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<v Speaker 1>This is Doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KF

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<v Speaker 1>I am six forty the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on

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<v Speaker 1>demand on the iHeartRadio app. I welcome at the Doctorndy Walshow.

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<v Speaker 1>Ok I am six forty live everywhere on the iHeartRadio App. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I've been thinking about the science of love for years.

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<v Speaker 1>I love weighing in on your love life. Heading to

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<v Speaker 1>social media if you want to send me a DM

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<v Speaker 1>at Dr Wendy Walsh at Doctor Wendy Walsh. Producer Kayla

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<v Speaker 1>is checking Instagram tonight for sure. Okay, Dear Doctor Wendy,

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<v Speaker 1>I have a friend group of four girls and we

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<v Speaker 1>were discussing who we find the sexiest in our friend group.

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<v Speaker 1>This is interesting. Okay, but you're not gay, as you're

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<v Speaker 1>good about to tell me this is interesting. Okay, let

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<v Speaker 1>me say this again. I have a friend group of

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<v Speaker 1>four girls and we were discussing who we find the

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<v Speaker 1>sexiest in our friend group. They all chose each other,

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<v Speaker 1>and no one chose me. I'm not a lesbian, nor

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<v Speaker 1>am I sexually attracted to my friends. However, this really

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<v Speaker 1>hurt my feelings. Why is it still on my mind?

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<v Speaker 1>Months later? First of all, why were you guys having

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<v Speaker 1>this conversation ranking like a leaderboard of people's looks. I

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<v Speaker 1>don't care if you ever refer to it as sexiest

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<v Speaker 1>or prettiest or whatever. Who brought up this stupid spin

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<v Speaker 1>the bottle game? That's crazy? So I don't like this

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<v Speaker 1>friend group. And yes, if it's still on your mind,

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<v Speaker 1>it's because they were rude to you, and they were

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<v Speaker 1>considerate of your feelings and nobody should have even been

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<v Speaker 1>playing that game. I do want to say, just go

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<v Speaker 1>dump them. I do want to say that, But if

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<v Speaker 1>they're your friends, I'm gonna say, you're gonna have to

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<v Speaker 1>put it out of your mind and know that you're

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<v Speaker 1>deeply beautiful and I love you, and that's all that matters.

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<v Speaker 1>What a silly game, all right? Moving on, dear doctor Wendy,

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<v Speaker 1>I found out a man I have been exclusive with

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<v Speaker 1>had sex with a few men in the past in

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<v Speaker 1>the past. Okay, I'm not sure how to move forward.

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<v Speaker 1>I really like him and this makes me uncomfortable. How

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<v Speaker 1>do I decide whether to move forward with him or not?

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<v Speaker 1>So I should tell you that the person writing this

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<v Speaker 1>is a woman. So if you had found out that

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<v Speaker 1>he had sex with other women long before you came.

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<v Speaker 1>How would you feel about it? Right? All you know

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<v Speaker 1>about him now is that he's bisexual, and that doesn't

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<v Speaker 1>mean that he can't be monogamous or exclusive, right, So,

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<v Speaker 1>somehow many people have this perception that someone's sexual orientation

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<v Speaker 1>is somehow connected to, you know, whether they can be loyal,

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<v Speaker 1>whether they can be trustworthy. So I think this is

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<v Speaker 1>a great opportunity for you to explore with him what

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<v Speaker 1>this is and have a conversation like, Hey, you know,

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<v Speaker 1>I know you dated so and so before and now

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<v Speaker 1>you're dating me and we are exclusive. But I'm just

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<v Speaker 1>wondering if you're gonna be happy, you know, if your

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<v Speaker 1>bisexuality needs to be satisfied with both genders, whether it'll

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<v Speaker 1>be enough to be in a heterosexual relationship for you.

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<v Speaker 1>Can we just talk about it, and you've got to

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<v Speaker 1>bring it up in a kind of non judgmental way, right,

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<v Speaker 1>because that is the fear so many women, Oh, he's

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<v Speaker 1>just gonna step out on me with a guy and

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<v Speaker 1>he's gonna say, well, that doesn't count. You know, there

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<v Speaker 1>are women out there who say the same thing, and

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<v Speaker 1>the dudes don't like it either, Right, So I think

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<v Speaker 1>it's an opportunity to be more intimate, emotionally intimate, and

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<v Speaker 1>discuss these things and find out what it means to

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<v Speaker 1>him and explore maybe some prejudice that you have about that.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, moving on, dear doctor Wendy. My boyfriend has

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<v Speaker 1>been unemployed for three months and finally found employment, which

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<v Speaker 1>is great, but it's at a strip club. Who No,

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<v Speaker 1>he smells like other women and drinks every night when

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<v Speaker 1>he gets in bed. You mean he doesn't drink in bed.

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<v Speaker 1>I'm assuming you mean he drinks every night, and when

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<v Speaker 1>he gets in bed, he smells like other women unless

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<v Speaker 1>he's drinking in bed. I don't know. I need him

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<v Speaker 1>to work because you know the economy, but I'm not

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<v Speaker 1>secure in this. What should I do? That's a tough one.

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<v Speaker 1>This is his livelihood. I think the focus should be

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<v Speaker 1>the drinking issue, right, and the smelling like other women,

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<v Speaker 1>Because just because you work at a strip club, whether

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<v Speaker 1>you're on the door or your bartender serving drinks, whether

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<v Speaker 1>you're security guard, doesn't mean you're touching other women. So

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<v Speaker 1>how is he smelling like other women? I don't think

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<v Speaker 1>the whole room is just sprints with perfume everywhere, right,

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<v Speaker 1>So You need to talk about this with him. You

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<v Speaker 1>need to talk about what his day is like, his

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<v Speaker 1>night is like, when he goes to work. You want

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<v Speaker 1>to talk about the pressure. Usually people in those environments

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<v Speaker 1>that are highly sexualized environments, they get so used to

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<v Speaker 1>it that they're not turned on. Doesn't feel like a

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<v Speaker 1>sexual environment to them. It just feels like another work environment.

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<v Speaker 1>But talk to him about it, and yeah, I can

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<v Speaker 1>understand how you feel. I'm just trying to imagine, like

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<v Speaker 1>my sweet Julio heading off every night to a strip club,

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<v Speaker 1>watching naked women all having spontaneous erections, just saying I

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<v Speaker 1>don't know, it could happen. It could happen. I don't know. Uh,

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<v Speaker 1>but hey, a good opportunity to talk about it, isn't it? All? Right? Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>here's a good one. I get this question a lot,

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<v Speaker 1>Dear doctor Wendy. Is it okay for me to tell

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<v Speaker 1>a man whom I've only been seeing for a month

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<v Speaker 1>that I love him? We aren't in a relationship, but

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<v Speaker 1>I love him so much already. I don't know if

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<v Speaker 1>he feels the same way. Should I tell him? Or

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<v Speaker 1>will I look crazy?

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<v Speaker 2>Girl?

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<v Speaker 1>You will look crazy? You will look crazy. You're not

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<v Speaker 1>in a relationship. You've only been seeing him for a month. No, no, don't, please, don't. Don't.

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<v Speaker 1>Any woman I know who's done this too prematurely because

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<v Speaker 1>they got all the dopamine and oxytocin, vasapressin. I'm gonna

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<v Speaker 1>talk about all that in just a minute in their system.

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<v Speaker 1>It's like a drug, you know, and then before they

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<v Speaker 1>know it, out it comes I love you, and the

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<v Speaker 1>dude's like, Abel, I'll know you, like we had a

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<v Speaker 1>couple dinners. I don't know. Oh, lordy, lordy, lordy, we

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<v Speaker 1>gotta go to break. You're listening to the Doctor Wendy

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<v Speaker 1>Wall Show on KFI AM six forty Live everywhere on

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<v Speaker 1>the iHeartRadio app. Right now, let's go to the twenty

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<v Speaker 1>four hour KFI Newsroom.

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<v Speaker 2>You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI

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<v Speaker 2>AM six forty.

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<v Speaker 1>Welcome back to the Doctor Wendy Wall Show on KFI

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<v Speaker 1>AM six forty, Live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. Just

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<v Speaker 1>a reminder, tis the season. The fourteenth annual KFI Pasta

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<v Speaker 1>Thon is here. Chef Bruno's charity, Katerina's Club, provides more

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<v Speaker 1>than twenty five thousand meals every week to kids in

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<v Speaker 1>need in Southern California. And it's your generosity that makes

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<v Speaker 1>it all happen. Now, there are three ways that you

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<v Speaker 1>can help. You can just go to KFI AM six

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<v Speaker 1>forty dot com slash pastathon. You know it's funny, I

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<v Speaker 1>say pastathon like many Americans, but then when I lived

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<v Speaker 1>in Italy, they said pasta pasta. Who knew? KFI AM

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<v Speaker 1>six forty dot com slash pastathon Okay, And starting Wednesday, Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>we're already into it this past Wednesday. Shop at any

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<v Speaker 1>Smart and Final store and donate any amount at checkout. Also,

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<v Speaker 1>you can head into any Wendy's restaurant I don't own it,

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<v Speaker 1>not affiliated, any Wendy's restaurant in Southern California and donate

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<v Speaker 1>five dollars or more and get a cubeon book for

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<v Speaker 1>Wendy's goodies. And as usual every year, our All Day

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<v Speaker 1>Live broadcast from the Anaheim White House Restaurant will be

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<v Speaker 1>on Giving Tuesday, that's December third, where it's coming out

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<v Speaker 1>next week, Come on out see yes, We'll be there

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<v Speaker 1>from five am to ten pm and you can donate

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<v Speaker 1>on site or drop off pasta and sauce. One hundred

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<v Speaker 1>percent of your donation goes to Katerina Club, of course.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, back to the subject at hand, which is

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<v Speaker 1>the science of love. It is so funny whenever I

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<v Speaker 1>say the words the science of love, I get sometimes

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<v Speaker 1>some quizzical expressions from people like how could love be

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<v Speaker 1>a science? You know, I'm a journalist. I started writing

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<v Speaker 1>about relationships nearly thirty years ago. Okay, I'll admit it.

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<v Speaker 1>I was trying to fix my own love life. Back then,

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<v Speaker 1>I had ooh, a long string of well, intoxicating flings

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<v Speaker 1>and sweet romances. But the problem was they all ended.

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<v Speaker 1>They ended sour and awful, and I was always sitting

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<v Speaker 1>in a bathtub crying at the end of it, all

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<v Speaker 1>in tears, an ocean of tears. I was crying at

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<v Speaker 1>least a bathtub of tears. So I went to therapy,

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<v Speaker 1>and therapy started to crack open the door because it

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<v Speaker 1>made me aware that there was a common denominator in

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<v Speaker 1>all of those terrible relationships, and that common denominator was me.

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<v Speaker 1>I was the one choosing my own man pain. But

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<v Speaker 1>later I decided to go to graduate school. That was

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<v Speaker 1>in my thirties, and that really flung open the gates

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<v Speaker 1>to reveal the whole game board of love, and I

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<v Speaker 1>like to say the whole game board of life, because

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<v Speaker 1>they're intrinsically connected. So that's when I started singing about

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<v Speaker 1>the science of love to anyone who would listen. But

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<v Speaker 1>I got to tell you, my preaching sometimes still falls

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<v Speaker 1>on deaf ears. So let's see. I've done a dissertation

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<v Speaker 1>on attachment theory, I've written three books on relationships. I've

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<v Speaker 1>done thousands of blogs, podcasts, episodes, TV appearances. I am

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<v Speaker 1>still stunned when someone scoffs at the idea that love

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<v Speaker 1>is a science. You see, we still have these romantic

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<v Speaker 1>diehards out there. They post comments online about waiting for

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<v Speaker 1>their so mateo I'm gonna throw up, that it's all

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<v Speaker 1>about fate, that it's cosmic destiny, that it's just chemistry,

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<v Speaker 1>that there are mysterious forces of attraction. Blah blah blah blah. Okay,

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<v Speaker 1>I'm about to present some evidence that love really is

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<v Speaker 1>a biological, psychological, and sociological science, and it's got a

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<v Speaker 1>ton of quantifiable data. But before I give you a

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<v Speaker 1>few examples from the world of science, let me first

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<v Speaker 1>say this. You should know why you should care. You

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<v Speaker 1>see our relationships are intrinsically connected to our physical health,

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<v Speaker 1>our mental health, and wait for it, the health of

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<v Speaker 1>our grandkids and our great grandkids. You see, our love

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<v Speaker 1>lives can actually change our genes. Our relationships, if they're

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<v Speaker 1>good or bad, or toxic or not, can affect our hormones,

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<v Speaker 1>our neurochemistry, and we will pass on those genes. It's

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<v Speaker 1>called intergenerational trauma. So if you're in a traumatic bond,

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<v Speaker 1>a toxic relationship, your genes are being shaped to tolerate that,

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<v Speaker 1>or to look for that, or to respond in a

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<v Speaker 1>fight or flight with even nice people because of that,

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<v Speaker 1>and those genes get passed on to your kids and grandkids.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, So let me give you a few fun

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<v Speaker 1>facts from my favorite world of science, and let's start

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<v Speaker 1>with the biology of love. You might have heard me

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<v Speaker 1>say this before. People who smell the most delicious actually

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<v Speaker 1>might help you have better sex. Okay, stay with me.

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<v Speaker 1>There's research to support the idea that our body odor

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<v Speaker 1>called pheromones advertise are immune system genes. Now, mother Nature

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<v Speaker 1>made sex with someone who has a different set of immunities,

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<v Speaker 1>really because mother Nature wants us to create stronger, fitter children. Right,

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<v Speaker 1>Most genes when two people made them procreate, they might

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<v Speaker 1>take long legs from one, curly hair from another, blue

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<v Speaker 1>eyes from another, except immune system genes they combine to

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<v Speaker 1>create a stronger human. But even if you don't plan

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<v Speaker 1>on making babies, the sex lives of people with different

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<v Speaker 1>immune systems tend to stay exciting for longer, according to science,

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<v Speaker 1>just saying, pay attention to your nose, here's another fun

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<v Speaker 1>biological fact about our love life. Oxytocin can be a

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<v Speaker 1>big problem for women when they try to just hook up,

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<v Speaker 1>sport sex, night stands, no strings attached, situationship, whatever you

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<v Speaker 1>want to call it. You see, the three primary neurohormones

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<v Speaker 1>that create feelings of love are oxytocin sometimes referred to

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<v Speaker 1>as the cuddle hormone, vasopressin I like to call that

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<v Speaker 1>that exciting hormone, and dopamine the delusion hormone. So when

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<v Speaker 1>women have sex, their body often produces so much oxytocin.

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<v Speaker 1>In fact, and no other time in their life does

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<v Speaker 1>it produce that much oxytocin except when they're breastfeeding their

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<v Speaker 1>baby to establish the bond. So during sex, some women

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<v Speaker 1>can accidentally fall in love bond with someone they didn't

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<v Speaker 1>intend to bond with Uh huh. That's how oxytocin can

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<v Speaker 1>play tricks on us. And the love hormone dopamine makes

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<v Speaker 1>you look through life with rose colored glasses. Like literally,

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<v Speaker 1>your partner can do no wrong when you're in those

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<v Speaker 1>early stages of love lust and you're high on that hormone.

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<v Speaker 1>All right, Another fun biologic fact, high testosterone man are

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<v Speaker 1>more prone to cheating. Check his ring finger, ladies, is

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<v Speaker 1>his ring finger long or longer than his middle finger?

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<v Speaker 2>Is it?

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<v Speaker 1>Is it longer than his pointer finger? Does he have

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<v Speaker 1>a low voice? Oh? This is because of exposure to

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<v Speaker 1>certain hormones during pregnancy. And sadly, these guys are prone

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<v Speaker 1>to invitelity, infidelity. They're vulnerable to it. Now, you can't

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<v Speaker 1>say your genes made you do it, because there we're

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<v Speaker 1>a thinking person, right, we have a brain. We can

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<v Speaker 1>stop ourselves. All right. When we come back, let's talk

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<v Speaker 1>more about the science of love, from psychology to sociology.

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<v Speaker 1>You are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walls Show on

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<v Speaker 1>KFI AM six forty. We're live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app.

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<v Speaker 2>You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI

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<v Speaker 2>AM six forty Welcome back to.

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<v Speaker 1>The Doctor Wendywall Show in KFI AM six forty live

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<v Speaker 1>everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. I am talking about the

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<v Speaker 1>science of love. For you few naysayers out there who

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<v Speaker 1>still think love is to science. It is a science.

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<v Speaker 1>There are researchers in universities all over the world researching

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<v Speaker 1>the biological pieces of love. Our behavioral pieces are sociological pieces.

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<v Speaker 1>It's interesting because the other day I was having my

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<v Speaker 1>class take an attachment test. And if you want to

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<v Speaker 1>take an attachment style test, you go to let's see, Well,

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<v Speaker 1>why don't you just google the words Chris Frayley, fr

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<v Speaker 1>l e Y, Chris Frayley, attachment test. He's a researcher.

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<v Speaker 1>He's collecting all kinds of data on attachment and then

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<v Speaker 1>he collects also after he asks you questions about you know,

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<v Speaker 1>how you feel about your best friend, then your mom,

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<v Speaker 1>your dad, your lover, et cetera. He puts it all together.

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<v Speaker 1>It gives you an attachment score. But they've also been

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<v Speaker 1>collecting some demographic and other information, and I thought it

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<v Speaker 1>really interesting because one question they added recently is what

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<v Speaker 1>photograph is on the home screen of your cell phone.

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<v Speaker 1>Uh huh. It says something if you have your primary

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<v Speaker 1>attachment figure there, but if you've got your dog or

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<v Speaker 1>you've got some landscape, just saying, all right, let's talk

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<v Speaker 1>about psychology. Speaking of attachment theory, people with an anxious

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<v Speaker 1>attachment style text more. You see, the anxiety around love

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<v Speaker 1>means that they have perceived threats of abandonment. So the

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<v Speaker 1>person who thinks they're always being abandoned is going to

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<v Speaker 1>text constantly, or they're going to monitor the locations of

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<v Speaker 1>their loved one. It's really interesting to note that there

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<v Speaker 1>are neuroscientists out there who study attachment who can literally

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<v Speaker 1>see attachment style when they put people in MRI machines.

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<v Speaker 1>They've had people look at pictures of like neutral pictures,

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<v Speaker 1>and then pictures of their parents or their best friend

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<v Speaker 1>or whatever, and then sometimes a picture of their lover.

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<v Speaker 1>And they've found sometimes some people when they're looking at

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<v Speaker 1>a picture of their or their boyfriend or girlfriend, the

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<v Speaker 1>fear centers of their brain light up. Do do do doo?

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<v Speaker 2>Yeah.

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<v Speaker 1>Attachment so interesting. It's all formed early in life, then

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<v Speaker 1>we go out in later life and try to replicate it,

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<v Speaker 1>which is the next fun fact on the science of

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<v Speaker 1>love from the world of psychology. Childhood trauma can actually

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<v Speaker 1>make us choose painful partners during early life. In particular,

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<v Speaker 1>trauma or neglect can create certain feelings or certain behaviors

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<v Speaker 1>that I'm sad to say are sociologically pathological, meaning that

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<v Speaker 1>people might form bonds with prospective partners who physically or

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<v Speaker 1>emotionally hurt them. I just want to assure everybody that

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<v Speaker 1>all this is treatable. All this is healable by going

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<v Speaker 1>to see a licensed clinical therapist who understands about attack

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<v Speaker 1>the theory of attachment. But there's also the stuff that

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<v Speaker 1>people talk about the most, and that's what I call

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<v Speaker 1>the sociology of love. So here's a couple facts about

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<v Speaker 1>what's happening in our social world in our ability to

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<v Speaker 1>acquire or keep partners. There are economists out there who

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<v Speaker 1>believe that assortative mating may be creating the big economic

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<v Speaker 1>divide that we are seeing in this country. SOT assortative Assortative.

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<v Speaker 1>Assortative mating is the tendency to choose romantic partners who

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<v Speaker 1>are just like you. Whether they look like you, they

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<v Speaker 1>behave like you, Their education is about the same, their

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<v Speaker 1>income is about the same they might live in the

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<v Speaker 1>same zip code. So there are behavior economics economists. Thank

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<v Speaker 1>you some behavioral economic economy. Why am I having is

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<v Speaker 1>stumbling over that word behavioral economists economy. There we go economists,

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<v Speaker 1>and they believe that this assortitateive mating is playing a

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<v Speaker 1>role in the concentration of wealth in a very small

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<v Speaker 1>group of Americans. Just saying, if like kinds stay with

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<v Speaker 1>like kinds. Here's another fun sociological fact. The feminization of

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<v Speaker 1>college campuses is creating a partner crunch for women. I've

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<v Speaker 1>talked about this a lot during the last few decades.

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<v Speaker 1>More women than men are achieving higher education, and many

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<v Speaker 1>of these women still prefer to date men who have

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<v Speaker 1>the same amount of education or more, and this is

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<v Speaker 1>causing a disparity of desired malemates for many women. I

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<v Speaker 1>always tell these women, your idea of a power guy

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<v Speaker 1>could be a guy who knows how to power a stroller.

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<v Speaker 1>Just saying. So, I've been talking about how love is

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<v Speaker 1>a science, and for every example of research that I've

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<v Speaker 1>mentioned in the areas of biology, psychology, and sociology, there

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<v Speaker 1>are hundreds more research studies. As we speak. Researchers are

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<v Speaker 1>working in universities around the globe, and they're continuing to

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<v Speaker 1>find deeper meaning and understanding in the areas of human sexuality, bonding,

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<v Speaker 1>family formation, and gender. I am thrilled to be here

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<v Speaker 1>every week continuing to report the work of these groundbreaking scientists.

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<v Speaker 1>And I really believe that understanding the science of love

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<v Speaker 1>helps us understand the rules for life, and it helps

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<v Speaker 1>us shape our behavior in a way that we can

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<v Speaker 1>all create longer, more fulfilling lives for ourselves. I have

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<v Speaker 1>to say I have put all this science into action.

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<v Speaker 1>I used female mating strategies that I read about in

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<v Speaker 1>books by evolutionary psychologists, and I did as hard as

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<v Speaker 1>it was, I did exactly what they said. When I

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<v Speaker 1>was on those dating apps finding my husband, Literally if

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<v Speaker 1>a guy wasn't responding quick enough, I was like, Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>he's either apathy, he's got dating apathy, or he's got

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<v Speaker 1>so many women talking to him. He's out of my league.

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<v Speaker 1>So why father pursuing it. I want the guy who's

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<v Speaker 1>got a ton of energy for me, who adores me. Oh,

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<v Speaker 1>and I found him, which was really really great. Anyway,

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<v Speaker 1>I am always here for you on KFI every Sunday

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<v Speaker 1>from seven to nine PM. I want you to send

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<v Speaker 1>me your questions on my social media. The handle on

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<v Speaker 1>Instagram and YouTube and TikTok and Facebook is at dr

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<v Speaker 1>Wendy Walsh. At doctor Wendy Walsh. I will always keep

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<v Speaker 1>your name private and confidential, and sometimes I change around

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<v Speaker 1>identifying facts, but send me your relationship questions because it's

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<v Speaker 1>always fun to weigh in on the show. It's good

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<v Speaker 1>to be here with you every Sunday. Thank you so

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<v Speaker 1>much for being here with me. E've been listening to

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<v Speaker 1>the Doctor Wendy Waalsh Show on KFI AM six forty

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<v Speaker 1>live everywhere on the iHeartRadio Act. You've been listening to

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<v Speaker 1>Doctor Wendy Walsh. You can always hear us live on

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<v Speaker 1>KFI A M six forty from seven to nine p m.

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<v Speaker 1>On Sunday and any time on demand on the iHeartRadio

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<v Speaker 1>app