Speaker 1: The best way to support this podcast is by going
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This week on Softcore History, tariffs are in the news.
So we're talking about the dumbest tariff in American history,
A tariff so wrought with idiots thinking they were playing
four D chess that the outcomes were exactly what you
would expect. Everyone got worse off. We're talking about the
Tariff of Abominations in eighteen twenty eight. You will not
believe how stupid every single person is in this story.
Welcome to Softcore History.
Speaker 2: What is up?
Speaker 1: Welcome back to Softcore History. I am yours for the week,
Rob Fox, joined as always by Dan Regester. Rob.
Speaker 2: I want you to know you were cared for, You
are loved.
Speaker 1: So did did I not look okay walking into the
studio today?
Speaker 2: And if you get a phone call about financing a
jet ski ignore it?
Speaker 1: Did you steal my identity? Don't worry about it, or
did you like add me as a co signer without
me knowing?
Speaker 2: Don't worry about it, okay, I mean I.
Speaker 1: Don't know with you because literally all of your income
is disposable.
Speaker 2: I try to wash it as much as possible. Yeah.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so you pay with cash for a jet ski
everywhere I go.
Speaker 2: Well, it's under your name.
Speaker 1: Right, the loan, the payday loan was under my name.
Speaker 2: You gotta you gotta a check receipt or what do
you call it, You gotta a check stub and say
it's fraudulent, and you know that's something. Wipe it off.
Speaker 1: The economy works. Actually, if you just call your bank
and you're like, I didn't spend that eight thousand dollars though.
Speaker 2: But can you wait sixty days? Please?
Speaker 1: As long as you need. Okay, as long as you need.
But yeah, that's for money's free if you if you steal.
Speaker 2: It, they're gonna come poking around to your place anyway. Probably, No, No,
that's the address I gave. So, oh yeah, what's my address? Uh,
you want me to say it on air?
Speaker 1: I guess I don't.
Speaker 2: I guess I because it's not the company address.
Speaker 1: But I yeah, that's true. Yes, it is, which is sweet.
So someone will be coming around my place anyway. If
we say something that makes someone too angry, well it's
gonna be a repo man, softcore history LLC.
Speaker 2: Just google that someone shows up to my house. I'm
giving too much information on how to do that anyway,
But a dedicated murderer would already know this, so it's
I'm not really giving away anything. Perhaps my foot guy,
the person I sold feet photos. I don't live there.
My feet don't His feet don't live there. His feet
don't live there. I live there, his feet don't live there,
So don't go to there. Wants me to pop out
of a cake for his birthday. Feet first offer me
three thousand dollars.
Speaker 1: That's not enough.
Speaker 2: It's not enough.
Speaker 1: That's are you kidding me to pop out of us
stranger's cake?
Speaker 2: Never meet your stalkers?
Speaker 1: Yeah, I think that's that's rule. Everyone knows that. That
saying is so obvious. It's not a saying like there's
people will always never believe. They'll always people that'll never believe.
Never meet your heroes. No one has ever been under
the illusion that it might be okay to meet your stalker.
Speaker 2: Well, they say, confront your problems head on.
Speaker 1: Yeah, the only thing to fear is fear itself. If
you're not afraid of the stalker, you can't kill you. Yeah.
Speaker 2: If I pop out that cake face first.
Speaker 1: Head on, head on, probably should have thrown his in
in before the show's but we'll do it.
Speaker 2: Don't do it at all. You sound like a mumbling fool.
Speaker 1: But my points are so much better.
Speaker 2: They're not. They're so much better. You get down a
really bad, nicotine riddled.
Speaker 1: Rabbit hole, do I I'm just like nah, he spas out,
just getting a weird shit. I need to pass out
today because I walked into the office or the studio
whatever the fuck? Absolutely, dad, I'm feeling good now.
Speaker 2: It's your choice slam three children.
Speaker 1: I know my body, my choice. I could leave them.
I could still do the show, but leave them.
Speaker 2: You don't have to pay child support either.
Speaker 1: That's also another common myth. The government will do it eventually.
Speaker 2: It's your choice to pay child sport. Yeah, you can
opt out.
Speaker 1: Honestly, gonna stay like Texas. I feel like a good
away with it.
Speaker 2: So no, you can, as long as you promise not
to see them ever again.
Speaker 1: Oh is that how that works. Yeah, I was an
easy out.
Speaker 2: You're paying to see your kids?
Speaker 1: Oh, well, what do you know?
Speaker 2: M huh, that's why I have like twelve kids around
the country. You don't know about it.
Speaker 1: It sounds like you barely know about it.
Speaker 2: I can't, I legally can't. You forfeited your right m
h And they're gonna have a simple a team to avenge.
I guess they're childhoods. Yeah, they're gonna kill me in
cold blood.
Speaker 1: They're fatherless childhood Well, fatherless are the killers, so it
makes sense. Might as well kill their their dads who
aren't there.
Speaker 2: But I'll look up in that pull of blood, proud, proud.
Speaker 1: That they you became men.
Speaker 2: You're welcome for that chip on your shoulder. Yeah. I
gave you.
Speaker 1: Something, a purpose with my absence. I could never give
you with my presence.
Speaker 2: A comment in me.
Speaker 1: Yeah, motivated you beyond all. And then they just shoot
you five more times in the face. Pop.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's how I want to go out though, Shot
five times in the face. Yeah, bastard kids by your
well yeah, fair enough. Can you think of a more
magical and you know, enchanting way to lose your life?
Speaker 1: I don't know crucifixion.
Speaker 2: They can crucify me too. That'd be pretty cool.
Speaker 1: That would be funny if they did. Uh.
Speaker 2: So my sister got engaged this weekend. Congratulations to her
and her fiance. I am going to marry them though, So, oh,
are you the chaplain? I'm the chaplain. I gotta get
my idiot ordained. I guess online. But I requested to
dress like the pope and uh do the entire mass
in Latin?
Speaker 1: And what did they say to that?
Speaker 2: They said, we'll see.
Speaker 1: You should have. I'll do it. By the way, as
if you dress as the Pope, I will go to
the wedding as your right hand man in a Swiss
Guard uniform with a pike.
Speaker 2: Okay, I was thinking you and Jake could just pop
in as the Boondock Saints.
Speaker 1: I hate that movie.
Speaker 2: Why do you hate that?
Speaker 1: It's an awful movie.
Speaker 2: It's a cult classic.
Speaker 1: Yeah, buy Morons, send us our podcast like idiots hate? Yeah,
a cult classic that love. Buy Moron by Morons. Yeah, yeah,
pretty much. I shouldn't shoot on it.
Speaker 2: At least that's how we justify doing the show every week.
Speaker 1: We literally right before Dan was like, how we keep
doing this?
Speaker 2: Yeah? When do we quit when is it not worth?
Speaker 1: Like never? I need the money.
Speaker 2: So it's doing just well enough to not be able
to quit.
Speaker 1: It's an enough money that you can't you can't walk
away from it. No, but you also can't live on it.
We're like chained by this show. Things are going financially great.
Speaker 2: It's our personal prison.
Speaker 1: Yeah, so let's talk about some fun financial stuff today.
Speaker 2: Cool, let's do it.
Speaker 1: We're talking tariffs. Baby. Oh man. You read the news lately,
you hear about this, you see about this.
Speaker 2: You know. It's a good pivot or transition from winter
themed episodes because they do not do well. Apparently our
audience hates the winner. Yeah. No, no, it's April. It's
still snowing around the country here and there.
Speaker 1: It's chilly here.
Speaker 2: It got really cold. This weekend is weird. Yeah, but yeah,
the Blue Man episode, which I thought was pretty good,
did not do that well. The Balto episode is a
lovable dog, A dog saved an entire town. Nobody wanted
to hear about it.
Speaker 1: People say they like dogs.
Speaker 2: But then you give them a dog episode and they don't.
Speaker 1: They don't care. Well, the problem is they never see
a dog. They don't want to hear you talk. You
want to hear someone talk about their dog?
Speaker 2: Yeah?
Speaker 1: Really, Yeah, I'll talk about the funniest thing the other day.
He like grabbed a curtain because he thought it was
like a person, and he was like get out, But
it was just a curtain. You want to hear that
story for twenty minutes.
Speaker 2: It's probably better than their existence.
Speaker 1: What the person's existence?
Speaker 2: Yeah, because I mean that's probably the highlight of their week.
Speaker 1: Well, if someone's telling you that story, it seems certainly
is the highlight of their week.
Speaker 2: And tell me about their accountant job.
Speaker 1: They have an accountant job. They're having a good time.
Speaker 2: Where they're working in software sales. Yeah, that's did you
meet your Q one goals? Boys and gals?
Speaker 1: What would you rather hear about someone's fantasy team or
their job?
Speaker 2: Their job? Because I can at least get a better
understanding of essentially what their entire life is their fantasy team.
It does not interest me because A I hate fantasy
sports and B I hate fantasy sports.
Speaker 1: If someone tells you about their fantasy team, you immediately
know what their life is.
Speaker 2: It's it bleats pretty sadly.
Speaker 1: They just come walk up to you and they're like, dude,
you got my draft. I like third round and like,
you know, dude, Mahomes was still there. It's just like all.
Speaker 2: Right, because it's typically dudes that are playing for like
a I don't know, four hundred dollars end of season
pot or.
Speaker 1: Just some stupid fucking trophy that them and their friends made.
Speaker 2: Not having to do anything embarrassing by finishing in last place.
Speaker 1: I there's no part of me at thirty nine that
would be like, yeah, the only thing that I took
my wiener in and walk around to playground.
Speaker 2: Is appealing about a fantasy league, though, is going on
a boys trip and having the draft. That's fun because
you can kind of base an entire weekend on that.
Maybe go golf, just.
Speaker 1: Go just do it for like the first round of
March Madness. Just go to a state with sports gameling
and go to a casino, go to Vegas. Well, I
can go to a bunch of different places. You go
to New Orleans for that too. You can go to
the fucking hairs right off Bourbon. I don't care watch
games all.
Speaker 2: Day, sure, yeah, although I don't think they give you
free drinks for sports gambling, no, which they don't, which
is like half the point of going to casino and
gambling for me, make a whole weekend in Vegas. So
they got golf. Obviously the casinos can go to the sphere.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know you're obsessed with the sphere.
Speaker 2: It's the best thing we've created in modern It's our
pyramid time, it's our pyramid. It's way cooler than the pyramids.
Speaker 1: Yeah. I personally believe that humans didn't build the sphere.
I think it's too high tech. Yeah, we didn't do it.
Speaker 2: It wasn't people.
Speaker 1: Yeah, people didn't build this.
Speaker 2: It was automation.
Speaker 1: Did you who did you see building it? Did you ever?
I never saw a single construction photo of the sphere.
Who's is there? One day?
Speaker 2: Hm?
Speaker 1: That is a spaceship that land landed and they ghastly.
You pyramids are by Egyptians.
Speaker 2: So uh.
Speaker 1: Anyway, we're talking tariffs today because they're in the news,
but we're not talking current tariffs. Obviously, why the fuck
we do that. But tariffs have a long history in
the United States, mostly of pissing people off.
Speaker 2: Yeah, they typically are not well received.
Speaker 1: No. One of the things you'll hear from a lot
of Confederate apologists is when they're talking about the Civil
War is that it wasn't caused by slavery.
Speaker 2: It was caused by state draft.
Speaker 1: I'm tariffs. It's a tariffs man, it's all the tariffs
wouldn't slavery was none of that.
Speaker 2: It was a terroriffs.
Speaker 1: The thing about that excuse, though, or that reasoning, is.
Speaker 2: That it's bullshit.
Speaker 1: It's not not accurate in any way whatsoever.
Speaker 2: Now we're too damn Yankees, so of course we're gonna
side against that shit.
Speaker 1: It's all, well, I get into it. I'm not just
gonna leave it at that.
Speaker 2: All I gotta say is take that l boys, hold it.
Speaker 1: The thing is, though it is mostly bullshit, they're not
totally wrong.
Speaker 2: What do you think the South's more upset about losing
the Civil War or the last two national championship?
Speaker 1: Well, now the Natties, that's that's a fresh wound. Back
to back hears to Yankee states.
Speaker 2: It's unfortunate, right, it's.
Speaker 1: Not even a border state, not even like Maryland or
Missouri or Kentucky, which will never win up.
Speaker 2: It's always been Ohio versus South. Kinda Grant was from Ohio,
so tells you all you need to know, Ohio strikes again.
Speaker 1: Didn't even beat an SEC.
Speaker 2: Team though didn't have to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, well yeah, I mean they did beat SEC teams
at least one SEC team on the way, but yeah,
they't they didn't win, they didn't play them in the Natty.
The people who talk about tariffs but they're they're full
of shit, but they're not totally wrong. Tariffs did help.
Why didn't the chasm I guess you could say between
between North and South, Like it was one of the
big things that they got pissed off at each other
for before the events leading up to the Civil War.
It helped kind of draw the line, but it was
not tariffs. But the reason the South was very mad
about tariffs really just goes back into that it made
slavery less profitable. It was hurting their system, the bottom line.
It was hurting there. It was hurting their bottom line,
but it was also hurting their system in general, their
way of life. It was hurting that because everything for
Antebellum South really does go back to slavery and agrarianism
and oligarchy and the rich landowners running things. Because as
fucked as black people were in the South, which is
their number one. Every white person who wasn't a landholder
was just like, not almost as fucked as black people,
but fucked pretty well themselves.
Speaker 2: Yeah, we guess slavery. Why don't they just bring in
a bunch of indentured servants from Ireland?
Speaker 1: With those people there much of papist.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but they're expendable.
Speaker 1: They didn't like them though. They didn't want that. They
didn't want the Irish because they were they were expendable.
Where they were free, they might be able to get
up to what they wanted to.
Speaker 2: You could kill them and no one no sign their
signature which was just a giant X on the dotted line,
and you could do whatever you want to do.
Speaker 1: Believe it's a clover for the Irish.
Speaker 2: They would draw a clover three leaf for four four obviously. Nah,
they weren't that lucky.
Speaker 1: Well, that's the irony lucky the We said it before
in the show a long time ago, that luck of
the Irish is actually a cruel joke, like calling a
big guy tiny or something.
Speaker 2: We're also incredibly dumb. I have a clover on my back.
It is not four leaves. Yeah, why did I do that?
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: I gave myself a three leaf clover on my back.
Speaker 1: I just drew a weed on your back. Why didn't
put a dandelion?
Speaker 2: I have a shamrock. That's not a four leaf clover.
I'm tardy.
Speaker 1: Can you get one? Just put in there.
Speaker 2: I'm probably gonna get the celts across with the clover
covered up at some point because it's a tattoo I
got when I was fucking seventeen.
Speaker 1: Just get it removed.
Speaker 2: No, I'd rather get a cover up. Okay, it's way easier.
Is it's invasive? Like, you know how hard it is
to get tattoos removed.
Speaker 1: I don't how many.
Speaker 2: It hurts too?
Speaker 1: Have many? I haven't paid someone eight hundred dollars.
Speaker 2: To draw on me. Well this is a little bit more.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I know I was being generously, but.
Speaker 2: The tattoo in my back was like, I don't know,
a hundred bucks.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you got that on like a pier right a
on the boardwalk.
Speaker 2: No, it was a franchised tattoo shop. Okay, I thought
you did it on your like an RC tats. So
you don't like your senior weekend? Did you get a
tat on your senior week Now? I did get my
frat tat to get a beer discount.
Speaker 1: I know, we all know the story of the frat tat.
Speaker 2: At a liquor store. You still get it if I
go to Twin Liquors in the Greater UCF area, Yeah, all.
Speaker 1: Right, if we're ever there, I'm like, hey man, we're
going to scan it. Yeah, I'm like, we're gonna go
see if that works. Still, some guys can be like,
what the fuck are you talking?
Speaker 2: The guy's probably gone, yeah, like app like dead.
Speaker 1: So it really, it really all does go back to
slavery and racism for how the South works, even like
they were mad about tariffs. But don't don't ever let
anyone fool you on that, and you don't have to
trust me on it. You can just read their constitution
which says no bill of attainder ex post fascino law,
expost factor law, or law denying or impairing the right
of property in negro slaves, shall we passed? Or you
can ask the Confederate Vice President Alexander Stevens in his
speech which was called the Cornerstone Speech, which was basically
what they what the Confederacy can considered that him just
laying it out like here's why we're doing this shit, man,
he wrote, Our new government is founded upon the great
truth that the Negro is not equal to the white man,
that slavery, subordination to the superior race is his natural
and normal condition.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna cut that clip with no contact. Yeah, yeah,
please do just so we can maybe bring in another audience.
It's not the one we want, but it rarely is.
Speaker 1: Look, money's money, I guess at this point, just put
it out there. See if anyone's like, oh, it's making
some sense and he sounds real articulate.
Speaker 2: Like it ain't even we just get it in a
giant spike from northern Idaho. What are those dudes that.
Speaker 1: Are like, think everything's maritime law.
Speaker 2: I have no idea what you're talking about.
Speaker 1: There's like some people that think like we're technically governed
by the Navy or something weird like that. I wish
I don't wish I knew more.
Speaker 2: Actually, you thought of this in Idaho. You know they're
up there there are a landlocked states.
Speaker 1: I understand that they're not well people.
Speaker 2: They're living by the rules of the ocean.
Speaker 1: Yeah, they're not well people. I'm fucking telling you. It's
a real fucking thing, man.
Speaker 2: They're just building pirate ships up there. Yeah, so he'd
over that speech and that was kind of like the
whole like it was basically their declaration of independence.
Speaker 1: There were not There was not. Actually I didn't know this.
There was not an independent declaration like an encompassing declaration
of independence for the Confederacy states gave theirs though Texas wrote,
which is fun, we hold as undeniable truths that the
government of the various states and of the Confederacy itself
were established exclusively by the white race for themselves and
their posterity, that the African race has no agency in
their establishment, and that they were rightfully held and regarded
as an inferior and dependent race. Missippi said it advocates
the equality of the white race and the black races,
a doctrine at war with nature, in opposition to the
experience of mankind, and in violation of the plainest revelations
of divine law.
Speaker 2: Never care what Mississippi has to say.
Speaker 1: It's not it's not ever super important. And I extend
that all the way to current college sports.
Speaker 2: Of course, where was Jefferson Davis from Texas? I thought
it was a see for a Virginia Boys.
Speaker 1: Union, but I could be wrong about that. He was Kentucky.
He was born in Kentucky, but he was a rep
from Misissippi. Okay, so he was probably really a Misissippian
by culture.
Speaker 2: I guess you could know much about him.
Speaker 1: We should do some time. Yeah, he was one of
the dudes that led that. We did an episode on
the little West Point Rebellion, like the drunken Rebellion at
West Point. Yeah, he was part of that. So always
getting up to stuff.
Speaker 2: That one a little scamp, a bit more of a
troublemaker than Robert E.
Speaker 1: Lee. Ye fucking boner.
Speaker 2: Seems like a better time because Lee was a nerd.
Speaker 1: No one said Jefferson Davis was a bad hang and
I'm not here to declare that on this podcast.
Speaker 2: I know nothing about the men.
Speaker 1: I guess tbd. But could he let a rebellion about
getting wasted at college? I'll give him. I'll give him
some points. Yeah, and again, Lee was a fucking nerd.
Speaker 2: But Lee's dad, though, was a bit of a badass, right,
uh is a part of the Revolutionary War, was.
Speaker 1: His grandpa, Lighthorse Harry. Yeah, he was a badass, but
I think that was his Oh no, no, yeah, this
is bad dad. Yeah yeah, yeah, he was a badass,
one of our great cavalry commanders in the American Revolution.
Speaker 2: It's toll an episode and hand we should.
Speaker 1: He's the better, he's superior, abs betterly, So that all
of that is just to say when they talk about
the tariff stuff like, well, it wasn't about slavery. They're
putting this in their official documents and their uh foundational
you know, writings and stuff like that. They're like, no,
it's about it's about that black people suck and they
should be our slaves. That's why we're fighting. However, there
were problems with tariffs that kind of are hilarious in
that everyone everyone in this situation is a fuck asshole.
Speaker 2: They're getting hit with teriffs by anything made with slave labor.
Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, no, nothing like that.
Speaker 2: How are they affected by tariffs?
Speaker 1: Then let me get into it.
Speaker 2: Okay, that's what this episode is about. Get to the point, Doug,
do you want to talk about you jet ski? Bore?
We could so it's technically our jet ski. I guess, so, well,
it's your jet ski. It's seems like it's mine. It's
in my possession.
Speaker 1: That's the nine tenths of the law, and the one
tenth that isn't That part.
Speaker 2: Of the law is financially. Your response, that's.
Speaker 1: The one tenth is the financial part that I have
to pay, but.
Speaker 2: You won't it. But I have the fun. Yeah, you pay,
I play.
Speaker 1: Look, the law is the law. I can't argue it,
and I won't.
Speaker 2: All right, I respect the law. I think it's a
good financial decision. I guess, so I.
Speaker 1: Guess if I pay it off, maybe my credit will
be you know, like, wow, that guy pays his debts.
Speaker 2: Just ignore it, or that.
Speaker 1: A rebootman comes. I'm like, you can look for the
jet ski. It's not here, Bud, like you, I trust me.
I wish it was here because I want you to
take it. But it's not and you'll never find it.
And he won't tell me word it. No, it's not
a lake in the oirande.
Speaker 2: Lake Austin just ripping it?
Speaker 1: Are they do they allow? I don't think they do.
Speaker 2: I don't care.
Speaker 1: Fair enough, you're already outside the law on.
Speaker 2: It, my rebel without a cause. It doesn't Yeah, it
doesn't fuck it matter. I'm just gonna be listening to
free bird, just reving it up, taking out people on
paddle boards. Oh so you're a ladybird, Now you go
on ladybird lake. I love that. Someone should just do that,
hitting up the sandbar, just.
Speaker 1: Taking absolute engined water machine, just spraying these fools with
fucking toxic water. There's like an algae bloom and you
just go up next to a bunch of dogs and.
Speaker 2: Side splash, sidelash homeless dude taking a ship on the side.
Speaker 1: Of the lake, toss it back at him.
Speaker 2: Yeah, right in his face.
Speaker 1: I mean his as soon as he takes a dump
in the lake, it's indistinguishable from the lake.
Speaker 2: He's getting covered with brown water. It's all shit. It's
all shit at this point, shit all the way down.
Speaker 1: And then some breed bar. Yeah. So again, it wasn't tariffs,
especially not tariffs that were passed. This is the important
part too, when they talk about tariffs, tariffs that were
passed thirty three years before.
Speaker 2: The Civil war started. To keep that in mind, we
like it was the tariffs.
Speaker 1: Oh, it must have happened like what, ten months before
the Civil war and that's where about.
Speaker 2: No, it was thirty three years before the fucking Civil war.
Speaker 1: But the tariffs did so, and the tariffs were talking
about or the tariff. I suppose it's one big tariff.
It was called the Tariff of Abominations and it was
passed in eighteen twenty eight.
Speaker 2: We do not negotiate with tariffs, with tiff terrofists.
Speaker 1: That'd be a good branding if any politician was smart.
Speaker 2: Enough to do that.
Speaker 1: Listen here, ram like like a European or Chinese like,
we don't negotiate with terrorifts.
Speaker 2: Yeah, terriff terrofists. Macrone just comes out with that.
Speaker 1: That would that that'd be fire mm hmm.
Speaker 2: But he's not smart enough to do that.
Speaker 1: Nope, certainly not. He married a woman three times his age,
fucking idiot. B Now granted he's French, so I assume
he has a parade of teenage mistresses.
Speaker 2: But dudes and dudes. Yeah, I just said teenage mistresses.
A twink can be a mistress, so either way it works. Yeah.
Speaker 1: This was not the first tariff in US history, of course, Uh,
just one of the most egregious. And I I am
serious when I say this. When this, when Southerners tell you,
oh it was a terrorist, man, they're full of shit,
but they are not wrong.
Speaker 2: I've never heard a Southerner but that is the terrorists.
Speaker 1: Oh boy, you're not. You don't meet people I meet?
Speaker 2: Then, No, I meet way less educated Southerner, I guess,
but you have to.
Speaker 1: You can only there's like a hard ceiling on the
on the education of them to talk about tariffs, Like
they're not intelligent enough to realize, like I guess even
read the Confederate Constitution or anything. But they are intelligent
enough to like pull that try to like try to
make that work, you know what I mean, these tariffs.
Speaker 2: Their brain must be in a pretzel right now. Then, Oh,
if that's the defense.
Speaker 1: Tariffs, that's one thing I was gonna say the event
diagram of people who probably love the Trump tariffs and
then talk about how these tariffs of eighteen twenty eight
were bullshit and fucked over the economy and made the
South what a se seed. It's it's a circle.
Speaker 2: Eighteen twenty eight, eighteen twenty eight. This is Jackson, Adams
and Jackson. This is part yeah q que Quincy.
Speaker 1: This is part of the nullification crisis under Jackson. But
Adams signed it in a law and we'll get to that.
Because Jackson won the eighteen twenty eight election, but obviously
took over in eighteen twenty nine. Not the first tariff,
They've been tariffs since the started of the United States.
The eighteen twenty eight tariff was in part a series
of tariffs that began after the War of eighteen twelve
and the Napoleonic Wars. Those tariffs were put in place
because essentially, during the Napoleonic Wars, Britain was like and
Britain was the manufacturing hub of the world. Basically at
this point Britain was like, ah, fuck, we can't sell
our shit to Europe anymore because it's on fire. Yeah,
so we in New Market, we were a growing industrial country,
a growing consumer economy, So they turned around started selling
us this fuck American manufacturers who were not as developed
as I mean, Britain was already in full Industrial revolution.
We were catching up at this point. So our manufacturing
capacity and our manufacturing technology could not match what Britain had.
So to protect the manufacturers who were almost exclusively in
the North, a protective tariff was put in place in
eighteen sixteen, and then the rates were increased in eighteen
twenty four. This was specifically done to protect American industry,
which almost exclusively helped the North for all intents and purposes,
exclusively helped the North at the detriment of the South.
Speaker 2: To the detriment what English imports was the South like
relying on.
Speaker 1: All kinds of shit machine parts and stuff like that.
Like they didn't the South didn't make anything. The South
was agrarian, so they had raw goods. They had cotton,
they had tobacco, cash, crept stuff like that. What they
needed was shit plows, yeah, all kinds of stuff like that.
Things too. Like now, they would either ship it raw
back to England, right so for the for English textile
mills and stuff like that to handle, or they would
send it to or they would get it to a
point themselves and then send it to the North or
send it to England or whatever. Although the South was
extremely undermodernized, like it was not a modernized place at all,
and we'll get to that. But one thing they were
able to do too is just almost like exchange the
cotton still at a profit for these you know, whatever
machinery or whatever else they needed. Okay, so they could
get cheap goods, harvest their shit for cheaper and then
sell it it was. It was a free market economy
minus the slavery.
Speaker 2: This is kind of why they side with the South
from the Civil War.
Speaker 1: The British, Yeah, a little bit. It's why they were
potentially thinking about it.
Speaker 2: Also.
Speaker 1: I think they kind of just didn't like the fact
that the United States was a growing power.
Speaker 2: Cause a little division. You already have these established relationships.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was potentially in their economic interest to do that.
Speaker 2: We uh, we need to payback England. What do you
mean we need to cause some division there? Yeah, I agree,
fuck them, we should have we should break them back
into their kingdoms.
Speaker 1: I think we should have waited until Hitler launched Operation
Sea Lion, you know, invaded England, and then save them,
really make them os could.
Speaker 2: Also just be a long term play. Hitler still alive, apparently, Yeah, apparently,
And he's not in Argentina.
Speaker 1: It was on the moon now Argentina to yeah, yeah, yeah,
you're right.
Speaker 2: He said. He escaped Argentina, ended up in the launch
pad in Antarctica, and now he's on the dark side
of the moon.
Speaker 1: Dark side of the moon. Yep. So, Southern States, South
Carolina in particular, fucking furious about these tariffs. Fucking it
was fucking their economy. It made everything more expensive. Now
they were forced to buy things from the North manufactured
goods they were instead of buying them cheaper from the
UK in a free market system where prices had to
compete with each other. Now the tariffs made it so
the only place they could essentially buy from was the North.
Speaker 2: Oh no, the North just jack up prices. Yes, we're dicks.
Speaker 1: Yes, had things got more expensive, we did.
Speaker 2: Not have the best interest for our entire country.
Speaker 1: No, it fucked the South. It did fuck the South.
Like I'm not here to say that the tariffs didn't
fuck the South, and there were being babies about it.
I'm just saying it was the slavery. They wanted the slavery.
They were worried We're gonna take their slaves away. That's
why they succeeded these tariffs. Though they had every right
to be mad about these tariffs, even if it was
really in the end, they were mad that.
Speaker 2: Their slavery was less profitable. Regardless of that, the tariffs
fucked them. Jackson did this, Adams did it.
Speaker 1: So we're gonna get this is the best part of
the whole thing, which is why don't feel too bad
for the South.
Speaker 2: Don't feel too bad.
Speaker 1: For the South.
Speaker 2: Take Quincy. You can't call me Adams.
Speaker 1: Quincy Quincy signed it. Don't feel too bad for the South.
We'll get into that right now. So northern States, we're
all about those tariffs because it helped their industrial economy
at the expense of the South. But who cares about
those motherfuckers that in their minds? So one might wonder though, Okay,
also a worldly man like Quincy not wanting to, uh,
you know, have a fruitful trade with international partners.
Speaker 2: That's interesting.
Speaker 1: Uh, we'll get into that a little bit as well.
We'll get into all that. Why this happened in eighteen
twenty eight. So one might wonder, though, Okay, if the
tariffs hit, shouldn't that have brought manufacturing jobs to the South.
Why didn't this South start to industrialize to make their
own economy self sufficient? Do you know what? Why? They didn't?
Speaker 2: Lazy? They didn't.
Speaker 1: They literally didn't fucking want to.
Speaker 2: They were addicted to mint julips and they were just
sipping on it on their porches in a hot summer day.
And that this is not not the life on me.
Speaker 1: That is not a lie for me. I ain't gonna
sweat in a factory. I'll sweat on this pols all day.
O da man, Jude real here to here. Oh boy,
it is getting up there. One of my favorite quotes
from any Southern landowner. I forget who it was, but
they said it in Ken Hearon Civil War. It's just like,
I'd rather be burning in hell than one of them
boys out there in that field.
Speaker 2: And I was like, yeah, that makes sense, but think
about it, I ain't gonna be working no factory. Jell.
Speaker 1: The so factories were a little bit of a risky investment,
so that credit where credit is due there. They didn't
want to take a financial risk at all, even though.
Speaker 2: Probably pollutes the city.
Speaker 1: They don't care about that.
Speaker 2: You don't think they care about that.
Speaker 1: And so no one cared about pollution in the eighteen hundreds.
Speaker 2: The smog, it's gross.
Speaker 1: I'm sure they did go up to New York sometimes.
This was a hell a hole.
Speaker 2: I can't breathe, honey.
Speaker 1: Oh no. But really they just didn't want to modernize.
They didn't want to do anything. All the landowning aristocrats
and all the land owning out oligarchs, the politicians who
were those people they liked their way of life. They
liked sitting on a porch in seersucker, drinking him at
julip and watching people work for free.
Speaker 2: This is God's country, and I get it. Yeah, it's
a pretty cool life.
Speaker 1: I get it.
Speaker 2: I get it.
Speaker 1: I get why you would want to keep that, even
at the expense of everyone else who lives there, not
just slaves, obviously the slaves, but not just the slaves
like it. The South was comically behind the North in
every single way because there was a cultural aspect to
it where they're like, this is our way of life.
We're a grarian, We're landowner. We worked the land. We
don't need them railroads, we don't need them big old cities.
In fact, the capital of the Confederacy was essentially the
only fucking Southern city that industrialized at all. The richest
city in the South was the only one that industrialized.
Richmond was the only one that had any semblance of
an industrial capacity. New Orleans was more of a port.
Speaker 2: Richmond is not an impressive city, not anymore.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: I've driven through it many a time.
Speaker 1: Is that on your Philly to Orlando?
Speaker 2: Uh, Philly to hear too, I've driven through Richmond. Oh
really yeah, random depends what way you want to go.
Been through West Virginia and Virginia. Virginia is actually beautiful.
It's like low key one of the best states in
the country.
Speaker 1: Oh. I think I wish Richmond was a bigger metropolis
because then Virginia might be the best state in the country.
Speaker 2: I would live in the city, though, I would live Yeah,
open land, Virginia burbs. No, southern Virginia. I do Charlottesville
for Charles Hill's rad tiki torch owning white like you.
Speaker 1: Well in my backyard. Maybe to keep the mosquitoes away. Yeah,
mosquitoes were called Jews, real bloodsuckers.
Speaker 2: Well they're not going to be around. They're not. They're
not venturing in those parts.
Speaker 1: Not no more. Boy. So the South, the South was like, dude, no,
this is our way of life, Like, we're not doing
the city factory bullshit. So they didn't have the route.
They never did bothered to build a railroad capacity. They
never bothered to urbanize very much. I mean, you know,
they had New Orleans, which predates the United States of America.
Richmond was basically their industrial city. Atlanta was kind of
bucking a little bit but Charleston was a port city.
I mean a lot of their big a lot of
their major cities were really just ports. It was more
for that than than anything else. But yeah, they love
the setup. They didn't care that. They obviously didn't care
about the slaves, but they really didn't care that it
fucked over the average white guy that lived in the
South too. HM didn't like that. They didn't care that
their standard of life was not what it could be.
So they didn't bother to modernize. It didn't bother to urbanize,
it didn't bother to industrialize. They liked the way they
were doing things. And again I get.
Speaker 2: It, simpler life. Yeah, why do you have to monernize?
Speaker 1: Mint? Julip on the porch?
Speaker 2: Sounds nice? Why are gonna be so progressive?
Speaker 1: Right?
Speaker 2: I mean obviously free people, of course, no slaves, but
right now, like why do we have to monetize? But
why do we have to embrace the changes that are
happening right now? Look, I'm not an automation AI. It's
not good for us.
Speaker 1: I'm not against arbitrary limits on things necessarily. I don't
know if our point is, but I'm not against technology.
Speaker 2: Yeah, let's stop it's only gonna go downhill from here.
We're gonna lead to our annihilation.
Speaker 1: I can't tell if that's just me getting old or
if it's actually getting scary where I'm like, how do
I feel like things are just getting weird.
Speaker 2: It's gonna all happen very slowly, but eventually, when we
recognize that it is all bad for us, it'll be
too late. It'll be gradual.
Speaker 1: Hold on, there's a Hemingway quote about this. Oh yeah,
it was about how he went bankrupt. He goes, how
do you go bankrupt? Two ways?
Speaker 2: Gradually?
Speaker 1: Gradually. Then suddenly that's what you're describing.
Speaker 2: Well, you know, heming weighs my boy. Yeah, it's one
of the few books I've actually read in my life.
A Farewell to Arms.
Speaker 1: That's a read that too. I like that book. It's
a good book.
Speaker 2: It's a good book.
Speaker 1: It's a great book. It's freshman year.
Speaker 2: English, sophomore year. We're a little behind you guys.
Speaker 1: Well, you know, public school. Sophomore is a private school.
Speaker 2: Freshman may say that.
Speaker 1: So the Southerners hated these fucking tariffs, and they wanted
to make sure two of two things. One that Quincy
lost the eighteen twenty eight election and two mud slinging election, uh,
one of the worst in history, and.
Speaker 2: Calling Jackson's wife a whore killed her did kill her.
Speaker 1: Jackson was like that you calling her a whore killed her,
which in eighteen twenty eight seems plausible. I mean nowadays
people get you know, some high schooler. We'll see that
the bully at school talk about how she's a whore,
and it'll get a thousand views on TikTok and they'll
be like, nope, finding mom's pills. I'm out.
Speaker 2: Quincy was a weirdo too.
Speaker 1: Yeah, we know the mold people.
Speaker 2: Well there's that, which never happened, but yeah, I know.
Unfortunately he wasn't actually trying to get to the end
of the earth. But it's a better story. He did
swim naked in the Potomac quite often.
Speaker 1: I think that's weird for the day. I guess people
swam naked.
Speaker 2: I think he almost died. He probably did. He almost
drowned him one of his swims.
Speaker 1: He'll probably swam on a day that was slightly too
cold and his body just was like locked up.
Speaker 2: It was like sixty nine degrees out and his body
was like, oh, it's eighteen twenty seven. This is cold plunge. Yeah,
which obviously been saying it for years. It's not good
for you if you're trying to build muscle.
Speaker 1: Is it not.
Speaker 2: No, it's good for recovery if you're like an elite athlete.
Speaker 1: Like an endurance athlete.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Like if you play a soccer game and you're
going ninety minutes, ninety plus minutes, you're Ronaldo. You have
a game in three more days. Hit the ice bath. Yeah, recover. Yeah.
If you're lifting weights and you hop right into the
ice bath, it immediately kills everything you just did.
Speaker 1: It puts it on immediate pause.
Speaker 2: Because when you build muscle, you're tearing your muscle up
and it has to recover and that's it comes back stronger, bigger.
That's how muscle growth happens. You eat obviously to help
with that process, but when you just go into the
cold plunge or the ice tub, it just nukes that process.
Speaker 1: Sweet.
Speaker 2: I know you need this information.
Speaker 1: For live certainly, I gotta stop taking it. Ice baths.
After I carry both of my screaming toddlers upstairs, I
immediately just dive into a bathed up, full eyes after
two of them were punching me in the face as
I carry them up to their beds. That's a workout.
Have you heard your weights fight back? Uh? Yeah.
Speaker 2: I dropped a fucking ten pound weight on my foot,
and I think I have a broken foot right now.
I'm not kidding. Somebody left a ten pound regular weight
on the bumper plates and I was going around the
other side. I wasn't looking, so I was kind of
like wrapped around the squad rack pulling off the twenty
five pound bumper plate. The ten was tiny. Yeah, so
it fell four feet as I'm pulling it like from forward,
like off the rack. Yeah, so the ten falls onto
my foot. Was that today? It was last week? Okay?
Speaker 1: Oh still broking, It's yeah, it still hurts. Okay. I
think you just got a bone bruise. Think you are.
Speaker 2: I think it's a fracture. But we're gonna power through. Yeah.
It's a man man right there. So the South, I'm
not going to see a doctor. No, it's stupid.
Speaker 1: So the South, Southern politicians in Congress wanted to do
two things. Ay, they wanted to fuck John Quincy Adams
make sure he didn't get re elected, and b wanted
to make sure no more tariffs would get passed, so
they wrote a tariff bill so shitty that it would
never get past. I'm talking about a tariff bill that
fucked everybody. It was an elaborate scheme to prevent more
tariff passage while at the same time appealing to potential
Andrew Jackson supporters in the North. Of course, our boy
John C. Calhoun was one of the ringleaders of this.
He and Martin Van Buren crafted the tariff bill in
a way that it would also fuck New England states
and stuff they.
Speaker 2: Imported, just with the purpose of it not getting passed. Yes,
oh dude, I can relate with that.
Speaker 1: This was a bill written by Southerners. The Tariff of Abominations,
the tariff that people claim caused the Civil War, was
written by Southerners because they wanted to write a bill
so bad that they thought it would never pass because
it fucked big parts of the North too, and the
North looked at it and said done.
Speaker 2: It's a musician that writes just a very low effort
song hoping to troll their fan base and becomes one
of their largest songs. Yep, and they hate playing it
every time.
Speaker 1: I can tell you one of those songs, all the
small things, blink win A two, Yeah, Tom DeLong the
studio whatever asked them to write just like a stupid
like love song or whatever, and he just wrote, like
the most obnoxious song you could and it is the
number one smash it. It is the number one blank
win A two song.
Speaker 2: I here on the radio and he wants to kill
stuff every time you play.
Speaker 1: It's not a good song. I hate that.
Speaker 2: It's like anytime we would write something at TFM or
grand X, the things I hated the most got the
most play. Yeah, they got the most views, they got
the most reads, just like, god, damn, I hate it.
Speaker 1: And then you get congratulated. And then you would sit
there for any of us that happened to it happened
to all of us. You'd sit there and be like, well,
it's not that cool, because now this is the biggest
representation of my sense of.
Speaker 2: Humor and work, and put no effort in this.
Speaker 1: It's not good.
Speaker 2: It took me fifteen minutes yep, mailed it in completely yep.
And the people love it.
Speaker 1: So I'm in no way happy that this dude. Well,
and by the way, you don't get extra money for it.
So it's nope, there's no, there's no.
Speaker 2: Hey you're the guy that did that, right.
Speaker 1: Ah yeah, great, yeah, sorry, I'm very happy to hear
you say that.
Speaker 2: You glad that's what you relate with my name.
Speaker 1: So the Southerners believed when they wrote this absolutely dogshit
bill that Quincy's supporters in New England would be against
it because it tariffed a lot of stuff they imported too,
And then Southern legislators once the New Englanders were like, dude,
fuck this bill, they could withdraw their support, kill the
legislation while blaming New Englanders and it would make the
Adams Clay coalition look horrible. This was literally Calhoun van
Buren Southern politicians trying to play for Van Buren is
not Southern politician, but he's a Democrat of that coalition
trying to play forty chess.
Speaker 2: And it fucked him. Although Van Buren ends up being president,
so maybe it's what elevates them to the presidency.
Speaker 1: Well the more on that, because this is really Calhoun's brainchild.
Van Buren was kind of the brain guy in terms
of like he was the dude that worked out strategy
and policy, but this was Calhoun's idea.
Speaker 2: I think whose wife was the flirt?
Speaker 1: Was it Calhoun's oh, for the Petticoat affair? I think so.
I think it was Calhoun's wife that everyone was a
dick to.
Speaker 2: She was just one of the boys. It wasn't a dick.
Speaker 1: She was just very fu No, no, no, no, no, no,
it wasn't. It wasn't Calhoun's wife. Calhoun's wife was a
bitch to her. Okay, that's what it was. Yeah, And
whose wife wasn't? Oh, man, let me look it up again.
Speaker 2: It's your episode.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you know what.
Speaker 2: We did it like five weeks ago.
Speaker 1: So why would I Peggy O'Neil was the woman, and
she was she was married to like a lower level
guy like it was just one of Jackson's cabinet members.
Uh yeah. And and Calhoun's wife was a huge bit.
Speaker 2: Sure, women be hating on each other and that's what
helped start one another the Civil War kind of.
Speaker 1: So this literal attempt at forty Chess, they just took
the queen and shoved it up the South's ass essentially.
Speaker 2: But also hurt the North. Well, why would you ever
even like throw this into existence on the off chance
a gets passed.
Speaker 1: I don't know. And by the way, they thought they
were crushing it too, because the New Englanders looked at
the bill at first and were like whoa, And they
tried to amend it and every time completely blocked by
the Southerners. They were like, no, no amendments, this is
the bill, this is the shitty bill. Go ahead and
try to pass it by so while the New Englanders,
even though they tried to amend it. While the New
Englanders they didn't like the raw material hikes for themselves,
they were.
Speaker 2: Like, oh, that's gonna be steep.
Speaker 1: They still saw that the tariffs protected the finished goods
made in the North, yeah, and viewed it as a
net wind. They were essentially like, boy, Southerners, you drive
a hard bargain. Will you just weird sticking to your guns? Okay,
we'll pass this one, I guess, because we do still
win in the end. And they fucking passed this bill
that was specifically written to not get passed by the people.
It fucked.
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't put effort into tanking things. They will find
a way to get by there.
Speaker 1: It's karmic, like the universe was just like, oh, you
think you're clever?
Speaker 2: Yeah, don't be too clever.
Speaker 1: You're not so clever. Here's my favorite part that'll make
you even more annoyed. The South dubbed it the Tariff
of Abominations and viewed it viewed the passing of this
bill as a Northern conspiracy to make their industrialists richer
at the expense of the South. They viewed the bill,
they wrote as a Northern conspiracy to fuck them over.
Speaker 2: We're all looking for the guy that did this un
fucking believable. Yeah.
Speaker 1: I was maybe not gonna do this episode. I was
looking around and stuff, and then I saw that, and
I was like, nope, we're doing this today.
Speaker 2: Do we need another z in right now?
Speaker 1: We need another's in. I'm fucking rolling.
Speaker 2: You're licking your lips like you're a lizard person.
Speaker 1: I'm a little dry. This hard day after drives me out.
Speaker 2: I don't know if it's a hard AF. I think
it's the fucking zen's you get up, my bat' you're
turning full reptilian.
Speaker 1: Good because reptile. I am actually in favor of the tariffs.
I'm a reptilian globalist.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, well we know you're actually the globalist
hate tariffs, but whatever, so.
Speaker 1: Farmer. So here's the other thing. One of the reasons
it passed was a certain amount of englander is flipped
the mid Atlantic states and farmers in western states looked
at the bill and they were like they were the
same way. They were like, boy, oh, is it gonna
bring us some pain? But I think in the long
run it's a good thing done.
Speaker 2: Let's do it. It's so bad that it like tricks your brain. Yeah,
you're like, maybe this is a good thing. Why would
they write this otherwise?
Speaker 1: Yeah, how could anyone want to do this unless it
was a good idea? Like, is it so crazy it'll work?
Speaker 2: Like why would they write this to fuck themselves over?
Speaker 1: They wouldn't do that. They would never do that sound
in their interest, Like they're not they wouldn't fuck themselves over.
So that has to be off the table. Yeah, but
it was all that was on the table.
Speaker 2: It's like a reverse psychology play that kind of gets
everyone's brain in a pretzel. Yeah, and just like, yeah,
I guess past it. Yeah, no one understood what was happening.
Speaker 1: Now. The South didn't vote for it. They wrote it,
but they didn't vote for it. But they thought that
the new Englanders wouldn't vote for it either, but the
New Englanders did vote for it, and the Westerners and
mid Atlantic states also voted for it, and it passed
by like I think six votes or something like that.
Speaker 2: Quite a cell phone, it is.
Speaker 1: It is having sex with a wood chipper cell phone? Like,
I mean, it is unfucking believable.
Speaker 2: You don't think you could do it?
Speaker 1: I mean I could put my penis in a wood chipper.
That's not really up for debate.
Speaker 2: You into danger play.
Speaker 1: I am not no no quiet, breathless missionary missionary.
Speaker 2: Okay is what I'm All of your kids conceived quiet? Well, now,
the quiet missionary Sammy was conceived cowgirl because you were
going for the girl. Yeah, it's a power play.
Speaker 1: I can, I can. I don't know how the other
two were conceived position wise, but I can guarantee, without
a shadow of a doubt that I know the position
my last child was conceived in.
Speaker 2: And just know, if you conceive your child doggie style,
he doesn't have a soul, You're not gonna be a
good person. Mm hmm. I can tell you that he
is gonna be a sociopath.
Speaker 1: Yeah. So Calhoun, who helped make this happen.
Speaker 2: Oh, I'm sorry.
Speaker 1: In eighteen twenty eight, the tariff was signed by Adams,
even though he knew it would probably fucking politically, and
it did, and he lost to Andrew Jackson in the
eighteen twenty eight presidential election. Jackson's vice president, John C.
Calhoun immediately turn around as the second highest person in
the federal government and told South Carolina to tell the
federal government to go fuck themselves, just to ignore the tariffs.
Don't charge them in your ports. Fuck the federal government.
Speaker 2: Yep. But Calhoun could have just told Jackson, hey, just
get rid of the shit.
Speaker 1: Oh they thought Jackson was going to repeal it.
Speaker 2: Hey, my man, we have the powder to do this. Now,
let's get rid of it.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing. Even though Jackson was a Southerner and
a slaveholder, he was above all else an American, and
he saw a law that was constitutionally passed and constitutionally signed,
and then saw people trying to subvert the authority of
the federal government and said, absolutely fucking not, because subverting
that authority, even if it was done by a previous administration,
would subvert his own authority and create possible further divisions
in which the South might want to it would get
it would open Pandora's box, right America. First, he was
he didn't want to open Pandora's box.
Speaker 2: Why was he attacking American institutions?
Speaker 1: Though? Then with like banking, I don't know, that's that's
above my pay grade right now. I didn't research that
for today, Okay, but I guess there. I guess you
could say maybe with the Central Bank or whatever. I
don't know quite what the situation was on that, but
if it was not the same as the fact that
it was passed by both houses of Congress and then
signed into law by a president, which is compl and
then I believe, upheld by the Supreme Court or any
any court as far as I know. He was like,
this is this is the government. This is what you
elected them to do. You vote them in at both
houses signed off on it. The President of the United States.
It might not have been me, but the president of
the Unit. It might not even been my party, but
the president United.
Speaker 2: And Jackson respons just the chair. Yes, the position. Literally,
he was like, this is the law A man that
caught his wife a whore and caused her to die.
Speaker 1: He didn't care. He was like, this is the law.
What the fucking paper says.
Speaker 2: Just dragged her name through the fucking mud and all
the papers.
Speaker 1: So Jackson was like, no, this is we can we
can try to. You can try to you know, undo
it or something, or you know, when the law you
know whatever, however, you could try to go through it
the right way. But Calhoun was just like, nope, ignore
the federal government, nullify the tariffs. And Calhoun, to his credit,
I will say, actually questioned the constitutionality of these tariffs,
specifically of taxing imports without the explicit goal of raising
revenue for the government, because this was a protectionist tariff.
This was literally to give northern industry a leg up
and a jumpstart I suppose in a roundabout way. Well, no,
it wouldn't have been because they weren't really taxing industries,
I don't think back then, so it wasn't. It was
not a revenue raising tariff. It was literally just to
help northern industries. So Calhoun was like, this is bullshit.
We're not putting money in the government coffers for this.
I mean, we might be a little bit, but this
is mostly just to help the North at literally truly,
the expense of the South, like now our economy is
getting sunk because everything costs more for everyone. And Jackson
was like, uh, suck my dick. That's the law and
you wrote it, asshole.
Speaker 2: You know I like that position though. You gotta take
both sides see how it plays out. Like sure, I
wrote this, I don't agree with it, but yeah. He
was like, then if it does work out, but yeah
I wrote that. Yeah, so he wins no matter what.
Speaker 1: He gets, he gets to eat, have his cake, and
eat it too, except he got neither of those things.
The cake was taken away and he ate nothing. So
in eighteen thirty.
Speaker 2: Two did on the cake.
Speaker 1: Yeah, he's farted on the cake. In eighteen thirty two,
Jackson signed in a law, the Tariff of eighteen thirty two,
which did make some reduction in the tariff rates. However,
South Carolina was still like, that's not I fucking enough,
that is not enough. So at the advice of John C. Calhoun,
they called a state convention and by an overwhelming vote,
the convention adopted an ordinance of nullification. So they were like,
we're not going to charge sheriffs at our ports. We're
not gonna We're not gonna do it.
Speaker 2: Fuck you. This is the nullification crisis. It's always South Carolina.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it declared the Terrace of eighteen twenty eight in
eighteen thirty two unconstitutionable, are unconstitutional and unenforceable. Sorry about
that in South Carolina. And this is where President Jackson
is like, you are absolutely goddamn fucking not going against
federal law. You passed this shit, this was past constitutionally.
Speaker 2: Fuck you. Did Jackson sending trips to South Carolina, he.
Speaker 1: Told them he would invade.
Speaker 2: Yes, yes, Jackson.
Speaker 1: He was like, I will fucking invade South Carolina.
Speaker 2: If you do this, not the Palmetta State.
Speaker 1: So South Carolina was like, obviously, with a man like
Andrew Jackson, South Carolina is like, oh.
Speaker 2: He'll do it. Yeah. He doesn't really just say things.
Speaker 1: No, No, he's a man of action, Andrew Jackson.
Speaker 2: Jackson's about that action.
Speaker 1: Is who Teddy Roosevelt wishes. He was yeah, like, full.
Speaker 2: Stop, full hickory.
Speaker 1: I'm not old Hickory.
Speaker 2: No, but I'm saying full Hickory.
Speaker 1: Yeah, I'm not. I'm not saying Teddy Roosevelt sucks or anything.
But as you said before on the show, he was
a tryhard who didn't need to be a tryhard Andrew Jackson,
he didn't adopt the darkness.
Speaker 2: He's about that life.
Speaker 1: He was born into it, rafted by it, molded by it.
Like Andrew Jackson was that fucking dude.
Speaker 2: He was king of New Orleans for a couple of years.
Speaker 1: He does what he wants. So Jackson's like, this is law, motherfucker.
And then obviously he's fucking furious that he thinks what.
He comes to a compromise, and they're still like, no,
we're gonna do it. So they passed another tariff in
eighteen thirty three, which was a compromise that finally got
South Carolina back down a little bit. For the next
nine years, tariffs were I guess at a level that
was acceptable to everyone, until there was another tariff situation
in eighteen forty two, the Black Tariff of eighteen forty two,
again signed into law by a Southerner, John Tyler, who
was a slave holding Virginian. He reluctantly signed in a law,
but he did sign in a law. This was basically though,
he kind of didn't have a choice because there was
no income tax or anything like that, and the federal government
was completely bankrupt from the Panic of eighteen thirty seven,
essentially our first major financial crisis, our first almost like
great depression, you could call it. So he was like, I,
you know, I guess I have to do this, Like
we're we don't have any money. And this tariff was
I don't want to say harder, but in some ways
more severe. Specifically, there were no there was no credit.
You couldn't drop something off and be like put it
on our tab. If you drop something off, cash on
the fucking spot.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna need the exact change.
Speaker 1: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Oh that's a that's a tough way to live.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Your boat better have two things on it, machine
parts and fucking cash.
Speaker 2: Mmm.
Speaker 1: So that one in eighteen forty.
Speaker 2: Doesn't really stimulate the economy.
Speaker 1: No, No, that one fucked the Southern economy too, even
though it was again signed in the law by a Southerner.
That one, though, was at least for revenue raising reasons
because the government was fucking and you might think, oh, well,
maybe that's the tariffs Southerners we're talking about, and how
the Civil War started.
Speaker 2: Why didn't they just have like a fundraiser it sung
candy bars door to door.
Speaker 1: I don't know.
Speaker 2: They works for us when we were like ten.
Speaker 1: I'm sure you can go grow cocoa and Florida or
something like that.
Speaker 2: Lord knows, the labor's free, or just you know, go
to a convenience store with your football helmet and be like, hey,
we need donations for our team's jerseys. Why don't we
do that? As that'd be a good drift. I mean,
that's what you should do with your kids.
Speaker 1: Do you want to go to it? It's just us. Yeah,
I'll have my toddler there.
Speaker 2: Just get like a Polo dry fit a whistle.
Speaker 1: With some like nondescript mascot on it, just like a
random tiger.
Speaker 2: Yeah. Yeah, although we can get creative with it. Like
my childhood Papa Warner football team was the Termites. What
really with the Prospect Park Termites? Go Urmy's Yeah, dude,
I thinking back, I was talking to my parents this weekend. Uh,
like first and second grade football. We're doing Oklahoma drill nutcrackers.
We're just leading with our head. I had so much
ct for a toddler at a little tike.
Speaker 1: I'm sure, good Lord, what are we doing? Full contact practice?
Speaker 2: Yeah? Full pads, full contact for like two to three hours.
Speaker 1: Good lord, they don't make my movie like they used to.
Speaker 2: Noah, they sure don't solve for little boys. We didn't
play flag.
Speaker 1: We didn't have that option, even though I bet a
pop orange gem now would dust your asses.
Speaker 2: But no way with their spread bullshit too fast. Nah,
I go right through that Swiss cheese line.
Speaker 1: Eye formation bullshitting especially.
Speaker 2: For me right now, dude, I would wreck some popwornis
thirty four year old?
Speaker 1: Dan?
Speaker 2: Maybe just moving them like Moses animal that hit puberty.
Speaker 1: Get eight just takes you to pieces. No cham steps
on your broken ass foot.
Speaker 2: Ice box is getting drilled.
Speaker 1: So the tariffs, so you might think though these eighteen
forty fives, oh maybe that's a tariff to the Civil War.
Those were revoked in eighteen forty eight, and up until
the Civil War, the tariff situation was very favorable to
the South. In fact, the South controlled Congress from almost
the entire time between eighteen forty six and the Civil
War and the presidency the entire time they had Democrats
in throughout. Buchanan was from Pennsylvania, but he was sympathetic
to the South. So the economic situation for the South
was fucking fine. Between eighteen forty six and eighteen sixty one.
But it is to me a really really funny dynamic
at play here where I don't think there's a single
good guy.
Speaker 2: Southerners. You got nobody to blame but yourself.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you did this. They wrote the fucking bill, and
in their hubris thought they were so smart, thought there
was so much smarter that it would never get fucking passed.
And the North, in their greed, was like, hell, yeah,
fuck everyone else, let's get our factory's fucking cooking.
Speaker 2: You're throwing that alley loop up. We're gonna slam it down.
Speaker 1: Yeah, you tossed the lob, We're gonna fucking throw it down.
It fucked the Southern economy twice, I guess, between the
black tariffs and the eighteen twenty eight tariffs. Not our idea, yours,
And it did. It did help northern industry, but it
did not help this. But and then the other thing too,
is is like the South never at any point was
like looked around and thought we should become more self sufficient.
Speaker 2: They were still The question is, though, was calhouna double
agent for what the north of the North right? He honestly,
he set the South up to fail time and time
again out of straight. Maybe it was bored because his
wife was such a bitch that just wanted to stay
and have problems to solve an office.
Speaker 1: Because he couldn't solve the problem at home.
Speaker 2: No, so he's like, honey, I got another thing.
Speaker 1: I'm going to work.
Speaker 2: I'm not coming home.
Speaker 1: Working late today, fucking again.
Speaker 2: Just wanted to stare at whatever her name was again O'Neil.
Speaker 1: Yeah, Patty O'Neill, some some bullshit like that, Peggy O'Neil,
Peggy O'Neal. She was pretty hot for the day.
Speaker 2: A good time gal.
Speaker 1: Yeah, but yeah, I the North absolute dickheads for fucking
for being like, yeah, fuck everyone else, let's get our
factories cooking. The South absolute dickheads for trying to play
a game of forty chess. They were not equipped to play.
And then again the South, they had no intention of
being self sufficient.
Speaker 2: It's also not forty chess. That's just ripping open a
grenade and putting it at your feet.
Speaker 1: Here's the thing about people who think they're playing forty chess,
that's all they're doing. No one's playing.
Speaker 2: Forty chess rowing their legs off.
Speaker 1: Yeah, no one is ever in the history of the
world actually played forty chess. They say they're playing forty chess.
They think they're playing forty chess, but it it's it
is just like a funny situation where the South fucked
themselves twice, really one by writing the bill, but two.
But they never they never wanted to be self sufficient.
They were just like, I want the cheapest possible goods,
but I don't want I don't want to. I don't
want to to do it evolve. I don't want to
evolve into modernity at all.
Speaker 2: Dide I get that, though, Why would I amish and
then the North just being like, yeah, fuck done, let's
fucking do this. I kind of uh, you've made me
sympathetic to the South today.
Speaker 1: I would I am sympathetic for most Southerners because the
terrorists fucked them. I am not sympathetic to the people
that wrote that bill at all.
Speaker 2: No, it's not really our job. You can't force that,
honus now. I mean, live a simple life.
Speaker 1: We just want to live. We don't need railroads and
fucking that is essentially an encompassment of tariffs in general
to me. But what'd you learn today?
Speaker 2: I learned that the person responsible for this. Calhoun. You know,
he's quite a trickster throughout US history. He's just it's
caused a lot of issues. A fucking dick like, he
just causes problem after problem. Just total cell phones. Yeah,
between the Petticoat affair and Marina is such a bitch and.
Speaker 1: The eighteen twenty eight tariffs.
Speaker 2: Oh that's the Petticoat affair.
Speaker 1: Yeah, really, just fucks himself time and time again. Who's
today's hitler?
Speaker 2: Dude? Just hire some Irish dudes you can kill.
Speaker 1: There were plenty.
Speaker 2: There's so many of us that you could have just
taken out, ready to die. Ask New Orleans cheaper. It's
expensive and on a slave it is.
Speaker 1: That was one of the arguments that they made in
favor of slavery. They were like, the slaves live better
than your Irish factory workers, right, And I, aside from
the freedom part, I don't know that they were wrong.
Speaker 2: I don't know if the Irish were free.
Speaker 1: They were free or maybe a little bit not really
they could leave.
Speaker 2: But that's how you modernize. You pay shit wages. Yeah,
to you know, another up and coming invasive race.
Speaker 1: You could certainly call the Irish invasive can't really call
black people invasive.
Speaker 2: No, I'm talking about Hispanics. Now, okay, you pay an
irishman a halfpenny a day.
Speaker 1: The average slave cost, and I'll go eighteen twenty eight. Actually,
oh man, a prime field hand is what the quote
is here? Five to eight hundred dollars in eighteen twenty eight.
There's a lot of money women of child bearing age
because you owned anything that was born four to six
hundred children or old people were one hundred and three.
I don't know why children were less. I guess you
have to put in the work.
Speaker 2: Yeah, but the children has more years.
Speaker 1: I know.
Speaker 2: I don't he's a prospect. Maybe you're just paying for
a potential.
Speaker 1: So five hundred dollars in eighteen twenty eight is like
an upwards of twenty thousand dollars.
Speaker 2: Because what if you buy a lemon just a total
dead or yeah, he has to just serve serve your
mint julips.
Speaker 1: Basically, so an unskilled adult male factory worker in eighteen
twenty eight a dollar a day at most, uh, that
would be they'd split the difference. Seventy five cents is
fifty cents to a dollar two hundred and twenty five
dollars a year.
Speaker 2: But that's everything that's on the books. Yeah, true, So
come on, dud, we're talking under the table here.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, So I don't know, yeah, but uh yeah
the fuck. Everybody was an asshole in this one, and
the tariffs kind of fucked everyone because it did help
lead it, like the Civil War was not about tariffs,
but it did help further the divide between North and
South because the South was like, clearly, the North doesn't
care about us, and this in the North was like, yeah,
fuck you. I guess I don't know.
Speaker 2: So now the South is pro terrorf what now Today?
I would assume it polls better.
Speaker 1: Actually, I don't know how it pulls in A to B,
but I would assume it pulls better.
Speaker 2: In red states than blue states. But it doesn't pull
well at all. No, we'll see, though, we shall see.
We shall see. But yeah, that one could work out
or could not work out.
Speaker 1: That was the second most famous terrors of the options.
Speaker 2: Yeah, worker on the I'm a modern day philosophizer, you are.
Speaker 1: That was the second most famous tariff situation in United
States history. Smooth Holly is the first, but that's I care.
This one was funnier to me because it was smooth.
Speaker 2: Holly is literally depressant.
Speaker 1: Yeah, it was dirant. It made it. It made a depression, well,
amplified it, amplified it quite a bit. All right, Well
that's all I got for today.
Speaker 2: Cool. Check out Patreon, pitch on dot com, slash software history.
Two additional episodes every week Wednesday and Friday. Those drop
and uh yeah at this point three years, three plus
years of evergreen content. It takes a while to get through.
So yeah, five bucks, you're not gonna get better value
than that.
Speaker 1: Well worth your time.
Speaker 2: We might have to hit did do you think the
terroffs will affect the Patreon? Well, Apples tariffs do, so
that is true. We got hit with. It doesn't affect
you guys because we're keeping the press at five dollars.
But yeah, they're paying us less money.
Speaker 1: If you sign up through iOS, if you sign up
on phone, you're probably using Apple.
Speaker 2: Pay right, they'll take like a bigger percentage. If you
sign up on your you know, on your brows computer,
if it's not, if it's not, if it's not an Apple.
Speaker 1: No sign up through a PC.
Speaker 2: Yeah yeah, yeah, go to your local library sign up
to our Patreon through a PC and we get all
the money.
Speaker 1: Yeah, most of the money.
Speaker 2: Well a bigger percentage of.
Speaker 1: The Patreon still takes a cut, but yeah, this.
Speaker 2: Is our lives right.
Speaker 1: Well, that's all I got for today. For Damna Jester,
I'm Rob Fox.
Speaker 2: You just gotta saw serves