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Speaker 1: Growing up, I had what most people would have called

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her perfect childhood. We had money, quite a bit of it.

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We lived in a house with high windows, soft carpet,

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and a back yard big enough to forget where the

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edges were. My father, Jonathan, was a quiet man. He

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led prayer every morning before school and every night before bed,

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and he spoke with conviction. My mother was grace in motion.

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She read poetry, cooked like she had studied it, and

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always seemed to know what I was feeling before I

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said a word. I loved them both deeply, without question.

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They didn't hide things from each other, but hid one

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thing from me. There was a strange man that lived

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with us. Perhaps that's the wrong word. He existed in

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our house, always on the edge of where light ended.

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He really appeared as a full aperation. Sometimes he was

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just a flicker in the corner of a mirror. Sometimes

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it was deeper shadows that didn't move when the sun did,

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or the smell of smoke in a room when nothing

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had burned. And he scared me. While my dad and

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I were cleaning out the garage. I had worked up

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the courage after an afternoon of silence to ask him

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who the man was. He stopped stacking the boxes, straightened

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his back, and smiled at me. That's your uncle, he said,

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without hesitation, he doesn't mean you harm. As young as

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I was, I knew my father didn't have a brother.

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That night, he sat me down at the kitchen table,

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his hands folded in front of him, and he gently

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but firmly told me that if I ever saw anything strange, mirrors, shadows,

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or noises that didn't make sense, I should ignore it.

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He said it firmly, as if it was one of

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the house rules, just as important as brushing my teeth

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or saying grace. He told me not to ask questions

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if you see him, Just keep walking, he said. I

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asked him why, because that's what we do, he said.

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He looked scared. After that conversation, I started paying closer

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attention to the way my father acted around the house.

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After sundown, my father would become weary. He grew quieter

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and more rigid. He would sometimes excuse himself and go

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sit in the basement, like he was hiding from him.

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I remember the first time I saw him, really saw him,

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not in a mirror or a trick of light, but

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in full He stood on the back porch, his face

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blank and hands at his sides. His coat was dark

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and long, and his skin looked gray under the porch light.

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Dull and lifeless. Wherever he appeared, my father entered the

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door before anyone else could. He would step outside, pull

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the door closed behind him, and speak in whispers. I

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couldn't hear much, but I knew that the man would

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hand him something, a piece of paper, would tuck the

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note away, move with urgency, and leave the house without

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finishing his meal or saying goodbye. Sometimes he would make

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calls from the landline in the garage. Once he didn't

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come home until morning. He looked drained, His shirt was unbuttoned,

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and his kind eyes were bloodshot. I tried asking about

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the man once. I didn't even make it through the question. Don't.

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My father said, not angry, but firm, Just don't. After that,

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I learned to keep quiet, but the man kept coming.

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It happened ten years ago. I remember the exact date

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because it was two days after my birthday. I just

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turned eight, and I was still riding the high of

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presents and cake and the way my mother smiled when

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she sang. The weather had started to turn, the heat

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pulling back and leaving behind that crisp early autumn air

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that carried the scent of dry leaves and chimney smoke.

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That night, I saw my father standing at the back

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door again. I was on the stairs holding a book.

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I heard the door open and I saw the man outside.

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He looked the same as always. I knew what would happen.

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I'd seen it before. The man would hand him a note,

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my father would read it, and then everything would shift

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into motion. He would leave, pray, or make a quiet

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call to someone I'd never met. But that didn't happen

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this time. The man passed in the paper. My father

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looked at it, looked down and unfolded it. His eyes

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moved over the page once, then again. His hand dropped

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to his side. He didn't move, he just stood there

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holding the paper. I thought he was going to faint.

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I stepped down on to the next step. He turned slowly,

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his face pale. He looked past me. He looked like

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he had aged ten years in that moment alone. Then

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he really looked at me. My father had never looked

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at me that way. Hell, nobody has ever looked at

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me that way since. His eyes filled with tears, and

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I thought he might say something, but instead he turned

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toward the hallway. My mother had entered the room. She

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had a dish towel in her hands, still damp from washing.

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She looked at him. He handed it to her. She

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unfolded it. Her mouth opened and at first no sound

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came out. She stared at the paper, blinked once, and

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then collapsed onto the floor, her knees hitting the tile.

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She screamed, not in fear or even grief, but in helplessness,

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a sound that split the room. I didn't know what

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was on that paper, yet, I just knew it broke

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something in her, something that wouldn't heal. My father crouched

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beside her and tried to return the paper, but she

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pulled away. She crushed it in a fist and held

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it against the chest. After my mother crumpled to the floor,

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my father finally seemed to remember I was standing there.

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He turned toward me, and for a second I thought

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he was going to me over. Instead, he gave me

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a small nod. His voice was quiet, Go to your

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room for a little while. Your mother and I need

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to talk. I didn't question him. I walked back up

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the stairs and closed my door behind me. I sat

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on the carpet by the window, legs pulled against my chest,

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watching the backyard sway in the wind. I figured someone

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had died, maybe my grandmother or someone from my father's

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side i'd never met, that would explain the tears. At

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some point, I pressed my ear to the floor. I

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wanted to hear something, anything, but there was nothing at first,

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just the settling of the house. Then eventually I heard

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my mother. Her weeping was soft, barely there, sorrow that

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couldn't be helped or postponed. Her voice cracked a few times,

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but I couldn't make out any words. Then it faded again,

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and I was left in silence. I must have fallen

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asleep at some point, because when I opened my eyes,

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the sky outside was darker, clouded over. The hallway was dim.

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I didn't remember going to bed, but I must have

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crawled up there. I got up and walked to the

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door I needed to pee. I crept down the hall,

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dragging my hands against the wall as I went, and stopped.

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Just before I reached the stairs. I could hear them.

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My parents were downstairs speaking in the kitchen. They weren't whispering,

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We weren't even trying to be quiet. My father's voice

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was sharp, strained. How are we going to do this

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in just six months? There was the sound of something

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clattering on the counter, a cup maybe, or a spoon.

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Then my mother snapped back, we can't just give him up.

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He has never asked for something this messed up before.

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How do we even go about this? Curse your grandfather, Jonathan.

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She sounded panicked, Her words hit like stones thrown in

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every direction. My father didn't answer right away. I heard

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him pace as I stood at the top of the stairs.

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My heart thumbed harder with each passing second. I didn't

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understand what they meant, give up? Who? What did six

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months mean? Who had asked for something? But I did

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hear the fear in their voices. My mind went back

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to him. That was when the idea first started to

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take root in my chest. I didn't know what he

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had written down, but I knew it had something to

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do with me, and I knew for the first time

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in my life that whatever he was, he had power

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over my family. The days that followed felt wrong in

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ways I couldn't explain to any one. My parents weren't

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fighting openly, but everything was different they would stand in

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the same room and talk like strangers. Forced to live

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under the same roof, the atmosphere changed. Even on clear days,

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the house felt darker. The man appeared more often. It

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was hard to know what I was seeing any more.

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He began showing up in my dreams, not always clearly,

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sometimes just the feeling of him. Other nights, he was

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a shape behind the glass, or a figure on the

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other side of the window, waiting for me to wake up.

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I wanted to ask my parents what was going on.

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I wanted to tell them that he wasn't even trying

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to stay hidden anymore, but I was afraid of what

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they'd say. And then I noticed something else. My mother

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started gaining weight. She wasn't eating much, but her belly

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was fuller, and her steps were slower. Her shirts no

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longer hung the same. I saw her once in the

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bathroom mirror, holding her hand to her stomach. I could

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see him standing right beside her. He was growing bolder,

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or maybe we were growing weaker. As her stomach grew,

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so did the weight pressing down on everything inside that house.

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I caught my mother staring out the kitchen window more often,

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her fingers resting on the counter, like she was waiting

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for something to appear outside and carry her away. My

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father became more devout than ever. He spent hours locked

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in the study, muttering under his breath, his voice rising

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and falling. He was constantly reciting scripture. I peeked in

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once through the crack of the door and saw him kneeling,

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not just praying, but rocking, whispering between his teeth, or

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staring at the floor. I only got the courage to

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question the entire situation one time, but I was met

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with bland responses. They were clearly shrugging me off. The

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night it all fell apart started with the wind. The

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tree scraped the windows, The power lines swayed and groaned

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above the roof. Thunder rolled in circles, never close enough

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to crack the sky, but loud enough to rattle the windows.

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I woke to screaming. My body reacted before my thoughts

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caught up. I sat up in bed, my heart pounding

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and my chest already tight. I could tell from the

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tone that it wasn't just anger. My mother's voice tore

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through the house with desperation. I climbed out of bed

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and stepped into the hallway too scared to move closer

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to afraid to go back. Her voice rang out from downstairs.

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We have to give it a kid tomorrow, Jonathan. She

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sounded broken. My father answered her, pleading, We'll find another way.

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Just wait, please, I'm done waiting. She screamed. You know

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what will happen. You know there was a crash. I

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stood there, gripping the banister, my hands shaking, my stomach twisting.

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Then I heard the scream my mother, one sharp, terrible

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sound that cut through the house, like metal tearing through cloth,

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and then nothing. I ran. I was already down the

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stairs before my brain caught up to what I was doing.

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The air smelled sour. The lights in the hallway were off,

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but there was a glow from the bathroom door. The

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lights spilled out into the dark, casting shadows on the floor.

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She was on the ground, my mother. Her body was

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twisted at the hip, one legs stretched out, the other

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bent beneath her. Blood had soaked through a dress and

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pulled under her shoulders. Her head was resting against the

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base of the tub. Her eyes were open, glassy, her

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mouth half parted. There was a knife in her hand.

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I couldn't breathe. My father was beside her on his knees.

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His shirt was stained, his face blotched red. He held

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something in his hands. I didn't understand what I was

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looking at. It was small, pink, a mess of limbs

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and tissue. He cradled it like it might cry. He

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was rocking back and forth, whispering something to it, over

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and over. I wanted to scream, I wanted to ask

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what happened, but nothing came out. I turned and ran

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my hands hid the stair rail and missed the step

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and slammed into the wall half way up. I kept

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going back to my room. I closed the door, I

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crawled into my closet. I curled up and held my

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knees to my chest. I stayed there until the sun rose.

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The funeral from my mother was quiet, not because there

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weren't people there, but because no one knew what to say.

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A small church just outside of town, the one my

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father used to preach at. The sanctuary smell like lilies

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and varnished wood. The windows were fogged from the cold,

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and the pews were half full of people from my

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father's congregation who wore solemn expressions. Some of them brought

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cast roles, some brought their children. None of them wrought answers.

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The casket was closed. Everyone said she seemed so happy,

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so devoted, so warm. The official cause of death was suicide.

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The coroner's report cited blood loss. The fingerprints and the

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knife were hers and hers alone. They said it was

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a clean case. I didn't speak at the service. I

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sat in the front row and stared at the floor.

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I didn't cry or blink much either. It felt wrong

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to do either. One. My father stood up and delivered

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something that could barely be called a eulogy. I watched

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him closely, trying to find her in his face, to

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find something human, something breaking, But there was nothing, just

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the voice repeating words. He didn't leave anymore. Afterward, we

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drove home together in silence. I watched the trees move

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past the window, still half stripped from the last storm.

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When we pulled into the driveway, I asked him if

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we could talk. I tried to ask him what really happened,

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what was happening, and if she'd said anything before she died.

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He didn't respond. He walked inside, locked the bathroom door,

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and didn't come out for an hour. We never spoke

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about it again. My father stopped going to church. He

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stopped returning calls from the other pastors. His Bible stayed

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on the shelf, untouched. The prayers stopped, the grace before meals,

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the whispered blessings before bed. All of it vanished. What

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replaced them were bottles. He kept empties stacked in paper

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bags under the sink until there were too many to hide.

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I would hear him in the kitchen long after I'd

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gone to bed, opening new ones, drinking them in silence,

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sometimes whispering to himself. But eventually the whispers changed. He

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started speaking to him. Sometimes he laughed, sometimes he cried,

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sometimes he begged, and other times he just seemed to listen.

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I stopped trying to talk to him. I'd questions that

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I knew would never be answered, and fears I didn't

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have the strength to put into words. I didn't know

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what else to do. It was four years after she died.

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I was seventeen. I had been holding it in for

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too long. I didn't plan to say anything, but it

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was a bad day and he was already drunk. And

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when I found him on the porch muttering to the

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darkness again, something inside me snapped. You killed her, I said,

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He didn't lock up. You let her die because you're

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a coward. He lifted his head slowly, like the words

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took time to register. I could see how empty it

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had become. He looked thinner than he had ever been.

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You never did anything, I said. You never fought for her.

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You just did whatever you were doing. You let her

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bleed to death on the floor like that was normal.

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He opened his mouth but failed to speak. Then he

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stood fast enough to knock over the chair behind him.

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He wanted you, he shouted, tears forming in his eyes.

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A child of ours, That's what the note said. He

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was trembling now, shoulders shaking, arms clenched at his sides.

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He gave us six months. We didn't know what to do.

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We couldn't give you up. You were just the boy.

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We thought maybe if we gave him another one, it

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would be enough. He stared at him. So you, I tried, asking,

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He nodded, Then he shook his head, then nodded again.

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We tried, he said. We tried to make another child,

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but we didn't have enough time. The baby it wasn't ready.

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And your mother, she couldn't bear the thought of handing

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you over. So she He covered his face with his hands.

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He sat down hard and led out a sound that

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didn't belong to any version of my father. I had

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known a sound of something breaking for good. She chose

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the only thing she thought would work. I didn't say

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anything else. I couldn't. I didn't even know if I

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hated him anymore. I didn't know what to feel. I

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stood in the doorway, watching the man who had once

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led prayers and kissed my forehead at night. He looks

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smaller now, smaller than anything I'd ever seen. He had

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given up a long time ago. He had just forgotten

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to die. My father collapsed onto the couch, shoulders buckling

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under years of grief that have finally found their voice.

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His face was wet, red in the corners, streaked with

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the cries of a man who wasn't weak, but it

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surrendered to the truth. I sat across from him, arms

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resting on my knees, breath shallow. I felt sick, my

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skin tingled, and my legs ached, but I didn't move.

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I needed to know where did he come from? I asked.

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My voice was quieter than I expected. He stared at

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the ceiling above my head, eyes unfocused, as if he

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was watching something move across it that I couldn't see.

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Then he nodded just once and began to speak. My father,

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he said, slowly, as if pulling each word from a

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well buried deep in his chest. Your grandfather made a

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deal with something. I think. He swallowed hard, rubbed at

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the corner of his mouth, and kept going. I was

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born wrong, crippled. I couldn't walk, talk, or even breathe right.

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They told him I'd never live a full life. Doctors

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gave up. I don't remember any of it. I was

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too young, but he swore it was hopeless. Then one

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morning I stood up, I talked, I was fine. He

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let that hang in the air for a moment, then

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looked down at his hands. That's when he came. After

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I got better, he showed up at our door, just

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standing there. Father knew what he was. I don't know how,

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but he did, and he let him in. He looked

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up then straight into my eyes. He did things for him,

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just like I did and still do. He leaned back

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on the couch, his voice trembling. Now. I don't know

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what the first note said, but I remember what happened afterward.

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Her cousin vanished. Then my uncle one day, your grandfather

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refused to do what the man said. He thought he

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was strong enough. I guess. He shook his head, jaw

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clenched tight. People in our family were taken, my father included,

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gone without explanation. I don't even know what it is

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he said. He never told me. Maybe he didn't know either.

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Maybe that was part of the deal. Keep serving and

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stay ignorant. He gives us wealth and luck, if you

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can call it that. But he ran a hand through

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his hair, then dropped it to his lap. He exhaled

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a slow, tired breath. I curse him, my son. I

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curse my father every day. If he just left me

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the way I was, maybe none of this would have happened.

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Maybe i'd have a short life, a quiet one, but

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a real one, and you, you would have never known

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any of this. His voice cracked again. He didn't wipe

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his eyes this time, he let them fall freely. I

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used to wonder if I was ever supposed to be

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a father, if maybe he'd let me live, just so

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i'd carry the burden to someone else. He turned toward

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me and for once didn't try to be strong. I'm sorry,

347
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I'm so sorry. I should have ended it. I should

348
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have done something. I should have I don't know. I

349
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don't know what I could have done, but it should

350
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have been anything but this. His words hit hard, my

351
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chest burned. I hated him for so long that I

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didn't know how to stop. But hearing him say those

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words and the ruin behind his eyes left me hollow.

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For the first time since my mother died. Neither of

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us was angry. He leaned back on the couch and

356
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tilted his head toward the ceiling. His lips moved as

357
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he mumbled to himself, words too quiet to catch. Eventually,

358
00:29:03,640 --> 00:29:11,880
the weight of everything dragged him into sleep. I sat

359
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:14,640
there for a long time after he closed his eyes,

360
00:29:15,440 --> 00:29:19,079
listening to the wind outside and the faint clock ticking

361
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above the fireplace. When I finally stood and left the room,

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the house was quiet. I moved into the hallway, not

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sure where I was going. My steps were slow, my

364
00:29:33,160 --> 00:29:40,200
thoughts wouldn't settle, and then I felt it, a light

365
00:29:40,319 --> 00:29:46,400
touch on my shoulder. I froze. I turned my head.

366
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He was behind me, not half there, not distorted in

367
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a mirror or hiding in a shadow. He stood fully, visible,

368
00:29:58,839 --> 00:30:02,880
completely real. I could see the lines on his coat

369
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the folds in the collar, the age, and the cloth.

370
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He was tall. His skin was pale, but not corpse, pale,

371
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just drained. His face was long and unreadable. His eyes

372
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were I can't remember them. He held out his hand.

373
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There was a note in it. I didn't reach for it.

374
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My arm moved on its own. MY fingers took it

375
00:30:34,440 --> 00:30:37,599
from his hand, and the second it left his palm,

376
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he vanished. I stared at the paper for a long

377
00:30:44,599 --> 00:30:48,839
time before I unfolded it. My hands were shaking, my

378
00:30:48,960 --> 00:30:53,359
throat was dry. I already knew it was meant for me.

379
00:30:55,799 --> 00:31:05,480
Three words written in neat, slanted hand writing, cripple your

380
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father m