WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.520 --> 00:00:05.280 It's Dan Ray Unbeling Mazy Boston's news. 2 00:00:05.200 --> 00:00:10.800 Radio Last hour, to be specific, last fifty two plus 3 00:00:10.839 --> 00:00:16.480 minutes of Nightside. And this gentleman I met way back 4 00:00:16.519 --> 00:00:21.600 somewhere between sixty seven and seventy one, nineteen sixty seven 5 00:00:21.719 --> 00:00:26.679 nineteen seventy one. He was a teacher at Brookline High. 6 00:00:26.879 --> 00:00:31.760 Those days are far far in his rearview mirror. And 7 00:00:31.800 --> 00:00:36.960 he has a company called the Speech Improvement Company, used 8 00:00:36.960 --> 00:00:42.600 to be the Speech Improvement Center. And what they do 9 00:00:42.679 --> 00:00:47.960 over there is get rid of all of the verbal 10 00:00:48.079 --> 00:00:54.439 crutches that you have in your way of communicating. You know, 11 00:00:54.520 --> 00:00:58.200 you know, you know, you know, you know, I'm I'm 12 00:01:00.119 --> 00:01:03.759 like like like like like like. There are three examples 13 00:01:03.880 --> 00:01:09.519 right there. And if you have an interview coming up 14 00:01:11.480 --> 00:01:14.519 and you want to make sure that you put your 15 00:01:14.519 --> 00:01:19.439 best foot forward, this is the man who can help you. 16 00:01:21.480 --> 00:01:27.599 So Dennis, Dennis Becker, welcome Tonight's. 17 00:01:29.239 --> 00:01:33.120 You always lie to your listeners like that? My goodness, 18 00:01:33.519 --> 00:01:37.040 yes I do. Oh good well, we'rend a good company. 19 00:01:37.200 --> 00:01:39.319 The old the guy I used to know for sure. 20 00:01:40.439 --> 00:01:47.920 Thank you and tell people let me back up, advertise yourself, 21 00:01:48.359 --> 00:01:51.719 let people know if they come to see you, what 22 00:01:51.760 --> 00:01:52.599 you can do for them. 23 00:01:53.680 --> 00:01:57.799 Oh my goodness. Well, it kind of depends on the 24 00:01:57.920 --> 00:02:00.319 reason for which they come to me. I mean, I'm 25 00:02:00.359 --> 00:02:02.840 doctor Dennis Becker, but I'm not a medical doctor, so 26 00:02:02.959 --> 00:02:04.840 folks can't come to me for any of those kinds 27 00:02:04.840 --> 00:02:11.719 of reasons. On the other hand, everything communicates something you 28 00:02:11.879 --> 00:02:17.439 cannot not communicate. So if you want to improve or 29 00:02:17.439 --> 00:02:21.919 strengthen your communications skills and techniques and prowess, the Speech 30 00:02:21.960 --> 00:02:24.360 Improvement Company is the place you want to be. We 31 00:02:24.400 --> 00:02:28.240 are located in Boston, and we're actually the oldest speech 32 00:02:28.280 --> 00:02:33.680 coaching company in the United States. We started this industry. 33 00:02:34.360 --> 00:02:37.319 It's sixty years ago. Now we can imagine that more 34 00:02:37.360 --> 00:02:39.960 than it's been sixty years since this company has been started. Now, 35 00:02:40.280 --> 00:02:42.639 we we're in Boston. We did some local things. Now 36 00:02:42.639 --> 00:02:46.360 we've got coaches and offices around the world and we're 37 00:02:46.360 --> 00:02:48.360 doing very well. And thank you for inviting me to 38 00:02:48.360 --> 00:02:49.680 be on the show to say some of that. 39 00:02:50.360 --> 00:02:55.759 You used to have those creative window displays, because oh yeah, 40 00:02:56.360 --> 00:03:01.479 the intersection of Washington and be in Brookline, that's where 41 00:03:01.680 --> 00:03:05.639 you used to be located. You're not there, right, are you. 42 00:03:05.639 --> 00:03:09.400 No, we were there for thirty one years and we 43 00:03:09.479 --> 00:03:12.080 first started there because it was right on the main street, 44 00:03:12.199 --> 00:03:14.599 right on Beacon Street, and most of our clients in 45 00:03:14.680 --> 00:03:18.319 those days were located downtown Boston, so we needed to 46 00:03:18.360 --> 00:03:20.240 be right on the green line, easy to get in 47 00:03:20.319 --> 00:03:23.360 and out for clients to come to our office. And yes, 48 00:03:23.479 --> 00:03:27.919 we had a company a building that we bought that 49 00:03:28.159 --> 00:03:32.599 used to belong to a company that sold and made 50 00:03:32.919 --> 00:03:38.000 furniture and they would advertise their product in this huge 51 00:03:38.000 --> 00:03:40.159 window was about an eight and a half by eleven 52 00:03:40.159 --> 00:03:43.240 and a half foot all glass window, and so they 53 00:03:43.280 --> 00:03:45.800 would advertise their furniture in the window because they had 54 00:03:45.919 --> 00:03:48.120 stuff to sell and it would help people could see 55 00:03:48.159 --> 00:03:50.360 the stuff. Well, when we were at the building, I 56 00:03:50.400 --> 00:03:53.800 thought to myself, how do you sell this stuff? We 57 00:03:53.879 --> 00:03:57.639 don't have stuff like that. So we decided, well, let's 58 00:03:57.680 --> 00:04:00.159 keep the building up anyway, we find something creative. What 59 00:04:00.240 --> 00:04:03.080 we started to do, which we started to make life 60 00:04:03.120 --> 00:04:07.879 size characters, mannequin kind of things and put them in 61 00:04:07.919 --> 00:04:10.759 the window as sort of a joke. Well, over the 62 00:04:10.840 --> 00:04:13.960 years it not only caught on and people were looking 63 00:04:13.960 --> 00:04:16.560 forward to what's the new window this Segi Poova Company's 64 00:04:16.560 --> 00:04:19.279 going to put up, but we began to win some awards, 65 00:04:19.319 --> 00:04:21.759 and we always used a little bit of humor but 66 00:04:21.839 --> 00:04:26.279 had some speech message in the humor with it. So 67 00:04:27.000 --> 00:04:31.800 after thirty one years, what happened technology change, population change, 68 00:04:32.040 --> 00:04:35.920 and most of all, it became easier to deal with 69 00:04:35.959 --> 00:04:39.120 people not having to go into town or them to 70 00:04:39.160 --> 00:04:43.360 come out a long game. Technology and then nowadays, of 71 00:04:43.360 --> 00:04:47.879 course everything is done by zoom and whatever. So we 72 00:04:47.920 --> 00:04:50.120 decided a few years ago, we decided to move the 73 00:04:50.160 --> 00:04:54.680 company out of what became a very high lench district. 74 00:04:54.720 --> 00:04:58.040 Although we owned the building, taxes were incredible in Brookline, 75 00:04:58.079 --> 00:05:00.160 so we moved it out to where most of our 76 00:05:00.160 --> 00:05:03.480 team moved, which was the west of the city. So 77 00:05:03.519 --> 00:05:06.360 now the office is located the home office is located 78 00:05:06.399 --> 00:05:07.120 in framing them. 79 00:05:07.879 --> 00:05:14.639 Okay, and the more popular figures in your window where 80 00:05:14.680 --> 00:05:17.079 Jake and who would Blues? The Blues Brothers? 81 00:05:17.879 --> 00:05:21.319 Oh yeah, oh yeah, yeah, yeah, you know, we just 82 00:05:21.399 --> 00:05:23.920 had for some reason, we took a liking to the 83 00:05:23.959 --> 00:05:29.079 movie about the Blues Brothers. And I was on a 84 00:05:29.120 --> 00:05:32.959 trip and where was I the Bahamas? I think I 85 00:05:33.000 --> 00:05:37.240 was doing some work in the Bahamas, and I visited 86 00:05:37.279 --> 00:05:42.399 a sort of a local souvenir type shop. Well, it 87 00:05:42.439 --> 00:05:50.319 turns out they had two LFE size characters mannequins models 88 00:05:50.560 --> 00:05:53.879 of the Blues Brothers, and they were so popular in 89 00:05:53.959 --> 00:05:56.480 our advertising and locally, and they were popular in the 90 00:05:56.560 --> 00:05:58.879 movies and so forth, so we decided to buy them. 91 00:05:59.319 --> 00:06:01.600 We had them sh hripped two day with each one 92 00:06:01.720 --> 00:06:04.079 was about two hundred pounds. We had them shipped to 93 00:06:04.120 --> 00:06:06.920 the office and Bookline put them in the window, and 94 00:06:06.959 --> 00:06:08.519 then we had to think of things that were cute 95 00:06:08.560 --> 00:06:12.959 and speechy like to put around them. Well, they became 96 00:06:13.000 --> 00:06:15.720 so popular of people walking by that we had to 97 00:06:15.800 --> 00:06:17.480 keep them in, keep them in there for a lot 98 00:06:17.480 --> 00:06:21.319 of things that had Halloween Blues Brothers, things, Christmas Blues Brothers. 99 00:06:21.399 --> 00:06:23.240 But I'll tell you one funny quick thing about it. 100 00:06:23.519 --> 00:06:26.199 When we first put them in, When we first put 101 00:06:26.240 --> 00:06:29.680 them in the window, we were in a part of 102 00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:33.959 Bookline that had a very heavy Jewish population and many 103 00:06:34.000 --> 00:06:37.439 of them were Hasidic and they would come to go 104 00:06:37.480 --> 00:06:40.160 to temple. They would pass our office in our window 105 00:06:40.160 --> 00:06:41.920 and they just look in the window all the time. 106 00:06:42.000 --> 00:06:44.879 When we put these Blues Brothers in the window. For 107 00:06:45.000 --> 00:06:47.519 those of you who are listening who can remember what 108 00:06:47.560 --> 00:06:51.879 the Blues Brothers looked like, they were in black suits, 109 00:06:52.360 --> 00:06:56.439 white shirts, black tie, black shoes and socks, wore a hat. 110 00:06:57.319 --> 00:07:02.040 They had that look and some glass Ye all I 111 00:07:02.199 --> 00:07:07.000 time was absolutely so little kids would come by and 112 00:07:07.600 --> 00:07:10.759 look in the window on their noses and fingerprints would 113 00:07:10.759 --> 00:07:13.040 be on the window about four feet from the ground, 114 00:07:13.439 --> 00:07:15.680 and they were asking their daddy's in the bummies, know 115 00:07:16.240 --> 00:07:19.120 why are the rabbis in the window. They had to 116 00:07:19.360 --> 00:07:23.040 explain to the kids that these were not rabbis, right, 117 00:07:23.160 --> 00:07:25.399 And it became they had a couple of folks stopped 118 00:07:25.399 --> 00:07:27.279 in the office and said, could you preach and put 119 00:07:27.399 --> 00:07:29.519 something in their window to explain to I said, well, 120 00:07:29.959 --> 00:07:32.399 we don't really want to do that, but I'm appreciating 121 00:07:32.439 --> 00:07:35.120 that you're explaining it to your kids. And it became 122 00:07:35.160 --> 00:07:36.680 popular for all kinds of reasons. 123 00:07:37.120 --> 00:07:39.680 Right tell you what, I've got a break to take. 124 00:07:40.399 --> 00:07:43.279 I'm going to invite calls, but I want you to 125 00:07:43.360 --> 00:07:48.600 help me set up a sample. Somebody listening right now, 126 00:07:49.759 --> 00:07:55.160 and it's just an average guy or gal and they 127 00:07:55.240 --> 00:07:58.959 have an office job and they're hoping that they can 128 00:07:59.040 --> 00:08:02.439 kind of move up the lane matter and take a 129 00:08:02.600 --> 00:08:08.879 job within their office that they necessarily feel I'm not 130 00:08:09.000 --> 00:08:16.639 qualified for that job. But you recognize in them equality, 131 00:08:17.800 --> 00:08:23.480 an ability to communicate. Help that person look within themselves 132 00:08:24.319 --> 00:08:28.519 and tell them what they should say in front of 133 00:08:28.600 --> 00:08:34.720 mister big boss. And the phone number here is six one, seven, two, five, four, 134 00:08:34.759 --> 00:08:38.679 ten thirty eight eight, eight, nine, two, nine ten thirty. 135 00:08:39.399 --> 00:08:45.480 Be our demo, Be the person that doctor Becker is 136 00:08:45.559 --> 00:08:51.879 going to help instill confidence in you. And let me 137 00:08:51.919 --> 00:08:57.720 take our break and come back and get started. Six one, seven, two, five, four, ten, 138 00:08:57.799 --> 00:09:01.120 thirty eight, eight, eight, nine, two, nine ten thirty here 139 00:09:01.159 --> 00:09:08.440 on night side Time and temperature eleven sixteen coincidentally sixteen degrees. 140 00:09:09.879 --> 00:09:12.799 Now back to Dan Ray live from the Window World 141 00:09:13.000 --> 00:09:16.440 Nice SI Studios on WBZ News Radio. 142 00:09:16.919 --> 00:09:20.440 I think I scared people off. So I'm gonna ask 143 00:09:20.519 --> 00:09:23.799 you right the way Dennis Becker say, from the Speech 144 00:09:23.840 --> 00:09:30.480 Improvement Company, and they will make magic. You will not 145 00:09:30.639 --> 00:09:35.360 recognize yourself after they kind of work on you, giving 146 00:09:35.360 --> 00:09:40.120 you a better perspective on speech, getting rid of those 147 00:09:41.039 --> 00:09:48.080 crutches when in everybody's speech. Maybe how to appear professional 148 00:09:48.120 --> 00:09:52.039 with your look to make a good first impression. So 149 00:09:53.200 --> 00:09:58.639 give me a generic person and then help the generic 150 00:09:58.759 --> 00:10:02.120 person do the right thing. 151 00:10:02.679 --> 00:10:07.639 Well, I'll tell you the most frequently requested service in 152 00:10:07.840 --> 00:10:11.799 all of our sixty years is virtually the same now 153 00:10:12.320 --> 00:10:15.840 as it was fifty and sixty years ago, Morgan. So 154 00:10:15.879 --> 00:10:19.000 if we talk about the typical person, a generic person, 155 00:10:19.200 --> 00:10:21.000 this has to be one of the qualities that we 156 00:10:21.039 --> 00:10:23.480 get concerned with because we're asked about it all the time, 157 00:10:23.879 --> 00:10:27.159 and it sounds very simple. It sounds like a simple thing, 158 00:10:27.200 --> 00:10:30.879 but it is extremely popular around the world. And I'm 159 00:10:30.919 --> 00:10:36.399 talking about the fear of speaking. Now, let's just delve 160 00:10:36.440 --> 00:10:39.480 into that a little bit. I mean, people are speaking 161 00:10:39.480 --> 00:10:42.840 to each other all the time. But where happens. Why 162 00:10:43.000 --> 00:10:45.440 is it that when you have to talk to in 163 00:10:45.480 --> 00:10:48.759 front of a committee meeting or a town meeting or 164 00:10:49.000 --> 00:10:51.279 heaven STAVEETCHI if you have to give a speech on 165 00:10:51.320 --> 00:10:53.799 the stage or something like that, people all of a 166 00:10:53.840 --> 00:10:59.120 sudden freeze up. They get frightened. What's all? I don't 167 00:10:59.159 --> 00:11:02.519 like public speaking? Public speaking makes it? Okay, stop right there, 168 00:11:03.360 --> 00:11:10.399 let's begin with this. There's no such thing as public speaking. Now, 169 00:11:10.519 --> 00:11:14.600 let me explain what I mean. I mean that every 170 00:11:14.639 --> 00:11:19.080 time you talk, it's public that you're taking your thoughts 171 00:11:19.080 --> 00:11:22.399 out and expressing them, giving them to somebody else. It's 172 00:11:22.399 --> 00:11:25.440 always public. Now, I know what you mean when you 173 00:11:25.480 --> 00:11:28.279 say public robin the stage and you have some slides 174 00:11:28.399 --> 00:11:30.279 and you get a clicker and you got people staring 175 00:11:30.320 --> 00:11:32.360 at you and all that stuff. Yeah, I get it. 176 00:11:32.600 --> 00:11:34.360 I know what people mean when they say that. But 177 00:11:34.399 --> 00:11:38.240 the truth is a lot of that fear comes from 178 00:11:38.639 --> 00:11:44.559 the fear of self humiliation, public humiliation. And if you 179 00:11:44.679 --> 00:11:47.279 can think about the speaking that you do to your family, 180 00:11:47.320 --> 00:11:49.720 to your friends in the areas and times of comfort, 181 00:11:50.240 --> 00:11:52.120 and you know they're not fear of public speaking, it 182 00:11:52.120 --> 00:11:55.440 doesn't bother you. You just mean who you are. Okay. 183 00:11:55.879 --> 00:11:58.440 That's the way you have to approach this thing called 184 00:11:58.440 --> 00:12:00.879 the fear of public speaking. There isn't even a thing. 185 00:12:01.120 --> 00:12:03.919 I hate to even give it an identity. You've got 186 00:12:03.919 --> 00:12:05.960 to remember that you speak all the time and it's 187 00:12:06.039 --> 00:12:08.240 always public when you talk. So that's one of the 188 00:12:08.240 --> 00:12:10.360 first things that we would have to deal with. Where 189 00:12:10.360 --> 00:12:13.639 does that come from? Now? How do we find that out? 190 00:12:15.279 --> 00:12:20.759 We use a technique called the ABC technique. A. You 191 00:12:20.919 --> 00:12:27.320 have to identify what activates your fear. Could be being 192 00:12:27.320 --> 00:12:29.519 on a stage, standing up in front of a group, 193 00:12:30.120 --> 00:12:31.679 if I have lights on me, if I have to 194 00:12:31.679 --> 00:12:34.120 have a microphone. It depends on who's in the room. Oh, 195 00:12:34.200 --> 00:12:36.320 she's here, right, go book. There's a lot of things 196 00:12:36.279 --> 00:12:39.360 that they're going to be people's A. What activates you 197 00:12:39.399 --> 00:12:40.960 A fear? That's the first thing you have to do 198 00:12:41.039 --> 00:12:44.080 is find out that. Then let's skip the B for 199 00:12:44.120 --> 00:12:46.320 a moment and go right to the C, because the 200 00:12:46.440 --> 00:12:51.480 C is the consequence of the A. Once people experience 201 00:12:51.519 --> 00:12:53.879 one of those a's so and so in the room 202 00:12:53.960 --> 00:12:57.039 or whatever it is, the consequence happens. What's that We 203 00:12:57.120 --> 00:13:01.679 all know what that is? A hand shall my voice, 204 00:13:02.360 --> 00:13:06.519 breathing gets difficult, rash breaks out, all kinds of things. 205 00:13:06.600 --> 00:13:10.080 That's the consequence of the AN. So you say, oh, 206 00:13:10.200 --> 00:13:12.360 I know, so if I fix the A, the C 207 00:13:12.600 --> 00:13:15.960 goes away. No, wait a minute, let's go back to 208 00:13:16.000 --> 00:13:18.600 the B for just a second, because how does that 209 00:13:19.039 --> 00:13:21.759 How does that A get to you like that? It's 210 00:13:21.799 --> 00:13:26.159 because of the B in the middle. A for activator, 211 00:13:26.559 --> 00:13:29.480 C for consequence, But the B stand for what is 212 00:13:29.519 --> 00:13:34.440 your belief about that A. Don't jump ahead of me. 213 00:13:34.480 --> 00:13:36.720 I'm not going to go down the path of power 214 00:13:36.720 --> 00:13:40.159 of positive thinking. And if I believe it won't happen. No, no, 215 00:13:40.320 --> 00:13:42.879 that doesn't work. I mean, it's okay, do it. I mean, 216 00:13:43.080 --> 00:13:45.080 positive thinking is not a bad thing, but it's not 217 00:13:45.080 --> 00:13:47.200 going to work. It works for a little one and it 218 00:13:47.200 --> 00:13:50.840 comes back, it comes back. So what we do, Morgan, 219 00:13:51.240 --> 00:13:54.440 that's different, I think from almost everybody that does this 220 00:13:54.679 --> 00:13:58.039 sort of work, is we use what's called a skills approach. 221 00:13:58.720 --> 00:14:04.440 Now there's such things as cognitive restructuring and immersive and 222 00:14:04.480 --> 00:14:08.080 sometimes when people think drugs you know, but no, none 223 00:14:08.120 --> 00:14:11.639 of that. We work on a skills basis. Everything that 224 00:14:11.720 --> 00:14:15.080 you fear, which is one of your a's, we know 225 00:14:15.159 --> 00:14:17.279 how to fix, We know how to take care of it. 226 00:14:17.320 --> 00:14:20.799 We give you techniques to give you exercises to control, 227 00:14:20.919 --> 00:14:22.559 but we may not be able to make them go away, 228 00:14:22.840 --> 00:14:24.840 but we're going to help you control them so that 229 00:14:24.840 --> 00:14:27.440 they don't bother you when you're in those speaking situations. 230 00:14:27.519 --> 00:14:29.120 So that's one of the things that we would have 231 00:14:29.159 --> 00:14:33.360 to approach with folks, because almost everybody is bothered by 232 00:14:33.360 --> 00:14:36.200 an organs. Maybe not you, my friend, but most people. 233 00:14:38.360 --> 00:14:41.559 I don't know why. And I can go back to 234 00:14:42.080 --> 00:14:50.799 memories from elementary school. I never had the yips, nerves, 235 00:14:51.559 --> 00:15:01.120 the shakes, any of the negative visible afflictions that made 236 00:15:01.159 --> 00:15:07.600 me uncomfortable addressing a bunch of people, whether it was 237 00:15:07.759 --> 00:15:12.360 the kids in the school yard, was in the classroom, 238 00:15:13.600 --> 00:15:16.159 whether it was a church. I was a member of 239 00:15:16.200 --> 00:15:23.720 the choir, so periodically we were required to address other 240 00:15:23.840 --> 00:15:26.240 members of the choir for this, that and the other thing. 241 00:15:26.960 --> 00:15:31.000 But I never had any problems doing that, And when 242 00:15:31.039 --> 00:15:37.279 I began in radio, it was no challenge at least 243 00:15:37.320 --> 00:15:43.559 as far as those fears rearing their ugly head. Yeah, so. 244 00:15:45.240 --> 00:15:48.320 Well, those kinds of things that you listen't there people 245 00:15:48.399 --> 00:15:52.200 like you who are exist in the world. Bang goodness, However, 246 00:15:53.600 --> 00:15:57.279 you didn't. You didn't take that from the wind, my friend. 247 00:15:58.120 --> 00:16:04.200 That sense of courage, that sense of capability, that didn't 248 00:16:04.240 --> 00:16:09.879 count from the wind. That started with your mother. I'm glad. 249 00:16:13.399 --> 00:16:17.840 There you go. Okay, there you go. All right, So 250 00:16:17.919 --> 00:16:22.639 let's step a little bit into the causes of the fear. Now, 251 00:16:22.639 --> 00:16:26.480 what I told you before about shaking and breathing and ration, 252 00:16:26.759 --> 00:16:29.840 those are the symptoms that we are all familiar with. 253 00:16:30.279 --> 00:16:32.679 They're not the causes. So let me talk a little 254 00:16:32.720 --> 00:16:35.240 bit deeper about that for just a moment, about the causes. 255 00:16:36.159 --> 00:16:38.399 It starts with your mother, and I say that because 256 00:16:38.720 --> 00:16:43.159 it started in the womb. There is truth to the belief, 257 00:16:43.759 --> 00:16:46.480 not the belief. There is truth to the fact that 258 00:16:47.440 --> 00:16:52.039 the condition of the mother during pregnancy has an impact 259 00:16:52.200 --> 00:16:56.440 on the condition of the child inside. This is why, 260 00:16:56.960 --> 00:17:00.159 to be dramatically tragic about it, This is why some 261 00:17:00.279 --> 00:17:04.720 women who are addicted to drugs or alcohol or whatever 262 00:17:05.519 --> 00:17:09.279 substance like that while pregnant, the child often is born 263 00:17:09.359 --> 00:17:12.519 with that drug addiction. The same thing is true about 264 00:17:12.519 --> 00:17:17.119 the other aspects of childhood. You if your mother is 265 00:17:17.200 --> 00:17:19.640 calm and relaxed, or she's nervous enough set all the time, 266 00:17:19.960 --> 00:17:23.000 that's going to be part of the DNA that's going 267 00:17:23.079 --> 00:17:25.640 to come over to you. All right. So now you 268 00:17:25.680 --> 00:17:27.640 get a little bit older, and what are you getting 269 00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:30.160 to you about three years old or four years old? 270 00:17:30.400 --> 00:17:33.160 Oh morgant, Oh look at you so cue, Look how 271 00:17:33.200 --> 00:17:35.720 he walks off bargain. Come here you go, kid, give 272 00:17:35.759 --> 00:17:38.079 you a hunt. All you get for about three years 273 00:17:38.119 --> 00:17:42.640 of your life, that's all you get is it's nice 274 00:17:42.680 --> 00:17:44.640 and yet damn when you get to me about four 275 00:17:44.759 --> 00:17:49.559 years old, you go visit your aunt Dars and uncle John, 276 00:17:49.759 --> 00:17:51.759 and you walk over their coffee table and you can 277 00:17:52.279 --> 00:17:54.559 knock over some statue and it breaks on the floor. 278 00:17:55.400 --> 00:17:59.319 Oh my goodness, Momy comes over Dad. That gives you 279 00:17:59.359 --> 00:18:03.200 a little no. You should see that that very no. 280 00:18:03.680 --> 00:18:06.880 That's the first time that a child begins to fear 281 00:18:06.960 --> 00:18:10.519 and hear the word no. Up until that is all 282 00:18:10.599 --> 00:18:12.839 beautiful and all of a sudden you get no. All right, 283 00:18:12.920 --> 00:18:15.440 let's move ahead a little best pastor here you get 284 00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:21.200 into school. Dare you ever talk out of turn? Mister 285 00:18:21.240 --> 00:18:27.480 White Morgan come over here, you get publicly humilified, humiliated, 286 00:18:27.559 --> 00:18:30.720 maybe get put in the closset. Who knows. School teachers 287 00:18:30.759 --> 00:18:34.039 have a huge impact on those young kids about their 288 00:18:34.119 --> 00:18:37.960 fear of speaking, speaking out a turn again, public humiliation, 289 00:18:38.119 --> 00:18:38.720 watch out. 290 00:18:39.680 --> 00:18:43.319 Saying something that directly goes to that. 291 00:18:44.559 --> 00:18:44.960 Go ahead. 292 00:18:45.039 --> 00:18:51.319 The Boston public schools in the sixties, almost every teacher 293 00:18:51.759 --> 00:18:57.960 male female had a thin bimboo strip I used to 294 00:18:58.039 --> 00:19:01.359 keep on their chocol edge. Was called the rat hand. 295 00:19:02.480 --> 00:19:07.599 And there's some people out there listening. Remember the rat hand. 296 00:19:08.400 --> 00:19:14.799 And you did something out of the realm of acceptability, 297 00:19:16.160 --> 00:19:18.359 you would get the rat hand. You had to hold 298 00:19:18.359 --> 00:19:21.640 out your hand and accept a strike or two or 299 00:19:21.640 --> 00:19:25.279 three or four five, or the teacher would just strike 300 00:19:25.359 --> 00:19:30.240 your legs. If it was a young girl who committed 301 00:19:30.240 --> 00:19:36.640 the faux pas and everybody feared the rat hand, and 302 00:19:37.079 --> 00:19:40.599 you got it once. You did everything you could to 303 00:19:40.720 --> 00:19:45.920 stay the straight and narrow. I got it once, and 304 00:19:46.119 --> 00:19:48.079 I be sure I never got it again. 305 00:19:49.000 --> 00:19:54.880 M hmmm. That rat haan has grown itself into a 306 00:19:54.920 --> 00:19:59.759 snarky remark from the boss somehow, a criticism from a 307 00:20:00.000 --> 00:20:04.759 coague something that someone else can use against you to 308 00:20:04.839 --> 00:20:08.039 make you feel bad, or even if that's not their intent, 309 00:20:08.359 --> 00:20:12.640 you feel bad. And it's become a very popular trick 310 00:20:13.119 --> 00:20:15.839 for manipulators these days, and we have loads of those. 311 00:20:15.880 --> 00:20:19.119 I just wrote a book about manipulation, and manipulators constantly 312 00:20:19.200 --> 00:20:23.079 use public humiliation, sarcasm, all kinds of things to make 313 00:20:23.160 --> 00:20:26.160 you feel bad about your speaking, the way you communicate 314 00:20:26.200 --> 00:20:28.759 with others. Hen stop you. 315 00:20:28.759 --> 00:20:31.160 Here, Dennis, because they have a break to take and 316 00:20:31.200 --> 00:20:34.200 that won't go away. So I Am going to take 317 00:20:34.240 --> 00:20:36.599 a break. There'll be a quick hit of news within 318 00:20:36.640 --> 00:20:40.440 the break, and doctor Dennispecker and I will be back 319 00:20:40.920 --> 00:20:46.960 probably three four minutes time. Eleven twenty nine, sixteen degrees. 320 00:20:48.440 --> 00:20:52.680 You're on Night Side with Dan Ray on WBS, Boston's 321 00:20:52.759 --> 00:20:53.400 news radio. 322 00:20:54.119 --> 00:20:58.440 Under twenty minutes of show to go, I've got doctor 323 00:20:58.720 --> 00:21:03.960 Dennispecker here from the speech improvement company. It used to 324 00:21:03.960 --> 00:21:09.079 be called a speech improvement center, and he was explaining 325 00:21:09.799 --> 00:21:12.880 how some of the traps we fall into when communicating 326 00:21:13.000 --> 00:21:20.119 speaking get their beginnings back in the womb. And where 327 00:21:20.119 --> 00:21:20.880 do we leave off? 328 00:21:20.960 --> 00:21:25.240 Dennis, Well, it's a journey, and I don't really want 329 00:21:25.240 --> 00:21:27.759 to bore you or your listeners with all of the detail, 330 00:21:27.799 --> 00:21:31.519 and I'll skip a couple of details and just tell 331 00:21:31.559 --> 00:21:34.279 you this. We left off with kid being influenced by 332 00:21:34.440 --> 00:21:37.440 teachers in school that we know. Then you camp into 333 00:21:37.519 --> 00:21:40.440 junior high school and you get out of those tweeners, 334 00:21:40.480 --> 00:21:43.480 you know, those early teenagers. And what does a teenager? 335 00:21:43.480 --> 00:21:48.200 What does a child want? They want to both fit 336 00:21:48.319 --> 00:21:53.400 in and stand out. Stand out and fit in, so 337 00:21:53.480 --> 00:21:56.039 that means they learned to talk, and they imitate all 338 00:21:56.079 --> 00:21:58.519 their friends and whatever the trend is, they want to 339 00:21:58.559 --> 00:22:00.880 do it. You get to be teenager and in this 340 00:22:01.880 --> 00:22:04.000 high school and so forth. If you go off to 341 00:22:04.079 --> 00:22:08.000 cool college, then your peers begin to have a stronger 342 00:22:08.039 --> 00:22:10.880 effect begins that you feel lonely if you're not in 343 00:22:10.920 --> 00:22:13.079 certain kind of a group and whatnot. So the speech 344 00:22:13.160 --> 00:22:16.759 part of being in a relationship is a very important 345 00:22:16.759 --> 00:22:20.039 part of how you grew into it as an adult. 346 00:22:20.079 --> 00:22:22.119 So we look at it at all ages and from 347 00:22:22.119 --> 00:22:25.039 all different perspectives, and there's always a way. I have 348 00:22:25.319 --> 00:22:29.000 never found a person in the sixty years, we've never 349 00:22:29.000 --> 00:22:31.759 found anyone that we could not help with this. We 350 00:22:31.960 --> 00:22:35.240 know it's absolutely fixable. So don't let it fear you, folks. 351 00:22:35.960 --> 00:22:39.920 Is it laziness if you have one or two or 352 00:22:39.960 --> 00:22:45.599 three verbal crutches that you fall upon as you're speaking. 353 00:22:46.680 --> 00:22:49.839 And I gave the three major examples. You know, you know, 354 00:22:49.960 --> 00:22:56.240 you know, you know, and like it was like this, 355 00:22:56.359 --> 00:23:02.319 and then it was like that. Boy, don't stop those 356 00:23:02.359 --> 00:23:05.759 before they come over your tongue and out your mouth. 357 00:23:08.079 --> 00:23:11.880 Well, yes, and though really, if we look at the 358 00:23:11.920 --> 00:23:16.079 more common reasons, one of them is bad habit. Where 359 00:23:16.160 --> 00:23:17.880 you get that. You get that from the folks that 360 00:23:17.920 --> 00:23:20.400 you hang out with. They all talk like that. Here 361 00:23:20.440 --> 00:23:22.680 you go again. You want to fit in, so you 362 00:23:22.759 --> 00:23:25.240 begin to pick up some of the jargon, some of 363 00:23:25.720 --> 00:23:27.920 the language that's being used around. Do you pick it 364 00:23:28.000 --> 00:23:30.079 up that way? And you fit in because you do it? 365 00:23:30.240 --> 00:23:33.599 That's one reason. The second reason, the reason you do 366 00:23:33.640 --> 00:23:39.039 it is because you want to be like someone specific 367 00:23:39.599 --> 00:23:42.839 and maybe it's a movie star or an athlete. You 368 00:23:43.000 --> 00:23:46.319 imitate other people maybe once or twice or three times. 369 00:23:46.319 --> 00:23:48.119 The next thing you know, you're doing it all the time. 370 00:23:48.160 --> 00:23:51.480 It becomes a habit. I can't tell you how many 371 00:23:51.480 --> 00:23:54.240 times we're coaching people and we correct them on one 372 00:23:54.279 --> 00:23:56.839 of those three things and they say, I did no, No, 373 00:23:56.880 --> 00:23:58.839 I didn't say that. You don't even know it. After 374 00:23:58.880 --> 00:24:01.240 a while, it becomes so common as a part of 375 00:24:01.279 --> 00:24:03.559 the way that you speak that you don't even notice this. 376 00:24:03.599 --> 00:24:05.359 So what do you do to fix it? The first 377 00:24:05.400 --> 00:24:08.599 thing you have to do is draw people's awareness to it. 378 00:24:08.920 --> 00:24:11.240 My son used to say right right all the time, 379 00:24:12.079 --> 00:24:13.920 so I had to fix it. He was like, I 380 00:24:14.119 --> 00:24:17.240 just junior high school, I suppose. And he said, well, 381 00:24:17.599 --> 00:24:20.440 then to track me right, and I said, him next 382 00:24:20.440 --> 00:24:22.880 to Joey right, and Joey get the head starts to right. 383 00:24:24.480 --> 00:24:26.480 He said, well, you say right. He didn't know. He 384 00:24:26.519 --> 00:24:29.480 said it, okay. So next time he came home he said, 385 00:24:29.960 --> 00:24:32.039 so I went to the game right, and all the 386 00:24:32.079 --> 00:24:34.799 other guys are going right. And so so every time 387 00:24:34.839 --> 00:24:39.359 he said right, I said wrong the same thing else 388 00:24:39.359 --> 00:24:41.839 I said wrong. So we're going to the game right, 389 00:24:41.839 --> 00:24:43.680 and I said wrong. Yeah, we got in the car 390 00:24:43.799 --> 00:24:47.000 right now, I wrong? He said, what what do you mean? What? 391 00:24:47.000 --> 00:24:49.240 What what do you say? Wrong? What you said right? 392 00:24:49.279 --> 00:24:51.359 I said wrong, I didn't say. I had to get 393 00:24:51.359 --> 00:24:55.039 his attention to it. Once you get that, that almost 394 00:24:55.119 --> 00:24:58.000 breaks what does break the habit. But then to make 395 00:24:58.039 --> 00:25:01.440 it stick, you have to keep that up, folks. So 396 00:25:01.559 --> 00:25:04.960 that's the best way to break it. Otherwise it becomes 397 00:25:05.000 --> 00:25:09.359 part of the culture, it becomes part of the maturity process. 398 00:25:09.519 --> 00:25:11.359 But it doesn't have to be there. You can help 399 00:25:11.400 --> 00:25:12.920 correct it. 400 00:25:12.960 --> 00:25:21.799 Is there something twenty twenties that is newer as a 401 00:25:21.880 --> 00:25:26.880