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<v Speaker 1>Hey, the Sucrists acting your leadership on today's discussion on

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<v Speaker 1>employee engagement. I want to talk about something that I

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<v Speaker 1>think is often overlooked by leaders when it comes to

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<v Speaker 1>engaging employees, and that is the simple act of complementing them.

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<v Speaker 1>And I know, you know, when I first read this,

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<v Speaker 1>I kind of rolled my eyes a little bit too.

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<v Speaker 1>And I always think, you know, I do compliment employees.

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<v Speaker 1>I tell them, you know, when I give feedback on

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<v Speaker 1>when they do things right, when they do things, you know, wrong,

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<v Speaker 1>from a constructive way. You know, I go through that.

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<v Speaker 1>And that's not what I'm talking about. I'm actually talking

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<v Speaker 1>about giving them a compliment from a very basic standpoint

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<v Speaker 1>of something they did that could be either work related

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<v Speaker 1>or not that just kind of helps get through the day.

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<v Speaker 1>There was a study that was just done out of Ottawa,

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<v Speaker 1>Canada where they had an actor pose as a psychology

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<v Speaker 1>student and that psychology student was tasked at getting people

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<v Speaker 1>to help him hand out flyers for an event. And

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<v Speaker 1>they asked a lot of people to help hand out

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<v Speaker 1>flyers and on half of them, the person complimented the

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<v Speaker 1>person that walked up to the table on their outfit

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<v Speaker 1>before asking them to hand out flyers, and almost eighty

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<v Speaker 1>percent of the people that were complimented said yes to

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<v Speaker 1>help a hand out flyers, whereas less than half of

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<v Speaker 1>the people who weren't complimented said yes to handing out flyers.

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<v Speaker 1>And it goes back to this idea of the idea

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<v Speaker 1>of reciprocity. So human beings our reciprocal creatures, and when

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<v Speaker 1>we feel like somebody has done something for us, there's

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<v Speaker 1>an inherent need or feeling to do something for them too.

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<v Speaker 1>And it could be as simple as someone complimented me,

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<v Speaker 1>and now I feel like I have to kind of

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<v Speaker 1>repay that in some way. And if you're a leader

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<v Speaker 1>of people, that way of repaying it might just be

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<v Speaker 1>focusing on something that is important to that leader that

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<v Speaker 1>day that may not be as important to you in

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<v Speaker 1>the moment, but should be, and it's a way to

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<v Speaker 1>kind of like balance the scales back again. People don't

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<v Speaker 1>like feeling like that that reciprocity is out of out

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<v Speaker 1>of sync. So if you end up if you if

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<v Speaker 1>you feel like you owe something to somebody, that doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>feel good. If you feel like somebody owes something to you,

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<v Speaker 1>that also doesn't feel good. So we're constantly trying to

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<v Speaker 1>to kind of put that balance back in place and

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<v Speaker 1>an individual simple compliments on something that a person did

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<v Speaker 1>well or even as the study shows just the outfit

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<v Speaker 1>they were that day. Obviously not in a respectful way,

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<v Speaker 1>of course, but but keeping in mind that people like

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<v Speaker 1>feeling good about themselves and whatever you can do as

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<v Speaker 1>a leader to to help them feel that way is

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<v Speaker 1>going to be a positive. Yeah.

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<v Speaker 2>I think it's It's interesting because I think that there's

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<v Speaker 2>a lot of kind of tips and tricks over the

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<v Speaker 2>years from a leadership standpoint that are that are that

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<v Speaker 2>are really at the core of just like kind of

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<v Speaker 2>human behavior. And I think it's like you said, like

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<v Speaker 2>like yeah, compliments, Wow, they work. Huh. I rolled my eyes.

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<v Speaker 2>But it's one of those things that when you when

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<v Speaker 2>you utilize that understanding of something, it's like when you

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<v Speaker 2>talk to somebody for the first time and I say, hey, Chris,

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<v Speaker 2>hey man, how's your day going, versus how are you doing?

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<v Speaker 1>Right?

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<v Speaker 2>Like like like like hey, how you know, Hey, what's

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<v Speaker 2>going on? Like how how's the family? Like like starting

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<v Speaker 2>conversations with something in dialogue around the person and how

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<v Speaker 2>they are doing and how like the people they care

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<v Speaker 2>about are doing Like those things when done over time

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<v Speaker 2>and done authentically and there's conversation and dialogue, it just

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<v Speaker 2>creates this like there's a larger purpose here, there's a

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<v Speaker 2>larger priority here, there's something that's actually you know, important

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<v Speaker 2>to me about you that is bigger than just like

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<v Speaker 2>this job or whatever's going on. Like we'll get to

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<v Speaker 2>that point, but like those types of things I think

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<v Speaker 2>are so important, or even starting conversations with gratitude, you

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<v Speaker 2>know what I mean. Like that's another thing too, when

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<v Speaker 2>when somebody comes to you, you know, with with the

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<v Speaker 2>with the you know, a complaint or feedback or their

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<v Speaker 2>thoughts or perspectives or their frustrations, even saying like well, first,

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<v Speaker 2>like thanks for bringing that to me, Like the fact

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<v Speaker 2>that you know, trust me to want to share what's

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<v Speaker 2>going on or the situation or your frustration or what

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<v Speaker 2>this is. Like I appreciate you coming to me to

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<v Speaker 2>talk about it because that allows us to have some

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<v Speaker 2>dialogue here to see what's going on. But thank you.

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<v Speaker 2>Like like things like that that we can miss so

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<v Speaker 2>many times but are but are critical in my belief

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<v Speaker 2>to like really building you know, great type of interactions

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<v Speaker 2>with our people and customers and whatever. They're so important,

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<v Speaker 2>and I think that just compliments, you know, giving compliments

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<v Speaker 2>is a big part of that again when done authentically,

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<v Speaker 2>and real people can read right through a fake compliment,

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<v Speaker 2>of course, real ones, real ones mean something.

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<v Speaker 1>Right for sure. So I want to talk about some

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<v Speaker 1>of the things that as a leader can do to

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<v Speaker 1>to make this happen from a standpoint of real you know,

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<v Speaker 1>so you where people don't think you're just trying to

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<v Speaker 1>get through something to get to the thing that's really

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<v Speaker 1>important to you, which is the job, if that's what

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<v Speaker 1>it is, or that you don't mean what you say,

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<v Speaker 1>or that it's hollow or it's not coming from real play.

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<v Speaker 1>So it's really important that you don't do these things

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<v Speaker 1>unless they are real. So I want to show you

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<v Speaker 1>some of the ways to make that happen in the

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<v Speaker 1>right way. But first I want to get up toward

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<v Speaker 1>for one of more sponsors. All Right, if you're going

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<v Speaker 1>to give somebody a compliment, it needs to start with

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<v Speaker 1>it being real for sure. Don't do it if it's

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<v Speaker 1>not going to be one hundred percent real. And so

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<v Speaker 1>I'll go back to the example you gave Lorenzo a

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<v Speaker 1>few minutes ago. Hey, how's your day going. You could

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<v Speaker 1>even go one step further and say, hey, how's your

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<v Speaker 1>day going. The last time we talked, I think you

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<v Speaker 1>said that one of your kids was about to play

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<v Speaker 1>a basketball game? How'd that go? You know, like just

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<v Speaker 1>recalling back something that happened in the previous conversation to say, oh,

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<v Speaker 1>my gosh, that person was listening, actually listening to what

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<v Speaker 1>I had to say in that conversation and following up

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<v Speaker 1>on it. That in and of itself, shows that you're

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<v Speaker 1>valuing that person's time and that you are are interacting

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<v Speaker 1>with them not from a standpoint of what can they

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<v Speaker 1>do for you? But what can you do for them?

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<v Speaker 1>If you if you truly believe in servant leadership, that's

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<v Speaker 1>what those conversations are, is what can you do for

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<v Speaker 1>them in order to help them get the job done

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<v Speaker 1>they need to get done. And part of that servant

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<v Speaker 1>leadership is saying that you are actually listening to what

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<v Speaker 1>they're saying. And then compliments need to be relevant, They

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<v Speaker 1>need to be you know, you have to kind of

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<v Speaker 1>have like a social awareness to know what's going on.

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<v Speaker 1>So if a if a person is you know, has

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<v Speaker 1>shown signs that they do not like being complimented, then

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<v Speaker 1>don't you know or pick a thing that is that

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<v Speaker 1>would not fall into that category. Talk to people about

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<v Speaker 1>it afterwards. If you if you've never had an interaction

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<v Speaker 1>with a person before where you've tried this, and you

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<v Speaker 1>try it, it's important to follow up later on and say, hey,

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<v Speaker 1>I want to make sure if you don't feel like

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<v Speaker 1>one hundred percent then it went really well to follow

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<v Speaker 1>up with them and say, hey, I just want to

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<v Speaker 1>make sure that that interaction we had earlier went well.

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't you know, get like maybe one hundred percent

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<v Speaker 1>you know, positive vibes from it. So if there's something

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<v Speaker 1>I can do differently in the future, then let me

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<v Speaker 1>know going forward, because you definitely want to meet people

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<v Speaker 1>where they are and not make them feel uncomfortable. But

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<v Speaker 1>if the compliment is coming from a genuine place of

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<v Speaker 1>belief and it's said respectfully, then then it usually goes

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<v Speaker 1>over really well, assuming they know about you as a

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<v Speaker 1>person and you as an individual and that that's the

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<v Speaker 1>kind of person that you are. But the compliments or

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<v Speaker 1>the comments or the discussions they need to be centered

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<v Speaker 1>around something that is specific enough to where you didn't

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<v Speaker 1>just make it up or you can't just repeat it

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<v Speaker 1>to every single person, because if it's if it's repeatable

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<v Speaker 1>to every person, then it's not individualized to them and

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<v Speaker 1>they'll see right through it. That's the first thing. And

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<v Speaker 1>the second thing is it needs to take into account

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<v Speaker 1>something that potentially that they brought to the table. And

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<v Speaker 1>so if it's a compliment on their outfit, they bring it,

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<v Speaker 1>they brought that to the table. If it's a hey,

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<v Speaker 1>great job with that last client call that you had,

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<v Speaker 1>you know, an hour ago. I was listening and I

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<v Speaker 1>love the way that that went, or I love how

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<v Speaker 1>you how you diffused that situation with that customer who

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<v Speaker 1>was who came in angry or was you know, I

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<v Speaker 1>rate about something and you took it down a notch.

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<v Speaker 1>You know, the compliments that are specific to something that

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<v Speaker 1>somebody did or that they brought to the table are

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<v Speaker 1>the ones that work. The ones that are generalized or

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<v Speaker 1>that could be said to fifty different people, I mean,

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<v Speaker 1>the exact same thing, those don't work.

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<v Speaker 2>Well, yeah, I can just as you were talking through it.

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<v Speaker 2>I can imagine if I just went and like was like, wow, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>that's a great you know set of shoes you got

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<v Speaker 2>on there. That's awesome. Hey, that's a great pair of shoes. Hey, hey,

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<v Speaker 2>you know what, I like your shoes over there? Just

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<v Speaker 2>like giving the same kind of like stale compliment to everybody. Yeah,

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<v Speaker 2>it's just like shoes. Yeah, yeah, that guy just likes

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<v Speaker 2>things that are on your feet.

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<v Speaker 1>Kind of weird. Have you seen that thing? Weird? He's

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<v Speaker 1>always focusing on your feet.

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<v Speaker 2>What is that?

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah?

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<v Speaker 2>What is that all about? Yeah, no, it's it's it's

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<v Speaker 2>so true. It's like the you know, I think compliments,

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<v Speaker 2>genuine compliments and authentic compliments, I think are a great

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<v Speaker 2>way to build, you know, great relationships with people. But

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<v Speaker 2>I think you have to know enough about them to

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<v Speaker 2>your point to be able to compliment something that means

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<v Speaker 2>something to them as well, you know what I mean

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<v Speaker 2>like that, like yes, like when you're first starting to

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<v Speaker 2>get to know people, like, yeah, they'll be compliments, they'll

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<v Speaker 2>be things I think I either think they'll Compliments for

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<v Speaker 2>me are more than just saying like oh that's cool

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<v Speaker 2>or I like that or that's neat, and it's more

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<v Speaker 2>around like I compliment people, I think in a way

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<v Speaker 2>where it's like giving them time and attention or going

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<v Speaker 2>deeper into something that they are passionate about, or they're

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<v Speaker 2>talking about you know what I mean, Like, oh, you

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<v Speaker 2>like you're into you're into playing, you know, guitar, Also

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<v Speaker 2>like what what brand of guitar? Or like let me guess,

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<v Speaker 2>like me, let me guess, like what what kind of

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<v Speaker 2>music do you listen to? Okay, Like I think you

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<v Speaker 2>may play a Gibson, right, and they're like, wow, I

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<v Speaker 2>do play Gibson, Like Nope, not gives them So you're defender, right,

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<v Speaker 2>So like you you just you're you're have You're giving

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<v Speaker 2>somebody a compliment through talking about something that they're interested

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<v Speaker 2>or passionate about in a way that's fun and interactive

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<v Speaker 2>and in kind of you know, gets deeper into something

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<v Speaker 2>that that that means something to them. And I view

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<v Speaker 2>that as also being complimentary outside of just like the

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<v Speaker 2>basic elements of saying that you'd like something.

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<v Speaker 1>Yeah, I agree with that completely. The last thing I

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<v Speaker 1>want to say about this is that it's important that

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<v Speaker 1>you never make it about you. So to give a

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<v Speaker 1>perfect example, uh, if you you compliment somebody on their

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<v Speaker 1>music taste or like oh I heard you you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I heard you know music coming out of your headphones

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<v Speaker 1>when you were in the office, the other day, I

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<v Speaker 1>love that song. That's a great that's a great song.

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<v Speaker 1>And you get in a conversation about music, that's fine.

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<v Speaker 1>That's a reciprocal conversation. You can compliment with them other music.

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<v Speaker 1>But if you say, you know what kind of guitar

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<v Speaker 1>do you play? And then they give the answer, if

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<v Speaker 1>instead of acknowledging that, you say, oh, I play this.

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<v Speaker 1>I got this when I was five years old, and

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<v Speaker 1>I've been doing this for this many years. If you're

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<v Speaker 1>using the compliment as a springboard to talk about yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>you've already lost. Don't volunteer the information about yourself until

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<v Speaker 1>it's solicited. Make it about them. Listen and allow them

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<v Speaker 1>to talk and learn more about them. And if they

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<v Speaker 1>want to ask you about something, then they can ask

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<v Speaker 1>you about something. But don't find ways of inserting the

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<v Speaker 1>things about you or making it about you, Because even

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<v Speaker 1>if you were genuinely interested in hearing what they had

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<v Speaker 1>to say, if all of a sudden you're just become

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<v Speaker 1>more excited about sharing your own perspective too, it will

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<v Speaker 1>negate any progress or potential that that interaction started out with,

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<v Speaker 1>because it takes away any idea that they think the

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<v Speaker 1>interaction was about them, and they'll start thinking that you

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<v Speaker 1>only interacted with them because you wanted to talk about yourself,

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<v Speaker 1>and so really keep it about them, regardless of what

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<v Speaker 1>you think you can add to the conversation or perspective

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<v Speaker 1>you have wait till that perspective is solicit from them,

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<v Speaker 1>and if it's not, then it's for another time. You know,

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<v Speaker 1>if the interaction is about making sure that you are

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<v Speaker 1>engaging with them in a complimentary way, then keep it

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<v Speaker 1>about that and then move on to the next person

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<v Speaker 1>or whatever you were doing with your day. Thank you

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<v Speaker 1>all for joining us on this episode of Employee Engagement.

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<v Speaker 1>We appreciate your time you's feing with us today. You

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<v Speaker 1>have a great day.