WEBVTT 1 00:00:00.160 --> 00:00:02.600 I think that that did exist for uh in this 2 00:00:02.759 --> 00:00:05.400 million years, and it was lost as soon as we 3 00:00:05.440 --> 00:00:07.120 got into large scale civilization. 4 00:00:09.000 --> 00:00:11.800 How Uh, it's gouldn't be lay to do that? Is 5 00:00:12.119 --> 00:00:14.640 I mean, don't doesn't well need a tribal structure and 6 00:00:14.759 --> 00:00:16.960 you're yourself the same so needs. 7 00:00:16.839 --> 00:00:19.000 Trying to well, not necessarily you see, we have to 8 00:00:19.079 --> 00:00:22.160 explore you see it. We mustn't make assumptions of necessity 9 00:00:22.239 --> 00:00:24.839 because they'll trap us. Right if you say we need 10 00:00:24.879 --> 00:00:27.440 this it it's it's an assumption. Now that could mean 11 00:00:27.480 --> 00:00:31.399 it's impossible that that m. The impossibility may arise from 12 00:00:31.440 --> 00:00:33.640 the assumption, right, That's why you would have to watch 13 00:00:33.679 --> 00:00:37.479 the assumptions. Now, hey, Uh, the point is, uh, what 14 00:00:37.479 --> 00:00:40.039 were suggesting is that we could just get together groups 15 00:00:40.079 --> 00:00:42.200 of twenty to forty and see if we can do it, 16 00:00:42.600 --> 00:00:45.039 not for the purpose of establishing a group, but for 17 00:00:45.119 --> 00:00:49.759 the purpose of exploring communication, right, and if we could, 18 00:00:50.079 --> 00:00:52.240 this might be a germ. It would uh You see, 19 00:00:52.280 --> 00:00:55.640 I say culture is shared meaning which is now incoherent. 20 00:00:56.679 --> 00:00:59.560 But if we uh could do this, we would have 21 00:00:59.600 --> 00:01:01.359 a kind of uh see, in the beginning of this 22 00:01:01.399 --> 00:01:04.280 group is a microcosm of the whole culture. With all 23 00:01:04.319 --> 00:01:08.319 its diversity and well not really diversity of all its incoherence. 24 00:01:12.640 --> 00:01:16.599 Ah did you stop it? Andy? Oh, come on, old. 25 00:01:19.319 --> 00:01:29.319 M see okay, Uh you were told me about the 26 00:01:29.480 --> 00:01:32.760 use of groups. Yes, perhaps you'd like to go on 27 00:01:32.840 --> 00:01:34.519 with yes. Uh. 28 00:01:34.760 --> 00:01:38.439 Well, you see, I think that if we make a 29 00:01:38.480 --> 00:01:40.840 group like this, it starts out as a microcosm of 30 00:01:40.879 --> 00:01:43.120 our society and you will have in it all the problems, 31 00:01:43.159 --> 00:01:47.439 you know, people fighting over their opinions and defending their 32 00:01:47.439 --> 00:01:51.159 ages and so on. Uh, and you have to work 33 00:01:51.239 --> 00:01:53.159 through it. I think, Uh it it takes a certain 34 00:01:53.159 --> 00:01:56.079 amount of knowledge and skill and uh, somebody a facilitator 35 00:01:56.159 --> 00:01:59.439 to help. Uh people who just arbitrary try this or not. 36 00:01:59.719 --> 00:02:01.040 People succeed. 37 00:02:02.159 --> 00:02:03.000 And the. 38 00:02:04.959 --> 00:02:09.240 But I think you can get through it take sustained work, 39 00:02:09.360 --> 00:02:11.840 sometimes as much as maybe a year. You see, regularly 40 00:02:11.840 --> 00:02:12.439 once a week. 41 00:02:13.240 --> 00:02:17.159 What is this? And you're now talking about literally a 42 00:02:17.319 --> 00:02:20.159 sort of almost tribes of interest. 43 00:02:21.800 --> 00:02:23.240 Tribes of interest. 44 00:02:22.960 --> 00:02:25.120 Well, no, they don't have to. We would have a 45 00:02:25.199 --> 00:02:28.560 variegated group who haven't They would be interested in dialogue, 46 00:02:28.560 --> 00:02:31.240 you see, we would say why are they in dialogue? 47 00:02:31.599 --> 00:02:34.120 Because they see the significance of it, they see the 48 00:02:34.199 --> 00:02:36.240 value of it. And therefore they form the purpose. It's 49 00:02:36.280 --> 00:02:39.319 not to impose the purpose. But if these people can 50 00:02:39.560 --> 00:02:43.479 see the significance and value, then they will have the purpose. Right, 51 00:02:43.719 --> 00:02:44.280 they will stick. 52 00:02:44.840 --> 00:02:48.400 Listen. I'm gonna always bring some of the legendary thought 53 00:02:48.560 --> 00:02:54.599 leaders to the voice of reason. That was doctor David Baum, 54 00:02:55.520 --> 00:03:01.639 author of Wholeness and the Implicate Order. He was Batman 55 00:03:01.919 --> 00:03:08.560 and Robin to Krishna Murty's batman. They did several books together, 56 00:03:08.759 --> 00:03:17.039 several lectures together, and they fell out. Oh, they fell out. 57 00:03:18.560 --> 00:03:22.919 Uncle Hurty was like, you're too dependent on your wife. 58 00:03:23.240 --> 00:03:30.879 That's what he told him. Hurty was like, bruh, where 59 00:03:30.919 --> 00:03:37.719 there is real love, there are no needs. Yikes, he was. 60 00:03:38.080 --> 00:03:40.159 If i'm your friend, I'm going to tell you the truth. 61 00:03:40.800 --> 00:03:45.599 You're too dependent on your wife. David Baum hit back, 62 00:03:46.120 --> 00:03:52.479 of course, this is a genius level theoretical physicists, he said, 63 00:03:52.639 --> 00:03:57.639 And you're more of a guru, then you would like 64 00:03:57.719 --> 00:03:59.960 to mention, because you know, Christiana Murty, I'm not a guru. 65 00:04:00.159 --> 00:04:02.719 I'm not a follower. He was like, your followers treat 66 00:04:02.759 --> 00:04:08.759 you like a guru, so in fact, you demonstrate guru. 67 00:04:10.280 --> 00:04:14.319 And they fell out. I think they got back together, right, 68 00:04:14.520 --> 00:04:19.959 near the time, Kay was passing on. But the reason 69 00:04:20.000 --> 00:04:23.720 why I'm playing this because I think it's important. He's 70 00:04:23.800 --> 00:04:29.319 talking on a macro scale about communication. There's an impasse. 71 00:04:29.399 --> 00:04:33.120 He was like, tribal communication. People have their own ideas 72 00:04:33.160 --> 00:04:39.279 and agendas, and that leads me to the topic. Precious 73 00:04:39.439 --> 00:04:43.120 just be. She's a topic fairy just they just be 74 00:04:43.800 --> 00:04:47.560 showing up, like this topic came from last week's discussion 75 00:04:47.959 --> 00:04:51.920 and she said one thing, and I wrote it down 76 00:04:53.000 --> 00:04:57.199 and developed an entire topic. Tonight's topic. You're listening to 77 00:04:57.319 --> 00:05:01.720 Wholeness Wednesdays. You already know it. It is Precious Magill 78 00:05:01.959 --> 00:05:04.160 is in the building. She's gonna keep it real. The 79 00:05:04.240 --> 00:05:13.519 grill is hot. Tonight's topic, The flow of letting versus 80 00:05:14.439 --> 00:05:20.519 the strategy of vetting. All you hear all these relationship 81 00:05:20.560 --> 00:05:22.639 folks out here talking about I'll show you how to 82 00:05:22.639 --> 00:05:25.639 get a man to pick a man? You ask him 83 00:05:25.639 --> 00:05:29.279 these questions. You gotta have these kind of expectations. Listen. 84 00:05:29.519 --> 00:05:37.680 The flow of letting versus the strategy of vetting A 85 00:05:37.720 --> 00:05:44.720 deeper inquiry into whether consciousness evolves through better partner selection. 86 00:05:45.319 --> 00:05:49.279 My boy picker is broke, my woman picker is broke. 87 00:05:49.319 --> 00:05:52.839 I hear it all the time. Yes, it can never 88 00:05:52.879 --> 00:05:58.560 be broken. Get back. A deeper inquiry into whether consciousness 89 00:05:58.600 --> 00:06:04.319 evolves through better partner selection, which some of us have 90 00:06:04.480 --> 00:06:09.040 spiritualized and called discernment. Knock it off, okay, I'm sorry, 91 00:06:09.240 --> 00:06:12.839 your wound can't be discerning it okay, never mind, or 92 00:06:12.920 --> 00:06:16.519 through allowing a new self to be born inside a 93 00:06:16.600 --> 00:06:23.720 relationship letting versus vetting. This is deep deeper investigation into 94 00:06:23.759 --> 00:06:28.759 whether we have mistake in psychological screening for human transformation. 95 00:06:29.639 --> 00:06:33.439 Come on, I'm not done. A deeper investigation into why 96 00:06:33.480 --> 00:06:39.600 the wound itself calls it discernment while the emerging self 97 00:06:39.720 --> 00:06:47.000 calls it surrender. Eighty get to your phone line, get 98 00:06:47.000 --> 00:06:48.279 ready to get ready, to get ready, to get ready, to 99 00:06:48.279 --> 00:06:51.920 get ready. Before a child ever learns language, the nervous 100 00:06:51.959 --> 00:06:58.480 system begins writing scripture. Wow, and then there's that right. 101 00:06:59.240 --> 00:07:06.240 Every race becomes a sentence, Every absence becomes a definition. Yikes. 102 00:07:06.759 --> 00:07:14.160 Every inconsistency becomes a prophecy. Long before consciousness asks who 103 00:07:14.160 --> 00:07:20.720 am I, survival has already answered, become whoever keeps you connected? 104 00:07:20.759 --> 00:07:23.360 One eight hundred nine twenty fifteen eighty. We're gonna get 105 00:07:23.360 --> 00:07:32.360 it tonight need performs a miracle, It keeps the infinite alive. Then, unnoticed, 106 00:07:32.360 --> 00:07:37.480 the miracle becomes a monarchy. The needs dictate and govern 107 00:07:37.720 --> 00:07:41.120 all your choices. They must be fulfilled either by you 108 00:07:41.360 --> 00:07:48.959 or somebody else, in preferably somebody else. All the architecture 109 00:07:49.000 --> 00:07:57.079 that once served survival quietly begins governing identity. Self worth 110 00:07:57.759 --> 00:08:05.360 becomes negotiated, Love becomes verified, Presence becomes performance. Effort becomes evidence. 111 00:08:06.000 --> 00:08:13.199 You got to show me, yeah, show me, ah. The 112 00:08:13.240 --> 00:08:19.120 first environment does not merely teach relationship. It teaches consciousness 113 00:08:20.439 --> 00:08:28.759 on how to interrupt itself. Yes, precious, you started this mass. 114 00:08:28.879 --> 00:08:31.560 Yeah, yeah, I did the flow of letting. 115 00:08:31.680 --> 00:08:35.120 Why is it that we're so afraid of letting, allowing 116 00:08:35.639 --> 00:08:39.320 letting things be? And why do we think we're smart 117 00:08:39.399 --> 00:08:43.799 enough to actually vet someone right the wounds? 118 00:08:43.960 --> 00:08:45.240 So where do we start? 119 00:08:45.360 --> 00:08:50.559 So there are certain spiritual principles that govern this conversation, 120 00:08:51.399 --> 00:08:56.879 and the foundational one is allowance and the art of 121 00:08:57.279 --> 00:09:03.240 allowing right versus control. And when we are going through 122 00:09:03.279 --> 00:09:09.559 the vetting process, we are looking for exclusion criteria or 123 00:09:09.639 --> 00:09:16.200 inclusion criteria, and that is a process that doesn't allow 124 00:09:16.360 --> 00:09:18.320 for authenticity. 125 00:09:18.720 --> 00:09:22.200 Right, I was watching this married. 126 00:09:21.919 --> 00:09:25.159 At first sight, and the lady had a criteria that 127 00:09:25.240 --> 00:09:27.240 her husband needed to make at least like one hundred 128 00:09:27.240 --> 00:09:31.039 and seventy thousand dollars a year, and they matched her 129 00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:34.960 with someone who made considerably less. So when she and 130 00:09:35.000 --> 00:09:39.159 he had this conversation, she's saying, I know I said that, 131 00:09:39.919 --> 00:09:44.799 but I made that a criteria because I thought it 132 00:09:44.840 --> 00:09:48.480 was going to get me something. But you're giving me 133 00:09:48.639 --> 00:09:50.360 something that I actually need. 134 00:09:50.639 --> 00:09:51.600 I wasn't even looking for. 135 00:09:51.720 --> 00:09:55.200 That she wasn't even looking for, And that's presence, very 136 00:09:55.600 --> 00:10:00.559 emotionally emotionally available to her. So this is a a 137 00:10:00.600 --> 00:10:05.360 great example of when you vet sometimes you are excluding 138 00:10:05.399 --> 00:10:11.720 someone that has a gift for you, right, And when 139 00:10:11.720 --> 00:10:16.240 you allow you get to organically see who a person is. 140 00:10:16.919 --> 00:10:20.399 And just because you're hypervigilant, and does it mean you're psychic? 141 00:10:22.559 --> 00:10:29.159 And so some people think the wound's legislature, the wound's laws, right, 142 00:10:29.480 --> 00:10:30.320 are predictive. 143 00:10:30.639 --> 00:10:33.799 Yeah, well, see this is why it's the wound that's 144 00:10:33.840 --> 00:10:37.159 actually doing the vetting, telling you you need to have 145 00:10:37.200 --> 00:10:40.519 better discernment because then we can get this. Well, you 146 00:10:40.559 --> 00:10:44.759 can get that, but it might be cloaking something that 147 00:10:44.840 --> 00:10:45.679 you really don't want. 148 00:10:45.600 --> 00:10:47.840 To deal with Here's the deal, pickle. 149 00:10:49.120 --> 00:10:51.960 The only relationship that you're ever having is the one 150 00:10:52.000 --> 00:10:56.440 that you're having with self. So if you have all 151 00:10:56.519 --> 00:11:01.639 of these negative experiences, this person is providing the mirror 152 00:11:01.720 --> 00:11:04.720 for you to show you what you have left to 153 00:11:04.799 --> 00:11:11.759 work on. So each person is a golden teacher. We 154 00:11:11.799 --> 00:11:15.360 get upset with them and we really should be looking. 155 00:11:16.600 --> 00:11:17.200 To self. 156 00:11:18.240 --> 00:11:22.120 But it's hard when self is a scary place. When 157 00:11:22.159 --> 00:11:23.759 did self become scary? 158 00:11:24.679 --> 00:11:33.360 Well, because we are groomed, socialized to live life in 159 00:11:33.399 --> 00:11:36.039 a certain way, and you can see evidence in this 160 00:11:36.440 --> 00:11:40.279 if you switch from culture to culture. But the true 161 00:11:40.360 --> 00:11:44.000 emergence of self is something that when they say, oh, 162 00:11:44.039 --> 00:11:47.360 don't cry, oh don't hold your pen like that. You 163 00:11:47.399 --> 00:11:50.399 know they used to tell my daughter she's holding her 164 00:11:50.480 --> 00:11:54.879 pen wrong. Listen, she's a genius. Let her hold You 165 00:11:54.919 --> 00:11:57.360 want to meet about this, Let her to hold her pen. 166 00:11:57.200 --> 00:11:57.960 The way she wants to. 167 00:11:58.840 --> 00:12:04.840 She's coloring the wrong. Is that possible? I allowed my. 168 00:12:04.799 --> 00:12:07.879 Children to be themselves. I got a lot of flak 169 00:12:07.960 --> 00:12:11.279 for it. My daughter is a master of art. Now 170 00:12:11.480 --> 00:12:14.120 she has a master's in fine arts, but she didn't 171 00:12:14.120 --> 00:12:18.399 need that. She was a master at heart with them. 172 00:12:18.440 --> 00:12:23.320 So sorry, she just naturally wasn't is an artist from 173 00:12:23.320 --> 00:12:27.720 the jump. I allowed my children to express themselves. So 174 00:12:27.960 --> 00:12:31.639 in a dating relationship, you really want to know who 175 00:12:31.679 --> 00:12:35.960 a person is. Allow them to be who they are fully. 176 00:12:35.720 --> 00:12:42.799 The precious hold on, hold on, that's the right answer, yo. Allow. Yeah, 177 00:12:42.840 --> 00:12:49.039 this is the Tao of letting versus the strategy right 178 00:12:49.080 --> 00:12:53.120 of betting. So I hear what you said, but let 179 00:12:53.120 --> 00:12:55.080 me just throw something out there. 180 00:12:55.320 --> 00:12:56.360 Yes, throw it. 181 00:12:59.320 --> 00:13:05.600 Wounds are really the bully in the relationship. And if 182 00:13:05.639 --> 00:13:08.919 you have an unhealed wound, the wound has an agenda, 183 00:13:10.000 --> 00:13:15.080 and then how do we recontextualize that agenda for today's 184 00:13:15.120 --> 00:13:17.600 modern relationships? Be intentional? 185 00:13:18.679 --> 00:13:22.720 That that is one the wound wants you to be intentional. Right, 186 00:13:23.000 --> 00:13:26.360 Intentional should be more about where you are, not with 187 00:13:26.399 --> 00:13:29.919 the It shouldn't be your intention shouldn't be governing another person. 188 00:13:30.759 --> 00:13:30.960 Right. 189 00:13:31.519 --> 00:13:35.519 My intention is to be present, to be open, to 190 00:13:35.600 --> 00:13:38.320 bring myself in alignment versus my intention is to find 191 00:13:38.360 --> 00:13:39.000 the right person. 192 00:13:39.559 --> 00:13:41.159 A lot of times. 193 00:13:40.720 --> 00:13:44.879 We are very picky, and we still pick the wrong person. 194 00:13:45.279 --> 00:13:48.519 We're hyper visual. Okay, thank you, running back spirit. It's 195 00:13:48.519 --> 00:13:50.840 not that we pick the wrong person. We're looking through 196 00:13:50.879 --> 00:13:54.559 the wrong lens. Yes, it is yourself. It's more about 197 00:13:54.840 --> 00:13:59.000 how you're showing up. Le's about how the other person 198 00:13:59.080 --> 00:14:04.200 is showing up. This vetting is really a template for control. 199 00:14:04.559 --> 00:14:09.399 And an opportunity to seize it from the wound that's 200 00:14:09.559 --> 00:14:11.120 actually doing the picking. 201 00:14:11.279 --> 00:14:14.919 Yeah, people are so performative because they want they want 202 00:14:14.960 --> 00:14:17.879 to have connection, so they want to know what's on 203 00:14:17.919 --> 00:14:19.720 your list. They want to show up in that way. 204 00:14:20.320 --> 00:14:24.840 I like authenticity, show me all of you, not so 205 00:14:24.879 --> 00:14:27.799 that I can pick, so that we can merge in 206 00:14:27.840 --> 00:14:29.159 the way that we're supposed to. 207 00:14:29.519 --> 00:14:32.720 Gosh, do you think getting the opposite about how the 208 00:14:32.759 --> 00:14:36.120 opposite of how you feel about yourself will make you 209 00:14:36.840 --> 00:14:42.120 feel better? This is how we approach relationships. I don't 210 00:14:42.120 --> 00:14:46.000 think I'm worthy. Yeah, I don't think I deserve. Then 211 00:14:46.080 --> 00:14:48.720 we flip it, yes I deserve, but we don't really 212 00:14:48.799 --> 00:14:55.120 believe that we deserve. Belief comes on the receipt of 213 00:14:55.200 --> 00:14:59.559 what we are desirous of. Right, I'm saying no, no, no, 214 00:14:59.720 --> 00:15:03.960 see a the way you must become what you seek, Well, 215 00:15:04.000 --> 00:15:05.440 then you don't have to look nowhere. 216 00:15:05.559 --> 00:15:10.399 This is the only way you in seeking, This is 217 00:15:10.440 --> 00:15:14.120 the only way you in needing. You become that which 218 00:15:14.120 --> 00:15:15.600 you seek. 219 00:15:16.480 --> 00:15:19.120 We're there tonight, tonight, we are listen. 220 00:15:19.240 --> 00:15:22.120 I had folks in the cigar lounge tonight telling me 221 00:15:23.240 --> 00:15:29.000 I wasn't born in sin. I said to me metaphorically, 222 00:15:29.519 --> 00:15:31.240 because they was listening to the show last night. 223 00:15:31.279 --> 00:15:32.840 Okay, okay, okay. 224 00:15:32.480 --> 00:15:39.240 To me metaphorically, the original sin is need, and the 225 00:15:39.240 --> 00:15:42.000 only reason why it becomes the sin is because it 226 00:15:42.120 --> 00:15:45.960 was a survival mechanism for childhood that you carried into 227 00:15:46.000 --> 00:15:50.559 your adulthood. Stay right there, don't go nowhere, Lord have mercy. 228 00:15:50.600 --> 00:15:55.039 We on fire already when we come forward more from homeless. 229 00:15:55.120 --> 00:16:01.919 Wisdoms are internally related to every thing, not externally related. 230 00:16:02.000 --> 00:16:05.679 Consciousness is an internal relationship to the whole. We take 231 00:16:05.720 --> 00:16:09.080 in the whole, and we act or the whole, and 232 00:16:09.320 --> 00:16:13.720 that internal whatever we have taken in determines basically what 233 00:16:13.840 --> 00:16:14.159 we are. 234 00:16:14.960 --> 00:16:20.759 Quantum physicist and philosopher David Bohm was profoundly affected by 235 00:16:20.799 --> 00:16:25.279 his close contacts with both Einstein and Jay Krishna Murti. 236 00:16:26.519 --> 00:16:30.720 Bohm's theory of wholeness and the implicate order states that 237 00:16:30.759 --> 00:16:34.960 there is something like life and mind and folded in everything. 238 00:16:35.759 --> 00:16:38.679 Well, so see, I think the difficulty is this fragmentation. 239 00:16:38.840 --> 00:16:41.559 First of all, everybody is all thought is broken up 240 00:16:41.600 --> 00:16:45.440 into bits like this nation, this country, this industry, this profession, 241 00:16:45.480 --> 00:16:48.879 and so on, as they can't meet, and it's extremely 242 00:16:48.919 --> 00:16:53.399 hard to break into that now. The second, but that 243 00:16:53.480 --> 00:16:56.679 comes about primarily because thought has developed traditionally in a 244 00:16:56.679 --> 00:16:59.399 way such that it claims not to be affecting anything, 245 00:16:59.440 --> 00:17:02.399 but just tell you the way things are. Therefore, people 246 00:17:02.399 --> 00:17:05.400 cannot see that they're creating a problem and then apparently 247 00:17:05.480 --> 00:17:07.920 trying to solve it. That s let's take the problem. 248 00:17:08.039 --> 00:17:11.920 What problem do you like? Pollution or the ecology? See, 249 00:17:11.960 --> 00:17:14.079 the ecology is not in itself a problem. It works 250 00:17:14.079 --> 00:17:17.440 perfectly well by itself. It's due to us, right, it's 251 00:17:17.480 --> 00:17:19.839 a problem because we are thinking in a certain way 252 00:17:19.880 --> 00:17:22.920 by breaking everything up in each person's doing his own 253 00:17:22.960 --> 00:17:27.200 thing right now, Therefore, the ecological problem is due to thought. Right, 254 00:17:27.640 --> 00:17:30.279 But thought thinks it is a problem out there and 255 00:17:30.319 --> 00:17:32.400 I must solve it. Now. That doesn't make sense because 256 00:17:32.720 --> 00:17:36.000 simultaneously thought is doing all the activities which make the problem, 257 00:17:36.000 --> 00:17:37.920 and then there's another set of activities to try to 258 00:17:37.960 --> 00:17:41.079 overcome it. You see, it doesn't stop doing the things 259 00:17:41.119 --> 00:17:44.559 which are making the ecological problem. Or the national problem 260 00:17:44.680 --> 00:17:48.279 or whatever the problem is. The earth is one household. Really, 261 00:17:49.079 --> 00:17:51.759 we're not treating it that way, right, So that's the 262 00:17:51.799 --> 00:17:53.799 first step in the economics is to say the earth 263 00:17:53.880 --> 00:17:56.799 is one household and all that it depends on. It's 264 00:17:56.839 --> 00:17:59.839 all one, you see, So now the implicate order would 265 00:17:59.839 --> 00:18:03.880 help us to see that, to see everything and fools everything, everybody. 266 00:18:04.000 --> 00:18:08.279 Okay, I'm sorry, I know, I let him ride. Doctor 267 00:18:08.359 --> 00:18:13.119 David Baum talking about the implicate order. But psychologically speaking, 268 00:18:13.160 --> 00:18:19.200 when he's talking about this psychological fragmentation, a psychologist will 269 00:18:19.240 --> 00:18:23.559 call that the ego, right, the sense of me. Christianna 270 00:18:23.640 --> 00:18:27.799 Murti would call that the center. You think you can 271 00:18:27.839 --> 00:18:34.759 discern who your partner is, right, vet them out based 272 00:18:34.799 --> 00:18:40.640 on a performance that you've got to buy, because when 273 00:18:40.640 --> 00:18:44.759 you buy their performance, you consent to the version of 274 00:18:44.839 --> 00:18:51.880 themselves they sold to you. Now, allowance is coming, that's 275 00:18:51.920 --> 00:18:53.480 coming from another level of. 276 00:18:53.400 --> 00:18:56.400 Consciousness, completely different side of the room. 277 00:18:56.559 --> 00:19:03.519 And we're afraid to allow Why logical nudity, vulnerability, openness, 278 00:19:03.559 --> 00:19:05.519 all of the things that you mentioned in the first 279 00:19:05.599 --> 00:19:11.119 thirty minutes, these are things healed people do, or let 280 00:19:11.119 --> 00:19:15.599 me say it in another way, people do. Right, They're 281 00:19:15.640 --> 00:19:20.759 not afraid to put themselves directly in alignment with more pain. 282 00:19:21.480 --> 00:19:23.759 Talk to me, yeah, this is. 283 00:19:25.279 --> 00:19:25.400 You. 284 00:19:25.799 --> 00:19:28.759 Ask a question like why do people do this? They're 285 00:19:28.880 --> 00:19:31.839 afraid of losing themselves? 286 00:19:32.240 --> 00:19:37.400 Stay right there, Okay, they're afraid of losing themselves. Don't 287 00:19:37.720 --> 00:19:40.880 lose that. When I come back, I need you to 288 00:19:41.039 --> 00:19:45.720 dive deep will into why they're afraid of losing themselves. 289 00:19:47.119 --> 00:19:53.079 So why does good sex X so often faid, even 290 00:19:53.240 --> 00:19:55.559 for couples who continue to love each other as much 291 00:19:55.599 --> 00:19:59.640 as ever? And why does good intimacy not guarantee you 292 00:19:59.640 --> 00:20:04.599 good SA contrary to popular belief? Or the next question 293 00:20:04.680 --> 00:20:08.039 would be can we want what we already have? That's 294 00:20:08.039 --> 00:20:11.559 the million dollar question, right? And why is the forbidden 295 00:20:11.599 --> 00:20:14.720 so erotic? What is it about transgression that makes desire 296 00:20:14.839 --> 00:20:18.599 so potent? And why does sex make babies and babies 297 00:20:18.599 --> 00:20:24.200 spelerotic disaster in couples? The fatal erotic blow, isn't it? 298 00:20:24.839 --> 00:20:27.599 And when you love how does it feel? And when 299 00:20:27.640 --> 00:20:31.119 you desire how is it different? These are some of 300 00:20:31.160 --> 00:20:33.920 the questions that are at the center of my exploration 301 00:20:34.960 --> 00:20:39.440 on the nature of erotic desire and its concomitant dilemmas 302 00:20:39.480 --> 00:20:43.519 in modern love. So I travel the globe, and what 303 00:20:43.640 --> 00:20:48.559 I'm noticing is that everywhere where romanticism has entered, there 304 00:20:48.599 --> 00:20:52.119 seems to be a crisis of desire, a crisis of 305 00:20:52.200 --> 00:20:57.400 desire as in owning the wanting desire as an expression 306 00:20:57.559 --> 00:21:01.359 of our individuality, of our free show of our preferences, 307 00:21:01.400 --> 00:21:06.079 of our identity, desire that has become a central concept 308 00:21:06.359 --> 00:21:09.400 as part of modern love and individualistic societies. 309 00:21:09.599 --> 00:21:11.119 You know, this is the first time in. 310 00:21:11.079 --> 00:21:15.759 The history of humankind where we are trying to experience 311 00:21:16.000 --> 00:21:22.519 sexuality in the long term, not because we want fourteen children, 312 00:21:22.640 --> 00:21:25.319 for which we need to have even more because many 313 00:21:25.359 --> 00:21:28.160 of them won't make it, and not because it is 314 00:21:28.240 --> 00:21:30.599 exclusively a woman's merital duty. 315 00:21:31.039 --> 00:21:32.400 This is the first. 316 00:21:32.079 --> 00:21:36.839 Time that we want sex over time about pleasure and 317 00:21:36.960 --> 00:21:41.839 connection that is rooted in desire. So what sustains desire 318 00:21:41.839 --> 00:21:45.160 and why is it so difficult? And at a heart 319 00:21:45.599 --> 00:21:49.519 of sustaining desire in a committed relationship, I think is 320 00:21:49.559 --> 00:21:55.400 the reconciliation of two fundamental human needs. On the one hand, 321 00:21:55.759 --> 00:22:02.880 our need for security, for predictability, for safety, for dependability, 322 00:22:03.799 --> 00:22:09.559 for reliability, for permanence, all these anchoring grounding experiences of 323 00:22:09.599 --> 00:22:13.160 our lives that we call home, but we also have 324 00:22:13.200 --> 00:22:18.359 an equally strong need men and women for adventure, for novelty, 325 00:22:18.799 --> 00:22:20.559 for mystery, for risk. 326 00:22:21.200 --> 00:22:26.359 Andy, who was that Esther Perrell? I should have known 327 00:22:26.480 --> 00:22:32.720 from the accent and she was cooking. But I would 328 00:22:32.720 --> 00:22:40.799 say in the opposite direction, back to anchoring need, right, 329 00:22:42.400 --> 00:22:45.279 the need of the other, the need of the person. 330 00:22:45.960 --> 00:22:48.279 And this ties us back to what you were talking 331 00:22:48.279 --> 00:22:52.359 about when we first came forward, and that is the 332 00:22:52.400 --> 00:22:54.920 fear of yourself. 333 00:22:55.519 --> 00:23:01.359 Yeah, this self that people fear losing is something that 334 00:23:01.400 --> 00:23:05.359 they are building in a linear sense, like you get 335 00:23:05.400 --> 00:23:10.799 all this foundational knowledge, going to school, achieving certain things. 336 00:23:11.240 --> 00:23:16.359 People are building themselves, but usually in the more that 337 00:23:16.599 --> 00:23:22.119 my allergies excuse me. Usually the more you're building, it's 338 00:23:22.680 --> 00:23:26.279 away from the true self. This is why a lot 339 00:23:26.319 --> 00:23:29.079 of times people make it to the pinnacle of their 340 00:23:29.160 --> 00:23:33.119 career and they have a sense of a breakdown, like 341 00:23:33.960 --> 00:23:36.200 I've done all these things and I'm still not happy. 342 00:23:36.880 --> 00:23:41.680 This is a gift, this feeling of dissatisfaction because there's 343 00:23:41.720 --> 00:23:45.720 no more to achieve, but there's something to be And 344 00:23:45.839 --> 00:23:49.640 this is usually when people start navigating themselves to I 345 00:23:49.680 --> 00:23:51.920 want to just take a year off of work and 346 00:23:52.000 --> 00:23:53.839 find the true meaning of life. 347 00:23:53.880 --> 00:23:56.839 You the true essence of who you are. 348 00:23:57.519 --> 00:24:01.400 This cannot be built, It has to be allowed. It 349 00:24:01.440 --> 00:24:06.400 is an emergence of self. And if we look at 350 00:24:06.440 --> 00:24:10.720 our relationships in that same way, we will move away 351 00:24:10.720 --> 00:24:14.480 from the vetting process and be open to allowing a 352 00:24:14.519 --> 00:24:17.279 person to just be themselves. So what does that mean 353 00:24:17.680 --> 00:24:20.240 If I'm going on a date with you and I say, hey, 354 00:24:20.559 --> 00:24:22.960 I don't like that kind of language, don't curse around me. 355 00:24:23.279 --> 00:24:25.079 Okay, fine, you'll. 356 00:24:24.880 --> 00:24:29.640 Get the performative self of the person versus if you 357 00:24:29.680 --> 00:24:33.680 can't tolerate that type of language, then go be somewhere 358 00:24:33.680 --> 00:24:36.359 where they don't speak that way. Allow people to be 359 00:24:36.480 --> 00:24:41.160 who they are truly. I'm gonna get married so that 360 00:24:41.240 --> 00:24:44.079 I can. Then I'll be good then and I'll just 361 00:24:44.119 --> 00:24:48.119 sleep with one person. No, that's not for you, right, 362 00:24:48.200 --> 00:24:52.599 You're trying to fit into something in a sense of 363 00:24:52.680 --> 00:24:55.799 building yourself to be something instead of allowing who you 364 00:24:55.920 --> 00:24:56.519 truly are. 365 00:24:57.319 --> 00:25:00.880 Now, strip it all the way down. If I have 366 00:25:00.960 --> 00:25:05.160 a strategy, yes for vetting, strip it all the way 367 00:25:05.160 --> 00:25:08.240 down to the ground. Yeah, what are you vetting? And 368 00:25:08.279 --> 00:25:13.200 for what purpose? Right to receive to fill. 369 00:25:12.960 --> 00:25:19.160 A need or to feel safety, to fill that need. 370 00:25:20.000 --> 00:25:27.960 Now there's a sister in the KBLA chat. She hasn't 371 00:25:28.039 --> 00:25:30.799 She made a statement and we all know here the 372 00:25:30.880 --> 00:25:36.200 voice of reason. We accept everybody's thoughts. Jilly Tree. At 373 00:25:36.319 --> 00:25:41.160 Jilly Tree in the KBLA chat, she says, so, y'all 374 00:25:41.240 --> 00:25:43.640 jealous of Black American women? Right? 375 00:25:44.440 --> 00:25:46.160 Does she see the black woman in here? 376 00:25:46.720 --> 00:25:49.240 And then she goes on to say, we black women 377 00:25:49.400 --> 00:25:55.839 fought for this and we ain't going she said, and 378 00:25:55.920 --> 00:25:57.920 we ain't going it up. I don't know what going 379 00:25:58.000 --> 00:25:58.680 it up means? 380 00:25:59.160 --> 00:26:00.279 This is interesting. 381 00:26:00.960 --> 00:26:01.480 I don't know. 382 00:26:01.880 --> 00:26:05.000 Can she only see you on the camera? Am I 383 00:26:05.119 --> 00:26:05.720 jealous of me? 384 00:26:09.000 --> 00:26:12.759 Well, hopefully she can get some coherent questions in the 385 00:26:12.839 --> 00:26:16.440 chat and I'll read them. I would definitely love to 386 00:26:16.559 --> 00:26:20.359 share this platform with her. But let me just be clear. 387 00:26:21.319 --> 00:26:27.640 Allowance is a high consciousness, right, It's a high state 388 00:26:27.680 --> 00:26:33.160 of consciousness to allow. Look at how many times you 389 00:26:33.319 --> 00:26:41.039 disallow your authentic self from emerging into your conscious mind? Right? 390 00:26:41.440 --> 00:26:46.839 Are you vetting different parts of yourself? Right with regards 391 00:26:46.839 --> 00:26:50.440 to what you show to another? And if you're doing 392 00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:57.599 that to yourself, you will probably inevitably do that to others. 393 00:26:57.640 --> 00:27:01.839 Could that not then be a point of contention for 394 00:27:02.000 --> 00:27:04.119 conflict to arise in relationships. 395 00:27:05.839 --> 00:27:08.559 For sure, for sure, you know it. 396 00:27:09.200 --> 00:27:13.720 There's something about having social decorm right, carrying yourself in 397 00:27:13.799 --> 00:27:16.400 a certain way so that you can be in social settings. 398 00:27:17.039 --> 00:27:20.960 But this isn't what we're talking about. We're talking about relationships. 399 00:27:21.039 --> 00:27:28.440 The intimacy of relationships, whether they're interpersonal or romantic, familial, 400 00:27:29.440 --> 00:27:33.400 allowing people to be who they are. It is necessary 401 00:27:33.559 --> 00:27:36.000