1 00:00:00,080 --> 00:00:03,200 Speaker 1: The search party's find I can stand it no longer. 2 00:00:03,359 --> 00:00:05,480 I must put down my confession on paper, since there 3 00:00:05,519 --> 00:00:07,799 is no living creature left to whom I can confess it. 4 00:00:08,359 --> 00:00:10,919 The snow is drifting fiercer than ever to day against 5 00:00:10,960 --> 00:00:14,080 the cabin. The last biscuit is almost finished. My fingers 6 00:00:14,080 --> 00:00:16,239 are so pinched with cold I can hardly grasp the 7 00:00:16,239 --> 00:00:19,239 pen to write with. But I will write. I must write. 8 00:00:19,320 --> 00:00:22,800 I am writing. I cannot die with the dreadful story unconfessed. 9 00:00:22,839 --> 00:00:26,160 Upon my conscience, it was only an accident. Most of 10 00:00:26,199 --> 00:00:28,879 you who read this confession perhaps will say, But in 11 00:00:28,920 --> 00:00:30,800 my own heart I know better than that. I know 12 00:00:30,920 --> 00:00:34,320 it was murder, a wicked murder. Still, though my hands 13 00:00:34,320 --> 00:00:36,920 are very numb and my head swimming with delirium, I 14 00:00:36,960 --> 00:00:39,719 will try to be coherent, to tell my story clearly 15 00:00:39,840 --> 00:00:43,719 and collectedly. I was appointed surgeon of the Kotepacsy in 16 00:00:43,799 --> 00:00:46,719 June eighteen eighty. I had reasons of my own, sad 17 00:00:46,759 --> 00:00:49,840 reasons for wishing to join an arctic exposition. I didn't 18 00:00:49,880 --> 00:00:51,759 join it as most of the other men did, from 19 00:00:51,759 --> 00:00:54,320 pure love of danger and adventure. I am not a 20 00:00:54,359 --> 00:00:56,119 man to care for that sort of thing. On its 21 00:00:56,119 --> 00:00:59,039 own account. I joined it because of a terrible disappointment. 22 00:00:59,560 --> 00:01:01,759 For two year I had been engaged to Dora. I 23 00:01:01,799 --> 00:01:04,599 needn't call her anything but Dora, my brother, to whom 24 00:01:04,640 --> 00:01:07,319 I wish this paper sent, but whom I daren't address, 25 00:01:07,400 --> 00:01:10,200 is dear Arthur. How could I A murderer will know 26 00:01:10,319 --> 00:01:13,319 well enough who I mean. And to all the other people, 27 00:01:13,400 --> 00:01:15,480 it isn't needful that they should know anything about it. 28 00:01:15,920 --> 00:01:18,640 But whoever you are, whoever finds this paper, I beg 29 00:01:18,719 --> 00:01:22,000 of you, I implore you. I adjure you do not tell 30 00:01:22,040 --> 00:01:24,840 a word of it to Dora. I cannot die unconfessed, 31 00:01:25,159 --> 00:01:28,560 but I cannot let the confession reach her. If it does, 32 00:01:28,640 --> 00:01:30,920 I know the double shock will kill her. Keep it 33 00:01:30,959 --> 00:01:33,640 from her. Tell her only he is dead, dead as 34 00:01:33,680 --> 00:01:37,400 his post, like a brave man on the cotepaccy exploring expedition. 35 00:01:37,799 --> 00:01:40,239 For Mercy's sake. Don't tell her that he was murdered, 36 00:01:40,280 --> 00:01:43,319 that I murdered him. I had been engaged, I say 37 00:01:43,359 --> 00:01:46,079 two years to Dora. She lived in Arthur's parish, and 38 00:01:46,120 --> 00:01:50,319 I loved her, Yes, in those days, I loved her, purely, devotedly, innocently. 39 00:01:50,879 --> 00:01:54,200 I was innocent then myself and I really believe good 40 00:01:54,239 --> 00:01:57,359 and will meaning. I should have been genuinely horrified and 41 00:01:57,439 --> 00:01:59,799 indignant if anybody had ventured to say that I should 42 00:01:59,840 --> 00:02:02,439 end by committing a murder. It was a great grief 43 00:02:02,480 --> 00:02:04,319 to me when I had to leave Arthur's perish and 44 00:02:04,400 --> 00:02:07,120 my father's parish before him, to go up to London 45 00:02:07,159 --> 00:02:09,280 and take posts as a surgeon to a small hospital. 46 00:02:09,560 --> 00:02:12,080 I couldn't bear being so far away from Dora. And 47 00:02:12,199 --> 00:02:14,280 at first Dora wrote to me almost every day with 48 00:02:14,319 --> 00:02:17,080 the greatest affection. Heaven forgive me if I still ventured 49 00:02:17,120 --> 00:02:20,080 to call her Dora her so good and pure and beautiful, 50 00:02:20,120 --> 00:02:23,680 and I a murderer. But after a while I noticed 51 00:02:23,719 --> 00:02:26,360 slowly that Dora's tone seemed to grow colder and colder, 52 00:02:26,400 --> 00:02:29,039 and her letters less and less frequent. Why should she 53 00:02:29,120 --> 00:02:32,360 have begun to cease loving me, I cannot imagine. Perhaps 54 00:02:32,360 --> 00:02:35,280 she had a premonition of what possibly wickedness was really 55 00:02:35,319 --> 00:02:38,159 in me. At any rate, her coldness grew at last 56 00:02:38,439 --> 00:02:40,800 so marked that I wrote and asked Arthur whether he 57 00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:44,439 could explain it. Arthur answered me a little regretfully and 58 00:02:44,479 --> 00:02:47,919 with brotherly affection. He is a good fellow, Arthur, and 59 00:02:47,960 --> 00:02:50,960 that he could. He feared it was painful to say so, 60 00:02:51,520 --> 00:02:53,599 but he feared Dora was beginning to love a new lover, 61 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:55,840 A young man had lately come to the village of 62 00:02:55,879 --> 00:02:58,560 whom she had a great deal, and who was handsome 63 00:02:58,639 --> 00:03:01,680 and brave and fascinating. Arthur was afraid he could not 64 00:03:01,759 --> 00:03:04,759 conceal from me his impression that Dora and the stranger 65 00:03:04,800 --> 00:03:08,360 were very much taken with one another. At last, one 66 00:03:08,360 --> 00:03:10,400 morning a letter came to me from Dora. I can 67 00:03:10,439 --> 00:03:12,159 put it in here because I carried it away with 68 00:03:12,240 --> 00:03:14,400 me when I went to Hammerfest to join the Kotapaxy, 69 00:03:14,879 --> 00:03:16,919 and ever since I have kept it sadly in my 70 00:03:16,960 --> 00:03:20,759 private pocket book. Dear Ernest. She had always called me 71 00:03:20,879 --> 00:03:22,919 Ernest since we had been children together, and she couldn't 72 00:03:23,000 --> 00:03:24,680 leave it off even now when she was writing to 73 00:03:24,759 --> 00:03:27,319 let me know she no longer loved me. Can you 74 00:03:27,360 --> 00:03:28,879 forgive me for what I am going to tell you? 75 00:03:29,840 --> 00:03:32,120 I thought I loved you till lately, but then I 76 00:03:32,159 --> 00:03:35,199 had never discovered what love really meant. I have discovered 77 00:03:35,199 --> 00:03:37,360 it now, and I find that, after all I only 78 00:03:37,439 --> 00:03:40,319 liked you very sincerely. You will have guessed before this 79 00:03:40,520 --> 00:03:42,800 that I love somebody else. Who loves me in return 80 00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:45,120 with all the strength of his whole nature. I have 81 00:03:45,159 --> 00:03:47,439 made a grievous mistake, which I know will render you 82 00:03:47,520 --> 00:03:50,400 terribly unhappy. But it is better so than to marry 83 00:03:50,439 --> 00:03:52,199 a man whom I do not really love with all 84 00:03:52,199 --> 00:03:55,039 my heart and soul and affection. Better in the end, 85 00:03:55,080 --> 00:03:57,319 I am sure, for both of us. I am too 86 00:03:57,400 --> 00:03:59,439 much ashamed of myself to write you more. Can you 87 00:03:59,479 --> 00:04:04,039 forgive me yours? Dora? I could not forgive her then, 88 00:04:04,159 --> 00:04:06,360 though I loved her too much to be angry. I 89 00:04:06,439 --> 00:04:10,280 was only broken hearted, thoroughly stunned and broken hearted. I 90 00:04:10,280 --> 00:04:12,520 can forgive her now, but she could never forgive me. 91 00:04:12,719 --> 00:04:16,199 Heaven help me. I only wanted to get away anywhere, 92 00:04:16,319 --> 00:04:18,759 anywhere and forget all about it in a life of danger, 93 00:04:19,680 --> 00:04:21,800 so I asked for the post of surgeon to Sir 94 00:04:21,879 --> 00:04:25,240 Paxton Bateman's Got to Paxy exposition a few weeks afterwards. 95 00:04:25,480 --> 00:04:27,759 They wanted a man who knew something about natural history 96 00:04:27,759 --> 00:04:29,959 and deep sea dredging, and they took me on at once, 97 00:04:30,240 --> 00:04:32,399 on the recommendation of a well known man of science. 98 00:04:33,079 --> 00:04:35,560 The very day I joined the ship at Hammerfest in August, 99 00:04:35,600 --> 00:04:37,959 I noticed immediately that there was one man on board 100 00:04:38,160 --> 00:04:40,759 whose mere face and bearing and manner were at first 101 00:04:40,839 --> 00:04:44,839 sight excessively objectionable to me. He was a handsome enough 102 00:04:44,879 --> 00:04:47,759 young fellow, one Harry Lamarchon, who had been a planter 103 00:04:47,839 --> 00:04:50,600 in Queensland, and who, after being burned up with three 104 00:04:50,680 --> 00:04:54,240 years of tropical sunshine, was anxious to cool himself apparently 105 00:04:54,279 --> 00:04:57,439 by a long winter of arctic gloom. Handsome as he was, 106 00:04:57,480 --> 00:04:59,920 with his black mustache and big, dark eyes, rolling restle, 107 00:05:00,680 --> 00:05:03,639 I took an instantaneous dislike to his cruel, thin lip 108 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:06,319 and cold proud mouth the moment I looked upon him. 109 00:05:06,920 --> 00:05:08,680 If I had been wise, I would have drawn back 110 00:05:08,720 --> 00:05:11,000 from the expedition at once. It is a foolish thing 111 00:05:11,040 --> 00:05:13,199 to bind oneself down to a voyage of that sorts 112 00:05:13,279 --> 00:05:16,000 unless you are perfectly sure beforehand that you have at 113 00:05:16,079 --> 00:05:19,879 least no instinctive hatred of any one among your messmates 114 00:05:19,879 --> 00:05:23,399 in that long forced companionship. But I wasn't wise, and 115 00:05:23,600 --> 00:05:26,800 I went on with him. From the first moment, even 116 00:05:26,839 --> 00:05:29,199 before I had spoken to him, I disliked the Marchant. 117 00:05:29,600 --> 00:05:31,959 Very soon I grew to hate him. He seemed to 118 00:05:31,959 --> 00:05:35,160 me the most recklessly cruel and devilish creature. God forgive 119 00:05:35,160 --> 00:05:37,279 me I should say that I had ever met, within 120 00:05:37,319 --> 00:05:41,439 my whole lifetime on an Arctic expedition. A man's true 121 00:05:41,519 --> 00:05:44,399 nature soon comes out. Mine certainly did. And he lets 122 00:05:44,399 --> 00:05:46,720 his companions know more about his inner self in six 123 00:05:46,759 --> 00:05:49,000 weeks than they could have possibly learned about him in 124 00:05:49,120 --> 00:05:52,720 years of intercourse under other circumstances. And the second night 125 00:05:52,759 --> 00:05:54,519 I was on board the Coat to POxy, I learned 126 00:05:54,600 --> 00:05:56,639 enough to make my blood run cold about Harry le 127 00:05:56,720 --> 00:06:00,759 Merchant's ideas and feelings. We were all sitting on deck together, 128 00:06:00,839 --> 00:06:02,720 those of us who were not on duty, and listening 129 00:06:02,720 --> 00:06:04,920 to yarns from one another as idle men will, when 130 00:06:04,959 --> 00:06:08,680 the conversation happened accidentally to turn on Queensland, and La 131 00:06:08,680 --> 00:06:11,399 Marchant began to enlighten us about his own doings while 132 00:06:11,439 --> 00:06:13,680 he was in the colony. He boasted a great deal 133 00:06:13,720 --> 00:06:16,720 about his prowess as a disperser of the blackfellows, which 134 00:06:16,720 --> 00:06:19,199 he seemed to consider a very noble sort of occupation. 135 00:06:19,680 --> 00:06:21,759 There's nobody in the colony, he said, who had ever 136 00:06:21,800 --> 00:06:24,199 dispersed so many blacks as he had, and he'd like 137 00:06:24,279 --> 00:06:26,720 to be back there dispersing again. For in the matter 138 00:06:26,759 --> 00:06:30,000 of sport. It beat kangaroo hunting or any other kind 139 00:06:30,000 --> 00:06:32,199 of shooting. He had ever yet tried his hands at 140 00:06:32,279 --> 00:06:36,439 all to pieces. The second Lieutenant, Hepworth Patterson, a nice, 141 00:06:36,519 --> 00:06:39,399 kind hearted young scotchman, looked up at him a little 142 00:06:39,439 --> 00:06:43,040 curiously and said, why what do you mean by dispersing lamarchant? 143 00:06:43,439 --> 00:06:45,439 Driving them off into the bush? I suppose isn't that 144 00:06:45,560 --> 00:06:48,240 it not much fun in that that I can see 145 00:06:48,279 --> 00:06:53,160 scattering a lot of poor, helpless, black naked savages. The 146 00:06:53,279 --> 00:06:56,319 marchant curled his lip contemptuously. He didn't think much of 147 00:06:56,360 --> 00:06:58,920 Patterson because his father was said to be a Glasgow grocer, 148 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:03,279 and answered, in his rapid daredevil fashion, no fun, isn't there? 149 00:07:03,480 --> 00:07:05,399 Just that's all you know about it, my good fellow. 150 00:07:05,720 --> 00:07:08,399 Now I'll give you one example. One day the inspector 151 00:07:08,439 --> 00:07:09,800 came in and told us there were a lot of 152 00:07:09,800 --> 00:07:12,600 blacks camping out on our estate down by the Wardodi River. 153 00:07:13,079 --> 00:07:14,920 So we jumped on our horses like a shot and 154 00:07:14,959 --> 00:07:17,839 went down there immediately and began dispersing them. We didn't 155 00:07:17,839 --> 00:07:19,920 fire at them because grass and ferns and things were 156 00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,319 very high, and we might have wasted our ammunition. But 157 00:07:22,399 --> 00:07:24,600 we went at them with native fears, just for all 158 00:07:24,639 --> 00:07:26,879 the world, like pigsticking. You should have seen those black 159 00:07:26,879 --> 00:07:29,560 fellows run for their lives through the long grass. Men, women, 160 00:07:29,639 --> 00:07:32,839 little ones. Together, we rode after them full pelt. As 161 00:07:32,839 --> 00:07:34,519 we came up with them one by one, we just 162 00:07:34,600 --> 00:07:36,720 rolled them over helter skelter, as if they had been 163 00:07:36,759 --> 00:07:39,720 antelopes or bears or something. Bye and bye. After a 164 00:07:39,720 --> 00:07:41,600 good long charge or two, we cleared the place of 165 00:07:41,639 --> 00:07:44,439 big blacks altogether. But the gins and children, some of 166 00:07:44,480 --> 00:07:46,600 them lay lurking among the grass, you know, and wouldn't 167 00:07:46,639 --> 00:07:49,040 come out and give us fair sport as they ought 168 00:07:49,079 --> 00:07:51,279 to have done out in the open. Children will pack, 169 00:07:51,319 --> 00:07:53,959 you see, whenever they're hard driven, exactly like a grouse. 170 00:07:54,040 --> 00:07:56,360 After a month or two steady shooting well to make 171 00:07:56,399 --> 00:07:58,480 them start and show game, of course, we put a 172 00:07:58,519 --> 00:08:01,000 match to the grass. Just a minute, the whole thing 173 00:08:01,040 --> 00:08:03,319 was ablaze right down to the corner of the two rivers. 174 00:08:03,439 --> 00:08:05,360 So we turned our horses into the stream and rode 175 00:08:05,360 --> 00:08:08,240 alongside half a dozen of us on each river. Every 176 00:08:08,319 --> 00:08:10,319 now and again one of the young ones would break 177 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:12,920 cover and slide out quietly into the stream and try 178 00:08:12,920 --> 00:08:15,560 to swim across without being perceived and get clean away 179 00:08:15,560 --> 00:08:17,720 back into the country. Then we made a dash at 180 00:08:17,759 --> 00:08:20,120 them with pigspears, and sometimes they die with the precious 181 00:08:20,120 --> 00:08:23,040 good divers they are to those Queenslanders, I can tell you. 182 00:08:23,680 --> 00:08:25,879 But we waited around until they came up again, and 183 00:08:25,920 --> 00:08:28,160 then we struck them as sure as houses. That's what 184 00:08:28,199 --> 00:08:31,279 we call dispersing natives over in Queensland, extending the blessings 185 00:08:31,279 --> 00:08:33,799 of civilization to the unsettled parts of the back country. 186 00:08:34,279 --> 00:08:36,639 He laughed a pleasant laugh to himself quietly as he 187 00:08:36,679 --> 00:08:39,679 finished this atrocious, devilish story, and showed all his white 188 00:08:39,720 --> 00:08:42,000 teeth all in a row, as if he thought the 189 00:08:42,039 --> 00:08:45,879 whole reminisce exceedingly amusing. Of course, we were all simply 190 00:08:45,919 --> 00:08:50,519 speechless with horror and astonishment. Such a deliberate, brutal murderousness. 191 00:08:50,559 --> 00:08:54,080 Gracious heavens, what am I saying? I'd have forgotten for 192 00:08:54,120 --> 00:08:56,960 a moment that I too am a murderer. But what 193 00:08:57,039 --> 00:08:59,480 had the blackfellows done to you? Patterson asked with a 194 00:08:59,480 --> 00:09:02,519 tone of loathing. After we had all sat silent and 195 00:09:02,519 --> 00:09:05,279 horror schicken in a circle for a moment. I suppose 196 00:09:05,320 --> 00:09:08,320 they'd been behaving awfully badly to some white people somewhere 197 00:09:08,399 --> 00:09:10,519 massacring women or something, to get your blood up in 198 00:09:10,519 --> 00:09:14,000 such a horrid piece of butchery. The merchant laughed again, 199 00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:17,519 a quiet chuckle of conscious superiority, and only answered, behaving 200 00:09:17,559 --> 00:09:20,960 badly massacring white women. Lord, bless your heart, I'd like 201 00:09:21,039 --> 00:09:24,440 to see them. Why the wretched creatures wouldn't ever dare 202 00:09:24,559 --> 00:09:26,559 do it? Oh no, nothing of that sort, I can 203 00:09:26,600 --> 00:09:29,000 tell you. And our blood wasn't up either. We went 204 00:09:29,039 --> 00:09:30,679 in it just for by the way of something to do, 205 00:09:30,759 --> 00:09:32,840 and to keep our hands. Of course, you can't allow 206 00:09:32,879 --> 00:09:35,000 a lot of lazy, hulking blacks to go knocking around 207 00:09:35,039 --> 00:09:37,840 the neighborhood of an estate, stealing your fowls and fruit 208 00:09:37,879 --> 00:09:40,720 and so forth without lighter hindrance. It's the custom in 209 00:09:40,759 --> 00:09:44,080 Queensland to disperse to blackfellows. I've often been out riding 210 00:09:44,120 --> 00:09:46,720 with a friend and I've seen one sulking about somewhere 211 00:09:46,759 --> 00:09:48,720 in the hollow among the tree firms, and I've drawn 212 00:09:48,720 --> 00:09:50,600 my six shooter, and I said to my friend, you 213 00:09:50,679 --> 00:09:53,159 see me disperse that confounded one. And I've dispersed him 214 00:09:53,240 --> 00:09:55,320 right off into little pieces too. You may take your 215 00:09:55,360 --> 00:09:57,919 oath upon it. But do you mean to tell me, 216 00:09:57,960 --> 00:10:00,639 mister le merchant, Patterson said, looking at your more puzzled 217 00:10:00,639 --> 00:10:04,919 and shocked, that these poor creatures have been doing absolutely nothing. Well, 218 00:10:04,960 --> 00:10:08,039 now that's the way of all you homesticking sentimentalists, Lamarchant 219 00:10:08,039 --> 00:10:10,120 went on, with an ugly simper. You want to push 220 00:10:10,120 --> 00:10:12,559 on the outskirts of civilization and see the world colonized, 221 00:10:12,600 --> 00:10:14,639 But you're too squeamish to listen to anything about the 222 00:10:14,679 --> 00:10:19,120 only practicable civilizing and colonizing agencies. It's the struggle for existence. 223 00:10:19,120 --> 00:10:21,240 Don't you see the plain outcome of all the best 224 00:10:21,240 --> 00:10:23,679 modern scientific theories. The black man has got to go 225 00:10:23,720 --> 00:10:25,879 to the wall. The white man, with his superior moral 226 00:10:25,919 --> 00:10:28,799 and intellect nature, has got to push him there. At bottom, 227 00:10:28,879 --> 00:10:31,240 it's nothing more than civilization. Shoot him off at once, 228 00:10:31,320 --> 00:10:33,440 I say, and get rid of them forthwith and forever. 229 00:10:34,360 --> 00:10:36,840 Why I say, looking at him with my disgust, speaking 230 00:10:36,840 --> 00:10:39,399 in my face, Heaven forgive me, I call it nothing 231 00:10:39,480 --> 00:10:42,279 less than murder. Lamarchant laughed and lit his cigar. But 232 00:10:42,360 --> 00:10:44,879 after that, somehow the other men didn't care much to 233 00:10:44,919 --> 00:10:46,840 talk to him in an ordinary way, more than was 234 00:10:46,879 --> 00:10:51,039 necessary for carrying out of the ship's business. And yet 235 00:10:51,120 --> 00:10:53,440 he was a very gentlemanly fellow, I must admit, and 236 00:10:53,519 --> 00:10:56,360 well read and decently educated. Only there seemed to be 237 00:10:56,360 --> 00:10:59,120 a certain natural brutality about him, under a thin veneer 238 00:10:59,159 --> 00:11:01,279 of culture and good pay reading that repelled us all 239 00:11:01,360 --> 00:11:04,200 dreadfully from the moment we saw him. I dare say 240 00:11:04,200 --> 00:11:06,080 we shouldn't have noticed it so much if we hadn't 241 00:11:06,080 --> 00:11:08,840 been thrown together so closely as men are on Arctic voyage. 242 00:11:09,159 --> 00:11:12,519 But then and there it was positively unendurable. We none 243 00:11:12,559 --> 00:11:14,879 of us held any communications with him whenever we could 244 00:11:14,919 --> 00:11:17,080 help it, and he soon saw that we of all 245 00:11:17,080 --> 00:11:20,600 of us thoroughly disliked and distrust him. That only made 246 00:11:20,639 --> 00:11:22,919 him reckless and defiant. He knew he was bound to 247 00:11:22,919 --> 00:11:25,200 go the journey through with us now, and he sat 248 00:11:25,200 --> 00:11:27,799 to work deliberately to shock and horrify us. Whether all 249 00:11:27,799 --> 00:11:29,759 the stories he told by the wardroom fire in the 250 00:11:29,799 --> 00:11:31,919 evenings were true or not, I can't tell you. I 251 00:11:31,960 --> 00:11:33,879 don't believe they all were, But at any rate, he 252 00:11:33,919 --> 00:11:36,159 made them seem as brutal and disgusting as the most 253 00:11:36,200 --> 00:11:39,960 loathsome details could possibly make them. He was always apologizing, 254 00:11:40,120 --> 00:11:43,559 nay glorying, in the bloodshed and slaughter, which he used 255 00:11:43,600 --> 00:11:45,879 to defend with a show of cultivated reasoning that made 256 00:11:45,879 --> 00:11:48,200 the naked brutality of his stories seem all the more 257 00:11:48,200 --> 00:11:51,720 awful and unpardonable at bottom. And yet one couldn't deny 258 00:11:51,840 --> 00:11:53,639 all the time there was a grace of manner and 259 00:11:53,679 --> 00:11:55,799 a show of polite feeling about him, which gave him 260 00:11:56,000 --> 00:11:59,600 a certain external pleasantness. In spite of everything. He was 261 00:11:59,600 --> 00:12:02,559 always that women liked him, and I could easily understand 262 00:12:02,559 --> 00:12:04,519 how a great many women who only saw him with 263 00:12:04,600 --> 00:12:07,200 his company manners might even think him brave and handsome 264 00:12:07,240 --> 00:12:10,279 and very chivalrous. I won't go into the details of 265 00:12:10,320 --> 00:12:13,200 the expedition. They will be found fully and officially narrated 266 00:12:13,240 --> 00:12:15,159 in the log which I have hidden in the captain's 267 00:12:15,159 --> 00:12:17,759 box in the hut besides the Captain's body. I need 268 00:12:17,799 --> 00:12:20,720 only mention here the circumstances immediately connected with the main 269 00:12:20,799 --> 00:12:23,720 matter of this confession. One day, a little while before 270 00:12:23,759 --> 00:12:26,000 we got jammed into the ice off the Leakhov Islands, 271 00:12:26,120 --> 00:12:28,399 La Marchant was upon deck with me, helping me remove 272 00:12:28,759 --> 00:12:30,840 from the net of creatures that we had dredged up 273 00:12:30,879 --> 00:12:33,639 in our shallow soundings. As he stooped to pick out 274 00:12:33,679 --> 00:12:36,600 a leptocardium Burrallee. I happened to observe that a golden 275 00:12:36,600 --> 00:12:38,720 locket had fallen out of the front of his waistcoat 276 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,039 and showed a lock of hair on its exposed surface. 277 00:12:41,759 --> 00:12:44,240 Lamarchet noticed it too, and with an awkward laugh, put 278 00:12:44,240 --> 00:12:47,000 it back hurriedly. My little girl's keepsake, he said, in 279 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:49,480 a tone that seemed to me disagreeably flippant about such 280 00:12:49,480 --> 00:12:51,480 a subject. She gave it to me just before I 281 00:12:51,519 --> 00:12:54,080 set off on my way to Hammerfest. I stared in 282 00:12:54,080 --> 00:12:56,639 some astonishment. He had a little girl, then a sweetheart, 283 00:12:56,639 --> 00:12:59,679 he meant, obviously, if so, Heaven help her poor soul. 284 00:12:59,679 --> 00:13:01,799 Heaven help her. For any woman to be tied to 285 00:13:01,879 --> 00:13:04,080 life to such a creature as that, was really quite 286 00:13:04,159 --> 00:13:06,840 too horrible. I didn't even like to think upon it. 287 00:13:07,960 --> 00:13:09,919 I don't know what devil prompted me, for I seldom 288 00:13:09,960 --> 00:13:11,840 spoke to him, even when we were told off on 289 00:13:11,919 --> 00:13:14,799 duty together. But I said, at last, after a moment's pause, 290 00:13:15,120 --> 00:13:17,080 if you are engaged to be married, as I suppose 291 00:13:17,120 --> 00:13:19,679 you are, from what you say, I wonder you could 292 00:13:19,679 --> 00:13:21,720 bear to come away on such long business as this 293 00:13:21,879 --> 00:13:23,799 When you couldn't get a word or a letter from 294 00:13:23,799 --> 00:13:25,720 the the lady you're engaged to for a whole winter. 295 00:13:26,360 --> 00:13:28,159 He went on picking out the shells and weed, as 296 00:13:28,159 --> 00:13:30,919 he answered, in a careless, jaunty tone, Why to tell 297 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:32,919 you the truth? Doctor? That was just about the very 298 00:13:32,960 --> 00:13:35,200 meaning of it. We were going to be married next summer, 299 00:13:35,200 --> 00:13:37,440 you see, And for reasons of her papa's, the deuce 300 00:13:37,519 --> 00:13:40,440 knows what my little girl couldn't possibly be allowed to 301 00:13:40,480 --> 00:13:43,399 marry one week sooner. There I'd been knocking about and 302 00:13:43,440 --> 00:13:46,480 spooning with her violently for three months nearly, and the 303 00:13:46,480 --> 00:13:48,480 more I spooned, the more tired I got of it, 304 00:13:48,600 --> 00:13:51,159 and the more she expected me to go on spooning. Well, 305 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:53,120 I'm not the sort of man to stand around billing 306 00:13:53,279 --> 00:13:56,039 and cooing for a whole year together. At last, things 307 00:13:56,080 --> 00:13:58,120 grow monotonous, and I wanted an excuse to go off 308 00:13:58,159 --> 00:14:00,679 somewhere where there'd be some sort of fun going on 309 00:14:00,799 --> 00:14:03,480 till summer came and we could get spliced properly. For 310 00:14:03,600 --> 00:14:05,159 she's got some tint too, and I didn't want to 311 00:14:05,159 --> 00:14:07,679 throw her over, But I felt that if I'd got 312 00:14:07,679 --> 00:14:09,759 to keep on spooning and spooning for a whole winter 313 00:14:09,840 --> 00:14:12,240 without intermission. The thing would really be one too many 314 00:14:12,240 --> 00:14:13,919 for me, and I should have to give it up 315 00:14:13,919 --> 00:14:16,879 from sheer weariness. So I heard of this precious expedition, 316 00:14:16,919 --> 00:14:18,679 which is just a sort of adventure I like, and 317 00:14:18,720 --> 00:14:20,600 I wrote, and I volunteered for it, And then I 318 00:14:20,639 --> 00:14:22,480 managed to make my little girl and her dear papa 319 00:14:22,519 --> 00:14:24,519 believe that I was an officer in the naval Reserve, 320 00:14:24,559 --> 00:14:26,639 and I was compelled to go when asked, willy nilly, 321 00:14:27,039 --> 00:14:29,120 it's only about half a year, you know, darling, and 322 00:14:29,159 --> 00:14:32,480 all that sort of thing. You understand the line of country. Meanwhile, 323 00:14:32,519 --> 00:14:34,399 I'm saved the bother of ever writing to her or 324 00:14:34,440 --> 00:14:36,679 getting any letters from her either, which is almost, in 325 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:41,000 its way equal nuisance. I see, I said shortly, Not 326 00:14:41,039 --> 00:14:42,919 to put too fine a point on it. You simply 327 00:14:42,960 --> 00:14:46,200 lied to her upon my soul, he answered, showing his 328 00:14:46,279 --> 00:14:49,320 teeth again, but this time by no means pleasantly. You 329 00:14:49,440 --> 00:14:51,519 fellows on the cote Epaxy, are really the sternest set 330 00:14:51,559 --> 00:14:53,679 of moralists I ever met with outside a book of 331 00:14:53,720 --> 00:14:56,519 sermons or a Surrey melodrama. You ought to have all 332 00:14:56,519 --> 00:14:58,960 been the Parsons, every man jack of you. That's just 333 00:14:59,000 --> 00:15:01,919 about what you're fit for. On the fourteenth of September, 334 00:15:01,919 --> 00:15:03,840 we got jammed in the ice and the kotapaxy went 335 00:15:03,879 --> 00:15:06,000 to pieces. You'll find in the Captain's log how part 336 00:15:06,039 --> 00:15:08,120 of us walked across the pack to the Lyakhov Islands 337 00:15:08,159 --> 00:15:11,159 and settled ourself here on Point Seberyakov in winter quarters. 338 00:15:11,519 --> 00:15:13,519 As to what became of the other party, which went 339 00:15:13,559 --> 00:15:16,279 southwards to the mouth of Lena, I know nothing. It 340 00:15:16,279 --> 00:15:18,240 was hard winter, but by the aid of our stores 341 00:15:18,240 --> 00:15:20,600 and occasional wall was shot by one of the blue jackets, 342 00:15:20,600 --> 00:15:23,399 we managed to get along until March without serious illness. 343 00:15:23,799 --> 00:15:26,879 Then one day, after a spell of terrible frost and snow, 344 00:15:26,919 --> 00:15:28,799 the captain came to me and said, doctor, I wish 345 00:15:28,879 --> 00:15:30,840 you'd come and see La Marchant in the other hut here. 346 00:15:31,080 --> 00:15:33,639 I'm afraid he's got a bad fever. So I went 347 00:15:33,679 --> 00:15:37,679 to see him. So he had a raging fever, fumbling 348 00:15:37,679 --> 00:15:40,000 about amongst his clothes to lay him down comfortably on 349 00:15:40,039 --> 00:15:42,159 the bear skin, for of course we had saved no 350 00:15:42,240 --> 00:15:44,600 bedding from the wreck. I happened to knock out once 351 00:15:44,639 --> 00:15:46,440 more the same locket that I had seen when he 352 00:15:46,519 --> 00:15:48,919 was emptying the drag net. There was a photograph in 353 00:15:48,960 --> 00:15:51,440 it of a young lady. The seal oil lamp didn't 354 00:15:51,440 --> 00:15:53,200 give it very much light in the dark hut. It 355 00:15:53,279 --> 00:15:56,120 was still long winter night on the Lyakhov Islands, but 356 00:15:56,200 --> 00:15:58,879 even so I couldn't help seeing and recognizing the young 357 00:15:58,960 --> 00:16:02,720 lady's features. Great Heaven, support me, uphold me. I reeled 358 00:16:02,759 --> 00:16:06,799 with horror and amazement. It was Dora, Yes, his little 359 00:16:06,799 --> 00:16:09,240 girl that he spoke of so carelessly, that he lied 360 00:16:09,279 --> 00:16:12,000 to so easily, that he meant to marry so cruelly. 361 00:16:12,519 --> 00:16:15,000 Was my Dora. I had pitied the woman who was 362 00:16:15,039 --> 00:16:17,200 to be Harry Lamarchant's wife, even when I didn't know 363 00:16:17,240 --> 00:16:19,919 who she was. In any way, I pitied her terribly 364 00:16:20,000 --> 00:16:21,960 with all my heart when I knew that she was Dora, 365 00:16:22,159 --> 00:16:25,039 my own Dora. If I had become a murderer, after all, 366 00:16:25,120 --> 00:16:28,000 it was to save Dora, To save Dora from that unutterable, 367 00:16:28,080 --> 00:16:32,039 abominable ruffian. I clutched the photograph in the locket eagerly 368 00:16:32,080 --> 00:16:34,559 and held it up to the man's eyes. He opened 369 00:16:34,600 --> 00:16:37,120 them dreamily. Is that the lady you are going to marry? 370 00:16:37,159 --> 00:16:39,720 I asked him, with all the boiling indignation of that 371 00:16:39,840 --> 00:16:43,200 terrible discovery. Seething and burning in my very face. He 372 00:16:43,279 --> 00:16:45,840 smiled and took it all in half a minute. It is, 373 00:16:45,960 --> 00:16:48,320 he answered, in spite of the fever, with all his 374 00:16:48,399 --> 00:16:51,879 old daredevil carelessness. And now I recollect that they told 375 00:16:51,919 --> 00:16:54,000 me the fellow she was engaged to was a doctor 376 00:16:54,039 --> 00:16:56,720 in London and a brother of the parson. By jove, 377 00:16:56,759 --> 00:16:58,720 I never thought of it before that your name, too, 378 00:16:58,919 --> 00:17:02,639 was actually Robinson. That's the worst of having such a 379 00:17:02,679 --> 00:17:05,160 deuced common name as yours. No one ever dreams of 380 00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:08,079 recognizing your relations. Hang it all. If you're the man 381 00:17:08,119 --> 00:17:10,440 I suppose now out of revenge, you'll be wanting to 382 00:17:10,480 --> 00:17:13,559 next go and poison me. You judge others by yourself, 383 00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:16,319 I'm afraid, I answered sternly. Oh, how the words seemed 384 00:17:16,319 --> 00:17:18,440 to rise up in judgment against me At last, Now 385 00:17:18,480 --> 00:17:21,680 the dreadful thing is all over. I doctored him as 386 00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:23,640 well as I was able, hoping in all the time 387 00:17:23,640 --> 00:17:25,640 in my inmost soul, for I will confess it all 388 00:17:25,680 --> 00:17:28,599 now that he would never recover. Already in wish I 389 00:17:28,640 --> 00:17:31,160 had become a murderer. I was too horrible to think 390 00:17:31,160 --> 00:17:33,720 that such a man as that should marry Dora. I 391 00:17:33,799 --> 00:17:36,119 had loved her once, and I love her still. I 392 00:17:36,160 --> 00:17:39,319 love her now. I shall always love her, murderer as 393 00:17:39,359 --> 00:17:42,319 I am, I say it, nevertheless, I shall always love her. 394 00:17:43,440 --> 00:17:45,720 But at last, to my grief and disappointment, the man 395 00:17:45,759 --> 00:17:48,279 began to mend and get better. My doctoring had done 396 00:17:48,319 --> 00:17:50,640 him good. All the sailors, though they did not love him, 397 00:17:50,680 --> 00:17:52,640 had shot him once or twice, a small bird, of 398 00:17:52,680 --> 00:17:55,960 which we made a fresh soup that seemed to revive him. Yes, yes, 399 00:17:56,000 --> 00:17:58,039 he was coming round, and my cured medicines had done 400 00:17:58,079 --> 00:17:59,960 it all. He was getting well, and he would still 401 00:18:00,000 --> 00:18:02,960 I'll go back to Mary Dora. The very idea put 402 00:18:03,000 --> 00:18:05,079 me into such a fever of terror and excitement that 403 00:18:05,160 --> 00:18:07,400 at last I began to exhibit the same symptoms as 404 00:18:07,480 --> 00:18:10,519 Lamarchan himself had done. The captain saw I was sickening, 405 00:18:10,599 --> 00:18:13,160 and feared the fever might prove an epidemic. It wasn't 406 00:18:13,240 --> 00:18:16,680 I knew that mine was brain. Lamartians was intermittent, But 407 00:18:16,720 --> 00:18:19,839 the captain insisted upon disbelieving me, so he put me 408 00:18:19,880 --> 00:18:21,519 in the march. It into the same hut, and made 409 00:18:21,559 --> 00:18:23,279 all the others clear out, so as to turn it 410 00:18:23,319 --> 00:18:26,559 into sort of a temporary hospital. Every night, I put 411 00:18:26,599 --> 00:18:29,039 out from the medicine chest two quin nine powders apiece 412 00:18:29,079 --> 00:18:31,960 for myself in the march it One night, it was 413 00:18:32,000 --> 00:18:34,680 the seventh of April, I can't forget. I woke feebly 414 00:18:34,720 --> 00:18:36,960 from my feverish sleep and noticed, in a faint sort 415 00:18:36,960 --> 00:18:39,559 of fashion that La Marchant was moving about restlessly in 416 00:18:39,599 --> 00:18:44,519 the cabin. Lamarchant, I cried authoritariatively, for as surgeon, I 417 00:18:44,640 --> 00:18:47,039 was of course responsible for the help of the expedition. 418 00:18:47,440 --> 00:18:49,599 Go back and lie down upon your bare skin this minute. 419 00:18:49,640 --> 00:18:51,240 You're a great deal too weak to go and get 420 00:18:51,279 --> 00:18:54,480 anything for yourself. Yet go back this minute, sir, and 421 00:18:54,559 --> 00:18:56,920 if you want anything, I'll pull the string and Patterson 422 00:18:56,920 --> 00:18:59,240 will come see what you're after. For we had fixed 423 00:18:59,279 --> 00:19:01,200 a string between the two huts, tied to a box 424 00:19:01,240 --> 00:19:04,720 at the end, as a rough means of communication. All right, 425 00:19:04,759 --> 00:19:07,079 old fellow, he answered, more cordially than I had ever 426 00:19:07,160 --> 00:19:09,279 yet heard him speak to me. It is all square, 427 00:19:09,319 --> 00:19:11,039 I assure you. I was only saying whether you were 428 00:19:11,079 --> 00:19:14,200 quite warm and comfortable on your rug there. Perhaps I 429 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:16,559 thought the care I've taken of him has made him 430 00:19:16,599 --> 00:19:20,440 feel really a little grateful to me. So I dozed 431 00:19:20,480 --> 00:19:23,880 off and thought nothing more at the moment about it. Presently, 432 00:19:23,920 --> 00:19:26,680 I heard a noise again and woke up quietly, without starting, 433 00:19:26,680 --> 00:19:28,680 but just opened my eyes and peered around as well 434 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:30,480 as the dim light of the little oil lamp would 435 00:19:30,480 --> 00:19:33,359 allow me. To my great surprise, I could make out 436 00:19:33,359 --> 00:19:35,519 somehow that La Marchant was meddling with the bottles in 437 00:19:35,559 --> 00:19:39,000 the medicine chest. Perhaps, thought I again, he wants another 438 00:19:39,000 --> 00:19:41,759 dose of quinine. Anyhow, I'm too tired and sleepy to 439 00:19:41,799 --> 00:19:45,680 ask him anything just now about it. I knew he 440 00:19:45,720 --> 00:19:48,480 hated me, and I knew he was unscrupulous, but it 441 00:19:48,519 --> 00:19:50,400 didn't occur to me to think that he would poison 442 00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:52,559 the man who had just helped him through a dangerous fever. 443 00:19:53,519 --> 00:19:56,079 At four, I awoke as I always did, and proceeded 444 00:19:56,079 --> 00:19:58,799 to take one of my powders curiously enough before I 445 00:19:58,839 --> 00:20:01,000 tasted it. The grain appe feared to me to be 446 00:20:01,119 --> 00:20:03,680 rather coarser and more granular than the quinine I had 447 00:20:03,680 --> 00:20:06,519 originally put there. I took a pinch between my finger 448 00:20:06,559 --> 00:20:08,240 and thumb and placed it on my tongue by way 449 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:10,960 of testing it. Instead of being bitter, the powder I 450 00:20:11,000 --> 00:20:15,559 found was insipid and almost tasteless. Could I, possibly, in 451 00:20:15,599 --> 00:20:18,640 my fever and delirium, though I had not consciously been delirious, 452 00:20:18,759 --> 00:20:21,039 have put some other powder instead of the quinine into 453 00:20:21,079 --> 00:20:24,279 the two papers. The bare idea made me tremble with horror. 454 00:20:24,559 --> 00:20:26,720 If so, I might have poisoned the marchant, who had 455 00:20:26,720 --> 00:20:28,920 taken one of his powders already and was now sleeping 456 00:20:29,000 --> 00:20:31,880 quietly upon his bear skin. At least I had thought so. 457 00:20:32,519 --> 00:20:34,680 Glancing accidentally to his place in that moment, I was 458 00:20:34,759 --> 00:20:37,960 vaguely conscious that he was not really sleeping, but lying 459 00:20:37,960 --> 00:20:40,559 with his eyes held half open, gazing at me cautiously 460 00:20:40,640 --> 00:20:44,319 and furatively through his closed eyelids. Then the horror truth 461 00:20:44,400 --> 00:20:49,240 flashed suddenly across me. The marchant was trying to poison me. Yes, 462 00:20:49,319 --> 00:20:51,519 he had always hated me, and now that he knew 463 00:20:51,559 --> 00:20:54,279 I was Dora's discarded lover, he hated me worse than ever. 464 00:20:54,720 --> 00:20:56,359 He had gotten up and taken a bottle from the 465 00:20:56,359 --> 00:20:59,160 medicine chest. I felt certain and put something else instead 466 00:20:59,160 --> 00:21:02,240 of quinine into my paper. I knew his eyes were 467 00:21:02,279 --> 00:21:04,759 fixed upon me then, and for the moment I dissembled. 468 00:21:05,079 --> 00:21:07,400 I turned around and pretended to swallow the contents of 469 00:21:07,400 --> 00:21:09,559 the packet, and then lay down upon my rug, as 470 00:21:09,599 --> 00:21:13,160 if nothing unusual had happened. The fever was burning me fiercely, 471 00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:15,359 but I lay awake, kept up by the excitement, until 472 00:21:15,400 --> 00:21:17,599 I saw that he was really asleep. And then I 473 00:21:17,599 --> 00:21:21,200 once more undid the paper. Looking at it closely by 474 00:21:21,200 --> 00:21:23,039 the light of the lamp, I saw a finer powder 475 00:21:23,079 --> 00:21:25,960 sticking closely to the folded edges. I wetted my finger, 476 00:21:26,000 --> 00:21:28,440 put it down and tasted it. Yes, that was quite bitter. 477 00:21:28,799 --> 00:21:31,680 This was quinine, no doubt about it. I saw at 478 00:21:31,759 --> 00:21:34,039 once what lamarch It had done. He had emptied out 479 00:21:34,079 --> 00:21:36,440 the quinine and replaced it with some other white powder, 480 00:21:36,519 --> 00:21:39,440 probably arsenic. But a little of the quinine still adhere 481 00:21:39,440 --> 00:21:41,119 to the folds in the paper, because he had been 482 00:21:41,160 --> 00:21:44,240 obliged to substitute it hurriedly. And that at once had 483 00:21:44,240 --> 00:21:46,039 proved that it was no mistake of my own, but 484 00:21:46,079 --> 00:21:48,400 that La Marchant had really made the deliberate attempt to 485 00:21:48,440 --> 00:21:51,920 poison me. This is a confession, and a confession only 486 00:21:52,000 --> 00:21:53,839 so I shall make no effort in any way to 487 00:21:53,839 --> 00:21:57,680 exculpate myself for the horrid crime I committed. The next moment, true, 488 00:21:57,799 --> 00:21:59,799 I was wild with fever and delirium. I was mad 489 00:21:59,839 --> 00:22:02,240 at with the thought that this wretched man would marry Dora. 490 00:22:02,559 --> 00:22:04,759 I was horrified at the idea of sleeping in the 491 00:22:04,799 --> 00:22:07,799 same room with him any longer. But still I acknowledge it, 492 00:22:07,839 --> 00:22:09,880 now face to face with a lonely death upon this 493 00:22:09,960 --> 00:22:13,160 frozen island. It was murder, wilful murder. I meant to 494 00:22:13,200 --> 00:22:15,680 poison him, and I did it. He has set this 495 00:22:15,720 --> 00:22:18,400 powder for me, the villain, I said to myself, And 496 00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:20,480 now I shall make him take it without knowing it. 497 00:22:20,799 --> 00:22:23,039 How do I know that it's arsenic or anything else 498 00:22:23,079 --> 00:22:25,440 to do him any harm? His blood be upon his 499 00:22:25,519 --> 00:22:28,039 own head for aught. I know about it. What I 500 00:22:28,079 --> 00:22:30,799 put there was simply quinine. If anybody had changed it, 501 00:22:30,880 --> 00:22:33,359 he has changed it himself. The pit that he dug 502 00:22:33,400 --> 00:22:37,319 for another, he himself shall fall bren. I wouldn't even 503 00:22:37,359 --> 00:22:39,720 test it, for fear I should find it was arsenic 504 00:22:39,720 --> 00:22:42,359 and be unable to give it to him innocently and harmlessly. 505 00:22:43,119 --> 00:22:45,160 I rose up and went over to the marchant's side. 506 00:22:45,519 --> 00:22:48,680 Horror of horrors. He was sleeping soundly. Yes, the man 507 00:22:48,720 --> 00:22:50,640 had tried to poison me, and when he thought he 508 00:22:50,680 --> 00:22:54,200 had seen me swallow his poisonous powder. So callous enheardened 509 00:22:54,279 --> 00:22:56,200 was his nature that he didn't even lie awake to 510 00:22:56,200 --> 00:22:58,720 watch the effect of it. He had dropped off soundly 511 00:22:58,799 --> 00:23:01,079 as if nothing had happened, and was sleeping now to 512 00:23:01,160 --> 00:23:04,680 all appearance, the sleep of innocence. Being convalescent in fact, 513 00:23:04,720 --> 00:23:08,000 and therefore in need of rest, he slept with unusual soundness. 514 00:23:08,319 --> 00:23:10,799 I laid the altered powder quietly by his bed, and 515 00:23:10,839 --> 00:23:12,880 took away his that I had laid out in readiness 516 00:23:12,960 --> 00:23:15,279 for him, and crept back into my own place noiselessly. 517 00:23:15,960 --> 00:23:18,799 There I lay awake, hot and feverish, wondering to myself, 518 00:23:18,880 --> 00:23:21,720 hour after hour when he would ever wake and take it. 519 00:23:22,640 --> 00:23:24,680 At last, he woke and looked over toward me with 520 00:23:24,799 --> 00:23:28,799 unusual interest. Hello, doctor, he said, quite genially, how are 521 00:23:28,839 --> 00:23:31,400 you this morning? Eh? Get along well? I hope it 522 00:23:31,519 --> 00:23:33,400 was the first time during all my illness that he 523 00:23:33,440 --> 00:23:36,480 had ever inquired after me. I lied to him deliberately 524 00:23:36,519 --> 00:23:39,319 to keep up the delusion. I have a terrible grinding 525 00:23:39,319 --> 00:23:42,279 pain in my chest, I said, pretending to writhe I 526 00:23:42,319 --> 00:23:44,119 had sunk to his level. It seems I was a 527 00:23:44,240 --> 00:23:48,000 liar and a murderer. He looked quite gay over it 528 00:23:48,039 --> 00:23:51,039 and laughed. It's nothing, he said, grinning horribly. It's a 529 00:23:51,039 --> 00:23:54,119 good symptom. I felt just like that myself, dear fellow, 530 00:23:54,119 --> 00:23:56,400 when I was beginning to recover. Then I knew he 531 00:23:56,440 --> 00:23:58,599 had tried to poison me, and I felt no remorse 532 00:23:58,640 --> 00:24:01,599 for my terrible action. It was a good deed to 533 00:24:01,640 --> 00:24:04,160 prevent such a man as that from ever carrying away Dora, 534 00:24:04,400 --> 00:24:07,440 my Dora into a horrid slavery. Sooner than he should 535 00:24:07,440 --> 00:24:09,759 marry Dora, I would poison him. I would poison him 536 00:24:09,759 --> 00:24:13,079 a thousand times over. He sat up, took a spoonful 537 00:24:13,079 --> 00:24:15,480 of treacle, and poured the powder as usual, into the 538 00:24:15,559 --> 00:24:17,759 very middle of it. I watched him take it off 539 00:24:17,759 --> 00:24:20,960 a single gulp, without perceiving the difference. Then I sank back, 540 00:24:21,039 --> 00:24:24,480 exhausted upon my roll of seal skins. All that day 541 00:24:24,519 --> 00:24:27,160 I was very ill, and la marchant, lying tossing beside me, 542 00:24:27,279 --> 00:24:30,279 groaned and moaned in a fearful fashion. At last, the 543 00:24:30,319 --> 00:24:33,000 truth seemed to dawn upon him gradually, and he cried 544 00:24:33,039 --> 00:24:35,920 aloud to me, doctor, doctor, quick, for heaven's sake, you 545 00:24:36,000 --> 00:24:38,480 must get me out an antidote. The powders must have 546 00:24:38,480 --> 00:24:40,440 gotten mixed up somehow, and you seem to have given 547 00:24:40,480 --> 00:24:43,640 me arsenic instead of quinine. I'm certain not a bit 548 00:24:43,680 --> 00:24:46,599 of it, Lamarchion, I said, with some devilish malice, I've 549 00:24:46,599 --> 00:24:48,359 given you one of my own packets that was lying 550 00:24:48,359 --> 00:24:51,119 here beside my pillow. He turned white as a sheet 551 00:24:51,160 --> 00:24:54,279 the moment he heard that, and gasped out horribly that 552 00:24:54,279 --> 00:24:57,240 that why, why, that was arsenic. But he never explained 553 00:24:57,240 --> 00:24:58,920 it in a single word, how he knew it, or 554 00:24:58,920 --> 00:25:01,920 where it came from. I knew I needed no explanation. 555 00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:06,000 I wanted no lies, so I didn't question him. I 556 00:25:06,079 --> 00:25:08,400 treated him as well as I could for arsenic poisoning, 557 00:25:08,680 --> 00:25:10,480 without saying a word to the captain and the other 558 00:25:10,559 --> 00:25:13,160 met about it. For if he died, I said, it 559 00:25:13,200 --> 00:25:15,440 would be by his own act, and if my skill 560 00:25:15,440 --> 00:25:17,839 could avail, he should have the benefit of it. But 561 00:25:17,880 --> 00:25:20,079 the poisons had had full time to work before I 562 00:25:20,079 --> 00:25:23,000 gave him the antidote. He died by seven o'clock that night, 563 00:25:23,039 --> 00:25:25,880 in fearful agony. Then I knew that I really was 564 00:25:25,920 --> 00:25:28,839 a murderer. My fingers are beginning to get horribly numb, 565 00:25:28,960 --> 00:25:31,240 and I'm afraid I shan't be able to write much longer. 566 00:25:31,279 --> 00:25:32,759 I must be quick about it if I want to 567 00:25:32,759 --> 00:25:36,759 finish this confession. After that came my retribution. I have 568 00:25:36,839 --> 00:25:39,599 been punished for it, and punished terribly. As soon as 569 00:25:39,640 --> 00:25:42,039 they all heard the marchant was dead, a severe relapse, 570 00:25:42,039 --> 00:25:44,240 I called it. They set to work to carry him 571 00:25:44,240 --> 00:25:46,839 out and lay him somewhere. Then, for the first time, 572 00:25:46,920 --> 00:25:49,400 the idea flashed across my mind that they couldn't possibly 573 00:25:49,400 --> 00:25:52,400 bury him. The ice was too deep everywhere underneath it 574 00:25:52,519 --> 00:25:55,200 a layer of solid rock of the bare granite islands. 575 00:25:55,559 --> 00:25:57,599 There was no snow, even for wind swept it away 576 00:25:57,599 --> 00:25:59,799 as it fell, and we couldn't do much as decently 577 00:25:59,799 --> 00:26:02,160 cut him. There was nothing for it but to lay 578 00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:05,359 him out upon the icy surface. So we carried the stark, 579 00:26:05,359 --> 00:26:08,440 frozen body, with its hideous, staring eyes wide open, out 580 00:26:08,440 --> 00:26:10,640 by the jutting point of the rock behind the hut, 581 00:26:11,359 --> 00:26:14,279 and there we placed it, dressed and upright. We stood 582 00:26:14,319 --> 00:26:17,119 it up against the point, exactly as if it were alive. 583 00:26:17,240 --> 00:26:19,119 And by and by the snow came and froze it 584 00:26:19,119 --> 00:26:21,279 to the rock, And there it stands to this moment, 585 00:26:21,559 --> 00:26:25,440 glaring forever fiercely upon me. Whenever I went in or 586 00:26:25,480 --> 00:26:28,000 out of the hut. For three long months, that hideous 587 00:26:28,039 --> 00:26:30,880 thing stood there, staring me in the face with mute indignation. 588 00:26:31,640 --> 00:26:33,880 At night, when I tried to sleep, the murdered man 589 00:26:33,920 --> 00:26:37,119 stood there still in the darkness beside me. Oh God, 590 00:26:37,160 --> 00:26:38,960 I dared not say a word about it to anybody, 591 00:26:38,960 --> 00:26:41,759 but I trembled every time I passed it. I knew 592 00:26:41,799 --> 00:26:44,519 what it was to be a murderer. In May, the 593 00:26:44,559 --> 00:26:47,039 sun came back again, but still no open water for 594 00:26:47,119 --> 00:26:49,759 our one boat. In June we had the long day, 595 00:26:49,799 --> 00:26:52,680 but no open water. The captain began to get impatient 596 00:26:52,720 --> 00:26:54,839 and despondent, and as you will read in the log, 597 00:26:54,960 --> 00:26:57,400 he was afraid now we might never get a chance 598 00:26:57,440 --> 00:26:59,880 of making the mouth of Lena by And by this 599 00:27:00,039 --> 00:27:02,599 Gervy came. I have no time now for details. My 600 00:27:02,680 --> 00:27:05,039 hands are so cramped with cold. And then we began 601 00:27:05,079 --> 00:27:07,440 to run short of provisions. Soon I had them all 602 00:27:07,480 --> 00:27:10,640 down upon my hands, and presently we had to place 603 00:27:10,680 --> 00:27:14,079 Patterson's corpse beside the Martins on the little headland. Then 604 00:27:14,200 --> 00:27:17,240 they sank, one after another, sank of cold and hunger, 605 00:27:17,319 --> 00:27:19,319 as you will read in the log, till I alone, 606 00:27:19,359 --> 00:27:21,759 who wanted least to live, was the last left living. 607 00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:25,039 I was left alone with those nine corpses propped up 608 00:27:25,039 --> 00:27:27,359 awfully against the naked rock, one of the nine men 609 00:27:27,400 --> 00:27:30,319 I had murdered. May Heaven forgive me for the terrible crime, 610 00:27:30,359 --> 00:27:32,559 and for pity's sake, whoever you may be, keep it 611 00:27:32,559 --> 00:27:35,839 from Dora, Keep it from Dora. My brother's address is 612 00:27:35,880 --> 00:27:38,599 in my pocket book. The fever and remorse alone have 613 00:27:38,640 --> 00:27:41,079 given me strength to hold the pen. My hands are 614 00:27:41,119 --> 00:27:46,119 quite numbed now I can write no longer. There the 615 00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,279 manuscript ended. Heaven knows what effect it may have upon 616 00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:51,480 all of you who read it quietly at your home, 617 00:27:51,519 --> 00:27:53,839 in your own easy chairs in England. But we of 618 00:27:53,880 --> 00:27:56,519 the search party, who took these almost illeligible sheets of 619 00:27:56,559 --> 00:27:59,880 shaky writing from the cold fingers of one solitary corpse 620 00:28:00,160 --> 00:28:03,240 within the frozen cabin of the Lyakhov Islands, we read 621 00:28:03,279 --> 00:28:06,119 them through with such mingled thrill of awe and horror 622 00:28:06,200 --> 00:28:09,440 and sympathy and pity as no one can fully understand 623 00:28:09,480 --> 00:28:12,480 who has not been on an arctic exposition. And when 624 00:28:12,480 --> 00:28:14,519 we gathered our sad burdens to take them off for 625 00:28:14,599 --> 00:28:16,920 burial at home, the corpse to which we gave the 626 00:28:16,960 --> 00:28:19,640 most reverent attention was certainly that of the self accused 627 00:28:19,759 --> 00:28:24,400 murderer and of the search parties find by Grant Allan