Speaker 1: Come grow dirty, Come he did the.
Speaker 2: Join the Questing is uncharted.
Speaker 3: Join the Icy bast Six writers face off by a
roll of the dice Tale fite dirty leaping.
Speaker 2: Nothing behind but fingerpits and a tall.
Speaker 3: Tail, stealing carts, breaking fats with plenty of time to
kill and icy bastards.
Speaker 2: Ten pis always icy.
Speaker 4: You know the.
Speaker 3: Cant be tasty Bastards. Come to join it, Diicing Bastard.
Speaker 2: Hey, there're a and Devian's junior adventures and friends. Welcome
to the next episode of The Dicey Bassard Season two.
Speaker 3: I'm M. K.
Speaker 2: Gibson, your host, dungeon master, and author of several books
series that you've probably never read. But I really want
to do. I want money and.
Speaker 3: I need to eat.
Speaker 2: Who do I have with me today? Same O Krup,
But we're missing somebody. Let's start with Robert Bevan. Gasp,
he's not with us.
Speaker 4: Everyone, He's alive. Let's pick our words right carefully. He's
no longer with this so far as we know.
Speaker 2: He is a lie because you talk, okay, you s
a true friend will stabut in the front Earlier today,
he goes, I don't like the Fantastic Four because I
find the premise wrong scientists go to again into space
and get radiation, don't get cancer. I don't buy it.
But I watched Hot Tub Time Machine in the last night,
and no point did he say, you know what these
space time physics bothered me? I do not accept No,
he rolly locked you know something.
Speaker 5: He writes the series about people who get sucked into
a magical game world without getting cancer.
Speaker 3: So I don't want to.
Speaker 2: Hear it exactly. And who's the voice of that? Will
ask Robert Beverer to the better Bevin Rick Waltery, Sir,
how are you?
Speaker 3: We don't know what his next book's going to be acred, Okay,
cancer Ring.
Speaker 4: What a way for it to end? All had cancer
and we're delirious in the hospital the whole time.
Speaker 2: Well he missing it. Have been four IV full of
cancer drugs, so that so.
Speaker 3: Stop. Yeah, and just Ric or Bobby if you steal
that wor all soon you know.
Speaker 4: Cut to Bob in his room, tearing up a draft
of Critical twenty.
Speaker 5: Anyway, my name is Rick Quilteria and I played face
her in real life. It's been a hell of a
fucking July. I've been shoveling ship, cutting up cutting up trees,
doing all sorts of things that haven't had to do
with writing, and hopefully I will get back to that
stuff in the meantime.
Speaker 3: Buy one of.
Speaker 5: My books, because all this ship is expensive, you know,
pumping out basements and all that stuff, because I don't
want an indoor swimming pool. It's not one full of sewage.
So that's my story and I'm sticking to it.
Speaker 2: Gross Fresh off a Rocky Mountain, High litterarpg con. We
have Drew Hayes. Drew, how are you, sir?
Speaker 4: Oh? I'm doing very well. And when I'm not interrupting
the introduction, I play Cabert the Expedient, and I also
write books series such as superpowereds Fred the Vampire Accountant
last book which should be coming out in October, Superpowers
I already did, and Villain's Code. Villain's Vignette Volume two
has come out in print. The ebook is or Sorry.
The audiobook is coming out on August twenty sixth. Chilling
Reflections came out in audiobook recently and came out in
print eybook last year. So we are just stacked with
Villain's Code content right now.
Speaker 2: So when you're not interrupting your Cabert. But when you are,
you're drew. I want to make sure I get my
lines clear.
Speaker 4: No, I think Cobert's the one who interrupts.
Speaker 2: That's just a direct conference. Fuck you.
Speaker 3: Isn't there a joke about an interrupt in Horse miss.
Speaker 2: Kaplan save us from this insanity? How are you?
Speaker 6: Nay?
Speaker 4: Nay?
Speaker 6: Yeah, I was gonna tell a little joke about how from.
Speaker 3: No there is it?
Speaker 2: There's an energy today baby.
Speaker 6: From twenty twenty to twenty twenty five, I've been caring
for my sick mother.
Speaker 2: But you know what, she's dead now.
Speaker 3: Oh my god.
Speaker 2: Two guns, shotgun, blast of dead mom, joke right in
your face.
Speaker 6: No, actually, yeah, she has passed away and I am
back to her writing, so she would be proud. That's
only why, the only reason why I said that. And
plus we scattered her ashes and it all went into
our faces last week, so ta.
Speaker 3: Style huh yeah, also laughing.
Speaker 6: And thank goodness. She's never ever listened to this podcast
but and never will.
Speaker 5: So she was called back to the previous game. Did
you go up a level? From from Ashes?
Speaker 2: Consume my parents?
Speaker 6: Anyway? I played Claudia the rogue in she would definitely
snort pashes.
Speaker 2: Speaking of snorting ashes, Steve, whether or how many ashes
are your deceased relatives? Have you snorted?
Speaker 3: What today? Yeah? Just today? It's Sunday, Jesus Christ Man.
Speaker 2: It's a part my bad is the Lord's Day.
Speaker 3: I mean, if you're gonna snort somebody on this Sunday
would be Jesus Christ Yeah, I mean absolutely, but I'm
not gonna I'm not gonna dig down on that one anyway. Well,
I'm Steve. Wherever I play, Stan Dandy Liver would be
folk hero, reluctant herder of murderous cats. You can find
my books on the Internet. I don't have a swim
pool filled with shit in my apartment, but recently, due
to a plumbing mishat, my bathroom now goes into the
bathroom of the apartment below me, who used to have
a very strange guy living there who left in mister
areas circumstances. And now I feel like I'm at the
beginning of an A twenty four horror movie.
Speaker 2: Now that's a great thing, the horror movie. But I
also want to you show us, send us the pictures
like I like, oh my god, looking like a John
Malcolich hole into another world. But have you tried to
pee through that hole down to the other person's toilet.
Speaker 3: To see if you can do it? I mean no,
What I'm really worried about is I'll do that and
I'll hear like water dropping on my toilet ready and
be like.
Speaker 5: Uh oh yeah, yeah, I hope like get the person
down there keeps wondering where these ghost turns keep link
coming from.
Speaker 2: I think you just look up and see Steve like
just just squatting over the whole.
Speaker 3: I may eventually have an indoor pool full of sewages.
Speaker 4: What I'm saying, as God intended.
Speaker 2: Before we get to the game, I take a moment
reminder and that if you're not part of this A
and D family, what's your problem? You're missing out. So
head over to patreon dot com Slash Authors and Dragons
check out the various tears and the various perks. For
just two bucks a month, join our discord chat with
our fans chat with us for five bucks a month.
You get access to bigger and better Discord channels, ability
to hang out and come to some of these live
games as we record them. And if you don't want
to do that, but maybe you want to give us
some other money, head over to Authors and Dragons dot
com slash or hang on Althorsandraggons dot Dashery dot com.
That's our new merch site. To buy some of our
cool new merch, including our Hamburger Hinentrance T shirt. Head
over there.
Speaker 4: I forgot about the Hamburger Entrance.
Speaker 2: I need to buy one of those myself. I know
what for things going sale, I forget to look at it.
So I got a bunch of other swag, but I
need to give one of those. Uh if you, but
if again, if you want to help us out in
all the other ways, go to YouTube, go to go
to Spotify, wherever you get your get us click likes,
click subscribes, leave comments, all those things. That helps out
a lot more than you realize. All Right, shilling is done?
Is everybody ready to jump into it saying it? We're
down one door serve? But I think we'll figure it
out somehow.
Speaker 4: Our competence rises somehow.
Speaker 3: It's like grand theft or when you're star writing goes down.
Suddenly everything's just gonna go a lot smooth.
Speaker 2: Were hookers and like you know now that you've said that.
Speaker 4: Oh no, was Jorser the glue.
Speaker 2: Oh well, it was something sticky holding you together, all right?
Stan's gonjessere Connie, how are you? When we last left
the Dicey Bastards, our crew of crafty cracksmen had engaged
in a deadly dance of fancy fisticuffs with a flesh
scull of made from theater people. Seeing what was about
to go down, the totaliest and innocent body chose discretion
over Vella as they left the Dicey Bastards to deal
with the gollum Well. They searched for Eric Greentree and
his demon Cambian patron, while Stan schuber Morris for fighting
these poorly played day players. It was compared the expeeding
who declared they're just extras. It's what they signed up for. Besides,
his mike were killed off. Honey one high on the
call sheet and with that the centaur with the centaur
steal approval. The gloves were off. Colaudias transformed in to
her bloody Kowala Alterigomo uses boost to kick this poor
creature in the face. Stan got the stabbing and George
told some killer jokes while flashing his wonder. In the end,
they toppled the Titanic Thesbian breaking the fusion spell. Then
who reverted to a bloody heap of poorly, poorly paid actors.
The curtain fell, and that's where I picked up with
Colbert shoving good berries down the throats and yours are
stealing costumes.
Speaker 3: What are we doing about joelstra is stealing costumes? I
deal like the fact that he's the worst version of
Super Mario.
Speaker 5: Well, is this where we draw the line? We drove
the line and him stealing costumes?
Speaker 2: Like, is this two nioky suit? Yeah?
Speaker 3: I want him to have as many costumes as possible.
Speaker 2: All right, so you guys have after you defeated, after
the defeated the gallum and tumbled back into the players
the actors. Uh, Like I said, Colbert was shoving good
berries on people's throats to keep them alive. And the
curtains technically is a curtain around you so that everybody
else in the audience can't see you. So you are
behind the you are behind the curtain at the moment.
Speaker 3: Good show, everybody. I believe we've solved the murder mystery
by the twin strategies of waiting around and racism. So
well done, everybody, especially.
Speaker 4: With the classics there.
Speaker 3: Yeah, just hanging around profiling until somebody loudly admits they
were behind the mud. Well done, everybody. Maybe there's somebody
we can go beat a confession out of the next day.
What you gotta confess to?
Speaker 2: We get that whatever we will exactly were we good?
The show turn out several of the actors are still
down there, you know, on the they're wounded. That is
the good berry getting a hit point or two back.
But they're most concerned how their portrayal of Automaton constable,
uh warforce constable turned out.
Speaker 3: So the captain's are down you no longer exist. Gives
you one one thumb up.
Speaker 2: That dude is weird. One's always down though. All right,
as you guys are like kind of doing your thing.
Julie comes rushing in through the curtains. Uh the cruise rector.
Julie is followed by a bugbear. Uh. Come on, Mormon,
this is more every okay you got okay, the didicisy
Pusser's still here. This is Marmont. He's our ship, our
ship's purser. He's helping me. I guess he's taking a
toll like the damages being done is costing us a
lot financially on the grand whimsy? So what what happens?
We were getting the total innocent party says something about
a demon. There's a guy named Matt Demon. It was
very confusing. We're trying to figure out someone, you figure
out who killed deathany what's going on?
Speaker 3: They definitely did. They definitely did tell you that we
have bolve the murder midstudy, it turns out it was
the child. Move doesn't like she gives Moog a very
s child. What oh, it's some evil child? As filings around.
Speaker 5: Elf child, old children evil, this this el child is
particularly evil.
Speaker 3: I don't think either of those statements are particularly you
know what. Never mind, yes, old children and evil, and
this child in particular is evil.
Speaker 5: So if you want to save cruise, Mook suggests you
round up all all elf children and throw them overboard.
Mystery solved murder avenge. Well that no, that's that's not
gonna happen.
Speaker 3: Jesus Christ, So you're not believing justice.
Speaker 2: She pitches the bridge of her nose. Okay, all right, okay, murder,
but okay, so the murder was what really should point out?
Speaker 3: He he is a murder at logit.
Speaker 2: An elf child is the murderer, yes, well an evil
olf child, yes, yes, but they said something about a demon.
Speaker 3: Oh he's got a friend. Elf children can conjure demons.
Everyone knows this. Yes, evil magical health children can can
conjure demons. This is a non fact.
Speaker 2: I'd like you to just point out for the moment,
like Stan and Moog are actually riffing off another in
agreeance for once, like they are.
Speaker 3: Like, what you're saying is true. He's just saying in
a terrible way.
Speaker 2: All right, Well, okay, we know there's a demon that's
on board, and it's basically okay, so it's popping from
used to place the place that it's causing havoc, So
we need you to stop, like the totally party went
out to like they're trying to stop the demon worthy
because it's it's going from place to place in causing havoc.
We need you to get out there, right.
Speaker 3: We told the totally innocent pathy to track the demon
and try and slow it down until the real heroes arrived,
which is us.
Speaker 5: We expect them to be dead at any moment now. Probably
Moog will also point out that we solved mystery, which
is what you asked us to do so. Now you're
asking us to kill demon, which is slightly above and beyond,
so perhaps we should negotiate rates.
Speaker 2: Okay, Well, remember if you helped us out with it.
I mean there was there was I have to go
back to talk to the cat, the workers out with
the captain. But there was this find the thing, stop
the thing, find the killer, and stop the killer. I
wasn't just find the killer. It was like, if there
is a killer a ledge, you had to bring him
to justice. I'm pretty sure it's part of the deal.
Speaker 3: And we've gone from whimsical murder mystery to seek and destroy.
These are very different. Saturday Afternoon vibes.
Speaker 5: Also also move already explain how you bring to justice
throw all health children overboard, but you refuse to do this,
so mo is questioning your commitment to this. To this deal.
Speaker 3: Is a very narrow my way out a highway to
look he could commit genocide.
Speaker 4: Yeah, not a lot of great choices there.
Speaker 2: No, Well, I I okay, we find this particular elf child,
I will gladly throw him overboard. But if he has
contact with a demon that can jump from like basically
these pocket dimensions and cause havoc. We need to stop
that or else with a Grand Whimsy will never pay
you what we owe you because we did again find
the person that killed him, bring him to justice. So
the demon is part of this. Stop the Demon, bring
the justice. Remember there's a large payout you're going to
get on top of, like like I forgot the captain
promise you, but something to do with like a lot
of money, and something to do with like free passage
on the Grand Wimsy indefinitely forever, et cetera, et cetera.
Speaker 3: So I feel like pocket dimensions is something we should
talk to Jawser about. But he is under a huge
pile of costumes at the moment.
Speaker 2: At the moment, yes, Grorcer has dived into a costume pile,
and it's like he's just like, no, no, he is
looking for He's like Mario looking for a Tanooki suit.
He is just just he's like dumpster diving.
Speaker 5: So Moog asked a question like value of like, you know,
a free passage on on magical whimsy boat. After all,
we just set through like rather relatively luckluster show.
Speaker 3: Oh whoa, whoa whoa.
Speaker 2: Well, I know y'all around that back you say, take
that back, you said, up a bitch. I watched the
episode back and everyone else was intrigued.
Speaker 3: So no, you are a hard critic, perhaps because you
are physically incapable of giving two thumbs up. I don't know,
but the boat, let's let's let things take care. Let's
take this one bite to the time we find the
alp child and his deemon accomplice. Then we'll play it
from there, and we've we just happened to pick up
some of most is on the way right.
Speaker 6: I mean, I have no problem killing him. I'm just
waiting for you guys to sort out the paperwork.
Speaker 2: That's what Marmot's here for. And that's he steps up
on Marmot on the ship's person I take care of
all the finances and the paperwork. So we're gonna need you, guys.
I can I can add an additional twenty percent to
your payment, the captain promise. But we need is we
need to bring this down fast. The sooner we shut
this demon down that we can save the money, save
the boat, so lesson damages to repairs, you know. So
the quicker you work, the more money there is for
you when this is done.
Speaker 3: An extra twenty five percent sounds great.
Speaker 4: I love the just guy's idea of a middle ground
was like, fine, I'll throw one child overboard.
Speaker 5: That's give us a list of all Elk passengers, and
that will greatly speed things up.
Speaker 2: Unpossible this time, so I figured for what Caberry just said, like,
Julie is like basically just being a tour guide for
this ship person. She's looking you like, give me some
come on, help me out. Don't don't throw a fellow
tour guide onto the bus here, come on, like, that's
let's work this out.
Speaker 4: Caberry will look at her and be like, if you
think I know how to wrangle these idiots.
Speaker 3: I've seen tool guides in the wild. I did not
get along.
Speaker 4: Well, Moog, there's a possibility that the demon is part elf.
Have you considered that?
Speaker 3: Well? Of course all elves are part demon?
Speaker 4: Of course, So what if this killer is an elf?
Do you want to let him get away? Do you
want an elf to go unpunished?
Speaker 3: We have already established.
Speaker 5: Did you perhaps miss the last game with Bucket on it?
Speaker 4: It's been a while since the last game, thank you.
I assume the audience might need a little refresher. Wait, wait,
that's nut.
Speaker 3: Stan will pay his head Autka and Teo hood you
had to say, does anybody else need some sort of
refresher of what happened theoretically two minutes ago?
Speaker 6: And here's a further refresher. This little brat probably killed
me or had something to do with that. I'm dead.
Speaker 4: Wait what's his fault?
Speaker 3: You seen? Fine?
Speaker 4: Great for dead?
Speaker 2: Oh?
Speaker 3: Thanks, h very well you wear it well. Well, okay,
we're overthinking this. Find evil elf child with this big
demon bastard, mate, destroy, contain, negotiate whatever, then moog we
can we can take it from there.
Speaker 4: I feel like we're doing a lot of standing around
and talking when we all know we're going to kick
the shit out of this thing one way or another.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Well, to be honest, I heard my back of
it in that last back and I'm just kind.
Speaker 2: Of Also, you guys are also looking pretty rough, like,
so you are down on spells, you're pretty like actually,
like I think Stan, you got knocked down below zero
and I picked back up with like a healing word.
So you guys are barely standing actually.
Speaker 4: Oh yeah, wow, I'm down on hit points too, all right.
Speaker 2: So Julie is like, okay, uh, the way I understand it.
Right now, there are at least three locations at the
moment where the demon could possibly be, because we know
there's some kind of craziness going on three of our
three of our locations, So I need you to slip
it on and least try to hit hit two of
them if you can, if you can get to the
third grade, just basically stop whatever the nonsense is going on,
try to track this demon down. But what I will allow,
I can't believe I'm doing this. Marmott, do you have
the I've got the device. Marmott holds out this little
uh cube. It's a little like a little magical device.
Anybody who's got any kind of magical anybody's got any
kind of magical abilities, you can roll in our ConA
check if you'd like h twenty three. Oh well, god
damn good job, Gobert, thank you, thank you, uh moog
with a plus five nine you're.
Speaker 3: Like moh gate squares.
Speaker 2: Squares and three dimensions anger me. So with you like this,
you've this is a obviously not it actually in fivey
but as far as Kabir is like, this is a
basically a one time uh one time you side and
where it can basically give you a long rest. The
people that basically they can bam. It basically puts you
inside this little pocket mini mini pocket dimension that will
give you after but you will spend twenty You spend
eight hours inside of it. Building women will pass outside
of it. So it'll basically give you the equipment of
a long rest.
Speaker 4: Excellent. Uh ah, the resting cube.
Speaker 2: Resting cube faced.
Speaker 4: Yeah, anybody who needs a little downtime like myself, this
seems like an excellent opportunity to uh get a quick rest.
Speaker 5: Yes, yes, please, let us let us jump jump into
evil square.
Speaker 4: All right, we enter it. I assume we scream for
eight solid hours.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so it does eight hours. Will like, well, you
can sleep for eight hours or do whatever you want
to rest. But like it is like you are stuck
with just you four because georgser you can say, George,
you take him into his clothes with y'all allow it inside.
But George's just he's just not talking today. He is
too busy looking for the perfect costume.
Speaker 4: You know, let's be honest, there's something in his mouth.
We don't know what it is, we don't want to
know what it is. But it's keeping him occupied.
Speaker 3: We had to drag a large part of that pile
of clothing which we assume Jawser is in and just
kind of rolling.
Speaker 2: Could just be a cloth column.
Speaker 3: At this point, you know, we maybe we go jeiser may.
Speaker 4: He's sticky enough that I have no doubt about that.
Speaker 3: Piles of closer good that put a little insulation between
us and Grocer.
Speaker 4: If only he would wear them all the time. He
does fucking dream.
Speaker 3: He does end to dropping very quickly that he is
flup myself onto the jewelcer nest and just get some
shut tie.
Speaker 2: Because it's it's like, what is it. I think it's
like lunchtime. So it's after the after because realized all
the stuff that's happened the last few adventures, like everything
you've gone on the ship. You went around, you got
to the sex pile, you popped the sex pile like
a pimple, you did the Hodgepodge dodge and all. It's
only noon. You know, you guys are on the on
the day you took off.
Speaker 3: On the ship.
Speaker 2: So it's been it's been a long half day.
Speaker 3: I am an elderly man.
Speaker 5: We do a lot, so babe, get off our case Julie.
Speaker 2: Julie sad little zip us a key me giving a recap.
But you know what, Yes, Julie will take the blame
for it. Night Julie.
Speaker 6: I guess she is the activities director. She's rusting us
every second.
Speaker 3: Well, I'm electing myself inactivity director. Good night. All right?
Speaker 2: So it stands passing out what the rest of y'all doing?
I see, I'm gonna draw dicks on his face.
Speaker 4: I assume Cobert will stand in place to sleep. I
can't remember if we established this, but I assume it's
very unnerving.
Speaker 3: I've seen there's an internet meme going around in a
minute with a horse lying on its back, which freaks
its owner out and she's screaming at the horse because
thought it was dead. And the horse is called Stephen.
So that's been fun for me. But I've also learned
the horse's can lie down.
Speaker 2: You think if the horse body like stands up, but
you're your top half just flops over like arms dragging
on the ground, just like a slip.
Speaker 3: Say, I can pitch it. I can't pitch you doing
a forward roll.
Speaker 5: If you try to sleep on your back, the rest
of you might crush it.
Speaker 2: To death, or you lay the like Knollaf and the
lion king into the come hither pose. All right, so
eight hours of your time goes by, so give yourself,
give yourself a long rest, refresher, hit points for fresh
or spells. Right, your stats are still wonky as they are,
all right, So when you come out of it, Julie's like, Okay,
are you guys good to go? Every feels good.
Speaker 3: Move You're still harassing us, Julie.
Speaker 2: I'm trying to I'm trying. Yes, move, I'm harassing you.
So get get off your harassed and go do what
you're supposed to do. There are three k there are
currently three locations. We know that there's some kind of
like kind of deminished shenanigans are going on. There's the
booknook at the library there. What are the other places are?
She was zooking through her notes wet dreams. Which is
the pool?
Speaker 4: And uh who ever named things on this ship might
have been a pervert.
Speaker 2: Impossible taste the the bar restaurant lounge, Yes.
Speaker 3: Jeerly, Yes, I need fucking cappuccina, Jerry, I have an
old man and I've just slept for eight hours in
a lunch time.
Speaker 2: She kind of gives you this look and then looks
down to the magical cup that gives you whatever beverage
you want on your hip, looks back at you down
the cup, up with you, down the cup, waiting for
you to catch.
Speaker 3: On, Jelie. I'm not kind to catch on, Jelie. I'm
one hundred and twenty your hell. I feel very spaced
out right now. Jillie is saying a lot of words.
Speaker 2: Okay. She reaches down and like takes your hand and
places it on the cup on your hip. Say the
word cappuccino, A cappuccino, now, frothy cappuccino. Up yours in
your book?
Speaker 3: Thank you, your third degree burns on your hand.
Speaker 2: You're throwing Julie's face, Thank you very much.
Speaker 3: Get me another.
Speaker 2: Yeah, jorce was the glue. You guys are off the
fucking rails.
Speaker 5: All right, Well, move wrote like books and move not
won't get wet.
Speaker 3: So move. We'll go to bar and restaurant. Okay, perhaps
we should split up, I hear. That's always a great idea,
tends to be I've always thought, so, who fancies taking
the swimming pool? I'll go, I'll go to the swimming
pool all right, and well wrever options Julie.
Speaker 2: Uh So the book nook, the swimming pool, the book nook,
which is the library, the possible taste, the bar and
restaurant and uh so library basically like water park library
or cafeteria.
Speaker 3: Cabert Where do you fancy taking you know what, just
for the fun of it.
Speaker 4: Uh, I'm gonna I'm gonna say, let's send the horse
to the water park.
Speaker 3: That's an excellent choice.
Speaker 2: All right, so you're going to the water park. Okay,
so kebar's water parks stand whard you say you're going?
Speaker 3: Foy at Caaba to the water park. Moog and jocerah
go to the bar. I will be going to the
book nook to remain awake.
Speaker 2: Okay, this will be fun.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 2: Uh there will be some combat involvement. We're not gonna
do make it's gonna be a little more like this.
This is more like roleplay. Combat things will happen like
I'm not trying to turn this into a big fight session.
But I do want you guys as much fun as
humanly possible. So I have a team buckets so everybody
can like once again, you guys have bracelests so you
can all talk to each other provide and you can
all talk to each other transimentionally, and you will have
the buckets so you can all see what's going on.
So we will start with we start at the top
with Moog and jeoge for are going to food restaurant? Correct, yes,
impossible taste. There you go, you guys coming through the door.
You go out of the portal of the theater in
the hallway and then the portal leading to this area.
You come inside. The first thing you notice is the
amazing smell everything, every possible food that could possibly be
just is uh. It is, but it's not overpowering for
some reason. It is pleasant.
Speaker 4: It is.
Speaker 2: It's like so this big giant table area like everyding.
It set up like habachi style, so there's there there
are cooks in the center and these fiery rings around it.
You sit down your stone tables. There's a bar to
the to the one section. Do you see the guys
like the cooks. They're like, hey, we would you like
to have the guys like I like pizza And he
just kind of like waves his hands from thinking like
this pizza pops out and like you see that the
actual bar ten the people, the cooks, their forms are
shifting to whatever someone wants to look at. They want
to look at an elf, a turn they turn into
what elf they want to turn into a woman or
a man or whatever.
Speaker 3: You know.
Speaker 2: It's like whatever they want to see the person becomes.
Speaker 4: Oh but let me guess if I try to order
a McDonald's ice cream, that spell is broken.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, yeah, the flur machine is broken today. We're
so sorry, sir.
Speaker 3: Even in the universe of magic, there have to be limitations.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I mean, honestly, it would have felt unreal. That
would have broken the suspension of disbelief.
Speaker 3: Nobody would have bought it.
Speaker 5: Well, since I'm here with George for I'm going to
request separate checks and separate tables.
Speaker 2: As you walk in through that you come in through
the thing, and that you see a ten foot tall
bar coming in with a lute named Rishad the Bar,
and he is singing it. And I said, welcome to
the Impossible terst Welcome, come in and join us. I'm
your entertainment here at the impostble, says Rishard the Bar,
And I want a contest with authors and dragons. Dum.
He points you left right by the way. There is
a demon loose here. Somehow the things are going a
little bit crazy.
Speaker 5: You please help us.
Speaker 2: And as he says that, the portal behind you blinks
out and you guys are kind of stuck. It seems
like you're stuck into this pocket dimension for the moment.
Speaker 5: Two things loud bard one yes, sir, sing song of
Elvin Massacre.
Speaker 2: Happy, happy birthday to all of you. To move killing
all those elf children, watch them in their blood. I
don't don't, I don't know elf killing maskers song. That's
the best I could do right here. I usually do
crooning songs I've been hired to, you know, I croon.
I seem to be why they eats, you know, like
help their digestion.
Speaker 5: Okay, second, shut up, stuff to move, moving out like
you and three show moved the table?
Speaker 3: Elf is? Who?
Speaker 5: Oh demon is or elf demon that.
Speaker 2: We're not sure? Oh shit, okay, here it's coming again.
Speaker 3: Isn't the way you move?
Speaker 2: You there's a set there's a feeling in the air
and then like all of a sudden, like you hear
like this cackling sound because this because you remember, like
that that demon that was over there before caused that
chaos by turning all those actors into an acting gollumn,
you know kind of thing. So some of the some
of the food starts coming alive and growing big. So, uh,
the giant pizza appears, the giant bacon appears, and then
the giant hamburger appears.
Speaker 3: Oh this is horrible.
Speaker 4: You know I have this exact same dream everything.
Speaker 2: Uh, the bacon comes around to the side, the pizza
moves and like people start to screaming run away. Reshot
of the bar just moves to the side and starts
sits out his loot and he starts playing some fighting music.
What are you gonna do, mister MoU You're gonna fight
some food?
Speaker 5: Moog has always been fit as always favored bacon, bacon cheeseburgers.
So perhaps should take bacon, drag it over and beat
cheeseburger to death with it.
Speaker 2: If you look at the decis who knows that the
pizza is a vegetarian pizza. It's it's mushrooms, it's onions,
and what look here as a pepperoni is in fact
like tofurky, and it's it's disgusting on every fundamental level.
Speaker 3: So kill it. Rick kill it. We must, We must
set that on fire first.
Speaker 2: There may be a piece of pineapple in there.
Speaker 4: We are behind you on this fight, all right.
Speaker 2: So that is where moogs set up. Happens to be.
Speaker 3: When I was a kid and I was looking at
as McDonald's murals, they used to have a little little
characters to food. I did used to like fantasize. I
wouldn't it be great if you could just tackle a
hamburger in the wild, right, and then just you know,
you don't have to prep it or anything. You just
pick it up and eat it. But now that I'm older,
I'm thinking it'd probably scream, right.
Speaker 4: I have a story from my Patreon. I gotta send
you Steve. I do know Vella's on there for anybody
who doesn't know. But yeah, one of them is sort
of a horror transportation, like what if McDonald's land, but
you know, legally distinct was a fucking nightmare.
Speaker 3: I mean, I think I could eat them if I
with the faces. But I think if they would they
were screaming.
Speaker 4: They're absolutely gonna scream. That's why I gotta kill them first.
Speaker 6: See, I feel the opposite. I'd be okay with the
scream but not the face.
Speaker 3: Well, maybe we can team up.
Speaker 4: I mean I can eat fish and fish have a face,
depending on the preparation, so I feel like I can
get past the face.
Speaker 2: I prefer eating things that only have a face.
Speaker 3: I don't have to eat the face. Oh my god,
if I leave the faces, if it continues screaming, do
I have to eat the face to stop it screaming?
Speaker 4: I have to. That's eating it.
Speaker 2: Claudie and Cobert, you two go through the ear portal
and you come out to Wet Dreams. The water park. Yeah,
zoom zoom to fit there. You go a massive water
park with like people sitting around the beach, the swing pools.
Kids are going up and down these splashings. But you've
heard some screams in the past. You're like, not sure
exactly what's going on, but like people seem to be
lounging and have a good time. You're not too sure.
And then of course Jack Cube you see Jack Human
and Page Turner, Well, I might it's getting crazy because
they get showed up. It doesn't put him back on.
It'll be up in just a moment. I kind of
wait to put a horse in that.
Speaker 3: Wall was like.
Speaker 6: Legs flying everywhere.
Speaker 2: Here it comes again and uh that's when the chloropiss
Gollumnu rises out of the out of the uh, out
of the water. It is a massive water monstrosity. Like
that's even he might have summoned all this cold rain
and kid pissed and just now it's just a disgusting
moss and were like as he says that.
Speaker 4: There's something you need to talk about, give you this
feels a little specific.
Speaker 5: Yeah, as a former pool owner, I fucked this monster before.
Speaker 2: Did you say fun or fuck? I heard talk, Yeah,
I heard monster. Hey it's his holy like yeah, us
I grew I mean I grew up on a bove
ground pool, like one of was in the backyard that
like I came over to. It was basically just chlorian piss.
I understand, you know.
Speaker 3: I know how to defeat the chlorian and pissed monster,
which is just to ignore it and trying to have
a nice time.
Speaker 4: Just pretend it's not there.
Speaker 3: Don't swim at your mouth open.
Speaker 4: Just ship. That's that's instance. A copy restructed that one.
Speaker 6: The second Claudia goes into the water, Yeah, about five
layers of grime are going to come off her and
immediately probably start attacking the chlorian monster.
Speaker 2: All right, well you are standing on the beach there, Jack.
You are with Jack human, the barred page turner, the
cleric and uh yeah those two had like they came
this way as Also, Yes, a approximately twenty foot tall
chlorine and piss column has risen up out of the
uh the fake pool there.
Speaker 4: Okay, so speaking of chlorine, yep, uh, givvy. I don't
know how you would like me to roll this, but
Kebert would like to try and determine if this is
fresh salt or chemically chlorinated water.
Speaker 2: Uh, give me a nature roll?
Speaker 4: Alrighty, would you like to guess what I have to nature?
Speaker 2: Minus three?
Speaker 4: Actually plus zero?
Speaker 2: Okay, nineteen, that's impossible like that.
Speaker 4: Well you got to remember, Givving, we're at an indoor thing.
Speaker 2: That is true, that is that is and that's how
you know about this water pot. Yes, despite being a
pocket dimension. Uh, this is uh you know what was that?
This is synthetic real piss, synthetic chlorine.
Speaker 4: So everything everything like the water, sorry, the water of
the pool itself.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's this is all it's all chemical bullshit. Okay, Okay,
one of those fucking bro mean pools, see exactly, speaking
of Okay, I forgot about this. Where's that impossible taste? Rick,
Your constitution goes up by one, your decks already down
by one, okay for the pool, your strength goes up
by one, and your wisdom goes down by one. Oh,
let's you keep that roll for now. But so yeah, so,
so that is what you are facing off against. And
Steve come back over to you real fast. So you
come out of your portal, you come into the library.
Standing beside you is Grassy nol the they're they're drewd Oh.
I forgot to mention, Rick, I pretty sure if I
did it right. I forgot to mention to you. For
you at the restaurant standing beside you was just in time,
and Matt demon but restarded the bard got in the way.
Speaker 3: Ah, that's what bod's day.
Speaker 4: That is what bards do.
Speaker 3: Yeah.
Speaker 2: So, Stan, you've got a you have grassy null sangio
right is careful it's it's a runner somewhere. This thing
is really weird.
Speaker 3: Uh well that's great. But I just came off an
eight hour nap and I feel amazing. You know what,
I'm going to go for the sweet sixteen. So see
you on the flip side with nature guy.
Speaker 2: As you come around the corner. A giant chest mimic
that is licking books.
Speaker 3: Oh god, what kind of books? What kind of library
am I in?
Speaker 2: So there's if you look over to yeah you hear
you have? So a mimic is like basically pulling books
off the shelf, chewing on them and then uh begins
to spit out. Well, there's one way to show you.
I'm on a pia.
Speaker 3: Right. I thought you're going to go for badly spelled
Amazon reviews, but.
Speaker 2: No, so they basically spits all These these are you.
These are physical, floating objects of words floating in front
of you that are look like they're going to try
to target you. Ssh, library.
Speaker 3: Did that work?
Speaker 2: And now it doesn't. So we're gonna jump back ard
to Moget real fast. But like, is there anything you
want to do to prepare for? Uh? Your guys is
like basically attacked by alliteration song.
Speaker 3: We want anything I want to do?
Speaker 2: Yeah? So any you wanted to prepare or say or do?
Speaker 3: Yeah, I don't want to run behind the bookshelf.
Speaker 2: Okay, go ahead, I'll give you a chance to.
Speaker 3: Move sticks and stones may break my bones, but I
don't know what I was worth going to do, so bye, Grassy.
No can figure this out.
Speaker 7: I'm sure Grassy knows. Like it's like I deal with nature.
This is not nature. This is so I need trees,
I need I need life. This is this is a
stale library.
Speaker 4: It's disgusting, always with the excuses with these guys.
Speaker 3: All these books used to be trees, my friend.
Speaker 4: Yeah whatever here Kave complaining about being inside and not understanding.
Speaker 2: All right, uh moog, what do you want to do?
I'll give you first moves as you got Bacon, veggie pizza,
the b ball, burger boy, Rechard, the bards singing along,
and of course just in time and Matt Demon are
over here to the side.
Speaker 5: They go out there likey hey, all right, he'll turn
into the totally useless party. We're like you two, help
help move, take evil pizza and put it on fire
so it burns. What do you think we're doing, dumbass
standing there nothing We've been here dealing with.
Speaker 2: The whole time. They disappeared, and Cake shut up, just
do something.
Speaker 5: Monster still a love so obviously you have done nothing now, Mogan,
charge shut up.
Speaker 2: All right, what are you gonna do, moog?
Speaker 5: All right, well let's see here. I say I can
get to the pizza with my movement speed, and I
guess I will.
Speaker 2: Last before you get to the pizza. Once you get
to reached to this spot right here, do me a
favor and give me a constitution saving throw.
Speaker 3: Okay, Oh and Karen's with me.
Speaker 2: No, Karen got destroyed in the last Oh.
Speaker 3: Yeah, but eight hours doesn't cheat regenerate.
Speaker 2: No, you have to summon our back using a spell
and uh uh what's it called? So I think that's
it's like an hour it's it takes. I think it's
a ten minute casting time too.
Speaker 3: All right, well we'll do that's that's fine.
Speaker 5: H Fortunately, I have a much better con save now.
Speaker 2: Okay, so i'm your constitution saving throw. It looks like
a what you got a six?
Speaker 3: So much for a much better save?
Speaker 2: Yeah? So because I saw a constitution there six that's
being popped in. All right? So all right, so as
you start to go by, was that a natural one
or something like that?
Speaker 5: It was oh no, no, no, no, no, no, that the nope,
the one was the six was earlier because I was
playing around with those scores.
Speaker 2: Okay, okay, because it was okay, then we're fine. Because
I was gonna like, you're gonna you're gonna be the
because look.
Speaker 3: It says constitution roll versus constitution save.
Speaker 2: Okay, institution, yeah, because otherwise the irresistible scent of bacon
was going to halt you in your tracks. Okay, you
get past bacon, all right, But veggie pizza is right
in front of you.
Speaker 3: So how well he can be with the irresistible sentence
veggie pizza?
Speaker 2: Yeah exactly. Well that's another one, so I would now
I would like constitutions for bacon. So veggie pizza is
going to attack your intelligence because it shouldn't be, but
it is. So give me an intelligence saving throw nineteen. Okay,
you you you resist, It's it's a mental prowess. Okay.
So there's a big slice of peach in front of you.
Speaker 5: All right, Well, you know the best way to deal
with vegetarian pizza is to hack it to pieces.
Speaker 3: So okay, let's see here.
Speaker 5: Nothing is close, so we're going to do a booming
blade on him.
Speaker 2: Okay, all on it.
Speaker 3: I thought the best way to deal with vegetarian pizza
was just to leave it on the table at the
corporate pizza party, so they hopefully learn that lesson for
next here. But for some reason, don't no.
Speaker 2: You got you have to pick up a slap it
on the face. That person ordered it.
Speaker 5: So all right, So I hit it for twenty four
It takes five. It takes eleven slashing damage and five
thunder damage.
Speaker 2: Is orphan split or magical? Is it gonna plus one
weapon or is it.
Speaker 4: Just a sort of passionate about its work.
Speaker 3: Yes, it's a plus one weapon.
Speaker 2: Okay, so otherwise it's like he's gonna do half damage.
Oh yeah, you slash into it. You hit like it
jack is it's you hit it and it's cheesy weey
goodness and like that. Now give me a I need
to roll something roll fast. It's a magical weapon. So
I'm gonna give it a seventy five percent chance of
being fine, but a twenty five percent chance of it. Okay,
you're fine.
Speaker 5: Being caught in the cheesy guey as my I guess
my bonus action.
Speaker 3: What I'm what I'm gonna what I'm gonna do is
you know.
Speaker 5: After I slice it, making making a point enough to
get any of the lick, you know, discussing edgie stuff.
But like you know, I'll lick, you know, lift up
my blade and just lick the cheese off.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 2: You also get to hit like a lot of pesto
and cilantro and like a lot of that would like
and someone tried to put like an ali and ah,
like a white white cream sauce inside it. They I mean,
they really judge.
Speaker 3: This up for fuck it.
Speaker 5: This thing is at about so imbody use my action
serge and attacking gun. You're fuck yeah, all right, do
it again, twenty five hit for twelve more damage.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 2: Pizza is like, oh, it's flopping over and it's wounded,
Like okay, gain, we'll do another check here real fast,
one hundred s. You're fine.
Speaker 5: Moved not sending you to the hut, move sitting you
to the coffin.
Speaker 2: It's you hit, he cleave down. He cuts some of
its stuff crust and like you know, some other like
like artisanal goat cheese is leaking out like it's just
desperately trying to put a cheeseback cans.
Speaker 5: All right.
Speaker 2: While you do that, bacon is swoops around from behind
you bringing it's an irresistible scent and the bee ball
Burger is actually he's going for whatever reason, he is
dribbling a basketball which is going to hurl at you.
He's a ranged guy, so let's see that at eleven
plus five to sixteen hit no, all right, So he
messes with the b ball and Bacon is going to
try to hit you. Uh, he's trying to attack. Give
me a constitution saving throw.
Speaker 5: Okay, ten, all right, that's a fail.
Speaker 2: So you have to you have to basically stop what
you're doing and come after Bacon. You are captivated by
bacon scent, uh and basically counting your girl's going to
do it an additional two points of poison damage. Okay,
As it's like this bacon scentus Hickory sentus filling your
lungs and it's burning you from the inside. But it's God, damn,
it's so good. We sharded the bar his back and
he somehow he pulled out a portable dulcimurting. Did didn't
He's hammering out a tempo that okay, totally useless party
move got this don't help her anything. Well, justin Tom
looks at Matt demon they kind of like walk over here, said,
you said we were used to saying you. So they
sit back on the stone steps and proposeelves on the elbow,
like we hope you die.
Speaker 3: Before cruise is done. Moog will drown you both.
Speaker 2: Uh huh, keep talking, But all right, so that's where
we leave, mook. Let's just jump over to the pool, uh,
where Page Turner and Hugh Jackman are with Claudiakbert and
the chloropist Coolumn Claire.
Speaker 6: I don't know about you, but this place looks fun
as hell, and I really want to swim and slide.
Speaker 4: It looks fucking rad.
Speaker 2: Yeah, to your northeast, there is a you look to.
You can clearly see the ladders going up to the
to the things where the merchant who was watched supposed
to be watching the slide with the kids who's not
paying attention. Go down the You can go down the
water park slides if you want to.
Speaker 3: I'm glad you're phully embracing the additional way of defeating
the clear and pisco that's gonna die right into it
and pretend it's diapty.
Speaker 6: I would like to see Cabert do a cannonball.
Speaker 4: Well, I mean first, you know, just to cover all bases.
I am gonna summon a beast Okay, despite what you
might think, I am going to summon a spirit of air. Okay,
since I'm not sure that that is counts as water
and the water elementals can only breathe water.
Speaker 2: We put one on your last yep, we had an
aerial mental yep. I'll put them back over here for
you one second, okay, cool, and it should be under
your control.
Speaker 4: There you go, all right, So the aeramns will just
appear here and it will attack while Claudia and I
use our movements to go. It's my speed, yeah forty uh.
Speaker 2: So this sand is it's it's a shitty hot sand
that if you're not accustomed to we can move a
half speed because it's like it's like overly baked and
really starts to burn your feet and you don't have
a special footwear for it. So this is this is
ever shifting sand is supposed to give you that that
synthetic beach field, but it's also kind of shitty, so
it's like counts as a hindering terrain.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 4: Well, while we're while we're walking our way toward the ladder.
Speaker 2: You can hop across the what's it called lounge chairs.
Speaker 4: Oh, come on, I just don't need to be rude.
We're not in a hurry, okay, We're just we're heading
to the uh the slot to the ladder. Yeah, so
that we can wait our turn.
Speaker 2: Here's my plan.
Speaker 6: If we can make it two times through the line
and slide, then then I'll be.
Speaker 2: I'm super happy.
Speaker 4: Then.
Speaker 6: I think the only way we can defeat this thing
is to have someone poop in the pool, because then
they have to evacuate the pool and drain it.
Speaker 4: Oh that's a good idea. My ar elemental will attack
the pis goblin.
Speaker 2: By the way, I figured as much. So what's you go?
What's your rolling?
Speaker 4: Okay? Spell attack? So jesus, okay, this is what six?
I have a oh I do okay wind slash. Oh
but that definitely hits and cuts for six damage. Not
a problem.
Speaker 2: So the piscolf, like the wind does cut into the
chlorine and piss and like you see a little bit
of a damage. Not a problem. But you also know
if you look, give me a perception check.
Speaker 4: Yeah thirteen not bad.
Speaker 2: Okay, So there is a chlorine kind of smell coming
off of it, like it almost again like the the
the wavy kind of line, so you see people. The
people around it are getting woozy, and your air elemental
like it hits it, the chlorine kind of comes off
of it, and your eramental just seems to take reciprocal damage.
Speaker 4: Oh, by the way, my eralements will also utilize its
fly by attack to late stay out of range.
Speaker 2: Okay, so it hits it's so basically this is basically
a chlorine version of Helli's rebuke. Like, this is like
a chlorine rebuke. So you hit it and it gets
it gets it takes a little bit of your elemental
takes about three points of chlorine or poison damage.
Speaker 4: Gotcha. Well that's that's what the elemental is for.
Speaker 3: Talk about pissing in the wind.
Speaker 5: Uh.
Speaker 2: Page Turner will run up before you guys are doing show.
She'll hit Claudia with a bless uh so show Castle
smell puts blessed on you save a plus four to
your ability ability attack rolls.
Speaker 4: Oh nice, that's gonna make you able to do some
super cool tricks on the slide.
Speaker 2: And Hugh Jackman will like he's believe in Cabert and
he give you bartic inspiration of a D eight. When
you need it.
Speaker 6: When a page turner ran up to me, I'm gonna
flinch because I thought she was a bad guy. But
then I'll be like, oh, oh, okay.
Speaker 2: Then they move up over here because they're trying to
get to the Chloropus gollum. Gollum itself will start to
shift over here, because you know, it moves through people,
and people like oh, they're screaming, they're trying to run away,
and it grabs. There's a bunch of kids who are
coming down the sly who have not moved until they're
supposed to move, but they don't move because they're hanging
around the pooled area, and it picks up a kid
in each hand and hurls them at starts. One child
is being thrown at Cabert.
Speaker 4: I see, well, what the fuck, man, we were just
walking through this scene seven.
Speaker 2: I think that misses you well with a plus six
to its strength. So at thirteen, is a thirteen hit you?
Speaker 3: No, it does not.
Speaker 2: A child flings by you and hits the palm trees
behind the thing behind you.
Speaker 4: I do want to Let's just say that Cabert like
very unheerically, like dodgy.
Speaker 2: Holy shit. And then the next one is going at
It's gonna be hucking at at Uh Jack human so
fourteen plus a twenty. Yeah, my child smacks Jack Human
and I'm right in the fucking face and knocks him flat.
Speaker 4: You gotta dodge those man.
Speaker 2: Kid is crying like, oh my knee, man, so that
kids should not have been in that area.
Speaker 6: It's just yam shit in the scent, all right, I
am kids coming at me. I was gonna have a
nice day. I wasn't going to kill any kids. But
you know, gotta do what you gotta do, all right,
So we're gonna well, you guys are doing that. Let's
just over to the library real fast where mister Stan
Dandy Liver.
Speaker 3: Sometimes people just throw kids in the air like a
clay pigeon. You gotta do what you gotta do.
Speaker 7: Uh.
Speaker 2: The automatipia things are circling the area, and uh, let
me see the d four. What's gonna happen here? One
two three four?
Speaker 5: It is a one.
Speaker 2: The pals coming out and the pal combs over that area.
You move behind. It hits the only target it sees,
grassy knoll, and it comes in and slams in the grass.
You know he's gonna make a saving through fails and
gets hit with some massive bludgeoning damage and knocked back
and is prone. Grassy Knoll was slammed up against the
wall and the poal disappears.
Speaker 3: Hmm, I mean does he look dead?
Speaker 2: You know, he just looks like he's just like just
like something heavy just slammed into him. He got he
got piled.
Speaker 3: Oh, I don't know if he needs a healing word.
Speaker 2: I mean it's you know, it's a it's a druid's
I mean, you know, he know, you know he can heal.
So he's like, he's not unconscious. He just he just
got hit real hard and knocked on his ass.
Speaker 3: Okay or she sorry and we'll move away.
Speaker 4: So with my.
Speaker 3: What's my movement? How does movement work? Again?
Speaker 2: Well, you have thirty feet typically.
Speaker 3: I am a rogue and I can dash and can yeah,
you can.
Speaker 2: Use a bonus action to dash. You can move an
initial thirty feet without ah.
Speaker 3: My rogue action. Okay, and yeah, I'm trying to hide
in a new place, but sure, yeah, I'm quite open.
Speaker 2: Right, you're currently on the open. So if you want
to get how much where were you at? So let's
see here what can I do uh, because that's that's
so you had movement, So that's sixty you move one
more square to get to your sixty feet from where
you are at? Do you if you want to use
now you've got to use your action to hide because
you use your you're to use your bonus action to dash.
So if you're trying to hide, yeah.
Speaker 3: Yeah, and that's something I can do as a rogue.
It's one of the few useful things I can do,
so why not? Yeah?
Speaker 2: Soh me, give me a stealth roll. Give me a
stealth roll for that's your action. Then you're out of
things to do, so.
Speaker 3: Which means like a roll of fucking one. Now now
that I've found something useful roads can do.
Speaker 2: Oh twelve, Okay, so let's give its perception check. It's
got a it eats books, so it has a plus
two tous perception. So let's see here.
Speaker 3: He hides pretty well, but his ankles make a really
loud popping them.
Speaker 2: Well he doese. Okay, So the creature the the book
eating uh demon summoned monster that he creates Automantopia does
not see you, so it's only sees one target, which
is grassy null uh.
Speaker 3: Sorry.
Speaker 2: Yeah, Grassy Nole sits up and it's like, oh, for
shit sake, Uh, Grassy Knowle is going to uh, what's
Grassy Nol gonna Doh? Grassy know is actually just like
that's half a movement. So they're guyac to follow your
thing and try to slip around the corner, and the
creature's going to move forward with them. Uh, everybody's going
to travel at once, and the creature saw where it went,
so it's going to It's got three choices.
Speaker 5: Now and see uh.
Speaker 3: So we need to ignore so one.
Speaker 2: So boom, it's going to send the boom out this way.
The boom's going to hit there, and a fireball explodes
in the area, and Grassy know gets hit with a
fire Dick Stary saving throat for them. They make it.
They still take half damage, so they take eight fire damage.
Grassy no is. There is a burning explosion, a boom
and a Grassy know is now partially on fire, and
so is the library.
Speaker 3: Oh yeah, libraries and fires don't do well, do they
now famous? So yeah, yeah, well I didn't do it. Nope, noah, All.
Speaker 2: Right, since you're still right there, Steve, I'll before we
hop back to the people will give you a chance.
Do you want to like you can try to pop
out and attack the monster?
Speaker 3: Or what do you want to do?
Speaker 2: Because it's right around the corner, you know where it's at,
but it does not see you, so anything you do
would be a sneak attack.
Speaker 3: What's this shelf looking like? All right?
Speaker 2: So it's it is a fifteen foot high shelf, multiple
rows of books go alwa to the ceiling. You can
peek through the other side, so you can peer down
or higher loads to see through the creature on the
other side through the books.
Speaker 3: What are the chances of tipping it on top of
that creature? This is so.
Speaker 2: These bookshelves are one twenty five feet long, fifteen feet tall,
made of the solidest one the possible. And you are
not a strong man. So if you're on natural twenty,
you got a shot.
Speaker 3: Why if I get that bystander to help me.
Speaker 2: The other, well, I'll let you both roll advantage. But
it's still be a very difficult check. So you've got
one convince them to come push his bookshelf over.
Speaker 3: I say, hey, hey, library patron, if you really love literature,
you'll help me push all these books onto this twat.
Speaker 2: Oh, man, thing's been in here for a while. How
fuck give me a persuasion roll.
Speaker 3: Okay, let's hope his love of literature is as deep
as I think is and persuasion.
Speaker 2: Twenty two all right, Yeah, they're like, okay, okay, okay, man,
I got this, I got this, all right?
Speaker 3: So can I can I reach out to the other
one as well? The people? Are you, casual lover of books?
Now is your time to.
Speaker 2: Be the hero you read about?
Speaker 3: Okay?
Speaker 2: Well, I mean there's this one up here.
Speaker 3: All right, I realized I got quite small.
Speaker 2: Okay, Yeah, it's a dwarf. It's a it's a dwarf female,
but she actually short but strong, so she tries to
get She only is twenty five feet, so it's like
five town fifteen twenty twenty. That's as far as she gets,
and that's what long little duck thing. So the creature
sees the motion of that and then uses one of
the other remaining abilities. So it's fifty to fifty chance,
so odds even odds. So us hit with the uh
poof spell poof runs over hits the dwarf priests.
Speaker 4: Uh.
Speaker 2: They have to roll a saving throw. They failed and
they are teleported to the back of the room, up
against against the wall. Poof disappears. You could have just
said no, all right, so you two are gonna you
guys are gonna try to do this on your own.
So give me a athletics role with advantage as a
scared druid who looks remarkably like Grassy know because I
use the same copy, but it's not Grassy Noll. Uh
is scared and he's trying to help you. So give
me athletics roll with advantage because someone else.
Speaker 3: Is trying advantage is not going to help me.
Speaker 2: You could you never know?
Speaker 3: Okay, one.
Speaker 4: Height, it's weird that you call it that shot.
Speaker 2: Uh. The only thing you managed to do is like
push your hernia from like annoying to painful.
Speaker 3: So fairy, this is a great pipe any practice my hip.
Speaker 4: The true antagonist.
Speaker 2: Think we've got time for one nest all the way
around for everybody else. Let's pop back over to the
restaurant where Moog is battling the food groups. Uh Grass
just the time of matt demon After being talked so
much shit, are just sitting against the rock waiting for
move to die. Jorcer kind of you know, still trying
to find the right outfit rashard of the bard is
like playing the music. I believe you got this, Moog. Remember,
I want to contest to be here.
Speaker 3: Mook have idea.
Speaker 5: Okay, So if Moog introduces bacon to vegetarian pizza, technically
they should they should cancel each other out.
Speaker 2: That's a very good point, sir, that's a very good point.
Speaker 5: So mook have idea for that is my turn?
Speaker 2: Oh it's your turn, okay.
Speaker 5: So I'm gonna let's see here out far how close
to this guy?
Speaker 4: Now?
Speaker 2: If you look around, like all the bar patris are
watching you, whether they're trying to eat, and they're also
freaked out because like food should not be doing this.
But oddly enough, if this is the Grand whimsay, so
they think it's part of the show.
Speaker 5: All right, So I'm gonna move away from the pizza.
If he wants to take an off attack.
Speaker 4: He is.
Speaker 2: So he's going to reach into his his his cheesy
inside goodness and hits you the outside. Well, he's also
ten feets, all so it's playing him and he's going
to hit you with a piece of hot pineapple. Yeah
I know, all right, So dety please eighteen bonus shield
shield okay, second attack twenty Nope, because of the shield.
All right, that's two attacks and veggie pizza. So all right,
all right, you dodge, You've dodded the pineapple juices.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 5: So since up next to him, to Bacon, I can
pretty much just move around him. I'm gonna go to
this side. Oh and hey, look I met Demon and
the other assholes are there, and I'm gonna cast thunderwave.
Speaker 2: Okay, which direction?
Speaker 3: Thought it was on? The direct It is not. It
is a cube.
Speaker 2: It's a fifteen foot cube. And you picked the corner so.
Speaker 3: Well, definitely towards Bacon. Bacon trying to knock him into pizza.
Speaker 2: I understand what you doing. So yeah, so he he
occupies ten feet himself, so basically a cube around Bacon.
You're trying to shove Bacon into veggie pizza. Got it,
all right?
Speaker 3: So give me he hit any Innis centers who cares?
Speaker 2: Yeah, not a problem.
Speaker 3: Okay, So.
Speaker 2: That fifteen foot cube and it's a what is the
saving throw constitution DC twelve?
Speaker 3: Got it?
Speaker 2: Okay, So Bacon's going to make a constitution saving throw,
and Bacon's got a good constitution since happens natural one
bacon goes flying. All right, so bacon flies into veggie pizza.
The halfling who was stuck here at this range, who
is a cook, also gets let me see how they do.
Uh well, they just made it so they don't go image. Yeah,
this is this hapfling gets hurt. Oh damn it, this
happling cook Bacon takes a little bit of damage, flies
into veggie peach. Of the two, uh start to fuse
into something unholy.
Speaker 4: I was just thinking, I was like, what if this
is a fultron situation.
Speaker 2: Yeah, and like so no, it's evolved into a pizza
doesn't suck. Yeah, it's like it's it's like it's like
it's it starts to fold over into like I don't
have a creature for it, unfortunately, but I'm just all
just using the veggie thing for like it turns into
like a build your own cal zone.
Speaker 3: Move.
Speaker 5: May have miscalculated this.
Speaker 2: Uh so it's got all the things you want to have,
but it's like it's like a couple's like this is
the equivalent of a couple who share a Facebook account.
Like he wanted like the meat and she wanted the
Veggie and now they have this something neither really wants
to equally disappointed. So yeah, so that's what you're facing
off against the B ball Burger. Well, that was your turn,
so you move your actually everything else if a bonus
AXT you want to do, Nope, nope, all right, B
Ball Burger is going to again try to throw the
basketball at your face missus badly. Uh So Veggie Pizza
is going to move in and is going to excuse me,
cal Zone is going to slumping and it's going to attempt.
Speaker 4: To uh like.
Speaker 2: Swallow you. It's going to try to envelop you and
suffocate you. So it is going to do an attack
role dut dunk du un.
Speaker 3: Dum Pizza is sending out for me.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it misses because because even with it's advanced thing,
so it's only in eighteen so you're still shielded. Yep,
because it's what it ends on your turn shield a
whole lot. So it was he attacked you, did your turn?
Does it end on your until until the start of
my next turn? Okay, so he attacked you, sh Okay,
So it went away on the start of your turn.
Now you have to you know, yeah, I he attacked
on his turn.
Speaker 3: No, no shield don attack on his turn.
Speaker 5: He I got I moved on my turn.
Speaker 2: Oh okay, yeah, yeah, okay, I see you're right, You're
right're right, all right, So you're still shielded. Veggie Pizza
did not swallow you. You share the bards like. He's like, uh,
I believe in you. You've got this, and he sends
you a Bartic inspiration as well, So you have a
D eight Bartik inspiration if you need it for next time,
just remember that. So uh, all right, So you're facing
off a giant cal zone and a burgher time and
demon are useless as they are enjoying watching you suffer.
Come back over to the pool. Do you have a plan?
Speaker 6: Come here?
Speaker 4: I do. I have an excellent plan, and it starts
with this, and I will use my action to call
forth magic, weave it into a spell, summon it forth
upon my body, and give myself the ability to water
walk for the next hour. Oh okay, that will allow
me to go down the slides standing on the actual
water like a surfboard. It's gonna be rad as shit compared.
Speaker 2: Give me a quick give me a quick perception check.
Speaker 4: Twenty five.
Speaker 2: These are tubes. These are tubes.
Speaker 4: Yeah, okay, I have to crouch down.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, got it, all right, So you can water walk.
Speaker 4: Areak water walk? You know, it just seems like it
might come in handy.
Speaker 2: Yeah, I agree, I agree, why not?
Speaker 3: Why not?
Speaker 4: Alright? So also like my era mental will attack the
piss column.
Speaker 2: Okay, I just should Okay, so give me another jack
on the piss column. So sixteen, it definitely hits ten
damage and it takes back another five in poison damage.
Speaker 4: All right. And then my air elemental will just fly
straight up forty feet.
Speaker 3: In the air.
Speaker 4: Okay, So you don't have to move the map, and
he's out a freek.
Speaker 2: Well because he's leaving the area of opportunity. Fly by attack, okay,
got it, fly by attack.
Speaker 4: That is part of why I picked him.
Speaker 2: Not proudly.
Speaker 6: Did any of those flying kids happen to land near Claudia?
Speaker 3: Uh there?
Speaker 2: Yeah, Actually there's one kid who was we'll grab this, uh.
Speaker 4: I guess we should move to Yeah.
Speaker 2: Yeah, so young on this kid. Uhat's see this kid
who flew by Cabert. He bravely dodged. He's back here,
so over here, Claudia, Okay, all.
Speaker 6: Right, Claudia just really wanted to have a good time,
and she she's really disappointed.
Speaker 2: I don't know what you're going with this, but but
tread carefully.
Speaker 4: No, she's just gonna kill him and eat him.
Speaker 3: I think we should see. I have a piss monsters.
Speaker 6: She just wanted to go down the slides and now
she's ticked off, so she's gonna rage.
Speaker 4: Oh Jesus Christ, Okay, this kid's in some deep ship.
Speaker 6: She will pick up the child and huck it back
at the monster.
Speaker 2: Fucking love it. I mean, go find your Koala monster.
Oh that makes me happy.
Speaker 3: Okay.
Speaker 2: Uh, Emily is replaced with the bloody face Koala. You
should have control of that. You do, and you throw them.
You throw the okay kid, Now he's way stronger than you.
But you know what, let's see what happens. Give me,
give me an athletics role with advantage because or give me. Yeah,
you have the barbaria because you're raging, so you get
you get to put your barbarian what I tell you like,
it's a plus whatever, so fuck it. Yeah, you hold
that kid.
Speaker 4: Never mind the listener She rolled at twenty.
Speaker 2: Five rolls of twenty five, and I think you get
a plus A kid break the fucking seb barry. I
think you get a plus two to that roll because
of like the barbarian rage. So yeah, that kid sails
back through there into the piss, hits the creature, So
give me the give me that's so athletics to twenty five. Duh,
I'm gonna give Let's see what happens becomes a projectile weapon.
I'm gonna give that kid a two D six. He
does seven damage to the to the to the gollumn
because he smacked it. However, uh, the kid is also
now hit with a lot of chlorine gash and a
reciprocal so that kid may or may not be dying
as he descends down through the chlor he's into the
creature that's made of piss and chlorine, and it is
being attacked by poison damage, So the kid might not
he might be dead by the time he reaches the bottom.
Speaker 4: So just a heads up, that's not how you throw
a kid.
Speaker 6: Put another.
Speaker 4: All right, mister nanny, do.
Speaker 2: You want to move there a giant bloody koala.
Speaker 4: Or she'll go closer?
Speaker 2: Okay, let's see how far well you can do a
lot now, because you got I think you an extra movement, so, uh,
you go to the water. I think you're going to
the slide.
Speaker 6: Okay, yeah, this is this much is ruining her fund,
so she's going to try to.
Speaker 2: Take care of it now, Okay, that's fine. Uh, you
do the same thing, page Turner, and then they try
to come out and join you. Hugh Jackman stands up
fro when he got hit by the kid going to
do half half, so he is stuck by the water side.
He's even less movements. Page Turner.
Speaker 4: She is.
Speaker 2: She moves into place, hits the water, but then she's
also a dwarf, so she's like basically take two steps in,
she's chin deep and out. She's kind of like, oh shit,
she didn't think this went through. She's wearing heavy armor
and she's slowly starting to drown, so she actually take
a step back. She loses her action. So that's you, guys,
anything else you want to do before we move off? Nope,
cod Bear, Uh no, I think because you don't. You
didn't even move yet. So if you want to move,
you can move my twenty feet okay, only twenty feet.
They have more than that.
Speaker 4: Well we thought we got a half speed.
Speaker 2: Oh right, right, right. I thought you're going to hop
over the thing. Okay, cool?
Speaker 4: No, no, no, still not in a hurry, not a problem,
all right.
Speaker 2: And let's come back to the library from last thing.
Mister Standana liver Back hurts this Drew, just like, do
what do we do?
Speaker 4: What do we do?
Speaker 3: Now? Dude? What do we do? I will whisper A course, hey,
nature boy, these shelves are made of wood. That ain'ty
good to you?
Speaker 2: Are you talking to the druid? Besides you, are you
talking to grassy null down here? Uh?
Speaker 3: Grassy nolls particular? But if he ever druid also wants
to pay attention, I assume he's fairly smart.
Speaker 2: Right, This Drew is like, I can't cast You can't
cast magic on the grand whimsy unless you're one of
the special people. I can't. I'm just here a read dude.
That's okay because I wasn't actually talking to you. Okay,
So if you're loudly whispering to this grassy know, then
you have a chance for the mimic to hear you.
Speaker 3: Sound's fun, all right, that's that's abound to happen. Okay,
you're Hearing's not great, he says, he's whispering, but it
says very much not a problem. All right.
Speaker 2: So, uh, with that realization that you're probably whispering louder
for the mimic or the mimic to hear you, what
is it you want to do?
Speaker 3: Hide? Pind this guy?
Speaker 2: Okay?
Speaker 3: So you like books? Uh?
Speaker 2: You know what if you want to try to hide
behind him, give me a yeah.
Speaker 3: You know, there's nothing I like more than disappearing into
a good book. I was too busy saying out loud
ay world the twelve.
Speaker 2: All right, lets see, let's see what the mimics see.
If they notice you, they do they hear your motions,
so they know they come around the corner. Mimics sees
U basically grassing a little far away, and the other
you behind this other dress. So they're going to use
this last remaining spell and throw the zap Zap flies
in your direction. I would like the druid needs to
make a both of you make dexterity saving throws.
Speaker 3: Please, thanks, start you safe. Here we go, all right?
Speaker 2: So he made his cleanly and he dies and rolls
out of the way.
Speaker 3: Twenty five.
Speaker 2: All right, Stan, you hit this wall and roll when
the zapp hits right there, spark of lightning comes off.
But both of you we are going to take half
damage because you made you made the save, Like basically
it's a little bit of a chain lightning thing. The
zapp happens, So both of you are going to take
five electric damage. Now you are an adventurer. He is
a nobody. That's enough to knock him on his ass,
and you take five lightning damage as you hit hit
the walls over there and roll uh the send that
back to.
Speaker 3: Actually, so he's going to then.
Speaker 2: Use his action. He's going to lick the shells, pull
books off the shelves, start chewing them to recharge all
of his so all of his spells come back. So
he eats books, recharges his automatop of spells, and now
they're all floating back around him.
Speaker 3: Eats books, shits opinions. Yep.
Speaker 2: And through your so and through your bracelet you hear
Cabert and Claudia dodging children and screaming kids and something
about piss You hear uh move like something about vegetarian
pizza and cal zones kid piss pisode after all, All right,
So I think that's where we're gonna end this particular
episode of the Dicey Bastards. They're like, that's we have
split the party. They're trying to deal with their own
things on the Grand Whimsy Demon magic is a foot.
Uh is there anything anybody wants to say to our
fans out there before we head out?
Speaker 4: I just said, Kit Piston, that's somebody's ringtone right now?
Speaker 3: I possibly tough that?
Speaker 2: Uh Drew Rick anybody else?
Speaker 3: Uh?
Speaker 4: Next time?
Speaker 3: All right?
Speaker 2: So on behalf of Rick Walter here, mister Bevan, who
is ni? Miss Kaplin, Mister Hayes, mister Wether, I'm emm
gig and man I mem Okay Gibson. Where are the
Dicey Bastards? You've been great and we'll see all next time. Bye, everybody.
Speaker 1: Hie, you've been listening to Dicey Bastards cats see if
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Music by the Golf Call
Speaker 5: For Move may have mis calculated this