Speaker 1: M let me finish. This is the first time I
Speaker 1: committed a hate crime. Maybe they'll jerk my dick off
Speaker 1: or you know, like something like that. Yeah, probably we've disgusted.
Speaker 1: I'm associate Bath. You are rested my.
Speaker 2: Ship put any trash ship.
Speaker 3: You're worst friend. Do you want to know why you're
Speaker 3: all fucked up? Just look at the fucking broms you
Speaker 3: hang around with. Do you want to go on my phone?
Speaker 3: Do you want to play?
Speaker 1: No?
Speaker 3: What You're gonna play a game on my phone? No?
Speaker 1: I don't think No. I get to start the show though.
Speaker 1: Right now. You know we're talking about your phone. In
Speaker 1: a second, you're listening to your Worst Friend with Shane
Speaker 1: and Matt. I'm Matt, and I'm joined today by my
Speaker 1: friend and co host man who has a phone. Shane.
Speaker 3: Oh boy, it's time to sit here for an hour
Speaker 3: in a chair.
Speaker 1: You're really that antsy?
Speaker 3: Oh dude, you don't like sitting in chairs for a
Speaker 3: whole hour your.
Speaker 1: Phone head say you could stand up if you want
Speaker 1: and go where you can walk around that room If
Speaker 1: you leave the room, the audio sounds real bad, though,
Speaker 1: so don't do that, dude.
Speaker 3: That's like being on the Amistad and the slave Driver
Speaker 3: being like you could roll over on that other guy.
Speaker 3: If you're uncomfortable on that one, go.
Speaker 1: To your Worst friend dot com. Follow us on Twitter
Speaker 1: and Instagram at worst Friendcast. Most importantly, I want you
Speaker 1: to go to patreon dot com slash worst friend Cast.
Speaker 1: It's a dollar a month and you get a bonus
Speaker 1: episode every week. And I'm announcing this now. I've yet
Speaker 1: to even think about it, but I'm announced this now.
Speaker 1: On the Patreon there is currently a seven day free
Speaker 1: trial that I believe you can sign up for for
Speaker 1: the Patriot anyone can you can? Anyone can so Patreon
Speaker 1: dot com slash worst friend Cast. You said something interesting
Speaker 1: back there about the Amistad. I don't know if we've
Speaker 1: told this story in a while. I just heard someone
Speaker 1: use that reference the other day, and every time it
Speaker 1: pops into my head when I think of Amistad, I
Speaker 1: think of you first, and then I think of give
Speaker 1: us us free, and then I think of mister Kelly.
Speaker 3: Why in that order?
Speaker 1: Uh, because the mister Kelly story from high school still
Speaker 1: makes me fucking laugh. How you called it out on
Speaker 1: that it was there were two examples of calling out
Speaker 1: a teacher, that were awesome. One time I called out
Speaker 1: Stenson and I reminded her and she remembered this when
Speaker 1: I saw her like four years ago or something.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, you were like, oh I remember that time
Speaker 3: in class and she's like, oh, the time you saw
Speaker 3: my pussy.
Speaker 1: She always the first thing she asked was how is
Speaker 1: Shane doing? When I saw her? And now here you
Speaker 1: are talking about it.
Speaker 3: Camper, Yeah, stiff for her gash she.
Speaker 1: Uh no, she said something. She's like, blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: and he died in March, and then in November of
Speaker 1: that year he went to the store blah blah blah.
Speaker 1: And I raised my hands said, I thought you just
Speaker 1: said he died like six months earlier, and she goes,
Speaker 1: you know what, you're right. I was just kind of
Speaker 1: bullshitting this stuff. It was the only time she cursed
Speaker 1: in front of us. She goes, you're right, You're you're right, Matt,
Speaker 1: And then she went back and started something else or
Speaker 1: new the other she.
Speaker 3: Was like, just making up a story about her what
Speaker 3: she's doing.
Speaker 1: No, it was about a famous author. Maybe she was like,
Speaker 1: these kids are fucking retarded. Will never know the difference.
Speaker 3: That's probably what a lot of teachers do. That's why
Speaker 3: I don't know anything.
Speaker 1: The other great example of calling out a teacher on
Speaker 1: something was you and mister Kelly when we were talking
Speaker 1: about slave ships. Now, I don't know if you remember.
Speaker 1: Do you remember the analogy mister Kelly used. Mister Kelly,
Speaker 1: who was later fired, we were that's a weird situation
Speaker 1: we should talk about for a second too. But okay,
Speaker 1: mister Kelly was talking about how terrible the conditions were
Speaker 1: on the slave ships coming over from Europe, right, and
Speaker 1: it was right, yeah, that's true. For some people.
Speaker 3: It was very comfy and profitable, spacious.
Speaker 1: So mister Kelly used an analogy to talk about the awful,
Speaker 1: you know, hellish conditions that they would keep the slaves
Speaker 1: in underneath. And what was the analogy he used.
Speaker 3: Like stuff in five pounds of crap in a two
Speaker 3: pound b.
Speaker 1: I think it was ten pounds of crap in a
Speaker 1: five pound bag, and you raised and he wanted us
Speaker 1: to feel that emotionally, like he told us, like, you know,
Speaker 1: think about it, picture yourself. Your name is and you
Speaker 1: have just been taken into slavery, and you're in that
Speaker 1: ship and you are crammed in there bodies all around you,
Speaker 1: almost like you're one of the ten pounds of crap
Speaker 1: that is in this bag that only holds five pounds
Speaker 1: of crap. And you raise your hand and you went,
Speaker 1: mister Kelly. That was our voice for you back in
Speaker 1: high school too. I don't know if you remember that,
Speaker 1: but it was a good Blander still uses it.
Speaker 3: It sounds like Kat Williams doing any white person.
Speaker 1: It was definitely before your balls dropped, so that's why
Speaker 1: it's a little bit higher pitch. You know, later on
Speaker 1: when you were getting pussy and stuff, we would be like,
Speaker 1: oh my name Shane, you know.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, when I would go around and be like,
Speaker 3: fuck you pussy, like in senior year of high school,
Speaker 3: and it was tough.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, yeah that yeah, yeah you did. You did
Speaker 1: talk a lot of ship though, and you you spent
Speaker 1: three years coming off as the school shooter and then
Speaker 1: you got in shaped and decided that you were going
Speaker 1: into the military.
Speaker 3: People instead of shooting everybody, I just punch them.
Speaker 1: Yeah, except you didn't even have to. I thought a
Speaker 1: lot of guys were really like nervous to fuck with you,
Speaker 1: almost like like look, I know anything.
Speaker 3: I didn't know anybody who was nervous to fuck with me?
Speaker 1: Who fucked with you when I came a marine?
Speaker 3: Oh in the other Marines.
Speaker 1: No, yeah, they don't count senior year like senior year
Speaker 1: of high school when you committed.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, one really fucked with me. But at the
Speaker 3: same time, like there was no like, there was no
Speaker 3: like new relationships formed. It was like I got real
Speaker 3: cool all of a sudden senior year, and all of
Speaker 3: a sudden I was on a football team and dating
Speaker 3: a cheerleader or anything like. Nothing like that happened. I
Speaker 3: was still a fucking scumbag, and I hung out with
Speaker 3: a bunch of losers like you.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, okay, Well you called out mister Kelly
Speaker 1: on that referring to slaves as some of the crab.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, I said, mister Kelly, did you just refer
Speaker 3: to the slaves as pieces of ship? And then he
Speaker 3: got all apologetic. He's like, well, yeah, but I didn't
Speaker 3: mean it. I didn't mean to call you black pieces
Speaker 3: and shit implied that you smelled like them. Yeah, he
Speaker 3: got all fucking backpedaling, and shit, fuck you, mister Kelly.
Speaker 1: Oh he was cool, he was nice.
Speaker 3: I liked our teacher that came after way better.
Speaker 1: He was a Nazi.
Speaker 3: Yeah, no, not the Nazi, the one that gave us sees.
Speaker 1: I didn't we have mister k and you kept you
Speaker 1: kept calling would you keep calling him a Nazi? No
Speaker 1: my name? You would go like this, you'd go, my
Speaker 1: name's mister K. Mister k K k.
Speaker 4: Oh.
Speaker 3: Yeah I did call him mister KKK yeah yeah, yeah no,
Speaker 3: But he left and then we got mister Dennery and
Speaker 3: he just gave.
Speaker 1: A c oh. Yeah, he was like he seemed like
Speaker 1: he got a d y and they fucking forced him.
Speaker 3: To be there. Yeah. It was that or jail.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he troubled youths. They got rid of two of
Speaker 3: their last teachers. You think he can handle them, because
Speaker 3: if not, you're going to six years in the slammer.
Speaker 1: They're all getting seas. No one fails, no one does
Speaker 1: too great.
Speaker 3: Yeah that was a good strategy, man. Yeah.
Speaker 1: He was weird. He like didn't speak to And I
Speaker 1: remember one time I tried to fucking butter that guy
Speaker 1: up to kind of do a little bit better. And
Speaker 1: I came to see him after Clays. I'm gonna suck
Speaker 1: his dick. I tried to butter the guy up.
Speaker 3: I was like, uh, butter them down, greesome down.
Speaker 1: Uh. I was like, mister mister Dennery, good pool on
Speaker 1: the name that's I was like, mister Dennery. You know,
Speaker 1: I really like what we were learning about. I did,
Speaker 1: I did this. I was pathetic because it was getting
Speaker 1: I think it was getting less than sees.
Speaker 3: I was the one statement.
Speaker 1: Call the slave talk. Maybe we could organize like an
Speaker 1: auction in class. How would you feel about it, that,
Speaker 1: mister mock auction. Hey, I'm just trying to fulfill the
Speaker 1: requirements of my parole. Okay, all right, goodbye.
Speaker 3: Take it to the principal. Yeah. Yeah, he was a
Speaker 3: fucking piece of shit. But yeah, all of our teachers
Speaker 3: in high school pieces of shit. Do you remember teach
Speaker 3: big fat lady with all the liver spots and moles
Speaker 3: and skin tags, You guys knew her.
Speaker 1: I never had a right Yeah, I mean kind of.
Speaker 1: She took up half the hall.
Speaker 3: But yeah, well dude, yeah, she literally looked like Kirby.
Speaker 3: She was like two sticks with just a pink ball
Speaker 3: on top. It was fucking wild. But yeah, that was
Speaker 3: another situation where it was like one teacher I think
Speaker 3: got fired and then the next one quit and then
Speaker 3: we got Teach and I it was another one of
Speaker 3: those things. It's like, where did this fucking lady come from?
Speaker 3: It really was like a mister Holland's Opus meets one
Speaker 3: eight seven type situation.
Speaker 1: You know, what's the other one? What's the Summer School?
Speaker 1: You ever see that flick?
Speaker 3: Was that goy like Craig T. Nelson or something. I
Speaker 3: don't I think it's got.
Speaker 1: The guy from one of those Academy snow n CIS
Speaker 1: shows or something, but it was the same thing. He
Speaker 1: was basically oh Mark.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, dude, this movie. Yeah, and then there's a
Speaker 3: fucking sequel, Ski School. These movies are trash, yes, but
Speaker 3: cire loved fun. No, these are great. Yeah yeah, Like
Speaker 3: this is a style of comedy that's tragically gone out
Speaker 3: of fashion with the me too movement. Like these these
Speaker 3: movies like The Porky's American Pie. You know movies where
Speaker 3: guys like get the fuck off the licks of peanut
Speaker 3: butter off their dick and then they fuck a pie
Speaker 3: and then at the end every guy loses the virginity
Speaker 3: to like a seventeen year old soon to be supermodel. Like,
Speaker 3: these are great films, and I think women really did
Speaker 3: a disservice to us by reporting all that sexual assault,
Speaker 3: because now we can't watch these movies anymore.
Speaker 1: Movies have definitely declined since the Me Too movement. Everything
Speaker 1: is too pussy now even before that, though, I don't
Speaker 1: even think you can make super band nowadays. Really, yeah, girl,
Speaker 1: I feel like leg and.
Speaker 3: I feel like when the creators of the film are
Speaker 3: super like white Knidish, you know, cucks, when they're like,
Speaker 3: what is that Jonah Hill thing where he's like, I
Speaker 3: can't believe I said the f slur because it's the
Speaker 3: most heinous atrocity the Holocaust. Those guys usually get a
Speaker 3: pass on a lot of jokes that we don't.
Speaker 1: Those guys don't matrix guys jokes anymore, not twenty twenty four,
Speaker 1: unless they put it behind animation.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 1: I figured that equation out like a long time ago.
Speaker 1: And now, like Seth Roger, I bet you there's gonna
Speaker 1: be some jokes that are non PC in this Sausage
Speaker 1: Party TV show that's coming out or.
Speaker 3: That's coming out that's a thing.
Speaker 1: Oh yeah, you didn't know about that.
Speaker 3: I liked Sausage Party.
Speaker 1: I liked it too.
Speaker 3: The grape soda rapes the fucking bagel or whatever. That
Speaker 3: was a good movie.
Speaker 1: I think when the grape soda punches the bagel that's
Speaker 1: walking down the street in a minute in New York
Speaker 1: and then they fucking reported as a hate crime. Uh,
Speaker 1: but it gets looked at one way. What was I
Speaker 1: gonna pull up here? Oh? You said you were watching
Speaker 1: another show. And let me tell you, the last four
Speaker 1: days have been a fucking blur to me because I
Speaker 1: decided to take off the Friday. Yeah, pretty much, but
Speaker 1: not like anything cool. It was basically like Jen was
Speaker 1: like I don't want to take my percocets anymore or whatever.
Speaker 1: She got, Well, she get hydro codone she got and
Speaker 1: I was like, all right.
Speaker 2: I has some.
Speaker 1: I'll take you. Yeah, I'll take them if you don't.
Speaker 1: But she's like, I don't want to take them anymore.
Speaker 1: And I was like okay, And I got this vape
Speaker 1: pen from the store. I was like, try this. You know,
Speaker 1: it's fucking wee whatever, Like she's still in pain.
Speaker 3: But you had her vape the hydro codone pills.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, I bust the live resin or whatever else,
Speaker 1: and I just I crush up a hydro codon, I
Speaker 1: cook it try this, it's better. So no, no, no,
Speaker 1: she's just like, I don't want to take those pills,
Speaker 1: like they don't make her feel good, she feels nauseous
Speaker 1: on them.
Speaker 3: Whatever, She got to take more for that.
Speaker 1: So if anyone needs a ball forty prove hurt me?
Speaker 1: Oh uh, just kidding.
Speaker 3: That'll last a whole weekend, not for already laying. Oh yeah,
Speaker 3: he probably. I mean does he have a nose still?
Speaker 3: I don't believe so no, yeah, Like he parties like
Speaker 3: no other was it.
Speaker 1: It fucking nuts when guys like rush Limball or were like,
Speaker 1: you know, I would take sixty five viken ins a day.
Speaker 3: It's how Yeah, how does that work? That's the tolerance,
Speaker 3: and it's wild.
Speaker 1: I understand that's like, you're right, You're one hundred percent right.
Speaker 1: I'm just saying, realistically, how does that fucking work?
Speaker 3: Dude? Man? I honestly, I when I think about alcohol,
Speaker 3: I had a friend in the Marine Corps die from
Speaker 3: alcohol poisoning. Hitman. He he had been drinking just all day.
Speaker 3: This was on Christmas leave, my first year in the Marines,
Speaker 3: so he had been just he had been home with
Speaker 3: his family on Christmas Eve, just drinking drinking, like partying.
Speaker 3: He'd gone like different places to different houses, different parties,
Speaker 3: and he had been drinking like ever clear. He was
Speaker 3: like a Southerner all day. And then he went home
Speaker 3: and he was drinking Margarita's and he stayed up real late,
Speaker 3: and then he went to bed and I don't think
Speaker 3: he didn't throw up or anything. And then the next
Speaker 3: morning his parents went to go wake him up and
Speaker 3: he was fucking dead. And he was like twenty three,
Speaker 3: you know, really young.
Speaker 1: Was he vaccinated? I'm just kidding.
Speaker 3: I know this was, yeah, but there was no COVID vaccine. Yeah. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it was like seventeen years ago. Now how long have
Speaker 3: we been out of high school? That's when this was
Speaker 3: Oh sick, eighteen years Oh my god, that's disgusting. I
Speaker 3: hate it anyway. So yeah, when I think about the
Speaker 3: amount of alcohol I used to put down after just
Speaker 3: a year of drinking every single day, I wonder if
Speaker 3: what happened to Pittman is just because he had he
Speaker 3: was just going so hard and he had never done
Speaker 3: it before. That's because I just drank and drank and
Speaker 3: drank and drank vodka for days straight and didn't eat
Speaker 3: food and somehow I made it. You know.
Speaker 1: They say so many addicts die when they come back
Speaker 1: from rehab and stuff because their tolerance is now like
Speaker 1: zero and they go back to doing the amount they
Speaker 1: don't know. So I always thought my brother died from fentanyl,
Speaker 1: but it wasn't. It was cocaine and heroin, yeah and
Speaker 1: day yeah yeah yeah, But it was after he had
Speaker 1: been cleaned for a while. So I always wonder if
Speaker 1: it was he just took too much more than his
Speaker 1: tolerance and it just gave out. I don't know if
Speaker 1: it was hard, just I don't know what it is.
Speaker 1: It's a bummer. I don't talk about that, but yeah,
Speaker 1: the tolerance thing is so weird, and then how they
Speaker 1: build it up. But like even just I can't picture
Speaker 1: taking eighty vitamins in a day. I feel like I
Speaker 1: would throw up, man, Like.
Speaker 3: I feel like it would make me constipated, like it
Speaker 3: and does do that?
Speaker 1: Yeah yeah, oh man, I bet he didn't shit for months.
Speaker 3: Oh. That's a huge problem with opiate addicts is they
Speaker 3: have like they get hooked on laxatives and they have
Speaker 3: fecal impaction. So they got to go get all their
Speaker 3: shit cleaned out of their asshole because it's all packed
Speaker 3: in there like like shit, yeah, well the ten pounds
Speaker 3: of it, the five pound asshole.
Speaker 1: The the uh. The opioid crisis is so bad. I'm
Speaker 1: now seeing pharma commercials for like do you have to shit?
Speaker 1: Or do you have to do? You feel like you
Speaker 1: don't have to shit, but you really should because it's
Speaker 1: been weeks. And it's for like people who are opioid
Speaker 1: dependent or whatever it is. I don't know, man, it's fucked.
Speaker 3: It's not for the old people who are incontinent. No,
Speaker 3: it's no.
Speaker 1: It's specifically marketed for people who take opioids. And I
Speaker 1: think they say, do you take opioids for chronic pain?
Speaker 3: But I understand that, but that's all pain is chronic.
Speaker 3: If you're sad about it.
Speaker 1: That's a good point. So the last four days where blur,
Speaker 1: we did, however, watch a show. I don't mean to
Speaker 1: insult you because I am talking about people who watch
Speaker 1: reality TV here, but as I've been editing this season
Speaker 1: and going deeper, Jen sits like you know, on the
Speaker 1: other side of the room, and she just watches true
Speaker 1: crime shit all day, like all day long, just true
Speaker 1: So she went down to take a shower, and I
Speaker 1: was all fucked up just from my vape.
Speaker 3: And.
Speaker 1: I put on America's Sweethearts the Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders, a
Speaker 1: show on netfat. She came back up and she goes,
Speaker 1: what are we watching? I go, I don't know. I
Speaker 1: was trying to rop my fucking brain like you do
Speaker 1: with shit like this, and then she goes, no, it's fine.
Speaker 1: I said, no, it's for dumb people. But the show
Speaker 1: was not terrible. It was somewhat They're all I.
Speaker 3: Like how these girls are are all like basically just
Speaker 3: trash and whoores, but they think they're real poised and professional.
Speaker 1: See, I don't you gotta watch it, man, That's why
Speaker 1: Jacks really got into it.
Speaker 3: Okay, I'm just playing with you, man. I watched the cuts.
Speaker 3: I watched the thunderstruck routine.
Speaker 1: See, I don't know if you were kidding because I
Speaker 1: went into it with I mean, I know you are.
Speaker 1: Now I'm saying I didn't know if you were kidding
Speaker 1: because I went into it with the same mindset. I
Speaker 1: was like, yo, I bet these girls are pigs. I
Speaker 1: bet they teach them how to dance bubbah and no,
Speaker 1: like these women, these pigs they are still like.
Speaker 3: The Navy Seals of chick stuff.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they kind of do their ship.
Speaker 3: The Navy Seals are the Navy Seals of guy stuff
Speaker 3: because they kill and kick ass. This is the Navy
Speaker 3: Seals of chicks stuff because it's girly and makeup and
Speaker 3: hair and dance right exactly, girl shit, yeah, girl shit.
Speaker 1: A bat lady. The main lady is a fucking bitch man.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but wasn't she a cowboy bitch from the eighty
Speaker 3: seven to the ninety nine or something. She was like
Speaker 3: the best one.
Speaker 1: I don't know, she was the best one, but nepotism
Speaker 1: definitely played a role. I would agree with you. Yes,
Speaker 1: she is there because of that. God damn. How hot
Speaker 1: is it there.
Speaker 3: Here in Reno? Yeah, let's find out on my weather
Speaker 3: app because I like to know the official number.
Speaker 1: I was just wondering, when did you find anymore armpits?
Speaker 1: Go for a swim? You are soaked, man.
Speaker 3: Am I?
Speaker 1: Yeah? A little bit?
Speaker 3: Ah, dude, it's just my fucking tit sweat.
Speaker 1: They wrap up.
Speaker 3: You lost all this weight?
Speaker 1: No one knows. Before I even met you, you used
Speaker 1: to have giant tits that went down to your knees.
Speaker 1: It was a medical anomaly, and then you lost some
Speaker 1: weight and you were able to tuck them. But now
Speaker 1: they fall to your sides.
Speaker 3: I understand them in my armpits, and nobody sees them
Speaker 3: dangling my shirt. I have to walk around with my
Speaker 3: arms clenched all the way to my fucking chest like this.
Speaker 3: They don't fucking fall out.
Speaker 1: You always look like the fucking Notre Dame fucking symbol clenched, fighting, irish,
Speaker 1: fucking I'm just trying to find this one, this one
Speaker 1: right here, this broad Wilse Netflix show, the Cowboys show.
Speaker 3: Her name looks like the Scarecrow from the animated Batman series.
Speaker 1: She absolutely does. It's a great fucking call. Second thing,
Speaker 1: she looks like her eyes are so dead. She looks
Speaker 1: like a Westworld robot kind of, and they skinned it
Speaker 1: to be a Cowboys cheerleader.
Speaker 3: Yeah. And now that you said that she has an
Speaker 3: uncanny appearance, that that valley right there between right human
Speaker 3: and bizarre and grotesque.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the last step before AI figures it out and
Speaker 1: really kind of takes over all media is that uncanny
Speaker 1: valley where you can just kind of tell.
Speaker 3: Maybe she's a like a deployment from the Tesla Company,
Speaker 3: like the first first AI woman cheerleader, gal.
Speaker 1: Elon Musk announces she's a fucking crazy pussy bot.
Speaker 3: Is that the official? That's the line, A crazy pussy
Speaker 3: bot Super Tesla.
Speaker 1: You would call it a CBP or something and people
Speaker 1: would go to the stud for cruisy pussy bot and
Speaker 1: he would go, no, do his little faggy doctor e
Speaker 1: Wait is it Jily, it's July, we're at I probably
Speaker 1: okay cold his faggy little doctor evil thing. I like
Speaker 1: Elon Musk. I think he's doing more for I like
Speaker 1: more that he got turned on by the people who
Speaker 1: loved him for so long. It feels nice, it's cool.
Speaker 1: I enjoy that. But he is obnoxious. Let's not get
Speaker 1: it wrong. I don't suck Elon Musk's dick. He's obnoxious.
Speaker 3: But yes, I don't know who that is.
Speaker 1: Yeah, me either, some African guy probably.
Speaker 3: Skip.
Speaker 1: Okay, So the last four days, like I said, have
Speaker 1: been somewhat of a blur. I only left the house
Speaker 1: for a few occasions.
Speaker 3: And why is this again? Because you took percocet. No, No,
Speaker 3: the Dallas Cowboys.
Speaker 1: Just weed a lot of weed and just chilling and
Speaker 1: Jen prefers that to the stuff for her neck injury.
Speaker 1: So whatever, fuck it.
Speaker 3: You know, dude, it's not like she's gonna get hooked.
Speaker 3: That doesn't happen when you got an injury. You taking
Speaker 3: it for a real thing.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we both have a history, a family history of it.
Speaker 1: Just not going to tempt it.
Speaker 3: So just crush it and then snort it. If you
Speaker 3: don't like it, spit it out.
Speaker 1: I don't know how that works.
Speaker 3: You'll feel it dripping down the back of your throat.
Speaker 3: Spit that out, spin it out, so I uh, it's
Speaker 3: like that's how you test it to see if you
Speaker 3: like it. If you don't like it, you just spit
Speaker 3: all that stuff out instead of swallowing it down. You're
Speaker 3: supposed to swallow it.
Speaker 1: Oh I didn't like it, Oh okay, don't.
Speaker 3: Worry about You've never done cocaine.
Speaker 1: No, never done coke, not even once.
Speaker 3: Oh man, I've only knowingly done No. I've done it
Speaker 3: a couple of times. Actually, But the cool time the
Speaker 3: one time that it was like actually like oh wow,
Speaker 3: this is like this is a movie or something I'm
Speaker 3: in below I mean Johnny Depp's it was like this. No,
Speaker 3: it was like what's a It was like booge night. Yeah,
Speaker 3: it was like a party and just like everyone was
Speaker 3: doing fucking drugs. Man, it was so cool. But I
Speaker 3: remember like doing coke, Like the coke room was separate
Speaker 3: from the whole house, like everybody was doing It was
Speaker 3: just like a movie, you know, like everybody out in
Speaker 3: the house was like smoking weed and like taking trooms
Speaker 3: and stuff. But in the coke room, like fucking people
Speaker 3: were doing and coke. You know, it was fucking cool.
Speaker 3: So yeah, I had like a thing in a hole
Speaker 3: in my nose, you know, and I sept them and
Speaker 3: it's not from doing drugs. It's from allergies and sinus
Speaker 3: infections and like constantly having a dry nasal passage.
Speaker 1: Yeah that's what the skin just said too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, okay, yeah, I mean you can't believe whatever you want.
Speaker 3: It's it's It would be cooler if I had drug
Speaker 3: stories to to give you from this, but no, and
Speaker 3: fortunately it's just my sinuses. So yeah, this one time
Speaker 3: I'm doing coke in this room, I was like, oh.
Speaker 2: I got this nose problem actually, so I don't know
Speaker 2: if I should snort this.
Speaker 3: And I did kind of feel like a fucking chump
Speaker 3: after I said that. But then this dude, it's fucking crazy.
Speaker 3: I'll have to find you the picture. I'll find it
Speaker 3: on our break and we'll look at it on the
Speaker 3: on the Patreon and you can tell me how crazy
Speaker 3: this fucking guy looks. But uh, this dude was like, Oh,
Speaker 3: don't worry, don't worry. You got a nose problem, don't worry.
Speaker 3: Give me, give me a piece of toilet paper. And
Speaker 3: he like someone fetched him a piece of toilet paper,
Speaker 3: like he was Mick Jagger, and he fucking just like
Speaker 3: dumped some coke in a wad of toilet paper and
Speaker 3: twisted it up and he had dropped just put it. Yeah, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 3: exactly as put in your mouth, just swallow it. I
Speaker 3: think that's exactly what he called it, an air drop,
Speaker 3: And yeah I did that, and I got high as fuck.
Speaker 3: And then after that that I didn't care. I was
Speaker 3: just snorting it, you know. And the feeling is cool,
Speaker 3: like it's It's not the kind of thing I could
Speaker 3: really personally see myself getting addicted to, like as a
Speaker 3: thing where I need it. Maybe if you keep doing it,
Speaker 3: but I don't really think it builds a physical dependence. Actually,
Speaker 3: I think it's like really for me, like I could
Speaker 3: see myself doing it a lot. If I was single
Speaker 3: and I was partying a lot, and I knew people
Speaker 3: who could get it, then I could see myself doing it.
Speaker 3: Because when you're on it, it's like it's pretty fun, okay,
Speaker 3: But then as soon as.
Speaker 1: Could you see yourself doing it if you were no
Speaker 1: longer able to get your adderall.
Speaker 3: No, it's not a similar it's not it's not the
Speaker 3: same thing. It's different feeling. It's like cocaine is like the.
Speaker 1: Word cocaine replace for you if you like, if you
Speaker 1: were saying I can't do energy.
Speaker 3: Captine, Yeah, yeah, it would replace my energy drinks for sure. Absolutely. Yeah.
Speaker 3: It's like it's weird. Adderall makes you not only focus,
Speaker 3: That's the thing. I wouldn't say adderall actually helps my focus.
Speaker 3: It just directs my focus, you know what I'm saying,
Speaker 3: Like it keeps me on a task. With that. When
Speaker 3: I'm not on adderall, I'm I'm like, I'm weak to
Speaker 3: my thoughts. I'm just I give in to every single thought.
Speaker 3: If I'm doing dishes and I think about laundry, I'll
Speaker 3: go and check on the laundry instead. Of finishing what
Speaker 3: I'm doing, so an adderall keeps me on a tack.
Speaker 3: You do my mind, you wander.
Speaker 1: You're doing one hundred and twenty miles an hour, and
Speaker 1: adderall doesn't slow you down. It's just without adderall, you're
Speaker 1: weaving all over the roads and this and that. With adderall,
Speaker 1: you're staying in the lines. It's it's God rails for you.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and the coke and cocaine is literally gasoline, literally
Speaker 3: like pouring gasoline in the tank.
Speaker 1: It's fucking uh in. You didn't even like Mad Max
Speaker 1: and Thever. I won't waste the reference on you.
Speaker 3: No, I like the Road Warriors.
Speaker 1: Talking about Fury Road.
Speaker 3: Okay, Oh well, maybe I'll like Fury Road more after
Speaker 3: I see Furiosa.
Speaker 1: Oh okay, because you want to, I won't. You want
Speaker 1: to see a strong chick. And people were bitching about that,
Speaker 1: and that's the wrong thing to bitch about. Furiosa was
Speaker 1: a good.
Speaker 3: Character, a good female, strong character.
Speaker 1: Like pick the stuff that sucks to really bitch about.
Speaker 3: Okay, but then they gotta admit they saw it.
Speaker 1: No, you can just say this is your typical blah
Speaker 1: blah blah bullshita. No one, none of those reporters actually
Speaker 1: saw Sound of Freedom, that fucking right wing movie.
Speaker 3: They just said, I'm I'm gonna watch it. I'm planning to.
Speaker 1: We should. I've heard it is no better than a
Speaker 1: lifetime movie, if I'm being honest.
Speaker 3: But oh man, the only lifetime movie I like is
Speaker 3: the one where the girl gets the bat shoved in
Speaker 3: or pussy.
Speaker 1: We have talked about that before. Yeah, that's the girl
Speaker 1: from fucking Princess Diaries and hostile Tann Hathaway. No, the
Speaker 1: other one, her fucking doofy looking friend.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, well she had it coming.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: I am thenne Hathaway of this show though, Oh yeah, dude,
Speaker 3: And I'm the Billy Zine.
Speaker 1: I think you might be. The doofy looking friend.
Speaker 3: Is Billy Zaine and Princess Diary.
Speaker 1: They don't know what Billy Zanes. I don't follow his career.
Speaker 1: After the Phantom, I was done with him. That was
Speaker 1: the pinnacle.
Speaker 3: Yeah, that was his apex.
Speaker 1: So I was like, I said, fucked up the other night,
Speaker 1: and it was like it was right here, one fifty
Speaker 1: seven in the morning, okay, okay, And I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna go check and see if I had any
Speaker 1: of my sports bets hit, and I went on and
Speaker 1: none of them hit. And I'll just do like literally
Speaker 1: five dollars bets this and that, right, and none of
Speaker 1: them hit. So I again, I'm all fucked up. I'm like, oh,
Speaker 1: I'm gonna I'm gonna put fifty dollars in and play
Speaker 1: in the casino.
Speaker 3: Right, that's smart.
Speaker 1: So at two am in the morning, I'm playing slots well,
Speaker 1: sitting quite literally on the toilet, not going to the bathroom,
Speaker 1: sitting on top of the lid of the toilet because
Speaker 1: I was gonna take a shower. But I was like, oh,
Speaker 1: better check my sports bets first, because I was all
Speaker 1: fucked up.
Speaker 3: Right, I do that and my legs fall asleep.
Speaker 1: So I play a fucking slots game first role, right,
Speaker 1: I win fifty bucks.
Speaker 3: I holy shit, WHOA cool?
Speaker 1: So I put fifty dollars in and I get up
Speaker 1: to one hundred, I'm like whoa. In my head, I go,
Speaker 1: you should leave now, that'd be cool. But then there's
Speaker 1: a part of me, this thing I call it like
Speaker 1: a scumbag spirit, you know. It's it's this force. It's
Speaker 1: almost Native American kind of We're like a two spirit
Speaker 1: thing where something comes into your ears and your head
Speaker 1: and goes yeah, but if you leave now, you're not
Speaker 1: going to hit.
Speaker 3: The big jackpot. You know.
Speaker 1: Sure you made some money, Guardian angel, but like a
Speaker 1: couple more spins, it's the big one. Yeah, I look
Speaker 1: at it as a Guardian angel. It does want me
Speaker 1: to kill my family sometimes though, so I don't know
Speaker 1: that that is necessarily the Christian.
Speaker 3: God's plan, but yeah, I mean, Isaac fair point.
Speaker 1: So I go, I'm at one hundred bucks. I'll play
Speaker 1: it down to seven twenty five dollars and then walk away.
Speaker 3: Okay, that's still good, though stupid by a subway sandwich.
Speaker 1: So I fucking I don't know if this has sound.
Speaker 1: It doesn't. So two rolls later, I hit this fucking
Speaker 1: thing for seven hundred and fifty.
Speaker 3: Dollars, right, oh bitch.
Speaker 1: And this little arrow thing here. What's cool about it
Speaker 1: is this paid seven hundred and fifty. Then this thing
Speaker 1: clicks up and it pays another seven hundred and fifty.
Speaker 1: So at the end you.
Speaker 3: Won fifteen dollars.
Speaker 1: Well yeah, if you look at the balance down the bottom,
Speaker 1: I won fifteen hundred dollars.
Speaker 3: Okay, total win the fuck.
Speaker 1: And then I was like I was at sixteen hundred
Speaker 1: the internet. Yeah, yeah, yeah, Look I was at sixteen hundred.
Speaker 1: See there. Now, this is why this is good, because
Speaker 1: I had seventy six dollars to my name for the
Speaker 1: next eight days and that was terrible. So I was like,
Speaker 1: oh shit, I got sixteen hundred dollars. And then I
Speaker 1: was like, you know what I'll do.
Speaker 3: Problems are solved.
Speaker 1: All my problems are solved. But I was like, you
Speaker 1: know what I'll do. I'll just play that down to
Speaker 1: fifteen hundred and taking out fifteen hundred would be great,
Speaker 1: right holdly yeah, And then I fucking won another four
Speaker 1: hundred dollars.
Speaker 3: What the shit is wrong with you?
Speaker 2: Stop it?
Speaker 3: Yeah, man, stop it.
Speaker 1: And then I was like, oh, I'll just play it
Speaker 1: down to the next whatever denomination was. I don't even
Speaker 1: know where I was at that point. And then I
Speaker 1: went under two hundred dollars, Holy.
Speaker 3: Tits, And then what is going on? And then I said,
Speaker 3: it's four twenty two in the morning now, by the way,
Speaker 3: and you're at three percent battery. You went from thirty
Speaker 3: three percent to three. That's good. You have a good, strong,
Speaker 3: healthy battery. Those come back be right. Overtook me. That's
Speaker 3: cool though, I mean, you're winning, right.
Speaker 1: And then I took out twenty one hundred dollars and
Speaker 1: I'm good. What the hell I'm telling you to do
Speaker 1: with it? It fucking only perials with it. It's funny
Speaker 1: showing no the banks have it now.
Speaker 3: I don't know, man, I don't know if I trust
Speaker 3: them with it. You might want to send it here
Speaker 3: in the mail.
Speaker 1: I never feel like I can catch up. I just
Speaker 1: never feel like I can catch up.
Speaker 3: Oh, if you feel like you've caught up with this
Speaker 3: two thousand, let me just shatter that illusion for you.
Speaker 3: I had sixty grand a couple months ago from my
Speaker 3: home equity loan, and this month I'm wondering how am
Speaker 3: I going to pay the mortgage next month? Yeah?
Speaker 1: You did a lot with it, though, I mean I
Speaker 1: got some floor floor, Yeah, sixty grands all off our floor.
Speaker 1: Did you put a down payment on a car?
Speaker 3: I also got a water heater, hot water heater. What
Speaker 3: about the car, Well, we didn't get the car yet.
Speaker 3: We got the money for the car. It's sitting there
Speaker 3: like tied up. It's the car money, but we just
Speaker 3: didn't get it yet. It's the car money. I could
Speaker 3: use it for something else. If you give me an idea,
Speaker 3: let me.
Speaker 1: Tell you about this than a car. Yeah, if there's
Speaker 1: this slot machine, all right, if you really want to
Speaker 1: just quintuple your money more than that, go to this
Speaker 1: slot machine. It's on your phone.
Speaker 3: Well, I don't know, man, I'm wary about I think
Speaker 3: I'm just bummed about money at the moment.
Speaker 1: Because kidding, I'm not convincing you to do that, you
Speaker 1: know that, right.
Speaker 3: No, I didn't feel pressured at all. I just had
Speaker 3: just had this app on my phone waiting to be opened,
Speaker 3: and it was just at your recounting this magical evening
Speaker 3: of marijuana and percocet and spinning slots that I decided
Speaker 3: to open it up and put in my username and
Speaker 3: password and making an account. We'll see what I can
Speaker 3: do with that car money. No, but I'm kind of
Speaker 3: bummed about money. I think it's just like I'd left
Speaker 3: a bad taste in my mouth because I had a
Speaker 3: bad money experience a few days ago. And when I
Speaker 3: hear people having good things happen to them, when I've
Speaker 3: had bad things happen to me, it makes me want
Speaker 3: to slaughter them.
Speaker 1: You might be joking, but I feel that way. Sometimes
Speaker 1: it depends. It really depends. Like when you told me
Speaker 1: your house value went up real high, I was really
Speaker 1: happy for you. And then when other people tell me like, oh.
Speaker 3: I always got to pay more property tan, it's weird, no,
Speaker 3: because I was happy for you.
Speaker 1: But if another close friend of mine was like, my
Speaker 1: parents gave us this money for this down payment on
Speaker 1: this house, blah blah blah, so that's how we got
Speaker 1: it moved in, I would just be like, oh, I
Speaker 1: wish that house would burn to the fucking ground with
Speaker 1: you inside of it. I don't know, like I don't
Speaker 1: feel like they've earned it. I feel like you you've
Speaker 1: earned it, you know why, because you've been through the ship.
Speaker 3: I feel like, oh, dude, I did step in ship
Speaker 3: a lot of times.
Speaker 1: And you don't act like you're better than anyone.
Speaker 3: I am though.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well no, I know, but sure a lot of
Speaker 1: people sure I understand.
Speaker 3: Oh no, but you have this good No. I am
Speaker 3: happy for you to have this money, but it's just
Speaker 3: like have one time, it's gone, it's wait, but you
Speaker 3: but you got to like use it, you know. So
Speaker 3: we we had like our play money, and then we
Speaker 3: have the money that's just sitting there for the car,
Speaker 3: trying not to touch it for anything. So we're just
Speaker 3: using our paychecks and stuff to pay for shit. And
Speaker 3: the other day I was working. It was a it
Speaker 3: was a Thursday, because I'm off the whole weekend. I'm
Speaker 3: off Friday, Saturdays, and Sundays. So I was working at
Speaker 3: my home office and I was having a pretty chill day,
Speaker 3: all things considered. My work life's been shit lately. Was
Speaker 3: having a pretty nice day until about an hour before
Speaker 3: my shift ended, and then I like I heard my
Speaker 3: son in his room yelling while he was playing video games,
Speaker 3: just real loud. It just irked me because I was
Speaker 3: trying to concentrate. And then like ten minutes after that,
Speaker 3: I heard my wife like causing commotion, just like running
Speaker 3: around the house trying to find shit because she was
Speaker 3: in a hurry to get out the door to go
Speaker 3: to a poll class or whatever. And then so I
Speaker 3: just kind of like lost it, Not really because they
Speaker 3: really did anything that bad. It was for the simple
Speaker 3: reason that I thought I was going to have a
Speaker 3: whole day where nothing bugged me. I thought I was
Speaker 3: going to just have a whole day where nothing pissed
Speaker 3: me off or got under my skin or made me
Speaker 3: want to shoot myself. And then right at the end,
Speaker 3: when I was like, oh man, it really happened, these
Speaker 3: two fucking dopes that I live with just fucking pissed
Speaker 3: me off, you know. So I went out there and
Speaker 3: I told him about it, and yeah, I was basically
Speaker 3: just like, the.
Speaker 2: Fuck you fucks. You're always so fucking loud, and you
Speaker 2: don't consider my work life and I need to concentrate,
Speaker 2: and you guys don't fucking think about me at all,
Speaker 2: and I'm.
Speaker 3: Better than you, and yeah, I made a lot of
Speaker 3: points that in hindsight probably were not accurate.
Speaker 1: Accually, you may have spewed some misinformation.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and we're also probably pretty insulting. So after I
Speaker 3: got off work, I realized like, oh, I haven't beat
Speaker 3: any at all today, and I don't, so I've got
Speaker 3: to go get some. Normally, I drive pretty far to
Speaker 3: a dispensary that has good prices and I'll stock up.
Speaker 3: But I didn't want to do that because I had
Speaker 3: just fucking yelled at my family felt like an idiot.
Speaker 3: It's like one of these cycles I go through with
Speaker 3: my fucking mental health or whatever, where I just I
Speaker 3: feel ashamed for fucking just being an emotional asshole. And
Speaker 3: so I'm trying to get drugs to make myself feel better,
Speaker 3: and I need cash because all the dispensaries are cash only.
Speaker 3: So I go to the ATM, got eighty bucks. I
Speaker 3: take out forty because the thing I want is thirty
Speaker 3: two or something like that. Take out forty bucks. I
Speaker 3: go to the dispensary and as I or know, actually,
Speaker 3: I was going to go to Wendy's First to buy
Speaker 3: a cheap cheeseburger to break the one of the twenties
Speaker 3: so I could give the guy less of a tip
Speaker 3: and not feel like such a cheaps gain.
Speaker 1: So, man, you're not wrong, You're not wrong. I asked
Speaker 1: someone for extra dressing at Salad Works the other day
Speaker 1: so they would not look away from me, or so
Speaker 1: they would look away from me so I could tip zero. Oh,
Speaker 1: salad Works, you just put it in a fucking bag.
Speaker 2: Yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they're not doing anything extra. They didn't bring it
Speaker 3: to you, So you want to So you want to
Speaker 3: stiff this guy? Uh?
Speaker 1: And you go to Wendy's First.
Speaker 3: Sorry. Yeah. So I go up to the window and
Speaker 3: I'm like, did I get a double stack? And Uh,
Speaker 3: that's it. And I go to pull around and I
Speaker 3: pull out my wallet, and I'm telling myself, remember to
Speaker 3: pay with the cash, because you need the cash to
Speaker 3: stiff the guy at the dispensary. I open my wallet
Speaker 3: and there's no cash, and so I'm frantically like feeling around,
Speaker 3: looking in the credit card slot of the wallet, looking
Speaker 3: in the crack of the door, or looking in the
Speaker 3: arm console, looking under the seat. I'm looking everywhere. And
Speaker 3: before I even have the moment for the realization to
Speaker 3: set in, I've actually already backed out of the drive
Speaker 3: through because I'm not gonna pay for this with my
Speaker 3: fucking debit card. So I back out and I get
Speaker 3: in a spot, and I frantically search everywhere. I get
Speaker 3: out of the car and I'm just looking everywhere for
Speaker 3: forty dollars. It's not there, and I realize I took
Speaker 3: my debit card out of the ATM and I drove
Speaker 3: away and I never took any money out of the ATM.
Speaker 3: It's still hopefully, oh it's not at the ATMA. So
Speaker 3: it's about one point six miles from Wendy's to the ATM.
Speaker 3: I get there in about nine seconds. I pull up
Speaker 3: there's a gentleman in a silver Volvo, black gentleman, big afro,
Speaker 3: pulling away from the atm with a big fucking smile
Speaker 3: on that face. No, not a smile you would have
Speaker 3: on your face, like if you had just withdrawn your
Speaker 3: own money. Sure, perhaps and you were going to go.
Speaker 1: If you were to show up and there were cash
Speaker 1: already there that you had yet to even request.
Speaker 3: Yeah, this is the smile of a kid who finds
Speaker 3: a twenty dollars bill in the gym locker room and
Speaker 3: it was double the size. So what does that tell you?
Speaker 3: Forty dollars? Right? So I start punching my seat and
Speaker 3: screaming the F word, the fuck one, not the fagot one.
Speaker 3: And I realized that my only option if I am
Speaker 3: to make it through the next few days is to
Speaker 3: withdraw the remaining forty dollars from my account, ensure that
Speaker 3: I put it into my wallet out with my plan,
Speaker 3: so that I can still tip less at the dispensary,
Speaker 3: and then buy the wheat. And so that's what I did.
Speaker 1: Did you go back to Wendy's.
Speaker 3: No, I went to Jack in the Box because I
Speaker 3: felt like an idiot.
Speaker 1: So I went to Jack in the box because I
Speaker 1: felt like an asshole for what I did. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: you're cool going.
Speaker 3: Back to Wendy's. Probably, I probably won't go back until
Speaker 3: they changed crew again.
Speaker 1: I was gonna ask ye, how long of a wait
Speaker 1: that is?
Speaker 3: Now? Probably it's usually like a six month turnaround.
Speaker 1: Can we can we go to Wendy's. Dad, No, I'm
Speaker 1: going to Jack in the box nowhere else because you
Speaker 1: were being loud.
Speaker 3: Because you yelled in your room that Thursday.
Speaker 1: I have absolutely done that at walmarts and grocery stores before.
Speaker 1: Oh this has done this. Oh it's never happened to me.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, I've done it probably five times. Never
Speaker 1: at an ATM. At an ATM, you're going for a
Speaker 1: singular purpose, so that one, you know, but cash back
Speaker 1: at stores, I have absolutely I've left my last twenty
Speaker 1: in a machine. I've left what what was actually negative
Speaker 1: thirty two at a machine or positives whatever it was.
Speaker 1: It was too big for my account and I got
Speaker 1: hit with a thirty five dollars fee for that one. Yeah,
Speaker 1: I've been there before.
Speaker 3: I've definitely Biden was going to solve those HI overtry.
Speaker 1: That well, this was fourteen years ago. But yes, I
Speaker 1: was real fucking broke. That was like best buy four
Speaker 1: hundred dollars paychecks every two weeks, so to lose forty
Speaker 1: bucks in a fucking oh you know, Walmart, and you
Speaker 1: know it wasn't some nice guy. Actually, it was probably
Speaker 1: someone who fucking needed it.
Speaker 3: I thought that too about this black kid, Like if
Speaker 3: I had seen him with that smile in different circumstances,
Speaker 3: would I have wanted to tail him and shoot him
Speaker 3: in the head when he got out of his car.
Speaker 1: Sure, plant the gun on him, say the guy pulled
Speaker 1: out first in your state, that would just go.
Speaker 3: They would give you a medal. Plant the gun on him,
Speaker 3: Say I don't know what he's pull a gun out,
Speaker 3: shot him up in the head in the middle of
Speaker 3: the street, told me he wanted me to have his car,
Speaker 3: and it's forty dollars.
Speaker 1: Oh fuck yeah, it's ah, yeah, I've been there.
Speaker 3: So I drove home real upset. Yeah, didn't talk to
Speaker 3: my family all night. Made him think it was their fault.
Speaker 1: But we know I've I've been trying to do that
Speaker 1: with my mom ever since my brother died. My mom
Speaker 1: has felt the need to glom onto me or my
Speaker 1: dad and whatever else. And it was like she spent
Speaker 1: so much time taking care of my brother and everything,
Speaker 1: like oh, babying him and whatever, get them to rehabs
Speaker 1: and whatever else, that when that was gone, she just
Speaker 1: had the need to help people and to do whatever.
Speaker 1: So and then after my dad died, I mean, she's
Speaker 1: become a mess. So anytime I see her, it's in
Speaker 1: my head, I go, You're gonna be cool. Just be cool,
Speaker 1: just be nice, just be cool. And literally the third
Speaker 1: or fourth thing is just me going, you don't know
Speaker 1: that you're not a doctor. Okay, you don't You're dumb.
Speaker 1: Where'd you go to college? Did you even?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no no, you're not a doctor.
Speaker 3: You don't know that.
Speaker 1: And it's it's I don't try.
Speaker 3: To Oh man, that's like just a real quick digression
Speaker 3: that rinds. I had a coworker the other day asked
Speaker 3: me a question and I was like, did you not
Speaker 3: go to training? It's rude. Yeah, it just came out
Speaker 3: of me. I thought about it after I said it,
Speaker 3: and I was like, oh boy, that was harsh, but yeah,
Speaker 3: it just came out like it was just the fucking
Speaker 3: question was so stupid. It was like, are we allowed
Speaker 3: to do this, and and my answer in my head
Speaker 3: was literally, it's your fucking.
Speaker 2: Job, you know.
Speaker 1: I had I had someone ask me something at work today,
Speaker 1: and my response was I looked at it, I read it,
Speaker 1: and I responded to something that just made no sense.
Speaker 1: And I realized it wasn't that I was wrong, and
Speaker 1: it wasn't even that I read their question wrong. It
Speaker 1: was that their question wasn't connected whatsoever to anything, Like
Speaker 1: you think do you think the Yankees will win Friday?
Speaker 1: When Spaceship takes off to go to moon? And you go, fuck,
Speaker 1: is that connected? What are you talking about?
Speaker 3: I think when actually connected everything? You think Yankees will
Speaker 3: win Friday? Spaceship going moon?
Speaker 1: Cat it's a better example.
Speaker 3: Yeh.
Speaker 1: See, I can't dumb myself down. You are so smart,
Speaker 1: You're able to droop yourself to the levels of stupidity.
Speaker 3: See I'm so stupid. I can trick people into thinking
Speaker 3: I'm smart.
Speaker 1: That's the greatest trick the Devil ever played.
Speaker 3: Yeah, dude, I'm the devil. I like that.
Speaker 1: I don't know, all right. I got a guy here,
Speaker 1: homeowners association president freaks out on kids using the community
Speaker 1: pond to fish. Is that what it's for don't know,
Speaker 1: Let's take a look and we'll see. But this guy
Speaker 1: really loses his fucking mind. I will say that.
Speaker 3: I love when I whenever I see a still of
Speaker 3: somebody with their face in that that chin heathum sucked
Speaker 3: in like look like like they're sucking on a lemon
Speaker 3: and shitting out the biggest baseball they've ever had in
Speaker 3: their asshole. At the same time, whenever I see that,
Speaker 3: I know it's gonna be a good video. Yeah.
Speaker 1: So, I got some questions for you on parenting and
Speaker 1: just shit like this in general, home homeownership in general. Okay, okay, uh,
Speaker 1: all right, let's watch this.
Speaker 3: God damn, those are some nice houses.
Speaker 6: Yeah, okay, so he just walked over, grabbed a fishing
Speaker 6: run out of this kid's hand, and snapped it over
Speaker 6: his fucking knee.
Speaker 3: Is that a swastika in the No, I.
Speaker 1: Don't believe it is, Tennessee. No, it's like the old
Speaker 1: worker type of symbol thing.
Speaker 3: Okay, Tennessee strom. Okay, so this is a shithole state, all.
Speaker 1: Right, Nice houses in a shithole nice house, beautiful hat
Speaker 1: absolutely something you want to take care of, right.
Speaker 3: Or pay Some Mexicans to take something you.
Speaker 1: Would like me. Absolutely, you're not taking care of that yourself.
Speaker 1: If you're in that house, you know, let's say.
Speaker 5: Passing on private property, you're trespassing, waiting.
Speaker 3: For the place to come you ready, here, we're.
Speaker 5: Gonna talk to me, talk to him.
Speaker 3: Okay, this is interesting. This is an interesting situation.
Speaker 4: Right.
Speaker 1: So here's what I'm thinking.
Speaker 3: God, we have no old people who do this shit
Speaker 3: are just right off the bat. If you're an old
Speaker 3: person trying to intimidate kids.
Speaker 1: This kid's literally this isn't some seventeen year old who
Speaker 1: yeah he's tiny too.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, that's the thing. It's like, if you're trying
Speaker 3: to intimidate kids as an adult and they're not yours, Like,
Speaker 3: I get it, you're a parent. Your kid's mouthing off, like,
Speaker 3: we all have limits, like, we can all be pushed, right, like,
Speaker 3: But if you're doing this to someone else's kid, and
Speaker 3: that's a problem, that's the.
Speaker 1: Kind of shit I want to talk to you about.
Speaker 1: In a sec let's take a look at it. So
Speaker 1: here's what I am thinking. It is though, I'm thinking
Speaker 1: these homes back up to this pond maybe, and that's
Speaker 1: what you pay for to have it back the pond, right,
Speaker 1: and this is maybe technically his backyard that they're standing
Speaker 1: in fishing, Like maybe their property line goes out to
Speaker 1: the water or something like that could so maybe they
Speaker 1: had random kids in their backyard. Now here's here's devil's advocate.
Speaker 1: Because I'm obviously not going to take this guy's side,
Speaker 1: and I don't want to double that. I still want
Speaker 1: to watch it. But the only thing I want you
Speaker 1: to consider is if a kid did get injured on
Speaker 1: their property, you could be liable.
Speaker 3: For that, you know. Well yeah, and if you injured
Speaker 3: the kid on your property, you would potentially be held
Speaker 3: liable for that.
Speaker 1: Well for sure, yes, yes, yes, uh. And this guy's
Speaker 1: I think obviously drunk. But let's play it. So, I, well,
Speaker 1: let's say you.
Speaker 5: Want that phone to go in the lake back way
Speaker 5: out here?
Speaker 1: He walked back up, back up, back up. I take
Speaker 1: a phone and put it in the lake.
Speaker 4: Yeah, Now, press charge is for what like a soul?
Speaker 3: For what a soul? Yeah, I'm not a saultant.
Speaker 1: Get out of here.
Speaker 3: I don't think he knows what a sault is.
Speaker 1: I don't know if anyone knows what assault is.
Speaker 3: I think assault can be a lot of things assault
Speaker 3: can be. It doesn't even have to always be physical,
Speaker 3: Like that's the thing is like assault is anything where
Speaker 3: you're like attacked, threatened. It's like different by state. Battery
Speaker 3: is when you're beating the ship out of somebody. Gotcha, gotcha? Okay,
Speaker 3: all right, all right, let's see, we're just gonna wait.
Speaker 3: We're not gonna mess with anything here. When you're fishing
Speaker 3: in a private lake. Get the hell out of here.
Speaker 4: Now, the cops are coming. We're just waiting for them.
Speaker 3: Okay, good, you know what.
Speaker 2: We're going to prosecute.
Speaker 3: So your parents are gonna be real proud of that.
Speaker 1: All right, We're gonna prosecute.
Speaker 5: You, and you're gonna pay all kinds of money because
Speaker 5: you're being a dick.
Speaker 3: I'm not being a date.
Speaker 1: You're the one yelling you're gonna private property, man, I'm
Speaker 1: threatened and walked out of here, your private property. So
Speaker 1: that kid again, that kid, he's trying to talk a
Speaker 1: little shit, the little skinny kid, but not really. He's
Speaker 1: like terrified. He thinks he's gonna get hit by this
Speaker 1: grown man. Who is I mean, he is kind of.
Speaker 3: A I'm kind of waiting for him to clock him.
Speaker 1: You you have classically like in shape skinny your scary
Speaker 1: skinny guy. This guy is just like a skinny pussy, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he's kind of a shlub, but he's got he's
Speaker 3: definitely a got a beer belly growing. Maybe he just retired. Yeah,
Speaker 3: and he's just he's working on it, you know.
Speaker 1: But he's got in shape office worker body, not in
Speaker 1: shape construction worker body.
Speaker 3: Right in shape construction worker body, I'll kill your ass.
Speaker 1: Yeah, And a construction worker would put his fist through
Speaker 1: that kid's chest and pull his heart out like he's
Speaker 1: not dealing.
Speaker 3: And I feel okay with that.
Speaker 1: And actually in shape construction worker guy would probably go,
Speaker 1: your kids be careful out there, all right, Which is
Speaker 1: something else I want to talk about.
Speaker 3: To catch me one, catch me what? Get out of here?
Speaker 3: We just said we want to get out of here.
Speaker 1: He touch me earlier.
Speaker 3: I like how the kids are saying they're gonna wait
Speaker 3: for the police because.
Speaker 1: It's totally to do and if there is the wrong,
Speaker 1: they'll be in trouble for it.
Speaker 3: And that's always the threat old people use. Yeah, you know, yeah,
Speaker 3: they I'm gonna call the police, like that time we
Speaker 3: did that thing in the basketball court that you still
Speaker 3: haven't talked about on the show.
Speaker 1: We're gonna talk about it on the show. I just
Speaker 1: have to get my friend John on the.
Speaker 3: People were like, we're gonna call the police, and I
Speaker 3: didn't have any of that. Ship all right, so.
Speaker 1: Wait the oh the fucking this woman here said something
Speaker 1: interesting there.
Speaker 3: You're trespassing, waiting for the place to come. Ready here,
Speaker 3: we're gonna talk to me.
Speaker 1: Talk to him. He's the president of the homeowners association,
Speaker 1: so that guy is responsible for making sure everything is
Speaker 1: nice around here, and he's screaming at a fucking kid, right.
Speaker 3: Yeah, yeah, the fucking they elected him.
Speaker 1: The entitlement in boomers.
Speaker 3: Man, Oh dude, they are the most entitled fucking people
Speaker 3: in the world.
Speaker 1: You hit that. I'm gonna play some more of this.
Speaker 1: You won't listen.
Speaker 4: You were a minor assault. You touch me. You know
Speaker 4: you're saying, let's go, that's a threat. And you smell
Speaker 4: like alcohol on your breath. I can smell it.
Speaker 3: You're right, I had a drink. Is that against so wild? Dumb?
Speaker 4: Shiph tell me you got all this on video?
Speaker 3: Is he gonna cry? The old man?
Speaker 1: Fifteen year old boys.
Speaker 3: They looked like about eleven.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they definitely. I can't judge kids, you know, not
Speaker 1: my personal preference, but uh, I never know how old
Speaker 1: they are.
Speaker 3: But he looked tiny.
Speaker 1: When you said like eleven, I was like, yeah, yeah,
Speaker 1: he looks smaller than Deonte he did.
Speaker 3: Yeah, he looks about the same size or smaller. Yeah.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 4: We're just gonna wait for the police, thank.
Speaker 5: You, and I'm we're gonna show those poles get Stown
Speaker 5: into the lake almost snap at the hand.
Speaker 4: No you're not because the police are gonna press charge
Speaker 4: on and you're gonna be arrested and ying for them.
Speaker 3: Okay, what he's gonna go into the lake, get the
Speaker 3: poll back and snap it in the hand.
Speaker 1: I don't. I didn't understand that either. Let let's hear
Speaker 1: that one more time.
Speaker 3: Right, We're just gonna wait for the police.
Speaker 5: Thank you, and I'm we're gonna show those poles get
Speaker 5: Stown into the lake almost snap in the hand.
Speaker 4: No you're not because the police are gonna press charge
Speaker 4: and you're gonna arrested and yelling for them.
Speaker 3: Okay, I do.
Speaker 1: I do like that kid was egging him though, He's like, yeah, okay,
Speaker 1: the guy who was ready to walk away and goes, Yeah,
Speaker 1: we're gonna wait for the police though, just just to remind.
Speaker 3: You, just yeah, we'll be here.
Speaker 1: We'll still be here where you don't want us to be.
Speaker 1: We'll just wait for the police though.
Speaker 3: Okay, we'll see you on your porch while we're here.
Speaker 4: Thank you.
Speaker 5: And I'm we're gonna show those poles get stown into
Speaker 5: the lake almost snap at the hand.
Speaker 4: No you're not, because the police are gonna press charge
Speaker 4: and you're gonna be arrested and ying for them.
Speaker 3: Okay, I promise you.
Speaker 4: We're showing the please this video, and you're gonna get
Speaker 4: arrested it.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I don't I don't know. If one of those
Speaker 1: poles gets thrown into the lake, I'm gonna snap it
Speaker 1: in half.
Speaker 3: Why maybe he means thrown like you throw your line.
Speaker 3: Don't know how to talk now, a dumb hill building.
Speaker 3: They're so dumb. Yeah. One thing I hate. I've heard
Speaker 3: this from so many goddamn Southerners. Man, And if you're
Speaker 3: a Southerner, fuck you for this, for this thing in particular,
Speaker 3: Fuck the whole South for this this thing. This is
Speaker 3: my When people say they have pet peeves about like
Speaker 3: door locks and light switches and where the ketchup bottle goes.
Speaker 3: Here's my fucking pet peeve. I don't even remember what
Speaker 3: it was anymore.
Speaker 1: Southerners.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it was Southerners. It's the way Southerners. Okay. So
Speaker 3: if you were going to blank a button or blank
Speaker 3: open a door, what would what would what word would
Speaker 3: you put in that? In that sense?
Speaker 1: Is it interchangeable between the two?
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's it's no, it's it's the same word. If
Speaker 3: what word would fill that blank? See, you're gonna.
Speaker 1: Dude, I don't want to come off dumb, and I'm
Speaker 1: not fucking with you. I cannot figure out I want
Speaker 1: to press a button, I want to pull a door.
Speaker 1: Push it, okay, pressure, push, push, push, Okay, this is
Speaker 1: a game. You got another one?
Speaker 3: Maybe? Yeah? Okay? Because okay, you could also blank a
Speaker 3: child off a swing right.
Speaker 1: Push?
Speaker 3: Push? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yea, let's push for everything.
Speaker 3: Southerners seem to have never heard the word push. They
Speaker 3: don't know what that word means. Anytime I've ever heard
Speaker 3: a Southerner say they want to push a button or
Speaker 3: push open a door or push a stroller, they use
Speaker 3: the word mash. Shut up, like you were going to
Speaker 3: mash some potatoes. Really, I why do you think? It
Speaker 3: irks me so goddamn much. It doesn't make any fucking sense.
Speaker 3: I hate it so goddamn much. It's like, dude, you
Speaker 3: mean like mashing is like you're like, ah, You're like
Speaker 3: you're you're just like kneading and crushing and just pulverizing.
Speaker 3: That's mashing. I don't know why every Southerner has to
Speaker 3: be like, oh, yeah, I just mashed the button. It's
Speaker 3: like you fucking took a metal grated handle with with
Speaker 3: with sharp edges and fucking drove it into the cutting board.
Speaker 3: Why you know what for? I hate that fucking Southerners
Speaker 3: are idiot.
Speaker 1: Shout out to our Southerner fans. I like you guys still,
Speaker 1: But here's no I mean I talked about.
Speaker 3: I talked about my friend Pittman at the beginning of
Speaker 3: the show. Right, he's Southern. He was dumb. He drank
Speaker 3: himself to death. Right like he mashed, He mashed the
Speaker 3: liquor down his down his gullet.
Speaker 1: Let's finish this.
Speaker 4: I promise you, we're showing the police this video and
Speaker 4: you're gonna get arrested. It good. I can't wait to
Speaker 4: see you walk away.
Speaker 3: In hand, do it, don't do it. Don't touch my brod.
Speaker 3: Don't touch my rod.
Speaker 1: Yo, you can't fucking do that.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'm a believe I got down video. I got
Speaker 3: down video. Bro, you're going viral politely, Yeah, but you
Speaker 3: can't break my property.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I.
Speaker 3: Don't know. It sounded like he was, but if he's not,
Speaker 3: he's braid.
Speaker 1: And then he came into the light and he's really ginger.
Speaker 3: I think, Oh, I know, I can't tell if his
Speaker 3: shorts are his skin or I don't know which part
Speaker 3: is which.
Speaker 1: He's very Uh, he's whiny, and I don't like that.
Speaker 2: You can't do that.
Speaker 1: I mean, and that old man kind of got his
Speaker 1: goat at the end there where the kids eggs them on,
Speaker 1: and then you get your fucking rod snapped.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I'd like to know the outcome. I'd like to
Speaker 3: know if this old man did get fucked in the
Speaker 3: yard after this incident.
Speaker 1: All this happens, and then look what happens, You get
Speaker 1: your rod mashed? Fucking All right, let me ask some
Speaker 1: things real quick. As a homeowner, how would you address
Speaker 1: it if you did want someone off of your property? Uh?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I guess if I they wouldn't leave with a
Speaker 3: reasonable request. Yeah, you just call the police, You let
Speaker 3: them handle it. Yeah, hell, yeah, what the fuck? What
Speaker 3: the hell am I gonna? Yeah? I don't. I'm already,
Speaker 3: Like I said, I get ashamed of my emotional outbursts
Speaker 3: around my family. So I I'll have these emotional states
Speaker 3: where I overreact or I I just show parts of
Speaker 3: myself I don't want to let people see, and then
Speaker 3: it's just like deep shame for days afterwards. You think
Speaker 3: I want to fucking do that in my neighborhood, around
Speaker 3: all the people that already give me weird looks every
Speaker 3: time I go to check the fucking mail. No, no,
Speaker 3: I stay out of everything that happens outside my house.
Speaker 3: I don't want any fucking part of it.
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, fair enough? As a father, how do
Speaker 1: you deal with this? Deonta's down there fishing blah blah blah,
Speaker 1: same thing happens breaks his property too. Let's say that,
Speaker 1: and then let's say how you address it if he
Speaker 1: doesn't break his property.
Speaker 3: Oh, I guess I'd have to go and fuck the
Speaker 3: old man up for breaking the property, like even if
Speaker 3: he was misbehaving. That's my money and I have to
Speaker 3: beat this old man up, and then if he didn't
Speaker 3: break the rod, I guess I'd probably be dismissive and
Speaker 3: be like, stop fucking with the old people. God, I'm
Speaker 3: so fucking stressed with my job.
Speaker 1: I really got to get a holt.
Speaker 6: Now.
Speaker 1: We only have thirty two dollars left. That's just enough
Speaker 1: to get my weed and short the guy at the register.
Speaker 3: He's not I don't short him, I just stiff him.
Speaker 3: I don't give him a tip. Is tipping a common
Speaker 3: practice at weed chops there? No, But when they walk
Speaker 3: out and bring you something to your car, I feel
Speaker 3: like I should give him something. That's how they have
Speaker 3: a curbside thing. Yeah, yeah, that's fair, even if it's
Speaker 3: a dollar.
Speaker 1: Really, though, I think even if he doesn't break it,
Speaker 1: I think you have to. I think you take it
Speaker 1: a step before what you did in the one scenario
Speaker 1: of beating the shit out of this man, and I
Speaker 1: think you take it a step ahead of what you
Speaker 1: said about whatever. Personally me, I would go down there
Speaker 1: and really try and throw some weight behind it. Hey,
Speaker 1: were you just screaming at my kid. You don't have
Speaker 1: to threaten him, you don't have to do anything. But
Speaker 1: I think you can send a message to him, you know,
Speaker 1: just in to he looks and as you're holding a
Speaker 1: handgu by your side and your hands holding your handshit,
Speaker 1: you're holding your cock with one hand and a handgun
Speaker 1: with the other, and your gun hand is just shaking,
Speaker 1: and the guy kind.
Speaker 3: Of cock hand is steady.
Speaker 1: It's steady, very steady. And the guy sees you're having
Speaker 1: an adrenaline rush right now, but only in the gun
Speaker 1: hand as your cockhand is steady.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't know that episode now.
Speaker 1: I was just thinking that we got a couple other
Speaker 1: good names.
Speaker 3: That I like. Cockhand is steady. All right, we're gonna
Speaker 3: wrap this one up.
Speaker 1: Go to your Worst friend dot com, follow us everywhere
Speaker 1: on Twitter and Instagram at worst friend Cast. Most importantly,
Speaker 1: go to patreon dot com, Patreon dot com, sash Worst
Speaker 1: friend Cast seven day free trial and then it's only
Speaker 1: a dollar a month. You get a bonus episode every
Speaker 1: week and you get access to everything ever recorded, entirely
Speaker 1: commercial free.
Speaker 3: Uh what's your favorite bonus episode?
Speaker 1: Uh? The one where we talked about sounding. I don't
Speaker 1: know the number on it, but yeah, wee one of
Speaker 1: the bonus episodes. We watch sounding videos which If you
Speaker 1: don't know what that is, go to whatever porn browser
Speaker 1: you prefer and look.
Speaker 3: Up sounding preferred Patreon.
Speaker 1: Yeah, oh yeah, well we could describe it too, but
Speaker 1: it's when you take a rod and insert it into
Speaker 1: your mail Juretha h Urethra.
Speaker 3: Can girls sound.
Speaker 1: Yeah they can? We watch one of those videos too.
Speaker 3: Is real gross?
Speaker 1: Okay, all right, we're gonna wrap this one up. Who
Speaker 1: would you rather fuck the old man in the Tennessee
Speaker 1: shirt or that woman in the background who felt the
Speaker 1: need to insert herself in the business.
Speaker 3: Obviously the man to show dominance over the homeowners association
Speaker 3: like we always be the president, but I'm the one
Speaker 3: pulling the strings.
Speaker 1: Like we always say, folks, it's not about the sex.
Speaker 3: It's about the power. For your worst friend, I'm Matt,
Speaker 3: I'm powerful.
Speaker 1: Thanks thanks for listening. We'll see you next week, you know,
Speaker 1: following us all like burn over.
Speaker 3: We're really gonna miss your guta. The show's over.