Speaker 1: Hey guys, thanks for checking out this episode of Good
Morning from Hell. You can also subscribe and download the
latest episode wherever you get podcasts.
Speaker 2: Good Morning from Hell. It's you, good buddy Clayton here
with my best friend Chris. We're here to interview all
the tenets of Hell and torture Chris.
Speaker 3: Chris, how you doing I'm doing good.
Speaker 2: You always say that you're doing good when really you
should be doing bad, and I am doing bad. That's
more just a saying okay, Well, it makes me want
to torture you more because it's like Chris is having
a good time.
Speaker 3: I'm not doing my job right.
Speaker 2: I'm gonna have to like stick some spurs up his
butt or something, you know.
Speaker 4: Just yeah, do you get judged? I mean, do you
have any sort of rating system where you do you
have to.
Speaker 3: Like what like, yelp you what are my business? No?
I'm like, you're not the president of Hell, You're the
vice president of Hell. Yeah. Well, do you have a
review with Satan? I mean not really, there's not a
lot of oversight. It is Hell Chaos is kind of
like our thing down here, just saying, does do you
you report to Satan? Well?
Speaker 2: I don't know about reporting. I mean we're kind of
like at the same level eye to eye.
Speaker 3: How tall is he?
Speaker 2: He's seven five, Okay, yeah, so so it's maybe not
eye to eye.
Speaker 3: I mean he's he I'm pretty tough.
Speaker 2: I'll go and I'll do that thing where I puffed
my chest out and I'm going to satan and then
he'll be like, whoa.
Speaker 3: You know, so like, yeah, it's a bit that's scary. Yeah, no, he's.
Speaker 2: Yeah, it's a weird relationship, but like we're equal standing.
I would say, uh huh yeah. I mean I'm a
tough guy, Chris. I'm a tough guy.
Speaker 3: I know. I know. Yeah. Better.
Speaker 4: So it's an important time of the year for Hell,
right down here in Hell as well as up on Earth.
Yeah yeah, I mean you guys up there, well you
were now.
Speaker 2: Before he died and then came down to be you know,
eternally tormented. You were doing Thanksgiving, but down here is
your first ever hates Giving.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Yeah, yeah, the holiday spirit. Yeah, I'm feeling a
lot of hate in my heart. That's oh, that's that
is so good to hear, Chris. Yeah.
Speaker 2: So for those of you who don't know who are listening,
on the earth realm. Hates Giving is one day out
of every year. It's the third Monday of November where
we all sit around and reflect on the things that
we hate the most and then we get drunk and
we eat really shitty foods.
Speaker 3: And we fight a lot. Yeah. Yeah, so the third
Monday of November. Yeah, when did November start? Then? What
am I a calendar? I don't know?
Speaker 4: Okay, just making sure Okay, Well yeah, no, it's a time,
is not, you know, a thing whatever. Shouldn't try and
keep up with it.
Speaker 3: Don't try. Don't if you're if you're keeping track of
Hell's calendar, you're listening wrong.
Speaker 2: Yeah exactly. So anyways, uh yeah, hates Giving. That's the
important thing.
Speaker 4: I mean, Thanksgiving was my second favorite holiday. Oh really yeah,
so it's it's tough. I miss my family. Is every
way you can like tell me how they're doing.
Speaker 2: Well, you're dead, So normally, you know, people would be
like really sad and this would be like a period
of mornings. Oh it's our first Thanksgiving without Chris. They're
doing great. Yeah, they're one less smouth to feed. You
do not have to pull your bullshit with Like there
was the cranberries. Nobody liked cranberries. You were the only
one that like cranberries. Oh yeah, yeah, sorry to break
it to you that way, but honestly, I think they're
better off.
Speaker 3: Yeah. That should make you feel better in some way, right,
I mean, I guess in a weird way. Yeah, I'm
kind of happy for them. But yeah, that's great, Jill
have is there like a feast? Oh yeah, and you'll
you'll partake in that.
Speaker 2: Basically, we feast on the flush of the infidels. Yeah,
we line them up on a big old table and
all the demons we just yeah, you'll you'll be able
to join us for that one.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's gonna be great. Cool, it sounds fun. Yeah,
the Infidel's taste not very good.
Speaker 2: But because you guys are in so much pain, it
just brings joy to our hearts. That Yeah, I mean
what you said. The Thanksgiving was your second favorite holiday.
Speaker 3: It was your first Christmas and holidays.
Speaker 4: Yeah, I'm looking forward to you know, I don't know
if you guys do anything for Christmas around here?
Speaker 3: Oh you mean the Birth of Jesus Christ? Do we
celebrate it? Tom here in Hell? Let me let me
think about that one for a real quick yeah. No, no, okay.
Speaker 2: Sorry, We're not gonna have a fucking pine tree hung
up and a bunch of gifts with your name on it.
Speaker 3: Yeah. Things are a little bit different down here. Okay, yeah,
all right, you'll get the gift the gift of pain.
Yeah what oh no, thanks, I was just trying to
go with it. I'm sorry. Okay.
Speaker 2: Well, so I don't want your yes ending please. Yeah,
we might actually have a guest on. I have somebody
in mind for the holiday season. You might know the guy,
oh for Christmas. Yeah, holidays might bring a big special
guest on. And I do mean big in jolly hint.
Speaker 3: All right.
Speaker 2: Yeah, anyways, he's not bringing you gifts though, so don't
get your fucking hopes up.
Speaker 3: That's why I knit you a special sweater. Huh. So
here you go. Here's a sweater. Go go ahead and
put it on. Do I have to? Yes? Okay? Yeah.
Speaker 1: No.
Speaker 2: It's it's made out of you know that stuff that
you when you wash dishes, and it's like it's like
a metal still wolf.
Speaker 3: Yeah, it's actually it's made of steel wool.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 4: It's super scratchy, yeah, and also very warm, warm is
and it's heating up.
Speaker 3: Yeah, burning my flesh. So hey, yeah, you're welcome. Yeah,
so we have two guests this week.
Speaker 2: Yeah, that's right, since it is the time of the season.
My mom's stopping by. So come on, come on in here,
come on in here. No, stop it, mama.
Speaker 5: Hello, Oh my god, it is so good to see you.
I brought you guys, some stuff. I brought you some
horned bread, some mashed dirt, and some dibble diggs.
Speaker 3: Oh classic, mom, this is my mom. Uh, Lucy fer.
Speaker 5: Hi, I'm Lucy Fur.
Speaker 2: Another mistranslation. Everyone was like, oh, loocifer is the you
know the's my mom?
Speaker 5: Yeah, please, it's It's okay if you get confused, or
I don't, I'm always confused.
Speaker 3: It's true. She's getting up there in years. So should
I call you missus fur?
Speaker 5: Or oh you can just call you can call me
fur just fur. Yeah.
Speaker 4: Yeah wait wait, wait real quick? Does that mean your
name is Clayton Fur?
Speaker 5: Oh my god, yes it is. It's Clayton Fur.
Speaker 3: Don't tell my middle then Roosevelt.
Speaker 5: Roosevelt. Oh god, stopping mom. I just want to you're
burning up.
Speaker 3: Oh I got oh mom, I'm a demon. Duh.
Speaker 5: Okay, you don't. Are you gonna fight with me right now?
Speaker 3: No? No, ma'am all right, sorry mom?
Speaker 6: Uh?
Speaker 2: Anyways, does my mom love her to death? She says
she used to be my best friend.
Speaker 3: And now you are best friend.
Speaker 6: Huh.
Speaker 5: Yeah. We used to go backpacking through the depths of
Organs Oregon, Oregon.
Speaker 2: Oh, it's like our version of Oregon's Organs.
Speaker 3: Like, oh oh Oregon.
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, Yeah, all of Hell is the corpse of
a giant celestial being and we traveled through his organs.
Speaker 6: Oh, and you can lick the walls.
Speaker 3: Yeah, they it's like Shnawsberry's. Yeah. My mom's pretty great.
She raised me and my brother right.
Speaker 5: Oh god. Yeah, it was a brutal, brutal upbringing and
it was lovely.
Speaker 3: Yeah. I love every second of it.
Speaker 4: Well, I have a lot of questions about Clayton growing up.
But I actually have a guest too, that's right.
Speaker 2: So I took a bit of a chance this week
and I let Chris put on his big old producer
pants and I let him.
Speaker 3: Book a guest. So, Chris, you're here to surprise me.
Who's the guest?
Speaker 2: Uh?
Speaker 4: Well, I was walking through the hallway of Hell. There's
a long hallway. Yes, extremely one big hallway. Didn't go anywhere,
just big circle, and I bumped into Sigmund Freud.
Speaker 3: So segment, motherfucker.
Speaker 2: Recommend hello the one time I decided to introduce you
to my mom.
Speaker 3: You bring this fucking guy.
Speaker 6: Guys, this is very nice like sex in here.
Speaker 5: Oh I love sex. Mom.
Speaker 7: I've got to say, whoever you too are, the sexual
energy between you.
Speaker 6: Two is just so strong right now.
Speaker 2: Oh god, oh.
Speaker 3: My Freud, this is my mom. Thank you very much.
Speaker 6: Your name is well, that makes a lot of sense.
Speaker 7: Well, I have to say that this a whole studio
is very very nice. Hell in general has been very lovely.
It's everything I've wanted has been this place. So I
just have to thank you for putting me off, Sigmund.
Speaker 3: That's not the point of Hell.
Speaker 2: You're here to be punished eternally because you were spreading
this terrible education about mom's fucking sons and holding ass
butts anal retentive ship.
Speaker 7: Well, you can't really punish someone for being right, can you.
Speaker 3: So, Sigmund Freud, you created psychology, right.
Speaker 7: I am the father of psychoanalysis, which is basically everything
that you experience in life comes from the penis, and.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, I knew that there was something special
about penises. I just couldn't figure it out. It is.
Speaker 3: People are listening that you're embarrassing.
Speaker 2: Me right now?
Speaker 5: Should I go?
Speaker 6: And I think you should stay?
Speaker 5: Should I go? I don't want to importance.
Speaker 6: It's very important.
Speaker 7: Let me ask you about this relationship with your mother's.
Speaker 3: No, that's not necessary. No, no, no, I want to hear.
Speaker 6: When you were born. What is your first memory of her?
Speaker 3: Okay, I remember he's very young. I think I was
in your closet.
Speaker 2: We don't need to talk about the rest of it's
very hazy, mom, and I don't remember it.
Speaker 5: Yes, you do. What you saw was me having sex
with your father and his father and his sister.
Speaker 7: Sounds like a completely normal, loving family to me.
Speaker 5: Yes. If you're going to spread a seat, you better
spread it well.
Speaker 6: You know.
Speaker 8: I always thought that we most of who we are
comes from childhood trauma, But seeing as you've had none there,
you think makes this strong relationship between a mother and son, and.
Speaker 6: How much of it is through the penis in your estimation?
Because I have some salts.
Speaker 2: I mean, my mom raised me right, you know, she
she beat me with the belt and you know, like
that beat the devil. Huh yeah, well no, because it's
my brother, dumbass. But I mean she uh physical verbal abuse.
She was all a very standard hell upbringing. You know.
Speaker 5: I told her I hated him every morning, and then
I gave him a kiss.
Speaker 3: That's very nice.
Speaker 5: Thank you.
Speaker 7: Let me ask you you know all about the aid
in the super ego? And do you know about my
new line of Freudian slips.
Speaker 6: It's the best.
Speaker 7: It's the most comfortable pajama you could possibly wear the slip.
Speaker 2: Yes, you're on here to advertise pajamas, Freud.
Speaker 7: Yes, because this is the only pajama that allows for
the full erection to come through.
Speaker 5: I put me in for ten.
Speaker 3: Mom.
Speaker 6: Absolutely, yes, I like her, I like him.
Speaker 3: I don't like this, I like this. Stop it.
Speaker 2: Well what was all that stuff with like anal retentive
and anal sex excessive and stuff?
Speaker 3: What was the what was the approach on that one? Freud?
Speaker 6: Oh? Well, you know, it's really just.
Speaker 7: Better if I show you. You know, the English is
not my first language, so why don't I just show you?
Speaker 3: Get off the table.
Speaker 6: Way so you.
Speaker 9: Make this shape with your body and battles see. So
then you could take this energy and turn it into
a very successful filing system, A filing system.
Speaker 6: As you take a anal retentiveness.
Speaker 7: If you looked up my anus right now, it would
be so well organized.
Speaker 5: Hold on, let me get my glasses.
Speaker 3: You're gonna get pink eye.
Speaker 6: Stop it staring to my good Wow.
Speaker 5: See what you did there?
Speaker 3: Wow? Every file has a place.
Speaker 9: Yes, all of my research has been stored in my
anus for the better part of the century.
Speaker 5: Do you mind if I put my hand in Eddie,
just grab something, make.
Speaker 6: Coulderful things back. I like to keep things very tidy
in that.
Speaker 5: Oh my god, it's a little note card. Yes, it says, uh,
I love eggs wonderful.
Speaker 3: Why is that necessary to be in your butt?
Speaker 9: Well, you know, because sometimes I have so much research
that I've done I forget my own feelings.
Speaker 5: Very well.
Speaker 9: Wow, I'm going to say this is one of my
most happy hatesgivings that I've had down yet.
Speaker 5: Yeah.
Speaker 6: So nice.
Speaker 2: I have a question for you, Like, we brought you
down here because you were an awful human being and
we wanted to torture you.
Speaker 3: Like, what are the demons in charge of you?
Speaker 5: Like?
Speaker 3: What do they do to make you hurt.
Speaker 6: Well, you know, I think nothing you can do to
me down in health.
Speaker 7: It's any worse than anyone can do with the power
of their own mind.
Speaker 6: So basically, you brought me down here.
Speaker 3: This is like a fun distraction, a fun distraction.
Speaker 9: A fun distraction from the surmoil of my own thoughts.
Speaker 3: Yes, so you like it down here.
Speaker 6: Oh, yes, it's very nice because I spent my last
years in exile. We did not even.
Speaker 7: Have a residence in oh, not to a moketouse, six,
not to nothing.
Speaker 6: This is great.
Speaker 5: Yeah, all those businesses are down here, Yes, and it's fabulous. Honestly,
I know the concierge at the Holiday Express.
Speaker 3: Wait, mom, why are you visiting these shady motels? What
are you doing?
Speaker 5: I'm simply experimenting with the people who are around what.
I am taking their bodies and I am loving them
in depth. I am going into detail, intricate detail. I mean,
you should really try it, son.
Speaker 7: I mean, it seems like what is your Clayton. You
seem to be growing through some very difficult trauma.
Speaker 6: But I don't really.
Speaker 7: Want to get into it because this is just a
fun podcast.
Speaker 3: No, No, I'm curious.
Speaker 6: Well, what I'm thinking is, do you know your father?
Speaker 3: Well, it's it's kind of a complicated relationship.
Speaker 2: He left my mom very early on, said he's gonna
leave to get some cigarettes and never came back.
Speaker 5: And then I ended up smoking some cigarettes for years.
In fact, you mind if I just like one up?
Speaker 6: I mean, you could just.
Speaker 5: So I could just touch the walls. I know, I
love it.
Speaker 3: Be careful, those aren't good for you. In your vocal course.
Speaker 7: You know I did die of cancer, so I would
just advise against this.
Speaker 5: Oh I love to die. It's one of the greatest
joys in my life mine, So you.
Speaker 6: Know this life is so difficult.
Speaker 5: I like this guy. I love him. Actually we should
invite him more often, but if we could.
Speaker 3: Have a quite busy I.
Speaker 7: Just wanted to know about your father because you know,
they probably some deep seated fears that come from your
relationship with him. And also I was just wondering, is
his penish the same? Is it as fuked and sharp
as yours?
Speaker 3: Why do you know what that looks like?
Speaker 6: Should not be ashamed?
Speaker 5: It's just like your father's.
Speaker 3: Oh all do all demons have forked?
Speaker 5: They all have for six and when you're a woman.
You have a spoon spoon shaped son. Why are you sulking?
Speaker 3: Because I didn't think it's possible.
Speaker 2: But I want to die permanently and not be in
this literal personal Oh.
Speaker 5: You thinks simon embarrassing him?
Speaker 3: I know you are embarrassing me.
Speaker 2: This is the worst. This is this you talk about
trauma freud?
Speaker 6: That's this is it is that rush dirt that with
your glitterest.
Speaker 4: Actually, do you mind if I have a bite? Yes,
you touch my mom.
Speaker 7: It's nice that we can all just sit around and
have a mirror together.
Speaker 5: It truly is.
Speaker 4: You know, I thought I was gonna hate hate sibbing,
but I'm kind of loving it. Show Chris, So do
you have a favorite son?
Speaker 5: Oh? It is. It is hard to choose.
Speaker 3: But yes, Oh it's me right.
Speaker 5: Oh, I mean you, Honey, you are great. But your
brother is He looks more like your father and he
reminds me of your father. Mom.
Speaker 3: Dad left you. Why do you have any feelings towards
Dad anymore?
Speaker 5: Because I love men who leave.
Speaker 3: Oh, you love Satan more than you love me.
Speaker 5: I'm not, honey, Do not start crying red.
Speaker 3: Here's the blood, Clayton.
Speaker 5: I love you. You're a perfect son, but really not perfect enough.
But your brother is flawless. He has big old hoofs
that can't be filled.
Speaker 3: Literally jerking off right now, I can't have any friend. No,
no freud.
Speaker 6: No, it's a holiday.
Speaker 5: Let the man whack attack.
Speaker 3: That's what they say down here in Austria.
Speaker 6: This is what we say. We say. This is such boots.
We're going to make a boots. Did you sneeze from somewhere?
Monogrammed handkerchief like cordios to clean the stop?
Speaker 5: Oh yes, I always carry your kerchifs for just a slip,
you know.
Speaker 3: So what was Clinton like growing up?
Speaker 5: He loved to dance. He was a big dancer, a dancer.
Speaker 2: Yeah, well, I mean we have hooves, so it's like,
you know, we're natural tap dancers.
Speaker 3: So I've never seen you dance. I mean I was
pretty good at it a lot.
Speaker 5: He could do the splits.
Speaker 3: Yeah you know you show me. No, no, no, I
don't need that.
Speaker 6: You do it.
Speaker 5: Oh, I'll go get your dance sweater. It's full of
gems and rhinestones.
Speaker 3: So no, no, no, I'll do the dance are here?
Speaker 5: Wait?
Speaker 6: Wow?
Speaker 5: Who?
Speaker 2: Yes? Oh?
Speaker 5: Nailed it, just like I nailed man.
Speaker 3: No, God, why did you have to loop back to that.
Speaker 5: I'm sorry, son, I just can't help, but I have
sex on the brain.
Speaker 3: Royd. This is your fault.
Speaker 7: It's not my fault to analyze the way such the
devilis and demon's brains work.
Speaker 6: I just did the work. She's the one who's all
fucked up. I'm just analyzed.
Speaker 3: So I have a question, Freud, what was life like
on Earth? And what I mean? Was it just miserable
because it wasn't so weird and fucked up?
Speaker 5: Oh?
Speaker 6: I mean, we had some nice vests and things that
we could wear, and this is great?
Speaker 3: Is your I'm down in hell?
Speaker 6: Where is she my mother is? I believe she is
in New Jersey.
Speaker 3: She's still alive.
Speaker 6: Yes, she's sitting down to New Jersey. She goes to
the slots, you know that has a good time. She's
about she's two hundred and ninety five.
Speaker 3: Dare I ask what your relationship was like with your mom?
Speaker 2: Because I mean for you to come up with all
these theories and thoughts about parenting.
Speaker 6: Well, I went to public school.
Speaker 3: That explains a lot.
Speaker 4: Yeah, yes, it's no more. Okay, I'm just unclear on
like time if.
Speaker 7: Twenty four hours in a day and in every all
the sixty minutes and every minute sixty seconds.
Speaker 3: Thank you Freud. Uh So, time wise, Satan has been
ruling Hell since the beginning of time.
Speaker 4: Yes, when was Clayton conceived? And can you tell me
about the actual conception process.
Speaker 5: Clayton was conceived about two hundred years after.
Speaker 3: After time began, after begin or before time began, when time.
Speaker 5: Began two hundred years after that, and then conceiving Clayton.
You know, it was a water berth in a boiling water.
I got Clayton. I swished Clayton.
Speaker 3: Out in boiling water tube.
Speaker 5: Yes, a big old tub. And uh, it was. It
was honestly it was if the father wasn't there, but
it was. It was beautiful.
Speaker 3: I saw that. I saw the footage. Oh you saw
the footage. Yeah, they show it every every year. It's
giving Oh yes.
Speaker 5: You want to watch it?
Speaker 3: You don't?
Speaker 5: Yeah?
Speaker 3: Much?
Speaker 5: Okay, let me get my love to that. No, look,
I got the take gota, I've gotta show your friends.
Speaker 3: Do you not plures put that in the dress?
Speaker 5: I didn't.
Speaker 3: It's it's playing.
Speaker 5: Look at the.
Speaker 6: Previous Look at this? Wow, what is this like?
Speaker 3: Watching Clayton. It's awful. She makes me watch it every year.
Speaker 5: It's because I love him, hate or love. Oh, I
hate him. I hate to love him and I love
to hate one.
Speaker 3: Of those love hate relationships.
Speaker 6: Makes perfect sense to me.
Speaker 3: We're turning this off. We're turning this off.
Speaker 6: Hold on, let me just take that. Download it to
my raisin.
Speaker 5: Another handkerchief.
Speaker 3: Your razor phone.
Speaker 6: You get a razor I have a razor phone. This
is very new, very high tech stuff.
Speaker 3: Wow, that's an upgrade for them from the hell phone. Hello,
who are you calling for it?
Speaker 6: I don't know it's not work.
Speaker 5: Hello?
Speaker 3: How did you guys share numbers?
Speaker 5: I slipped it under the table.
Speaker 6: What are you doing this Monday?
Speaker 5: I can't hear you.
Speaker 3: You guys are literally four feet.
Speaker 6: Apart where you're love to go?
Speaker 3: Yes, okay, you didn't even know what she was gonna say.
Speaker 5: Well, we're gonna go to the Radicon Inn.
Speaker 6: When two people are so in sync, you know, when
somebody wants to go and make wooden shoes.
Speaker 5: With you exactly, We're gonna make wooden.
Speaker 6: Shoes, yes, and then we're going to smash each other's
with them. Oh, oh my god. That reminds me, I
want you to clog me with your clogs.
Speaker 5: I will clog you up so hard. Freud fruit it's
pronounced Oh good. I got a whisper that later. Oh
you might have a new daddy.
Speaker 3: Oh okay, all right, Freud, thank you for coming by, Lucy.
Thanks mom. All right, you want separately like go you'r.
Speaker 5: We'll go together.
Speaker 6: This would be great. We're doing a podcast of our own.
You could be I would be like Fresher and you
would be my rows.
Speaker 5: God, I love it. I'm listening hell Vietnam. I don't know.
I just want to go with it.
Speaker 3: Speaking going with it?
Speaker 6: Would you guys?
Speaker 4: If you all are gonna go off somewhere, do you
need like a videographer or something, because I'm just saying
I could get a camera on your on your razor phone.
Speaker 6: Let me see, is this a camera? This is the
one point three megapictures.
Speaker 3: Of camera on this Oh wow, I could take pictures.
All right, give that back. Why don't you sit down the.
Speaker 5: Most Yes, oh my god, I will show you my
super ego and I will show you my spoon collection.
Speaker 6: Oh all right, yeah.
Speaker 2: Bye, Chris, keep bick pick up back here, Chris Chris, Chris,
I gotta beat you. I gotta beat you. To restore
the dynamic of this podcast by christ Chris bitch. Oh hey, well,
thanks for tuning in. When you're home for the holidays,
please tell your family about this podcast. Spread the bad word.
Next week's gonna be great, all right, Hail.
Speaker 4: Clayton, Special guest Lucy Fer played by Christina Parrish of
Rooster Teeth, and special guest Sigmund Freud played by comedian
Zach Anner.
Speaker 3: If you want to see more of Zach's stuff, go
to YouTube dot com, slash stack Aner, or just search
for Zach Aner on Twitter or Instagram or any other
social media