Speaker 1: Really ever used my kitchen besides the fridge. I've almost
our apartment twice just cooking noodles. So it's really nice
to have someone to be able to cook for me
because I can't.
Speaker 2: Cook for myself. Oh wow, who gives a fuck?
Speaker 3: Hey, Hello, it's bad TV.
Speaker 4: We're still dooming. That's gonna come to an Endsum, I
promise I'm dealing that.
Speaker 3: Pat great to be here, and Ruby, Hi, Pat, Hi, Dyl.
Speaker 5: How are you guys?
Speaker 4: I'm good.
Speaker 2: I feel like it's COVID.
Speaker 6: You guys are in a room quarantining with each other,
and I'm by myself and my underwear.
Speaker 4: Sorry, well, it'll change soon, I promise, because I have
to get out of here.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you got to get out of there.
Speaker 6: I totally understand it, though, I mean, look, uh, you
can tell that you look exhausted, and I feel for you.
Speaker 4: Patrick, it's kind of insulting. I gotta say, it's a
little insulting. Do I look tired?
Speaker 3: Yes?
Speaker 5: But would you say to me or to his darling
wife Cecilia that she looks tired? Because I would hope
the answer would be absolutely fucking not.
Speaker 2: Well.
Speaker 6: I mean you can hear it in his voice. He
sounds exhausted. I feel for the man.
Speaker 5: But you didn't say sounds. You specifically said.
Speaker 3: Looks right, Yeah, oh I did.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Oh that's insulting.
Speaker 4: I look like absolute shit right now. I broke down
the kind of schedule we have from ten pm to
about six am with Ruby. It usually revolves around some
kind of feeding, some kind of agitation that can escalate
into a full blown meltdown. We either get in the
car and drive around, but it's made just a rotating
guard shift of three hour blocks of misery until the
sun comes up.
Speaker 2: So why don't you get to start it all over again?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: Parenting is a beautiful thing.
Speaker 4: Yeah. My wife and I are so in love and
just we're not feuding all the time. But I'm I.
I don't like newborn babies. I don't like them. I'm
done with this. I want to have conversations with my daughter.
Speaker 6: Okay, oh good, good good, Okay, Well then you have
a good uh forty eight months to go.
Speaker 4: Okay and not but listen, we're here to talk about
the valley. What a beautiful escape. Let's get let's escape
to MAUI.
Speaker 2: Huh, Well, we're not there yet. We're still in the
San Fernando Valley bouncing around.
Speaker 4: Uh, definitely, let's get into our rotten hells and or bumps.
But before we do, do you want to tell the
people about Patreon dot com slash another podcast network.
Speaker 6: Yeah, head on over to Patreon dot com slash another podcast.
I will be recording my PMZ after our little hiatus.
I'm so excited to get back with Dylan record PMZ.
We're gonna check on some some friends of the show,
Machine Gun, Kelly, Corey Feldman.
Speaker 4: Oh, Pat, I'm such a vulnerable state. I can't do
Corey Feldman today.
Speaker 2: Oh no, you're gonna enjoy this.
Speaker 4: He's too sad.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's uplifting. Actually, he's doing well.
Speaker 4: Nothing about Corey Feldman, that's uplifting. Anyways, go to Patreon
dot com slash another podcast network.
Speaker 6: Oh and guys, like, starting next week or something, should
we try and start doing Miami and Dylan?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Dyl, if you can't do it, why don't you let
Ruby and I do it for a couple episodes.
Speaker 4: That's fine, we'll talk about it. We'll get on Miami
next week.
Speaker 2: Okay, sounds good.
Speaker 4: Okay, my rotten hells. I didn't like this episode.
Speaker 2: Very much.
Speaker 4: Zero rotten hells.
Speaker 2: Wow, Wow, incise.
Speaker 4: You know what, I will say my favorite thing though,
Actually I'm gonna bump it up ninety rottenhells, ninety bumps.
Benji's inclusion on this show is a really, really marvelous
thing to witness. There's a scene wherein Zach is breaking
down the drama that's about to unfold and Maui with Benji,
and it's a little bit like a scene from I
don't Know a Napoleon Dynamite, wherein he's speaking to an
ESL student who can't understand him. And I'm sorry if
that's insulting or offensive to anybody, No, but it's absolutely hilarious.
It's like Benji can't understand what he's saying or just
doesn't care.
Speaker 2: I had a moment like that.
Speaker 6: It was twenty years ago. I was on a jury
for three months listening to this case and we get
in the room to deliberate and two of the guys
we found out shockingly didn't speak English.
Speaker 2: That's our that's our justice system.
Speaker 3: Yeah, let's do it.
Speaker 5: Speaking of the justice system, I was approached today because
I had to get Parsley for our mother because she's
making Matza balls by people outside of Vaughns that said,
would you like to hold Karen Bass responsible? That was
their opening line, and I luckily got to say I'm
not registered here and walked inside that Vond's. But boy,
oh boy, they're getting good. Yeah this episode.
Speaker 4: I always say I'm registered to vote in Virginia every
single time.
Speaker 6: What I say is I don't have time to read
your form. They're uninformed, and I'm going shopping.
Speaker 1: Oh my god, wow?
Speaker 2: Okay, Oh you never know where you're signing with those things?
Speaker 4: Well yeah, I mean, who's to say, but how many
ron on hells do you give? It?
Speaker 5: Okay? So I actually thought that this episode had little
pockets of beauty, like diamonds. The men's group, Oh, I
can't wait to talk about that ladies dinner with Janet
kind of getting drunk and taking natterall for the first time.
I think maybe since you started Breastfair, Stop Breastfeeding. I
loved that. That was that El Coyote, Yes it was,
And I can't wait to hear Pat's review of that
place because I've never been there before.
Speaker 2: I got food poisoning.
Speaker 4: Who has not gone food poisoning from mel Coyote?
Speaker 1: Oh?
Speaker 4: My god, if you want to go get chicken fijiitas
that are almost cooked, and I mean the pepper is
going to be cooked, they'll just be raw.
Speaker 3: Throw those in Africa.
Speaker 6: To be fair, it was the first time I ever
got food poisoning, and I think it's because I was
working at a little avocado or guacamole tray that probably
had been sitting there a little too long. Old Patty
was hungry. As we know how food poisoning goes. You
wake up at three in the morning and you know
it's everywhere.
Speaker 5: So just to clarify one the it would be.
Speaker 2: The everything in my body.
Speaker 5: Okay, that's cool. Blood, No, the liquids, I think.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know. I woke up the next morning.
Speaker 6: This would have like how dedicated I was to North
American Insurance. I make my way into into the office,
sit down at my cubicle, and I'm throwing up in
the wastebasket. My supervisor, Barbara, who I loved, she said,
you know what, go home. It's the first time I
actually ever rolled down a window while driving my car
to vomit out the window.
Speaker 3: Maybe all right, that's dedication.
Speaker 6: Well, I was going to say another famous story that
came out of L Coyote. That's where Sharon Tate and
some other sad souls ate their last meal before they
were murdered by three members of the Manson family.
Speaker 2: They actually have a booth dedicated to them.
Speaker 3: Wow, so head on over.
Speaker 5: No, I've never been to this place. I don't know
where this is.
Speaker 4: Oh it's on Melrose, no Everly, Beverly.
Speaker 5: Yeah, well maybe I'll stop by on my way home.
So yeah, I thought it was Okay, fifty eight bumps.
Speaker 2: Okay, fifty eight bumps. All right.
Speaker 6: I'm gonna share Dylan's opinion of Benji and Zach. I'm
sure Benji's a nice person, but he doesn't belong on
this show.
Speaker 2: Uh.
Speaker 6: They're like what do you call it that they're like
vampires don't like garlic or something like. My eyes don't
like these two on my television. They're very boring. I
also don't like Shena. Speaking of the l Coyote scene,
the plant behind her head added added more to that
scene than she and.
Speaker 4: I don't want to add things that my wife has
said without her permission, but she said, you know, like
you got to watch out because you have a child,
so you can't spend all that money on your face,
all right, you gotta you know, stock them away for
her higher education if she and Brock like believe in
that kind of thing, or if they're just going to
get her into crystals like really early.
Speaker 5: That's another but still expensive. So so save the savir checks.
Speaker 4: Right, it's a trade regardless. You know you need studying.
Speaker 6: Well, my Rotten House, I thought it was a decent
episode until we went to the field day games. I
always hate that when a reality show does that. Although
I do get to put down my pencil because I
don't have to write anything because there's nothing worthy of noting.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and Pat does write all of his notes in pencil.
Speaker 2: That's right, I do.
Speaker 6: Let's see hear anything else worth noting. The tail end
of the episode was the juiciest. It's when Jesse begins
just spiraling and he's going to need to configure what's that.
Speaker 4: I'm going to knock this this episode down another ninety
bumps because I don't give bumps or Rotten House or
pots to episodes that tease a tease.
Speaker 2: We don't do that. He did tease a tease.
Speaker 4: That's not okay. You don't tease a tease.
Speaker 5: It was the point that I had to go back
because I listened to the tail end because I was
in a different room, and through my headphones, I said,
this doesn't They didn't do the thing that they said
that they were going to do. So then you have
to go back and watch your screen and it's it's over.
The episode is done, and they lie the credit.
Speaker 4: It's for all they tease to tease.
Speaker 6: Everyone's a liar on this show, but that doesn't stop
them from the show's lyrics being I'm all right, I'm
all right, I'm all right, everything is all right, I'm
all right. I'm gonna give it to zero Rottenhouse now
before we begin personal story again.
Speaker 2: I've shared this with Dylan.
Speaker 6: Maybe the audience will enjoy it, the fact that the
intro song is I'm all right, everything is all right.
Speaker 2: And it not being that.
Speaker 6: I famously asked my mom one time, Hey, how's my
cousin Chad doing?
Speaker 2: And she said he's all right.
Speaker 6: He's actually doing great. And I said, what's he up to?
She said, well, he lives with his mother. I said, oh,
why is that, Well, he can't his baby mom is
in rehab. Oh, well, so he's taking.
Speaker 2: Care of the kid.
Speaker 6: Now the kid's being taken care of by her mom
because he's not responsible enough.
Speaker 2: Oh well mom, that's the opposite of doing great.
Speaker 6: Okay, yeah, sounds like he's as Anyway, where do we begin,
Kristen and Lukes.
Speaker 4: I'll tell you what's you know? And this isn't just
your family. I mean our family, you know, I mean
our family famously. You know, quick personal story. We had
a cousin and you know how rednecks populate, you know.
Speaker 2: Very quickly. They're like bunny rabbits hopping all around.
Speaker 4: Oh you know cousin is there's I don't know how
many cousins do we have? Ten thousand?
Speaker 5: Yep.
Speaker 4: One of our cousins he was being chased by the pigs.
Oh boy, he jumped out a window and got paralyzed
from the waist down. Now, his family continued to do
narcotics and the pigs came back. His mother put the
drugs on top of his body because he was laying
in bed. He couldn't get out of bed, so she
she she framed it. She framed it.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, look, I don't like to be a one upper.
Speaker 6: Same cousin, Chad attempted to flee the police in his car,
flipped it over and I broke a few bones. But
it doesn't stop there. The sadness. His sister, my other cousin, Kara,
was doing some home health care for a person that
was in a wheelchair. She decided to do fetanyl while
she was on the job and overdosed, and the person
in the wheelchair saved her life, but unfortunately her brain
was turned off so long she's partially blind.
Speaker 4: Yeah, so that was the story where you brought up
the first one. I was going to say, you know,
that doesn't even I don't think that's even getting engraved
on Mount Rushmore of Pat's fucking disgusting families.
Speaker 6: Okay, but you know who's not disgusting, Actually maybe they
are is Christen and Luke. Luke's perspective has changed since
moving into that red Dell, and he could see himself
living here and raising kids in Los Angeles. Yeah, there's
one dumpling block to that dream, and that's called not
getting renewed.
Speaker 2: Kristin knows this well. Ruby, You've been following this.
Speaker 6: One day you're living in a house in Studio City
and the next day you call in a fake nine
one one call on a black cast member and you
go on unpaid leave for five years.
Speaker 5: Yeah, exactly. So I don't think that anyone has been
able to monetize properly the way that Stossy has. Therefore,
everybody needs to be banking every dime they're making from
the show. They need to be investing it so that
it turns into more money, because the day that this
stops is around the corner, and it's very scary. I'm
very scared.
Speaker 4: Yeah, it's yesterdir you know.
Speaker 6: You know I noticed Kristin and Luke started a podcast together.
Speaker 2: Okay, I don't know what it's called.
Speaker 5: But are you being serious or are you not?
Speaker 4: No?
Speaker 2: No, I'm being serious.
Speaker 5: Oh okay, well that won't last and that's a terrible idea.
Speaker 4: No, no, I think it's good. Everybody should start a podcast.
Speaker 5: So we get to know Hugos I just I really quickly,
we're going to go to Hugos I. Just before we
get to Hugos, I want to clarify. So, so Dylan
is in a similar ish state to Kristin Doty right
now in terms of having a newborn. Could you start
a podcast with your wife right now? You think it's
good yeah, why not roll the dice get to Hugos Well.
Speaker 6: Held out a few notes here they discuss her cheesecake consumption.
And I'll just say this, if you eat more than
two slices in one sitting, you're a slob.
Speaker 2: And then Luke tells us that he's in for the
long haul.
Speaker 6: I mean, come on, cheesecake, it's just a big blob
of cheese eating threes.
Speaker 4: You know, Pat is a fat shamer. Okay, that's unknown.
Speaker 2: Fat shamer, right, it's right piggy.
Speaker 4: But I will say, eating three slices of cheesecake be
it Basque or New York in one sitting is like
the gallon milk challenge. Okay, it's too much. It's everyone
knows that's not appropriate.
Speaker 5: I would hope that the only reason you're doing that
is because because you are pregnant and hormonally imbalanced like Christian.
Speaker 4: And let's not try to beat this on his technicality.
We're not talking about Thanksgiving pumpkin pie slivers at midnight, Okay,
we're not talking about slices of cheesecake. Yeah, okay, can
we get to Hugo's please?
Speaker 6: Now I want to say this, Dylan, I was so
surprised to hear you guys know where they were, and
I was going to ask you if this was a
part of your childhood. They did not.
Speaker 4: Oh so, okay, well, well one and I'm the one
who does this the most often, but one person at
a time, pat go.
Speaker 2: Ahead, Okay.
Speaker 6: They did not do the typical establishing shot of the
place of business.
Speaker 2: Okay.
Speaker 6: Now, however, old Patty recognized that million dollar view of
the Chevron gas.
Speaker 2: Station across the street immediate and.
Speaker 6: I was like, and I saw the one on one Freeway,
I'm like, that's fucking who hugoes now, hugos. I've only
been there once and was when I was twenty two
years old, and it's after I had a night of
sex with a beautiful black girl named Madonna who was
forty two at the time.
Speaker 2: A lot of memories when I drive by there.
Speaker 5: H well, you should stop back in and make some
new ones, because it's it's I mean, what is it
called spicy? What not? What? There's a spicy pasta named
after a.
Speaker 3: Man, spicy Papa Papa.
Speaker 5: I mean, my god, Patrick stopping five cheese mac and cheese,
My god.
Speaker 6: One of the imagine if I take my wife and
then I'm just drift drifting off in the thought of,
like you know, Madonna, Okay, what's going on right now?
Speaker 4: Like that pasta Papa will bring you right back.
Speaker 3: I'm telling Pasta Victor, we gotta go.
Speaker 5: We're going to go next time I'm here.
Speaker 4: Now, this is going to sound bad, but it's it's
kind of like a creamy uh sauce with sun dried tomatoes, corn.
Speaker 3: Yep and pasta.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yummy, It's unbelievable, very very delicious. My wife and
I first date was Yugo's restaurant that you still had
pretenses in the relationship. I think she got some kind
of uh salad freak salad or something like.
Speaker 6: Oh yes, yes, yes, the famous ordering a salad on
a date early on in.
Speaker 4: The Yeah, right, right right, And.
Speaker 2: I'm ready to have sex.
Speaker 4: Now c C and I will eat cheezy already, to
crunch just next to each other and then throw up
in different bathrooms and then fall asleep to.
Speaker 2: Love to love yeah, yes, love, well.
Speaker 4: Change okay, go ahead.
Speaker 6: Yeah. Zach and Benji arrive to meet me and Danny,
and we learned they're doing, uh doing pretty good now
that they're living together, and uh here's what that conversation
sounded like.
Speaker 4: Oh no, he's going to try to play a sound effect,
but it's not come through the mica.
Speaker 1: I had used my kitchen besides the fridge. I've almost
our apartment twice just cooking noodles. So it's really nice
to have someone to be able to cook for me
because I can't cook for myself.
Speaker 2: Oh wow, who gives a fun.
Speaker 6: Dud? Dude?
Speaker 4: It was so when he's talking about do you want
a pillow? No, he does the most roundabout breakdown of
the irony.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but Alanis Morissett. Yeah, isn't it ironic?
Speaker 4: This trip compared to the Big Bear trip? He says
in a Charles Dickens kind of way chapter one, we
are inviting her on a trip about the person that
she refused to invite to Big Bear. Cut back to
him crying. Right, he is one of the saddest people
I've ever seen.
Speaker 6: I'd also like to point out I'm not one hundred
percent sure that that is in fact irony.
Speaker 4: It's forest irony.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's okay.
Speaker 5: Yeah, low hanging irony is what it was. But what
was also low hanging was the joke that he made
about Alanis morisseaid, and I didn't like it percent of
Zach on my screen. I don't enjoy that being said
it used to be one hundred. And when he showed
up in that bar to Jax Taylor and said it
wasn't your show for the last thirty days, I said,
I'll welcome Benji for a bit because so he.
Speaker 6: Got a little too much screen time in this episode. Well,
they discuss Luke's big secret, which isn't that big of
a secret, and that's Hawaii and the proposal. Now production,
it's necessary to do a little because they have a
storyline issue here Nia and Danny are Are they faking
like it's their trip? Yes, and they're inviting everybody so
to not tip off Dowdy. They never they would never
invite Janets. So they have to task Zach and Benji
with inviting her because none of it would make any
sense and it's convoluted and stupid.
Speaker 4: You must have had some trouble and roll call when
she was growing up. That's a tough name to phonetically nail,
you know, Dody Dowdy. Yeah, I mean, you know you
can say doubt dote, you know. Anyways, I shouldn't have
brought it up.
Speaker 6: No, no, no, there's anothering issue with plausible deny. Well, okay,
So they begin to text to invite everybody to Hawaii.
I would argue this is quite a You'd have to
do some research on flight prices to agree to go.
Yet people are immediately responding back with a yes, I
can make it.
Speaker 5: I don't think that when other people plan your trips
that you give it consideration. I think you get a
call from production that says you are going to say
yes to this trip, and you say, okay, I will
say yes to this trip. I do think I actually
think that Kristen may not have known that she was
going to get proposed to on this trip. Do you
think she didn't? Do you think she she.
Speaker 6: Would fucking all right? So I think you know this Ruby.
She is the most controlling person to self produce. She
would fucking kill Luke if he hadn't tipped her off
to this because she wants to look her best. She
wants to have the right dress. This is her Like Bob.
Speaker 4: It was really cute when she was talking about how
she wanted to wear fish clothes and he was like,
don't do that.
Speaker 5: I when I went on the hike that I went
on to get engaged. I almost wore a sweater that
has holes in it and is missing the sleeves. And
my fiance very very gently said, don't don't fucking wear
that because you'll regret it. And he didn't say that,
but I did change my sweater and I had absolutely
no idea. So maybe Luke is being is being fish good.
He's being good Fish Luke and she's she's going to
be surprised.
Speaker 7: Yeah.
Speaker 6: I proposed to Sharizi by telling her that my car
broke down up on Moholland Drive and I said, could
you pick me up some gas?
Speaker 2: So my proposal involved.
Speaker 6: Her having to go to a gas station and pump
gas into a container and then drive up very tired.
Speaker 2: And that's when I got on one name. It was
a beautiful day. I'll never forget it.
Speaker 4: Okay, let's get to the men's group.
Speaker 2: On Life Coach Scott.
Speaker 6: Wow, he's here, and he's he's continuing to intrench himself
on this TV. I don't know if this is going
to help him sell tickets to whatever seminar he's trying
to make happen.
Speaker 4: I'll tell you what I think he's gonna get a
lot of business. There's a lot of ancillary viewing by bros.
And they're gonna hit him up on Instagram.
Speaker 6: Oh my god, who needs Life Coach Scott when you
have a company like Ruller not me?
Speaker 2: Oh boy?
Speaker 6: Well, it's telehealth that has made mental health care more
convenient and accessible for millions of people. However, critical challenges
like finding a suitable therapist, scheduling appointments, and the expensive
ad apocket costs still keep many from getting the care
that they need. Do you hear this, daddy, Well, RULA
is on a mission to make high quality mental health
care from a licensed professional easy and affordable for everyone.
Rula's got you covered. They take most major insurance plans
and the average copey is fifteen bucks per session. I
don't think you could beat that.
Speaker 2: What do you think? How much do you think Life
Coach Scott.
Speaker 8: Charges Devin seven times that that's ridiculous.
Speaker 6: You can now get the quality care you need when
you need it, at a price you can afford.
Speaker 2: RULA isn't just affordable.
Speaker 6: They stick with you throughout your journey, making sure you
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You deserve quality care from someone who cares, and.
Speaker 5: For the ones that do not. I'm not kidding you.
He's gonna make twenty six grand from Jax Taylor by
the end of the summer if he hasn't already.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I was.
Speaker 6: I thought it'd be funny if eventually Scott like asked
a couple of the guys if you can borrow money.
Speaker 4: Yeah, oh for sure. Here's the thing though, he is,
he is stealing money essentially, so we've elevated past borring.
But Ruby's right about Jacks because if you think about
the financial situation that Jacks is in, so he goes
from what do we think that mortgage is nine to five?
Maybe eleven somewhere in there?
Speaker 6: Oh right, currently, yeah, because that house, the mortgage should
probably sit around seven, right, right.
Speaker 4: Right, right, So he's probably paying ten a month. Now
he's downside to a condo. Now the condo's too expense,
it's probably fifty five hundred, but he's got some extra
chedder in the bank. Who's he going to, Scott?
Speaker 2: Scott?
Speaker 3: Yeah, Scott.
Speaker 2: Well we'll get on this, Scott.
Speaker 4: Not cruise, but Scott.
Speaker 6: So this.
Speaker 4: Was within the fabric of the valley. It's hard to
say anything is really like all time reality, but this
was like a soft all time reality TV moment for me.
The word man was said I think forty seven times
within a four minute scene, the hands on the chest,
Jason saying that he's not ready to accept these apologies.
It was absolutely incredible.
Speaker 2: All right, so let's break down the game film.
Speaker 6: Danny starts by telling the group this is going to
be helpful because Jacks is verbally and physically abusive and
addicted to cocaine. Jesse is verbally abusive and has a
God complex and an unhealthy relationship with alcohol. Danny's a drunk, oh,
and Janet has Jason's balls in her hand bag. And
then Jax announces he's not going on the trip because
things aren't going good for him. Now with life coach Scott,
we do see some groundbreaking life coaching techniques employed here.
And this is how it works. First, you start off
with a dumb new name for a technique like clearing
the list.
Speaker 4: Clearing the list, Yeah yeah.
Speaker 6: Then you act out the technique with the confidence and
certitude of a used car salesman.
Speaker 2: Scott did that. And then you ask for volunteers.
Speaker 6: Yeah okay, okay, book line sinker.
Speaker 5: And that's how twenty six thousand dollars is spent per
person per session. Because when you look at Scientology and
you see like how much they have to pay to
go up a level, if your friends are going up
a level, you're gonna pay the twelve grand even though
you absolutely counot afford it because your mortgage is too
much money because you embezzled one point two million dollars
from the government and didn't pay taxes. This guy is
going to be able to buy a house in Rosita
by the next year if he wants to wait.
Speaker 4: How much does it cost to go up in Scientology?
Speaker 5: Much money?
Speaker 2: What I'll ask?
Speaker 6: I'm gonna be at their celebrity center on Tuesday. Oh,
that's why we have a service contract with them. They
have a beautiful waterfall in the rentryway.
Speaker 4: Okay, so we we do this thing where.
Speaker 2: We clear the list, right, and we got to clear
the list.
Speaker 4: We stand up and we place our hand on the
chest of another.
Speaker 2: Keep your hand on my shoulder, please.
Speaker 4: Now here's the thing about Scott. Scott says, despite our differences,
we're all brothers. Still. Wow uh okay. If you had
somebody from Korea, somebody from the Soudan, somebody who was
a white reality television star living in the San Fernando Valley,
and then like a French guy, maybe you could say,
despite our differences, we're all brothers. But these are all
carbon copies of one another, I mean, varying degrees of
the douche baggery. But I mean, I don't know that
we have a lot of differences, and even if we did,
that is a really empty platitude. This guy is a
snake oil salesman.
Speaker 6: Yeah.
Speaker 5: Yeah, Well, I also wanted to point out there in
the Brothers segment, he talks about how they must remember
that they are not doing this alone. And I want
to point out to Scott that although he goes home
at night and he cries because he is likely, I
think he's gay and he's sad and he found how
to be gay. Yeah, these men are actually married and
or getting divorced and cheating on their wives happily. So
like they know, they're okay, Yeah, they don't need your brothers.
Speaker 6: I'll argue though, life coach Scott telling Jacks that everybody
loves a redemption story. That type of insight will get
a certain portion of the population to pay twenty g's
for a weekend to hear the horseshit.
Speaker 4: You know you were going to say killed, Oh look
at that.
Speaker 2: Yeah, all right, So do we have anything?
Speaker 6: So we got Jesse dropping a dime on dark Side
Danny for being a sneaky drinker, and then Scott.
Speaker 4: Danny admits that he's a little drunk today.
Speaker 6: Well he did, but Scott suddenly becomes an alcohol sponsor,
and some people in in that organization might have an issue.
Speaker 2: I'm berefer.
Speaker 6: And then Jason sees Danny having a breakthrough and then yeah,
as you said, Scott tells the guys that they need
to be better.
Speaker 2: And that's when we moved to al Coyote.
Speaker 5: That's it.
Speaker 3: That's it.
Speaker 4: Let's move to al Coyote. A diarrhea lunch with the Lady.
Speaker 6: Okay, I have been back there because they won best
Guacamole at the Corolla Guakfest in twenty nineteen, so they
graciously invited us to come take a full meal and
I went there with one Dawson from the Corolla Show,
Lynette Corolla and aj Benzon.
Speaker 4: Okay, the criteria for that contest, I mean, I can't.
Speaker 5: Even There is a thing from Trader Joe's. There's a
product called avocado ma we have it. Yeah, I know
it from Dylan in His Lovely Wife. That is the
type of thing that Dylan makes fun of Trader Joe's
for for being a place of not real foods but
actually actually just snacks.
Speaker 6: It's a toy store. I mean it's a it's a
snack store for adults. Don't and you coin that it is.
Speaker 5: That's exactly what it is. It sounds like this could
have gone in that contest and been a contender against.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, okay, because Dawson just ripped a bong and
then put a blindfold on and then walked towards the
bowl and smushed his hand in it. And then whoever
that was the winner. It turned out to be El Coyote,
but it could have been Trader Joe's Avocata mash. So
this is a place that is very, very historic in
Los Angeles because of spawn ranch murderers and stuff like that.
They have fantastic margaritas and as is too often customary
with kind of tex mex americanized sit down Mexican restaurants,
be it Cosa Vega or Al Coyote, the environment's fantastic,
the drinks are fantastic, and then the food for some
reason that tastes like shit and makes you fit everywhere.
Speaker 2: You know, it's funny, guys, just make the food good.
Speaker 4: We love this place.
Speaker 6: You know a lot of La Mexican places make me
have diarrhea.
Speaker 2: Casa Vega, does you know maybe it's just a thing.
Speaker 4: It's it's I honestly, I think it's the fajitas. There's
too many Trughi whites that go into these places and
order fijidas, and I just I just think if we
ordered anything else, we would be fine.
Speaker 5: I don't think they like to bring out the hot plate.
I don't think they like to deliver the hot plate.
Speaker 4: He they say is yeah, yeah, they go. Fajitas are
being ordered for the seventeenth time to get today again,
and there's boom, there's another gringo that's gonna be on
the toilet for the next and and can I tell
you something, I don't blame him. Those fifitas are annoyos
at one.
Speaker 6: Okay, all right, So Jana and Nia are not good
at this dinner, and Nia doesn't appreciate that Janet gets
into other people's business as far as their marriage is. Well,
you're on a reality TV show, uh, And then Hawaii's discussed,
and that's when Michelle announces that Aaron is coming and
plans on throwing. Oh and plans on oh, he plans
on throwing like a girl and not blinking the entire trip.
Speaker 9: Sorry, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, totally So the thing with
Aaron and Michelle's that Michelle thinks that with Aaron there,
things are going to be tranquil, peaceful.
Speaker 4: Jesse's not going to do anything because Aaron's going to
be there, not blinking and stuff. Now, the other thing
that I wanted to note in and Aaron seems like
a nice guy, a bit of a home he's a
home wrecker. He's a homewrecker. So we can make fun
of him not being able to blank. It's fine, I
think he can blank. It's just that when he opens
his eyes back up, it looks like he got hit
with smelling salts.
Speaker 6: But anyway, hold on, hold on, can you imagine that guy,
because we know his throwing ability.
Speaker 2: You're running up the beach in Normandy.
Speaker 6: With this mother effort, and he's got the grenade and
he throws the grenade.
Speaker 2: And it explodes, like, Hey, that exploded five feet in
front of us.
Speaker 6: Man, you're supposed to throw it up in the hill
where the Nazis are.
Speaker 4: Okay. So the other thing that I picked up on
from this lunch is Jasmine telephoning. Zach's complete and total
inability to keep his fucking mouth shut. Okay, So Zach
is such a little bitch, such a little gossip bird,
that he has to tease that there is something special
coming to Jasmine but not to It's like you, you
can't friends with these kinds of people, okay, because if you,
if you have a real friendship, you know, you need
to be able to lean on them. You know, if
I if I lost my mind, right, let's say I
clipped a homeless person and by clipped, I mean ran
over their entire body with my prius. I could go
to Pat and I could go, hey, I need some
help with this. He wouldn't tell a soul, Zach. Zach
would call the freaking pigs.
Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, or he'd promised he wouldn't say anything, and
the next thing, you know, he's telling everybody. Yeah it.
So one other piece of business that Zach did here,
Michelle confronts Kristin Dowdy about telling Jesse about Jenna having
sex with Aaron, and for once, it wasn't Kristin. It was,
in fact, legohead slash little dick.
Speaker 5: Another reason why Zach is such a catty, little little
miamial is because he's very proud of that, you know,
like he wants you to know that it was him,
that it's never been Kristin, that it's always been him,
and like you know, okay, Caddy, Miamia, I'll go.
Speaker 4: For it, right, So everybody gets a diarrhea, well also
real quick emotional diarrhea.
Speaker 5: Maybe they go because they know it's going to do
two things. One get them drunk, so they'll have emotional
diarrhea too. They're going there, so they will also have
real diarrhea. So Skinny for Hawaii Boom.
Speaker 6: I'll tell you nothing cleans out the body and shows
those abs like a day or two of food poisoning.
So you're referring to Nia exiting because this is just
getting too intense. Once again, you signed up for a
TV show. Yes, this is what happens. And then I believe,
Oh no, Kristin leaves first, then Nia is to follow,
and then Jasmine says she misses fun Janet.
Speaker 2: I don't remember fun Janet.
Speaker 4: I never met her.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I've never met her.
Speaker 6: And I think she even says something Caddie like, don't
forget your lunch box. Kristen Janet is getting she's making
a mistake in reality TV, which is it's fun to
be the person that antagonizes but eventually you become the
unlikable villain.
Speaker 2: And I think that's what she's become here, Eve.
Speaker 5: I agree, and even like the fun like that one
liner that was something like don't forget your to go
box goodbye. If that was said by a likable person,
that'd be on a sure, but it's it's not. It
wasn't because she's become this like very unlikable sort of
even if she says things that I agree with, like Nia,
why do you cry all the time? And it's fucking intense,
you know, I think she's pregnant and hormonal.
Speaker 4: So that's it's doctor evil, Ja, that's doctor evil.
Speaker 5: He's doctor evil. And she's not even bald. Okay, I
think she is.
Speaker 4: I think it's a I think it's a true pet.
Speaker 6: All right, let's get to field day, a day at
the park to release some aggression. Jenna's here and Michelle
isn't happy about that. I really think I'm as step
here was having Shena come in. They should have really
featured Jenna more or a new couple.
Speaker 4: I love. I love that you bring that up, because
I don't know what's more pathetic Jenna buzzing in the
orbit like a fucking dungfly to try to get on
the show. Or is Sheena standing in the corner like
a fucking pistachio you dropped six months ago and now
it's just it's turned into some kind of Cords type
of nightmare. It's crazy. I totally agree.
Speaker 10: Why do we need Sena and Bronc on this show?
They have contributed and I mean this less than Benji,
less than zero, less than Benji.
Speaker 2: Well, uh, JACKX is sweating? Oh not at all.
Speaker 6: Jacks shows up and he's sweating, and Zen thinks it's
because he went sunbathing. He's sweating because he brushed his
teeth with adderall this morning.
Speaker 2: Zach, okay, oh my god.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 5: And then and then he poured out a few lines
of cocaine, snorted those and came right over to film,
and that's why he's so sweaty.
Speaker 4: Oh, I don't know that he snorted anything. I'm pretty
sure that he's boofing at this point. But here's the thing.
When you see Jack's on, watch what happens a lot WWHL.
Speaker 2: One.
Speaker 4: Andy Cohen eviscerated him. Okay, because I think Andy recognizes
that it's problematic for the network to have this kind
of behavior. It's not quite doing a reality TV show
with Harvey Weinstein, but it's getting close to it. When
he asks Jack, you've been sober for how long? And
Jack says two hundred days. You do not need a polygraph.
I mean, it's amazing how just the nonverbal communication is crazy.
He is.
Speaker 3: Boothing cocaine all the time.
Speaker 2: Case in point I want to do. Well.
Speaker 6: Remember at the tail end of the episode, when well,
we'll get there, I was gonna say, when Britt doesn't
want to hang out with him? All right, they play
games who gives a shit, egg toss, tug of war. Later,
Janet and Britt discuss divorce. She says, I don't know
who Jax is right now. He's who you married in
my opinion, but.
Speaker 5: Imact same person actually that he's been on our screens
for thirty four seasons and to you probably the exact
same amount of time, and you not only chose to
marry him, but have a baby.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 4: I mean, another shining example of Dax Taylor on WWHL.
I mean, he was like very open that he was
disgusted by Brittany and did not want to have sex
with her, and he just he was just like openly
being vulnerable that.
Speaker 6: Oh yeah, I love this look. I don't want to
feel this way. I'm embarrassed by this, right, I don't
want I don't want to think Britt is a fat Coyle, right,
I don't want to be that guy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, I know he yeah, Oh wow.
Speaker 5: Yeah he cleared that list.
Speaker 4: Okay, yeah, he he put his own hand on his
own chest and he cleared that list.
Speaker 6: Let's clear the list, all right, anything else here, Nia
and Channet avoid each other. Let's get Kyle Chan's this
is real quick. I can handle this unless you guys
have something.
Speaker 4: Oh no, no, I got something.
Speaker 2: I got I got what you got to do?
Speaker 4: Hey, Luke, Hey Luke, I don't give a shit. If
Kristen's got your geolocator, I don't give a shit. If
your grandma's dying of cancer, you're getting a four carrot
ring for fourteen grand Okay, do not rush Kyle Chan. Okay.
If he wants to do your zodiac real quick, pour
a glass of pellegrino and sit down and do it
with him. Don't give Kyle chan this.
Speaker 6: Speed it up.
Speaker 4: I got to get out of here.
Speaker 5: I thought that Dylan was going to say, if he
wants to do you, I was going to say, yes,
you've bend over Luke, and you say thank you very much,
sir Kyle.
Speaker 3: Yeah, god, Gecko, my god.
Speaker 2: Well yeah, the deal on the ring, of course.
Speaker 6: But someone you know, watching after your gecko, that's that's
really nice. And then yes, Grammy is knocking on Heaven's
door or hell, maybe she was a serial killer. Regardless,
she's not gonna be around much longer.
Speaker 2: All right, moving on.
Speaker 4: I bet it was tell that's a weird family. I know.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I always love it.
Speaker 6: Like so I was like they assumed the person was
a good person, like, yeah, my dad, he's got he
doesn't have much time.
Speaker 2: Well, you know, he'll be at a better place. Well
we don't know that. You don't know.
Speaker 4: I mean, he could be in a much, much worse
place that stretches for all of eternity.
Speaker 5: If you guys haven't, you should watch the More Attici
on HBO. And they talked about this lady. She's a lovely,
lovely woman and everybody that they go through it and
they're like, oh my, I basically fell in love with
her when I saw her for the first time. She's
the sweetest, most welcoming, most wonderful demon woman. Uh oh
you know canus?
Speaker 2: Is this a doc?
Speaker 5: A doc?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 6: Is this the one that had homeless people live at
her place and then she took their Social Security money?
Speaker 5: No, it isn't so fun.
Speaker 4: Don't tell Patty about a doc.
Speaker 2: How is it episodes?
Speaker 5: It's three episodes and it is about a guy that
was cremating bodies and also doing bad, bad things, and
there's murder and there's bad.
Speaker 2: Oh my god, how have I not heard of this?
Speaker 4: Yeah?
Speaker 6: It's I got a date with the mortician tonight after
I wrapped this podcast, right, Janet and Jason saving.
Speaker 4: You've seen a tone of interest yet?
Speaker 2: No, yes, I have, I saw twice.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah you did. Yeah, yeah, yeah you did.
Speaker 6: Well.
Speaker 2: That movie is crazy cool.
Speaker 6: I mean, because they could have just did it like,
I don't know, like a story, but he gets all
like kind of psychedelic with it.
Speaker 2: Too cool.
Speaker 4: It's a very very beautiful film.
Speaker 2: Very powerful. Yeah, Zach is pretty sure, there's gonna be sorry.
Speaker 4: I just wanted to go through your point your cinematic
homework that we've been working Oh sure five years?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 6: Yeah, yeah, okay. Oh, Jack's and Britt's lunch date. Britt
is nowhere to be found. Apparently Jack's was drinking and
hanging out with girls the night before, and she calls
him vile and says she's not coming now, Dyll, this
is and Ruby you mentioned this last week. This is
where we can get into math on the calendar where
he alleged that he'd been sober for two hundred and
forty days or whatever, and watch what Happens Live. You
can actually go back when they were filming during this
time period and if she is, in fact, if he was,
he doesn't deny it. Night No, okay, No, you lied
to Andy. You can't lie to Andy.
Speaker 4: He says. Well, I mean people lie to Andy all
the time. I mean Teresa DJs lied. I mean everything
she's ever told Andy is a lie pretty much. But yeah,
so he he says, I was home by eleven, which
really means eleven thirty, which means that you left at
eleven fifteen and you're forty five years old and you
just got out of rehab and you haven't seen your son.
So hi, huh, all right, and you didn't deny.
Speaker 2: It, so.
Speaker 4: Can I get it to go? Cup? Please?
Speaker 6: He's always very polite to the staff. All right, the
group had to Hawaii. They discussed pineapple as code for swinging.
Also pineapple famously by who's that really fat rapper, like unhealthily.
Speaker 2: Unhealthy chubby Rick Ross.
Speaker 6: Rick Ross, Yeah, he had he had a song about
pineapple making your couchie taste better.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, well, yeah, it's a it's a common.
Speaker 5: Teresa Judice also has a bit about that after she
starts dating Louis.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, is that right.
Speaker 4: Yeah, there's a common piece of knowledge that if you
ingust a lot of pineapple, everything never will taste better.
Speaker 5: You know, vagina fluids taste better. Wow, that's what they say.
Speaker 4: Yeah, vagina rosted. Yeah, your potato water, anything that comes
out of you down there will taste better better. Yeah.
Speaker 6: Well, we get to the hotel, Zach and Benji randomly
get upgraded to that presidential suite, and I was wondering,
I wonder if any presidents have ever stayed to presidential
suite anyway, the rooms are connected. Aaron and Michelle discuss Jesse, and.
Speaker 4: We really quickly talk about Benji not giving Benji and
what's Benji's boyfriend?
Speaker 5: Zach Zach he was okay, so I had a lot
to say about this, very very wary when you go
to especially big, big, big resorts like this type of place,
when you're in a tourist location, upgrade to presidential suite
doesn't always mean upgrade, So in this case, it meant
that they each had very nice suites before. Now they
were in the same apartment. So Jesse actually got a downgrade.
And these two who want to have fucking loud gay
sex all the time, they can't. Now they have to
have quiet gay sex. Well, they're concussing each other in
the shower and Jesse's walking around with his flaccid little peepee,
so wary of that. I agreed with Zach. I don't
think if he goes over to Luke and he says like, hey,
do you want this, I think christ would.
Speaker 2: Be so weird.
Speaker 4: Got to completely blow the whole thing.
Speaker 2: I might.
Speaker 6: On our next aps, share the story of where my
wife and I one time went on a trip with
multiple couples up to Napa Valley, and this particular couple
insisted upon having the master bedroom at the AIRBNP and
proceeded to make everything about them for three days.
Speaker 2: My wife hated them.
Speaker 4: Yeah, and we talked about it. If you booth did yeah,
if you booked the trip, you get the biggest room.
Speaker 2: That's right. If you front the money, you get the room.
Speaker 4: But yeah, no, Zach would have completely blown the whole weekend.
And I know the fans have missed this kind of uh,
this illusion, but it reminds me a little bit of
an Entourage episode. Oh where in the contract for Aquaman
has not come through yet from the studio and he
has to tell Turtle and Johnny Drama that they've got
a real spending back in And so at lunch, Johnny
Drama says that he doesn't need new calves, and Turtle
says that he can downgrade to a fifty inch TV,
and immediately Vince knows what's going on.
Speaker 3: It's just like that.
Speaker 2: I wonder how Doug, the creator of that show, is doing.
Speaker 6: I am solely responsible for imploding his podcast Ruby. I
got to get back in the game of destroying podcasts.
I had quite a good run.
Speaker 5: Here's what you've You've built enough up. I think it's
time for you to start fucking taking some down.
Speaker 6: Yeah yeah, all right, all right, So where are we?
We're on Cabana time.
Speaker 2: Jason and Danny squashed the moratorium?
Speaker 4: Is it? Emily Raja, Koshkna.
Speaker 2: Doug, Kelly Osborne, Kelly.
Speaker 4: Osborne and Kevin.
Speaker 2: Oh god, oh that the list is endless.
Speaker 5: Wow Okay, yeah, see it's time to build more Pats.
Speaker 6: Who was that one that looked like an ant that
was on The Bachelor Victoria?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 4: Also pit bulls mister worldwide. And if you're if you're
not familiar with what Pat does, Pat has behind the paywalls,
very very frost gracious, voracious set of fans, not the
little Patties. And what Pat will do is asked the
little Patties to go to the review section, leave five
stars and say something like Pat wants to speak to
you or something ominous and vague. Now, I've seen it
happen numerous times, and if you it's a little bit
like seeing a cupboard open in front of you, you go,
I need to move. It's a little bit like that,
and you go, I don't need to do.
Speaker 2: So, yeah, well I got to get back in that game.
Speaker 6: So here's a tease, all right, Copana time, Jason and
Danny squashed their beef for the eleventh time, so stupid,
and they decide in the pool to be peacemakers for
the rest of the group.
Speaker 4: Can I say something really quickly and I listen. I
don't want to speak in this kind of antiquated language.
You know, we're trying to get better than this. But
Jason is a bitch.
Speaker 2: Jason's a bitch. I mean, I mean, come on, guy,
he's being controlled. I feel bad for the man.
Speaker 5: No, So this is what I have to say when
you and I need to be wary of this because
the dynamic in my relationship is a little similar to this.
Janet is a fucking monster. Often have to be with
really gentle people because otherwise they'll just be really monstrous
if they're with anybody who possesses monster qualities. What they
also have to be with is a person who says
in private, you're being a fucking monster. Yeah, and I
don't ever done that to her, And that's where we're wrong,
like him trying to be like he we would never
not invite you, and she was like, no, we would
have fucking killed them.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, that was crazy. I mean, the only thing
I will say about that is that Nia said that
she wouldn't have invited them either. But the fact that
Janet is just so brazenly doctor evil is just it's
bonkers to me that you can be so brazenly doctor evil.
Speaker 5: She misses the mark. I think she thinks this is
going to land like La La did on the first
like two seasons or something or whatever, and it's so
missing the mark that that's what I think is happening.
Speaker 4: Now, that's what Yeah, that's what you think.
Speaker 2: I totally agree. Yeah, she's coming off very unlikable.
Speaker 6: Well, we end the last three minutes with Jesse just
spiraling out of control about whether or not Aaron was
having sex with his wife while he was still married
to her.
Speaker 7: Interesting editing, liars, very interesting editing. So Benji and Zach
are in the shower and he starts pacing around thinking
about how Michelle was banging honeypee.
Speaker 4: Okay, anyways, like we mentioned, they tease the tease. So
the credits start rolling and I'm thinking, where's this conversation
and then I'm thinking, oh, they did it again.
Speaker 5: They lied.
Speaker 3: Get in the.
Speaker 4: Comments, let us know what you thought about the episode.
Let us know who Pat's next victim should be. Join
us at patreon dot com. Slash another podcast network if
you want to get in those comments. Spotify is also
a great place to comment. We would love to hear
from you guys in all of the places. Five stars,
kind words. We love you very much. I'm Dylan saying
by rubies y goodbye.
Speaker 6: Bye bye, pat later dudes, Oh my god, who needs
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