Speaker 1: This is Pod Popular Podcast for.
Speaker 2: The People, the Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate,
Speaker 2: Great Love Debate.
Speaker 3: It's a great loved bab Hi again.
Speaker 4: Everywhere's Brian Howie. Welcome to the Great Love Debate, the
Speaker 4: world's number one dating and relationship podcast since twenty fifteen.
Speaker 4: I am here in the very fine studios of Pod
Speaker 4: Popular Podcast for the People. I am at the one
Speaker 4: in Miami Beach. Not quite a Will Smith video. Maybe
Speaker 4: not on Gloria Estafon video. It's more like a Cardi
Speaker 4: B video. We're on Collins Avenue. If you walk down
Speaker 4: Collins Avenue very Cardi B. Or maybe that's me anyway,
Speaker 4: somebody said to me the other day, you like to
Speaker 4: ruffle feathers. You say things just to get a reaction.
Speaker 4: So let me start with the second part of that.
Speaker 4: Of course I say things to get a reaction. Everything
Speaker 4: I say, or you say, or any of us say,
Speaker 4: anytime we say it should get a reaction. So I
Speaker 4: don't care if it's you know, I'll have a grande
Speaker 4: iced Americano or I fucking hate you. Both should get
Speaker 4: some kind of reaction, whether that reaction is an actual action.
Speaker 4: And somebody goes and gets you a grande ice Americano,
Speaker 4: or it's a feeling or a thought, or a movement
Speaker 4: or a smile or just flat out bewilderment, all of those.
Speaker 4: Because you said something to get a reaction.
Speaker 1: That is the goal.
Speaker 4: And if what you're saying gets no reaction, you aren't
Speaker 4: really saying anything. It's white noise. It's irrelevancy. So nobody
Speaker 4: wants to speak in irrelevancy. You say things to get
Speaker 4: a reaction, hopefully it's a proper one, but mostly you
Speaker 4: want an honest one. When you say something and somebody
Speaker 4: reacts in an honest way, that should be the goal
Speaker 4: of any conversation, no matter how benign the subject matter is.
Speaker 4: So let me get back to the first part of that.
Speaker 4: So they said you like to ruffle feathers, and I'm like, oh, maybe,
Speaker 4: but it depends on how you define that. So commonly
Speaker 4: that term ruffling feathers, it meant that whatever you're saying
Speaker 4: or doing is said or done to annoy or to
Speaker 4: anger or to agitate or whatever. And there's a negative
Speaker 4: connotation that comes with ruffling feathers, and perhaps justifiably, so
Speaker 4: I don't know the etymology of that phrase. But somehow
Speaker 4: ruffling feathers is meant to be a bad thing. But
Speaker 4: that is why I don't think I really do it
Speaker 4: or mean to do it. I always think and say
Speaker 4: I'm a bit of a provocateur, and a provocateur is
Speaker 4: somebody who causes or inspires some sort of reaction, shake
Speaker 4: things up. So the things that we bring up and
Speaker 4: talk about in this podcast, they're meant to get you
Speaker 4: to think about how you.
Speaker 3: Do things and why you do things.
Speaker 4: I had a disagreement with a therapist, of all people,
Speaker 4: my therapist of all people, about the importance of the
Speaker 4: word why. She's like, that's a bad word. But to me,
Speaker 4: the why is everything. Why did you do that? Why
Speaker 4: did you feel that? Why did you think that? Some
Speaker 4: people don't know why, and they don't care about why.
Speaker 4: I really care about why. Many people they're focused on
Speaker 4: the the.
Speaker 3: Who, what, when, where?
Speaker 1: How? I care mostly about the why.
Speaker 4: And maybe that's me, but I told the therapist that
Speaker 4: without the why, I think nothing else matters when it
Speaker 4: comes to understanding, figuring it out, understanding how this happened.
Speaker 4: I don't think you understand how this happened until you
Speaker 4: figure out why this happened.
Speaker 3: It all starts there.
Speaker 4: She disagreed and charged me three hundred dollars. So such
Speaker 4: as life, so goes therapy. Anyway, Why do I bring
Speaker 4: all this up? Because when I say certain things, especially
Speaker 4: the certain things I am going to get into today,
Speaker 4: I am saying them to provoke you to hopefully change,
Speaker 4: to inspire a reaction that will lead to a difference,
Speaker 4: a positive one. If that ruffles your feathers, oh well,
Speaker 4: your feathers will be better for it. They will get
Speaker 4: a brand new sine because of it. So I'm going
Speaker 4: to say it, and I'm going to explain it, and
Speaker 4: perhaps half of you will be bothered by it, good,
Speaker 4: but perhaps all of you will be inspired because of it.
Speaker 4: I've been doing this show a long time. The Great
Speaker 4: Love Debate has been going on. The live show has
Speaker 4: been going on since twenty fourteen, the podcast has been
Speaker 4: going on since twenty fifteen. So I have heard from
Speaker 4: thousands and thousands of you, real people. Honestly, nobody on
Speaker 4: this planet has heard from more of you, live in person,
Speaker 4: out loud, on this very subject, this topic, than me.
Speaker 1: It's not bragging, it.
Speaker 3: Is what it is.
Speaker 4: Check the record, check our tour history, check our attendance figures.
Speaker 3: It's not an exaggeration.
Speaker 1: It's just a fact.
Speaker 4: We know this, and this matters the most to at
Speaker 4: least half of you, and that is guys, men, fellas dudes. Boys,
Speaker 4: I am begging you, and she is begging you. Grow
Speaker 4: some fucking balls, Jesus.
Speaker 3: We start every.
Speaker 4: One of our live shows, we're up to I don't know,
Speaker 4: four hundred and twenty seven live shows by now something
Speaker 4: like that. We start every one of our live shows
Speaker 4: by saying that over the last twenty years, the women
Speaker 4: have gotten a.
Speaker 1: Little harder and the men have gotten a little softer.
Speaker 4: That's probably an understatement on both sides, but on the
Speaker 4: guy's side, the men have gotten a lot softer passivity
Speaker 4: to the point of pussification. And I don't know if
Speaker 4: I made up that word or we just like that word,
Speaker 4: but that is what it is. It's gotten so bad
Speaker 4: that I no longer think it's an equal balance between
Speaker 4: the women getting harder and the men getting softer. I
Speaker 4: used to think that the Rise of the Independent Woman,
Speaker 4: which is a whole other podcast that we have done
Speaker 4: whole other podcasts on, and the ladies ramping up this
Speaker 4: masculine energy has caused this flip, this getting out of
Speaker 4: sorts in the traditional gender roles, that's made the whole
Speaker 4: thing get a little out of whack. I'm not sure
Speaker 4: that's the case anymore. I'm not sure it's this, this
Speaker 4: equal yin and yang on this because the guys, you
Speaker 4: have had more than enough time to adjust to this
Speaker 4: over the last twenty years, excuse me, and you aren't
Speaker 4: ingusting in any significant or meaningful way. You have absolutely
Speaker 4: no balls, seriously.
Speaker 1: And they absolutely hate it.
Speaker 3: The women hate it.
Speaker 4: And some of you are like, wait, no, what huh
Speaker 4: don't don't you know you tell me not to act?
Speaker 3: Then you know the nice guy? What? Blah blah blah.
Speaker 4: We'll get to the nice guy in a moment. Actually,
Speaker 4: maybe we won't. Let's deal with it now. I can't
Speaker 4: say we will get to in a moment, because she
Speaker 4: won't get to it at all.
Speaker 1: She wants a.
Speaker 4: Good guy, not a nice guy, nice guy. She doesn't
Speaker 4: trust the nice guy. You tell her you're a nice guy,
Speaker 4: you believe you're a nice guy. She doesn't believe you're
Speaker 4: nice guy. She thinks the nice guy is someone who
Speaker 4: just high it's the bad guy. Until she's too close
Speaker 4: to realize what he is. The nice guy is a
Speaker 4: good guy with no balls. So be a good guy
Speaker 4: if that's the framework you want to live in. So
Speaker 4: you guys might remember a year or so ago, we
Speaker 4: did an episode, you know, sort of semi related to
Speaker 4: this topic, and we said that there was a spectrum
Speaker 4: of men.
Speaker 1: In America.
Speaker 4: And accounting for attitude, behavior, machismo, ego. She'll read all
Speaker 4: the things she's looking at, and on this spectrum, at
Speaker 4: one down here at the number one, you had I
Speaker 4: don't know Ducky from Pretty in Pink. You guys seem
Speaker 4: pretty in pink.
Speaker 1: I don't know Ducky, the wokest of the woke.
Speaker 4: He's marching in the women's march. He's got the I'm
Speaker 4: with her bumper sticker on his car. So whatever offensive
Speaker 4: stereotypes that you want to think I'm talking about, well
Speaker 4: you know what I'm talking about. Okay, And let's say
Speaker 4: that guy is one on the scale, and the other
Speaker 4: end of the spectrum. At ten, you have an absolutely grunting,
Speaker 4: knuckle dragging caveman just shoving meat into his mouth.
Speaker 1: Okay.
Speaker 4: Almost every woman today in America, no matter what is
Speaker 4: going on, no matter where we are in the last
Speaker 4: twenty years.
Speaker 3: No matter how many episodes of Sex in.
Speaker 4: The City you watched her blah blah blah, almost every
Speaker 4: woman in twenty twenty three wants her man on that
Speaker 4: scale to fall somewhere around a seven and a half,
Speaker 4: a lot closer to the caveman than the duck man.
Speaker 1: You know.
Speaker 4: It's my pretty in pink reference to dated google it
Speaker 4: and I bring him up in that movie yep, because
Speaker 4: he was a total friend zoned wimp. He lost the
Speaker 4: girl to an even bigger wimp. Anyway, she wants that
Speaker 4: guy just north of us on the scale. So why
Speaker 4: is that and what is that and what do we
Speaker 4: do about all that? Well, we will get into that
Speaker 4: and much more right after this and we are back
Speaker 4: and we are getting our balls back.
Speaker 1: Boys. I don't want to say guys.
Speaker 4: Do you know that you're not supposed to say guys anymore,
Speaker 4: like hey, you guys collectively to men and women because
Speaker 4: it's considered offensive because we're fucking insane. In twenty twenty three. Anyway,
Speaker 4: we're back to getting our balls back. And I'm not
Speaker 4: saying that you can change your personality overnight, or that
Speaker 4: you even have to, but you can certainly change your
Speaker 4: attitude and forgive me. I don't want this episode to
Speaker 4: sound like one of these pickup artists classes. I hate
Speaker 4: those and I hate those guys. We don't even let
Speaker 4: those guys do our show, not our live show, not
Speaker 4: our podcast, because so much of what they're saying is
Speaker 4: rooted in anger and reveal towards the women and getting
Speaker 4: back at the girls who never talked to them in
Speaker 4: high school. So those guys are the worst, and they
Speaker 4: are first in line of the guys with no balls.
Speaker 4: So I wasn't planning on doing this episode even alone.
Speaker 4: I wanted some women on here so they'd be like, yeah, what,
Speaker 4: But I don't think so. I think it has a
Speaker 4: little more impact. If you're hearing to the guys from
Speaker 4: the guys and the lady, you can just kind of
Speaker 4: listen in and be like, yeah, fuck them, no ball guys.
Speaker 4: So if that's what it sounds like one of these
Speaker 4: PUA pick up parties, rants that's not the way I
Speaker 4: intend it and not the right way to interpret it.
Speaker 4: Everything I'm saying here came from the women. We have
Speaker 4: heard them, and we are heeding them, and I'm simply
Speaker 4: the conduit here I'm relaying their words and wishes and
Speaker 4: what they want you to do. I've heard from all
Speaker 4: of them, guys. This is what I'm the messenger here.
Speaker 4: I'm Paul Revere delivering the message that they want you
Speaker 4: to grow your balls back. Except for these words. I'm
Speaker 4: gonna give you these words because these are mine, and
Speaker 4: I look this up. I wrote this many years ago,
Speaker 4: and I stand by it. And I have run this
Speaker 4: philosophy by a lot of women, and they generally say, Yep,
Speaker 4: that's it, that's what we want. That's takes balls, and
Speaker 4: that takes hearing her and seeing her and understanding her.
Speaker 4: And I am no perfect guy when it comes to
Speaker 4: all of this stuff, but at least I think I
Speaker 4: understand what she wants. And here's what you need to do,
Speaker 4: and here's what you need to do. In my words,
Speaker 4: you need to stand in front of her when she
Speaker 4: needs you to protect. You need to stand beside her
Speaker 4: when she needs you to love. And you need to
Speaker 4: stand behind her when she needs you to believe, stand
Speaker 4: in front of her when she needs you to protect,
Speaker 4: stand beside her when she needs you to love, stand
Speaker 4: behind her when she.
Speaker 1: Needs you to believe.
Speaker 3: All three of those things.
Speaker 1: They take balls.
Speaker 4: It's the character to listen, it is the confidence to
Speaker 4: trust and the courage to defend, and those things take time.
Speaker 4: You have to have an environment created in the relationship
Speaker 4: where those attributes can flourish. Before that and before them,
Speaker 4: this is where her words come in. This is what
Speaker 4: she wants from you. This is what she cares for
Speaker 4: you to do. And if you're the one or two
Speaker 4: or the small percentage of out there saying I don't
Speaker 4: want that, perhaps this epid node is not an episode
Speaker 4: is not for you, and perhaps my words today or
Speaker 4: not for you. I think the odds are not forever
Speaker 4: going to be in your favor. So one, guys, boys, dudes,
Speaker 4: she wants you to ask her out.
Speaker 1: She does.
Speaker 4: She wants you to follow up. She wants you to
Speaker 4: reach out. She wants you to do it. You say,
Speaker 4: she wants you to call her and text her and
Speaker 4: fucking try. The ones who don't want you to and
Speaker 4: you'll know that soon enough if they don't want you,
Speaker 4: you don't want her. But the one you want, the
Speaker 4: ones who want you to step up and show some
Speaker 4: game and show some willingness to put yourself out there
Speaker 4: and take a risk and show some enthusiasm. I think
Speaker 4: all of us, guys, we are very, very lucky to
Speaker 4: even have an opportunity to ask her out and have
Speaker 4: the possibility that she says yes. Fortune has smiled upon
Speaker 4: us every time that happens right there, and then I
Speaker 4: can't believe any of them would ever talk to us.
Speaker 4: They're probably fine without us. This love business that we
Speaker 4: always talk about on here, it is all about opportunities,
Speaker 4: and it's all about possibilities. So when your chance presents itself,
Speaker 4: either use it or somebody else will, and that somebody
Speaker 4: will be somebody with balls. Number two, she wants you
Speaker 4: to compliment her. I don't care about all the noise
Speaker 4: about She doesn't want that. She absolutely fucking wants that.
Speaker 4: Don't be a jackass, don't be a pervert, but be bold.
Speaker 4: I don't care how good she looks or how good
Speaker 4: she thinks she looks. She wants to know that she
Speaker 4: looks good to you too. So don't you say you're hot,
Speaker 4: don't you say you're real pretty, don't you say beautiful.
Speaker 4: You got to use some imagination that shows that you
Speaker 4: thought about it for more than one second to show
Speaker 4: that it got beyond your quick glimpse and that vortex
Speaker 4: just shut off. It shows that you sort of assessed
Speaker 4: her in a moment and you thought she is stunning,
Speaker 4: or she looks gorgeous, or she is exquisite, something like that.
Speaker 4: She is a goddamn fox. Get creative, pay attention. And
Speaker 4: if you don't have the right and unique words or
Speaker 4: big vocabulary, or don't know exactly what to say, go
Speaker 4: buy a thesaurus. All of life's answers are in the
Speaker 4: dictionary and the thesaurus. You want to know the two
Speaker 4: books that will change your life, those are the two books.
Speaker 4: Ballsy Guys, Are bold, guys, Be bold, tell her what
Speaker 4: you think. Third one that the ladies want. You don't
Speaker 4: chose some balls. Hold the goddamn door. Hold it to
Speaker 4: the building when she comes in, hold it to the
Speaker 4: car when she gets in. She wants you to hold
Speaker 4: the door. And I know we've talked about these small,
Speaker 4: small handful of women out there who don't want that
Speaker 4: or don't appreciate that, and they're like, I'm not weak.
Speaker 4: You don't need to hold the door for me. You
Speaker 4: don't want them. And if you're one of those women,
Speaker 4: girls who are one of those, we don't want you,
Speaker 4: and you shouldn't. Guys appreciate them, don't tailor your whole
Speaker 4: approach to what you do to the occasional outlier who
Speaker 4: doesn't like what you do. You have to go for
Speaker 4: the majority, and the overwhelming majority want you to step
Speaker 4: up and just do it. Hold the door, hold her bag,
Speaker 4: hold her hand. She likes all of it because all
Speaker 4: of it shows some balls, and you know what she
Speaker 4: wants you to do. She wants you to pay money
Speaker 4: for the food. We've spoken of this, about this to
Speaker 4: death around here. If I went back and listened to
Speaker 4: some of our first sort of one hundred shows, a
Speaker 4: lot of it would be about this. Because for a
Speaker 4: long time there was some weird debate about this. We
Speaker 4: shut the debate down. Let me say this again. She
Speaker 4: absolutely wants you to pay if she offers and gives
Speaker 4: you that half hearted reach. First of all, she doesn't
Speaker 4: want you to accept her on that reach. But if
Speaker 4: she does, it means one of three things, and none
Speaker 4: of them are good. It means she doesn't think this
Speaker 4: is a date. It means she doesn't want to do
Speaker 4: this again, not with you, And it means she doesn't
Speaker 4: want to owe you anything. So I don't care. Occasionally
Speaker 4: somebody's like, no, well, whoever asked somebody out or whatever? No, no, no, no,
Speaker 4: do not under any circumstances early on in the relationship,
Speaker 4: let her pay, wait around for her to say thank you.
Speaker 4: If she doesn't say thank you, then you have your answer.
Speaker 4: So if you are like, oh, where are my balls
Speaker 4: or where do I find them?
Speaker 1: Sometimes they're located in.
Speaker 4: Your wallet, dig it out, get them out. It will help,
Speaker 4: and it will show her something. And finally, and I
Speaker 4: can probably go on this about all day. I'll limit
Speaker 4: to half dozen or five or six. Here my many
Speaker 4: eunuchs of America who are listening to this show. You
Speaker 4: know it's showing some balls means it means taking the hint.
Speaker 4: It means when she says goodbye or I'm done.
Speaker 3: It means goodbye and she's done.
Speaker 4: No means no. No, thank you means no thank you.
Speaker 4: Not interested means not interested. Don't call me means don't
Speaker 4: call me. And you're probably like, well, why does it
Speaker 4: take balls to get rejected? And I'm like, it takes
Speaker 4: balls to take rejection and to be confident enough that
Speaker 4: this is not the end of the world and she
Speaker 4: is not the end of your world. It means some
Speaker 4: other opportunity or possibility is still ahead for me, you,
Speaker 4: the guys, and the experience that experience. It will embolden you,
Speaker 4: and being emboldened will ramp up some of that masculine
Speaker 4: energy that you've lost. You got to embrace it, and
Speaker 4: you got to enjoy it, and you got to move
Speaker 4: along and.
Speaker 1: Go forward from it.
Speaker 4: So despite the commercials you might see with Frank Thomas
Speaker 4: and Doug Flutie and all those guys, you don't need
Speaker 4: to take pills or supplements to get your balls back.
Speaker 1: I think you just need to step up.
Speaker 4: And if somebody is offended by you being a man,
Speaker 4: or me saying be a man, oh well, fucking man,
Speaker 4: man up and whatever phrase you want to use that
Speaker 4: a fraction of you might find offensive. At twenty twenty three,
Speaker 4: we aren't here to offend, we aren't here to ruffle feathers.
Speaker 4: We are here to inspire.
Speaker 1: Guys.
Speaker 4: I'm gonna say it on behalf of the ladies who
Speaker 4: have said it to me over and over and.
Speaker 1: Over, get your balls back.
Speaker 4: And because some of you have told me get your
Speaker 4: balls back and get out there on stage on the road,
Speaker 4: we have gotten ours back, and we are heading back
Speaker 4: out as our tenth season of The Great Love Debate
Speaker 4: World Tour Live continues. We have upcoming shows in New York, Raleigh,
Speaker 4: North Carolina, Tempe, Arizona. I know we're doing another one
Speaker 4: in book Raton, Florida. Not a whole lot, but I've
Speaker 4: got some level of ballsiness that makes me want to
Speaker 4: do it some more. So go to Great Lovedebate dot com.
Speaker 4: Tickets on sale for those, shoot us an email Great
Speaker 4: Loovedebate at gmail dot com. Any of any of this
Speaker 4: inspires or offend you, please like, share, follow, and review
Speaker 4: this podcast to this day, you're eight.
Speaker 1: Nine ten whatever we're in here. Your reviews mean a
Speaker 1: lot in.
Speaker 4: The podcasting ecosystem because, as always at The Great Love Debate,
Speaker 4: we never stop making love.
Speaker 1: See you next time.
Speaker 2: The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate, the
Speaker 2: Great Love Debate.
Speaker 4: It's a Great Love Debate.