Speaker 1: You're listening to Later with mo Kelly on demand from
Speaker 1: KFI A M six forty.
Speaker 2: Nature Mark talks about pontificates about pop culture, Ron and
Speaker 2: Report with Mark Ronner.
Speaker 3: Caf I, YouTube and Instagram. It's Later with mo Kelly,
Speaker 3: Mark Ronner Take it Away.
Speaker 4: Final Destination Bloodlines is new in theaters. Let's start off
Speaker 4: with a little bit of the trailer.
Speaker 5: So which one of you is next? You found some
Speaker 5: way to stop death and survivor? Duees take a life.
Speaker 5: Look at the time that person had that you have
Speaker 5: to die. Death is coming for our family, Parley. It's
Speaker 5: Deephane a grandma. Death is coming for us because we
Speaker 5: were never supposed to exist. All of this fits together.
Speaker 5: We might have a chance.
Speaker 4: No, no, you don't have a chance. Let me spoil
Speaker 4: it for you. Did you know there are six Final
Speaker 4: Destination movies. I didn't because I cut my losses after
Speaker 4: the first one back in the year two thousand. There
Speaker 4: are also ten Final Destination novels and two comics. I
Speaker 4: haven't read those either. That first movie was about high
Speaker 4: school students who get kicked off a plane that later explodes.
Speaker 4: They've cheated death. Death doesn't like getting ripped off like
Speaker 4: he's at a check stand in a Kroger store. So
Speaker 4: death comes after them, one by one, and fairly gruesomely.
Speaker 4: If you've been following the headlines about our federal aviation
Speaker 4: administration lately, that first movie might be a little bit
Speaker 4: much at the moment. And no, there's no way I'm
Speaker 4: going to run through the plots of the next four
Speaker 4: Final Destination movies, because that would entail watching them. But
Speaker 4: there are some ground rules for the Final Destination deaths
Speaker 4: through all the movies, which you heard a bit of
Speaker 4: in the trailer. People die one by one in the
Speaker 4: order they would have if they hadn't cheated their deaths.
Speaker 4: Like student alone borrowers, you thought you could get out
Speaker 4: of this awful thing, think again. And if you die
Speaker 4: and are resuscitated somehow, that can get you out of it.
Speaker 4: Or if you take someone else's life, you can have
Speaker 4: that person's lifespan. So aim for babies, I guess, although
Speaker 4: that makes you a dirty, filthy murderer. Tony Todd plays
Speaker 4: the mortician who explains these rules to each new group
Speaker 4: of doomed young people. You heard him a little bit
Speaker 4: in the trailer, and we get a kind of origin
Speaker 4: for him. In this sixth movie, Final Destination Bloodlines. Todd
Speaker 4: had cancer while filming essentially a cameo in this, and
Speaker 4: he died in November. In Bloodlines, the young woman played
Speaker 4: by Caitlin Santajana has nightmares about the collapse of a
Speaker 4: building that really looks like the Space Needle back in
Speaker 4: nineteen sixty three, but isn't now. I'm not an engineer,
Speaker 4: but I'll just say the horrific lapse of this building
Speaker 4: and all the deaths are hilarious, and I hope the
Speaker 4: actual space needle isn't constructed like it's made of gingerbread
Speaker 4: and wet toilet paper. I still have friends there without
Speaker 4: spoiling much. I'll tell you that people saved from that.
Speaker 4: Say it with me. Cheated death, cheated death, cheated death.
Speaker 4: And it was back in nineteen sixty three, and the
Speaker 4: survivors had families. None of the descendants should exist, that's right.
Speaker 4: They're all death anchor babies and they gotta go. So
Speaker 4: the girl with the nightmare premonitions as her hands full
Speaker 4: get into the bottom. I can't believe it. The girls
Speaker 4: got to figure all this out and try to keep
Speaker 4: herself and her irritating family from dying in a variety
Speaker 4: of gross out Rube goldbird deaths. It's some over the
Speaker 4: top stuff, pretty sick, but it's all brief and intermittent.
Speaker 4: And I have a theory the characters are also irritating
Speaker 4: and unlikable that not only was I not the least
Speaker 4: bit bothered by any of these gory deaths, I was
Speaker 4: grateful that each of the characters would now shut the
Speaker 4: hell up. Congratulations, filmmakers. I felt nothing when your characters die.
Speaker 4: I now watch Dawn of the Dead from nineteen seventy eight.
Speaker 4: Every death hurts, even when you expect it. Learn from this.
Speaker 4: The only sad thing in Bloodlines is saying goodbye to
Speaker 4: Tony Todd, who looks rough. He had cancer. You might
Speaker 4: also remember him from Candy Man, the good One, not
Speaker 4: the remake. One thing equal parts funny and irritating about
Speaker 4: final destination Bloodlines is the girl with the premonitions gets
Speaker 4: ultra paranoid and sees potential death and absolutely everything or
Speaker 4: rake on the ground, everything which is a possibility in
Speaker 4: the universe they set up, but also in this universe.
Speaker 4: I mean, I take the four to Zho five every day,
Speaker 4: all right. I'm also the same age as my mom
Speaker 4: when she died really young, and I'm older than my father,
Speaker 4: who died even younger. I got some junk DNA. I
Speaker 4: could go any time, maybe during the show. This pizza
Speaker 4: could be my last meal. Also, do you remember the
Speaker 4: House MD show with you Lori? I wrote several scripts
Speaker 4: for a mobile game for that for NBC Universal, and
Speaker 4: the game was never released. They abruptly shuttered the whole
Speaker 4: department before I before I touched the keyboard to start
Speaker 4: writing my my first script. I can't tell you how
Speaker 4: many episodes of House I watched with all the medical mysteries,
Speaker 4: maybe one hundred. And eventually, every time I felt so
Speaker 4: much as a twine or I had a cough or
Speaker 4: spotted anything that seemed remotely off, I started freaking out
Speaker 4: and thinking I was dying. You would too. So what
Speaker 4: I'm saying is I don't need these final destination movies
Speaker 4: because they're not escapist fun. And I say this is
Speaker 4: a big horror fan too. Now I'm in the minority
Speaker 4: because this movie had an insane ninety three percent positive
Speaker 4: rating on Rotten Tomatoes last time I checked, and it's
Speaker 4: expected to be the eight hundred pound gorilla at the
Speaker 4: box office this weekend too. Now you can believe those hacks,
Speaker 4: or you can believe me. I need to explain to
Speaker 4: you again that my fellow pro critics do not and
Speaker 4: have never been into horror films. They've never gotten them
Speaker 4: and generally looked down their noses at them because they'd
Speaker 4: rather be watching something like a Nora or Amelia Perez.
Speaker 4: You think John Carpenter got any respect from these typists
Speaker 4: when his movies were actually in theaters. Uh huh. So
Speaker 4: take that ninety three percent with a big ass grain
Speaker 4: of salt which could get buried in your eyeball and
Speaker 4: you to stumble into a wood shipper. It's a bloody
Speaker 4: good time blow it out your tailpipe. These filmmakers confuse
Speaker 4: drawing out something really obvious with tension, and that's all
Speaker 4: sandwich between poorly written family drama to make you grateful
Speaker 4: for a wake up death. Yes, I'm admitting I dozed
Speaker 4: off briefly. Bloodlines is a nice looking movie. And if
Speaker 4: you're on a date where you're not so much paying
Speaker 4: attention between the elaborate, gross out deaths, I guess you're
Speaker 4: sitting in the dark with somebody for a couple hours.
Speaker 4: It's a passable movie for people who don't care about
Speaker 4: movies and think they might be getting busy. But that's
Speaker 4: not your pull quote. Here's your pull quote, publicists, Final
Speaker 4: Destination bloodlines more like Final Destination. There's more mo but
Speaker 4: I think you get the picture.
Speaker 3: No, No, no rimshot for you for that one negative
Speaker 3: on that.
Speaker 4: No, Stephan wasn't even listening. I'm just letting you know
Speaker 4: he wasn't listening. No, he never heard. He's completely checked
Speaker 4: out and he might as well be sitting in a
Speaker 4: theater watching Final Destination. Have you ever read oh novel
Speaker 4: from nineteen thirty four called Appointment in Samara?
Speaker 5: No, I have not.
Speaker 4: It's by John O'Hara, very well known novel, and all
Speaker 4: the deaths in this got me to thinking about that
Speaker 4: because it was about the inescapability of our fates. And
Speaker 4: I'm just going to read you a brief thing from O'Hara,
Speaker 4: quoting Somerset mom. There was a merchant in Baghdad who
Speaker 4: sent his servant to the market to buy for visions.
Speaker 4: And in a little while the servant came back, white
Speaker 4: and trembling and said, Master, just now. When I was
Speaker 4: in the marketplace, I was jostled by a woman in
Speaker 4: the crowd, and when I turned, I saw it was
Speaker 4: death that jostled me. She looked at me and made
Speaker 4: a threatening gesture. Now, lend me your horse, and I
Speaker 4: will ride away from this city and avoid my fate.
Speaker 4: I will go to Samara and their death will not
Speaker 4: find me. The merchant lent him his horse, and the
Speaker 4: servant mounted it, and he dug his spurs and its flanks,
Speaker 4: and as fast as the horse could gallop, he went.
Speaker 4: Then the merchant went down to the marketplace and he
Speaker 4: saw me standing in the crowd, and he came to
Speaker 4: me and said, why did you make a threatening gesture
Speaker 4: to my servant when you saw him this morning? That
Speaker 4: was not a threatening gesture, I said, it was only
Speaker 4: a start of surprise. I was astonished to see him
Speaker 4: in Bagdad, for I had an appointment with him tonight
Speaker 4: in Samara. Do you get it? You understand now how
Speaker 4: this dumb Final Destination movie could have been good.
Speaker 3: It could have been, but that's never the point. They're
Speaker 3: not trying to write a good story. They're trying to
Speaker 3: create something which will appeal to the twenty somethings who
Speaker 3: want brainless entertainment.
Speaker 4: It is totally brainless, except for the brains that get
Speaker 4: splattered on the screen. Yeah, I could do without.
Speaker 3: I could do without, But I do appreciate that they
Speaker 3: actually have some backstory. When did Tony Todd start becoming
Speaker 3: part of Final Destination the second or third movie?
Speaker 4: I think he was in it from the start, I
Speaker 4: believe if anybody, I don't remember him in the first movie.
Speaker 4: I haven't seen it since it came out twenty five
Speaker 4: years ago. My god, we're old. I'll look it up
Speaker 4: on I cannot avoid our fate. We're close to death. Well,
Speaker 4: we have more behind us than in front of us.
Speaker 5: The math is the.
Speaker 4: Math, and nobody gets away. Oh that's Cheerfully, I'd like
Speaker 4: to end on a positive note.
Speaker 1: You're listening to Later with Moe Kelly on demand from
Speaker 1: KFI AM six forty