Speaker 1: Teething Ring by James Causey. This is a LibriVox recording.
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Speaker 1: by Greg Marguerite Teething Ring by James Causey. Anyone can
Speaker 1: make in error, but the higher the society, the more
Speaker 1: disastrous the mistake. Half an hour before, while she had
Speaker 1: been engrossed in the current soap opera and Harry Junior
Speaker 1: was screaming in his crib, Melinda would naturally have slammed
Speaker 1: the front door in the little man's face. However, when
Speaker 1: the bell rang, she was wearing her new Chinese red
Speaker 1: house coat, had just lustered her nails to a blinding scarlet,
Speaker 1: and Henry Junior was sleeping like an angel, yawning. Melinda
Speaker 1: answered the door, and the little man said, beaming, excellent day,
Speaker 1: I have geegaws for information. Melinda did not quite recoil.
Speaker 1: He was perhaps five feet tall, with a gleaming, hairless
Speaker 1: scalp and a young old face. He wore a plain
Speaker 1: gray tunic and a peddler's tray hung from his thin shoulders.
Speaker 1: Don't want any, Melinda stated flatly. Please he had great,
Speaker 1: beseeching amber eyes. They all say that I haven't much time.
Speaker 1: I must be back at the university by noon. You're
Speaker 1: working your way through college, he brightened. Yes, I suppose
Speaker 1: you could call it that alien anthropology major. Melinda softened
Speaker 1: the initiations. Those frats pulled nowadays, shaving the poor guy's head,
Speaker 1: eating old fish. It was criminal, well, she asked, grudgingly,
Speaker 1: what's in the tray flanglers, said the little man eagerly.
Speaker 1: Acilloscope's portable force field Generator's a normal distorder. Melinda's face
Speaker 1: was blank. The little man frowned, You use them, of course,
Speaker 1: this is a class four culture. Melinda essayed a weak shrug,
Speaker 1: and the little man's side with relief. His eyes fled
Speaker 1: past her to the blank screen of the TV scent
Speaker 1: ah a monitor. He smiled. For a moment, I was afraid.
Speaker 1: May I come in? Melinda shrugged, opened the door. This
Speaker 1: might be interesting, like a vacuum cleaner salesman who had
Speaker 1: cleaned her drapes last week for free, and Kitty Kyle battles.
Speaker 1: Life wouldn't be on for almost an hour. My name
Speaker 1: is Porteus, said the little man, with an eager smile.
Speaker 1: I'm doing a thematic Class four cultures. He whipped out
Speaker 1: a stylus began jotting down notes. The TV set fascinated him.
Speaker 1: It's turned off right now, Melinda said. Portius's eyes widened impossibly.
Speaker 1: You mean, he whispered in horror, that you're exercising Class
Speaker 1: five privileges. This is terribly confusing. I get doors slammed
Speaker 1: in my face when Class fours are supposed to have
Speaker 1: a splendid Gregarian quotient. You do have atomic power, don't you? Oh? Sure,
Speaker 1: said Melinda uncomfortably. This wasn't going to be much fun
Speaker 1: space travel. The little face was intent and sharp. Well,
Speaker 1: Melinda yawned, looking at the blank screen. They've got space patrol,
Speaker 1: space cadet, Tales of Tomorrow. Excellent rocket ships are force fields?
Speaker 1: Melinda blinked. Does your husband owned one? Melinda shook her
Speaker 1: blonde head helplessly. What are your economic circumstances? Melinda took
Speaker 1: a deep, rasping breath, said, listen, mister, is this a
Speaker 1: demonstration or a quiz program? Oh, my excuse demonstration. Certainly
Speaker 1: you will not mind the questions questions. There was an
Speaker 1: ominous glint in Melinda's blue eyes. Your delightful primitive customs
Speaker 1: art forms personal habits. Look, Melinda said, crimsoning, this is
Speaker 1: a respectable neighborhood, and I'm not answering any Kinsey report. Understand.
Speaker 1: The little man nodded, scribbling, personal habits are taboo. I
Speaker 1: so regret the demonstration. He waved grandly at the tray,
Speaker 1: anti grabbed sandals a portable solar converter, apologizing for this
Speaker 1: miserable selection. But on capella, they told me. He followed
Speaker 1: Melinda's entranced gaze, selected a tiny green vial. This is
Speaker 1: merely a regenerative solution. You appear to have no cuts
Speaker 1: or bruises. Oh, Melinda said nastily. Cure's wartz, cancer grows hair,
Speaker 1: I suppose, Portius brightened. Of course, I see you can
Speaker 1: scan amazing. He scribbled further with his stylus, glanced up,
Speaker 1: blinked at the obvious scorn on Melinda's face. Here try it,
Speaker 1: you try it, now watch him squirm. Portius hesitated, Would
Speaker 1: you like me to grow an extra finger? Hair? Grow
Speaker 1: some hair? Melinda tried not to smile. The little man
Speaker 1: unstopped the vial poured a shimmering green drop on his
Speaker 1: wrist frowning. Must concentrate, he said. Thorium base suspended solution
Speaker 1: really jolts the endocrines complete control. See Melinda's jaw dropped.
Speaker 1: She stared at the tiny tuft of hair which had
Speaker 1: sprouted on that bare wrist. She was thinking abruptly, unhappily
Speaker 1: about that shinan she had bought yesterday. They had let
Speaker 1: her buy that for eight dollars, when with this stuff
Speaker 1: she could have a natural one, How much, she inquired, cautiously,
Speaker 1: Only half an hour of your time, said Portius. Melinda
Speaker 1: grasped the vial firmly, settling down on the sofa with
Speaker 1: one leg tucked carefully under her Okay, shoot, but nothing personal.
Speaker 1: Portius was delighted. He asked a multitude of questions, most
Speaker 1: of them pointless, some naive, and Melinda dug into her
Speaker 1: infinitesimal fund of knowledge and gave the little man scribbled furiously,
Speaker 1: clucking like a gravit. Hen you mean, he asked, in amazement,
Speaker 1: that you live in these primitive huts of your own folition.
Speaker 1: It's a GI housing project, Melinda said, ashamed, astonishing. He
Speaker 1: wrote Feudal anachronisms and Atomic power side by side Class
Speaker 1: fours periodically rough it in back to nature movements. Harry
Speaker 1: Junior chose that moment to begin screaming for his lunch.
Speaker 1: Portius sat, trembling. Is that a security alarm? My son?
Speaker 1: Said Melinda despondently, and went into the nursery. Portius followed
Speaker 1: and watched the undulating child with some trepidation. Newborn eighteen months,
Speaker 1: said Melinda, stiffly changing diapers, he's cutting teeth. Portius shuddered,
Speaker 1: What a pity. Obviously atavistic. Wouldn't the crash accept him? You?
Speaker 1: You shouldn't have to keep him here. I keep after
Speaker 1: Harry to get a maid, but he says we can't
Speaker 1: afford one. Manifestly insecure, muttered the little man studying Harry Junior.
Speaker 1: Definite paranoid tendencies. He was two weeks premature, volunteered Melinda.
Speaker 1: He's real sensitive. I know just the thing, Portius said, happily.
Speaker 1: Here he dipped into the glittering litter on the tray
Speaker 1: and handed Harry Junior a translucent prism, a neural distorder.
Speaker 1: We use it to train regressives on Rigel two. It
Speaker 1: might be of assistance. Melinda eyed the thing doubtfully Harry
Speaker 1: Junior was peering into the shifting crystal depths with a
Speaker 1: somewhat strained expression. Speeds up the neural flow, explained the
Speaker 1: little man proudly helps tap the unused eighty percent. The
Speaker 1: pre symptomatic memory is unaffected due to automatic cerebral lapse.
Speaker 1: In case of overload, I'm afraid it won't do much
Speaker 1: more than cube his present IQ, and an intelligent idiot
Speaker 1: is still an idiot. But how dare you? Melinda's eyes flashed.
Speaker 1: My son is not an idiot. You get out of
Speaker 1: here this minute and take your things with you. As
Speaker 1: she reached for the prism, Harry Junior squalled. Melinda relented here,
Speaker 1: she said, angrily, fumbling with her purse. How much are
Speaker 1: they medium of exchange? Portius rubbed his bald skull. I
Speaker 1: really shouldn't, but it'll make such a wonderful addentum to
Speaker 1: the chapter on malignant primitives. What is your smallest denomination
Speaker 1: is a dollar? Okay? Melinda was hopeful. Portius was pleased
Speaker 1: with the picture of George Washington. He turned the bill
Speaker 1: over and over in his fingers. At last, bowed low
Speaker 1: and formally apologized for any taboo violations and left via
Speaker 1: the front door. Crazy fraternities, muttered. Melinda, turning on the TV, said,
Speaker 1: Kitty Kyle was dull that morning. At length, Melinda used
Speaker 1: some of the liquid in the green vial on her eyelashes,
Speaker 1: was quite pleased at the results, and hid the rest
Speaker 1: in the medicine cabinet. Harry Junior was a model of
Speaker 1: docility the rest of that day, while Melinda watched TV
Speaker 1: and munched chocolates, did and redid her hair. Harry Junior
Speaker 1: played quietly with the crystal prism. Toward late afternoon, he
Speaker 1: crawled over to the bookcase, wrestled down the encyclopedia, and
Speaker 1: pawed through it, gurgling with delight. He definitely, Melinda decided,
Speaker 1: would make a fine lawyer some day, not a useless
Speaker 1: putterer like Big Harry, who worked all hours overtime in
Speaker 1: that damned lab. She scowled as Harry Junior, bored with
Speaker 1: the encyclopedia, began reaching for one of Big Harry's tomes
Speaker 1: on nuclear physics. One putterer in the family was enough,
Speaker 1: But when she tried to take the book away from him,
Speaker 1: Harry Junior howled so violently that she let well enough alone.
Speaker 1: At six thirty, Big Harry called from the lab with
Speaker 1: the usual despondent message that he would not be home
Speaker 1: for supper, and said a few resigned things about cheerless
Speaker 1: dinners eaten alone. Hinted darkly what lonesome wives sometimes did
Speaker 1: for company, and Harry said he was very sorry, but
Speaker 1: this might be it, and Melinda hung up on him
Speaker 1: in a temper. Precisely fifteen minutes later, the doorbell rang.
Speaker 1: Melinda opened the front door and gaped. This little man
Speaker 1: could have been Porteus's double except for the black, metallic
Speaker 1: tunic and glacial gray eyes, Missus Melinda Adams. Even the
Speaker 1: voice was frigid. Yes, why Major Nord Galactic security. The
Speaker 1: little man bowed. You were visited early this morning by
Speaker 1: one Portius. He spoke the name with a certain disgust.
Speaker 1: He left a neural distorder here correct. Melinda's nod was tremulous.
Speaker 1: Major Nord came quietly into the living room, shut the
Speaker 1: door behind him. My apologies, madam, for the intrusion. Portius
Speaker 1: mistook your world for a Class four culture instead of
Speaker 1: a Class seven. Here he handed her the crumpled dollar bill.
Speaker 1: You may check the serial number the distorter, please, Melinda
Speaker 1: shrunk limply onto the sofa. I I don't understand, she
Speaker 1: said painfully. Was he a thief? He was careless about
Speaker 1: his spatial coordinates. Major Nord's teeth showed in the faintest
Speaker 1: of smiles. He has been corrected. Where is it now? Look,
Speaker 1: said Melinda with some asperity. That thing's kept Harry Junior
Speaker 1: quiet all day. I bought it in good faith, and
Speaker 1: it's not my fault. Say have you got a warrant? Madam?
Speaker 1: Said the Major with dignity. I dislike violating local taboos,
Speaker 1: but must I explain the impact of a neural distorter
Speaker 1: on a backward or culture. What if your Neanderthal had
Speaker 1: been given atomic blasters? Where would you have been today
Speaker 1: swinging through trees? No doubt? What if your hitler had
Speaker 1: force field? He exhaled, Where is your son? In the nursery?
Speaker 1: Harry Junior was contentedly playing with his blocks. The prism
Speaker 1: lay glinting in the corner. Major Nord picked it up carefully,
Speaker 1: scrutinized Harry Junior. His voice was very soft, you said,
Speaker 1: he was playing with it. Some vestigial maternal instinct prompted
Speaker 1: Melinda to shake her head vigorously. The little man stared
Speaker 1: hard at Harry Junior, who began whimpering trembling. Melinda scooped up,
Speaker 1: Harry Junior, is that all you have to do? Run
Speaker 1: around frightening women and children, take your old distorder and
Speaker 1: get out, leave decent people alone. Major Nord frowned. If
Speaker 1: only he could be sure, He peered stonily at Harry
Speaker 1: Junior murmured definite ego mania. It doesn't seem to have
Speaker 1: affected him, strange. Do you want me to scream? Melinda demanded.
Speaker 1: Major Nord sighed. He bowed to Melinda, went out, closed
Speaker 1: the door, touched a tiny stud on his tunic, and
Speaker 1: vanished the manners of some people, Melinda said to Harry Junior.
Speaker 1: She was relieved that the Major had not asked for
Speaker 1: the green vial. Harry Junior also looked relieved, although for
Speaker 1: quite a different reason. Big Harry arrived home a little
Speaker 1: after eleven. There were small worry creases about his mouth
Speaker 1: and forehead, and the leaden cast of defeat in his eyes.
Speaker 1: He went into the bedroom and Melinda sleepily told him
Speaker 1: about the little man working his way through college by
Speaker 1: peddling silly goods, and about that rude cop named nord
Speaker 1: and Harry said that was simply astonishing. And Melinda said, Harry,
Speaker 1: you had a drink. I had two drinks. Harry told
Speaker 1: her owlishly, you married a failure, dear, part of the
Speaker 1: experimental model vaporized, whoosh, just like that on paper. It
Speaker 1: looked so good. Melinda had heard it all before. She
Speaker 1: asked him to see if Harry Junior was covered, and
Speaker 1: Big Harry went unsteadily into the nursery, sat down by
Speaker 1: his son's crib. Poor little guy, he mused, your old
Speaker 1: man's a bum, A useless tinker. He thought he could
Speaker 1: send man to the stars on a string of helium nuclei. Ah,
Speaker 1: he was smart, thought of everything. Auxiliary jets to kick
Speaker 1: off the negative charge, bigger mercury, vapor banks of a fine,
Speaker 1: straight thrust of positive alpha particles. He hiccuped, put his
Speaker 1: face in his hands. Didn't you ever stop to think
Speaker 1: that a few air molecules could defocus the stream? Try
Speaker 1: a vacuum, stupid Big Harry stood up. Did you say something, son, girfal,
Speaker 1: said Harry Junior. Big Harry reeled into the living room
Speaker 1: like a sonomalist. He got mansel and paper began jotting
Speaker 1: frantic formula. Presently, he called a cab and raced back
Speaker 1: to the laboratory. Melinda was dreaming about little bald men
Speaker 1: with diamond studded drays. They were chasing her. They kept
Speaker 1: pelting her with rubies and emeralds. All they wanted was
Speaker 1: to ask questions, but she kept running. Harry Junior clasped
Speaker 1: tightly in her arms. Now they were ringing alarm bells.
Speaker 1: The bells kept ringing, and she groaned. She sat up
Speaker 1: in bed and seized the telephone. Darling. Big Harry's voice shook,
Speaker 1: I've got it. More auxiliary shielding plus a vacuum. We'll
Speaker 1: be rich. That's just fine, said Melinda crossly. You woke
Speaker 1: the baby. Harry Junior was sobbing bitterly into his pillow.
Speaker 1: He was sick with disappointment. Even the most favorable extrapolation
Speaker 1: showed it would take him nineteen years to become master
Speaker 1: of the world. An eternity nineteen years and of teething
Speaker 1: ring by James Causey