WEBVTT 1 00:00:05.160 --> 00:00:08.519 Hollo I moalcan stories all the time. Glad you are here, 2 00:00:09.160 --> 00:00:10.880 Let's get into it. 3 00:00:10.880 --> 00:00:14.279 It was a Thursday morning made for memory, sunlight angling 4 00:00:14.279 --> 00:00:17.839 onto the flagstones, the city's usual bustle, as gentle and 5 00:00:17.920 --> 00:00:21.679 predictable as the river that curled, wide shouldered and brown 6 00:00:21.719 --> 00:00:26.280 green passed downtown. My walk followed the path it always did, 7 00:00:26.839 --> 00:00:29.920 up the stone steps, between the giant sycamores, through the 8 00:00:29.960 --> 00:00:33.560 bronze doors of the public Library, past the stained glass 9 00:00:33.600 --> 00:00:36.880 coat of arms, whose details I'd studdied a hundred times 10 00:00:36.920 --> 00:00:40.600 for calming effect. The old place still gave me that 11 00:00:40.679 --> 00:00:44.479 odd sense of anticipation, a kind of readiness, as if 12 00:00:44.520 --> 00:00:47.840 each visit promised some fragment of the city's vanished past, 13 00:00:48.159 --> 00:00:52.719 tucked between stacks and sunbeams. I was seventy three, a 14 00:00:52.799 --> 00:00:56.520 retired history teacher. I've been coming here in one version 15 00:00:56.640 --> 00:00:59.399 or another for most of my life. My week was 16 00:00:59.439 --> 00:01:02.960 built around these routines, the slow uprising of Thursday, to 17 00:01:03.039 --> 00:01:07.159 the library, lingering among books, then lunch at the riverside cafe, 18 00:01:07.200 --> 00:01:11.000 and an afternoon stroll. I measured time in small pleasures. 19 00:01:11.400 --> 00:01:14.599 Yet for all this I rarely thought of the architecture itself, 20 00:01:14.920 --> 00:01:19.000 except of course, for the River Alcove. Some spaces are 21 00:01:19.000 --> 00:01:22.319 more than convenient corners. They become characters in your life, 22 00:01:22.400 --> 00:01:26.560 story fixtures more permanent than friendships. The River Alcove had 23 00:01:26.599 --> 00:01:30.200 been my favorite place to read, annotate, and years ago 24 00:01:30.599 --> 00:01:33.879 to prepare class lectures on late century civic history and 25 00:01:33.879 --> 00:01:37.640 temperamental mares. A rounded nook tucked at the far end 26 00:01:37.640 --> 00:01:40.719 of the second floor. Its colored window glass looked out 27 00:01:40.719 --> 00:01:43.879 over the south bend in the river, making rainbows ripple 28 00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:46.439 across the face of any one absorbed in a book. 29 00:01:47.439 --> 00:01:50.879 The wood paneling had a particular creek. The chair arms 30 00:01:50.920 --> 00:01:54.280 bore notches, softly worn in the brass by five decades 31 00:01:54.319 --> 00:01:58.480 of elbows. This specific morning, I drifted back toward it 32 00:01:58.519 --> 00:02:01.760 by instinct, but the corridor ended in a jarring way, 33 00:02:02.239 --> 00:02:07.359 ordinary shelves tight against a blank uninterrupted wall, no curve, 34 00:02:07.599 --> 00:02:10.840 no traces of old doors or thresholds. The niche where 35 00:02:10.879 --> 00:02:14.240 the River Alcove should have been simply wasn't there. Instead, 36 00:02:14.560 --> 00:02:18.639 a row of atlas, volumes and gardening encyclopedias occupied the space, 37 00:02:19.000 --> 00:02:23.199 pressed close as if nothing had ever existed beyond. I 38 00:02:23.280 --> 00:02:27.280 stopped feeling foolish and transient. I palmed the shelf's edge. 39 00:02:27.520 --> 00:02:31.680 Craned for some sign painted over trim, faint scoring of wood, 40 00:02:31.960 --> 00:02:35.039 and found nothing. Even the dust settled like it had 41 00:02:35.080 --> 00:02:38.479 always lived there. I could not immediately decide whether my 42 00:02:38.560 --> 00:02:41.759 memory had twisted around some old addition, or if I'd 43 00:02:41.800 --> 00:02:44.759 blundered into a pocket of the library I hadn't charted 44 00:02:44.800 --> 00:02:49.800 since the renovations decades ago. Confusion I've found isn't so 45 00:02:49.919 --> 00:02:53.599 much unpleasant as electrifying, A little current that wakes you up. 46 00:02:54.240 --> 00:02:57.759 I flagged a librarian shelving reference books two aisles down. 47 00:02:58.199 --> 00:03:00.319 She was a new face to me, young with an 48 00:03:00.360 --> 00:03:05.560 easy practiced smile. Excuse me, I'm looking for the river alcove. 49 00:03:05.919 --> 00:03:08.439 I used to spend hours there, the nook with the 50 00:03:08.479 --> 00:03:12.919 colored glass window overlooking the river, second floor, just beyond 51 00:03:13.000 --> 00:03:18.520 the periodical shelves. She shook her head, apologetic, haven't heard 52 00:03:18.560 --> 00:03:21.439 that name. I'm afraid we have the Riverside Room on 53 00:03:21.479 --> 00:03:25.240 the first floor. Maybe you mean that. No, No, not 54 00:03:25.319 --> 00:03:28.319 the Riverside Room. This was a small space up here, 55 00:03:28.639 --> 00:03:32.879 rounded woodwork, a little plaque, colored glass. I searched for 56 00:03:32.919 --> 00:03:36.439 the right detail, something to make the memory tangible. It 57 00:03:36.479 --> 00:03:39.240 had an old plaque from the Lascar family. I think 58 00:03:39.599 --> 00:03:43.120 you could see the water curve toward the south bridge. 59 00:03:43.159 --> 00:03:46.960 She offered a courteous blank look. I only started here 60 00:03:47.039 --> 00:03:49.879 last year, but I don't remember any nook quite like that. 61 00:03:50.479 --> 00:03:53.960 Maybe a reading corner has been converted, but nothing called 62 00:03:54.080 --> 00:03:59.120 river Alcove. That answer, delivered kindly, had the peculiar effect 63 00:03:59.120 --> 00:04:03.520 of intensifying my curiosity. The memory was sharp, hours hunched 64 00:04:03.520 --> 00:04:06.639 over exam booklets, the nubby arm chair, the stretch of 65 00:04:06.719 --> 00:04:09.960 afternoon sun. I was used to feeling nostalgia as a 66 00:04:10.000 --> 00:04:13.199 soft ache. This was different. How could a physical place 67 00:04:13.319 --> 00:04:17.480 just slide out of history, unacknowledged, unmarked? I tried again, 68 00:04:17.600 --> 00:04:20.560 with more detail. She met me with gentle apology but 69 00:04:20.680 --> 00:04:25.240 shrinking patience. I'm sorry, sir, I can check with another 70 00:04:25.319 --> 00:04:30.040 librarian if you like, I demurred, stepping away. The sense 71 00:04:30.040 --> 00:04:33.240 of times layering here had always calmed me. These walls 72 00:04:33.240 --> 00:04:36.839 had witnessed entire eras, the waxing and fading of fads 73 00:04:36.839 --> 00:04:40.639 and festivals, the persistent undercurrent of people searching for something. 74 00:04:41.199 --> 00:04:44.000 But now my own recollection was suddenly at odds with 75 00:04:44.079 --> 00:04:47.759 the evidence of my eyes. I lingered, glancing down the 76 00:04:47.839 --> 00:04:51.639 length of fluorescent lit corridors and along the stacking of atlases, 77 00:04:51.920 --> 00:04:55.480 half expecting the world to offer up a clue. The 78 00:04:55.560 --> 00:04:59.480 mood wasn't ominous. Rather, there was an atmosphere of everyday 79 00:04:59.519 --> 00:05:03.680 life ttinuing just as vigorously as ever. Yet somewhere a 80 00:05:03.759 --> 00:05:07.639 boundary had shifted My certainty in place, and memory was 81 00:05:07.680 --> 00:05:12.480 no longer absolute, and curiosity had become suddenly vividly urgent. 82 00:05:13.600 --> 00:05:19.240 Every library is a palimpsest, layers upon layers of architecture, ownership, ambition. 83 00:05:20.000 --> 00:05:22.600 Hours stood out only because the passage of time hadn't 84 00:05:22.639 --> 00:05:26.279 quite buffed out the seams. City Hall perched diagonally across 85 00:05:26.279 --> 00:05:29.480 from it with its modern glass swoop, while the library's core, 86 00:05:29.800 --> 00:05:32.839 built in nineteen thirty nine, remained true to kind of 87 00:05:32.879 --> 00:05:37.759 institutional art deco, bold trim brick, the color of dried cherries, 88 00:05:38.040 --> 00:05:40.959 and a heavy stone staircase that always seemed to echo 89 00:05:41.120 --> 00:05:45.199 even when empty. The years had brought additions and removals, 90 00:05:45.600 --> 00:05:48.920 a new children's wing funded by a burst of nineties optimism, 91 00:05:49.240 --> 00:05:53.800 a multi media hub installed and then quietly neglected. Replacement 92 00:05:53.839 --> 00:05:57.879 windows that distorted both sunlight and sound. Each merger of 93 00:05:57.920 --> 00:06:01.319 old and new left slight mismatches, a wall too thick 94 00:06:01.480 --> 00:06:04.680 for a modern vent, mosaic tile patterns that stuttered to 95 00:06:04.759 --> 00:06:08.759 a halt at invisible borders. If you paid attention, the 96 00:06:08.759 --> 00:06:11.439 building's history was as much in what didn't match as 97 00:06:11.480 --> 00:06:15.720 what did. After teaching high schoolers for nearly forty years, 98 00:06:16.079 --> 00:06:19.319 my sense of history had become not just academic but tactile. 99 00:06:19.959 --> 00:06:22.959 I noticed how elevator buttons had switched from bakerlite to 100 00:06:23.000 --> 00:06:26.279 brushed steel, how the original clock in the lobby remained 101 00:06:26.279 --> 00:06:29.959 stubbornly four minutes behind modern phones. It was a city 102 00:06:29.959 --> 00:06:34.920 of coexistence, new steel gleaming beside old brick chain coffee 103 00:06:34.920 --> 00:06:38.720 shops next to delis that still used paper ledgers. The 104 00:06:38.800 --> 00:06:41.959 river at the city's edge taught patients with its lazy bends, 105 00:06:42.319 --> 00:06:46.800 and so had I. Letting the years retirement, widowhood, adult 106 00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:50.079 children settle into a pattern that left room for small 107 00:06:50.120 --> 00:06:54.720 obsessions like this one. The library staff rotated over the years, 108 00:06:55.040 --> 00:06:58.879 but a handful became familiar. Miriam in the reference archive, 109 00:06:59.240 --> 00:07:02.439 whose glasses were always perilously low on her nose and 110 00:07:02.480 --> 00:07:07.560 who delighted in ferreting out missing footnotes, Kevin security guard 111 00:07:07.759 --> 00:07:11.399 and unofficial wit who claimed to remember every minor drama 112 00:07:11.519 --> 00:07:14.240 ever staged in the main reading hall, but nothing of 113 00:07:14.279 --> 00:07:19.879 the books. Ruth, now senior librarian and nearing retirement herself, 114 00:07:20.199 --> 00:07:23.600 who managed the delicate balance between order and the slow 115 00:07:23.759 --> 00:07:28.759 encroachment of chaos. There were regulars too, Mister Giles, a 116 00:07:28.800 --> 00:07:31.879 local historian with a nose for the city's obscure by laws, 117 00:07:32.120 --> 00:07:36.920 who believed every institution should maintain its own secret code. Anita, 118 00:07:37.319 --> 00:07:41.399 a university student toggling endlessly between worlds, her bag always 119 00:07:41.480 --> 00:07:44.439 bulging with half read novels and print outs. And old 120 00:07:44.480 --> 00:07:47.959 missus Chen, who preferred foreign newspapers and had been known 121 00:07:48.160 --> 00:07:53.000 on icy mornings to correct staff about misplaced Romanoff genealogies. 122 00:07:54.040 --> 00:07:57.480 After retirement, I had fallen into a rhythm three mornings 123 00:07:57.519 --> 00:08:00.000 a week at the library, a slow circuit through eas 124 00:08:00.000 --> 00:08:03.759 each floor, conversations drifting in and out, half remembered names 125 00:08:03.800 --> 00:08:07.360 attached to faces that seemed as permanent as the stacks themselves. 126 00:08:07.879 --> 00:08:11.199 I become fond of seeing how displays migrated, how rooms 127 00:08:11.240 --> 00:08:14.399 subtly changed place or composition depending on the whim of 128 00:08:14.399 --> 00:08:18.399 whoever was shelving that month. And yet through all this movement, 129 00:08:18.800 --> 00:08:22.639 certain landmarks had remained unmoved in my mind, especially the 130 00:08:22.720 --> 00:08:26.680 river alcove. The trust I placed in these recollections was 131 00:08:26.759 --> 00:08:30.160 almost superstitious. My own sense of time in the building 132 00:08:30.279 --> 00:08:34.279 ran deep, layered beneath years of changing policies and seasons. 133 00:08:34.840 --> 00:08:38.639 Traffic patterns shifted, events came and went, but the view 134 00:08:38.639 --> 00:08:42.080 from that rounded nook was until now as stable as 135 00:08:42.120 --> 00:08:45.639 the river itself. My feet sometimes led me there, as 136 00:08:45.679 --> 00:08:49.279 if tracing a groove. This is what made the loss, 137 00:08:49.519 --> 00:08:53.240 or the absence so disturbing. In its quiet way, the 138 00:08:53.320 --> 00:08:57.200 outside world remained as it had always been, festival posters 139 00:08:57.240 --> 00:09:01.279 taped to lamp posts, children trailing blow along the river, walk, 140 00:09:01.480 --> 00:09:05.000 raucous geese patrolling the bank. And yet in the library 141 00:09:05.320 --> 00:09:09.840 the edges of certainty felt newly porous. It wasn't menace 142 00:09:10.000 --> 00:09:13.080 or fear that stirred in me, but a renewed alertness, 143 00:09:13.600 --> 00:09:18.000 the conviction that beneath the clean, managed surfaces, something crucial 144 00:09:18.039 --> 00:09:20.799 had changed and was waiting to be found by someone 145 00:09:20.879 --> 00:09:25.320 willing to look closely enough. I'm not above a gentle persistence, 146 00:09:25.759 --> 00:09:29.399 especially when some facet of local law is concerned. So, 147 00:09:29.799 --> 00:09:33.000 after wandering the illogical corridor in hopes that some trick 148 00:09:33.000 --> 00:09:36.039 of angle or stacking wood betray the missing nook. I 149 00:09:36.120 --> 00:09:39.600 went in search of Ruth. Her office smelled of old 150 00:09:39.679 --> 00:09:42.679 carpet and violets, and she presided over it like an 151 00:09:42.720 --> 00:09:47.120 admiral over a ship, unlikely ever to leave port. I 152 00:09:47.200 --> 00:09:50.799 need your memory, Ruth, I launched in voice, half in jest, 153 00:09:50.919 --> 00:09:54.159 half serious. You ever come across something called the river 154 00:09:54.240 --> 00:09:57.840 Alcove on the second floor, just passed where the periodical 155 00:09:57.919 --> 00:10:01.080 shelves used to run. It had an old glass window, 156 00:10:01.320 --> 00:10:06.480 rounded walls, Lascar family dedication. She set aside her tea, 157 00:10:06.759 --> 00:10:10.000 the mug ring overlapping years of memo circles on her desk. 158 00:10:10.679 --> 00:10:14.440 River Alcove. She rolled the phrase around. No can't say 159 00:10:14.440 --> 00:10:16.919 I do. We had a Lascar reading room, all right, 160 00:10:17.120 --> 00:10:20.720 but that was long gone before I ever started. Small boxy, 161 00:10:20.799 --> 00:10:24.039 nothing rounded. That would have been maybe the late seventies 162 00:10:24.039 --> 00:10:28.080 into the eighties. But no colored glass window and no plaque. 163 00:10:28.120 --> 00:10:31.879 I'd remember. The board is mad about keeping donor names visible. 164 00:10:32.879 --> 00:10:36.159 That's half my morning making sure the right plaques hang 165 00:10:36.200 --> 00:10:40.000 above the right doors. She pulled out some brittle staff 166 00:10:40.120 --> 00:10:43.320 directories and scrolled through them with the air of someone 167 00:10:43.399 --> 00:10:46.919 certain she'd seen every permutation of the building twice over. 168 00:10:47.720 --> 00:10:51.840 No river alcove anywhere in these nor in the renovation minutes. 169 00:10:52.240 --> 00:10:54.919 And trust me, if there ever was a Lascar nook, 170 00:10:55.240 --> 00:10:58.639 someone would have raised hell when they changed it. I 171 00:10:58.720 --> 00:11:02.279 pressed a bit further, offering more detail, the window with 172 00:11:02.399 --> 00:11:06.120 yellow and blue glass, the curved bookcases, the way early 173 00:11:06.200 --> 00:11:09.679 sun hit the plaque, turning the letters gold. I could 174 00:11:09.720 --> 00:11:12.840 nearly smell the deep dry wood polish in that memory. 175 00:11:13.159 --> 00:11:17.080 Here the subtle would groan when you settled down. Kevin, 176 00:11:17.159 --> 00:11:19.720 who had wandered by on his break, chimed in from 177 00:11:19.759 --> 00:11:22.440 the door with a grin. Sounds like one of those 178 00:11:22.480 --> 00:11:25.519 spaces they made for the costume parties in the nineties. 179 00:11:25.879 --> 00:11:29.240 Remember that murder Mystery night. Maybe your thinking of the 180 00:11:29.240 --> 00:11:32.440 story Cubby in the children's wing. That thing had fake 181 00:11:32.600 --> 00:11:37.000 stained glass and smelled like crayons for a decade. Not 182 00:11:37.120 --> 00:11:40.279 a children's area, I replied, it was a space for 183 00:11:40.360 --> 00:11:45.360 grown ups, serious readers, near the river sunlit. Yeah. Well, 184 00:11:45.480 --> 00:11:48.480 renovations have changed a lot. You be amazed how many 185 00:11:48.519 --> 00:11:51.200 people come looking for bits that vanished before I even 186 00:11:51.240 --> 00:11:54.120 worked here. Missus Firth used to insist there was a 187 00:11:54.200 --> 00:11:57.600 genealogy gallery with arm chairs made from oak trees that 188 00:11:57.679 --> 00:12:03.120 had survived two floods. Rugged smiling buildings do weird things. 189 00:12:03.519 --> 00:12:08.440 Memory does weirder. Ruth gave a tolerant snort. He's got 190 00:12:08.440 --> 00:12:12.440 a point. Rooms get absorbed, corners get squared off. Once 191 00:12:12.480 --> 00:12:16.440 a spiral staircase now a broom closet. Half our directory 192 00:12:16.519 --> 00:12:19.080 is a graveyard of names that meant something one year 193 00:12:19.120 --> 00:12:23.279 and nothing the next. Structures have to adapt. But I 194 00:12:23.360 --> 00:12:27.720 remember the plaque donated by the Lascar family nineteen hundred 195 00:12:27.720 --> 00:12:32.240 and fifty two, clear as yesterday. I insisted it's shaped 196 00:12:32.320 --> 00:12:35.720 dozens of my classes. I referenced its dedication in a 197 00:12:35.759 --> 00:12:39.320 spring lecture on local philanthropy. I be more inclined to 198 00:12:39.399 --> 00:12:43.360 doubt my taste in ties than that. Ruth offered a 199 00:12:43.440 --> 00:12:46.879 kind a praising expression. It's harder than you'd think to 200 00:12:46.960 --> 00:12:49.960 nail these things down. I've been asked about a sun 201 00:12:50.000 --> 00:12:53.440 parlor upstairs at least five times, but there's no sign 202 00:12:53.480 --> 00:12:56.120 it was ever built. Are you sure the memory is 203 00:12:56.200 --> 00:12:59.639 yours and not borrowed from some faded photo. We've caught 204 00:12:59.679 --> 00:13:04.159 ourselves out before I left with thanks, But something quiet 205 00:13:04.200 --> 00:13:07.960 had begun to fray inside me. My confidence Once bedrock 206 00:13:08.080 --> 00:13:12.960 wavered a creeping, almost exhilarating uncertainty. What did it mean 207 00:13:13.000 --> 00:13:16.279 if a dozen small architectural facts could have been quietly 208 00:13:16.440 --> 00:13:20.919 edited out of history unremarked? Could memory be so unreliable 209 00:13:21.279 --> 00:13:25.440 or the evidence so malleable? The contradictions stuck with me. 210 00:13:25.799 --> 00:13:28.960 The sharper my recollection, the more remote the chance that 211 00:13:29.039 --> 00:13:31.759 any one else would confirm it. Yet a part of 212 00:13:31.799 --> 00:13:36.360 me was quietly thrilled. Every teacher knows when facts clash 213 00:13:36.679 --> 00:13:40.200 learning is about to happen. I set off in search 214 00:13:40.240 --> 00:13:44.600 of proof something indisputable. At the entrance, pinned beside a 215 00:13:44.639 --> 00:13:48.120 faded schedule for Thai Chi classes, hung several up to 216 00:13:48.200 --> 00:13:52.159 date maps. The diagram was efficient, color coded by section, 217 00:13:52.559 --> 00:13:56.919 every room numbered and named, no river alcove. The spaces 218 00:13:56.919 --> 00:13:59.679 at that end of the second floor were marked atlases 219 00:14:00.039 --> 00:14:04.679 and community history. I checked another map just inside the stacks, 220 00:14:05.039 --> 00:14:09.200 same story, no mention of anything rounded, no hint of 221 00:14:09.240 --> 00:14:13.080 a space that looked toward the river, Only long rectangular 222 00:14:13.120 --> 00:14:18.000 reading rooms blurring into periods of beige. Curiosity doubled back 223 00:14:18.039 --> 00:14:22.360 on itself, hunting for another plausible path. I remembered neighborhood 224 00:14:22.440 --> 00:14:26.679 legends that before the largest renovation nineteen hundred and eighty seven. 225 00:14:26.879 --> 00:14:30.720 If memory served, the library's old maps sometimes turned up 226 00:14:30.720 --> 00:14:34.559 at the city archives or left overlooked in staff files. 227 00:14:35.279 --> 00:14:39.559 Room names had a way of changing between decades, sometimes reverting, 228 00:14:39.879 --> 00:14:44.679 sometimes vanishing altogether. I found Miriam in the reference area, 229 00:14:44.960 --> 00:14:48.080 furrowing over a stack of climate studies. Do we have 230 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:52.200 any old library floor plans? I asked, keeping my tone light. 231 00:14:53.279 --> 00:14:57.120 Her brow furrowed in professional pleasure. You want which era? 232 00:14:57.559 --> 00:15:00.159 I have some collation work running back as far as 233 00:15:00.159 --> 00:15:04.559 the forties? Was there a particular space? I described the 234 00:15:04.639 --> 00:15:08.879 River Alcove, its shape, plaque window, hoping something in my 235 00:15:08.960 --> 00:15:14.679 specificity might spark She considered, I don't recall that name. Honestly, 236 00:15:15.120 --> 00:15:17.960 there was the Lascar Reading Room on some blueprints, but 237 00:15:18.080 --> 00:15:22.080 always listed as rectangular in the east wing. But I'll check. 238 00:15:23.120 --> 00:15:25.720 She led me to a microfilm reader in the basement annex, 239 00:15:26.039 --> 00:15:29.039 a space almost as full of ghosts as the maps themselves. 240 00:15:29.559 --> 00:15:33.320 Among rolls of blueprints and annotated directories, she unspooled a 241 00:15:33.399 --> 00:15:36.919 series from nineteen fifty six through nineteen ninety two, or 242 00:15:36.919 --> 00:15:39.679 not one did the River Alcove appear, not even as 243 00:15:39.679 --> 00:15:43.200 a former name or unassigned space. Any mention of the 244 00:15:43.240 --> 00:15:47.919 lascars described routine boxy study rooms. The rounded nook with 245 00:15:47.960 --> 00:15:51.279 its glass and view was absent, as if excised from 246 00:15:51.279 --> 00:15:56.200 memory itself. We speculated, was it possible a dedicated space 247 00:15:56.200 --> 00:15:59.919 had been carved out, then later erased or renamed. Were 248 00:16:00.080 --> 00:16:03.639 room names shuffled on maps even as the spaces themselves 249 00:16:03.720 --> 00:16:08.000 changed purpose. It happens, Miriam said, with a wry smile. 250 00:16:08.639 --> 00:16:12.039 Libraries are almost as fluid as their patrons. The minute 251 00:16:12.039 --> 00:16:15.320 someone stops using a room for its intended purpose, it 252 00:16:15.360 --> 00:16:19.759 can become anything. She tapped her temple. But I'll admit 253 00:16:20.120 --> 00:16:24.240 your description is oddly persistent. Maybe check the card catalog 254 00:16:24.320 --> 00:16:28.399 in the basement. Sometimes room names and dedications turn up 255 00:16:28.480 --> 00:16:32.120 in ways you'd least expect down there. That was the 256 00:16:32.159 --> 00:16:35.799 best suggestion yet. I slipped down the stairs, feeling half 257 00:16:35.840 --> 00:16:39.360 way between detective and ghost hunter. The air was thick 258 00:16:39.399 --> 00:16:42.639 with decades old paper and the pungent trace of ink. 259 00:16:43.120 --> 00:16:46.720 The core of the old card catalog had survived digitization. 260 00:16:47.279 --> 00:16:52.000 Half a dozen rolling units, each drawer holding fragile, yellowed cards. 261 00:16:53.000 --> 00:16:56.559 Skimming through dedications and room names, I unearthed dozens of 262 00:16:56.679 --> 00:17:00.879 entries marked Lascar, some attached to periodicals, others to donated 263 00:17:00.879 --> 00:17:04.359 collections of biographies and city council minutes. Only a few 264 00:17:04.359 --> 00:17:08.440 referenced rooms. One a hand typed card postmark nineteen fifty 265 00:17:08.480 --> 00:17:13.680 three read Laskar Family periodical's alcove, second floor East. That 266 00:17:13.759 --> 00:17:17.359 word alcove leaped at me, but the subsequent location didn't 267 00:17:17.400 --> 00:17:21.720 match the memory. Mapps said, east Wing, not riverside. I 268 00:17:21.839 --> 00:17:26.519 traced a faded entry dedicated nineteen fifty two, blanched Lascar, 269 00:17:26.839 --> 00:17:30.200 Its details blurred. The card bent at one corner, as 270 00:17:30.240 --> 00:17:33.920 if often examined. But nowhere was there a river alcove, 271 00:17:34.279 --> 00:17:38.119 at least not in the systematic records. I was joined 272 00:17:38.119 --> 00:17:41.440 by mister Giles, who materialized from behind a column of 273 00:17:41.480 --> 00:17:46.640 government reports, his familiar navy caps slightly askew. On the hunt, 274 00:17:46.960 --> 00:17:52.160 He inquired with amused dignity chasing lost rooms, I replied, 275 00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:56.880 ever work in the Lascar reading room. Giles's eyes narrowed 276 00:17:56.880 --> 00:18:00.200 in concentration years ago. Yes, but it was as a 277 00:18:00.279 --> 00:18:04.920 square room, two windows facing the east, Council minutes, magazines, 278 00:18:05.279 --> 00:18:09.319 sometimes a visiting writer, No nook, no river view. Are 279 00:18:09.359 --> 00:18:13.440 you sure you're not thinking of the old balcony lounge. Positive, 280 00:18:13.559 --> 00:18:16.960 I said, this was a different kind of space, rounded, 281 00:18:17.119 --> 00:18:21.920 colorful glass. It made its own sort of sanctuary. He smiled, 282 00:18:22.160 --> 00:18:25.799 but his recollection stood immovable as a bollard. All I 283 00:18:25.880 --> 00:18:29.759 remember of the Lascar connection was civic, dry as dust, documents, 284 00:18:30.039 --> 00:18:32.880 not sunlit retreats. And if there had been such a 285 00:18:32.920 --> 00:18:36.839 comfortable nook, I'd have made it my lair. I pushed 286 00:18:36.839 --> 00:18:39.880 on retracing steps near where the river alcove had stood. 287 00:18:39.960 --> 00:18:43.480 Should have stood and let my hand drift over painted trim. 288 00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:47.400 There were physical clues, shy but insistent, a faint curve 289 00:18:47.440 --> 00:18:50.079 in the walls, molding trim that seemed to ark toward 290 00:18:50.200 --> 00:18:53.480 nothing before disappearing. On the floor above, I discovered a 291 00:18:53.480 --> 00:18:56.920 stained glass fixture overlooked in all the maps, with a 292 00:18:56.960 --> 00:19:00.640 swirling pattern and a dedication tiny script painted in one 293 00:19:00.680 --> 00:19:05.559 corner to m l whose spirit brightened these halls. In 294 00:19:05.599 --> 00:19:08.400 the main stacks, three books I'd first encountered in the 295 00:19:08.440 --> 00:19:12.680 alcove now appeared elsewhere. A battered anthology of Great Lakes Shipping, 296 00:19:13.079 --> 00:19:16.720 once shelved in non fiction, now under poetry, a city 297 00:19:16.799 --> 00:19:19.680 found as biography with pages that didn't match my memory. 298 00:19:19.920 --> 00:19:24.599 New events vanished a notations a children's story collection. Its 299 00:19:24.640 --> 00:19:28.119 cover almost the same, but the stories subtly altered from 300 00:19:28.160 --> 00:19:33.119 those I d once shared with my students. Anita, passing 301 00:19:33.119 --> 00:19:36.519 with her usual whirlwind of text books, paused at my questions, 302 00:19:37.119 --> 00:19:40.000 you know what's weird? Books? Just my grate in here. 303 00:19:40.480 --> 00:19:43.440 Sometimes I swear I'll find a mathematics primer in the 304 00:19:43.440 --> 00:19:47.640 local history section, or pamphlets on French grammar hidden between 305 00:19:47.720 --> 00:19:51.799 ancient city directories. I figure its students not paying attention. 306 00:19:52.359 --> 00:19:55.759 Maybe there's a ghost with a sense of humor. The 307 00:19:55.759 --> 00:19:59.119 more I spoke with people, the more odd descrepcies appeared. 308 00:19:59.599 --> 00:20:04.039 Cattle dog cards referenced vanished wings Arden room, third floor. 309 00:20:04.119 --> 00:20:08.359 See also Evening Lectures nineteen seventy one nineteen eighty three, 310 00:20:09.039 --> 00:20:11.839 dedications to donors whose names did not show up in 311 00:20:11.880 --> 00:20:15.759 city records, study rooms that defied alignment with any present 312 00:20:15.839 --> 00:20:19.839 day map. Giles confided he'd once tried to find a 313 00:20:19.880 --> 00:20:23.720 circular gallery someone had written about in nineteen sixty two 314 00:20:23.759 --> 00:20:26.799 minutes it had been nowhere, and he'd chalked it up 315 00:20:26.839 --> 00:20:30.400 to a clerical legend. Each step I took away from 316 00:20:30.440 --> 00:20:35.359 the original mystery only multiplied the contradictions. The clues layered, 317 00:20:35.759 --> 00:20:39.799 bricked up doorways, dedications to families. No one now remembered 318 00:20:40.200 --> 00:20:44.440 stories in books with slight, untraceable changes, and with every 319 00:20:44.440 --> 00:20:48.160 one the clear logical pattern I sought dissolved a little further. 320 00:20:49.240 --> 00:20:52.519 But the world outside the city's hum the river walk, 321 00:20:52.799 --> 00:20:57.119 even the fixed points of communal life, remained solid, consistent. 322 00:20:57.720 --> 00:21:01.400 It was only within these walls, within the drifting habits 323 00:21:01.400 --> 00:21:05.079 of memory and record, that space refused to hold steady. 324 00:21:06.119 --> 00:21:09.400 A lesser mystery might have faded under scrutiny, this one 325 00:21:09.559 --> 00:21:13.200 only grew the task of untangling it all. Followed me 326 00:21:13.240 --> 00:21:17.319 home that afternoon, after a lunch cut short by restlessness. 327 00:21:17.559 --> 00:21:20.079 I sat at the kitchen table and mapped, as best 328 00:21:20.119 --> 00:21:22.720 I could the way I remembered the library's second floor. 329 00:21:23.400 --> 00:21:26.680 I drew rectangles for the official reading rooms, then attempted 330 00:21:26.680 --> 00:21:29.559 to sketch where the river alcove would have fit. It 331 00:21:29.640 --> 00:21:33.160 refused to settle into the current contours. Its arc extended 332 00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:36.880 beyond the wall now occupied by atlases, nudging into what 333 00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:41.720 had clearly become an entirely different space. Overlaying my memory 334 00:21:41.759 --> 00:21:44.920 with the evidence of the new Laoud, the distortion widened. 335 00:21:45.480 --> 00:21:48.240 Not only did the room not exist, but placing it 336 00:21:48.279 --> 00:21:54.039 within to day's architecture created impossibilities. Corridors would overlap, windows 337 00:21:54.079 --> 00:21:58.599 would puncture, walls never designed for light. I returned next 338 00:21:58.680 --> 00:22:02.240 library day, drawn by a compounding sense that my uncertainty 339 00:22:02.319 --> 00:22:06.039 might be shared. I found Ruth and Giles, each leafing 340 00:22:06.119 --> 00:22:09.799 through different shades of history. Ruth met my questions with 341 00:22:09.880 --> 00:22:15.799 half resignation, Giles with scholarly skepticism. Let es be honest, 342 00:22:16.079 --> 00:22:19.599 Ruth said, you aren't the first. Every few years some 343 00:22:19.680 --> 00:22:21.839 one gets it in their head that a study Carrol 344 00:22:21.960 --> 00:22:25.599 or little reading knook was hidden away, a memory so specific. 345 00:22:25.680 --> 00:22:29.559 They'll draw maps or submit written complaints. But when I check, 346 00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:33.359 the paperwork is blank. It's like the room never existed. 347 00:22:34.480 --> 00:22:39.079 Giles characteristically wanted evidence. If there ever was a rounded 348 00:22:39.160 --> 00:22:42.079 river alcove, some one would have written about it. Have 349 00:22:42.160 --> 00:22:47.279 you found any articles or policies mentioning its demolition, its creation? Anything? 350 00:22:48.400 --> 00:22:51.920 I admitted I hadn't, And yet Ruth continued. There was 351 00:22:51.960 --> 00:22:56.079 an assistant librarian in the eighties, Agnes I Think, who 352 00:22:56.119 --> 00:22:58.799 swore the south stairs led to three different wings. In 353 00:22:58.839 --> 00:23:02.799 her first summer. She was so persuaded she walked guests 354 00:23:02.880 --> 00:23:06.519 into a supply closet, expecting a genealogy gallery that no 355 00:23:06.599 --> 00:23:11.640 one else ever found. The implications were unsettling but exhilarating. 356 00:23:12.119 --> 00:23:14.839 I asked if any one besides me had remembered certain 357 00:23:14.960 --> 00:23:19.160 vanished spaces. Giles pursed his lips. Most of us learned 358 00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:21.960 to let go off. The record resists there's always a 359 00:23:22.079 --> 00:23:27.559 reasonable story, renovations, mistakes, or urban myth. But sometimes yes, 360 00:23:27.839 --> 00:23:31.519 the details pile up too neatly to dismiss. It was 361 00:23:31.559 --> 00:23:34.680 at this point that I grasped the scope. The contradiction 362 00:23:34.839 --> 00:23:37.960 was not just between my memory and present day architecture, 363 00:23:38.240 --> 00:23:42.200 but between all available memories and the current physical reality. 364 00:23:42.880 --> 00:23:46.839 I scribbled across my notes. Is the library itself responsible 365 00:23:46.880 --> 00:23:50.960 for this? Or are we? That's how the question moved, 366 00:23:51.359 --> 00:23:53.799 not just what had happened to a single space, but 367 00:23:53.920 --> 00:23:58.640 what system could create such silences. I left my routine, 368 00:23:58.680 --> 00:24:01.599 appended with a setents that I'd pressed a finger into 369 00:24:01.599 --> 00:24:04.880 some seam of the library's hidden structure and found it 370 00:24:04.960 --> 00:24:10.359 flexing back, quietly, resisting my curiosity. The next morning, I 371 00:24:10.480 --> 00:24:13.400 entered the library with a new sort of vigilance. I 372 00:24:13.480 --> 00:24:17.160 started at the entrance, tracing my habitual pattern, but now 373 00:24:17.279 --> 00:24:21.119 keeping an eye for small mismatches edges where architecture or 374 00:24:21.160 --> 00:24:27.000 catalog betrayed its own unreliability. I began with the main directory, 375 00:24:27.319 --> 00:24:31.480 then the placriddled corridor beside the administrative office. The display 376 00:24:31.599 --> 00:24:35.400 was careful, a neat timeline, ending at the most recent expansion, 377 00:24:35.759 --> 00:24:39.119 A panoply of donors framed just above eye level, and 378 00:24:39.200 --> 00:24:43.200 to the left a collection of faded photographs depicting ceremonial 379 00:24:43.279 --> 00:24:47.960 ribbon cuttings, long vanished staff faces, and the steady transformation 380 00:24:48.119 --> 00:24:52.839 of the library's exterior. None referenced the river alcove, Yet 381 00:24:52.920 --> 00:24:56.480 under a Lascar family nineteen fifty two in the donor register, 382 00:24:56.720 --> 00:24:59.880 a gap appeared. The log named the family, but failed 383 00:24:59.880 --> 00:25:03.440 to to append a room or visible donation description. Other 384 00:25:03.519 --> 00:25:09.119 donors had exact attributions children's wings sofas circulation desk needs 385 00:25:09.119 --> 00:25:13.960 funded by this or that. The Lascar entry floated oddly unattached. 386 00:25:14.960 --> 00:25:18.000 I proceeded to the staff's map closet, a low cabinet 387 00:25:18.039 --> 00:25:20.960 at the rear of the reference desk. No one stopped me. 388 00:25:21.480 --> 00:25:24.960 Among the various blueprints marked with both pencil and read 389 00:25:24.960 --> 00:25:30.119 ink notations was a folder labeled obsolete layouts. I spread 390 00:25:30.119 --> 00:25:33.160 them out on an empty reference table, ignoring the quick 391 00:25:33.240 --> 00:25:38.440 glances of passing patrons. Early maps, whathered almost to translucence, 392 00:25:38.720 --> 00:25:42.920 revealed a patchwork of changing room titles. Several included spaces 393 00:25:43.000 --> 00:25:46.920 labeled reading Room E or staff Retreat North, but never 394 00:25:46.960 --> 00:25:51.599 a rounded alcove, matching my visual memory. When annotated alterations 395 00:25:51.599 --> 00:25:56.279 were simply r M, reassigned or merged with gallery, no 396 00:25:56.400 --> 00:25:59.920 evidence directly for or against the missing nook, only evidence 397 00:25:59.920 --> 00:26:03.759 of a constant quiet churn. I felt as if I 398 00:26:03.799 --> 00:26:06.920 were searching for the shadow, something no longer willing to 399 00:26:06.920 --> 00:26:11.440 be found. Turning my search outward, I ran into Giles again. 400 00:26:11.880 --> 00:26:15.160 He too had become energized by the mystery. He squinted 401 00:26:15.200 --> 00:26:17.519