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Speaker 1: by S. Kue Veelt This Giddy Globe by Oliver Herfort.
Speaker 1: Why is the Globe? Chapter one? The creation? Six busy
Speaker 1: days it took in all to make a world and
Speaker 1: plan its fall. The seventh some one said, twas good
Speaker 1: and rested. Should you think he could, knowing what the
Speaker 1: result would be, there would have been no rest for me.
Speaker 1: Claire Beecher Kumer. It takes much longer to write a
Speaker 1: geography than, according to Moses, it took to create the world,
Speaker 1: which it is the geographer's business to describe. And since
Speaker 1: the critic has been added to the list of created beings,
Speaker 1: it is no longer the fashion for the author to
Speaker 1: pass judgment on his own work. Let us imagine, however,
Speaker 1: that concealed in the cargo of hypothetic nebula destined for
Speaker 1: the construction of the terrestrial globe was a protoplasmic stowaway
Speaker 1: that sprang to being in the shape of a critic,
Speaker 1: just as the work of creation was finished, would it
Speaker 1: not be interesting to speculate upon that critic's reception of
Speaker 1: the freshly made worlds. We may be sure that he
Speaker 1: would have found many things not to his liking, technical defects,
Speaker 1: such as the treatment of grass and foliage in green
Speaker 1: instead of the proper purple, The tinting of the sky,
Speaker 1: which any landscape painter will tell you would be more
Speaker 1: decorative done in turquoise green than cobalt blue. Like the
Speaker 1: foolish butterfly in the Talmud who to impress missus, butterfly
Speaker 1: stamped his tiny foot upon the dome of King Solomon's temple,
Speaker 1: our critic might have declared the world too flimsy in construction.
Speaker 1: He would certainly have found fault with the solar system
Speaker 1: and the plumbing, the absence of heat and winds when
Speaker 1: there is the greater need of it, and the paucity
Speaker 1: of moisture in the desert places where it never rains.
Speaker 1: The comicality of the Ape family might have provoked a
Speaker 1: reluctant smile, but much more likely a lecture on the
Speaker 1: impropriety of descending to caricature, and a serious work at best,
Speaker 1: our critic would have pronounced the freshly made world, the
Speaker 1: work of a beginner, conceding perhaps that he showed promise
Speaker 1: and might go far. And if he wished to be
Speaker 1: very impressive, indeed, he would pretend that he had penetrated
Speaker 1: the veil of anonymity, and hint darkly that he detected
Speaker 1: evident traces of a feminine touch. In that, however, our
Speaker 1: critic would only have been anticipating, for there is not,
Speaker 1: at this very moment on the press a suffrage edition
Speaker 1: for women only of the Rubaiyat, in which one verse
Speaker 1: is amended to read thus the ball no question makes
Speaker 1: of is or noes, but righter left as strikes, the
Speaker 1: player goes, And she who tossed it down into the field,
Speaker 1: she knows about it. All she knows. She knows. Preface
Speaker 1: strictly private for the reader only. Dear reader, this is
Speaker 1: for you, and you only. We have concealed it between
Speaker 1: chapters one and two, so that it will not meet
Speaker 1: any eye but yours. We have a confession to make.
Speaker 1: It would be useless to attempt concealment. We have the
Speaker 1: digression habit. We have tried every known remedy, but we
Speaker 1: feel it is incurable. All we ask, gentle reader is
Speaker 1: that when we stray too far, you will favor us
Speaker 1: with a gentle reminder. Chapter two A long jump. It
Speaker 1: is a long jump from Moses, the author of the
Speaker 1: first work on geography, to Peter Simple. When the acrobatic
Speaker 1: reader has fetched his breath and looks back at the
Speaker 1: fearsome list of geographers he has skipped Stravo, an Aximander, Hekataius, Eudoxus, Euphorus, Ducaerchus, Erasthenes, Polybius, Posidonius,
Speaker 1: and Charles F. King, he may well be thankful to
Speaker 1: find he has fallen upon his feet. A geographer's task
Speaker 1: is endless. The planet he endeavors to portray is perpetually
Speaker 1: changing its appearance. After thousands and thousands of years, it
Speaker 1: is no nearer completion than it was in the beginning.
Speaker 1: The sea, with its white teeth, bites the edges of
Speaker 1: the continents into new shapes, as a child bites the
Speaker 1: edges of a biscuit. The glaciers file away, the mountains
Speaker 1: into valleys and plains. Beneath the ocean, busy insects are
Speaker 1: building the foundations of new continents, and under the earth,
Speaker 1: fiery demons are ready. At all times to burst forth
Speaker 1: and help to destroy the old ones. It really begins
Speaker 1: to look as if this planet would never be finished.
Speaker 1: In the first chapter of his geography, Moses tells us
Speaker 1: there were only two people in the world today. We
Speaker 1: are preparing to put up the standing room. Only notice
Speaker 1: in another thousand years, for all we know, the Earth
Speaker 1: may be going around, dark and tenantless and bearing the
Speaker 1: sign to let What does it matter to us? What
Speaker 1: are we but microscopic weavils in the moldy crust of
Speaker 1: the earth sufficient unto the day is the weevil thereof
Speaker 1: chapter three the giddy globe. Men of science, who delight
Speaker 1: in applying harsh terms to things that cannot talk back,
Speaker 1: have called this giddy globe an oblate spheroid. Francis Bacon
Speaker 1: called it a bubble, Shakespeare an oyster, Rossetti a midge,
Speaker 1: and W. S. Gilbert addresses it familiarly as a ball.
Speaker 1: Roll on, thou ball, roll on through pathless realms of space.
Speaker 1: Roll on, what though I'm in a sorry case, What
Speaker 1: though I cannot meet my bills, What though I suffer
Speaker 1: toothake's ill, What though I swallow countless pills? Never you mind?
Speaker 1: Roll on it rolls on. But these people belong to
Speaker 1: a privileged class that is encouraged, even paid, to distort
Speaker 1: the language, and they must not be taken too literally.
Speaker 1: The giddy globe is really quite large, not to say obese.
Speaker 1: Her waist measurement is no less than twenty five thousand miles.
Speaker 1: In the hope of reducing it, the Earth takes unceasing
Speaker 1: and violent exercise. But though she spins round on one
Speaker 1: toe at the rate of one thousand miles an hour
Speaker 1: every day, and round the sun once a year, she
Speaker 1: does not succeed in taking off a single mile or
Speaker 1: keeping even comfortably warm all over. No wonder the globe
Speaker 1: is giddy. Questions explain the nebular hypothesis, state briefly the
Speaker 1: electromagnetical constituents of the auroraboialis, and explain their relation to
Speaker 1: the Hertzian wave. Define the difference between the Hertzian wave
Speaker 1: and the Marcel wave. Chapter four The use of the globe.
Speaker 1: What is the Earth? For nobody knows. Some say the
Speaker 1: earth was made to supply the wants of man. But
Speaker 1: as man is part and parcel of the Earth herself,
Speaker 1: dust of her dust, mold of her mold, it does
Speaker 1: not answer the question. Photo the friendly cow from an
Speaker 1: instantaneous photograph of an animal cracker. Owing to the high
Speaker 1: price of living, the cow was partially eaten by the
Speaker 1: author before the photograph could be taken. To be sure,
Speaker 1: the earth produces the tobacco plant and many other things
Speaker 1: that we classify among the needs of man, including the
Speaker 1: friendly cow. She walks among the flowers sweet and choose,
Speaker 1: and choose and choose, and turns them into friendly meat
Speaker 1: and pleasant boots and shoes. But the friendly cow may,
Speaker 1: in her secret heart, regard the classification as anything but friendly.
Speaker 1: For all we know, in the hidden scheme of creation,
Speaker 1: the cow may herself be the subject for ultimate evolution
Speaker 1: in the perfect being, and man to reverse Darwin descending
Speaker 1: through the ape to ever lower planes, only a discarded experiment,
Speaker 1: and the tobacco plant. In the course of time, there
Speaker 1: may be no tobacco plant. Should the American people be
Speaker 1: again tempted to wage a world war for freedom, they
Speaker 1: may find on their return that the tobacco plants have
Speaker 1: gone to join the grapevines of California. Our only hope
Speaker 1: will then be that smoking is permitted in head. The
Speaker 1: author is digressing the reader questions, what is friendship? Why
Speaker 1: is the cow friendly? Is the oyster friendly? When prohibition
Speaker 1: is applied to tobacco, will cigars containing less than one
Speaker 1: half of one percent tobacco be permitted? Chapter five The equator.
Speaker 1: The Earth is self centered, poised on an imaginary toe,
Speaker 1: shapirouettes round her self center at the rate of over
Speaker 1: a thousand miles an hour. We say imaginary toe because
Speaker 1: the Earth, owing to the enormous size of her waist,
Speaker 1: has never been able to see it to any one
Speaker 1: with a waste measurement of twenty five thousand miles, The
Speaker 1: very existence of toes is purely problematical. To wear an
Speaker 1: actual belt round a waste of such dimensions would be impossible,
Speaker 1: even if it could be of any use. Instead, therefore,
Speaker 1: the Earth wears round her middle an imaginary line called
Speaker 1: the equator. To give this imaginary belt some excuse for existence,
Speaker 1: we have depicted the Earth in an imaginary ballet skirt, which,
Speaker 1: without in any way hampering her movements, complies with the
Speaker 1: strict regulations pertaining to feminine attire. Being self centered, the
Speaker 1: Earth has naturally an exaggerated sense of self esteem. Other
Speaker 1: spheres of equal or greater importance, are referred to as
Speaker 1: luminaries and supposed to exist chiefly for the purpose of
Speaker 1: furnishing light when the Sun and Moon are otherwise engaged. Oh,
Speaker 1: would some power the gifty give her to see as
Speaker 1: other planets see her? Questions? Can an imaginary line be
Speaker 1: said to exist? If not, why does it need an
Speaker 1: excuse for existence? Chapter six, The Earth's crust. Matter of fact,
Speaker 1: geologists speak of the Earth's crust as if there were
Speaker 1: only one crust. Thoughtful people like ourselves, who can read
Speaker 1: between imaginary lines, know that there are, as in a pie,
Speaker 1: two crusts, the upper crust and the undercrust. The upper
Speaker 1: crust is pleasantly situated on the top, and is rich
Speaker 1: and agreeable and much sought after. The undercrust is soggy
Speaker 1: and disagreeable. The only apparent reason for its existence is
Speaker 1: to hold up the upper crust. But, to quote the
Speaker 1: eminent nonsensologist Gellet Burgess, the upper crust is light as
Speaker 1: snow and gay with sugar rime. The under crust must
Speaker 1: stay below. It has a horrid time when, in the
Speaker 1: course of time the upper crust becomes too rich and
Speaker 1: heavy for the popular taste. The social pie flops over,
Speaker 1: and the undercrust becomes the upper crust. These periodic flip
Speaker 1: flops of the social pie are called revolutions. You would
Speaker 1: think that a revolving pie would be a disturbing thing
Speaker 1: to have in one system, but the Giddy Globe doesn't
Speaker 1: seem to mind it in the least. Balanced on an
Speaker 1: imaginary tow, she continues to pirouett at the rate of
Speaker 1: one thousand miles an hour, just as if nothing were
Speaker 1: the matter. The latest specimen of acrid pastry is after
Speaker 1: a Russian recipe. The Bolshevik pie has no upper crust
Speaker 1: at all, and is declared by the leading chefs of
Speaker 1: Europe to be unfit for human consumption. But the proof
Speaker 1: of the pie is in the eating. How would you
Speaker 1: like to try just to take it away? Or we
Speaker 1: won't read another word the reader, Oh, very well, we
Speaker 1: never did care much for pie anyway, not even for breakfast.
Speaker 1: Chapter seven the temperature of the globe, In spite of
Speaker 1: incessant and violent exercise, The giddy Globe, as we have
Speaker 1: remarked before, is unable to keep comfortably warm all over.
Speaker 1: Her temperature varies from intense cold at her upper and
Speaker 1: lower extremities to fever heat in the region of her
Speaker 1: equatorial diaphragm. Ancient geographers indicated these variations of temperature by
Speaker 1: means of zones. The term zone is derived from the
Speaker 1: Greek word zny. A belt or girdle, and a girdle
Speaker 1: in the days of the first geography book, was the principle,
Speaker 1: if not the only garment of a well dressed person. Today, however,
Speaker 1: the girdle is no longer accepted as a complete costume.
Speaker 1: No modern costumer would count it in such a model.
Speaker 1: It would be too easy to copy and consequently unprofitable.
Speaker 1: Even the knee plus ultra of Newcourt or Palm Beach
Speaker 1: society would hesitate to post for the Sunday Supplement photographer.
Speaker 1: In a one piece bathing girdle. You might explore the
Speaker 1: world of dress from the land of the Midnight Volleys
Speaker 1: to the uttermost parts of Greenwich Village and find nothing
Speaker 1: exactly like it. It is on its way, to be sure,
Speaker 1: but it will never be fashionable until of the two
Speaker 1: extremes of decolote, of ballroom and of bathing beach hear
Speaker 1: meet in a bewildering way and mingle all the charms
Speaker 1: of each. Why then, in this up to date book,
Speaker 1: should we depict the giddy globe in an obsolete hoopskirt
Speaker 1: of imaginary zones? In striving to answer the question, we
Speaker 1: have hit upon a pleasing compromise. At least it is
Speaker 1: up to date. A and E are the two extremities
Speaker 1: of the giddy globe, which are quite bare. They correspond
Speaker 1: to the frigid zones. C is the corset, which, being
Speaker 1: hot and uncomfortable, corresponds to the torrid d is. That
Speaker 1: is to say, our pardon us for interrupting, but we
Speaker 1: thought this was going to be a geography book. The reader,
Speaker 1: Chapter eight, The age of the Globe. Some people are
Speaker 1: sensitive about their ages. The gidda Globe has never told us. Hers.
Speaker 1: Rude men of science, after careful examination, declare she can't
Speaker 1: be a day under five billion years old. Theologians of
Speaker 1: her tactful and feminine matters set her down as a
Speaker 1: shrinking young thing of barely four thousand summers. Real delicacy
Speaker 1: of feeling goes with the bulging tomb rather than with
Speaker 1: the bulging forehead. Who ever saw a thin bishop or
Speaker 1: a fat man of science happy? The man with the
Speaker 1: bulging tomb who smiles and smiles and is never glum.
Speaker 1: But alas for the man with the bulging brow, if
Speaker 1: he wanted to smile, he wouldn't know how. If the
Speaker 1: giddy globe asked us to guess her age, we should say,
Speaker 1: without a moment's hesitation, whatever it is, you certainly don't
Speaker 1: look at. Astronomers may say what they like, a planet
Speaker 1: is as old as it looks, especially if it is
Speaker 1: a lady planet. And we have seen hours when she
Speaker 1: didn't look at June day over sixteen and not having
Speaker 1: a bulging forehead, we told her so. Astronomers think themselves
Speaker 1: so wise, But what do they know about the sex
Speaker 1: of the planets, with the exception of Mother Earth and
Speaker 1: old Soul Phoebus. Nothing. If you asked an astronomer whether
Speaker 1: the playad girls were really the daughters of Atlas, or
Speaker 1: what Jupiter was doing with eight moons if they were moons,
Speaker 1: he would think you were trifling with him. But is
Speaker 1: it not possible that the old Greek tales were the
Speaker 1: garbled gossip of an age forgotten science of which we
Speaker 1: only have the abc If it is love that makes
Speaker 1: the world go round, and who can prove that it
Speaker 1: isn't what makes the other planets go round? How about
Speaker 1: the movements of the heavenly bodies? How about this is
Speaker 1: all very interesting? But don't you think perhaps it is
Speaker 1: the reader quite right? Quite right? How we do run
Speaker 1: on chapter nine, the face of the Globe. There are
Speaker 1: no good photographs of the giddy globe. She refuses to sit.
Speaker 1: Imagine attempting to photograph an obese and flags dy' spheroid
Speaker 1: who spends her time pirouetting round in a circle with
Speaker 1: all her might and main Perhaps it is to avoid
Speaker 1: the photographer that the Earth spins, and not merely to
Speaker 1: reduce her girth, as we hinted elsewhere. In these days,
Speaker 1: such a strenuous evasion of publicity is suspicious. Where does
Speaker 1: she come from? Where is she going? She refuses to answer.
Speaker 1: She will not even state her business or tell her
Speaker 1: real name. For eons, quite a number of eons, this
Speaker 1: giddy one has been going round under various male and
Speaker 1: female aliases, such as Cosmos, Mother Earth, the World, Missus, Grundy,
Speaker 1: the footstool, the terrestrial globe. If you look up her
Speaker 1: record you will find the following press notices. The Earths
Speaker 1: a thief timon of Athens, Earth's bitter Wordsworth, this distracted globe, Hamlet,
Speaker 1: This tough world, King Lear, naughty world, Merchant of Venice.
Speaker 1: The world is given to lying. Henry the Fourth, The
Speaker 1: world is too much with us Wordsworth. The world has
Speaker 1: grown so bad. Richard the Third, The narrow world. Julius Caesar,
Speaker 1: The world is not thy friend, Romeo and Juliet. The
Speaker 1: world's a bubble Bacon. The world is all a fleeting show. More,
Speaker 1: the world was not worthy, Saint Paul. The world's a tragedy.
Speaker 1: Horace Walpole, This bleak world. More, the weary weight of
Speaker 1: all this unintelligible world. Wordsworth, A world of vile, ill favored,
Speaker 1: false merrywives of windsor stale, flat and on profitable seem
Speaker 1: to me all the uses of this world Hamlet, this
Speaker 1: dim spot that men call earth. Milton, the wicked world
Speaker 1: w s. Gilbert. It is possible that the giddy Globe
Speaker 1: has read the above clippings, and, realizing that she has
Speaker 1: been discovered, spins round with all her might to avoid
Speaker 1: being photographed for the rogues Gallery of the Universe. Appearances
Speaker 1: are certainly against her. When I am moved to contemplate
Speaker 1: the rude and unregenerate state of that rampage's reprobate the
Speaker 1: world at large. And as I mark its stony fizz
Speaker 1: and see it whoop and whirl and whiz, I can
Speaker 1: but cry, Oh Lord, why is the world at large?
Speaker 1: Chapter ten, Climate and Weather. Climate is a theory, weather
Speaker 1: is a condition, or, to make it clearer to the reader,
Speaker 1: climate is a hypothesis, and weather is a reductio at absurdum.
Speaker 1: This explains why it invariably snows for the first time
Speaker 1: in years whenever one goes to California. What is the weather? For?
Speaker 1: Everything in nature is designed to contribute to the needs
Speaker 1: or pleasures of mankind. From the tree of the forest
Speaker 1: we get the wood from which the nutmeg is made,
Speaker 1: the wood alcohol for our Scotch high bowl, and the
Speaker 1: pulp for our newspaper, which in turn is transmuted to
Speaker 1: leather for the soles of our soldier's boots. From the
Speaker 1: sands of the sea, we make sugar for sweetening our coffee,
Speaker 1: that mysterious beverage, the secret of whose manufacture has never
Speaker 1: been revealed. From the cotton plant comes the woolen undergarment
Speaker 1: and the soldier's blanket. From the lowly cabbage springs, the
Speaker 1: Havana perfecto with its gold and crimson band, and from
Speaker 1: the simple turnip is distilled the golden Champagne, without which
Speaker 1: so many lives will now be empty. Even the humble
Speaker 1: straw has its use is to indicate the trend of
Speaker 1: the air current, and for the stuffing of the life preserver.
Speaker 1: What then, is the use of the weather? Supposing you
Speaker 1: have made a globe and put some people upon it
Speaker 1: to live, what would you do to make them feel
Speaker 1: at home? You would give them something to talk about.
Speaker 1: Just so, the weather was designed to furnish a universal
Speaker 1: topic of conversation for man. Without the weather, nine hundred
Speaker 1: ninety nine thousand, nine hundred and ninety nine out of
Speaker 1: one million conversations would die in their infancy. In the
Speaker 1: first geography book, we learned from Moses how and of
Speaker 1: what the weather was made. Since then, nothing has been
Speaker 1: so much talked about as the weather, and in nothing
Speaker 1: has so little advanced been made. Questions is it notoriety
Speaker 1: that makes the weather vain? Where does the winter resort
Speaker 1: in the summer? And why how many leaders of Champagne
Speaker 1: can be extracted from the cube root of one turnip?
Speaker 1: What did the weather do to get herself so talked
Speaker 1: about Chapter eleven, Land and Water. The terrestrial globe is
Speaker 1: pleasingly tinted in blue, pink, yellow, and green. The blue
Speaker 1: portion is called water and is inhabited by oysters, clams, submarines, lobsters,
Speaker 1: and turtles, besides delightful schools of fishes and whales. The pink, yellow,
Speaker 1: and green portions are called the land and are alive
Speaker 1: with human beings and other animals and vegetables. Besides the
Speaker 1: animals and vegetables, there are mountains, table lands, rivers, forests,
Speaker 1: and lakes. In former times, mountains were used as protective barriers.
Speaker 1: Today they serve as monuments to public men for whom
Speaker 1: they are named. See Presidential range and country seats for
Speaker 1: retired grocers and fishmongers. Photo the Presidential range, showing comparative
Speaker 1: height of principal peaks, reading from left to right, Mount Washington, Jefferson, Lincoln, Cleveland, Roosevelt, Wilson.
Speaker 1: Note at the moment this picture was taken, a war
Speaker 1: cloud drifted over the last two peaks. Until the cloud passes,
Speaker 1: it will be impossible to ascertain their altitudes. Rivers are
Speaker 1: the most curious and interesting form of water, though seldom
Speaker 1: as shallow, they are as lengthy and involved as congressional speeches,
Speaker 1: and have to be curled into the most ludicrous shapes
Speaker 1: to get them into the countries where they belong. The
Speaker 1: first thing a river does after rising is to betake
Speaker 1: itself as fast as it can to the nearest river bed,
Speaker 1: in which it remains for the rest of its days.
Speaker 1: The largest river in the world is the Amazon, named
Speaker 1: after the single breasted suffragette of ancient times questions how
Speaker 1: many rivers can get into one river bed? Why is
Speaker 1: a congressman? When Noah saw the flood subside, the world
Speaker 1: is going dry, he cried, So let us all, without
Speaker 1: delay fill up against the day. Chapter twelve, The Discovery
Speaker 1: of the World. In the First Geography, we are told
Speaker 1: of a young, married couple who were cast into the
Speaker 1: world for a pomological error on their part about four
Speaker 1: thousand BC. Some seventeen centuries later, the world was lost
Speaker 1: sight of in a deluge. It was rediscovered by a
Speaker 1: navigator named Noah, who, though barely six hundred years old,
Speaker 1: was the commander of a sea going menagerie. Commander Noah,
Speaker 1: after cruising about for twelve months and ten days, landed
Speaker 1: from his zoological water wagon upon a precipitous asiatic jag
Speaker 1: called Errat on the twenty seventh of February twenty three
Speaker 1: hundred BC, Chapter thirteen. The habitable Globe. The term habitable
Speaker 1: globe was doubtless invented by some celestial humorists who had
Speaker 1: never visited this planet. People live on it, to be sure,
Speaker 1: but they have no choice. There is nowhere else to
Speaker 1: live the gidea globe. Isn't it about time to drop
Speaker 1: this personal simile? The reader? Quite so? Suppose we consider
Speaker 1: the globe as an apartment house. We are told it
Speaker 1: was finished in six days. No wonder, it is faultily constructed.
Speaker 1: The heating apparatus is out of date. The apartments nearest
Speaker 1: to the radiator are insufferably hot, those farthest away unbearably cold,
Speaker 1: and those between too changeable for comfort. The water supply
Speaker 1: is unreliable. In some apartments, great numbers perish every year
Speaker 1: from thirst. In the cellar there is a munition factory, where,
Speaker 1: in defiance of regulations, there are stored high explosives. These
Speaker 1: blow up from time to time, causing great damage and
Speaker 1: loss of life among the tenants. The janitor is a
Speaker 1: disobliging old person who has been there since the house
Speaker 1: was started, and holds his job in spite of incessant complaints.
Speaker 1: When asked to hurry, he fairly crawls, and when people
Speaker 1: want him most to stay, nothing can stop him. His
Speaker 1: name is Tempest, Chapter fourteen. The tenants. The first tenants,
Speaker 1: as before stated, were a young couple who had been
Speaker 1: compelled to leave a more luxurious apartment because children were
Speaker 1: not allowed. Though animals of all kinds, even snakes, were tolerated.
Speaker 1: On the whole, the globe is anything but a model
Speaker 1: apartment house. Each family considers it the only respectable one
Speaker 1: in the building, and they are constantly squabbling for the
Speaker 1: possession of the most desirable rooms. The tenants of the
Speaker 1: different stories, originally of one color, have been tanned according
Speaker 1: to their proximity to the solar stove. They come in
Speaker 1: five shades of fast colors, black, brown, yellow, red, and white,
Speaker 1: the white being farthest away from the stove. There are
Speaker 1: also some brighter colors which are not guaranteed, varying from
Speaker 1: the chromatic discord of the post Impressionist Savage to the
Speaker 1: delicate rose pink of the Perfect Lady. This last is
Speaker 1: the most delectable of all, but alas it is the
Speaker 1: one that bades most quickly. Chapter fifteen, Race. All the
Speaker 1: families agreed that the tenants of the globe should be
Speaker 1: of one uniform shade. Each family, however, thinks that his
Speaker 1: own particular shade is the only fitting one for the
Speaker 1: perfect human being. To that end, he spends a large
Speaker 1: part of his time in scheming how to get rid
Speaker 1: of all the other tints, all of which is a
Speaker 1: great waste of centuries old tempest. The Janitor has always
Speaker 1: settled the tint question with his solar stove, and always will.
Speaker 1: A week at the seashore in August ought to convince
Speaker 1: anyone of the efficiency of the solar tint factory. In
Speaker 1: the tan of the surf bather is locked up the
Speaker 1: secret of race coloration. And yet there are some great
Speaker 1: and wise ones who believe that civilization, with the assistance
Speaker 1: of mister Marconi and mister Rolls h Royce and a
Speaker 1: few others, will bring the Race family into such close
Speaker 1: relationship that they will eventually be blended into one harmonious
Speaker 1: neutral tint, a pale mauve world, one tint, one religion,
Speaker 1: one food, one dress, one drink one everything, how appalling,
Speaker 1: and think of the moment when it is to be
Speaker 1: decided once and forever, which it is to be blonde
Speaker 1: or brunette, Oh, those wise and great ones. Chapter sixteen,
Speaker 1: The Governments of the Globe. The best definition of government
Speaker 1: may be found in Wordsworth lines the simple plan that
Speaker 1: they should take who have the power, and they should
Speaker 1: keep who can. In every community on earth, the strongest,
Speaker 1: the craftiest, or the wealthiest of the male inhabitants conspire
Speaker 1: to compel their weaker, stupider, or poorer brothers and sisters
Speaker 1: to pay them for the privilege of remaining on earth.
Speaker 1: Government by the strongest is called an absolute monarchy. Meant
Speaker 1: by the craftiest a limited monarchy, government by the wealthiest
Speaker 1: a republic. In an absolute monarchy, the people are controlled.
Speaker 1: In a limited monarchy, they are cajoled. In a republic,
Speaker 1: they are sold. For the successful operation of limited monarchies
Speaker 1: and republics, it is necessary to delude the common people
Speaker 1: into the belief that they are managing their own affairs.
Speaker 1: This is accomplished by means of a House of Lords, Congress,
Speaker 1: Chamber of Deputies, Diet Cortes, Assembly, Soviet, et cetera. These
Speaker 1: merry contrivances are designed on the principle of the revolving
Speaker 1: squirrel cage, furnishing harmless exercise without progression. Question what is
Speaker 1: a constitution? Answer a concession to liberty enabling her to
Speaker 1: talk herself to death. Question what is the essential difference
Speaker 1: between one government and another? Answer? The Price of Life,
Speaker 1: Chapter seventeen, The Morals of the Giddy Globe. According to Moses,
Speaker 1: the first geographer, immorality is an heirloom handed down to
Speaker 1: us by our first parents. Men of science, on the
Speaker 1: other hand, declare it to be merely the psycho neurotic
Speaker 1: reaction of climatic environment on the sliferous organism. In other words,
Speaker 1: vice is nothing more than virtue outside of its natural
Speaker 1: geographical latitude. This is clearly set forth in the accompanying
Speaker 1: Moral Map of the World, in which the familiar idosyncrasies
Speaker 1: of mankind, which we are wont to differentiate as virtues
Speaker 1: or vice, are shown for the first time in their
Speaker 1: proper geographical environment. See Moral Map of the World and
Speaker 1: of section one.