Speaker 1: Hi, I'm Davy Ward Ericson and I'm Alena Selks, and you.
Speaker 2: Are listening to sex is Medicine, your number one resource
Speaker 2: for holistic sex education. Elena and I are bringing you
Speaker 2: over twenty seven years of combined expertise in the field
Speaker 2: of holistic sexual wellness to help you integrate your body, mind, spirit,
Speaker 2: and sex.
Speaker 1: New episodes drop every Thursday morning, so make sure to
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Speaker 1: Now let's get started.
Speaker 2: Hello, and welcome back to Sex is Medicine. I am
Speaker 2: your host, Davie word Ericson.
Speaker 1: And I am Elena Selks, and we.
Speaker 2: Are so delighted to be back with you this week.
Speaker 2: We hope that you have been loving these episodes. We've
Speaker 2: been getting lots of comments, lots of lots of good news,
Speaker 2: lots of good words, and we are once again just
Speaker 2: so honored, so delighted, so grateful to be back. You know,
Speaker 2: it was wild. Elena and I were talking like last
Speaker 2: week as we were organizing stuff for the launch, and
Speaker 2: I was looking on my computer and I was searching
Speaker 2: Sex's Medicine in my desktop, and they came up with
Speaker 2: this whole map, this whole path of us relaunching Sex's
Speaker 2: Medicine in September of twenty twenty three. So Aleida, you
Speaker 2: and not we had already planned to do this. We had,
Speaker 2: like we had recording dates scheduled for March of twenty
Speaker 2: twenty three, like you flew to Canada and we like
Speaker 2: recorded a bunch of content and we were gonna like
Speaker 2: re record Sex's Medicine episodes and relaunch Sex's Medicine September
Speaker 2: of twenty twenty three. But then my house burned down,
Speaker 2: and here we are today, so we just had to
Speaker 2: like put press pause on it for two years.
Speaker 1: Yeah, and I can't believe that your house burning, like
Speaker 1: not only did we stop, but it obliterated it from
Speaker 1: our memory. Like neither you or I even remembered that
Speaker 1: we were going to do this back then as well.
Speaker 2: I mean I completely forgot. We launched a whole other podcast,
Speaker 2: Contra Talks, you know, and our and our social media
Speaker 2: person was like, why the fuck are we launching a
Speaker 2: whole new podcast that was for Lamaitashi though we had
Speaker 2: to do. We had to do a podcast just with Lamatashi.
Speaker 2: We had to do that. So so that's Contra Talks
Speaker 2: or TNTRA Talks are Lamatashi influenced Contra TACs. But you
Speaker 2: can still hear on Spotify, so make sure you like
Speaker 2: and subscribe. All right, So today we are going to
Speaker 2: be answering one of your questions. This is so, this
Speaker 2: is why your questions are so important. We are doing
Speaker 2: an entire episode to answer one question that one of
Speaker 2: y'all sent to us on Instagram or Instagram account. We're
Speaker 2: still at Authentic TNTRA. We hope that changes, but you
Speaker 2: can all search us. It's the tune the holistic sexology
Speaker 2: on Instagram everywhere else let us change our names. But
Speaker 2: Instagram's like no, you have to be authentic tantru forever,
Speaker 2: and we're like no, please, let us go anyway. On Instagram,
Speaker 2: someone sent us a question asking about can you practice tontra?
Speaker 2: Can to women practice TNTRA? Can you practice TNTRA is
Speaker 2: the same sex couple And we are here to say absolutely,
Speaker 2: of course, of course, of course, of course, but we
Speaker 2: want to make some very specific distinctions in regards to
Speaker 2: what we're referring to is tntra and how that relates
Speaker 2: to tontra for the same sex couples. Excuse my chihuahua,
Speaker 2: who is a monster who you can probably hear barking
Speaker 2: in the background, attacking random people in the background. That's
Speaker 2: my CHUAA okay, So but before we dive into that,
Speaker 2: Elena is is going to We're gonna she's gonna lead
Speaker 2: our hot topic portion for today. So okay, Elena, you're on.
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you, Davey. So we picked a hot topic
Speaker 1: portion that we thought would be really really tie into
Speaker 1: our topic of the day. We've came across this influencer online.
Speaker 1: He's a really prominent sex education influencer who really leans
Speaker 1: in the neo tantra realm, and he was asked this question,
Speaker 1: is it the man's fault if there is a sexless relationship?
Speaker 1: So we're gonna just play that clip for you.
Speaker 3: First couple is in sexless relationship? Whose fault is it
Speaker 3: to the man's Why? Because he has not created enough polarity,
Speaker 3: is not created enough, dominance, is not created enough surrender,
Speaker 3: He is not created enough trust. He's not put in
Speaker 3: enough effort to make sure that his woman can unferral
Speaker 3: and surrender to his masculine pull. The reality is a
Speaker 3: lot of times when you're a long term relationship, things
Speaker 3: get stale, couples get complacent, men stuff working as hard.
Speaker 3: And if a woman's withholding from you, guys, it's not
Speaker 3: her fault. It's your responsibility to actually change your energetic
Speaker 3: frequency with time, effort, and patience so that she will
Speaker 3: then open up to you. Yes, it takes effort, Yes,
Speaker 3: it requires discipline. Yes, yet she may not open up
Speaker 3: at first, and you need to recognize that that's just
Speaker 3: a reality of life.
Speaker 1: A long So I want to just pause there. It
Speaker 1: does go on for a little bit longer. He talks
Speaker 1: a little bit about with some good things about paying
Speaker 1: attention to women's sexual response and how it's a responsive desire.
Speaker 1: But I want to just pause us there because it's
Speaker 1: a long clip to get our first opinions. Davey, do
Speaker 1: you want to start us off?
Speaker 2: Yeah, okay, So, like you said, there's some there, there
Speaker 2: is some truth to what he's saying, like trust is
Speaker 2: really important and and uh, and then for we we
Speaker 2: who identify this is for cis gender women typically, that's
Speaker 2: who his audience he's talking to. Cis gender men and
Speaker 2: sis gender women and the heterosexual relationship dynamic, that's what
Speaker 2: we're talking about. So in that type of relationship dynamic,
Speaker 2: UH traditionally, yes, it's important for UH me as a
Speaker 2: woman to feel supported and to have my needs for
Speaker 2: trust and you know, and honoring and all that met.
Speaker 2: The issue for me is that that, like this conversation about,
Speaker 2: you have to be more rooted in your masculine for
Speaker 2: her to want to be to magnetize, to be magnetized. Look,
Speaker 2: I will be magnetized to you when you do the
Speaker 2: dishes without me having to fucking ask you to do
Speaker 2: the dishes. I will be If you want me to
Speaker 2: like feel more supported and to what open and blossom
Speaker 2: to you, then then stop leaving piles of your shit
Speaker 2: all over the house and making me be your mother
Speaker 2: to ask you to pick them up. So, like, one
Speaker 2: of the biggest things that makes my yoni dry up
Speaker 2: like a fucking raisin. I'm gonna cuss for this, like seriously,
Speaker 2: is when I have to be your mommy. When I
Speaker 2: have to be your mommy. And I don't know if
Speaker 2: this is specific to like gen X men specifically, And
Speaker 2: I'm gonna also say gen x white men, because you
Speaker 2: know I'm by racial, so you are always gonna get
Speaker 2: racial dynamics in this conversation because I have to fucking
Speaker 2: live them. So if I have to live them, then
Speaker 2: you get to hear about them. Right. So I will
Speaker 2: say that growing up when my my black boyfriends, like
Speaker 2: black mamas will keep their house in shape, and my
Speaker 2: black boyfriends did not need to be told that they
Speaker 2: needed to do the dishes, vacuum the carpet, da da
Speaker 2: da dah. Like I would come over to their houses
Speaker 2: and it would be absolutely spotless, impeccable, and my boyfriends
Speaker 2: would be like, well, I'll call you back after I've
Speaker 2: vacuumed and done the dishes and whatever. So I have
Speaker 2: never had an issue when I have been with black men.
Speaker 2: I have never had an issue with them leaving piles
Speaker 2: of their shit around the house. It has never been
Speaker 2: an issue. So I'm not saying the black man can't
Speaker 2: be message to I'm just telling you my dating experience, right.
Speaker 2: But with white gen x men, I am forever following
Speaker 2: you around asking you to like being your mommy. Okay,
Speaker 2: So the number one thing, it's not about you being
Speaker 2: more masculine or maybe it is. It's about you being
Speaker 2: a fifty year old man and not a fourteen year
Speaker 2: old boy. So let's start there. So, if your version
Speaker 2: of masculinity does not include vacuuming, doing the fucking laundry
Speaker 2: without me asking you to do the laundry, folding the
Speaker 2: laundry after I've done it, like cleaning the toilet bowl,
Speaker 2: like basic shit without me having to ask you to
Speaker 2: do it, book the house cleaner if you don't want
Speaker 2: to do it, Book the house cleaner. That like basic
Speaker 2: daily domestic stuff really really really meets needs for support.
Speaker 2: And this isn't just me. This is like there's articles
Speaker 2: there's about this, about like what is it called weaponized incompetence.
Speaker 2: There's articles about Sabrina Carpenter just released a whole ass
Speaker 2: album about Manchild, and like, can you just clean up
Speaker 2: your fucking shit so your your boomer mamas did not
Speaker 2: do justice. They have fucked us all up, just say
Speaker 2: it's a boomer mom thing. I watched this up close
Speaker 2: and personal because I'm married to a white man with
Speaker 2: a boomer mom, so I get to see how this
Speaker 2: ship plays out, you know, and it's definitely your conditioning.
Speaker 2: So so if you really want her vagina to be
Speaker 2: an overflowing like like nectar waterfall kind of thing. Clean
Speaker 2: up your ship. That's that's what you That is how
Speaker 2: you need to get your pole erect. That that is
Speaker 2: the poll that you need to like anger into is
Speaker 2: clean up your shit. When about me having to ask,
Speaker 2: all right, that's my rant? Sorry y'all. Sorry, I'll just
Speaker 2: bleep it out if you have to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, those are really good insights, Davie, especially because a right,
Speaker 1: I hear you saying that it doesn't meet your needs
Speaker 1: for respect, right and help support those things right, so
Speaker 1: that fosters an environment where you might have feelings of
Speaker 1: anger or resentment towards your partner, and those are not
Speaker 1: good for connection and intimacy. But in addition to that,
Speaker 1: there's also this labor component, both both your actual labor
Speaker 1: and your invisible labor, which is going to increase stress
Speaker 1: for the person who's doing all of that. And we
Speaker 1: know physiologically that stress is a lebido killer and a
Speaker 1: pleasure killer for most people. So that's another huge component
Speaker 1: of it. It's not just about you know, how you're
Speaker 1: feeling in your brain about the other person, It's also
Speaker 1: about whether your body is able to relax into a response,
Speaker 1: which she does talk a little bit about that with
Speaker 1: responsive behavior, but he doesn't talk about the stress. Right now,
Speaker 1: we're talking about the stress component of that.
Speaker 2: Well, So what the thing is is he's focusing on like,
Speaker 2: you have to be more rooted in your masculine and
Speaker 2: what these like these these archaic I'm gonna say, archaic
Speaker 2: concepts of what masculine is. So like, yeah, like boomer
Speaker 2: moms made sure they're boys, their gen X boys were
Speaker 2: rooted in masculinity, which causes them to not lift a
Speaker 2: fucking finger, you know, to help to help their female
Speaker 2: partners around the house. Now, I am gonna say, doctor,
Speaker 2: doctor Erickson and I have worked through this in counseling
Speaker 2: for many years, so we are no longer in this place.
Speaker 2: So the heat that you are feeling for me is
Speaker 2: not present time. Shit, we have worked through this in counseling.
Speaker 2: But I'm just saying his mama could have saved us
Speaker 2: a lot of money in counseling. I'm just sad. But
Speaker 2: this concept of like rooting into your masculine poll when
Speaker 2: when you hear that, guys and ladies, when you hear like, oh,
Speaker 2: I want him to be rooted in his masculine pole.
Speaker 2: Are you thinking about him vacuuming the house? No, no, oh,
Speaker 2: because that's woman's work. So what I'm saying to you
Speaker 2: is your concepts when we're talking about these kind of
Speaker 2: like gross concepts of polarity, you know, these concepts of
Speaker 2: polarity which are based on these like traditional gender roles.
Speaker 2: When we're thinking about that, like the actual the actual
Speaker 2: thing that you needed to be you need to be
Speaker 2: rooted in is equity. Is equity, is shared shared relationship,
Speaker 2: dynamic shared mutuality. Because I'll tell you, like it turns
Speaker 2: me on when my husband when he does the dishes
Speaker 2: and cleans up the kitchen and remembers to put the
Speaker 2: dog food away, I'm like, and I when he makes
Speaker 2: me coffee in the morning, Oh my god, that gets
Speaker 2: me so wet. Like these acts of service, these acts
Speaker 2: of service really meet my needs for support. And when
Speaker 2: I feel supported as a badass, powerful tongue, which the
Speaker 2: chini in the world. When I feel supported, that that
Speaker 2: is what gives me the space to melt. That's what
Speaker 2: gives me the space to surrender. Is when when I
Speaker 2: got you, well I know you got me because of
Speaker 2: what you did I don't care what you say. I
Speaker 2: care what you do, and I want to see what
Speaker 2: you do to support me. I don't want to have
Speaker 2: to guess. I want to walk out and be like,
Speaker 2: oh damn, he arranged all the pillows. What a beautiful
Speaker 2: Tontra temple. I didn't have to do it myself. Anything,
Speaker 2: I don't have to do myself. I'm gonna feel supported
Speaker 2: when you do it, so I don't have to do it.
Speaker 2: When I don't have to think about it, woo, that
Speaker 2: meets my needs for support. And when my needs for
Speaker 2: support are met, all of the stress starts to decompress.
Speaker 2: And when the stress decompresses, my libido arises. And I mean,
Speaker 2: we're off to the race as my friends. So there
Speaker 2: we go, beautiful.
Speaker 1: I have a couple more thoughts about it, Okay, okay,
Speaker 1: So I think the thing that I initially found most
Speaker 1: disturbing about this video was that he's really distilling relationships
Speaker 1: down shysteriatypes, right, And that's something that I find disturbing
Speaker 1: about the polarity conversation. Just like you said a minute ago,
Speaker 1: it distills the person down to specific set gender norms
Speaker 1: that are created, you know, within the context of our
Speaker 1: dysfunctional system, right, our white patriarchal, classist system, like our roles,
Speaker 1: our gender roles fit within that. So, I mean, it's
Speaker 1: entirely possible that there are people who have done lots
Speaker 1: of self examining and they really want to fit into
Speaker 1: these traditional, you know, masculine, feminine stereotypes for their relationship. Cool,
Speaker 1: have at it, Great for you, but I don't think
Speaker 1: that's the majority of people, right. There's a lot of
Speaker 1: people who have all kinds of different dynamics within their relationship.
Speaker 1: And one of the first thing that came to my
Speaker 1: mind for me was he said, oh gosh, she said
Speaker 1: a number of things, but one of the words that's
Speaker 1: jumped out at me was this concept of dominance. Which, yeah,
Speaker 1: a lot of cis women do want to be dominated.
Speaker 1: That's a common fantasy, a common kink for many women.
Speaker 1: But there's a lot a lot of women who want
Speaker 1: to dominate, and there's a lot of men who want
Speaker 1: a dominant woman as well as as their preferred way
Speaker 1: of engaging with power in their relationships. So it's not
Speaker 1: that simple as just like you're not being masculine enough
Speaker 1: in order to let her open. Right, in most cases, Additionally.
Speaker 2: What masculinity is, I'm interrupting you masculine and the concept
Speaker 2: of what masculinity is, that's the thing. Are you being
Speaker 2: masculin depends on what your version of masculinity is. Like
Speaker 2: my version of masculinity could be playing the piano and
Speaker 2: you know, fucking writing poetry, like maybe that's what I
Speaker 2: think a real man is quote unquote. So it's it
Speaker 2: all goes into like a very specific demographs graphics idea
Speaker 2: of what is masculine, maga, masculine, shall we.
Speaker 1: Say, yeah, yeah, exactly, And those many of those stereotypes
Speaker 1: for many people are are violent, right, They don't support
Speaker 1: their true connection, their ability to really be fully present,
Speaker 1: especially for men to be fully present in their emotions
Speaker 1: and be fully present in their emotions with their with
Speaker 1: their partner as well, which is another factor in being
Speaker 1: able to connect in order to have a great sex life.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: So yeah, and then like on the feminine side, there's
Speaker 1: this societal standard for us in that stereotype that women
Speaker 1: can't know about their sexuality.
Speaker 3: Right.
Speaker 1: You talk about this in your book Shake Your Soul Song,
Speaker 1: This Walt Disney syndrome where you know, good girls don't
Speaker 1: know about their sex and don't know how to how
Speaker 1: to please themselves or enjoy sex in the bedroom. It's
Speaker 1: all up to the man, whereas women who do they're
Speaker 1: just sluts and whoors and you know, so we can't
Speaker 1: we can't fuck with them. So it plays into that,
Speaker 1: which is violent for both parties. Right, Do you have
Speaker 1: anything else to say about that?
Speaker 2: Nope, nope, nope, right off.
Speaker 1: Tell the other thing that really jumped out at me
Speaker 1: is Jesus Christ. Both people in a room relationship are
Speaker 1: responsible for the relationship. It's toxic to assign one person
Speaker 1: or another person, you know, specific aspects of a relationship. Again,
Speaker 1: there can be agreemance within a relationship, right, so like
Speaker 1: one person might agree to be more responsible in this
Speaker 1: way or that way, but it's not appropriate to just
Speaker 1: assign people their responsibilities based off of their sex or
Speaker 1: gender as well, and even if you do, it's still
Speaker 1: both people's responsibility to care and tender for their relationship.
Speaker 1: And your sexuality in a sexual relationship is a primary
Speaker 1: factor in the reason you're in a relationship with that person,
Speaker 1: so both of you need to be engaged in that
Speaker 1: and having conversations with that. And it also links into
Speaker 1: how few people in this country have learned how to
Speaker 1: communicate about their sexuality and communicate with their partner about
Speaker 1: their sexuality and about what's going on for them and
Speaker 1: to troubleshoot.
Speaker 2: Yeah, yeah, and I and I would say I would
Speaker 2: add to that everything you said one point on, on
Speaker 2: point point on and on point, And I would also
Speaker 2: say what rises for me is like like, rather than
Speaker 2: looking at the polarity of your relationship, look at the
Speaker 2: health of your relationship. Is your relationship healthy and functional?
Speaker 2: Cause you know, I was telling Elena before we before
Speaker 2: we started recording, the people that I've come encountered in
Speaker 2: the field over seventeen years who are the most focused
Speaker 2: on these polarity dynamics are also the most propensity for
Speaker 2: gas lighting and predatory behavior. I'm just gonna say, and
Speaker 2: the and the schools for TNTRA schools that I've encountered,
Speaker 2: or TANTRA teachers that I've encountered that are really into this,
Speaker 2: you know polarity thing. A polarity has nothing to do
Speaker 2: with actual Tentra lineage based entre. I mean, go google
Speaker 2: polarity and like, real Tentra doesn't fucking exist. It's a
Speaker 2: totally a neotontra concept. And as we've said, neo TNTRA
Speaker 2: is a result of colin isa and violence, and so
Speaker 2: it carries that, it carries the violence of colonization within it.
Speaker 2: And so again when it comes to polarity, there's no
Speaker 2: there's no real authentic tunture teachings on fucking polarity, and
Speaker 2: the neo TNTRA teachers on polarity. Honestly, what I've seen
Speaker 2: is there's a propensity as I've said, for gas lighting,
Speaker 2: psychological abuse, and predatory behavior, or there's complaints against the
Speaker 2: teachers or the schools for predatory behavior. So I mean,
Speaker 2: you know, actual TNTRA focuses on union and balance. That's
Speaker 2: what it focuses on. It focuses on union, uniting duality,
Speaker 2: transforming the concept of duality by recognizing the inherent union
Speaker 2: of all expressions of life. And it focuses on balance.
Speaker 2: We all, as human beings have masculine and feminine In fact,
Speaker 2: we've got masculine channels and feminine channels in the body,
Speaker 2: and the important thing is for them to be balance.
Speaker 2: That's the point of your tenttr yoga practice. When you're
Speaker 2: doing energy body yoga, you are balancing your energy bodies.
Speaker 2: So sometimes your masculine channels need more energy, or sometimes
Speaker 2: your feminine channels need more energy, or maybe your whole
Speaker 2: freaking energy body needs more energy. Right, it's not about
Speaker 2: this dualistic dynamic. That's another way another thing about neo.
Speaker 2: Why you know it's not real contra because real tunture
Speaker 2: is about dismantling duality, not reinforcing it. And this whole
Speaker 2: conversation about polarity is reinforcing concepts of duality, I mean.
Speaker 2: And then this brings us, this brings us to this
Speaker 2: brings us to the topic that we're gonna talk about today,
Speaker 2: which is can you practice contra as the same sex couple? So,
Speaker 2: of course, so I'm gonna circle back to that in
Speaker 2: a moment of the of course why. But what I
Speaker 2: want to point to, what I want to point to
Speaker 2: right now is like, historically, contric Buddhism was about transforming
Speaker 2: rigid concepts of rigid structures, rigid structures of hierarchy and
Speaker 2: rigid structures, rigid structures of patriarchy and male versus female
Speaker 2: and duality and even heterosexuality. There's historical record and contrac
Speaker 2: Buddhism of non binary and trans people, and they were
Speaker 2: referred to as pondicas or pondiicas wherever you put that emphasis.
Speaker 2: And so so these were these were considered to be shamans.
Speaker 2: These were considered to be like potent, powerful, kind of
Speaker 2: magical beings that that had both that weren't necessarily masculine
Speaker 2: or feminine, but were a beautiful fusion of both. And
Speaker 2: so they were viewed as like precious and rare and
Speaker 2: like again like unicorns, so to speak, because they walked
Speaker 2: in all worlds. Right. So, so that that is a
Speaker 2: that is a historical reference in contried Buddhism to the
Speaker 2: celebration and the upliftment of intersex, non binary, trans and
Speaker 2: even homosexual individual It was people who did not fit
Speaker 2: into the rigid binary roles were considered fucking magic.
Speaker 1: That's beautiful. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Speaker 2: So when it comes to to to TNTRA for same
Speaker 2: sex people, you know, something that that causes a lot
Speaker 2: of confusion that that Elena is going to talk about
Speaker 2: in just a moment is this concept of polarity of
Speaker 2: these rigid, you know, masculine feminines. So it that leaves
Speaker 2: a lot of people out of the conversation who don't
Speaker 2: fit in, you know, and that fucking kills me, because,
Speaker 2: you know what, you're not supposed to fit in. Real Tontra.
Speaker 2: Those of us that don't fit in, we're We're We're
Speaker 2: the magic sauce. We're Tontra was not fucking mainstream. Tontic
Speaker 2: Buddhism was not mainstream. It was underground. It was subversive,
Speaker 2: it was transit transgressive, it was fucking revolutionary. We were
Speaker 2: not we were not. The Tontic Buddhists were not the
Speaker 2: people at the top of the you know, top of
Speaker 2: the food chain. They weren't the fucking Brahmins. They were
Speaker 2: the underground. They were the outcasts. They were the untouchables,
Speaker 2: many of them. So that is the roots of contraed Buddhism.
Speaker 2: So so when it comes to you as a as
Speaker 2: a non non normative, heteronormative and nonsense gender person looking
Speaker 2: at at TNTRA and neotontrin feeling unincluded, you're right, you're
Speaker 2: you're right. But real TNTRA does include you. Real TNTRA
Speaker 2: actually fucking celebrates you.
Speaker 1: Okay, okay, thank you, Damian. That's beautiful. Yeah, and you
Speaker 1: talked a lot about about what I was going to
Speaker 1: talk about which is this concept of polarity and neotantra
Speaker 1: that that's so prevalent in that community, and that that
Speaker 1: can cause real pain and suffering for a large portion
Speaker 1: of the population both you know, as you said, uh,
Speaker 1: same sex couples, people of who are our gender diverse,
Speaker 1: and again it also is violent to people who are
Speaker 1: cysts as well because it puts those in those specific
Speaker 1: gender roles, right, And as you were talking about, like,
Speaker 1: it doesn't really have anything to do with real tntra,
Speaker 1: So you're probably going to go more into this. But
Speaker 1: in our lineage of practice, we define mantra as weaving
Speaker 1: light with sound and form. Right, That is the mantra
Speaker 1: that we do. It is energy work, right, and everything
Speaker 1: else that we teach is to go along with that
Speaker 1: energy work. It's not the tntra. The tntra is the
Speaker 1: energy work itself. So we we've light and sound with form,
Speaker 1: the light being our visualization, the sound being launchic syllable,
Speaker 1: the form being our bodies.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: And I think in this instance the person may be
Speaker 1: talking more about the sexual practices because they are specifically
Speaker 1: often linked to the concept of tantra, especially in neo tntra.
Speaker 1: But that and up self is not tantra. So you
Speaker 1: can anyone. Tantra's for anyone, right, you can one hundred
Speaker 1: percent learn this energy body yoga, learn it, synthesize it,
Speaker 1: and receive profound healing from it. And also the sexual
Speaker 1: teachings that we offer are also for everyone. So there
Speaker 1: there really isn't a you know, a hierarchy or a
Speaker 1: differentiation between you know, practicing it as an individual, practicing
Speaker 1: it in a sist heat couple, or practicing it in
Speaker 1: a homosexual couple or any other congomeration of of of
Speaker 1: queer coupledom.
Speaker 2: And so, because Elena and I actually are practice under
Speaker 2: the umbrella of lineage and have a root lama and
Speaker 2: do actually practice authentic lineage based Tibetan Buddhist tntra, we
Speaker 2: approach tntra. She was saying from a perspective of there
Speaker 2: being sexual tontra and on sexual contra, right, there's both.
Speaker 2: And basically, when it comes to sexual tntra, you when
Speaker 2: you're practicing real tenttra and not just you know, sexual
Speaker 2: healing methods. Essentially, when you're practicing real contra, real sexual tentra,
Speaker 2: authentic sexual tentra, what you are doing is applying your
Speaker 2: non sexual practice, your non sexual energy body yoga practice,
Speaker 2: to your sexual activity. The beautiful thing about cultivating non
Speaker 2: sexual contra practice is you very quickly begin to realize
Speaker 2: that you can make any activity tontric by your attention,
Speaker 2: your intention, your focus, and your awareness. No matter what
Speaker 2: you're doing, it can become a tontric practice because real,
Speaker 2: authentic TNTRA is an internal practice. It's something we're doing
Speaker 2: internally with our awareness, with our attention, with our focus,
Speaker 2: with our mantra, with our chanting, with our breath. You
Speaker 2: can practic this tntra walking. You can practice tntra doing
Speaker 2: the dishes. You can practice contra making sweet love with
Speaker 2: your partner. You can practice tnture when you're pooping. In fact,
Speaker 2: we have a video on I think on our YouTube
Speaker 2: channel and maybe our Instagram channel. I think it got
Speaker 2: taken down Instagram. We can post it again, but it's
Speaker 2: definitely on YouTube because I was watching it the other day.
Speaker 2: You can practice tntrare while pooping. You can chant mantra
Speaker 2: and do energy body yoga while you're sitting on the
Speaker 2: toilet pooping. And in fact that it was an instruction
Speaker 2: from my lama, so there's not one moment when you
Speaker 2: are practicing authentic tntra. Not one moment is wasted, Not
Speaker 2: one moment of your human experience is wasted. You can
Speaker 2: practice tonture with every breath if you want to, and
Speaker 2: at a certain point, you get to a point where
Speaker 2: everything you do is your tenttra practice. Whether you're intentionally
Speaker 2: doing it or whether you're living it as an embodied experience,
Speaker 2: everything that you do becomes tntra. There's no separation between
Speaker 2: your tntra and your life. So that's that's that's the
Speaker 2: that's the goal of practice, so that you can actually
Speaker 2: leave practice away. The analogy give like leave your practice behind.
Speaker 2: The analogy is like if you're crossing a river. You
Speaker 2: need a raft to cross the river. It's a tool,
Speaker 2: but once you get to the once you get to
Speaker 2: the other side of the river, you're not going to
Speaker 2: carry your raft with you, right, Well, that's the dharma.
Speaker 2: That's that's tantra practice. Is that you use it to
Speaker 2: get to a certain point and then when you are
Speaker 2: actually firmly anchored in that level of realization, you don't
Speaker 2: need to continue carrying it with you, or maybe you
Speaker 2: just actually carry one stick you change the shape of
Speaker 2: the raft and turned it into a walking stick to
Speaker 2: help your journey now, to help this leg of your journey. Right,
Speaker 2: So it changes your relationship to the actual practice changes
Speaker 2: as your realization as a result of your practice evolves
Speaker 2: and changes and grows. So so yeah, so we're talking
Speaker 2: about tntra for same sex people. That's a lot. So
Speaker 2: here we go. So, so the non sexual I think
Speaker 2: we've we sufficiently answered, Yes, the non sexual yoga practice.
Speaker 2: As long as you are human and you have attention
Speaker 2: and the desire and the intention, you can practice non
Speaker 2: sexual contra. Can you, as the same sex couple, apply
Speaker 2: your non sexual tentra yoga practice to your sexuality? Absolutely?
Speaker 2: Of course, Why would it be any different for you
Speaker 2: than anybody else? Of course you can. You're a human being.
Speaker 2: Your genitals are irrelevant when it comes to tantra. I
Speaker 2: mean they're relevant because you want to know how to
Speaker 2: how to make them work. You know how to make them,
Speaker 2: how to make them cream. I want to say, you know,
Speaker 2: I don't know what I was thinking of Princess Saga, right,
Speaker 2: how to make them generate the nectar that they are
Speaker 2: that they're designed to generate, So they're important that way,
Speaker 2: but they're irrelevant in terms of like they're just different parts,
Speaker 2: you know, like of course, of course, of course, of course,
Speaker 2: of course you can you can apply your non sexual
Speaker 2: practice to your sexual practice. And are there specific methods
Speaker 2: sexual methods for same sex people? Yes, actually there are,
Speaker 2: I could take them with it. Didn't think for a moment. Yes,
Speaker 2: actually there are differences if you are in the same
Speaker 2: sex couple as with lotus, which is we're gonna say
Speaker 2: vagina or volvan vagina we're gonna reference as lotus. And
Speaker 2: then if you're in the same sex couple with a vazra,
Speaker 2: a divine thunderbolt of wisdom or otherwise no as a penist,
Speaker 2: but I prefer divine thunderbolt of wisdom, and I would
Speaker 2: guess y'all do too, whether your divine thunderbolt of wisdom. Yes,
Speaker 2: you are going to run the energy body yogas slightly
Speaker 2: differently when you are in when you are partnered with
Speaker 2: with with this with the same sex and when we
Speaker 2: do our Tuntra Couples are Tantra Coaching for Couples Tuntra
Speaker 2: Healing for Couples program in twenty twenty six that will
Speaker 2: be open for heterosexual and same sex couples, and so
Speaker 2: we'll give those instructions during class, like the differences in
Speaker 2: the energy body yoga depending on if you're playing with
Speaker 2: the same same puzzle pieces or opposite puzzle pieces. Yeah, okay,
Speaker 2: I went on forever. Did you want to add anything
Speaker 2: to that, Elena.
Speaker 1: Hmmm, not at the moment.
Speaker 2: So s to BN s to moyben toto bien toto
Speaker 2: bin okay. So, so why don't I go into tons?
Speaker 2: So because I have experience and not only am I biracial,
Speaker 2: I am bisexual, I have all the byes. I have
Speaker 2: foots in many worlds, many different worlds, and so I
Speaker 2: have I have had tonture with with other Lotus owners
Speaker 2: and I fucking love it. That's one of my favorite
Speaker 2: things is tontra with with with another Lotus owner. And
Speaker 2: so I'll share a little bit about my experience in
Speaker 2: terms of how the adjustments that that that occur naturally
Speaker 2: is a result and how the energy flows. So when
Speaker 2: it comes to when it came for me to practice
Speaker 2: ton with women with other women a sexual contra, we're saying,
Speaker 2: so we do the same, you know, some of the
Speaker 2: same practices. Is like you know, looking into each other's
Speaker 2: eyes and harmonizing the breath. So when two or more
Speaker 2: people breathe together at the same rate, at the same pace,
Speaker 2: their heart beats synchronized, brain wave synchronized. I'm a big
Speaker 2: fan of having my heart, heart beat synchronized and my
Speaker 2: brain waves synchronized before I try to synchronize my genitals.
Speaker 2: I'm just saying, I'm very much a top down person
Speaker 2: when it comes to that, or a heart down person
Speaker 2: when it comes to that. And then when it comes
Speaker 2: to the yoga breathing practices, yeah, energy flows, and you know,
Speaker 2: absolutely for anyone, anyone who's bisexual, those of us who
Speaker 2: are bisexual, and I happen to believe that if we
Speaker 2: removed or if our cultural conditioning looked a different way
Speaker 2: than it does today, I am a believer that I
Speaker 2: would say I truly believe that at least eighty percent
Speaker 2: of the population is bisexual. I really feel like bisexuality
Speaker 2: is normal. I do. It's like it seems it's like,
Speaker 2: I mean, if you think of when your children and children,
Speaker 2: don't you know, they're they like they play with each
Speaker 2: other's genitals, they'd look at their own genitals like I mean,
Speaker 2: anyway that's my personal opinion. I know, and I've seen
Speaker 2: it elsewhere, but I just can't remember where.
Speaker 1: Uh yeah, I think many sex educators believe that people
Speaker 1: fall on a spectrum, right. I think Kinsey was the
Speaker 1: first person to talk about that spectrum when he invented
Speaker 1: the Kinsey scale, at least in the United States.
Speaker 2: So yeah, yeah, and I love that, and I love
Speaker 2: that idea of a scale. I'm not a big fan
Speaker 2: of Kinsey myself, bless his heart, but bless their heart, whatever,
Speaker 2: but I do love the idea of a scale because
Speaker 2: you know, and I would also say in terms of
Speaker 2: the scale, like that's not static, because there's certain times
Speaker 2: in our life that we may be more inclined one
Speaker 2: way or the other. Like I've the lifetimes that I've
Speaker 2: lived just in the last two years, much less, you know,
Speaker 2: the last fifty years, Like I'm not the same person
Speaker 2: fifty years later that I was though before. So so
Speaker 2: I will say that my my sexual orientation, or I
Speaker 2: would say my sexual movement in the world, not necessarily orientation,
Speaker 2: but how I choose to move in the world sexually
Speaker 2: has evolved tremendously, and I've been more inclined towards you know,
Speaker 2: homosexuality and other client and more inclined towards heterosexuality at
Speaker 2: different points in my life, but definitely fluid in that term.
Speaker 2: So speaking from my experience practicing contru with with many women,
Speaker 2: I mean it just for those of us, says I
Speaker 2: was going to say, who are bisexual. There is a
Speaker 2: difference in the way the energy flows when you're when
Speaker 2: you when you're playing with somebody who has the same
Speaker 2: genital anatomy, like, there is a different quality and which
Speaker 2: is part of why we do that. It's a different,
Speaker 2: you know, flavor of food, so to speak. It's a
Speaker 2: different different, different taste, different flavor, just like with every
Speaker 2: person we engage with sexual sexually. Every there is a
Speaker 2: difference based on the sexual anatomy. Absolutely a different quality
Speaker 2: and a different energetic exchange. And what I found really
Speaker 2: notable is over time, so when I was predominantly in
Speaker 2: relationship having sexual intimacy with women predominantly so like not
Speaker 2: eighteen to ninety percent of my sex was happening with
Speaker 2: another Yoni owner, another Lotus owner, another woman, the channels
Speaker 2: in my energy body actually adapted to accommodate that. So
Speaker 2: when I'm having and this don't. I haven't had an
Speaker 2: opportunity to gauge this on other people's bodies. So maybe
Speaker 2: we can do a study of, you know, tracking energy
Speaker 2: channels and seeing how they line up and seeing how
Speaker 2: they shift and change when we're making love with different people.
Speaker 2: But when I was having sex predominantly with vajras with men,
Speaker 2: my channels in my like my down'd avoiding wind channels,
Speaker 2: and my channels and my lower end we pointed predominantly
Speaker 2: downward to meet the penetration. Right, So the channels like
Speaker 2: coming down my cervix and just like in my whole
Speaker 2: lower area. And we're not talking I'm not talking about
Speaker 2: in the nerve pathways. I'm talking about channels, my energy channels.
Speaker 2: So the energy channels can move and change and adapt
Speaker 2: to meet the needs to help us digest and metabolize
Speaker 2: the energy that we're receiving from our environment more effectively.
Speaker 2: And so when I was having sex with heterosexual men
Speaker 2: a lot, or you know, my number one food source,
Speaker 2: shall we say, my energy channels were pointing downwards to
Speaker 2: accommodate the penetration. When I was predominantly having sex as
Speaker 2: with women as my predominant food source for sex, my
Speaker 2: channels actually shifted so that they were pointing out like
Speaker 2: towards the anterior of my body, so no longer downward,
Speaker 2: but more anterior in order to receive more of a
Speaker 2: full whole body exchange as opposed to just the exchange
Speaker 2: from the lingam. So that was very interesting because it
Speaker 2: definitely changed the quality of my orgasm and it definitely
Speaker 2: changed the quality of my of my sexual experience because
Speaker 2: it was moving through like different channels of the energy body.
Speaker 2: And then you know, when I when I was no
Speaker 2: longer having having sex as often with women, the channels
Speaker 2: and I'm predominantly monogamous in a heterosexual dynamic, my channels
Speaker 2: are all, you know, pointing downward to receive, to receive
Speaker 2: my partner again, my male partner again. So that was
Speaker 2: my experience of kind of shifting with the energy channels
Speaker 2: and how they can how they will adapt to or
Speaker 2: can adapt to to to receive the love essentially the medicine,
Speaker 2: the food, sex, sex and food sex and nourishment. Right
Speaker 2: to receive the nourishment that we're receiving from our partners,
Speaker 2: regardless of how that energy is being put into our bodies,
Speaker 2: whether be through you know, physical penetration or you know,
Speaker 2: surface activity or just a different kind of penetration, because
Speaker 2: I was still being penetrated, but I just wasn't being
Speaker 2: penetrated by a penis when I was with women, I
Speaker 2: will say I was still being penetrated, just not with
Speaker 2: a penis. I was being penetrated with you know, other
Speaker 2: things anyway, So that's along, That's a lot. So okay,
Speaker 2: what do you think about that, Lena?
Speaker 1: I think that's beautiful. And in addition to that, I'll
Speaker 1: say that, you know, so the sexual practices that we
Speaker 1: teach that are often linked to tantra but aren't necessarily tantra,
Speaker 1: those are also applicable in the same sex, you know,
Speaker 1: female female couples. So things like contra union, breathing, sexual
Speaker 1: communication practices, yoni massage, partner orgasmic awareness practice. These are
Speaker 1: all things we teach that are beautiful, connective, pleasure expanding,
Speaker 1: juicy couple practices, and your genital makeup has nothing to
Speaker 1: do with whether you can practice them or not.
Speaker 2: And what we love to do is give you information,
Speaker 2: educate you about your genital makeup, like for for whether
Speaker 2: you have a lotus or lingam or combination like the
Speaker 2: more we know about how our genitals function, the better
Speaker 2: they can function. Just like the more you know about
Speaker 2: what's under the hood of the car, you're gonna be
Speaker 2: able to make that car work a lot better. Same, same, same,
Speaker 2: So your genitals are important in terms of understanding how
Speaker 2: they function for optimal performance. Shall we say it. I
Speaker 2: don't mean, you know, performance in a bad way, but
Speaker 2: just to you know, optimally bring you bliss because you're
Speaker 2: designed for bliss. Your body, your your body is designed
Speaker 2: for pleasure. And that's just a fact. Like pleasure is
Speaker 2: our is our is our compass, it's our guidance system.
Speaker 2: If it feels good, we want to move towards it.
Speaker 2: If it hurts, we want to avoid it. That's like
Speaker 2: that's what fucking kept us alive for millennia, right, A
Speaker 2: very simplified version of that. But your your genitals are
Speaker 2: built for pleasure, So understanding how they function to bring
Speaker 2: you and your partner the most, the most pleasure is
Speaker 2: really important. Education And just want to reiterate again that
Speaker 2: we are going to be So if you're thinking, well,
Speaker 2: how can I learn all this awesomeness, well, guess what.
Speaker 2: In February of twenty twenty six, we're going to open
Speaker 2: registration for a Tontra for couples. I think we're calling
Speaker 2: it Cultivating Sacred Intimacy Tentre Healing for Couples program that
Speaker 2: myself and doctor Ericson and Elena and maybe her partner
Speaker 2: going to be teaching you. So registration for that is
Speaker 2: going to open in February. February of twenty twenty six,
Speaker 2: So make sure you are at Holistic Sexology Institute dot
Speaker 2: com and signing up for notifications. If you just signed
Speaker 2: up for your Sex's Medicine podcast day weekly doses in
Speaker 2: your inbox every day, you will get notifications of any
Speaker 2: of our programs. But we are going to be teaching
Speaker 2: a Tentra Healing for Couples program in twenty twenty six.
Speaker 2: Registration opens February. Fingers crossed. You know, we were going
Speaker 2: to do that before before the how week week before
Speaker 2: the house burned out. No week after we'd registration, we're
Speaker 2: uping registration for the Tatrina thing for couple. So we
Speaker 2: had to do it from Costa Rica, y'all. We had
Speaker 2: to do it from Costa Rica.
Speaker 1: Okay, are we ready to talk about men?
Speaker 2: Yes? Let's talk about so. Yes, let's talk about So
Speaker 2: we're going to talk about you men, you sist gender
Speaker 2: men and your beautiful beautiful lingams and and you and
Speaker 2: same sex practicing tantra as the same sex couple, because
Speaker 2: y'all get left out of this conversation. You do, and
Speaker 2: we want we want you to know that that we
Speaker 2: see you and we celebrate you, and you are a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful,
Speaker 2: beautiful expression of life. So go on, Elena, give it
Speaker 2: to them.
Speaker 1: Yes, thank you so much, Davey. So, I have trained
Speaker 1: a number of queer, queer men and queer people who
Speaker 1: have lingams and penises in my time as a Tantra
Speaker 1: teacher and educator, And yeah, Tantra is absolutely applicable to
Speaker 1: people who have penises in the same sex relationship as well.
Speaker 1: So just starting again with talking about the energy body
Speaker 1: yoga of TNTRA. You know, I think what I really
Speaker 1: like to presence is that the contrac practices are heart
Speaker 1: centered practices. So when we're doing this energy body yoga,
Speaker 1: we're always beginning and ending in the heart right, which
Speaker 1: really deepens our connection to ourselves. And when practice in
Speaker 1: partnership deepens our connection to our partner, as well, which
Speaker 1: is just you can't go wrong with that, right, Like,
Speaker 1: this is the gold standard for relationships when your hearts
Speaker 1: are are purely beautifully connected to one another. And yeah,
Speaker 1: when we do that, our relationships get better, We communicate
Speaker 1: more clearly, we give each other more grace, We heal
Speaker 1: our wounds. And especially for men, men who have been
Speaker 1: socialized in men are people with penises who've been socialized
Speaker 1: in this country. One of the first things that happens
Speaker 1: to them as they are separated from their connection. They
Speaker 1: are separated. They're severed violently from their emotions, and they're
Speaker 1: not loud to feel their emotions. And this gets in
Speaker 1: the way of connecting deeply with others and in their
Speaker 1: partnerships as well. So when we you know, refocus both
Speaker 1: with these energy body practices and these these sexual or
Speaker 1: connection based practices we're giving ourselves, they're they're they're getting
Speaker 1: the opportunity to heal that that connection wounds and to yeah,
Speaker 1: to rediscover it, right, to rediscover that connection and that
Speaker 1: that emotional literacy and uh what sort of vulnerability?
Speaker 2: Thank you? Yeah, I love it, and I love that
Speaker 2: you brought it back to Tontra is about a heart
Speaker 2: to heart connection that that is like, that is what
Speaker 2: sexual tntra is rutans with all tentras rooted in, but
Speaker 2: particularly sexual tentres having that loving, open, present, spacious connection
Speaker 2: with one of them. So that's the key, that's both
Speaker 2: the goal, that's both the practice and the goal.
Speaker 1: Yeah. Yeah, And in terms of sticking with the energy
Speaker 1: body and kind of going along the lines of what
Speaker 1: you were talking about, Datie, there are some differences about
Speaker 1: how you know, men who are in same sex union,
Speaker 1: how their energy channel would relate to one another. So
Speaker 1: when we're placing our central channel in this tradition, it
Speaker 1: runs through the center of the body in front of
Speaker 1: the spine, from the soft stop spot on the top
Speaker 1: of the head and ends in the parandium. So what
Speaker 1: we often talk about is, you know, when people are
Speaker 1: in heterosexual union, there's an offshoot of the central channel
Speaker 1: that goes through the penis to the tip of the
Speaker 1: lingam and there's an offshoot of the central channel that
Speaker 1: goes from the central channel into the cervix. So when
Speaker 1: people are in union in a heterosexual couple, we've got
Speaker 1: that direct connection between the two central channels, so you're
Speaker 1: kind of connected and having this little bit of of
Speaker 1: a merge with each other's energy bodies. Right, And when
Speaker 1: we're doing this with men in same sex couples, the
Speaker 1: same thing happens. It's just slightly altered.
Speaker 2: Right.
Speaker 1: So in that case, if two men are having anal sex,
Speaker 1: there's an offshoot you can access to the central channel
Speaker 1: through the anus itself, and of course there's still a
Speaker 1: central channel off shoot through the penis. So they're having
Speaker 1: that same level of connection, they're just coming at it
Speaker 1: from a different points in the body.
Speaker 2: And the anus or the rectum is where the downward
Speaker 2: avoiding winds arise. Okay, pardon my chihuahua. If you can
Speaker 2: hear him in the background, I'm not sure if you can.
Speaker 2: I can hear him. He's driving me crazy. But the
Speaker 2: downward avoiding winds actually arise in the rectum. And so
Speaker 2: this is one of the reasons that anal pleasure is
Speaker 2: so so profoundly important for all anus Ownershi, you meant
Speaker 2: and this owners, but for all of us is having
Speaker 2: anal pleasure can help remove and dissolve any obstacles in
Speaker 2: the downward voiding winds, allowing those downward voiding winds to rebalance.
Speaker 2: It can improve your bowel function having any massage and
Speaker 2: anal pleasure, So your anus is a the second highest
Speaker 2: concentration of pleasure sensitive nerve endings, if there is such
Speaker 2: a thing. And also too, it's also the home of
Speaker 2: where the downward voiding winds arise in the body, and
Speaker 2: so it's a very very important energy center to pay
Speaker 2: attention to.
Speaker 1: Yeah, yeah, and to build off of that because we
Speaker 1: when we define orgasm in our tradition from the energy
Speaker 1: body perspective, we talk about it being this moment where
Speaker 1: our downward our downward voiding winds brush the central channel.
Speaker 1: So you're also going to be expanding your capacity to
Speaker 1: experience different kinds of orgasms when you're keeping up with
Speaker 1: the health of your downward avoiding winds.
Speaker 2: Yep, absolutely, yeah, yeah, yeah, So.
Speaker 1: That's the energy body component. So talking about some of
Speaker 1: the methods that are often thought of as contra but
Speaker 1: aren't necessarily contra, but go along with everything we're doing,
Speaker 1: there are also some other things that are of great
Speaker 1: benefit to men in same sex relationships. So, uh, just
Speaker 1: like with women, we just talked about things like contric union, breathing,
Speaker 1: and sexual communication. In this case, linga massage and couples
Speaker 1: o EP. These are all beautiful practices which have no no,
Speaker 1: no need for specific genital makeup. Additionally, men who are
Speaker 1: tontric often engage in semen retention practices as well, and
Speaker 1: this is good for CIS men as well as homosexual
Speaker 1: or queer men. I think one of the main distinctions
Speaker 1: I want to make here, and the reason we're bringing
Speaker 1: it up, is because seman retention is often framed for
Speaker 1: men as a way to last longer for her, right.
Speaker 1: So that's a very prominent way that people market semen retention,
Speaker 1: and so sometimes, you know, queer men and people with
Speaker 1: penises feel really left out of that conversation, like why
Speaker 1: would I practice this if this is just lasting longer
Speaker 1: for a female partner?
Speaker 2: Right?
Speaker 1: But there are many many other benefits to semen retention
Speaker 1: that have nothing to do with that. So there's increased vitality,
Speaker 1: so you're retaining chi when you're retaining your semen, so
Speaker 1: you're retaining that juicy vital essence, which is going to
Speaker 1: improve your health and your well being just overall. There's
Speaker 1: also been some studies that indicate that as you retain
Speaker 1: your semen, that increases your testosterone. Some of your androgens
Speaker 1: in the body, those hormones, and then it also helps
Speaker 1: you to what am I trying to say here, seman
Speaker 1: retention also helps you with your cultivation of multiple orgas
Speaker 1: as well. So if you didn't know this, men and
Speaker 1: people with penises, they can have more orgasms than just
Speaker 1: an ejaculatory orgasm. They have a huge breath of orgasmic capacity,
Speaker 1: different juicy flavors that come from different parts of their
Speaker 1: body and are expressed differently, right, And semen retention is
Speaker 1: one of the kind of like one of the portals
Speaker 1: to getting there for many men. So that's a definite
Speaker 1: benefit for all men. And then it's also really wonderful
Speaker 1: for them to learn how to slow down and connect
Speaker 1: and connect to their pleasure and to connect to their
Speaker 1: partner during their sexual practice as well.
Speaker 2: Beautiful, beautiful beauty. I mean, the thing is TNDRA is
Speaker 2: like real tra authentic linage based ENTRA is for humans.
Speaker 2: It's for humans. It's for humans to help us have
Speaker 2: a better human existence, a better human experience, and yes,
Speaker 2: to realize enlightenment, but not at the expense of our humanity. Right,
Speaker 2: That's the thing. As I move, as I realize more
Speaker 2: and more Mahamoudra consciousness like just open void, spacious awareness
Speaker 2: in my you know, in my awareness, in my consciousness
Speaker 2: like the goal that like, enlightenment is not divorcing ourselves
Speaker 2: from our humanity. Enlightenment is about being fully human and
Speaker 2: being internally free, internally liberated from suffering. And you know,
Speaker 2: we are often our own worst enemies, as you know,
Speaker 2: this culture conditions us to be, and those of us
Speaker 2: with CPDSD are definitely our worst enemies. Right. So so TNTRA,
Speaker 2: the tontric enlightenment is true is about ending suffering, ceasing
Speaker 2: suffering for all humans and all beings ultimately, but particularly
Speaker 2: for all humans. So for you, in regardless of w
Speaker 2: relationship orientation, how how you find love, regardless of who
Speaker 2: with whom, and how you find love, it's your birthright.
Speaker 2: It's your birthright to know how to heal. It's your
Speaker 2: birthright to understand your energy body if you're if you're
Speaker 2: attracted to that and drawn to that, it's your birthright
Speaker 2: to understand how your energy body feeds and nourishes your
Speaker 2: physical body, and how you can use connection and pleasure
Speaker 2: to increase the energy in your body and to heal
Speaker 2: and transform. So so yeah, So hold on one second,
Speaker 2: I'm going to pause this. Yes.
Speaker 1: So the other thing that I wanted to mention about
Speaker 1: contract practices is the way that our specific orientation to
Speaker 1: the practice is performed. It really creates a situation where
Speaker 1: we're allowed to process a lot of trauma from our bodies, trauma, judgments,
Speaker 1: all these nasty things that get stuck in ourselves. Right,
Speaker 1: And the way that we practice, we have this beautiful
Speaker 1: meshing of the energy body work of the five elements
Speaker 1: with our sexual practices but also our somatic practices, right,
Speaker 1: So somatic cor regular practices but also somatic sexual healing practices,
Speaker 1: and those two practices together I find create kind of
Speaker 1: like a bridge inside the body, right, because we're working
Speaker 1: on all of the blocks or obscurations or breaks in
Speaker 1: our energy body from the inside out. When we're working
Speaker 1: in our central channel with elements, 're healing that way,
Speaker 1: and then when we're applying the somatic sexual healing principles,
Speaker 1: we're working essentially from the outside in to release trauma
Speaker 1: where it lives in the body. So that specific orientation
Speaker 1: allows us to do so much in terms of moving
Speaker 1: towards health and well being. And you know, I just
Speaker 1: think about all of the ways that it has helped
Speaker 1: our students for the years transform judgments that they've had
Speaker 1: about themselves. And so I think a lot about like
Speaker 1: transforming judgment one might have about being queer, right, like
Speaker 1: internalized homophobia, transforming that in oneself, or judgments one may
Speaker 1: feel about engaging in anal sex or Yeah, just all
Speaker 1: of the trappings of our that our culture puts upon
Speaker 1: queer people. That's something else that can be helped and
Speaker 1: transformed to a contric practice.
Speaker 2: Yeah, just thank you for that. That's so beautiful. Yeah,
Speaker 2: because our culture teaches us, you know, if we don't
Speaker 2: fit into these very narrow boxes, teaches us to hate ourselves,
Speaker 2: that there's something wrong with us, that we're deficient, that
Speaker 2: we're queer. I mean even the word I don't use
Speaker 2: the word queer because when I was coming up into
Speaker 2: early adulthood, like in the nineties, right, I graduated high
Speaker 2: school in ninety two, and I started like going to
Speaker 2: gay bars like hit eighteen at like three ninety fourths
Speaker 2: unlike that, graduated fromhigh school early, and so and I was,
Speaker 2: you know, go to gay bars and hang out with
Speaker 2: the gay folks, and like we didn't call ourselves queer
Speaker 2: because queer was a slur. That was a bad word.
Speaker 2: It was like gay was was like that was a
Speaker 2: happy thing. Right, So for me, the word queer is
Speaker 2: still like carries the weight of that shame because it
Speaker 2: was a curse word. It was a cuss word when
Speaker 2: I was you know, coming up and coming up in
Speaker 2: the day. So it wasn't it wasn't the word of
Speaker 2: liberation that it is now twenty years later, twenty five
Speaker 2: years later. So so yeah, like that's such a beautiful point.
Speaker 2: Is Like, that's the thing about tontras, as we said
Speaker 2: to be to begin with, it's it's not about reinforcing
Speaker 2: polarities and opposites and duality. It's about finding that point
Speaker 2: of union and also creating balance, creating balance where there's imbalance,
Speaker 2: because that's the key to wellness is balance. And so
Speaker 2: if we are holding on to this, this this distorted
Speaker 2: constant of self that we are somehow wrong and bad
Speaker 2: because we don't fit into the magabox, so to speak,
Speaker 2: that is an imbalance. That's an imbalance in our psyche,
Speaker 2: and that is part of this purification and this healing
Speaker 2: that can occur through authentic lineage based huntra, which we
Speaker 2: are still teaching, y'all. We're just not certifying in it,
Speaker 2: but we are still teaching it, and we have, oh
Speaker 2: my god, so many incredible certified practitioners that you can
Speaker 2: choose from. You can see them on our website Holistic
Speaker 2: Sexology dot com. We're very proud of everybody who has
Speaker 2: achieved their certification because it was no joke, and we
Speaker 2: are still teaching these methods. Elena and I are still
Speaker 2: laying it down and our instructors are still laying it
Speaker 2: down for your personal healing. We're not going to take
Speaker 2: that away from you. Yeah, yay. So I think the
Speaker 2: last thing I want to say on this topic before
Speaker 2: we close out is I just want to say that
Speaker 2: that for those of us who don't fit in the box,
Speaker 2: and for those of you who do identify as queer, trans,
Speaker 2: non binary, homosexual, however you identify, I am sorry that
Speaker 2: you have not found a home in neotntra. But let's
Speaker 2: also just recognize that once again that the roots of
Speaker 2: neo Tantra are rooted in colonialism, and there isn't space
Speaker 2: for us in colonialism. They tried to fucking wipe us
Speaker 2: out right, So I'm just saying, so that's why know
Speaker 2: where it comes from. But there is space for you
Speaker 2: and authentic lineage based entra, not just our tentra, but
Speaker 2: tntra in general. There is space for you and in
Speaker 2: real tntra because real entre is for humans. It's for
Speaker 2: human beings to actualize their full human potential, which is
Speaker 2: ultimate realization. Yeah, yeah, all right, anything else to Slena.
Speaker 1: No, that was so wonderful and juicy.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much, Davie, Thank you Elena, wondering to
Speaker 2: empowers activate. So I'm so grateful and so delighted to
Speaker 2: be doing this with you. I love, I love the
Speaker 2: wisdom and the essence and the presence and the potency
Speaker 2: and the power that you bring. Really really grateful. I'm
Speaker 2: grateful to have worked with you for the last you know,
Speaker 2: ten years, intimately and intensely and through many many obstacles.
Speaker 2: So anyway, that's my love note for Lena. Y'all can
Speaker 2: leave leave some love notes for Lena in the comments.
Speaker 2: Thank you so much for all your comments. Thank you
Speaker 2: so much for all your comments. I'm gonna say it again,
Speaker 2: thank you so much for all your comments. We love
Speaker 2: responding and thank you. I mean it just it uplifts
Speaker 2: us and brings us so much like encouragement. Encouragement when
Speaker 2: we know that you like it and we know that
Speaker 2: we're like serving you up some good, delicious food, it
Speaker 2: makes me want to cook in the kitchen, makes us
Speaker 2: want to cook in the kitchen. So thank you really.
Speaker 2: Oh yeah, ah, they's got one more.
Speaker 1: Oh and do you want to talk about questions at two?
Speaker 2: If? Yeah, yeah, so send us your question so you
Speaker 2: can send us your questions at Holistic Sexology Institute dot com.
Speaker 2: That's our new website, Holistic Sexology Institute dot com. You
Speaker 2: can also, if you aren't already on our Instagram page,
Speaker 2: go you our instat ground page Institute of Holistic Sexology
Speaker 2: and you can dm us questions, or you can leave
Speaker 2: a question on one of our comments and we'll pick
Speaker 2: it up. We'll scoop it up. It's best of you.
Speaker 2: Dm us questions though, uh so they don't get missed.
Speaker 2: We don't want to miss any questions because they're important
Speaker 2: and they're valuable and we want to answer them for you.
Speaker 2: So dm us your questions on Instagram. Also send us
Speaker 2: your questions at Questions at Holistic Sexology Institute dot com
Speaker 2: and we're so excited to answer them, and we'll either
Speaker 2: answer them on an episode or we'll answer them on
Speaker 2: an Instagram video. I had a really good one that
Speaker 2: I did. I think last weekend, we had a beautiful
Speaker 2: question come in about a transgender woman wanting to know
Speaker 2: about if practicing seminarytention you know, is a thing, it
Speaker 2: would be a beneficial for them as they you know, transition.
Speaker 2: And so there's a wonderful answer to that question, because
Speaker 2: these are important things to know, as you know, with
Speaker 2: different body parts and different orientations, and how is how
Speaker 2: is this how is this energy body yoga going to
Speaker 2: affect you both energetically and physically, We need to know this.
Speaker 2: We need to know all right, my friends, thank you
Speaker 2: so much. We're gonna sign out. See you next week.
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