Speaker 1: Living contain units five mo East, Middle South, Realm, Realm.
They're gonna have forty live. Well, that's it all done.
Speaker 2: Live.
Speaker 1: Yeah, that's right, Thank god, that's right. Now we can
high five each other and never speak of this again.
What's going to happen in the town? And what town's dream? Joyceville?
Where's Joyceville? Never heard of it? How dense can you be? Oh, Joyceville?
Dear right? Initiate containment Protocol h A w K zero
Chohold extreme caution, a Hazzard extreme caution? Got it now?
Speaker 2: Welcome to Excuses. The podcast appeals back the layers of
a small town life, uncovering the hidden horrors lurking just
beneath the surface of Joyceville, North Carolina, from the tale
of the Queen Little Diner to the chilling corporate secrets
of Blind Corn. This is in your ordinary postpocalyptic survival story. No,
something much darker, much weirder, much funnier. Perhaps it's all
from the perspective of the only survivor. You'll dive into
a quirky, fragmented recollection of chaos and growing thread that
led to joy Spell's downfall. Oh and a little bit
of warning. Before we get started. Excuse us contains mature
content intended for a mature audience, a strong language, and
let's just say, a rather twisted sense of humor is
intended that your indiscretion is definitely advised.
Speaker 3: Where the fuck you see?
Speaker 4: Gosh, come on, kid, where are you? Are you coming
or not? What's going on?
Speaker 5: I'm coming. I'm sorry, I'm coming.
Speaker 1: I'm coming from St.
Speaker 5: Auntie.
Speaker 1: I'm sorry.
Speaker 5: It takes me a minute. Okay, I'm sorry.
Speaker 4: You've had all the time in the world. What's taking
you so long?
Speaker 6: Live radio news from RPN News headquarters in Joyceville, North Carolina.
Speaker 2: I am Norman Lee.
Speaker 7: Land Globes representatives announced us.
Speaker 6: Some morning regarding the aftermath the last weeks failed Fall
Festival and the strange red rainfall that fell over Seahawk Bay.
Several festival goers were temporarily blinded by the bizard event.
Speaker 2: With a few still in critical conditions.
Speaker 7: Most, however, are expected to make a full recovery.
Speaker 2: Joys reading stories.
Speaker 8: I'm here at the now calm waters of Seahawk Bay,
where the situation is beginning to settle down. However, the
controversy surrounding the incident has only intensified. Following the festival,
Major Mayor Simone was arrested at a local diner, and
questions are still swirling about the circumstances of his detainment.
Speaker 9: I was there for that.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, sorry, Auntie, just in.
Speaker 8: A heartbreaking up day. Today the last known in the
world has passed away. It's crazy, marking the extinction of
the species.
Speaker 9: I was there.
Speaker 4: Finally, by the way, when a major mayor Simon got
hold back, the whole town.
Speaker 9: Was as quick you were there.
Speaker 5: I'm so interested. Now let's talk about.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's crazy of more drama than I care to remember.
Speaker 3: Sorry, okay, yeah, you better be.
Speaker 9: We're going to be so late now.
Speaker 4: Cook Cooks is going to book everything up. Okay, he's
been in a ship bad mood lately.
Speaker 8: What's that chef convation and the crucially for mediates actions
to protect another endangered species?
Speaker 9: Did you see that?
Speaker 4: A freaking idiot standing on the middle of the fucking road,
just waddling about?
Speaker 9: What the fuck?
Speaker 5: What was he doing?
Speaker 9: You know, a complete fucking idiot? What was that? I
would you say? Sorry?
Speaker 5: Nothing, just sorry, okay, I was just it takes me
a while to get ready.
Speaker 4: All right, I'm just saying it's not It's not like
you were putting on makeup.
Speaker 10: Kid.
Speaker 4: There are people weighing on us. All right, this is
this is part of the responsibilities.
Speaker 5: You're right.
Speaker 6: In other news, a whole new round of bizarre murders
going on around her.
Speaker 7: Jeez, the connection between the incidents remains unclear. The law
enforcement one, I actively investigate Detective Pool and Detective Lady.
Speaker 4: That's that's enough of news for today. I've had enough
for news, sure.
Speaker 5: Thing, mister.
Speaker 3: Chookys long enough?
Speaker 4: Yeah, yeah, well, sorry, Luna. Someone still hasn't quite figured
out how to use the coffee machine?
Speaker 8: Is it is?
Speaker 9: Everyone already inside?
Speaker 3: Jimmy broke the look again?
Speaker 10: You cooks?
Speaker 9: What the hell? What the hell cooks? Cooks?
Speaker 11: Oh wow, did your mom finally pull the trigger? And
next president he's not like working.
Speaker 5: Yeah, but all the instructures are in French.
Speaker 12: Fuck, I need time, got damn.
Speaker 4: This isn't a Michelin star restaurant, Cooks, it's a roadside diner.
Speaker 9: Get it fucking together.
Speaker 3: La la. How cute can French coffee mission?
Speaker 10: I think the French make the best cafe. Isn't a cafe?
Is it coffee? A French word doesn't sound French.
Speaker 3: Althought it was Italian, it tellions snoop oh.
Speaker 13: Actually it originates from the French canfe the right from
the Italian coffee, which it itself is from the Arabic
word of coffee.
Speaker 12: So technically it's a mix of all.
Speaker 4: My damn, I'm not gonna need to call a repairman
now this time. Cooks fucking nay man, get it fucking together.
Speaker 12: Just fucking bitch. Don't blame me.
Speaker 9: I do. I do blame you.
Speaker 12: I need time to prepare.
Speaker 11: You're the one who put I need.
Speaker 9: A screwdriver to the back door.
Speaker 12: Dang hey, fuck, I need god damn cigarette, but you.
Speaker 11: Don't even smoke.
Speaker 5: I need one too, Probably what I needed?
Speaker 2: What was that?
Speaker 10: Kid?
Speaker 9: What was that?
Speaker 5: A kidding auntie? Geez?
Speaker 9: I calm down, you work on your tight five on
your break, kid.
Speaker 4: I need these tables ready the morning Regie starts in
thirty minutes.
Speaker 9: Come on, people, fucking handle it.
Speaker 2: J S. C.
Speaker 3: Housn't come back in two dice and we stay okay,
I think whatever he's already finished.
Speaker 4: Maybe maybe, but it is Monday morning and school's back
in session, and everyone's itching to get a fix a
strong wake up call with a side of eggs.
Speaker 10: Okay, come on, get real, Why is she in such
a mood?
Speaker 5: Diner was just evaluated by a secret shopper? Yeah, how
do we do average? About average across the board and
like all of like if somebody were just to hit
five and all of it, just snort not to do it.
Speaker 11: That's not bad.
Speaker 10: I'd rather be average than a head or missed, you know,
just average, just right down.
Speaker 5: The middle, be a miss every time she's not taking
average really well.
Speaker 3: Or missus. I'm a missus, don't be missus. Are you
a secret?
Speaker 9: Please?
Speaker 5: I feel like I'm going in saying looking at the
damn catchugs? Can today? Man, please take me away from
this mystery?
Speaker 11: Luma, Wait a minute, did you get a pet?
Speaker 5: All?
Speaker 9: Who got a pet?
Speaker 7: Yo?
Speaker 10: No?
Speaker 13: No, no, no, no, no no. I'm allergic to motherfucking pets, y'all. No,
I'm allergic to pets. Now, yeah, I am d deadly allergic.
Speaker 11: You're allergic to the idea of pets.
Speaker 13: Well, that's exactly why it is a mental strain on
my well based I think it's a cruel and unusual
punishment for people to keep animals out of nature.
Speaker 3: I didn't get one. It felt me I fucking hat
please you know, God fucking damn it.
Speaker 5: Hm hmm Jesus.
Speaker 14: Yeah, Joysville, I am Jack and I am the New Jill,
and you're listening to the joys on one on one
point three.
Speaker 2: Now let me ask.
Speaker 8: You this specifically, you Jack, why are you up so
let or I mean so early?
Speaker 7: It depends.
Speaker 1: It's all about perspective.
Speaker 2: Boats Ah, yeah, in this on godly hour, only my priest,
my browser history, and my dealer.
Speaker 9: No, the real answer, the New Jill. That's funny.
Speaker 4: Yeah, we're home now we get to do it all
over again.
Speaker 5: Kid, I'm wiped, Auntie, you do this all the time.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's a bitch. Hey, two more days and we
can finally take a break, right.
Speaker 5: Maybe for you. Kevin wants us to go fishing.
Speaker 9: Fishing why I don't know.
Speaker 5: He just said he wants to take me like like
a father daughter bonding time. I don't know. It's weird, right,
it's weird, fucking Kevin. I feel like he wants to
say something, but just say it, fucking v By the way,
did you hear Luna's story about her neighbor.
Speaker 4: Yeah, she's always got some crazy thing going on.
Speaker 5: That's just you're sure it's not just her imagination.
Speaker 4: I wouldn't put it past her, but hey, I heard
a thing or two about her interesting neighbors.
Speaker 9: So just be careful, would you be?
Speaker 5: Okay? If if I want to order Luna's tomorrow after
my shift. She's got an appointment for her classes, but
after she only has half a shift.
Speaker 4: Tomorrow's Taco Tuesday, Kid, you sure you want to skip
on that? I make a ball or taco?
Speaker 5: Yeah? She said you should be done by lunch. Is
that okay?
Speaker 9: Fine?
Speaker 4: Fine, you can leave after lunch rush, but you better
get your ass here after that.
Speaker 5: Okay, Thanks, Aunty, I appreciate it.
Speaker 9: Thank you, and let your mom know. Please.
Speaker 4: You know how she gets if you just take off
without saying anything.
Speaker 5: Sure, I'll let Susan know and thou shall notice anyway.
Speaker 11: She had noticed if the two of you ever bothered
to talk.
Speaker 5: You're right, Thanks, gidd I will make an effort. You're
a good one. Love you, Auntie, I'll too.
Speaker 9: Blud live from.
Speaker 2: RB and Joyceville.
Speaker 7: I'm Norman Lee. Today, Blind Corps executives filed a motion
to officially hold further development of three of their ongoing
facilities here in Joyceville. According to sources, further developments were
deemed unsuccessful in other locations.
Speaker 9: Get any sleep Blind.
Speaker 7: Corp for sures that are the development efforts will continue
in towns. For more on this, we go live at Blind.
Speaker 9: Corpse Long Lair headquarters.
Speaker 8: Thank you, Norman. I'm here at Blind Corpse Joyceville headquarters,
where the head of the development team has confirmed that
plans to expand their testing and research facilities have come
to a complete halt. However, despite these setbacks, Blind Corp
insists that ongoing operations will continue as planned, although the
new plant development has been temporarily shelved. Before we get
to weather and whether or not your cousin's wedding reception
will get rained out again, We've got a quick bit
of hometown trivia for you. Now, if you've lived in
Joyceville long enough, you've probably heard someone called something donkey
poop instead of bullshit. Happens more often at school board
meetings on church steps in the back both of D's Diner,
Fake Well, there goes business called Farmer Ray who used
to bring his mule named Waffles by the way into
town every Sunday like clockwork. One day, Ray caught wind
of a city official promising to fix the potholes on
Main Street. Real soon, Ray squinted, spat in the dirt
and said that, right, there's donkey poop. Not even Waffles
believes that. And just like that, Joyceville had a new
way of calling out nonsense. So next time someone tries
to sell you a get rich quick scheme or claims
blind Corp isn't spying on us, feel free to smile,
tip your hat and say, now, that's some first class
donkey poop. Up next your seven day forecast, and why
squirrels are stockpiling batteries behind town hall? Stay with us.
Speaker 7: In other news, another bizarre murder was reported overnight, adding
to the growing list of strange and unexplainable incidents in Joyceville.
Speaker 4: For today, Well here we go, mother, fuck fuck cooks,
fuck dude.
Speaker 12: Come on, Jesus, I got a solution for you.
Speaker 13: I got a mother fucking solution for you. Show up
on time and I don't have to keep breaking the
damn doors.
Speaker 9: I got a better solution for you, Cooks.
Speaker 4: You give me that screw driver and I will fucking
throw it in the lake and now I will fucking
throw it into the goddamn ocean.
Speaker 11: Fuck way, you're costing me money.
Speaker 12: You're costing me I am talking.
Speaker 5: Wait here you go, Jimmy, what here?
Speaker 2: We?
Speaker 12: The fuck is this?
Speaker 11: It looks like a key, cooks.
Speaker 12: I know it's a key, sunbe all.
Speaker 3: Right, all don't need to get nasty with that.
Speaker 11: Thank you, Thank you, Luna read the room.
Speaker 12: Where does this go? Sweetheart?
Speaker 11: My god, this is getting way too stressful.
Speaker 3: You said, sweeth hole, that's too much.
Speaker 5: Well now I'm beginning to regret this choice.
Speaker 11: Zylan, okay, thought it seems I'm uncomfortable.
Speaker 4: It seemed like a good idea for us to collectively
to make you a spare key to the diner so
you could stop destroying my fucking business every other week.
Speaker 12: Is that so?
Speaker 3: Oh?
Speaker 11: Oh that's wonderful. Does that make you assistant manager?
Speaker 8: Now?
Speaker 11: Great?
Speaker 12: Oh?
Speaker 3: No, I said, I haven't even thought of all that.
Speaker 11: Ship's going great, it's gone great.
Speaker 12: I can't handle this kind of pressure and commitment. You
know this. I can't fucking do it.
Speaker 11: Come on, Sambie, don't say stuff but it cooked.
Speaker 3: But this way, Jimmy, I am a cook.
Speaker 13: I am a couisine artist, not a goddamn pencil pusher.
Speaker 9: They give me the fucking key back.
Speaker 12: You gotta keep track of people, you fucking that open
up an excel?
Speaker 9: She give me the keyback?
Speaker 12: Is your goddamn cooks?
Speaker 9: What the hell?
Speaker 12: Man?
Speaker 13: I can't with any of you write the fuck now?
Can't get as.
Speaker 9: He can't talk to you that way?
Speaker 5: I let him go, wante it's Today's the anniversary of
his dad's passing.
Speaker 2: Shit?
Speaker 9: Fuck has it already been a year?
Speaker 10: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Is that always been a massive conn? I'm sorry, come
on read the room.
Speaker 11: Jeez?
Speaker 3: Is that always being a massive bitch?
Speaker 5: Not really any better at all?
Speaker 3: An insufferable asshole?
Speaker 9: Yeah?
Speaker 4: But still, I mean, uh, I hate being wrong about
these things.
Speaker 5: He just needs a minute and does like my ties.
Speaker 3: It's true, yeah, my time, that's what I said, those words.
Speaker 5: But fair, He just needs a minute.
Speaker 4: Ah yeah, damn it. I want to be mad that it.
Can't be mad because it makes me the bad guy. Fine, fine,
fucking fine. Which which did he lose first? His restaurant
or his or his shitty dad?
Speaker 11: I think it was at the restaurant first, and then
his dad.
Speaker 5: No, his dad's stopped talking to him after he read
the review, after he came out. The review came.
Speaker 3: Out always a bit of a big, it wasn't he
it is?
Speaker 11: Yeah?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Is that?
Speaker 3: What's a big?
Speaker 5: It sucks all around?
Speaker 9: I need to talk to him, don't I?
Speaker 3: Okay him a minute?
Speaker 4: Fucking nay, ye, all right, I'll chat with him after
the morning rush bringing my die.
Speaker 3: Barely had ten people all day yesterday.
Speaker 9: Before, but you're fucking right. Today sucks for everyone.
Speaker 5: I'll talk to him.
Speaker 11: It very important which you all go around carrying my tyes.
Speaker 5: Either Jimmy, hey, kid, listen now, I get it, sorry
about it earlier.
Speaker 12: Okay, they know no harm I didn't. I didn't mean
to be an elbow in your rips or whatever.
Speaker 5: They know, no harm done. You know.
Speaker 12: They just really fucking sucks.
Speaker 5: I know the feeling.
Speaker 12: Thanks.
Speaker 5: Uh here it looks.
Speaker 12: Like a puppy, but.
Speaker 5: Yeah, it's it's not quite a pet. But I'll stick.
Speaker 2: It.
Speaker 5: Will stick with you day in and day out, your
faithful companion, every time you show up your this hell.
Speaker 12: God damn, you got me there.
Speaker 5: I knew I would.
Speaker 12: What's going on with you?
Speaker 5: Good, same old ship?
Speaker 13: You know, Try that again, sport see a bruce in
your wrist and some paint on your shoes.
Speaker 5: Something's just not right, all right, Sherlock, You got me.
It was the story some old punk of the bay
didn't like my tags.
Speaker 12: Did he get it?
Speaker 5: Try to take my stuff? Mess with me? You know?
Speaker 12: Did he took your stuff?
Speaker 5: Yeah he did.
Speaker 12: He want it back.
Speaker 5: Nah. It was a fair fight and I lost.
Speaker 12: Yeah. Today sucks for all of us.
Speaker 5: Huh the point being a jerk.
Speaker 12: About it though, No point indeed.
Speaker 5: So what do you say you want to flip some pancakes?
Bancakes for life, kid, pancakes for life.
Speaker 13: Pancakes for life. So why is these so far off?
My assler? It's like I can't breathe without her sniffing
around my breath, smelling like donkey.
Speaker 5: Well, she's pissed about the review the Blind Cork gave
to die in her last week.
Speaker 12: It's ridiculous. That was some donkey poop too.
Speaker 13: I got a guy inside Blind Cork told me the
review don't mean.
Speaker 5: Squad wait for real?
Speaker 13: Yeah yeah, he said they weren't even here to eat.
They were doing some other kind of recon the review.
It's just the front.
Speaker 11: So what's the scoop here? Savvy. Huh, what's the scoop here, daddy?
Speaker 10: Oh, what exactly is this guy inside Blind Corp?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 12: Flame of deeds?
Speaker 13: Yeah, her nest still Miller, he's a blind he's with
Blind Cork Special Forces. Now some lieutenant or whatever rank whatever,
the guys that're going around their creepy black suit.
Speaker 12: He's the one. Yeah.
Speaker 5: Wait wait wait wait wait wait wait. She used to
date one of them back.
Speaker 13: In the day, Predyner, pre hair dye, when she still
believed in brunch.
Speaker 11: You're telling me miss d once had feelings.
Speaker 13: Feelings and then what it is he ghosted her? You
were in the great spill went off great. Supposedly he's
been back in town now, might be sniffing around a
diner again.
Speaker 12: Who knows?
Speaker 5: What would a blind Corp lieutenant want with a greasy spoon?
Speaker 12: Who knows?
Speaker 10: Ha ha Yes, classic spy mood assess emotional climbing via
burnt toast and cold eggs.
Speaker 13: The thing is in my context says he's checking temperature,
food temperature.
Speaker 12: Mood temperare.
Speaker 13: So you're saying, hey, don't knock it to be surprised
of kind of stuff you learned between pancake orders. Besides
Miller already, No, he screwed the spoocha Willie.
Speaker 12: Why do you so pissing?
Speaker 5: Let me get this straight. You're saying she's mad at
you because her ex might be lurking around again.
Speaker 13: Exactly, donkey poop logic. She's nivous, so obviously she takes
it out on me.
Speaker 10: Wouldn't be the first time a woman projected on a man.
Speaker 11: Flipping hossprowns.
Speaker 12: It's always about.
Speaker 5: Me, man. There's always layers in this town.
Speaker 10: Like a breakfastless sonya felt, weird, heart to digest, and
probably toxic.
Speaker 11: You leave it out too long?
Speaker 12: How sounds like something you actually say.
Speaker 10: I know these things, we probably do and I'm the
idiot that must.
Speaker 9: Have played it.
Speaker 5: Or like an onion wrapped in secrets or a seven
layer dip, nobody asks for it and everybody regrets. Oh well, god,
I hate this art. Come on, h okay, what what
the hell? H what why are my eyes? No? No, no,
that's that wasn't me. That wasn't me. Just just just
a trick of the light. You're fine, You're fine. Come yeah,
leave that on? Okay, okay, nominal it's active.
Speaker 2: Joys. Belle compromise.
Speaker 5: Did anybody else hear that I'm fine. I'm fine, I'm fine.
Just start I'm fine.
Speaker 4: This episode is made possible by listeners like you. Visit
our website at lifdesign dot net, forward slash excuse Us.
Speaker 15: For support or additional information, please visit our website or
Paychreon page at paytreon dot com, forward slash.
Speaker 4: Rod pull Art tonight's production of Excuse Us, a mystery
drama with delightful undertones of humor and Eldrich horror.
Speaker 15: What's produced by Rebecca Lakepool and rodrigal Pool. Written and
directed and performed by rodrigal Pool in association with R
and R Side Audio Theater.
Speaker 4: Music and sound effects by Epidemic Sound. Some other sound
effects are recorded live on.
Speaker 9: Set voice modulation by eleven Laps.
Speaker 4: If you're enjoying this production, please make sure to review
or subscribe to our show. Wherever you listen to your podcast.
Speaker 15: Check out our Patreon page for bonus content.
Speaker 9: Until next time is
Speaker 15: Rodrigo Paul saying thank you very much for listening.