Speaker 1: This is pod popular podcast for the people.
Speaker 2: The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love Debate.
Speaker 1: Degreat Love Debate, It's a Great Love Debase.
Speaker 3: Hi again, everyone's Brian. How you welcome to the Great
Speaker 3: Love Debate, the world's number one dating or relationship podcast.
Speaker 1: It is twenty fifteen. I'm a little under the weather.
Speaker 1: I'm playing hurt here.
Speaker 3: So what I wanted to do is I get asked
Speaker 3: all the time, like what are the fundamental tenets of
Speaker 3: the Great Love Debate?
Speaker 1: And what should people do? And how should they date?
Speaker 3: So if you go way back, scroll through the scroll
Speaker 3: through the episodes, and there's a part one and a
Speaker 3: part two episodes of called the Dating Commandments.
Speaker 1: I stand by all that, but.
Speaker 3: About four and a half years ago as of the
Speaker 3: recording of this, I'm recording this in late twenty twenty four,
Speaker 3: during the height or the onset of COVID, I'm not
Speaker 3: really sure, but about four years ago we added on
Speaker 3: to that and we did something called the Dating Amendments.
Speaker 1: And I went and did a.
Speaker 3: Look back at that episode because I wanted to say,
Speaker 3: to see what the heck were we talking about during
Speaker 3: those crazy times of COVID, which I don't think people
Speaker 3: look at them enough like they were crazy times. They
Speaker 3: were crazy times, and I think we need to learn
Speaker 3: from them and never do that again. But anyway, the
Speaker 3: Dating Amendments episode, so I wanted to pop it to
Speaker 3: the top of your inbox, as the kids say, I
Speaker 3: want to pop it to the top of your listening
Speaker 3: box here and revisit it, reimagine it, See what holds up,
Speaker 3: see what doesn't. I stand by it. There's a lot
Speaker 3: of good information. If you have heard it before, well listen,
Speaker 3: you listened to it four years ago, so it's time
Speaker 3: for refresher. If you have not, it's all relevant. It's
Speaker 3: all good information. I think as you move forward towards
Speaker 3: the end of this year and into the years ahead.
Speaker 3: So without further ado, we are revisiting the Dating Amendments.
Speaker 1: During this time. People keep bombarding me with questions about
Speaker 1: dating during these times and quarantine dating, and if this
Speaker 1: will help people get back to old fashioned getting to
Speaker 1: know each other because we are forced to have video
Speaker 1: chats and video dates and talk on the phone. And
Speaker 1: I have gotten a ton of media requests to do
Speaker 1: interviews about it, and my answer is pretty much no, No.
Speaker 1: I think people are bored, and I think they're lonely,
Speaker 1: and I think they're killing time. And that's never a
Speaker 1: good way to date, because it is dating from a
Speaker 1: negative place and not a positive one. And it is
Speaker 1: dating because you feel bad, and it is not dating
Speaker 1: because you feel good. So that does not help. That
Speaker 1: does not work. Dating is dicey enough without having to
Speaker 1: add a bunch of zoom and Skype issues to the situation.
Speaker 1: My preference during this time. Now again, if we're doing
Speaker 1: this for two years, you know, all bets are off.
Speaker 1: But for two months or so, worry about something besides dating,
Speaker 1: or I will get to this in a second. We
Speaker 1: have a better way to do it, you know. Like
Speaker 1: I said, dating is dicey enough without adding in the tech.
Speaker 1: I would take every bit of this time to work
Speaker 1: on yourself. Don't get fat, get in shape. I mean,
Speaker 1: half of prisoners come out of doing their time in
Speaker 1: the best shape of their lives, and half come out
Speaker 1: in absolutely the worst shape of their lives. And it
Speaker 1: all depends on Probably depends on where you do your time,
Speaker 1: but it all depends on how you use your time.
Speaker 1: And you should use this time. This strange, confused, somewhat lonely,
Speaker 1: time to better you. And you know that's part of
Speaker 1: what we do in this podcast, besides hopefully entertaining you
Speaker 1: and engaging you, is sometimes we enlighten you in ways
Speaker 1: that can better you. And on that note, two years ago,
Speaker 1: twenty eighteen March of twenty eighteen, we unleashed a two
Speaker 1: part episode called The Dating Commandments. And these were the
Speaker 1: ten things that if you did them that they were indisputable,
Speaker 1: they were inarguable or inarguable. And if you did these
Speaker 1: ten things, it was going to change your dating life,
Speaker 1: it was going to change your love future. It was
Speaker 1: really going to do things for the better. And we
Speaker 1: have never gotten more positive feedback on any show we've
Speaker 1: ever done, any series we've ever done, or any idea
Speaker 1: we've ever had, than we did for the Dating Commandments.
Speaker 1: That was great love tobate like GLD one thirty three
Speaker 1: and one thirty four. If you don't, if you didn't listen,
Speaker 1: go back and listen. If you did listen, just to
Speaker 1: review those ten things are as I just said. Number
Speaker 1: one was make a change, do the work. Number two
Speaker 1: was get rid of the words not my type because
Speaker 1: your answers lie outside of your comfort zone. Number three
Speaker 1: was three to two one, which is the magic formula
Speaker 1: for changing your dating profile. It's going to lead to
Speaker 1: a lot of love. Number four was he pays, and
Speaker 1: we get into a little bit more detail on that.
Speaker 1: Number five was the importance of one hundred hours and
Speaker 1: what one hundred hours means as a body of time
Speaker 1: and a body of history between two people before they
Speaker 1: can decide which to date. Number six was you need
Speaker 1: to define love before you can find it, what it is,
Speaker 1: what it means, and what you want. Number seven was
Speaker 1: the best dating site is Earth, and I don't mean
Speaker 1: quarantined Earth, I mean real Earth. Number eight was there
Speaker 1: is magic in maybe, which means you got to stop
Speaker 1: looking for red flags and start looking for green lights.
Speaker 1: That there's magic in the possibilities. Number nine was to
Speaker 1: practice patient, wait, give it time, hopefully get a little
Speaker 1: older before you decide to decide this is the person
Speaker 1: you want to spend fifty years with, So practice patients.
Speaker 1: And number ten was go all in. At some point
Speaker 1: you were going to have to put all your chips
Speaker 1: on the table and hope that person met you. So
Speaker 1: that encompass a lot of things. We stay and buy
Speaker 1: all of those, but just like and Alexander Hamilton back
Speaker 1: in the day, and Thomas Jefferson and George Washington and
Speaker 1: Ben Franklin and the gang. When they put together the Constitution,
Speaker 1: which despite everything that is going on, still is a
Speaker 1: pretty sturdy document and is still holding up pretty well,
Speaker 1: they had to make some additions. They had to make
Speaker 1: some addendums because they did not account for everything. So
Speaker 1: over the last two years I have been taking notes
Speaker 1: and I have been analyzing things, and I'm like, what
Speaker 1: didn't we cover or what was left out or what
Speaker 1: changed or or what can we add to sort of
Speaker 1: tweak this. And much like the Constitution, framers came up
Speaker 1: with the Bill of Rights and added ten amendments. And
Speaker 1: there's ten amendments in the Bill of Rights. Just to
Speaker 1: go back to your sixth grade history class, there's ten
Speaker 1: amendments in the Bill of Rights. And we came up
Speaker 1: with our own ten amendments. The dating amendments sort of
Speaker 1: reflect what the Bill of Rights was. They filled in
Speaker 1: some gaps. And if you've ever gone back before, I
Speaker 1: did this. I went back and just to make sure
Speaker 1: that the Bill of Rights was ten and there was
Speaker 1: ten amendments. I wanted to look at it and All
Speaker 1: of the ten amendments in the Bill of Rights are
Speaker 1: things we're very very familiar with. Freedom of speech, freedom
Speaker 1: of the press, you know, no unreasonable search and seizure, plead,
Speaker 1: the fifth everybody knows what the fifth Amendment is, the
Speaker 1: right to speedy trial. The god awful second Amendment that
Speaker 1: I know a lot of you love your fucking guns,
Speaker 1: but I mean, come on, the second Amendment. Everybody's very
Speaker 1: familiar with most probably nine of the ten amendments. The
Speaker 1: weird one in there, the strange one, the outlier in
Speaker 1: there that is like, wait, what, that's one of the
Speaker 1: Bill of Rights, That's one of the ten minutes. Is
Speaker 1: the third Amendment? You know what the third Amendment is.
Speaker 1: The third Amendment is no soldier in time of peace
Speaker 1: shall be quartered in any house without the consent of
Speaker 1: the owner, which means somebody from the military cannot knock
Speaker 1: on your door and suddenly want to get into your bed.
Speaker 1: And I think there's a lot of people who wouldn't
Speaker 1: mind that. There's a lot of women who wouldn't mind
Speaker 1: a soldier knocking on their door and asking if they
Speaker 1: could sleep over. There's a lot of dudes who really
Speaker 1: wouldn't mind some military dude. And if you've ever lived
Speaker 1: in New York City during fleet week, fleet Weeek was when
Speaker 1: you know, twenty thousand navy guys roll into town and
Speaker 1: try and get laid over three days. These are the
Speaker 1: most eligible men you'll ever find. And every single woman
Speaker 1: in New York seemingly is hoping to violate the Third
Speaker 1: Amendment and to be violated by the Third Amendment and
Speaker 1: hoping that she can quote quoter in her house with
Speaker 1: the consent of the owner. So the third Amendment, just
Speaker 1: to give you a little more history, is a very
Speaker 1: odd one, So take it or leave it. But we're
Speaker 1: not here to talk about us history. We're talking about
Speaker 1: talk about dating history and most importantly, dating future. So
Speaker 1: these as I'm going to lay out are the ten
Speaker 1: dating amendments. And I wish Keiko is here because she
Speaker 1: could give us little fanfare. But these are the ten
Speaker 1: dating amendments that are going to be added to the
Speaker 1: dating Commandments. So not that an amendment isn't as good
Speaker 1: as a commandment, but it's sort of a next step
Speaker 1: from the commandments. And these are your rights, and these
Speaker 1: are inalienable rights, and these are the rights that every
Speaker 1: single one of you have so, dating Amendment number one,
Speaker 1: you have the right to be afraid. You have the
Speaker 1: right to feel fear. You have the right to show it,
Speaker 1: you have the right to express it. The most confident
Speaker 1: person in the room, in any room, is usually the
Speaker 1: one that's the most vulnerable. It's the one who's not
Speaker 1: shy or reluctant to recognize and to own whatever their weaknesses,
Speaker 1: whatever their vulnerability is, and whatever our fear is, and
Speaker 1: almost all of our behaviors are motivated by fear. We're
Speaker 1: afraid of being rejected, we're afraid of being hurt, we're
Speaker 1: afraid of missing out, we're afraid of being alone. And
Speaker 1: all of that is absolutely okay. And you need to
Speaker 1: recognize that that is okay, and you have a right
Speaker 1: to feel that way because it is absolutely normal. I
Speaker 1: get asked all the time when I do press is
Speaker 1: what is the one thing that everybody has in common?
Speaker 1: For people that I encounter or meet or who come
Speaker 1: to our shows. And ninety nine percent of the people
Speaker 1: who I meet or come to our shows or listen
Speaker 1: to this podcast believe in love and believe that they
Speaker 1: hopefully can find a future with one other person. That
Speaker 1: it laps forever and ever and ever. That's about ninety
Speaker 1: nine percent of people hope for that believe in that
Speaker 1: want that they're afraid it might not exist for them,
Speaker 1: but they believe in it. But the thing that one
Speaker 1: hundred percent of the people share without exception and it
Speaker 1: is fear. And they're afraid of something, and they're afraid
Speaker 1: to be with the wrong person, to make the wrong move,
Speaker 1: to do certain things at the wrong time. And so
Speaker 1: you're right, as one of these ten amendments is that
Speaker 1: you're it's okay to be afraid, and it's okay to
Speaker 1: admit that, and it's okay to embrace that, but most partly,
Speaker 1: it's okay to question that. And you want to know why,
Speaker 1: and you want to know how that manifests itself into
Speaker 1: your day to day life, and you want to know
Speaker 1: how you can turn that fear into a strength, and
Speaker 1: you need to know how to overcome that. I am very,
Speaker 1: very aware that I am afraid of snakes, and rather
Speaker 1: than just go through life afraid of snakes, I'm trying
Speaker 1: to find little ways, slowly, slowly, slowly, and at a
Speaker 1: very great distance to incorporate more snakes into my world.
Speaker 1: So I'm not sleeping with them. But I'm a lot
Speaker 1: more likely to go to a zoo or an aquarium,
Speaker 1: or to research them or to do things because it's
Speaker 1: it's not strange that I'm so afraid of them. It's
Speaker 1: normal to be afraid of them. But the thing that
Speaker 1: would be abnormal about it is to not recognize that
Speaker 1: fear and to let the defeat me. So you have
Speaker 1: to take that fear and turn it into your strength.
Speaker 1: And the first thing to give you the ability to
Speaker 1: do that is to recognize it and understand that you
Speaker 1: do have the right to feel that way, and you
Speaker 1: do have the right to be afraid, and you do
Speaker 1: have the right to have fear, and you do have
Speaker 1: the right to feel that because everybody does. Okay, now
Speaker 1: everybody admits it, everybody owns it, not everybody embraces it.
Speaker 1: But as long as you know that you do have
Speaker 1: that right as a feeling, sharing, growing, evolving, hopefully loving person,
Speaker 1: that being afraid about some things all the time, or
Speaker 1: about a few things some of the time is perfectly
Speaker 1: normal and perfectly okay. Number two, you have the right
Speaker 1: to wear white after labor Day, and I'm not saying
Speaker 1: that is that's the only thing but because you also
Speaker 1: have the right to wear orange on a Tuesday, or
Speaker 1: socks with flip flops, or shorts in the winter, or
Speaker 1: anything you want any time you want. Fashion is about individuality.
Speaker 1: You have the right to stand out. You have the
Speaker 1: right to be bold. You have the right to find
Speaker 1: your brave and you do not have to go by
Speaker 1: any sort of societal or norms or anything. You do
Speaker 1: whatever you want. You let your freak flag fly. You
Speaker 1: dress the way you want to dress. If you want
Speaker 1: to dress for comfort, you dress for comfort. You want
Speaker 1: to dress for speed, you dress for speed. You want
Speaker 1: to dress to impress, you dress to impress. If you
Speaker 1: want to dress in a way that nobody else is dressing,
Speaker 1: you do that because that will give you a certain
Speaker 1: kind of confidence that nothing else will. We talk all
Speaker 1: the time about Halloween and that costume confidence. When you
Speaker 1: understand that you have the right to feel the way
Speaker 1: you want to feel, look the way you want to look,
Speaker 1: dress the way you want to dress, and get people
Speaker 1: to react the way you either do or don't care
Speaker 1: how they react, good for you, Good for you. You
Speaker 1: want to wear white on Christmas Day, good for you.
Speaker 1: Once you realize that you have that right, You will
Speaker 1: so break out of your comfort level. You will so
Speaker 1: expand beyond the boundaries of your normal you be surprised
Speaker 1: at how far that can take you in love and
Speaker 1: in life, and most importantly, in your dating world. So
Speaker 1: number two, you have the right to essentially be you.
Speaker 1: Number three, you have the right to travel baggage free,
Speaker 1: and hopefully, if the airlines ever ramp up again, we're
Speaker 1: probably all gonna have to travel baggage free, leave your
Speaker 1: baggage behind, clean house. You don't have to clean out
Speaker 1: your experiences. You do not have to eliminate your memories.
Speaker 1: You do not have to forget everything you've learned. But
Speaker 1: you do have the right to travel baggage free, leave
Speaker 1: it home. Everything that happened before it does not mean
Speaker 1: it's going to happen again. And you don't have to
Speaker 1: travel with your guard up all the time. You don't
Speaker 1: have to bring this sort of all encompassing shield from
Speaker 1: everything that's happened to you into either your non relationship
Speaker 1: or your next relationship. You have the right to let
Speaker 1: it go. There's nothing wrong with that. It's not scary
Speaker 1: to do that, it's not unhealthy to do that, it's
Speaker 1: not dangerous to do that. It's actually liberating and free.
Speaker 1: And the more you are liberated and free, the more
Speaker 1: your opportunities are going to come to and the more
Speaker 1: you're going to learn, and the more you're going to
Speaker 1: actually be able to live. So if you understand that,
Speaker 1: I have the right to move forward and look in
Speaker 1: the in the windshield instead of in the rearview mirror
Speaker 1: all the time, My God, the change that that will
Speaker 1: make for you, the change that that will make for
Speaker 1: the people around you, and the change that that will
Speaker 1: make for the relationships you're trying to develop. I cannot
Speaker 1: emphasize that enough. So Number three, you have the right
Speaker 1: to travel without baggage. Number four you have the right
Speaker 1: to say enough okay. You need to know when to
Speaker 1: fold them. We talk. We did a whole podcast about
Speaker 1: a year ago and I laid out the law of
Speaker 1: twenty percent and a few people listen to that. I
Speaker 1: think you remember it. For those of you who did not,
Speaker 1: shame on you. Go back and find it. You know,
Speaker 1: we spent a lot of time trying to get people
Speaker 1: into good relationships around here, and last year we did
Speaker 1: a fair amount of episodes trying to get people out
Speaker 1: of bad relationships. Because it's just important of a skill
Speaker 1: to get out of a bad relationship, to know when
Speaker 1: to say enough, to know when to say this is
Speaker 1: not working for me, and you have the right to
Speaker 1: get the fuck out and say enough. The law of
Speaker 1: twenty percent that I laid on that podcast means that
Speaker 1: if you are not completely happy or satisfied more, if
Speaker 1: the times that you are not happy and not satisfied
Speaker 1: are more than twenty percent, that's it. That means that
Speaker 1: relationship is not working, which means two days out of
Speaker 1: seven is twenty eight point six percent. To do a
Speaker 1: little math there, So if two days out of a
Speaker 1: week you're not happy and you're not satisfied, you have
Speaker 1: the right to make that change. And the other half
Speaker 1: of that twenty percent thing was we said that when
Speaker 1: it's time to make that decision, you take twenty percent
Speaker 1: of the time that you are in that relationship and
Speaker 1: you look at that as Okay, we're going to start
Speaker 1: the clock on whether we can either fix things or
Speaker 1: get out. So, if you were dating somebody for five months,
Speaker 1: twenty percent of five months is one month. So after
Speaker 1: the five month, if you're like twenty percent of the
Speaker 1: time I'm not happy, you take twenty percent of the
Speaker 1: five months, and you say, I'm going to give it
Speaker 1: one month to try and fix this. If you've been
Speaker 1: with somebody for five years, same thing, you give it
Speaker 1: one year, because that's twenty percent of five one. You're
Speaker 1: gonna say, I'm gonna give it one year, and if
Speaker 1: I cannot change that, and if we cannot change this,
Speaker 1: and if the work we do during that time, then
Speaker 1: I'm gonna get out. And that's a very easy formula
Speaker 1: to follow, and it's a very easy way to assess
Speaker 1: where you are in your relationship and where you are
Speaker 1: in your life and where you are in your happiness.
Speaker 1: Is the law of twenty percent. And you have the
Speaker 1: right to say enough. You have the right to ghost
Speaker 1: you do. People are such fucking babies, and you're like,
Speaker 1: n I need somebody to call me up and tell
Speaker 1: me why they don't like me. No, you don't, that's
Speaker 1: your curiosity, that's your need for nice closure. Somebody has
Speaker 1: the right to get out, however, they have to get
Speaker 1: out whenever they have to get out. Is it cowardly, sure, maybe,
Speaker 1: but that's their right. And they have the right to
Speaker 1: do whatever they need to do to move on and
Speaker 1: to be comfortable. A lot of people need to do.
Speaker 1: Whatever they need to do is to move on and
Speaker 1: be safe. So if they sense that you are a psycho,
Speaker 1: essentially they're leaving the metaphorical keys on the counter and
Speaker 1: they're getting the fuck out. So if they ghosted you,
Speaker 1: it's over. Who gives a shit. If somebody says I
Speaker 1: don't want to do this anymore, that's their right and
Speaker 1: they can do that, and that's all of our right.
Speaker 1: You have the right to say enough and knowing when
Speaker 1: it is time to fold them. As our late friend
Speaker 1: Kenny Rodgers said, that is such a valuable thing to recognize.
Speaker 1: It's such a valuable tool in our belts that we have.
Speaker 1: It is a valuable not to mix metaphors here. Card
Speaker 1: to play is that you have that right to say enough.
Speaker 1: Number five, the fifth Dating Amendment. You have the right
Speaker 1: to be curious, and you need to abc always be curious.
Speaker 1: You have the right to ask questions of them. You
Speaker 1: have the right to ask questions of yourself. You have
Speaker 1: the right to ask questions of your relationship. And asking
Speaker 1: questions isn't always an inquisition. Sometimes it's to get to
Speaker 1: and most of the time is get to know somebody better.
Speaker 1: Is trying to understand a situation better. It's trying to
Speaker 1: get to levels of learning and knowing and sharing and
Speaker 1: growing together. So if you don't understand things, or something
Speaker 1: doesn't feel the way you want it to feel, or
Speaker 1: just in case, you want to try and take things
Speaker 1: to another level, whether that's in the kitchen or in
Speaker 1: the bedroom, or on vacation or just the two of
Speaker 1: you sitting beside by side, you have the right to
Speaker 1: do that, and you have the right to be curious,
Speaker 1: and you don't have to ever wonder why am I
Speaker 1: thinking this way? Or why am I feeling this way?
Speaker 1: All of these things are perfectly normal, and that is
Speaker 1: your right as a human being, and that is your
Speaker 1: right as a dater to wonder. And wondering is good.
Speaker 1: Wondering is imagination, Wondering is creativity. Wondering is what leads
Speaker 1: you to the places you need to go and the
Speaker 1: happily ever after. If you do not wonder, and if
Speaker 1: you do not question, and if you are not curious,
Speaker 1: you're never going to continue to grow and evolve. That
Speaker 1: is what we should be doing, and that is what
Speaker 1: you need to be doing, constantly, constantly, constantly. We could
Speaker 1: not emphasize that on this podcast enough is how curiosity
Speaker 1: is the number one asset that anybody can have as
Speaker 1: a dater and is probably the number one asset that
Speaker 1: everybody can have as a human being. It is where
Speaker 1: you find the answers, It is where you find the progress.
Speaker 1: It is where you find everything that you ever wanted
Speaker 1: to find lies in curiosity. So number five, you have
Speaker 1: the right to be curious. Number six, you have the
Speaker 1: right to move. Literally, if you are in an unhappy
Speaker 1: place in life, or you're not in a happy relationship,
Speaker 1: you need to move. I personally believe every person in
Speaker 1: America needs to move seven hundred miles every seven years.
Speaker 1: That's my personal formula and philosophy. I have not always
Speaker 1: practiced that it's time to move, but I believe if
Speaker 1: every person moved seven hundred miles at least every seven years,
Speaker 1: you'd get the most out of life. You'd get the
Speaker 1: most out of love, you get the most out of yourself,
Speaker 1: you get the most out of others. You'd get the
Speaker 1: most out of your country. Your perspective would grow. You
Speaker 1: do not have to stay there just because you've always
Speaker 1: stayed there. You do not have to live there because
Speaker 1: you grew up there. I'm always shocked by the statistic
Speaker 1: of how many people still live within fifty miles of
Speaker 1: where they went to high school. That's shocking to me.
Speaker 1: That saddens me. That means people are not moving out
Speaker 1: of their comfort zone. And your comfort zone is never
Speaker 1: where the answers lie. Nobody says you have to stay there.
Speaker 1: And don't give me that, Oh, well, my family's here.
Speaker 1: You can visit your family, and your family would much
Speaker 1: rather visit you in a place if it was a
Speaker 1: better place and you were happier. You know, if you're happier,
Speaker 1: that's a fun person to be around, and that's always
Speaker 1: a fun place to visit. I want to go visit happy.
Speaker 1: I want to go visit a happy person. I want
Speaker 1: to go visit a person who's exploring new things and
Speaker 1: can tell me about them. I want to visit a
Speaker 1: person and I want to talk to a person. I
Speaker 1: want to gauge with a person who has had new experiences.
Speaker 1: Some people, I don't understand why they don't believe this
Speaker 1: is their right, or I don't believe they can do this,
Speaker 1: or they think it's logistically impossible. Bullshit, and don't give
Speaker 1: me that you have kids. Kids move all the time.
Speaker 1: And one of the things that is going to come
Speaker 1: out of this unfortunate situation is a lot of industries
Speaker 1: are going to be go through a lot of upheaval,
Speaker 1: a lot of businesses are going to be changing, a
Speaker 1: lot of people are going to have career paths that
Speaker 1: they might have to make an alteration on, and that
Speaker 1: is both unfortunate and that is also really fortunate because
Speaker 1: it's changed to it. It's a chance to assess where
Speaker 1: you are, where you can go, what you can do,
Speaker 1: and maybe who you can be if you take it
Speaker 1: somewhere else. Pack a bag, hit the road. You do
Speaker 1: have the right to move. Nobody is forcing you there.
Speaker 1: We're spending this time feeling imprisoned in our homes. Maybe
Speaker 1: people understand that you are not imprisoned in your town,
Speaker 1: you are not imprisoned in your community, and most importantly,
Speaker 1: you are not imprisoned in your life. So pack it up,
Speaker 1: hit the road. I'm doing that. Be like me. Okay,
Speaker 1: probably eight years too late, but I'm doing it. So
Speaker 1: stop procrastinating. You have the right to move. Number seven,
Speaker 1: this is a good one. You have the right not
Speaker 1: to care. And we talked about that in a podcast
Speaker 1: a few episodes ago. People care about the stupidest shit.
Speaker 1: Kids Remember the one we did with the kids like
Speaker 1: five episodes back. Kids care about the right things. Kids
Speaker 1: care about sharing, and kids care about learning, and kids
Speaker 1: care about playing, and kids care about doing the right things.
Speaker 1: You have the right not to care, not to give
Speaker 1: a fuck the I don't give a fuck about this
Speaker 1: or that or a situation or whatever. Stop caring about
Speaker 1: things that do not matter. The more you care about
Speaker 1: things that do not matter, the more you're going to
Speaker 1: forget what does matter. You need to focus on things
Speaker 1: you should care about. And if you don't have enough
Speaker 1: things that you should care about, you need to figure
Speaker 1: out a way to find things that you care about.
Speaker 1: Me I, personally, it's very sad for me how little
Speaker 1: this quarantine situation has changed a lot of my day
Speaker 1: to day life. I don't engage with that many people.
Speaker 1: I don't do that manything except when I'm you know,
Speaker 1: traveling around doing the Great Love debate. I do lead
Speaker 1: a little bit of a hermit existence. That's a bad,
Speaker 1: bad thing. It means I'm not caring about the right things,
Speaker 1: and I'm not getting all the experiences that I should,
Speaker 1: And most importantly, I'm probably caring about the wrong things.
Speaker 1: I care too much about Starbucks hours, I care too
Speaker 1: much about French fries, and I gotta stop caring about that.
Speaker 1: And you have the right not to care about all
Speaker 1: of those things that you believe you need to care about.
Speaker 1: And that's really really important. So you need to make
Speaker 1: a list of things, what do I care about and
Speaker 1: what don't I care about? And you need to take
Speaker 1: off a lot of things on the list of what
Speaker 1: you do care about, and you need to add a
Speaker 1: same thing with both lists. You need to add things
Speaker 1: that you do not care about and make that list long.
Speaker 1: It's a good thing not to care about things. It's
Speaker 1: a liberating thing. It's a healthy thing. Stop caring about
Speaker 1: the wrong things, start caring about the right things. And
Speaker 1: those lists should change. It shouldn't be the same five
Speaker 1: things for fifty years of your life that you care
Speaker 1: about or don't care about. They should be fluid, they
Speaker 1: should be going because there should be new things, new experiences,
Speaker 1: new people, new stimuli always coming in and out of
Speaker 1: your world, and you should look at them and think,
Speaker 1: I have the right not to care about that. Now,
Speaker 1: I have the right not to care about that anymore.
Speaker 1: And I have the right to not care about that ever. Again,
Speaker 1: it's a really healthy thing. It's going to go a
Speaker 1: long way in your life. It's going to go a
Speaker 1: long way in dating. On the next note, and these
Speaker 1: are related, but they are separate. Number eight, you have
Speaker 1: the right to not be your parents. You have the
Speaker 1: right to not be your parents. We're always afraid of
Speaker 1: being our parents. They're turning into our parents. But I'm
Speaker 1: shocked at how many people are living the exact same life,
Speaker 1: on the exact same path, and a lot of times,
Speaker 1: i say earlier in the lots of the same place
Speaker 1: as their parents. Good for fucking Prince Harry. You know,
Speaker 1: we did foreshadow that very presiently on this podcast two
Speaker 1: years ago, that he was not going to be happy
Speaker 1: in his relationship and in his marriage with Megan. If
Speaker 1: he followed the path that Charles followed, and he followed
Speaker 1: the path that his grandfather Philip followed, and if he
Speaker 1: even followed the path that his brother was following, he
Speaker 1: had the right to seek a different path. You have
Speaker 1: the right to seek a different path just because your
Speaker 1: parents were episcopalian. And I'm not to pick on the Episcopals,
Speaker 1: but they're the most neutral. My mother was a Piscopalian. Again,
Speaker 1: just because my mother was Episcopalian doesn't mean that I
Speaker 1: have to be Episcopalian. Just because my father was Catholic
Speaker 1: doesn't mean that I have to be Catholic. Just because
Speaker 1: my grandmother was Jewish doesn't mean I have Yeah, and
Speaker 1: I'm a real mess on this stuff too. Maybe that's
Speaker 1: why I don't hold all these kinds of stings. But
Speaker 1: you don't have to do anything. You don't have to
Speaker 1: believe anything that your parents believed. You don't have to
Speaker 1: do anything that your parents did. You don't have to
Speaker 1: have the live the life that your parents did, And
Speaker 1: you don't have to live a life or marry the
Speaker 1: person or do whatever is expected just because your parents
Speaker 1: did so or say so. The Bachelor of this season,
Speaker 1: it was a huge plot line at the end where
Speaker 1: it was about whether or not the mother approved or
Speaker 1: you know, was the right one for the mother. I'm
Speaker 1: one of those people like, who gives a fuck. You
Speaker 1: do what you need to do to be happy. Your
Speaker 1: mother does not know how you are. Ninety five percent
Speaker 1: of your existence from the time you left the house
Speaker 1: at eighteen years old. She doesn't know you, like everybody,
Speaker 1: She just doesn't this whole. Like your mother knows your
Speaker 1: best and your family knows your best. They don't. They
Speaker 1: really don't. They don't see a lot of your existence.
Speaker 1: They don't understand the way your brain works. They don't
Speaker 1: understand what makes you you at thirty five or forty
Speaker 1: five or fifty five the way they did it five.
Speaker 1: My mother thinks because I liked apple sauce when I
Speaker 1: was three years old, that I would like it at
Speaker 1: forty Like, that's insane to me. But you don't have
Speaker 1: to like anything the same. You don't have to like
Speaker 1: things because your parents did. You don't have to do
Speaker 1: things because of their expectations. And most importantly, you do
Speaker 1: not have to live the life they did, and you
Speaker 1: do not have to do the things they do. You
Speaker 1: are you, They are them, They gave birth to you.
Speaker 1: That is not a right to control your life, and
Speaker 1: that is not a right to tell you how to
Speaker 1: live your life. So you need to find your own path.
Speaker 1: You need to grow your own thoughts, and you need
Speaker 1: to create your own opportunities that are going to make
Speaker 1: you happy, whether that is in love or in your
Speaker 1: occupation or in anything you do. You have the right
Speaker 1: to not be your parents. Number nine, you have the
Speaker 1: right to do better, and that can be anything that
Speaker 1: could be. You could do better in your in your fitness,
Speaker 1: You could do better at your job, you could do
Speaker 1: better in your house, you could do better in your hobbies.
Speaker 1: And you have the right to do better in who
Speaker 1: you date and how you date. Just because this is
Speaker 1: fine or this has worked out or these are the
Speaker 1: kind of people that I liked in the path doesn't
Speaker 1: mean anything. Doesn't mean one thing moving forward, as we
Speaker 1: go back into the world and God knows what kind
Speaker 1: of world that's going to be, you can do better.
Speaker 1: You can always do better, and you can always find
Speaker 1: and I'm saying you can do better than your happily
Speaker 1: loving husband that you're with for twenty years. It doesn't
Speaker 1: mean you can do better than him. It means you
Speaker 1: can do better with him, or with her, or from
Speaker 1: her or from the two of you. You can constantly
Speaker 1: improve your status quo. Your status quo is a snapshot
Speaker 1: of who you guys are. When you guys are it's stagnant,
Speaker 1: you need to look where can we go, what can
Speaker 1: we be, and how can we become everything that is possible,
Speaker 1: beyond what we ever thought was possible, the level of
Speaker 1: possibilities in who you are and in your in the
Speaker 1: two of you, or in the relationship you want to get.
Speaker 1: Never stop forgetting that that you have the right to
Speaker 1: do better, even if you are as happy as you
Speaker 1: possibly could be. And I'm a pretty happy person, and
Speaker 1: I think I'm happier than most people because I do
Speaker 1: think that way. I do think that I'm always going
Speaker 1: to get better, I hope. I do believe I have
Speaker 1: the right to get better. I do believe there's opportunities
Speaker 1: to get better, and I recognize those all the time.
Speaker 1: I am getting in better shape during this quarantine. I
Speaker 1: am being more thoughtful during this time. I think a
Speaker 1: lot of this is good for me because I look
Speaker 1: at this as an opportunity, and the opportunity stems out
Speaker 1: of the right that we all have. We have the
Speaker 1: right to be and do better. And most importantly, this
Speaker 1: might seem obvious, but you know, a lot of things
Speaker 1: in the Bill of Rights seem obvious, but maybe they weren't.
Speaker 1: Except for the soldier quartering in your house. One not obvious.
Speaker 1: The tenth Amendment to your Dating Bill of rights is
Speaker 1: you have the right to be happy and to feel loved,
Speaker 1: and to be loved and to love, and all of
Speaker 1: those seem separate, but they are all tied together. You
Speaker 1: be surprised at how many people do not feel that
Speaker 1: they have the right to this, either because they haven't
Speaker 1: experienced it, or because they have something from their past
Speaker 1: that is leading their brain or their actions or their
Speaker 1: mindset to think, I don't deserve this. I don't know
Speaker 1: what this is. I don't know if I'm capable of doing.
Speaker 1: This stems into the fear we talked about stems in
Speaker 1: the childhood we talked about and yeah, I think if
Speaker 1: you go to therapy like I did, you will understand
Speaker 1: that you didn't necessarily do something wrong when you were
Speaker 1: seven or seventeen or thirty seven, or the situation wasn't
Speaker 1: right when you were eight, at eighteen or twenty eight,
Speaker 1: but you do retain the right. That is the inalienable
Speaker 1: right that never goes away for anybody, regardless of your
Speaker 1: life situation, regardless of your dating situation. You have the
Speaker 1: right to be happy. And once you understand, you have
Speaker 1: the right to be happier, like I deserve this. This
Speaker 1: is what I'm supposed to have. Then you can say,
Speaker 1: how do I get this? Not that, Where's mine? Where's
Speaker 1: my chat? Where's my happily? Ever after, once you understand
Speaker 1: that you have the right to it and that you
Speaker 1: own that, and that your entire happiness and love life
Speaker 1: and dating existence is in your control because it is
Speaker 1: your right. I would much rather have that than to
Speaker 1: believe that, you know, my next fifty years of my
Speaker 1: life are out of my control because of some other reason,
Speaker 1: because I want to point fingers or blame somebody or
Speaker 1: wait along till fate intervenes. Fate wants you to do
Speaker 1: the work. You control your own fate all the time,
Speaker 1: the decisions you make, the actions you take, all of it.
Speaker 1: That is about you. What you're doing, what you're thinking,
Speaker 1: what you're feeling, and the changes that you are making.
Speaker 1: So if you believe you have the right to be happy,
Speaker 1: then you need to figure out how to make that happen.
Speaker 1: Here you go, You're right, go ahead, leave doors open,
Speaker 1: doors open to enter and the doors open to exit,
Speaker 1: either one. But it's your door and you have to
Speaker 1: go through it. And you have to recognize that that
Speaker 1: door is never going to go away. That is the
Speaker 1: inalienable right as a human being is you have the
Speaker 1: right to be happy. You have the right to be loved.
Speaker 1: You have the right to feel love, and all of
Speaker 1: us have the right to love. So to review. The
Speaker 1: ten dating amendments to the ten Dating Commandments are Number one,
Speaker 1: you have the right to be afraid. Number two you
Speaker 1: have the right to be you wear that orange, and
Speaker 1: fuck you if you say I don't have the right
Speaker 1: to wear socks with flip slops, I absolutely do. I'll
Speaker 1: consider it. People consider it Asian because it's a little exotic.
Speaker 1: I'm gonna wear it. That's my right. Three you have
Speaker 1: the right to travel without baggage. Number four you have
Speaker 1: the right to say enough. Five you have the right
Speaker 1: to be curious. Six you have the right to move
Speaker 1: literally or metaphorically. Number seven you have the right not
Speaker 1: to care. Number eight you have the right to not
Speaker 1: be your parents. Number nine you have the right to
Speaker 1: do better. And number ten you have the right to
Speaker 1: be happy. If you thought we left anything out, and
Speaker 1: we need to because remember we're up to I don't
Speaker 1: know what are we up to? Twenty five amendments, twenty
Speaker 1: six amendments, A lot of amendments, some very logical ones
Speaker 1: never get through uh and some very crazy ones do
Speaker 1: get through. So shoot us your feedback Great Lovedebate at
Speaker 1: gmail dot com. Let us know what you think. We
Speaker 1: believe as always that the best dating site is Earth
Speaker 1: and we need to get together again because, as always
Speaker 1: at the Great Love Debate, we never stopped making love.
Speaker 1: See you next time.
Speaker 2: The Great Love Debate. It's the Great Love.
Speaker 1: Debate, Degree Love Debate. It's agree love to be