WEBVTT 1 00:00:01.399 --> 00:00:08.039 Hello, everybody. One of the most important life skills that 2 00:00:08.119 --> 00:00:10.800 you have to learn in life. You must learn this 3 00:00:12.080 --> 00:00:16.839 is conflict resolution. How to resolve a conflict and how 4 00:00:16.879 --> 00:00:21.760 to restore or reconcile a strained or broken relationship. If 5 00:00:21.760 --> 00:00:23.719 you don't learn this one, you're going to spend a 6 00:00:23.760 --> 00:00:29.199 lot of your life miserable. Because we're imperfect people. We're 7 00:00:29.239 --> 00:00:32.439 all different, and so we have conflict almost every day 8 00:00:32.439 --> 00:00:37.079 of our lives. If you run from conflict, if you 9 00:00:37.119 --> 00:00:40.960 try to get away from it, it's not going to work, 10 00:00:41.479 --> 00:00:43.880 and you're going to be miserable and unhappy much of 11 00:00:43.920 --> 00:00:48.280 your life. Now, this is an important skill you have 12 00:00:48.320 --> 00:00:52.640 to use. How to resolve a conflict at work. You 13 00:00:52.719 --> 00:00:55.119 got to know how to resolve a conflict in your marriage. 14 00:00:56.000 --> 00:00:57.840 You got to know how to resolve a conflict off 15 00:00:57.840 --> 00:01:03.119 your parent, with children, with friends, in the community, at church, 16 00:01:03.600 --> 00:01:11.079 in a small group, literally everywhere. Here's the problem. Nobody 17 00:01:11.079 --> 00:01:14.840 taught you how to do it. Nobody. You certainly didn't 18 00:01:14.879 --> 00:01:17.920 learn it from your parents. The truth is they might 19 00:01:17.959 --> 00:01:21.159 not have even been a very good model of conflict 20 00:01:21.280 --> 00:01:26.159 resolution because nobody taught them. You never had a class 21 00:01:26.200 --> 00:01:30.400 in school on how do you resolve conflict, how do 22 00:01:30.439 --> 00:01:34.359 you work it out? You didn't ever take a class 23 00:01:34.439 --> 00:01:38.439 on how do you restore a broken relationship? And yet 24 00:01:38.480 --> 00:01:41.000 this is one of the most important skills to your 25 00:01:41.040 --> 00:01:47.760 happiness in life. But since you're here today, you picked 26 00:01:47.760 --> 00:01:51.480 a good week to come to church, and I highly 27 00:01:51.560 --> 00:01:55.480 recommend that you take notes, because what we're going to 28 00:01:55.519 --> 00:01:59.000 look at today are the seven steps of how to 29 00:01:59.040 --> 00:02:04.239 resolve a conflict and restore a broken relationship. You may 30 00:02:04.280 --> 00:02:06.400 not need this now, but you are going to need 31 00:02:06.439 --> 00:02:08.960 it at some point in your life. So take notes, 32 00:02:09.879 --> 00:02:11.960 and you're going to need to pass it on to friends, 33 00:02:13.159 --> 00:02:17.919 to co workers, to your own children, because nobody's teaching 34 00:02:18.000 --> 00:02:22.240 them how to resolve conflict either. Now, we've been in 35 00:02:22.280 --> 00:02:26.199 this series all summer on the Eight Beatitudes of Jesus. 36 00:02:26.520 --> 00:02:30.319 Jesus says there are eight conditions for being blessed by God. 37 00:02:30.599 --> 00:02:33.759 It's the first ten or twelve verses of the Sermon 38 00:02:33.800 --> 00:02:37.439 on the Mountain, and Jesus says, if you do these 39 00:02:37.560 --> 00:02:41.400 eight things, you will have God's blessing on your life, 40 00:02:41.879 --> 00:02:45.599 on your relationships, on your finances, on your time, and 41 00:02:45.719 --> 00:02:48.800 your health, on all these different areas. Blessings come from 42 00:02:49.120 --> 00:02:52.639 these things and when we come to Matthew chapter five, 43 00:02:52.960 --> 00:02:56.759 verse nine, we come to the next to the last beatitude, 44 00:02:57.000 --> 00:03:04.719 and it says this, God blesses the who are peacemakers. Peacemakers, 45 00:03:05.159 --> 00:03:10.719 for they peacemakers, will be called the children of God. 46 00:03:11.080 --> 00:03:13.599 The mark that you are really a child of God, 47 00:03:13.879 --> 00:03:16.199 the proof that you are on your way to heve. 48 00:03:16.199 --> 00:03:18.599 And one of the characteristics of a true believer is 49 00:03:18.759 --> 00:03:22.360 you're a peacemaker. Now, let me just start by telling 50 00:03:22.360 --> 00:03:25.639 you what peacemaking is not. You might write these down. 51 00:03:26.039 --> 00:03:30.199 It's not avoiding, and it's not appeasing. It's not avoiding 52 00:03:30.240 --> 00:03:34.759 and it's not appeasing. It means some people they will lie. 53 00:03:34.879 --> 00:03:36.919 I keep peace in my marriage. I just don't rock 54 00:03:36.960 --> 00:03:41.800 the boat. I sweep everything on the rug. I swallow it, 55 00:03:41.840 --> 00:03:46.960 I grin and bear it. That's not peacemaking. That's cowardice. 56 00:03:47.759 --> 00:03:50.840 That doesn't help at all. So peacemaking is not running 57 00:03:50.919 --> 00:03:56.240 or avoiding running from the problem. It's not appeasing. Appeasing 58 00:03:56.319 --> 00:04:01.199 means I always give in. They always get their it's 59 00:04:01.319 --> 00:04:07.080 peace at any price. Appeasement is not peacemaking. That's called codependency. 60 00:04:07.840 --> 00:04:13.520 Jesus Christ never ran from a legitimate conflict. He knew 61 00:04:13.560 --> 00:04:15.840 how to deal with it face on, and how to 62 00:04:15.879 --> 00:04:19.000 resolve it, and how to restore a relationship. Now, the 63 00:04:19.000 --> 00:04:22.240 Bible says, God blesses those who are peacemakers. Do we 64 00:04:22.319 --> 00:04:27.920 need peacemakers in our world today? Hello? Right now, there 65 00:04:27.959 --> 00:04:33.279 are five wars going on on our planet, five international wars. 66 00:04:34.199 --> 00:04:35.800 I don't know the last time we had five of 67 00:04:35.839 --> 00:04:38.000 them going on at the same time. That doesn't count 68 00:04:38.040 --> 00:04:43.480 all the internal strife going on within nations. It doesn't 69 00:04:43.480 --> 00:04:46.920 count strife at the border of our own nation. It 70 00:04:47.000 --> 00:04:51.519 doesn't count all of the conflict going on between the sexes, 71 00:04:52.120 --> 00:04:57.040 conflict going on between generations, conflict going on between races, 72 00:04:57.279 --> 00:05:03.279 between religions, between political parties. It doesn't count all of 73 00:05:03.319 --> 00:05:08.360 the conflict going on in cultures, between rich and poor, 74 00:05:08.360 --> 00:05:11.600 between educated and uneducated men and women, and on and 75 00:05:11.639 --> 00:05:16.360 on and on. We definitely need this message, not just 76 00:05:16.480 --> 00:05:19.959 in the world, but in our own personal lives. Now, 77 00:05:19.959 --> 00:05:22.639 what I want to do this weekend is teach you 78 00:05:23.079 --> 00:05:26.639 what you've never been taught before in school or anywhere else, 79 00:05:26.680 --> 00:05:30.040 and that is the seven steps according to God for 80 00:05:30.879 --> 00:05:35.000 resolving a conflict and restoring a broken relationship. That doesn't 81 00:05:35.000 --> 00:05:37.199 mean you get back with your ex. It means that 82 00:05:37.279 --> 00:05:40.680 you bury the hatchet. It means you make peace, that 83 00:05:40.759 --> 00:05:44.120 it's no longer resentment there. Now, before we go into 84 00:05:44.160 --> 00:05:47.560 these steps, I want to just quickly mention three reasons 85 00:05:47.560 --> 00:05:51.120 why this oughto matter to you, because you don't realize 86 00:05:51.240 --> 00:05:56.600 how much unresolved conflict messes up your life. Some of 87 00:05:56.639 --> 00:05:59.439 you have been in a conflict to somebody for weeks 88 00:06:00.800 --> 00:06:06.920 or months, or years or even decades, and you just said, well, 89 00:06:06.920 --> 00:06:08.959 I'm just gonna let it slide. I've been out of 90 00:06:09.000 --> 00:06:12.920 fellowship with my dad since who knows when, or my mom, 91 00:06:13.240 --> 00:06:15.959 or my brother or my sister, and you just let 92 00:06:16.000 --> 00:06:20.519 it slide, not realizing the damage it actually does to 93 00:06:20.600 --> 00:06:24.519 your life. The Bible says that when you don't resolve 94 00:06:24.519 --> 00:06:26.759 a conflict, well you just let it lay out there, 95 00:06:27.399 --> 00:06:29.319 pretend like it's not happened, and you try to get 96 00:06:29.360 --> 00:06:33.319 on with your life without ending that conflict. Three things happen. 97 00:06:33.439 --> 00:06:38.600 Write these down. Number one. The first problem with unresolved conflict, 98 00:06:38.839 --> 00:06:44.399 it blocks my fellowship with God. It blocks my fellowship 99 00:06:44.639 --> 00:06:48.720 with God. You cannot be right with God and wrong 100 00:06:48.879 --> 00:06:53.079 with other people. The horizontal and vertical relationships in your 101 00:06:53.120 --> 00:06:56.639 life come together at an intersection, and God says, I 102 00:06:56.759 --> 00:07:01.079 can't be right with God and wrong with you. That's 103 00:07:01.120 --> 00:07:05.120 exactly what he says. God says that I can't claim 104 00:07:05.160 --> 00:07:09.199 to be close to God if I'm distant from somebody 105 00:07:09.240 --> 00:07:11.920 in my life that I've got a conflict with. It 106 00:07:12.000 --> 00:07:14.519 is an amazing thing. Now. The Bible says it in 107 00:07:14.560 --> 00:07:17.839 First John, chapter four, verse twenty. It's up here on 108 00:07:17.879 --> 00:07:22.079 the screen. You can't love God, whom you've never seen. 109 00:07:22.959 --> 00:07:26.160 If you don't love the people you do see. To 110 00:07:26.279 --> 00:07:29.959 claim that you love God while hating others makes you 111 00:07:30.000 --> 00:07:34.839 a liar. That's pretty clear. He's saying. I can't say 112 00:07:35.439 --> 00:07:37.759 me and God we're like this when you and me 113 00:07:38.000 --> 00:07:42.160 are like this stand off in conflict with each other. 114 00:07:42.759 --> 00:07:45.480 Number two, it not only blocks my fellowship with God, 115 00:07:45.600 --> 00:07:50.240 it blocks my prayers. It keeps my prayers from being answered. 116 00:07:50.439 --> 00:07:54.240 Did you know that when you're out of whack in relationships? 117 00:07:55.040 --> 00:07:58.839 The Bible says, God cannot hear your prayers. They are 118 00:07:58.879 --> 00:08:02.560 connected together because God is love, and the number one 119 00:08:02.600 --> 00:08:04.759 thing God wants you to learn on this planet while 120 00:08:04.800 --> 00:08:07.120 you're here is to learn how to love and if 121 00:08:07.160 --> 00:08:09.879 you're in conflict with people, you certainly aren't loving them 122 00:08:10.160 --> 00:08:16.120 at that moment. Now, guys, let me just point out 123 00:08:16.120 --> 00:08:18.519 something that's a little scary for those of us who 124 00:08:18.560 --> 00:08:21.240 are husbands. Look at this verse on the screen first, 125 00:08:21.319 --> 00:08:26.800 Peter three, verse seven. Husbands, be considerate of your wives 126 00:08:27.839 --> 00:08:34.279 and treat them with respect so that nothing hinders your prayers. 127 00:08:35.840 --> 00:08:38.600 Are you telling me, Rick that if I'm out of 128 00:08:38.679 --> 00:08:41.080 fellowship with my wife and I'm not treating her with 129 00:08:41.120 --> 00:08:43.919 the respect, God is not hearing my prayers. That's exactly 130 00:08:44.000 --> 00:08:47.200 what I'm telling you, because that's what the Bible says. 131 00:08:47.639 --> 00:08:51.240 There is a connection between the horizontal and vertical relationships. 132 00:08:51.519 --> 00:08:54.000 Love God with all your heart, and love your neighbors yourself. 133 00:08:54.120 --> 00:08:56.720 There's a third reason why you need to resolve conflict 134 00:08:57.039 --> 00:09:00.799 is because it blocks my happiness. Now you know this 135 00:09:00.840 --> 00:09:03.879 in personal experience. You can be the most famous and 136 00:09:03.960 --> 00:09:07.639 wealthiest celebrity on the planet, and if your relationship stink, 137 00:09:08.000 --> 00:09:12.399 life stinks. You can accomplish all kinds of things and 138 00:09:12.480 --> 00:09:14.919 get your picture on the cover of Time magazine and 139 00:09:14.960 --> 00:09:18.000 be awarded all kinds of awards for your accomplishments. But 140 00:09:18.159 --> 00:09:21.600 if your marriage isn't working or you're out of harmony 141 00:09:21.679 --> 00:09:25.039 with your kids, or you don't really have any close friends, 142 00:09:25.159 --> 00:09:27.799 or you're out of fellowship with your own family. It 143 00:09:27.840 --> 00:09:31.080 doesn't matter how much money you make. You know, you 144 00:09:31.120 --> 00:09:34.080 can go on a family vacation to Bora Bora or 145 00:09:34.080 --> 00:09:36.360 Tahiti and if you have a bunch of arguments there, 146 00:09:36.360 --> 00:09:38.360 it doesn't matter how beautiful it is. It's not a 147 00:09:38.399 --> 00:09:43.919 happy time. It's just not happy. Now. The Bible says 148 00:09:43.919 --> 00:09:48.519 this in James Chapter three, verse eighteen. Those who are 149 00:09:48.519 --> 00:09:54.919 peacemakers will plant seeds of peace and reap a harvest 150 00:09:55.159 --> 00:09:58.000 of goodness. I want God's goodness in your life. How 151 00:09:58.039 --> 00:10:00.559 do you do that? You plant seeds of peace. We're 152 00:10:00.559 --> 00:10:03.039 gonna look at the seven seeds of peace that you 153 00:10:03.080 --> 00:10:06.679 can plant. Now. This is the law of sowing and reaping, 154 00:10:06.799 --> 00:10:09.559 or planting and harvesting. It's one of the universal laws 155 00:10:09.919 --> 00:10:14.360 in all of the universe. God designed the universe that 156 00:10:14.399 --> 00:10:17.279 what you sow, you reap. Now, this is true for 157 00:10:17.320 --> 00:10:19.559 good or bad. If you sow gossip, people are going 158 00:10:19.600 --> 00:10:23.120 to gossip about you. If you sow anger in your children, 159 00:10:23.240 --> 00:10:25.519 they're going to be angry at you. If you sow bitterness, 160 00:10:25.600 --> 00:10:27.919 you're gonna get bitterness back. If you sow resentment, you 161 00:10:27.919 --> 00:10:30.039 get resented in the back. Works good either way. If 162 00:10:30.039 --> 00:10:33.159 you're generous with people, people will be generous with you. 163 00:10:33.399 --> 00:10:36.000 If you're kind with people, people will be kind to you. 164 00:10:36.080 --> 00:10:38.559 If you're generous with praise, people will be generous with praise. 165 00:10:38.799 --> 00:10:41.679 But here's the interesting thing about sowing and reaping. You 166 00:10:41.720 --> 00:10:44.000 don't get back exactly what you put out. You get 167 00:10:44.039 --> 00:10:47.840 back more of the same. If you plant one kernel 168 00:10:47.879 --> 00:10:49.840 of corn, you don't get one kernel of corn back. 169 00:10:49.960 --> 00:10:52.080 You get a stalk with thousands of kernels of corn. 170 00:10:52.159 --> 00:10:54.080 If you plant one tomato seed, you don't get one 171 00:10:54.120 --> 00:10:57.399 tomato seed back. You get dozens of tomatoes and thousands 172 00:10:57.399 --> 00:11:02.879 of seeds. So whatever you plant, if you plant conflict, 173 00:11:03.480 --> 00:11:06.399 you're going to read more conflict than you can imagine. 174 00:11:06.639 --> 00:11:10.039 And if you plant jealousy, you'll get that back. On 175 00:11:10.080 --> 00:11:12.720 the other hand, if you learn how to plant seeds 176 00:11:12.759 --> 00:11:14.600 of peace, which I'm going to teach you how to 177 00:11:14.639 --> 00:11:17.120 do today, your life's going to be a lot of 178 00:11:17.200 --> 00:11:25.759 peace today. I've got a quick note from a listener 179 00:11:25.759 --> 00:11:28.919 in Minneapolis. His name is Bill, and Bill wrote to me, Rick, 180 00:11:29.279 --> 00:11:31.320 I want to let you know that I prayed with 181 00:11:31.440 --> 00:11:35.759 you this morning accepting God into my life. Wow, that's great. 182 00:11:36.200 --> 00:11:38.480 Daily Hope has become the way that I start each 183 00:11:38.559 --> 00:11:42.639 day listening to your podcast. So much has changed in 184 00:11:42.679 --> 00:11:45.559 my life over the past year. I had a job loss, 185 00:11:45.600 --> 00:11:48.200 I had a transition, I had a divorce, my dad 186 00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:53.440 passed away, cancer, and my faith all in the same year. 187 00:11:54.480 --> 00:11:56.519 I'm so thankful for all that you do. Well. Bill, 188 00:11:56.679 --> 00:11:58.960 I want to tell you, I know you've been going 189 00:11:58.960 --> 00:12:01.759 through some really tough times this past year, but there's 190 00:12:01.759 --> 00:12:04.919 no greater news than hearing that you've accepted Jesus into 191 00:12:04.919 --> 00:12:07.120 your life. And the fact that God used the Daily 192 00:12:07.159 --> 00:12:11.159 Hope podcast to lead you to Him is such a blessing. 193 00:12:11.879 --> 00:12:13.679 And I want you to know that as you continue 194 00:12:13.720 --> 00:12:17.000 to study God's word every day, you're going to find 195 00:12:17.159 --> 00:12:20.120 that your faith is growing and you'll see God actively 196 00:12:20.200 --> 00:12:23.240 working in your life. And I really am as excited 197 00:12:23.519 --> 00:12:25.919 to think about what the next year is going to bring. 198 00:12:26.159 --> 00:12:28.720 Year two in your life will be very different than 199 00:12:28.799 --> 00:12:32.279 the last year. And to the rest of you, all 200 00:12:32.320 --> 00:12:35.039 of our Daily Hope listeners, I just want to thank 201 00:12:35.120 --> 00:12:37.879 you because we're able to provide the Daily Hope podcast 202 00:12:38.159 --> 00:12:42.679 to people like Bill because of your generous support. Thank you, 203 00:12:42.720 --> 00:12:44.759 thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you 204 00:12:44.840 --> 00:12:48.080 for helping us share the good news all around the world. 205 00:12:48.399 --> 00:12:50.799 We love you, and imagine what it's going to be 206 00:12:51.200 --> 00:12:53.080 to get to heaven and see all these people who 207 00:12:53.120 --> 00:12:58.600 came to know Christ because of your giving. God bless you. 208 00:12:58.600 --> 00:13:01.679 You can join us and bring hope to others. Just 209 00:13:01.720 --> 00:13:11.200 scan the QR code or go to dailyhopetv dot com. Okay, 210 00:13:11.320 --> 00:13:15.200 let's look at these seven steps to resolving conflict and 211 00:13:15.279 --> 00:13:18.240 you can use this in any area of your life. 212 00:13:18.360 --> 00:13:21.200 Number One, you want to be a peace maker, make 213 00:13:21.559 --> 00:13:26.720 the first move. You make the first move. You don't 214 00:13:26.720 --> 00:13:30.600 wait on somebody else. You take the initiative. Now I 215 00:13:30.639 --> 00:13:32.360 know what you're thinking. Anything, well, you know it's all 216 00:13:32.399 --> 00:13:36.240 their fault. And when they come to me, then I'll 217 00:13:36.240 --> 00:13:38.799 be glad to face the conflict and deal with it. No, 218 00:13:39.200 --> 00:13:42.279 God says, he expects you to make the first step. 219 00:13:42.480 --> 00:13:46.240 That's what's called being a peace maker. Not a peace keeper, 220 00:13:46.440 --> 00:13:51.080 but a peace maker. Now listen, God says, reconciliation in 221 00:13:51.120 --> 00:13:54.559 your relationships, having harmony in your relationships is so important. 222 00:13:54.879 --> 00:13:59.840 God says, it's more important than worship. It's more important, 223 00:14:00.000 --> 00:14:04.799 and you coming to church. Don't everybody leave it once. 224 00:14:06.799 --> 00:14:09.159 But if you've got somebody that you're out of whack 225 00:14:09.200 --> 00:14:12.799 with right now, there's something more important than actually you 226 00:14:12.919 --> 00:14:17.399 listening to me. Here's what Jesus said in Matthew, chapter five, 227 00:14:17.480 --> 00:14:19.320 verse twenty three. This is still in the Sermon on 228 00:14:19.360 --> 00:14:22.240 the Mount, verse twenty three and twenty four. If you're 229 00:14:22.320 --> 00:14:27.200 standing before the altar in the temple and you're giving 230 00:14:27.279 --> 00:14:31.879 an offering to God and you suddenly remember somebody has 231 00:14:31.960 --> 00:14:34.519 something against you. It doesn't matter if you've got something 232 00:14:34.519 --> 00:14:37.600 against them or they got something against you. You leave 233 00:14:37.720 --> 00:14:43.559 your offering there beside the altar, go at once, and 234 00:14:43.879 --> 00:14:48.080 first be reconciled. Circle the phrase, first be reconciled. That's 235 00:14:48.120 --> 00:14:50.600 to be the top priority in your life. First be 236 00:14:50.759 --> 00:14:55.279 reconciled to that person. Then come and offer your gift 237 00:14:55.399 --> 00:15:00.240 to God. Now this is Jesus talking. Now again, some 238 00:15:00.320 --> 00:15:02.960 relationship conflicts in your life that have gone on for 239 00:15:03.120 --> 00:15:06.480 months or years or longer, God says, don't do that. 240 00:15:06.879 --> 00:15:10.840 You don't realize how much it's hurting you spiritually. Now, 241 00:15:10.919 --> 00:15:14.840 doesn't matter whether you are the offended person, or you 242 00:15:14.879 --> 00:15:18.080 are the offender, or it's a little of both. God says, 243 00:15:18.399 --> 00:15:21.279 you make the first move. It's always your move. Now, 244 00:15:21.559 --> 00:15:24.440 I had to admit early in my marriage I didn't 245 00:15:24.480 --> 00:15:28.200 get this. I didn't understand it. I ran from conflict 246 00:15:28.320 --> 00:15:30.480 all the time. I never did one I was. There 247 00:15:30.519 --> 00:15:34.720 was a guy in the in the musical Oliver called 248 00:15:34.879 --> 00:15:39.200 the artful Dodger. That was me. And Kay would throw 249 00:15:39.240 --> 00:15:41.240 an issue at me, and I'd duck and I'd dodge, 250 00:15:41.240 --> 00:15:43.559 and she'd throw another issue and I'd duck and dodge 251 00:15:43.679 --> 00:15:46.559 because I did not want to get into any kind 252 00:15:46.600 --> 00:15:50.320 of conflict. You know, in every marriage, there are skunks 253 00:15:50.440 --> 00:15:54.440 and there are turtles. Skunks, when they get upset, they 254 00:15:54.480 --> 00:15:58.480 stink the placeop when you're If you're a skunk, you 255 00:15:58.600 --> 00:16:03.159 let everybody know when you're unhappy. Turtles, on the other hand, 256 00:16:03.399 --> 00:16:08.240 pull into a shell and hide when there is conflict. Now, 257 00:16:08.600 --> 00:16:16.200 skunks always marry turtles always, So I'm not telling you 258 00:16:16.240 --> 00:16:19.159 which ones which in your marriage. But want to use 259 00:16:19.240 --> 00:16:22.919 the skunk and want to use the turtle, and it's 260 00:16:23.200 --> 00:16:28.720 hiding and hurling. That's what we do together. Conflict has 261 00:16:28.879 --> 00:16:32.679 never resolved accidentally. It just doesn't happen. It's always intentional. 262 00:16:32.840 --> 00:16:37.840 You got to make the move. Conflict never resolves itself. 263 00:16:38.120 --> 00:16:42.080 Now you've heard the expression time heals all things. That's 264 00:16:42.120 --> 00:16:47.399 a bunch of balogney. That's not true. Time heals nothing. 265 00:16:48.679 --> 00:16:50.799 If you've got cancer, so I think I'll just wait 266 00:16:50.840 --> 00:16:53.639 for it to get better, it's not gonna get better, 267 00:16:53.679 --> 00:16:56.200 it's gonna get worse. If you get shot in the 268 00:16:56.320 --> 00:16:59.960 side and you're bleeding to death, you think time heals everything. 269 00:17:00.080 --> 00:17:02.679 I think I'll just wait this one out. No, when 270 00:17:02.720 --> 00:17:06.759 you have a wound, it gets worse. It festers, it 271 00:17:06.799 --> 00:17:11.720 gets pussy, it gets infected. Time has never healed anything 272 00:17:12.000 --> 00:17:14.680 in your life. It only makes it worse. And if 273 00:17:14.720 --> 00:17:18.200 you hold onto resentment and bitterness, it doesn't get better. 274 00:17:18.480 --> 00:17:21.960 It gets worse over the years, and you get more hardened, 275 00:17:21.960 --> 00:17:25.319 and your heart gets harder and hard If time healed everything, 276 00:17:25.640 --> 00:17:27.599 you'd never need to go to a doctor. You could 277 00:17:27.680 --> 00:17:32.359 just go sit in the waiting room and say, well, 278 00:17:32.400 --> 00:17:33.759 you know, I don't need to see the doctor. I'll 279 00:17:33.759 --> 00:17:35.519 be here twelve hours and my flu will be gone, 280 00:17:37.160 --> 00:17:41.759 or my back will automatically heals it out. Time heals nothing, 281 00:17:42.839 --> 00:17:45.039 And the more you put it off, the worse the 282 00:17:45.160 --> 00:17:48.440 problem gets. Now I want you to write this down. 283 00:17:48.759 --> 00:17:51.920 The only way to resolve a conflict is to face it. 284 00:17:52.640 --> 00:17:56.720 Write that down. The only way to resolve a conflict 285 00:17:57.000 --> 00:17:59.240 is to face it. You can't go around it, over it, 286 00:17:59.319 --> 00:18:02.839 underneath it, behind it. You've got to go through it. 287 00:18:03.279 --> 00:18:05.440 And I'm going to teach you how to do this 288 00:18:05.720 --> 00:18:09.039 with the minimal amount of pain. You have to make 289 00:18:09.079 --> 00:18:13.920 the decision. I'm going to resolve the issue. Now. What 290 00:18:14.200 --> 00:18:18.279 causes us to postpone and procrastinate over issues that we 291 00:18:18.319 --> 00:18:20.240 know when we're out of whack with somebody at work 292 00:18:20.319 --> 00:18:22.759 or at home, or in our family, whatever. Well, the 293 00:18:22.839 --> 00:18:27.079 answer is one word. It is fear. Fear. We're always 294 00:18:27.160 --> 00:18:34.039 afraid of conflict. I've seen very masculine, manly marines who 295 00:18:34.039 --> 00:18:37.440 would die in a battlefield shrink in terror when their 296 00:18:37.480 --> 00:18:42.720 wife says four words, we need to talk. Those four 297 00:18:42.759 --> 00:18:45.319 words put the fear of God in every human male. 298 00:18:45.960 --> 00:18:51.000 We need to talk because people don't like conflict. Now, 299 00:18:51.119 --> 00:18:53.960 this fear of conflict is as old as the first couple, 300 00:18:54.039 --> 00:18:56.640 Adam and Eve. Adam and he disobeyed God. They got 301 00:18:56.680 --> 00:18:58.440 out of fellowship with God, that were out of whack 302 00:18:58.480 --> 00:19:01.759 with him. And here's what the Bible says in Genesis three, 303 00:19:01.960 --> 00:19:04.599 Adam said to God, I heard you in the garden, 304 00:19:04.880 --> 00:19:08.359 and I was afraid because I was naked, and so 305 00:19:08.519 --> 00:19:12.160 I hid. Now, notice he says, I'm afraid because I 306 00:19:12.160 --> 00:19:14.319 was naked. What's he talking about. I feel vulnerable, I 307 00:19:14.359 --> 00:19:18.599 feel exposed. I'm not covered up. So I was afraid 308 00:19:18.599 --> 00:19:21.480 and I hid. And men have been hiding from women, 309 00:19:21.759 --> 00:19:26.599 and women have been hiding from men ever since. In relationships, 310 00:19:26.720 --> 00:19:31.000 we hide and we hurl, and we're afraid. What is 311 00:19:31.039 --> 00:19:34.720 it that we're afraid of. We're afraid of vulnerability. We're 312 00:19:34.759 --> 00:19:38.440 afraid of being exposed. And that does three things. It 313 00:19:38.480 --> 00:19:41.920 makes you distant, It makes you demanding, and it makes 314 00:19:41.920 --> 00:19:47.279 you defensive. First, when you're afraid in a relationship, you 315 00:19:47.319 --> 00:19:50.359 get defensive and somebody brings something up, and then you 316 00:19:50.400 --> 00:19:53.599 get defensive about it, and you're afraid to reveal your 317 00:19:53.640 --> 00:19:57.079 true self, and you get distant. And what happens is 318 00:19:57.119 --> 00:20:00.640 we withdraw and we hide, and we build walls. We 319 00:20:00.720 --> 00:20:05.200 become distant, and then we become demanding. The more insecure 320 00:20:05.240 --> 00:20:07.680 you are, the more you try to control things in 321 00:20:07.720 --> 00:20:10.920 your life, and the most controlling people of the most 322 00:20:10.960 --> 00:20:15.039 insecure people, and the more insecure you are in a relationship, 323 00:20:15.240 --> 00:20:19.720 the more demanding and defensive and distant you can become 324 00:20:19.960 --> 00:20:21.559 because you don't want to let me get close to you. 325 00:20:22.680 --> 00:20:26.079 Some people think, I've talked to some singles if adults, 326 00:20:26.079 --> 00:20:27.920 you think, you know, the worst thing in my life 327 00:20:27.960 --> 00:20:29.839 is that I didn't get married. No, that is not 328 00:20:29.880 --> 00:20:32.839 the worst thing in your life. A far worst thing 329 00:20:33.119 --> 00:20:36.599 would be to get married and then live in emotional 330 00:20:36.720 --> 00:20:38.759 distance from the person you're married to the rest of 331 00:20:38.799 --> 00:20:42.319 your life. And we see it all the time when 332 00:20:42.359 --> 00:20:46.240 the very person you're supposed to be one with you're sharing, 333 00:20:46.519 --> 00:20:50.400 holding back secrets from and you can't reveal the true you, 334 00:20:50.640 --> 00:20:52.599 and you've been married to them for twenty years and 335 00:20:52.599 --> 00:20:56.480 you still can't be honest, can't be open, can't be vulnerable. 336 00:20:56.599 --> 00:20:59.640 That was what fear does. Fear keeps us from the 337 00:21:00.119 --> 00:21:03.079 connecting at a deep level. What is it that I'm 338 00:21:03.119 --> 00:21:07.359 afraid of. I'm afraid of your rejection. I'm afraid you're 339 00:21:07.359 --> 00:21:10.680 going to misunderstand me. I'm afraid that I might say 340 00:21:10.720 --> 00:21:12.599 something in a conflict that you're going to come back 341 00:21:12.640 --> 00:21:16.400 and use against me later on. And it keeps us 342 00:21:16.400 --> 00:21:19.240 from disconnecting at a real level. Why am I afraid 343 00:21:19.240 --> 00:21:22.079 to tell you what I'm really feeling about this problem, 344 00:21:23.240 --> 00:21:27.640 because I'm all I've gotten. You don't like me, That's it. 345 00:21:28.480 --> 00:21:32.319 Where do you find the courage to make the first move? 346 00:21:33.160 --> 00:21:35.640 You keep waiting on somebody else resolve the conflict. They're 347 00:21:35.680 --> 00:21:39.359 waiting on you and peacemakers take an issue. Where do 348 00:21:39.440 --> 00:21:42.920 you get the courage to deal with your dad or 349 00:21:42.960 --> 00:21:46.240 your mom, or your brother or your sister, or a child, 350 00:21:46.359 --> 00:21:48.559 or your husband or your wife, or an ex or something. 351 00:21:48.599 --> 00:21:51.119 Where do you get that courage? There's only one place, 352 00:21:53.319 --> 00:21:57.559 the Holy spirit, God's holy spirit, the spirit of God's love. 353 00:21:58.000 --> 00:22:02.119 The Bible says, there is no fear in love. Now 354 00:22:02.160 --> 00:22:04.400 God is love. If you get full of God, the 355 00:22:04.440 --> 00:22:08.240 fear is going to go. What motivates a normally rational 356 00:22:08.279 --> 00:22:11.480 person to run into a burning building because they know 357 00:22:11.519 --> 00:22:15.079 a baby's in there, and the fear is overcome by 358 00:22:15.119 --> 00:22:19.920 their love for that child. We never change until our 359 00:22:20.039 --> 00:22:25.039 love exceeds our fear. We never change until the pain 360 00:22:25.480 --> 00:22:29.720 exceeds our fear. And so the starting point is to say, God, 361 00:22:29.759 --> 00:22:31.839 I need you to fill me with your love, because 362 00:22:31.880 --> 00:22:36.200 perfect love casts out all fear. The Bible says this 363 00:22:36.240 --> 00:22:39.720 in two Timothy one seven. Here on the screen, it 364 00:22:39.839 --> 00:22:42.799 says God has not given us a spirit of fear 365 00:22:43.720 --> 00:22:47.599 and timidity, but a spirit of power and love and 366 00:22:47.640 --> 00:22:51.880 self discipline. So everything I'm going to teach you today, 367 00:22:52.160 --> 00:22:56.400 the steps, and they're very practical steps cannot be done 368 00:22:56.720 --> 00:22:59.519 unless you get filled with God's love. Because it is 369 00:22:59.559 --> 00:23:01.880 a love of God. It's going to eliminate the fear. 370 00:23:02.279 --> 00:23:05.519 And then you have the courage to make the first step. 371 00:23:06.000 --> 00:23:08.160 How do you get that love? You ask God for it. 372 00:23:08.200 --> 00:23:13.200 So here's the second step, ask God for wisdom. You 373 00:23:13.359 --> 00:23:15.400 made the decision. Okay, I'm not gonna let this thing 374 00:23:15.400 --> 00:23:17.759 go anymore. I'm not gonna let it fester. I'm gonna 375 00:23:17.759 --> 00:23:21.279 deal with this conflict that's been under the surface for 376 00:23:21.319 --> 00:23:24.759 so many years or months, and I'm going to ask 377 00:23:24.839 --> 00:23:30.119 God for wisdom. The Bible says in James chapter one 378 00:23:30.400 --> 00:23:33.039 that if we ask God for wisdom, God will give 379 00:23:33.079 --> 00:23:36.920 it to us James one, verse five. If you want 380 00:23:36.920 --> 00:23:39.519 to know what God wants you to do, ask him 381 00:23:39.799 --> 00:23:43.000 and he will gladly tell you. So the first thing 382 00:23:43.000 --> 00:23:44.599 you do is you make decision. I'm not going to 383 00:23:44.640 --> 00:23:47.400 go along with this unresolved anymore. I don't want to 384 00:23:47.400 --> 00:23:49.000 be out of fellowship of God. I don't want my 385 00:23:49.039 --> 00:23:51.720 prayers unanswered. I don't want to be unhappy. I don't 386 00:23:51.720 --> 00:23:53.960 want to be miserable. So I'm gonna take the first step. 387 00:23:54.000 --> 00:23:56.000 I'm not gonna wait on them, and then I'm gonna 388 00:23:56.000 --> 00:23:59.000 say God, I really need your help. I need you 389 00:23:59.039 --> 00:24:00.839 to fill me with love because I'm scared to death 390 00:24:01.799 --> 00:24:04.119 and God, I don't know what to say. I don't 391 00:24:04.160 --> 00:24:05.519 know when to say it. I don't know where to 392 00:24:05.519 --> 00:24:07.960 say it. I don't know what's the best time. You 393 00:24:08.079 --> 00:24:12.400 plan a peace conference, and you find a time when 394 00:24:12.400 --> 00:24:15.440 it's good for them, not when you're tired. By the way, 395 00:24:15.640 --> 00:24:20.440 never have a conflict resolution while you're in bed, save 396 00:24:20.519 --> 00:24:25.559 that for other things in bed. If you start having 397 00:24:25.559 --> 00:24:27.680 a conflict, but half the time you go through, you 398 00:24:27.720 --> 00:24:29.359 start to get the major point you're going to hear, 399 00:24:31.319 --> 00:24:35.519 and that kind of ruins it. So don't use the 400 00:24:35.559 --> 00:24:41.039 bedroom for your conflict area. But you get where you're alone, 401 00:24:41.279 --> 00:24:43.799