Speaker 1: Hey, hey, Hey, I'm back.
Speaker 2: I wanna talk to you today about shutting down. For
Speaker 2: a lot of people, shutting down is how they cope
Speaker 2: with whatever problem they're facing. But I'm here to tell
Speaker 2: you in your relationship, shutting down you may feel it's
Speaker 2: a good thing for you because that's what you're used
Speaker 2: to doing. Shutting down is not good for your relationship.
Speaker 2: It's not even good for you. So I want you
Speaker 2: to understand that if you want your relationship to work,
Speaker 2: work is what you're gonna have to do.
Speaker 1: Work is what you're gonna have to do. So many
Speaker 1: people get into relationships and.
Speaker 2: They do everything they possible to get into the relationship
Speaker 2: to get the person. But once they get the person,
Speaker 2: they don't realize the same thing it took to get
Speaker 2: them it's the same thing that's gonna take to keep them.
Speaker 2: But unfortunately, a lot of people get the person and
Speaker 2: then they become so comfortable and complacent in their relationship
Speaker 2: they start taking the person for granted. They stop doing
Speaker 2: the things that they used to do, and when they're confronted,
Speaker 2: they want to shut down.
Speaker 1: They don't want to talk about it.
Speaker 2: They want to run away, they want to walk away.
Speaker 2: They don't want to have any communication that only sinks
Speaker 2: your relationship either even.
Speaker 1: Further, it takes away.
Speaker 2: So if you want of those individuals who like shutting down,
Speaker 2: I want you to understand that you're shutting your significant
Speaker 2: other out.
Speaker 1: And that's exactly how they feel.
Speaker 2: They feel that you're shutting them out when you shut down,
Speaker 2: and it's because a lot of people just haven't learned
Speaker 2: how to communicate. Yes, we communicate in a lot of
Speaker 2: different ways, but I'm speaking verbally.
Speaker 3: It's a very, very very important part of any relationship.
Speaker 3: Any If you don't know how to communicate, well, you're
Speaker 3: gonna have problems. If shutting down is what you're used
Speaker 3: to doing to protect yourself, you're gonna have problems.
Speaker 2: Because it's not a good thing for you or the relationship.
Speaker 2: Individuals who say they love each other and they want
Speaker 2: to be together must understand that communication is key. It
Speaker 2: is very vital. It is super important. If you don't communicate,
Speaker 2: I'm telling you, your relationship is gonna fall by the wayside.
Speaker 2: A lot of people are in relationships not communicating. They
Speaker 2: thought it was important to communicate when they first got together. Unfortunately,
Speaker 2: some people communicate through sex, but when you're not verbally
Speaker 2: communicating and the sex begin to get old. Oh my goodness,
Speaker 2: you have problems because communication is key. You should have
Speaker 2: been communicating from the start from the start, and if
Speaker 2: you don't know how to communicate effectively. There are so
Speaker 2: many resources out there about communication, but I feel personally
Speaker 2: that communication starts with knowing and loving yourself. Many people,
Speaker 2: people that you see every day, whether it's in person,
Speaker 2: on TV, or whatever.
Speaker 1: Many people you see every day.
Speaker 2: Notice I didn't say that you know, but people that
Speaker 2: you see every day, many of them do not love self.
Speaker 1: Most people. I mean, I know that's.
Speaker 2: Like, okay, Cherry, you going too far to say most people,
Speaker 2: But I still sticking stay with that. Most people do
Speaker 2: not love themselves because most people do not take the
Speaker 2: time to get to know self. They don't take the
Speaker 2: time to get to love self because they're too busy
Speaker 2: seeking it in other people, in things. Because so many
Speaker 2: people believe that possessions, you know, things that they have, money,
Speaker 2: same fortune, all of those things. They believe that those
Speaker 2: things will make them happy until they find out that
Speaker 2: they don't. You have to love yourself, know yourself, and
Speaker 2: when you do that, it changes how you see yourself
Speaker 2: and how you see other people, how you communicate with
Speaker 2: other people.
Speaker 1: It starts with you. So learning how to communicate.
Speaker 2: Is key, It really really is, because it not only
Speaker 2: helps in your relationships, it helps.
Speaker 1: You know wherever you go, whenever you're involved with people.
Speaker 2: I cannot even begin to count the amount of people
Speaker 2: I've ran into in my lifetime who do not know
Speaker 2: how to communicate, who are so insecure, people that sometimes
Speaker 2: you say anything, the slightest thing, they're offended. They're offended
Speaker 2: because people don't know how to communicate because people don't
Speaker 2: know themselves. So if you're one of those people who
Speaker 2: are shutting down in your relationships, you gotta do better.
Speaker 1: You must do better because shutting down is gonna get
Speaker 1: you shut out.
Speaker 2: I'm telling you for your own good, of course, it's
Speaker 2: gonna get you shut out. And if you really care
Speaker 2: about the person that you're with, you have to care
Speaker 2: about them enough to want to do better for the relationship.
Speaker 2: But most of all, you must want to do better
Speaker 2: for yourself. See a lot of people want to change
Speaker 2: for other people, but when you do that, that change.
Speaker 1: Is not lasting. You have to change for yourself.
Speaker 2: Be the best you can be for yourself, no one else,
Speaker 2: because when you are the best you can be for yourself,
Speaker 2: you're just that much better for someone else.
Speaker 1: I mean, it's truth, It is truth, But so many
Speaker 1: people look outwards. We're in a new year.
Speaker 2: It's time for a change.
Speaker 1: It's time for a change people, because if.
Speaker 2: You look around you, all around you, things are changing.
Speaker 2: Everything is changing, but you, and I mean in the
Speaker 2: positive because nothing negative over here. We're not embracing anything negative.
Speaker 2: I'm speaking positivity. You have to want it for yourself.
Speaker 2: You have to be mindful and aware of who you are.
Speaker 2: I'm not talking about that fake person that imposters, because
Speaker 2: most people live their lives that way, hiding, faking, pretending,
Speaker 2: thinking they're doing whatever in secret, putting on a smile
Speaker 2: but hurting inside.
Speaker 1: No, you have to deal with all of that.
Speaker 2: You have to allow healing to take place, whatever that
Speaker 2: pain came from. You know. I tell my grandson, I say, listen,
Speaker 2: I'm gonna tell you what my mom told me, because
Speaker 2: I believe it. No one is better than you, and
Speaker 2: you're not better than anyone else. But you can whatever
Speaker 2: you want to be in this world as long as
Speaker 2: you have that positive mindset, love yourself no matter what,
Speaker 2: no matter who, love yourself. When people do you wrong,
Speaker 2: it's because they're hurt. It's no excuse. But what I'm
Speaker 2: telling you is, don't let it hinder you. Don't let
Speaker 2: it hinder your growth. Don't take on someone else's pain
Speaker 2: and allow it to hinder your life. And you have
Speaker 2: to be encouraging to yourself. Don't look for other people
Speaker 2: to encourage you. I told him that, but I'm telling
Speaker 2: you too. Don't look for other people to encourage you.
Speaker 2: When you know you have an issue in your life,
Speaker 2: like shutting down. When you know you have that as
Speaker 2: a part of you who you are, you have to
Speaker 2: willfully want to change because no one can do it
Speaker 2: for you. You don't have to willfully want to be
Speaker 2: better for yourself. So sometimes you have to encourage yourself.
Speaker 1: You have to encourage yourself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's great here in encouraging words from others, but
Speaker 2: you have to believe in your self and you have
Speaker 2: to motivate and encourage yourself because some people don't care.
Speaker 2: They don't care about you. Hey, if you don't care,
Speaker 2: they don't care. It's your life. So you have to
Speaker 2: love yourself and encourage yourself. And it's so important when
Speaker 2: you know that you have an issue, it's.
Speaker 1: Crucial for you for your personal growth that you choose.
Speaker 2: To deal with whatever it is that's inhibiting your growth.
Speaker 2: Because I've told you many times, people get old, they
Speaker 2: get old in their bodies, but they don't mature mentally.
Speaker 1: And I mean people who.
Speaker 2: Are well well, well well into age. They don't mature
Speaker 2: mentally because people don't take the time for self People
Speaker 2: don't take the time to self reflect. They're so busy
Speaker 2: chasing after other people to love them, to give them
Speaker 2: recognition and validation and things like that. When you love
Speaker 2: yourself and you know who you are, you're not searching
Speaker 2: and seeking things in other people.
Speaker 1: You're just not.
Speaker 2: You're okay with yourself. You love yourself, you know who
Speaker 2: you are.
Speaker 1: But like I said, unfortunately a.
Speaker 2: Lot of people so who you are. When you're that
Speaker 2: person who have not dealt with whatever ails you, you're
Speaker 2: gonna take those things into your relationships because it's a
Speaker 2: part of who you are. It's a part of you
Speaker 2: being that unhealed individual. So you're gonna take those things
Speaker 2: into your relationships. You're gonna take those insecurities into your relationship.
Speaker 2: And it's going to affect your relationship. When you don't
Speaker 2: know how to communicate, it's going to affect your relationship.
Speaker 2: And shutting down is not the answer, But a lot
Speaker 2: of people do it because they don't like confrontation. Hey,
Speaker 2: there is nothing wrong with confrontation as long as it's positive.
Speaker 1: You can't go through.
Speaker 2: Life running from every situation because you don't want to.
Speaker 1: Confront whatever the issues are.
Speaker 2: You will never ever resolve anything that way. And as
Speaker 2: I said earlier, if you love who you're with, you
Speaker 2: have to want to do better in the relationship.
Speaker 1: And communication is key. It is.
Speaker 2: It absolutely is key. With doubt it, the relationship will fail.
Speaker 2: And I told you years ago, start out how you
Speaker 2: can hold out. My mom told me that too, start out,
Speaker 2: how you can hold out a lot of people get
Speaker 2: into relationships the wrong way for the wrong reasons. Oh
Speaker 2: she looked fine, He looked fine. I said it so
Speaker 2: many times. Fine is not gonna make your relationship work.
Speaker 2: Money is not gonna make your relationship work. Things are
Speaker 2: not gonna make your relationship work. Your relationship works because
Speaker 2: you put in the work. Your relationship works because you
Speaker 2: are mature. She is mature. You are mature. As the man,
Speaker 2: and you know yourself, she know herself. You love yourself,
Speaker 2: she love herself, and most of all, the front.
Speaker 1: The head God. And I know a lot of.
Speaker 2: People don't believe, but if you don't believe in God,
Speaker 2: at least believe in yourself, your life won't be the
Speaker 2: best it can be. But it still can be pretty good,
Speaker 2: but it won't be the best it can be without God.
Speaker 2: That's my opinion. And you don't have to feel the
Speaker 2: way I feel or believe what I believe, but I
Speaker 2: do know that it's important to know and love yourself.
Speaker 2: Some of you get into relationships because you have gone
Speaker 2: through things and you never felt love, so you're just
Speaker 2: seeking love.
Speaker 1: But you've been into so many.
Speaker 2: Unhealthy relationships trying to find someone to love you.
Speaker 1: Baby, you gotta love yourself.
Speaker 2: You must love yourself first, because you'll be seeking high
Speaker 2: and low all your life for love. Some of you
Speaker 2: have children because you want to love something. You want
Speaker 2: something to love you. You know you want that individual
Speaker 2: to love you back. But it's really hard when you
Speaker 2: don't know what love is, When you don't understand love,
Speaker 2: when you don't love yourself, it's hard pouring into somebody else,
Speaker 2: especially when they don't know how to love you either
Speaker 2: because they don't love his or herself.
Speaker 1: Some people say, oh, a child will make me better.
Speaker 1: Sometimes it does, but most times it's dun't.
Speaker 2: Love start with you loving yourself, understanding yourself, knowing yourself,
Speaker 2: believing in yourself.
Speaker 1: Despite of.
Speaker 2: Despite of what you've gone through, despite of who you've.
Speaker 1: Encountered in your life.
Speaker 2: Because as long as you live, people are gonna bring
Speaker 2: negativity to you. If you open yourself up to it,
Speaker 2: they will bring it, they will dump it into your life.
Speaker 2: So that's why you have to be strong. You have
Speaker 2: to know yourself and love yourself to be that. Hey, whoa, whoa, You're.
Speaker 1: Not going to do this to me.
Speaker 2: Because we all know people do to us what we
Speaker 2: allow them to do. Whatever you open yourself up to
Speaker 2: is exactly what you're gonna get. So in your relationship,
Speaker 2: if you really love who you are with, the only
Speaker 2: way it's gonna work is you must love yourself first,
Speaker 2: deal with all your issues, and be who you are
Speaker 2: destined to be. I've heard people say, oh, I I
Speaker 2: just did not see this coming. He is just not
Speaker 2: the person that I thought he was, or she's not
Speaker 2: the person I thought she was.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they are the people exactly who.
Speaker 2: You involved yourself with. They showed you who they were.
Speaker 2: You were just not in the mindset to see it.
Speaker 2: You were not in the mindset to see it. Some
Speaker 2: people think individuals just change. We got together and they
Speaker 2: just changed. No, they are who they've always been.
Speaker 1: You just missed it. That's why communication is key in
Speaker 1: a relationship. It really is.
Speaker 2: You gotta get to know each other. You gotta ask
Speaker 2: those hard questions you You can't be insecure and in
Speaker 2: barns to communicate. That's how you get to know one another.
Speaker 2: Sex is not gonna do it because when that gets old,
Speaker 2: you have nothing else to fall back on. So many
Speaker 2: people in this world are in unhealthy and unhappy relationships.
Speaker 2: Many people are together and have been together for years
Speaker 2: and years, but they're unhappy, totally unhappy. But they stay
Speaker 2: because of their own insecurities. They make up all the
Speaker 2: excuses in the world. I'm staying because of the kids.
Speaker 1: The kids are grown, they're all grown.
Speaker 2: No, you're staying for yourself because of your insecurity. You're
Speaker 2: afraid to be alone. You're afraid to start over. That's
Speaker 2: why you stay. You rather be somewhere miserable, unhappy, unloved,
Speaker 2: untouched in all of those things versus being by yourself
Speaker 2: because you don't like being alone, you don't like yourself,
Speaker 2: you don't love yourself because if you did, you could
Speaker 2: be by yourself.
Speaker 1: A lot of people can't.
Speaker 2: And that's just the painful truth. It's the painful truth.
Speaker 2: You can seek.
Speaker 1: How and lowe so all you want.
Speaker 2: It starts with you loving yourself, allowing healing to take
Speaker 2: place in your life, developing confidence, self esteem. Don't look
Speaker 2: for people to pour into you, pour into yourself.
Speaker 1: Learn to communicate is a very vital part of your relationship.
Speaker 2: You should be able to talk to your significant other
Speaker 2: about anything anything and not worry about him or her
Speaker 2: talking about you behind your back or telling someone what
Speaker 2: you have told them. You should be able to be
Speaker 2: comfortable and secure with who you're with, but a lot
Speaker 2: of you are not because.
Speaker 1: You haven't developed that type of relationship. It takes communication.
Speaker 2: Shutting down is not the answer, and if you are
Speaker 2: one of those people who do, then it's time for you.
Speaker 1: To self reflect.
Speaker 2: It's time for you to take a look at who
Speaker 2: you are and why you have allowed yourself to be
Speaker 2: that way for so long.
Speaker 1: Because it is a problem.
Speaker 2: That's a terrible feeling when you're trying to communicate and
Speaker 2: the other person has shut down, walked away, left, you know,
Speaker 2: completely left the conversation because they don't want to talk
Speaker 2: about it because they shut down. That's not how you communicate,
Speaker 2: that's not how you deal with any.
Speaker 1: Situation in your relationship.
Speaker 2: So this is just some information I wanted to put
Speaker 2: out because I know so many people are dealing with this.
Speaker 2: I know so many people are dealing with relationships where
Speaker 2: there's no communication taking place. It's hurtful, it's hurtful, but
Speaker 2: so many people settle for it.
Speaker 1: Because that's what they have.
Speaker 2: And insecurities will keep you in unhealthy places. So that's it.
Speaker 2: That's all I'm saying on this. Thank you for listening.
Speaker 2: Much much love to you. You, you and you in
Speaker 2: every episode the same. And I hope and I pray
Speaker 2: please think about it.
Speaker 1: I want you to. I hope and I pray you
Speaker 1: do it. Think on it.