1
00:00:00,120 --> 00:00:04,519
Speaker 1: Reginald on Christmas Presents by H. H. Munroe. I wish

2
00:00:04,639 --> 00:00:09,039
to be distinctly understood, said Reginald that I don't want

3
00:00:09,080 --> 00:00:12,439
a George, Prince of Wales's prayer book as a Christmas present.

4
00:00:13,000 --> 00:00:17,320
The fact cannot be too widely known there ought he

5
00:00:17,440 --> 00:00:21,640
continued to be technical education classes on the science of

6
00:00:21,719 --> 00:00:25,079
present giving. No one seems to have the faintest notion

7
00:00:25,160 --> 00:00:27,879
of what anyone else wants, and the prevalent ideas on

8
00:00:27,920 --> 00:00:32,200
the subject are not creditable to a civilized community. There is,

9
00:00:32,240 --> 00:00:36,600
for instance, the female relative in the country who knows

10
00:00:36,640 --> 00:00:40,000
a tie is always useful and sends you some spotted

11
00:00:40,119 --> 00:00:43,200
horror that you could only wear in secret or in

12
00:00:43,240 --> 00:00:46,960
Tottenham Court Road. It might have been useful had she

13
00:00:47,119 --> 00:00:50,359
kept it to tie up current bushes with, when it

14
00:00:50,359 --> 00:00:53,119
would have served the double purpose of supporting the branches

15
00:00:53,159 --> 00:00:56,280
and frightening away the birds. For it is an admitted

16
00:00:56,320 --> 00:00:59,000
fact that the ordinary tomtit of commerce has a sangdor

17
00:00:59,039 --> 00:01:03,320
aesthetic taste than the average female relative in the country.

18
00:01:04,760 --> 00:01:09,599
Then there are aunts. They are always a difficult class

19
00:01:09,640 --> 00:01:12,439
to deal with in the matter of presents. The trouble

20
00:01:12,560 --> 00:01:16,439
is that one never catches them really young enough by

21
00:01:16,480 --> 00:01:19,840
the time one has educated them to an appreciation of

22
00:01:19,879 --> 00:01:23,680
the fact that one does not wear red woolen mittens

23
00:01:23,799 --> 00:01:27,840
in the West End, they die, or quarrel with the family,

24
00:01:27,959 --> 00:01:32,840
or do something equally inconsiderate. That is why the supply

25
00:01:32,920 --> 00:01:38,120
of trained aunts is always so precarious. There is my aunt,

26
00:01:38,319 --> 00:01:42,359
Agatha parax Antler, who sent me a pair of gloves

27
00:01:42,439 --> 00:01:46,359
last Christmas, and even got so far as to choose

28
00:01:46,400 --> 00:01:51,319
a kind that was being worn and had the correct

29
00:01:51,480 --> 00:01:57,079
number of buttons. But they were nines. I sent them

30
00:01:57,079 --> 00:02:00,159
to a boy whom I hated Intimately. He didn't wear them,

31
00:02:00,200 --> 00:02:02,840
of course, but he could have. That was where the

32
00:02:02,840 --> 00:02:06,640
bitterness of death came in. It was nearly as consoling

33
00:02:06,680 --> 00:02:10,199
as sending white flowers to his funeral. Of course, I

34
00:02:10,319 --> 00:02:12,879
wrote and told my aunt that they were the one

35
00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:16,599
thing that had been wanting to make existence blossom like

36
00:02:16,639 --> 00:02:20,719
a rose. I'm afraid she thought me frivolous. She comes

37
00:02:20,759 --> 00:02:23,599
from the North, where they live in the fear of heaven,

38
00:02:23,639 --> 00:02:28,800
and the Earl of Durham, Reginald, affects an exhaustive knowledge

39
00:02:28,800 --> 00:02:31,879
of things political, which furnishes an excellent excuse for not

40
00:02:31,919 --> 00:02:36,680
discussing them. Aunts with a dash of foreign extraction in

41
00:02:36,680 --> 00:02:39,479
them are the most satisfactory in the way of understanding

42
00:02:39,520 --> 00:02:43,199
these things. But if you can't choose your aunt, it

43
00:02:43,360 --> 00:02:46,719
is wisest in the long run to choose the present

44
00:02:46,800 --> 00:02:51,919
and send her the bill. Even friends of one's own set,

45
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:55,879
who might be expected to know better, have curious delusions

46
00:02:55,879 --> 00:03:00,120
on the subject. I am not collecting copies of the

47
00:03:00,199 --> 00:03:04,599
cheaper editions of Omar Khayam. I gave the last four

48
00:03:04,680 --> 00:03:07,479
that I received to the lift boy, and I like

49
00:03:07,599 --> 00:03:10,960
to think of him reading them with Fitzgerald's notes to

50
00:03:11,080 --> 00:03:15,080
his aged mother. Lift boys always have aged mothers show

51
00:03:15,159 --> 00:03:20,000
such nice feeling on their part. I think personally, I

52
00:03:20,080 --> 00:03:23,759
can't see where the difficulty in choosing suitable presents lies.

53
00:03:24,479 --> 00:03:27,360
No boy who has brought himself that properly could fail

54
00:03:27,439 --> 00:03:31,360
to appreciate one of those decorative bottles of liqueurs that

55
00:03:31,439 --> 00:03:35,719
are so reverently staged in Morrel's window. And it wouldn't

56
00:03:35,919 --> 00:03:39,520
in the least matter if one did get duplicates, and

57
00:03:39,560 --> 00:03:42,800
there would always be the supreme moment of dreadful uncertainty

58
00:03:42,840 --> 00:03:47,759
whether it was kremdemnth or Chatreeur. Like the expectant thrill

59
00:03:47,840 --> 00:03:51,439
on seeing your partner's hand turned up at bridge. People

60
00:03:51,479 --> 00:03:54,199
may say what they like about the decay of Christianity,

61
00:03:54,759 --> 00:04:00,719
the religious system that produced green Chatreur can never really die.

62
00:04:01,080 --> 00:04:06,639
And then, of course there are liqure glasses and crystallized fruits,

63
00:04:06,680 --> 00:04:10,680
and tapestry, curtains, and heaps of other necessaries of life

64
00:04:10,960 --> 00:04:15,879
that make really sensible presents, not to speak of luxuries

65
00:04:15,919 --> 00:04:19,759
such as having one's bills paid or getting something quite

66
00:04:19,839 --> 00:04:23,839
sweet in the way of jewelry. Unlike the alleged good

67
00:04:23,920 --> 00:04:28,439
woman of the Bible, I'm not above rubies. When found.

68
00:04:28,519 --> 00:04:31,800
By the way, she must have been rather a problem

69
00:04:31,839 --> 00:04:34,959
at Christmas time. Nothing short of a blank check would

70
00:04:35,000 --> 00:04:38,519
have fitted the situation. Perhaps it's as well that she's

71
00:04:38,600 --> 00:04:44,800
died out. The great charm about me, concluded Reginald, is

72
00:04:44,839 --> 00:04:50,800
that I am so easily pleased. But I draw the

73
00:04:50,959 --> 00:04:56,600
line at a Prince of Wales's prayer book. End of

74
00:04:56,680 --> 00:04:59,519
Reginald on Christmas Presents by H. H. Munroe