WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.680 --> 00:00:02.919 This is doctor Wendy Walsh and you're listening to KFI 2 00:00:03.080 --> 00:00:05.960 AM six forty, the Doctor Wendy wallsh Show on demand 3 00:00:06.280 --> 00:00:10.080 on the iHeartRadio app k I AM six forty. You 4 00:00:10.080 --> 00:00:12.800 have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. This is the Doctor 5 00:00:12.800 --> 00:00:14.759 Wendy Walsh Show. If you are new to my show, 6 00:00:15.279 --> 00:00:19.519 sit back, relax. I got all kinds of news about 7 00:00:19.519 --> 00:00:24.320 the science of love. I have a PhD in clinical psychology. 8 00:00:24.359 --> 00:00:28.280 I'm a psychology professor at cal State Channel Islands. Go Dolphins. 9 00:00:28.559 --> 00:00:32.119 We're back in school tomorrow. Kids, You're not kids, you're adults, 10 00:00:32.240 --> 00:00:37.000 the adults of cal State Channel Islands. And tomorrow we're 11 00:00:37.000 --> 00:00:39.520 actually going to do a fun thing in class, Kayla. 12 00:00:39.560 --> 00:00:43.159 I had all my students take a Meersbriggs personality test. 13 00:00:43.200 --> 00:00:45.119 I know they're pros and cons to that test, although 14 00:00:45.280 --> 00:00:48.799 lots of employers use it, and I tried to make 15 00:00:49.280 --> 00:00:53.439 productivity groups so that for the whole semester, the group 16 00:00:53.479 --> 00:00:55.280 that their work the small group in class they'll be 17 00:00:55.280 --> 00:00:59.039 working with, is like a perfect match compatibility wise and 18 00:00:59.079 --> 00:01:01.600 personality wise. Oh that should be nice. Yeah, it'd be 19 00:01:01.640 --> 00:01:05.239 really interesting to see. So anyway, I spent half this 20 00:01:05.439 --> 00:01:08.640 today looking at spreadsheets trying to figure that out. I'm 21 00:01:08.640 --> 00:01:10.760 also obsessed with the science of love. I've written three 22 00:01:10.760 --> 00:01:15.239 books on relationships, did my dissertation on attachment theory, and 23 00:01:15.359 --> 00:01:17.319 I have been here for ten years reporting on the 24 00:01:17.319 --> 00:01:21.920 science of love. On KFI producer Kayla, do you remember 25 00:01:22.599 --> 00:01:25.879 we had a woman on a tragic story from New 26 00:01:25.920 --> 00:01:32.280 Jersey whose son died by suicide after a sextortion sextortion? 27 00:01:33.359 --> 00:01:36.840 I do remember the case. He was a teenager, he 28 00:01:36.920 --> 00:01:40.079 was home alone, he just had his braces titan, and 29 00:01:40.079 --> 00:01:41.799 he was in pain. So he stayed home from school 30 00:01:42.200 --> 00:01:43.879 and met what he thought was a cute little girl 31 00:01:43.920 --> 00:01:47.439 online and then this person in Africa, so that they 32 00:01:47.439 --> 00:01:51.159 were gonna put these naked pictures of him everywhere and 33 00:01:51.159 --> 00:01:51.799 blah blah blah. 34 00:01:51.840 --> 00:01:53.680 And he wasn't even addicted to social media. He just 35 00:01:53.719 --> 00:01:56.040 got on for that day and he was a victim. Unfortunately. 36 00:01:56.159 --> 00:02:00.799 Oh, very very very sad. Well. I have been angry 37 00:02:00.879 --> 00:02:05.799 for a long time about the romance scams that happen 38 00:02:05.879 --> 00:02:09.599 online and the sextortion, so that you understand the difference, 39 00:02:10.360 --> 00:02:12.919 not a big difference, but romance scams are more likely 40 00:02:12.960 --> 00:02:17.159 to be targeted against the elderly or lonely divorces over 41 00:02:17.199 --> 00:02:20.199 the age of forty or fifty, and it's where some 42 00:02:20.360 --> 00:02:22.639 and it's often a syndicate, a group of people, not 43 00:02:22.680 --> 00:02:27.199 just an individual, will give makeup fake profiles. They'll go 44 00:02:27.280 --> 00:02:30.199 on and try to friend request a bunch of people 45 00:02:30.199 --> 00:02:32.360 in your group so it looks like a legitimate person 46 00:02:32.360 --> 00:02:35.000 that your friends know, and then they start chatting with you, 47 00:02:35.319 --> 00:02:40.639 whether it's on Facebook, Instagram, whatever, or the dating apps 48 00:02:40.719 --> 00:02:44.639 themselves right, and before you know it, with a romance scam, 49 00:02:45.120 --> 00:02:47.680 they get you to fall in love. And it's really 50 00:02:47.719 --> 00:02:51.879 easy to do because we're all wired to bond. And 51 00:02:51.960 --> 00:02:55.960 in fact, the drug called love is the most delusional 52 00:02:56.039 --> 00:02:59.360 drug that we have. We actually there's lots of research 53 00:02:59.360 --> 00:03:03.599 on this. We are unable to discern well when we 54 00:03:03.800 --> 00:03:08.280 are high on love, and when that love is filled 55 00:03:08.280 --> 00:03:10.919 with our own fantasies of what could be and hope 56 00:03:11.080 --> 00:03:13.919 is even worse. So before you know it, with romance scams, 57 00:03:14.439 --> 00:03:16.439 this person at the other end, who they're pretending to be, 58 00:03:16.840 --> 00:03:19.039 claims that you know, they need money for you know, 59 00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:21.639 a family member surgery or plane fair to come over 60 00:03:21.759 --> 00:03:26.759 or whatever, and people just start sending money. Well, with teenagers, 61 00:03:27.120 --> 00:03:30.800 it can be even more dangerous because teenagers are at 62 00:03:30.800 --> 00:03:34.400 a developmental stage of their brain where they are particularly 63 00:03:34.439 --> 00:03:40.840 susceptible to something called social evaluative threat, which means your 64 00:03:40.840 --> 00:03:43.520 teenager is always saying to you, mom, don't say that 65 00:03:43.520 --> 00:03:46.759 that's awkward, Mom, don't embarrass me, right, because they really 66 00:03:46.800 --> 00:03:50.000 are feeling deep shame and embarrassment more than the rest 67 00:03:50.039 --> 00:03:54.840 of us. It's a developmental stage. And so some of 68 00:03:54.879 --> 00:03:58.520 these syndicates, many of them out of the country called Nigeria, 69 00:03:59.479 --> 00:04:06.199 target teenagers pretending to be young, attractive females and then 70 00:04:06.319 --> 00:04:11.919 they end up well getting the saying that they're going 71 00:04:11.960 --> 00:04:17.759 to post these pictures with families. So in twenty twenty two, 72 00:04:17.879 --> 00:04:21.480 a young teenager named Jordan de Maay. He played in Michigan. 73 00:04:21.560 --> 00:04:24.680 He was a high school football player. He was contacted 74 00:04:24.720 --> 00:04:27.240 online by what he thought was a pretty young woman 75 00:04:27.279 --> 00:04:30.600 on Instagram. Since she seemed to be friends with people, 76 00:04:30.800 --> 00:04:35.720 this seventeen year old knew, they began chatting. Eventually she 77 00:04:35.839 --> 00:04:38.639 convinced him to take a picture of his you know 78 00:04:38.680 --> 00:04:41.279 what with his face in it, So send some nude 79 00:04:41.319 --> 00:04:47.000 pictures and then this person wrote, I have screenshot all 80 00:04:47.040 --> 00:04:49.480 of your followers and tags and can send your nudes 81 00:04:49.519 --> 00:04:52.360 to family and friends until it goes viral. All you 82 00:04:52.439 --> 00:04:55.160 have to do is cooperate with me. Well, this poor 83 00:04:55.240 --> 00:04:57.839 kid was so scared he sent all the money he 84 00:04:57.879 --> 00:05:00.959 had to savings account three hundred dollars, but his extorters 85 00:05:00.959 --> 00:05:05.560 continued to harass him. At one point, they even encouraged 86 00:05:05.680 --> 00:05:08.560 him to take his own life if he didn't have 87 00:05:08.680 --> 00:05:13.199 enough money to pay. His last text was sent to 88 00:05:13.240 --> 00:05:18.160 his mom. It simply read, mother, I love you. Jordan 89 00:05:18.279 --> 00:05:22.199 was found dead of a self inflicted gunshot wound. There's 90 00:05:22.240 --> 00:05:25.959 some good news here. A year later, the Nigerian government 91 00:05:26.000 --> 00:05:29.959 finally began to cooperate with American investigators and are starting 92 00:05:30.000 --> 00:05:34.920 to allow extradition of those people charged with operating sextortion rings. 93 00:05:35.199 --> 00:05:38.839 And this week a federal judge in Michigan sentenced two 94 00:05:38.920 --> 00:05:41.600 brothers they were aged twenty one and twenty four, to 95 00:05:41.839 --> 00:05:45.680 seventeen and a half years in prison for their roles 96 00:05:46.040 --> 00:05:50.240 in extorting money for more than one hundred victims. And 97 00:05:50.279 --> 00:05:52.279 we don't know how many deaths. We know for sure 98 00:05:52.439 --> 00:05:55.439 the death of Jordan Debay. Two others are currently being 99 00:05:55.480 --> 00:05:59.759 extra guided extradited to Pennsylvania. The biggest message here is 100 00:06:02.079 --> 00:06:04.360 We're going to track you down. Now, We're going to 101 00:06:04.399 --> 00:06:07.600 hold you accountable. Did you know in the a two 102 00:06:07.680 --> 00:06:10.879 year period from twenty one to twenty three, the FBI 103 00:06:11.000 --> 00:06:14.199 got more than thirteen thousand reports of sex stortion and 104 00:06:14.279 --> 00:06:19.279 more than twenty teenagers took their own lives because of this. 105 00:06:19.279 --> 00:06:21.560 This is why we have to talk to our teenagers 106 00:06:21.600 --> 00:06:25.040 about this. We have to tell our kids that, you know, 107 00:06:25.160 --> 00:06:27.759 to be wiser online. But also it's not their fault. 108 00:06:28.079 --> 00:06:31.879 Is something like this happens? All right. I also want 109 00:06:31.920 --> 00:06:35.199 to move to other news, which is Nicole Kidman's new film, 110 00:06:35.199 --> 00:06:37.480 Baby Girl. How much time do I have? I know 111 00:06:37.519 --> 00:06:39.800 I've been rattling away here only one minute, So I 112 00:06:39.839 --> 00:06:43.199 just want to say this. So Nicole Kidman's new movie, 113 00:06:43.399 --> 00:06:45.600 which is called Baby Girl, I already have a problem 114 00:06:45.639 --> 00:06:48.360 with the title. She's grown ass woman. My love to 115 00:06:48.360 --> 00:06:50.120 say that on the radio. Oh no, no, how old 116 00:06:50.199 --> 00:06:50.319 is you? 117 00:06:50.319 --> 00:06:50.839 Neian to number? 118 00:06:51.639 --> 00:06:54.040 Okay, that's what she is? All right, that's what she is. 119 00:06:56.160 --> 00:06:56.399 You know. 120 00:06:56.720 --> 00:07:01.439 The New York Times says it's a dairy indy that 121 00:07:01.639 --> 00:07:05.959 re establishes Kidman as one of our most fearless actresses. 122 00:07:06.879 --> 00:07:12.079 Oh man, oh man, When we come back the movie 123 00:07:12.160 --> 00:07:16.040 starts with her faking and orgasm, and then you won't 124 00:07:16.079 --> 00:07:20.079 believe what she does immediately afterwards. Twenty twenty four. Yep, 125 00:07:21.879 --> 00:07:23.720 all right, when we come back, I'll explain. You are 126 00:07:23.720 --> 00:07:26.519 listening to the Doctor Wendy Waalh Show on KFI AM 127 00:07:26.560 --> 00:07:29.240 six forty Belive everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 128 00:07:30.279 --> 00:07:34.519 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 129 00:07:34.720 --> 00:07:35.680 AM six forty. 130 00:07:37.199 --> 00:07:40.800 KFI AM six forty, you have Doctor Wendy Walsh with you. 131 00:07:40.920 --> 00:07:42.959 This is the Doctor Wendy Walls Show. And I have 132 00:07:43.120 --> 00:07:46.000 just begun a rant. I haven't even seen the movie. 133 00:07:46.639 --> 00:07:49.600 On Nicole Kidman's new movie, Baby Girl. I read the 134 00:07:49.600 --> 00:07:52.759 review in the New York Times. I will see it 135 00:07:53.240 --> 00:07:56.759 because it's not fair to comment on something and then 136 00:07:57.000 --> 00:07:59.000 not see it and then later tell you if I 137 00:07:59.079 --> 00:08:02.639 was wrong. But here's what bothers me about it. So 138 00:08:02.759 --> 00:08:06.839 Baby Girl is the movie. She Nicole Kidman plays a 139 00:08:06.879 --> 00:08:10.639 breadwinner in her family, a hard charging CEO, and apparently 140 00:08:10.720 --> 00:08:13.680 the film opens with her faking and orgasm with her husband. 141 00:08:14.000 --> 00:08:18.519 Then Hobby falls asleep. Now, women, this is the first 142 00:08:18.600 --> 00:08:21.160 thing we would think to do, right. She gets up, 143 00:08:21.600 --> 00:08:25.480 runs to her laptop opens it up because women are 144 00:08:25.519 --> 00:08:30.279 so visually wired, finds the most sn M pornography she 145 00:08:30.439 --> 00:08:34.360 can where a woman's being beaten, abused, gagged, whatever, and 146 00:08:34.480 --> 00:08:38.559 has an orgasm that way, and then later in the 147 00:08:38.639 --> 00:08:42.879 movie there she finds a young man at the office 148 00:08:43.000 --> 00:08:46.240 who will do it to her. In real life, the 149 00:08:46.279 --> 00:08:49.120 director of the movie is quoted as saying, every woman 150 00:08:49.320 --> 00:08:53.919 deserves a good orgasm. Stop right there, producer, Kayla. Remember 151 00:08:53.960 --> 00:08:57.840 we had the anthropologist or evolutionary biologist on the show 152 00:08:59.000 --> 00:09:04.320 who told us that anatomically, there are percentage of women 153 00:09:04.639 --> 00:09:09.360 who literally cannot ever have an orgasm physiologically, that it 154 00:09:09.399 --> 00:09:12.759 has nothing to do with you know, this problem in 155 00:09:12.799 --> 00:09:15.919 their head. It just has to do with the length 156 00:09:16.159 --> 00:09:18.759 of the glitterists and how far it extends into the vagina. 157 00:09:18.799 --> 00:09:21.399 Right, Elizabeth Lloyd the Case of the Female Orgasm. There's 158 00:09:21.440 --> 00:09:23.559 a whole Mating Matters episode about it on your Patreon. 159 00:09:23.639 --> 00:09:26.279 I learned so much, And also she wrote it's the 160 00:09:26.320 --> 00:09:27.879 books called what Thing the Case of the Female or 161 00:09:28.000 --> 00:09:29.159 case even. 162 00:09:28.960 --> 00:09:30.840 SNL just gets on it when it came out. YEA, 163 00:09:31.039 --> 00:09:33.279 so fascinating to learn that a bunch of women so 164 00:09:33.399 --> 00:09:35.879 here in twenty twenty four is a female director coming 165 00:09:35.919 --> 00:09:38.080 out saying every woman does he think if you were away? 166 00:09:38.159 --> 00:09:40.679 That was a female director, Are you kidding me? 167 00:09:41.080 --> 00:09:45.600 So here's the thing. It's like, first we pressured women 168 00:09:45.679 --> 00:09:48.639 who didn't have an orgasm by saying there's something wrong 169 00:09:48.679 --> 00:09:51.840 with you or mentally you're an orgasmic. That was actually 170 00:09:51.840 --> 00:09:55.919 a diagnosis an orgasmic. Oh no, it's a problem. And 171 00:09:56.039 --> 00:09:59.200 now and we had another expert on it. I can't 172 00:09:59.200 --> 00:10:01.200 remember who she was. I think she was from Toronto 173 00:10:01.480 --> 00:10:05.600 and she said that she realized in her research that 174 00:10:05.679 --> 00:10:10.840 it is perfectly appropriate to not be aroused by bad sex. 175 00:10:11.399 --> 00:10:13.559 It's like, then, would rather be like, oh you're broken, 176 00:10:13.559 --> 00:10:14.159 as opposed to. 177 00:10:14.279 --> 00:10:18.080 I'm just not doing the job right exactly. Okay, next thing, 178 00:10:18.120 --> 00:10:22.000 I want to say, how many women really consume porn? Well, 179 00:10:22.039 --> 00:10:26.639 according to the research, it's only about fifteen percent maybe, 180 00:10:26.879 --> 00:10:29.919 And when they do, it's usually with their partner to 181 00:10:30.080 --> 00:10:33.840 enhance the monogamy. It is a rare woman who rushes 182 00:10:33.879 --> 00:10:36.720 to the computer and opens it. She might exist, okay, 183 00:10:37.120 --> 00:10:38.759 but it's rare. Well that's twenty twenty four. 184 00:10:38.759 --> 00:10:41.720 It's the phone, Wendy, it's supposing their phone. 185 00:10:41.759 --> 00:10:45.799 Well, you're apparently she ran her lefto maybe because she 186 00:10:45.840 --> 00:10:49.039 needed glasses. Yeah, that was too small. The next thing 187 00:10:49.080 --> 00:10:53.679 is we also had Justin Justin the other Justin from 188 00:10:53.679 --> 00:10:57.840 the Kinsey Institute, not not Justin Garcia, Justin How come 189 00:10:57.919 --> 00:11:00.519 all these great researchers and they're not coming in my mind? 190 00:11:00.519 --> 00:11:04.360 But anyway, he did the study on sexual fantasies and 191 00:11:04.440 --> 00:11:08.799 what percentage of sexual fantasies actually get acted out? Justin 192 00:11:08.879 --> 00:11:11.000 lay Miller, Justin lay Miller, thank you. We've had him 193 00:11:11.000 --> 00:11:13.799 here in the studio. In fact, and it's a very 194 00:11:13.919 --> 00:11:16.840 very small percentage. And in fact, most of the people 195 00:11:16.919 --> 00:11:18.759 he interviewed are the thousands of people he did for 196 00:11:18.799 --> 00:11:21.840 his surveys, said they would never want their fantasies to 197 00:11:21.919 --> 00:11:25.399 actually happen in real life. And there's Nicole Kidman watching Like. 198 00:11:25.440 --> 00:11:30.360 The bottom line is, why are we raving about a 199 00:11:30.440 --> 00:11:35.559 movie about a female with power who only feels happy 200 00:11:36.080 --> 00:11:39.799 when she's dominated by a man? All right, I'll stop, 201 00:11:40.080 --> 00:11:42.679 I'll see the movie. I'll see the movie later and 202 00:11:42.720 --> 00:11:46.320 then I'll figure it out. On that note, though, this 203 00:11:46.399 --> 00:11:48.960 week I was contacted by one of the magazines I 204 00:11:48.960 --> 00:11:51.320 don't know, Glamour, Ask Man, whatever, Men's health. I don't. 205 00:11:51.440 --> 00:11:53.639 I get asked for quotes on a regular basis, and 206 00:11:53.679 --> 00:11:56.320 they asked the question, when is the right time to 207 00:11:56.399 --> 00:12:00.200 let your new partner know how much money you make? Now, 208 00:12:00.000 --> 00:12:02.120 now this question is specifically I think it was glamorous 209 00:12:02.320 --> 00:12:05.039 for women, right, Maybe it was Cosmo. I think it 210 00:12:05.039 --> 00:12:08.039 was Cosmo. Now I'm thinking about it. Sorry everybody, but 211 00:12:08.200 --> 00:12:11.120 you know, so much has changed in the last few decades. 212 00:12:11.240 --> 00:12:14.399 You know, the average female outpaces the American male in 213 00:12:14.480 --> 00:12:18.000 terms of educational attainment. Women now make up the majority 214 00:12:18.039 --> 00:12:23.440 of the American workforce. An economic clout is fast becoming 215 00:12:23.639 --> 00:12:28.720 the purview of the feminine. But with this new economic power, 216 00:12:28.840 --> 00:12:32.039 I believe come a few landmines in our love lives. 217 00:12:32.440 --> 00:12:37.039 First of all, according to evolutionary psychologists, who definitely have 218 00:12:37.120 --> 00:12:40.440 turned human mating strategy into a science, they believe our 219 00:12:40.480 --> 00:12:43.679 ancient biology rules. In other words, we're walking in cave 220 00:12:43.759 --> 00:12:46.960 women bodies that have not caught up with these cultural changes. 221 00:12:47.320 --> 00:12:49.519 For instance, the more money a woman makes, the more 222 00:12:49.519 --> 00:12:52.519 she wants her male partner to make too, So on 223 00:12:52.600 --> 00:12:56.960 an unconscious level, for some women, it doesn't feel natural. 224 00:12:57.159 --> 00:12:59.240 I hate that word natural. I made my fingers into 225 00:12:59.279 --> 00:13:03.759 quotation marks right there. It doesn't feel natural to fit 226 00:13:03.840 --> 00:13:08.480 in with today's standards. Newsflash, ladies, there are not enough 227 00:13:08.519 --> 00:13:11.279 guys to go around who make more money than you, 228 00:13:11.840 --> 00:13:14.960 So you're going to have to deal with that patriarchy 229 00:13:15.000 --> 00:13:19.200 that's floating around inside you. But there's something else. There's 230 00:13:19.240 --> 00:13:22.279 also a new breed of lothario who loves the new 231 00:13:22.279 --> 00:13:26.039 social order and is hell bent on swooning a woman 232 00:13:26.080 --> 00:13:28.399 to get access to her purse. I don't know if 233 00:13:28.440 --> 00:13:30.639 you remember. A couple of years ago I did of 234 00:13:30.759 --> 00:13:34.159 one of my many viral videos on TikTok. I shared 235 00:13:34.159 --> 00:13:38.200 a story of my own financial abuse, and literally thousands 236 00:13:38.240 --> 00:13:41.360 of women weighed in with their own story of men 237 00:13:41.519 --> 00:13:45.120 love bombing them to steal money from them. It was awful. 238 00:13:45.480 --> 00:13:49.519 They capitalize on women's empathy, so when they come with 239 00:13:49.559 --> 00:13:52.360 their sad stories of whatever, women are so quick to 240 00:13:52.399 --> 00:13:55.039 open their purse because they don't want to lose the relationship. 241 00:13:55.559 --> 00:13:58.279 So when is the right time to tell a dude 242 00:13:58.759 --> 00:14:02.759 how much money you make? Well, in my opinion, there's 243 00:14:02.759 --> 00:14:06.679 three questions you have to ask yourself, and if you 244 00:14:06.720 --> 00:14:09.919 can say yes to each of these questions, then I 245 00:14:09.960 --> 00:14:14.120 think it's okay to tell him how much money you're making. 246 00:14:14.879 --> 00:14:19.679 First question, will I still feel attracted to him if 247 00:14:19.720 --> 00:14:23.679 I learn he makes substantially less money than me? Right, 248 00:14:23.799 --> 00:14:25.960 because in the first few dates, you know they're being 249 00:14:26.000 --> 00:14:29.080 all showy, they're picking up checks. But you have to 250 00:14:29.200 --> 00:14:34.879 really question your own self about that. Second question, does 251 00:14:34.879 --> 00:14:38.159 this guy have enough self esteem to handle the fact 252 00:14:38.200 --> 00:14:41.399 that I might make more? Because there's research to show, sadly, 253 00:14:41.440 --> 00:14:43.399 that when a woman makes more money than her husband, 254 00:14:43.440 --> 00:14:47.399 he's more likely to cheat because apparently guys associate financial 255 00:14:47.519 --> 00:14:51.159 value with manhood. So you have to really spend some 256 00:14:51.240 --> 00:14:54.000 time getting to know if his self confidence is real 257 00:14:54.600 --> 00:14:59.120 or not. And finally ask yourself this, do I deeply 258 00:14:59.159 --> 00:15:02.279 trust him with this information? Do I really know his 259 00:15:02.480 --> 00:15:07.480 values and his morals? Take some time, Take some time 260 00:15:07.960 --> 00:15:11.120 before you divulge this information. Ladies, all right, when we 261 00:15:11.159 --> 00:15:16.320 come back, Couples, especially young couples, are using technology in 262 00:15:16.360 --> 00:15:21.279 their relationships a lot. Let's talk about the good, the bad, 263 00:15:21.399 --> 00:15:25.399 and the ugly of using tech in your relationships. You 264 00:15:25.440 --> 00:15:27.720 are listening to the Doctor Wendy Walsh Show on KFI 265 00:15:27.919 --> 00:15:30.919 AM six forty were live everywhere on the iHeartRadio app. 266 00:15:31.480 --> 00:15:35.679 You're listening to Doctor Wendy Walsh on demand from KFI 267 00:15:35.879 --> 00:15:36.799 Am six forty. 268 00:15:37.360 --> 00:15:40.279 I am six forty. You have Doctorrndy Walsh with you. 269 00:15:40.279 --> 00:15:43.000 Yours pick the best music, Kaylas, I got it. I 270 00:15:43.000 --> 00:15:44.600 never want to come back to the microphone because I'm 271 00:15:44.600 --> 00:15:49.639 busy dancing. You know, producer Kayla a few weeks ago, 272 00:15:50.080 --> 00:15:53.320 was dancing at my wedding. Did you like that playlist? 273 00:15:53.399 --> 00:15:54.000 Julio did it. 274 00:15:54.080 --> 00:15:56.240 That was an amazing playlist. That was an amazing video 275 00:15:56.279 --> 00:15:58.039 we got sent a few weeks later. I can't wait 276 00:15:58.039 --> 00:16:01.840 for the redo of the wedding. Reata coming getting to desert. 277 00:16:02.039 --> 00:16:05.759 You know that a wedding was fun when I start 278 00:16:05.799 --> 00:16:08.480 getting calls from all the women of the wedding, meaning 279 00:16:08.480 --> 00:16:11.519 my closest friends and colleagues who were guests, who said, 280 00:16:11.919 --> 00:16:14.639 let's do a reunion in La of just the women 281 00:16:14.720 --> 00:16:16.320 of the wedding. It's going to be a blo all 282 00:16:16.360 --> 00:16:18.720 of a sudden, it's a potluck dinner, it's a dj 283 00:16:19.279 --> 00:16:21.559 that we're all coming. I was so surprised. Some are 284 00:16:21.559 --> 00:16:23.799 getting on planes and coming. Oh my god, your friends 285 00:16:23.799 --> 00:16:25.120 are the best. It's going to be so much fun. 286 00:16:25.679 --> 00:16:29.440 Who knew a wedding reunion? Two months later, just because 287 00:16:29.440 --> 00:16:34.960 it was so much fun. Alrighty using technology in your 288 00:16:35.039 --> 00:16:40.159 intimate relationships. Now, I have always said that text is 289 00:16:41.000 --> 00:16:46.440 dangerous in relationships, especially if you're sharing really intimate stuff 290 00:16:46.480 --> 00:16:50.759 that could potentially be misinterpreted, right, because a text is 291 00:16:50.840 --> 00:16:54.799 like listening to your favorite band without the drummer or 292 00:16:54.840 --> 00:16:57.759 the lead singer. You kind of got the riff going, 293 00:16:58.200 --> 00:17:01.519 but it doesn't really have a beat or soul. And 294 00:17:01.600 --> 00:17:07.319 that's what text is. It's missing vocal tone, body language, 295 00:17:07.839 --> 00:17:12.240 facial expression, it's missing at all, and you've got to 296 00:17:12.279 --> 00:17:16.039 decipher and read into those words. Well, even though I 297 00:17:16.079 --> 00:17:19.720 have been saying this for a very long time, I 298 00:17:19.839 --> 00:17:24.079 obviously it has been falling on deaf ears because young people, 299 00:17:24.160 --> 00:17:28.119 particularly and I have daughters who are in that space, 300 00:17:28.799 --> 00:17:33.759 use technology as their primary source of communication in their 301 00:17:33.759 --> 00:17:36.880 intimate relationships. So let's talk about the good, the bad, 302 00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:40.079 and the ugly. A new study just published in the journal, 303 00:17:40.200 --> 00:17:44.359 yes it's an academic journal called Personal Relationships interviewed one 304 00:17:44.440 --> 00:17:48.039 hundred and twenty one people aged eighteen through twenty five. 305 00:17:49.799 --> 00:17:53.240 One hundred and twenty one is not a huge number. 306 00:17:53.720 --> 00:17:57.200 I like studies that are thousands of people, but usually 307 00:17:57.200 --> 00:18:01.279 studies that involve. Thousands of people are for port Internet studies, 308 00:18:01.319 --> 00:18:03.559 so there's a lot of lying going on about who 309 00:18:03.559 --> 00:18:06.759 people are, et cetera. These were real interviews, so you 310 00:18:06.799 --> 00:18:10.319 get a lot more in information from that. So first 311 00:18:10.359 --> 00:18:13.079 of all, here's a little reality check for everybody. Ninety 312 00:18:13.119 --> 00:18:17.839 five percent of young adults text duh. Ninety percent use 313 00:18:17.920 --> 00:18:21.440 social media to stay in touch. And get this, seventy 314 00:18:21.480 --> 00:18:25.240 five percent of young adults use at least five different 315 00:18:25.319 --> 00:18:28.200 kinds of social media. I don't even know that when 316 00:18:28.240 --> 00:18:32.240 we forget. We got Instagram, we got TikTok, we got Snapchat, 317 00:18:32.599 --> 00:18:36.039 we got YouTube. What's left Facebook? Oh, but young people 318 00:18:36.039 --> 00:18:42.160 probably aren't using Facebook. Oh she's a little baby on Facebook? 319 00:18:43.000 --> 00:18:45.920 Maybe like Reddit? Does that count as some of those 320 00:18:46.119 --> 00:18:48.640 I love? Yeah? Twitter? Twitch? No? Oh? Twitter? 321 00:18:48.759 --> 00:18:49.839 Oh YouTube? 322 00:18:49.839 --> 00:18:51.599 Does that count? Yeah? I said YouTube? You said that? 323 00:18:51.599 --> 00:18:53.920 Oh yeah, yeah, that Twitter. I won't even give it. 324 00:18:53.920 --> 00:18:55.480 It's a new name because I don't care. Yeah, I 325 00:18:55.480 --> 00:18:57.680 don't think you should. You know what happened what so 326 00:18:57.880 --> 00:18:59.599 I have not used that particular app, you know, the 327 00:18:59.640 --> 00:19:01.160 one we're talking about. It just got a new name. 328 00:19:01.440 --> 00:19:03.519 So I went on the other day when I was 329 00:19:03.599 --> 00:19:07.640 watching Oh, I think it was at the Democratic National 330 00:19:07.680 --> 00:19:09.599 you know, when they all got together that conference convention 331 00:19:09.680 --> 00:19:14.039 there whatever, and when Kamala Harris's sister got up to talk, 332 00:19:14.880 --> 00:19:19.119 Oh my goodness, she was a dead ringer for that 333 00:19:19.839 --> 00:19:23.400 female comedian, Rebecca Johnson. Have you ever seen Rebecca Johnson 334 00:19:23.440 --> 00:19:25.160 do it? She's one that started off with that famous 335 00:19:25.240 --> 00:19:29.640 nail salon, a bit that she did that went totally viral. Anyway, 336 00:19:30.720 --> 00:19:34.400 they had the same cadence, the same mannerisms, And so 337 00:19:34.480 --> 00:19:37.079 I tweeted, is it still called the tweet if I 338 00:19:37.079 --> 00:19:40.839 ex died? I exed it. I don't get it. Yeah, 339 00:19:40.880 --> 00:19:42.720 you know. I pulled up both of their accounts and 340 00:19:42.759 --> 00:19:45.240 I said, don't you think blah blah blah. I can't 341 00:19:45.279 --> 00:19:47.519 remember her sister's name now, is a dead ringer for 342 00:19:47.640 --> 00:19:50.839 Rebecca Johnson. Angela Johnson, not Rebecca Angela Johnson, and look 343 00:19:50.839 --> 00:19:52.359 her out. Make sure it is Angela Johnson. Think is 344 00:19:52.400 --> 00:19:57.720 Angela Johnson? Anyway, it never got shown to anybody because 345 00:19:57.839 --> 00:19:59.240 I used to be one of the people with the 346 00:19:59.240 --> 00:20:03.319 blue checkm and Elon Mosk took away the blue check mark. 347 00:20:03.680 --> 00:20:06.079 So now our tweets don't get they get seen by 348 00:20:06.240 --> 00:20:09.240 zero people unless we pay him money. Every month. Oh, Wendy, 349 00:20:10.319 --> 00:20:12.480 I know he were on Twitter. He did. It's a 350 00:20:12.480 --> 00:20:15.640 weird thing anyway, but I digress. Okay, So let's talk 351 00:20:15.680 --> 00:20:19.400 about the benefits of using text and other and you know, 352 00:20:19.480 --> 00:20:23.119 talking on Snapchat or whatever to your lever. It can 353 00:20:23.240 --> 00:20:26.200 be more efficient communication because it allows partners to stay 354 00:20:26.200 --> 00:20:27.920 connected all day no matter where you are in the 355 00:20:27.920 --> 00:20:29.640 world or if you're working whatever. You can shoot them 356 00:20:29.640 --> 00:20:34.039 little text right. Also, younger people are using a wider 357 00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:38.839 range of expressive language. I forgot about this part. They're 358 00:20:38.920 --> 00:20:43.559 using mojis, videos, photos, memes, sending TikTok videos about how 359 00:20:43.599 --> 00:20:48.319 they feel about the person. So technology is actually providing 360 00:20:48.440 --> 00:20:52.920 young people with more ways to express their feelings. Also 361 00:20:52.960 --> 00:20:56.000 another benefit, it's a way to initiate new relationships, right, 362 00:20:56.039 --> 00:20:58.839 Because people are dming each other on social media to 363 00:20:58.839 --> 00:21:01.759 meet each other. It can be a better way to 364 00:21:01.920 --> 00:21:06.920 maintain long distance relationships. And it can be much easier 365 00:21:06.920 --> 00:21:10.759 for young people because they're such scaredy cats to disclose 366 00:21:11.079 --> 00:21:14.160 personal stuff. Right. There are people who will type something 367 00:21:14.519 --> 00:21:17.240 before they can actually say it out loud, which is 368 00:21:17.279 --> 00:21:21.240 bizarre to me because everything I type, I imagine someday 369 00:21:21.240 --> 00:21:24.599 it might be read by a judge. I'm always like, 370 00:21:24.640 --> 00:21:27.240 this is forever somewhere, it could be brought up. 371 00:21:27.319 --> 00:21:29.680 You know, sometimes people forget that the Internet is like 372 00:21:29.680 --> 00:21:31.759 a place that other people can see what you're posting, 373 00:21:31.839 --> 00:21:33.480 and you know it's going to live there forever. 374 00:21:33.519 --> 00:21:35.200 I don't think people think about that. They don't think 375 00:21:35.200 --> 00:21:38.519 about that, So therefore I say everything with my mouth 376 00:21:38.920 --> 00:21:44.880 out loud to people's faces or on the radio whatever. Now, 377 00:21:45.799 --> 00:21:49.039 of course, there are some downsides to using technology in 378 00:21:49.079 --> 00:21:53.920 your intimate relationships. I mentioned texting can be very impersonal. 379 00:21:54.000 --> 00:21:58.000 Sometimes people are texting while they're distracted doing other things. 380 00:21:58.920 --> 00:22:00.759 I'm gonna say this. On the way here to work today, 381 00:22:00.799 --> 00:22:03.160 I was on the one on one freeway and Julia 382 00:22:03.279 --> 00:22:05.240 was driving, so I was a passenger and I got 383 00:22:05.279 --> 00:22:07.519 to look at the drivers in the three cars on 384 00:22:07.559 --> 00:22:10.759 my right as we passed them. All three dudes were 385 00:22:10.799 --> 00:22:13.240 just swiping on their phone. Their phone was on the 386 00:22:13.279 --> 00:22:15.880 steering wheel and they were swiping. I don't know, was 387 00:22:15.880 --> 00:22:20.799 it Tinder, was it Instagram? They were swiping. Okay, police officers, 388 00:22:20.799 --> 00:22:22.559 get on out there. They're all on the one on 389 00:22:22.640 --> 00:22:29.799 one right now. Okay. Other downsides. Some young couples reported 390 00:22:29.839 --> 00:22:33.559 that because there is text available, they feel pressured to 391 00:22:33.720 --> 00:22:38.319 constantly communicate, and yes, they do misinterpret those texts because 392 00:22:38.319 --> 00:22:41.640 they're misreading it. Also, if you're using social media to 393 00:22:42.240 --> 00:22:44.799 let people know you like somebody by liking their pictures, 394 00:22:45.000 --> 00:22:49.359 that's a lot less privacy. Intimacy should grow in privacy, 395 00:22:49.680 --> 00:22:54.759 not in public. And also the big one meddling from outsiders. 396 00:22:55.240 --> 00:22:58.759 You get comments from strangers that poor gymnasts there and 397 00:22:58.799 --> 00:23:01.480 her husband being attacked online just because people didn't think 398 00:23:01.480 --> 00:23:05.160 he's good enough for her or whatever. Whatever. You get 399 00:23:05.200 --> 00:23:07.640 all those comments from strangers that you have to deal with. 400 00:23:07.680 --> 00:23:10.680 And then also there are mate poachers lurking in your 401 00:23:10.720 --> 00:23:14.279