Speaker 1: Hey, hey, hey, I'm back back with something for you.
Speaker 2: To think about.
Speaker 1: When he or she, when they are obsessive, possessive, and controlling.
Speaker 1: Let me say it again, When who you're with that
Speaker 1: individual that you think you love so much, when they
Speaker 1: are obsessive, possessive, and controlling, you.
Speaker 2: Got a problem.
Speaker 1: You have a problem. I wanted to talk about this.
Speaker 1: I've done plenty of episodes talking about abusive relationships. You
Speaker 1: can go and check them out, but I wanted to
Speaker 1: break this down specifically because there are so many people
Speaker 1: who are in toxic relationships. Toxic relationships are unhealthy relationships,
Speaker 1: and plenty of people are in them.
Speaker 2: It is not love. It is not love. It is
Speaker 2: not the way to love.
Speaker 1: People who are obsessive, possessive, and controlling have many unresolved
Speaker 1: inner issues surrounding pain and hurt.
Speaker 2: Where it comes from, I don't know, but I know
Speaker 2: for a fact.
Speaker 1: That they have unresolved issues that are affecting them so bad.
Speaker 1: It has affected them mentally. It has led to many insecurities.
Speaker 1: It has led them to not be able to love themselves.
Speaker 1: A person who love his or herself will not treat
Speaker 1: others that way. People who are immature, don't love themselves,
Speaker 1: don't know anything about love because they have not been
Speaker 1: able to love themselves. They have not gotten to that
Speaker 1: level of understanding that loving yourself is a must. It's
Speaker 1: a necessity to maneuver through life in a healthy way.
Speaker 2: It is necessary.
Speaker 1: So a lot of people don't understand when they get
Speaker 1: into relationships.
Speaker 2: They get into relationships based on sex.
Speaker 1: They get into relationships based on looks, based on possessions
Speaker 1: and other things, money, titles, positions, All of that stuff
Speaker 1: is superficial. I just completed my book and I'm talking
Speaker 1: about a lot of this in my book. I'll talk
Speaker 1: to you more about that later. But when people are
Speaker 1: that way and then you get in a relationship with
Speaker 1: them and they do little things.
Speaker 2: Some people are so angry they do it outright.
Speaker 1: They'll curse you outright, call you out your name or whatever, outright.
Speaker 2: They don't try to be subtle about it.
Speaker 1: But others who try to pretend that they're one way,
Speaker 1: but they know they are another. They will shuck and
Speaker 1: jive you, meaning they will play games because they want
Speaker 1: you to think that they are so loving and caring
Speaker 1: when they are really obsessive, possessive, and controlling.
Speaker 2: It's the truth. It is not love and it is
Speaker 2: not the way to love.
Speaker 1: When you are in a relationship, when a person show
Speaker 1: you who they are.
Speaker 2: Believe it.
Speaker 1: That's the best, I mean, the absolutely best advice.
Speaker 2: Anybody could have ever given.
Speaker 1: Now, I don't know if Angela Malu made that up.
Speaker 2: I don't know.
Speaker 1: I don't know if that's her saying or if she
Speaker 1: heard someone else said. I don't know, but that's the
Speaker 1: best thing, I mean, great advice. When a person show
Speaker 1: you who they.
Speaker 2: Are, believe it.
Speaker 1: The reason people can't accept it or don't believe it,
Speaker 1: or they reject it is because of who they are self.
Speaker 1: You can't receive it because of who you are. You
Speaker 1: deny it because of who you are. You reject it
Speaker 1: because of who you are. You want things to be
Speaker 1: the way you want them, based on your feelings, your wants,
Speaker 1: your needs that you.
Speaker 2: Have believed them to be. It's what you believe them
Speaker 2: to be.
Speaker 1: But people don't even really understand at all that a
Speaker 1: need is different than a want.
Speaker 2: And most of what they want when they're.
Speaker 1: Immature and have not developmentally, it's not what they need.
Speaker 2: Now what you need, you.
Speaker 1: May not want it It depends on the mindset that
Speaker 1: you're in.
Speaker 2: Or that you have.
Speaker 1: A lot of people don't understand that. You can't see
Speaker 1: all the things that you want. You just got to
Speaker 1: have you desire, you have. All these emotions and feelings about.
Speaker 2: Are no good for you. The people are no good
Speaker 2: for you.
Speaker 1: But when you have not grown mentally, you may have
Speaker 1: gotten older in age, but you have not developed mentally,
Speaker 1: meaning you have not matured, you don't understand that, and
Speaker 1: you're always.
Speaker 2: Choosing against your very own best interest.
Speaker 1: So when you see a person who's trying to dictate
Speaker 1: to you what you can and can't do, who you
Speaker 1: can be around, what you can wear, what you can do,
Speaker 1: where you can.
Speaker 2: Go, that is not love. Stop thinking, Oh.
Speaker 1: He just loved me so much, he is so protective,
Speaker 1: or she just loved me so much, she's so protective.
Speaker 2: Boo boo. That is a sign a red flag.
Speaker 1: When a person trying to tell you or dictate to
Speaker 1: you what you should do, what you must do, what
Speaker 1: you know, it's not love. It's not love. A lot
Speaker 1: of people are being fooled because they want what they
Speaker 1: want when they want it. They don't care what they
Speaker 1: just want what they want and they're overlooking all love,
Speaker 1: the signs and red flags right there in their face.
Speaker 1: They're overlooking everything because they want what they want and
Speaker 1: they're basing it on their own feelings, wants and desires,
Speaker 1: and not on reality, not on what's happening right there
Speaker 1: in their face.
Speaker 2: So you ignore these things.
Speaker 1: Because you think, oh, he loves me so much, he's
Speaker 1: just so caring.
Speaker 2: No, that is.
Speaker 1: His or her move towards being possessive and controlling and obsessive. See,
Speaker 1: they start off doing those things. The next thing you know,
Speaker 1: you're isolated from your friends and your family.
Speaker 2: They don't want you to go over there.
Speaker 1: They don't want you to spend time, they don't want
Speaker 1: them coming over.
Speaker 2: And see, when you fall for that.
Speaker 1: Crap, you continue to give up your power. You don't
Speaker 1: realize it, but they know it. Because abusive people are
Speaker 1: very manipulative. They like to play games, and they lie
Speaker 1: and they deceive, and they do things in flattering ways,
Speaker 1: very flattering ways. They say things to you to make
Speaker 1: you feel good. They don't mean it. They don't mean it.
Speaker 1: They will give you those manibolets and nuggets just enough
Speaker 1: to keep you where they want you.
Speaker 2: And the next thing.
Speaker 1: You know, before you realize what is happening, you are
Speaker 1: in a very toxic relationship, feeling trapped.
Speaker 2: Now you're in this relationship, you've given up your power.
Speaker 1: See, the more power you give to him or her,
Speaker 1: the weaker you become, and they become more powerful.
Speaker 2: You become.
Speaker 1: Weaker, and they become more powerful because you have given them.
Speaker 1: You really gish your power to them, so they will
Speaker 1: do whatever they want to do because you have given
Speaker 1: them the power to do so. Now you're weak and
Speaker 1: you're afraid, you're feeling trapped.
Speaker 2: But you are the one.
Speaker 1: Who created that in your life. See, that person was
Speaker 1: already a monster, you just didn't know it.
Speaker 2: You bring it into your life when you allow it in.
Speaker 1: You create that muster in your life. You of free
Speaker 1: will because you thought it was love. You thought he
Speaker 1: was who you wanted or she was who you wanted.
Speaker 1: But you didn't understand that they were a monster, and
Speaker 1: you were creating that muster into your life. That's what
Speaker 1: people do, That's what we humans do. We are the
Speaker 1: creators in our lives. We are the one who create
Speaker 1: the monsters in our lives. And sometimes those musters are
Speaker 1: our own children, They are our siblings, our parents, friends
Speaker 1: and other people. Because whatever power you give is the
Speaker 1: power that will be taken.
Speaker 2: It's a fact. It is the truth. And I know
Speaker 2: the truth hurts, but it is the truth.
Speaker 1: So when you allow people to come into your life.
Speaker 2: And do whatever.
Speaker 1: You put them in that position, they gonna play the
Speaker 1: role that you gave them. Point blank, it is you
Speaker 1: who give up your power. So when when when people
Speaker 1: tell you you can't do this, you can't a grown person,
Speaker 1: another adult tell you what you care that can't do
Speaker 1: because that's who you're seeing, or you'll know you're dating
Speaker 1: that person and you think it's cute.
Speaker 2: I promise you the saying is true. What makes you cry,
Speaker 2: I mean, I'm sorry, let me get it right. What
Speaker 2: makes you laugh.
Speaker 1: Will be the same thing that makes you cry later. Guarantee.
Speaker 1: Promise you could take that check and deposit it. The
Speaker 1: very thing that you would just keep kidding.
Speaker 2: And oh you were so happy.
Speaker 1: Oh he's so sweet, Oh she's so sweet. The very
Speaker 1: thing that made you laugh will make you cry when
Speaker 1: it's wrong, when it's not right, when it's done the
Speaker 1: wrong way. I promise you you can mark it on
Speaker 1: the calendar. Baby, it is going to make you cry later.
Speaker 1: So I'm just saying those people who's trying to tell you,
Speaker 1: who's trying to tell you what to do, and all
Speaker 1: of this stuff, you better be very, very leary and
Speaker 1: careful because, as I said, the more power you give
Speaker 1: is the more power you lose.
Speaker 2: You become weaker as they be come strong.
Speaker 1: Now, in reality, they are weaker than you, but you
Speaker 1: have empowered.
Speaker 2: Them so much that they uphear strong.
Speaker 1: I'm teaching you something here today, whether you receive it
Speaker 1: or not, it's the truth. People are in your life
Speaker 1: who you have allowed them to be, they will treat
Speaker 1: you exactly how you have taught them. When a person
Speaker 1: is always I mean don't want you to breathe. I mean,
Speaker 1: it's great being with who you want to be with
Speaker 1: or who you are, you know, who you think you love.
Speaker 1: It's wonderful to spend time, but you know, sometimes you
Speaker 1: just need to breathe. You just I mean, some people
Speaker 1: are smothering. You can't turn left because they're there. You
Speaker 1: can't go to the bathroom. They want to sit on
Speaker 1: the edge of the tub while you poops.
Speaker 2: I mean that's overboard or everywhere you go they pop up.
Speaker 1: That is sign signs signs and red flags. Signs of
Speaker 1: red flags are not the same. I want you to
Speaker 1: think about that. Everywhere you go they pop up. First
Speaker 1: of all, they're tracking you some kind of way, so
Speaker 1: you have to be leary of that. Or they're always
Speaker 1: accusing you of something. That's because they know who they
Speaker 1: are as a person, they know the things they've done.
Speaker 1: Abusive people all these things, and cheaters do these things
Speaker 1: as well, but we're talking about abusive people. Although cheaters
Speaker 1: can be abusive, but we're talking about abusive people. They
Speaker 1: got all kind of tricks, all kind.
Speaker 2: Of tricks in the bag for you.
Speaker 1: And if you're not in the right mindset yourself, because
Speaker 1: an abusive person is also a broken and immature person.
Speaker 1: And if you're broken, you won't see what you need
Speaker 1: to be able to see. Most people are immature, but
Speaker 1: they think they are mature, but they are immature, and
Speaker 1: they don't love themselves. I've told you plenty of times,
Speaker 1: just look at who you allow into your life and what.
Speaker 2: You allow into your life, how you.
Speaker 1: Allow people to treat you. That's gonna tell you what
Speaker 1: you need to know about yourself. If you let people
Speaker 1: treat you any kind of way, that's letting you know
Speaker 1: you still have some inside work that you need to do.
Speaker 1: Significant others will treat you, I mean mad, mad, you
Speaker 1: hear me, They will treat you mad, junkyard dog bad.
Speaker 2: Because you allow it. You fall for the oakie door.
Speaker 1: You are bamboozled because you allow your unhealed hearts and
Speaker 1: minds to lead you into bad situations with bad people,
Speaker 1: and you miss all the signs in red flags, which,
Speaker 1: by the way, are always there in every situation. We
Speaker 1: have red flags and signs in every situation, and not
Speaker 1: to mention your own intuition, but people will ignore it
Speaker 1: all to people who they think they want to be
Speaker 1: with until they realize, uh uh, I'm in a bad situation.
Speaker 2: It's scary. I'm fearful. People are living it right now
Speaker 2: as I speak.
Speaker 1: You're in your relationships, afraid to leave, afraid to stay.
Speaker 1: But it is you who open the door to it.
Speaker 1: I've talked about this where people say no one asks
Speaker 1: for abuse, no one asked for it.
Speaker 2: Lies from the pillar hill. Lies.
Speaker 1: You signed up for it. If you allowed it in
Speaker 1: your life, you signed up for it. Don't tell me
Speaker 1: that you didn't see the signs of red flag. Hey,
Speaker 1: that falls on you. It falls on you, and if
Speaker 1: you didn't see them, you have to check yourself to
Speaker 1: figure out why something is disconnected within you that made
Speaker 1: you miss the signs of red flags of an abusive paper,
Speaker 1: an abusive person. I mean, I've told you I admitted
Speaker 1: when I was young. You know, I was eighteen. I
Speaker 1: didn't know anything. I didn't know left from right. But
Speaker 1: I still did it. I saw the signs, I saw
Speaker 1: the red flags. But guess what I did went on
Speaker 1: and did it. I went on and did it. Worst
Speaker 1: thing that I could have ever done.
Speaker 2: Best thing out of it.
Speaker 1: Kids and grandkids, even though I done went through some
Speaker 1: traumatic stuff with one of them anyway, is still so
Speaker 1: you could still get good out of a bad situation.
Speaker 1: But the point is I saw the tendencies. I saw them.
Speaker 1: I remember vividly that I saw them, But because they were.
Speaker 2: Not directed at me, I thought I was safe. But
Speaker 2: little did I know.
Speaker 1: And my children are good and grown and they have
Speaker 1: no clue what their mom went through. You know, I
Speaker 1: don't need to share it with them. I got out
Speaker 1: of it with my life safely. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: people who don't. There are many people who don't So
Speaker 1: you have to see beyond the superficial.
Speaker 2: You have to see beyond.
Speaker 1: Your feelings and your wants and your desires and your emotions.
Speaker 1: You have to see beyond the fluff, the lies, the manipulation.
Speaker 2: The first sign run run fast and far. Stop meeting
Speaker 2: people and bringing them.
Speaker 1: To your house. Stop meeting people and telling them where
Speaker 1: you live, and all of this craft. I mean, if
Speaker 1: you should uber yourself to a first date or something,
Speaker 1: so they don't even have no idea what car your
Speaker 1: driver or nothing, parks somehere far away. Seriously, people are unhinged.
Speaker 1: People are toxic. People are ticking time bombs, waiting for
Speaker 1: the last straw, just waiting, no self control. So you
Speaker 1: have to be careful who you allow into your life.
Speaker 1: I don't care how cute his smile is, those pearly whites.
Speaker 1: I don't care how pretty she is, how fine she is,
Speaker 1: or how fine. None of that matters. Do you not understand?
Speaker 1: None of that matters. None of that says they are
Speaker 1: a good person. The most beautiful looking person in the
Speaker 1: world can be the most evil. Some of them are
Speaker 1: the most evil. Stop basing things on looks and what
Speaker 1: people have and money and success and fame and all
Speaker 1: of that crap. Haven't you saw? Havn't you seen? Don't
Speaker 1: you realize some of the richest people are the most broken. Duh,
Speaker 1: open your eyes. No, seriously, too much evidence for you
Speaker 1: not to be able to see. But again, I do
Speaker 1: understand that when people are broken themselves, it's hard to
Speaker 1: see the truth. But I'm trying to tell you little
Speaker 1: things that you can look out for. When a person want,
Speaker 1: you know, want you to dress how they want you
Speaker 1: to dress.
Speaker 2: It's not cute.
Speaker 1: It's not because I want you to dress up for me, baby,
Speaker 1: I want you to look good for me.
Speaker 2: No.
Speaker 1: First of all, you look good for yourself. Because you
Speaker 1: may wear something that they don't like, you have to
Speaker 1: look good for you. As long as you are dressing appropriately,
Speaker 1: you look.
Speaker 2: Good for you.
Speaker 1: If they didn't like it, hey, they don't have to.
Speaker 1: They didn't buy it. That's just my belief. You believe
Speaker 1: how you want to. But I do know if you
Speaker 1: let him or her control what you're wearing. Now, if
Speaker 1: you are a person who don't know how to dress
Speaker 1: you around, there are some people who just mm, You're like,
Speaker 1: uh no, You're not going anywhere with me dressing like
Speaker 1: that boo boo. So there are people who food don't
Speaker 1: know how to dress, and you might have to help
Speaker 1: them that area. But I'm talking about a possessive, obsessive,
Speaker 1: controlling person who's trying to tell you what to wear.
Speaker 1: It's not love and it's not cute when a person
Speaker 1: tell you let me see your phone, or they want
Speaker 1: a snoop or.
Speaker 2: Let me smell you. I mean, it's all kind of
Speaker 2: stuff that they do.
Speaker 1: If you let them get away with it, they're gonna
Speaker 1: come back and it's gonna happen again. It's gonna happen
Speaker 1: again and again and again until you've lost all control
Speaker 1: because you let them get away with.
Speaker 2: It the first time. You let them get away with
Speaker 2: it the first time.
Speaker 1: When you're talking to a person and if they talk
Speaker 1: rough to you, are cursing you out when they're talking,
Speaker 1: I mean you better. You better step on the gas.
Speaker 1: You better step on the gas. I mean fast, I
Speaker 1: don't care what else, what excuse you have to make
Speaker 1: to get out, make one and never look back. Nip
Speaker 1: it in the bud before it grows. Let me say
Speaker 1: that again, Nip it in the bud before it grows.
Speaker 1: Because if you don't. I promise you. I promise you.
Speaker 1: It will grow. It will grow, it will intensify, it
Speaker 1: would magnify, and the next thing you know, you're in
Speaker 1: an abusive relationship with an abusive individual. Obsessive, possessive, and controlling.
Speaker 1: Has nothing at all to do with love.
Speaker 2: Nothing.
Speaker 1: I want to share with you a poem that I wrote.
Speaker 1: It's called a Voice from the Grave, and it is copyright.
Speaker 1: Most people would look for love high and low, yet
Speaker 1: without self love, real love, they'll never know.
Speaker 2: The guy I thought I loved was a very violent man.
Speaker 1: His last attack on me, my body couldn't withstand, and
Speaker 1: during his abusive ways, I stayed far too long. As
Speaker 1: I became much weaker, he became very strong. He came
Speaker 1: home angry, telling me not to scream or shout. I
Speaker 1: was punched, choked, and even knocked out. After regaining consciousness,
Speaker 1: I begged for my life, ignoring my place. He pulled
Speaker 1: out a big knife, sticking and slicing as I fell
Speaker 1: with a PLoP, blood pouring everywhere, as if never to stop.
Speaker 1: Out of all the beatings, this was the worst attack.
Speaker 1: I should have left long ago, never looking back. The
Speaker 1: embulence came from me on that day. Sadly, the paramedics
Speaker 1: called me in as da. I kept silent about the
Speaker 1: hell I had been going through. Leave abusive relationships before
Speaker 1: it happens to you. Friends and families were sad as
Speaker 1: they gathered in dismay, upset, and in disbelief that my
Speaker 1: life had ended this way. Abuse is something that no
Speaker 1: one should ever tolerate. Get out at the first sign.
Speaker 1: Later may be too late. Don't be blind to love.
Speaker 1: Adhere to the signs that you see. It could literally
Speaker 1: be the death of you. Just look at me again.
Speaker 1: This is a poem I wrote. It's called a Voice
Speaker 1: from the Grave. And let me tell you. This poem
Speaker 1: is talking about a woman that died in her abusive relationships.
Speaker 1: But we all know that women do it to men too.
Speaker 1: You don't hear about it as much, but it does happen.
Speaker 1: It does not matter who. All it matters is don't
Speaker 1: let it be you. Don't let it be you. Get
Speaker 1: out at the first signs. Do not marry, Do not
Speaker 1: go deeper into relationships. Get out at the first sign.
Speaker 1: I don't care, little inkling, get out. They talk to
Speaker 1: you sideways. Go, I'm telling you, because it will only
Speaker 1: get worse if you don't nip it in the bud.
Speaker 1: What happens when you don't, you know, snip snip at
Speaker 1: these these flowers to prune them and all of that
Speaker 1: stuff they grow, right, same thing you don't nip it
Speaker 1: in the bud, it grows period. So I hope you
Speaker 1: have enjoyed this episode. Please please share, because we are
Speaker 1: living wicked, wicked times, evil darkness. But God is still
Speaker 1: on the throne, no matter what it looks like, no
Speaker 1: matter how it feels, God is still.
Speaker 2: On the throne. You have to open your eyes.
Speaker 1: You have to stop being a prisoner to your own
Speaker 1: mindset because, like I've told you several times, the enemy
Speaker 1: maybe on the outside, but the worst enemy against you
Speaker 1: is within. It's your own mindset, hands down, because how
Speaker 1: you think fuse how you feel, and that fuels your actions.
Speaker 2: So when you're of.
Speaker 1: An unhealthy mindset, you're gonna make bad choices and decisions
Speaker 1: that are against your best interests. Anyone who wants to
Speaker 1: reach out to me, if you have a question or
Speaker 1: a concern, please go to my podcast. It will have
Speaker 1: my email. I will respond. Okay, So thank you again. Room.
Speaker 1: We're much love to each and every one of you.
Speaker 1: I hope you'll bless your families are blessed.
Speaker 2: Wake Up.
Speaker 1: Love is never, ever, ever, ever abusive. Ever. Sometimes we
Speaker 1: get upset about certain things, but love has never abusive.
Speaker 1: In every episode the same, And I hope and I
Speaker 1: pray you do it, think on it,