Speaker 1: This is pod popular podcast for the people, the Great
Speaker 1: Love Debate. It's Great Love Debate, the Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1: It's a great love to base. Hi again, everyone's Brian.
Speaker 2: How you welcome to The Great Love Debate, the world's
Speaker 2: number one dating or relationship podcast.
Speaker 1: Its twenty fifteen. I'm a little under the weather. I'm
Speaker 1: playing hurt here.
Speaker 2: So what I wanted to do is I get asked
Speaker 2: all the time, like what are the fundamental tenets of
Speaker 2: the Great Love Debate? And what should people do and
Speaker 2: how should they date? So if you go way back
Speaker 2: scroll through this, scroll through the episodes, and there's a
Speaker 2: part one and a part two episodes of called the
Speaker 2: Dating Commandments and stand by all that. But about four
Speaker 2: years ago we added on to that and we did
Speaker 2: something called the Dating Amendments.
Speaker 1: And I went and did a.
Speaker 2: Look back at that episode because I wanted to say,
Speaker 2: to see what the heck were we talking about during
Speaker 2: those crazy times of COVID, which I don't think people
Speaker 2: look at them enough.
Speaker 1: Like they were crazy times. They were crazy.
Speaker 2: Times, and I think we need to learn from them
Speaker 2: and never do that again.
Speaker 1: But anyway, the Dating Amendments episode, so.
Speaker 2: I wanted to pop it to the top of your inbox,
Speaker 2: as the kids say, I want to pop it to
Speaker 2: the top of your listening box here and revisit it,
Speaker 2: reimagine it, See what holds up, see what doesn't. I
Speaker 2: stand by it. There's a lot of good information. If
Speaker 2: you have heard it before, well listen, you listened to
Speaker 2: it four years ago, so it's time for refresher.
Speaker 1: If you have not, it's all relevant. It's all good information.
Speaker 2: I think as you move forward towards the end of
Speaker 2: this year and into the years ahead. So without further ado,
Speaker 2: we are revisiting the dating amendments.
Speaker 1: During this time. People keep bombarding me with questions about
Speaker 1: dating during these times and quarantine dating, and if this
Speaker 1: will help people get back to old fashioned getting to
Speaker 1: know each other because we are forced to have video
Speaker 1: chats and video dates and talk on the phone. And
Speaker 1: I have getten gotten a ton of media requests to
Speaker 1: do interviews about it, and my answer is pretty much no. No.
Speaker 1: I think people are bored, and I think they're lonely,
Speaker 1: and I think they're killing time. And that's never a
Speaker 1: good way to date, because it is dating from a
Speaker 1: negative place and not a positive one. And it is
Speaker 1: dating because you feel bad, and it is not dating
Speaker 1: because you feel good, So that does not help. That
Speaker 1: does not work. Dating is dicey enough without having to
Speaker 1: add a bunch of zoom and Skype issues to the situation.
Speaker 1: My preference during this time. Now again, if we're doing
Speaker 1: this for two years, you know, all bets are off.
Speaker 1: But for two months or so, worry about something besides
Speaker 1: dating or I will get to this in a second.
Speaker 1: We have a better way to do it. You know,
Speaker 1: like I said, dating is dicey enough without adding in
Speaker 1: the tech. I would take every bit of this time
Speaker 1: to work on yourself. Don't get fat, get in shape.
Speaker 1: I mean, half of prisoners come out of doing their
Speaker 1: time in the best shape of their lives and have
Speaker 1: come out in absolutely the worst shape of their lives.
Speaker 1: And it all depends on probably depends on where you
Speaker 1: do your time, but it all depends on how you
Speaker 1: use your time. And you should use this time, this strange, confused,
Speaker 1: somewhat lonely time to better you. And you know that's
Speaker 1: part of what we do in this podcast, besides hopefully
Speaker 1: entertaining you and engaging you, is sometimes we enlighten you
Speaker 1: in ways that can better you. And on that note,
Speaker 1: we unleashed a two part episode called The Dating Commandments,
Speaker 1: and these were the ten things that if you did
Speaker 1: them that they were indisputable, they were inarguable or inarguable.
Speaker 1: And if you did these ten things, it was going
Speaker 1: to change your dating life. It was to change your
Speaker 1: love future. It was really going to do things for
Speaker 1: the better. And we have never gotten more positive feedback
Speaker 1: on any show we've ever done, any series we've ever done,
Speaker 1: or any idea we've ever had than we did for
Speaker 1: the Dating Commandments. That was great love debate like GLD
Speaker 1: one thirty three and one thirty four. If you don't,
Speaker 1: if you didn't listen, go back and listen. If you
Speaker 1: did listen, just to review those ten things are as
Speaker 1: I just said. Number one was make a change, do
Speaker 1: the work. Number two was get rid of the words
Speaker 1: not my type because your answers lie outside of your
Speaker 1: comfort zone. Number three was three to two one, which
Speaker 1: is a magic formula for changing your dating profile. It's
Speaker 1: going to lead to a lot of love. Number four
Speaker 1: was he pays, and we get into a little bit
Speaker 1: more detail on that. Number five was the importance of
Speaker 1: one hundred hours and what one hundred hours means as
Speaker 1: a body of time and a body of history between
Speaker 1: two people before they can decide which to date. Number
Speaker 1: six was you need to define love before you can
Speaker 1: find it. What it is, what it means, and what
Speaker 1: you want. Number seven was the best dating site is Earth,
Speaker 1: and I don't mean quarantined Earth, I mean real Earth.
Speaker 1: Number eight was there is magic in maybe, which means
Speaker 1: you got to stop looking for red flags and start
Speaker 1: looking for green lights, that there's magic in the possibilities.
Speaker 1: Number nine was to practice patient, wait, give it time,
Speaker 1: hopefully get a little older before you decide to decide
Speaker 1: this is the person you want to spend fifty years with,
Speaker 1: So practice patients. And number ten was go all in.
Speaker 1: At some point you were going to have to put
Speaker 1: all your chips on the table and hope that person
Speaker 1: met you. So that encompass a lot of things. We
Speaker 1: stand by all of those. But just like and Alexander
Speaker 1: Hamilton back in the day, and Thomas Jefferson and George
Speaker 1: Washington and Ben Franklin and the gang, when they put
Speaker 1: together the Constitution, which despite everything that is going on,
Speaker 1: still is a pretty sturdy document and is still holding
Speaker 1: up pretty well, they had to make some additions. They
Speaker 1: had to make some addendums because they did not account
Speaker 1: for everything. So over the last two years I have
Speaker 1: been taking notes and I have been analyzing things, and
Speaker 1: I'm like, what didn't we cover or what was left
Speaker 1: out or what changed or or what can we add
Speaker 1: to sort of tweak this. And much like the Constitution,
Speaker 1: framers came up with the Bill of Rights and added
Speaker 1: ten amendments. And there's ten amendments in the Bill of Rights.
Speaker 1: Just to go back to your sixth grade history class,
Speaker 1: there's ten amendments in the Bill of Rights, and we
Speaker 1: came up with our own ten amendments. The dating amendments
Speaker 1: sort of reflect what the Bill of Rights was. They
Speaker 1: filled in some gaps. And if you've ever gone back
Speaker 1: before I did this. I went back and just to
Speaker 1: make sure that the Bill of Rights was ten and
Speaker 1: there was ten amendments. I wanted to look at it.
Speaker 1: And all of the ten amendments in the Bill of Rights.
Speaker 1: Our things were very, very familiar with freedom of speech,
Speaker 1: freedom of the press. You know, no unreasonable search and seizure, plead,
Speaker 1: the fifth everybody knows what the fifth Amendment is, The
Speaker 1: right to speedy trial, the god awful Second Amendment that
Speaker 1: I know a lot of you love your fucking guns,
Speaker 1: but I mean, come on, the second Amendment. Everybody's very
Speaker 1: familiar with most probably nine of the ten amendments, the
Speaker 1: weird one in there, the strange one, the outlier in
Speaker 1: there that is like, wait, what, that's one of the
Speaker 1: Bill of Rights, that's one of the ten minutes. Is
Speaker 1: the third Amendment? You know what the third Amendment is?
Speaker 1: The third Amendment is no soldier in time of peace
Speaker 1: shall be quartered in any house without the consent of
Speaker 1: the owner, which means somebody from the military cannot knock
Speaker 1: on your door and suddenly want to get into your bed.
Speaker 1: And I think there's a lot of people who wouldn't
Speaker 1: mind that. There's a lot of women who wouldn't mind
Speaker 1: a soldier knocking on their door and asking if they
Speaker 1: could sleep over. There's a lot of dudes who really
Speaker 1: wouldn't mind some military dude. If you ever live in
Speaker 1: New York City during fleet week, Fleet week was when
Speaker 1: you know, twenty thousand navy guys roll into town and
Speaker 1: try and get laid over three days. These are the
Speaker 1: most eligible menual ever find. And every single woman in
Speaker 1: New York seemingly is hoping to violate the Third Amendment
Speaker 1: and to be violated by the third Amendment and hoping
Speaker 1: that she can quote quoter in her house with the
Speaker 1: consent of the owner. So the third Amendment, just to
Speaker 1: give you a little more history, is a very odd one,
Speaker 1: So take it or leave it. But we're not here
Speaker 1: to talk about us history. We're talking about talk about
Speaker 1: dating history and most importantly, dating future. So these as
Speaker 1: I'm going to lay out are the ten dating amendments.
Speaker 1: And I wish Keiko is here because she could give
Speaker 1: us a little fanfare. But da da da, these are
Speaker 1: the ten dating amendments that are going to be added
Speaker 1: to the dating Commandments. So not that an amendment isn't
Speaker 1: as good as a commandment, but it's sort of a
Speaker 1: next step from the commandments. And these are your rights,
Speaker 1: and these are inalienable rights, and these are the rights
Speaker 1: that every single one of you have. So Dating Amendment
Speaker 1: number one, you have the right to be afraid. You
Speaker 1: have the right to feel fear. You have the right
Speaker 1: to show it, you have the right to express it.
Speaker 1: The most confident person in the room, in any room
Speaker 1: is usually the one that's the most vulnerable. It's the
Speaker 1: one who's not shy or reluctant to recognize and to
Speaker 1: own whatever their weaknesses, whatever their vulnerability is, and whatever
Speaker 1: our fear is. And almost all of our behaviors are
Speaker 1: motivated by fear. We're afraid of being rejected, we're afraid
Speaker 1: of being hurt, we're afraid of missing out, we're afraid
Speaker 1: of being alone. And all of that is absolutely okay.
Speaker 1: And you need to recognize that that is okay, and
Speaker 1: you have a right to feel that way because it
Speaker 1: is absolutely normal. I get asked all the time when
Speaker 1: I do presses, what is the one thing that everybody
Speaker 1: has in common? For people that I encounter or meet
Speaker 1: or who come to our shows. And ninety nine percent
Speaker 1: of the people who I meet or come to our
Speaker 1: shows or listen to this podcast believe in love and
Speaker 1: believe that they hopefully can find a future with one
Speaker 1: other person that it laps forever and ever and ever.
Speaker 1: That's about ninety nine percent of people hope for that
Speaker 1: believe in that want that they're afraid it might not
Speaker 1: exist for them, but they believe in it. But the
Speaker 1: thing that one hundred percent of the people share without
Speaker 1: exception and uh is fear and they're afraid of something,
Speaker 1: and they're afraid to be with the wrong person, to
Speaker 1: make the wrong move, to do certain things at the
Speaker 1: wrong time. And so you're right, as one of these
Speaker 1: ten amendments is that you're it's okay to be afraid,
Speaker 1: and it's okay to admit that, and it's okay to
Speaker 1: embrace that, but most partly, it's okay to question that.
Speaker 1: And you want to know why, and you want to
Speaker 1: know how that manifests itself into your day to day life,
Speaker 1: and you want to know how you can turn that
Speaker 1: fear into with strength, and you need to know how
Speaker 1: to overcome that. I am very, very aware that I
Speaker 1: am afraid of snakes, and rather than just go through
Speaker 1: life afraid of snakes, I'm trying to find little ways, slowly, slowly, slowly,
Speaker 1: and at a very great distance, to incorporate more snakes
Speaker 1: into my world. So I'm not sleeping with them, but
Speaker 1: I'm a lot more likely to go to a zoo
Speaker 1: or an aquarium, or to research them or to do
Speaker 1: things because it's it's not strange that I'm so afraid
Speaker 1: of them. It's normal to be afraid of them. But
Speaker 1: the thing that would be abnormal about it is to
Speaker 1: not recognize that fear and to let the defeat me.
Speaker 1: So you have to take that fear and turn it
Speaker 1: into your strength. And the first thing to give you
Speaker 1: the ability to do that is to recognize it and
Speaker 1: understand that you do have the right to feel that way,
Speaker 1: and you do have the right to be afraid, and
Speaker 1: you do have the right to have fear, and you
Speaker 1: do have the right to feel that because everybody does. Okay,
Speaker 1: now everybody admits it, everybody owns it, not everybody embraces it.
Speaker 1: But as long as you know that you do have
Speaker 1: that right as a feeling, sharing, growing, evolving, hopefully loving person,
Speaker 1: that being afraid about some things all the time, or
Speaker 1: about a few things some of the time is perfectly
Speaker 1: normal and perfectly okay. Number two, you have the right
Speaker 1: to wear white after Labor Day, and I'm not saying
Speaker 1: that is that's the only thing, but because you also
Speaker 1: have the right to wear orange on a Tuesday, or
Speaker 1: socks with flip flops or shorts in the winter, or
Speaker 1: anything you want any time you want. Fashion is about individuality.
Speaker 1: You have the right to stand out, you have the
Speaker 1: right to be bold, You have the right to find
Speaker 1: your brave, and you do not have to go by
Speaker 1: any sort of societal or norms or anything. You do
Speaker 1: whatever you want. You let your freak flag fly. You
Speaker 1: dress the way you want to dress. If you want
Speaker 1: to dress for comfort, you dress for comfort. You want
Speaker 1: to dress for speed, you dress for speed. You want
Speaker 1: to dress to impress, you dress to impress. If you
Speaker 1: want to dress in a way that nobody else is dressing,
Speaker 1: you do that because that will give you a certain
Speaker 1: kind of confidence that nothing else will. We talk all
Speaker 1: the time about Halloween and that costume confidence. When you
Speaker 1: understand that you have the right to feel the way
Speaker 1: you want to feel, look the way you want to look,
Speaker 1: dress the way you want to dress, and get people
Speaker 1: to react the way you either do or don't care
Speaker 1: how they react, good for you, Good for you. You
Speaker 1: want to wear white on Christmas Day, good for you.
Speaker 1: Once you realize that you have that right, you will
Speaker 1: so break out of your comfort level. You will so
Speaker 1: expand beyond the boundaries of your normal you be surprised
Speaker 1: at how far that can take you in love and
Speaker 1: in life, and most importantly, in your dating world. So
Speaker 1: number two, you have the right to essentially be you.
Speaker 1: Number three you have the right to travel baggage free,
Speaker 1: and hopefully, if the airlines ever ramp up again, we're
Speaker 1: probably all gonna have to travel baggage free, leave your
Speaker 1: baggage behind, clean house. You don't have to clean out
Speaker 1: your experiences. You do not have to eliminate your memories.
Speaker 1: You do not have to forget everything you've learned. But
Speaker 1: you do have the right to travel baggage free. Leave
Speaker 1: it home. Everything that happened before it does not mean
Speaker 1: it's going to happen again. And you don't have to
Speaker 1: travel with your guard up all the time. You don't
Speaker 1: have to bring this sort of all encompassing shield from
Speaker 1: everything that's happened to you into either your non relationship
Speaker 1: or your next relationship. You have the right to let
Speaker 1: it go. There's nothing wrong with that. It's not scary
Speaker 1: to do that, it's not unhealthy to do that, it's
Speaker 1: not dangerous to do that. It's actually liberating and free.
Speaker 1: And the more you are liberated and free, the more
Speaker 1: your opportunities are going to come to and the more
Speaker 1: you're going to learn, and the more you're going to
Speaker 1: actually be able to live. So if you understand that
Speaker 1: I have the right to move forward and look in
Speaker 1: the wind shield instead of in the rear view mirror
Speaker 1: all the time. My God, the change that that will
Speaker 1: make for you, the change that that will make for
Speaker 1: the people around you, and the change that that will
Speaker 1: make for the relationships you're trying to develop. I cannot
Speaker 1: emphasize that, and not so. Number three, you have the
Speaker 1: right to travel without baggage. Number four, you have the
Speaker 1: right to say enough, Okay. You need to know when
Speaker 1: to fold them we talk. We did a whole podcast
Speaker 1: about a year ago and I laid out the law
Speaker 1: of twenty percent, and a few people listen to that.
Speaker 1: I think you remember it. For those of you who
Speaker 1: did not, shame on you go back and find it.
Speaker 1: You know, we spent a lot of time trying to
Speaker 1: get people into good relationships around here, and last year
Speaker 1: we did a fair fair amount of episodes trying to
Speaker 1: get people out of bad relationships, because it's just important
Speaker 1: of a skill to get out of a bad relationship,
Speaker 1: to know when to say enough, to know when to
Speaker 1: say this is not working for me, and you have
Speaker 1: the right to get the fuck out and say enough.
Speaker 1: The law of twenty percent that I laid on that
Speaker 1: podcast means that if you are not completely happy or
Speaker 1: satisfied more if the times that you are not happy
Speaker 1: and not satisfied are more than twenty percent, that's it.
Speaker 1: That means that relationship is not working, which means two
Speaker 1: days out of seven is twenty eight point six percent
Speaker 1: to do a little math there. So if two days
Speaker 1: out of a week you're not happy and you're not satisfied,
Speaker 1: you have the right to make that change. And the
Speaker 1: other half of that twenty percent thing was we said
Speaker 1: that when it's time to make that decision, you take
Speaker 1: twenty percent of the time that you were in that relationship,
Speaker 1: and you look at that as okay, we're going to
Speaker 1: start the clock on whether we can either fix things
Speaker 1: or get out. So if you were dating somebody for
Speaker 1: five months, twenty percent of five months is one month.
Speaker 1: So after the five month, if you're like twenty percent
Speaker 1: of the time, I'm not happy, you take twenty percent
Speaker 1: of the five months and you say, I'm going to
Speaker 1: give it one month to try and fix this. If
Speaker 1: you've been with somebody for five years, same thing, you
Speaker 1: give it one year. Because that's twenty percent of five
Speaker 1: one you're gonna say I'm gonna give it one year,
Speaker 1: and if I cannot change that, and if we cannot
Speaker 1: change this, and if the work we do during that time,
Speaker 1: then I'm gonna get out. And that's a very easy
Speaker 1: formula to follow, and it's a very easy way to
Speaker 1: assess where you are in your relationship and where you
Speaker 1: are in your life and where you are in your happiness.
Speaker 1: Is the law of twenty percent. And you have the
Speaker 1: right to say enough. You have the right to ghost
Speaker 1: you do people are such fucking babies and you're like, nah,
Speaker 1: I need somebody to call me up and tell me
Speaker 1: why they don't like me. No, you don't. That's your curiosity,
Speaker 1: that's your need for nice closure. Somebody has the right
Speaker 1: to get out. However, they have to get out whenever
Speaker 1: they have to get out. Is it cowardly, sure maybe,
Speaker 1: but that's their right. And they have the right to
Speaker 1: do whatever they need to do to move on and
Speaker 1: to be comfortable. A lot of people need to do
Speaker 1: whatever they need to do is to move on and
Speaker 1: be safe. So if they sense that you are a psycho,
Speaker 1: essentially they're leaving the metaphorical keys on the counter and
Speaker 1: they're getting the fuck out. So if they ghosted you,
Speaker 1: it's over. Who gives a shit. If somebody says I
Speaker 1: don't want to do this anymore, that's their right and
Speaker 1: they can do that, and that's all of our right.
Speaker 1: You have the right to say enough and knowing when
Speaker 1: it is time to fold them. As our late friend
Speaker 1: Kenny Rogers said, that is such a valuable thing to recognize.
Speaker 1: It's such a valuable tool in our belts that we have.
Speaker 1: It is a valuable not to mix metaphors here, card
Speaker 1: to play is that you have that right to say enough.
Speaker 1: Number five, the fifth dating Amendment. You have the right
Speaker 1: to be curious, and you need to abc always be curious.
Speaker 1: You have the right to ask questions of them. You
Speaker 1: have the right to ask questions of yourself. You have
Speaker 1: the right to ask questions of your relationship. And asking
Speaker 1: questions isn't always an inquisition. Sometimes it's to get to
Speaker 1: and most of the time is get to know somebody better.
Speaker 1: Is trying to get to understand a situation better. It's
Speaker 1: trying to get to levels of learning and knowing and
Speaker 1: sharing and growing together. So if you don't understand things
Speaker 1: or something doesn't feel the way you want it to feel,
Speaker 1: we're in just in case you want to try and
Speaker 1: take things to another level. Whether that's in the kitchen
Speaker 1: or in the bedroom, or on vacation, or just the
Speaker 1: two of you sitting beside by side. You have the
Speaker 1: right to do that, and you have the right to
Speaker 1: be curious. And you don't have to ever wonder why
Speaker 1: am I thinking this way? Or why am I feeling
Speaker 1: this way? All of these things are perfectly normal, and
Speaker 1: that is your right as a human being, and that
Speaker 1: is your right as a dater to wonder, and wondering
Speaker 1: is good. Wondering is imagination, Wondering is creativity. Wondering is
Speaker 1: what leads you to the places you need to go
Speaker 1: and the happily ever after. If you do not wonder,
Speaker 1: and if you do not question, and if you are
Speaker 1: not curious, you're never going to continue to grow and evolve.
Speaker 1: That is what we should be doing, and that is
Speaker 1: what you need to be doing constantly, constantly, constantly. We
Speaker 1: could not emphasize that on this podcast enough. Is how
Speaker 1: curiosity is the number one asset that anybody can have
Speaker 1: as a dater, and is probably the number one asset
Speaker 1: that everybody can have as a human being. It is
Speaker 1: where you find the answers, It is where you find
Speaker 1: the progress. It is where you find everything that you
Speaker 1: ever wanted to find lies in curiosity. So number five,
Speaker 1: you have the right to be curious. Number six, you
Speaker 1: have the right to move. Literally, if you are in
Speaker 1: an unhappy place in life, or you're not in a
Speaker 1: happy relationship, you need to move. I personally believe every
Speaker 1: person in America needs to move seven hundred miles every
Speaker 1: seven years. That's my personal formula and philosophy. I have
Speaker 1: not always practiced that it's time to move, but I
Speaker 1: believe if every person moved seven hundred miles at least
Speaker 1: every seven years, you'd get the most out of life.
Speaker 1: You'd get the most out of love, you get the
Speaker 1: most out of yourself, you get the most out of others.
Speaker 1: You'd get the most out of your country. Your perspective
Speaker 1: would grow. You do not have to stay there just
Speaker 1: because you've always stayed there. You do not have to
Speaker 1: live there because you grew up there. I'm always shocked
Speaker 1: by the statistic of how many people still live within
Speaker 1: fifty miles of where they went to high school. That's
Speaker 1: shocking to me. That saddens me. That means people are
Speaker 1: not moving out of their comfort zone, and your comfort
Speaker 1: zone is never where the answers lie. Nobody says you
Speaker 1: have to stay there, And don't give me that, Oh well,
Speaker 1: my family's here. You can visit your family, and your
Speaker 1: family would much rather visit you in a place if
Speaker 1: it was a better place and you were happier. You know,
Speaker 1: if you're happier, that's a fun person to be around,
Speaker 1: and that's always a fun place to visit. I want
Speaker 1: to go visit happy. I want to go visit a
Speaker 1: happy person. I want to go visit a person who's
Speaker 1: exploring new things and can tell me about them. I
Speaker 1: want to visit a person and I want to talk
Speaker 1: to a person. I want to gauge with a person
Speaker 1: who has had new experiences. And some people I don't
Speaker 1: understand why they don't believe this is their right, or
Speaker 1: I don't believe they can do this, or they think
Speaker 1: it's logistically impossible. Bullshit, And don't give me that. You
Speaker 1: have kids. Kids move all the time. And one of
Speaker 1: the things that is going to come out of this
Speaker 1: unfortunate situation is a lot of industries are going.
Speaker 2: To be.
Speaker 1: Go through a lot of upheaval, a lot of businesses
Speaker 1: are going to be changing, a lot of people are
Speaker 1: gonna have career paths that they might have to make
Speaker 1: an alteration on, and that is both unfortunate and that
Speaker 1: is also really fortunate because it's changed to it. It's
Speaker 1: a chance to assess where you are, where you can go,
Speaker 1: what you can do, and maybe who you can be
Speaker 1: if you take it somewhere else. Pack a bag, hit
Speaker 1: the road. You do have the right to move. Nobody
Speaker 1: is forcing you there. We're spending this time feeling imprisoned
Speaker 1: in our homes. Maybe people understand it. You are not
Speaker 1: imprisoned in your town, you are not imprisoned in your community,
Speaker 1: and most importantly, you are not imprisoned in your life.
Speaker 1: So pack it up, hit the road. I'm doing that.
Speaker 1: Be like me. Okay, probably eight years too late, but
Speaker 1: I'm doing it. So stop procrastinating. You have the right
Speaker 1: to move. Number seven this is a good one. You
Speaker 1: have the right not to care. And we talked about
Speaker 1: that in a podcast a few episodes ago. People care
Speaker 1: about the stupidest shit kids. Remember the one we did
Speaker 1: with the kids, like five episodes back. Kids care about
Speaker 1: the right things. Kids care about sharing, and kids care
Speaker 1: about learning, and kids care about playing, and kids care
Speaker 1: about doing the right things. You have the right not
Speaker 1: to care, not to give a fuck the I don't
Speaker 1: give a fuck about this or that or a situation
Speaker 1: or whatever. Stop caring about things that do not matter.
Speaker 1: The more you care about things that do not matter,
Speaker 1: the more you're going to forget what does matter. You
Speaker 1: need to focus on things you should care about. And
Speaker 1: if you don't have enough things that you should care about,
Speaker 1: you need to figure out a way to find things
Speaker 1: that you care about. Me I personally, it's very sad
Speaker 1: for me how little this quarantine situation has changed a
Speaker 1: lot of my day to day life. I don't engage
Speaker 1: with that many people. I don't do that many things
Speaker 1: except when I'm you know, traveling around doing the great
Speaker 1: love to Bait. I do lead a little bit of
Speaker 1: a hermit existence. That's a bad, bad thing. It means
Speaker 1: I am not caring about the right things, and I'm
Speaker 1: not getting all the experiences that I should. And most importantly,
Speaker 1: I'm probably caring about the wrong things. I care too
Speaker 1: much about Starbucks hours, I care too much about French fries,
Speaker 1: and I gotta stop caring about that. And you have
Speaker 1: the right not to care about all of those things
Speaker 1: that you believe you need to care about and that's
Speaker 1: really really important. So you need to make a list
Speaker 1: of things, what do I care about and what don't
Speaker 1: I care about? And you need to take off a
Speaker 1: lot of things on the list of what you do
Speaker 1: care about, and you need to add a same thing
Speaker 1: with both lists. You need to add things that you
Speaker 1: do not care about and make that list longer. It's
Speaker 1: a good thing not to care about things. It's a
Speaker 1: liberating thing. It's a healthy thing. Stop caring about the
Speaker 1: wrong things, start caring about the right things. And those
Speaker 1: lists should change. It shouldn't be the same five things
Speaker 1: for fifty years of your life that you care about
Speaker 1: or don't care about. They should be fluid, they should
Speaker 1: be going because there should be new things, new experiences,
Speaker 1: new people, new stimuli always coming in and out of
Speaker 1: your world, and you should look at them and think,
Speaker 1: I have the right not to care about that. Now,
Speaker 1: I have the right not to care about that anymore.
Speaker 1: And I have the right to not care about that ever. Again,
Speaker 1: it's a really healthy thing. It's going to go a
Speaker 1: long way in your life. It's going to go a
Speaker 1: long way in dating. On the next note, and these
Speaker 1: are related, but they are separate. Number eight, you have
Speaker 1: the right to not be your parents. You have the
Speaker 1: right to not be your parents. We're always afraid of
Speaker 1: being our parents, to turning into our parents. But I'm
Speaker 1: shocked at how many people are living the exact same life,
Speaker 1: on the exact same path, and a lot of times,
Speaker 1: I said earlier in the lots of the same place
Speaker 1: as their parents. Good for fucking Prince Harry. You know,
Speaker 1: we did foreshadow that very preciently on this podcast two
Speaker 1: years ago, that he was not going to be happy
Speaker 1: in his relationship and in his marriage with me Megan.
Speaker 1: If he followed the path that Charles followed, and he
Speaker 1: followed the path that his grandfather Philip followed, and if
Speaker 1: he even followed the path that his brother was following,
Speaker 1: he had the right to seek a different path. You
Speaker 1: have the right to seek a different path. Just because
Speaker 1: your parents were Episcopalian, and I'm not to pick on
Speaker 1: the Episcopals, but they're the most neutral. My mother was
Speaker 1: a Piscopalian. Again, just because my mother was Episcopalian doesn't
Speaker 1: mean that I have to be Episcopalian. Just because my
Speaker 1: father was Catholic doesn't mean that I have to be Catholic.
Speaker 1: Just because my grandmother was Jewish doesn't mean I have Yeah,
Speaker 1: and I'm a real mess on this stuff too. Maybe
Speaker 1: that's why I don't hold all these kind of stings.
Speaker 1: But you don't have to do anything. You don't have
Speaker 1: to believe anything that your parents believed. You don't have
Speaker 1: to do anything that your parents did. You don't have
Speaker 1: to have to live the life that your parents did.
Speaker 1: And you don't have to live a life or marry
Speaker 1: the person or do whatever is expected just because your
Speaker 1: parents did so or say so. The Bachelor of this season,
Speaker 1: it was a huge plot line at the end where
Speaker 1: it was about whether or not the mother approved or
Speaker 1: you know, is the right one for the mother. I'm
Speaker 1: one of those people, like, who gives a fuck. You
Speaker 1: do what you need to do to be happy. Your
Speaker 1: mother does not know how you are ninety five percent
Speaker 1: of your existence from the time you left the house
Speaker 1: at eighteen years old. She doesn't know you like everybody,
Speaker 1: she just doesn't this whole Like your mother knows your
Speaker 1: best and your family knows your best. They don't. They
Speaker 1: really don't. They don't see a lot of your existence.
Speaker 1: They don't understand the way your brain works. They don't
Speaker 1: understand what makes you you at thirty five or forty
Speaker 1: five or fifty five the way they did it. Five.
Speaker 1: My mother thinks because I liked apple sauce when I
Speaker 1: was three years old, that I would like it at
Speaker 1: forty Like that's insane to me. But you don't have
Speaker 1: to like anything the same. You don't have to like
Speaker 1: things because your parents did. You don't have to do
Speaker 1: things because of their expectations. And most importantly, you do
Speaker 1: not have to live the life they did, and you
Speaker 1: do not have to do the things they do. You
Speaker 1: are you, They are them, They gave birth to you.
Speaker 1: That is not a right to control your life, and
Speaker 1: that is not a right to tell you how to
Speaker 1: live your life. So you need to find your own path.
Speaker 1: You need to grow your own thoughts, and you need
Speaker 1: to create your own opportunities that are going to make
Speaker 1: you happy, whether that is in love, or in your occupation,
Speaker 1: or in anything you do. You have the right to
Speaker 1: not be your parents. Number nine, You have the right
Speaker 1: to do better, and that can be anything that could be.
Speaker 1: You could do better in your in your fitness, you
Speaker 1: could do better at your job, you could do better
Speaker 1: in your house, you could do better in your hobbies,
Speaker 1: and you have the right to do better in who
Speaker 1: you date and how you date. Just because this is
Speaker 1: fine or this has worked out or these are the
Speaker 1: kind of people that I liked in the path doesn't
Speaker 1: mean anything. Doesn't mean one thing moving forward as we
Speaker 1: as we go back into the world, and God knows
Speaker 1: what kind of world that's going to be, you can
Speaker 1: do better. You can always do better, and you can
Speaker 1: always find and I'm saying you can do better than
Speaker 1: your your happily loving husband that you're with for twenty years.
Speaker 1: It doesn't mean you can do better than him. It
Speaker 1: means you can do better with him, or with her,
Speaker 1: or from her or from the two of you. You
Speaker 1: can constantly improve your status quo. Your status quo is
Speaker 1: a snapshot of who you guys are. When you guys
Speaker 1: are it's stagnant. You need to look where can we go?
Speaker 1: What can we be? And how can we become? Everything
Speaker 1: that is possible beyond what we ever thought was possible,
Speaker 1: the level of possibilities in who you are and in
Speaker 1: your in the two of you, or in the relationship
Speaker 1: you want to get. Never stop forgetting that that you
Speaker 1: have the right to do better even if you are
Speaker 1: as happy as you possibly could be. And I'm a
Speaker 1: pretty happy person, and I think I'm happier than most
Speaker 1: people because I do think that way. I do think
Speaker 1: that I'm always going to get better. I hope. I
Speaker 1: do believe I have the right to get better. I
Speaker 1: do believe there's opportunities to get better, and I recognize
Speaker 1: those all the time. I am getting in better shape
Speaker 1: during this quarantine. I am being more thoughtful during this time.
Speaker 1: I think a lot of this is good for me
Speaker 1: because I look at this as an opportunity, and the
Speaker 1: opportunity stems out of the right that we all have.
Speaker 1: We have the right to be and do better. And
Speaker 1: most importantly, this might seem obvious, but you know, a
Speaker 1: lot of things in the Bill of Rights seem obvious,
Speaker 1: but maybe they weren't, except for the soldier quartering in
Speaker 1: your house. One not obvious. The tenth amendment to your
Speaker 1: dating Bill of Rights is you have the right to
Speaker 1: be happy and to feel loved, and to be loved
Speaker 1: and to love. And all of those seem separate, but
Speaker 1: they are all tied together. You be surprised at how
Speaker 1: many people do not feel that they have the right
Speaker 1: to this, either because they haven't experienced it, or because
Speaker 1: they have something from their past that is leading their
Speaker 1: brain or their actions or their mindset to think, I
Speaker 1: don't deserve this. I don't know what this is. I
Speaker 1: don't know if I'm capable of doing this stems into
Speaker 1: the fear we talked about stems in the childhood we
Speaker 1: talked about and yeah, I think if you go to
Speaker 1: therapy like I did, you will understand that you didn't
Speaker 1: necessarily do something wrong when you were seven or seventeen
Speaker 1: or thirty seven, or the situation wasn't right when you
Speaker 1: were eight, at eighteen or twenty eight, but you do
Speaker 1: retain the right. That is the inalienable right that never
Speaker 1: goes away for anybody, regardless of your life situation, regardless
Speaker 1: of your dating situation. You have the right to be happy.
Speaker 1: And once you understand you have the right to be happier,
Speaker 1: like I deserve this, this is what I'm supposed to have,
Speaker 1: then you can say how do I get this? Not that,
Speaker 1: where's mine? Where's my check? Where's my happily? Ever After,
Speaker 1: once you understand that you have the right to it
Speaker 1: and that you own that, and that your entire happiness
Speaker 1: and love, life and dating existence is in your control
Speaker 1: because it is your right. I would much rather have
Speaker 1: that than to believe that, you know, my next fifty
Speaker 1: years of my life are out of my control because
Speaker 1: of some other reason, because I want to point fingers
Speaker 1: or blame somebody or wait along till fate intervenes. Fate
Speaker 1: wants you to do the work. You control your own
Speaker 1: fate all the time, the decisions you make, the actions
Speaker 1: you take, all of it that is about you. What
Speaker 1: you're doing, what you're thinking, what you're feeling, and the
Speaker 1: changes that you are making. So if you believe you
Speaker 1: have the right to be happy, then you need to
Speaker 1: figure out how to make that happen. Here you go,
Speaker 1: You're right, go ahead, leave doors open, doors open to enter,
Speaker 1: and the door's open to exit either one. But it's
Speaker 1: your door and you have to go through it. And
Speaker 1: you have to recognize that that door is never going
Speaker 1: to go away. That is the inalienable right as a
Speaker 1: human being is you have the right to be happy.
Speaker 1: You have the right to be loved, you have the
Speaker 1: right to feel love, and all of us have the
Speaker 1: right to love. So to review the ten Dating Amendments
Speaker 1: to the ten dating commandments are. Number one, you have
Speaker 1: the right to be afraid. Number two you have the
Speaker 1: right to be you marring, meaning wear that orange and
Speaker 1: fuck you if you say I don't have the right
Speaker 1: to wear socks with flip flops, I absolutely do. I'll
Speaker 1: consider it. People consider it Asian because it's a little exotic.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wear it. That's my right. Three you have
Speaker 1: the right to travel without baggage. Number four you have
Speaker 1: the right to say enough. Five you have the right
Speaker 1: to be curious. Six you have the right to move
Speaker 1: literally or metaphorically. Number seven you have the right not
Speaker 1: to care. Number eight you have the right to not
Speaker 1: be your parents. Number nine you have the right to
Speaker 1: do better. And number ten you have the right to
Speaker 1: be happy.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 1: If you thought we left anything out and we need
Speaker 1: to add because remember we're up to I don't know
Speaker 1: what are we up to? Twenty five amendments, twenty six amendments,
Speaker 1: a lot of amendments. Some very logical ones never get through, uh,
Speaker 1: and some very crazy ones do get through. So shoot
Speaker 1: us your feedback, great lovedebate at gmail dot com. Let
Speaker 1: us know what you think. We believe, as always that
Speaker 1: the best dating site is Earth, and we need to
Speaker 1: get together again because, as always at the Great Love Debate,
Speaker 1: we never stopped making love. See you next time, the
Speaker 1: Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the Great
Speaker 1: Love Debate. It's a Great Love debase.