WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.040 --> 00:00:02.040 Hi everyone, and welcome back to their podcast episode. My 2 00:00:02.080 --> 00:00:04.480 name is Alshia Gogain, the host of The Globe Secret podcast, 3 00:00:04.639 --> 00:00:07.080 where I help you expand your mind and become more 4 00:00:07.120 --> 00:00:09.240 self awares that you can glow up into the best 5 00:00:09.320 --> 00:00:13.640 version of yourself. Hello, how are we doing? Happy Sunday? 6 00:00:13.640 --> 00:00:16.120 If you're listening to this on a Sunday, I can't 7 00:00:16.120 --> 00:00:19.679 believe it's almost the end of May. It's insane to me. 8 00:00:20.359 --> 00:00:22.239 I also just feel like I've been growing with you 9 00:00:22.239 --> 00:00:25.480 guys so much, Like how are we almost getting into June? 10 00:00:25.519 --> 00:00:28.879 Like where has the time gone? And how much growth 11 00:00:28.879 --> 00:00:31.519 have we actually made? Probably a lot, And I'm just 12 00:00:31.559 --> 00:00:34.399 so proud of us, and I'm so excited. And if 13 00:00:34.399 --> 00:00:36.359 this is your first time here, then hello, We're always 14 00:00:36.359 --> 00:00:39.200 going to be working on ourselves and evolving and glowing 15 00:00:39.280 --> 00:00:41.520 up to the best versions of ourselves. So welcome to 16 00:00:41.759 --> 00:00:44.960 the team, Welcome to the community. Now with that said, 17 00:00:45.159 --> 00:00:49.079 I have been thinking about this thing, this thing called 18 00:00:49.200 --> 00:00:53.799 pre grieving or assuming the worst, assuming the worst possible 19 00:00:53.840 --> 00:00:56.200 outcomes when it comes to people, places, and things in life. 20 00:00:56.200 --> 00:00:58.240 And I have struggled with this a lot in my life, 21 00:00:58.240 --> 00:00:59.439 and I want to talk about it. I want to 22 00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:02.880 give you, guys my best advice. I want to give 23 00:01:02.880 --> 00:01:05.079 you a reminder. If you are somebody who is waiting 24 00:01:05.120 --> 00:01:08.000 for the ball to drop, you're pre grieving things, You're 25 00:01:08.280 --> 00:01:11.079 assuming that they're never going to last. Things like that, 26 00:01:11.200 --> 00:01:14.159 and to the point where maybe you're even sabotaging your 27 00:01:14.280 --> 00:01:16.840 good things that are happening in your life or second 28 00:01:16.840 --> 00:01:19.959 guessing them even though nothing has actually happened yet. Now, 29 00:01:20.120 --> 00:01:21.879 the reason why I was even thinking about this is 30 00:01:21.879 --> 00:01:25.799 because I think when we start to invite good things 31 00:01:25.799 --> 00:01:30.959 in our lives, people, places, things, we typically might have 32 00:01:31.000 --> 00:01:34.200 some doubts about is this going to last? Am I 33 00:01:34.280 --> 00:01:36.840 deserving of these things? Does this person really like me? 34 00:01:36.920 --> 00:01:39.200 Is this person going to leave me? Or even when 35 00:01:39.200 --> 00:01:41.760 it comes to money, is there more money going to come? 36 00:01:42.040 --> 00:01:44.000 Am I going to continue to be abundant? Am I 37 00:01:44.040 --> 00:01:46.359 going to continue to have success all these things? Even 38 00:01:46.359 --> 00:01:49.879 with your health? And the thing is this A lot 39 00:01:49.879 --> 00:01:52.040 of you who listen to my podcast, and even myself, 40 00:01:52.680 --> 00:01:55.879 we do two things. We work on ourselves and we 41 00:01:55.920 --> 00:01:59.239 work on our childhood traumas, and we are constantly healing. 42 00:01:59.560 --> 00:02:02.079 So there's always like this healing journey that we are 43 00:02:02.280 --> 00:02:05.159 on and we are pursuing. But on the other side, 44 00:02:05.319 --> 00:02:08.400 we are also trying to build a life for ourselves 45 00:02:08.439 --> 00:02:12.039 outside of that trauma, outside of the generational trauma that 46 00:02:12.039 --> 00:02:13.879 we've living out. And if you have not listened to 47 00:02:14.039 --> 00:02:16.199 last week's episode, I highly suggest it. I'll link it 48 00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:19.680 down below. All about really setting yourself free from your 49 00:02:19.680 --> 00:02:22.879 generational trauma or your past, your traumatic past, the things 50 00:02:22.879 --> 00:02:25.000 that you've been constantly living in fight or flight with, 51 00:02:25.039 --> 00:02:27.879 things like that. And we are on this pursuit of 52 00:02:27.879 --> 00:02:31.039 self development and living out our dream lives and getting 53 00:02:31.039 --> 00:02:33.960 out of our own ways and no longer self sabotaging 54 00:02:34.039 --> 00:02:36.439 and bringing abundance in our lives and things like that. 55 00:02:37.240 --> 00:02:41.400 And when we're on that pursuit, what sometimes will happen 56 00:02:41.560 --> 00:02:44.639 is we doubt the things that we are actually trying 57 00:02:44.639 --> 00:02:46.439 to call into our lives. And we do that for 58 00:02:46.479 --> 00:02:48.560 a lot of reasons. We do that because we've never 59 00:02:48.960 --> 00:02:52.120 had abundance, or we've never had real love or consistency 60 00:02:52.199 --> 00:02:54.280 or good things happen to us, or it's just a 61 00:02:54.319 --> 00:02:58.520 new experience and we never experienced this before. So anytime 62 00:02:58.639 --> 00:03:01.080 something new comes into our lives, it's kind of natural 63 00:03:01.120 --> 00:03:03.159 that we are going to second guess it. And doubt 64 00:03:03.159 --> 00:03:06.120 it now. Unfortunately, with a lot of us, what we 65 00:03:06.240 --> 00:03:09.000 do is we take this sometimes to an extreme. And 66 00:03:09.080 --> 00:03:12.199 so I want to talk about pre grieving situations and 67 00:03:12.400 --> 00:03:16.039 assuming the worst. And I found an infographic from Nicole 68 00:03:16.120 --> 00:03:19.159 Sachs and by the way, her book Mind Your Body 69 00:03:19.199 --> 00:03:21.159 that's right over top of mine on my shelf if 70 00:03:21.159 --> 00:03:23.319 you're watching on YouTube. She just came out with this book, 71 00:03:23.319 --> 00:03:26.039 and it's beautiful. It's amazing. I have learned so much 72 00:03:26.080 --> 00:03:28.000 from her in terms of the mind body connection and 73 00:03:28.039 --> 00:03:30.599 healing chronic pain and things like that. And I've talked 74 00:03:30.639 --> 00:03:32.800 about her a lot, and I actually referenced her in 75 00:03:32.840 --> 00:03:34.840 my book as well. But she has some really good 76 00:03:34.840 --> 00:03:38.240 infographics on Instagram. I would highly suggest following her, getting 77 00:03:38.240 --> 00:03:39.919 her book and listening to all of her stuff. She 78 00:03:39.919 --> 00:03:42.719 has a podcast as well, called The Cure for Chronic Pain. 79 00:03:42.800 --> 00:03:45.919 But she posted this, but it says, pre grieving is 80 00:03:45.919 --> 00:03:49.039 when we anticipate the suffering connected to quote unquote bad 81 00:03:49.159 --> 00:03:52.479 things happening in the future, and in the process erase 82 00:03:52.560 --> 00:03:55.400 the ability to have peace right now. And I find 83 00:03:55.439 --> 00:03:57.800 when you are somebody who really pre grieves a lot 84 00:03:57.800 --> 00:04:00.879 of things you're really worried about will things work out 85 00:04:01.000 --> 00:04:04.360 or will the ball drop? It's really because you've probably 86 00:04:04.439 --> 00:04:07.680 experienced things in your life not working out. There was 87 00:04:07.759 --> 00:04:10.080 many times in my past where the ball did drop, 88 00:04:10.240 --> 00:04:13.080 or I couldn't rely on my parents, or there wasn't consistency, 89 00:04:13.159 --> 00:04:15.960 So it trained me to be afraid. It trained me 90 00:04:16.079 --> 00:04:20.600 to try to protect myself by just assuming the worst 91 00:04:20.759 --> 00:04:23.399 so that I could be prepared, or assuming somebody who's 92 00:04:23.399 --> 00:04:25.120 gonna let me down, so that I didn't actually feel 93 00:04:25.120 --> 00:04:27.720 the disappointment of actually being let down. And this is 94 00:04:27.759 --> 00:04:29.959 the thing. We have a part of us that is 95 00:04:30.000 --> 00:04:34.600 so convinced that pre grieving and assuming the worst about 96 00:04:34.680 --> 00:04:37.319 situations that have not even played out yet is the 97 00:04:37.360 --> 00:04:40.480 thing that's going to protect us. But it actually makes 98 00:04:40.519 --> 00:04:44.000 it worse. It actually hurts us more than even the 99 00:04:44.079 --> 00:04:46.560 thing not working out would hurt us. And this is 100 00:04:46.600 --> 00:04:50.759 why I'm saying this. When you are constantly not in 101 00:04:50.800 --> 00:04:55.319 the present moment, and you're in your head, worrying, stressing, 102 00:04:55.839 --> 00:04:58.959 even assuming the worst, so then you're self sabotaging the 103 00:04:59.000 --> 00:05:02.600 current moment. What kind of life is that? So much 104 00:05:02.639 --> 00:05:06.600 to the point where your mental stress, if your psyche 105 00:05:06.759 --> 00:05:10.279 is messed up, your body's going to feel that you 106 00:05:10.319 --> 00:05:13.480 will start to have chronic pain illness because you're so 107 00:05:13.720 --> 00:05:16.519 worried and you're stressed about things. You're not sleeping right, 108 00:05:16.720 --> 00:05:19.120 You're always in your head. Or like I said, to 109 00:05:19.120 --> 00:05:22.399 the point where we're doing these things called self sabotaging behaviors, 110 00:05:22.439 --> 00:05:24.920 and we can do this in so many ways. If 111 00:05:24.959 --> 00:05:28.000 we think that we've messed up, we will start eating more. 112 00:05:28.399 --> 00:05:30.759 If we think that we didn't do good enough today, 113 00:05:31.120 --> 00:05:34.199 then we will just talk to ourselves negatively. If we 114 00:05:34.279 --> 00:05:36.000 think that that person's going to leave us, we're going 115 00:05:36.079 --> 00:05:38.319 to start acting like a person who is not loved. 116 00:05:38.560 --> 00:05:41.160 We are going to start fights, You're going to get paranoid. 117 00:05:41.160 --> 00:05:44.600 We're going to start searching for evidence to prove ourselves 118 00:05:44.959 --> 00:05:48.160 right about our beliefs. That is what we do. So 119 00:05:48.199 --> 00:05:50.560 if you hold a belief that things do not work out, 120 00:05:50.920 --> 00:05:53.639 that everybody leaves, that I'm going to get hurt, that 121 00:05:53.720 --> 00:05:57.480 the world is against me, you will find evidence to 122 00:05:57.519 --> 00:05:59.879 prove yourself right, because that's what we do as human beings. 123 00:06:00.279 --> 00:06:02.959 That keeps us safe. But the thing is is that's 124 00:06:03.040 --> 00:06:07.560 all a false sense of control. Because the only thing 125 00:06:07.600 --> 00:06:10.720 that is certain right now, and I know it feels 126 00:06:10.759 --> 00:06:12.800 like it's not. But the only thing that is actually 127 00:06:12.920 --> 00:06:15.000 certain right now is right now, in this moment, what's 128 00:06:15.000 --> 00:06:19.360 happening in this moment. Okay, So there might be times 129 00:06:19.399 --> 00:06:21.959 in the past where something didn't work out or somebody 130 00:06:22.000 --> 00:06:24.279 did disappoint you, but one you need to understand that 131 00:06:24.360 --> 00:06:27.319 your mind is currently trained to assume that people, places, 132 00:06:27.319 --> 00:06:29.279 and things are going to be like the past. But 133 00:06:29.360 --> 00:06:32.600 you don't have as much control as you think about 134 00:06:32.639 --> 00:06:35.240 certain outcomes in your life. And I think this can 135 00:06:35.279 --> 00:06:38.439 be tricky for those who are on the pursuit of 136 00:06:38.879 --> 00:06:41.199 working towards their dream life, or maybe you believe in 137 00:06:41.240 --> 00:06:44.639 manifesting and you know, co creating with the universe or whatever. 138 00:06:44.920 --> 00:06:48.480 I believe in co creating really with God. But I 139 00:06:48.519 --> 00:06:52.160 think as you get older you learn that although yes, 140 00:06:52.279 --> 00:06:55.279 you can control the way you believe and you seek 141 00:06:55.319 --> 00:06:57.839 out certain things, and for the most part, you can 142 00:06:57.879 --> 00:07:01.160 control a lot in your life, but even the best 143 00:07:01.160 --> 00:07:03.120 of the best things that happen in your life, they're 144 00:07:03.199 --> 00:07:05.800 gonna play out the way they need to play out, 145 00:07:05.839 --> 00:07:07.519 and you can think about it as the way God 146 00:07:07.560 --> 00:07:09.360 wants to let it play out, or the way the 147 00:07:09.439 --> 00:07:12.040 universe is gonna move mountains for you, whatever it is, 148 00:07:12.079 --> 00:07:14.720 but it's not exactly copy and paste the way you 149 00:07:15.199 --> 00:07:18.000 assume it's going to be anyways, even the best things 150 00:07:18.040 --> 00:07:20.000 in life. So it's a little silly for us to 151 00:07:20.079 --> 00:07:25.199 actually truly believe that we could control how that outcome 152 00:07:25.279 --> 00:07:27.399 is going to be. So then it's like, what do 153 00:07:27.439 --> 00:07:29.800 we do? Because at the end of the day, we 154 00:07:29.839 --> 00:07:32.720 are human and we're always going to seek safety. We're 155 00:07:32.759 --> 00:07:36.040 going to seek comfort, We're gonna seek the ability to 156 00:07:36.160 --> 00:07:39.480 protect ourselves. And this is what I learned. The pre grieving, 157 00:07:39.639 --> 00:07:43.000 the assuming, the waiting for the ball to drop is 158 00:07:43.040 --> 00:07:46.079 actually hurting me and it's not even going to change 159 00:07:46.120 --> 00:07:49.040 an outcome whether the shitty thing happens or not. And 160 00:07:49.040 --> 00:07:51.079 I've played that out enough in my life to see 161 00:07:51.079 --> 00:07:54.000 that that tactic does not work. But I needed a 162 00:07:54.079 --> 00:07:57.240 new tactic. And the tactic that I have in my 163 00:07:57.399 --> 00:07:59.959 life that I like to go back to is remind 164 00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:03.920 finding myself of this one hard, in fact truth of 165 00:08:03.920 --> 00:08:05.959 the matter. And I need you guys to really hear 166 00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:09.199 this and really look yourself in the mirror and remind 167 00:08:09.199 --> 00:08:13.360 yourself of this. You have come this far. You really 168 00:08:13.360 --> 00:08:16.439 don't believe that you couldn't handle the situation if the 169 00:08:16.480 --> 00:08:19.920 ball did drop, or if somebody left, or somebody walked away, 170 00:08:20.000 --> 00:08:24.600 or somebody hurt you, or something didn't work out, that's insanity. 171 00:08:24.680 --> 00:08:27.120 You know why, because you're here today. A lot of 172 00:08:27.120 --> 00:08:29.120 you who are listening to this podcast right now have 173 00:08:29.279 --> 00:08:32.519 probably gone through a lot of trials and tribulations, and 174 00:08:32.559 --> 00:08:35.759 it's almost like you forget that you are a literal soldier. 175 00:08:35.879 --> 00:08:39.759 You forget that God literally chose you. You're the chosen one. 176 00:08:39.960 --> 00:08:42.720 Sometimes we don't want to be, but it's like you 177 00:08:42.840 --> 00:08:45.399 are one of the strongest soldiers and you're going to 178 00:08:45.440 --> 00:08:48.679 sit here and act as if you couldn't handle the 179 00:08:48.720 --> 00:08:51.519 ball being dropped. If it did, that's insanity. And the 180 00:08:51.559 --> 00:08:54.320 thing is this, we don't need to be delusional about life. 181 00:08:54.600 --> 00:08:59.480 Sometimes the ball does drop. And I think sometimes we 182 00:08:59.679 --> 00:09:02.720 try to convince ourselves if we're on this journey and 183 00:09:02.759 --> 00:09:07.000 we realize we're pre grieving, Okay, let's just manipulate ourselves 184 00:09:07.080 --> 00:09:08.759 to believe that the ball's never going to drop. No, 185 00:09:08.840 --> 00:09:11.279 that's not what we do, because you're smart enough to 186 00:09:11.360 --> 00:09:14.720 know that sometimes the ball does drop. Sometimes things don't 187 00:09:14.759 --> 00:09:17.759 work out, Sometimes people leave, Sometimes there is heartbreak or 188 00:09:17.799 --> 00:09:22.320 there's disappointment in life. But the thing is is you 189 00:09:22.440 --> 00:09:27.000 have to build confidence in yourself to understand and know 190 00:09:27.159 --> 00:09:30.279 deeply that you are resilient and you can handle what 191 00:09:30.399 --> 00:09:33.240 life hands you. And now I found this Pinteres quote 192 00:09:33.519 --> 00:09:36.720 that I've been living by for a while now, especially 193 00:09:36.840 --> 00:09:40.240 right now in my life, and it says, you've mastered surviving, 194 00:09:40.480 --> 00:09:43.720 It's time to live now. And I just think that 195 00:09:43.799 --> 00:09:46.440 I'm currently in this phase and I think a lot 196 00:09:46.480 --> 00:09:50.240 of you need to be reminded of this. That you've 197 00:09:50.320 --> 00:09:54.399 done enough healing, Okay, like you've survived so much, it 198 00:09:54.480 --> 00:09:56.720 is time to live. And what I mean by that 199 00:09:56.919 --> 00:09:59.639 is it is time for you to believe that good 200 00:09:59.720 --> 00:10:03.360 thing are possible and that they will last and that 201 00:10:03.440 --> 00:10:06.519 they will play out and they will happen. And it's 202 00:10:06.559 --> 00:10:10.519 time that we really lean more on the possibilities and 203 00:10:10.639 --> 00:10:15.320 the beautiful outcomes of life now. Within the Cool Sax's 204 00:10:15.919 --> 00:10:19.799 quote that she posted on Instagram, that infographic, she wrote 205 00:10:19.799 --> 00:10:21.960 out a whole caption, but something she wrote in there 206 00:10:22.120 --> 00:10:25.639 is if it's not happening right now, it's not happening. 207 00:10:26.039 --> 00:10:28.960 And this is what I really want you guys to 208 00:10:29.480 --> 00:10:31.679 focus on. And this is what I try and focus 209 00:10:31.720 --> 00:10:35.080 on now in my life, because the truth is, you're 210 00:10:35.120 --> 00:10:38.840 gonna have these thoughts come back up, and these doubts 211 00:10:39.159 --> 00:10:41.919 about good things when they happen in your life, especially 212 00:10:41.960 --> 00:10:44.679 if they're now. Of course, it's very normal, and I 213 00:10:44.720 --> 00:10:46.840 would invite you to a normalize the fact that these 214 00:10:46.879 --> 00:10:49.080 things will come up. But it's really time that we 215 00:10:49.679 --> 00:10:52.919 do our best to not let ourselves go there. You 216 00:10:53.000 --> 00:10:58.360 don't need to let yourself go into that scenario of, well, 217 00:10:58.360 --> 00:11:01.399 what if this doesn't work out, or this person might 218 00:11:01.440 --> 00:11:03.720 not like me, or what if it turns out like this, 219 00:11:04.320 --> 00:11:08.720 all the bad, shitty scenarios. You have to get so 220 00:11:09.240 --> 00:11:13.360 good and so disciplined to not even let yourself go there. 221 00:11:13.399 --> 00:11:15.480 And this is the thing. There's a part of your brain, 222 00:11:15.639 --> 00:11:19.960 a part of you that convinces yourself that it's smart 223 00:11:20.159 --> 00:11:22.840 and it's good that we go there, that we sit 224 00:11:22.919 --> 00:11:24.879 here and we ruminate on the fact that okay, well 225 00:11:25.639 --> 00:11:27.799 the bad outcome might happen and we should start pre 226 00:11:27.879 --> 00:11:29.679 grieving this thing, and dah da dah and you go 227 00:11:29.759 --> 00:11:32.879 into that spiral so much so then you start what 228 00:11:33.639 --> 00:11:37.200 looking for that evidence, you start sabotaging, and then you 229 00:11:37.240 --> 00:11:40.200 show yourself see, hey, I was right, I was right. 230 00:11:40.240 --> 00:11:42.200 I was right. I was right. You don't need to 231 00:11:42.240 --> 00:11:45.080 prove yourself right. And the only thing that's important right 232 00:11:45.120 --> 00:11:48.360 now is what is happening right now. And if it's 233 00:11:48.399 --> 00:11:51.399 not happening the thing that you're worried about, if it's 234 00:11:51.399 --> 00:11:54.200 not happening right now, then it's not happening. You don't 235 00:11:54.240 --> 00:11:56.519 need to worry about if it's going to happen, it's 236 00:11:56.600 --> 00:12:00.360 not happening right now. Now. There's this girl that I've 237 00:12:00.399 --> 00:12:03.519 been subscribed to on YouTube. She talked a lot about 238 00:12:03.559 --> 00:12:05.559 the nervous system. I believe I haven't watch her videos 239 00:12:05.559 --> 00:12:07.440 in a very long time, but I saw this post 240 00:12:07.879 --> 00:12:09.879 on her community tab and I thought it was perfect 241 00:12:09.919 --> 00:12:12.039 to bring to you guys as a reminder. And she 242 00:12:12.120 --> 00:12:14.879 was talking about this idea of like why you keep 243 00:12:15.039 --> 00:12:17.080 falling back into your old ways and things like that, 244 00:12:17.120 --> 00:12:20.679 whether it's like an old thought process you're stressing about something, 245 00:12:20.840 --> 00:12:24.759 or habits and whatever. And she posted a few slides 246 00:12:24.799 --> 00:12:26.960 and it says you thought you were getting better, but 247 00:12:27.000 --> 00:12:29.720 now it feels like anxiety is back. What's wrong with you? 248 00:12:29.919 --> 00:12:33.039 And the second slide goes nothing. This is exactly how 249 00:12:33.120 --> 00:12:36.840 healing works. Healing isn't linear, It loops its spirals. It 250 00:12:36.919 --> 00:12:40.440 revisits old places with new capacity. Your brain doesn't delete 251 00:12:40.559 --> 00:12:44.080 neural pathways, it builds new ones. The old ones are 252 00:12:44.120 --> 00:12:48.000 still there, familiar, fast, and deeply ingrained. When life gets hard, 253 00:12:48.039 --> 00:12:50.960 your system doesn't ask what's the most evolved choice I 254 00:12:50.960 --> 00:12:53.120 can make. It asks what has kept me safe in 255 00:12:53.120 --> 00:12:55.519 the past, and then it does that. So this is 256 00:12:55.519 --> 00:12:57.720 why I'm saying it's going to be up to us 257 00:12:57.799 --> 00:13:01.600 to be more disciplined with reminding ourselves that the old 258 00:13:01.679 --> 00:13:04.960 way that we've been dealing with potential outcomes that we 259 00:13:05.000 --> 00:13:07.600 don't want does not work, and it actually not only 260 00:13:07.960 --> 00:13:10.360 makes it so we are probably more prone to the 261 00:13:10.399 --> 00:13:12.759 thing not actually working out because we're feeding into it, 262 00:13:12.799 --> 00:13:15.320 but also in general, it is hurting ourselves. In the 263 00:13:15.360 --> 00:13:18.720 present moment, we are stressing, we are getting overwhelmed, we 264 00:13:18.759 --> 00:13:21.080 are anxiety ridden, and we need to go back to 265 00:13:21.120 --> 00:13:24.440 the fundamental truth that for one, we don't have as 266 00:13:24.519 --> 00:13:26.559 much control as we think, and that is a beautiful 267 00:13:26.559 --> 00:13:29.960 thing at times. For two, we have resilience and we 268 00:13:30.080 --> 00:13:33.519 can handle things that come up. And three, if it 269 00:13:33.559 --> 00:13:36.000 is not happening right now, it is not happening. That 270 00:13:36.120 --> 00:13:38.600 is the only fact of the matter, and one last 271 00:13:38.600 --> 00:13:42.000 thing I'll add to those quotes that she was saying 272 00:13:42.039 --> 00:13:45.559 in terms of how you know, healing and your cycle, 273 00:13:45.639 --> 00:13:48.399 sometimes they'll just come back up and you'll get triggered again. 274 00:13:48.519 --> 00:13:50.240 Not only is it normal and not only do we 275 00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:52.480 need to fall back into those mindset shifts that I 276 00:13:52.519 --> 00:13:55.120 was just saying, Just as much as your triggers will 277 00:13:55.120 --> 00:13:57.840 come up and they'll flare up and they will come online, 278 00:13:57.879 --> 00:14:01.480 they can also fall back offline. So you guys know, 279 00:14:01.679 --> 00:14:06.159 my mom passed away in December, and when she passed away, 280 00:14:06.840 --> 00:14:11.759 this pre grieving and this assuming the worst out of 281 00:14:11.879 --> 00:14:15.360 life thing really came back on line for me. And 282 00:14:16.440 --> 00:14:20.399 I went through this pre grieving process and the ball's 283 00:14:20.480 --> 00:14:23.559 going to drop and assuming the worst I would say 284 00:14:23.720 --> 00:14:27.759 like teens into most of my twenties because that's when 285 00:14:27.759 --> 00:14:29.759 a lot of like the trauma was happening, and the 286 00:14:29.840 --> 00:14:33.039 stress and dealing with a parent that was like an attic, 287 00:14:33.080 --> 00:14:34.559 which I also had to do a lot of pre 288 00:14:34.639 --> 00:14:38.720 grieving with her and our relationship so many things. Right, 289 00:14:38.759 --> 00:14:40.159 So I had gone through a lot of that and 290 00:14:40.200 --> 00:14:42.320 I had really gotten myself out of that. I built 291 00:14:42.320 --> 00:14:44.919 a life for myself that was detached from the things 292 00:14:44.960 --> 00:14:46.720 that really triggered me all the time, and I went 293 00:14:46.759 --> 00:14:48.799 on a healing journey, and you know, I have the 294 00:14:48.840 --> 00:14:51.000 life that I have now, and so there wasn't a 295 00:14:51.000 --> 00:14:54.639 lot of like deep levels of pre grieving in my 296 00:14:54.720 --> 00:14:57.159 life or assuming the worst, or at least I was 297 00:14:57.200 --> 00:14:59.080 clear enough to be able to kind of like steer 298 00:14:59.080 --> 00:15:01.480 myself back on to like not assuming the worst if 299 00:15:01.559 --> 00:15:03.600 I have good things come in my life, because I 300 00:15:03.639 --> 00:15:05.519 was able to see, like, this is old pattern and 301 00:15:05.519 --> 00:15:07.919 it's okay, and I'm I'm resilient even if these things 302 00:15:07.960 --> 00:15:09.879 don't work out. Things like that. But when my mom 303 00:15:09.919 --> 00:15:12.879 passed away, it really triggered all of these things back 304 00:15:12.960 --> 00:15:15.879 up again for me, and it got so bad to 305 00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:19.440 the point where I was dreading some of the small 306 00:15:19.639 --> 00:15:22.639 things that made me feel happy and alive, which was 307 00:15:22.639 --> 00:15:25.840 not a lot, by the way. After my mom passed away, 308 00:15:25.879 --> 00:15:28.519 there were like I was really feeling like very very 309 00:15:28.759 --> 00:15:31.440 I wouldn't say numb, but like there was just no 310 00:15:31.559 --> 00:15:34.159 zest for life, of course, because I was grieving. But 311 00:15:34.360 --> 00:15:35.679 I'm going to give you an example of like my 312 00:15:35.759 --> 00:15:37.879 morning coffee. There was a few things that made me 313 00:15:38.000 --> 00:15:40.360 like decently happy and got me through my days, like 314 00:15:40.440 --> 00:15:43.840 small little things here and there, and eventually like one 315 00:15:43.840 --> 00:15:46.320 of those things was like getting back onto a routine, 316 00:15:46.360 --> 00:15:48.519 a morning routine, and like having my cup of coffee 317 00:15:48.519 --> 00:15:50.399 that was like my one little piece of sanity in 318 00:15:50.440 --> 00:15:54.759 the morning. But in that same token, I found myself 319 00:15:55.159 --> 00:15:59.440 pre grieving and not being excited to even drink my 320 00:15:59.480 --> 00:16:02.039 morning cup of coffee and almost like wanting to even 321 00:16:02.159 --> 00:16:05.480 prolong having my morning coffee because I knew it was 322 00:16:05.559 --> 00:16:07.919 going to end, and I didn't want it to end, 323 00:16:07.960 --> 00:16:11.200 because I was dealing with so much endedness and so 324 00:16:11.320 --> 00:16:14.559 much grieving that I was even dreading the good thing 325 00:16:14.600 --> 00:16:16.600 that was happening in my life. But I can sit 326 00:16:16.639 --> 00:16:19.360 here and tell you today that I no longer dread 327 00:16:19.399 --> 00:16:21.519 my morning cup of coffee like that. I don't think 328 00:16:21.559 --> 00:16:24.279 about it like that. It doesn't consume me, and I'm 329 00:16:24.279 --> 00:16:26.879 not afraid of it being over. And I'm saying all 330 00:16:26.919 --> 00:16:28.799 that to say that there are just going to be 331 00:16:28.840 --> 00:16:32.200 times in your life where you're more triggered. There's trauma 332 00:16:32.240 --> 00:16:34.679 that comes up, and you just have to ride that wave, 333 00:16:34.759 --> 00:16:36.399 you have to go through that. And I think that 334 00:16:36.519 --> 00:16:40.919 this just opens up that conversation about not being delusional 335 00:16:40.919 --> 00:16:42.759 with life and just knowing that there are going to 336 00:16:42.759 --> 00:16:45.200 be things that might end. Maybe it's your cup of 337 00:16:45.200 --> 00:16:47.759 coffee for that day, or maybe it's a relationship, or 338 00:16:48.120 --> 00:16:50.320 maybe it's a job opportunity, or maybe there's going to 339 00:16:50.399 --> 00:16:53.759 be dips in your financial income or things like that. 340 00:16:53.960 --> 00:16:57.159 But you're resilient and you can deal with it and 341 00:16:57.200 --> 00:16:59.639 you can go through it. But just don't sabotage that 342 00:16:59.720 --> 00:17:04.480 moment because it feels hard, and I know what that 343 00:17:04.519 --> 00:17:09.640 feels like to you know, feel the dread of something 344 00:17:09.680 --> 00:17:12.599 good leaving. But what got me through that is reminding 345 00:17:12.599 --> 00:17:15.559 myself that I'm going through this process right now, this 346 00:17:15.599 --> 00:17:18.200 is normal. Right There's gonna be times in my life 347 00:17:18.240 --> 00:17:20.880 where I'm pre grieving more than not, or I'm assuming 348 00:17:21.119 --> 00:17:24.279 the worst or not, and this is just an old pattern. 349 00:17:24.359 --> 00:17:26.319 Like I really did understand that it was just like 350 00:17:26.359 --> 00:17:29.960 an old pattern and it wasn't necessarily rooted in things 351 00:17:30.000 --> 00:17:33.160 that are actually like real right now, not to say 352 00:17:33.160 --> 00:17:35.039 that the grieving wasn't real and that I lost my mom, 353 00:17:35.079 --> 00:17:37.640 but the fact is, like the coffee is gonna come again, 354 00:17:37.680 --> 00:17:40.160 and I'm gonna be better again, and even when I 355 00:17:40.200 --> 00:17:42.640 don't have that coffee to look forward to, like I 356 00:17:42.720 --> 00:17:45.599 am gonna be okay. It's just I had to really 357 00:17:45.759 --> 00:17:49.480 lean on this resilience that I know that I have, 358 00:17:49.799 --> 00:17:53.200 and this confidence within myself and trust within myself that 359 00:17:53.319 --> 00:17:55.480 I can get through this time when I don't have 360 00:17:55.519 --> 00:17:59.279 the coffee right when things aren't feeling good in my life, 361 00:17:59.319 --> 00:18:02.079 I have my and I'm not going to leave myself. 362 00:18:02.359 --> 00:18:05.319 And when you do that, it gets good. When you 363 00:18:05.400 --> 00:18:09.359 do that, you don't sabotage. And I think about me 364 00:18:09.599 --> 00:18:12.039 grieving the first few months of losing my mom, and 365 00:18:12.599 --> 00:18:15.640 I didn't sabotage. I didn't go into any sort of 366 00:18:15.680 --> 00:18:18.440 eating disorder when I mean that, like you know, just binging, 367 00:18:18.480 --> 00:18:20.599 emotional eating, and I used to do that in my past. 368 00:18:21.079 --> 00:18:23.480 I had an ed for a very very very long time, 369 00:18:23.920 --> 00:18:26.440 so I didn't fall into any sort of those behaviors. 370 00:18:26.680 --> 00:18:29.160 I wasn't even smoking when I mean smoking, like gardening, 371 00:18:29.240 --> 00:18:31.839 like smoking weed, nothing like that. I didn't do any 372 00:18:31.839 --> 00:18:34.599 sort of escapism. I didn't even rely on any sort 373 00:18:34.640 --> 00:18:37.519 of relationships that were not serving me. I didn't do 374 00:18:37.559 --> 00:18:43.039 any dating. I didn't party. I didn't even really escape 375 00:18:43.079 --> 00:18:48.039 and like do too much of suppression. And I was 376 00:18:48.079 --> 00:18:50.480 so proud of myself for doing that because I just 377 00:18:50.599 --> 00:18:54.000 knew what the process was. I knew that this is 378 00:18:54.079 --> 00:18:56.359 a part of life, and I just had to ride 379 00:18:56.480 --> 00:18:58.920 that wave. And I am now at a point where 380 00:18:59.200 --> 00:19:03.359 I didn't sabotage. I became more strong and more resilient. 381 00:19:03.480 --> 00:19:06.400 I was able to honor my mom and connect with 382 00:19:06.440 --> 00:19:10.279 my mom. I deeply fell into spirituality, and I connected 383 00:19:10.319 --> 00:19:12.400 to God and I connected with my mom like I 384 00:19:12.440 --> 00:19:14.720 did all the things that I possibly could do in 385 00:19:14.759 --> 00:19:16.839 the most beautiful way in my personal opinion, and I 386 00:19:16.880 --> 00:19:19.119 got out of it and I'm stronger for that, and 387 00:19:19.160 --> 00:19:21.720 I learned lessons through that, and I did not hurt 388 00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:24.720 myself in the process, And that is just what I 389 00:19:24.759 --> 00:19:27.839 want to say, is like, let's not hurt ourselves in 390 00:19:27.880 --> 00:19:30.319 the process, right, And what I mean by that is, yeah, 391 00:19:30.480 --> 00:19:34.720 doing extreme amounts of pre grieving and assuming the worst 392 00:19:34.720 --> 00:19:37.559 and doing those self sabotaging behaviors. What you need in 393 00:19:37.599 --> 00:19:40.599 those moments is not for you to sabotage and hurt 394 00:19:40.599 --> 00:19:43.160 yourself more. You need to be with yourself and your 395 00:19:43.160 --> 00:19:46.240 emotions when they are coming up. And I know it's uncomfortable, 396 00:19:46.400 --> 00:19:48.559 but you know what's more uncomfortable, guys, what is more 397 00:19:48.599 --> 00:19:52.160 uncomfortable is you having to deal with the consequences of 398 00:19:52.200 --> 00:19:55.000 what your self sabotaging behaviors will do. And I'm sure 399 00:19:55.039 --> 00:19:57.680 you guys know, I know, trying to get out of 400 00:19:57.720 --> 00:20:03.279 those cycles of unhealthy relationships with food, or relationships or 401 00:20:03.319 --> 00:20:06.359