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Speaker 1: Hi everyone, Welcome to Drunkish. I'm Stephanie Wilder Taylor. As

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you probably have figured out by now, I've written a

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few books, and one of them is called Drunkish, where

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I told my whole sobriety story because I love sharing,

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and now I have a podcast of the same name

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so that other people can share their stories and we

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can talk all about sobriety. And today is no different.

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Today I have my friend Robin Reiser. Robin has been

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a friend of mine for a really long time. We

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go back to stand up comedy days, and I love

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these kind of guests. She is so funny, she's so real,

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she's been sober a very long time. She's a writer too,

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and she has an account on medium dot com. You

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can look for her there Robin Reiser R O B

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I N R E I S E R. Also same

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for Instagram, all the things. Also, please like and follow

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the show Drunkish, the podcast. It will really help me

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build my audience up. So let's have it. Robin my friend,

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Welcome to the show. Welcome to Drunkish.

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Speaker 2: Thank you, thanks, Stephanie. It's good to be here now.

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Speaker 1: You've been sober a really long time.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, like three decades.

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Speaker 1: And when people see you, they're just going to be like,

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but how You're just a little baby.

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Speaker 2: Did you get I got sober in the womb. It

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was weird. It was like, you know what, I know,

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I'm just a fetus, but I think I have a

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problem with alcohol, and that's what you need. You know.

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It says the only requirement for membership is a desire

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to stop drinking. And I was like, I've.

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Speaker 1: Had enough enough enough of this.

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Speaker 2: These hangovers are killing me. No, I was I was sixteen.

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I was sixteen. It's still surprising to me that I

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was so young because now I have a fourteen year

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old son, and I can't believe how young I was,

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like because at the time I was like I felt

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like an old, withered, old soul. You know, I was

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going through so much. I can't believe that I was

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literally a child, such a child when I got sober,

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and that I had such a significant amount of consequences

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and pain that it's propelled me to stay sober. You know.

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Speaker 1: It's such an incredible story, and I don't know peak

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behind the curtain. You've been writing a book about your experience. Yeah,

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I'm not like we could talk we could say that, right,

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and it's right. There's what I want to say. It

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is so good. I just told Robin this off air

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no offense to other people that write with me, but

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you are one of my very favorite writers. The book

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is so good. So I know this story kind of

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inside and out because I've heard most of it and

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when you were working on some big significant parts of it,

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my kids were probably at the age that you were

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at the and it was blowing my mind because I

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was like, I can't imagine my kids or even myself,

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because I don't. I mean, I started drinking what I

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think of as young, but I was probably fourteen going on, yeah,

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or fifteen, So it's good time to start, great time

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to start. Like you know, it's still it's still early

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enough to develop an alcohol addiction.

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Speaker 2: You know, your liver is so fresh and your mind

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is really mushy, so so yeah, you soak it all

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up like a sponge.

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Speaker 1: But what's crazy is that you are one of those

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rare people that got sober very young against your will,

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Like you had no interest in getting sober, And we're

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gonna we'll go through the whole story. But but then

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all this time later, you're still sober, and I almost

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want to know, like if it's been so long that,

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do you ever get that voice that's like I could probably,

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like it'd be different now, yes.

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Speaker 2: Yes, Oh my god. It's like it's like, come on,

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you were a teen ager. Of course you didn't know

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how to drink. You didn't even know how to drive,

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you didn't know how to do anything. How of course

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you're you're not an alcoholic. You were just it was

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like a phase. You were binge drinking. Who wasn't binge drinking?

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That's like the voice, it's like, you should probably you

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could probably have a glass of wine now here and

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there no problem. That's that's the voice. And then yeah,

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and you're not an alcoholic and all that, and I

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tell that voice yeah, okay, maybe, but I'm not going

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to find out today. So that's how I shut it up.

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I'm like, yeah, maybe, but like today's not a good

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day to find that out, Like we're not going to

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check in on I'm not going to put it to

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the test today. And that that has shut my disease

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up day by day because it's always just one day,

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day at a time, so it's always like okay, but

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not now you know, like there's wine at a party

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and I'm like, I mean, am I an alcoholic? And

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I want to say that I don't avoid life. So

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I've been a bartender, I've been a cocktail waitress. I've

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been around alcohol and drugs in sobriety, and I went

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on dead tour, and I just it's always like just

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not now, like just just not no, just not now,

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because it doesn't matter. Like if I was like for

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the rest of my life, I'm never going to do

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this again, then that would make me crazy. But it's

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just right now.

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Speaker 1: Just right now. It gets into my head sometimes and

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I'm gonna, I'm gonna. It's a great tool that you have,

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because every once in a while, I get a thing.

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I get triggered, as they say, when people talk about

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like doing ayahuasca or doing something that's not that's not

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like alcohol, you know, or smoking pot. It's something that

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would be like very special, like going like or I

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don't know, like ketamine or something where you're doing it

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because you're trying to like heal your inner child. And

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I go like with that, count like there's a part

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of me that just goes well, I've never done that,

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and like would that even count as not being sober,

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and then I'm going to just start telling myself like,

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you know what, I don't know, but I'm probably not

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going to go do ayahuasca today so I can stop

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thinking about it.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, exactly, That's and I get that one because like

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my brother's really into ayahuasca and I think he's I

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don't know if he is now, but he's been microdosing

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mushrooms for you know, various like anxiety or depression or something,

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and I know people doing kenemine and it's all seems

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very above board and doctor. But it's just like, yeah,

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I get it, right, and good for you all if

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you can microdose mushrooms and that works for you, But

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not for me today, Like that's not not for me

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right now, Like it would have to be very special.

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I'm not walking around with a fucking mushroom in my.

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Speaker 3: Pocket and being like I'm just gonna take I'm gonna

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take a little nibble of this right now, Yeah, just

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a little scoche.

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Speaker 1: Well, but that's the thing is like for for me,

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I think, well, I'm not gonna just start doing mushrooms

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all the time, So then what would be It's just

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where my brain goes. It's not even serious. It's not

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even like you're this is, you know, an intervention on me.

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It's more like when people say certain things, I go,

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does that even count as losing sobriety? If you were

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to do that on purpose, you wouldn't go, you wouldn't

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do ayahuasca and then go right back two days later.

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So like that seems pretty reasonable, but it's so ridiculous

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because that is the addic brain, because why do I

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even need to do ayahuasca so bad? I'm not like

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going through something?

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Speaker 2: Yeah exactly just says fun right right, because you want

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a trip? Yes, I think I always think about like

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the thing like people are like, oh am I an alcoholic?

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Am I do I have an alcoholic mind or whatever?

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And I'm like the difference isn't like so like I

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was drinking and binge, drinking and throwing you know, I

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had all these consequences beyond just throwing up. But you

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if you're having all these consequences, and a normal person

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would be like, and now I'm going to stop doing that,

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Like that's bad for me. I'm going to stop. Now

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that was wrong. I should not have you know, they'll

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it's not like anybody who makes a mistake while drinking

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is an alcoholic. It's just if you have a consequence

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and then you don't attribute that consequence to the fact

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that you were drunk, and then you just do it

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again or you think it's going to be different. That's

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where that's like what separates the four years, what for years?

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Speaker 1: For years for years, Like it's when you go like,

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I don't think that was it, So I'm just going

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to continue on doing that for ten more years, yeah,

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to see if it ever turns out different.

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Speaker 2: It's all these stories of people being like, well, obviously

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I can't drink brown liquor. It's the brown liquor. Like,

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that's the right, it's the it's the color of the liquor.

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That's what's doing it to you. Good luck with tequila,

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Good luck with that one. Right.

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Speaker 1: Oh, I've done that. I've been a person that was like,

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you know what, the problem is hard liquor. You can't

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tell how much you're having, and so you go from

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like zero to drunk too quickly. The trick is just

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to do wine or beer because that comes on slower

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and you can like gauge it better.

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Speaker 2: You can sip it. I don't think I've ever sipped

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a beer in my life.

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Speaker 1: No, no, no, no, no, I've shot gunned quite a

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few years. Yeah, you know, I was at this is

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like a little bit well it's on topic, but it's

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off your story. But I was as an adult last year.

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In fact, I was at a football game, at my

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daughter's college football game, and there were all these people

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my age who were you know, had kids at the

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school but also maybe went to that school, and all

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these adults, you know, people in their fifties like me,

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shotgunning beers and like partying, and I gotta tell you,

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it looked so awful to me. I was like, wow,

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I am so glad that I don't drink anymore because

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that just seems sad, so sad, and also just I

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think it through now to the point of like how

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are you getting home? Also like you're gonna be tired soon,

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Like you're just you're not going to keep that spirit

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going and then go watch a game. No, You're going

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to just be drunk and tired.

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Speaker 2: Yeah, your hangover is going to come on before you

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the game even starts. Yes, you're not gonna like that

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marching band. Yeah.

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Speaker 1: And I was like, just leave this for the kids

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who are just getting started with their alcohol issues, you

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know what I mean, like let it go. Yeah, okay,

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take us back to how it started. I just your

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story is so interesting. Okay you're thirteen, yeah, twelve?

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Speaker 2: No. I so the earliest earliest drinking was really young,

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like a child in with all the best intentions. My

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parents let me have wine with dinner when I was

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a kid. They would give me want water down wine,

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and I don't know if they thought it was like European,

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I don't really know, but I think that, you know,

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it was sort of like this. They thought it was

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classy or something. And so I would have wine with

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dinner and I loved it, and I loved it. I

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would beg for it, and you'd think that they would

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have noticed, no, they should not give it to me.

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And then when I would run out, I would sit

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under the table and I would reach up above the

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table and grab a glass and I would drink it

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and then put it back on the table. So that's

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what I was doing it like Thanksgiving and other kind

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of parties. I'd get under that table and I just

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I never really thought about how it made me feel.

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Then I wasn't like, wow, this is it just it

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just was something I wanted, right, So it wasn't like,

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oh yeah that I want to chase that. It just

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it just was kind of like something I wanted, like

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you want sugar or candy when you're a kid. It

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was just like that simple. But when I hit puberty,

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I went through some major I think we would now

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know that it's basically depression. I couldn't stop crying and

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I couldn't stop fighting with my mom, and that is

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normal for our teenager. And I ran away to like

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a park. I mean, I grew up in like a

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nice suburb, so I just ran away from home. But

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I just went to a park and some older boys

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came by and they had beer, and I convinced them

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to give me one. So and now I must have

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been very persuasive, because I did seriously like I was ten.

237
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But I think that they thought that it was funny,

238
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and so they let me have a beer and I

239
00:14:06,200 --> 00:14:10,000
chugged it and then I crushed the can and threw

240
00:14:10,039 --> 00:14:13,240
it into the bushes and then belched and then asked

241
00:14:13,240 --> 00:14:16,799
for another one, and they were like, this is hilarious,

242
00:14:16,879 --> 00:14:21,639
and I gotta tell you, like all the buttons were

243
00:14:21,639 --> 00:14:26,440
being checked for me, like I felt amazing because of

244
00:14:26,480 --> 00:14:30,240
the alcohol. Plus these older boys who were like way

245
00:14:30,720 --> 00:14:34,960
beyond my social scope thought I was hilarious. And I

246
00:14:35,080 --> 00:14:39,519
was functioning in a realm that was like so outside

247
00:14:39,559 --> 00:14:42,000
of my like Hello Kitty and girl Scout realm. Like

248
00:14:42,039 --> 00:14:44,919
I just didn't know that I had this in me

249
00:14:45,120 --> 00:14:49,879
where I could be like this, and I I loved it,

250
00:14:50,080 --> 00:14:52,840
like I loved it. I loved the attention, I loved

251
00:14:53,080 --> 00:14:57,000
being funny, and I felt so good. And I always

252
00:14:57,039 --> 00:15:02,799
talk about that, the feeling, the relief of having the

253
00:15:02,840 --> 00:15:07,600
alcohols hit my system is like this sound like if

254
00:15:07,639 --> 00:15:12,000
there was a refrigerator buzzing in and you don't notice

255
00:15:12,000 --> 00:15:14,600
that sound until the sound shuts off. And that's what

256
00:15:14,639 --> 00:15:17,600
it was like. It was like this low level anxiety

257
00:15:17,919 --> 00:15:20,120
that was always going and I didn't know it was

258
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there until it was gone. And I was like, I

259
00:15:23,559 --> 00:15:27,519
can do anything, I can be anyone. I'm I'm funny,

260
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I'm fun I'm pretty, I'm special, I'm wanted, I'm valued

261
00:15:31,759 --> 00:15:37,080
like everything, you know, and yeah, and then I was

262
00:15:37,159 --> 00:15:39,120
off to there. I that was all I wanted to do,

263
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you know. I quickly changed friend groups and got invited

264
00:15:44,679 --> 00:15:49,480
to parties and started getting professional with my drinking.

265
00:15:50,159 --> 00:15:52,559
Speaker 1: How did you just change friend groups though? Did you?

266
00:15:53,679 --> 00:15:56,159
Were there kids that you knew that like to party

267
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that you just started, Yeah, gravitating towards them.

268
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Speaker 2: Yeah, like I think that I got. I got. I

269
00:16:03,759 --> 00:16:06,360
had some friends that were right on the edge, you know,

270
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So there were friends that were obviously a lot of

271
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people were starting to experiment then. And then once I

272
00:16:12,759 --> 00:16:19,080
did that and word got out that I was, I

273
00:16:19,120 --> 00:16:23,279
had like this legendary chug session. And I don't know

274
00:16:23,320 --> 00:16:27,240
if I released that information and or if my if

275
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somebody else did. But then I got invited to a

276
00:16:30,200 --> 00:16:34,399
party and where everybody was drinking, and then I just

277
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started hanging out with those people. And there was also

278
00:16:37,759 --> 00:16:41,519
a boy element to it too, because I was around

279
00:16:41,559 --> 00:16:45,399
the same time I was like developing, and I recognized

280
00:16:45,480 --> 00:16:53,080
like sort of the power of being having boobs and

281
00:16:53,480 --> 00:16:56,919
being and like doing things like looking at boys in

282
00:16:56,960 --> 00:17:01,559
the face and like they couldn't They're just so like what,

283
00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:05,119
oh my god. And so I felt like this power

284
00:17:05,160 --> 00:17:10,279
from that, and so that also got me invited to

285
00:17:10,319 --> 00:17:13,359
parties too, because boys would be like, let's invite Robin

286
00:17:13,599 --> 00:17:16,599
because she's and they were right. They were like, she's

287
00:17:16,640 --> 00:17:18,160
going to be easy when she's drunk.

288
00:17:20,119 --> 00:17:22,759
Speaker 1: And did your parents have any did they suspect anything

289
00:17:23,119 --> 00:17:23,599
at this time?

290
00:17:23,680 --> 00:17:27,680
Speaker 2: Yeah, they they busted me, like they busted me. They

291
00:17:27,720 --> 00:17:31,039
busted me, and and they were like they found figured

292
00:17:31,039 --> 00:17:33,359
out that I was drunk, and I was like it

293
00:17:33,480 --> 00:17:36,960
was a mistake and I wanted to I just was

294
00:17:37,039 --> 00:17:39,759
such a good liar. I mean, one of the things

295
00:17:39,799 --> 00:17:43,000
with all the education around peer pressure is that I

296
00:17:43,160 --> 00:17:46,119
just used all that education. Like I was like I

297
00:17:46,119 --> 00:17:48,359
didn't know what to do. I was in this situation

298
00:17:48,680 --> 00:17:52,880
that everybody else was drinking, and so I had a

299
00:17:52,920 --> 00:17:55,160
few SIPs, but then I didn't have anything else to

300
00:17:55,240 --> 00:17:58,960
drink and I didn't notice, Like I just like it

301
00:17:59,000 --> 00:18:02,640
was so easy to play that card. Anytime I got busted.

302
00:18:02,680 --> 00:18:08,680
It was like it was this like somehow being drunk

303
00:18:08,680 --> 00:18:11,599
had just happened to me by accident. Like I had

304
00:18:11,680 --> 00:18:14,480
alcohol poisoning one time and my dad had to come

305
00:18:14,559 --> 00:18:19,200
rescue me. Like my friends were so worried that they

306
00:18:19,319 --> 00:18:22,200
called my dad, and which is like it has to

307
00:18:22,240 --> 00:18:25,200
be bad, you know, And so he came and picked

308
00:18:25,200 --> 00:18:27,640
me up, and the next day he was like what happened,

309
00:18:27,680 --> 00:18:30,480
and I said, there was a salt. There was a

310
00:18:30,519 --> 00:18:35,319
bottle of sprite, and I didn't know. I didn't know

311
00:18:35,359 --> 00:18:38,599
that it was anything but sprite. And then I'm like,

312
00:18:38,680 --> 00:18:42,240
did you know that liquor could be sweet? And he's like, yeah,

313
00:18:42,559 --> 00:18:46,119
there's And I just used everything. I use, all my

314
00:18:47,039 --> 00:18:52,279
big eyes and my innocence and that I you're the

315
00:18:52,319 --> 00:18:54,720
people who love you, especially when you're a teenager. They

316
00:18:54,880 --> 00:18:57,480
do not want to think that you're doing anything wrong,

317
00:18:58,279 --> 00:19:03,640
so they me because it was easy to play that card.

318
00:19:04,240 --> 00:19:06,400
They caught me a lot, and I got away with

319
00:19:06,480 --> 00:19:09,200
it because you know, they would try. They'd be like, well,

320
00:19:09,240 --> 00:19:13,599
you're grounded for the next weekend, and I'd be like okay.

321
00:19:14,039 --> 00:19:20,319
Speaker 1: You know it was like so you also then started

322
00:19:20,319 --> 00:19:21,359
getting into drugs.

323
00:19:21,960 --> 00:19:26,759
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, I mean, once the floodgates were open for me,

324
00:19:26,960 --> 00:19:29,519
I was willing to try pretty much everything. I mean

325
00:19:29,559 --> 00:19:35,599
I did have I didn't have some restrictions on myself,

326
00:19:35,640 --> 00:19:39,119
but anything that was available I pretty much tried. And

327
00:19:39,480 --> 00:19:43,200
I really loved being part of a stoner lifestyle, so

328
00:19:43,279 --> 00:19:47,920
I got really into that. I also found that the

329
00:19:48,119 --> 00:19:51,160
guys in my high school that I hung out with

330
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:57,559
that were big drinkers were pretty predatory and they were

331
00:19:57,720 --> 00:20:01,799
dangerous for me to be around, and so I found

332
00:20:01,839 --> 00:20:07,720
that it was safer to be a stoner. So I think,

333
00:20:07,839 --> 00:20:12,880
like that seems obvious looking back on it, Like, you know,

334
00:20:13,759 --> 00:20:16,319
I'm so glad that pot is legal because it's so

335
00:20:16,640 --> 00:20:20,759
much less of a dangerous drug than alcohol, And it's

336
00:20:20,960 --> 00:20:23,920
weird the fact that we didn't recognize that earlier. Like

337
00:20:24,279 --> 00:20:28,160
stoners don't punch each other, they're generally not the ones

338
00:20:28,279 --> 00:20:30,920
raping people, you know what I mean. It's like people

339
00:20:31,000 --> 00:20:34,279
who are stoned are like gonna, like, you know, eat

340
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:37,200
cereal and take a nap, Like it's not as but

341
00:20:37,319 --> 00:20:39,759
once you add alcohol into that equation, it's much more

342
00:20:39,839 --> 00:20:42,720
dangerous or anything else that's more of a stimulant or

343
00:20:42,839 --> 00:20:46,079
something like that. So I'm not saying everyone should go

344
00:20:46,160 --> 00:20:48,839
smoke pot. I'm just saying, like, you know, it's.

345
00:20:48,680 --> 00:20:51,160
Speaker 1: Really interesting though that you would bring this up, because

346
00:20:51,240 --> 00:20:56,559
on my last episode, I had a guy who runs rehabs.

347
00:20:57,240 --> 00:21:00,440
I had a not great reaction to this guy. My

348
00:21:00,640 --> 00:21:05,599
question to him was if kids are smoking pot, because

349
00:21:05,640 --> 00:21:08,079
it seems to be way more prevalent, Like you said,

350
00:21:10,039 --> 00:21:13,160
is that about, like, how do we stop kids from

351
00:21:13,200 --> 00:21:17,079
being stoners basically, and he's he was like, get him

352
00:21:17,079 --> 00:21:19,680
into rehab. And I was like, well, and he blamed

353
00:21:19,720 --> 00:21:22,960
the parents. There's a lot of that. Oh, I'm sure

354
00:21:23,000 --> 00:21:24,799
he won't listen to this. He doesn't seem like the

355
00:21:24,839 --> 00:21:28,319
type that would bother. He didn't know, he didn't know who.

356
00:21:28,400 --> 00:21:30,680
I was like, he was pitched to me and then

357
00:21:30,720 --> 00:21:33,119
he was like, I'm sorry, what's your name? What is this?

358
00:21:34,079 --> 00:21:37,799
But anyway, he was very opinionated, and that's what he said.

359
00:21:37,799 --> 00:21:39,960
And I was like, I feel like I know a

360
00:21:40,000 --> 00:21:44,000
lot of kids who smoke a lot of pot or

361
00:21:44,039 --> 00:21:46,799
eat gummies or whatever kids are doing, and I don't

362
00:21:46,839 --> 00:21:50,319
think it's a bad parenting. And also it does seem

363
00:21:50,440 --> 00:21:55,319
less bad. But also I think that kids use pot

364
00:21:55,519 --> 00:22:02,440
to medicate things like maybe autism or ADHD or you know.

365
00:22:03,440 --> 00:22:08,119
But my other but my question still remains, what about

366
00:22:08,200 --> 00:22:11,640
kids who seemed to feel addicted to pot early on

367
00:22:12,319 --> 00:22:14,680
and then they're using a pot all day every day?

368
00:22:15,960 --> 00:22:16,200
Speaker 2: Yeah?

369
00:22:16,400 --> 00:22:18,400
Speaker 1: An either right, Yeah, I'm asking.

370
00:22:18,480 --> 00:22:20,319
Speaker 2: No, I didn't think it was not good for me.

371
00:22:20,880 --> 00:22:24,240
It was very bad. I mean, like I switched to pot,

372
00:22:24,319 --> 00:22:27,079
I switched to being a stoner. But I you know,

373
00:22:27,160 --> 00:22:30,160
the problem still remains. Right. It's not like I went

374
00:22:30,200 --> 00:22:33,079
from being a casual drinker to a casual pot smoker,

375
00:22:33,519 --> 00:22:37,720
went from being a daily binge drinker. I mean, I

376
00:22:37,799 --> 00:22:40,359
kept wine in my locker at school. I was like

377
00:22:40,759 --> 00:22:42,880
trying to I just thought that being drunk all the

378
00:22:42,920 --> 00:22:45,599
time was the answer to everything, and I switched from

379
00:22:45,599 --> 00:22:47,759
that to being stoned all the time is the answer

380
00:22:47,799 --> 00:22:48,359
to everything.

381
00:22:48,519 --> 00:22:51,079
Speaker 1: But we're saying addiction is addiction is addiction.

382
00:22:51,440 --> 00:22:54,400
Speaker 2: I'm saying addiction. Yeah, We're saying addiction is addiction is addiction.

383
00:22:54,480 --> 00:22:57,079
And I think you know, I got sent to rehab.

384
00:22:58,400 --> 00:23:02,319
I had my parents had an intervene. They read my diary.

385
00:23:02,880 --> 00:23:05,000
Sorry that I ruined the surprise.

386
00:23:05,680 --> 00:23:09,160
Speaker 1: No, no, no, but but but so but at this but

387
00:23:09,240 --> 00:23:11,880
the point that they read your diary, things have gotten

388
00:23:12,480 --> 00:23:13,559
things have gotten crazy.

389
00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:18,480
Speaker 2: You every right, I was doing a lot, so I

390
00:23:18,839 --> 00:23:22,160
had been gone way past pot. But the pot was

391
00:23:22,240 --> 00:23:25,720
making me have a lot of paranoid delusions. It was

392
00:23:25,839 --> 00:23:30,960
kicking in hallucinations. It was it was having very destructive

393
00:23:31,599 --> 00:23:36,319
consequences to my brain. And I think that what people

394
00:23:36,400 --> 00:23:39,599
don't know is that that is part of a lot

395
00:23:39,599 --> 00:23:45,440
of people have sort of psychotic reactions to pot even gummies,

396
00:23:45,880 --> 00:23:50,079
even gummies that are just the mellow gummies or the like.

397
00:23:51,039 --> 00:23:53,400
It's still a chemical that you're going to have a

398
00:23:53,440 --> 00:23:57,079
reaction to. And maybe that won't happen right away, but

399
00:23:57,160 --> 00:23:59,480
if you're prone to that, it's going to happen. And

400
00:23:59,519 --> 00:24:03,000
I had no resources. I mean that was way back when,

401
00:24:03,440 --> 00:24:07,000
and so nobody, there was nobody to talk to about it.

402
00:24:07,079 --> 00:24:10,119
When it started happening to me, I just I thought

403
00:24:10,200 --> 00:24:15,119
I was schizophrenic. And the thing about I just want

404
00:24:15,160 --> 00:24:18,119
to say, the thing about sending kids to rehab right away,

405
00:24:18,279 --> 00:24:20,680
That's why I said, like my parents read my diary,

406
00:24:20,880 --> 00:24:25,480
was because by the time I got to rehab, this

407
00:24:25,559 --> 00:24:29,119
shit was so bad that I was willing to turn

408
00:24:29,160 --> 00:24:33,920
it around. But had they sent me there earlier, it

409
00:24:34,039 --> 00:24:40,839
might have actually given me more incentive to I might

410
00:24:40,880 --> 00:24:44,400
not have I wouldn't have been as incentivized to stay sober,

411
00:24:44,920 --> 00:24:49,440
and I might have been more likely to separate from

412
00:24:49,480 --> 00:24:52,680
them and not take their help, you know, because I'd

413
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:54,240
be like, you guys, don't know what you're talking about.

414
00:24:54,279 --> 00:25:00,079
I'm fine, and then like gone underground. Even more so, so,

415
00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:03,559
I think that that it's tricky when I mean, like

416
00:25:03,640 --> 00:25:05,680
I don't have the answer. I think I got really

417
00:25:05,759 --> 00:25:11,720
lucky that they I got intercepted right at the right time,

418
00:25:12,039 --> 00:25:14,279
and I had it, you know, it got the message

419
00:25:14,759 --> 00:25:18,039
at the right time. But it's I've seen people send

420
00:25:18,079 --> 00:25:24,000
their kids to rehab without enough consequences, and then the

421
00:25:24,079 --> 00:25:27,880
kids just are like, there's not the only thing I'm

422
00:25:27,920 --> 00:25:30,720
doing wrong is breaking a rule. The only thing that's

423
00:25:30,759 --> 00:25:37,000
bad here is that I'm disobeying you, right, and so

424
00:25:37,039 --> 00:25:39,480
that's not gonna that's not going to help them. I mean,

425
00:25:39,519 --> 00:25:41,920
I'm saying this as a parent. I'm like super scared.

426
00:25:41,920 --> 00:25:43,839
What if my son like gets into that. What am

427
00:25:43,839 --> 00:25:44,880
I going to do? You know?

428
00:25:46,359 --> 00:25:50,319
Speaker 1: But what you're saying is is holds true for people,

429
00:25:51,000 --> 00:25:53,160
which are going to be most of the people listening,

430
00:25:53,200 --> 00:25:57,680
who are adults who, as we say in the program,

431
00:25:58,160 --> 00:26:01,559
like I wish you desperation because it is so easy

432
00:26:02,039 --> 00:26:05,359
to rationalize and convince yourself you're not doing that much wrong,

433
00:26:05,559 --> 00:26:07,680
or like in my case, there is a lot of it.

434
00:26:07,880 --> 00:26:11,519
I'm only hurting myself. The only issue here is like

435
00:26:11,599 --> 00:26:15,200
my liver. You know, I'm not hurting anybody. I'm not

436
00:26:17,359 --> 00:26:20,480
at that time. I'm not driving drunk, I'm not doing

437
00:26:20,599 --> 00:26:24,359
anything wrong, So who cares if I have so if

438
00:26:24,359 --> 00:26:27,000
I have to have wine every single night, you know

439
00:26:27,160 --> 00:26:29,640
it's after eight o'clock, the kids are in bed. Like,

440
00:26:29,960 --> 00:26:32,160
there's so many ways to tell yourself. You don't need

441
00:26:32,200 --> 00:26:36,640
help until you need help. Yeah, until you're ready. You're

442
00:26:36,640 --> 00:26:37,960
not going to tell me you're not going to have

443
00:26:38,000 --> 00:26:42,599
an intervention and go. Your drinking is negatively affecting things,

444
00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,519
if I don't think it is. So I think that's

445
00:26:45,519 --> 00:26:47,599
what you're saying is you'd gotten to the point where

446
00:26:47,640 --> 00:26:50,640
you did feel out of control, right.

447
00:26:51,200 --> 00:26:54,319
Speaker 2: Yeah, And I actually when you say that, like about

448
00:26:54,359 --> 00:27:02,559
the intervention strategy, people are there telling you like, hey, Stephanie,

449
00:27:02,920 --> 00:27:07,480
your drinking affecting me, you know, and sort of making

450
00:27:07,519 --> 00:27:10,880
you realize like, oh, it's not just my liver that

451
00:27:10,920 --> 00:27:14,119
I'm hurting, it is the people in my life. And

452
00:27:16,599 --> 00:27:19,720
I feel like that is the main focus of an intervention,

453
00:27:19,960 --> 00:27:22,680
is to be like, hey, wake up, Like you're hurting yourself,

454
00:27:22,680 --> 00:27:27,400
but you're hurting everybody. And if you have any sense

455
00:27:27,440 --> 00:27:29,640
of you know, if you're not a psychopath, you're going

456
00:27:29,720 --> 00:27:31,039
to want to change that.

457
00:27:31,279 --> 00:27:35,759
Speaker 1: Well maybe, but what I'm saying is like, is also

458
00:27:35,799 --> 00:27:39,839
what you're saying which is when people tell you that

459
00:27:39,920 --> 00:27:42,920
they don't like you drinking and you do not think

460
00:27:42,960 --> 00:27:46,519
you have a problem, it is very easy to feel like,

461
00:27:47,079 --> 00:27:49,880
here's why you think I have a problem, because you're

462
00:27:49,880 --> 00:27:52,440
a goody goody yeah, because you know if you think

463
00:27:52,480 --> 00:27:55,359
everybody or I had one where I was like, oh,

464
00:27:55,720 --> 00:27:58,079
well it's because you stop drinking like a year ago,

465
00:27:58,119 --> 00:28:00,319
so now you think everybody has a problem. So like

466
00:28:00,400 --> 00:28:03,480
suddenly I'm ruining my life with alcohol. I mean this

467
00:28:03,599 --> 00:28:06,599
was as an adult, and I know I met.

468
00:28:06,720 --> 00:28:10,559
Speaker 2: I just want to say that Stephanie and I have

469
00:28:10,720 --> 00:28:14,400
known each other since way before she was sober and

470
00:28:15,359 --> 00:28:20,680
I but we were at the improv and we were

471
00:28:20,720 --> 00:28:23,640
at the bar in the bar, and I think we

472
00:28:23,640 --> 00:28:27,759
were there it was like a Chelsea Handler situation, who

473
00:28:27,839 --> 00:28:33,559
is always she loves to surround herself with people who

474
00:28:33,599 --> 00:28:37,279
are also drinking. You know, it's like create the Chelsea party.

475
00:28:37,319 --> 00:28:41,160
And Stephanie was part of that party around there. Sure,

476
00:28:41,880 --> 00:28:46,720
sure was. And I think that you asked me what

477
00:28:46,839 --> 00:28:49,559
I was drinking because I think I had like a

478
00:28:49,599 --> 00:28:51,839
cranberry and soda or something, and I think I said, oh,

479
00:28:51,920 --> 00:28:55,160
it's cranberry and soda, and you were like, why Are

480
00:28:55,160 --> 00:28:59,559
you drinking cranberry and soda? Are you pregnant? Like it

481
00:28:59,599 --> 00:29:02,680
was like that kind of thing. I was soorry you

482
00:29:02,759 --> 00:29:10,319
on flagile do you have And I said, I said, no,

483
00:29:10,720 --> 00:29:15,759
I'm sober, and you said, and I said, I've been sober.

484
00:29:16,160 --> 00:29:18,880
Somehow it came out that I'd been sober since I

485
00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:21,880
was a teenager, and you were like, oh my god,

486
00:29:22,440 --> 00:29:24,680
you missed out on so much fun.

487
00:29:27,160 --> 00:29:30,319
Speaker 1: And You're like, doesn't look that fun, But okay no.

488
00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:32,400
Speaker 2: I was just like, it wouldn't have been fun for me,

489
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:36,559
That's what I was like, Well, probably, but it wasn't.

490
00:29:36,880 --> 00:29:41,319
I wouldn't have been having fun, Like you know, I.

491
00:29:41,160 --> 00:29:45,039
Speaker 1: Think that I was. You know, I'm glad you told

492
00:29:45,079 --> 00:29:46,880
me that, because, you know, we tend to try to

493
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,519
make ourselves seem better than we like, we tend to

494
00:29:49,559 --> 00:29:52,799
look back and give ourselves a lot of grace. Yeah.

495
00:29:53,079 --> 00:29:55,759
Speaker 2: No, But when you got sober, I was like, ah

496
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:56,559
ha ha.

497
00:29:57,559 --> 00:30:03,680
Speaker 3: I was slow clapping in the back of the room.

498
00:30:04,039 --> 00:30:06,440
Speaker 2: Yeah, you how much fun are we having?

499
00:30:06,720 --> 00:30:11,359
Speaker 1: My process when I got sober was to at first

500
00:30:11,599 --> 00:30:13,920
really be like, this really sucks that I have to

501
00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:17,960
stop drinking. I'm so mad that I'm not somebody who

502
00:30:18,079 --> 00:30:21,160
can drink, because I sure had a good time drinking.

503
00:30:21,480 --> 00:30:24,279
And it wasn't until doing some of the works of

504
00:30:24,599 --> 00:30:28,000
my twelve step program and see where you have to

505
00:30:28,039 --> 00:30:30,519
do a lot of writing about how it was, that

506
00:30:30,599 --> 00:30:33,079
I started to go, Oh, it wasn't really so great,

507
00:30:33,279 --> 00:30:37,799
was it? Like? Yeah, I tended to make myself seem prettier,

508
00:30:38,599 --> 00:30:40,440
the drinking prettier than it was, do you know what

509
00:30:40,519 --> 00:30:43,400
I mean? And when you start looking at oh, what

510
00:30:43,480 --> 00:30:45,640
about this time, and what about that behavior? And what

511
00:30:45,720 --> 00:30:50,079
about that behavior? It was like, Oh, I can't believe

512
00:30:50,079 --> 00:30:52,440
it took me this long to realize that I had

513
00:30:52,440 --> 00:30:55,720
a problem. Yeah, because I quit drinking at forty two.

514
00:30:56,240 --> 00:30:59,279
I have had a drinking problem since fourteen, so like

515
00:30:59,319 --> 00:31:02,440
it's never been good. But I can totally believe that

516
00:31:02,519 --> 00:31:05,240
I acted like that, And like I said, I acted

517
00:31:05,279 --> 00:31:07,440
like that as an adult to people who did try

518
00:31:07,480 --> 00:31:10,279
to tell me like, maybe you're doing too much here,

519
00:31:10,599 --> 00:31:13,319
and I was pretty pissed and thought they were just

520
00:31:13,559 --> 00:31:16,240
really judgmental, right, right.

521
00:31:16,160 --> 00:31:22,160
Speaker 2: Like I'm not like you, I'm not like a church lady. Yes, yes,

522
00:31:22,839 --> 00:31:24,920
there was something I was thinking about when you were

523
00:31:25,200 --> 00:31:29,079
saying that, oh, which is that I also when I

524
00:31:29,119 --> 00:31:32,160
talk about like, oh the consequences and everything was so bad.

525
00:31:32,920 --> 00:31:38,960
I contributed none of it to drugs and alcohol. None

526
00:31:38,960 --> 00:31:41,680
of it, Like it was the reason I was having

527
00:31:41,720 --> 00:31:45,559
hallucinations and delusions and I was paranoid was because I

528
00:31:45,680 --> 00:31:52,160
was schizophrenic. The reason why I was like every single

529
00:31:52,200 --> 00:31:55,440
thing that I that was happening to me, everything, every pain,

530
00:31:56,000 --> 00:31:58,279
none of it was because of it was not the

531
00:31:58,359 --> 00:32:03,160
fault of the angelic alcohol and drug consumption, right, Like

532
00:32:03,200 --> 00:32:05,799
I didn't see it that way, and I was definitely

533
00:32:05,920 --> 00:32:10,720
like this is very unfair. Like I'm telling you right

534
00:32:10,799 --> 00:32:13,039
now that I have found the best friend a person

535
00:32:13,079 --> 00:32:15,359
could ever have in their entire life, who makes everything

536
00:32:15,440 --> 00:32:18,720
fun and makes everything better and loves me till the

537
00:32:18,839 --> 00:32:20,480
ends of the earth. And you're telling me I can

538
00:32:20,519 --> 00:32:22,799
never be friends with that person again, Like that's what

539
00:32:22,839 --> 00:32:25,519
it is. Like, It's like you're taking away my best

540
00:32:25,559 --> 00:32:28,279
friend and you're telling me that everything that's wrong with

541
00:32:28,279 --> 00:32:30,359
my life is because of me my relationship with my

542
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:34,039
best friend. Like it's a not I was not, like

543
00:32:34,519 --> 00:32:36,519
I've I see the light, you know.

544
00:32:36,680 --> 00:32:38,599
Speaker 1: I will take it way back to that moment though,

545
00:32:38,680 --> 00:32:41,519
So because it's such a dramatic story, so you've been

546
00:32:41,519 --> 00:32:45,200
writing in your diary. Oh you mean when they uh, yes,

547
00:32:45,200 --> 00:32:46,039
it's your intervention.

548
00:32:46,799 --> 00:32:50,839
Speaker 2: Okay. So yeah, I'd been sharing with my diary because

549
00:32:50,839 --> 00:32:55,559
I had been going down. I had really been spiraling mentally,

550
00:32:55,960 --> 00:32:58,799
and so there was a lot of me working out

551
00:32:58,839 --> 00:33:01,920
what reality was in my diary and a lot of

552
00:33:04,119 --> 00:33:08,559
trying just trying to get my life back on track

553
00:33:08,599 --> 00:33:11,279
and working that in through my diary. But I was

554
00:33:12,079 --> 00:33:15,000
not hiding from my diary about what I was doing.

555
00:33:15,079 --> 00:33:17,160
I did talk about how much I loved drugs, and

556
00:33:17,200 --> 00:33:22,720
I did know that, like I just needed to figure

557
00:33:22,759 --> 00:33:25,240
out how to function better with the drugs, you know.

558
00:33:25,720 --> 00:33:27,480
And I had tried to quit a few times to

559
00:33:27,519 --> 00:33:30,119
see if that would help, and it was the kind

560
00:33:30,160 --> 00:33:31,720
of thing where I like quit for a week and

561
00:33:31,759 --> 00:33:34,880
I was like, I can do it, you know, So

562
00:33:35,000 --> 00:33:42,920
that's not the problem. And I had also had been out.

563
00:33:43,200 --> 00:33:53,880
I'd had several experiences of being sexually abused by what

564
00:33:54,039 --> 00:33:56,799
I call it pure sexual abuse, because it's like different

565
00:33:56,839 --> 00:34:01,279
than you know, when you're when you're that age. It's like,

566
00:34:01,279 --> 00:34:04,279
like I honestly can't even put it in the same

567
00:34:04,359 --> 00:34:08,639
category as like a grown man, right, these are other

568
00:34:08,800 --> 00:34:12,440
kids doing stupid shit, and it's like, but it hurts

569
00:34:12,519 --> 00:34:16,039
us as much. It's just that everybody sort of doesn't

570
00:34:16,079 --> 00:34:19,159
know what's going on or nobody's given any education at

571
00:34:19,159 --> 00:34:22,480
that time. And so yeah, I had suffered sexual abuse

572
00:34:22,559 --> 00:34:25,719
from drinkers. I just want to say in and drunk,

573
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:29,800
in when drunk and all that was in my diary,

574
00:34:30,840 --> 00:34:36,320
and my and I had gone to like a summer

575
00:34:36,599 --> 00:34:41,000
outward bound experience. Because also I just want to say,

576
00:34:41,079 --> 00:34:47,159
like I had a very ordinary, suburban, middle class life.

577
00:34:47,199 --> 00:34:52,400
Like I was not raised by you know, anybody. My

578
00:34:52,480 --> 00:34:56,480
parents were lovely, wonderful people, and I mean all parent

579
00:34:56,599 --> 00:34:59,360
no parents are perfect, but like, really, this is something

580
00:34:59,360 --> 00:35:02,239
inside of me that I don't think they could have

581
00:35:02,840 --> 00:35:07,719
ever stopped it from happening. Right, So anyway, I went

582
00:35:07,800 --> 00:35:10,760
to like camp. Basically when I came home and they

583
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:14,199
picked me up from the airport, they were like, I

584
00:35:14,320 --> 00:35:15,440
was like, Oh, are we going to go out to

585
00:35:15,440 --> 00:35:17,400
eat or are we gonna because that's usually when you

586
00:35:17,400 --> 00:35:19,039
haven't seen your kid in a while. They're like, no,

587
00:35:20,039 --> 00:35:22,119
you know, we're not. And then the next day I

588
00:35:22,119 --> 00:35:25,320
went to the orthodontist because I had a retainer because

589
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:29,559
I was sixteen, and they then after that, my dad

590
00:35:29,639 --> 00:35:31,800
was like, you know, we did a drug test on

591
00:35:31,880 --> 00:35:37,119
you and it came out positive. And then I was like,

592
00:35:37,159 --> 00:35:38,920
that's weird. They never did a drug test on me.

593
00:35:38,960 --> 00:35:40,519
What are they talking about. And they took me to

594
00:35:40,559 --> 00:35:46,519
this room with this lady and she she said, Robin Toast,

595
00:35:46,559 --> 00:35:52,920
what drugs you've been doing? And I said, well, you know,

596
00:35:53,039 --> 00:35:57,199
to be honest, like occasionally I have like a like

597
00:35:57,239 --> 00:36:01,119
a hit of hot like maybe like I don't love it,

598
00:36:01,199 --> 00:36:05,119
but like it's around like so like I did my

599
00:36:05,159 --> 00:36:07,239
normal lie and they were like, so she was so,

600
00:36:07,320 --> 00:36:09,559
she was like, so you're telling us that you smoke

601
00:36:09,599 --> 00:36:12,760
pot occasionally, and I like, I said, yeah, I'm really sorry,

602
00:36:12,760 --> 00:36:16,920
and she said the Orthodonti's office. No, no, no, no,

603
00:36:16,960 --> 00:36:19,079
they said the orthodontis. But then they brought me to

604
00:36:19,119 --> 00:36:19,880
this other place.

605
00:36:20,360 --> 00:36:22,360
Speaker 1: Oh okay, okay, said sorry.

606
00:36:22,840 --> 00:36:26,679
Speaker 2: They walked me into this church basement. So and then

607
00:36:27,039 --> 00:36:29,800
then so they said, well, that's not what your diary says.

608
00:36:29,840 --> 00:36:34,119
And then they all my mom, my dad, this counselor,

609
00:36:34,239 --> 00:36:39,079
they and some other woman like they all had copies

610
00:36:39,119 --> 00:36:42,639
of my diary and they started reading them to me

611
00:36:43,679 --> 00:36:46,519
and it was like it was like having my skin

612
00:36:46,639 --> 00:36:50,119
peeled off of my body. It was so I remember

613
00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:53,519
like trying to find an exit, like they were blocking

614
00:36:53,559 --> 00:36:55,679
the doors, like I wanted to run away. I wanted

615
00:36:55,679 --> 00:36:59,840
to die. It was so so embarrassed, like I was

616
00:36:59,840 --> 00:37:03,559
in embarrassed. I was ashamed. I was horrified. I mean,

617
00:37:03,760 --> 00:37:07,800
no one should read anybody's diary anyway, ever because of.

618
00:37:07,880 --> 00:37:10,440
Speaker 1: Me, just like why didn't you have a lock on it?

619
00:37:11,679 --> 00:37:13,719
Speaker 2: Not only did I not have a lock on it,

620
00:37:14,119 --> 00:37:18,119
I did like I filled out like a book a month.

621
00:37:18,920 --> 00:37:23,519
I had like stacks of them, you know, And so

622
00:37:24,039 --> 00:37:30,559
I was, you're a writer, and it was it was

623
00:37:30,679 --> 00:37:34,360
apparently really important to me to say every detail of

624
00:37:34,440 --> 00:37:39,679
every stupid thing. And I had been secretive in my diaries,

625
00:37:39,719 --> 00:37:44,400
like I had been trying to keep them covert for

626
00:37:44,440 --> 00:37:47,480
a while. But then after a certain time, I just

627
00:37:47,639 --> 00:37:50,159
was like I became really honest because I could no

628
00:37:50,239 --> 00:37:52,679
longer talk to friends. I had no one to talk to.

629
00:37:53,159 --> 00:37:56,599
I was completely alone. I was going crazy. I was

630
00:37:56,639 --> 00:37:59,519
not safe anywhere, and so I was just that was

631
00:37:59,559 --> 00:38:02,679
the only I felt like I could even think through

632
00:38:02,760 --> 00:38:08,079
my process through a thought was there. So I stopped

633
00:38:08,079 --> 00:38:11,159
being covert and I started being clear about what I

634
00:38:11,199 --> 00:38:12,719
was doing okay.

635
00:38:12,920 --> 00:38:15,880
Speaker 1: So they have this intervention. You're horrified and embarrassed and

636
00:38:15,960 --> 00:38:18,639
are they like, you're that's it, You're going to rehab.

637
00:38:19,000 --> 00:38:22,679
Speaker 2: Yeah. They were like, the your bag is packed, You're

638
00:38:22,679 --> 00:38:25,239
going to rehab. And I was like, but I have

639
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:27,280
to go home first, and they're like, no, you don't.

640
00:38:27,559 --> 00:38:32,519
You're actually getting on an airplane and flying. We're taking

641
00:38:32,519 --> 00:38:35,039
you to Minnesota. So I grew up in New York

642
00:38:35,079 --> 00:38:39,840
in the suburbs, and they sent me to rehab in Minnesota.

643
00:38:40,840 --> 00:38:44,239
And honestly, like it was the best thing because all

644
00:38:44,320 --> 00:38:46,960
my friends who had gone to rehab nearby my home

645
00:38:47,119 --> 00:38:50,440
all broke out and then got you know, hidden in

646
00:38:50,519 --> 00:38:53,199
their friends' rooms for weeks on end.

647
00:38:53,960 --> 00:38:56,559
Speaker 1: Wow, So you had other friends who'd been to rehab

648
00:38:56,599 --> 00:38:58,400
at that age, because that's what I feel like, that

649
00:38:58,480 --> 00:38:59,159
was pretty rare.

650
00:39:00,119 --> 00:39:05,679
Speaker 2: You don't know, it seems it was pretty like crazy. Yeah,

651
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:07,880
we had a few friends that had gone to rehab

652
00:39:07,960 --> 00:39:09,960
and broken out, and we just didn't take it seriously.

653
00:39:10,039 --> 00:39:13,199
It was kind of like, oh, mom, don't send me

654
00:39:13,239 --> 00:39:18,480
to rehab. Like we always made jokes about it, you know, right, right, right, right, right, Okay,

655
00:39:18,519 --> 00:39:19,280
So you go.

656
00:39:20,960 --> 00:39:22,159
Speaker 1: And you're like mad.

657
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:25,320
Speaker 2: Oh my god. I was like, I'm never going to

658
00:39:25,360 --> 00:39:28,960
trust my parents again. They're fucking assholes. Who does that?

659
00:39:29,239 --> 00:39:31,320
How could you betray me like that? And they're like,

660
00:39:32,559 --> 00:39:36,280
how could you betray us like this? Also, you know,

661
00:39:36,800 --> 00:39:40,639
and they're like, we also don't trust you. And yeah,

662
00:39:40,679 --> 00:39:44,920
they dropped me off at this lock, this like hospital

663
00:39:45,039 --> 00:39:51,199
style rehab in the middle of Minneapolis and left me there.

664
00:39:52,199 --> 00:39:53,079
Speaker 1: So they were mad.

665
00:39:53,880 --> 00:39:56,559
Speaker 2: They were mad, but they you know, the like the

666
00:39:56,719 --> 00:40:01,599
crazy things are, like the awkward conversation stations in the car,

667
00:40:01,880 --> 00:40:03,719
or like we had to go out. We didn't. Just

668
00:40:04,159 --> 00:40:06,000
they didn't just take me straight from the plane to

669
00:40:06,079 --> 00:40:09,119
the rehab. We had like a night at a hotel

670
00:40:09,239 --> 00:40:13,199
and we went out and ate dinner and like acting

671
00:40:13,360 --> 00:40:17,599
like normal, and you know, I'm wearing these stupid jeans

672
00:40:17,599 --> 00:40:21,760
that my mom got, like the gap outlet and like

673
00:40:21,960 --> 00:40:27,079
just like everybody, it's just so tense and my dad's

674
00:40:27,079 --> 00:40:31,119
trying to be funny. It was just like really horrible.

675
00:40:31,559 --> 00:40:35,719
My brother was staying with my aunt and uncle because

676
00:40:35,760 --> 00:40:38,559
she was too young. It was just like I blew

677
00:40:38,679 --> 00:40:42,480
the family. It was like the family got just everything

678
00:40:42,599 --> 00:40:46,559
was blown up. It was all completely broken. But I

679
00:40:46,639 --> 00:40:51,079
will say this one thing that in the car after

680
00:40:51,119 --> 00:40:56,639
the intervention. In the car on the way to the airport,

681
00:40:56,800 --> 00:41:01,360
I was like leaning my head against window and I

682
00:41:01,440 --> 00:41:03,920
was looking out at the clouds and there was something

683
00:41:03,960 --> 00:41:07,440
that happened with the shift of the clouds and the light,

684
00:41:08,119 --> 00:41:10,760
and I was like saying, like, I'm so mad. This

685
00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:14,440
is so bad. It's so like I can't believe them.

686
00:41:14,679 --> 00:41:18,360
I can't believe what this is happening to me. And

687
00:41:18,400 --> 00:41:22,760
then I had like this thought come into my head

688
00:41:22,800 --> 00:41:26,199
that was like, but maybe this can be the end,

689
00:41:26,800 --> 00:41:33,920
Like maybe after this you'll find out what's wrong and

690
00:41:33,960 --> 00:41:37,599
you won't have to live in pain and in so

691
00:41:37,719 --> 00:41:40,199
much fear the way you've been living, Like this could

692
00:41:40,199 --> 00:41:44,239
be the end of that. So I feel like that

693
00:41:44,440 --> 00:41:49,400
was the That was this big serene jolt that I

694
00:41:49,480 --> 00:41:53,599
had that was like, finally something is going to change,

695
00:41:53,840 --> 00:41:56,199
like maybe not the way I wanted to or but

696
00:41:56,480 --> 00:41:59,119
something's going to change. It's going to get better somehow.

697
00:42:00,239 --> 00:42:02,760
Speaker 1: What I want to do is I want to end

698
00:42:02,840 --> 00:42:05,639
here and then I want to do a part two

699
00:42:05,760 --> 00:42:08,599
and here because I feel like there's a there's a

700
00:42:08,639 --> 00:42:10,119
lot more to the story and I don't want to

701
00:42:10,199 --> 00:42:13,920
rush it into like and then there is fine, because.

702
00:42:13,679 --> 00:42:17,559
Speaker 2: It's not how it taken so long to tell everything. No,

703
00:42:17,719 --> 00:42:18,079
you're not.

704
00:42:18,559 --> 00:42:22,599
Speaker 1: I just think sometimes when people when it fits perfectly

705
00:42:22,639 --> 00:42:25,880
into a second part, I like to do a second part, okay,

706
00:42:26,119 --> 00:42:29,199
then just cram the ending into like another ten minutes.

707
00:42:29,639 --> 00:42:33,719
All right, So everybody, I'll see you tomorrow for part two.

708
00:42:33,960 --> 00:42:35,800
Speaker 2: Okay, see you tomorrow for part two.

709
00:42:36,239 --> 00:42:55,199
Speaker 1: Okay. Bye,