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Speaker 1: What's up, besties. Welcome back to Talking Schmidt. It is

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your mother, Britney Schmidt. I'm so excited to be here

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with you today. That was a lie. That was a

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bit of a lie. I'll be honest. I'm kind of

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going through it right now. I feel like every single

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time I sit down to record, I'm going through it.

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Is this just a year where like I'm supposed to

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go through it? Is this just a year where everything

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is supposed to feel sticky and icky and bad and funky.

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I don't know. I had really high hopes for this year.

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And I've said this before, like silly me. I was like,

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this is gonna be a great year. We're like into April.

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We are all the way into April, and it's not

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feeling great. I'll be honest. And I had a friend

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check me the other day. She is somebody that I've

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met out here in the program, and she's like one

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of one friends that I've made here, and she's like,

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I think you need to start being more grateful. And

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I was like, bitch, square up grateful about what? And

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I've been practicing gratitude. I've been practicing my little gratitude

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list ever sentally said that I've been practicing gratitude, and

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it's funny how your spirit does start to settle when

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you are practicing gratitude. And I just got some really

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bad news yesterday, like really really fucking bad news yesterday.

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I'll tell you guys about it later because they don't

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keep secrets from you guys. But I can't tell you

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up top because if I tell you up top, I

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will start rying. But even through this bad news, which

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is going to be ongoing, I've been practicing gratitude. I

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wake up and I'm like, I'm grateful for my home,

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even though it looks like a fucking sim's house. I'm

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grateful for my boyfriend, even though he's not perfect. Actually,

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he's been really really good lately, and you guys were

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so nice to him that thank you all for the

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kind comments. He was so scared to do the podcast,

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but he did such a good job. And I want

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to hear from you guys, like I want to hear

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what you guys want out of this, Like do you

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like guests? Do you like solo? Do you need more structure?

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Should I quit podcasting? Should I start a new life?

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Should I run to Bali where I would be considered

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a very wealthy person there and just hide in a

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tpe for like four to six years. Should I pull

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a Dave Chappelle, even though nobody would miss me and

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nobody would be sad that I was gone? Maybe I

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just pull a Chappelle and I leave the country for

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a couple of years. And do I have ancestors or

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roots in BALI No, I don't, but it's about one

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of one places I could go where my money would

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mean anything. So anyway, I've been doing gratitude liss, waking

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up in the morning saying everything I'm grateful for. And

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then here's a fun trick. So I was having a

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really hard time sleeping and I quit caffeine. Again, that's

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not a trick, that's just like something I've done because

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I'm a fucking addict. I'm an addict in every sense

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of the word. If I find something that I like

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and it makes me feel a little different and it

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takes me out of my head, I'm like, give me

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four hundred of them. They're like, but ma'am, four is

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what we recommend for coffee servings per day, and I'm like,

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I want all of them. I can't stop. Here's what

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I do with coffee. Here's my little pattern with coffee.

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And I'm gonna go on a rant, and I'm not

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gonna remember where I started, and I'm not gonna be

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able to get back there. So we're gonna go get

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lost together. Okay, besties, let's get lost. Come hold my hand,

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Come on this journey with me. This is what happens.

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So a couple years ago, I quit drinking caffeine. It

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was the best year of my life. I when my

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head hit the pillow at night, nine pm, ten pm,

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I was out like a light. When I woke up

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in the morning, it was eight to ten hours later.

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Whatever my body needed that night, and I was wide awake,

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and I had my own energy, and I was a

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fully functioning human being the exact way God intended me too.

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I was completely sober. I wasn't drinking any caffeine. I

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was just drinking water. Every once in a while, I'd

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have a juice if I was feeling crazy. But the

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only thing that I had to live for was chocolate,

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and that wasn't enough. So eventually, you know, at that

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point in my life, I was married, and Chris would

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go on his little coffee walks in the morning, and

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I felt excluded from the ritual. So I was like,

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I'll get a DCAF coffee. I'll get a DCLF coffee.

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And then DCLF Coffee turned it into a I'll have

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a tea. Tea is low caffeine, right, tea is low caffeine.

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I'll ease my way back into it. I'll have a

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tea whatever. One tea won't hurt me. And then I

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felt a little something and I was like, oh, I'm

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gonna chase that drag and I want to feel a

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little something more. And so then I was like, I'll

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have a try latte. It's like kind of tea and

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it's kind of coffee. Right, No, and it's coffee. I think,

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I don't know none of my business. But I kicked

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it up a notch from there, and I said, give

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me a dirty try. And what's a dirty try? A

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dirty try has a shot of espresso in it. And

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that espresso made me feel alive. And then I was like,

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I want to feel alive all day long. And then

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I would have two of those a day and maybe

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three of those a day, and then what happens is

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when my head hits a pillow at night. It is

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on a fucking hamster wheel. It is go go go, go, go, go,

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go go going, and it can't stop. So um yeah,

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I I just like fully relapsed on caffeine and then

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I never really like unrelapsed. Like there was a time

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a place in time where I tried to drink less

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of it, and you know, like the true alcoholic in

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me was like, I'll just have it before eleven am,

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before twelve pm, as long as I don't have it

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before four p you know. But what the trade off is,

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I get to feel amazing and like I'm on top

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of the world and like I am not quite myself,

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which is all I want in this world is to

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feel like I'm not quite myself. Anything to take me

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out of my own motherfucking medulla, anything to take me

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out of this head of mine that hasn't served me great.

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I'll be honest. This head it's a bad neighborhood. It's

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the ghetto. I wouldn't go there, Okay, if I were

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you and I could choose where I wanted to go,

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choose my own adventure in life, I wouldn't pop into

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my head because it is a dark place and there

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are demons up there and they're fighting for their fucking life. Okay,

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But sometimes when I drank coffee and I had some caffeine,

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I was like, let's play. Let's dress the demons up,

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you know, Let's put them in a fucking dress and

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take them out for a two step. Let's take them

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for a fucking spin. Let's give them a little caffeine.

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Let's give them a little something to live for. But

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what happens is this caffeine is great when you're busy. Right,

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when you're a busy person, you're going into an office,

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you're getting shit done. You're like, you know, you're drinking

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a coffee, you're blasting off emails, you're firing out creative,

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you're going into the bathroom, you're taking a meaningful shit,

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and then you're getting back at your desk and you

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keep going. That is when caffeine is your bitch, lover,

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And if that is your life, I think you should

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have caffeine. I think you should never stop drinking caffeine.

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I think maybe do cocaine while you're at it, you

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know what I mean. Like, when you have shit to

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get done, here's when we hit the skids with caffeine.

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When you don't have anything going on. When you're bored

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and you're over caffeinated and you're just sitting there ruminating

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and thinking about every person who's ever hurt your feelings

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and every single person that's ever done you wrong in

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every single way that you could get revenge, that is

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when cappine becomes your enemy, because then what does it

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do gives you anxiety? And here's the thing about anxiety.

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Anxiety is living. It's not living in the present, and

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living in the present is the only way to feel joy.

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And have I ever felt joy a moment in my life,

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maybe for five minutes, I don't know, but I'm aware.

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Here's the really tricky dichotomy about being me that really

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bums me out, and it probably maybe you guys can

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relate to this too. I know how to live to

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be free and happy. I have read enough books, I

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have meditated enough, I have done the work, and I

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know how to be free. I know how to be joyous,

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happy and free. But instead, because I'm bored, I go

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fucking insane. I just like I'm not at peace, and

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caffeine doesn't help with that because then I'm just not

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at peace. And I have a lot of energy to

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not be at peace. You know how sometimes when you

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get mad about something, you tire yourself out and you're like, well,

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now I need a nap because I'm so tired. Naps

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fix everything, you know, Naps really truly fix everything. Have

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you ever thought I should kill myself and then you

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just take a fucking nap and you're like, ah, never mind,

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new lot on life. I have more reasons to live

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now than ever, just like a little little boost of energy.

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And how weak are we as the human species that

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we need sleep? Right? So much? Sleep? Like it is crazy.

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And here's the thing. I love sleep. I've always loved sleep.

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You guys are probably gonna listen to this because I

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did one other episode like this where I talked really

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fast and you guys all said I was on drugs

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and that was very mean. But whatever, I love sleep.

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I've always loved sleep because sleep. When I was a kid,

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sleep to me was the only escape from life. I

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hadn't found drugs or alcohol yet, or sex or any

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of my other many addictions. I hadn't found any of

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those to take me away from myself. So sleep was

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the one place where I am alive. But am I

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I'm here, but am I. There's no drama, there's no troubles.

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There's nothing wrong when you're sleeping, unless you have a

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horrific nightmare, in which case whatever. I don't know. I

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saw something on Instagram the other day that said your

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soul doesn't know what to do when it's sleeping, and

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I actually don't understand. There's a lot of different you know,

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I'm gonna read a book on this before I tell

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you guys anything. I was just gonna try and repeat

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something that I kind of half paid attention to, and

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I'm like, I'm not gonna do that. I'm not gonna

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be a dangerous person who spreads miths information anyway. All

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that to say, what the fuck is going on? Besties?

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Do you guys even like this podcast? Do you guys

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like it? Be honest? Looking for feedback. I want to

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know what's working, I want to know what's not working.

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I personally like it, but I feel like I've been

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complaining a lot lately, So I wonder if I'm just

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like a downer in your guys' life. And I hope not.

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I feel like I've kind of had negative vibes this here.

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I'm trying to keep it off the pod. But yeah,

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like life is just you know, life is just lifing,

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and unfortunately that's going to keep happening until it doesn't.

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You know, I can't jump into the bad news yet,

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So I'll tell you Oh, I'll tell you guy something else.

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Here's another thing I've been doing. I've been cooking, Like

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Betty fucking Crocker, Am I a good chef? No? Am

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I a top chef? No, I'm a bottom chef, like

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I am a real vodka bottom shelf chef. Like I

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am not good. I've never been good. My dad is

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an amazing cook, Like he told me my whole life.

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He's like, pay attention because one day you're gonna need

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to know this stuff. And I was like nah, and

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I just didn't pay attention. And I've been calling him

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every night being like what was that recipe? What's this recipe?

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I don't have anything to do here. So I've been

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like Betty fucking Crocker. I roasted a chicken, which is

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not hard to do, but like, who the fuck roasts

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a chicken that is a whole entire housewife? That is

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a housewife. Activity I roasted a chicken. I made banana pancakes.

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Excuse me, Jack Johnson, I have just been cooking. I

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made some breakfast tacos. Anyway, what happened to my dreams?

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What happened to my dreams? You guys, where'd they go?

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Where they go? I did go to Chicago this last weekend,

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which is a lot of fun. You guys saw it.

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Last week we did an episode with Doctor Eric. He's

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the best. I love him so much. He's so smart

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and funny. I hope you guys learned a lot from

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that episode. But I will say in that episode, it's

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so funny because I say to him like I want

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my lips don la Lah want do my lips? And

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he's like, you don't need your lips done? And I

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was like, give me a little something. Doc. You know,

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here's the thing. Don't bully your friends into doing work

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that they just told you you don't need. Because my god,

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did we accidentally overfill my top lip? I looked insane?

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You guys. I have to send you a picture. We

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did it like kind of close tonight. And if you

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guys know anything about injections, one of the things about

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getting lip injections or any sort of injections, is you

243
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have to sleep elevated because otherwise, when you sleep flat

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on your back, the blood rushes to your face and

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it swells. Blood rushes to your head and it swells.

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So I woke up and I looked like Donald fucking Doc.

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And I was like, oh no, oh no, what have

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I done? And everyone's like, here's the thing. You, guys.

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You need honest friends in your life. You need people

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like me who are gonna tell you when you look

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fucking crazy. Okay. I sent it to a bunch of

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friends and I was like, oh no, look what I did.

253
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And everyone's like, it's fine, you're just swelling. No, everything's good.

254
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They're gonna go down. Everything's amazing. Sent it to Shane.

255
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Shane was in Chicago, and Shane Gellis was in Chicago

256
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doing shows. He is, by the way, just like the

257
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nicest person, Like he would never say anything mean to me,

258
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but I, well, maybe he would if I was asking

259
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for it. But I told him. I was like, I'm

260
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coming and I look like a fucking idiot, so don't

261
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say anything. And I get into the green room and

262
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it's him and Santino is there doing a guest fun

263
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Santino and I are infinitely closer than me and Shane.

264
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Like Shane's the homie. I love Shane, but like I

265
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barely see Shane. Shane's obviously on top of the world,

266
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running around doing everything. So I get into the green room.

267
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Shean's like, dude, it's not that bad. You don't like

268
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that bad. Santina looks at me. He's like, you fucking

269
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big bitch, What did you do to your face? I

270
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fucking the scream, I scrumped. I was laughing. So I

271
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did not feel good though, so I didn't stay that long.

272
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Change show is amazing. His opener was great. Santino did

273
00:14:06,320 --> 00:14:09,120
a guest spot God, I want to remember his opener's name.

274
00:14:09,120 --> 00:14:14,440
I think it was Kevin Iso. I think it's Kevin Iso. Bruh,

275
00:14:15,279 --> 00:14:21,440
so funny, like so so so funny, such a smart writer.

276
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Every joke took a turn that I didn't expect it

277
00:14:25,679 --> 00:14:28,200
to take. And that's all you can ever ask for

278
00:14:28,360 --> 00:14:31,120
in comedy is to be like pleasantly surprised by another

279
00:14:31,120 --> 00:14:35,679
comedian's writing. Santino is great. Hannibal Buris dropped in into

280
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to set and I'll say this. I'll say this, Hannibal

281
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He's great. He's a legend, obviously, but he did his

282
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two change jokes, which are like old, very old I have.

283
00:14:47,919 --> 00:14:52,320
I'm so hard on myself about reusing old jokes. I'm like,

284
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I can't do that. That's old. People have seen it.

285
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I have to remember, like the number of people that

286
00:14:58,480 --> 00:15:01,879
have seen my comedy is so small, and like when

287
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I'm doing rooms with other people's audiences, I would say

288
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there is maybe you know, let's say I was doing

289
00:15:09,200 --> 00:15:11,440
Shane show. I was not doing his show, but let's

290
00:15:11,480 --> 00:15:15,519
say I did his show, there would maybe be twenty

291
00:15:15,559 --> 00:15:17,679
people in that room who had even ever heard of

292
00:15:17,720 --> 00:15:20,960
me before, and he did the United Center. Okay, so

293
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I don't know it, just it gave me a moment

294
00:15:23,720 --> 00:15:26,279
of pause where I'm like, oh, yeah, a legend like

295
00:15:26,360 --> 00:15:29,080
this is doing old shit because he knows it slaps.

296
00:15:29,120 --> 00:15:30,960
And all you gotta do when you're going to work

297
00:15:31,039 --> 00:15:33,440
is make sure this shit slaps, especially when you're working

298
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on someone else's show. I know, you guys don't care.

299
00:15:35,679 --> 00:15:37,159
You guys don't want to talk about comedy. I was

300
00:15:37,279 --> 00:15:39,240
just telling you a little bit about what I learned

301
00:15:39,279 --> 00:15:43,360
this weekend. And then on top of that, Santino obviously

302
00:15:43,360 --> 00:15:46,919
fucking crushed. He's a monster. He's so fucking funny, but

303
00:15:47,000 --> 00:15:49,159
it was good. It's good, and I'm the moral of

304
00:15:49,159 --> 00:15:50,759
the story is you need people that are gonna tell

305
00:15:50,799 --> 00:15:53,960
you when you look fucking stupid. Because the gays that

306
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:56,600
I was staying with, my friend Brian, who I love dearly,

307
00:15:56,759 --> 00:15:59,000
he's like, you're you're gonna be fine once the swelling

308
00:15:59,000 --> 00:16:03,240
goes down. What's the swelling goes down? And I was like, no, no, no,

309
00:16:03,360 --> 00:16:06,039
we did something wrong here, and I'm one hundred percent

310
00:16:06,039 --> 00:16:07,919
saying it's my fault because doctor Eric was like, you

311
00:16:07,919 --> 00:16:09,360
do not need this, you do not need this, and

312
00:16:09,399 --> 00:16:11,639
I was like, put it in, you dumb little bitch.

313
00:16:12,039 --> 00:16:16,519
And I didn't call them that. My friend Ali, you

314
00:16:16,559 --> 00:16:19,840
guys know Ali Ali Colbert. She FaceTime me. She's like,

315
00:16:19,919 --> 00:16:23,399
oh my god, you look off. She's like, what did

316
00:16:23,440 --> 00:16:24,759
you do to your face?

317
00:16:25,679 --> 00:16:26,919
Speaker 2: Ah?

318
00:16:27,720 --> 00:16:30,480
Speaker 1: And that's the sort of humbling that I needed in

319
00:16:30,519 --> 00:16:33,919
that moment. You know, I just was like, nope, you're right,

320
00:16:34,799 --> 00:16:38,960
you are right. So yeah, you got to have people

321
00:16:39,000 --> 00:16:40,480
that are honest with you. And here's the thing. I'm

322
00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:42,639
that person on other people's lives, but I think that

323
00:16:42,679 --> 00:16:47,159
we have a sort of blindness towards our own faces

324
00:16:47,200 --> 00:16:49,879
and our own bodies. And I've talked about this, not

325
00:16:49,960 --> 00:16:52,200
on this podcast, but on this is the worst, Like

326
00:16:52,320 --> 00:16:55,440
I would talk about like when I started doing iz empic,

327
00:16:55,519 --> 00:16:58,720
like could I have afforded to lose a few pounds, sure,

328
00:17:00,960 --> 00:17:05,160
but god damn, I did not have any idea how

329
00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:07,720
good I looked when I did it. And not saying

330
00:17:07,720 --> 00:17:09,559
that to be like up my own ass. I'm saying

331
00:17:09,559 --> 00:17:12,599
that because I, like, I have now done this a

332
00:17:12,640 --> 00:17:15,640
few times where like I think I'm fixing something and

333
00:17:15,680 --> 00:17:17,440
then I make it worse, and it just reminds me

334
00:17:17,480 --> 00:17:19,680
of the saying that my dad always said, if it

335
00:17:19,680 --> 00:17:23,319
ain't broke, don't fix it. And the few times in

336
00:17:23,359 --> 00:17:26,279
my life when I have tried to buy something new,

337
00:17:27,079 --> 00:17:29,559
not on my body, just in life, buy something new.

338
00:17:29,559 --> 00:17:32,279
When I had a thing doing that function that worked perfectly,

339
00:17:32,319 --> 00:17:36,440
the new thing almost is always worse. Like I've done

340
00:17:36,440 --> 00:17:38,559
this before. With a cell phone. I remember one time

341
00:17:38,759 --> 00:17:42,640
I had Sprint. You guys remember that back in the

342
00:17:42,759 --> 00:17:45,160
dinosaur days. I don't even think they're in business anymore.

343
00:17:45,519 --> 00:17:50,640
I had Sprint and what does that reflect? Okay? Sorry,

344
00:17:51,920 --> 00:17:57,400
I had Sprint and I had a got it. I

345
00:17:57,440 --> 00:18:01,319
didn't even have an iPhone at the time. I don't

346
00:18:01,319 --> 00:18:03,160
remember what phone I had. Maybe it was still a

347
00:18:03,160 --> 00:18:07,720
BlackBerry and the BlackBerry worked fine, and Sprint the network

348
00:18:07,799 --> 00:18:10,279
worked fine. But I remember someone like teased me for

349
00:18:10,359 --> 00:18:14,400
having Sprint. They're like, you know, they had the family Plan.

350
00:18:14,480 --> 00:18:16,559
Do you guys remember that the friends and family Plan?

351
00:18:17,000 --> 00:18:20,000
Oh my god, I can't talk okay. Anyway, someone teased

352
00:18:20,000 --> 00:18:21,039
me about it, and I was like, you know, maybe

353
00:18:21,079 --> 00:18:22,640
it's time for me to get an iPhone. Maybe it's

354
00:18:22,640 --> 00:18:24,960
time for me to upgrade to AT and T, you know,

355
00:18:25,799 --> 00:18:28,079
get on board with the rest of the world. And

356
00:18:28,119 --> 00:18:32,359
so I did that two days before my birthday, and

357
00:18:32,960 --> 00:18:38,319
I got a new phone, and I remember on my birthday,

358
00:18:38,559 --> 00:18:43,160
I didn't hear anything from anyone, and I was like,

359
00:18:43,200 --> 00:18:47,480
what in the sam Hill's going on here? And when

360
00:18:47,480 --> 00:18:51,039
I looked into it, because it was switching over from

361
00:18:51,319 --> 00:18:56,319
the green bubble texting SMS to iOS texting, it got

362
00:18:56,359 --> 00:18:59,200
like lost in translation and all the wires got crossed.

363
00:18:59,279 --> 00:19:01,559
So I like rean into people after my birthday and

364
00:19:01,559 --> 00:19:03,200
they're like, oh, yeah, I texted you on your birthday

365
00:19:03,240 --> 00:19:04,960
and you didn't text me anything back. And I'm like,

366
00:19:05,319 --> 00:19:08,440
how many messages did I miss? I missed my whole

367
00:19:09,079 --> 00:19:11,799
I now I don't know who loves me. I have

368
00:19:11,960 --> 00:19:14,599
been since I've been like Billy Madison and like not

369
00:19:14,680 --> 00:19:17,799
Billy Madison, what's that Steve Buscemi's character and Billy Madison

370
00:19:17,839 --> 00:19:20,240
making the two kill list that was me after my

371
00:19:20,279 --> 00:19:23,039
birthday to kill and lipstick and just everyone who didn't

372
00:19:23,079 --> 00:19:25,039
text me. And then like when people started saying they

373
00:19:25,079 --> 00:19:26,799
did text me, I would like cross them off the

374
00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:29,400
list that literally was me. But it was like it

375
00:19:29,480 --> 00:19:32,279
wasn't broken, the phone was working fine, the service was great.

376
00:19:32,319 --> 00:19:33,559
Oh and this is the other thing. I lived in

377
00:19:33,599 --> 00:19:35,720
Venice Beach at the time, on the beach and at

378
00:19:35,799 --> 00:19:38,000
and T service over there was whack a doo, so

379
00:19:38,119 --> 00:19:40,519
I had to like leave my apartment to get serviced.

380
00:19:40,559 --> 00:19:42,039
It was just a whole thing where I just remember

381
00:19:42,039 --> 00:19:43,839
my dad being like, if it ain't broke, don't fix it.

382
00:19:43,880 --> 00:19:46,079
If it ain't broke, don't fix it. And I've also

383
00:19:46,119 --> 00:19:47,960
been feeling that way lately about my car, like I'm

384
00:19:47,960 --> 00:19:51,079
ready for a new car, but it ain't broke, so

385
00:19:51,200 --> 00:19:53,400
I'm not gonna fix it. Because this is the lesson

386
00:19:53,400 --> 00:19:56,799
that I learned. Okay, this week's episode is brought to

387
00:19:56,880 --> 00:20:00,680
you by Berber hair oil. You got. You know I

388
00:20:00,720 --> 00:20:02,799
have my slick back in right now. You know my

389
00:20:02,839 --> 00:20:05,839
whole life is a slick back in this bitch. I'm

390
00:20:05,880 --> 00:20:09,279
just slick back in Florida. That's my whole entire vibe,

391
00:20:09,599 --> 00:20:13,279
no makeup, slick back hair. It is a regenerative year

392
00:20:13,359 --> 00:20:15,640
for mama. Okay, she's taking care of her skin, she's

393
00:20:15,680 --> 00:20:17,880
taking care of her nails. She's taking care of her hair. Okay,

394
00:20:17,880 --> 00:20:19,680
she's not taking care of her nails. She's got fucking

395
00:20:19,799 --> 00:20:22,759
nails on. Sorry, sorry, I lied nails and sikin. It's

396
00:20:22,759 --> 00:20:27,000
the fucking year. Next week I'm gonna share some skincare

397
00:20:27,039 --> 00:20:32,599
secrets with you guys. Don't let me forget, but this week,

398
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:35,400
Berber is my number one hair care secret. It's not

399
00:20:35,440 --> 00:20:37,519
even a secret anymore. I talk about it every single week.

400
00:20:37,559 --> 00:20:39,039
I want you guys to come on this journey with me.

401
00:20:39,079 --> 00:20:41,720
It's burdock oil. I did the Derma Planer. I got

402
00:20:41,720 --> 00:20:43,920
a new Derma Planer because I was like, mine's feeling

403
00:20:44,000 --> 00:20:46,319
a little dull. I got a new one. Oh it

404
00:20:46,400 --> 00:20:50,240
hurts so good, Derma plane that bitch Mermaid hairbrush, it

405
00:20:50,359 --> 00:20:53,200
is so so good. Your hair will be stronger and

406
00:20:53,240 --> 00:20:57,160
healthier and more luxurious than ever. And I promise you

407
00:20:57,200 --> 00:20:59,960
that use my code Brit Brit for fifteen percent off

408
00:21:00,119 --> 00:21:03,240
your first order at Burber dot com b r bur

409
00:21:03,319 --> 00:21:05,279
dot com. Usement code britt b r I t T

410
00:21:05,480 --> 00:21:08,200
for fifteen percent off your first order. I love you

411
00:21:08,279 --> 00:21:14,200
so much. Talk to you later, besties. So I got

412
00:21:14,200 --> 00:21:15,880
my lips donecause I wanted to, like get a little

413
00:21:15,960 --> 00:21:22,440
judging done. I looked stupid for two days and then

414
00:21:24,519 --> 00:21:27,279
I have been toying with getting a boob job, and

415
00:21:27,319 --> 00:21:29,279
I it's funny because I posted something about wanting to

416
00:21:29,279 --> 00:21:32,759
get it and like the responses are truly so fifty

417
00:21:32,799 --> 00:21:38,440
to fifty. It is a divided right down the middle crowd,

418
00:21:38,680 --> 00:21:41,279
like and I thought it would be more men being

419
00:21:41,319 --> 00:21:44,680
like get your titched done, Like no guys have. Actually,

420
00:21:44,960 --> 00:21:47,079
some of them that have responded are obviously like fuck

421
00:21:47,160 --> 00:21:49,960
yoh go ghetto go getto teddies, bitch, but like a

422
00:21:49,960 --> 00:21:51,559
lot of them are like you're bought of your choice,

423
00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:53,599
or like, you know, do him if you want him.

424
00:21:53,720 --> 00:21:55,640
One guy said something great. He was like, dude, you know,

425
00:21:55,640 --> 00:21:56,960
if you want to get your tits done, get your

426
00:21:57,000 --> 00:21:58,799
tits done. He's like but just know, any guy that

427
00:21:58,880 --> 00:22:01,119
wants you for your tits is a And I was like,

428
00:22:01,480 --> 00:22:06,319
that's a fucking iconic response. I love that. But a

429
00:22:06,359 --> 00:22:08,519
lot of girls have sent me messages being like it

430
00:22:08,640 --> 00:22:11,319
is life changing. I love them so much. I wish

431
00:22:11,359 --> 00:22:14,839
I would have got them done sooner. And then the

432
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:17,519
other half are like, don't do it. It's poisoning your body.

433
00:22:17,599 --> 00:22:19,240
I got mine, I had to get them taken out.

434
00:22:19,279 --> 00:22:22,599
My personality changed. I got sick from them. La la

435
00:22:22,680 --> 00:22:24,880
la la la. So there's like, you know, there's the

436
00:22:24,880 --> 00:22:27,880
dichotomy of that, like could it make you like a

437
00:22:27,920 --> 00:22:31,200
ton more confident? And yeah, but I also like, don't

438
00:22:31,240 --> 00:22:32,839
hate my tits, you know what I mean? So this

439
00:22:32,880 --> 00:22:34,720
is a thing or it's not broke, don't fix it.

440
00:22:34,799 --> 00:22:37,559
Like I'm like, I like my little mole sea cups,

441
00:22:37,680 --> 00:22:42,079
my little bouncy girls. They're not bad. I'm just bored. Okay,

442
00:22:42,279 --> 00:22:44,440
you guys, that's what's going on. That's the theme of

443
00:22:44,480 --> 00:22:48,599
this episode is Mama is fucking bored. So what I

444
00:22:48,640 --> 00:22:50,720
have decided to do and I don't know if I'm

445
00:22:50,720 --> 00:22:52,559
gonna do it, but I do think I'm gonna do it.

446
00:22:52,599 --> 00:22:54,440
I think I'm gonna get a job while I live here.

447
00:22:55,000 --> 00:22:57,440
I think I need to do something that's not comedy

448
00:22:57,519 --> 00:23:00,400
and not podcasting to spend my days. Because let's be

449
00:23:00,440 --> 00:23:02,279
real about podcasting. I love you guys so much. If

450
00:23:02,319 --> 00:23:04,359
I could spend every hour every day with all of you,

451
00:23:04,440 --> 00:23:07,400
I would, But this is one hour a week editing

452
00:23:07,599 --> 00:23:10,319
all in. Let's call it two and a half hours

453
00:23:10,359 --> 00:23:13,799
a week. That is not a job, okay. And also

454
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,920
it's not paying the bills. Oh and this is why

455
00:23:15,920 --> 00:23:20,640
I was asking, do you guys like the podcast? Because

456
00:23:20,680 --> 00:23:24,680
here's the thing. I'm like at this tipping point where

457
00:23:24,720 --> 00:23:27,839
I need more people to listen to it so it

458
00:23:27,839 --> 00:23:30,319
can monetize. And I know you guys don't really necessarily

459
00:23:30,319 --> 00:23:32,599
care about the back end of my business or how

460
00:23:32,640 --> 00:23:35,119
this works. But I'm at a point now. And I

461
00:23:35,279 --> 00:23:37,400
knew when I left the old but I didn't leave

462
00:23:37,400 --> 00:23:39,319
the old podcast. When the old podcast ended and I

463
00:23:39,400 --> 00:23:41,000
decided to start a new one, I knew it was

464
00:23:41,039 --> 00:23:43,440
going to be nothing near that, Like Brittany Furlan added

465
00:23:43,480 --> 00:23:45,960
so much to that other podcast, and like us Together

466
00:23:46,119 --> 00:23:49,440
was such a great dynamic, Like that was such a

467
00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,160
special thing. Obviously, that was lightning in a bottle. That

468
00:23:52,240 --> 00:23:55,640
was a moment in time that's like not gonna come back.

469
00:23:58,279 --> 00:23:59,960
But I knew it was never gonna be that big,

470
00:24:00,599 --> 00:24:02,640
but I didn't I quite think it would be this

471
00:24:03,079 --> 00:24:06,680
small either. And I'm not mad because I like intimate parties.

472
00:24:06,720 --> 00:24:10,319
I think they're honestly better. But can you tell your

473
00:24:10,319 --> 00:24:12,160
friends about the podcast if you like it? If you

474
00:24:12,200 --> 00:24:14,279
like it, could you just like tell your girlfriends about it?

475
00:24:14,359 --> 00:24:18,640
So or boyfriends or whoever friends? Would they them friends

476
00:24:19,200 --> 00:24:22,880
about it? Because I just want to like tip it

477
00:24:22,920 --> 00:24:25,720
over the edge. And the only other option, which you

478
00:24:25,799 --> 00:24:29,680
guys hated when we did it with the old podcast,

479
00:24:29,720 --> 00:24:34,279
is Patreon. Patreon would help me out a little bit,

480
00:24:34,319 --> 00:24:35,640
but I know a lot of you guys would get

481
00:24:35,640 --> 00:24:37,039
mad at me, so I just want to keep the

482
00:24:37,039 --> 00:24:39,640
peace and I don't want everyone getting all fired up

483
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,119
at me. So anyway, just I'm doing a little telefriend campaign.

484
00:24:43,160 --> 00:24:45,960
So if you could tell your tell your friends, tell

485
00:24:46,000 --> 00:24:48,440
her friend to tell your friend, so we could be

486
00:24:48,599 --> 00:24:52,759
friends and we could do this every weekend, that would

487
00:24:52,799 --> 00:25:00,279
be great. Wow, you guys, is what an apisode? Okay?

488
00:25:00,279 --> 00:25:02,119
So I started reading a new book. By the way,

489
00:25:02,119 --> 00:25:05,119
I have three books around here, because don't worry, we

490
00:25:05,160 --> 00:25:07,680
are doing the artist's way. We are doing the introduction

491
00:25:07,720 --> 00:25:10,000
to the artist way. Today. You guys were yelling at

492
00:25:10,000 --> 00:25:12,480
me in the comments. Someone was like, don't change the date,

493
00:25:12,559 --> 00:25:16,039
and I was like, easy killer. Also, I lied to

494
00:25:16,079 --> 00:25:17,799
you guys. I didn't mean to, but I did. I

495
00:25:17,839 --> 00:25:19,720
thought it was a nine week course and then I

496
00:25:19,759 --> 00:25:23,839
popped the book open and it's twelve weeks. Oh my Lanta.

497
00:25:24,039 --> 00:25:26,319
So we are gonna be like in the middle of

498
00:25:26,400 --> 00:25:28,519
summer by the time it's over. But I promise you

499
00:25:28,559 --> 00:25:31,319
our brains and are little creative inside of us. Well,

500
00:25:31,559 --> 00:25:33,119
just thank you so much. But I'm going to get

501
00:25:33,119 --> 00:25:34,559
to that at the very end because some of you

502
00:25:34,599 --> 00:25:37,119
guys don't want to do that. You're busy, you're just

503
00:25:37,160 --> 00:25:39,920
not interested, and that's really fine and I respect that.

504
00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:43,279
So what I do want to get into is this

505
00:25:43,400 --> 00:25:48,440
book that has blown me the fuck away, The Art

506
00:25:48,519 --> 00:25:52,079
of Detachment. Have you guys read this? And if you haven't,

507
00:25:52,319 --> 00:25:54,200
what the fuck are you doing with your life? No

508
00:25:54,240 --> 00:25:57,160
one even recommended it to me. I just went down

509
00:25:57,359 --> 00:26:02,440
a wormhole on Amazon because I or Marcus Relius's meditations

510
00:26:02,880 --> 00:26:06,279
and I just have been wanting to get more, tap

511
00:26:06,359 --> 00:26:13,440
more into my spiritual work and my spiritual side. I've

512
00:26:13,440 --> 00:26:15,880
been praying a lot more lately, which sometimes I do

513
00:26:15,920 --> 00:26:19,400
and sometimes I don't, but I've really been like needing signs,

514
00:26:19,519 --> 00:26:24,160
like direct signs from God about things, and so I've

515
00:26:24,200 --> 00:26:26,200
been praying and it's working. And here's the thing. And

516
00:26:26,240 --> 00:26:28,480
whether or not you believe in God, that's your business.

517
00:26:29,000 --> 00:26:31,400
I do because I don't have any other choice, because

518
00:26:31,400 --> 00:26:33,920
I believed in myself for so long and I thought

519
00:26:33,960 --> 00:26:35,799
I ran the show for so long, and then things

520
00:26:35,839 --> 00:26:38,240
went so poorly for so long that I was like, Hey,

521
00:26:39,160 --> 00:26:42,200
anybody out there, could I get a little is anybody

522
00:26:42,200 --> 00:26:44,559
alive about it? Could I get a little fucking help?

523
00:26:45,440 --> 00:26:47,119
And the second you ask for help, you get it.

524
00:26:47,160 --> 00:26:49,799
And it's funny because I used to have vague prayers, right,

525
00:26:49,880 --> 00:26:52,440
I used to be like, Hey, God, what's up. It's

526
00:26:52,440 --> 00:26:55,519
a girl brit just saying hi, and I love you.

527
00:26:55,599 --> 00:26:58,200
I hope everything's good up there, you know, Like my

528
00:26:58,279 --> 00:27:01,000
prayers were kind of dumb, but I was like checking in,

529
00:27:01,119 --> 00:27:03,599
but they were kind of dumb. And then when I

530
00:27:03,640 --> 00:27:05,799
had like real stuff come up that was like making

531
00:27:05,839 --> 00:27:08,920
me soul sick and spiritually not feeling right. I started

532
00:27:08,960 --> 00:27:11,960
doing the resentment prayer and the resentment prayer. For those

533
00:27:11,960 --> 00:27:15,359
of you who don't know, it's something that I learned

534
00:27:15,359 --> 00:27:18,400
in the program. But I'm sure if you're not, and

535
00:27:18,599 --> 00:27:20,519
I know for a fact that if you're not in it,

536
00:27:20,519 --> 00:27:22,200
you can use it and it will it will work

537
00:27:22,720 --> 00:27:28,720
because it works like a motherfucker like it is basically

538
00:27:29,200 --> 00:27:31,559
a person, place, or thing that you are holding hate

539
00:27:31,720 --> 00:27:33,880
in your heart for. And I know you guys know

540
00:27:34,200 --> 00:27:35,880
who mine is. I don't even have to say it.

541
00:27:36,400 --> 00:27:38,240
I do need to be over it, though, because I

542
00:27:38,319 --> 00:27:39,880
have to be fucking done. I have to move on.

543
00:27:39,960 --> 00:27:43,680
It's April. I'm about to turn thirty seven this month.

544
00:27:43,720 --> 00:27:46,160
I can't be holding hate in my heart. I can't

545
00:27:46,160 --> 00:27:49,079
be drinking the poison and expecting another person to die.

546
00:27:49,359 --> 00:27:51,400
So what I've been doing is the resentment prayer. And

547
00:27:51,480 --> 00:27:53,960
so whoever you guys, just think about it right now.

548
00:27:54,039 --> 00:27:57,599
You probably all have someone that you're just fucking fuck

549
00:27:57,720 --> 00:28:01,480
that person, fuck you, fuck this, fuck that da da

550
00:28:01,559 --> 00:28:06,480
da whatever it is. It can be anything anyone anywhere

551
00:28:07,079 --> 00:28:10,359
but mine. We're at people specifically. And so what I

552
00:28:10,400 --> 00:28:12,119
did at night was I prayed and I said, Hey, God,

553
00:28:12,119 --> 00:28:16,119
what's up. It's your girl, what's up? It's me. I

554
00:28:16,200 --> 00:28:18,160
just want to send a lot of love and light

555
00:28:18,519 --> 00:28:23,119
and peace, and I uh to blank, whoever your person

556
00:28:23,200 --> 00:28:25,720
is fill in the blank. I hope they get love.

557
00:28:25,839 --> 00:28:28,519
I hope they receive the love they're looking for. I

558
00:28:28,559 --> 00:28:31,680
hope they receive the abundance they're looking for. I hope

559
00:28:32,720 --> 00:28:36,119
they get the big life that they dreamed for themselves.

560
00:28:36,359 --> 00:28:39,839
I hope that they get everything they ever wanted. And

561
00:28:39,880 --> 00:28:43,000
I am sending them and showering them in love and light.

562
00:28:45,319 --> 00:28:48,279
Fucking cringe, bar fuck that. What the fuck are you

563
00:28:48,319 --> 00:28:50,119
talking I with the First time I heard that, I

564
00:28:50,160 --> 00:28:51,960
was like, that's the stupidest fucking thing I ever heard.

565
00:28:52,200 --> 00:28:54,119
But I'll do it, you know, because that's where I'm

566
00:28:54,119 --> 00:28:56,640
always at my life is I'm I am the first

567
00:28:56,680 --> 00:28:59,759
person to judge a solution before I try it, but

568
00:28:59,799 --> 00:29:04,839
I I'm always willing to try it because left to

569
00:29:04,880 --> 00:29:08,960
my own devices, I am oftentimes in misery. So I

570
00:29:09,000 --> 00:29:11,079
was like, that's fucking stupid. Why would I ever wish

571
00:29:11,119 --> 00:29:13,759
my ops a good life? Why would I ever want

572
00:29:13,799 --> 00:29:16,640
them to have a good life. But it's not even

573
00:29:16,680 --> 00:29:20,240
about that. It's about when you send someone or something love,

574
00:29:21,079 --> 00:29:24,599
you have to let go of the hate that you're

575
00:29:24,599 --> 00:29:29,000
holding in your heart. You absolutely must and you know.

576
00:29:30,599 --> 00:29:32,920
So anyway, I started doing that, and then I was

577
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:35,720
asking for specific prayers. And this is where it gets interesting,

578
00:29:35,720 --> 00:29:39,680
because sometimes I get really quick responses to my prayers

579
00:29:39,759 --> 00:29:41,640
and I just will be like, if I'm supposed to

580
00:29:41,720 --> 00:29:45,240
do this, show me a sign. And the one that

581
00:29:45,279 --> 00:29:47,960
I was looking for this week was if I'm supposed

582
00:29:48,039 --> 00:29:52,599
to get a job, show me a sign. And I,

583
00:29:52,960 --> 00:29:55,839
you know, I was toying with the idea, and you

584
00:29:55,880 --> 00:29:58,680
guys are gonna maybe laugh at this or whatever. I

585
00:29:58,720 --> 00:30:01,279
was just like, I could bartend again. I could serve

586
00:30:01,359 --> 00:30:05,119
tables like I could do that. I loved that. I

587
00:30:05,160 --> 00:30:09,319
loved serving tables. I loved being on my feet running

588
00:30:09,359 --> 00:30:12,799
around the days flew by interacting with customers. Like am

589
00:30:12,839 --> 00:30:15,599
I great with customer service? Obviously fucking not. But I'm

590
00:30:15,599 --> 00:30:17,799
good at that job. I can get it done. I'm

591
00:30:17,839 --> 00:30:21,000
a great bartender because I'm a fucking alcoholic. I can

592
00:30:21,039 --> 00:30:25,319
make a mean martini. Okay, I can make all the

593
00:30:25,400 --> 00:30:28,039
drinks under the sun, and I can make them fast.

594
00:30:28,279 --> 00:30:30,599
And I only bartended for a year in Wisconsin, but

595
00:30:30,680 --> 00:30:33,359
I made bank bartending and I was like, listen, the

596
00:30:33,400 --> 00:30:35,920
bank that I made. Then I've I've redefined bank because

597
00:30:35,920 --> 00:30:40,119
I've made different levels of bank, you know throughout my career.

598
00:30:40,200 --> 00:30:42,359
Bartending now would not be bank for me, but it

599
00:30:42,359 --> 00:30:45,480
would be like a good way to distract me from myself,

600
00:30:47,440 --> 00:30:50,880
because I think the reality is that idle hands are

601
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:53,880
the devil's workshop, you know, like I and my dad

602
00:30:53,920 --> 00:30:56,160
has always said this. My dad is an electrician. He's

603
00:30:56,200 --> 00:30:58,640
a hard worker. He's always working with his hands, and

604
00:30:58,799 --> 00:31:04,759
you know, when I quit corporate to work in comedy,

605
00:31:04,799 --> 00:31:07,960
he was scared for me, not because of obviously the

606
00:31:08,319 --> 00:31:12,359
clear prospect of failure, which I think most parents are

607
00:31:12,440 --> 00:31:14,359
and they try and protect their children from. He's like,

608
00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:18,200
but the schedule is also very tricky, right because I

609
00:31:18,319 --> 00:31:21,079
work nights now and I only work when I want to,

610
00:31:21,559 --> 00:31:26,119
and I work really okay. So this is something that

611
00:31:26,359 --> 00:31:29,000
is within me because of the way I was raised.

612
00:31:29,240 --> 00:31:30,920
So many things are within all of us because of

613
00:31:30,960 --> 00:31:35,799
how we were raised. I always was naturally pretty pretty

614
00:31:35,799 --> 00:31:41,079
good at school. I could just get it done kind

615
00:31:41,079 --> 00:31:44,880
of without trying too hard. But I never wanted to.

616
00:31:45,279 --> 00:31:47,640
Does that make sense? So like I could, but I

617
00:31:47,680 --> 00:31:51,759
didn't want to. And the only reason I was not

618
00:31:51,799 --> 00:31:54,559
an exemplary student, because I wouldn't say that. I would.

619
00:31:54,599 --> 00:31:56,119
I was a good student. I was a's and b's.

620
00:31:56,480 --> 00:31:58,559
But the only reason I was a's and b's is

621
00:31:58,559 --> 00:32:01,400
because of my mom. Because if I was left to

622
00:32:01,400 --> 00:32:04,599
my own defenses, I would have been b's and c's.

623
00:32:05,240 --> 00:32:08,880
Because I'm lazy. Okay, that's the thing. I'm a tourist.

624
00:32:08,960 --> 00:32:11,200
I like my bed. I like to lay down. I

625
00:32:11,279 --> 00:32:14,359
like to snooze. I like a snack. I like a book,

626
00:32:14,759 --> 00:32:17,519
I like a TV show. I like to lose myself

627
00:32:17,640 --> 00:32:22,480
in comfort. Okay, and I just don't wanna Okay, most

628
00:32:22,480 --> 00:32:25,279
of the time, I just don't want to. So I

629
00:32:25,319 --> 00:32:27,839
can set goals for myself, and I can really mean

630
00:32:27,839 --> 00:32:29,799
it when I set those goals for myself. But if

631
00:32:29,839 --> 00:32:32,039
I don't have someone saying this is due by this date,

632
00:32:32,119 --> 00:32:36,039
and if that doesn't happen, there are consequences. I usually

633
00:32:36,079 --> 00:32:38,200
don't get it done. And I hate that about myself.

634
00:32:38,400 --> 00:32:40,440
And I'm not blaming my mom for that. I'm really not.

635
00:32:40,519 --> 00:32:42,960
I think it's just how I am as a person,

636
00:32:43,039 --> 00:32:46,079
and I think she forced me to be a better

637
00:32:46,200 --> 00:32:51,160
person in that category by like toxicity and manipulation and

638
00:32:51,240 --> 00:32:53,440
violence and all of those things, but like she did

639
00:32:53,480 --> 00:32:57,319
force me to be good at academics when I was

640
00:32:57,359 --> 00:33:00,960
in school, but since I've left school, if I don't

641
00:33:00,960 --> 00:33:04,319
have structure, I won't show up. And I always when

642
00:33:04,359 --> 00:33:07,279
I worked in advertising, I always found out. I always

643
00:33:07,279 --> 00:33:11,599
figured out a way to kind of game the system

644
00:33:11,680 --> 00:33:14,200
where I could be there the least amount of hours

645
00:33:14,400 --> 00:33:17,559
and do the least amount of work. But still like

646
00:33:17,680 --> 00:33:21,960
my least amount of work was always exceeding expectations. Does

647
00:33:22,039 --> 00:33:24,119
that make sense? Like I'm a and I'm not tooting

648
00:33:24,119 --> 00:33:26,119
my own horn here, because what I am saying is

649
00:33:26,119 --> 00:33:29,720
if I had any fucking dedication, motivation, ambition, if I

650
00:33:29,759 --> 00:33:33,160
had anything in me, I could really accomplish some shit.

651
00:33:33,599 --> 00:33:35,640
But unfortunately for all of us, I'm just like a

652
00:33:35,799 --> 00:33:38,559
mid level accomplishing hoe and I'm kind of a stick

653
00:33:38,559 --> 00:33:43,039
in the mud when when no one's breathing down my neck. So,

654
00:33:43,079 --> 00:33:44,759
for example, this book I told you guys about this

655
00:33:44,759 --> 00:33:47,359
book that I'm trying to write. It is an excavation

656
00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:50,160
of the soul. It is heavy, it is hard, and

657
00:33:50,240 --> 00:33:52,640
I don't wanna. Okay, every time I sit down to

658
00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:55,079
write it, I end up sobbing, and I'm like, I

659
00:33:55,119 --> 00:33:58,680
am sad I just upped my lexiproach to ten milligrams.

660
00:33:58,839 --> 00:34:00,880
There's not a laugh the pro in the world to

661
00:34:00,960 --> 00:34:05,640
keep me from wrenching, like wretching, sorry, not wrenching, wrenching,

662
00:34:05,880 --> 00:34:09,119
crying when I'm writing this thing. And so it's hard

663
00:34:09,239 --> 00:34:11,519
and I try to like make myself stick to it,

664
00:34:11,559 --> 00:34:14,159
and I tried to give myself a schedule, but unfortunately

665
00:34:14,679 --> 00:34:16,599
I don't have an advance and there's no one breathing

666
00:34:16,679 --> 00:34:18,880
down my neck being like these this amount of pages

667
00:34:18,960 --> 00:34:21,239
needs to be due by this amount of time, you know.

668
00:34:21,519 --> 00:34:26,719
So I'm not really sticking to my goals in the

669
00:34:26,719 --> 00:34:28,920
way that I would want to. So I think it

670
00:34:28,920 --> 00:34:30,760
wouldn't be a bad idea for me to get a drum,

671
00:34:31,159 --> 00:34:33,079
you know. I think, just like a little structure in

672
00:34:33,079 --> 00:34:38,400
my life wouldn't fucking kill me. And I will keep

673
00:34:38,440 --> 00:34:40,679
you guys posted on that journey. I don't think I'm

674
00:34:40,679 --> 00:34:44,239
gonna bartend. Maybe I don't know. Maybe I was thinking

675
00:34:44,239 --> 00:34:47,559
it could be exciting to be a cartgirl, just like

676
00:34:47,599 --> 00:34:49,880
out in the sun with golfers just giving them their

677
00:34:49,880 --> 00:34:54,159
beers all day. That sounds kind of cool. I don't know.

678
00:34:54,400 --> 00:34:56,800
I'm just like exploring what my life looks like here

679
00:34:56,880 --> 00:34:58,440
and I need to find a little bit of purpose.

680
00:34:58,760 --> 00:35:00,719
But I think the thing that has me really excited

681
00:35:00,800 --> 00:35:05,159
right now in this moment is the possibility of working

682
00:35:05,239 --> 00:35:08,039
with rehabs and people in recovery out here, because there's

683
00:35:08,039 --> 00:35:10,760
a lot of recovery and there's you know, there's just

684
00:35:10,800 --> 00:35:12,360
like a lot of that around here, and I think

685
00:35:12,360 --> 00:35:17,760
that would be purposeful work that's aligned with what I'm

686
00:35:17,800 --> 00:35:19,519
trying to do with my life, which has helped people.

687
00:35:19,639 --> 00:35:22,559
So that's where I'm at with my personal journey. WHOA,

688
00:35:22,599 --> 00:35:25,920
I mean, this podcast has really just turned into like

689
00:35:25,960 --> 00:35:29,559
a vlog about my life here And did anybody want that?

690
00:35:29,679 --> 00:35:35,199
Does anyone? Did anyone ask for that? I don't think. So. Okay,

691
00:35:35,400 --> 00:35:37,800
let's talk about the art of detachment because this book

692
00:35:37,880 --> 00:35:39,639
was I was reading it on the flight to Chicago

693
00:35:39,840 --> 00:35:44,920
and my, oh my, Okay, it's talking about the mind's

694
00:35:44,960 --> 00:35:48,320
tug of war. Our minds are restless travelers, constantly leaping

695
00:35:48,360 --> 00:35:51,360
from one timeframe to the other. We replay mistakes, reliving

696
00:35:51,360 --> 00:35:55,519
them as if we could rewrite history. We anticipate future outcomes,

697
00:35:55,559 --> 00:35:59,079
often fearing what might go wrong rather than trusting in

698
00:35:59,119 --> 00:36:02,199
what could go right. This constant mental tug of war

699
00:36:02,280 --> 00:36:04,800
robs us of the richness of the present moment. And

700
00:36:04,840 --> 00:36:06,760
that's what I was talking about earlier. The present is

701
00:36:06,760 --> 00:36:10,119
the only place that we have any chance at feeling peace. Okay,

702
00:36:11,119 --> 00:36:14,400
So I like this analogy. I think that's what it is. Analogy.

703
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:15,800
I'm gonna have to check to make sure that's the

704
00:36:15,880 --> 00:36:18,199
right word. One day, a disciple approached the Buddha with

705
00:36:18,239 --> 00:36:20,719
a troubled mind, burdened by regrets of the past and

706
00:36:20,800 --> 00:36:22,760
fears of the future. The Buddha asked him, if a

707
00:36:22,760 --> 00:36:25,239
man is struck by an arrow, is it painful? The

708
00:36:25,280 --> 00:36:28,280
disciple nodded, and if the second arrow strikes him in

709
00:36:28,280 --> 00:36:30,440
the same place, would it not be even more painful?

710
00:36:30,519 --> 00:36:33,440
The disciple agreed. The Buddha then explained, in life, we

711
00:36:33,480 --> 00:36:36,960
can always avoid the We cannot always avoid the first arrow.

712
00:36:37,079 --> 00:36:39,719
It is the natural pain that comes with existence, But

713
00:36:39,760 --> 00:36:42,280
the second arrow, the suffering we create with our minds,

714
00:36:42,400 --> 00:36:45,440
is optional. We shoot it ourselves when we dwell on

715
00:36:45,559 --> 00:36:53,280
past wounds or worry about future troubles. Fuck like fuck

716
00:36:53,719 --> 00:36:59,880
fuck fuck me up, Buddha, Okay, because that's literally my

717
00:37:00,000 --> 00:37:03,400
My whole fucking life is thinking about did I fuck

718
00:37:03,519 --> 00:37:06,159
everything up? In the past, and am I about to

719
00:37:06,199 --> 00:37:12,079
fuck everything up in the future because I don't trust

720
00:37:12,199 --> 00:37:19,119
myself that I'm always making the right decisions. I feel

721
00:37:19,199 --> 00:37:22,079
like I looked back and ruminated on the past a lot,

722
00:37:22,199 --> 00:37:24,199
especially after my divorce, and was like, did I just

723
00:37:24,320 --> 00:37:28,639
fuck my whole life up? Did I just leave the coolest, smartest, funniest,

724
00:37:28,719 --> 00:37:33,320
most handsome dude like he adored me, We owned a

725
00:37:33,360 --> 00:37:37,159
home together, we had a dog together, like everything was great,

726
00:37:37,719 --> 00:37:40,159
and I just was like, I'm not happy and I left.

727
00:37:40,159 --> 00:37:42,400
And I remember I just beat myself up and beat

728
00:37:42,480 --> 00:37:45,199
myself up and beat myself up about that for years.

729
00:37:45,960 --> 00:37:48,360
But like the reality was in the present. When I

730
00:37:48,440 --> 00:37:52,360
was in that situation, I was also not happy. And

731
00:37:52,360 --> 00:37:54,280
then I got out of the situation, and then I

732
00:37:54,360 --> 00:37:56,519
wasn't happy, and then I started thinking, well, what if

733
00:37:56,559 --> 00:37:58,280
I don't make it in this industry, What if I

734
00:37:58,280 --> 00:37:59,679
don't make it in this career? What if I don't

735
00:38:01,159 --> 00:38:04,199
So I continue to just rob myself of my happiness

736
00:38:04,880 --> 00:38:07,719
at all times. And I think that second arrow analogy

737
00:38:07,920 --> 00:38:12,800
is so poignant because it's like life is filled with pain.

738
00:38:13,239 --> 00:38:17,639
Life is going to be horrible, not horrible. Listen, it's fine,

739
00:38:17,760 --> 00:38:21,320
right you know, it's fine, it's you know, it's got

740
00:38:21,639 --> 00:38:24,639
fucking issues, but like that's all of our character development.

741
00:38:24,679 --> 00:38:26,840
We're all down here to feel this shit and to

742
00:38:26,920 --> 00:38:29,119
move through this shit. But like we don't have to

743
00:38:29,199 --> 00:38:32,360
keep hurting ourselves, right. It's like it's like when you

744
00:38:32,360 --> 00:38:34,119
have a cut and it starts a scab and then

745
00:38:34,159 --> 00:38:35,800
you pull the scab off, and then it starts a

746
00:38:35,840 --> 00:38:37,400
scabin and then you pull it off. You like, never

747
00:38:37,480 --> 00:38:39,840
let yourself heal if you keep pulling out that scab.

748
00:38:40,039 --> 00:38:44,320
Right and again, this is the dichotomy of my brain

749
00:38:44,360 --> 00:38:48,199
where I know how to live life, to feel good

750
00:38:48,960 --> 00:38:55,039
and to be present and at peace, and I can't

751
00:38:55,079 --> 00:38:57,199
do it right. So I'm just telling you the things

752
00:38:57,239 --> 00:38:59,559
I'm learning because I want us all to be aware.

753
00:39:00,440 --> 00:39:02,239
And I hope you're not pained by the dichotomy. I

754
00:39:02,239 --> 00:39:05,199
hope you guys can take action and like, actually, you know,

755
00:39:06,000 --> 00:39:11,199
find some peace. Because I remember my old AA sponsor

756
00:39:11,320 --> 00:39:15,159
used to say to me. She always said, I was like, well,

757
00:39:15,159 --> 00:39:16,960
what if I fucked up? What if I wasn't supposed

758
00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:19,000
to do with that? What if dadada? And She's like, well,

759
00:39:19,039 --> 00:39:21,159
you know how, you know how it's supposed to happen

760
00:39:21,320 --> 00:39:25,800
because it happened, and God's plan is perfect and you're

761
00:39:25,800 --> 00:39:29,960
not in control. So even if you are, you know,

762
00:39:30,000 --> 00:39:32,320
obviously we do have self will and we do make decisions.

763
00:39:32,320 --> 00:39:34,079
And I did decide to leave my ex, but like

764
00:39:34,559 --> 00:39:36,760
I decided to leave my ex with a clear mind,

765
00:39:36,960 --> 00:39:41,719
and that's what needed to happen. Also, can I say

766
00:39:41,800 --> 00:39:47,760
that man is fucking thriving like he is. He is thriving,

767
00:39:47,880 --> 00:39:49,960
and I am so happy for him. Like he is

768
00:39:50,599 --> 00:39:54,400
the head of creative at NBA two K. He's doing

769
00:39:54,480 --> 00:39:57,920
great with his career. The house looks great. I think

770
00:39:57,960 --> 00:40:03,159
he's starting to do some renovations. He has a new

771
00:40:03,199 --> 00:40:05,960
dog with his girlfriend that he's had for like three years.

772
00:40:06,519 --> 00:40:11,280
He's super happy. Also, he launched a hot dog company. So,

773
00:40:11,480 --> 00:40:13,679
you know, one of the things I kind of told

774
00:40:13,760 --> 00:40:15,079
him when we were married, I was like, you don't

775
00:40:15,119 --> 00:40:17,199
have like a ton of ambition, you know, like you're

776
00:40:17,239 --> 00:40:21,800
just kind of chilling. And it was a hard juxtaposition

777
00:40:21,880 --> 00:40:24,599
because I was like chasing a fucking dream, right, I

778
00:40:24,639 --> 00:40:26,159
was like, I'm gonna be a comedian and I'm an

779
00:40:26,199 --> 00:40:30,280
a lot. And then you know, I think maybe he

780
00:40:30,360 --> 00:40:35,440
thought like I wouldn't leave, but then I did, and

781
00:40:35,679 --> 00:40:38,840
he started a hot dog company with one of his friends.

782
00:40:38,880 --> 00:40:44,719
His friend Bryce asked him to do the creative because

783
00:40:44,719 --> 00:40:47,119
he's an art director, so he's a creative director art director.

784
00:40:48,280 --> 00:40:50,159
So what that means is when you're an average when

785
00:40:50,199 --> 00:40:53,360
you see ads, the creative director is the person who

786
00:40:53,440 --> 00:40:58,480
visually designs it, and the copywriter is the person who lingually,

787
00:40:59,079 --> 00:41:03,639
like they do the not catchphrase, why can't I think

788
00:41:03,639 --> 00:41:06,840
of it? Logline? Or that's also not the word? I

789
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:08,679
was in advertising for ten years. Why can't I think

790
00:41:08,679 --> 00:41:11,559
of it? Well? Because my brain shuts out parts that

791
00:41:11,639 --> 00:41:14,480
it doesn't want to revisit. Okay, it's trauma a little bit.

792
00:41:15,519 --> 00:41:18,039
Copy copywriters do the fucking copy and the ads. Okay,

793
00:41:18,119 --> 00:41:22,159
let's just put it that way anyway. So his friend

794
00:41:22,159 --> 00:41:24,000
came to him, was like, let's I'm starting this hot

795
00:41:24,000 --> 00:41:26,039
dog company. Do you want a percentage of it? If

796
00:41:26,079 --> 00:41:32,159
you do? Like all the the why can't I think

797
00:41:32,199 --> 00:41:34,760
of words right now? Like AdWords? I can't think of

798
00:41:34,800 --> 00:41:37,960
that all the branding. There we go. Jesus, what was

799
00:41:37,960 --> 00:41:40,760
that so hard? Anyway? So he did it. He knocked

800
00:41:40,800 --> 00:41:42,559
it out of the park. The company is called Gleazy.

801
00:41:42,639 --> 00:41:46,119
They're in Harris Teeters all over the country. They're in

802
00:41:46,800 --> 00:41:50,840
a bunch of gas stations, like they they're gonna He's

803
00:41:50,880 --> 00:41:53,559
gonna be Hotdog Ridge, Like that's that's gonna be his story.

804
00:41:53,599 --> 00:41:56,440
And I'm so happy for him because like, fuck yeah,

805
00:41:56,519 --> 00:41:58,360
he deserves that. No one deserves it more than him.

806
00:41:58,360 --> 00:42:03,400
But like, truly, the impetus of him chasing shit was

807
00:42:03,679 --> 00:42:06,840
the divorce. So it's like, was it horribly painful for

808
00:42:06,920 --> 00:42:07,400
both of us?

809
00:42:07,480 --> 00:42:07,679
Speaker 2: Yes?

810
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:10,760
Speaker 1: Was it a little more? I don't think it was

811
00:42:10,760 --> 00:42:12,840
more painful. I don't think we can measure pain that way.

812
00:42:12,920 --> 00:42:15,039
I just think like it took me longer to move on.

813
00:42:15,159 --> 00:42:18,960
I ruminated a lot more about it than he did.

814
00:42:20,280 --> 00:42:22,960
But like, seeing his life now and seeing my life

815
00:42:23,079 --> 00:42:27,599
now makes me so sure that, like that that was

816
00:42:27,679 --> 00:42:30,840
the right move. And it's like such a Chinese farmer thing, right,

817
00:42:30,880 --> 00:42:36,920
when you're in the pain and you're feeling like, oh,

818
00:42:37,199 --> 00:42:41,840
this is fucking horrible, ooh this is hard, Chinese farmer

819
00:42:41,920 --> 00:42:43,920
is like, we'll see. And then the other side of

820
00:42:43,960 --> 00:42:47,719
that is like, has this transition to Florida been perfect? No?

821
00:42:47,920 --> 00:42:50,440
Has it been great? Uh? Uh? Has it even been good?

822
00:42:50,599 --> 00:42:55,159
Not really? But it's not bad. And I love Max

823
00:42:55,440 --> 00:42:58,559
so much and we are so happy and like, are

824
00:42:58,559 --> 00:43:02,679
we perfect? No, we definitely like fight and we have issues,

825
00:43:02,719 --> 00:43:04,920
but we've been really really good lately and I feel

826
00:43:04,920 --> 00:43:07,519
really at peace with him and really at home, and like,

827
00:43:08,280 --> 00:43:11,639
you know, that was a long way for me to say, like,

828
00:43:11,760 --> 00:43:14,519
if you're in the middle of the shit, just fucking

829
00:43:14,599 --> 00:43:17,360
keep going because I promise there's something on the other

830
00:43:17,400 --> 00:43:19,039
side of it, and there's always a lesson. But also,

831
00:43:19,079 --> 00:43:20,519
if you're in the middle of the shit, don't keep

832
00:43:20,599 --> 00:43:23,880
hurting yourself by like kicking yourself and being like, you

833
00:43:23,960 --> 00:43:25,800
dumb bitch, you didn't have to do that, you didn't

834
00:43:25,800 --> 00:43:28,400
blah blah blah, Like just give yourself grace. And I'm

835
00:43:28,400 --> 00:43:30,119
so sick of that phrase. I'm so sick of people

836
00:43:30,119 --> 00:43:32,519
saying give yourself grace. It's like, oh my god, can

837
00:43:32,559 --> 00:43:36,360
we not, But like, actually give yourself a little bit

838
00:43:36,400 --> 00:43:39,559
of a hug when you're feeling like you want to

839
00:43:39,599 --> 00:43:41,880
beat yourself up because life's hard and we're all just

840
00:43:41,920 --> 00:43:44,719
doing our best. But don't put that second arrow in,

841
00:43:44,760 --> 00:43:47,679
you son of a bitch. Don't be a fucking masochist,

842
00:43:48,000 --> 00:43:53,360
all right, all right, Okay, so this is it's still

843
00:43:53,400 --> 00:43:55,119
from the art of detachment. I have another thing I

844
00:43:55,119 --> 00:43:58,000
want to share with you. We are always running, always reaching,

845
00:43:58,079 --> 00:44:01,239
always expecting life to happen elsewhere. We think joy will

846
00:44:01,239 --> 00:44:03,920
come in a future, achievement and a milestone reached. But

847
00:44:04,000 --> 00:44:06,920
when that future arrives, it never feels like enough because

848
00:44:06,920 --> 00:44:09,320
we were never truly here to begin with. If we

849
00:44:09,360 --> 00:44:12,519
want to live fully, we must slow down, breathe, be present,

850
00:44:12,719 --> 00:44:15,280
otherwise we will spend our whole lives preparing to live

851
00:44:15,400 --> 00:44:18,519
instead of actually living. That's a quote from Seneca, who

852
00:44:18,519 --> 00:44:23,039
I think is a philosopher, but that's something I really

853
00:44:23,440 --> 00:44:26,880
really relate to also, because you know, I think on

854
00:44:27,199 --> 00:44:33,760
the episode with Ashley hassel Time, we talked about the

855
00:44:33,840 --> 00:44:37,000
arrival fallacy, which is once I get this, then I'll

856
00:44:37,000 --> 00:44:40,000
be happy. But the reality is if you don't, if

857
00:44:40,000 --> 00:44:42,719
you can't figure out how to be happy now, like

858
00:44:42,800 --> 00:44:47,800
if what you have now isn't enough, then more won't

859
00:44:47,800 --> 00:44:51,800
make you happy. And that's the truth. And that's a brutal, brutal,

860
00:44:51,840 --> 00:44:55,800
fucking truth, right because I have this too, and I'm

861
00:44:55,800 --> 00:44:59,000
not again this is again with the dichotomy within me.

862
00:44:59,199 --> 00:45:01,239
I know that I have to be present and be

863
00:45:01,440 --> 00:45:04,480
here and enjoy this and be grateful, which is why

864
00:45:04,480 --> 00:45:07,199
I've been doing my gratitudeless. I know in my brain

865
00:45:07,280 --> 00:45:12,000
that's what I need to do. But when a journal

866
00:45:12,159 --> 00:45:15,480
I'm like, you know, I would be so much happier

867
00:45:15,480 --> 00:45:17,800
if I were on set shooting my TV show that

868
00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:21,239
I wrote. I would be so much more fulfilled if

869
00:45:21,760 --> 00:45:25,199
my movie got funded and I was, you know, going

870
00:45:25,199 --> 00:45:27,239
to set every day and being a part of this.

871
00:45:27,360 --> 00:45:29,559
And it's so funny because it's like, you know, I

872
00:45:29,599 --> 00:45:31,719
never had dreams of like being a movie star or

873
00:45:31,760 --> 00:45:33,960
being on TV or any of that stuff. But like,

874
00:45:34,440 --> 00:45:37,400
I'm a writer and I love writing, and I have

875
00:45:37,440 --> 00:45:39,199
written a movie that I'm very proud of and a

876
00:45:39,239 --> 00:45:41,559
TV show that I poured a lot of my heart into,

877
00:45:41,760 --> 00:45:44,480
and I've written things that I want to see come

878
00:45:44,519 --> 00:45:46,480
to life, and for one reason or another, they're not.

879
00:45:46,800 --> 00:45:50,800
And you know, Hollywood is having a going out of

880
00:45:50,840 --> 00:45:54,199
business sale like that. The stuff that's come out about

881
00:45:54,199 --> 00:45:57,280
the people that kind of all levels of operating over there,

882
00:45:57,280 --> 00:45:59,480
it's you know, it's dark and it's a little creepy,

883
00:45:59,519 --> 00:46:01,840
and and then also it's just a struggling industry. It's

884
00:46:01,840 --> 00:46:03,719
not one that's making a ton of money anymore. And

885
00:46:03,840 --> 00:46:07,360
I feel like I kind of arrived late to the party. Leo.

886
00:46:07,440 --> 00:46:09,400
You know, I showed up. I'm like the last person

887
00:46:09,440 --> 00:46:13,079
at the gang bang, so everyone's like already kind of

888
00:46:13,079 --> 00:46:14,719
got their nut, and I'm like, wait, I still have

889
00:46:14,760 --> 00:46:20,880
to go. So yeah, I uh. I have dreams. I

890
00:46:20,920 --> 00:46:22,880
have things that I want to do with my life,

891
00:46:22,920 --> 00:46:25,400
but they're not happening right now, which is why, you know,

892
00:46:25,800 --> 00:46:29,360
I have sort of mentally pivoted to possibly getting a

893
00:46:29,400 --> 00:46:32,360
little baby job here and exploring that and what I

894
00:46:32,440 --> 00:46:35,480
might be able to pour into the world here. That's

895
00:46:35,519 --> 00:46:37,760
not necessarily an entertainment. I don't think, you know. I

896
00:46:38,239 --> 00:46:41,199
my ego wants my blinders to stay on. My ego

897
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:44,519
is like, you are a full time touring comedian, you

898
00:46:44,599 --> 00:46:47,559
are a podcaster, you are at this, you are at that,

899
00:46:47,760 --> 00:46:49,639
But like at the end of the day, like, oh,

900
00:46:51,360 --> 00:46:53,840
my tickets aren't really you know, I pretty much have

901
00:46:53,840 --> 00:46:55,639
a not doing stand up anymore. I have a few shows,

902
00:46:55,639 --> 00:46:59,639
the ones that got pushed Raleigh and Nashville. If you're there,

903
00:46:59,679 --> 00:47:03,199
please come. They got pushed their June seventeenth and eighteenth.

904
00:47:03,239 --> 00:47:05,599
The tickets are on my website. Please come. I don't

905
00:47:05,599 --> 00:47:07,119
even know if I'll remember how to do stand up

906
00:47:07,119 --> 00:47:09,119
by them, but I will be there and I am

907
00:47:09,159 --> 00:47:13,519
excited to go and to get on stage again. And

908
00:47:13,559 --> 00:47:15,199
I think that's the thing about taking a break too.

909
00:47:15,239 --> 00:47:17,960
I get like genuinely excited about stage time. Like where

910
00:47:17,960 --> 00:47:20,280
I used to think of it as like a punishment.

911
00:47:20,360 --> 00:47:22,199
I'm like, oh, this is a job. It's like a

912
00:47:22,320 --> 00:47:25,480
death sentence. But now I'm like, no, this is so great.

913
00:47:25,519 --> 00:47:27,480
I haven't done this since so long. It's so fun.

914
00:47:28,159 --> 00:47:30,239
I'm so excited to be on tour with Rena, like

915
00:47:31,519 --> 00:47:34,000
doing like a shorter set, not an hour, just doing

916
00:47:34,000 --> 00:47:36,639
twenty minutes. Like that's fun. This is fun. And like

917
00:47:36,719 --> 00:47:39,280
I think that's like the beauty of the pause, right

918
00:47:39,440 --> 00:47:41,719
is once you like take yourself away from something that

919
00:47:41,800 --> 00:47:45,280
you love but are burnt out by, then when you

920
00:47:45,320 --> 00:47:47,199
return to it, you can just remember why you loved

921
00:47:47,199 --> 00:47:50,480
it in the first place. Right. But anyway, so I'm

922
00:47:50,519 --> 00:47:59,360
doing my best to be grateful and happy and and present.

923
00:47:59,440 --> 00:48:02,000
That's like really really, Like you know, we make big

924
00:48:02,039 --> 00:48:03,880
goals for ourselves. I want my movie made. I want

925
00:48:03,920 --> 00:48:06,119
da da da. I want to be present. I want

926
00:48:06,159 --> 00:48:10,199
to stay in this moment ten toes down in every

927
00:48:10,280 --> 00:48:13,599
single moment that I'm in this year. That's all I want.

928
00:48:13,800 --> 00:48:15,599
I don't I don't want anything else. If I can

929
00:48:15,639 --> 00:48:18,280
just stay present, if I can just live minute by minute,

930
00:48:18,400 --> 00:48:23,480
I will be I'll be good. Another thing, I have

931
00:48:23,559 --> 00:48:24,960
a couple more things from this book. I want to

932
00:48:24,960 --> 00:48:26,199
share it. And if you guys don't like this, if

933
00:48:26,239 --> 00:48:28,679
you get like, I am actually reading comments this time

934
00:48:28,719 --> 00:48:31,480
because I'm truly invested in this part. I was very

935
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:34,000
invested in the last podcast, but you know, my co

936
00:48:34,079 --> 00:48:35,880
host read all the comments for us, and sometimes there

937
00:48:35,920 --> 00:48:37,199
are means. So I was just like, I'm not going

938
00:48:37,239 --> 00:48:41,000
to go here. It's a spooky neighborhood. And listen. Have

939
00:48:41,079 --> 00:48:42,719
I caught a few strays? Of course I have, Like

940
00:48:42,760 --> 00:48:44,320
I've seen a few things I wish I didn't see.

941
00:48:44,360 --> 00:48:46,519
But I'm also seeing a lot of constructive things that

942
00:48:46,679 --> 00:48:50,519
I'm taking into consideration. So if you guys don't like

943
00:48:50,559 --> 00:48:57,559
me quoting books, then just tell me. Okay. So this

944
00:48:57,639 --> 00:49:01,159
is integrating awareness and mindfulness into daily life. Do every

945
00:49:01,199 --> 00:49:03,440
act of your life as though we're the last act

946
00:49:03,440 --> 00:49:06,519
of your life. Live each moment fully with intention and awareness,

947
00:49:06,599 --> 00:49:09,119
and you will never look back with regret. That's Marcus

948
00:49:09,159 --> 00:49:12,960
Aurelius and that's The Meditations. So that's these took a

949
00:49:13,039 --> 00:49:15,360
quote from The Meditations, which which is the book that

950
00:49:15,480 --> 00:49:18,719
I was purchasing initially, which I'm going to tell you

951
00:49:18,719 --> 00:49:21,119
guys about that one once I get through it. It's

952
00:49:21,159 --> 00:49:24,239
a little chunkier to read. But I'm excited to get

953
00:49:24,239 --> 00:49:28,000
through that one too. Another powerful practice is naming your distractions.

954
00:49:28,000 --> 00:49:30,719
The moment you catch your mind wandering, whether to worries, plans,

955
00:49:30,800 --> 00:49:35,119
or past events, pause and label it. Say to yourself, planning, overthinking, worrying.

956
00:49:35,239 --> 00:49:37,960
This simple act creates a gap between you and your thoughts,

957
00:49:37,960 --> 00:49:42,079
allowing you to regain control over your focus rather than

958
00:49:42,119 --> 00:49:44,639
being carried away with mental noise. So one thing that

959
00:49:44,679 --> 00:49:46,719
I've been trying to do since I read this book

960
00:49:46,760 --> 00:49:49,000
and it's talking about like being in the moment and

961
00:49:49,039 --> 00:49:52,159
truly being in the moment is when I'm eating, to

962
00:49:52,440 --> 00:49:54,719
just eat. You know, I have a habit of like

963
00:49:54,800 --> 00:49:56,960
i'll eat and all work, I'll eat and all like

964
00:49:57,000 --> 00:49:59,400
scroll reels, I'll eat and I'll do something else. But like,

965
00:49:59,440 --> 00:50:02,719
what's happening then is I'm not tasting my food and

966
00:50:02,760 --> 00:50:06,360
I'm not enjoying that experience. So like the one little

967
00:50:06,480 --> 00:50:11,719
change that I've made is just mindful eating. Right, taste

968
00:50:11,760 --> 00:50:14,800
your food, slow down, don't eat like like I'm not

969
00:50:14,840 --> 00:50:16,679
in a prison. I need to have my elbows up

970
00:50:16,679 --> 00:50:18,519
and like inhale. The food so fascinate, so like some

971
00:50:18,719 --> 00:50:21,920
nobody's gonna come jump me for my biscuit. Okay. So

972
00:50:23,639 --> 00:50:27,519
I yeah, I've been just like more mindfully eating, and

973
00:50:27,559 --> 00:50:32,039
I'm gonna get into I'm going to get into more

974
00:50:32,079 --> 00:50:34,840
of these. I'm going to tell you guys the sad

975
00:50:34,920 --> 00:50:39,239
update now. I think just before we disbound, because there

976
00:50:39,280 --> 00:50:44,360
is a chance that this affects me and possibly the podcast.

977
00:50:47,400 --> 00:50:51,440
I mean huge chance it affects me, possibility it affects

978
00:50:51,440 --> 00:50:56,639
the podcast. So when I was in Chicago, I took

979
00:50:56,679 --> 00:51:02,360
Biggie with me and he was like, you know, I

980
00:51:02,360 --> 00:51:04,239
thought it was just like a little off since we

981
00:51:04,320 --> 00:51:07,039
moved to Florida. And I have this thing where I

982
00:51:07,119 --> 00:51:09,679
always think like, oh, he's going through a big change.

983
00:51:09,719 --> 00:51:11,639
So he's just changing. Like even when Chris and I

984
00:51:11,679 --> 00:51:14,480
got divorced and we were sharing him and going back

985
00:51:14,480 --> 00:51:18,239
and forth, like his health declined and I was like, oh,

986
00:51:18,280 --> 00:51:20,960
he's just a child of divorce. He's so dramatic. He's

987
00:51:21,000 --> 00:51:24,079
da da da. And then he started having seizures. And

988
00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:28,400
I think it was like between Chris and I, probably

989
00:51:28,440 --> 00:51:31,039
like his fourth or fifth seizure before we took him in,

990
00:51:31,119 --> 00:51:33,719
because we didn't realize the seriousness of it. We literally

991
00:51:33,760 --> 00:51:35,920
just thought like, oh, he's just like going through something.

992
00:51:36,440 --> 00:51:38,519
It's my first time being a dog mom. I don't know,

993
00:51:38,719 --> 00:51:43,039
like I grew up on a farm. I never like

994
00:51:43,320 --> 00:51:46,840
was directly responsible for any of the animals. I'm just

995
00:51:46,840 --> 00:51:48,800
figuring it out as I go, right, So we ended

996
00:51:48,880 --> 00:51:53,280
up hospitalizing him in twenty twenty two for seizures, and

997
00:51:53,480 --> 00:51:56,880
we found out his calcium was low, and so he's

998
00:51:56,880 --> 00:51:59,800
been on calcil trial, which is a calcium drug, for

999
00:52:00,320 --> 00:52:03,960
since twenty twenty two, and he was mostly regulated. And

1000
00:52:04,079 --> 00:52:06,039
while they were doing blood work for all of his

1001
00:52:06,079 --> 00:52:08,599
seizure stuff in twenty twenty two, they're like, he has

1002
00:52:09,400 --> 00:52:12,880
stage stage one kidney disease, but it's very manageable, Like

1003
00:52:13,000 --> 00:52:14,760
you know, at stage one, they just told us to

1004
00:52:14,760 --> 00:52:17,639
put him on a special diet food and he would

1005
00:52:17,679 --> 00:52:20,639
be good. And so we did that and he was

1006
00:52:20,679 --> 00:52:29,920
like healthy and happy for four years, you know, And

1007
00:52:29,920 --> 00:52:33,599
and when we moved to Florida, he's been so happy here.

1008
00:52:33,639 --> 00:52:35,280
Like he goes out in the morning with Max, he

1009
00:52:35,360 --> 00:52:37,119
lays in the sun, they have balcony time. It's a

1010
00:52:37,119 --> 00:52:40,599
whole thing. Like he literally turned chocolate brown. He was

1011
00:52:40,800 --> 00:52:43,519
a completely black min pin. He turned chocolate brown because

1012
00:52:43,519 --> 00:52:45,800
he's been getting so much of this hot tropical sun

1013
00:52:46,599 --> 00:52:50,199
and he's just been like laying around chilling. But good,

1014
00:52:50,320 --> 00:52:53,119
like he was, you know, he was playing and good

1015
00:52:53,159 --> 00:52:56,039
and everything was fine. I did notice a bit of

1016
00:52:56,039 --> 00:52:58,880
incontinence with like his bladder. He wasn't really holding it.

1017
00:52:58,920 --> 00:53:00,800
But we're also on the eleven and story and we

1018
00:53:00,840 --> 00:53:03,519
have to go up and down elevators to go on walks,

1019
00:53:03,519 --> 00:53:05,039
and we have like a little peer area for him

1020
00:53:05,039 --> 00:53:07,559
outside that he like doesn't really love for some reason. Whatever.

1021
00:53:08,199 --> 00:53:10,519
It all seemed very minor. And then I got to Chicago,

1022
00:53:10,719 --> 00:53:13,519
and then you know, he wasn't eating his food and

1023
00:53:15,159 --> 00:53:18,360
he got diarrhea on our friend's rug that I was

1024
00:53:18,400 --> 00:53:21,719
staying with, and he was just sick, you know, And

1025
00:53:21,760 --> 00:53:23,400
I was like, oh, maybe it's just because he's in

1026
00:53:23,440 --> 00:53:26,480
a different environment, and like we moved and I'm taking

1027
00:53:26,559 --> 00:53:28,840
him to Chicago, like he's old and maybe he's just

1028
00:53:28,880 --> 00:53:33,440
like finicky whatever. And then I got back and I

1029
00:53:33,480 --> 00:53:34,719
was like, I think I should probably take him to

1030
00:53:34,719 --> 00:53:37,039
the vet because he was on day five of not

1031
00:53:37,360 --> 00:53:45,239
really eating. Yeah, So I took him to the vet

1032
00:53:45,360 --> 00:53:48,639
yesterday and we ran some panels and he does have

1033
00:53:48,719 --> 00:53:54,400
stage three kidney disease. And here's what that looks like

1034
00:53:54,480 --> 00:53:56,519
for those of you who don't know what the kidneys

1035
00:53:56,559 --> 00:53:59,079
even do or why they're in there, because I didn't know.

1036
00:54:00,119 --> 00:54:04,519
They basically are like a filtration system and they keep

1037
00:54:04,599 --> 00:54:10,480
you know, toxins and stuff out of the blood. But

1038
00:54:10,599 --> 00:54:14,519
when they're not working, obviously, then the poison and toxin

1039
00:54:14,639 --> 00:54:17,719
is going. Toxins are going into the blood. And you know,

1040
00:54:17,840 --> 00:54:22,920
he's super dehydrated and he can't really get hydrated and

1041
00:54:23,199 --> 00:54:25,800
food is just like not interesting to him anymore because

1042
00:54:25,800 --> 00:54:34,400
his body can't process it. Yeah, Biggie's my baby. Obviously.

1043
00:54:36,159 --> 00:54:41,360
He will be thirteen in May, and like for his breed,

1044
00:54:41,400 --> 00:54:44,840
he's a baby. You know, he's really really young. I

1045
00:54:44,880 --> 00:54:47,000
know thirteen is old for a dog in general, but

1046
00:54:47,079 --> 00:54:50,960
for his breed, it's more common for them to live

1047
00:54:51,280 --> 00:54:55,000
anywhere between fifteen and nineteen years. And I always was

1048
00:54:55,119 --> 00:54:57,880
like almost cocky about how long he was gonna live.

1049
00:54:58,480 --> 00:55:00,840
I was just like, yeah, he's gonna he's like a cat.

1050
00:55:00,920 --> 00:55:03,000
He's gonna live until he's like twenty. He's like, judge

1051
00:55:03,000 --> 00:55:05,039
you like a cat. He's cold like a cat, Like

1052
00:55:05,199 --> 00:55:08,760
that's my motherfucking dude. He's literally just like me. He's

1053
00:55:08,800 --> 00:55:10,800
like side eyes everyone that comes in the house. He

1054
00:55:10,800 --> 00:55:13,679
doesn't really trust anyone. He's not very warm and cuddly

1055
00:55:14,280 --> 00:55:16,800
until he is until he learns to trust you and

1056
00:55:16,840 --> 00:55:19,800
love you. And he just came around on Max and recently,

1057
00:55:20,000 --> 00:55:22,079
like within the last two months, and he's been like

1058
00:55:22,119 --> 00:55:24,360
cuddly with Max and it's like been cute and everything's

1059
00:55:24,360 --> 00:55:29,119
been really really nice. Here. The reality of this disease

1060
00:55:29,199 --> 00:55:35,400
is it's degenerative, you know. So he's not there. He's

1061
00:55:35,440 --> 00:55:37,480
in the hospital right now. He's going to be in

1062
00:55:37,519 --> 00:55:40,760
the hospital for three days and we're trying to flesh

1063
00:55:40,800 --> 00:55:45,480
his system out. But yeah, obviously the reality of this

1064
00:55:45,559 --> 00:55:53,840
disease is that like we can hopefully we can hopefully

1065
00:55:54,119 --> 00:55:56,679
regulate it. That is that is all I can hope for,

1066
00:55:56,960 --> 00:55:59,360
is that we can regulate it at this phase. We

1067
00:55:59,440 --> 00:56:05,559
get him into on a new diet. I'm really praying

1068
00:56:05,599 --> 00:56:08,519
that after he spends some time in the hospital, his

1069
00:56:08,599 --> 00:56:13,119
levels go down and we can figure out a diet

1070
00:56:13,559 --> 00:56:15,320
that works for him. I don't care if he peees

1071
00:56:15,360 --> 00:56:16,920
all over this house. Like that's like one of the

1072
00:56:16,960 --> 00:56:20,159
things too that I'm just like, God, what a blessing

1073
00:56:20,199 --> 00:56:23,880
it is that the desires fuck this place up so

1074
00:56:23,960 --> 00:56:27,239
bad because I don't care if he can piss and

1075
00:56:27,280 --> 00:56:30,840
shit everywhere. There's not a single thing in this apartment

1076
00:56:30,880 --> 00:56:33,519
that I care about. Like you know, when your dogs

1077
00:56:33,559 --> 00:56:35,880
have accidents, you're like, oh fuck, I love that rug.

1078
00:56:35,920 --> 00:56:38,599
Oh god, I love that couch. Oh no, this is

1079
00:56:38,639 --> 00:56:42,679
not replaceable. There's nothing in here that I give a

1080
00:56:42,800 --> 00:56:45,840
flying fuck about. I'm like, he can do whatever. He

1081
00:56:46,760 --> 00:56:49,840
can roll the rust. Like last night he you know,

1082
00:56:49,880 --> 00:56:52,920
I brought him home from the hospital, and because I'm

1083
00:56:52,960 --> 00:56:54,880
sleeping with him at night, he comes home, he has

1084
00:56:54,960 --> 00:56:57,719
like a needle in his arm. It's very sad. It's like,

1085
00:56:58,280 --> 00:57:00,840
very fucking sad, isn't he in his arm? And he's

1086
00:57:00,880 --> 00:57:02,800
like sad and weak and whatever. But he got out

1087
00:57:02,800 --> 00:57:05,719
of bed, and I, you know, I can't really walk

1088
00:57:05,800 --> 00:57:07,320
him with the needle in his arm because he limps

1089
00:57:07,320 --> 00:57:10,079
and he holds this arm up and whatever he got

1090
00:57:10,079 --> 00:57:12,840
out of bed, he took like this black It literally

1091
00:57:12,880 --> 00:57:16,800
looked like he laid tar. It was just like this black,

1092
00:57:17,360 --> 00:57:20,599
dark shit. And I was like, that's totally fine. On

1093
00:57:20,679 --> 00:57:23,199
this rug. On this rug that they said, you know,

1094
00:57:23,559 --> 00:57:26,480
allegedly was two thousand, no fucking world, Like, this is

1095
00:57:26,519 --> 00:57:29,199
like a seventy dollars rug that they got, you know what,

1096
00:57:29,440 --> 00:57:31,039
is probably free that they probably got it out of

1097
00:57:31,079 --> 00:57:34,199
a fucking dumpster. And I just used my little Green machine.

1098
00:57:34,239 --> 00:57:35,559
By the way, if you guys are a pet owner

1099
00:57:35,719 --> 00:57:38,360
and you have a dog that ever has accidents in

1100
00:57:38,400 --> 00:57:40,480
the house, the little Green machine. This is not an ad.

1101
00:57:40,559 --> 00:57:42,639
I just want you guys to fucking know the little

1102
00:57:42,679 --> 00:57:46,800
Green Machine cleans it up. I cleaned it up, washed

1103
00:57:46,800 --> 00:57:49,599
my hands, and I gave me and I was almost

1104
00:57:49,599 --> 00:57:51,639
gonna call him mister Manhattan, but now you guys know

1105
00:57:51,679 --> 00:57:54,119
his name. I gave Max and I just a little

1106
00:57:54,159 --> 00:57:55,880
hair oil treatment, so you guys can see I have

1107
00:57:55,920 --> 00:58:00,079
my burber hair, my little Berber hair oil in today.

1108
00:58:00,840 --> 00:58:03,840
I've just been living in burber haroil treatments, Burber Haroi

1109
00:58:03,920 --> 00:58:07,639
oil treatments, and lab grown diamonds. That's like my whole personality.

1110
00:58:07,719 --> 00:58:10,599
Now I'm like I've got my little labbies in my ear,

1111
00:58:10,760 --> 00:58:15,280
I've got oil in my hair, and I'm like, I

1112
00:58:15,320 --> 00:58:18,039
can't do makeup. I'm too tired. I'm just trying to

1113
00:58:18,039 --> 00:58:20,440
get through this year. It's been a kick in the dick.

1114
00:58:20,599 --> 00:58:23,960
I swear to God, if my fucking dog dies, I'm

1115
00:58:24,000 --> 00:58:28,800
going to be besides myself. I am purposely not allowing

1116
00:58:28,840 --> 00:58:31,599
myself to access my emotions right now as I talk

1117
00:58:31,639 --> 00:58:33,320
about this, because I don't want to be a weeping

1118
00:58:33,400 --> 00:58:36,199
willow at the end of our podcast, you guys, it's

1119
00:58:36,199 --> 00:58:38,199
all you know, it's Monday for you. You guys all

1120
00:58:38,239 --> 00:58:40,119
have shit to do. You have a big day ahead

1121
00:58:40,119 --> 00:58:41,719
of you. You don't need to hear some sad shit

1122
00:58:41,760 --> 00:58:44,920
about my dog not doing real well. But if you

1123
00:58:44,960 --> 00:58:47,559
guys do have any experience with the dogs who have

1124
00:58:47,800 --> 00:58:50,400
late stage kidney disease, please let me know, because I

1125
00:58:50,400 --> 00:58:53,119
am open to any and all solutions. And when I

1126
00:58:53,159 --> 00:58:54,360
was talking to my e bench, She's like, you know,

1127
00:58:54,440 --> 00:58:56,199
just putting him on a home cooked diet is not

1128
00:58:56,239 --> 00:58:58,519
going to change this, Like his kidneys aren't working. And

1129
00:58:58,559 --> 00:59:00,199
I'm just like, what can I do? I just want

1130
00:59:00,280 --> 00:59:03,000
him to be comfortable and happy, and you know, I

1131
00:59:03,079 --> 00:59:05,840
just look at his little sweet face and he's just

1132
00:59:05,920 --> 00:59:09,320
so innocent. Okay, I can't do this. I just told

1133
00:59:09,320 --> 00:59:10,599
you I wasn't gonna do this. All right, we're going

1134
00:59:10,679 --> 00:59:13,480
to do the word of the week. You're going to

1135
00:59:13,519 --> 00:59:15,159
do with the word of the week.

1136
00:59:16,800 --> 00:59:28,119
Speaker 2: Oh ooh interesting, I don't like that word.

1137
00:59:29,639 --> 00:59:33,559
Speaker 1: Oo well whatever, No, you guys know that word. I

1138
00:59:33,599 --> 00:59:43,480
know you know that word. Variegated vergated adjective V A

1139
00:59:43,920 --> 00:59:48,719
R I E, G, A T E D. Changing in color.

1140
00:59:49,079 --> 00:59:54,360
That which alters hue is variegated. June's latest needlework project

1141
00:59:54,440 --> 00:59:59,679
uses variegated thread to achieve a rainbow effect with leaves

1142
00:59:59,760 --> 01:00:05,639
in be variegated. I feel like they would be Okay,

1143
01:00:05,679 --> 01:00:08,840
you guys, if I'm losing you here, then I'm losing

1144
01:00:08,880 --> 01:00:10,639
you here. I love you so much and I will

1145
01:00:10,679 --> 01:00:12,360
see you next week. If you're sticking around for the

1146
01:00:12,400 --> 01:00:15,320
artist Way, stick around for the Artist's Way, because we

1147
01:00:15,480 --> 01:00:20,480
are doing the introduction. You guys, this is so exciting.

1148
01:00:21,199 --> 01:00:22,960
If you guys aren't damned U about the Artist's Way,

1149
01:00:22,960 --> 01:00:24,320
I don't know what the fuck is wrong with you.

1150
01:00:24,360 --> 01:00:26,159
Maybe you've never done it again, Maybe you are a

1151
01:00:26,159 --> 01:00:28,800
little scared. Maybe you're like, I don't know what the

1152
01:00:28,840 --> 01:00:31,400
fuck kind of journey I'm even about to embark on

1153
01:00:32,400 --> 01:00:34,840
with you. No matter what you're feeling, I got you,

1154
01:00:35,119 --> 01:00:37,719
don't worry about it. I'm just today's gonna be really easy.

1155
01:00:37,760 --> 01:00:40,079
We're gonna go over the introduction and the basic tools.

1156
01:00:40,119 --> 01:00:42,280
We're not even gonna get into week one. Week one

1157
01:00:42,360 --> 01:00:45,679
will be next week, so that'll be nice. We're just

1158
01:00:45,719 --> 01:00:50,840
gonna go week by week. Next week, what I'm gonna

1159
01:00:50,880 --> 01:00:53,360
do for week one, I'm gonna go over week one

1160
01:00:53,519 --> 01:00:59,199
and I'm going to do the little homework prompts. Like basically,

1161
01:00:59,239 --> 01:01:00,760
when you go through your week at the end of

1162
01:01:00,800 --> 01:01:02,679
each week, there are gonna be little prompts for things

1163
01:01:02,719 --> 01:01:04,760
that you should do. And the things that you absolutely

1164
01:01:04,880 --> 01:01:08,719
should do are the ones that you are very drawn

1165
01:01:08,760 --> 01:01:11,400
to and the ones that are you you absolutely do

1166
01:01:11,480 --> 01:01:13,159
not want to do. Those are the two that you

1167
01:01:13,199 --> 01:01:16,480
should do, because the one that you absolutely do not

1168
01:01:16,599 --> 01:01:19,920
want to do that's resistance. That's like, that's where the

1169
01:01:19,960 --> 01:01:23,119
breakthroughs are gonna come. Okay, any of the prompts that

1170
01:01:23,159 --> 01:01:25,679
you feel neutral about or you don't feel one way

1171
01:01:25,760 --> 01:01:28,719
or the other about, leave them by the wayside. We're busy,

1172
01:01:28,800 --> 01:01:31,159
all right, all right, besties, we are busy. We do

1173
01:01:31,280 --> 01:01:33,960
not have enough time to do all these motherfucking prompts.

1174
01:01:33,960 --> 01:01:35,599
This is twelve weeks of our lives that we are

1175
01:01:35,679 --> 01:01:39,239
taking to dedicate to our creative self. That is such

1176
01:01:39,280 --> 01:01:42,079
a gift. You guys should be so proud of yourselves

1177
01:01:42,440 --> 01:01:47,679
for taking this time to work on your inner creator. Okay,

1178
01:01:48,360 --> 01:01:50,719
I love the way that it's described in the book.

1179
01:01:50,840 --> 01:01:55,440
As you know, we are made by our creator, and

1180
01:01:55,519 --> 01:02:00,599
therefore within us is a creator. It is our duty

1181
01:02:00,719 --> 01:02:05,960
to create, is our duty to continue that creation, you

1182
01:02:06,000 --> 01:02:08,840
know the way that I think about it, and this

1183
01:02:09,000 --> 01:02:10,679
is the way that I think about my creator too.

1184
01:02:10,719 --> 01:02:13,719
So maybe this will help you. I think that you know,

1185
01:02:14,320 --> 01:02:18,199
are we cannot be the top of the intelligence line. Right.

1186
01:02:18,320 --> 01:02:20,599
So when I had an example, and I've probably talked

1187
01:02:20,639 --> 01:02:23,440
about it on the podcast before, but when I was

1188
01:02:23,440 --> 01:02:24,960
having a hard time with God, when I was having

1189
01:02:25,000 --> 01:02:27,559
a hard time understanding Creator, Biggie was barking, he was

1190
01:02:27,599 --> 01:02:29,679
going crazy, and I was just like, Okay, you can

1191
01:02:29,719 --> 01:02:31,760
bark and go crazy if you want to, but you're safe,

1192
01:02:31,880 --> 01:02:34,639
like you're good, you know. And I was like, Oh,

1193
01:02:34,840 --> 01:02:37,159
that's how my creator looks at me. That's how my

1194
01:02:37,239 --> 01:02:39,119
higher power looks at me, like when I'm in traffic,

1195
01:02:39,159 --> 01:02:42,119
being like you fucking call blah blah blah. They're like,

1196
01:02:42,519 --> 01:02:44,280
you go crazy if you want to, but you're safe,

1197
01:02:44,320 --> 01:02:47,760
You're fine, you know. So that's how I understood creator,

1198
01:02:48,280 --> 01:02:51,840
and I think conversely, when you trickle it down the

1199
01:02:51,920 --> 01:02:57,400
other way, if something greater than us created us, then

1200
01:02:57,559 --> 01:03:01,039
we are something something greater than what we are creating.

1201
01:03:01,960 --> 01:03:03,639
I don't think I said that right. I think if

1202
01:03:03,639 --> 01:03:07,199
something greater than us created us, then it is our

1203
01:03:07,280 --> 01:03:11,679
duty to continue creation by creating, by being an artist

1204
01:03:11,800 --> 01:03:14,239
of some capacity. And it doesn't matter what you do

1205
01:03:14,320 --> 01:03:16,239
for work. It doesn't matter if you're an assistant. It

1206
01:03:16,239 --> 01:03:18,119
doesn't matter if you're an accountant. It doesn't matter if

1207
01:03:18,159 --> 01:03:20,400
you're a lawyer. It doesn't matter if you are a writer.

1208
01:03:20,639 --> 01:03:23,920
It does not matter what you do with your life

1209
01:03:23,960 --> 01:03:27,519
to pay the bills. There is something within you that

1210
01:03:27,840 --> 01:03:30,280
is dying to be made, and that's what this process

1211
01:03:30,400 --> 01:03:32,840
is going to help us unlock. So I'm really proud

1212
01:03:32,840 --> 01:03:34,639
of you guys, first and foremost for coming on this

1213
01:03:34,719 --> 01:03:39,360
journey with me, because it ain't easy, okay, but I'm

1214
01:03:39,360 --> 01:03:41,480
going to get into I highlighted a few things that

1215
01:03:41,519 --> 01:03:45,840
I'm pulling out and you guys read the introduction on

1216
01:03:45,880 --> 01:03:48,800
your own. You don't need you don't need me to

1217
01:03:48,840 --> 01:03:51,559
read that for you. But I want to talk about

1218
01:03:51,599 --> 01:03:54,199
the basic principles. These are very important. Okay. So this

1219
01:03:54,239 --> 01:03:58,199
is spiritual electricity. Those who speak in spiritual terms routinely

1220
01:03:58,199 --> 01:04:01,199
refer to God as the creator, but see creator as

1221
01:04:01,239 --> 01:04:05,159
the literal term for artists. I'm suggesting you take the

1222
01:04:05,239 --> 01:04:08,079
term creator quite literally. You are seeking to forge a

1223
01:04:08,119 --> 01:04:11,159
creative alliance artist artists with the great Creator. Accepting this

1224
01:04:11,199 --> 01:04:14,679
concept can greatly expand your creative possibilities. Leap and the

1225
01:04:14,760 --> 01:04:18,079
net will appear. Okay, these are the basic principles. If

1226
01:04:18,119 --> 01:04:20,920
you didn't read them, what I want you to do

1227
01:04:21,119 --> 01:04:25,119
is go back. They're on page three. Go to page three,

1228
01:04:25,639 --> 01:04:29,519
get a pen and paper, write them down. Tear that

1229
01:04:29,559 --> 01:04:32,559
piece of paper off and put it in your morning pages.

1230
01:04:32,599 --> 01:04:35,119
And every time you journal, I want you to before

1231
01:04:35,159 --> 01:04:39,159
you journal, to read the basic principles. So every morning

1232
01:04:39,199 --> 01:04:43,199
you're gonna be ingraining these basic principles in you. Okay. So,

1233
01:04:43,360 --> 01:04:46,199
creativity is the natural order of life. Life is energy,

1234
01:04:46,320 --> 01:04:50,320
pure creative energy. Two, there is an underlying in dwelling

1235
01:04:50,400 --> 01:04:54,880
creative force infusing all of life, including ourselves. Three. When

1236
01:04:54,880 --> 01:04:57,840
we open ourselves to our creativity, we open ourselves to

1237
01:04:57,880 --> 01:05:01,280
the Creator's creativity within us and our lives. Four we

1238
01:05:01,480 --> 01:05:04,639
are ourselves creations, and we in turn are meant to

1239
01:05:04,639 --> 01:05:07,599
continue creativity by being creative ourselves. That's what I was

1240
01:05:07,639 --> 01:05:10,840
trying to articulate earlier. Obviously one of us is an author.

1241
01:05:11,480 --> 01:05:13,760
Both of us are authors. One makes money from it,

1242
01:05:14,440 --> 01:05:17,199
the other one just is like I type like Peter

1243
01:05:17,280 --> 01:05:19,280
Griffin with the long nails at the computer, and I'm

1244
01:05:19,320 --> 01:05:24,519
like and another thing. Okay. Five. Creativity is God's gift

1245
01:05:24,519 --> 01:05:28,119
to us, using our creativity as our gift back to God. Six.

1246
01:05:28,159 --> 01:05:30,760
The refusal to be creative is self will and is

1247
01:05:30,880 --> 01:05:34,679
counter to our true nature. Seven when we open ourselves

1248
01:05:34,679 --> 01:05:38,280
to exploring, Actually, on six, I want to stick a

1249
01:05:38,280 --> 01:05:40,119
pin in that, I'll just stick a pin in seven.

1250
01:05:40,280 --> 01:05:42,760
Revisit six. The refusal to be creative is self will

1251
01:05:42,760 --> 01:05:45,320
and its counter to our true nature. Something just came

1252
01:05:45,400 --> 01:05:49,360
to my head in regards to addiction and creativity. So

1253
01:05:49,639 --> 01:05:54,239
oftentimes there are you know, there are artists who drink

1254
01:05:54,360 --> 01:05:56,480
and write, and we know the hemingways, and we know

1255
01:05:56,559 --> 01:05:58,960
all the people who we were able to be brilliant

1256
01:05:59,000 --> 01:06:02,840
while they drank and drugs and whatever. You know, many

1257
01:06:03,079 --> 01:06:07,880
comedians of like the seventies, the Robin Williams, the cocaine era,

1258
01:06:08,719 --> 01:06:10,400
there were a handful of artists. So I know, you

1259
01:06:10,440 --> 01:06:12,199
guys are gonna you know, in your heads, you're gonna

1260
01:06:12,239 --> 01:06:13,960
be like, no, what about this person? What about this person?

1261
01:06:13,960 --> 01:06:17,519
What about this person? I think in general, addiction keeps

1262
01:06:17,599 --> 01:06:21,920
us from our creativity. It can, for a moment, for

1263
01:06:22,000 --> 01:06:25,199
a pocket in time, enhance it, but I think deep

1264
01:06:25,280 --> 01:06:30,039
down it can keep us from our creativity because it's

1265
01:06:30,079 --> 01:06:33,079
so much easier to get drunk and fucked up than

1266
01:06:33,119 --> 01:06:35,800
it is to create. And now this is as I

1267
01:06:35,840 --> 01:06:37,360
said that out loud. I just was like, but wait

1268
01:06:37,360 --> 01:06:40,320
a minute, there is like a there's a pocket. There's

1269
01:06:40,360 --> 01:06:43,199
a there's a moment in time when you've only had

1270
01:06:43,239 --> 01:06:45,719
like two lasses of wine and your inhibitions are down

1271
01:06:46,280 --> 01:06:49,920
and you can finally have thoughts without judging those thoughts immediately,

1272
01:06:49,920 --> 01:06:53,119
where you might have a little pocket of creativity that

1273
01:06:53,280 --> 01:06:56,840
feels like a burst. But I'm saying, sustained creativity is

1274
01:06:56,880 --> 01:07:01,159
really difficult to do an addiction because it is easier

1275
01:07:01,199 --> 01:07:04,480
to get fucked up and hammered and do drugs than

1276
01:07:04,519 --> 01:07:07,079
it is to create. And I think one of the

1277
01:07:07,079 --> 01:07:11,639
core ways we keep ourselves from our creativity is through vices,

1278
01:07:12,159 --> 01:07:14,679
So just be mindful of that. And like I said,

1279
01:07:14,719 --> 01:07:17,480
there is a caveat, because there is definitely there is

1280
01:07:17,519 --> 01:07:21,280
a magic like in any fucking thing that's wonderful, there's

1281
01:07:21,360 --> 01:07:24,800
a magic spot where you can finally create and not

1282
01:07:24,880 --> 01:07:27,360
judge yourself and write things down that you never were

1283
01:07:27,360 --> 01:07:29,679
brave enough to think or say or put pen to

1284
01:07:29,719 --> 01:07:33,239
paper two before. And there is definitely a pocket where

1285
01:07:33,280 --> 01:07:38,000
you can be great when you're imbibing. Generally speaking, though,

1286
01:07:38,039 --> 01:07:40,960
I do think it keeps you from what you're really

1287
01:07:41,000 --> 01:07:43,400
capable of, because that channel needs to be clear and

1288
01:07:43,440 --> 01:07:49,000
open for you to receive information from the creator. Okay seven,

1289
01:07:49,000 --> 01:07:51,719
When we open ourselves to exploring our creativity, we open

1290
01:07:51,760 --> 01:07:55,159
ourselves to God good orderly direction. So that's what I

1291
01:07:55,199 --> 01:07:57,840
want us to remember God as good orderly direction. God

1292
01:07:57,880 --> 01:07:59,199
will show us the way. I was talking about this

1293
01:07:59,199 --> 01:08:01,880
earlier in the episode. But if you talk to just

1294
01:08:02,239 --> 01:08:04,360
start talking to the sky. It doesn't matter if you

1295
01:08:04,400 --> 01:08:06,639
believe in God or not. And the beginning of AA,

1296
01:08:06,760 --> 01:08:10,320
I called him sky Daddy. I couldn't wrap my head

1297
01:08:10,360 --> 01:08:13,079
around God. It was too big and too scary. So

1298
01:08:13,159 --> 01:08:15,920
if God scares you, just remember God is good orderly direction.

1299
01:08:16,039 --> 01:08:17,479
You can talk to the sky. You can talk to

1300
01:08:17,520 --> 01:08:19,119
a bird, you can talk to your dog, you can

1301
01:08:19,159 --> 01:08:20,960
talk to a palm tree, you can talk to whatever

1302
01:08:20,960 --> 01:08:22,880
the fuck you want to. I promise you will get answers.

1303
01:08:23,000 --> 01:08:26,039
Just ask the questions, okay. Eight. As we open our

1304
01:08:26,079 --> 01:08:29,359
creative challenge to the Creator, many gentle but powerful changes

1305
01:08:29,399 --> 01:08:32,359
are to be expected. Nine it is safe to open

1306
01:08:32,399 --> 01:08:37,239
ourselves up to greater and greater creativity. Ten. Our creative

1307
01:08:37,319 --> 01:08:40,560
dreams and yearnings come from a divine source. As we

1308
01:08:40,600 --> 01:08:46,359
move towards our dreams, we move towards divinity. Okay, So

1309
01:08:46,399 --> 01:08:48,600
how to use this book? You guys probably won't have

1310
01:08:48,640 --> 01:08:51,359
time to complete all the tasks I said that earlier.

1311
01:08:51,600 --> 01:08:54,680
Just do what you're really drawn to and what you

1312
01:08:54,680 --> 01:08:58,520
don't want to do. That's going to be the most important,

1313
01:08:59,159 --> 01:09:01,600
I think. So it's the morning pages and the artist date.

1314
01:09:01,600 --> 01:09:03,399
And if you guys haven't read this far yet, the

1315
01:09:03,439 --> 01:09:05,439
basic tools are the morning Pages. You guys need to

1316
01:09:05,439 --> 01:09:07,800
get a journal, and you need to journal three pages

1317
01:09:07,840 --> 01:09:10,520
a day. It's supposed to be one page is a

1318
01:09:10,560 --> 01:09:15,800
front to back page. Okay, so one page is front

1319
01:09:15,840 --> 01:09:18,560
to back two so like, technically it's like six pages

1320
01:09:18,600 --> 01:09:24,279
of writing. I have never, in my now eight years

1321
01:09:24,319 --> 01:09:27,319
of writing morning pages or journaling in the morning, ever

1322
01:09:27,439 --> 01:09:32,840
been able to do that. I think maybe I get

1323
01:09:34,680 --> 01:09:36,680
two pages if I'm being honest. If I'm being honest,

1324
01:09:36,680 --> 01:09:37,960
I want to be honest with you guys, because I

1325
01:09:38,000 --> 01:09:41,920
want you to know, do your best to get to three.

1326
01:09:42,800 --> 01:09:44,760
I run out of things to say. But the point

1327
01:09:44,800 --> 01:09:47,119
of the morning Pages is three pages front and back.

1328
01:09:47,159 --> 01:09:48,880
So you can get all of the clutter out of

1329
01:09:48,920 --> 01:09:50,920
your head, right. You can get the Oh I'm so

1330
01:09:51,000 --> 01:09:53,039
mad at this person. Oh I woke up grumpy. Oh

1331
01:09:53,039 --> 01:09:55,800
I got this email. Oh this made me mad. Oh

1332
01:09:55,840 --> 01:09:57,880
I feel tired. Oh I didn't sleep well. Oh I

1333
01:09:57,920 --> 01:10:02,439
had a nightmare. Oh I'm so sluggish. Oh this this

1334
01:10:02,439 --> 01:10:04,640
person did this thing and it's gonna affect my day.

1335
01:10:04,720 --> 01:10:07,920
Oh my day. God hijacked any feeling you have. And

1336
01:10:08,079 --> 01:10:09,720
you can just look at the page and be like, wow,

1337
01:10:09,800 --> 01:10:11,960
I am so fucking boring. I often look at the

1338
01:10:11,960 --> 01:10:13,960
page and be like I am so fucking boring, Like

1339
01:10:14,079 --> 01:10:16,920
is this actually who I am like I'm the most

1340
01:10:16,960 --> 01:10:18,880
boring personal life. But you just have to get all

1341
01:10:18,920 --> 01:10:21,880
that brain clutter out so that it clears your source

1342
01:10:22,079 --> 01:10:25,680
to the creator. This is not something you're gonna see

1343
01:10:25,680 --> 01:10:28,720
a change in instantly. I didn't. It takes time. It

1344
01:10:28,760 --> 01:10:31,560
takes repetition. So just stick with it. I promise you.

1345
01:10:32,680 --> 01:10:35,760
I promise you. The good stuff will come. It just

1346
01:10:35,800 --> 01:10:39,920
takes time. So what to expect. Many of us obviously

1347
01:10:39,920 --> 01:10:42,079
wish we were more creative. Many of us, since we

1348
01:10:42,199 --> 01:10:45,840
are more creative, but unable to effectively tap that creativity,

1349
01:10:46,239 --> 01:10:49,960
our dreams elude us. Sometimes we have specific creative longings

1350
01:10:49,960 --> 01:10:51,520
we would love to be able to fill, learning to

1351
01:10:51,520 --> 01:10:55,119
play the piano, painting, taking acting class, or writing. Sometimes

1352
01:10:55,399 --> 01:10:59,119
our goal is more diffuse. We hunger for what might

1353
01:10:59,159 --> 01:11:02,159
be called create of living, an expanded sense of creativity

1354
01:11:02,199 --> 01:11:04,640
of our business lives and sharing with our children, our spouse,

1355
01:11:04,680 --> 01:11:08,920
our friends. So whatever you're looking for, just don't be ashamed.

1356
01:11:09,319 --> 01:11:11,119
And it doesn't even have to be specific. If you

1357
01:11:11,119 --> 01:11:12,840
don't know what you're looking for yet, you'll find it,

1358
01:11:12,880 --> 01:11:15,479
I promise. Okay, we're on this journey together. We're going

1359
01:11:15,520 --> 01:11:18,079
hand in hand to the sunset. Okay, So what's going

1360
01:11:18,159 --> 01:11:20,279
to happen here is you guys are going to get

1361
01:11:20,640 --> 01:11:23,359
around four weeks. I would imagine that's where I've gotten it.

1362
01:11:23,359 --> 01:11:24,760
So I want you to know. I want to be

1363
01:11:24,800 --> 01:11:27,760
completely honest with you. I've done this book two times

1364
01:11:28,319 --> 01:11:33,039
in total my whole life. I have started this book

1365
01:11:35,800 --> 01:11:42,159
six times. Around week four, I decide it's too much work.

1366
01:11:42,560 --> 01:11:45,760
I decide it's too tumultuous. I decide it's too annoying.

1367
01:11:46,279 --> 01:11:51,479
I decide I'm good, I'm creative, I'm fine, and I

1368
01:11:51,520 --> 01:11:56,199
abandon it. But what that is is fear, and there's

1369
01:11:57,760 --> 01:12:00,119
there's It kicks up a lot of feelings. So I

1370
01:12:00,119 --> 01:12:01,960
want you, guys to be prepared for that, because it

1371
01:12:02,039 --> 01:12:04,239
does kick up a lot of feeling. There's gonna be

1372
01:12:04,279 --> 01:12:06,119
a lot of times where you're gonna want to quit.

1373
01:12:06,479 --> 01:12:08,760
You're gonna want to cut the cord and fucking run.

1374
01:12:11,479 --> 01:12:12,960
And if you do that, that's fine. I won't judge

1375
01:12:13,000 --> 01:12:15,680
you because I've done that. Okay, I've done that especially.

1376
01:12:15,680 --> 01:12:17,640
I don't remember what week it is exactly, is either

1377
01:12:17,720 --> 01:12:19,640
three or four. It tells you you can't be on

1378
01:12:19,680 --> 01:12:22,600
your phone for a week. It tells you can't read emails.

1379
01:12:22,640 --> 01:12:25,520
It tells you like it's it makes it really easy

1380
01:12:25,560 --> 01:12:28,319
to quit. Whatever week that is. I can't remember, maybe

1381
01:12:28,319 --> 01:12:30,119
it's week seven. It might be a little deeper into it.

1382
01:12:30,159 --> 01:12:34,479
But it makes it tough. So people will be tempted

1383
01:12:34,520 --> 01:12:37,319
to abandon this. It's kind of a creative you turn

1384
01:12:37,359 --> 01:12:39,479
where you turn it around and you're like, I'm good.

1385
01:12:40,199 --> 01:12:42,800
Recommitment to the process next triggers the free fall of

1386
01:12:42,920 --> 01:12:45,560
major ego surrender. Following this, the final phase of the

1387
01:12:45,560 --> 01:12:48,279
course is characterized by a new sense of self, marked

1388
01:12:48,319 --> 01:12:52,760
by an increased autonomy, resilience, expectancy, and excitement, as well

1389
01:12:52,800 --> 01:12:56,159
as by the capacity to make an execute concrete creative plan.

1390
01:12:56,279 --> 01:12:59,239
So I promise if you stick in there, the fruit

1391
01:12:59,319 --> 01:13:02,760
will The fruit will come. It just takes some time.

1392
01:13:03,119 --> 01:13:05,399
The fruit will be bured. I don't know. Okay. Anyway,

1393
01:13:05,560 --> 01:13:08,279
so during this process, we're going to excavate our very dreams. Okay,

1394
01:13:08,399 --> 01:13:10,520
some of our dreams are very volatile, and the mere

1395
01:13:10,560 --> 01:13:12,840
act of brushing them off since an enormous surge of

1396
01:13:12,920 --> 01:13:16,760
energy bolting through our denial system, we more in the

1397
01:13:16,840 --> 01:13:19,239
self we abandoned. Okay, so a lot of us are

1398
01:13:19,239 --> 01:13:21,199
living jobs that are not the dreams we wanted to

1399
01:13:21,279 --> 01:13:24,000
do as kids. Obviously, life comes at you hard and fast,

1400
01:13:24,000 --> 01:13:25,640
and you gotta do what you gotta do to pay

1401
01:13:25,680 --> 01:13:28,039
the bills. But there is still an inner child and

1402
01:13:28,079 --> 01:13:30,479
an inner creative within you that really wanted to do

1403
01:13:30,560 --> 01:13:33,640
something else and really believes deep down it has a

1404
01:13:33,640 --> 01:13:36,359
little talent and a little vision, a little something. Okay,

1405
01:13:36,399 --> 01:13:38,520
and you gotta listen to that voice. That's the next

1406
01:13:38,520 --> 01:13:40,520
twelve weeks. I want you to listen to that voice.

1407
01:13:40,560 --> 01:13:42,199
I want you to honor that voice. I want you

1408
01:13:42,279 --> 01:13:44,680
to put that voice first, that child's voice that says

1409
01:13:45,039 --> 01:13:49,039
you are special, you are funny, you are smart, you

1410
01:13:49,119 --> 01:13:54,159
are talented, you are interesting, and honestly, you're so fucking interesting.

1411
01:13:54,199 --> 01:13:56,560
We need to gather the whole family into the living

1412
01:13:56,640 --> 01:13:59,439
room and do a little show. We gotta, you know,

1413
01:13:59,520 --> 01:14:05,319
we gotta poorly choreographed tap dance with some crazy costumes

1414
01:14:05,319 --> 01:14:08,079
that we pulled out of all five closets in this household.

1415
01:14:08,520 --> 01:14:10,920
We're cross dressing a little bit and tap dance and

1416
01:14:11,000 --> 01:14:12,520
a lot of it, and we need the whole family

1417
01:14:12,560 --> 01:14:14,960
to watch. That is the person that I want to

1418
01:14:15,000 --> 01:14:19,119
show up to this course, Okay, the one that used

1419
01:14:19,119 --> 01:14:22,720
a shoe as a microphone and sang off tune with

1420
01:14:23,199 --> 01:14:27,199
all of the confidence in the world because that person,

1421
01:14:27,319 --> 01:14:29,800
I promise you it is for me and I am

1422
01:14:29,880 --> 01:14:32,239
technically a creative for a living. It is all the

1423
01:14:32,279 --> 01:14:34,600
way down there, all right, it is. It has been

1424
01:14:34,640 --> 01:14:37,560
pushed down by people that have said, you're not pretty,

1425
01:14:37,680 --> 01:14:40,520
you're not funny, you're not smart, you're not interesting, you're

1426
01:14:40,560 --> 01:14:43,319
not good, you're not you're not you can't. You can't

1427
01:14:43,319 --> 01:14:45,920
do that. That's not logical. You shouldn't do that. You're

1428
01:14:46,000 --> 01:14:47,479
not going to be able to live make a living.

1429
01:14:47,560 --> 01:14:49,319
I'm worried about you if you do that. All of

1430
01:14:49,359 --> 01:14:52,720
those things, all of those voices inside of your head

1431
01:14:52,920 --> 01:14:55,439
that are telling you for whatever reason, or have told

1432
01:14:55,479 --> 01:14:56,800
you in the past. It could be a parent, it

1433
01:14:56,800 --> 01:14:58,640
could be a teacher, It could be anyone who has

1434
01:14:59,000 --> 01:15:02,880
given you logic, brain reasons to shove down your inner artists.

1435
01:15:06,640 --> 01:15:08,880
All those voices. We have to work on getting them

1436
01:15:08,920 --> 01:15:10,840
out of our heads. Okay, we're gonna work on that

1437
01:15:10,880 --> 01:15:15,279
in week one. They're called blurts. It's a weird word,

1438
01:15:15,359 --> 01:15:17,960
but just we're gonna work on it, all right. So,

1439
01:15:19,640 --> 01:15:22,399
working with this book, you will experience an intensive, guided

1440
01:15:22,439 --> 01:15:26,560
encounter with your own creativity, your private village champions, wishes, fears, dreams, hopes,

1441
01:15:26,560 --> 01:15:31,000
and triumphs. This experience will make you excited, depressed, angry, afraid, joy, is, hopeful,

1442
01:15:31,039 --> 01:15:35,239
and ultimately more free. Okay, So the basic tools of

1443
01:15:35,279 --> 01:15:38,239
the morning pages I told you. I told you what

1444
01:15:38,239 --> 01:15:41,279
they are earlier. Three pages front to back stream of

1445
01:15:41,319 --> 01:15:44,840
conscious writing. Okay, every single morning, if you can, before

1446
01:15:44,880 --> 01:15:46,199
you look at your phone in the morning. Because when

1447
01:15:46,199 --> 01:15:47,600
you look at your phone in the morning, you're just

1448
01:15:47,600 --> 01:15:50,439
putting junk in there. You are giving yourselves the reason.

1449
01:15:50,439 --> 01:15:53,720
You're giving yourself a reason to get riled up, to

1450
01:15:53,800 --> 01:15:57,720
get pissed off, to get triggered, to get agitated before

1451
01:15:57,760 --> 01:16:03,079
your brain even comes online. So no phone, if you can,

1452
01:16:03,279 --> 01:16:08,239
if your schedule permits, do three pages long handwriting. It's

1453
01:16:08,239 --> 01:16:10,600
a brain dump. Okay, Just get every single thought you've

1454
01:16:10,600 --> 01:16:16,399
ever had in your head out. Then then there's something

1455
01:16:16,439 --> 01:16:18,359
called the sensor. The sensor is what I was just

1456
01:16:18,399 --> 01:16:20,880
talking about before. The sensor is that voice in your

1457
01:16:20,920 --> 01:16:23,359
head that says you can't do that, you shouldn't do that,

1458
01:16:23,399 --> 01:16:25,239
you're too old to do that. If you haven't started yet,

1459
01:16:25,239 --> 01:16:28,119
you're never gonna do it. It's that voice, that nagging,

1460
01:16:28,199 --> 01:16:31,560
little fucking voice. It says you're too old, you're too bullying,

1461
01:16:31,560 --> 01:16:35,159
you're a little that voice. The only way to get

1462
01:16:35,279 --> 01:16:39,000
rid of it is to write down what it's thinking. Okay,

1463
01:16:39,520 --> 01:16:41,640
So write all of those down when you start doing

1464
01:16:41,680 --> 01:16:44,199
your morning pages. Write all of the sensor's thoughts down.

1465
01:16:44,239 --> 01:16:46,600
And the sensor could have come from, like I said,

1466
01:16:46,640 --> 01:16:50,960
a parent, a teacher, anyone. It could come from a spouse,

1467
01:16:51,000 --> 01:16:53,640
a partner, anyone who tells you that your goals and

1468
01:16:53,800 --> 01:16:57,319
dreams are not pragmatic. That is the sensor. You have

1469
01:16:57,399 --> 01:17:00,640
to write down their thoughts and no notice that it

1470
01:17:00,680 --> 01:17:03,560
will aim for your jugular It will aim to take

1471
01:17:03,560 --> 01:17:06,279
you out at the fucking knees. Okay. The sensor doesn't

1472
01:17:06,279 --> 01:17:08,800
want you to create, It doesn't want you to really

1473
01:17:08,880 --> 01:17:11,600
be happy or fulfilled at all, So you gotta The

1474
01:17:11,640 --> 01:17:15,399
only way you can work through what's real and what's

1475
01:17:15,399 --> 01:17:18,279
the sensor is by writing the sensor's thoughts down and

1476
01:17:18,359 --> 01:17:22,319
acknowledging that's not me, that's a voice in my head

1477
01:17:22,319 --> 01:17:24,439
that got put there by X, Y and Z. Okay.

1478
01:17:26,479 --> 01:17:28,920
So the logic brain was and is our survival brain.

1479
01:17:29,039 --> 01:17:32,239
It works on known principles. Anything unknown is perceived as

1480
01:17:32,239 --> 01:17:36,079
wrong and possibly dangerous. Artist brain is our inventor, our child,

1481
01:17:36,199 --> 01:17:40,239
our very own personal, absent minded professor. Artist brain is

1482
01:17:40,279 --> 01:17:43,960
our creative, holistic brain. Our sensor scans our creative meadow

1483
01:17:44,000 --> 01:17:47,359
for any dangerous beasts. Any original thought can look pretty

1484
01:17:47,439 --> 01:17:50,479
dangerous to our creator. Who wouldn't be blocked if every

1485
01:17:50,479 --> 01:17:54,279
time you tiptoed into the open somebody your sensor made

1486
01:17:54,279 --> 01:17:57,039
fun of you. Okay, we move from logic brain to

1487
01:17:57,119 --> 01:17:59,800
artist brain, and from fast to slow, shallow to deep.

1488
01:18:00,239 --> 01:18:02,640
Seekers choose to view the process as a gateway to God.

1489
01:18:03,199 --> 01:18:05,720
Artists and creativity mavens approve it as a conduit for

1490
01:18:05,800 --> 01:18:08,600
higher creative insights. All of these notions are true as

1491
01:18:08,600 --> 01:18:10,720
far as they go. They do not go far enough. Yes,

1492
01:18:10,760 --> 01:18:13,560
we will alter our brain's hemisphere, lower our stress, discover

1493
01:18:13,680 --> 01:18:17,079
and enter contact with creative source, and have many creative insights.

1494
01:18:17,920 --> 01:18:19,920
So basically, the morning pages are going to serve as

1495
01:18:19,920 --> 01:18:22,359
a form of meditation. If you already meditate in the morning, great,

1496
01:18:22,800 --> 01:18:24,680
add this to the routine. If you have a busy

1497
01:18:24,720 --> 01:18:26,359
morning and you have kids, and you have shit going

1498
01:18:26,359 --> 01:18:28,520
on and you don't have time, maybe wake up a

1499
01:18:28,520 --> 01:18:30,399
little early. If you can. You're going to need thirty

1500
01:18:30,439 --> 01:18:35,319
pages or thirty minutes, twenty minutes, I would say minimum, minimum,

1501
01:18:35,359 --> 01:18:38,720
probably thirty minutes to get these pages done. Do your best. Again,

1502
01:18:38,800 --> 01:18:40,880
no judgment. And if you fall off after this first

1503
01:18:40,880 --> 01:18:42,760
one and you're like I'm done, I don't want to

1504
01:18:42,840 --> 01:18:48,560
do this anymore, I totally get it. So the artist

1505
01:18:48,640 --> 01:18:50,000
date is what we have to do. This is a

1506
01:18:50,039 --> 01:18:52,039
one on one date. You are not bringing spouses, you

1507
01:18:52,079 --> 01:18:54,199
are not bringing children, you are not bringing friends. You

1508
01:18:54,239 --> 01:18:57,119
are going one on one to do something that serves

1509
01:18:57,119 --> 01:18:59,600
your inner child. Whether it's going to the store and

1510
01:18:59,640 --> 01:19:03,479
buying paints and painting, whether it's getting a coloring book

1511
01:19:03,560 --> 01:19:06,359
and coloring in a coloring book, whether it is going

1512
01:19:06,399 --> 01:19:09,880
to an art museum or a bowling alley or a

1513
01:19:09,920 --> 01:19:14,279
walk on the beach, or anything anywhere that brings you joy.

1514
01:19:14,359 --> 01:19:18,560
You're doing it by yourself. I cannot stress that enough, okay,

1515
01:19:18,960 --> 01:19:21,880
because you need to give yourself the space and time

1516
01:19:22,079 --> 01:19:27,159
for the connection with the higher self, with the creator.

1517
01:19:27,920 --> 01:19:30,159
And that's it's hard to come that's hard to come

1518
01:19:30,159 --> 01:19:32,159
by when you are having a conversation on the beach

1519
01:19:32,199 --> 01:19:34,439
about Kathy from yoga, who fucking wears a seat through

1520
01:19:34,479 --> 01:19:36,720
yoga pants and her husband's cheating on her, and oh

1521
01:19:36,800 --> 01:19:38,399
my god, and she drives that car and she has

1522
01:19:38,399 --> 01:19:40,520
that big ring, but she just looks like such a

1523
01:19:40,560 --> 01:19:43,039
fucking idiot because everybody knows he's fucking the yoga ins

1524
01:19:43,119 --> 01:19:46,279
drying a want. Okay, it's really hard to do that

1525
01:19:46,319 --> 01:19:49,000
when you're gossiping, when you're keeking, And Mama loves to gossip.

1526
01:19:49,119 --> 01:19:54,159
Mama loves to kiki. Mama loves to really just be

1527
01:19:54,239 --> 01:19:56,119
taken out of myself in any way that I can be,

1528
01:19:56,199 --> 01:19:59,359
even if it's a conversation gossiping about God knows what.

1529
01:20:00,640 --> 01:20:04,520
So you can't have anyone with you. And this is

1530
01:20:04,560 --> 01:20:07,159
a good analogy that's in the book, but it's basically like,

1531
01:20:08,840 --> 01:20:10,640
think of the child of divorce who gets to see

1532
01:20:10,640 --> 01:20:13,199
a beloved parent only on weekends. During most of the week,

1533
01:20:13,239 --> 01:20:16,119
your artist is in custody of a stern, working adult.

1534
01:20:17,319 --> 01:20:20,560
What that child wants is attention, not expensive outings. What

1535
01:20:20,600 --> 01:20:22,520
that child does not want is to share the precious

1536
01:20:22,520 --> 01:20:25,000
parent with someone like a new significant other. Spending time

1537
01:20:25,039 --> 01:20:27,880
in solitude with your artist child is essential to self nurturing.

1538
01:20:28,279 --> 01:20:31,600
A long country walk, a solitary expedition to the beach

1539
01:20:31,680 --> 01:20:34,600
for a sunrise or sunset, a sortie out to a

1540
01:20:34,640 --> 01:20:38,960
strange church to hear gospel music, to an ethnic neighborhood,

1541
01:20:38,960 --> 01:20:42,800
to taste foreign to taste foreign sights and sounds. Your

1542
01:20:42,880 --> 01:20:46,000
artists might enjoy any of these, or your artists might

1543
01:20:46,159 --> 01:20:51,600
like bowling. So yeah, and increasing is so this basically

1544
01:20:51,720 --> 01:20:54,079
is going to increase our capacity for good creative work.

1545
01:20:54,439 --> 01:20:56,760
You're looking for inspiration right when you're going out. You're

1546
01:20:56,800 --> 01:20:59,399
not looking for it. You're gonna find it when you

1547
01:20:59,520 --> 01:21:03,960
purpose give yourself time to fill yourself up. You have to,

1548
01:21:04,079 --> 01:21:06,199
you know, you have to have a well of things

1549
01:21:06,199 --> 01:21:09,479
that you can pull from, because all good artists steal,

1550
01:21:09,560 --> 01:21:11,640
and they don't steal exactly, but they see something that

1551
01:21:11,720 --> 01:21:13,720
inspires them and then they think of something else and

1552
01:21:13,760 --> 01:21:16,000
then off to you know, they go from there, it's

1553
01:21:16,039 --> 01:21:18,079
off to the races. So it's like, you have to

1554
01:21:18,159 --> 01:21:21,960
have you can't just have tiktoks in your fucking brain,

1555
01:21:22,199 --> 01:21:25,239
you know what I mean. That's mash potatoes and no gravy.

1556
01:21:25,279 --> 01:21:28,840
That's like fucking dusty ass mashed potatoes. You can't just

1557
01:21:28,880 --> 01:21:31,920
be scrolling tiktoks and be like, oh no, I'm filled

1558
01:21:31,920 --> 01:21:34,479
with thoughts and ideas. No, you're not. That's other people's thoughts.

1559
01:21:34,479 --> 01:21:36,760
It's other people's ideas. It's ruining your brain, it's ruining

1560
01:21:36,800 --> 01:21:39,039
your attention span, it's taking you out of the flow.

1561
01:21:39,520 --> 01:21:43,359
You need to see art interact with textures and feelings

1562
01:21:43,399 --> 01:21:48,479
and environments to be created, to be creative, to be inspired. Okay,

1563
01:21:49,720 --> 01:21:52,840
art is born in attention. It's midwife is detail. Art

1564
01:21:52,840 --> 01:21:55,159
may seem to spring from pain, but perhaps that is

1565
01:21:55,199 --> 01:21:58,800
because pain serves to focus our attention onto details, and

1566
01:21:59,039 --> 01:22:02,439
that the motherfucking I think every time that I write

1567
01:22:02,479 --> 01:22:04,920
the best jokes or I do the best work, it's

1568
01:22:04,960 --> 01:22:08,199
because I have experienced a substantial amount of pain. And

1569
01:22:08,239 --> 01:22:10,279
then I kind of trick myself into believing I have

1570
01:22:10,319 --> 01:22:12,560
to be in pain in order to create. But that's

1571
01:22:12,600 --> 01:22:15,119
not true. The only reason I'm good at creating when

1572
01:22:15,159 --> 01:22:18,640
I'm in pain is because I pay attention. All other

1573
01:22:18,760 --> 01:22:21,840
times I'm yanked out of reality and I don't pay attention.

1574
01:22:23,520 --> 01:22:27,560
The days I've lost loved ones have I can tell

1575
01:22:27,600 --> 01:22:30,000
you every detail of every day. It's a strange thing

1576
01:22:30,039 --> 01:22:32,520
about grief. It's a strange thing about pain. It draws

1577
01:22:32,560 --> 01:22:36,720
you into the present, because it's so fucking gnarly. But

1578
01:22:36,800 --> 01:22:38,680
if you can try and pay attention, and you're not

1579
01:22:38,720 --> 01:22:40,039
going to be able to, but just give it a

1580
01:22:40,079 --> 01:22:43,199
little try, try and pay attention, like on the days

1581
01:22:43,239 --> 01:22:45,399
when something fucking bad happens to you and you remember

1582
01:22:45,439 --> 01:22:47,760
every detail, and then by every single detail, you can

1583
01:22:47,800 --> 01:22:52,399
make it funny. You can remaster it into something that

1584
01:22:52,439 --> 01:22:55,199
will help other people. Heal, Okay. The artist's brain is

1585
01:22:55,199 --> 01:22:58,039
a sensory brain. Cit and sound, smell and taste, touch,

1586
01:22:58,399 --> 01:23:01,239
the elements of magic and magic is the elemental stuff

1587
01:23:01,239 --> 01:23:04,119
of art. In filling the well, think magic, think delight,

1588
01:23:04,239 --> 01:23:07,000
think fun. So this is when you're going on these dates.

1589
01:23:07,039 --> 01:23:10,000
You're filling the well. So whatever you've been wanting to

1590
01:23:10,000 --> 01:23:11,439
do for a while but you've been putting it off

1591
01:23:11,439 --> 01:23:13,319
because of X, Y and Z, just again. Just know

1592
01:23:13,359 --> 01:23:14,760
you're gonna be like, I'm too busy, I don't have

1593
01:23:14,800 --> 01:23:18,600
time to do this. I did. That's your censor. That

1594
01:23:18,600 --> 01:23:21,079
that sort of resistance means you need to go there.

1595
01:23:21,479 --> 01:23:23,159
So if you want to quit after week one, this

1596
01:23:23,239 --> 01:23:25,359
is not even week one. This is the introduction. This

1597
01:23:25,439 --> 01:23:27,560
is the fucking introduction. If you want to quit, go ahead,

1598
01:23:27,600 --> 01:23:29,840
I won't judge you, but just know we're going to

1599
01:23:29,880 --> 01:23:33,439
be doing this all right. Here's some activities that are

1600
01:23:33,439 --> 01:23:36,600
good for creative showering, swimming, scrubbing, shaving, steering a car,

1601
01:23:36,720 --> 01:23:39,920
so many s's. Yes, all of these are regular repetitive

1602
01:23:39,960 --> 01:23:42,279
activities that may tip us over from our logic brain

1603
01:23:42,279 --> 01:23:45,279
into our more creative artist's brain. I remember I saw

1604
01:23:45,399 --> 01:23:49,119
a speech that Pete Fairley gave a couple of years ago.

1605
01:23:49,319 --> 01:23:53,520
Pete Fairley is a genius comedic writer. He wrote Dumb

1606
01:23:53,520 --> 01:23:56,199
and Dumber. Him and his brother have made a ton

1607
01:23:56,199 --> 01:24:00,279
of really, really, really special comedy films. And he said

1608
01:24:00,279 --> 01:24:02,680
anytime he is looking for an idea for a movie,

1609
01:24:02,720 --> 01:24:04,439
he goes on a long car ride and he turns

1610
01:24:04,439 --> 01:24:06,800
off the radio and he just drives, and he says,

1611
01:24:06,840 --> 01:24:10,000
the first thing that I'll come up will be things

1612
01:24:10,000 --> 01:24:11,399
to do, like, oh shoot, I have to send this

1613
01:24:11,399 --> 01:24:13,800
person a birthday card. Oh shoot, I have to I

1614
01:24:13,800 --> 01:24:15,720
have to schedule this meeting, I have to do this,

1615
01:24:15,800 --> 01:24:17,359
I have to call my sister, I have to bubb

1616
01:24:17,359 --> 01:24:20,079
blah blah. And then after your brain gets through all

1617
01:24:20,119 --> 01:24:24,199
of that, that's when it's cleared out. So what he

1618
01:24:24,359 --> 01:24:27,560
was saying is essentially like morning pages, so like his

1619
01:24:28,359 --> 01:24:31,479
morning pages on his car ride were like the all

1620
01:24:31,479 --> 01:24:32,920
the things that he had to get out in the morning,

1621
01:24:32,960 --> 01:24:35,760
and then after that he had the freedom to drive

1622
01:24:35,920 --> 01:24:40,479
and allow ideas to come to him. Steven Spielberg says

1623
01:24:40,479 --> 01:24:42,640
that his very best ideas have come to him this

1624
01:24:42,680 --> 01:24:45,479
way too. So at the end of page twenty three,

1625
01:24:45,520 --> 01:24:47,279
there's a creative contract. I need you, guys to go

1626
01:24:47,279 --> 01:24:50,439
ahead and sign that I signed mine. You can see

1627
01:24:50,439 --> 01:24:54,359
that here, mine is signed. Can't see it? What am

1628
01:24:54,359 --> 01:24:57,199
I talking about? Okay? Mine is signed. I, Brittany Schmid,

1629
01:24:57,359 --> 01:25:00,920
understand that I'm undertaking an intensive guided encounter my own creativity.

1630
01:25:00,960 --> 01:25:03,239
I commit myself to the twelve week duration of the course.

1631
01:25:03,319 --> 01:25:06,720
I Brittany Schmidt, commit to weekly reading, daily morning pages,

1632
01:25:07,199 --> 01:25:10,359
a weekly artist date, and the fulfillment of each week's tasks.

1633
01:25:10,680 --> 01:25:13,119
I Brittany Schmidt for their understand that this course will

1634
01:25:13,199 --> 01:25:16,079
raise issues and emotions for me to deal with. I

1635
01:25:16,119 --> 01:25:20,119
commit myself to excellent self care, adequate sleep, diet, exercise,

1636
01:25:20,159 --> 01:25:24,159
and pampering for the duration of the course. Signed Brittany Schmidt.

1637
01:25:24,760 --> 01:25:27,960
So you, guys, I am so excited. Next week will

1638
01:25:27,960 --> 01:25:30,560
be week one. If you want to read ahead and

1639
01:25:30,640 --> 01:25:32,680
we can go over our activities together so we're all

1640
01:25:32,680 --> 01:25:34,199
on the same page at the same time. That would

1641
01:25:34,199 --> 01:25:35,640
be great. If you guys want to go a week

1642
01:25:35,640 --> 01:25:38,159
behind me too, that's fine, whatever you guys want. I'm

1643
01:25:38,159 --> 01:25:39,640
proud of you guys for saying I'm proud of you

1644
01:25:39,720 --> 01:25:41,720
guys for doing this, and I'm excited to go on

1645
01:25:41,760 --> 01:25:44,119
this journey with you. Guys. I love you so much.

1646
01:25:44,840 --> 01:26:03,439
I will see you next week, besties. Okay, bye,