Yeah, he
Speaker 2: would be, but totally you could see it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, But like that's why people got like very You
Speaker 1: get like a lot of talk about subjecting yourself to
Speaker 1: the wrong type of mail attention. You get a lot
Speaker 1: of people who because they pay nineteen dollars a month.
Speaker 1: Think they they earned a right to see your pussy. Yeah,
Speaker 1: And I just didn't like the way it made me feel.
Speaker 1: And I wasn't even doing anything crazy, you know, says
Speaker 1: a lot like there's nothing that.
Speaker 2: Listen.
Speaker 1: I don't really have regrets in life, Like I that's
Speaker 1: the only one. No, no, no, no, no, I'm saying, like, I.
Speaker 2: Don't regret it.
Speaker 1: I still have it. I have like a good relationship
Speaker 1: with only fans of the business because like we've done
Speaker 1: comedy shit together and they're like, you know, they're a
Speaker 1: well run business and I respect their hustle. Two things
Speaker 1: can be true at once, right, if you got into it,
Speaker 1: you would have a house.
Speaker 2: Yeah, how am I feeling in that? You sell a
Speaker 2: little piece of yourself? And I think just in the
Speaker 2: acting space, I just But then it's like does that
Speaker 2: really matter? Are people not casting you because you're not
Speaker 2: You're not only like, no, I don't think it's how
Speaker 2: you do it, Like You're not going to go on
Speaker 2: there and be like I would not have sex. The
Speaker 2: only thing I maybe do is like you could see
Speaker 2: my nipple through my shh. Yeah, okay, I've posted that
Speaker 2: on Instagram.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so yeah, like you can make a ton of money,
Speaker 1: but it's like, are you willing to get rid of
Speaker 1: that part of yourself?
Speaker 2: Because it's mean? But then what if you feel that
Speaker 2: part's already been gone, then do it. That's kind of
Speaker 2: where I am, Like I googled Charlotte McKinney naked, and
Speaker 2: there's Google stuff, so I'm like, it's already there.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, then do it. That part's already gone.
Speaker 2: I think I'm going to give myself this year, see
Speaker 2: what happened with a few things.
Speaker 1: I love, a little timeline, a.
Speaker 2: Little timeline, and then like if I really want to
Speaker 2: revisit it, and I'm I just I don't like struggling
Speaker 2: so much.
Speaker 1: I understand, I understand, and I why am I struggling?
Speaker 2: So I'm not going to tell you not to do it.
Speaker 1: I'm just going to tell you to think long and
Speaker 1: hard before you Yeah.
Speaker 2: And I think that's the plan. Yeah yeah.
Speaker 1: And if you give yourself that kind of leeway, then
Speaker 1: like it gives the universe a little time.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, put you in a position where you have
Speaker 2: to show your tits totally exactly. Yeah, So maybe something
Speaker 2: BIG's gonna happen. Yes, And we don't need that. Yeah,
Speaker 2: we don't need it. We don't need that yet. Yeah,
Speaker 2: hopefully I'm calling you and I'm like, I don't need
Speaker 2: poked the rell.
Speaker 1: You're like, but here's a picture of anyways, But I'm still.
Speaker 2: Going to show you.
Speaker 1: Took a bunch of these pictures, So here you go. Oh,
Speaker 1: what's the most unhinged DM you've ever gotten?
Speaker 2: I think it was when my ex was having that affair,
Speaker 2: but I found out threw a d M from her.
Speaker 2: It's very unhinged and crazy. So yeah, maybe like girls
Speaker 2: telling me stuff, but I don't. I mean besides like
Speaker 2: random dick pics and weird freaks like nothing, like very unhinged,
Speaker 2: some stalker stuff. But as I've you know, gotten older,
Speaker 2: I'm like, I love a stalker, you know, flatter. I'm flattered.
Speaker 2: Thank you for coming, but nothing, thank you for keeping
Speaker 2: me in the race. Yeah, thank you, know, thanks for
Speaker 2: thinking I feel valued by having a stocker. But nothing,
Speaker 2: nothing too crazy? What about you? I mean, yeah, there's
Speaker 2: lots of dicks. There's lots like.
Speaker 1: You want to see my micro penis? You want to
Speaker 1: see my micrope? Yeah, that kind of shit. But the
Speaker 1: craziest one I ever had was I opened. I featured
Speaker 1: for Bobby Lee in San Jose, amazing, and this guy
Speaker 1: sent me the scariest DM I've ever gotten in my life.
Speaker 1: He's like, I saw you at the Bobby Lee show.
Speaker 1: I want you fucking dead. I know this is your address.
Speaker 1: He sent me my address and he's like, lock your doors,
Speaker 1: I'm coming.
Speaker 2: And I like showed my ex husband and he was like,
Speaker 2: do you think.
Speaker 1: He's actually gonna come from San Jose because that's like
Speaker 1: kind of a commitment. Yeah, And I was like, they
Speaker 1: are committed, they are committed, but he never showed up.
Speaker 2: I just like blocked it. Showed the police. No.
Speaker 1: I probably should have, but I just was like I
Speaker 1: just blocked him. But it was like that was like
Speaker 1: one where I was like, oh my god, I had
Speaker 1: to like go and make sure everything was private and
Speaker 1: you couldn't find my address. Like I didn't realize all
Speaker 1: that stuff was so easy, like if you have three dollars,
Speaker 1: you can buy anyone's address unless they're unlisted, And so
Speaker 1: I had to like go do the whole like white
Speaker 1: page unlist me thing and like such a hat And
Speaker 1: I was just like, was my set that bad?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Did I really do my jokes were jokes, but
Speaker 2: you know, those.
Speaker 1: Like really angry in cell guys, they're the scariest, Like
Speaker 1: the ones that are violent because they're so sexually suppressed
Speaker 1: are the most terrifying people on the internet.
Speaker 2: So scary, so scary. I also wanted to ask you,
Speaker 2: how how long have you been doing stand up?
Speaker 1: So I technically started in twenty thirteen, and then I
Speaker 1: did it as like a hobby for two years. But
Speaker 1: I was in advertising, Like I had a career in
Speaker 1: advertising for nearly a decade, and I was like going up,
Speaker 1: up up in that, and I was like making more
Speaker 1: and more money. So I kind of was like, this
Speaker 1: is like this fun thing I do on the side,
Speaker 1: but I don't need to do it. And then when
Speaker 1: I met my ex husband, he was just getting out
Speaker 1: of like a really gnarly divorce and he didn't he
Speaker 1: had some insecurities because his ex wife cheated and he
Speaker 1: just like didn't really want me being out and I
Speaker 1: just kind of was like, I'll just like quit, it's fine,
Speaker 1: it's not a big deal. So I quit for two
Speaker 1: years and then I ended up getting sober. And then
Speaker 1: once I got sober and like more clear headed, I
Speaker 1: was like, no, I need to do this. Yeah. So
Speaker 1: I came back in twenty eighteen, and then I worked
Speaker 1: twenty eighteen, still part time to twenty twenty, and then
Speaker 1: the pandemic hit and then I put my first special
Speaker 1: out in twenty twenty two. So it's like been like
Speaker 1: this weird Like I could probably say like ten years okay,
Speaker 1: all together, but it's like it's been very like chunked out.
Speaker 2: And my question to you was like, when did you
Speaker 2: feel you started getting good and really comfortable and finding
Speaker 2: your voice? Like that's where I'm in, this such a
Speaker 2: thick place of like I'm at the worst place. I'm
Speaker 2: not horrible, but I'm not at a place I know
Speaker 2: I'm not great, And I'm like, when is it gonna.
Speaker 1: Okay, wait, let me tell you. You need to take
Speaker 1: the writing class I took Jerry Katzman.
Speaker 2: Did it you did? Yes? I did. I did. It
Speaker 2: was funny. I was getting sober while I was doing that. Okay,
Speaker 2: so I was a little disconnected. Yeah, he's great, he's great.
Speaker 2: He's great. I learned so much about writing. I had
Speaker 2: a good showcase. I felt good about it. I would
Speaker 2: possibly do it again.
Speaker 1: Do it with me.
Speaker 2: I start at the end of June. I would love
Speaker 2: to do an alumni class with me and we can
Speaker 2: write logether would love Let's do that. Let's do that done? Yeah,
Speaker 2: what is it? Once a week?
Speaker 1: It's once a week. It starts doing twenty fourth.
Speaker 2: And it's more like I felt it, not that I'm
Speaker 2: above anyone, but I felt like some of them were
Speaker 2: such beginners, yes, that it was kind of hard to like,
Speaker 2: this sounds more. Yeah, it's more if you would be
Speaker 2: so yeah, let me do it?
Speaker 1: Oh my god, Cause I mean I had like such
Speaker 1: a great experience with the first class because I didn't
Speaker 1: come into it like you where I had been doing
Speaker 1: stand up. I'd never done it before, so I came
Speaker 1: in so green and so like I'm still very green,
Speaker 1: you know.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but I think I'm just saying I was so
Speaker 1: open to everything he said in all of his feedback
Speaker 1: because I was so like able to be molded. I
Speaker 1: didn't have any like stage presents. I didn't have any
Speaker 1: idea what I was doing. Yeah, but I still write
Speaker 1: with him, like at least once a year, and.
Speaker 2: So would this be how many people would be in this.
Speaker 1: Ten It's the same as the beginning class, but it's
Speaker 1: like it's just different.
Speaker 2: You just show it.
Speaker 1: Like week one is like you introduce everyone gets introduced,
Speaker 1: and then it's like you literally write for eight to
Speaker 1: ten weeks straight and then you do the showcase. And
Speaker 1: it still is how I.
Speaker 2: Get every hour that I write. Fuck, let's do it.
Speaker 2: Let's do it. The thing is I have a hard
Speaker 2: time sitting through all the other people. I do too,
Speaker 2: But we can, like, could we do it? Yeah, we
Speaker 2: could like chat on that side. We can chat while
Speaker 2: they're gone, Okay, please, let's do it. I'll check if
Speaker 2: that's full. Yeah, I'll literally text him today. Yeah, text,
Speaker 2: I would love that. Yeah, And you'll find it. You
Speaker 2: just have to keep that's the thing. It's like you
Speaker 2: have to keep writing and then like eventually, when you
Speaker 2: you're in, like in long enough, you'll learn to trust
Speaker 2: your voice, because like I found myself, and when I
Speaker 2: trust myself, that's when I do good. Yeah, it's when
Speaker 2: I don't.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you have to like trust yourself because I've also
Speaker 1: had it where like I have written with Jared and
Speaker 1: like friends from there for so long that sometimes they'll
Speaker 1: all collectively be like that's not a joke, that's not funny,
Speaker 1: and I know it's a joke, and I know something
Speaker 1: is funny there.
Speaker 2: I can't always trust those people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I just didn't like no for some reason.
Speaker 1: And he'll be like, I know you've been trying to
Speaker 1: make this work. I know you've been trying to make
Speaker 1: this work, and like there's this joke. Which one is it? Oh,
Speaker 1: I don't know if you know the one about my
Speaker 1: mom like having big fake tits in a eating disorder
Speaker 1: and like she finally hit her goal weight when she
Speaker 1: was cremated.
Speaker 2: I love that you posted that from your recent recent
Speaker 2: don't tell or what was it? Yeah, don't I loved that.
Speaker 2: Thank you, like amazing, thank you.
Speaker 1: But that joke, so for so long I was I
Speaker 1: was writing it and writing it, writing it, and I
Speaker 1: was like, you know, my mom when I was young,
Speaker 1: she was obsessed with being the hottest mom. She had
Speaker 1: big fake tits in an eating disorder, and she'd send
Speaker 1: my sister and I with a slim fash shake and
Speaker 1: a brown paper bag to school and that was our
Speaker 1: whole lunch. And then you know, I was like, people
Speaker 1: always say it could have been worse, and I was like, yeah,
Speaker 1: it could have been, but I would have taken a
Speaker 1: right hook any day for a lunchible and that was
Speaker 1: my joke. And over and over I was told, it's
Speaker 1: not funny, it's not funnier than it is sad, it's
Speaker 1: not this, it's not that, and I just like kept
Speaker 1: fucking going until I got the tag of good news
Speaker 1: is she did finally reach her goal weight. When she
Speaker 1: was cremated. She wanted to be a hot mom. You guys,
Speaker 1: she is the hottest, Like, but it took me like
Speaker 1: four years of just like knowing there was something funny there.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and like because you had that deep rooted feeling
Speaker 2: of like this is so to me and personal to you.
Speaker 2: It just and I think sometimes too, I want the joke.
Speaker 1: Then yes, And when you say four years, so it's like, yeah,
Speaker 1: when you feel a hook on something, just trust that
Speaker 1: hook and like you just have to keep going. I
Speaker 1: had another one, the NBA draft one that I also
Speaker 1: just put out in this this don't tell Special. Was
Speaker 1: it sleeping with them like with the nbas whatever. I
Speaker 1: have a joke about the NBA Draft and like it's
Speaker 1: about dirty talk. The joke is about dirty talk. I
Speaker 1: don't like dirty talk, guys. Whatever, And that's a joke
Speaker 1: I did in the second Jerry's class. So in twenty thirteen,
Speaker 1: I did a second Jerry's class and I did that
Speaker 1: joke at the very end, and he's like, something's missing
Speaker 1: from this joke, and I was like, but it's a
Speaker 1: funny joke. There's something here. And then literally so twenty
Speaker 1: thirteen to what are we in now? Twenty twenty six, Yes,
Speaker 1: thirteen years later, I finally figured that joke out. Like
Speaker 1: it could take a fucking long time to figure out
Speaker 1: one joke. But now that you're sober and you're gonna
Speaker 1: be like tuned into the universe and you're not gonna
Speaker 1: have like all these pollutants in the way of you
Speaker 1: and your creator. Yeah, jokes are gonna start falling into
Speaker 1: your head. They are, and you're just gonna be like, well,
Speaker 1: that's one of the funniest things I've ever written. Yeah,
Speaker 1: Like a joke that like fell into my head where
Speaker 1: I was like, this is a literal gift from God.
Speaker 1: Was I have this joke about RoadHead and I was
Speaker 1: like talking about my ex husband and how he like
Speaker 1: tries tried to keep me freaky, and he was like
Speaker 1: asking for road Head, and I was like I'm not
Speaker 1: gonna give you road head. It's like it's broadaylight. We're
Speaker 1: in standstill traffic, and he's like, oh, you're no fun anymore,
Speaker 1: and I'm like I'm driving Like that. That one just
Speaker 1: like fell into my head and I was like that
Speaker 1: was a gift from God, Like that was a good one.
Speaker 2: But then you get things like that that take two seconds.
Speaker 1: Yes, so it's gonna be it's.
Speaker 2: Gonna be a mix. I think for me, it's what
Speaker 2: I'm working on is patients, and this is the most
Speaker 2: patient I've ever had to be in my life. Like
Speaker 2: I still don't really invite people to my shows. Like
Speaker 2: I'm still very like, yeah, I all have like close friends,
Speaker 2: but I like I'm not showcasing enough of like I
Speaker 2: don't really post clips. I'm very weird about it. And
Speaker 2: I think having another writing class under my belt would
Speaker 2: give me more confidence, especially doing it with you, and
Speaker 2: like I love that, I love how dry and just
Speaker 2: like don't give a fuck your presences on stage. I
Speaker 2: truly admire you as a as a stand up I
Speaker 2: really do. You're You're phenomenal. No, you really are. I
Speaker 2: remember the first time I saw you. I'm like, who
Speaker 2: the fuck is that I love noide friend, don't worry. Yeah,
Speaker 2: while I have loved talking. This was so much fun.
Speaker 2: I know we could be here all day. We literally
Speaker 2: we have done. I'm obsessed. Tell everyone where they can
Speaker 2: follow you if they don't already my new only fans. Yeah,
Speaker 2: just my INSTAGRAMID. Great, Yeah, amazing, we'll put it in
Speaker 2: the bio. I loved having you. Thank you so fun.
Speaker 2: There will be more of us, you guys, there will
Speaker 2: be more you guys, watch out.
Speaker 1: There's more of us coming. That's a fucking threat.
Speaker 2: That's a threat. That's a threat. I'm gonna get her
Speaker 2: to New York and we're gonna have a weird yeah
Speaker 2: talk is We're gonna go somewhere else exactly.
Speaker 1: All right, you guys, let's get into the artist's way.
Speaker 2: We are on week seven. What a week to be alive.
Speaker 1: We are recovering a sense of connection this week, and
Speaker 1: isn't that what we all need?
Speaker 2: So you know, here here the.
Speaker 1: Things we've been doing. Hopefully, we've been doing the Morning Pages,
Speaker 1: the artist state. The pages train us to hear past
Speaker 1: our censor. The artist states helped help us to pick
Speaker 1: up the voice of inspiration. While both of these activities
Speaker 1: are apparently unconnected to the actual act of making art.
Speaker 1: There critical to the creative process. And here's the thing,
Speaker 1: you guys. I think often when we're trying to be creative,
Speaker 1: we're trying to like think something up. We're trying to
Speaker 1: like force a thing to come to us. And we
Speaker 1: need to change gears a little bit, right, and we
Speaker 1: need to get something down. We need to be in
Speaker 1: the flow and allow the universe to just provide us
Speaker 1: with what we need to create, you know, just get
Speaker 1: in touch with the creator and what he wants he
Speaker 1: or she or they or whatever want us to create.
Speaker 1: It's so much easier to just accept and to be
Speaker 1: in the flow than to try and force anything. So
Speaker 1: just kind of switching into that gear from I need
Speaker 1: to pull something out of the sky too. I'm allowing
Speaker 1: this to come to me and to move through me.
Speaker 1: That's going to be a huge change for us, right,
Speaker 1: someone or something else is doing it for us. We
Speaker 1: don't even have to do the work. We just need
Speaker 1: to be online and be receptive to the fact that
Speaker 1: something that is life affirming will be coming our way.
Speaker 1: We're more the conduit than the creator of what we express,
Speaker 1: you know. Art is an act of tuning in and
Speaker 1: draw down into the well. We all have a well
Speaker 1: within us of creativity that we need to pull from.
Speaker 1: So go ahead and get in that well. Get a
Speaker 1: bucket and go to the well. Babe, pull out a
Speaker 1: fucking thought or two, pull out a thought from the universe.
Speaker 1: You know, these moments of clear inspiration require that we
Speaker 1: move into them on faith. We can practice these small
Speaker 1: leaps of faith daily in our pages and on our
Speaker 1: artist dates.
Speaker 2: Here's the thing.
Speaker 1: Sometimes we get like a little inspiration a couple of
Speaker 1: sentences come to us for a book we're writing, or
Speaker 1: an idea for a painting, and we think, oh, that's
Speaker 1: like every once in a while. But if we get
Speaker 1: in the flow and we stay in the flow, we
Speaker 1: will realize that that is the norm. You know, Michaelangelo
Speaker 1: said he is said to have released David from the
Speaker 1: marble block.
Speaker 2: He found a man. Right.
Speaker 1: So it's like you see something that can be something more,
Speaker 1: and you go and you follow that inspiration and just
Speaker 1: like follow that divine guidance, trust it, go for it.
Speaker 1: You might be the next Michelangelo. You know, That's what
Speaker 1: I'm saying. Once you accept that it is natural to create.
Speaker 1: You can begin to accept a second idea that the
Speaker 1: creator will hand you whatever you need for the project.
Speaker 1: The minute you're willing to accept the help of the collaborator,
Speaker 1: you will see useful bits of help everywhere in your life.
Speaker 1: Be alert there's a second voice, a higher harmonic adding
Speaker 1: to and augmenting your inner creative voice. The voice frequently
Speaker 1: shows itself in synchronicity. Okay, learn to accept the possibility
Speaker 1: that the universe is helping you with what you are doing.
Speaker 1: Become willing to see the hand of God and accept
Speaker 1: it as a friend's offer to help you with what
Speaker 1: you are doing. This chapter, this week, it's all about trust.
Speaker 1: It's about trusting the universe. It's about getting in touch
Speaker 1: with the universe and being open to all the ideas
Speaker 1: that are coming your way. And if they seem crazy,
Speaker 1: they're probably not. You know, this is a big one
Speaker 1: in this week. Perfectionism. Perfectionism is the arch nemesis of creativity.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: Perfectionism is not you actually trying to get something perfectly right.
Speaker 1: It's actually the thing keeping you from creating at all. Right.
Speaker 1: Perfectionism is the refusal to let yourself move ahead. It's
Speaker 1: a loop, it's an obsessive, debilitating, closed system that causes
Speaker 1: you to get stuck in the details of what you
Speaker 1: are instead of creating just freely. You know, the perfectionist writes, paints,
Speaker 1: creates with one eye on her audience. And this is
Speaker 1: a really important thing, Like you cannot create for the
Speaker 1: people that you're creating for. You have to create for yourself,
Speaker 1: and how people receive what you create is none of
Speaker 1: your business. You have to make the thing, put it out,
Speaker 1: keep going on repeat, and you you should never be
Speaker 1: thinking about what they're gonna like, is this gonna go viral?
Speaker 1: Is this D D D? The things that you overthink.
Speaker 1: And I've learned this a lot, and stand up where
Speaker 1: I'm like, this clip is gonna go viral. It's so funny,
Speaker 1: it's so smart, it's exactly what they want. It's never
Speaker 1: the one that goes viral. It's always the one that
Speaker 1: you think is just like a throwaway. You know. I've
Speaker 1: had people that have gotten like full blown famous on
Speaker 1: you know, TikTok, especially off of clips where they almost
Speaker 1: didn't post it because they thought they were kind of nothing.
Speaker 1: Sandwiches like Morgan Jay one of his clips that got
Speaker 1: him so viral to the point where he's you know,
Speaker 1: obviously he continued to go viral, but like the clip
Speaker 1: that got him, that shot him to the moon, was
Speaker 1: a clip that he almost didn't post. I think it's
Speaker 1: the same story with Matt Rife, where it's like, this
Speaker 1: clip is like kind of a throwaway clip.
Speaker 2: I don't so, you don't know.
Speaker 1: You have no idea what the universe wants. You have
Speaker 1: no idea what the audience wants. All your only job
Speaker 1: is to create and put it out and see what flows.
Speaker 1: And the synchronicity is going to be the thing that
Speaker 1: catches the creativity and takes it to where it needs
Speaker 1: to go. The perfectionist is never satisfied. The perfectionist never
Speaker 1: says this is pretty good. I think I'll just keep going.
Speaker 1: Perfectionism is not a quest for the best. It's a
Speaker 1: pursuit of the worst in ourselves. That part tells the
Speaker 1: part that tells us nothing we will ever do will
Speaker 1: be good enough, and that we should try again.
Speaker 2: No, we should not.
Speaker 1: The part of creativity we need to focus on here
Speaker 1: is letting go make the thing. Let go, let go
Speaker 1: of the results. Don't look at the numbers, don't see
Speaker 1: how many people are engaging with it.
Speaker 2: Don't look at the share account, don't look at the comments.
Speaker 1: Just let it fucking go. We've all heard that the
Speaker 1: unexamined life is not worth living, but consider too that
Speaker 1: the unlived life, if it's not worth examining. Okay, So
Speaker 1: if you're just in like kind of a cookie cutter
Speaker 1: life where you feel stuck and you're not doing anything
Speaker 1: different and there's nothing to write home about, just know
Speaker 1: that you're not in like flow, You're in structure, and
Speaker 1: that structure, to you is safety, but that safety is
Speaker 1: actually preventing you from your purpose and like what you're
Speaker 1: actually supposed to.
Speaker 2: Be doing here while you're on this earth. So if
Speaker 2: you're in a very structured life, shake it up, babe. Okay.
Speaker 1: There's also like the fears of like all look like
Speaker 1: an idiot. People think I'm not nobody's paying attention to you. Okay,
Speaker 1: at the end of the day, nobody fucking cares, and
Speaker 1: and people are so focused on themselves and like we're
Speaker 1: also self centered that like nobody is actually thinking about
Speaker 1: what the next person's doing. So who cares if you
Speaker 1: look like an idiot? Trying is cool? Give it a try,
Speaker 1: you know, we deny that in order to do something well,
Speaker 1: we must be first willing to do it badly, Like
Speaker 1: we have to be able to Like I think it
Speaker 1: was like I don't remember who said it was one
Speaker 1: of the rappers maybe Asaps, and like, since when is
Speaker 1: trying not cool? Since when is like giving it a
Speaker 1: shot not cool? Like, just give it a fucking shot
Speaker 1: and see what happens. And if nothing happens, that's okay,
Speaker 1: that's not the direction you're supposed to be going. You
Speaker 1: can redirect, you can, you know, kind of tune your channels,
Speaker 1: listen to the universe and like where where you're kind
Speaker 1: of supposed to be going. Jealousy this is an interesting one.
Speaker 1: It's it's a normal human emotion. But jealousy is a map, right,
Speaker 1: Jealousy If you see someone doing something and you're like,
Speaker 1: I could do it better, that's a map that like
Speaker 1: envy is a compass. It's showing you where you should
Speaker 1: be putting your energy and where you might really succeed.
Speaker 1: And I actually remember when I first met Shane Gillis
Speaker 1: and I was opening for him. I was talking to
Speaker 1: him about comedy and how he got into it, and
Speaker 1: he was saying he was sitting on his couch in
Speaker 1: his basement being such a fucking hater, like watching all
Speaker 1: these other comics do comedy, and he's like, I could
Speaker 1: be fucking better.
Speaker 2: I'm funnier than that.
Speaker 1: I can do it, but I And guess what, he
Speaker 1: was fucking right when he went out and he did it,
Speaker 1: and he fucking popped that pussy and he showed the
Speaker 1: world he's the best comedian. He's literally the best comedian
Speaker 1: in the world in my opinion. And it's just because
Speaker 1: he got himself out of the jealousy envy like hater
Speaker 1: low vibe shit and just went out and did it.
Speaker 1: So whatever you're jealous of, you know, jealousy is a map.
Speaker 1: There's an exercise in here. I want you guys to
Speaker 1: do it. It's basically completing the phrases as a kid.
Speaker 1: I missed the chance to do blank as a kid.
Speaker 1: I lack blank as a kid. I could have used
Speaker 1: like these are Oh wait, no, this is sorry, that's
Speaker 1: for archaeology. That's something else. Sorry, guys, I'm really running
Speaker 1: on fumes here. The jealousy as a map. Write down
Speaker 1: who you're jealous of and why, and then look at
Speaker 1: there's an action anecdote. Right, So instead of being jealous,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go fix the room. I'm gonna try writing
Speaker 1: a crime novel. I'm gonna try publishing something I've done. Like,
Speaker 1: just look at the jealousy, look at look at who
Speaker 1: you're jealous of, why you're jealous of it, and then
Speaker 1: what you can do to kind of work through that
Speaker 1: jealousy and just see what's on the other side of that.
Speaker 1: Because it is, it is a compass, so use it,
Speaker 1: use it, use it as such. Tasks this week, check
Speaker 1: in with me DM ME. I know there's only like
Speaker 1: five of us doing it. There's really not a lot
Speaker 1: of us doing it. A lot of you guys are
Speaker 1: cutting off at this, and that's okay. It's summer.
Speaker 2: We're all busy.
Speaker 1: If you don't have the patience to be on this
Speaker 1: journey to recovery with me, I understand. I barely have
Speaker 1: the patience to be here myself. But if you're doing it,
Speaker 1: I'm proud of you and I love you so much. Okay,
Speaker 1: thanks besties. Bye. Oh wait, one more thing, please, if
Speaker 1: you guys haven't subbed to my YouTube, please sub to
Speaker 1: my YouTube. It's Brittany m Comedy. If you haven't gone
Speaker 1: and give me five stars on Spotify you can do that,
Speaker 1: that would be really nice, or Apple Podcasts. Can you
Speaker 1: tell a friend about the podcast too. We're still trying
Speaker 1: to grow this little baby thing and the best way
Speaker 1: to support me right now, the best way to support
Speaker 1: mother is the Patreon. The Patreon I'm giving you guys
Speaker 1: the extra tea. It's also how I'm paying my bills
Speaker 1: and listen until we get a little bit bigger and
Speaker 1: we can get some more ads. It's the best way
Speaker 1: to support the podcast to make sure that it keeps going.
Speaker 1: So if you could go sub the Patreon, that would
Speaker 1: mean so much to me.
Speaker 2: Besties, thank you so much.
Speaker 1: I'll see you next week and I love you a lot. Okay, goodbye,