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<v Speaker 1>This is Pod Popular Podcast for.

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<v Speaker 2>The People, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate,

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<v Speaker 2>Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 3>It's a great loved bab Hi again.

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<v Speaker 4>Everywhere's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate, the

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<v Speaker 4>world's number one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen.

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<v Speaker 4>I am here in the very fine studios of Pod

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<v Speaker 4>Popular Podcast for the People. I am at the one

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<v Speaker 4>in Miami Beach. Not quite a Will Smith video. Maybe

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<v Speaker 4>not on Gloria Estafon video. It's more like a Cardi

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<v Speaker 4>B video. We're on Collins Avenue. If you walk down

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<v Speaker 4>Collins Avenue very Cardi B. Or maybe that's me anyway,

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<v Speaker 4>somebody said to me the other day, you like to

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<v Speaker 4>ruffle feathers. You say things just to get a reaction.

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<v Speaker 4>So let me start with the second part of that.

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<v Speaker 4>Of course I say things to get a reaction. Everything

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<v Speaker 4>I say, or you say, or any of us say,

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<v Speaker 4>anytime we say it should get a reaction. So I

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<v Speaker 4>don't care if it's you know, I'll have a grande

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<v Speaker 4>iced Americano or I fucking hate you. Both should get

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<v Speaker 4>some kind of reaction, whether that reaction is an actual action.

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<v Speaker 4>And somebody goes and gets you a grande ice Americano,

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<v Speaker 4>or it's a feeling or a thought, or a movement

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<v Speaker 4>or a smile or just flat out bewilderment, all of those.

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<v Speaker 4>Because you said something to get a reaction.

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<v Speaker 1>That is the goal.

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<v Speaker 4>And if what you're saying gets no reaction, you aren't

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<v Speaker 4>really saying anything. It's white noise. It's irrelevancy. So nobody

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<v Speaker 4>wants to speak in irrelevancy. You say things to get

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<v Speaker 4>a reaction, hopefully it's a proper one, but mostly you

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<v Speaker 4>want an honest one. When you say something and somebody

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<v Speaker 4>reacts in an honest way, that should be the goal

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<v Speaker 4>of any conversation, no matter how benign the subject matter is.

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<v Speaker 4>So let me get back to the first part of that.

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<v Speaker 4>So they said you like to ruffle feathers, and I'm like, oh, maybe,

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<v Speaker 4>but it depends on how you define that. So commonly

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<v Speaker 4>that term ruffling feathers, it meant that whatever you're saying

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<v Speaker 4>or doing is said or done to annoy or to

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<v Speaker 4>anger or to agitate or whatever. And there's a negative

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<v Speaker 4>connotation that comes with ruffling feathers, and perhaps justifiably, so

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<v Speaker 4>I don't know the etymology of that phrase. But somehow

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<v Speaker 4>ruffling feathers is meant to be a bad thing. But

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<v Speaker 4>that is why I don't think I really do it

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<v Speaker 4>or mean to do it. I always think and say

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<v Speaker 4>I'm a bit of a provocateur, and a provocateur is

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<v Speaker 4>somebody who causes or inspires some sort of reaction, shake

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<v Speaker 4>things up. So the things that we bring up and

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<v Speaker 4>talk about in this podcast, they're meant to get you

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<v Speaker 4>to think about how you.

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<v Speaker 3>Do things and why you do things.

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<v Speaker 4>I had a disagreement with a therapist, of all people,

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<v Speaker 4>my therapist of all people, about the importance of the

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<v Speaker 4>word why. She's like, that's a bad word. But to me,

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<v Speaker 4>the why is everything. Why did you do that? Why

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<v Speaker 4>did you feel that? Why did you think that? Some

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<v Speaker 4>people don't know why, and they don't care about why.

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<v Speaker 4>I really care about why. Many people they're focused on

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<v Speaker 4>the the.

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<v Speaker 3>Who, what, when, where?

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<v Speaker 1>How? I care mostly about the why.

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<v Speaker 4>And maybe that's me, but I told the therapist that

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<v Speaker 4>without the why, I think nothing else matters when it

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<v Speaker 4>comes to understanding, figuring it out, understanding how this happened.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't think you understand how this happened until you

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<v Speaker 4>figure out why this happened.

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<v Speaker 3>It all starts there.

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<v Speaker 4>She disagreed and charged me three hundred dollars. So such

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<v Speaker 4>as life, so goes therapy. Anyway, Why do I bring

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<v Speaker 4>all this up? Because when I say certain things, especially

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<v Speaker 4>the certain things I am going to get into today,

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<v Speaker 4>I am saying them to provoke you to hopefully change,

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<v Speaker 4>to inspire a reaction that will lead to a difference,

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<v Speaker 4>a positive one. If that ruffles your feathers, oh well,

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<v Speaker 4>your feathers will be better for it. They will get

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<v Speaker 4>a brand new sine because of it. So I'm going

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<v Speaker 4>to say it, and I'm going to explain it, and

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<v Speaker 4>perhaps half of you will be bothered by it, good,

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<v Speaker 4>but perhaps all of you will be inspired because of it.

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<v Speaker 4>I've been doing this show a long time. The Great

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<v Speaker 4>Love Debate has been going on. The live show has

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<v Speaker 4>been going on since twenty fourteen, the podcast has been

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<v Speaker 4>going on since twenty fifteen. So I have heard from

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<v Speaker 4>thousands and thousands of you, real people. Honestly, nobody on

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<v Speaker 4>this planet has heard from more of you, live in person,

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<v Speaker 4>out loud, on this very subject, this topic, than me.

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<v Speaker 1>It's not bragging, it.

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<v Speaker 3>Is what it is.

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<v Speaker 4>Check the record, check our tour history, check our attendance figures.

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<v Speaker 3>It's not an exaggeration.

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<v Speaker 1>It's just a fact.

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<v Speaker 4>We know this, and this matters the most to at

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<v Speaker 4>least half of you, and that is guys, men, fellas dudes. Boys,

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<v Speaker 4>I am begging you, and she is begging you. Grow

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<v Speaker 4>some fucking balls, Jesus.

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<v Speaker 3>We start every.

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<v Speaker 4>One of our live shows, we're up to I don't know,

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<v Speaker 4>four hundred and twenty seven live shows by now something

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<v Speaker 4>like that. We start every one of our live shows

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<v Speaker 4>by saying that over the last twenty years, the women

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<v Speaker 4>have gotten a.

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<v Speaker 1>Little harder and the men have gotten a little softer.

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<v Speaker 4>That's probably an understatement on both sides, but on the

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<v Speaker 4>guy's side, the men have gotten a lot softer passivity

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<v Speaker 4>to the point of pussification. And I don't know if

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<v Speaker 4>I made up that word or we just like that word,

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<v Speaker 4>but that is what it is. It's gotten so bad

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<v Speaker 4>that I no longer think it's an equal balance between

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<v Speaker 4>the women getting harder and the men getting softer. I

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<v Speaker 4>used to think that the Rise of the Independent Woman,

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<v Speaker 4>which is a whole other podcast that we have done

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<v Speaker 4>whole other podcasts on, and the ladies ramping up this

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<v Speaker 4>masculine energy has caused this flip, this getting out of

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<v Speaker 4>sorts in the traditional gender roles, that's made the whole

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<v Speaker 4>thing get a little out of whack. I'm not sure

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<v Speaker 4>that's the case anymore. I'm not sure it's this, this

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<v Speaker 4>equal yin and yang on this because the guys, you

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<v Speaker 4>have had more than enough time to adjust to this

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<v Speaker 4>over the last twenty years, excuse me, and you aren't

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<v Speaker 4>ingusting in any significant or meaningful way. You have absolutely

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<v Speaker 4>no balls, seriously.

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<v Speaker 1>And they absolutely hate it.

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<v Speaker 3>The women hate it.

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<v Speaker 4>And some of you are like, wait, no, what huh

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<v Speaker 4>don't don't you know you tell me not to act?

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<v Speaker 3>Then you know the nice guy? What? Blah blah blah.

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<v Speaker 4>We'll get to the nice guy in a moment. Actually,

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<v Speaker 4>maybe we won't. Let's deal with it now. I can't

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<v Speaker 4>say we will get to in a moment, because she

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<v Speaker 4>won't get to it at all.

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<v Speaker 1>She wants a.

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<v Speaker 4>Good guy, not a nice guy, nice guy. She doesn't

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<v Speaker 4>trust the nice guy. You tell her you're a nice guy,

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<v Speaker 4>you believe you're a nice guy. She doesn't believe you're

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<v Speaker 4>nice guy. She thinks the nice guy is someone who

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<v Speaker 4>just high it's the bad guy. Until she's too close

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<v Speaker 4>to realize what he is. The nice guy is a

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<v Speaker 4>good guy with no balls. So be a good guy

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<v Speaker 4>if that's the framework you want to live in. So

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<v Speaker 4>you guys might remember a year or so ago, we

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<v Speaker 4>did an episode, you know, sort of semi related to

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<v Speaker 4>this topic, and we said that there was a spectrum

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<v Speaker 4>of men.

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<v Speaker 1>In America.

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<v Speaker 4>And accounting for attitude, behavior, machismo, ego. She'll read all

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<v Speaker 4>the things she's looking at, and on this spectrum, at

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<v Speaker 4>one down here at the number one, you had I

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<v Speaker 4>don't know Ducky from Pretty in Pink. You guys seem

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<v Speaker 4>pretty in pink.

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<v Speaker 1>I don't know Ducky, the wokest of the woke.

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<v Speaker 4>He's marching in the women's march. He's got the I'm

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<v Speaker 4>with her bumper sticker on his car. So whatever offensive

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<v Speaker 4>stereotypes that you want to think I'm talking about, well

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<v Speaker 4>you know what I'm talking about. Okay, And let's say

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<v Speaker 4>that guy is one on the scale, and the other

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<v Speaker 4>end of the spectrum. At ten, you have an absolutely grunting,

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<v Speaker 4>knuckle dragging caveman just shoving meat into his mouth.

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<v Speaker 1>Okay.

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<v Speaker 4>Almost every woman today in America, no matter what is

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<v Speaker 4>going on, no matter where we are in the last

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<v Speaker 4>twenty years.

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<v Speaker 3>No matter how many episodes of Sex in.

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<v Speaker 4>The City you watched her blah blah blah, almost every

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<v Speaker 4>woman in twenty twenty three wants her man on that

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<v Speaker 4>scale to fall somewhere around a seven and a half,

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<v Speaker 4>a lot closer to the caveman than the duck man.

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<v Speaker 1>You know.

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<v Speaker 4>It's my pretty in pink reference to dated google it

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<v Speaker 4>and I bring him up in that movie yep, because

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<v Speaker 4>he was a total friend zoned wimp. He lost the

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<v Speaker 4>girl to an even bigger wimp. Anyway, she wants that

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<v Speaker 4>guy just north of us on the scale. So why

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<v Speaker 4>is that and what is that and what do we

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<v Speaker 4>do about all that? Well, we will get into that

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<v Speaker 4>and much more right after this and we are back

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<v Speaker 4>and we are getting our balls back.

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<v Speaker 1>Boys. I don't want to say guys.

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<v Speaker 4>Do you know that you're not supposed to say guys anymore,

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<v Speaker 4>like hey, you guys collectively to men and women because

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<v Speaker 4>it's considered offensive because we're fucking insane. In twenty twenty three. Anyway,

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<v Speaker 4>we're back to getting our balls back. And I'm not

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<v Speaker 4>saying that you can change your personality overnight, or that

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<v Speaker 4>you even have to, but you can certainly change your

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<v Speaker 4>attitude and forgive me. I don't want this episode to

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<v Speaker 4>sound like one of these pickup artists classes. I hate

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<v Speaker 4>those and I hate those guys. We don't even let

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<v Speaker 4>those guys do our show, not our live show, not

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<v Speaker 4>our podcast, because so much of what they're saying is

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<v Speaker 4>rooted in anger and reveal towards the women and getting

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<v Speaker 4>back at the girls who never talked to them in

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<v Speaker 4>high school. So those guys are the worst, and they

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<v Speaker 4>are first in line of the guys with no balls.

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<v Speaker 4>So I wasn't planning on doing this episode even alone.

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<v Speaker 4>I wanted some women on here so they'd be like, yeah, what,

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<v Speaker 4>But I don't think so. I think it has a

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<v Speaker 4>little more impact. If you're hearing to the guys from

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<v Speaker 4>the guys and the lady, you can just kind of

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<v Speaker 4>listen in and be like, yeah, fuck them, no ball guys.

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<v Speaker 4>So if that's what it sounds like one of these

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<v Speaker 4>PUA pick up parties, rants that's not the way I

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<v Speaker 4>intend it and not the right way to interpret it.

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<v Speaker 4>Everything I'm saying here came from the women. We have

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<v Speaker 4>heard them, and we are heeding them, and I'm simply

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<v Speaker 4>the conduit here I'm relaying their words and wishes and

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<v Speaker 4>what they want you to do. I've heard from all

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<v Speaker 4>of them, guys. This is what I'm the messenger here.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm Paul Revere delivering the message that they want you

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<v Speaker 4>to grow your balls back. Except for these words. I'm

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<v Speaker 4>gonna give you these words because these are mine, and

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<v Speaker 4>I look this up. I wrote this many years ago,

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<v Speaker 4>and I stand by it. And I have run this

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<v Speaker 4>philosophy by a lot of women, and they generally say, Yep,

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<v Speaker 4>that's it, that's what we want. That's takes balls, and

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<v Speaker 4>that takes hearing her and seeing her and understanding her.

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<v Speaker 4>And I am no perfect guy when it comes to

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<v Speaker 4>all of this stuff, but at least I think I

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<v Speaker 4>understand what she wants. And here's what you need to do,

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<v Speaker 4>and here's what you need to do. In my words,

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<v Speaker 4>you need to stand in front of her when she

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<v Speaker 4>needs you to protect. You need to stand beside her

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<v Speaker 4>when she needs you to love. And you need to

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<v Speaker 4>stand behind her when she needs you to believe, stand

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<v Speaker 4>in front of her when she needs you to protect,

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<v Speaker 4>stand beside her when she needs you to love, stand

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<v Speaker 4>behind her when she.

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<v Speaker 1>Needs you to believe.

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<v Speaker 3>All three of those things.

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<v Speaker 1>They take balls.

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<v Speaker 4>It's the character to listen, it is the confidence to

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<v Speaker 4>trust and the courage to defend, and those things take time.

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<v Speaker 4>You have to have an environment created in the relationship

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<v Speaker 4>where those attributes can flourish. Before that and before them,

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<v Speaker 4>this is where her words come in. This is what

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<v Speaker 4>she wants from you. This is what she cares for

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<v Speaker 4>you to do. And if you're the one or two

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<v Speaker 4>or the small percentage of out there saying I don't

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<v Speaker 4>want that, perhaps this epid node is not an episode

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<v Speaker 4>is not for you, and perhaps my words today or

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<v Speaker 4>not for you. I think the odds are not forever

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<v Speaker 4>going to be in your favor. So one, guys, boys, dudes,

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<v Speaker 4>she wants you to ask her out.

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<v Speaker 1>She does.

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<v Speaker 4>She wants you to follow up. She wants you to

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<v Speaker 4>reach out. She wants you to do it. You say,

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<v Speaker 4>she wants you to call her and text her and

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<v Speaker 4>fucking try. The ones who don't want you to and

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<v Speaker 4>you'll know that soon enough if they don't want you,

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<v Speaker 4>you don't want her. But the one you want, the

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<v Speaker 4>ones who want you to step up and show some

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<v Speaker 4>game and show some willingness to put yourself out there

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<v Speaker 4>and take a risk and show some enthusiasm. I think

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<v Speaker 4>all of us, guys, we are very, very lucky to

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<v Speaker 4>even have an opportunity to ask her out and have

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<v Speaker 4>the possibility that she says yes. Fortune has smiled upon

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<v Speaker 4>us every time that happens right there, and then I

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<v Speaker 4>can't believe any of them would ever talk to us.

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<v Speaker 4>They're probably fine without us. This love business that we

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<v Speaker 4>always talk about on here, it is all about opportunities,

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<v Speaker 4>and it's all about possibilities. So when your chance presents itself,

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<v Speaker 4>either use it or somebody else will, and that somebody

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<v Speaker 4>will be somebody with balls. Number two, she wants you

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<v Speaker 4>to compliment her. I don't care about all the noise

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<v Speaker 4>about She doesn't want that. She absolutely fucking wants that.

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<v Speaker 4>Don't be a jackass, don't be a pervert, but be bold.

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<v Speaker 4>I don't care how good she looks or how good

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<v Speaker 4>she thinks she looks. She wants to know that she

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<v Speaker 4>looks good to you too. So don't you say you're hot,

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<v Speaker 4>don't you say you're real pretty, don't you say beautiful.

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<v Speaker 4>You got to use some imagination that shows that you

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<v Speaker 4>thought about it for more than one second to show

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<v Speaker 4>that it got beyond your quick glimpse and that vortex

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<v Speaker 4>just shut off. It shows that you sort of assessed

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<v Speaker 4>her in a moment and you thought she is stunning,

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<v Speaker 4>or she looks gorgeous, or she is exquisite, something like that.

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<v Speaker 4>She is a goddamn fox. Get creative, pay attention. And

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<v Speaker 4>if you don't have the right and unique words or

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<v Speaker 4>big vocabulary, or don't know exactly what to say, go

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<v Speaker 4>buy a thesaurus. All of life's answers are in the

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<v Speaker 4>dictionary and the thesaurus. You want to know the two

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<v Speaker 4>books that will change your life, those are the two books.

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<v Speaker 4>Ballsy Guys, Are bold, guys, Be bold, tell her what

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<v Speaker 4>you think. Third one that the ladies want. You don't

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<v Speaker 4>chose some balls. Hold the goddamn door. Hold it to

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<v Speaker 4>the building when she comes in, hold it to the

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<v Speaker 4>car when she gets in. She wants you to hold

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<v Speaker 4>the door. And I know we've talked about these small,

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<v Speaker 4>small handful of women out there who don't want that

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<v Speaker 4>or don't appreciate that, and they're like, I'm not weak.

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<v Speaker 4>You don't need to hold the door for me. You

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<v Speaker 4>don't want them. And if you're one of those women,

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<v Speaker 4>girls who are one of those, we don't want you,

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<v Speaker 4>and you shouldn't. Guys appreciate them, don't tailor your whole

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<v Speaker 4>approach to what you do to the occasional outlier who

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<v Speaker 4>doesn't like what you do. You have to go for

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<v Speaker 4>the majority, and the overwhelming majority want you to step

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<v Speaker 4>up and just do it. Hold the door, hold her bag,

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<v Speaker 4>hold her hand. She likes all of it because all

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<v Speaker 4>of it shows some balls, and you know what she

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<v Speaker 4>wants you to do. She wants you to pay money

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<v Speaker 4>for the food. We've spoken of this, about this to

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<v Speaker 4>death around here. If I went back and listened to

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<v Speaker 4>some of our first sort of one hundred shows, a

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<v Speaker 4>lot of it would be about this. Because for a

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<v Speaker 4>long time there was some weird debate about this. We

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<v Speaker 4>shut the debate down. Let me say this again. She

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<v Speaker 4>absolutely wants you to pay if she offers and gives

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<v Speaker 4>you that half hearted reach. First of all, she doesn't

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<v Speaker 4>want you to accept her on that reach. But if

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<v Speaker 4>she does, it means one of three things, and none

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<v Speaker 4>of them are good. It means she doesn't think this

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<v Speaker 4>is a date. It means she doesn't want to do

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<v Speaker 4>this again, not with you, And it means she doesn't

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<v Speaker 4>want to owe you anything. So I don't care. Occasionally

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<v Speaker 4>somebody's like, no, well, whoever asked somebody out or whatever? No, no, no, no,

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<v Speaker 4>do not under any circumstances early on in the relationship,

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<v Speaker 4>let her pay, wait around for her to say thank you.

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<v Speaker 4>If she doesn't say thank you, then you have your answer.

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<v Speaker 4>So if you are like, oh, where are my balls

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<v Speaker 4>or where do I find them?

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<v Speaker 1>Sometimes they're located in.

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<v Speaker 4>Your wallet, dig it out, get them out. It will help,

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<v Speaker 4>and it will show her something. And finally, and I

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<v Speaker 4>can probably go on this about all day. I'll limit

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<v Speaker 4>to half dozen or five or six. Here my many

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<v Speaker 4>eunuchs of America who are listening to this show. You

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<v Speaker 4>know it's showing some balls means it means taking the hint.

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<v Speaker 4>It means when she says goodbye or I'm done.

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<v Speaker 3>It means goodbye and she's done.

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<v Speaker 4>No means no. No, thank you means no thank you.

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<v Speaker 4>Not interested means not interested. Don't call me means don't

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<v Speaker 4>call me. And you're probably like, well, why does it

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<v Speaker 4>take balls to get rejected? And I'm like, it takes

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<v Speaker 4>balls to take rejection and to be confident enough that

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<v Speaker 4>this is not the end of the world and she

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<v Speaker 4>is not the end of your world. It means some

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<v Speaker 4>other opportunity or possibility is still ahead for me, you,

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<v Speaker 4>the guys, and the experience that experience. It will embolden you,

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<v Speaker 4>and being emboldened will ramp up some of that masculine

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<v Speaker 4>energy that you've lost. You got to embrace it, and

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<v Speaker 4>you got to enjoy it, and you got to move

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<v Speaker 4>along and.

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<v Speaker 1>Go forward from it.

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<v Speaker 4>So despite the commercials you might see with Frank Thomas

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<v Speaker 4>and Doug Flutie and all those guys, you don't need

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<v Speaker 4>to take pills or supplements to get your balls back.

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<v Speaker 1>I think you just need to step up.

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<v Speaker 4>And if somebody is offended by you being a man,

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<v Speaker 4>or me saying be a man, oh well, fucking man,

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<v Speaker 4>man up and whatever phrase you want to use that

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<v Speaker 4>a fraction of you might find offensive. At twenty twenty three,

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<v Speaker 4>we aren't here to offend, we aren't here to ruffle feathers.

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<v Speaker 4>We are here to inspire.

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<v Speaker 1>Guys.

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<v Speaker 4>I'm gonna say it on behalf of the ladies who

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<v Speaker 4>have said it to me over and over and.

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<v Speaker 1>Over, get your balls back.

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<v Speaker 4>And because some of you have told me get your

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<v Speaker 4>balls back and get out there on stage on the road,

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<v Speaker 4>we have gotten ours back, and we are heading back

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<v Speaker 4>out as our tenth season of The Great Love Debate

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<v Speaker 4>World Tour Live continues. We have upcoming shows in New York, Raleigh,

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<v Speaker 4>North Carolina, Tempe, Arizona. I know we're doing another one

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<v Speaker 4>in book Raton, Florida. Not a whole lot, but I've

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<v Speaker 4>got some level of ballsiness that makes me want to

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<v Speaker 4>do it some more. So go to Great Lovedebate dot com.

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<v Speaker 4>Tickets on sale for those, shoot us an email Great

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<v Speaker 4>Loovedebate at gmail dot com. Any of any of this

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<v Speaker 4>inspires or offend you, please like, share, follow, and review

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<v Speaker 4>this podcast to this day, you're eight.

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<v Speaker 1>Nine ten whatever we're in here. Your reviews mean a

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<v Speaker 1>lot in.

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<v Speaker 4>The podcasting ecosystem because, as always at The Great Love Debate,

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<v Speaker 4>we never stop making love.

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<v Speaker 1>See you next time.

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<v Speaker 2>The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the

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<v Speaker 2>Great Love Debate.

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<v Speaker 4>It's a Great Love Debate.