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<v Speaker 1>Section twelve of WE featuring records twenty four and twenty five.

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<v Speaker 1>This is a LibriVox recording. All LibriVox recordings are in

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<v Speaker 1>the public domain. For more information or to volunteer, please

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<v Speaker 1>visit LibriVox dot org. We by Yevgenizamitten, translated by Gregory Zilberg,

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<v Speaker 1>Record twenty four. The limit of the function easter to

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<v Speaker 1>cross out everything. I am like a motor set in

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<v Speaker 1>motion at a speed of too many revolutions per second.

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<v Speaker 1>The bearings have become too hot, and in one more

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<v Speaker 1>minute the molten metal will begin to drip, and everything

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<v Speaker 1>will go to the devil cold water quick some logic,

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<v Speaker 1>I pour pails full of it, But my logic merely

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<v Speaker 1>sizzles on the hot metal and disappears in the air

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<v Speaker 1>in the form of vapor. Of course, it is clear

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<v Speaker 1>that in order to establish the true meaning of a function,

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<v Speaker 1>one must establish its limit. It is also clear than

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<v Speaker 1>yesterday's solution in the universe taken to its limit, is death,

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<v Speaker 1>For death is exactly the most complete dissolution of the

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<v Speaker 1>self in the universe. Hence L equals function of d.

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<v Speaker 1>Love is the function of death, Yes, exactly exactly. That

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<v Speaker 1>is why I am afraid of I three thirty. I

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<v Speaker 1>struggle against her. I don't want But why is it

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<v Speaker 1>that within me I don't want to and I want

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<v Speaker 1>to stand side by side? That is the chief horror

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<v Speaker 1>of the matter. I continue to long for that happy

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<v Speaker 1>death of yesterday. The horror of it is that, even now,

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<v Speaker 1>when I have integrated the logical function, when it becomes

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<v Speaker 1>evident that the latter contains death hidden in it, nevertheless

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<v Speaker 1>I long for it with my lips, arms, breast, with

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<v Speaker 1>every millimeter. Tomorrow is the day of unanimity. She will

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<v Speaker 1>certainly be there, and I shall see her, though from

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<v Speaker 1>a distance. That distance will be painful to me, for

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<v Speaker 1>I must be. I am inevitably drawn close to her,

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<v Speaker 1>so that her hands, her shoulder, her hair. I long

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<v Speaker 1>for even that pain. Let it come great, Well, doer,

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<v Speaker 1>how absurd to desire pain? Who is ignorant of the

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<v Speaker 1>simple fact that pains are negative items which reduce that

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<v Speaker 1>sum total we call happiness consequently well no, consequently, emptiness nakedness.

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<v Speaker 1>The same evening, through the glass wall of the house,

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<v Speaker 1>I see a disquieting, windy, feverishly pink sunset. I move

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<v Speaker 1>my armchair to avoid that pinkness, and turn over these pages,

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<v Speaker 1>and I find I am forgetting that I write this

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<v Speaker 1>not for myself, but for you, unknown people, whom I

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<v Speaker 1>love and pity, for you who still lag centuries behind below.

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<v Speaker 1>Let me tell you about the Day of Unanimity, About

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<v Speaker 1>that great day. I think that day for us is

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<v Speaker 1>what Easter was for the ancients. I remember I used

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<v Speaker 1>to prepare an hour calendar the eve of that day.

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<v Speaker 1>Solemnly I would cross out every time the figure of

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<v Speaker 1>the hour elapsed nearer by one hour, one hour less

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<v Speaker 1>to wait. If I were certain that nobody would discover it,

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<v Speaker 1>I assure you I should now too, make out such

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<v Speaker 1>a calendar and carry it with me, and I should

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<v Speaker 1>watch how many hours remain until tomorrow, when I shall see,

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<v Speaker 1>at least from a distance. I was interrupted. They brought

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<v Speaker 1>me a new Unif from the shop. As is customary,

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<v Speaker 1>new Unifs are given to us for tomorrow's celebration. Steps

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<v Speaker 1>in the hall, exclamations of joy, noises. I shall continue. Tomorrow.

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<v Speaker 1>I shall see the same spectacle which we see year

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<v Speaker 1>after year, and which always awakes us in fresh emotions,

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<v Speaker 1>as though we saw it for the first time. An

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<v Speaker 1>impressive throng of piously lifted arms. Tomorrow is the day

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<v Speaker 1>of the yearly election of the well doer. Tomorrow we

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<v Speaker 1>shall again hand over to our well doer the keys

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<v Speaker 1>to them pregnable fortress of our happiness. Certainly, this in

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<v Speaker 1>no way resembles the disorderly, unorganized election days of the ancients,

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<v Speaker 1>on which it seems so funny. They did not even

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<v Speaker 1>know and advance the result of the election to build

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<v Speaker 1>a state on some non discountable contingencies, to build blindly

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<v Speaker 1>what could be more nonsensical. Yet centuries were required to

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<v Speaker 1>pass before this was understood. Needless to say, we, in

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<v Speaker 1>this respect, as in all others, have no place for contingencies.

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<v Speaker 1>Nothing unexpected can happen. The elections themselves have rather a

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<v Speaker 1>symbolic meeting. They remind us that we are a united,

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<v Speaker 1>powerful organism of millions of cells, that, to use the

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<v Speaker 1>language of the Gospel of the Ancients, we are a

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<v Speaker 1>united church. The history of the United States know as

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<v Speaker 1>not a single case in which, upon this solemn day

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<v Speaker 1>even a solitary voice has dared to violate the magnificent unison.

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<v Speaker 1>They say that the ancients used to conduct their elections

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<v Speaker 1>secretly stealthily like thebes. Some of our historians assert even

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<v Speaker 1>that they would come to the electoral celebrations completely masked.

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<v Speaker 1>Imagine the weird, fantastic spectacle night a plaza along the walls,

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<v Speaker 1>the stealthily creeping figures covered with mantles, the red flame

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<v Speaker 1>of torches dancing in the wind. Why was such secrecy necessary?

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<v Speaker 1>It has never been satisfactorily explained. Probably it resulted from

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<v Speaker 1>the fact that elections were associated with some mystic and superstitious,

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<v Speaker 1>perhaps even criminal ceremonies. We have nothing to conceal or

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<v Speaker 1>to be ashamed of. We celebrate our elections openly, honestly,

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<v Speaker 1>in daylight. I see them all vote for the well doer,

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<v Speaker 1>and everybody sees me vote for the well doer. How

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<v Speaker 1>could it be otherwise? Since all and I are one?

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<v Speaker 1>We how ennobling, sincere lofty? Is this compared with the cowardly,

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<v Speaker 1>thievish secrecy of the ancients? Moreover, how much more expedient

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<v Speaker 1>for even admitting for a moment the impossible, that is,

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<v Speaker 1>the outbreak of some dissonance in our customary unity. In

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<v Speaker 1>that case, our unseen guardians are always right there among us.

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<v Speaker 1>Are they not to register the numbers who would fall

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<v Speaker 1>into error, and save them from any further false steps.

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<v Speaker 1>The United State is theirs, the numbers. And besides, through

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<v Speaker 1>the wall to my left a she number Before the

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<v Speaker 1>mirror door of the closet. She is hastily unbuttoning her

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<v Speaker 1>unif for a second, swiftly, eyes, lips too sharp, pink.

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<v Speaker 1>The curtains fell within me instantly awoke all that happened yesterday,

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<v Speaker 1>And now I no longer know what I meant to

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<v Speaker 1>say by Besides, I no longer wish to I cannot.

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<v Speaker 1>I want one thing. I want I three thirty. I

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<v Speaker 1>want her every minute, every second, to be with me,

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<v Speaker 1>with no one else. All that I wrote about unanimity

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<v Speaker 1>is of no value. It is not what I want.

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<v Speaker 1>I have a desire to cross it out, to tear

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<v Speaker 1>it to pieces, and throw it away, for I know

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<v Speaker 1>be it a sacrilege. Yet it is the truth that

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<v Speaker 1>a glorious day is possible only with her, and only then,

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<v Speaker 1>when we are side by side, shoulder to shoulder. Without her,

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<v Speaker 1>the sun of tomorrow will appear to me only as

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<v Speaker 1>a little circle cut out of a tin sheet, and

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<v Speaker 1>the sky a sheet of tin painted blue, And I myself,

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<v Speaker 1>I snatched the telephone receiver. I three thirty, are you there, Yes,

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<v Speaker 1>it is I. Why so late? Perhaps not too late yet?

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<v Speaker 1>I want to ask you. I want you to be

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<v Speaker 1>with me tomorrow. Dear, dear, I said in a very

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<v Speaker 1>low voice. And for some reason a thing I saw

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<v Speaker 1>this morning at the docks flashed through my mind. Just

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<v Speaker 1>for fun, someone put a watch under the hundred ton

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<v Speaker 1>sledge hammer. A swing, a breath of wind in the face,

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<v Speaker 1>and the silent one hundred ton knife like weight on

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<v Speaker 1>the breakable watch. A silence, I thought. I heard someone

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<v Speaker 1>whisper in I three thirty's room, then her voice. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I cannot, of course, you understand that I myself. No,

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<v Speaker 1>I cannot why you shall see tomorrow night, Record twenty

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<v Speaker 1>five The Descent from Heaven, the greatest catastrophe in history.

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<v Speaker 1>The known is ended at the beginning, all arose, and

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<v Speaker 1>the hymn, like a solemn mantle, slowly waved above our heads,

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<v Speaker 1>hundreds of tubes of the musical tower and millions of

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<v Speaker 1>human voices. For a second, I forgot everything. I forgot

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<v Speaker 1>that alarming something at which I three thirty hinted in

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<v Speaker 1>connection with today's celebration, I think I even forgot about her.

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<v Speaker 1>At that moment, I was the very same little boy

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<v Speaker 1>who once wept because of a tiny ink stain on

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<v Speaker 1>his unif which no one else could see. Even if

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<v Speaker 1>it be so, If nobody but he sees that I

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<v Speaker 1>am covered with black, ineffaceable stains, I know it, do

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<v Speaker 1>I not? I know that there should be no place

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<v Speaker 1>for a criminal like me among these frank, open faces.

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<v Speaker 1>What if I should rush forward and shout out all

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<v Speaker 1>at once everything about myself, the end might follow. Let it,

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<v Speaker 1>at least for a second, I would feel myself clear

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<v Speaker 1>and clean and senseless. Like that innocent blue sky. All

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<v Speaker 1>eyes were directed upward in the pure morning, blue, still

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<v Speaker 1>moist with the tears of night. A small dark spot appeared.

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<v Speaker 1>Now it was dark, now bathed in the rays of

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<v Speaker 1>the sun. It was He descending to us from the sky.

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<v Speaker 1>He the new Jehovah in an arrow, he as wise

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<v Speaker 1>and as lovingly cruel as the Jehovah of the ancients.

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<v Speaker 1>Nearer and nearer and higher toward him were drawn millions

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<v Speaker 1>of hearts. Already he saw us, and in my mind

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<v Speaker 1>with him, I looked over everything from the heights, concentric

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<v Speaker 1>circles of stands marked with dotted blue lines of unifs,

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<v Speaker 1>like circles of a spider web, strewn with microscopic suns,

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<v Speaker 1>the shining of the badges, and in the center. There

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<v Speaker 1>Soon the wise white spider would occupy his place, the

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<v Speaker 1>well doer clad in white, the well doer who wisely

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<v Speaker 1>tangled our hands and feet in the salutary net of happiness.

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<v Speaker 1>His magnificent descent from the sky was accomplished. The brassy

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<v Speaker 1>hymn came to silence. All sat down at once. I

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<v Speaker 1>perceived that everything was really a very thin spider web,

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<v Speaker 1>the threads of which were stretched, tense and trembling, and

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<v Speaker 1>it seemed that in a moment those threads might break

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<v Speaker 1>and something improbable. I half rose and looked around, and

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<v Speaker 1>I met many lovingly worried eyes, which passed from one

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<v Speaker 1>face to another. I saw someone lifting his hand and

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<v Speaker 1>almost imperceptibly waving his fingers, making signs to another. The

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<v Speaker 1>latter replied with a similar finger sign, and a third.

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<v Speaker 1>I understood they were the guardians. I understood they were

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<v Speaker 1>alarmed by something. The spider web was stretched and trembling,

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<v Speaker 1>and within me, as if tuned to the same wavelength

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<v Speaker 1>of a radio within me. There was a corresponding quiver.

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<v Speaker 1>On the platform. A poet was reciting his pre electoral ode.

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<v Speaker 1>I could not hear a single word. I only felt

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<v Speaker 1>the rhythmic swing of the hexametric pendulum, and with its

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<v Speaker 1>every motion I felt how nearer and nearer there was

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<v Speaker 1>approaching some hour set for. I continued to turn over

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<v Speaker 1>face after face like pages, but I could not find

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<v Speaker 1>the one, the only one I was seeking, the one

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<v Speaker 1>I needed to find at once, as soon as possible,

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<v Speaker 1>for one more swing of the pendulum. And it was he.

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<v Speaker 1>Certainly it was he below past the main platform, gliding

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<v Speaker 1>over the sparkling glass. The ear wings, flapped by the

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<v Speaker 1>running body, gave a reflection of a double curved s

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<v Speaker 1>like a noose, which was rolling towards some of the

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<v Speaker 1>intricate passages among the stands s. I three thirty. There

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<v Speaker 1>is some thread between them. I've always felt some thread

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<v Speaker 1>between them. I don't know yet what that thread is,

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<v Speaker 1>but someday I shall untangle it. I planted my gaze

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<v Speaker 1>on him. He was rushing further away, behind him that

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<v Speaker 1>invisible thread there he stopped. There, I was pierced, twisted

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<v Speaker 1>together into a knot. As if by a lightning like

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<v Speaker 1>many vaulted electric discharge in my row, not more than

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<v Speaker 1>forty degrees from me, s stopped and bowed. I saw

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<v Speaker 1>I three thirty, and beside her, the smiling repellent negro

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<v Speaker 1>lipped R. Thirteen. My first thought was to rush to

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<v Speaker 1>her and cry, why with him? Why did you not want?

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<v Speaker 1>But the salutary invisible spiderweb bound fast my hands and feet,

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<v Speaker 1>so gritting my teeth together, I sat stiff as iron,

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<v Speaker 1>my gaze fixed upon them, a sharp physical pain at

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<v Speaker 1>my heart. I remember my thought, if non physical causes

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<v Speaker 1>affect physical pain, then it is clear that I regret

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<v Speaker 1>that I did not come to any conclusion. I remember

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<v Speaker 1>only that something about soul flashed through my mind, a

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<v Speaker 1>purely nonsensical ancient expression. His soul fell into his boots,

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<v Speaker 1>passed through my head. My heart sank. The hexameter came

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<v Speaker 1>to an end. It was about to start. What it

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<v Speaker 1>the five minute pre election recess established by custom. The

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<v Speaker 1>custom established pre electional silence. But now it was not

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<v Speaker 1>that pious, really prayer like silence that it usually was.

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<v Speaker 1>Now it was as in the ancient days, when there

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<v Speaker 1>were no accumulating towers when the sky, still untamed in

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<v Speaker 1>those days, would roar from time to time with its storms.

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<v Speaker 1>It was like the lull before the storm of the

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<v Speaker 1>ancient days. The air seemed to be made of transparent,

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<v Speaker 1>vaporized cast iron. One wanted to breathe with one's mouth

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<v Speaker 1>wide open, My hearing intense to painfulness registered from behind

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<v Speaker 1>a mouselike, gnawing, worried whisper. Without lifting my eyes, I

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<v Speaker 1>saw those two I, three thirty, and are thirteen, side

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<v Speaker 1>by side, shoulder to shoulder, and on my knees, my trembling, foreign, hateful,

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<v Speaker 1>hairy hands. Everybody was holding a badge with a clock

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<v Speaker 1>in his hands. One two, three, five minutes from the

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<v Speaker 1>main platform, a cast iron slow voice. Those in favor

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<v Speaker 1>shall lift their hands, if only I dared look straight

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<v Speaker 1>into his eyes as formerly straight and devotedly, and think,

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<v Speaker 1>here I am, my whole self. Take me. But now

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<v Speaker 1>I did not dare. I had to make an effort

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<v Speaker 1>to raise my hand, as if my joints were rusty,

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<v Speaker 1>A whisper of millions of hands. Someone subdued ah, and

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<v Speaker 1>I felt something was coming, falling heavily, but I could

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<v Speaker 1>not understand what it was, and I did not have

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<v Speaker 1>the strength or courage to take a look those opposed.

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<v Speaker 1>This was always the most magnificent moment of our celebration.

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<v Speaker 1>All would remain sitting motionless, joyfully bowing their heads under

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<v Speaker 1>the salutary yoke of that number of numbers. But now,

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<v Speaker 1>to my horror again, I heard a rustle light as

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<v Speaker 1>a sigh. Yet it was more distinct even than the

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<v Speaker 1>brass tube of the hymn. Thus the last sigh in

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<v Speaker 1>a man's life. Around him, people with their faces pale

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<v Speaker 1>and with drops of cold sweat upon their forehead. I

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<v Speaker 1>lifted my eyes, and it took one hundredth of a second.

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<v Speaker 1>Only I saw thousands of hands arise, opposed and fall back.

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<v Speaker 1>I saw the pale, cross marked face of I three thirty,

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<v Speaker 1>and her lifted hand. Darkness came upon my eyes another

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<v Speaker 1>hundredth of a second. Silence, quiet the pulse, then, as

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<v Speaker 1>if at the sign of some mad conductor, from all

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<v Speaker 1>the stands rattling, shouting, a whirlwind of unifs, lifted by

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<v Speaker 1>the rush, the perplexed figures of the guardians running to

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<v Speaker 1>and fro some one's heels in the air near my eyes,

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<v Speaker 1>and close to those heels someone's wide open mouth, tearing

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<v Speaker 1>itself by an inaudible stream. For some reason, this picture

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<v Speaker 1>remains particularly distinct in my memory. Thousands of mouths, noiselessly yelling,

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<v Speaker 1>as if on the screen of a monstrous cinema, also

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<v Speaker 1>as if on a screen somewhere below at a distance.

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<v Speaker 1>For a second, ninety pressed against the wall in a passage,

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<v Speaker 1>her lips white, defending her abdomen with crossed arms, she disappeared,

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<v Speaker 1>as if washed away by a wave or else. I

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<v Speaker 1>simply forgot her, because this was not on the screen anymore,

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<v Speaker 1>but within me, within my compressed heart, within the rapidly

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<v Speaker 1>pulsating temples over my head. Somewhat to the left, AR

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<v Speaker 1>thirteen suddenly jumped upon a bench, all sprinkling red, rabid,

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<v Speaker 1>and his arms was I three thirty, pale, her unuf

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<v Speaker 1>torn from shoulder to breast, red, blood on white. She

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<v Speaker 1>firmly held him round the neck, and he, with huge

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<v Speaker 1>leaps from bench to bench, repellent and agile, like a gorilla,

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<v Speaker 1>was carrying her upward, as if it were in a

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<v Speaker 1>fire of ancient days. Everything became red around me, only

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<v Speaker 1>one thing in my head to jump after them, to

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<v Speaker 1>catch them. At this moment, I cannot explain to myself

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<v Speaker 1>the source of that strength within me. But like a

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<v Speaker 1>battering ram, I broke through the crowd, over somebody's shoulder,

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<v Speaker 1>over a bench, and I was there in a moment

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<v Speaker 1>and caught Arthur teen by the collar. Don't you dare?

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<v Speaker 1>Don't you dare? I say immediately. Fortunately no one could

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<v Speaker 1>hear my voice as everyone was shouting and running. Who

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<v Speaker 1>is it? What's the matter? What? Arthur Teene turned around.

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<v Speaker 1>His sprinkling lips were trembling. He apparently thought it was

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<v Speaker 1>one of the guardians. What I don't want, I won't

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<v Speaker 1>allow put her down at once, But he only sprinkled

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<v Speaker 1>angrily with his lips, shook his head, and ran on.

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<v Speaker 1>Then I am terribly ashamed to write all this down,

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<v Speaker 1>but I believe I must so that you, my unknown readers,

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<v Speaker 1>may make a complete study of my disease. Then I

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<v Speaker 1>hit him over the head with all my might. You

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<v Speaker 1>understand I hit him, This I remember distinctly. I also

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<v Speaker 1>remember a feeling of liberation that followed my action, a

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<v Speaker 1>feeling of lightness in my whole body. I three p

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<v Speaker 1>thirty slid quickly out of his arms. Go away, she

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<v Speaker 1>shouted to ar don't you see that he go? Arthur

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<v Speaker 1>teen showed his way, negro teeth sprinkled into my face.

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<v Speaker 1>Some word dived down and disappeared, And I picked up

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<v Speaker 1>by three thirty, pressed her firmly to myself, and carried

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<v Speaker 1>her away. My heart was beating forcibly. It seemed enormous,

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<v Speaker 1>and with every beat it would splash out such a thundering,

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<v Speaker 1>such a hot such a joyful wave, a flash. Let

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<v Speaker 1>them below there, let them toss and rush and yell

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<v Speaker 1>and fall. What matter if something has fallen, if something

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<v Speaker 1>has been shattered to dust, Little matter? Only to remain

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<v Speaker 1>this way and carry her, carry and carry the same

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<v Speaker 1>Evening twenty two o'clock I hold my pen with great difficulty,

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<v Speaker 1>such an extraordinary fatigue, after all the dizzying events of

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<v Speaker 1>this morning. Is it possible that the strong, salutary, centuries

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<v Speaker 1>old walls of the United States have fallen? Is it

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<v Speaker 1>possible that we are again without a roof over our heads,

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<v Speaker 1>back in the wild state of freedom like our remote ancestors.

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<v Speaker 1>Is it possible that we have lost our well doer

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<v Speaker 1>opposed on the day of unanimity? Opposed? I am ashamed

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<v Speaker 1>of them, painfully, fearfully ashamed. But who were they? And

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<v Speaker 1>who am I? They? We do I know? I shall continue.

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<v Speaker 1>She was sitting where I had brought her, on the

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<v Speaker 1>uppermost glass bench, which was hot from the sun. Her

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<v Speaker 1>right shoulder, in the beginning of the wonderful and incalculable curve,

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<v Speaker 1>were uncovered an exceedingly thin serpent of blood. She seemed

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<v Speaker 1>not to be aware of the blood, or that her

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<v Speaker 1>breast was uncovered. No, I will say. Rather, she seemed

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<v Speaker 1>to see all that, and seemed to feel that it

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<v Speaker 1>was essential to her that if her unuf were unbuttoned,

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<v Speaker 1>she would have torn it. She would have and tomorrow,

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<v Speaker 1>she breathed the words through sparkling, white clenched teeth, tomorrow.

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<v Speaker 1>Nobody knows. What do you understand? Neither I nor anyone

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<v Speaker 1>else knows. It is unknown. Do you realize what a

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<v Speaker 1>joy it is? Do you realize that all that was

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<v Speaker 1>certain has come to an end? Now things will be new, improbable, unforeseen.

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<v Speaker 1>Below the human waves were still foaming, tossing, roaring, But

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<v Speaker 1>they seemed to be very far away, and to be

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<v Speaker 1>growing more and more distant, For she was looking at me.

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<v Speaker 1>She slowly drew me into herself through the narrow golden

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<v Speaker 1>windows of her pupils. We thus remained silent for a

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<v Speaker 1>long while, and for some reason I recalled how once

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<v Speaker 1>I watched some queer yellow pupils through the green wall,

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<v Speaker 1>while above the wall birds were soaring. Or was this

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<v Speaker 1>another time? Listen? If nothing particular happens tomorrow, I shall

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<v Speaker 1>take you there. Do you understand? No? I did not understand,

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<v Speaker 1>but I nodded in silence. I was dissolved. I became infinitesimal,

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<v Speaker 1>a geometrical point. After all, there is some logic, a

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<v Speaker 1>peculiar logic of today. In this state of being a point,

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<v Speaker 1>A point has more unknowns than any other entity. If

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<v Speaker 1>a point should start to move and might become thousands

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<v Speaker 1>of curves or hundreds of solids, I was afraid to

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<v Speaker 1>budge what might I have become if I had moved.

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<v Speaker 1>It seemed to me that everybody, like myself, was afraid

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<v Speaker 1>now of even the most minute of motions. At this moment.

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<v Speaker 1>For instance, as I sit and write, everyone is sitting

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<v Speaker 1>hidden in his glass cell expecting something. I do not

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<v Speaker 1>hear the buzzing of the elevators usual at this hour,

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<v Speaker 1>or to laughter or steps. From time to time, no

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<v Speaker 1>numbers pass in couples through the hall, whispering on tiptoe,

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<v Speaker 1>what will happen tomorrow? What will become of me tomorrow?

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<v Speaker 1>End of Section twelve.