Speaker 1: Multiple people in my family clean my father, are veterans.
Speaker 2: Troops that have been to war and now they're back and.
Speaker 3: Think and be grateful for their service, sacrifice, love for
Speaker 3: their country, just unselfishness, all that they do for us.
Speaker 3: There are some people in this country who take extraordinary
Speaker 3: steps to provide for the freedom and security.
Speaker 2: We forget that those people exist.
Speaker 1: We know them as the Army, Navy, Air Force, Marines,
Speaker 1: and Coast Guard. They call themselves soldiers, seals, rangers, airmen, sailors, devil.
Speaker 2: Dogs, and so much more.
Speaker 1: We call them fathers, brothers, sons and husbands, mothers, daughters,
Speaker 1: sisters and wives. We call them friend and neighbor. These
Speaker 1: veterans answered the call. Now we answer theirs today are
Speaker 1: the best our country has to offer, and we love them. Today,
Speaker 1: we honor them, and we serve them. David Maulsby is
Speaker 1: your host, and he welcomes you to this community of veterans,
Speaker 1: as together we are building the road to.
Speaker 2: Hope, and we welcome you in on this Sunday. Those
Speaker 2: of you listening through the KPRC the nine to five
Speaker 2: OO on the AM dial, thank you for joining us.
Speaker 2: Those of you who listen through the magic of podcasts.
Speaker 2: Thank you so very much. Wherever you listen to podcasts,
Speaker 2: just look for Road to Hope Radio. There we are.
Speaker 2: It's absolutely zero costs. Just like everything we do with
Speaker 2: the PTSD Foundation of America, we appreciate you listening, subscribing, sharing.
Speaker 2: You never know with whom you might share it that
Speaker 2: might need the services that we provide, or understand that
Speaker 2: they need to provide to find some sort of help
Speaker 2: for whatever there might be going through. Everyone you lock
Speaker 2: eyes with that day could use a little bit of hope.
Speaker 2: So just wherever you listen to podcasts, just look for
Speaker 2: Road to Hope Radio. Hit that subscribe button automatically downloads,
Speaker 2: and we truly appreciate it when you not only listen
Speaker 2: but also share. Just real quickly. I hate really kind
Speaker 2: of bringing these sorts of things up because for some
Speaker 2: these awareness things kind of just get annoying. Every single
Speaker 2: day it's about twenty different things National Mosquito Day, National
Speaker 2: Banana and Peanut Butter Eating Day, or whatever it happens
Speaker 2: to be. And every month's about twelve different awareness months. June.
Speaker 2: I don't know who makes these decisions, some unknown entity,
Speaker 2: I guess sitting in a dark closet somewhere decides what
Speaker 2: is going to be on what month. June, amongst other things,
Speaker 2: happens to be PTSD Awareness month, And just a quick
Speaker 2: about that and we'll get into our regular show. Material've
Speaker 2: got a couple of guys in here from the PTSD
Speaker 2: Foundation of American and Camp Hope. We're gonna be chatting
Speaker 2: with them here a little bit about their stories. But
Speaker 2: when it comes to PTSD awareness and PTSD through this
Speaker 2: month of June, the last couple of shows here in June,
Speaker 2: we'll talk a little bit about what that means in
Speaker 2: a generic way, but I guess, and then get into
Speaker 2: the stories of our vets. But for today, I'll just
Speaker 2: say this post traumatic stress disorder is a very very
Speaker 2: real thing. I know some people will try to deny it.
Speaker 2: Some people try to say all kinds of things about
Speaker 2: what PTSD is or is not, but it is a
Speaker 2: very real issue, and we, particularly PTSD Foundation of American
Speaker 2: Camp Hope deal particularly with related post traumatic stress Now
Speaker 2: at Camp Hope. That means every veteran's come into our
Speaker 2: program going through our program have combat related trauma in
Speaker 2: their life. In our support groups, we also add first responders,
Speaker 2: law enforcement that type of thing. But anybody, regardless of
Speaker 2: who you are, your background, your experiences, anybody can be
Speaker 2: affected by post traumatic stress. Is not strictly about the
Speaker 2: veteran population. That's just the part we deal with currently
Speaker 2: as an organization, But anyone can be affected by it.
Speaker 2: And here's what you need to know about it and
Speaker 2: understand about it. Much like a cancer that is undiagnosed
Speaker 2: and untreated, PTSD left undiagnosed and untreated can be very costly,
Speaker 2: including being a killer, just like a cancer would be.
Speaker 2: It is a very serious issue that we deal with,
Speaker 2: and I get it. Nobody wants a mental health diagnosis.
Speaker 2: I understand that nobody wants that in a way says,
Speaker 2: oh boy, let me go to the doctor and see
Speaker 2: what they say. That's not how it rolls. We always
Speaker 2: kind of think it's everybody else that's messed up, the
Speaker 2: whole world's gone crazy, which I don't know if you
Speaker 2: turn the TV on you might have reason to believe that.
Speaker 2: But it's like everybody else's fault. It's not us. I
Speaker 2: don't need help. Everybody else does. If you keep telling
Speaker 2: yourself that it's not going to end well, and it's
Speaker 2: not just about you, It's also about those who are
Speaker 2: around you, the people that you care about, and the
Speaker 2: people that care about you. Many times they try and
Speaker 2: tell you what you need to do or how you
Speaker 2: need to behave when they're not even quite sure what
Speaker 2: they're talking about or what you're coping with or dealing with.
Speaker 2: Maybe their intentions are well, maybe their intensions aren't so well.
Speaker 2: But if you care about anyone, and anyone cares about you,
Speaker 2: and trust me, there are people that care about you.
Speaker 2: May not think so, it may not feel like it, it
Speaker 2: may not look like it at the moment, particularly when
Speaker 2: you're in a time in crisis, but there are people
Speaker 2: out there that do care about you. Maybe they haven't
Speaker 2: even met you, but they would be glad to help.
Speaker 2: So I would just say, if you're struggling, the darkness,
Speaker 2: the hopelessness, hopelesses, being without hope is a very dark place,
Speaker 2: a very dark place. We're losing up to forty four
Speaker 2: veterans every single day to their own hands. That's suicide,
Speaker 2: it's addiction, forty four a day. That's a very dark
Speaker 2: place to get the place without hope. Seek help. There
Speaker 2: is help out there, and I know when you're in crisis,
Speaker 2: I'm always a If you see somebody that's really struggling,
Speaker 2: reach out to them. Don't wait for the one who's
Speaker 2: struggling to reach out, because that's the last thing they
Speaker 2: want to do. If you see someone struggling, don't tell
Speaker 2: them what's wrong, Just tell them, Hey, I'm here to listen.
Speaker 2: I'm here to find help you any way I possibly can.
Speaker 2: There are people who can will help you, and there
Speaker 2: are organizations that can and are capable of and willing
Speaker 2: to help. So reach out. If no place else, reach
Speaker 2: out to me, PTSDUSA dot org, websites, Facebook, PTSD Foundation
Speaker 2: of America, you can do it through the radio show
Speaker 2: Facebook page Road to Hope Radio. Just message me. If
Speaker 2: we can't help you. As an organization, we will make
Speaker 2: sure you are connected to someone who can. And the
Speaker 2: crisis line eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight
Speaker 2: seventy three combat vet will answer the phone eight seven
Speaker 2: seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy three. We'll be
Speaker 2: right back with Road to Hope Radio.
Speaker 4: And we welcome you back.
Speaker 2: Glad to have you along. Got a couple combat vets
Speaker 2: in the room with us right now. Lynn Burger, have
Speaker 2: you reintroduce yourself to the world. Lindburg came through a
Speaker 2: program but is on staff currently mentor. Is that your title, yes,
Speaker 2: yellow Face mentor yellow Face Okay, all right, reintroduce yourself
Speaker 2: to the world.
Speaker 3: Lindbergh Freeman at the third mentor at Camp Hope for
Speaker 3: the yellow Face portion of the program. Originally out of
Speaker 3: the United States Army, deployed one time Operation New Dawn
Speaker 3: Aviation Air Cave.
Speaker 2: And glad to have you back and appreciate what you
Speaker 2: do as a mentor Camp Hope always. We also have
Speaker 2: a veteran who's in our program, currently United States sub
Speaker 2: Marine Corvette. You want to introduce yourself to the world.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm Patrick Reader. Served in the United States Marine
Speaker 4: Corps from two thousand and eight to twenty twelve and
Speaker 4: some time the Reserves after that. Ployed Afghanistan in two
Speaker 4: thousand and nine and again in twenty eleven with first
Speaker 4: Battalian fifth Marine Regiment, and happy to be at Camp Hope.
Speaker 4: Currently in a red phase and should be moving on
Speaker 4: here very shortly.
Speaker 2: The meat of the program Red phase. Where are you from?
Speaker 4: Originally I'm from Houston, Okay, so you're you're home not
Speaker 4: far down the road, which what part. Oh just why
Speaker 4: West tim Or area? Okay, yeah, right down the street.
Speaker 2: What high school?
Speaker 4: I went to the Woodlands High School.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you moved north at some point yeah yeah.
Speaker 4: And then after the after high school, went to college
Speaker 4: for a couple of years and got bored with that
Speaker 4: straight sea student And I saw my friends coming back
Speaker 4: from Felujah, and Ramadi thought, man, I really want to
Speaker 4: catch this war while there's still one going, and joined
Speaker 4: the Marine Corps and lied to all my fraternity brothers,
Speaker 4: my family told them I was going to OCS training
Speaker 4: and send them a letter saying, hey, I actually enlisted.
Speaker 4: I'll see all in four years.
Speaker 2: And I'm sure that went over real well with mom.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, they're thrilled. Yeah so what.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you mentioned seeing your buddies come back from
Speaker 2: places like Fallujah. Did they talk about it at all?
Speaker 4: Yeah? Yeah?
Speaker 2: What was it about that conversation that made you think
Speaker 2: I want to go to Felujah?
Speaker 4: And honestly, I wanted to go fight. I wanted to
Speaker 4: uh uh, I mean not really a better word for it,
Speaker 4: but I wanted to go. I wanted to go kill.
Speaker 4: I wanted to go to war. I wanted to experience
Speaker 4: it and not read about it. And uh, I just
Speaker 4: envied them so much. I'd see all their pictures and
Speaker 4: all the carnage, and I craved it. Figure, there's something
Speaker 4: human in us that uh that craves that, it's some
Speaker 4: animal instinct in there and uh and I had to
Speaker 4: do it. I had to see it for myself. And
Speaker 4: a bit off, a little more than I could chew.
Speaker 4: But uh no regrets there.
Speaker 2: Okay, let's back up for your second. So you went
Speaker 2: to Woodlands High School? You star in the play or
Speaker 2: star athlete or what was going on in high school?
Speaker 1: Ah?
Speaker 2: Man? Were you in high school? I?
Speaker 4: Uh, well, I played tennis. I played football, stopped football,
Speaker 4: focused more on tennis, got kicked off the tennis team
Speaker 4: for smoking pot, and I was did a lot of
Speaker 4: skateboarding and a lot of partying and had a great
Speaker 4: time in high school. High school was fun, a lot
Speaker 4: of friends. Yeah, yeah, it's uh, I added too many friends.
Speaker 4: I mean, I was a very lucky guy. Gotch college.
Speaker 4: College was I went to UTSA for a couple of
Speaker 4: years and then all my friends left there and went
Speaker 4: to places like ut and my application got rejected. They
Speaker 4: were not taking straight sea students and so then, uh,
Speaker 4: from there, I went to the Marine Corps.
Speaker 2: So why the Corps as opposed to any other branch.
Speaker 4: Man, I thought the Marines were We're the hardest ones,
Speaker 4: you know. I thought that was that was the place
Speaker 4: I wanted to go if I wanted to really get
Speaker 4: in the fight. And you know, I tried to join
Speaker 4: the Marine Corps for Oh, it took me about two
Speaker 4: years to finally get in, and if I got denied,
Speaker 4: they kept telling me to get out of here. And
Speaker 4: then last time I was, I was getting ready to
Speaker 4: go to MEPs, getting ready to ship out, and uh
Speaker 4: then got arrested for public intoxication and on a family vacation. Yeah,
Speaker 4: and so yeah, they told me to get out again.
Speaker 4: I went over to the Army recruiter and the Army
Speaker 4: even told me to come back when you get your
Speaker 4: life together. Then, man, I didn't stop trying. So the
Speaker 4: whole time I was in college, I was trying to
Speaker 4: enlist and finally got my chance right before Obama did
Speaker 4: the surge in Afghanistan. And yeah, it was a good
Speaker 4: time for me to have gone in.
Speaker 2: Okay, So you go in not only assuming but wanting
Speaker 2: to go to war.
Speaker 4: Certainly, Yeah, I was worried that I had missed Iraq,
Speaker 4: you know, And about two thousand and eight January two
Speaker 4: thousand and eight, when I went to boot camp, I
Speaker 4: was thinking, crap, man, I missed the war. If I
Speaker 4: go over there, it's just going to be standing post
Speaker 4: and not much going on. And then we started hearing
Speaker 4: through the lance corporal underground that we were going to
Speaker 4: be going to Afghanistan. And a couple months later Obama
Speaker 4: announced that I think it was a West Point graduation,
Speaker 4: that he was going to do the surge. And I
Speaker 4: got to be a part of it. So surge to
Speaker 4: Hellman Province.
Speaker 2: And how old were you at that time?
Speaker 4: I was twenty one, twenty one, I was pretty old.
Speaker 2: Yeah, for all I was gonna say, when you actually
Speaker 2: got it got to boot camp, you were probably on
Speaker 2: the more experienced side of like yeah, yeah, I was
Speaker 2: one of the few that could drink yeah illegally. Yeah gotcha?
Speaker 4: All right?
Speaker 2: So you join up in eight you're part of the
Speaker 2: surge in Afghanistan. Uh, let's see. Yeah, what were you
Speaker 2: doing while you were there?
Speaker 4: I was in the infantry and I was part of
Speaker 4: what they call Capitlatoon And so we did the initial
Speaker 4: push into Helman and it's called Operation Caanjar, and we
Speaker 4: did an airlift of I think it was about a
Speaker 4: five thousand ring force dropped into Helme in province overnight
Speaker 4: and uh just took over whole districts at a time.
Speaker 4: And uh so we dropped in and uh and we
Speaker 4: lived in the dirt for the next about five months.
Speaker 4: We didn't have a place to even call home. And
Speaker 4: it was awesome. You were like cowboys out there going
Speaker 4: native and uh we slept on the dirt for five months.
Speaker 4: I finally got a cot about about five months into it.
Speaker 4: I finally got a cot and then uh, I pissed
Speaker 4: off my sergeant and uh he jumped down off of
Speaker 4: a humvee onto my cart, my cot and broke it
Speaker 4: in half back to the ground with me. And so yeah,
Speaker 4: we were doing mounted patrols, uh in humpies and heavy
Speaker 4: weapons and uh and then dismount patrols as well. And
Speaker 4: usually we would get intel on on Taliban fighters or
Speaker 4: say an ID factory, and we'd roll in in trucks
Speaker 4: and then cording off the place with the heavy weapons
Speaker 4: and then punch out dismounts to go in and either
Speaker 4: flank the enemy or do a hard hit on the house.
Speaker 2: And got you. We're gonna have to run to a
Speaker 2: news break here for those of you who are on
Speaker 2: KPRC nine to five zero, quick news break and we'll
Speaker 2: be back in a minute. But just one more time.
Speaker 2: The phone number if you put it in your phone
Speaker 2: eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy three.
Speaker 2: Even if you don't ever need it, you might come
Speaker 2: across someone who does. Eight seven seven seven one seven
Speaker 2: seventy eight seventy three.
Speaker 4: And welcome back Road to Hope Radio.
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Speaker 2: Crisis number. Combat Vet will answer the phone and if
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Speaker 2: eight seven seven seven one seven seventy eight seventy three.
Speaker 2: All right, so talk a little bit about what you're
Speaker 2: doing in the core in Afghanistan to surge. How long
Speaker 2: were you there?
Speaker 4: Both the planets are about eight months?
Speaker 2: Okay, so twice, yeah, twice okay, all right, two deployments
Speaker 2: eight months each and you get out the core win
Speaker 2: twelve you said.
Speaker 4: Yeah, twenty twelve.
Speaker 2: It reserves.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm gonna see. Can you do your best Shirley
Speaker 4: Q liquor uh oopsteam compression?
Speaker 2: Yeah, I am not the I can't do that. That
Speaker 2: takes a very special talent. That's one of the many
Speaker 2: things I cannot do. You're welcome to try it.
Speaker 4: Can you uh oopsteam? Doc? Can't do it? Mans, I
Speaker 4: know that's how it goes ps.
Speaker 2: Yes, Like how do you spell oo oo? Yeah, it's yes.
Speaker 2: Shirley Cues is quite the quite the talent, quite quite
Speaker 2: the individual. Yeah, I cannot many things I can do.
Speaker 2: That's pretty near the top of the list. Don't even
Speaker 2: try it. Yeah, you know you can't. Don't don't don't
Speaker 2: go out there. Don't don't try that, all right, second deployment,
Speaker 2: you come home and you join the reserves, so yeah,
Speaker 2: and then you go straight into reserves.
Speaker 4: So I got out in twenty twelve. Yeah, a couple. Uh,
Speaker 4: it's about a month or so after I got back
Speaker 4: for my second tour. Then my mom passed away in
Speaker 4: the hospital, and I went to school at YOU of
Speaker 4: H and H. Then I joined the reserves there because
Speaker 4: I thought they gave me a warrant for sergeant. As
Speaker 4: soon as I got out, I thought, hell, I might
Speaker 4: as well go go play sergeant for a little bit
Speaker 4: and shoot machine guns on the weekend. And that didn't
Speaker 4: last too long until my I R R contract was up,
Speaker 4: and but yeah, that was that was pretty fun, getting
Speaker 4: to do a little reserve time. But yeah, I went
Speaker 4: back to school at U of eight. Geology rocks a
Speaker 4: lot of fun sounds thrilling.
Speaker 2: Do you get to throw any of them? Or are
Speaker 2: you just a lot.
Speaker 4: Of rocks through? My fair share of rocks there a uh. Yeah.
Speaker 4: I got to use a lot of a lot of
Speaker 4: the skills that I learned in the Marine Corps. You know,
Speaker 4: we used the same compass, the M two compass in
Speaker 4: the Marine Corps for firing mortars as we do in geology,
Speaker 4: and they call it the Brunton compass. I was like, hell,
Speaker 4: I know this thing. I can read a map. I
Speaker 4: got this covered man, And yeah, I enjoyed that a lot.
Speaker 4: That was great, but I was dealing with some things
Speaker 4: I didn't quite understand at the time, and a lot
Speaker 4: of things I hadn't been able to process yet, and
Speaker 4: especially with the passing of my mom, that was pretty
Speaker 4: traumatic for me, and everything else kind of took a
Speaker 4: back seat at that point. I was I was very
Speaker 4: concerned about my mom's health while I was in Afghanistan.
Speaker 4: I just had that feeling, and so my prayers before
Speaker 4: i'd go out on patrol were that I'd just make
Speaker 4: it home to give her and in time to give
Speaker 4: her grandchildren. And as soon as I got home, I
Speaker 4: got the call that she was sick and she was
Speaker 4: in the hospital, and so everything that happened there and
Speaker 4: employment just became a blur. It was like a dream.
Speaker 4: And then I went straight on to school and tried
Speaker 4: to keep myself occupied and that worked for a bit.
Speaker 2: Yeah, you know, not an unusual story. Circumstance is always
Speaker 2: a little bit different, but the basis of it. Came home,
Speaker 2: went ninety miles an hour, dealing with other stuff, So
Speaker 2: you don't process what you just stepped out of. One
Speaker 2: of the first Korean War vets I spoke with, you know,
Speaker 2: it'd been fifty plus years since he had left Korea,
Speaker 2: and his deal was, he said, I went, I got married,
Speaker 2: went to work, supported my family. But then at the time,
Speaker 2: I said, I think he retired like seven or eight
Speaker 2: years prior to this conversation, and he said, I wasn't
Speaker 2: in retirement for a month, and I knew. I knew
Speaker 2: something was going on. And he went to the VA
Speaker 2: and was diagnosed with PTSD fifty something years after the
Speaker 2: trauma and just never dealing with it.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, So you mentioned as you were leading into you
Speaker 2: mentioned you were noticing some things talking about some of
Speaker 2: the symptoms of PTSDA. What were you experiencing that you
Speaker 2: noticed panic attacks? I couldn't explain it at the time.
Speaker 4: Then I was just overtaken by UH and it wasn't
Speaker 4: any any type of external stimuli that triggered it, but
Speaker 4: it just felt overwhelmed and then the heart palpitations, left
Speaker 4: arm going numb, I was convinced I was having a
Speaker 4: heart attack and kept happening that and kind of one
Speaker 4: that people don't talk about, but ed that was one,
Speaker 4: and that blew my mind. Man, I was twenty six.
Speaker 4: I was thinking, come on, in a marine, that's not yeah,
Speaker 4: this isn't this isn't right. That's going on here and
Speaker 4: that and just this is constant anxiety and I would
Speaker 4: say depression. But even though I was very social, I
Speaker 4: felt isolated. There wasn't anyone that I could talk to
Speaker 4: that I would understand. And if I did talk about
Speaker 4: my combat experience, it was something nobody could really identify
Speaker 4: with and so and I didn't think they cared, and
Speaker 4: most of them probably didn't. I cared when I would
Speaker 4: talk to my friends when they got back, you know,
Speaker 4: that was super important to me. I wanted to pick
Speaker 4: their brains for everything, kind of like when I talked
Speaker 4: to Vietnam vets. But when I try to share with
Speaker 4: other people, it was, you know, it was outside their
Speaker 4: ProView and they they couldn't identify with it and be
Speaker 4: able to understand what was going on. And so in
Speaker 4: that aspect, I was very isolated.
Speaker 2: So how are you functioning?
Speaker 4: I was getting by Well. I first went to the doctor,
Speaker 4: and uh, I was. I knew that I had anxiety.
Speaker 4: I knew that I was suffering from PTSD, and especially
Speaker 4: with the death of my mom, that was that was
Speaker 4: probably more traumatic compound to trauma. Yeah, you know, and
Speaker 4: that was the only thing I could focus on, and
Speaker 4: so everything from combat just taking a back seat. And
Speaker 4: the doctor recommended Paxel for me. No private doctor, yeah
Speaker 4: I was. I had try care at the time, and
Speaker 4: my dad and my sister both were being treated for anxiety,
Speaker 4: and I couldn't get the same treatment that I needed,
Speaker 4: and so I started seeking it for myself. I started seeking.
Speaker 2: We're gonna have to take one more quick break and
Speaker 2: we'll pick back through with your story. This is Road
Speaker 2: to Hope Radio, Glad to have you along. Stand by
Speaker 2: for just we'll be right back and we're back Road
Speaker 2: to Hope Radio, Glad to have you along. We've got
Speaker 2: Patrick United States Marine Corpsvette from the great City of Houston, which,
Speaker 2: by the way, I hadn't mentioned this, but this past
Speaker 2: week the Mayor of Houston designated Wednesday, June was it
Speaker 2: Wednesday or Thursday? Wednesday June tenth, no Tuesday, whatever, whatever
Speaker 2: day to the tenth was my days are all missed
Speaker 2: up right now on you know what day of the
Speaker 2: week this is anyway, on the tenth it declared it
Speaker 2: to be PTSD Foundation of America Camp Hope Day in
Speaker 2: the City of Houston. So a lot of recognition at
Speaker 2: the city council meeting, and that was pretty cool. Get
Speaker 2: a chance to speak to the council and knows who
Speaker 2: are there about the work of PTSD Foundation and Camp
Speaker 2: Hope and the fact that there's only one Camp Hope
Speaker 2: in the world and there's a lot of programs out there,
Speaker 2: none compared.
Speaker 4: No.
Speaker 2: Well, I mean, you can decide who he thinks better
Speaker 2: at this or better at that, but no one does
Speaker 2: what we do the way we do it, literally nobody
Speaker 2: in the world. And so I said, you know, that
Speaker 2: hurts my heart that this is the only place. But
Speaker 2: if there's only going to be one, we should all
Speaker 2: proud it's happening right here in Houston, Texas. It is
Speaker 2: the greatest city in the world for our veterans. Just
Speaker 2: a great community, community, people that do care, and we
Speaker 2: get to see it a lot around Camp Hope. You
Speaker 2: were talking about you'd gone to a private doctor. You
Speaker 2: got diagnosis and some medication. You weren't really getting everything
Speaker 2: you needed necessarily. How long ago was that?
Speaker 4: That was? Uh? Oh man, that must have been March
Speaker 4: twenty twelve or twelve, So not long after you got
Speaker 4: out of the core then that was probably, Yeah, it was.
Speaker 4: It was immediate, okay, And I knew that I was
Speaker 4: already seeking something to help with that anxiety, with that
Speaker 4: social anxiety and what I later found out to be
Speaker 4: PTSD symptoms.
Speaker 2: Okay, so that was twelve.
Speaker 4: When did you get to Camp oh Man? February twenty
Speaker 4: eighth of this year.
Speaker 2: Okay, so that's another twelve and a half thirteen years.
Speaker 4: Yeah.
Speaker 2: One, how'd you hear about Camp Hope?
Speaker 4: I had my buddy come through here in twenty sixteen,
Speaker 4: and another buddy come through there in twenty nineteen.
Speaker 2: Okay, when they mentioned it to you, how'd you respond?
Speaker 4: I said, no freaking way, man. I got I got
Speaker 4: a job, I got two jobs, I got a wife,
Speaker 4: I got a dog, I got a house, I got
Speaker 4: a car. I don't need this.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: At some point you had to cry uncle.
Speaker 4: Yeah. I had to lose everything. I had to lose
Speaker 4: it all before I could be able to even think
Speaker 4: about going to Camp Hope, and it worked out the
Speaker 4: way it did for a reason. I'm I am not
Speaker 4: reluctant about any of my past now. I it was
Speaker 4: all a good learning experience and I'm thankful for the
Speaker 4: way my life has gone up to this point. Twenty
Speaker 4: twenty five has been so far, probably the best year
Speaker 4: of my life.
Speaker 2: Okay, so you've been here three and a half ish months.
Speaker 2: You're in the meat of the program right now, sir.
Speaker 2: What Maybe it was a moment, maybe it was a thing,
Speaker 2: Maybe it was a touch, Maybe it was a class,
Speaker 2: maybe it was who knows, just sitting in the quietness
Speaker 2: of your own mind around the fire pit or something.
Speaker 2: I have no idea, but what, what's one thing you
Speaker 2: can point to, like this really something I learned, something
Speaker 2: that happened. Is this really helped me guys in my
Speaker 2: bay peer to peer, peer and peer? Yeah, that's yeah,
Speaker 2: I love it.
Speaker 4: And Uh, I was Uh, I've been struggling a lot
Speaker 4: in my marriage and trying to find peace and joy
Speaker 4: now that that is ending, and I wanted to go
Speaker 4: to a safe place, uh for me to be while
Speaker 4: I am going through a divorce and figure, man, what
Speaker 4: better place than Camp hope, and I knew uh some
Speaker 4: of the staff previously, and uh some of the prior residents.
Speaker 4: And you know, even then, I was thinking, no way, man,
Speaker 4: it's not for me. And it was about the day
Speaker 4: I stepped foot on the camp I just finally felt
Speaker 4: that peace. I started feeling joy again for the first time.
Speaker 4: And uh, I was thinking, man, maybe it's these meds
Speaker 4: that the VA's got me on. But you know, even
Speaker 4: h taperinging that down, it's still there. It's wonderful. It's
Speaker 4: just uh, I feel drunk with laughter most days, and
Speaker 4: I I haven't been able to feel that since the
Speaker 4: Marine Corps. I haven't been able to feel that camaraderie
Speaker 4: and that uh that feeling of being safe around people
Speaker 4: that people like get me and and people who don't.
Speaker 4: I don't feel judged by. I can be myself. I
Speaker 4: can find Patrick again. And it's been a long time
Speaker 4: since I met that guy.
Speaker 2: Man. I love that. That's just that's awesome. And you mentioned, uh,
Speaker 2: you a little while ago talking about you know, trying
Speaker 2: to pick the brains of the Vietnam vets and and
Speaker 2: you know, hearing their stories and what happened and what
Speaker 2: happened coming home and you know all that. Uh. I've
Speaker 2: heard many of them say the exact theme thing that
Speaker 2: you just said about stepping into the campus of Camp
Speaker 2: Hope surrounded by seventy eighty sometimes one hundred other combat vets,
Speaker 2: is the first time I felt safe. Sometimes they would
Speaker 2: use the word say. Sometimes they would use the word peace.
Speaker 2: I thinks the word you used since leaving the combat
Speaker 2: zone wherever that was. It's an amazing thing that we
Speaker 2: get to see. Remember, we just got a couple minutes left.
Speaker 2: But as a mentor, which means you've come through the
Speaker 2: program and now you're kind of on the other side
Speaker 2: of the table, as it were, what does it do
Speaker 2: for you when you see and experience things like Patrick's
Speaker 2: just describes like drunk with laughter, Like how different that
Speaker 2: is from when they came in the door.
Speaker 3: Yeah, I think about my time coming through the program
Speaker 3: where it was difficult for me to smile, like even
Speaker 3: having conversations with you, sir. We would meet on the
Speaker 3: front office steps at times and I couldn't even look
Speaker 3: you in an eye, you know, I like, I remember that time.
Speaker 2: I remember I took a very person by the way,
Speaker 2: I'm still hurting my heart. I'm sorry you know, I'm kidding.
Speaker 3: But definitely the change of persona changing demeanor and changing attitude,
Speaker 3: the changing mental fitness to go along with physical fitness.
Speaker 3: You know, guys love the gym, but you know, seeing
Speaker 3: guys coming to the realization that they have to reclaim
Speaker 3: their identity, that seeing that every day, day after day,
Speaker 3: I don't I don't go to work. You know, I
Speaker 3: tell the guys that a lot, I'm showing up there
Speaker 3: and I'm not working. I'm being where I want to be.
Speaker 3: I just happy to get paid for it. But it
Speaker 3: is a phenomenal to see. I do understand what it
Speaker 3: felt like for me going through it, getting to the
Speaker 3: end of it and going through the point like understand
Speaker 3: like Red Phase Robert mac McClain and Brandon Hartsburg, they
Speaker 3: were my red phase Blackface Red Phase mentors, and they
Speaker 3: helped me get through that portion of the program. But
Speaker 3: then when I got to Yellow phase with the Sam
Speaker 3: k and then Brandon Hartsburg again when he moved over,
Speaker 3: I teach my Yellow phase guys. Now a lot of
Speaker 3: the words that Sam Kaid said to me because he
Speaker 3: pushed me. You know, he gave me that challenge.
Speaker 2: Love that marine, absolutely love that marine. Thank both of you, guys.
Speaker 2: So unfortunately the clock just keeps ticking and we don't
Speaker 2: get to slow it down. A reminder website ptsdusa dot org.
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Speaker 2: again next week for more Road to Hope Radio