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<v Speaker 1>This is section twenty seven of The Gilded Age. This

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<v Speaker 1>LibriVox recording is in the public domain. The Gilded Age,

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<v Speaker 1>A Story of to Day by Mark Twain and Seed Warner,

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<v Speaker 1>Chapter twenty seven. It was a hard blow to poor

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<v Speaker 1>Sellers to see the work on his darling enterprise stop,

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<v Speaker 1>and the noise and bustle and confusion that had been

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<v Speaker 1>such refreshment to his soul sicken and die out. It

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<v Speaker 1>was hard to come down to humdrum ordinary life again,

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<v Speaker 1>after being a general superintendent and the most conspicuous man

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<v Speaker 1>in the community. It was sad to see his name

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<v Speaker 1>disappear from the newspapers, sadder still to see it resurrected

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<v Speaker 1>at intervals, shorn of its aforetime gaudy gear of compliments,

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<v Speaker 1>and clothed on with rhetorical tar and feathers. But his

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<v Speaker 1>friends suffered more on his account than he did. He

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<v Speaker 1>was a cork that could not be kept under the water.

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<v Speaker 1>Many moments at a time he had to bolt stir

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<v Speaker 1>up his wife's spirits every now and then. On one

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<v Speaker 1>of these occasions he said, it is all right, my dear,

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<v Speaker 1>all right, it will all come right in a little while.

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<v Speaker 1>There's two hundred thousand dollars coming, and that will set

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<v Speaker 1>things booming again. Harry seems to be having some difficulty,

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<v Speaker 1>but that's to be expected. You can't move these big

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<v Speaker 1>operations to the tune of Fisher's hornpipe, you know. But

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<v Speaker 1>Harry will get it started along presently, and then you'll see,

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<v Speaker 1>I expect the news every day now. But Riah, you've

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<v Speaker 1>been expecting it every day all along, haven't you. Well, yes, yes,

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know, but I have. But anyway, the longer

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<v Speaker 1>it's delayed, the nearer it grows to the time when

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<v Speaker 1>it will start, same as every day you live brings

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<v Speaker 1>you nearer to nearer the grave. Well, no, not that exactly.

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<v Speaker 1>But you can't understand these things, Polly, Dear women haven't

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<v Speaker 1>much head for business, you know. You make yourself perfectly comfortable,

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<v Speaker 1>old lady. And you'll see how we'll trot this right along.

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<v Speaker 1>Why bless you let the appropriation lag if it wants to,

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<v Speaker 1>that's no great matter. There's a bigger thing than that,

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<v Speaker 1>Bigger than two hundred thousand dollars, Baryah, bigger child. Why

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<v Speaker 1>what's two hundred thousand dollars? Pocket money? Mere? Pocket money?

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<v Speaker 1>Look at the railroad, did you forget the railroad. It

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<v Speaker 1>ain't many months till spring. It will be coming right along,

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<v Speaker 1>and the railroad swimming right along with it. Where'll it

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<v Speaker 1>be by the middle of summer? Just stop and fancy

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<v Speaker 1>a moment, Just think a little, don't anything suggest itself.

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<v Speaker 1>Bless your heart, you, dear. Women live right in the

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<v Speaker 1>present all the time. But a man, why a man

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<v Speaker 1>lives in the future, Bariah. But don't we live in

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<v Speaker 1>the future most too much? Barriah. We do somehow seem

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<v Speaker 1>to manage to live on next year's crop of corn

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<v Speaker 1>and potatoes. That's a general thing, while this year is

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<v Speaker 1>still dragging along. But sometimes it's not a robust diet, Priah.

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<v Speaker 1>But don't look that way, dear. Don't mind what I say.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't mean to fret. I don't mean to worry,

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<v Speaker 1>and I don't once a month, do I, Dear. But

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<v Speaker 1>when I get a little low and feel bad, I

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<v Speaker 1>get a bit troubled and worrisome. But I don't mean

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<v Speaker 1>anything in the world. It passes right away. I know

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<v Speaker 1>you're doing all you can, and I don't want to

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<v Speaker 1>seem repining and ungrateful, for I'm not Priah. You know

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<v Speaker 1>I'm not don't you lord, bless you child. I know

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<v Speaker 1>you are the very best little woman that ever lived,

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<v Speaker 1>that ever lived on the whole face of the earth.

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<v Speaker 1>And I know that I would be a dog not

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<v Speaker 1>to work for you and think for you and scheme

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<v Speaker 1>for you with all my might, and I'll bring things

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<v Speaker 1>all right. Yet, honey, cheer up. And don't you fear

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<v Speaker 1>the railroad. Oh, I had forgotten the railroad, dear. But

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<v Speaker 1>when a body he gets blue, a body forgets everything. Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>the railroad, Tell me about the railroad. Aha, my girl,

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<v Speaker 1>don't you see? Things ain't so dark, are they now?

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<v Speaker 1>I didn't forget the railroad. Now, just think for a moment,

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<v Speaker 1>just figure up a little on the future dead moral certainties.

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<v Speaker 1>For instance, call this waiter Saint Louis, and we'll lay

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<v Speaker 1>this fork representing the railroad from Saint Louis to this potato,

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<v Speaker 1>which is Slouchburg. Then with this little carving knife, we'll

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<v Speaker 1>continue the railroad from Slousburg to Doodleville, shown by the

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<v Speaker 1>black pepper. Then we run along the yes, uh, the

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<v Speaker 1>comb to the tumbler that's brimstone, thence by the pipe

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<v Speaker 1>to Belshazzar, which is the salt cellar. Thence to to

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<v Speaker 1>that quill catfish, hand me the pincushion marine toodett. Thence

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<v Speaker 1>right along these shears to this horse Babylon, and then

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<v Speaker 1>by the spoon to bloody run. Thank you the ink.

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<v Speaker 1>Thence Hail Columbia, snuffers, Polly, please move that cup and

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<v Speaker 1>saucer close up. That's Hail Columbia. Then let me open

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<v Speaker 1>my knife to hark from the tomb, where we'll put

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<v Speaker 1>the candlestick. Only a little distance from Hail Columbia. To

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<v Speaker 1>hark from the tomb, downgrade all the way, and there

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<v Speaker 1>we strike Columbus River. Pass me two or three skeins

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<v Speaker 1>of thread to stand for the river. The sugar bowl

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<v Speaker 1>will do for Hawkeye, and the rat trap for Stone's landing. Napoleon,

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<v Speaker 1>I mean, and you can see how much better Napoleon

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<v Speaker 1>is located than Hawkeye. Now here you are with your

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<v Speaker 1>railroad complete and showing its continuation to Hallelujah, and thence

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<v Speaker 1>to corruption billnll. Then there you are. It's a beautiful road.

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<v Speaker 1>Beautiful Jeff Thompson can out engineer any civil engineer that

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<v Speaker 1>ever sighted through an aneroid or theodolite or whatever they

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<v Speaker 1>call it. He calls it, sometimes one and sometimes the other,

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<v Speaker 1>just whichever levels off his sentence need as iron. But

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<v Speaker 1>it ain't it a ripping road, though, I tell you

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<v Speaker 1>it'll make us stir when it gets along. Just see

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<v Speaker 1>what a country it goes through. There's your onions at Slousburg,

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<v Speaker 1>noblest onion country that graces God's footstool. And there's your

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<v Speaker 1>turnip country all around Doodleville. Bless my life, What fortunes

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<v Speaker 1>are going to be made there when they get that

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<v Speaker 1>contrivance perfected for extracting olive oil out of turnips, if

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<v Speaker 1>there's any in them, And I reckon there is, because

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<v Speaker 1>Congress has made an appropriation of money to test the thing,

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<v Speaker 1>and they wouldn't have done that just on conjecture, of course.

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<v Speaker 1>And now we come to the Brimstone region, cattle raised

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<v Speaker 1>there till you can't rest, and corn and all that

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<v Speaker 1>sort of thing. Then you've got a little stretch along

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<v Speaker 1>through Belshazzar that don't produce anything now, at least nothing

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<v Speaker 1>but rocks, but irrigation will fetch it. Then from Catfish

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<v Speaker 1>to Babylon, it's a little swampy, but there's dead loads

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<v Speaker 1>of peat down under there. Somewhere. Next is the Bloody

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<v Speaker 1>Run and Hailed Columbia country. Tobacco enough can be raised

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<v Speaker 1>there to support two such railroads. Next is the Sasparilla region.

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<v Speaker 1>I reckon there's enough of that truck along in there

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<v Speaker 1>on the line of the pocket knife, from Hail Columbia

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<v Speaker 1>to Hark, from the tomb to fat up, all the

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<v Speaker 1>consumptives in all the hospitals, from Halifax to the Holy Land.

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<v Speaker 1>It just grows like weeds. I've got a little belt

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<v Speaker 1>of Sasparilla land in there, just tucked away, unobtrusively, waiting

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<v Speaker 1>for my little universal expectorant to get into shape in

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<v Speaker 1>my head. And I'll fix that. You know, one of

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<v Speaker 1>these days I'll have all the nations of the earth expector.

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<v Speaker 1>But Beriah dear, don't interrupt me. Polly, I don't want

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<v Speaker 1>you to lose the run of the map. Well, take

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<v Speaker 1>your toy horse, James Fitzjames, if you must have it,

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<v Speaker 1>and run along with you here. Now the soap will

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<v Speaker 1>do for Babylon. Let me see where was I? Oh? Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>Now we run down to Stone Napoleon. Now we run

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<v Speaker 1>down to Napoleon. Beautiful road. Look at that now, perfectly

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<v Speaker 1>straight line as the way to the grave. And see

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<v Speaker 1>where it leaves Hawkeye, clear out in the cold, my dear,

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<v Speaker 1>clear out in the cold. That town's as bound to

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<v Speaker 1>die as well. If I owned it, I'd get its

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<v Speaker 1>obituary ready now and notify the mourners, Polly mark my words.

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<v Speaker 1>In three years from this, Hawkeye'll be a howling wilderness

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<v Speaker 1>you'll see. And just look at that river, noblest stream

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<v Speaker 1>that meanders over the thirsty earth, calmst gentlest artery that

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<v Speaker 1>refreshes her weary Bosom railroad goes all over it, and

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<v Speaker 1>all through it, wades right along on Stilt's seventeen bridges

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<v Speaker 1>in three miles and a half, forty nine bridges from

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<v Speaker 1>Hark from the tomb to stones Landing, altogether forty nine bridges,

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<v Speaker 1>and culvert's enough to culvert creation itself, hadn't skeins are

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<v Speaker 1>thread enough to represent them all. But you get an

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<v Speaker 1>idea perfect trestle work of bridges for seventy two miles.

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<v Speaker 1>Jeff Thompson and I fixed all that. You know, He's

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<v Speaker 1>to get the contracts and I'm to put them through

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<v Speaker 1>on the divide. Just oceans of money in those bridges

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<v Speaker 1>it's the only part of the railroad I'm interested in,

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<v Speaker 1>down along the line, and it's all I want too.

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<v Speaker 1>It's enough, I should judge. Now here we are at Napoleon.

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<v Speaker 1>Good enough country, plenty, good enough. All it wants is population.

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<v Speaker 1>That's all right. That will come. And it's no bad

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<v Speaker 1>country now for calmness and solitude, I can tell you, though.

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<v Speaker 1>There's no money in that, of course, no money. But

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<v Speaker 1>a man wants rest, a man wants peace, a man

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<v Speaker 1>don't want to rip and tear around all the time.

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<v Speaker 1>And here we go now, just as straight as a

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<v Speaker 1>string for hallelujah. It's a beautiful angle, handsome upgrade all

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<v Speaker 1>the way. And then away you go to Corruptionville, the

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<v Speaker 1>gaudiest country for early carrots and cauliflowers that ever could

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<v Speaker 1>missionary field too. There ain't such another missionary field outside

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<v Speaker 1>the jungles of Central Africa. And patriotic why they aimed

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<v Speaker 1>it after Congress itself. Oh, I warn you, my dear,

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<v Speaker 1>there's a good time coming, and it'll be right along

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<v Speaker 1>before you know what you're about too. That railroad's fetching it.

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<v Speaker 1>You see what it is. As far as I've got,

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<v Speaker 1>and if I had enough bottles and soap, and boot

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<v Speaker 1>jacks and such things to carry it along to where

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<v Speaker 1>it joins on to the Union Pacific, fourteen hundred miles

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<v Speaker 1>from here. I should exhibit to you in that little

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<v Speaker 1>internal improvement a spectacle of inconceivable sublimity. So don't you see,

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<v Speaker 1>we've got the railroad to fall back on. And in

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<v Speaker 1>the meantime, what are we worrying about that two hundred

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<v Speaker 1>thousand dollars appropriation? For that's all right. I'd be willing

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<v Speaker 1>to bet anything that the very next letter that comes

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<v Speaker 1>from Harry Will, the eldest boy entered just in the

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<v Speaker 1>nick of time and brought a letter warm from the

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<v Speaker 1>post office. Things do look bright after all, Briah. I'm

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<v Speaker 1>sorry I was blue, but it did seem as if

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<v Speaker 1>everything had been going against us for whole ages. Open

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<v Speaker 1>the letter, Open it quick, and let's know all about

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<v Speaker 1>it before we stir out of our places. I am

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<v Speaker 1>all in a fidget to know what it says. The

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<v Speaker 1>letter was opened without any unnecessary delay. End of Chapter

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<v Speaker 1>twenty seven