WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:03.759 This is pod popular podcast for the people. 2 00:00:08.839 --> 00:00:12.839 The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate. 3 00:00:13.839 --> 00:00:17.839 Degreat Love Debate, It's a Great Love Debase. 4 00:00:18.320 --> 00:00:21.480 Hi again, everyone's Brian. How you welcome to the Great 5 00:00:21.839 --> 00:00:24.800 Love Debate, the world's number one dating or relationship podcast. 6 00:00:24.839 --> 00:00:27.280 It is twenty fifteen. I'm a little under the weather. 7 00:00:27.399 --> 00:00:28.519 I'm playing hurt here. 8 00:00:28.760 --> 00:00:32.079 So what I wanted to do is I get asked 9 00:00:32.079 --> 00:00:35.719 all the time, like what are the fundamental tenets of 10 00:00:36.520 --> 00:00:37.520 the Great Love Debate? 11 00:00:37.640 --> 00:00:40.320 And what should people do? And how should they date? 12 00:00:40.399 --> 00:00:44.200 So if you go way back, scroll through the scroll 13 00:00:44.280 --> 00:00:46.439 through the episodes, and there's a part one and a 14 00:00:46.479 --> 00:00:49.439 part two episodes of called the Dating Commandments. 15 00:00:49.679 --> 00:00:51.920 I stand by all that, but. 16 00:00:51.920 --> 00:00:54.399 About four and a half years ago as of the 17 00:00:54.439 --> 00:00:57.159 recording of this, I'm recording this in late twenty twenty four, 18 00:00:58.079 --> 00:01:00.920 during the height or the onset of COVID, I'm not 19 00:01:00.960 --> 00:01:04.760 really sure, but about four years ago we added on 20 00:01:04.840 --> 00:01:07.239 to that and we did something called the Dating Amendments. 21 00:01:07.480 --> 00:01:09.000 And I went and did a. 22 00:01:08.959 --> 00:01:11.680 Look back at that episode because I wanted to say, 23 00:01:11.959 --> 00:01:13.959 to see what the heck were we talking about during 24 00:01:13.959 --> 00:01:17.000 those crazy times of COVID, which I don't think people 25 00:01:17.079 --> 00:01:19.359 look at them enough like they were crazy times. They 26 00:01:19.359 --> 00:01:22.439 were crazy times, and I think we need to learn 27 00:01:22.480 --> 00:01:24.719 from them and never do that again. But anyway, the 28 00:01:24.799 --> 00:01:28.280 Dating Amendments episode, so I wanted to pop it to 29 00:01:28.319 --> 00:01:30.719 the top of your inbox, as the kids say, I 30 00:01:30.760 --> 00:01:33.159 want to pop it to the top of your listening 31 00:01:33.200 --> 00:01:36.959 box here and revisit it, reimagine it, See what holds up, 32 00:01:37.000 --> 00:01:38.760 see what doesn't. I stand by it. There's a lot 33 00:01:38.760 --> 00:01:41.439 of good information. If you have heard it before, well listen, 34 00:01:41.480 --> 00:01:43.200 you listened to it four years ago, so it's time 35 00:01:43.200 --> 00:01:47.480 for refresher. If you have not, it's all relevant. It's 36 00:01:47.519 --> 00:01:51.799 all good information. I think as you move forward towards 37 00:01:51.799 --> 00:01:53.760 the end of this year and into the years ahead. 38 00:01:54.640 --> 00:01:59.560 So without further ado, we are revisiting the Dating Amendments. 39 00:02:02.920 --> 00:02:07.519 During this time. People keep bombarding me with questions about 40 00:02:07.959 --> 00:02:12.120 dating during these times and quarantine dating, and if this 41 00:02:12.159 --> 00:02:14.560 will help people get back to old fashioned getting to 42 00:02:14.560 --> 00:02:17.360 know each other because we are forced to have video 43 00:02:17.520 --> 00:02:20.639 chats and video dates and talk on the phone. And 44 00:02:20.719 --> 00:02:24.000 I have gotten a ton of media requests to do 45 00:02:24.080 --> 00:02:29.120 interviews about it, and my answer is pretty much no, No. 46 00:02:29.360 --> 00:02:31.479 I think people are bored, and I think they're lonely, 47 00:02:31.520 --> 00:02:33.759 and I think they're killing time. And that's never a 48 00:02:33.759 --> 00:02:35.840 good way to date, because it is dating from a 49 00:02:35.879 --> 00:02:38.560 negative place and not a positive one. And it is 50 00:02:38.639 --> 00:02:41.520 dating because you feel bad, and it is not dating 51 00:02:41.560 --> 00:02:44.400 because you feel good. So that does not help. That 52 00:02:44.439 --> 00:02:47.240 does not work. Dating is dicey enough without having to 53 00:02:47.319 --> 00:02:50.159 add a bunch of zoom and Skype issues to the situation. 54 00:02:51.719 --> 00:02:54.879 My preference during this time. Now again, if we're doing 55 00:02:54.879 --> 00:02:57.479 this for two years, you know, all bets are off. 56 00:02:57.520 --> 00:03:02.400 But for two months or so, worry about something besides dating, 57 00:03:02.840 --> 00:03:04.960 or I will get to this in a second. We 58 00:03:05.000 --> 00:03:07.080 have a better way to do it, you know. Like 59 00:03:07.120 --> 00:03:09.319 I said, dating is dicey enough without adding in the tech. 60 00:03:09.719 --> 00:03:12.000 I would take every bit of this time to work 61 00:03:12.039 --> 00:03:16.639 on yourself. Don't get fat, get in shape. I mean, 62 00:03:16.759 --> 00:03:20.439 half of prisoners come out of doing their time in 63 00:03:20.479 --> 00:03:23.319 the best shape of their lives, and half come out 64 00:03:23.400 --> 00:03:25.759 in absolutely the worst shape of their lives. And it 65 00:03:25.759 --> 00:03:28.599 all depends on Probably depends on where you do your time, 66 00:03:28.639 --> 00:03:31.080 but it all depends on how you use your time. 67 00:03:31.479 --> 00:03:37.080 And you should use this time. This strange, confused, somewhat lonely, 68 00:03:37.199 --> 00:03:42.599 time to better you. And you know that's part of 69 00:03:42.639 --> 00:03:45.520 what we do in this podcast, besides hopefully entertaining you 70 00:03:45.840 --> 00:03:48.560 and engaging you, is sometimes we enlighten you in ways 71 00:03:48.560 --> 00:03:52.400 that can better you. And on that note, two years ago, 72 00:03:52.879 --> 00:03:58.000 twenty eighteen March of twenty eighteen, we unleashed a two 73 00:03:58.120 --> 00:04:02.479 part episode called The Dating Commandments. And these were the 74 00:04:02.639 --> 00:04:07.319 ten things that if you did them that they were indisputable, 75 00:04:07.319 --> 00:04:10.840 they were inarguable or inarguable. And if you did these 76 00:04:10.960 --> 00:04:14.080 ten things, it was going to change your dating life, 77 00:04:14.120 --> 00:04:15.719 it was going to change your love future. It was 78 00:04:15.759 --> 00:04:17.319 really going to do things for the better. And we 79 00:04:17.399 --> 00:04:21.360 have never gotten more positive feedback on any show we've 80 00:04:21.360 --> 00:04:23.879 ever done, any series we've ever done, or any idea 81 00:04:23.959 --> 00:04:26.759 we've ever had, than we did for the Dating Commandments. 82 00:04:26.800 --> 00:04:29.839 That was great love tobate like GLD one thirty three 83 00:04:29.879 --> 00:04:34.000 and one thirty four. If you don't, if you didn't listen, 84 00:04:34.240 --> 00:04:37.000 go back and listen. If you did listen, just to 85 00:04:37.040 --> 00:04:39.639 review those ten things are as I just said. Number 86 00:04:39.680 --> 00:04:43.800 one was make a change, do the work. Number two 87 00:04:44.040 --> 00:04:47.279 was get rid of the words not my type because 88 00:04:47.319 --> 00:04:50.199 your answers lie outside of your comfort zone. Number three 89 00:04:50.360 --> 00:04:52.720 was three to two one, which is the magic formula 90 00:04:52.800 --> 00:04:55.120 for changing your dating profile. It's going to lead to 91 00:04:55.160 --> 00:05:00.399 a lot of love. Number four was he pays, and 92 00:05:00.439 --> 00:05:02.680 we get into a little bit more detail on that. 93 00:05:03.879 --> 00:05:06.680 Number five was the importance of one hundred hours and 94 00:05:06.720 --> 00:05:10.040 what one hundred hours means as a body of time 95 00:05:10.079 --> 00:05:12.079 and a body of history between two people before they 96 00:05:12.079 --> 00:05:15.040 can decide which to date. Number six was you need 97 00:05:15.079 --> 00:05:18.319 to define love before you can find it, what it is, 98 00:05:18.360 --> 00:05:21.720 what it means, and what you want. Number seven was 99 00:05:21.800 --> 00:05:25.360 the best dating site is Earth, and I don't mean 100 00:05:25.439 --> 00:05:29.519 quarantined Earth, I mean real Earth. Number eight was there 101 00:05:29.600 --> 00:05:32.120 is magic in maybe, which means you got to stop 102 00:05:32.160 --> 00:05:34.720 looking for red flags and start looking for green lights. 103 00:05:34.720 --> 00:05:38.920 That there's magic in the possibilities. Number nine was to 104 00:05:39.040 --> 00:05:43.079 practice patient, wait, give it time, hopefully get a little 105 00:05:43.079 --> 00:05:46.680 older before you decide to decide this is the person 106 00:05:46.720 --> 00:05:50.199 you want to spend fifty years with, So practice patients. 107 00:05:50.600 --> 00:05:53.439 And number ten was go all in. At some point 108 00:05:53.439 --> 00:05:55.319 you were going to have to put all your chips 109 00:05:55.319 --> 00:05:57.560 on the table and hope that person met you. So 110 00:05:57.879 --> 00:06:00.439 that encompass a lot of things. We stay and buy 111 00:06:00.480 --> 00:06:04.600 all of those, but just like and Alexander Hamilton back 112 00:06:04.639 --> 00:06:07.680 in the day, and Thomas Jefferson and George Washington and 113 00:06:07.720 --> 00:06:11.120 Ben Franklin and the gang. When they put together the Constitution, 114 00:06:11.279 --> 00:06:14.319 which despite everything that is going on, still is a 115 00:06:14.360 --> 00:06:17.560 pretty sturdy document and is still holding up pretty well, 116 00:06:18.480 --> 00:06:21.160 they had to make some additions. They had to make 117 00:06:21.240 --> 00:06:24.240 some addendums because they did not account for everything. So 118 00:06:24.319 --> 00:06:27.680 over the last two years I have been taking notes 119 00:06:27.879 --> 00:06:31.360 and I have been analyzing things, and I'm like, what 120 00:06:31.800 --> 00:06:34.560 didn't we cover or what was left out or what 121 00:06:34.879 --> 00:06:37.839 changed or or what can we add to sort of 122 00:06:37.879 --> 00:06:41.480 tweak this. And much like the Constitution, framers came up 123 00:06:41.519 --> 00:06:45.959 with the Bill of Rights and added ten amendments. And 124 00:06:45.959 --> 00:06:47.639 there's ten amendments in the Bill of Rights. Just to 125 00:06:47.639 --> 00:06:49.879 go back to your sixth grade history class, there's ten 126 00:06:49.920 --> 00:06:54.800 amendments in the Bill of Rights. And we came up 127 00:06:54.839 --> 00:06:59.079 with our own ten amendments. The dating amendments sort of 128 00:06:59.120 --> 00:07:01.199 reflect what the Bill of Rights was. They filled in 129 00:07:01.240 --> 00:07:03.000 some gaps. And if you've ever gone back before, I 130 00:07:03.000 --> 00:07:05.439 did this. I went back and just to make sure 131 00:07:05.560 --> 00:07:07.319 that the Bill of Rights was ten and there was 132 00:07:07.319 --> 00:07:09.319 ten amendments. I wanted to look at it and All 133 00:07:09.360 --> 00:07:12.839 of the ten amendments in the Bill of Rights are 134 00:07:12.879 --> 00:07:16.879 things we're very very familiar with. Freedom of speech, freedom 135 00:07:16.920 --> 00:07:23.279 of the press, you know, no unreasonable search and seizure, plead, 136 00:07:23.319 --> 00:07:25.360 the fifth everybody knows what the fifth Amendment is, the 137 00:07:25.439 --> 00:07:29.120 right to speedy trial. The god awful second Amendment that 138 00:07:29.199 --> 00:07:31.800 I know a lot of you love your fucking guns, 139 00:07:31.839 --> 00:07:35.600 but I mean, come on, the second Amendment. Everybody's very 140 00:07:35.600 --> 00:07:39.439 familiar with most probably nine of the ten amendments. The 141 00:07:39.480 --> 00:07:43.240 weird one in there, the strange one, the outlier in 142 00:07:43.319 --> 00:07:45.000 there that is like, wait, what, that's one of the 143 00:07:45.000 --> 00:07:46.519 Bill of Rights, That's one of the ten minutes. Is 144 00:07:46.519 --> 00:07:48.800 the third Amendment? You know what the third Amendment is. 145 00:07:49.360 --> 00:07:52.439 The third Amendment is no soldier in time of peace 146 00:07:52.480 --> 00:07:54.839 shall be quartered in any house without the consent of 147 00:07:54.879 --> 00:07:57.720 the owner, which means somebody from the military cannot knock 148 00:07:57.759 --> 00:08:00.480 on your door and suddenly want to get into your bed. 149 00:08:00.800 --> 00:08:03.879 And I think there's a lot of people who wouldn't 150 00:08:03.879 --> 00:08:06.399 mind that. There's a lot of women who wouldn't mind 151 00:08:06.680 --> 00:08:08.720 a soldier knocking on their door and asking if they 152 00:08:08.759 --> 00:08:11.360 could sleep over. There's a lot of dudes who really 153 00:08:11.399 --> 00:08:14.759 wouldn't mind some military dude. And if you've ever lived 154 00:08:14.759 --> 00:08:17.759 in New York City during fleet week, fleet Weeek was when 155 00:08:17.800 --> 00:08:20.399 you know, twenty thousand navy guys roll into town and 156 00:08:20.800 --> 00:08:23.319 try and get laid over three days. These are the 157 00:08:23.360 --> 00:08:26.680 most eligible men you'll ever find. And every single woman 158 00:08:26.759 --> 00:08:30.000 in New York seemingly is hoping to violate the Third 159 00:08:30.040 --> 00:08:33.600 Amendment and to be violated by the Third Amendment and 160 00:08:33.720 --> 00:08:37.080 hoping that she can quote quoter in her house with 161 00:08:37.399 --> 00:08:39.759 the consent of the owner. So the third Amendment, just 162 00:08:39.799 --> 00:08:41.559 to give you a little more history, is a very 163 00:08:41.600 --> 00:08:46.080 odd one, So take it or leave it. But we're 164 00:08:46.120 --> 00:08:47.960 not here to talk about us history. We're talking about 165 00:08:48.000 --> 00:08:51.799 talk about dating history and most importantly, dating future. So 166 00:08:52.080 --> 00:08:55.159 these as I'm going to lay out are the ten 167 00:08:55.840 --> 00:08:58.120 dating amendments. And I wish Keiko is here because she 168 00:08:58.120 --> 00:09:01.360 could give us little fanfare. But these are the ten 169 00:09:01.639 --> 00:09:05.039 dating amendments that are going to be added to the 170 00:09:05.159 --> 00:09:08.679 dating Commandments. So not that an amendment isn't as good 171 00:09:08.720 --> 00:09:11.080 as a commandment, but it's sort of a next step 172 00:09:11.080 --> 00:09:14.200 from the commandments. And these are your rights, and these 173 00:09:14.200 --> 00:09:16.759 are inalienable rights, and these are the rights that every 174 00:09:17.000 --> 00:09:22.759 single one of you have so, dating Amendment number one, 175 00:09:22.919 --> 00:09:28.360 you have the right to be afraid. You have the 176 00:09:28.440 --> 00:09:32.320 right to feel fear. You have the right to show it, 177 00:09:32.919 --> 00:09:35.919 you have the right to express it. The most confident 178 00:09:36.120 --> 00:09:39.679 person in the room, in any room, is usually the 179 00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:42.480 one that's the most vulnerable. It's the one who's not 180 00:09:42.840 --> 00:09:47.200 shy or reluctant to recognize and to own whatever their weaknesses, 181 00:09:47.240 --> 00:09:50.320 whatever their vulnerability is, and whatever our fear is, and 182 00:09:50.440 --> 00:09:54.759 almost all of our behaviors are motivated by fear. We're 183 00:09:54.759 --> 00:09:57.759 afraid of being rejected, we're afraid of being hurt, we're 184 00:09:57.799 --> 00:10:00.480 afraid of missing out, we're afraid of being alone. And 185 00:10:00.559 --> 00:10:03.600 all of that is absolutely okay. And you need to 186 00:10:03.720 --> 00:10:05.720 recognize that that is okay, and you have a right 187 00:10:05.799 --> 00:10:08.559 to feel that way because it is absolutely normal. I 188 00:10:08.559 --> 00:10:10.679 get asked all the time when I do press is 189 00:10:10.720 --> 00:10:13.759 what is the one thing that everybody has in common? 190 00:10:15.000 --> 00:10:17.440 For people that I encounter or meet or who come 191 00:10:17.480 --> 00:10:21.399 to our shows. And ninety nine percent of the people 192 00:10:21.399 --> 00:10:23.559 who I meet or come to our shows or listen 193 00:10:23.600 --> 00:10:27.840 to this podcast believe in love and believe that they 194 00:10:29.120 --> 00:10:31.559 hopefully can find a future with one other person. That 195 00:10:31.639 --> 00:10:34.039 it laps forever and ever and ever. That's about ninety 196 00:10:34.120 --> 00:10:36.399 nine percent of people hope for that believe in that 197 00:10:36.480 --> 00:10:38.559 want that they're afraid it might not exist for them, 198 00:10:38.759 --> 00:10:41.679 but they believe in it. But the thing that one 199 00:10:41.759 --> 00:10:45.720 hundred percent of the people share without exception and it 200 00:10:46.480 --> 00:10:50.039 is fear. And they're afraid of something, and they're afraid 201 00:10:50.200 --> 00:10:52.879 to be with the wrong person, to make the wrong move, 202 00:10:53.000 --> 00:10:55.840 to do certain things at the wrong time. And so 203 00:10:56.000 --> 00:11:00.120 you're right, as one of these ten amendments is that 204 00:11:00.279 --> 00:11:03.600 you're it's okay to be afraid, and it's okay to 205 00:11:03.679 --> 00:11:06.600 admit that, and it's okay to embrace that, but most partly, 206 00:11:06.639 --> 00:11:09.360 it's okay to question that. And you want to know why, 207 00:11:09.399 --> 00:11:11.519 and you want to know how that manifests itself into 208 00:11:11.559 --> 00:11:13.159 your day to day life, and you want to know 209 00:11:13.200 --> 00:11:15.519 how you can turn that fear into a strength, and 210 00:11:15.039 --> 00:11:18.600 you need to know how to overcome that. I am very, 211 00:11:18.759 --> 00:11:21.159 very aware that I am afraid of snakes, and rather 212 00:11:21.200 --> 00:11:23.840 than just go through life afraid of snakes, I'm trying 213 00:11:23.840 --> 00:11:27.279 to find little ways, slowly, slowly, slowly, and at a 214 00:11:27.399 --> 00:11:33.159 very great distance to incorporate more snakes into my world. 215 00:11:33.240 --> 00:11:35.320 So I'm not sleeping with them. But I'm a lot 216 00:11:35.360 --> 00:11:37.559 more likely to go to a zoo or an aquarium, 217 00:11:37.679 --> 00:11:40.639 or to research them or to do things because it's 218 00:11:41.120 --> 00:11:43.879 it's not strange that I'm so afraid of them. It's 219 00:11:44.159 --> 00:11:46.679 normal to be afraid of them. But the thing that 220 00:11:46.679 --> 00:11:48.919 would be abnormal about it is to not recognize that 221 00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:51.039 fear and to let the defeat me. So you have 222 00:11:51.120 --> 00:11:53.159 to take that fear and turn it into your strength. 223 00:11:53.480 --> 00:11:56.519 And the first thing to give you the ability to 224 00:11:56.519 --> 00:11:59.080 do that is to recognize it and understand that you 225 00:11:59.159 --> 00:12:01.559 do have the right to feel that way, and you 226 00:12:01.600 --> 00:12:03.600 do have the right to be afraid, and you do 227 00:12:03.679 --> 00:12:05.720 have the right to have fear, and you do have 228 00:12:05.799 --> 00:12:09.320 the right to feel that because everybody does. Okay, now 229 00:12:09.360 --> 00:12:12.120 everybody admits it, everybody owns it, not everybody embraces it. 230 00:12:12.480 --> 00:12:14.200 But as long as you know that you do have 231 00:12:14.279 --> 00:12:20.440 that right as a feeling, sharing, growing, evolving, hopefully loving person, 232 00:12:20.879 --> 00:12:24.879 that being afraid about some things all the time, or 233 00:12:24.919 --> 00:12:27.360 about a few things some of the time is perfectly 234 00:12:27.399 --> 00:12:32.200 normal and perfectly okay. Number two, you have the right 235 00:12:32.200 --> 00:12:35.080 to wear white after labor Day, and I'm not saying 236 00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:37.360 that is that's the only thing but because you also 237 00:12:37.399 --> 00:12:39.440 have the right to wear orange on a Tuesday, or 238 00:12:39.559 --> 00:12:42.519 socks with flip flops, or shorts in the winter, or 239 00:12:42.559 --> 00:12:47.440 anything you want any time you want. Fashion is about individuality. 240 00:12:47.639 --> 00:12:49.399 You have the right to stand out. You have the 241 00:12:49.480 --> 00:12:51.720 right to be bold. You have the right to find 242 00:12:51.799 --> 00:12:54.559 your brave and you do not have to go by 243 00:12:54.559 --> 00:12:57.360 any sort of societal or norms or anything. You do 244 00:12:57.440 --> 00:13:00.440 whatever you want. You let your freak flag fly. You 245 00:13:00.559 --> 00:13:02.399 dress the way you want to dress. If you want 246 00:13:02.399 --> 00:13:04.600 to dress for comfort, you dress for comfort. You want 247 00:13:04.639 --> 00:13:06.879 to dress for speed, you dress for speed. You want 248 00:13:06.879 --> 00:13:09.080 to dress to impress, you dress to impress. If you 249 00:13:09.080 --> 00:13:11.480 want to dress in a way that nobody else is dressing, 250 00:13:11.840 --> 00:13:14.120 you do that because that will give you a certain 251 00:13:14.200 --> 00:13:17.080 kind of confidence that nothing else will. We talk all 252 00:13:17.080 --> 00:13:20.080 the time about Halloween and that costume confidence. When you 253 00:13:20.200 --> 00:13:22.759 understand that you have the right to feel the way 254 00:13:22.759 --> 00:13:24.600 you want to feel, look the way you want to look, 255 00:13:25.120 --> 00:13:27.840 dress the way you want to dress, and get people 256 00:13:27.840 --> 00:13:29.840 to react the way you either do or don't care 257 00:13:29.879 --> 00:13:33.399 how they react, good for you, Good for you. You 258 00:13:33.399 --> 00:13:35.720 want to wear white on Christmas Day, good for you. 259 00:13:36.159 --> 00:13:38.759 Once you realize that you have that right, You will 260 00:13:38.799 --> 00:13:41.440 so break out of your comfort level. You will so 261 00:13:41.519 --> 00:13:45.080 expand beyond the boundaries of your normal you be surprised 262 00:13:45.080 --> 00:13:47.240 at how far that can take you in love and 263 00:13:47.320 --> 00:13:50.120 in life, and most importantly, in your dating world. So 264 00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:54.320 number two, you have the right to essentially be you. 265 00:13:55.000 --> 00:13:59.519 Number three, you have the right to travel baggage free, 266 00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:02.120 and hopefully, if the airlines ever ramp up again, we're 267 00:14:02.120 --> 00:14:04.519 probably all gonna have to travel baggage free, leave your 268 00:14:04.559 --> 00:14:08.360 baggage behind, clean house. You don't have to clean out 269 00:14:08.399 --> 00:14:12.000 your experiences. You do not have to eliminate your memories. 270 00:14:12.279 --> 00:14:14.559 You do not have to forget everything you've learned. But 271 00:14:14.639 --> 00:14:18.919 you do have the right to travel baggage free, leave 272 00:14:18.960 --> 00:14:22.519 it home. Everything that happened before it does not mean 273 00:14:22.519 --> 00:14:25.120 it's going to happen again. And you don't have to 274 00:14:25.200 --> 00:14:28.200 travel with your guard up all the time. You don't 275 00:14:28.200 --> 00:14:31.559 have to bring this sort of all encompassing shield from 276 00:14:31.600 --> 00:14:35.840 everything that's happened to you into either your non relationship 277 00:14:36.080 --> 00:14:38.840 or your next relationship. You have the right to let 278 00:14:38.919 --> 00:14:41.960 it go. There's nothing wrong with that. It's not scary 279 00:14:42.000 --> 00:14:44.320 to do that, it's not unhealthy to do that, it's 280 00:14:44.320 --> 00:14:47.840 not dangerous to do that. It's actually liberating and free. 281 00:14:48.000 --> 00:14:49.840 And the more you are liberated and free, the more 282 00:14:49.840 --> 00:14:51.799 your opportunities are going to come to and the more 283 00:14:51.799 --> 00:14:53.639 you're going to learn, and the more you're going to 284 00:14:53.639 --> 00:14:57.000 actually be able to live. So if you understand that, 285 00:14:57.120 --> 00:14:59.840 I have the right to move forward and look in 286 00:14:59.879 --> 00:15:03.360 the in the windshield instead of in the rearview mirror 287 00:15:03.360 --> 00:15:06.200 all the time, My God, the change that that will 288 00:15:06.200 --> 00:15:08.039 make for you, the change that that will make for 289 00:15:08.080 --> 00:15:09.960 the people around you, and the change that that will 290 00:15:09.960 --> 00:15:12.960 make for the relationships you're trying to develop. I cannot 291 00:15:13.039 --> 00:15:16.840 emphasize that enough. So Number three, you have the right 292 00:15:16.919 --> 00:15:22.120 to travel without baggage. Number four you have the right 293 00:15:22.320 --> 00:15:27.799 to say enough okay. You need to know when to 294 00:15:28.080 --> 00:15:31.039 fold them. We talk. We did a whole podcast about 295 00:15:31.039 --> 00:15:33.399 a year ago and I laid out the law of 296 00:15:33.440 --> 00:15:36.960 twenty percent and a few people listen to that. I 297 00:15:36.960 --> 00:15:38.679 think you remember it. For those of you who did not, 298 00:15:38.879 --> 00:15:42.679 shame on you. Go back and find it. You know, 299 00:15:42.759 --> 00:15:44.919 we spent a lot of time trying to get people 300 00:15:44.960 --> 00:15:47.600 into good relationships around here, and last year we did 301 00:15:47.639 --> 00:15:50.879 a fair amount of episodes trying to get people out 302 00:15:50.879 --> 00:15:53.799 of bad relationships. Because it's just important of a skill 303 00:15:54.000 --> 00:15:56.159 to get out of a bad relationship, to know when 304 00:15:56.200 --> 00:15:58.320 to say enough, to know when to say this is 305 00:15:58.440 --> 00:16:01.120 not working for me, and you have the right to 306 00:16:01.200 --> 00:16:03.759 get the fuck out and say enough. The law of 307 00:16:03.840 --> 00:16:05.919 twenty percent that I laid on that podcast means that 308 00:16:06.159 --> 00:16:12.159 if you are not completely happy or satisfied more, if 309 00:16:12.159 --> 00:16:14.600 the times that you are not happy and not satisfied 310 00:16:14.799 --> 00:16:18.200 are more than twenty percent, that's it. That means that 311 00:16:18.240 --> 00:16:20.799 relationship is not working, which means two days out of 312 00:16:20.799 --> 00:16:22.840 seven is twenty eight point six percent. To do a 313 00:16:22.879 --> 00:16:25.159 little math there, So if two days out of a 314 00:16:25.200 --> 00:16:28.440 week you're not happy and you're not satisfied, you have 315 00:16:28.519 --> 00:16:30.600 the right to make that change. And the other half 316 00:16:30.639 --> 00:16:33.559 of that twenty percent thing was we said that when 317 00:16:33.559 --> 00:16:36.600 it's time to make that decision, you take twenty percent 318 00:16:36.639 --> 00:16:38.919 of the time that you are in that relationship and 319 00:16:38.960 --> 00:16:40.600 you look at that as Okay, we're going to start 320 00:16:40.639 --> 00:16:42.559 the clock on whether we can either fix things or 321 00:16:42.639 --> 00:16:45.200 get out. So, if you were dating somebody for five months, 322 00:16:45.320 --> 00:16:47.799 twenty percent of five months is one month. So after 323 00:16:47.840 --> 00:16:49.919 the five month, if you're like twenty percent of the 324 00:16:49.919 --> 00:16:52.519 time I'm not happy, you take twenty percent of the 325 00:16:52.600 --> 00:16:54.639 five months, and you say, I'm going to give it 326 00:16:54.720 --> 00:16:57.320 one month to try and fix this. If you've been 327 00:16:57.320 --> 00:17:00.200 with somebody for five years, same thing, you give it 328 00:17:00.360 --> 00:17:04.799 one year, because that's twenty percent of five one. You're 329 00:17:04.839 --> 00:17:06.599 gonna say, I'm gonna give it one year, and if 330 00:17:06.640 --> 00:17:08.960 I cannot change that, and if we cannot change this, 331 00:17:09.079 --> 00:17:11.039 and if the work we do during that time, then 332 00:17:11.079 --> 00:17:14.400 I'm gonna get out. And that's a very easy formula 333 00:17:14.519 --> 00:17:17.400 to follow, and it's a very easy way to assess 334 00:17:17.480 --> 00:17:19.240 where you are in your relationship and where you are 335 00:17:19.279 --> 00:17:21.240 in your life and where you are in your happiness. 336 00:17:21.960 --> 00:17:23.680 Is the law of twenty percent. And you have the 337 00:17:23.799 --> 00:17:27.119 right to say enough. You have the right to ghost 338 00:17:27.480 --> 00:17:29.839 you do. People are such fucking babies, and you're like, 339 00:17:30.039 --> 00:17:31.759 n I need somebody to call me up and tell 340 00:17:31.799 --> 00:17:34.000 me why they don't like me. No, you don't, that's 341 00:17:34.039 --> 00:17:37.920 your curiosity, that's your need for nice closure. Somebody has 342 00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:40.119 the right to get out, however, they have to get 343 00:17:40.160 --> 00:17:44.440 out whenever they have to get out. Is it cowardly, sure, maybe, 344 00:17:44.519 --> 00:17:46.880 but that's their right. And they have the right to 345 00:17:46.920 --> 00:17:49.039 do whatever they need to do to move on and 346 00:17:49.039 --> 00:17:51.160 to be comfortable. A lot of people need to do. 347 00:17:51.200 --> 00:17:53.680 Whatever they need to do is to move on and 348 00:17:53.720 --> 00:17:56.319 be safe. So if they sense that you are a psycho, 349 00:17:56.960 --> 00:17:59.720 essentially they're leaving the metaphorical keys on the counter and 350 00:17:59.720 --> 00:18:02.599 they're getting the fuck out. So if they ghosted you, 351 00:18:02.880 --> 00:18:05.359 it's over. Who gives a shit. If somebody says I 352 00:18:05.400 --> 00:18:08.640 don't want to do this anymore, that's their right and 353 00:18:08.680 --> 00:18:10.720 they can do that, and that's all of our right. 354 00:18:10.799 --> 00:18:14.920 You have the right to say enough and knowing when 355 00:18:14.960 --> 00:18:17.279 it is time to fold them. As our late friend 356 00:18:17.440 --> 00:18:21.759 Kenny Rodgers said, that is such a valuable thing to recognize. 357 00:18:21.880 --> 00:18:24.559 It's such a valuable tool in our belts that we have. 358 00:18:24.920 --> 00:18:28.160 It is a valuable not to mix metaphors here. Card 359 00:18:28.200 --> 00:18:33.240 to play is that you have that right to say enough. 360 00:18:34.200 --> 00:18:38.839 Number five, the fifth Dating Amendment. You have the right 361 00:18:39.079 --> 00:18:44.279 to be curious, and you need to abc always be curious. 362 00:18:44.319 --> 00:18:47.039 You have the right to ask questions of them. You 363 00:18:47.119 --> 00:18:49.799 have the right to ask questions of yourself. You have 364 00:18:49.880 --> 00:18:52.960 the right to ask questions of your relationship. And asking 365 00:18:53.039 --> 00:18:57.359 questions isn't always an inquisition. Sometimes it's to get to 366 00:18:57.519 --> 00:18:59.960 and most of the time is get to know somebody better. 367 00:19:00.279 --> 00:19:04.079 Is trying to understand a situation better. It's trying to 368 00:19:04.079 --> 00:19:08.039 get to levels of learning and knowing and sharing and 369 00:19:08.079 --> 00:19:12.319 growing together. So if you don't understand things, or something 370 00:19:12.400 --> 00:19:14.559 doesn't feel the way you want it to feel, or 371 00:19:14.960 --> 00:19:16.720 just in case, you want to try and take things 372 00:19:16.759 --> 00:19:20.759 to another level, whether that's in the kitchen or in 373 00:19:20.799 --> 00:19:23.440 the bedroom, or on vacation or just the two of 374 00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:25.720 you sitting beside by side, you have the right to 375 00:19:25.759 --> 00:19:27.799 do that, and you have the right to be curious, 376 00:19:27.920 --> 00:19:30.920 and you don't have to ever wonder why am I 377 00:19:30.960 --> 00:19:32.920 thinking this way? Or why am I feeling this way? 378 00:19:32.960 --> 00:19:35.200 All of these things are perfectly normal, and that is 379 00:19:35.279 --> 00:19:37.559 your right as a human being, and that is your 380 00:19:37.640 --> 00:19:41.680 right as a dater to wonder. And wondering is good. 381 00:19:42.000 --> 00:19:46.720 Wondering is imagination, Wondering is creativity. Wondering is what leads 382 00:19:46.720 --> 00:19:48.880 you to the places you need to go and the 383 00:19:48.920 --> 00:19:51.559 happily ever after. If you do not wonder, and if 384 00:19:51.559 --> 00:19:53.759 you do not question, and if you are not curious, 385 00:19:53.960 --> 00:19:56.880 you're never going to continue to grow and evolve. That 386 00:19:57.000 --> 00:19:59.240 is what we should be doing, and that is what 387 00:19:59.279 --> 00:20:02.599 you need to be doing, constantly, constantly, constantly. We could 388 00:20:02.599 --> 00:20:06.000 not emphasize that on this podcast enough is how curiosity 389 00:20:06.279 --> 00:20:08.680 is the number one asset that anybody can have as 390 00:20:08.680 --> 00:20:10.680 a dater and is probably the number one asset that 391 00:20:10.759 --> 00:20:13.200 everybody can have as a human being. It is where 392 00:20:13.240 --> 00:20:16.440 you find the answers, It is where you find the progress. 393 00:20:16.599 --> 00:20:18.839 It is where you find everything that you ever wanted 394 00:20:18.880 --> 00:20:23.119 to find lies in curiosity. So number five, you have 395 00:20:23.319 --> 00:20:31.119 the right to be curious. Number six, you have the 396 00:20:31.240 --> 00:20:36.200 right to move. Literally, if you are in an unhappy 397 00:20:36.200 --> 00:20:39.160 place in life, or you're not in a happy relationship, 398 00:20:39.200 --> 00:20:43.240 you need to move. I personally believe every person in 399 00:20:43.279 --> 00:20:47.160 America needs to move seven hundred miles every seven years. 400 00:20:47.200 --> 00:20:50.279 That's my personal formula and philosophy. I have not always 401 00:20:50.319 --> 00:20:53.960