1 00:00:03,839 --> 00:00:10,679 Speaker 1: All right, y'all, Hey, come on, this is knock if 2 00:00:10,720 --> 00:00:13,839 you snow more with your host doctor and evangelist Hey A. 3 00:00:14,039 --> 00:00:16,000 Speaker 2: Rich, help you to admit. 4 00:00:15,839 --> 00:00:19,399 Speaker 1: What you feel it you feel wrong the event of 5 00:00:19,760 --> 00:00:23,640 narcissistic abuse, because you're feelings. 6 00:00:23,359 --> 00:00:56,359 Speaker 2: You do matters how you are doing a man in 7 00:00:56,560 --> 00:00:58,399 narcissistic land. 8 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:03,719 Speaker 1: This is Doctor Ko Rich or nark Abuse No More, 9 00:01:03,759 --> 00:01:07,079 where we're here to help you admit what you feel 10 00:01:07,239 --> 00:01:13,319 in order to heal from the effects of narcissistic abuse, because. 11 00:01:13,120 --> 00:01:16,599 Speaker 2: Your feelings do matter, Yes they do. 12 00:01:17,040 --> 00:01:19,760 Speaker 1: But before we go on with today's podcast, I'd like 13 00:01:19,799 --> 00:01:22,480 to invite you to visit us on our website at 14 00:01:22,599 --> 00:01:27,319 www dot nrc NA r C Abuse Nomore dot net. 15 00:01:27,840 --> 00:01:31,400 Www dot na r C Abuse No More dot net 16 00:01:31,439 --> 00:01:34,480 and on our website you'll find valuable information. We're gonna 17 00:01:34,480 --> 00:01:38,000 be adding more things to the website so that you 18 00:01:38,079 --> 00:01:42,040 can learn and be able to read about different types 19 00:01:42,040 --> 00:01:46,920 of abuse, healing from abuse, forgiveness and all those things 20 00:01:47,280 --> 00:01:53,239 as it pertains to narcissism. I pray that you're stress free, 21 00:01:53,400 --> 00:01:57,280 narcissistic free, abuse free, and that the remainder of this 22 00:01:57,319 --> 00:02:01,799 week will continue to be so as well. But if not, 23 00:02:02,560 --> 00:02:06,120 We're going to be talking about a few things today. 24 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:09,560 So what are we talking about today? We're gonna talk 25 00:02:09,599 --> 00:02:12,800 about The question is often asked, is it possible for 26 00:02:12,879 --> 00:02:14,319 an abuser to change? 27 00:02:14,800 --> 00:02:18,000 Speaker 2: Is it possible for an abuser to change? 28 00:02:18,039 --> 00:02:22,280 Speaker 1: Because many times people are in relationships that. 29 00:02:22,240 --> 00:02:26,280 Speaker 2: They're praying and hoping for that abuser to. 30 00:02:26,560 --> 00:02:30,759 Speaker 1: Change, and you want to know, is it even possible 31 00:02:31,400 --> 00:02:34,599 for that person to change? I wanna go to before 32 00:02:34,639 --> 00:02:37,840 we go on with that quot to answer that question. 33 00:02:37,960 --> 00:02:40,599 I wanna go to the book of Joel in the 34 00:02:40,639 --> 00:02:45,360 Bible Joel chapter two, verse thirteen. Joel chapter two, verse thirteen. 35 00:02:45,400 --> 00:02:47,520 And many people might think, well, the Bible doesn't talk 36 00:02:47,560 --> 00:02:51,000 about abuse, But yes, there are many scriptures that deal 37 00:02:51,080 --> 00:02:55,479 with how we are supposed to operate, and that one 38 00:02:55,520 --> 00:02:58,039 of those things is not to be ab abusive. 39 00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:05,199 Speaker 2: But when it God God, he had had issues. 40 00:03:04,840 --> 00:03:08,800 Speaker 1: With Israel, okay, with Israel and Judah because they were 41 00:03:08,840 --> 00:03:12,759 rebellious and they were into all kinds of different things 42 00:03:12,800 --> 00:03:15,520 that went against God. But the thing is, I wanna 43 00:03:15,520 --> 00:03:18,919 bring your attention to this particular verse as in Joel 44 00:03:19,039 --> 00:03:23,840 chapter two and verse thirteen. And Israel had a habit 45 00:03:23,960 --> 00:03:29,280 of of looking the part, but not actually being the part. 46 00:03:29,360 --> 00:03:33,360 Speaker 2: Okay, so looking excuse me, looking like they were. 47 00:03:35,240 --> 00:03:40,479 Speaker 1: They were uh, following God's laws. They were prideful because 48 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,919 they thought, oh, we're Jews and the temple the Lord 49 00:03:43,039 --> 00:03:45,599 is here. But then they did not they did not 50 00:03:45,800 --> 00:03:50,960 have a heart for God. So so God had something 51 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:55,280 to say to them regarding that, and in verse thirteen, 52 00:03:55,439 --> 00:03:59,879 it says, ren your heart and not your garments. Return 53 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:02,800 to the Lord your God, for he is gracious and compassionate, 54 00:04:02,919 --> 00:04:06,000 slow to anger, and abounding in love, and he relents 55 00:04:06,159 --> 00:04:08,400 from sending calamity. 56 00:04:09,240 --> 00:04:10,680 Speaker 2: So what God was telling. 57 00:04:12,000 --> 00:04:16,079 Speaker 1: The Israel through the prophet job was that when it 58 00:04:16,120 --> 00:04:21,279 when it says rend your hearts, it was customary to 59 00:04:21,279 --> 00:04:25,160 to tear their garments when there was sadness, when there. 60 00:04:25,160 --> 00:04:28,399 Speaker 2: Was a when they uh. 61 00:04:27,879 --> 00:04:31,439 Speaker 1: When there was different test trials and things going on, 62 00:04:32,000 --> 00:04:36,240 and as a as a sign of confession and repentance. 63 00:04:36,519 --> 00:04:40,079 But see, they were doing things on the outside and 64 00:04:40,160 --> 00:04:44,480 they were not actually changing their hearts. And so God 65 00:04:44,600 --> 00:04:47,399 was saying, you know, I don't want lip service. I 66 00:04:47,399 --> 00:04:50,160 don't want to just see you do it on the outside, 67 00:04:50,399 --> 00:04:53,959 just as an outward displayed to make it appear as 68 00:04:54,000 --> 00:04:57,439 if you're changing. So in another version it says, don't 69 00:04:57,439 --> 00:05:02,199 tear your clothing in your grief, but tear your hearts instead. 70 00:05:02,680 --> 00:05:04,959 Speaker 2: And what God was saying you need to change your 71 00:05:05,120 --> 00:05:05,720 inner man. 72 00:05:05,879 --> 00:05:09,879 Speaker 1: You change your heart, not just your outward garments to 73 00:05:09,920 --> 00:05:14,199 make it look like you're changing. So so with that 74 00:05:14,240 --> 00:05:18,959 being said, I use that particular scripture because when you're 75 00:05:18,959 --> 00:05:23,920 trying to answer the question can a person change, you know, 76 00:05:24,120 --> 00:05:28,160 there's a lot that goes into that. You know, we 77 00:05:28,160 --> 00:05:31,519 we we often throughout our the course of our lifetime, 78 00:05:31,959 --> 00:05:35,839 we change as we're going into for as growing up. 79 00:05:36,879 --> 00:05:40,519 Kids change as they get into puberty, and then that 80 00:05:40,720 --> 00:05:44,360 adolescent stage, at that teenage stage, and then at young 81 00:05:45,120 --> 00:05:50,680 the young adult stage, and as we're growing we experience changes. Okay, 82 00:05:50,720 --> 00:05:56,480 but the thing is is that those are oftentimes natural changes. 83 00:05:56,519 --> 00:06:02,519 But when you're dealing with a situation when someone is abusive, 84 00:06:03,920 --> 00:06:08,879 takes that takes intentional change. Okay, that takes you being 85 00:06:09,079 --> 00:06:13,680 conscious that you have a problem that needs to be 86 00:06:14,560 --> 00:06:18,360 that needs to be modified, that needs to be changed. Okay, 87 00:06:19,199 --> 00:06:24,560 so can you change? Nothing is impossible. But the thing 88 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:27,680 is is that a person has the first of all, 89 00:06:27,839 --> 00:06:32,800 acknowledge that there is a problem, and then they have 90 00:06:32,920 --> 00:06:36,720 to really be honest with themselves and say, you know what, 91 00:06:37,120 --> 00:06:38,839 I need to get help. 92 00:06:39,079 --> 00:06:40,759 Speaker 2: Okay, I need to get help. 93 00:06:41,399 --> 00:06:45,720 Speaker 1: And so one part of changing will involve that abusive 94 00:06:45,800 --> 00:06:49,480 person being willing to get intervention. 95 00:06:50,680 --> 00:06:51,839 Speaker 2: Intervention what I mean. 96 00:06:52,079 --> 00:06:54,759 Speaker 1: I'm not talking about your buddies that's gonna say, oh, 97 00:06:54,839 --> 00:06:56,959 you know, you don't need to do anything. I'm talking 98 00:06:56,959 --> 00:07:01,240 about something intervention in getting counselor some type of therapy, 99 00:07:01,319 --> 00:07:05,199 some type of program that's gonna actually help them to 100 00:07:05,920 --> 00:07:09,560 understand their behavior, to change their behavior, to have them 101 00:07:09,600 --> 00:07:14,959 reflect on it and be held accountable for their behavior. 102 00:07:16,199 --> 00:07:17,759 Speaker 2: That means that if they want to. 103 00:07:19,279 --> 00:07:23,839 Speaker 1: Change, they have to learn other ways to express their 104 00:07:24,279 --> 00:07:27,560 anger or whatever it is in order. 105 00:07:27,439 --> 00:07:30,160 Speaker 2: To seriously change. 106 00:07:31,360 --> 00:07:36,360 Speaker 1: And so there are some things that some things that abusers, 107 00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:40,759 if they want to change, they can do in order 108 00:07:40,839 --> 00:07:43,720 to show true change. But let me just say this, 109 00:07:45,000 --> 00:07:48,879 if you're in an abusive situation and that person, if 110 00:07:48,920 --> 00:07:52,680 you know you're in an abusive situation, it is best 111 00:07:52,759 --> 00:07:54,600 to get help for yourself. 112 00:07:54,639 --> 00:07:56,839 Speaker 2: Do not wait for this person to change. 113 00:07:57,160 --> 00:08:00,240 Speaker 1: If you're being abused and you're in a dangerous situation, 114 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:05,399 you need to get out as safely as possible. That 115 00:08:05,560 --> 00:08:07,879 means that you need to talk to other people. We're 116 00:08:07,879 --> 00:08:11,639 gonna talk about how to go about leaving, because even 117 00:08:11,680 --> 00:08:17,199 after you leave this person, you still have to be safe, okay, 118 00:08:17,319 --> 00:08:21,600 because oftentimes there there's times when even after the person 119 00:08:21,639 --> 00:08:25,839 has left the relationship that that narcissistic abuser does not 120 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:30,319 want to let go of that individual. And so you 121 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:36,240 also need to be able to recognize signs and also 122 00:08:36,440 --> 00:08:40,200 know what to do so that you could be safe. Okay, 123 00:08:40,399 --> 00:08:43,360 Because it's not just about leaving, it's also being safe 124 00:08:43,799 --> 00:08:47,759 when you leave. And we're gonna talk about that in 125 00:08:47,799 --> 00:08:54,519 an upcoming podcast. But I wanna give you some things 126 00:08:54,559 --> 00:08:58,480 that you can that abuser. How for is how abuse 127 00:08:58,519 --> 00:09:03,360 an abuser can change and this is from Arthur Nundi Bancroft, 128 00:09:04,080 --> 00:09:08,120 and the following are changes in that person that indicate 129 00:09:08,200 --> 00:09:12,960 that they're making progress in their recovery. Now, if somebody said, oh, 130 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,039 I can change, I can change. No, no, don't just 131 00:09:15,080 --> 00:09:17,919 take their word for that. They need to be actually 132 00:09:18,440 --> 00:09:21,519 in recovery. That means that they need to be going 133 00:09:21,600 --> 00:09:26,399 to counseling. Rather it's a group counseling. And don't just 134 00:09:26,519 --> 00:09:29,120 do don't just believe just because they're going that they're 135 00:09:29,159 --> 00:09:36,279 making progress. Okay, because sometimes even with court mandated counseling, 136 00:09:36,799 --> 00:09:41,000 a person will go, but it's not really voluntary voluntary. 137 00:09:41,120 --> 00:09:44,159 I mean they're being court mandated to go, or now 138 00:09:44,159 --> 00:09:45,639 they it's voluntary for us. 139 00:09:45,919 --> 00:09:48,080 Speaker 2: They're making the decision you either go to jail or 140 00:09:48,120 --> 00:09:49,000 you go to counseling. 141 00:09:49,039 --> 00:09:52,720 Speaker 1: Okay, but it still has its involuntary aspects. 142 00:09:52,840 --> 00:09:53,960 Speaker 2: So they're not doing it. 143 00:09:54,039 --> 00:09:58,399 Speaker 1: Oh because I really see that I need to get 144 00:09:58,440 --> 00:09:58,919 this help. 145 00:09:59,360 --> 00:10:01,919 Speaker 2: Is that this is a last resort. It used to 146 00:10:02,000 --> 00:10:02,480 be a time. 147 00:10:02,519 --> 00:10:04,440 Speaker 1: I don't know if they still do it, but it 148 00:10:04,519 --> 00:10:07,320 used to be a time when youth and when certain 149 00:10:07,360 --> 00:10:10,720 youth got in trouble and they were of age that 150 00:10:10,759 --> 00:10:12,799 the judge will order, hey, you either go to. 151 00:10:12,799 --> 00:10:15,919 Speaker 2: Jail or you go into the military. Make your choice. Okay. 152 00:10:16,039 --> 00:10:22,279 Speaker 1: So when you're dealing with someone that's abusive and they're 153 00:10:23,320 --> 00:10:26,159 going to counseling, it needs to be something that they 154 00:10:26,200 --> 00:10:29,919 have seen that hey, I need this help, not just 155 00:10:29,960 --> 00:10:32,360 because they trying to keep you or get you back. 156 00:10:32,399 --> 00:10:37,120 They need to actually see for themselves, within themselves that 157 00:10:37,240 --> 00:10:42,279 they actually are doing things that is unacceptable and they 158 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:46,600 need help to change. But as for you, do not 159 00:10:46,759 --> 00:10:49,840 rely on that person. Okay, you don't want to rely 160 00:10:49,919 --> 00:10:54,960 on that person to make changes. You have to see 161 00:10:55,039 --> 00:10:59,120 what is best for you in that situation. Is it 162 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:02,919 best for you to not be in an abusive situation? 163 00:11:03,039 --> 00:11:06,279 So I wanna go over some things that's indicate that 164 00:11:06,720 --> 00:11:12,360 are indicators that a person is making change. Number One, 165 00:11:12,559 --> 00:11:17,080 they admit fully to what they have done. Number one, 166 00:11:18,120 --> 00:11:22,120 If a person does not admit that they have done 167 00:11:22,200 --> 00:11:26,440 something wrong, then they don't fully admit it and don't 168 00:11:26,480 --> 00:11:32,080 know the fullness of how much damage that it has done. 169 00:11:32,399 --> 00:11:36,759 If they're not fully admitting that they have done something wrong, 170 00:11:37,360 --> 00:11:40,159 then that there's a problem right there. 171 00:11:42,320 --> 00:11:42,519 Speaker 2: You know. 172 00:11:42,919 --> 00:11:46,039 Speaker 1: Even when it comes to God, the Bible says, if 173 00:11:46,080 --> 00:11:49,279 we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to 174 00:11:49,360 --> 00:11:52,399 forgive us and cleanse us from all unrighteousness. 175 00:11:52,519 --> 00:11:56,360 Speaker 2: There needs to be a confession, but not just lip service. 176 00:11:56,399 --> 00:11:58,440 Speaker 1: Because sometimes people say, oh, I'm sorry, I know I 177 00:11:58,480 --> 00:12:01,320 hit you, blah blah blah, and they and they'll continue 178 00:12:01,360 --> 00:12:02,639 doing it the next time. 179 00:12:03,799 --> 00:12:05,279 Speaker 2: So they have to come to the. 180 00:12:05,240 --> 00:12:11,480 Speaker 1: Full realization of what they have done. And if a 181 00:12:11,519 --> 00:12:16,039 person would not actually say I was wrong, I should 182 00:12:16,120 --> 00:12:18,720 not have done that, I should not. 183 00:12:18,879 --> 00:12:21,600 Speaker 2: Have did you that way. 184 00:12:21,879 --> 00:12:27,039 Speaker 1: If they cannot fully appreciate what they have actually done 185 00:12:27,279 --> 00:12:32,200 that is harmful to you, then there's a problem right there. 186 00:12:34,559 --> 00:12:35,879 Speaker 2: So that's number one. 187 00:12:37,600 --> 00:12:42,600 Speaker 1: Number two, if they stop making excuses and blaming. 188 00:12:43,679 --> 00:12:47,559 Speaker 2: Do what that mean by that? Sometimes? Excuse me. 189 00:12:47,600 --> 00:12:52,600 Speaker 1: Sometimes when people are in this type of abusive situation 190 00:12:52,799 --> 00:12:58,200 a relationship and they're the abuser, they tend to blame 191 00:12:58,399 --> 00:13:03,639 the victim. So instead of them taking responsibility for what 192 00:13:03,840 --> 00:13:07,320 they have done, they will make excuses, Oh, because you 193 00:13:07,480 --> 00:13:10,960 did this, then that's why I did that. 194 00:13:10,960 --> 00:13:12,440 Speaker 2: That is unacceptable. 195 00:13:14,080 --> 00:13:16,759 Speaker 1: That means that you're not fully Going back to number one, 196 00:13:16,799 --> 00:13:18,679 you're not fully admitting what you've done. 197 00:13:18,679 --> 00:13:20,799 Speaker 2: You're not fully acknowledging what you did. 198 00:13:20,960 --> 00:13:24,679 Speaker 1: So therefore, number two, you're making an excuse and blaming 199 00:13:25,000 --> 00:13:29,480 someone else or some situation as to why you're acting 200 00:13:29,519 --> 00:13:32,919 the way you are. For example, someone that comes in 201 00:13:33,120 --> 00:13:35,240 beat their wife to a pope because they had a 202 00:13:35,279 --> 00:13:37,480 bad day on a job. So then they will say, oh, 203 00:13:37,519 --> 00:13:40,159 I'm so sorry because I was up under all this 204 00:13:40,279 --> 00:13:41,879 stress and so therefore I took. 205 00:13:41,720 --> 00:13:43,080 Speaker 2: It out on you. 206 00:13:43,559 --> 00:13:45,960 Speaker 1: And because you didn't cook the food right and you 207 00:13:45,960 --> 00:13:48,639 didn't earn the clothes, right, But even though I had 208 00:13:48,639 --> 00:13:52,679 a bad day at the job, I'm gonna take it 209 00:13:52,720 --> 00:13:55,759 out on you because you made my day as. 210 00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,399 Speaker 2: Bad as well. That is not acceptable. 211 00:14:00,440 --> 00:14:05,759 Speaker 1: Being truly in a posture of change means that I 212 00:14:06,000 --> 00:14:06,440 was wrong. 213 00:14:07,039 --> 00:14:14,080 Speaker 2: Period. I'm not gonna blame somebody else for what I did. Period. 214 00:14:14,120 --> 00:14:17,120 I take full accountability for what I did. Period. 215 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:22,159 Speaker 1: This is what I did, period. 216 00:14:20,759 --> 00:14:25,759 Speaker 2: This is why I did it because, and not to blame. 217 00:14:25,879 --> 00:14:27,960 Speaker 1: You were saying, I did this because I did not 218 00:14:28,039 --> 00:14:32,320 take responsibility for what I did, and therefore I allowed 219 00:14:32,360 --> 00:14:34,200 my anger to get the best of me, and I 220 00:14:34,240 --> 00:14:35,360 took it out on you. 221 00:14:35,600 --> 00:14:39,080 Speaker 2: Period. No excuses. 222 00:14:40,240 --> 00:14:42,840 Speaker 1: Now, when you were in therapy, they can talk to 223 00:14:42,840 --> 00:14:45,279 you about things that may have led up to you 224 00:14:45,720 --> 00:14:48,440 doing this. But when you are truly changing, you're not 225 00:14:48,480 --> 00:14:51,399 gonna blame the victim. You're gonna take accountability for yourself. 226 00:14:51,440 --> 00:14:55,360 There's no butts though, there's no excuses, there's no shift blaming. 227 00:14:55,919 --> 00:15:02,639 You're gonna take accountability for what you did. Period number three. 228 00:15:03,840 --> 00:15:06,320 When you are, when a person is truly in that 229 00:15:06,399 --> 00:15:09,000 posture for change, they're gonna make amends. They're gonna try 230 00:15:09,000 --> 00:15:12,120 to make amends. They gonnay. They they're gonna try to 231 00:15:12,639 --> 00:15:15,559 how can I fix this? What can I do to 232 00:15:15,600 --> 00:15:19,000 get this right? How can I you know, I know 233 00:15:19,200 --> 00:15:22,159 I did something wrong to you. I'm so sorry. What 234 00:15:22,200 --> 00:15:25,080 can I do to make this right? And even if 235 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:28,919 you don't stay in that relationship that person, if they're truly, 236 00:15:29,000 --> 00:15:32,240 truly sorry, they're gonna be able to even accept that 237 00:15:32,360 --> 00:15:34,919 if you decide, hey, you know, I'm not gonna stay 238 00:15:34,919 --> 00:15:39,159 in this relationship anymore, But they're not gonna go without saying, 239 00:15:39,200 --> 00:15:41,639 you know what, I'm sorry. Is there anything that I 240 00:15:41,639 --> 00:15:46,360 could do to make this right? Number four, accept the 241 00:15:46,440 --> 00:15:50,679 responsibility and recognizing that abuse is a choice. 242 00:15:51,480 --> 00:15:56,159 Speaker 2: An abuse is a choice. Don't n No one has 243 00:15:56,559 --> 00:15:57,720 to go hit someone. 244 00:15:58,639 --> 00:16:02,320 Speaker 1: No one has to verbally abuse you, no one has 245 00:16:02,399 --> 00:16:03,639 to emotionally abuse you. 246 00:16:03,679 --> 00:16:06,039 Speaker 2: No one has to spiritual abuse you or financially. It's 247 00:16:06,039 --> 00:16:06,519 a choice. 248 00:16:06,559 --> 00:16:10,240 Speaker 1: When you choose to abuse someone, you are making a 249 00:16:10,440 --> 00:16:16,440 conscious choice that I am going to do this. There 250 00:16:16,480 --> 00:16:20,720 there's no excuses, there's no accidents. You have to take 251 00:16:20,799 --> 00:16:24,799 responsibility and say I chose to do this. No one 252 00:16:25,000 --> 00:16:28,320 made you do it. I chose to do this, I 253 00:16:28,440 --> 00:16:35,919 chose to react in this manner, taking responsibility. 254 00:16:36,159 --> 00:16:39,080 Speaker 2: And one thing that we know that abusers. 255 00:16:38,639 --> 00:16:42,480 Speaker 1: And narcissists don't do is they don't like to take responsibility. 256 00:16:43,279 --> 00:16:47,639 But when you are truly in that posture for change, 257 00:16:48,000 --> 00:16:52,279 you gonna accept responsibility and recognize that your abuse was 258 00:16:52,279 --> 00:16:56,759 a choice. We're gonna take a quick break and we'll 259 00:16:56,799 --> 00:16:58,440 be back in just a moment. 260 00:17:13,759 --> 00:17:16,240 Speaker 3: Has so love come. 261 00:17:17,559 --> 00:17:23,519 Speaker 4: With heavy colt promises made. 262 00:17:24,640 --> 00:17:30,359 Speaker 3: Then calmly lost, But he has feels. 263 00:17:30,400 --> 00:17:45,240 Speaker 5: Thing gentle, true like grace, waking, straighten every step, be take. 264 00:17:46,920 --> 00:17:57,039 Speaker 3: Face, turns my dad into phrase. This makes me thank 265 00:17:57,200 --> 00:18:03,079 God all the pigs and the ever every prayer he 266 00:18:03,559 --> 00:18:14,480 is sart hiss. Love makes me think God, you love 267 00:18:14,640 --> 00:18:16,079 me clue. 268 00:18:16,640 --> 00:18:17,880 Speaker 6: He's a me. 269 00:18:22,000 --> 00:18:31,119 Speaker 4: With patience. Their pins my min When life gets love, 270 00:18:32,119 --> 00:18:34,720 which stud. 271 00:18:37,240 --> 00:18:40,359 Speaker 3: The latter's word, She be the way. 272 00:18:42,559 --> 00:18:45,400 Speaker 6: The shows. 273 00:18:47,759 --> 00:18:54,359 Speaker 3: A start, the season, change his grace days stay holy life. 274 00:18:59,440 --> 00:19:03,400 Speaker 6: This is love that makes me thank God all. 275 00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:05,240 Speaker 4: The peace of ever. 276 00:19:06,640 --> 00:19:18,400 Speaker 6: Everythread so so this love, think God, all the peace. 277 00:19:18,240 --> 00:19:19,519 Speaker 4: And ever. 278 00:19:20,960 --> 00:19:23,160 Speaker 6: Everybrady in so so. 279 00:19:24,519 --> 00:19:39,519 Speaker 7: His lovation, think God, thank God. 280 00:19:39,839 --> 00:19:41,759 Speaker 3: For the time we come. 281 00:19:45,599 --> 00:19:49,599 Speaker 2: And that is this love makes me thank God. All right? 282 00:19:49,680 --> 00:19:52,319 Speaker 1: All right, So we are still talking about is it 283 00:19:52,480 --> 00:19:57,920 possible for an abuser to change, and we went over 284 00:19:58,160 --> 00:20:00,359 that they have to admit what they have done, stop 285 00:20:00,440 --> 00:20:05,079 making excuses and blaming, make amends, accepting responsibility, and recognizing 286 00:20:05,119 --> 00:20:11,759 that abuse is a choice. Number five identifying patterns of controlling. 287 00:20:11,319 --> 00:20:12,519 Speaker 2: Behavior they use. 288 00:20:12,599 --> 00:20:14,240 Speaker 1: And they will only be able to do this if 289 00:20:14,279 --> 00:20:17,680 they go to counseling. So they have to understand what 290 00:20:17,920 --> 00:20:22,799 they're doing that is an abuse, an abusive pattern. They 291 00:20:22,920 --> 00:20:26,839 have to understand what you know when they're using controlling tactics. 292 00:20:26,880 --> 00:20:28,920 And this is where a therapist will come in as 293 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:32,279 a counselor or a support group will come in at 294 00:20:32,359 --> 00:20:35,000 to let them know, Okay, this is what I do 295 00:20:35,920 --> 00:20:40,000 that's considered abuse because it's not always We know the 296 00:20:40,160 --> 00:20:43,880 obvious for is hitting someone, but there are other things 297 00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:47,440 that is abusive as well, and some things that lead 298 00:20:47,640 --> 00:20:52,039 up to that ultimate explosion. So they have to identify 299 00:20:52,119 --> 00:20:56,799 the patterns of controlling behavior that they use. People often 300 00:20:56,839 --> 00:21:02,200 don't think that being a person that's controlling is abusive, 301 00:21:02,240 --> 00:21:06,960 but yes, that is abusive behavior. Another thing Number six 302 00:21:07,119 --> 00:21:12,160 is identifying the attitudes that drive their abuse. That means 303 00:21:12,319 --> 00:21:15,279 that if I am having a bad day and I 304 00:21:15,440 --> 00:21:20,480 start beating someone else, then that's my bad day means 305 00:21:20,519 --> 00:21:23,119 that I'm causing someone else to have a bad day 306 00:21:23,160 --> 00:21:26,960 when I decide to be abusive. If I am, if 307 00:21:27,039 --> 00:21:30,359 I'm having a moody time and I start just verbally 308 00:21:30,960 --> 00:21:33,880 starting to fight with someone, then that's I have to 309 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:38,839 recognize what are my triggers so that I will not 310 00:21:39,680 --> 00:21:41,400 allow myself. 311 00:21:41,400 --> 00:21:46,559 Speaker 2: To be an abuser. Okay, So knowing those triggers, knowing 312 00:21:46,680 --> 00:21:49,480 those attitudes that drive the abuse. 313 00:21:50,000 --> 00:21:58,079 Speaker 1: Number seven, accepting that overcoming abusiveness is a process. Okay, 314 00:21:58,519 --> 00:22:02,599 so they cannot declare themselves, oh I'm cured of this. 315 00:22:03,119 --> 00:22:06,000 Speaker 2: No, this is a process. So if someone beat you 316 00:22:06,079 --> 00:22:08,960 on Monday and I'm cured on Friday, no, no, no, no, 317 00:22:09,200 --> 00:22:10,000 no no. 318 00:22:10,319 --> 00:22:12,640 Speaker 1: This is a process. This means that I need to 319 00:22:13,240 --> 00:22:16,519 get help. I need to talk to someone. We gotta 320 00:22:16,640 --> 00:22:22,200 discuss some things. Regardless or what type of what type 321 00:22:22,240 --> 00:22:26,599 of treatment plan that that counselor uses with that particular person. 322 00:22:26,680 --> 00:22:29,640 Everybody's is gonna be unique. But the thing is is 323 00:22:29,759 --> 00:22:32,039 that you have to get in front of someone who 324 00:22:32,119 --> 00:22:36,359 can help you to recognize Okay, this is what I'm 325 00:22:36,599 --> 00:22:41,079 used to doing. This is you have to understand that 326 00:22:41,599 --> 00:22:45,559 I have to take time to get to know what's 327 00:22:45,640 --> 00:22:49,359 inside of me, why I'm doing this, and it's a process. 328 00:22:50,079 --> 00:22:53,160 Speaker 2: It's a process. So someone who's the recipient of. 329 00:22:53,200 --> 00:22:55,440 Speaker 1: An abuser and they come back, oh, I've changed, and 330 00:22:55,599 --> 00:22:57,759 you just got beat on Monday or Tuesday or whatever 331 00:22:57,839 --> 00:22:58,319 case may be. 332 00:22:58,480 --> 00:23:00,200 Speaker 7: No, no, no, no, no no. 333 00:23:00,720 --> 00:23:03,920 Speaker 2: That person needs to go get have some. 334 00:23:04,079 --> 00:23:09,000 Speaker 1: Spend some quality time with a counselor or someone in 335 00:23:09,359 --> 00:23:16,599 order to not continue the abuse. Another thing is number eight, 336 00:23:17,079 --> 00:23:21,880 not demanding credit for improvements they made. This is something 337 00:23:21,920 --> 00:23:24,400 that is important because we know that narcissists is all 338 00:23:24,480 --> 00:23:27,880 They're all about themselves and they want to be recognized, 339 00:23:28,039 --> 00:23:29,960 admired and all these things. 340 00:23:30,599 --> 00:23:34,480 Speaker 2: When you when you are in the posture of change, 341 00:23:34,640 --> 00:23:36,759 you're saying that I am trying to change. 342 00:23:37,240 --> 00:23:40,400 Speaker 1: That means that even if no one gives you credit 343 00:23:40,559 --> 00:23:43,240 for the things that you are changing in you can 344 00:23:43,400 --> 00:23:48,160 handle that. You don't demand that someone that especially your abuse, 345 00:23:48,279 --> 00:23:51,799 or demand that they acknowledge. 346 00:23:51,240 --> 00:23:54,799 Speaker 2: That you changed. That's not for you to do. That 347 00:23:55,119 --> 00:24:00,599 changes for you. That changes for you. Rather you get 348 00:24:00,680 --> 00:24:01,440 credit for it than not. 349 00:24:01,559 --> 00:24:04,240 Speaker 1: Because you have some abusers, they think, oh, because I 350 00:24:04,359 --> 00:24:07,000 haven't hit this person in the week, Oh because I 351 00:24:07,119 --> 00:24:09,640 haven't said anything to this person in the month, or 352 00:24:09,799 --> 00:24:12,119 oh I deserve credit, give me c give me credit, 353 00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:15,759 give me credit, greve No, no, no, no, no. Regardless 354 00:24:15,759 --> 00:24:17,359 of it, if you get credit for it, then not 355 00:24:18,240 --> 00:24:19,359 that is for you. 356 00:24:19,799 --> 00:24:25,119 Speaker 2: That change is for you. And that's something that if 357 00:24:25,200 --> 00:24:26,720 someone is thinking that. 358 00:24:28,640 --> 00:24:33,480 Speaker 1: That people owe them credit for their change, no that 359 00:24:33,759 --> 00:24:37,200 they No one owes you credit for change. That change 360 00:24:37,640 --> 00:24:41,519 is for you to be a better person, regardless of 361 00:24:41,640 --> 00:24:44,680 if someone else stays in the relationship or not a 362 00:24:44,839 --> 00:24:47,720 le regardless of if it's someone else. Uh uh, cause 363 00:24:47,759 --> 00:24:49,559 that person, you know, the person that you may have 364 00:24:49,799 --> 00:24:53,119 been abusive to, may decide, you know what, even if 365 00:24:53,119 --> 00:24:54,799 they change, I'm not gonna stay with them. 366 00:24:55,880 --> 00:24:59,480 Speaker 2: Okay, you have to accept that that change is for you. 367 00:25:01,480 --> 00:25:02,039 Number nine. 368 00:25:02,720 --> 00:25:06,519 Speaker 1: Not treating improvements as vouchers to be spent on an 369 00:25:06,559 --> 00:25:09,920 occasional acting abuse. I haven't done anything like this in 370 00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:13,799 a long time, so it's no big deal. So basically, uh, 371 00:25:14,200 --> 00:25:16,480 you feel like, oh, I've gone six months and I 372 00:25:16,519 --> 00:25:18,880 haven't abused them in six months, so I'm I'm gonna 373 00:25:18,880 --> 00:25:19,839 go ahead and do it now. 374 00:25:20,640 --> 00:25:22,799 Speaker 2: No, that is not a free vouture for you to 375 00:25:22,880 --> 00:25:25,119 be able to say that I've gone this. 376 00:25:25,440 --> 00:25:29,200 Speaker 1: Length of time and having abused that I, yuh haven't 377 00:25:29,200 --> 00:25:33,119 abused that person. You don't get to decide that I'm 378 00:25:33,200 --> 00:25:36,960 going to abuse someone just because you decide you're having 379 00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:39,240 a bad day and you feel like I've gone a 380 00:25:39,359 --> 00:25:40,920 long time, so it doesn't matter. 381 00:25:41,400 --> 00:25:44,400 Speaker 2: That person's feelings that you abusing do matter. 382 00:25:46,279 --> 00:25:48,799 Speaker 1: So this person feels as if they got a uh 383 00:25:48,880 --> 00:25:51,279 a uh a free get out of jail car because 384 00:25:51,319 --> 00:25:55,240 they've gone X number of days, months, weeks or whatever 385 00:25:55,480 --> 00:25:57,640 even years and feel like, oh, I can abuse cause 386 00:25:57,640 --> 00:25:58,799 it's been such a long time. 387 00:25:59,240 --> 00:26:04,000 Speaker 2: No, absolutely not. Abuse is never acceptable. 388 00:26:04,319 --> 00:26:06,720 Speaker 1: It doesn't matter if it happens once a month, once 389 00:26:06,759 --> 00:26:08,519 a week, once a day, once. 390 00:26:08,319 --> 00:26:16,839 Speaker 2: A year, every few years. Abuse is never acceptable. Number ten. 391 00:26:18,759 --> 00:26:23,799 Speaker 1: Developing respectful kind support of boundaries. That means that when 392 00:26:24,000 --> 00:26:26,640 you when this person is truly in a posture change, 393 00:26:26,759 --> 00:26:30,720 That means that they will respect your boundaries. They will 394 00:26:30,799 --> 00:26:34,279 not get try to get you to change your boundaries. 395 00:26:34,880 --> 00:26:36,240 Speaker 2: They will accept it. 396 00:26:36,680 --> 00:26:39,400 Speaker 1: That means that, you know, if I don't want to 397 00:26:40,039 --> 00:26:42,799 talk to you, then you have to accept that. If 398 00:26:42,880 --> 00:26:46,000 that means that even if I decide to leave this relationship, 399 00:26:46,160 --> 00:26:47,960 you have to accept that that. 400 00:26:48,160 --> 00:26:49,880 Speaker 2: Means that if I only want to deal with you 401 00:26:50,079 --> 00:26:53,240 when it comes to just the children and nothing more, 402 00:26:53,680 --> 00:26:57,480 that's you have to accept that when you're in a 403 00:26:57,599 --> 00:26:59,039 true posture change. 404 00:26:59,480 --> 00:27:03,079 Speaker 1: That means that I have to accept the boundaries that 405 00:27:03,400 --> 00:27:08,119 my victim is putting up against me for their own protection. 406 00:27:08,480 --> 00:27:10,359 That means that that person has gotten an order of 407 00:27:10,400 --> 00:27:17,079 protection against you. You have to accept that. That means 408 00:27:17,319 --> 00:27:20,079 no going on the job on their job, no calling them, 409 00:27:20,279 --> 00:27:20,759 or if they. 410 00:27:20,680 --> 00:27:22,759 Speaker 2: Say, hey, I don't want to receive no phone calls. 411 00:27:23,000 --> 00:27:23,960 They've blocked the number. 412 00:27:24,079 --> 00:27:26,160 Speaker 1: Don't go get another phone to try to call from 413 00:27:26,160 --> 00:27:28,359 another number, don't try to go around their friends. 414 00:27:29,039 --> 00:27:35,279 Speaker 2: Accept their boundaries. We're gonna take another quick break and 415 00:27:35,559 --> 00:27:36,720 we'll be back. 416 00:27:37,039 --> 00:27:38,839 Speaker 7: In just a moment. 417 00:27:53,799 --> 00:28:02,920 Speaker 8: I remember that child, praying through the silence, feel and 418 00:28:03,240 --> 00:28:08,720 so long, every tear I cled. 419 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:12,200 Speaker 4: Heaven wrote it down every book in prayer. 420 00:28:12,599 --> 00:28:13,680 Speaker 7: Some I'm a leaving now. 421 00:28:14,799 --> 00:28:19,000 Speaker 4: I was wearing on a love I couldn't see, trusting 422 00:28:19,079 --> 00:28:24,119 God was working quietly for me. The New York dead 423 00:28:24,519 --> 00:28:30,440 like answered prayer. Now, I says he was everywhere. 424 00:28:34,680 --> 00:28:39,920 Speaker 3: We didn't resh, we didn't wor we waited all the 425 00:28:40,039 --> 00:28:42,640 Holy One, and no one. 426 00:28:45,000 --> 00:28:49,079 Speaker 4: But he began, he worked in head and kept up. 427 00:28:51,240 --> 00:28:53,200 Speaker 6: God was indo pray. 428 00:28:54,880 --> 00:28:57,039 Speaker 4: Every step was old. 429 00:28:57,880 --> 00:28:59,400 Speaker 6: Before I take you. 430 00:29:01,480 --> 00:29:03,279 Speaker 9: What are you joy to be. 431 00:29:04,960 --> 00:29:05,480 Speaker 7: Talking? 432 00:29:07,920 --> 00:29:13,599 Speaker 4: I was standing in here, Dave and kept our house. 433 00:29:18,200 --> 00:29:25,279 Speaker 9: We were shaved by storms, we had to face, learn 434 00:29:25,359 --> 00:29:29,200 to love the patience, learn to pray. 435 00:29:30,279 --> 00:29:36,079 Speaker 4: Every made a strong everything scenes and tis. 436 00:29:35,640 --> 00:29:36,680 Speaker 7: Right from wrong. 437 00:29:36,839 --> 00:29:39,000 Speaker 4: Now, Anna, looking to your. 438 00:29:39,000 --> 00:29:44,599 Speaker 9: House, I see grace, I see sacrifice, the same love, 439 00:29:45,440 --> 00:29:46,759 the same sass. 440 00:29:47,160 --> 00:29:51,039 Speaker 3: This as Faddy didn't love us staying and we stayed 441 00:29:51,240 --> 00:29:52,480 down and lend. 442 00:29:52,359 --> 00:29:56,039 Speaker 4: The knees, let God to fin what love should be. 443 00:29:57,000 --> 00:29:59,839 And now this movie testify. 444 00:30:00,400 --> 00:30:01,680 Speaker 7: But the way he didn't. 445 00:30:01,599 --> 00:30:03,559 Speaker 3: Never pass is by. 446 00:30:06,759 --> 00:30:08,200 Speaker 6: Heaven kept out. 447 00:30:08,119 --> 00:30:17,200 Speaker 4: From God was in the Every step was old before 448 00:30:17,759 --> 00:30:18,839 to try. 449 00:30:20,359 --> 00:30:22,319 Speaker 7: What he try together. 450 00:30:22,720 --> 00:30:25,160 Speaker 4: Whether time could never. 451 00:30:25,519 --> 00:30:28,079 Speaker 7: Bring away, don't standing. 452 00:30:27,839 --> 00:30:31,960 Speaker 4: Here and it catt time. 453 00:30:34,480 --> 00:30:40,359 Speaker 3: But when the pell said hurry, we chose trust instead 454 00:30:40,559 --> 00:30:43,920 over now these day. 455 00:30:43,920 --> 00:30:45,680 Speaker 4: To the land root. 456 00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:51,400 Speaker 6: It did from the pace into my razor star. 457 00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:56,720 Speaker 4: W we're standing on not emotion. 458 00:30:57,079 --> 00:31:00,880 Speaker 3: It's not just ad, but a've. 459 00:31:00,240 --> 00:31:06,160 Speaker 4: Got see you. This storm had the chap. 460 00:31:08,279 --> 00:31:13,079 Speaker 3: Stick ch us today it's us to day. All we 461 00:31:13,519 --> 00:31:20,960 pray get alady may away. This love is said Ray 462 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:27,720 stops his name, make him forever. 463 00:31:28,839 --> 00:31:31,200 Speaker 4: The capa from and. 464 00:31:39,000 --> 00:31:39,799 Speaker 7: O God. 465 00:31:43,160 --> 00:31:53,960 Speaker 2: Nor Cannie, haven't kept our promise? Amen? All right? So 466 00:31:54,640 --> 00:31:57,359 I believe we're at number eleven. 467 00:31:59,759 --> 00:32:04,079 Speaker 1: Another thing that when someone's in a posture change, they 468 00:32:04,200 --> 00:32:07,079 need to carry their weight and sharing power. 469 00:32:07,240 --> 00:32:11,200 Speaker 2: Carry their weight and and carrying their weight means they're 470 00:32:11,240 --> 00:32:13,279 not putting everything on the victim. Okay. 471 00:32:13,359 --> 00:32:16,759 Speaker 1: They they need to carry their own weight and share 472 00:32:17,319 --> 00:32:20,559 that power. Okay, So they're not being supportive, they're not 473 00:32:20,720 --> 00:32:23,599 carrying their own weight in the relationship. Then they're not 474 00:32:23,839 --> 00:32:27,799 in a posture of change, okay. That mean that means 475 00:32:27,880 --> 00:32:30,640 that they need to do their part in the relationship 476 00:32:30,720 --> 00:32:34,960 because they also brought drama to that relationship because of 477 00:32:35,079 --> 00:32:39,319 their abuse. Number e number twelve, changing how they respond 478 00:32:39,400 --> 00:32:44,240 to their partner or former partner's anger and grievances. 479 00:32:44,359 --> 00:32:45,920 Speaker 2: That means that if. 480 00:32:45,839 --> 00:32:51,519 Speaker 1: Someone if you you you have victimized someone, then that 481 00:32:51,680 --> 00:32:55,440 means that when that person responds with anger or they're 482 00:32:55,559 --> 00:32:58,640 grieving because of what you've done to them, you do 483 00:32:58,839 --> 00:33:02,680 not respond in anger manner. That means that you when 484 00:33:02,720 --> 00:33:05,680 you're in the posture changing, that means that you're learning 485 00:33:06,720 --> 00:33:10,720 how to control your anger because that person has a 486 00:33:10,920 --> 00:33:16,720 right to feel as if you have not kept your 487 00:33:16,799 --> 00:33:20,160 word in a relationship because you For those who are 488 00:33:20,319 --> 00:33:24,160 married to abusers, you promise to love, honor, and obey. 489 00:33:25,000 --> 00:33:27,240 The thing is is that that person did not love you, 490 00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:29,359 That person did not honor you, that person did not 491 00:33:29,480 --> 00:33:32,400 respect you. You cannot honor, love, and respect someone if 492 00:33:32,440 --> 00:33:37,359 you are abusing them, and so people have to learn 493 00:33:37,480 --> 00:33:42,599 what true love is. So therefore, changing how you respond 494 00:33:42,799 --> 00:33:45,519 that means that when I'm when I'm changing, I'm learning 495 00:33:45,640 --> 00:33:48,440 to not use my fists I'm using, I'm learning to 496 00:33:49,680 --> 00:33:53,519 use other methods of controlling my anger. Or even if 497 00:33:53,599 --> 00:33:56,319 you are a verbal abuser, I'm not using my words 498 00:33:56,400 --> 00:33:57,240 to hurt someone. 499 00:33:57,640 --> 00:33:58,680 Speaker 2: I'm using I'm. 500 00:33:58,599 --> 00:34:02,720 Speaker 1: Learning other methods of the ways to be able to 501 00:34:03,000 --> 00:34:09,760 control my anger. Number thirteen, Changing how they act in 502 00:34:09,920 --> 00:34:11,079 heated conflicts. 503 00:34:11,639 --> 00:34:15,119 Speaker 2: That means that when you all have a disagreement, if you're. 504 00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:18,039 Speaker 1: In the posture of change, that means that I, as 505 00:34:18,119 --> 00:34:22,639 we just mentioned, I am learning to change how I react. 506 00:34:22,719 --> 00:34:27,519 I'm going to respond instead of reacting, and my response 507 00:34:27,719 --> 00:34:30,519 is not going to be any type of manipulation or 508 00:34:30,719 --> 00:34:34,440 type of verbal abuse or physical abuse for that matter, 509 00:34:34,800 --> 00:34:38,800 I'm changing how I act any heated conflicts, and that 510 00:34:39,039 --> 00:34:43,760 requires you to go to counseling of some sort in 511 00:34:44,039 --> 00:34:48,079 order to learn what methods or what techniques I can 512 00:34:48,280 --> 00:34:55,320 use in order to change what I've been doing. Last, 513 00:34:55,360 --> 00:35:00,400 but not least, accepting the consequences of their actions, including 514 00:35:00,559 --> 00:35:04,000 not feeling sorry for themselves about the consequences and not 515 00:35:04,119 --> 00:35:07,599 blaming their partner or children for them. That means that 516 00:35:08,000 --> 00:35:13,519 whatever comes from this relationship, even if it means a divorce, 517 00:35:13,719 --> 00:35:17,400 even if it means separation. Someone that may be going 518 00:35:17,519 --> 00:35:23,119 no contact, low contact, I have to accept the consequences of. 519 00:35:23,199 --> 00:35:25,159 Speaker 2: What my actions brought about. 520 00:35:27,079 --> 00:35:31,320 Speaker 1: When you're in the postive change, that means that that 521 00:35:31,519 --> 00:35:35,639 other person gets to decide what works best for them. 522 00:35:35,840 --> 00:35:38,360 Speaker 2: And I have to accept it. 523 00:35:41,360 --> 00:35:44,559 Speaker 1: And all of those things are what brings what you 524 00:35:44,719 --> 00:35:49,559 would know if someone is truly truly changing. However the 525 00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:53,519 change is for them, that change means that they even 526 00:35:53,639 --> 00:35:56,360 if you don't be around this person, even if you 527 00:35:56,480 --> 00:35:59,159 don't stay with this person, even if you don't if 528 00:35:59,239 --> 00:36:02,239 you decide what I'm gonna leave this I'm gonna exit 529 00:36:02,320 --> 00:36:03,239 this relationship. 530 00:36:03,840 --> 00:36:04,679 Speaker 2: I'm gonna low. 531 00:36:04,639 --> 00:36:10,280 Speaker 1: Contact, no contact, whatever you decide to do regarding this relationship. 532 00:36:10,840 --> 00:36:13,360 The other person has to be willing to accept it 533 00:36:13,480 --> 00:36:18,960 if they're truly in a posture of change. Just like 534 00:36:19,079 --> 00:36:22,519 we often say changes for I mean, we often say 535 00:36:22,559 --> 00:36:24,960 forgiveness is for you, not just for that other person. 536 00:36:25,000 --> 00:36:28,599 Speaker 2: It's for you, But so is change. Change is for them, 537 00:36:29,039 --> 00:36:29,760 not just for you. 538 00:36:29,920 --> 00:36:33,079 Speaker 1: It's for them because rather you stay with them or 539 00:36:33,159 --> 00:36:35,440 be in that relationship with them or not, they still 540 00:36:35,599 --> 00:36:40,360 need to deal with their own issues. All right, we 541 00:36:40,800 --> 00:36:44,519 are about it here at present. Today's podcast has been 542 00:36:44,760 --> 00:36:48,519 a blessing for you and to you and that you 543 00:36:48,639 --> 00:36:50,639 would know your feelings do matter. 544 00:36:50,840 --> 00:37:00,119 Speaker 2: This is doctor k o Rich. Until next time, the 545 00:37:04,000 --> 00:37:34,280 Speaker 4: Thessssssssssssssst