WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.400 --> 00:00:03.120 Welcome to men, Sex and Tantra. 2 00:00:03.680 --> 00:00:06.759 Discover where your parents, porn and religion never taught you 3 00:00:06.799 --> 00:00:10.439 about being a man and having extraordinary sex. Get ready 4 00:00:10.439 --> 00:00:16.440 to have your mind blown and your world rocked. And 5 00:00:16.559 --> 00:00:19.280 we're back. And anybody who watches this show long enough 6 00:00:19.320 --> 00:00:22.160 knows that it's usually a four episode kind of the 7 00:00:22.239 --> 00:00:25.879 same guest four episodes. But yes, Jay Matthias Bennett is 8 00:00:26.079 --> 00:00:28.399 back with us. He hasn't run right screaming yet. That's 9 00:00:28.440 --> 00:00:31.760 so awesome. I always wait for some guests to like 10 00:00:32.359 --> 00:00:34.560 lose it in between. You know, we shoot these back 11 00:00:34.560 --> 00:00:37.079 to back four episodes, and there are a couple of 12 00:00:37.119 --> 00:00:41.039 guests who've been like, WHOA about episode three. They're starting 13 00:00:41.039 --> 00:00:45.520 to go, uh, the vulnerability starts piling up, something starts happening, 14 00:00:45.560 --> 00:00:48.159 and then they're starting to think, Wow, do I actually 15 00:00:48.200 --> 00:00:50.200 want to share that I was on this show? You know, 16 00:00:50.280 --> 00:00:55.600 things get real, but most have courage. So I'm really curious. 17 00:00:55.640 --> 00:00:59.799 I'm gonna be curious about this because a lot of 18 00:00:59.840 --> 00:01:03.520 the these conversations may start out. We always start out with 19 00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:07.159 this kind of high level let's talk about this thing. 20 00:01:07.840 --> 00:01:11.280 They can evolve, they can go off course, they can 21 00:01:11.359 --> 00:01:15.239 get led in different directions. And I always prefer not 22 00:01:15.359 --> 00:01:18.519 to know everything that my guests might know or think 23 00:01:18.640 --> 00:01:21.040 or whatever on a topic, because then I get surprised, 24 00:01:21.640 --> 00:01:25.120 and that surprises always fun leads to all sorts of 25 00:01:25.200 --> 00:01:28.280 different things. Well, agreed, disagree doesn't matter to me. So 26 00:01:28.840 --> 00:01:36.680 this topic, the truth, is a really interesting one for me, 27 00:01:37.879 --> 00:01:40.799 And I imagine that this conversation is going to be 28 00:01:41.840 --> 00:01:45.640 interesting because we may or may not agree on the 29 00:01:45.680 --> 00:01:49.319 definitions or what it is that we go to here. 30 00:01:51.000 --> 00:01:52.719 You know, we'll find out, because that's part of the fun. 31 00:01:53.079 --> 00:01:59.719 So to truth, You've heard me say, I like defining 32 00:02:00.159 --> 00:02:04.799 words that can be like so broad, nobody freaking knows 33 00:02:04.840 --> 00:02:10.800 what they actually mean. The truth like from your because 34 00:02:10.800 --> 00:02:12.639 that's one of your values. This is one of these 35 00:02:12.680 --> 00:02:16.159 premises like in the book, and everything is right coming 36 00:02:16.240 --> 00:02:24.479 back to the truth. So yep, waiting with dated breath. 37 00:02:24.840 --> 00:02:30.639 Waiting with dated breath. Okay, well, I think, uh. What 38 00:02:30.759 --> 00:02:34.159 immediately comes to mind is back in the Indiana Jones 39 00:02:35.080 --> 00:02:38.639 the opening scene of Indiana Jones. I can't remember. Maybe 40 00:02:38.639 --> 00:02:42.199 it's the third one where he's like, there's a difference 41 00:02:42.240 --> 00:02:45.840 between truth and he writes it on the blackboard and facts. 42 00:02:46.360 --> 00:02:51.960 He writes so historical. Let's say larger more ads to 43 00:02:52.120 --> 00:02:58.520 abstract truth and verifiable archaeological facts that. 44 00:02:58.560 --> 00:03:01.639 Are there out change when science changes. 45 00:03:01.680 --> 00:03:07.599 Oh my god, okay, reinterpretive, rehash or whatever, right right? 46 00:03:08.599 --> 00:03:25.439 And you know, yeah, mmmm, it's interesting because it's such 47 00:03:25.479 --> 00:03:28.319 a it's such a broad you know. It's kind of 48 00:03:28.520 --> 00:03:31.919 similarly like almost asking like what is your definition for 49 00:03:31.960 --> 00:03:33.520 the word love? Ye? 50 00:03:33.719 --> 00:03:33.840 Right? 51 00:03:34.159 --> 00:03:36.800 It is so it is so broad. I mean, what 52 00:03:36.800 --> 00:03:42.159 what comes to mind at this immediate moment which is arising? 53 00:03:42.280 --> 00:03:45.479 And it is interesting that truth is my number one 54 00:03:45.599 --> 00:03:51.199 value and yet and yet I don't have a dictionary 55 00:03:51.319 --> 00:03:55.159 definition or at least definition off the off the cuff 56 00:03:55.240 --> 00:03:59.479 of what it is. However, the thing is is like 57 00:03:59.560 --> 00:04:02.039 what a just for me at the moment? And this 58 00:04:02.120 --> 00:04:07.360 might be become a little bit clear, become clearer. Is 59 00:04:08.080 --> 00:04:13.120 it's like to me, truth is that which is in 60 00:04:13.439 --> 00:04:19.319 greatest fidelity to reality? Hm? 61 00:04:19.360 --> 00:04:21.639 Hm right, let's say that again. 62 00:04:22.079 --> 00:04:30.560 Sure, that which is in greatest fidelity yeah, to reality? 63 00:04:31.160 --> 00:04:34.959 Right? And wow, so we could parse that fidelity, We 64 00:04:35.000 --> 00:04:39.319 could parse that reality. So this becomes like wow. 65 00:04:39.519 --> 00:04:42.639 Right, so so you could have for example, now now 66 00:04:42.639 --> 00:04:46.240 I'm maybe getting on a role here, Uh you could 67 00:04:46.279 --> 00:04:51.000 have fidelity. You could you could take a picture with 68 00:04:51.120 --> 00:04:55.959 a crappy old school camera and it and you know, 69 00:04:56.000 --> 00:05:00.600 a digital camera and it could be a grainy bit 70 00:05:01.199 --> 00:05:06.759 resolution right of this digital picture, but it all looks pixelated. 71 00:05:08.040 --> 00:05:10.560 Is that a picture of whatever the light or the 72 00:05:10.920 --> 00:05:14.720 scene or whatever. Yes, does it? But is it the 73 00:05:14.759 --> 00:05:21.839 greatest fidelity to that scene? No, because it's low resolution. Okay, right, 74 00:05:22.120 --> 00:05:26.639 So then then what is reality? Well, at least you know, 75 00:05:26.639 --> 00:05:31.920 for many people, reality is the the physical world we 76 00:05:32.000 --> 00:05:36.160 can touch. The scientific materialism. Oh, there's there's no God, 77 00:05:36.279 --> 00:05:40.680 there's no consciousness. There's just kind of molecules as building 78 00:05:40.759 --> 00:05:44.319 blocks that kind of happened to arrange themselves in interesting 79 00:05:44.920 --> 00:05:50.759 you know ways because of evolution. There's no organizing divine 80 00:05:50.759 --> 00:05:53.920 principle behind that. No, no, but we all know that 81 00:05:53.920 --> 00:05:59.480 that's well we know actually science says that even physical 82 00:05:59.480 --> 00:06:04.240 things actually mostly empty space. Right, So then you so 83 00:06:04.519 --> 00:06:07.639 long story, Shirt, I would define in a certain way, 84 00:06:07.720 --> 00:06:11.160 reality is not just the physical things that we can see, 85 00:06:11.199 --> 00:06:18.079 but but the multi dimensional reality that is actually most 86 00:06:18.319 --> 00:06:23.680 that is actually to us as humans, mostly imperceptible. 87 00:06:25.040 --> 00:06:29.720 So then what you're saying is your truth is in 88 00:06:30.240 --> 00:06:35.360 is in fidelity in within videlity to the unperceptive like us. 89 00:06:35.480 --> 00:06:41.639 And now now now what the hell like like like right? 90 00:06:41.759 --> 00:06:44.399 So so let's let's let's bring it, bring it home 91 00:06:44.519 --> 00:06:47.639 and make it, make it real, make it as simple 92 00:06:48.399 --> 00:06:54.639 using you know is is in a certain way. If 93 00:06:55.000 --> 00:06:59.639 you imagine like a line, what is it like a 94 00:06:59.720 --> 00:07:01.560 curve of going to a line of like an assymp 95 00:07:01.600 --> 00:07:05.720 tote it like geometry. You could have a curve and 96 00:07:05.759 --> 00:07:07.759 it gets closer and closer and closer and closer to 97 00:07:07.800 --> 00:07:10.759 the line, but it actually doesn't touch it. So I 98 00:07:10.800 --> 00:07:14.399 think that's for for me and my relationship with truth. 99 00:07:14.439 --> 00:07:20.040 There's no arrival at capital t truth. How could there be? 100 00:07:20.319 --> 00:07:26.600 The universe is freaking infinite. Our ability in our capacity 101 00:07:27.199 --> 00:07:31.959 is so small. We we you know, our potential is 102 00:07:32.120 --> 00:07:40.680 absolutely absolutely infinite. And and so the more we're able 103 00:07:40.759 --> 00:07:44.920 to lean in to, first of all, having courage to 104 00:07:45.279 --> 00:07:49.480 understand and to see what is actually obviously in our faces, 105 00:07:49.680 --> 00:07:53.560 that's one thing. The next level is to lean into 106 00:07:54.000 --> 00:07:59.319 those things that we cannot yet understand. We that we know, 107 00:07:59.600 --> 00:08:04.600 we have a sense is true, but we can't quite 108 00:08:04.680 --> 00:08:08.240 put our finger on why we think. And we have 109 00:08:08.360 --> 00:08:12.439 this deep knowing that is true. And so this is 110 00:08:12.639 --> 00:08:16.560 why as the next logical thing is is, I would say, 111 00:08:16.639 --> 00:08:23.079 is to be curious about the truth and to have 112 00:08:23.120 --> 00:08:28.959 a level of curiosity where it's not like a legalistic 113 00:08:29.079 --> 00:08:32.440 you know, here's the truth or kind of this thing, 114 00:08:32.480 --> 00:08:34.679 but you know, you're like a child like, oh wow, 115 00:08:34.720 --> 00:08:40.000 why does that thing happen? Or why does yeah, looking 116 00:08:40.039 --> 00:08:43.720 at phenomena and just really wondering, without any without bringing 117 00:08:43.759 --> 00:08:49.399 a bunch of thoughts or reasoning or conceptual models, just 118 00:08:49.440 --> 00:08:52.840 to actually experience the thing and its purity and to 119 00:08:52.960 --> 00:08:58.120 be in a state of state of awe. 120 00:08:56.960 --> 00:09:07.440 About it my favorite state. H So I when I 121 00:09:07.480 --> 00:09:09.720 assign values, you know, and I work with people and 122 00:09:10.039 --> 00:09:12.039 you do this as well, like because in your book, 123 00:09:12.080 --> 00:09:14.480 I you know, I was reading that. I've been delighted 124 00:09:14.519 --> 00:09:16.799 to get the sneak peak of the book and read 125 00:09:16.840 --> 00:09:21.759 some chapters, and you know, assign your values weirdly enough 126 00:09:22.279 --> 00:09:27.960 for somebody who is pretty much all about fairness, and 127 00:09:28.120 --> 00:09:31.879 you know the this is how it goes. I don't 128 00:09:31.919 --> 00:09:34.519 have honesty, your truth on my value my first five 129 00:09:34.600 --> 00:09:39.399 values at all, and one of the reasons is because 130 00:09:40.320 --> 00:09:45.360 mostly we want honesty. It's not about us, it's about 131 00:09:45.399 --> 00:09:49.519 other people. So the reason we want truth and honesty 132 00:09:49.759 --> 00:09:52.720 is because we never want to feel stupid and if 133 00:09:53.080 --> 00:09:55.519 other people aren't telling us the truth or aren't being honest, 134 00:09:55.559 --> 00:09:56.960 and that goes back to the fact that we lie 135 00:09:56.960 --> 00:10:00.480 to ourselves like fucking all day long. So know that 136 00:10:00.519 --> 00:10:03.360 everybody else lies to us as well. So there is 137 00:10:03.399 --> 00:10:07.080 no like truth. What the fuck is actual truth? It's 138 00:10:07.120 --> 00:10:10.759 a moving target that and if for the spiritual crowd, 139 00:10:10.799 --> 00:10:14.399 their truth moves in nanoseconds like oh I love you, 140 00:10:14.799 --> 00:10:16.960 Oh yeah, no, that was my truth five minutes ago. 141 00:10:17.039 --> 00:10:21.919 But I'm you know, I hate you now, like holy crap. 142 00:10:22.000 --> 00:10:26.320 And then there's triggers. We think our truth is our triggers. 143 00:10:27.080 --> 00:10:29.200 So there's a hole like, to me, this is such 144 00:10:29.320 --> 00:10:36.840 a such a like quagmire of swampy you know. Mess. 145 00:10:36.879 --> 00:10:39.679 So there's a great story that just happened that I 146 00:10:39.720 --> 00:10:42.000 just wrote about on Facebook. But my housemate and I 147 00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:46.159 just went through regarding the truth, that is fucking hilarious. Okay, 148 00:10:47.159 --> 00:10:51.159 So we bought this really special cheese. I'm like, he goes, wow, 149 00:10:51.159 --> 00:10:53.480 it's pull this out to grill burgers on and I'm 150 00:10:53.480 --> 00:10:56.440 like awesome. So you know he's he's asking me how 151 00:10:56.519 --> 00:10:58.440 much to cut, and so you know, I'm looking at 152 00:10:58.440 --> 00:11:00.840 the cheese and he's cutting it. I'm like, oh, that's good. 153 00:11:01.240 --> 00:11:04.279 So then you know, I'm out there doing the burgers. Ready, 154 00:11:04.399 --> 00:11:06.399 he brings the cheese, play do you need more? I'm like, 155 00:11:06.440 --> 00:11:08.399 now we got it. I remember how many pieces I 156 00:11:08.440 --> 00:11:10.840 put on there because I'm arranging it because they're not 157 00:11:10.879 --> 00:11:13.360 like slices. You know, I'm coming to range like tetris 158 00:11:13.399 --> 00:11:14.960 right here on the burgers so that they all have 159 00:11:14.960 --> 00:11:19.679 the right amount of cheese. And I go clean up later. 160 00:11:20.480 --> 00:11:23.639 I don't remember putting the cheese away. So the next day, 161 00:11:24.320 --> 00:11:27.000 Kevin whoops up in the refrigerator. He pulls out this 162 00:11:27.120 --> 00:11:29.840 container with cheese in it, and he goes, so should 163 00:11:29.879 --> 00:11:32.480 we use this for today? You know, the special cheese? 164 00:11:32.519 --> 00:11:35.039 And he goes, this is it right? He whips open 165 00:11:35.080 --> 00:11:38.919 the lid. I look at it, see serrations on it 166 00:11:38.919 --> 00:11:43.360 that looks like grating, and I go, no, that's not 167 00:11:43.440 --> 00:11:47.039 the cheese, that's the parmesan. Oh okay, okay. So he 168 00:11:47.080 --> 00:11:49.279 puts it back and then I'm like, he goes, well, 169 00:11:49.320 --> 00:11:51.639 where is the cheese? He goes, do we eat it 170 00:11:51.679 --> 00:11:52.000 all on me? 171 00:11:52.120 --> 00:11:52.240 No? 172 00:11:52.240 --> 00:11:54.000 No, no, I remember that you know there was this 173 00:11:54.159 --> 00:11:57.360 much left of the cheese and he goes, well, I 174 00:11:57.399 --> 00:11:58.720 said I didn't put it away. You were the one 175 00:11:58.759 --> 00:12:00.399 that last saw it. And he goes, I don't know. 176 00:12:00.480 --> 00:12:02.960 So now I'm going through the fridge and I'm pulling 177 00:12:03.000 --> 00:12:05.480 stuff out. It's not there, Like, how the fuck could 178 00:12:05.480 --> 00:12:06.799 it not be there? So then I go through and 179 00:12:06.840 --> 00:12:09.919 I touch every single thing in the fridge and the 180 00:12:10.000 --> 00:12:12.639 drug right. Then I go back to the counter. Then 181 00:12:12.840 --> 00:12:15.480 I start looking around the counter. Then I'm looking at drawers. 182 00:12:15.559 --> 00:12:17.399 Now we're looking in the dishwash or whatever. This is 183 00:12:17.919 --> 00:12:21.840 two at least two one and a half days. I've 184 00:12:21.879 --> 00:12:24.440 gone through the trash twice because now I need to 185 00:12:24.480 --> 00:12:28.679 know where the fuck that cheese went. Okay, I cannot 186 00:12:28.720 --> 00:12:33.399 let this go. I need to understand what happened, so 187 00:12:34.639 --> 00:12:36.120 you know, And he's like, well, you know, it just 188 00:12:36.120 --> 00:12:38.679 doesn't make sense. I'm like, I look, I don't know, 189 00:12:38.759 --> 00:12:41.120 but I can solve this mystery. He's wondering about it. 190 00:12:41.159 --> 00:12:46.480 So we're constantly talking. He pulls out that first container again. Ah, 191 00:12:47.240 --> 00:12:51.000 he goes, well, when did you grate the parmesan. I'm like, 192 00:12:51.080 --> 00:12:53.840 I never grated parmesan, and he goes, well, nuther did 193 00:12:53.840 --> 00:12:58.039 I I open the lid, I taste a piece and 194 00:12:58.080 --> 00:13:02.440 it's the freaking cheese. So what's the truth of the 195 00:13:02.519 --> 00:13:04.759 matter was the fact that I made a snap judgment 196 00:13:04.919 --> 00:13:07.919 based on the serrated edge of a knife, not a 197 00:13:07.960 --> 00:13:14.559 greater uh huh. So I think of the truth as 198 00:13:15.759 --> 00:13:21.080 micro moments, potential micro moments of perspection, perspective, perspective. 199 00:13:21.159 --> 00:13:21.600 Okay. 200 00:13:21.799 --> 00:13:25.480 For instance, it was true that that looked grated, and 201 00:13:25.519 --> 00:13:28.960 because I made that assessment, we don't even have parmesan. 202 00:13:29.519 --> 00:13:39.600 I mean, that's the other part we in French. I 203 00:13:39.799 --> 00:13:43.240 was so sure. I was so confident I literally said, no, 204 00:13:43.600 --> 00:13:46.240 that's parmesan because of that me seeing the pattern of 205 00:13:46.279 --> 00:13:48.840 the grating, which was just a grated knife, not greater 206 00:13:49.440 --> 00:13:54.360 uh huh. Two days of crazy town whatever, Okay. So 207 00:13:54.480 --> 00:13:56.279 I believed in my truth in that moment that that 208 00:13:56.399 --> 00:14:01.080 was parmesan, that nobody bought and nobody graded. I was 209 00:14:01.080 --> 00:14:04.200 holding firm to that enough to look at every drawer, 210 00:14:04.399 --> 00:14:07.080 the garbage can, like everywhere else. That was so hard. 211 00:14:07.120 --> 00:14:16.399 I'm hanging on to my perspective. So I look at 212 00:14:16.399 --> 00:14:22.639 the truth as a potential, ever evolving situation based on 213 00:14:22.720 --> 00:14:29.960 the perspectives of the parties involved. So you know, the 214 00:14:30.039 --> 00:14:32.240 truth is I used to teach keegels. We had this 215 00:14:32.320 --> 00:14:36.600 conversation earlier, and that's what I taught, and everybody did them. 216 00:14:36.679 --> 00:14:40.159 And then I discovered this other thing that was creating 217 00:14:40.159 --> 00:14:42.639 a problem. So then I said, well, my truth was 218 00:14:42.679 --> 00:14:45.399 do this. Now my truth is don't do that, do this. 219 00:14:46.320 --> 00:14:49.039 So the truth is a moving target. That's like the 220 00:14:49.120 --> 00:14:52.120 short of that is that there might never be a 221 00:14:52.200 --> 00:14:54.639 complete truth. 222 00:14:55.159 --> 00:14:55.399 Yep. 223 00:14:56.080 --> 00:14:59.559 So I don't even know how to fucking design define truth. 224 00:15:01.360 --> 00:15:02.879 I don't even know what to do with that. So 225 00:15:03.200 --> 00:15:06.559 I am curious about the truth. Not you had said, 226 00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:09.759 you know, curious, be curious about the truth. You meant 227 00:15:09.759 --> 00:15:13.080 it as in be curious. I was kind of like, 228 00:15:13.080 --> 00:15:16.000 I'm curious about the truth because I don't know what. 229 00:15:15.919 --> 00:15:20.240 It is, right, I mean, I think it points points 230 00:15:20.320 --> 00:15:26.799 to this, Yeah, I mean. One also metaphor that you 231 00:15:25.840 --> 00:15:29.480 may it's a very common metaphor is the three blind 232 00:15:29.519 --> 00:15:33.080 men and the elephant. They've never seen an elephant before. 233 00:15:34.000 --> 00:15:37.159 There's a blind man who holds the trunk of the 234 00:15:37.200 --> 00:15:39.320 elephant and he says, oh, this is like a snake. 235 00:15:40.159 --> 00:15:44.000 And you know, the one blind man holds the is 236 00:15:44.039 --> 00:15:47.480 touching the the leg and he's like, oh, this is 237 00:15:47.480 --> 00:15:52.600 like a tree. And then the other blind person is 238 00:15:53.320 --> 00:15:57.080 holding the tail and I forgot what this It was like, yeah, 239 00:15:57.080 --> 00:15:58.399 I don't know if he said broom, but it was 240 00:15:58.440 --> 00:16:02.799 another animal that was know something like the tail. Now 241 00:16:03.039 --> 00:16:06.279 what is the what the overall truth you know that 242 00:16:06.360 --> 00:16:12.759 which is in greatest fidelity to to reality is Yes, 243 00:16:13.360 --> 00:16:18.240 all those things were partial views of of the larger 244 00:16:18.320 --> 00:16:21.440 thing that's that's going on. And so I think at 245 00:16:21.519 --> 00:16:26.759 least for me, like having truth be the top value 246 00:16:27.519 --> 00:16:35.440 and also having a level of curiosity about it means 247 00:16:36.080 --> 00:16:41.399 in that certain way that that I will always be evolving, 248 00:16:41.799 --> 00:16:46.960 or at least my understanding of what either reality is 249 00:16:47.159 --> 00:16:50.759 or what is possible will continue to grow, will continue 250 00:16:50.840 --> 00:16:57.639 to evolve, as distinct from many people on just the 251 00:16:57.639 --> 00:17:02.559 planet right now, who, for whatever reason and is is 252 00:17:02.919 --> 00:17:08.559 uh uh, whether it's just for survival or you know, 253 00:17:08.799 --> 00:17:11.079 it's just because there's a lot trauma or there's a 254 00:17:11.119 --> 00:17:14.480 lot of things going on, don't have that as a 255 00:17:14.559 --> 00:17:18.160 value and as as a priority. I'll and I actually 256 00:17:18.160 --> 00:17:20.960 have a view about why I think maybe truth is 257 00:17:21.000 --> 00:17:25.400 not on your list, which I yeah, I'll get to 258 00:17:25.440 --> 00:17:27.759 that because I think because it actually is on the 259 00:17:27.880 --> 00:17:30.400 kind of a similar thing. So there is this one 260 00:17:30.519 --> 00:17:32.559 quote that I found. When I saw it, I'm like, 261 00:17:32.640 --> 00:17:35.559 oh my gosh, this is so so true. So it's 262 00:17:35.559 --> 00:17:42.720 in Latin, and I'll translated mundo vult decipi ergo decipteur. 263 00:17:44.680 --> 00:17:52.119 The world wants to be deceived, so let it be deceived. Mm. 264 00:17:54.279 --> 00:17:58.079 So this was first documented in this book called The 265 00:17:58.119 --> 00:18:03.440 Ship of Fools, a satirical Allegory in seventeen or fourteen 266 00:18:03.519 --> 00:18:09.680 seventy four by Sebastian bront in medieval German. And so 267 00:18:09.920 --> 00:18:11.519 when I read that, I was like, oh my gosh, 268 00:18:11.559 --> 00:18:15.720 you know, I mean, how much in the world. And 269 00:18:15.759 --> 00:18:21.920 this actually kind of taps into our previous conversation of 270 00:18:22.599 --> 00:18:26.039 let's say those that are in power and control and 271 00:18:27.480 --> 00:18:30.640 as you know, we as like the leaders. If the 272 00:18:30.640 --> 00:18:33.480 people lead, the leaders will follow. Is that those who 273 00:18:33.559 --> 00:18:36.799 were let's just say, doing mischief or evil or pulling 274 00:18:36.880 --> 00:18:40.799 the strings behind the scenes, that are quote unquote in control, 275 00:18:42.240 --> 00:18:50.200 they they bank on people choosing comfort, choosing all of 276 00:18:50.240 --> 00:18:55.799 these kind of material things over truth. And so when 277 00:18:56.440 --> 00:19:02.720 that happens, then well it's basically easy to control people 278 00:19:03.839 --> 00:19:07.839 because because you can feed them whatever whatever story that 279 00:19:07.839 --> 00:19:13.720 that is kind of of exactly exactly. And then they're 280 00:19:13.880 --> 00:19:16.799 they're totally on board, you know, they're like, hey, you know, 281 00:19:16.960 --> 00:19:21.720 like oh, protecting like protecting women's rights, and and wow, 282 00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:25.039 women are a victim, not like, for example, realize, oh well, shit, 283 00:19:25.119 --> 00:19:27.960 if if I if I say and I advocate that 284 00:19:28.000 --> 00:19:30.960 women are actually victims that actually like takes away self 285 00:19:31.000 --> 00:19:36.400 agency like ooh hmm, maybe that's not the actual, you know, 286 00:19:36.559 --> 00:19:41.599 optimum way to approach this or yeah, and so I'll 287 00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:45.200 link that back to what I maybe see about you 288 00:19:45.279 --> 00:19:51.559 and truth not being in your top five values for you, 289 00:19:52.079 --> 00:19:54.720 I I would tell me if this is how accurate 290 00:19:54.759 --> 00:19:58.640 this is, and based on our conversations, is that for you, 291 00:19:59.599 --> 00:20:05.759 truth occurs all day, every day in technicolor absolutely? Yeah, yeah, yeah. 292 00:20:05.799 --> 00:20:10.279 So for you, it's it's like so freaking obvious. It's 293 00:20:10.400 --> 00:20:15.720 literally in your face every waking moment of the world, 294 00:20:15.880 --> 00:20:19.880 and and you perceiving all these things that maybe a 295 00:20:19.920 --> 00:20:22.960 lot of people don't perceive in a lay of detail 296 00:20:23.079 --> 00:20:31.720 and texture like those POPSICLESA. 297 00:20:29.640 --> 00:20:30.839 He's torturing me right now. 298 00:20:30.880 --> 00:20:35.400 You got uh yeah, level of detail that the other 299 00:20:35.519 --> 00:20:39.160 people like have they they they are just it's they 300 00:20:39.240 --> 00:20:40.119 totally miss it. 301 00:20:40.880 --> 00:20:42.440 Okay. Yeah. 302 00:20:42.519 --> 00:20:45.079 So so in a in a way, my my read 303 00:20:45.160 --> 00:20:47.960 of you truth not being in your top five of 304 00:20:48.000 --> 00:20:53.000 those values is is that it's just so obvious to 305 00:20:53.079 --> 00:20:56.559 you that this is what's happening, and you can immediately 306 00:20:57.000 --> 00:21:02.720 go right to have a absolutely bang on accurate assessment. Okay, 307 00:21:03.000 --> 00:21:07.039 here is my read on my super high fidelity perception 308 00:21:08.319 --> 00:21:12.359 of what right to the fidelity truth? Yeah, so what 309 00:21:12.359 --> 00:21:18.680 did I say? Truth is like the fidelity with reality. 310 00:21:18.960 --> 00:21:22.759 So you you are in super super high fidelity perception 311 00:21:22.880 --> 00:21:27.720 of reality, and so no wonder that something that's totally 312 00:21:27.759 --> 00:21:31.839 obvious to you that you then say to person, then 313 00:21:32.039 --> 00:21:34.400 three years later they might go back to you and say, 314 00:21:34.599 --> 00:21:37.039 oh my gosh, Tanya, hey, you know you said this 315 00:21:37.079 --> 00:21:39.440 thing three years ago, and then guess what happened. But 316 00:21:40.519 --> 00:21:44.759 and then you're like duh, Like, yeah, I knew that 317 00:21:44.799 --> 00:21:46.799 three years ago. That's why it was obvious to me. 318 00:21:46.839 --> 00:21:49.240 Then that's why I told you, and it's still obvious 319 00:21:49.279 --> 00:21:49.440 to me. 320 00:21:49.519 --> 00:21:58.039 Now this is truth. This is true. Yes, that is true. Okay. 321 00:21:58.559 --> 00:22:03.480 So from a ground perspective, the reason that we one 322 00:22:03.480 --> 00:22:06.319 of the things that we do with truth in a 323 00:22:06.359 --> 00:22:11.880 non productive way is holding to this is true? So 324 00:22:12.000 --> 00:22:15.680 I'm right. And in relationships, here's the way to blow 325 00:22:15.720 --> 00:22:20.079 the fuck out of your relationship for sure, and that 326 00:22:20.319 --> 00:22:24.400 is you know, I know the truth about this situation. 327 00:22:24.640 --> 00:22:28.519 So like with the cheese, I knew the truth about 328 00:22:28.559 --> 00:22:33.039 the cheese in that fucking moment without being curious and 329 00:22:33.079 --> 00:22:35.240 taking the next level like oh, let me taste the cheese, 330 00:22:35.240 --> 00:22:37.079 because then I would have known for sure. No, no, 331 00:22:37.079 --> 00:22:42.279 no instant judgment. I'm right, you know, look at all 332 00:22:42.279 --> 00:22:45.720 that now. That doesn't happen to me often. I am 333 00:22:45.799 --> 00:22:49.559 not typically a person who goes I'm right about that. 334 00:22:49.599 --> 00:22:51.559 I don't know. I don't know what was going on 335 00:22:51.759 --> 00:22:55.640 that I decided to make that assumption. Usually I'm curious. 336 00:22:56.799 --> 00:22:59.240 Usually I'm like, hmm, could that be the cheese. It 337 00:22:59.240 --> 00:23:01.400 doesn't look like the cheese. Maybe it didn't smell like 338 00:23:01.400 --> 00:23:03.160 the cheese. It's got great martes. Let me test it. 339 00:23:03.440 --> 00:23:05.880 I'm gonna try the cheese. That pretty well is gonna 340 00:23:05.880 --> 00:23:10.039 tell me in an instant. But somehow I was off 341 00:23:10.119 --> 00:23:13.519 my curiosity moment. Don't know why. It doesn't really matter, 342 00:23:13.599 --> 00:23:17.119 But when it comes to sex, when it comes to relationships, 343 00:23:17.160 --> 00:23:20.519 when it comes to any of these things. We typically 344 00:23:20.720 --> 00:23:26.039 operate from the idea that we know what's true. I 345 00:23:26.160 --> 00:23:29.839 heard you say this. Now you and I've had the 346 00:23:29.880 --> 00:23:34.240 conversation where my biggest trigger is when somebody who I 347 00:23:34.319 --> 00:23:39.119 think knows me takes something I say and assigns it 348 00:23:39.160 --> 00:23:42.759 an intent I'm not even pucked, like possibly couldn't even 349 00:23:42.799 --> 00:23:47.680 be me. That is painful to me, like, h so painful, 350 00:23:47.759 --> 00:23:52.279 like instead of wow, Tanya, hmm, I was really curious 351 00:23:52.279 --> 00:23:54.839 that you said that. Tell me more about that. Did 352 00:23:54.880 --> 00:23:57.079 you mean this, this is what I heard or whatever? 353 00:23:57.119 --> 00:24:00.039 And I'm like, oh shit, now you know. So that 354 00:24:00.119 --> 00:24:06.359 curiosity we can hang on to the truth, our truth, 355 00:24:06.480 --> 00:24:11.519 our perception of the truth, a desire to be right 356 00:24:11.559 --> 00:24:15.319 about it, which clearly I was completely out of my 357 00:24:15.480 --> 00:24:18.000 normal zone with the fucking cheese, which is why I 358 00:24:18.000 --> 00:24:19.599 wrote a story about it on Facebook and why I'm 359 00:24:19.599 --> 00:24:22.519 saying about it now because this People are trustworthy, tell 360 00:24:22.519 --> 00:24:24.400 they not. People do what they do till they don't, 361 00:24:25.440 --> 00:24:27.759 And right there, I did not do any of the 362 00:24:27.799 --> 00:24:32.480 things that I usually do. So you're having a conversation 363 00:24:32.559 --> 00:24:36.759 with your partner and they say something that is quote 364 00:24:36.839 --> 00:24:40.160 unquote their truth. This is why when I work with couples. 365 00:24:40.160 --> 00:24:44.000 I never let people say everything they want to say, no, nogether, 366 00:24:44.079 --> 00:24:47.119 in separate together and separate because fuck, some shit should 367 00:24:47.119 --> 00:24:49.160 not ever come out of your mouth. It's just Shitting't 368 00:24:49.240 --> 00:24:53.839 out of your mouth, say everything unfiltered to somebody if 369 00:24:53.880 --> 00:25:02.839 you're triggered. So curiosity, what's your feeling about that you 370 00:25:02.960 --> 00:25:05.440 said this? Oh, let me tell you this is what 371 00:25:05.519 --> 00:25:07.519 I heard, because look what they said and what are 372 00:25:08.119 --> 00:25:08.839 two different things? 373 00:25:09.440 --> 00:25:10.720 Ye were true? 374 00:25:10.799 --> 00:25:12.720 Right? Yeah? 375 00:25:12.759 --> 00:25:19.920 And the clarity of communication is is yeah, it's it's 376 00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:23.039 there's there's a number of different steps in that communication 377 00:25:23.240 --> 00:25:26.799 process where things could go awry. 378 00:25:27.440 --> 00:25:35.160 Well, we do not even right right exactly things go awry. 379 00:25:35.519 --> 00:25:37.599 We go if we never go back to that flip 380 00:25:37.720 --> 00:25:40.119 to that last you know, open that container and taste 381 00:25:40.119 --> 00:25:43.279 that damn cheese, We're gonna hang on to the other 382 00:25:43.440 --> 00:25:46.119 the nex The first step after that, what do you 383 00:25:46.240 --> 00:25:50.480 mean to like, go back to the truth is? Wow, 384 00:25:50.519 --> 00:25:53.680 what if we all treated each other with the grace 385 00:25:54.319 --> 00:25:59.880 of curiosity? Hmm? I wonder what you meant by that? Hmm. 386 00:26:00.200 --> 00:26:04.200 I wonder you know. I'm curious, can you elaborate more. 387 00:26:04.920 --> 00:26:07.839 I'm curious why you said that. I'm curious about that 388 00:26:08.599 --> 00:26:12.759 instead of like I need to be right about what happened. 389 00:26:12.799 --> 00:26:15.839 I fucking needed to be right about that damn fucking cheese, 390 00:26:15.960 --> 00:26:19.279 even though I say hours hours hours doing shit like 391 00:26:19.440 --> 00:26:21.880 by the garbage and looking at cupboards and like every 392 00:26:21.920 --> 00:26:25.279 single thing except open that damn container and taste it. 393 00:26:28.400 --> 00:26:33.960 Thank you, Universe, bring me more. So how do we 394 00:26:34.079 --> 00:26:36.440 let go? How do we hold on to the desire? 395 00:26:36.559 --> 00:26:43.359 Because truth for us equals assuredly a surety. Is that 396 00:26:43.400 --> 00:26:43.720 a word? 397 00:26:44.839 --> 00:26:45.920 It is? It is a word? 398 00:26:46.000 --> 00:26:48.119 Yes, yeah, thank you? Because if I made it up, 399 00:26:48.160 --> 00:26:55.319 everybody understood it. Anyway, Truth for us feels like a surety. 400 00:26:55.359 --> 00:26:57.519 It feels like something we can hang our hat on. 401 00:26:57.599 --> 00:27:03.480